18 ms·

Obituary for a quiet life (2023)

1416 points by conanxin 2y ago

lloeki 2y ago
Reminded me of the last verse of a French fable, The Cricket (a.k.a True Happiness): "Pour vivre heureux, vivons cachés." - Jean-Pierre Claris de Florian - Le Grillon†, Fables, 1792 Here's my quick-and-dirty attempt at a translation: Poor little cricket Hidden in grass flowery A gliding butterfly Beheld in the prairie. The winged insect of bright colours shining; Cerulean, gold, crimson burst on his wings; Young pretty little master, he runs flower to flower, Taking and leaving every which is prettier. Ah! Said the cricket his fate and mine Are quite not alike! Mother Nature Gifted him all, and to myself nothing. Of talent bereft, of face even less. Disregarded down here, none take notice: I just as much might not exist. As he rambled, in the prairie A childish troupe comes happily: Chasing they are hastily The butterfly they so envy. Hats of all sorts to catch their game; The insect twists and swerves in vain, And soon enough becomes their prize. A wing taken, a body seized, A head now gone, a swift demise: Little effort has it taken To tear apart the beast fallen. Oh! Oh! Cricket said, I am no more irate; Too high a price it is to shine. How I will love my deep retreat! To live happy, live discreetly. † https://www.laculturegenerale.com/le-grillon-fable-jean-pierre-claris-florian/ https://www.laculturegenerale.com/le-grillon-fable-jean-pier...
jrh3 2y ago
Great man. Great life. Not a "flashy" life but sounded full of "American individualism" as I have always thought of it.
biaass22223353 2y ago
[dead]
happytiger 2y ago
This is beautiful. Thank you. I think people don’t understand how important just being there for your family actually is. Sometimes it’s enough just to be reliable, stand for good and just be present. Sounds like he really knew it.
- nonrandomstring 2y ago
  A Rick Roderick quote comes to mind; "" Now, I hate the movie The Big Chill, let me make that clear, and I hope I can’t be sued for hating a movie, I hate The Big Chill, because it’s about members of my generation, all of whom have become swine. The only person in the movie I like is dead when the movie starts, and they are having his funeral, and the old preacher says something quite profound. He asks the crowd of young yuppies, he goes "Isn’t our common life together and just being a good man enough to sustain us anymore?" And the answer to that is 'No, it’s not'. ""
  - pixelmonkey 2y ago
    Interesting. I recently rewatched "The Big Chill" and wrote a reflection about the movie vs the internet age: https://amontalenti.com/2023/12/28/the-blog-chill https://amontalenti.com/2023/12/28/the-blog-chill
    - nonrandomstring 2y ago
      Enjoyed that very much, as I do all small blog pieces written with heart. Good to read your contrast of Big Chill with Roderick's take. (He's a serious joker, for me a kinda Bill Hicks who took the job title philosopher instead of stand-up comedian) > they are only honest with themselves about this in the private setting I'm sure you're aware of the phase "social cooling" [0] TBH I am astonished by the extreme difference between the thoughts I hear expressed in real life, and those "safe" ones people put online now. Things have completely flipped. 20 years ago we put our edgy personas online and kept IRL reserved and acceptable. Other than on 4chan etc, which are performance dramas, people have it the other way about now. So you're right; there is a "big chill" in blogging, but a counter out there in the streets and bars. > I feel a chill coming over my desire to write and publish freely on the internet Seriously, don't let the bastards get you down :) Don't get me wrong I love code (python too :) and I love writing about my own corner of comp.sci (DSP), but in 50 years if anyone's still here to read, which are the essays they will still care about? That thought only gives me more courage, in a way what I'm writing [1] is for "the survivors", not the audience out there now. [0] https://www.socialcooling.com/ https://www.socialcooling.com/ [1] https://cybershow.uk https://cybershow.uk
fbdab103 2y ago
>He’d stolen a school bus as a teenager and backed it over a teacher’s car. "Boys will be boys" definitely got a lot more mileage than I had previously thought.
- qup 2y ago
  Wasn't said whether he was caught at it
cryptozeus 2y ago
A month before he passed, faded and worn down to a wheelchair, his head still popped up when Grandma walked into the kitchen: “Hey thar, pretty girl.” <B
Aloha 2y ago
Being content is like a drug. The fire reduces, but does go out, you feel warmth in the familiar rather than the new, and you find yourself beset, wondering whatever you did to deserve this joy. I hope to sone day some can say the same about me.
- monero-xmr 2y ago
  Being content is not about lack of goals or striving. It’s about enjoying the journey, appreciating what you have, being OK psychologically even if your grand plans don’t come to fruition. I am always working towards multiple goals in parallel, from short to long to ultra long term. But the cadence of regular life - the routines we do daily and weekly and yearly - are the things that sustain existence. My children, wife, extended family, friends, acquaintances, the holidays, the laughs and stories and memories. I like exercising, I like coffee, I like learning. I can make all the money in the world but the real mass of life is not changed, and money is unnecessary to live a fulfilling life.
  - Aloha 2y ago
    For me at least, it means I'm striving a little less hard, I think is the best way to put it. I'm still searching for good things, and the next thing, but I'm also enjoying today for today.
- davideous 2y ago
  The Bible speaks about this: “But godliness with contentment is great gain, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content. But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs.” — 1 Timothy 6:6-10 ESV
  - ako 2y ago
    Please don’t do this, there are many people and stories that speak to this. Now it looks like you’re claiming this for one particular religion, when it’s completely unrelated to religion.
grecht 2y ago
Very moving. Often, this is called a "quiet, simple life". I like that this obituary does not do that. Being there for your family, acting in accordance with your values and standing up for yourself, being content with what you have - this is not "simple" at all. Someone to look up to.
- threatofrain 2y ago
  What you describe is simple, especially in a wealthy nation during peace. What doesn't sound so simple was leading union politics or rapidly rising through the ranks while deployed abroad. This person was certainly not quiet.
  - deleted 2y ago
    [deleted]
  - gatinsama 2y ago
    Simple, not easy
    - stemlord 2y ago
      Above items seem to be neither, and it bothers me because it betrays the thesis by insinuating that a simple life can only be had after having a complicated one. True or not, one has to wonder if this too becomes another act of propaganda of erasure against the population among us who truly do live quietly-- in other words, loud people playing quiet people on tv.
      - deleted 2y ago
        [deleted]
    - plokiju 2y ago
      what is a complex life to you?
dmje 2y ago
Lovely piece, thanks for posting
dzink 2y ago
He is not wrong. “If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same” - R. Kipling Media riles up those who have been limited or deprived by circumstances. It waves flags and triggers emotions and creates envy and conjures social ladders to political influence, or financial gains, or popularity and public attention, or peaks of history. The reality though is that those apply to the people who don’t know better - the new grads, the hungry and ambitious, the midlife-crisis sufferers, the naive who haven’t encountered bad people or circumstances. If you’ve seen a lot or you know evil, you don’t need a public life where you may attract it. When you know what you have and value it, a quiet life is the best way to protect it. People value privacy when they have something to lose. If you know what you want to do and can do it without attention, you are much better off doing than dealing with collateral damage from unpredictable attention. The media today is becoming incredibly propaganda filled and charged. This is a highly combustible environment. Big geopolitical risks are coming and publicity risks making you a target. When low interest rates paid for VC-subsidized press the world was filled with startup success stories and drums up for startups and their potential gains. That meant many promising entrepreneurs took money at unsustainable expected ROI and lost years of their life working for a promise. Another word for that is lottery. When the dust settled having a quiet business and chugging along profitably proved to be like the little mice who survived underground after the asteroid hit. If you are a cat who just caught a mouse, would you go to a hill to advertise to all local predators that you are about to enjoy fresh meat?
