15 ms·

Being OK with not being extraordinary (2021)

317 points by xrayarx 4y ago

rcarr 4y ago
Anyone who this article resonates with might want to check out the videos of Mark Lewis on YouTube. He was formally fat and depressed in his 30s and got himself into great shape (sub 20 minute 5ks, cat B on Zwift, winning age group at hyrox, completing ultra marathons). He speaks about his philosophy on life and training which is to be above average in whatever he wants to pursue which he describes as being somewhere to the right of the bell curve peak but not too far down. He says this is the sweet spot where you get the most fun and enjoyment; to the left of the peak and you feel bad that you’re not as good as everyone else, but trying to get too much better than average at something means you start having to sacrifice too much in order to achieve it which starts sucking away all the fun. Above average keeps you motivated to better yourself, is far more achievable and doesn’t require you to become crazy like a lot of high achievers. I think it’s a pretty good philosophy. https://youtu.be/kViCSPXyU8U https://youtu.be/kViCSPXyU8U
- chrisdbanks 4y ago
  Skills don't follow a bell curve or normal distribution. They follow a power law distribution with most people being terrible and a very small number of people being exceptional.
  - lioeters 4y ago
    Today I learned: > A few notable examples of power laws are Pareto's law of income distribution, structural self-similarity of fractals, and scaling laws in biological systems. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Power_law#Power-law_functions https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Power_law#Power-law_functions An opinionated comparison of the bell-curve and Pareto distribution: > (1) The power law is often an empirical fact (the way things are) but not necessarily the platonic idea (the way things ought to be); and > (2) We can tame or mitigate at least some of the negative aspects of the power law by encouraging eclectic and diverse strategies. Tyranny of the Power Law - http://econophysics.blogspot.com/2006/07/tyranny-of-power-law-and-why-we-should.html http://econophysics.blogspot.com/2006/07/tyranny-of-power-la...
    - nlittlepoole 4y ago
      Thanks for sharing, I enjoyed the "Tyranny of the Power Law".
  - ulnarkressty 4y ago
    Is it really a power law or just that the right half of the bell curve could pass the interview?
    - kridsdale2 4y ago
      I've never thought about it this way. Cut off the left side of the bell, rotate the graph by 90 degrees, and you can see that the high-sigma members of the distribution take all the reward and recognition in a limited attention economy.
- j7ake 4y ago
  Perhaps I would add also these distributions are high dimensional. Although being slightly above average is not difficult (unlikely to get paid doing it), if you can find a handful of non correlated features at which you are above average, you can be easily be the top few percent in your sub field (ie likely to be paid handsomely for your expertise)
  - ido 4y ago
    I’m pretty sure you can be paid handsomely for being an above average accountant or plumber in a decent location (and mid sized or bigger city in the developed world for example)! Being above average at playing the guitar, not so much.
    - d3ckard 4y ago
      The point is more that above average multi-instrumentalist can outearn easily better (but single instrument) musicians.
- marginalien 4y ago
  „being somewhere to the right of the bell curve peak but not too far down. He says this is the sweet spot where you get the most fun and enjoyment“ So true. So, so true.
- basicallybones 4y ago
  I have adopted this approach (somewhat out of failure!), and what I have found is this: being significantly above average in a lot of unrelated domains is both far easier than being world-class in a single domain and often can make you even more effective than someone who is a savant in a single domain.
- alawrence 4y ago
  Reminds me of this article from Derek Sivers: https://sive.rs/bronze https://sive.rs/bronze
deleted 4y ago
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quacked 4y ago
> But I don't feel inspired when I see extraordinary. I feel disappointed, jealous. These are the words of a young person who was trained to see everyone else's success as an implicit criticism of their own ability and effort. It is not the author's fault. A mentally healthy person, when shown a display of excellence, is impressed, energized, and motivated. I have never thought that "participation trophies" do any damage to young people. Young people are smart and know that participation trophies are bullshit. What actually hurt young people was the constant reinforcement that "anyone can do anything/anyone can be the best". The corollary of "anyone can be the best" is "if you are not the best, then something is wrong with you/you're not trying hard enough". Not everyone can be the best; many people have genetic and network-based advantages that will guarantee them better results at a skill than 99% of their competitors. Young people have very little free time. The time they spend actually focused on their responsibilities is constantly overshadowed by fear and anxiety about The Future (grades, college, etc.) The remaining time they have is spent on their phones and computers, which is the only reliable way to make the fear and anxiety turn off for a few minutes. When they do have free time for extracurriculars, they're in sports playing against future D1 athletes and having metrics and social status tracked against them, or in theater getting cast as extras while the good roles go to the handsome kids, or in music listening to the musicians' kids and the international students play like professionals. If you want to be okay with not being extraordinary, you need a lot of free time to get properly bored, and a social network with which to practice your hobby completely free from the judgement of The System. Practicing to try to beat a rival school headed by a college-bound athlete is stressful, but practicing to try and impress your friends at pickup soccer purely for fun is not.
- ip26 4y ago
  Perhaps it should be; everyone can be the best at something. You have to find your something. On the whole though, the entire concept of “best” is a mess in a world of eight billion. At this point it’s more up to the whims of the contest, and doesn’t seem very correlated with life outcomes. Better by far to be one of the best, working shoulder to shoulder with the others, and forget entirely about who holds the podium.
  - 4y ago
theCrowing 4y ago
80% are enough for almost everything the last 20% just hurt way too much.
MarkusWandel 4y ago
"This disappointment would incite me to take action, but after a few days of hard work, I would just quit." Extraordinary people usually aren't like that. They have this strange ability to be "always on". So why can't the rest of us be like that? Some people can just focus. Eight hours in the office, tune out all other distractions, head down, work effectively and well. But that's merely very good, not extraordinary. So how can you be "always on"? By having an overriding passion that makes you want to be. For some people this is just material success. Laser focused on the most profitable career. Is that what you want? Badly enough? Others really want to do, say, theoretical physics. Either it's inherently satisfying, or they want to pursue a particular research goal. Whatever the overriding goal, it's the first thing you think about when you wake up and the last thing you think about before you fall asleep. But is that what you want? In your 40s or 50s, ignored life's other pleasures, maybe never had a family, or haven't spent enough time with them, can't remember the last time you really relaxed, but boy, you've accomplished extraordinary things? Anyway early middle age will probably take care of it. Where you take stock of who you actually are, rather than who you thought you should be. And then make the best of that.
- laidoffamazon 4y ago
  The fact that my hard work has never yielded anything of value except disdain from elites that consider me an “NPC” is why I wish Harrison Bergeron was real. For the record, most people of high ability aren’t on 24/7 like that.
  - srcreigh 4y ago
    The best programmer I know would leave the office at nearly exactly 5pm every day.
    - quickthrower2 4y ago
      He probably automated the 5pm to 9am shift!
- kevmo314 4y ago
avg_dev 4y ago
