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Being OK with not being extraordinary

• kirso 6y ago
  Mark Manson actually wrote a great article on this: In defense of being average => https://markmanson.net/being-average https://markmanson.net/being-average
• classified 6y ago
  This is hilarious. One article about not being extraordinary, and most commenters explaining exactly how extraordinary they are. Being extraordinary seems to be the most ordinary thing after all.
• nserrino 6y ago
  A fixation on being extraordinary tends to indicate too much self absorption and a lack of perspective. It seems like another antidote is focusing more on the impact you want to have on the world and those around you, even if no one ever knew about it.
• umvi 6y ago
  > Climbing to a higher vantage point can also unlock new forms of extraordinary that you might have never noticed before. I read an article once about how the amount of work to get into the top tier in a single area is astronomical, but the amount of work to become top tier in a combination of 2-3 fields is attainable by almost anyone. For example, becoming a top tier statistician is hard. But becoming a top tier statistician/programmer is easier. In other words, if you can get to a state where you know more statistics than your average programmer and more programming than your average statistician, then suddenly you are an above-average programmer/statistician. Keep improving those two skills and you may start to "unlock new forms of extraordinary". Or maybe you are a music teacher, and also pretty good at programming, and so you can make extraordinary music teaching software that is way better than the competition's because you understand the nuances of music teaching intimately enough that you capture them clearly in software requirements. Or maybe you are pretty good at art, pretty good at music composition, pretty good at programming, pretty good at story telling (not necessarily top tier in any one category though)... and you combine all of those skills to single-handedly create a game that by many measures is extraordinary[0][1]. Something like that. Anyway, the point being, you may not be extraordinary in any one field, but it isn't too hard to achieve extraordinary things due to a combination of skills in multiple fields if you work at it. [0] https://undertale.com/ https://undertale.com/ [1] https://www.cavestory.org/ https://www.cavestory.org/
  • shostack 6y ago
    I first encountered this notion playing D&D of all things. The concept of dual/multi-classing, and what later became prestige classes/archetypes in later editions was all about highlighting that the sum of the parts was greater than the whole. There was a trade-off of course, especially in the early/mid levels as other solo-class characters started coming into their stride with higher-tier abilities. If you made it past that stage as you continued developing your other class(s), you really ended up with a unique character.
    • rotexo 6y ago
      The benefits of multi-classing go beyond the combat mechanics of the game, as well. If you develop a character-driven reason for multi-classing, that's character growth in action. Great for role-playing as well as for driving the plot of the campaign forwards.
      • shostack 6y ago
        Great point. This was one of my favorite aspects of it actually. I started as a rogue and would gradually "harvest" some sort of arcane trophy from various monsters we defeated or quests we went on. I gradually cobbled together a spellbook as I grew my rogue, including some hacked together spells that had some wild magic type surprises at first as I was learning. These were the most fun levels by far.
        • mattmanser 6y ago
          It's designed like that though, and artificially so. It's not real. It's like taking dating tips from films, it's made up. And if you copy what they do in films you'd end up being really creepy.
    • deleted 6y ago
      [deleted]
  • danhak 6y ago
    I like this idea very much. "Find your niche," in other words?
• Subsentient 6y ago
  Yes.... Yes..... Consume, work, run in your hamster wheel. Mediocrity is okay, it's what your overlords desire. Enough to be useful, not enough to affect change.
  • tcskeptic 6y ago
    I think you are conflating being extraordinary with excellence -- the opposite of extraordinary is not mediocrity. We can all achieve excellence -- by definition being extraordinary is rare.
    • sumtechguy 6y ago
      I like to use the movie Amadeus as an example of this. The movie portrayed Salieri as a man who could barely play. When that was just not true at all. The problem is they were comparing someone who is top of their field to someone who was extraordinary. In fact if you look at the movie semi closely you would see Mozart could not even keep the rest of his life together.
      • tabtab 6y ago
        I thought of that movie also. Although half fiction, it's a wonderful flick; I highly recommend it for anybody frustrated with their position in life. Re: "The movie portrayed Salieri as a man who could barely play. When that was just not true at all." That was the King, not Salieri, as I remember it. But Salieri's playing did lack the flair that Mozart's had, as shown. However, the King himself seemed to prefer Salieri's simpler style, based on various conversations. In actuality, Salieri was probably financially more successful than Mozart, but less remembered, so there is an element of truth to it. In general Mozart's music did tend to please musicians more than regular audiences. He was perhaps a bit ahead of his time. This is similar to Beethoven, who was probably considered to be in the top 10 at the time, but not the greatest of his era. Beethoven practically invented the so-called Romantic era, so to some he was doing "weird stuff". It took a while for mainstream to "get" Jimi Hendrix also. I know it's a politically-incorrect cliche, but pioneers often do take arrows in the back.
• ARandomerDude 6y ago
  > Extraordinary also comes in many forms, and its value does not have to be measured in terms of money. Great point though underdeveloped in the article. Clocking out at 5 so you can spend time with a healthy, happy, well-adjusted, loving family is pretty extraordinary these days.
  • heleninboodler 6y ago
    For what it's worth, you may have a heavily skewed view of what's extraordinary "these days." There are lots of tech companies that are mature enough to not flog their people to death. Companies with strong engineering cultures that also highly value seasoned developers tend to be this way. Where I work, the office is (well, was pre-covid) pretty empty by 5:30.
    • cyberpunk 6y ago
      There are two sides to this coin; sometimes some late hours are unavoidable -- I don't blame my employer for it, they're not forcing me to work these hours at all, but I think if you're a professional you can't avoid such circumstances sometimes and that's why we get $megabucks right? The right mix for me is working like a daemon about 9 months a year then having 3 months off, but YMMV..
      • bluGill 6y ago
        I find most people working those long hours to save the day could have designed a better solution up front and not needed those late hours at the last minute. Not always, but often they should have known and fixed the problem long before then.
        • heleninboodler 6y ago
          I think it sometimes comes down to a matter of choice in working styles. Some people thrive on killing themselves at times. I've been there. I will still occasionally pull a late-nighter because I get in "the zone" and am actually enjoying the productivity and I still get the condescending comments about how if you planned properly, that wouldn't be necessary, but I think that some people just don't get that working like that can actually be very gratifying. I'm getting a bit old for doing it more than about once a quarter, though, whereas I used to do it a couple times a week.