- p1esk 2y ago
  I don’t know, try to explain your point of view to people like Trump or Musk.
  - forgetfreeman 2y ago
    It'd be easier to explain Shakespeare to a fish. Sociopaths aren't generally much for outside counsel.
  - kunley 2y ago
    But what for? People like them are not a point of reference to relate everything, you know
epicureanideal 2y ago
“ after a day driving a laundry truck. His bride, Grace, snapped the photo outside their first house.” Driving a laundry truck.. first house.. Life was so much better a few decades ago.
- dewey 2y ago
  But then, he also had to serve in war. Medical care was not that advanced, you couldn't read about any niche topic you want online. Easy to see things through rose tinted glasses.
  - jimnotgym 2y ago
    He had to serve in Germany during the Korean war. Still he got called up and posted away from his home, so you still have a point. I think it was people born in 1950 that had it easier, especially in the UK, since we didn't go to Vietnam.
    - MenhirMike 2y ago
      In the US, the people that were born in the 1950s got to spend their teenage years not knowing if the Soviet Union is going to start World War III (the Cuban Missile Crisis in 1962 was definitely a forming event for many teenage minds), then got to go through the 70s with an energy crisis and the potential draft to Vietnam, and then another energy crisis, and then got to experience the Chernobyl disaster in the 80s, wondering if they should re-watch "Duck and cover" and wonder why that hole in the ozone layer gets bigger and bigger. Every generation has its ups and downs. For my generation, I have to deal with sky-high real estate prices, but I also have access to an unprecedented amount of free entertainment, free knowledge, the cheap supercomputer in my pocket allows me to stay in touch with anyone that I want, and when I go to the doctor, I probably won't see people in iron lungs anymore. I can travel to anywhere in the world for ridiculously low prices, and if I don't speak the language, a live translation app will do the work for me. No, it's not all sunshine and roses, and people are right to call out issues with the current state of the world because things are NOT alright. But it's not like things were sunshine and roses for our grandparents generation either.
tirthvora 2y ago
Wow! Really moved me. I live in a metro city, and whenever I go back to my village, I envy their lives. It's just them and their families. Small World, but it still has adventures, and most importantly, peace. A heart-warming Obituary!
ornornor 2y ago
Nice read, thank you. > Ray Harrell after a day driving a laundry truck. His bride, Grace, snapped the photo outside their first house. Ah the days when you could be a delivery truck driver and buy a house… Not so much for us anymore.
- alfagre 2y ago
  Not in central SF, no. But in the rural midwest you definitely can. Just like that dude.
  - woutersf 2y ago
    Yep and they did not have insulation obligations and what not. A house was much simpler back then too (i think). European here so i could be biased.
- twojobsoneboss 2y ago
  Near Fruitland NC for 365k. Not too bad at all https://redf.in/tmYs3p https://redf.in/tmYs3p
  - fennecbutt 2y ago
    I'm not American but I can do this rough: median salary PC Henderson county 37,457 (2022) after taxes $30,858. Mortgage rates seem to be about 8% for 30y fix atm so that's 36,500 deposit with $2017 monthly payment, but at least that's $0 fees. At $2571 in pocket per month it'll take a while to save that deposit when median rent in that location is apparently $1500 for an apartment,let alone the fact you'll need a car and all your other bills (medical insurance in America I guess). Then you'll have $500 left over after paying your mortgage every month. Somehow I don't think that's liveable. Not everyone can crash with their parents while they save a deposit. Not everyone has a partner that works too. Some people have or want to have children. Not everyone works in tech, but boy am I glad I do...least until the machines take over.
    - CRConrad 2y ago
ttiurani 2y ago
> All around us are these lives — heads down and arms open — that ignore the siren call of flashy American individualism, of bright lights and center stage. I’m fine right here is the response from the edge of the room, and that contentment is downright subversive. How could you want only that? the world demands. There’s more to have, always more. Beautiful writing, and I feel this part especially elevates it. Going forward, we collectively need to recognize and celebrate these people who know when they have enough for a good life. Who can stop craving more fame, wealth and possession, and just appreciate what they have. Because only by doing so, can we leave enough resources for others, near or far, now and in the future, to have the same.
- bigstrat2003 2y ago
  That part caught my attention as well. There's a danger in the seductive whisper of "you need more". Whether it's material goods, power, fame, or whatever else, pursuing external things like these is a hole which can never be filled. It seems to me that true happiness is to be found inward. If you can learn to find happiness where you are right now, then you can have a good life regardless of your external circumstances. I had two really powerful insights when I was a teenager. The first was when I got a Christmas gift I really wanted (a walkman iirc), and it struck me that actually having it didn't fulfill me nearly as much as I had thought it would. The other was when my grandpa died, and I would have given anything to have him back (and I still would). These two experiences made me realize that stuff is hollow and unimportant, and what truly matters in this world are people. Being with the people you love is the greatest thing we can have, and unlike material possessions can never be replaced once it's gone. I think that a simple life is far underrated. If all I ever do is spend time with my family and friends, and make the world around me just a bit better in some small way, I feel like that's enough.
  - VelesDude 2y ago
    That is a key lesson of many religions like Hinduism, Buddhism, Taoism etc that the state of contentment comes from within. They have been telling everyone this for decades with mixed results. Suffering is what happens when expectations do not match with reality. You can still have pain but suffering is that gap. You hear folks that say "it is the journey that matters" but that implys a destination. I think it is all just one big ’happening'. If life is a race it is a 100n stroll. And yet many people have convinced themselves that it is a marathon and that everyone else needs to be doing that race otherwise they would be the fool. The joke being that there is no other finish line and that many will go to the grave thinking they havent run the race enough.
fallous 2y ago
There is an admirable maturity and wisdom in understanding the scope of your life and what is important, and working to make the world as you wish it to be within those confines. Too often we aggrandize ourselves by spending time worrying about the problems of the world far beyond our control and do not try and address them in the realms in which we do have some sway.
remoquete 2y ago
Beautifully written. For some reason, Beatles' Eleanor Rigby sounded in my head while I was reading this... "All the lonely people Where do they all come from? All the lonely people Where do they all belong?"
zorrolovsky 2y ago
Beautiful writing. It comes at an interesting time for me. I'm in a full blown mid-life crisis where my state of mind fluctuates between full contentment and wishing I was doing more with life. This article made me think. On the one hand, I'm content because I come from an unprivileged background. My family was abusive. Me and my brothers struggled with mental health. We ran away from home as soon as we could. Where I was born there were not any decent jobs, so the future was bleak. Today, I have a decently-paid job in tech, good life/work balance, a nice clean house, and self-caring habits. I have a great mental and physical health, good relationships and a decent financial position. I traveled the world and had incredible experiences. I've got everything I dreamed about when I struggled mentally, physically and financially. On the other hand, achieving all my dreams took me to a place where my mind says "I've done it all, let's just enjoy what I've got. Let's enjoy life". And that works for a while but then one day I resent being too complacent. I want to do more. Launch projects, earn more money, live more experiences. The voice of ambition says: "you're 45 years old, stop thinking like a 80 year old, move your ass and live more life" Still working to find that fine balance between contentment and ambition. As a human I'm skeptic I will find the right answer. We tend to work in cycles/moods...