i enjoyed the article. i believe the gist of it is true in my life. ive been partial to this poem since i discovered it: https://twitter.com/nktgill/status/1550429172786515968 https://twitter.com/nktgill/status/1550429172786515968 i will reproduce it here. Do Not Ask Your Children to Strive Do not ask your children to strive for extraordinary lives. Such striving may seem admirable, but it is the way of foolishness. Help them instead to find the wonder and the marvel of an ordinary life. Show them the joy of tasting tomatoes, apples and pears. Show them how to cry when pets and people die. Show them the infinite pleasure in the touch of a hand. And make the ordinary come alive for them. The extraordinary will take care of itself. - William Martin
- HideousKojima 4y ago
  I think Lynyrd Skynyrd put it best in Simple Man: Mama told me when I was young Come sit beside me my only son And listen closely to what I say And if you do this it'll help you Some sunny day oh yeah Oh take your time don't live too fast Troubles will come and they will pass Go find a woman yeah and you'll find love And don't forget son there is someone up above And be a simple kind of man Oh be something you love and understand Baby be a simple kind of man Oh won't you do this for me son if you can Forget your lust for the rich man's gold All that you need is in your soul And you can do this oh babe if you try All that I want for you my son is to be satisfied
- somethoughts 4y ago
  Reminds me of the School of Life - Why an Ordinary Life Can Be a Good Life by Alan De Botton https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHVZVCbicTg https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHVZVCbicTg
ulnarkressty 4y ago
I don't know about you guys but the last week's Ask HN thread about their most impactful achievements really messed up my weekend. I don't understand how some people can set their mind up and just _do_ stuff. I struggle with not doing stuff but when I try to my brain is violently asking why.
- ravishi 4y ago
  I feel like I can get a glimpse of how these people can pull it out. I have done stuff. Cool stuff, even. My brain has had moments where it didn't shout why all the time. What really wonder me is how they can be _consistent_ at it. How can they pull it off everyday for a long time? I'm crashing every week. Sometimes I can hold this glimpse for a couple of months, but if there is something certain in my life is that it'll crash at some point. And it will be painful.
- AnIdiotOnTheNet 4y ago
  Have you considered that maybe your brain is right? I've accomplished a lot of things I've set out to do in my life and not a one of them made me a happier person. Is the goal to accomplish or do you want to accomplish because you think it'll make you happier?
- scubakid 4y ago
  I think if you're using a feeling of guilt about not doing stuff as the principal motivation for doing stuff, that's a recipe for... precisely the results you describe. I'd recommend taking a step back and thinking about what's truly important to you, and see if you can identify an activity or a goal where the journey itself makes you feel inspired and energized. In my experience, if you can find something with a positive feedback loop like that, one day you'll wake up and realize you've made it a lot further down that path than you initially thought possible.
- BirdieNZ 4y ago
  Have you considered if you might have ADHD? If you feel like you have great potential but can never apply it to anything productive, or only for short periods of time, then it might be worth first doing an adult ADHD self-assessment checklist (easily available online from official medical sources) and then if you score highly on it, book yourself in for a psychiatric appointment. You may not have it but if you do then it can be a life changing diagnosis and subsequent medication and learned coping mechanisms/coaching.
ge96 4y ago
In work I don't aim to be one of the top eg. leader. I don't think I'm cut out for it. I also don't want the responsibility/making choices for others/the pressure. Personally too what I make outside of work is probably crude/crap but I enjoy the process of it. Even as a mediocre developer/software person I'm still able to have a good life. I also acknowledge my mental shortcomings I can see someone else read an algorithm problem and know the question/spit something out much faster than me. Same for math. I just aim for personal freedom/happiness at this point, not to be the best/stick out. It would be nice to contribute/have a legacy of some sort not just be forgotten once I'm gone but that's ego I suppose. There is also the desire to stay under the radar. It does sound like coping eg. you could try harder eg. did I fail because I'm not FAANG level.
sys_64738 4y ago
What is this obsession with always comparing yourself to other people? Don't feel intimidated by other people's successes as a reflection on you. That will only lead to depression. Do what you do for you and you alone (and family). If you stop worrying about others and focus on your own life then you realize how irrelevant others are to you.
_yb2s 4y ago
You should absolutely be extraordinary, but only if you've defined that for yourself, and know why you want it, beyond "positive attention from strangers." Figure out what you think is important to do with your life, do your best at it, and forget about if others think it's extraordinary or not. Striving to be extraordinary implies that you are motivated by others opinions and feedback, and putting that above your own judgement, e.g. the number of followers on a youtube channel. Being actually extraordinary requires vision and leadership, which is basically the opposite of "doing whatever I can to make people think I'm extraordinary." Most people I admire that did things I consider extraordinary were motivated by an internal passion or vision about how they wanted something to be, and didn't waste any energy on the opinions of strangers. Mostly, they didn't expect anyone to care about it, but focused hard because they wanted to for some internal reason, e.g. they enjoy it. In many cases they initially never even planned to ever share the work with others, they did it for themselves. I think the author here is close with the final point of "extraordinary should not be the end goal" but is missing the importance of having a personal creative vision, and a goal that is resistant to others opinions.
overgard 4y ago
There's this phrase I heard recently: "Losers focus on winners, winners focus on winning" Now, I don't _love_ this phrase because it implies life is a zero sum game, and that if you haven't achieved success you're a loser -- neither of which I think is true. But I do think it gets to something important, which is that the best way to find success is to focus on how it relates to you, not to someone else. I'd love to be running my own successful company, but if I look at my own script, what do I need to do to be the kind of person that could pull that off? What are the intermediate steps? I think when you compare yourself to others, you're essentially trying to live by someone else's script, but why should their script ever work for you? They have entirely different advantages and disadvantages. I think you're almost always going to fail trying to do that.
MarkPNeyer 4y ago
I recently read and have very much enjoyed a book called “stop fixing yourself.” It pointed out that the best way to improve yourself is to learn to understand yourself better. When I stop judging myself, it’s easier to understand the cause and effect nature of my behavior, which then automatically leads to improvements.
egman_ekki 4y ago
This topic strongly resonates with me. I remember Dan Luu’s controversial take on how being better than 95% of people isn’t that hard: https://danluu.com/p95-skill/ https://danluu.com/p95-skill/ I find it fascinating that some people are able to achieve so much in the same time I have on this planet. I believe it’s those super-talented and hard working individuals that actually push our species forward. Newton, von Neumann, von Braun, etc etc. How can one not feel sad when they think about similar people.
- sy7ar 4y ago
  I don't see why we should feel sad about that since not everyone's blessed with the same genes or family background or connections. But I guess one can feel sad about not being as lucky as others.
  - egman_ekki 4y ago
    It's not the luck that makes me sad. I think those people had extraordinary insight into how world works. Things that I consider difficult or problems that would take me months to solve (or I wouldn't be able to do that at all) would take them minutes on the back of a napkin.
cbtacy 4y ago