• neutronicus 6y ago
  I appreciate what you wrote, OP - moderating my ambition is both essential to my mental health and an ongoing process. I do not exaggerate when I say that in my case I believe the stakes are life and death. One thing that has helped me a lot to find peace here has been becoming a father. Culturally, it comes with a kind of license to finally just accept mediocrity which I find freeing. Bills are paid, I can watch my son grow up, doesn't matter than I'm not the best at anything.
  • tmatthe 6y ago
    It's nice to hear that you've found some peace! There's no point in being the best if you will crash and burn quickly.
  • hycaria 6y ago
    Child rearing does not last forever though, and if you practiced nothing for those 20-30 years you will fall into the same traps again. Accepting mediocrity is not freeing when it leads to giving up all efforts (And that’s a recurrent scheme)
• mfer 6y ago
  extraordinary is "Beyond what is ordinary or usual." This word brings about three thoughts... 1. What is beyond ordinary? Who sets the direction? If it's more technical work, more creating, or more money... who sets that as a good or useful direction? For example, a software developer who is ordinary as a developer but guides their children well could be extraordinary in that aspect. It may not make a list on the Internet but it is extremely valuable to people that (I assume) the software developer cares about. Who is setting the direction for extraordinary we should care about? 2. Ordinary is normal. If everyone becomes extraordinary that because the new normal. The target is constantly moving. 3. Why does being extraordinary matter? Consider it for a moment. Should the goal to be contentment, happiness, or something else? Who is even setting the goal of being extraordinary anyway? Why would it make your (or my) life a good life?
• ErikAugust 6y ago
  “Fall in love with some activity, and do it! Nobody ever figures out what life is all about, and it doesn't matter. Explore the world. Nearly everything is really interesting if you go into it deeply enough. Work as hard and as much as you want to on the things you like to do the best. Don't think about what you want to be, but what you want to do. Keep up some kind of a minimum with other things so that society doesn't stop you from doing anything at all.” ― Richard P. Feynman “Comparison is the thief of joy.” - Teddy Roosevelt To me, "extraordinary" is a state of being rather than doing. Don't worry about what you want to be, but just what you want to do. Do things and be alive in the experience, and stop worrying so much about how you stack up against others. You're all going to die, live while you can.
  • wearsshoes 6y ago
    It took me a long time to really believe quotes like that. It’s just not too convincing when the people quoted as saying “you don’t need to be extraordinary” are quotable because they’re extraordinary.
  • WhompingWindows 6y ago
    It's too easy for rich successful people who have made it to declare that you should follow your passion. We wouldn't hear a quote from the dozens of lesser-known physicists who struggled and wouldn't recommend the field, we just hear the quote from Feynman who was the lucky one. For instance, I love painting and woodworking, but I suffer no illusions that I would do "well" in those fields, as even far more talented and experienced individuals that I know in those fields are struggling mightily and envy my hobbyist status.
    • ErikAugust 6y ago
      They clearly aren't struggling if you think they are far more talented. They are just struggling financially. Which is what all these hang-ups are about, including your own.
      • irishloop 6y ago
• jennasys 6y ago
  I agree with the premise here in general. There have certainly been times when I've wanted to accomplish something, but then I see someone else being exceptional at that task and I stop wanting to do it because I know I'll never be that good at it. When you see someone doing something you do or want to do, and they are exceptional at it, it either becomes inspirational or discouraging based on just how extraordinary it is and how emotionally attached you are to the subject. If you are emotionally committed to it, seeing someone else doing it well will likely be inspirational. If not, you're more likely to give up before you even start.
  • hrnnnnnn 6y ago
    What can help here is to understand that you'll never be able to do it exactly like the person you're comparing yourself to because you are not them. Conversely, no one else will be able to do it exactly like you. So figure out what it is about how you do it that's uniquely you and try to develop that.
    • hinkley 6y ago
      Even in a professional setting, it's important to remember this and not give up. Even a person with outsize presence in your field, they can't be everywhere at once. So their rates climb and climb and the size of their projects increases to try accomplish more in the time available. They also literally don't have time for people arguing with their vision. There are a lot of people that could never be their customers, but could easily be yours, and nobody's perfect. Trying to get skilled at things they overlook will make you your own person.
  • hinkley 6y ago
    For some people this starts in childhood. People see a sibling excelling in an area and decide to cultivate other traits instead, so they are not living in their shadow. I discovered at a young age that I am a parrot - that I find it fairly straightforward to repeat back complex sound patterns to people. There are a couple families of language in SE Asia and Africa that trip me up, but other than that my coordination is unusual. It made parts of music and foreign language classes a non-event, which made more time to perfect other parts. What I didn't know until much later is that my brother also has this trait, but he got tired of being "hinkley's younger brother", and he completely burnt out on music (although that was due to pressure from our parents) and foreign language by high school. I had a sense of this by the time he was picking a foreign language in HS, and I gently encouraged him to try a different language. He didn't. Our teacher always found the parrot trait highly fascinating, to the point of bringing it up in class. It turned out this had only happened a couple times in his career and here were two brothers back to back. I kind of laughed it off, while my brother found it pretty cringe-worthy and he eventually dropped the class.
• luplex 6y ago
  Archive.org cache: http://web.archive.org/web/20200824155533/https://www.tiffanymatthe.com/not-extraordinary/ http://web.archive.org/web/20200824155533/https://www.tiffan...
• lloyddobbler 6y ago
  See also: The Infinite Game by Simon Sinek. Great read (based on a previous work, Finite and Infinite Games by James Carse) on the need to play on a different playing field than the one that supposedly has a 'winner' and a 'loser.' Applies to companies, individuals, organizations, relationships...you get the idea. To beat a dead analogy, if you're climbing to reach the top 'ledge' you started out looking for, you might not start...or you might climb with such a singular focus that you miss another path that would take you off to the side and up another, higher route. Edited for formatting.
  • louwrentius 6y ago
    I don’t think people should take anything from Simon Sinek. His presentation skills are great I must admit.
    • eggsbenedict 6y ago
      So, as of this comment, all I know is that Simon Sinek has a book called The Infinite Game. This book has an interesting premise, about which I just read a short writeup and analysis. I have also been told that Sinek has excellent presentation skills. Strangely, in the middle of these two comments, I was told that people should not take anything from Simon Sinek. Why?