- topherjaynes 2y ago
  I agree. Very similar situation; I can't help but feel like I am the middle-aged trope in movies; best of luck finding the answer; if you do, please share!
- silexia 2y ago
  The biological purpose of life is to have children. Try that.
- The_Colonel 2y ago
  > I want to do more. Launch projects, earn more money, live more experiences. The only thing you need is to stop this idea that living a richer life means earning/spending a lot of money / reaources. There's so much personal development you can do without participating in the materialistic rat race.
notincel 2y ago
This is nice story. That said, I feel like the people praising "the quiet life" are missing that this man found a companion at ~20yrs old and with that companion had a family and kids and grand kids. Plenty of people never find that anchor/base/partner https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2021/10/05/rising-share-of-u-s-adults-are-living-without-a-spouse-or-partner/ https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2021/10/05/rising-... It's arguably easy to be content when you have good support around you. Bad or no support and it's much harder.
- CRConrad 2y ago
  You make a not uninteresting point, but your choice of user id detracts considerably from it.
- keenmaster 2y ago
  Sometimes contentment is followed by a good partner, not caused by one. To reach that state of contentment usually requires some mix of effort and satisfaction with the outcomes of that effort and ultimately your confidence in your ability to maintain and grow the things you value in life. If you worked hard but the outcome isn’t good - why? If you achieved a good outcome (like a solid degree, a good job, and/or home ownership) but are particularly unsatisfied - why? If you’re not confident in your future - why? It’s not a requirement to settle these questions before finding companionship, but it helps. No doubt a good partner multiplies contentment, but they shouldn’t be facing a void of it either. Lastly, if you find that your contentment is being pulled and pushed and stomped on by external factors, then do what is needed to gain control of it again - anyone can achieve this, and if someone in a land of possibility thinks they’re the exception, that the world really is getting in their way, they’re holding themselves back with that very thought.
- iorrus 2y ago
  I have to agree, it’s unusual the way the writer described this man as living a “quiet life”. He was the head of the union in what was likely a major employer and had a large family along with probably a large extended family. He didn’t seek fame but I wouldn’t describe this man as a quiet one, he probably lived in a rich social network full of visitors, work colleagues, veterans, friends etc. There are very few people aside from egotists who seek large scale recognition for their work etc.
gardenhedge 2y ago
> Quiet Life > stolen a school bus
catoc 2y ago
Current no 2 on HN: “What will humans do if technology solves everything?” https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=40029456 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=40029456 A: finally all live like Ray Harrell
Aeolun 2y ago
I feel like this is the truth for the vast majority of people? Nobody I know is out to do more than live their lives as best they can, and then pass away quietly and contendedly. In between there’s a ton of challenges. Many more than I’d ever have expected growing up or only looking at Facebook, but everyone makes it work.
- rabuse 2y ago
  Step foot into Miami or LA and you'll see the gaudy extremes of wealth accumulation. I live in Fort Lauderdale for a long time, and it blew me away how miserable a vast majority of the wealthy truly were. Meeting a lot of them in my younger 20's, believing they must be "living the dream", only to later find out it was a facade most of the time, completely changed my mind on "getting rich". Living modestly with no attachment to material things is the way to be.
  - nsxwolf 2y ago
    As a former Miata owner I always noticed that the price of a convertible roadster is inversely proportional to how often the top is down. Whenever I'd see something like a Z4 or better, the top would be up even on the absolutely most beautiful days, and the person driving it just looked utterly joyless.
spicyusername 2y ago
It's a very nice obituary. I have similar feelings about my own grandfathers. They were figures that seemed larger than life. Though, I confess, I think I must have a different definition of "quiet life". My definition of "quite life" doesn't include perennially hosting family Christmas, backpacking across Europe, being the president of a textile union, and getting shipped off to Korea in the military. To me, those sound like activities of someone not living a quiet life, hah. But maybe these days the bar for quiet life is set at not participating in social media or moving to a major metropolitan area. Either way Grandpa sounds like he was a righteous dude.
lulzury 2y ago
> Being content doesn’t mean being blind. It means knowing the difference between a good fight and a selfish one. I recently watched the movie Perfect Days (2023) and found a similarly resonant theme of contentment and simplicity in life. It makes one stop and wonder why one often tends to let so many external things drive our lives, happiness, and contentment when things can be so much simpler if we just start to try to see the beauty in what we already have.
jp0001 2y ago
Amazing writing. Reminds me of my grandfather. I’ve thought about it this way, you have four options in life: - not rich, not famous - not rich, famous - rich, famous - rich, not famous The last one is the best, IMO. And by rich, I mean to not need for anything. And that means having your ego in check. The worst thing I’ve ever witnessed is a literal 100+ millionaire with no peace, still trying to impress people of their wealth and self importance.
bibelo 2y ago
A Quiet Life, by TEHO TEARDO & BLIXA BARGELD: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OiPVgAhRE6E https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OiPVgAhRE6E
- resolutebat 2y ago
  If you liked this, you may appreciate much of Einsturzende Neubauten's newer work: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Einst%C3%BCrzende_Neubauten https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Einst%C3%BCrzende_Neubauten (The older stuff involves mutilating shopping carts with power equipment and is more of an acquired taste.)
seatac76 2y ago
Beautiful article. Glad to see Bitter Southerner here. They have a wonderful perspective of the South. If y’all are in the market for a good coffee table book: Waffle House Vistas is very interesting. Link: https://bsgeneralstore.com/products/waffle-house-vistas-2-0 https://bsgeneralstore.com/products/waffle-house-vistas-2-0
jrwiegand 2y ago
This is a wonderful piece and I am glad that I came across it. The line that really hit home for me is the description attached to the photos with his girls. I have two young girls now and I take it to heart that right now may be the best time in my life. This sentiment has been something I have heard from many people about their children at this young age. This is just more confirmation to slow down pay attention.
- pictureofabear 2y ago
  That hit me the hardest as well. For me there is no greater purpose in life but to connect with others. It's especially meaningful when it's your own children.
rubicon33 2y ago
Appreciate you posting this. For what it's worth, I'm in the same boat. I basically achieved my goals in life and am now very comfortable. I could just continue to work and keep up-to-date and find myself old and tired in short time. I'm poignantly aware of this window of opportunity which is closing. I'm still young(ish), and still have some physical and mental energy... The question is what will I use it for? What would bring me happiness when I am old, sitting in a wheelchair, recounting my life? As someone who has struggled with mental health most of their life I have vowed to never have kids. For many, children are the answer to this existential question. For myself it will need to be something else and I'm not sure yet what that is. To be honest, I'm worried I may never find it. I was lucky enough to find my first passion (software) but after so many years, the mind yearns for new experiences and to produce something of meaning, something I can be proud of.