1 - if you think you're extraordinary or want to be extraordinary you're almost certainly ordinary (and there is nothing wrong with that). 2 - the saddest thing about this very sad piece is the idea that "extraordinariness" is about accomplishments and success. 3 - I think it is fair to say that many actually "extraordinary" people would say that it is at best a mixed bag and not automatically something to feel jealous about. We live in a society where being "not ordinary" aka abnormal is not accommodated and often not accepted or tolerated - and where being right in the center of the bell curve of human experiences and realities means that the world is optimized for you.
vouaobrasil 4y ago
Actually, being extraordinary is something most people can do. Now, by definition that seems illogical. However, here me out. Most people tend to view extraordinary along a single dimension: really good at math, or really good at running. In this one-dimensional view, most people can't be extraordinary. However, you can be extraordinary in your own unique way. For example, running. You may not be the best runner, but you could have a lot of insight into running and a good writer at the same time, and thus be extraordinary at writing about running. If you take the entire sum of your own unique talents, and find a way to combine them properly, you can become extraordinary simply by finding a new way of looking at the world, even if the individual talents you have are not outstanding compared to others. Take programming as another example. You may be just a "good" programmer, a "good" teacher, but not necessarily outstanding at either. But maybe you have a third skill that will make you stand out when you are teaching programming. Maybe it's your sense of humour, or your ability to put people at ease, or even a talent for drawing that comes out when you draw diagrams. Being outstanding or extraordinary in my mind means combining everything you have to be inspiring, because the proximal/end result of extraordinary really is just that: having the ability to inspire. Sometimes one-dimensional measurements like amount of money or raw strength measure that, but sometimes they don't.
- pm90 4y ago
  Agreed. This is the same principle that is often given out as advice: excel at the intersection of fields rather than particular ones. The combinatorics generate a pretty ginormous space of possibilities to excel at even for 8 billion humans.
- sakras 4y ago
  Wow this is superb life advice, thank you! You’ve given me a lot of food for thought.
  - huzaif 4y ago
    If you would like to put that advice to practice, this book will help. (The Art of impossible) https://www.amazon.com/Art-Impossible-Peak-Performance-Primer/dp/0062977539 https://www.amazon.com/Art-Impossible-Peak-Performance-Prime... It guides you through discovering your mix of passions and strengths to land on what you might make you uniquely extraordinary.
scrozier 4y ago
Thanks. I've been needing this perspective lately.
jll29 4y ago
One thing that the media are biased towards are the top-athletes, top-scientists, genius programmers etc. They do that because we all enjoy reading about them, and there's nothing wrong with that as such. But just don't expect to be in any of these groups automatically, certainly don't feel pressurized that you ought to. But by any means if you're passionate about something, try hard to master it as best you can, with your focus on the passion for the activity and not the "must-be-#1-at-all-cost". Chances are you might become the #1 by focusing on the activity, not comparing yourself with others all the time. Alan Rusbridger, the former Guardian editor-in-chief, wrote a lovely little book about his aspiration to be an amateur pianist. He was passionate about the piano, but realistic about his limitations of it being a hobby (subordinate to his true vocation of being a journalist) and not properly trained since age five like the piano geniuses. But he set himself the goal to learn to play one classical piece by practising regularly, as well or as badly as he could master, and he eventually performed it in front of friends. A real pro would probably still cringe listening to him, but I admire that he took up a self-set challenge that commensurate with his circumstances (prior piano skills, available time), and went all in to reach his goal. That's the spirit...
- horns4lyfe 4y ago
  I did the same thing with the guitar, exception being I placed it in front of a large group, probably 100 people. Easily one of the most rewarding and terrifying things I’ve done; the confidence bump is invaluable.
_def 4y ago
I came to love being boring :)
munificent 4y ago
I think everyone needs to feel seen—to feel that they have some unique value that they provide to their community or tribe. If you have a rich local network of in person friends and family, I think that mostly resolve the unhealthy need to be extraordinary. Because I think that need often comes from feeling socially isolated and relying on online social interaction for validation. When the public commons where you are seen is run by social media aggregators that only highlight the world's best of everything, it's very easy to fall into a trap where you feel like unless you are front page material, you're nothing. But the real answer is to get a handful of friends who think you're front page material in their actual lives.
zmmmmm 4y ago
Something else to contemplate: it's striking how often, usually after they have died or written their autobiography etc, you find out that "extraordinary" people were deeply unhappy in their lives. So many of them struggle with depression, self doubt, etc. even while appearing externally happy and successful. So if you have this type of envy, you have to question why you want to be extraordinary. If it is because you think it will make you happy ... pause for thought and think again. It is far from a given that would happen. And then if you decide it's not to make yourself happy? Perhaps you should evaluate whether actually pursuing happiness is a more worthwhile purpose in your life.
Bubble_Pop_22 4y ago
> "The internet always highlights the first place winners, the billionaires, the award-winning artists, the best-selling authors, the largest philanthropists, the extraordinary. Their stories are ones of success, of inspiration" The intro outlines the fact that the author is not familiar with the promotional industry. Allowing for some rare exceptions all the people whose name you know are the people who want to be known and go out of their way to self-promote. It's not about the quality of the work per se but the noise being generated around it. All those stories of mega-success are generated by PR and marketing firms and the person who is the protagonist most likely went for a stroll in Central Park after the meeting, and be sure that nobody genuflected or got on their knees to kiss the ring. Michael Bloomberg took the subaway every day.
- CM30 4y ago
  This is a good point. The key to being 'successful' (in a fame and financial sense) isn't about being the best in a field. It's about convincing other people you're the best/one in the best in the field. Which could in theory be an equaliser in itself. Not the best programmer or writer or musician in the world? Well, you can still be 'extraordinary' by convincing other people you're extraordiary and outmarketing those who are better than you. The person who gets the job isn't necessarily the best candidate on a technical level, but the one who can talk a better game in the interview.
  - Bubble_Pop_22 4y ago
    The problem is that the ability to self-promote is inversely proportional to the promotee mental health. You could in theory put a white blanket on your head and pretend to be a Saudi Sheikh to pickup chicks at nightclubs but come showtime you’d not be able to get hard due to lack of self-confidence which brought you to lie in the first place, so what’s the point? The best is to be able to put together a certain initial capital and just outsource self promotion. Every person who handles their own self-promotion are people who have mental issues, especially in the tech world. Compare it with how chill are those who outsource such as musicians. Rappers nowadays or rockstars in the 80s. Their managers have to drag them kicking and screaming away from drugs and parties to do media and promotion
freedude 4y ago
"I feel disappointed, jealous." Perhaps this is why you don't understand what being extraordinary is all about. I didn't get where I was by feeling sorry for myself. I spent the time and energy learning where I failed and remediating that failure. That is really what has become the definition of extraordinary. Continuing on when the average person quits. The author touches on this when she says, "Extraordinary should not be the end goal." This is very true. The goal is the satisfaction of a job well done. By adding up enough repeats of the satisfactions of a job well done you will find yourself extraordinary at something. If you complete a task and you don't get that satisfaction of a job well done then re-evaluate the process and fix it for the future. I only have 25 years of experience at enjoying the satisfaction of a job well done. Look for extraordinary people in your life and ask them how they started and what made them better at what makes them extraordinary. Remember: Keep up the good work.