      • faichai 6y ago
        He has a tendency to substantiate his views with bad takes on science.
    • sixstringtheory 6y ago
      Could you expand on this? I've certainly been enamored with his presentations, although I don't think the ideas he presents are necessarily original, but he has a great knack for formulation/synthesis and distilling the ideas to their essence. Like this article, he's not the end-all-be-all but certainly worthy of consideration as part of forming a grander perspective in life.
• ZainRiz 6y ago
  > creators can get just as much value out of creating their original content and connecting with like-minded people. Strong resonance here. I recently became more prolific about blogging, and this was the mindset that helps me stay consistent. I find that the mere act of writing an essay helps me clarify my own thoughts, and the essay often changes in the process. As a recent example, I started writing out about how I struggled and got over impostor syndrome. But while writing it I realized: wait, I never actually get over it. Rather, I learned how to use it to my advantage [1] How to do that became the message of the article. If my writing never brings fame, I won’t care. It helped me understand myself and it will help me better advise the people I care about [1] https://www.zainrizvi.io/blog/the-impostors-advantage/ https://www.zainrizvi.io/blog/the-impostors-advantage/
  • KallDrexx 6y ago
    This is the reason I started working towards getting better a note taking. Describing what I'm learning in my own words may help me retain the information better. I don't publish it because I don't know anyone cares but I feel like it helps myself regardless, and keeping them searchable seems like it should pay off at some point.
    • O_H_E 6y ago
      Any notes :) or resources on note-taking you can share? I am currently studying and have been struggling in that area.
      • KallDrexx 6y ago
        Haha unfortunately I don't have any :) I've gotten through high school, college, and 12 years of post-career without literally any note taking. I've come to realize that I am no longer able to be as spongey as I used to be with academic style learning (non-exploratory) and I just decided one day to start taking notes under the idea that if I rephrase what I'm learning I will better retain it (based on the adage that if you can't explain something then you don't actually understand it). So my notes are mostly focused on non-literal summaries of what I have gotten through using my own words and phrases. So far that seems to have helped but I've only been at it for a few months so I don't have much data points. The real test is now as I"m learning Linear Algebra and computer graphics, which I tried learning before and I don't remember much of anything from it (even though it was only a year ago).
• sebringj 6y ago
  ability = hours * talent^2 where average talent is 1 Having an ego is just wasted energy, try to be happy with what you can achieve because you cannot control talent, just hours.
• anticsapp 6y ago
  backup as the site is down: https://archive.vn/DGhBi https://archive.vn/DGhBi This tweet bubbled up this weekend and it touched me: https://twitter.com/ambernoelle/status/1297191195584663554 https://twitter.com/ambernoelle/status/1297191195584663554
• tonymet 6y ago
  Being mediocre is a perfectly healthy aspiration.
• tonymet 6y ago
  It's ok to aspire to mediocrity
  • xandris 6y ago
    This is my steady state. I don't think people shouldn't be valued by their output, and I'm content to spend time with my family, learn about the world around me, have fun, and do my best at work. I do go through episodes where the need to create something worthwhile takes ahold of me, though, and it can be debilitating for a few days.
  • JohnBooty 6y ago
    I'm not 100% sure you're being literal but I agree with this statement when taken at face value. Being "extraordinary" often means you're just making somebody else richer. There are some objectively extraordinary folks working at e.g. Facebook, but what does that really gain them? What has that given the world? It's a mixed bag, to put it mildly. Probably the only real reason to strive for being "extraordinary" at your career so that you can stop working for other people, or if the craft itself brings you more joy than anything else in life.
    • tonymet 6y ago
      I think it's unfair that "mediocre" is seen as a bad word. We have so many things to do, I think it's perfectly good to be mediocre in many ways. We're competing on a global scale, it's impossible to be exceptional on many dimensions. I'd like to encourage more people to be happy being mediocre.
      • JohnBooty 6y ago
        It's also true that even a "mediocre" engineer is elite in many ways - they are "mediocre" compared to all the other folks who managed to carve out a sustained engineering career. However, even somebody in the middle of that group has elite engineering skill relative to the population at large. This is true of many careers, of course! I always feel bad for the professional athletes who "suck." It's kind of hilarious -- even the "worst" professional athlete in a given professional sports league is actually an extremely elite specimen, with only a tiny fraction of all athletes even being able to make it into such a league.
• yazanradaideh 6y ago
  for more information about travel visit this link https://flowingtravel.com/ https://flowingtravel.com/
• Animats 6y ago
  We need to redefine extraordinary. Or, if you can't win, move the finish line.
  • sixstringtheory 6y ago
    I think they should've written this line as "don't be afraid to reevaluate your understanding of extraordinary" as it's pretty clear that's what they're doing in the article. This statement followed statements like "extraordinary as I perceived it" and "I feel disappointed, jealous."
• deleted 6y ago
  [deleted]
• thelean12 6y ago
  There are lots of people reacting to the extraordinary with "inspiration", "disappointment", and "jealousy". I'd say none of these are as useful as reacting with curiosity. There's an endless amount to learn from the extraordinary in any field or sport or hobby. It's easy to write off the extraordinary as naturally talented or lucky or something else surface level. Most of the time it's anything but. I play golf. It's a game that can be extraordinarily frustrating to beginners. It often takes years of hard work to just be moderately adequate at the game. Going into it with disappointment or jealousy of extraordinary golfers will quickly lead them to quit as they'll be way too stressed out to enjoy the game. Those who go into it with inspiration or admiration of those who are better won't be able to sustain it when the inspiration burns out. Curiosity is the only emotion I've found that is sustainable. Endless curiosity as you try to figure out and piece together what makes someone good at what they do. It's an emotion that sustains because it's the only emotion that is useful both when you hit a bad shot and when you hit a good shot. It's useful both when you watch someone who is worse than you, and when you watch someone who is better than you.
  • tmatthe 6y ago
    I really like this take. Haven't thought about sustainable emotions much, but this hits the mark.