- mikhailfranco 2y ago
  Just work on a side project, artistic longing, hobby, craft skill, church, new language, charity, ... And if those are ill-formed for you, or lacking a pull, just go travelling... Give yourself a deadline. Not a deadline to achieve, but a deadline to decide. Stay in your country, explore the east and the west, the loud and the quiet, the beautiful and the ugly. And pay complete attention to every person in front of you, at all times, in attentive and generous detail. Travel a continent, or the world. Start somewhere you have curiosity to be satisfied: proximity, historical knowledge, smattering of the language, distant family history, old friend, current networked contact... Then just go. Don't be instagram-deluded and selfie-stick blind. Commit to not taking any photos, it's a liberation. Let loved-ones know you are safe, but no reporting back to a once-before and never-again esteemed group of fake friends. Yet always look at everything with a photographer's eye - still and moving. Look. See. Be still. Be moved. Focus on something concrete, but unimportant, where the journey will be the objective. A pilgrimage, the museums of Europe, a long distance trail, the temples of Asia, a minimal beach, a bustling third world city. Become a short-time expert in the music scene, enjoy a local festival, work on a local farm or fishing boat. Understand tea or tea tree oil, spinning or spinakkers, avocadoes or cocoa, crab fishing or craps tables. Put quiet aquisition of wisdom above loud narrow achievement. Stay, linger, go. Watch, wait, listen, decide. I promise you will soon have some important personal decisions to make.
zackmorris 2y ago
I have two thoughts on this: it's important to find contentment regardless of situation, but I would caution against settling for less. I've noticed that as more and more aspects of the American dream have been stripped of us by the uber-rich in recent decades, a certain kind of fatalism has settled into our collective psyche. There's a sense now that the quiet life is out of reach, regardless of income. That wages will never rise fast enough to keep up with the rising cost of housing. That there are just more and more and more people everywhere, that our heritage is being gentrified. That the hustle and bustle has nearly eclipsed most personal interaction. Basically that the worsening struggle of postmodernism has replaced community, tradition, and so on. Ironically I had welcomed tech/progress up through the late 1990s, because young people today may not realize how ignorant times were then, when shows like All in the Family may as well have been documentaries. If you watch Saved by the Bell and Napoleon Dynamite, notice how there's no real technology, and there's an impression that the future is coming, but at a glacial pace. It wasn't like today, where if something hasn't been invented yet, it just means you haven't searched hard enough for it on the internet. We still had science instead of manifestation, so nobody told us how much our dreams mattered, only that we should put our noses to the grindstone. Now in middle age after a lifetime of hard work with little to show for it, I find myself asking what all of this is for. What's the point of tech if it just makes you work harder? Shouldn't it make life easier, and bring more money and resources your way? And I think a lot about people who are good for nothin. Energy vampires who suck the life out of you when you're trying to make progress. They used to be people like me, angstful cynics who pointed out the absurdity of the modern world, who took solace in shows like South Park. Today they're the thought leaders and billionaires who vacuum up all available capital and lobby the government to take away our freedoms. What good are they if they only take but never give? The key part of the article was unions. You want the quiet life, you've got to organize. This lone wolf, rugged individualist, pull yourself up by your bootstraps dream of winning the internet lottery was a bill of goods. Because winner takes all, and odds are it ain't you. I've been trying for a quarter century and if I knew then what I know now, I never would have started down this road. I'm shifting my focus to a resource economy where basic necessities are provided by scalable technologies that can't be taken away by concentrated wealth. Where the difference between what employees are billed out for and what they are paid accrues ownership in a business, the same as capital put up by investors. Or that difference is accounted for in tax write-offs, pensions, retirements, social security, and so on. Where job applicants can see that discrepancy in public accounting records and choose not to apply to businesses that exploit them. So that we can all start getting paid what we're worth and build an economic system around improving the human condition instead of feeding off it like vampires.
instagraham 2y ago
Radiohead's "No Surprises" always gave me this vibe, and made me yearn for a quiet life right from college.
deleted 2y ago
[deleted]
nntwozz 2y ago
It is no bad thing to celebrate a simple life. Not actually Tolkien but it's in the movies.
- ErigmolCt 2y ago
  It is able to bring a sense of peace and fulfillment
treflop 2y ago
I’ve met and seen a lot of people in life and while it’s nearly impossible for a life to be stress-free, the content and successful people I’ve seen — poor, rich, whatever — seem to share one commonality: they found their passions in life, whether be it running a successful company, working with charity, hanging with neighborhood inline skate friends or raising cattle in the country side, and they get to do it nearly everyday. Everyone else is just packing for an inevitable trip that they know they are going on but they don’t yet have destination. They try to bag all the milestones and pocket all the supplies that they may need, but without a goal, it is an endless journey without a chance of satisfaction. Unfortunately, the difficulty is finding your passion. There is no way to discover it without somehow stumbling across it, which takes a lot of time and money and only becomes more difficult with age and increased responsibilities.
- cal85 2y ago
  This feels like circular logic, assuming “your passion” means a pastime that will make you happy.
  - ativzzz 2y ago
    Not quite, passion here is something that gives you purpose. Something that you look forward to when doing something you don't want to do (work, chores, etc). A reason for getting out of bed in the morning. Something you think about all the time
- heresie-dabord 2y ago
  > the content and successful people I’ve seen — poor, rich, whatever — seem to share one commonality: they found their passions in life > Everyone else is just packing for [...] an endless journey without a chance of satisfaction. With no offence to you and all the fine people whom you know/have known, I think it's clear that there is no regret in living a good, kind, caring life without seeking a "passion" or consumerist distortion. Many millions more people have lived the former than have lived the latter.
  - 2y ago
uwagar 2y ago
everybody dies of cancer man. what the heck. why?
- XCSme 2y ago
  I guess there always has to be a reason for death?
  - uwagar 2y ago
    not sure if historically cancer was this prevalent.
ohans 2y ago
“…I realized that a quiet life isn’t a passive life…” The importance of finding such balance makes all the difference. Beautiful writing.
lcuff 2y ago
Evokes my favorite Warren Buffett quote "Basically, when you get to my age, you'll really measure your success in life by how many of the people you want to have love you actually do love you."
csours 2y ago
I came across the quote "Happiness is a choice" recently. I haven't read the context yet (Suppliants by Aeschylus); but I feel like "Working towards removing unhappiness and increasing happiness is a choice" is a more complete idea.
sergiogjr 2y ago
A nice personification of the common man from G.K. Chesterton, like uncountable others we will never hear about outside our own real life circles.
pmorici 2y ago
Nicely written. I’m a bit confused about the part that seems to conflate individualism with fame or notoriety.
- pictureofabear 2y ago
  He said, "flashy American individualism," so he was talking about a specific brand of individualism that covets fame and notoriety, not individualism in its broader meaning.
Jakesben101 2y ago
[flagged]
whatever1 2y ago
Scrolling and found 0 mentions of Aristotle.