pmoriarty 4y ago
This reminds me of this scene from Harold and Maude that I think about a lot: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0FX_ROcNV4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0FX_ROcNV4
throwaway71271 4y ago
made me think of The Genius of the Crowd by Charles Bukowski https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0doGM_6izYg https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0doGM_6izYg
Prcmaker 4y ago
I've been really enjoying sucking at stuff recently. I like to think I'm pretty good at my job, and some of my hobbies. A few of my new pass times however, I am woeful at. It has been genuinely refreshing and enjoyable to sit back and watch myself suck at something, laugh, and keep trying.
giantg2 4y ago
I gave up on extraordinary long ago. Even average seems out of my reach now.
user8501 4y ago
or how I learned that everybody is extraordinary
paulpauper 4y ago
The nice thing about investing and the stock market is you do not have to be extraordinary or that talented to be successful. Index funds, maybe some leverage, and you can beat most active managers and funds.
r00tanon 4y ago
The fact that we exist and live is baseline extraordinary. What we do after that is so-called gravy. But seriously. Measuring ourselves against the Einsteins is a path leading nowhere. What you do adds to the universe.
jppope 4y ago
Good article. Great writing. Solid premise. Whatever nuanced likes or dislikes I may take with the article I'm happy to ignore them because theres some wisdom in this piece.
kajaktum 4y ago
What exactly is wrong with being mediocre?
unrealp 4y ago
Why should one want to be extraordinary? to feel validated? isnt that wrong solution to a right problem?
DubiousPusher 4y ago
I have come to believe that the cultural obsession with extraordinary individuals is a big part of the breakdown of solidarity between Americans in the late 20th and early 21st centuries. Because when your individual success becomes your entire sense of self worth you cease to see the power of collective action whether it is to accomplish some goal or to raise your standard of living. In fact, this obsession creates a contempt for "average people" because they are the signifier and the constant reminder of one's own failure to self actualize. So not only does the culture of extraordinaryness create the grounds for alienation but even worse it reinforces that alienation by creating a class of untouchable peers due to their contemptible ordinariness. Reconnecting with the human social organism and consciously developing a love for commonness is the only antidote as far as I know. https://youtu.be/IiZbjYR0YFQ https://youtu.be/IiZbjYR0YFQ
quickthrower2 4y ago
The problem with being extraordinarily is you need a measure. And as we all know measures can be misleading. The big billionaires businesses are powered by many extraordinary efforts by extraordinary people, but when measured in $, fame, titles, accolades they seem ordinary. Those same people may provide an awesome environment for their kids to grow up or be cherished friends or help their neighbours.
lo_zamoyski 4y ago
'But as it is, there are many parts, yet one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, “I do not need you,” nor again the head to the feet, “I do not need you.” Indeed, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are all the more necessary, and those parts of the body that we consider less honorable we surround with greater honor, and our less presentable parts are treated with greater propriety, whereas our more presentable parts do not need this. But God has so constructed the body as to give greater honor to a part that is without it, so that there may be no division in the body, but that the parts may have the same concern for one another. If [one] part suffers, all the parts suffer with it; if one part is honored, all the parts share its joy.' 1 Corinthians 12
- nickd2001 4y ago
  Are you going to provide, for those who don't make the link, an explanation for what St Paul is saying here? :) What I've heard is basically, we're all meant to look after each other, and use the talents we have, to the best of our ability for the common good, including helping others do their best (For themselves and for everyone). Which is the reverse of the individualism all over this thread. Many people here seem to be thinking "How can I do the best for me" instead of for all of us. and the irony is when one tries to do the best for others, that's when one often develops skills and becomes the best one can be for oneself, too. Personally I believe Jesus knew exactly what's good for us and makes us happy, (helping others being a big one) but most of us spend our lives ignoring his advice because its counter-intuitive and often hard to do. (or we think its all made up and he didn't exist anyway ;) ) I guess he's up there with God sighing "well I tried to tell those guys, I really did". Meanwhile down here are lots of people saying "I wish I had more money/ could run faster/ could play my instrument better" than loads of others otherwise I feel inadequate. Resulting in this destructive competitive attitude instead of helping each other be happy. Its never too late to change tack though. ;)
nnoitra 4y ago
ahf8Aithaex7Nai 4y ago
Is she confusing 'extraordinary' with 'famous'? I am extraordinary! Some people see it. Most don't. I'm fine with both.
_8j50 4y ago
One thing I've noticed is the older you get, the less extraordinary you can be despite what you have accomplished because there is less time for you to more stuff, you have less potential , at least in society's eyes. My take is to look at it as an opportunity to liberate yourself from needing external validation and celebrate your acheivements and enjoy life while you can.
pelasaco 4y ago
I used to be competitive athlete in sports. Judo and Wrestling. Until my 28s, I tried to be extraordinary in the sports. Then I did the transition to full time software developer and I didn't bring this competitive spirit with me. I found my peace, I work in the stuff that are interesting to me and bring the money that I think i deserve. But maybe to be able to perform well, make my money, provide to my family and enjoy the time together with them, and without them, makes me extraordinary too, since not everyone can do it and many envy my life style. It is very unusual or remarkable, which are one of the definitions of extraordinary.
personjerry 4y ago
My interpretation is that the author wants to emphasize the process of getting there, rather than the end state of "being extraordinary". I think it's a good point, but some may also interpret these words differently - I would be careful not to take these words as permission to be mediocre. I think mediocrity is extraordinarily boring.
- b3kart 4y ago
  What is boring about pushing yourself to get better at something? If an activity is boring to you unless you’re better at it than other people, maybe it’s just…boring to you, and you simply crave validation?
  - personjerry 4y ago
    I think you're strawmanning me here, I didn't say it's boring to push yourself to get better at something. I said to "not take these words as permission to be mediocre", as in, don't settle for mediocrity, i.e. DO push yourself to get better Ah I understand that my pivot in the second sentence has thrown you off, I will edit my original comment so it flows better.
junkerm 4y ago
I definitely can relate to the author as well. I think we are all putting a lot of effort in standing out in some way because that is how (western?) society distributes rewards. We favor the things that are special or unique in some way. We celebrate all the possibilities that allow us be special and unique but sometimes overlook that this also generates a lot of pressure and when you fail to stand out its easy to feal inadequate. I liked the book by Michael Sandel "The Tyranny of Merit" which goes somewhat in this direction.
agumonkey 4y ago
Being OK with a context is often the best way to deal with or benefit from it. There's a strange balance into accepting your in one spot on the map, getting rid of the pressure, yet keeping the ability to get moving to other / better places at later point in time. It's a wild organic where you try to coast and when an opportunity shows up you accelerate.
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avbanks 4y ago
"What looks like skill is often just consistency" You can absolutely become extraordinary, just not overnight.