  • sixstringtheory 6y ago
    Totally agree. When I think about the maxim "it's about the journey, not the destination," I think that curiosity is what keeps you taking that next step, and lets you stay immersed in the journey. Every place you get to along the way, if you find something in sight to explore, sooner or later you'll find yourself far beyond where you started. I don't play golf, but I imagine there are so many minutiae, from driving, choosing which iron to use, putting, stance, hand positions, comparing clubs of the same type from different manufacturers, and same for golf balls. Each has a breadth and depth to explore as you get more and more into that topic. I'm willing to bet the people that rise to the top are the people who love to tinker with all those parameters, not necessarily because they know it will make then X% better, but because they just want to see the effect.
• bradlys 6y ago
  I think it's important to also reframe what extraordinary even means. Many people are comparing themselves to the most privileged of backgrounds - where they were at the top from birth and only had to get a bit higher. I'm considered extraordinary in comparison to the place I grew up - just because of my background and where I am now. On top of this - I am wary of being singly great at something. Living in Silicon Valley has reinforced this hard. I'm obviously comparing myself (unfairly) to people who are incredibly well compensated, maybe with some bullshit job title, and so forth. I've learned that - usually - those people are fucking terrible at everything else but that one thing they do. (Sometimes I'm not even sure what that one they do good at is - kiss ass?) I'm talking really bad at everything else. They might be an excellent programmer and think up some fancy architecture or whatever - but they don't know how to install an app and follow some directions of their phone without some hand holding. Could they even build a computer from parts? Nah. Change oil in their car? It ain't happening in a million years. COOK!? Sorry - I only order out, my nanny cooks for the family, eat company food, or put pizza rolls in the oven. Take care of my kids and be an inspiring role model?! No - no, sorry, I didn't sign up for that... I had kids because I was bored after my second startup. Children aren't my passion! Extraordinary usually requires compromise and I'm not one to compromise. I tend to look at things a bit like: I could be first place in one thing or 2nd in everything.
  • dkarl 6y ago
    Practically speaking, being adequate at everything is as overwhelming as being great at everything. Different people have different things they consider essential. Some people consider self-defense essential; I would put sewing higher on the list. Overseeing a group of children seems like a fundamental skill, but I will never have the opportunity to learn it until the first time I need it. I don't have the genetics to sing, and I don't enjoy playing a musical instrument enough to make the hundreds of hours of practice worthwhile. Cutting my hair also has a learning process with unacceptable costs. Basic social dancing: I took the classes, but they didn't stick. Bushcrafting. Haskell. Fixing wiring in a house. Leveling ground. Driving a standard transmission. (I did it once twenty years ago, but presumably I could not do it again without instruction.) Sharpening knives? I use my kitchen knives every day, but the guy at the farmer's market does a perfect job for practically no money. Playing bridge: I don't even know why my brain thinks this is a fundamental skill. I don't know anybody who plays bridge. But, irrationally, it feels like one of the more important things separating me from being James Bond. Ultimately you have to pick a small subset even of the basics, and I have a hard time seeing that big a difference between the realistic approach of learning a few things that are particularly important to you and not learning anything at all outside your profession. Sure, it makes sense to put effort into the things that are important to you. I know plenty about cooking, for example. But I still lack the skills to produce or maintain 97% of the things that are essential for my complicated daily life. Is there a big difference between 99% and 97%? Or even between 97% and 90%? But now I'm thinking about sewing again. Someday....
• deleted 6y ago
  [deleted]
• thisistheend123 6y ago
  Maybe this is offtopic, but I made my peace with this kind of anxiety once I met, interacted and worked with people who were really very very good at what they do. I let me ego go. It's ok to be normal. And it's ok to get to learn from the masters. I once read a O Henry short story where the three main characters are at different places in society financially and in terms of power. But they still found some meaning when they accidentally meet each other during the course of the story. Their relative stature and standing in the world didn't affect what they thought of each other when they met. It was kind of an uncanny, uplifting little story. Don't remember its name though.
  • ImaCake 6y ago
    This is a good lesson to learn. Pretty much everyone you interact with is interesting in some way. They can all teach you something you don't know, or share an amazing story. This is something you notice when you try to learn another language; suddenly literally anyone who can speak that language becomes someone who can teach you something. From the greatest king to the lowest prisoner, they all have at least this one thing that is interesting to you.
  • qwertygnu 6y ago
    Is this the story you're referring to? https://americanliterature.com/author/o-henry/short-story/the-man-higher-up https://americanliterature.com/author/o-henry/short-story/th...
• rvn1045 6y ago
  The internet has made everyone feel inadequate as it's easy to compare yourself to people you see on the internet. Couple of things to keep in mind if your comparing yourself: 1. There aren't as many uber successful people out there as the internet makes it seem. It's far fewer than you think. Lets take a simple example of dudes who go to the gym and are strong. Instagram makes it seem like all dudes bench press 400 lbs and have a 6 pack. In my 15 years of going to the gym (ive been to several dozen all across the world) there are less than 5 people I've personally seen who've bench pressed even 300 lbs. Apply this to any field and it's going to be true.If you take programming for instance I'm yet to meet a person who's performing at the standard I had set for myself (become a 10x programmer). 2. Lots of people are really good at marketing themselves, which inflates the number of people you think are extraordinary. There aren't that many people at the world class level, the internet makes it seem there are more of these than there are. Just relax and do the things you enjoy.
  • remar 6y ago
    Well, did you train at commercial gyms or powerlifting/weightlifting gyms? What if the lifters just happened to be on high volume blocks, or tapering for a meet whenever you visited?
    • rvn1045 6y ago
      Yeah this is mostly at commercial gyms and there are a lot more at powerlifting/weightlifting gyms for sure. But even there there aren't as many as you would expect. It's probably more common to bench 300, but never seen anyone do a 405 lbs squat atg even at a powerlifting gym.
      • kirse 6y ago
        never seen anyone do a 405 lbs squat atg even at a powerlifting gym Well yea, a 4-plate ATG squat is gonna be an honest rep, probably by someone pushing 465+ for a parallel squat. I always figured you could take most men < 45 and hit 1/2/3/4-plate on OP/Bench/Squat/Dead given 2 years on a dedicated schedule w/ a simple plan like 5/3/1. Most people get in the gym for social-hour instead of hammering it hard (aka "fuck-around-itis")
• jcadam 6y ago
  I'm the most extraordinary software engineer in my office. I mean, it's my home office, but that still counts, right?