1416 points by conanxin 2y ago

Reminded me of the last verse of a French fable, The Cricket (a.k.a True Happiness): "Pour vivre heureux, vivons cachés." - Jean-Pierre Claris de Florian - Le Grillon†, Fables, 1792 Here's my quick-and-dirty attempt at a translation: Poor little cricket Hidden in grass flowery A gliding butterfly Beheld in the prairie. The winged insect of bright colours shining; Cerulean, gold, crimson burst on his wings; Young pretty little master, he runs flower to flower, Taking and leaving every which is prettier. Ah! Said the cricket his fate and mine Are quite not alike! Mother Nature Gifted him all, and to myself nothing. Of talent bereft, of face even less. Disregarded down here, none take notice: I just as much might not exist. As he rambled, in the prairie A childish troupe comes happily: Chasing they are hastily The butterfly they so envy. Hats of all sorts to catch their game; The insect twists and swerves in vain, And soon enough becomes their prize. A wing taken, a body seized, A head now gone, a swift demise: Little effort has it taken To tear apart the beast fallen. Oh! Oh! Cricket said, I am no more irate; Too high a price it is to shine. How I will love my deep retreat! To live happy, live discreetly. † https://www.laculturegenerale.com/le-grillon-fable-jean-pierre-claris-florian/ https://www.laculturegenerale.com/le-grillon-fable-jean-pier...

jrh3 2y ago

Great man. Great life. Not a "flashy" life but sounded full of "American individualism" as I have always thought of it.

biaass22223353 2y ago

[dead]

happytiger 2y ago

This is beautiful. Thank you. I think people don’t understand how important just being there for your family actually is. Sometimes it’s enough just to be reliable, stand for good and just be present. Sounds like he really knew it.

nonrandomstring 2y ago
A Rick Roderick quote comes to mind; "" Now, I hate the movie The Big Chill, let me make that clear, and I hope I can’t be sued for hating a movie, I hate The Big Chill, because it’s about members of my generation, all of whom have become swine. The only person in the movie I like is dead when the movie starts, and they are having his funeral, and the old preacher says something quite profound. He asks the crowd of young yuppies, he goes "Isn’t our common life together and just being a good man enough to sustain us anymore?" And the answer to that is 'No, it’s not'. ""
- pixelmonkey 2y ago
  Interesting. I recently rewatched "The Big Chill" and wrote a reflection about the movie vs the internet age: https://amontalenti.com/2023/12/28/the-blog-chill https://amontalenti.com/2023/12/28/the-blog-chill
  - nonrandomstring 2y ago
    Enjoyed that very much, as I do all small blog pieces written with heart. Good to read your contrast of Big Chill with Roderick's take. (He's a serious joker, for me a kinda Bill Hicks who took the job title philosopher instead of stand-up comedian) > they are only honest with themselves about this in the private setting I'm sure you're aware of the phase "social cooling" [0] TBH I am astonished by the extreme difference between the thoughts I hear expressed in real life, and those "safe" ones people put online now. Things have completely flipped. 20 years ago we put our edgy personas online and kept IRL reserved and acceptable. Other than on 4chan etc, which are performance dramas, people have it the other way about now. So you're right; there is a "big chill" in blogging, but a counter out there in the streets and bars. > I feel a chill coming over my desire to write and publish freely on the internet Seriously, don't let the bastards get you down :) Don't get me wrong I love code (python too :) and I love writing about my own corner of comp.sci (DSP), but in 50 years if anyone's still here to read, which are the essays they will still care about? That thought only gives me more courage, in a way what I'm writing [1] is for "the survivors", not the audience out there now. [0] https://www.socialcooling.com/ https://www.socialcooling.com/ [1] https://cybershow.uk https://cybershow.uk

fbdab103 2y ago

>He’d stolen a school bus as a teenager and backed it over a teacher’s car. "Boys will be boys" definitely got a lot more mileage than I had previously thought.

qup 2y ago
Wasn't said whether he was caught at it

cryptozeus 2y ago

A month before he passed, faded and worn down to a wheelchair, his head still popped up when Grandma walked into the kitchen: “Hey thar, pretty girl.” <B

Aloha 2y ago

Being content is like a drug. The fire reduces, but does go out, you feel warmth in the familiar rather than the new, and you find yourself beset, wondering whatever you did to deserve this joy. I hope to sone day some can say the same about me.

monero-xmr 2y ago
Being content is not about lack of goals or striving. It’s about enjoying the journey, appreciating what you have, being OK psychologically even if your grand plans don’t come to fruition. I am always working towards multiple goals in parallel, from short to long to ultra long term. But the cadence of regular life - the routines we do daily and weekly and yearly - are the things that sustain existence. My children, wife, extended family, friends, acquaintances, the holidays, the laughs and stories and memories. I like exercising, I like coffee, I like learning. I can make all the money in the world but the real mass of life is not changed, and money is unnecessary to live a fulfilling life.
- Aloha 2y ago
  For me at least, it means I'm striving a little less hard, I think is the best way to put it. I'm still searching for good things, and the next thing, but I'm also enjoying today for today.
davideous 2y ago
The Bible speaks about this: “But godliness with contentment is great gain, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content. But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs.” — 1 Timothy 6:6-10 ESV
- ako 2y ago
  Please don’t do this, there are many people and stories that speak to this. Now it looks like you’re claiming this for one particular religion, when it’s completely unrelated to religion.

grecht 2y ago

Very moving. Often, this is called a "quiet, simple life". I like that this obituary does not do that. Being there for your family, acting in accordance with your values and standing up for yourself, being content with what you have - this is not "simple" at all. Someone to look up to.

threatofrain 2y ago
What you describe is simple, especially in a wealthy nation during peace. What doesn't sound so simple was leading union politics or rapidly rising through the ranks while deployed abroad. This person was certainly not quiet.
- deleted 2y ago
  [deleted]
- gatinsama 2y ago
  Simple, not easy
  - stemlord 2y ago
    Above items seem to be neither, and it bothers me because it betrays the thesis by insinuating that a simple life can only be had after having a complicated one. True or not, one has to wonder if this too becomes another act of propaganda of erasure against the population among us who truly do live quietly-- in other words, loud people playing quiet people on tv.
    - deleted 2y ago
      [deleted]
  - plokiju 2y ago
    what is a complex life to you?

dmje 2y ago

Lovely piece, thanks for posting

dzink 2y ago

He is not wrong. “If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same” - R. Kipling Media riles up those who have been limited or deprived by circumstances. It waves flags and triggers emotions and creates envy and conjures social ladders to political influence, or financial gains, or popularity and public attention, or peaks of history. The reality though is that those apply to the people who don’t know better - the new grads, the hungry and ambitious, the midlife-crisis sufferers, the naive who haven’t encountered bad people or circumstances. If you’ve seen a lot or you know evil, you don’t need a public life where you may attract it. When you know what you have and value it, a quiet life is the best way to protect it. People value privacy when they have something to lose. If you know what you want to do and can do it without attention, you are much better off doing than dealing with collateral damage from unpredictable attention. The media today is becoming incredibly propaganda filled and charged. This is a highly combustible environment. Big geopolitical risks are coming and publicity risks making you a target. When low interest rates paid for VC-subsidized press the world was filled with startup success stories and drums up for startups and their potential gains. That meant many promising entrepreneurs took money at unsustainable expected ROI and lost years of their life working for a promise. Another word for that is lottery. When the dust settled having a quiet business and chugging along profitably proved to be like the little mice who survived underground after the asteroid hit. If you are a cat who just caught a mouse, would you go to a hill to advertise to all local predators that you are about to enjoy fresh meat?