317 points by xrayarx 4y ago

Anyone who this article resonates with might want to check out the videos of Mark Lewis on YouTube. He was formally fat and depressed in his 30s and got himself into great shape (sub 20 minute 5ks, cat B on Zwift, winning age group at hyrox, completing ultra marathons). He speaks about his philosophy on life and training which is to be above average in whatever he wants to pursue which he describes as being somewhere to the right of the bell curve peak but not too far down. He says this is the sweet spot where you get the most fun and enjoyment; to the left of the peak and you feel bad that you’re not as good as everyone else, but trying to get too much better than average at something means you start having to sacrifice too much in order to achieve it which starts sucking away all the fun. Above average keeps you motivated to better yourself, is far more achievable and doesn’t require you to become crazy like a lot of high achievers. I think it’s a pretty good philosophy. https://youtu.be/kViCSPXyU8U https://youtu.be/kViCSPXyU8U

chrisdbanks 4y ago
Skills don't follow a bell curve or normal distribution. They follow a power law distribution with most people being terrible and a very small number of people being exceptional.
- lioeters 4y ago
  Today I learned: > A few notable examples of power laws are Pareto's law of income distribution, structural self-similarity of fractals, and scaling laws in biological systems. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Power_law#Power-law_functions https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Power_law#Power-law_functions An opinionated comparison of the bell-curve and Pareto distribution: > (1) The power law is often an empirical fact (the way things are) but not necessarily the platonic idea (the way things ought to be); and > (2) We can tame or mitigate at least some of the negative aspects of the power law by encouraging eclectic and diverse strategies. Tyranny of the Power Law - http://econophysics.blogspot.com/2006/07/tyranny-of-power-law-and-why-we-should.html http://econophysics.blogspot.com/2006/07/tyranny-of-power-la...
  - nlittlepoole 4y ago
    Thanks for sharing, I enjoyed the "Tyranny of the Power Law".
- ulnarkressty 4y ago
  Is it really a power law or just that the right half of the bell curve could pass the interview?
  - kridsdale2 4y ago
    I've never thought about it this way. Cut off the left side of the bell, rotate the graph by 90 degrees, and you can see that the high-sigma members of the distribution take all the reward and recognition in a limited attention economy.
j7ake 4y ago
Perhaps I would add also these distributions are high dimensional. Although being slightly above average is not difficult (unlikely to get paid doing it), if you can find a handful of non correlated features at which you are above average, you can be easily be the top few percent in your sub field (ie likely to be paid handsomely for your expertise)
- ido 4y ago
  I’m pretty sure you can be paid handsomely for being an above average accountant or plumber in a decent location (and mid sized or bigger city in the developed world for example)! Being above average at playing the guitar, not so much.
  - d3ckard 4y ago
    The point is more that above average multi-instrumentalist can outearn easily better (but single instrument) musicians.
marginalien 4y ago
„being somewhere to the right of the bell curve peak but not too far down. He says this is the sweet spot where you get the most fun and enjoyment“ So true. So, so true.
basicallybones 4y ago
I have adopted this approach (somewhat out of failure!), and what I have found is this: being significantly above average in a lot of unrelated domains is both far easier than being world-class in a single domain and often can make you even more effective than someone who is a savant in a single domain.
alawrence 4y ago
Reminds me of this article from Derek Sivers: https://sive.rs/bronze https://sive.rs/bronze