  • sethammons 6y ago
    I dunno, you sound kind of average for the folks in your office.
    • bitxbitxbitcoin 6y ago
      It also seems like he's the least extraordinary software engineer in his office. The things you can do when you control the sample size.
  • klerpi 6y ago
    Of course :)
• chasd00 6y ago
  Given the massive variation and diversity in humanity, to have a problem with not being extraordinary is like having a problem with existence itself. When I think of extraordinary people i think of names like DaVinci. I'm perfectly happy not being on that level, i would be forever miserable otherwise. Maybe i lack the intelligence to see my own short comings but at 44 i'm pretty sure I am who I'm going to be. I feel pretty ok about it. I don't have a Porsche GT3 in the garage and my name isn't on/in any books but it turned out not having those things aren't that big of a problem.
  • non-entity 6y ago
    > is like having a problem with existence itself. To be fair, I'm sure there are more than a few people who feel like this.
• EGreg 6y ago
  Can we feel the same about our relationships? Many people search for years for “the one” and an amazing connection, then settle for someone they can tolerate, and it turns out they have a good marriage and children and a lot of shared adventures. Looking back on it... would you say it’s better to have spent decades searching for Mr/Ms Right, or married the one right now you can make a life with?
• unnouinceput 6y ago
  We all are extraordinary actually. Human race is in a continuous evolution, so absolutely any of us is an extraordinary person compared with 2000 years ago great minds. A high-school student is better educated then Pythagoras for example. Conversely, even the greatest minds of today (Hawking, Einstein, etc) will be below high-school kids of the future.
  • JohnBooty 6y ago
    That's a great thought, but is it true? We're standing on the shoulders of giants, that's for sure. We begin our adult lives with knowledge they could have only dreamed about. But I really don't see anything to suggest our brightest minds are brighter than the brightest minds of those times. On average, at least, I think we outshine the average human from 2000 years ago, just thanks to more common childhood education and better nutrition...
  • samatman 6y ago
    This is a dangerous point of view to take. "evolution" means "adaptation". It does not mean "progress". A doctor of the 18th century would bleed their patients to balance humours, but would, at least, not shove an icepick into their frontal lobe as a form of exorcism. A doctor of the early 20th century wouldn't do the former, but might well do the latter. Which is not to say that progress doesn't exist, only that it's a fraught concept, with many caveats, regressions, and no firm ground to judge its status at any given point. You will have a more productive engagement with history, and with the ancients, if you consider them as your equals, just situated differently in time and place.
• TwelveNights 6y ago
  Looking at extraordinary people can be both encouraging and disheartening. I've always wanted to practice drawing after seeing all the incredible things that extraordinary people can make. However, the more you dig into something, the more that chasm between you and the peak seems to widen. The one point I appreciate about this article is how it points out that there are physical constraints that come with being extraordinary. With the example of drawing, reaching a higher level of understanding could be possible with more time dedication, though I personally may want to use my time for other purposes.
• SCAQTony 6y ago
  Extraordinary is boring. If one wants to draw as good as Michelangelo Buonarroti, or play the alto sax technically as well as Charlie Parker, one has to put in the hours. Imagine only having one interest? Example: Michelangelo and Charlie practiced or executed their craft incessantly. "In an interview with Paul Desmond, Parker said that he spent three to four years practicing up to 15 hours a day." "If people knew how hard I worked to get my mastery, it wouldn’t seem so wonderful at all." ~ Michelangelo I argue that one is more employable, more accomplished and has more opportunities if one is average, or above average, in five separate disciplines. Has more diverse friendships too.
  • lowiqengineer 6y ago
    I don’t really want to be Charlie Parker extraordinary, I just want to be Harvard CS major who makes $500k as a T5 at Google extraordinary. I assure you, that person has more diverse friendships and more leisure time than I do.
    • realbarack 6y ago
      Note that "that person" is not actually a specific person, but merely your image of one.
      • lowiqengineer 6y ago
        I mean I can probably go on LinkedIn right now and find someone that fits these loose criteria. They’re fairly common!
        • ZephyrBlu 6y ago
          If your definition of "fairly common" is something like a ~1% chance, then sure.
          • RussianCow 6y ago
            Certainly more common than Michelangelo-level artists! I think the OP's point was that you don't need to be the absolute best in your field, or even that close, to be rewarded handsomely.
• pmohun 6y ago
  I wrote this for myself when considering a big career move a few years ago: It’s easy to focus on the next promotion or the completion of a big project that will elevate your career. By succumbing to the natural instinct of mimicry, we rarely ask ourselves the question: are we climbing the right hill? In this analogy, the hills represent any long-term goal: career, fulfillment, financial security. Our natural instinct is to walk upward, chasing the next promotion or job opportunity. However, we lose the virtue of randomness by doing this. If your only benchmark is the hill you’ve always known, you have no way to gauge its relative steepness. It’s a good way to reach a local maxima, but not necessarily the best long-term option. Instead, I allow myself to explore other options, even if it seems “downhill”. For naturally ambitious people, it can seem downright impossible to avoid this instinct. It’s hard, and often feels unnatural. However, the perspective gained from these excursions improves my mental map and I’m able to learn what lies on other hills. Taking this mindset means letting go of the mimetic behavior that leads to jealousy or comparison. After all, why should it matter if someone else is higher? Your peak is somewhere else entirely. https://sundayscaries.substack.com/p/climbing-the-right-hill- https://sundayscaries.substack.com/p/climbing-the-right-hill...
  • throw51319 6y ago
    Very good point. This is something that is easy to understand but difficult to internalize. You gotta step back, relax, and live your life. That's why all the social media etc is poison.
  • rochak 6y ago
    That’s an amazing viewpoint. Thanks for sharing. It inspired me to change my mindset.
• Minor49er 6y ago
  I'd like to mention the book "Missing Out: In Praise of the Unlived Life" by Adam Phillips which carries a similar sentiment. It might be worth checking out if anyone regularly feels anxiety or frustration about where they are in life when they could just as easily feel satisfaction instead.
• deleted 6y ago
  [deleted]
• m1117 6y ago
  I'm extraordinarily good at procrastinating!