p1esk 2y ago
I don’t know, try to explain your point of view to people like Trump or Musk.
- forgetfreeman 2y ago
  It'd be easier to explain Shakespeare to a fish. Sociopaths aren't generally much for outside counsel.
- kunley 2y ago
  But what for? People like them are not a point of reference to relate everything, you know

epicureanideal 2y ago

“ after a day driving a laundry truck. His bride, Grace, snapped the photo outside their first house.” Driving a laundry truck.. first house.. Life was so much better a few decades ago.

dewey 2y ago
But then, he also had to serve in war. Medical care was not that advanced, you couldn't read about any niche topic you want online. Easy to see things through rose tinted glasses.
- jimnotgym 2y ago
  He had to serve in Germany during the Korean war. Still he got called up and posted away from his home, so you still have a point. I think it was people born in 1950 that had it easier, especially in the UK, since we didn't go to Vietnam.
  - MenhirMike 2y ago
    In the US, the people that were born in the 1950s got to spend their teenage years not knowing if the Soviet Union is going to start World War III (the Cuban Missile Crisis in 1962 was definitely a forming event for many teenage minds), then got to go through the 70s with an energy crisis and the potential draft to Vietnam, and then another energy crisis, and then got to experience the Chernobyl disaster in the 80s, wondering if they should re-watch "Duck and cover" and wonder why that hole in the ozone layer gets bigger and bigger. Every generation has its ups and downs. For my generation, I have to deal with sky-high real estate prices, but I also have access to an unprecedented amount of free entertainment, free knowledge, the cheap supercomputer in my pocket allows me to stay in touch with anyone that I want, and when I go to the doctor, I probably won't see people in iron lungs anymore. I can travel to anywhere in the world for ridiculously low prices, and if I don't speak the language, a live translation app will do the work for me. No, it's not all sunshine and roses, and people are right to call out issues with the current state of the world because things are NOT alright. But it's not like things were sunshine and roses for our grandparents generation either.

tirthvora 2y ago

Wow! Really moved me. I live in a metro city, and whenever I go back to my village, I envy their lives. It's just them and their families. Small World, but it still has adventures, and most importantly, peace. A heart-warming Obituary!

ornornor 2y ago

Nice read, thank you. > Ray Harrell after a day driving a laundry truck. His bride, Grace, snapped the photo outside their first house. Ah the days when you could be a delivery truck driver and buy a house… Not so much for us anymore.

alfagre 2y ago
Not in central SF, no. But in the rural midwest you definitely can. Just like that dude.
- woutersf 2y ago
  Yep and they did not have insulation obligations and what not. A house was much simpler back then too (i think). European here so i could be biased.
twojobsoneboss 2y ago
Near Fruitland NC for 365k. Not too bad at all https://redf.in/tmYs3p https://redf.in/tmYs3p
- fennecbutt 2y ago
  I'm not American but I can do this rough: median salary PC Henderson county 37,457 (2022) after taxes $30,858. Mortgage rates seem to be about 8% for 30y fix atm so that's 36,500 deposit with $2017 monthly payment, but at least that's $0 fees. At $2571 in pocket per month it'll take a while to save that deposit when median rent in that location is apparently $1500 for an apartment,let alone the fact you'll need a car and all your other bills (medical insurance in America I guess). Then you'll have $500 left over after paying your mortgage every month. Somehow I don't think that's liveable. Not everyone can crash with their parents while they save a deposit. Not everyone has a partner that works too. Some people have or want to have children. Not everyone works in tech, but boy am I glad I do...least until the machines take over.
  - CRConrad 2y ago

ttiurani 2y ago

> All around us are these lives — heads down and arms open — that ignore the siren call of flashy American individualism, of bright lights and center stage. I’m fine right here is the response from the edge of the room, and that contentment is downright subversive. How could you want only that? the world demands. There’s more to have, always more. Beautiful writing, and I feel this part especially elevates it. Going forward, we collectively need to recognize and celebrate these people who know when they have enough for a good life. Who can stop craving more fame, wealth and possession, and just appreciate what they have. Because only by doing so, can we leave enough resources for others, near or far, now and in the future, to have the same.

bigstrat2003 2y ago
That part caught my attention as well. There's a danger in the seductive whisper of "you need more". Whether it's material goods, power, fame, or whatever else, pursuing external things like these is a hole which can never be filled. It seems to me that true happiness is to be found inward. If you can learn to find happiness where you are right now, then you can have a good life regardless of your external circumstances. I had two really powerful insights when I was a teenager. The first was when I got a Christmas gift I really wanted (a walkman iirc), and it struck me that actually having it didn't fulfill me nearly as much as I had thought it would. The other was when my grandpa died, and I would have given anything to have him back (and I still would). These two experiences made me realize that stuff is hollow and unimportant, and what truly matters in this world are people. Being with the people you love is the greatest thing we can have, and unlike material possessions can never be replaced once it's gone. I think that a simple life is far underrated. If all I ever do is spend time with my family and friends, and make the world around me just a bit better in some small way, I feel like that's enough.
- VelesDude 2y ago
  That is a key lesson of many religions like Hinduism, Buddhism, Taoism etc that the state of contentment comes from within. They have been telling everyone this for decades with mixed results. Suffering is what happens when expectations do not match with reality. You can still have pain but suffering is that gap. You hear folks that say "it is the journey that matters" but that implys a destination. I think it is all just one big ’happening'. If life is a race it is a 100n stroll. And yet many people have convinced themselves that it is a marathon and that everyone else needs to be doing that race otherwise they would be the fool. The joke being that there is no other finish line and that many will go to the grave thinking they havent run the race enough.

fallous 2y ago

There is an admirable maturity and wisdom in understanding the scope of your life and what is important, and working to make the world as you wish it to be within those confines. Too often we aggrandize ourselves by spending time worrying about the problems of the world far beyond our control and do not try and address them in the realms in which we do have some sway.

remoquete 2y ago

Beautifully written. For some reason, Beatles' Eleanor Rigby sounded in my head while I was reading this... "All the lonely people Where do they all come from? All the lonely people Where do they all belong?"