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quacked 4y ago

> But I don't feel inspired when I see extraordinary. I feel disappointed, jealous. These are the words of a young person who was trained to see everyone else's success as an implicit criticism of their own ability and effort. It is not the author's fault. A mentally healthy person, when shown a display of excellence, is impressed, energized, and motivated. I have never thought that "participation trophies" do any damage to young people. Young people are smart and know that participation trophies are bullshit. What actually hurt young people was the constant reinforcement that "anyone can do anything/anyone can be the best". The corollary of "anyone can be the best" is "if you are not the best, then something is wrong with you/you're not trying hard enough". Not everyone can be the best; many people have genetic and network-based advantages that will guarantee them better results at a skill than 99% of their competitors. Young people have very little free time. The time they spend actually focused on their responsibilities is constantly overshadowed by fear and anxiety about The Future (grades, college, etc.) The remaining time they have is spent on their phones and computers, which is the only reliable way to make the fear and anxiety turn off for a few minutes. When they do have free time for extracurriculars, they're in sports playing against future D1 athletes and having metrics and social status tracked against them, or in theater getting cast as extras while the good roles go to the handsome kids, or in music listening to the musicians' kids and the international students play like professionals. If you want to be okay with not being extraordinary, you need a lot of free time to get properly bored, and a social network with which to practice your hobby completely free from the judgement of The System. Practicing to try to beat a rival school headed by a college-bound athlete is stressful, but practicing to try and impress your friends at pickup soccer purely for fun is not.

ip26 4y ago
Perhaps it should be; everyone can be the best at something. You have to find your something. On the whole though, the entire concept of “best” is a mess in a world of eight billion. At this point it’s more up to the whims of the contest, and doesn’t seem very correlated with life outcomes. Better by far to be one of the best, working shoulder to shoulder with the others, and forget entirely about who holds the podium.
- 4y ago

theCrowing 4y ago

80% are enough for almost everything the last 20% just hurt way too much.

MarkusWandel 4y ago

"This disappointment would incite me to take action, but after a few days of hard work, I would just quit." Extraordinary people usually aren't like that. They have this strange ability to be "always on". So why can't the rest of us be like that? Some people can just focus. Eight hours in the office, tune out all other distractions, head down, work effectively and well. But that's merely very good, not extraordinary. So how can you be "always on"? By having an overriding passion that makes you want to be. For some people this is just material success. Laser focused on the most profitable career. Is that what you want? Badly enough? Others really want to do, say, theoretical physics. Either it's inherently satisfying, or they want to pursue a particular research goal. Whatever the overriding goal, it's the first thing you think about when you wake up and the last thing you think about before you fall asleep. But is that what you want? In your 40s or 50s, ignored life's other pleasures, maybe never had a family, or haven't spent enough time with them, can't remember the last time you really relaxed, but boy, you've accomplished extraordinary things? Anyway early middle age will probably take care of it. Where you take stock of who you actually are, rather than who you thought you should be. And then make the best of that.

laidoffamazon 4y ago
The fact that my hard work has never yielded anything of value except disdain from elites that consider me an “NPC” is why I wish Harrison Bergeron was real. For the record, most people of high ability aren’t on 24/7 like that.
- srcreigh 4y ago
  The best programmer I know would leave the office at nearly exactly 5pm every day.
  - quickthrower2 4y ago
    He probably automated the 5pm to 9am shift!
kevmo314 4y ago

avg_dev 4y ago

i enjoyed the article. i believe the gist of it is true in my life. ive been partial to this poem since i discovered it: https://twitter.com/nktgill/status/1550429172786515968 https://twitter.com/nktgill/status/1550429172786515968 i will reproduce it here. Do Not Ask Your Children to Strive Do not ask your children to strive for extraordinary lives. Such striving may seem admirable, but it is the way of foolishness. Help them instead to find the wonder and the marvel of an ordinary life. Show them the joy of tasting tomatoes, apples and pears. Show them how to cry when pets and people die. Show them the infinite pleasure in the touch of a hand. And make the ordinary come alive for them. The extraordinary will take care of itself. - William Martin

HideousKojima 4y ago
I think Lynyrd Skynyrd put it best in Simple Man: Mama told me when I was young Come sit beside me my only son And listen closely to what I say And if you do this it'll help you Some sunny day oh yeah Oh take your time don't live too fast Troubles will come and they will pass Go find a woman yeah and you'll find love And don't forget son there is someone up above And be a simple kind of man Oh be something you love and understand Baby be a simple kind of man Oh won't you do this for me son if you can Forget your lust for the rich man's gold All that you need is in your soul And you can do this oh babe if you try All that I want for you my son is to be satisfied
somethoughts 4y ago
Reminds me of the School of Life - Why an Ordinary Life Can Be a Good Life by Alan De Botton https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHVZVCbicTg https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHVZVCbicTg

ulnarkressty 4y ago

I don't know about you guys but the last week's Ask HN thread about their most impactful achievements really messed up my weekend. I don't understand how some people can set their mind up and just _do_ stuff. I struggle with not doing stuff but when I try to my brain is violently asking why.