• qrybam 6y ago
  Personal anecdote - I became very good at one activity early on in life. This was at the expense of other things such as education and a social life. The dedication required to reach a high level of skill, and the journey overall was great fun and taught me a lot about what it takes to reach the top. What impact has this had on me? It opened a lot of doors for me early on. Ultimately I faced a decision, do I pursue a single thing to its sharpest point, or do I widen my range and create my own category to become sharp in? There is something deeply rewarding in being a master of one trade. But becoming a jack of all trades offers a different kind of reward which I feel is more sustainable (at least in my case). I have a deep affinity towards people who have pushed the boundaries in some area of their life, and feel very lucky to have experienced the same. Which path would I pick? Jack of all.
  • ZephyrBlu 6y ago
    I think there is something to be said about being a master in something _before_ becoming a jack of all trades. It seems to me that like you said, dedicating yourself to something can open a lot of doors. More than if you had become above average at multiple things.
• m0zg 6y ago
  Just work in a couple of prominent research labs, like I did. You'll be quickly disabused of the notion that you're in any way "extraordinary". At best you can say that you know more than other people in your particular niche. But then you have to concede that other people know more than you do in their niche. There are, however, real freaks out there who know more than you in any niche they decide they need to know something in. What takes you year takes them hours. What takes you hours takes no effort at all - it's immediately obvious. Some of them are humble about this, some aren't humble at all. It can be fascinating or demoralizing, depending on how attached you are to the false notion of your "extraordinarity". Unfortunately for humanity there are only very few of such people. I can't help but think that this is how human mind is supposed to be, and the rest of us are just deficient.
  • lowiqengineer 6y ago
    I know I’m not anywhere close to extraordinary, but it still makes my heart ache seeing someone with a Google or MIT hoodie or a RocksDB jacket on my evening walk. I’ll settle for being considered more than just a mental defective just because I work at Amazon.
    • m0zg 6y ago
      You'd probably have a heart attack if you knew what I worked on. And yet, I know full well I'm just average, and it doesn't bother me anymore.
• lowiqengineer 6y ago
  I fully relate to this, but the worst part is being judged as being defective and unsophisticated by the extraordinary people that I surround myself with. It feels like I've already failed at life most days.
• neonate 6y ago
  https://archive.is/oOMFR https://archive.is/oOMFR https://web.archive.org/web/20200824155533/https://www.tiffanymatthe.com/not-extraordinary/ https://web.archive.org/web/20200824155533/https://www.tiffa...
  • tmatthe 6y ago
    Thanks for posting this! My website is currently down and I'm in the process of fixing it.
    • mattbillenstein 6y ago
      How are you hosting this?
      • tmatthe 6y ago
        HostPapa. I contacted them and they said it was a problem with their server, so I can't do anything about it sadly.
        • brettinternet 6y ago
          Since it looks like it's just GatsbyJS client, may I suggest GitHub Pages?
          • tmatthe 6y ago
            That's a good idea, in the beginning I had no idea how hosting works so I just went with HostPapa, but now I am considering switching.
            • brettinternet 6y ago
              If you use gh-pages [1], then it's as simple as `gh-pages -d public`. [1] https://www.npmjs.com/package/gh-pages https://www.npmjs.com/package/gh-pages
            • 6y ago
• pgcj_poster 6y ago
  If you're a 1 in 100 type, you've likely had feeling that because you're more capable than literally almost everyone, you should be achieving things more like the people you read about in books or online. But unless you've read 80 million biographies, those people are not 1 in a 100. They're more like 1 in million. And once you reach the truly great, like Einstein, then it's 1 in a billion (or more). You are not 1 in a billion. You may very well be 1 in 100, though. And that's still pretty incredible. Take, for example the author of this article. She might think that she's not extraordinary because she's not an Einstein, or whatever. However, she works somewhere called "the Quantum Matter Institute" -- that's something that 99% of people probably could not accomplish. So honestly I would be surprised if most people who knew her didn't think that she was extraordinary.
  • ZephyrBlu 6y ago
    > You may very well be 1 in 100, though. And that's still pretty incredible Is it though? There are 7 billion people on the planet, 1/100 is means you're 1 of 70,000,000 people in that group. It's odd. Being 1/100 in your day to day life means people probably think you're quite smart, but on a global scale it's quite depressing.
• scott31 6y ago
  This is also the motto of Golang, which is also the reasons it is one of the most practical programming language out there for getting stuff done.
• wombatmobile 6y ago
  "There is a real magic in enthusiasm. It spells the difference between mediocrity and accomplishment." - Norman Vincent Peale
• jarbus 6y ago
  Something I've struggled with for a long time is finding the point of trying when people better than you have failed. The only answer I could come up with is because "you aren't them." Going for my PhD in AI, going to give it my all, and see what I can do.
• gojomo 6y ago
  10y ago, I posted some similar thoughts about how reading HN risks demotivation via a memetic mechanism similar to the 'negative allelopathy' in biological systems: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1537692 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1537692 Reproduced here, as it's just as relevant, or moreso, today: I fear that what you're feeling is a dark side of the net's otherwise positive aspects. (It's not just HN.) The net lets us see all the great output from the most talented writers, thinkers, doers of their fields -- including people who we could imagine to be our peer group. But what we see is not an accurate sample -- it's dominated by the most remarkable, outliers by both skill and luck. (That is, there's massive survivorship bias; see Taleb's Fooled by Randomness.) Still, if we choose to look, it's in our face every hour of every day, in our news feeds, our Twitter streams, our Facebook statuses. (Compare also: the quality of social networks whereby for almost everyone, your friends will have more friends than you [1]; the Matthew Effect, whereby small changes in initial endowment of power/fame/success can compound [2]; and how viewing top athletes can actually decrease someone's coordination in following challenges [3].) In the plant and insect world, sometimes as one organism thrives, it sends off chemical signals that suppress the growth of its siblings/peers/neighbors, in an effect called allelopathy. Information about others' great works and successes, transmitted by the net, may sometimes serve as a sort of memetic negative allelopathy. The message is: this territory is taken; you can't reach the sunshine here; try another place/strategy (or even just wither so your distant relatives can thrive). This can be be the subtext even if that's not the conscious intent of those relaying the information. Indeed, the reports may be intended as motivational, and sometimes be, while at other times being discouraging. What to do? Not yet certain, but awareness that this mechanism is in play may help. You can recognize that what you're reading is not representative, and that comparing yourself against prominent outliers -- or even worse, vague composites of outliers who are each the best in one dimension -- is unrealistic and mentally unhealthy. Actual progress for yourself may require detaching from the firehose a bit, picking a narrower focus. (HN's eclectic topic matter can be inherently defocusing.) And remind yourself that despite various reptilian-hindbrain impulses, most interesting creative activity today is far from zero-sum. The outliers can win, and you can win too (even if you don't achieve outlier-sized success). Their success can expand your options, and they may wind up being your collaborators (formally or informally by simply participating in a mutual superstructure) moreso than your 'competitors'. [1] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-scientific-fundamentalist/200911/why-your-friends-have-more-friends-you-do https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-scientific-funda... [2] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matthew_effect http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matthew_effect [3] Can't find the reference at the moment, but the study I recall showed people video of a top soccer player, and subsequently they performed worse on tasks requiring physical coordination.