zorrolovsky 2y ago

Beautiful writing. It comes at an interesting time for me. I'm in a full blown mid-life crisis where my state of mind fluctuates between full contentment and wishing I was doing more with life. This article made me think. On the one hand, I'm content because I come from an unprivileged background. My family was abusive. Me and my brothers struggled with mental health. We ran away from home as soon as we could. Where I was born there were not any decent jobs, so the future was bleak. Today, I have a decently-paid job in tech, good life/work balance, a nice clean house, and self-caring habits. I have a great mental and physical health, good relationships and a decent financial position. I traveled the world and had incredible experiences. I've got everything I dreamed about when I struggled mentally, physically and financially. On the other hand, achieving all my dreams took me to a place where my mind says "I've done it all, let's just enjoy what I've got. Let's enjoy life". And that works for a while but then one day I resent being too complacent. I want to do more. Launch projects, earn more money, live more experiences. The voice of ambition says: "you're 45 years old, stop thinking like a 80 year old, move your ass and live more life" Still working to find that fine balance between contentment and ambition. As a human I'm skeptic I will find the right answer. We tend to work in cycles/moods...

topherjaynes 2y ago
I agree. Very similar situation; I can't help but feel like I am the middle-aged trope in movies; best of luck finding the answer; if you do, please share!
silexia 2y ago
The biological purpose of life is to have children. Try that.
The_Colonel 2y ago
> I want to do more. Launch projects, earn more money, live more experiences. The only thing you need is to stop this idea that living a richer life means earning/spending a lot of money / reaources. There's so much personal development you can do without participating in the materialistic rat race.

notincel 2y ago

This is nice story. That said, I feel like the people praising "the quiet life" are missing that this man found a companion at ~20yrs old and with that companion had a family and kids and grand kids. Plenty of people never find that anchor/base/partner https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2021/10/05/rising-share-of-u-s-adults-are-living-without-a-spouse-or-partner/ https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2021/10/05/rising-... It's arguably easy to be content when you have good support around you. Bad or no support and it's much harder.

CRConrad 2y ago
You make a not uninteresting point, but your choice of user id detracts considerably from it.
keenmaster 2y ago
Sometimes contentment is followed by a good partner, not caused by one. To reach that state of contentment usually requires some mix of effort and satisfaction with the outcomes of that effort and ultimately your confidence in your ability to maintain and grow the things you value in life. If you worked hard but the outcome isn’t good - why? If you achieved a good outcome (like a solid degree, a good job, and/or home ownership) but are particularly unsatisfied - why? If you’re not confident in your future - why? It’s not a requirement to settle these questions before finding companionship, but it helps. No doubt a good partner multiplies contentment, but they shouldn’t be facing a void of it either. Lastly, if you find that your contentment is being pulled and pushed and stomped on by external factors, then do what is needed to gain control of it again - anyone can achieve this, and if someone in a land of possibility thinks they’re the exception, that the world really is getting in their way, they’re holding themselves back with that very thought.
iorrus 2y ago
I have to agree, it’s unusual the way the writer described this man as living a “quiet life”. He was the head of the union in what was likely a major employer and had a large family along with probably a large extended family. He didn’t seek fame but I wouldn’t describe this man as a quiet one, he probably lived in a rich social network full of visitors, work colleagues, veterans, friends etc. There are very few people aside from egotists who seek large scale recognition for their work etc.

gardenhedge 2y ago

> Quiet Life > stolen a school bus

catoc 2y ago

Current no 2 on HN: “What will humans do if technology solves everything?” https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=40029456 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=40029456 A: finally all live like Ray Harrell

Aeolun 2y ago

I feel like this is the truth for the vast majority of people? Nobody I know is out to do more than live their lives as best they can, and then pass away quietly and contendedly. In between there’s a ton of challenges. Many more than I’d ever have expected growing up or only looking at Facebook, but everyone makes it work.

rabuse 2y ago
Step foot into Miami or LA and you'll see the gaudy extremes of wealth accumulation. I live in Fort Lauderdale for a long time, and it blew me away how miserable a vast majority of the wealthy truly were. Meeting a lot of them in my younger 20's, believing they must be "living the dream", only to later find out it was a facade most of the time, completely changed my mind on "getting rich". Living modestly with no attachment to material things is the way to be.
- nsxwolf 2y ago
  As a former Miata owner I always noticed that the price of a convertible roadster is inversely proportional to how often the top is down. Whenever I'd see something like a Z4 or better, the top would be up even on the absolutely most beautiful days, and the person driving it just looked utterly joyless.

spicyusername 2y ago

It's a very nice obituary. I have similar feelings about my own grandfathers. They were figures that seemed larger than life. Though, I confess, I think I must have a different definition of "quiet life". My definition of "quite life" doesn't include perennially hosting family Christmas, backpacking across Europe, being the president of a textile union, and getting shipped off to Korea in the military. To me, those sound like activities of someone not living a quiet life, hah. But maybe these days the bar for quiet life is set at not participating in social media or moving to a major metropolitan area. Either way Grandpa sounds like he was a righteous dude.

lulzury 2y ago

> Being content doesn’t mean being blind. It means knowing the difference between a good fight and a selfish one. I recently watched the movie Perfect Days (2023) and found a similarly resonant theme of contentment and simplicity in life. It makes one stop and wonder why one often tends to let so many external things drive our lives, happiness, and contentment when things can be so much simpler if we just start to try to see the beauty in what we already have.

jp0001 2y ago

Amazing writing. Reminds me of my grandfather. I’ve thought about it this way, you have four options in life: - not rich, not famous - not rich, famous - rich, famous - rich, not famous The last one is the best, IMO. And by rich, I mean to not need for anything. And that means having your ego in check. The worst thing I’ve ever witnessed is a literal 100+ millionaire with no peace, still trying to impress people of their wealth and self importance.

bibelo 2y ago

A Quiet Life, by TEHO TEARDO & BLIXA BARGELD: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OiPVgAhRE6E https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OiPVgAhRE6E

resolutebat 2y ago
If you liked this, you may appreciate much of Einsturzende Neubauten's newer work: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Einst%C3%BCrzende_Neubauten https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Einst%C3%BCrzende_Neubauten (The older stuff involves mutilating shopping carts with power equipment and is more of an acquired taste.)

seatac76 2y ago

Beautiful article. Glad to see Bitter Southerner here. They have a wonderful perspective of the South. If y’all are in the market for a good coffee table book: Waffle House Vistas is very interesting. Link: https://bsgeneralstore.com/products/waffle-house-vistas-2-0 https://bsgeneralstore.com/products/waffle-house-vistas-2-0

jrwiegand 2y ago

This is a wonderful piece and I am glad that I came across it. The line that really hit home for me is the description attached to the photos with his girls. I have two young girls now and I take it to heart that right now may be the best time in my life. This sentiment has been something I have heard from many people about their children at this young age. This is just more confirmation to slow down pay attention.

pictureofabear 2y ago
That hit me the hardest as well. For me there is no greater purpose in life but to connect with others. It's especially meaningful when it's your own children.

rubicon33 2y ago

Appreciate you posting this. For what it's worth, I'm in the same boat. I basically achieved my goals in life and am now very comfortable. I could just continue to work and keep up-to-date and find myself old and tired in short time. I'm poignantly aware of this window of opportunity which is closing. I'm still young(ish), and still have some physical and mental energy... The question is what will I use it for? What would bring me happiness when I am old, sitting in a wheelchair, recounting my life? As someone who has struggled with mental health most of their life I have vowed to never have kids. For many, children are the answer to this existential question. For myself it will need to be something else and I'm not sure yet what that is. To be honest, I'm worried I may never find it. I was lucky enough to find my first passion (software) but after so many years, the mind yearns for new experiences and to produce something of meaning, something I can be proud of.