ravishi 4y ago
I feel like I can get a glimpse of how these people can pull it out. I have done stuff. Cool stuff, even. My brain has had moments where it didn't shout why all the time. What really wonder me is how they can be _consistent_ at it. How can they pull it off everyday for a long time? I'm crashing every week. Sometimes I can hold this glimpse for a couple of months, but if there is something certain in my life is that it'll crash at some point. And it will be painful.
AnIdiotOnTheNet 4y ago
Have you considered that maybe your brain is right? I've accomplished a lot of things I've set out to do in my life and not a one of them made me a happier person. Is the goal to accomplish or do you want to accomplish because you think it'll make you happier?
scubakid 4y ago
I think if you're using a feeling of guilt about not doing stuff as the principal motivation for doing stuff, that's a recipe for... precisely the results you describe. I'd recommend taking a step back and thinking about what's truly important to you, and see if you can identify an activity or a goal where the journey itself makes you feel inspired and energized. In my experience, if you can find something with a positive feedback loop like that, one day you'll wake up and realize you've made it a lot further down that path than you initially thought possible.
BirdieNZ 4y ago
Have you considered if you might have ADHD? If you feel like you have great potential but can never apply it to anything productive, or only for short periods of time, then it might be worth first doing an adult ADHD self-assessment checklist (easily available online from official medical sources) and then if you score highly on it, book yourself in for a psychiatric appointment. You may not have it but if you do then it can be a life changing diagnosis and subsequent medication and learned coping mechanisms/coaching.

ge96 4y ago

In work I don't aim to be one of the top eg. leader. I don't think I'm cut out for it. I also don't want the responsibility/making choices for others/the pressure. Personally too what I make outside of work is probably crude/crap but I enjoy the process of it. Even as a mediocre developer/software person I'm still able to have a good life. I also acknowledge my mental shortcomings I can see someone else read an algorithm problem and know the question/spit something out much faster than me. Same for math. I just aim for personal freedom/happiness at this point, not to be the best/stick out. It would be nice to contribute/have a legacy of some sort not just be forgotten once I'm gone but that's ego I suppose. There is also the desire to stay under the radar. It does sound like coping eg. you could try harder eg. did I fail because I'm not FAANG level.

sys_64738 4y ago

What is this obsession with always comparing yourself to other people? Don't feel intimidated by other people's successes as a reflection on you. That will only lead to depression. Do what you do for you and you alone (and family). If you stop worrying about others and focus on your own life then you realize how irrelevant others are to you.

_yb2s 4y ago

You should absolutely be extraordinary, but only if you've defined that for yourself, and know why you want it, beyond "positive attention from strangers." Figure out what you think is important to do with your life, do your best at it, and forget about if others think it's extraordinary or not. Striving to be extraordinary implies that you are motivated by others opinions and feedback, and putting that above your own judgement, e.g. the number of followers on a youtube channel. Being actually extraordinary requires vision and leadership, which is basically the opposite of "doing whatever I can to make people think I'm extraordinary." Most people I admire that did things I consider extraordinary were motivated by an internal passion or vision about how they wanted something to be, and didn't waste any energy on the opinions of strangers. Mostly, they didn't expect anyone to care about it, but focused hard because they wanted to for some internal reason, e.g. they enjoy it. In many cases they initially never even planned to ever share the work with others, they did it for themselves. I think the author here is close with the final point of "extraordinary should not be the end goal" but is missing the importance of having a personal creative vision, and a goal that is resistant to others opinions.

overgard 4y ago

There's this phrase I heard recently: "Losers focus on winners, winners focus on winning" Now, I don't _love_ this phrase because it implies life is a zero sum game, and that if you haven't achieved success you're a loser -- neither of which I think is true. But I do think it gets to something important, which is that the best way to find success is to focus on how it relates to you, not to someone else. I'd love to be running my own successful company, but if I look at my own script, what do I need to do to be the kind of person that could pull that off? What are the intermediate steps? I think when you compare yourself to others, you're essentially trying to live by someone else's script, but why should their script ever work for you? They have entirely different advantages and disadvantages. I think you're almost always going to fail trying to do that.

MarkPNeyer 4y ago

I recently read and have very much enjoyed a book called “stop fixing yourself.” It pointed out that the best way to improve yourself is to learn to understand yourself better. When I stop judging myself, it’s easier to understand the cause and effect nature of my behavior, which then automatically leads to improvements.

egman_ekki 4y ago

This topic strongly resonates with me. I remember Dan Luu’s controversial take on how being better than 95% of people isn’t that hard: https://danluu.com/p95-skill/ https://danluu.com/p95-skill/ I find it fascinating that some people are able to achieve so much in the same time I have on this planet. I believe it’s those super-talented and hard working individuals that actually push our species forward. Newton, von Neumann, von Braun, etc etc. How can one not feel sad when they think about similar people.

sy7ar 4y ago
I don't see why we should feel sad about that since not everyone's blessed with the same genes or family background or connections. But I guess one can feel sad about not being as lucky as others.
- egman_ekki 4y ago
  It's not the luck that makes me sad. I think those people had extraordinary insight into how world works. Things that I consider difficult or problems that would take me months to solve (or I wouldn't be able to do that at all) would take them minutes on the back of a napkin.

cbtacy 4y ago

1 - if you think you're extraordinary or want to be extraordinary you're almost certainly ordinary (and there is nothing wrong with that). 2 - the saddest thing about this very sad piece is the idea that "extraordinariness" is about accomplishments and success. 3 - I think it is fair to say that many actually "extraordinary" people would say that it is at best a mixed bag and not automatically something to feel jealous about. We live in a society where being "not ordinary" aka abnormal is not accommodated and often not accepted or tolerated - and where being right in the center of the bell curve of human experiences and realities means that the world is optimized for you.