• kerabatsos 6y ago
  I look at this in terms of the sport of distance running. I was a fairly accomplished runner, but I could only see who was a better runner - not those who were not. It's a matter of perspective. The top tier marathoners all faced faster runners in front of them - all of them, at some point. So I guess my point is that what constitutes extraordinary is often subjective.
• ChrisMarshallNY 6y ago
  Thanks for sharing that. In my experience, a lot of what we perceive as "extraordinary," is actually marketing. Some people are extraordinary self-promoters. It seems that every other person I see on LinkedIn announces that they are a "polymath." Many of these folks are, in fact, really brilliant/creative/hard-working/whatever, but I have known folks that no one notices, that absolutely blow me away in their products and skills. No one notices them, because they don't stand around with megaphones. They're too busy being extraordinary. For me, I'm pretty good at what I do. Am I "extraordinary"? I don't really care. There's always some kid in a Hanoi Internet cafe that can shred my best, so I need to be happy with what I can do.
• pombrand 6y ago
  I think there's something to be said for being a specialized generalist. Being a true jack of all trades can mean you're mediocre at everything, it's better IMO to specialize on certain skills within different fields - ideally ones that synergize.
• jeandejean 6y ago
  Very refreshing and inspiring. Reminds me of that well known quote: "done is better than perfect". It could be rephrased as "good is better than extraordinary" to summarize that post.
• api 6y ago
  There are over 7 billion people on Earth. You aren't extraordinary, so you're going to have to get used to it. If you think you are you're probably either in a small pond or not paying attention.
• MaximumYComb 6y ago
  I feel there is a common trait of extraordinary people that anyone can develop and it pays dividends. That trait is industriousness. When you listen to interviews from successful people like Elon Musk all the way through to Arnold Schwarzenegger, they all talk about working hard. Terry Toa almost failed the general exams at Princeton due to slacking off, and it was a valuable lesson for him. I don't care how gifted you are, you won't reach the top without working harder than others.
  • ck425 6y ago
    I call bullshit on the idea that industriousness is entirely learned. You can definitely improve it but research shows a significant part of it is genetic.
    • MaximumYComb 6y ago
      I guess my argument is that most people can learn to do a lot more work than they are. Not everyone can sustain 100+ hours per week but someone working 40 can probably get a 50% improvement. The most significant change in my life occured through simply working more hour and developing habits to make those hours efficient.
    • adnzzzzZ 6y ago
      Personality traits account for something like 5% of the variance when it comes to life outcomes. Their usefulness comes from mostly analyzing huge groups of people and their differences in behavior than to be used as an individual measure. Most people can become significantly more or less industrious if they try. The same goes for other traits. In fact, I would say that part of your experience in life is nudging yourself more to the opposite side of what you're genetically given, i.e. if you're too industrious and too disagreeable, learn to be less (it's not so good to be hyper-competitive and hyper-focused all the time).
    • thundergolfer 6y ago
      Link to that research? I'm not familiar, and brief Googling indicates that "Learned Industriousness" is a thing.
• l00sed 6y ago
  Great post. :) Thanks
• prvc 6y ago
  Most people are not extraordinary, by definition. I have never detected any cultural message which states that everyone ought to be extraordinary in order to be worthwhile. The opposite seems to be valourised, in this cultural moment, in my observation.
• cmrdporcupine 6y ago
  Just reminds me that it's perf deadline day @ Google. You know, the company with all the supposedly most extraordinary people. Worst day (well, days) of the year. Even worse this year with the weird situation we're all in.
• aeturnum 6y ago
  As I have gotten older, one of the things I have come to understand is that the people who are leading figures in fields of human effort are just wired differently. We might describe them as "devoting" their entire lives to those fields, but "devoting" isn't the right word. It's not that they "work harder" or "put in more hours," it's that they experience every thing in their lives through the prism of their "chosen" field. They can't help but think of physics or art or design when they encounter any thing. It's not rational or intentional exactly (though they certainly aren't trying to change themselves) - it's about being oriented towards something in a pure way. Even the idea of "choosing" a field is deceptive, because there is some level of natural inclination that's required to be influential at a high level. What I mean is that I think people are barking up the wrong tree when they talk about "working towards being the best." We can all work harder, and I think we should all consider doing so, but no amount of working harder will let you see every experience as a lesson in physics. Those kinds of holistic engagement in a subject come from someplace other than exercises of self control and are, I think, probably pretty harmful to the overall well being of the person involved. I'm happy that I can put work down at the end of the day, and the people in my life are happy that I can too.
  • ativzzz 6y ago
    Agreed, I've met one of these people and discussed this trait with them. He described it as an obsession, something resembling OCD that he was literally unable to function, or would go crazy, if he didn't sit down and do the work his brain was forcing him to do. Before we talked, I was jealous of such people. Now, I consider myself lucky to be free from that burden. Life is all about tradeoffs, nothing is given without taking something else away.
• gtilman 6y ago
  It comes from within, my dear princess.
• danielrk 6y ago
  I am grateful that exceptionally capable people exist in the world. I find them incredibly motivating because their successes keep elevating the lower bound of collective human potential and set a known standard for what’s possible. I find that ignoring the bar for success (at whatever level one strives for) sets you up psychologically to justify mediocre efforts, when in fact most humans have incredible potential. I find that envy is a separate issue that can be managed by thinking carefully about choosing the right role models.