mikhailfranco 2y ago
Just work on a side project, artistic longing, hobby, craft skill, church, new language, charity, ... And if those are ill-formed for you, or lacking a pull, just go travelling... Give yourself a deadline. Not a deadline to achieve, but a deadline to decide. Stay in your country, explore the east and the west, the loud and the quiet, the beautiful and the ugly. And pay complete attention to every person in front of you, at all times, in attentive and generous detail. Travel a continent, or the world. Start somewhere you have curiosity to be satisfied: proximity, historical knowledge, smattering of the language, distant family history, old friend, current networked contact... Then just go. Don't be instagram-deluded and selfie-stick blind. Commit to not taking any photos, it's a liberation. Let loved-ones know you are safe, but no reporting back to a once-before and never-again esteemed group of fake friends. Yet always look at everything with a photographer's eye - still and moving. Look. See. Be still. Be moved. Focus on something concrete, but unimportant, where the journey will be the objective. A pilgrimage, the museums of Europe, a long distance trail, the temples of Asia, a minimal beach, a bustling third world city. Become a short-time expert in the music scene, enjoy a local festival, work on a local farm or fishing boat. Understand tea or tea tree oil, spinning or spinakkers, avocadoes or cocoa, crab fishing or craps tables. Put quiet aquisition of wisdom above loud narrow achievement. Stay, linger, go. Watch, wait, listen, decide. I promise you will soon have some important personal decisions to make.

zackmorris 2y ago

I have two thoughts on this: it's important to find contentment regardless of situation, but I would caution against settling for less. I've noticed that as more and more aspects of the American dream have been stripped of us by the uber-rich in recent decades, a certain kind of fatalism has settled into our collective psyche. There's a sense now that the quiet life is out of reach, regardless of income. That wages will never rise fast enough to keep up with the rising cost of housing. That there are just more and more and more people everywhere, that our heritage is being gentrified. That the hustle and bustle has nearly eclipsed most personal interaction. Basically that the worsening struggle of postmodernism has replaced community, tradition, and so on. Ironically I had welcomed tech/progress up through the late 1990s, because young people today may not realize how ignorant times were then, when shows like All in the Family may as well have been documentaries. If you watch Saved by the Bell and Napoleon Dynamite, notice how there's no real technology, and there's an impression that the future is coming, but at a glacial pace. It wasn't like today, where if something hasn't been invented yet, it just means you haven't searched hard enough for it on the internet. We still had science instead of manifestation, so nobody told us how much our dreams mattered, only that we should put our noses to the grindstone. Now in middle age after a lifetime of hard work with little to show for it, I find myself asking what all of this is for. What's the point of tech if it just makes you work harder? Shouldn't it make life easier, and bring more money and resources your way? And I think a lot about people who are good for nothin. Energy vampires who suck the life out of you when you're trying to make progress. They used to be people like me, angstful cynics who pointed out the absurdity of the modern world, who took solace in shows like South Park. Today they're the thought leaders and billionaires who vacuum up all available capital and lobby the government to take away our freedoms. What good are they if they only take but never give? The key part of the article was unions. You want the quiet life, you've got to organize. This lone wolf, rugged individualist, pull yourself up by your bootstraps dream of winning the internet lottery was a bill of goods. Because winner takes all, and odds are it ain't you. I've been trying for a quarter century and if I knew then what I know now, I never would have started down this road. I'm shifting my focus to a resource economy where basic necessities are provided by scalable technologies that can't be taken away by concentrated wealth. Where the difference between what employees are billed out for and what they are paid accrues ownership in a business, the same as capital put up by investors. Or that difference is accounted for in tax write-offs, pensions, retirements, social security, and so on. Where job applicants can see that discrepancy in public accounting records and choose not to apply to businesses that exploit them. So that we can all start getting paid what we're worth and build an economic system around improving the human condition instead of feeding off it like vampires.

instagraham 2y ago

Radiohead's "No Surprises" always gave me this vibe, and made me yearn for a quiet life right from college.

deleted 2y ago

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nntwozz 2y ago

It is no bad thing to celebrate a simple life. Not actually Tolkien but it's in the movies.

ErigmolCt 2y ago
It is able to bring a sense of peace and fulfillment

treflop 2y ago

I’ve met and seen a lot of people in life and while it’s nearly impossible for a life to be stress-free, the content and successful people I’ve seen — poor, rich, whatever — seem to share one commonality: they found their passions in life, whether be it running a successful company, working with charity, hanging with neighborhood inline skate friends or raising cattle in the country side, and they get to do it nearly everyday. Everyone else is just packing for an inevitable trip that they know they are going on but they don’t yet have destination. They try to bag all the milestones and pocket all the supplies that they may need, but without a goal, it is an endless journey without a chance of satisfaction. Unfortunately, the difficulty is finding your passion. There is no way to discover it without somehow stumbling across it, which takes a lot of time and money and only becomes more difficult with age and increased responsibilities.

cal85 2y ago
This feels like circular logic, assuming “your passion” means a pastime that will make you happy.
- ativzzz 2y ago
  Not quite, passion here is something that gives you purpose. Something that you look forward to when doing something you don't want to do (work, chores, etc). A reason for getting out of bed in the morning. Something you think about all the time
heresie-dabord 2y ago
> the content and successful people I’ve seen — poor, rich, whatever — seem to share one commonality: they found their passions in life > Everyone else is just packing for [...] an endless journey without a chance of satisfaction. With no offence to you and all the fine people whom you know/have known, I think it's clear that there is no regret in living a good, kind, caring life without seeking a "passion" or consumerist distortion. Many millions more people have lived the former than have lived the latter.
- 2y ago

uwagar 2y ago

everybody dies of cancer man. what the heck. why?

XCSme 2y ago
I guess there always has to be a reason for death?
- uwagar 2y ago
  not sure if historically cancer was this prevalent.

ohans 2y ago

“…I realized that a quiet life isn’t a passive life…” The importance of finding such balance makes all the difference. Beautiful writing.

lcuff 2y ago

Evokes my favorite Warren Buffett quote "Basically, when you get to my age, you'll really measure your success in life by how many of the people you want to have love you actually do love you."

csours 2y ago

I came across the quote "Happiness is a choice" recently. I haven't read the context yet (Suppliants by Aeschylus); but I feel like "Working towards removing unhappiness and increasing happiness is a choice" is a more complete idea.

sergiogjr 2y ago

A nice personification of the common man from G.K. Chesterton, like uncountable others we will never hear about outside our own real life circles.

pmorici 2y ago

Nicely written. I’m a bit confused about the part that seems to conflate individualism with fame or notoriety.

pictureofabear 2y ago
He said, "flashy American individualism," so he was talking about a specific brand of individualism that covets fame and notoriety, not individualism in its broader meaning.

Jakesben101 2y ago

[flagged]

whatever1 2y ago

Scrolling and found 0 mentions of Aristotle.