• greentimer 6y ago
  By the principle of Pyrrhonism, it's better to do as little as possible rather than try to accomplish a lot. Your brain could be damaged / controlled in a way that prevents you both from seeing the damage / control as well as other errors in your thinking. In a world with unbounded uncertainty on your own thoughts, it's best to do next to nothing.
• naveen99 6y ago
  just imagine something you want to happen or exist, then make it happen or make it exist. ordinariness is irrelevant. Having a goal that’s only “being better than someone else” is silly unless you are in a formally competitive situation. Doesn’t make much sense as a life goal. Chose a concrete goal that doesn’t shift arbitrarily on what other people have done.
• mattxxx 6y ago
  nah
• deleted 6y ago
  [deleted]
• fnord77 6y ago
  or "overcoming narcissism" ?
• daxfohl 6y ago
  I tried this for a few months after a few big projects didn't pan out. Tried forcing myself to focus only on the things in front of me, without allowing my mind to wander toward ideas for future grandeur. For me, that experience was horrible. I've got to have something big in the pipeline in order to feel a purpose in life. Otherwise it is just a bunch of work with no point. Maybe that's not the point that this article is trying to make. Maybe it's saying to be okay with not having already achieved greatness, or to be okay with the potential of never achieving greatness. Both of these are fine. Or to base your metric of greatness on someone else's who is unequivocally better at that measure than you are. You definitely don't want to do that. But I think it's a mistake to pigeonhole yourself as a person who absolutely cannot achieve greatness. You have to try.
• audiometry 6y ago
  The two heuristics I use for this difficulty: 1) Recognizing "Comparison is the thief of happiness" 2) Recognizing that the internet burnishes these peoples' successes and hides their difficulties and shortcomings and suffering. I don't see the full picture, and looking at the picture wouldn't make me happier anyway.
• icedchocolate 6y ago
  Feels like the author is catching on to the realisations outlined here: https://waitbutwhy.com/2013/09/why-generation-y-yuppies-are-unhappy.html https://waitbutwhy.com/2013/09/why-generation-y-yuppies-are-...
• known 6y ago
  "Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid" --Einstein
• jackcosgrove 6y ago
  > But real extraordinary is nothing like this. Yes, it's exciting, but it also comes with sacrifices, limitations, and constraints. Being extraordinary is a public label, and with that comes a target on your back. If your measures of success are internal you can be happy with your achievements as well as maintain some privacy.
• deleted 6y ago
  [deleted]
• kumarvvr 6y ago
  There has to be a change in culture, where a sense of duty, persistance, consistency and reliability should be encouraged and taught, over being 'clever' or 'genius'. Anyone can develop the former qualities, bit the latter qualities are more difficult and rare, in the sense that the amount of work required to reach a genius level in any field is tremendous. Perhaps its the fault of todays startup culture, where everyone is expected to have a breakthrough workaholic temperment.
• weregiraffe 6y ago
  Buy can you be extraordinary with not being OK?
• tomcam 6y ago
  I’ve made well into eight figures by taking almost the opposite approach. As a kid, all I wanted to do was get the fuck out of my unsafe neighborhood and never go back. When I was young I read a lot of biographies of successful people. What I got out of it was that they just worked a lot harder than most, and failed more than most. Later I observed that there were people dumber than I was with better jobs than I had, and I took that as a positive sign. It meant that just by working hard, I could get those jobs too. And one thing reading all those biographies told me was that many of these ultra-accomplished people paid a heavy price, usually in their personal lives. I decided I would rather be a happy millionaire with a family than an unhappy billionaire with two or three ex-wives. I taught myself how to program, took some writing classes in a junior college, and taught myself business and investing by doing dry runs on paper. The kinds of programming I did were fairly challenging, because as a person without a degree I knew I would have to work harder than people who had one. I also stuck to programming that I liked, but that also had a likely long commercial future. Eventually I was able to parlay all of this into what this website calls a “lifestyle business“, one that has let me stay home and raise children while still earning a great living over the last few decades. I have hit a fair number of singles and doubles, plus a triple or two. At my age now I’m not going to make a billion, But I own a couple of houses outright, have a retirement fund that can help support very high medical bills for medically fragile family members, and I can take care of my handicapped kid until I die. All of this came from keeping my expectations lower than the author’s. I was thinking not in terms of what I “should“ be able to accomplish, but what I could accomplish if I worked hard and smart.
  • ngngngng 6y ago
    I have a similar background, but right now I'm just taking a salary as a software engineer and looking to expand that. Have you written more about your path so someone like me could learn from it?
    • ayyy 6y ago
      I almost wrote this same comment. At this point, I'm probably going to be soft-retired in 4-5 years anyway. But once I know I won't die homeless, I'm excited to get started with this capitalism thing.
• hoseja 6y ago
  >No one starts off as extraordinary Huh? I challenge you to remove from that list of overachievers all the people who had rich, smart, supportive parents. I think you will find it considerably shrunken.
• hellweaver666 6y ago
  One of my favourite books is "small giants, companies that chose to be great instead of Big". I wish more companies were ok with just being really good at what they do and focused on that instead of how to get the big pay day and the fuck you money.
• deleted 6y ago
  [deleted]
• S_A_P 6y ago
  I read the title as "Boeing ok with not being extraordinary". That would be a pretty dramatic statement...
• sigalor 6y ago
  Well, this article is certainly lovely, but does no one else think that this has been written by GPT-3? Did just I become a hopeless sceptic?
• blindm 6y ago
  A great article. There is a German-derived word to describe a so called extraordinary person: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C3%9Cbermensch https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C3%9Cbermensch Also worth reading: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Man_theory https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Man_theory
• every 6y ago
  I like to think of myself having an extraordinary mix of mediocre talents and profound shortcomings...
• richard_g 6y ago
  I used to struggle with this. It seemed like the first few steps of anything I could do would never measure up to these accomplishments that I saw from others. Then I realized that even being willing to take those steps is extraordinary -- because it's not that common. Being willing to try and fail is extraordinary. Doing hard work without a guaranteed outcome is extraordinary. Realizing that you've been doing something ineffective and you need to change is extraordinary. And if you consistently do at least some of those, then one day you may hit those extraordinary results when you least expect it. Even if you don't, you have had extraordinary experiences along the way. That's worth something.