vouaobrasil 4y ago

Actually, being extraordinary is something most people can do. Now, by definition that seems illogical. However, here me out. Most people tend to view extraordinary along a single dimension: really good at math, or really good at running. In this one-dimensional view, most people can't be extraordinary. However, you can be extraordinary in your own unique way. For example, running. You may not be the best runner, but you could have a lot of insight into running and a good writer at the same time, and thus be extraordinary at writing about running. If you take the entire sum of your own unique talents, and find a way to combine them properly, you can become extraordinary simply by finding a new way of looking at the world, even if the individual talents you have are not outstanding compared to others. Take programming as another example. You may be just a "good" programmer, a "good" teacher, but not necessarily outstanding at either. But maybe you have a third skill that will make you stand out when you are teaching programming. Maybe it's your sense of humour, or your ability to put people at ease, or even a talent for drawing that comes out when you draw diagrams. Being outstanding or extraordinary in my mind means combining everything you have to be inspiring, because the proximal/end result of extraordinary really is just that: having the ability to inspire. Sometimes one-dimensional measurements like amount of money or raw strength measure that, but sometimes they don't.

pm90 4y ago
Agreed. This is the same principle that is often given out as advice: excel at the intersection of fields rather than particular ones. The combinatorics generate a pretty ginormous space of possibilities to excel at even for 8 billion humans.
sakras 4y ago
Wow this is superb life advice, thank you! You’ve given me a lot of food for thought.
- huzaif 4y ago
  If you would like to put that advice to practice, this book will help. (The Art of impossible) https://www.amazon.com/Art-Impossible-Peak-Performance-Primer/dp/0062977539 https://www.amazon.com/Art-Impossible-Peak-Performance-Prime... It guides you through discovering your mix of passions and strengths to land on what you might make you uniquely extraordinary.

scrozier 4y ago

Thanks. I've been needing this perspective lately.

jll29 4y ago

One thing that the media are biased towards are the top-athletes, top-scientists, genius programmers etc. They do that because we all enjoy reading about them, and there's nothing wrong with that as such. But just don't expect to be in any of these groups automatically, certainly don't feel pressurized that you ought to. But by any means if you're passionate about something, try hard to master it as best you can, with your focus on the passion for the activity and not the "must-be-#1-at-all-cost". Chances are you might become the #1 by focusing on the activity, not comparing yourself with others all the time. Alan Rusbridger, the former Guardian editor-in-chief, wrote a lovely little book about his aspiration to be an amateur pianist. He was passionate about the piano, but realistic about his limitations of it being a hobby (subordinate to his true vocation of being a journalist) and not properly trained since age five like the piano geniuses. But he set himself the goal to learn to play one classical piece by practising regularly, as well or as badly as he could master, and he eventually performed it in front of friends. A real pro would probably still cringe listening to him, but I admire that he took up a self-set challenge that commensurate with his circumstances (prior piano skills, available time), and went all in to reach his goal. That's the spirit...

horns4lyfe 4y ago
I did the same thing with the guitar, exception being I placed it in front of a large group, probably 100 people. Easily one of the most rewarding and terrifying things I’ve done; the confidence bump is invaluable.

_def 4y ago

I came to love being boring :)

munificent 4y ago

I think everyone needs to feel seen—to feel that they have some unique value that they provide to their community or tribe. If you have a rich local network of in person friends and family, I think that mostly resolve the unhealthy need to be extraordinary. Because I think that need often comes from feeling socially isolated and relying on online social interaction for validation. When the public commons where you are seen is run by social media aggregators that only highlight the world's best of everything, it's very easy to fall into a trap where you feel like unless you are front page material, you're nothing. But the real answer is to get a handful of friends who think you're front page material in their actual lives.

zmmmmm 4y ago

Something else to contemplate: it's striking how often, usually after they have died or written their autobiography etc, you find out that "extraordinary" people were deeply unhappy in their lives. So many of them struggle with depression, self doubt, etc. even while appearing externally happy and successful. So if you have this type of envy, you have to question why you want to be extraordinary. If it is because you think it will make you happy ... pause for thought and think again. It is far from a given that would happen. And then if you decide it's not to make yourself happy? Perhaps you should evaluate whether actually pursuing happiness is a more worthwhile purpose in your life.

Bubble_Pop_22 4y ago

> "The internet always highlights the first place winners, the billionaires, the award-winning artists, the best-selling authors, the largest philanthropists, the extraordinary. Their stories are ones of success, of inspiration" The intro outlines the fact that the author is not familiar with the promotional industry. Allowing for some rare exceptions all the people whose name you know are the people who want to be known and go out of their way to self-promote. It's not about the quality of the work per se but the noise being generated around it. All those stories of mega-success are generated by PR and marketing firms and the person who is the protagonist most likely went for a stroll in Central Park after the meeting, and be sure that nobody genuflected or got on their knees to kiss the ring. Michael Bloomberg took the subaway every day.

CM30 4y ago
This is a good point. The key to being 'successful' (in a fame and financial sense) isn't about being the best in a field. It's about convincing other people you're the best/one in the best in the field. Which could in theory be an equaliser in itself. Not the best programmer or writer or musician in the world? Well, you can still be 'extraordinary' by convincing other people you're extraordiary and outmarketing those who are better than you. The person who gets the job isn't necessarily the best candidate on a technical level, but the one who can talk a better game in the interview.
- Bubble_Pop_22 4y ago
  The problem is that the ability to self-promote is inversely proportional to the promotee mental health. You could in theory put a white blanket on your head and pretend to be a Saudi Sheikh to pickup chicks at nightclubs but come showtime you’d not be able to get hard due to lack of self-confidence which brought you to lie in the first place, so what’s the point? The best is to be able to put together a certain initial capital and just outsource self promotion. Every person who handles their own self-promotion are people who have mental issues, especially in the tech world. Compare it with how chill are those who outsource such as musicians. Rappers nowadays or rockstars in the 80s. Their managers have to drag them kicking and screaming away from drugs and parties to do media and promotion

freedude 4y ago

"I feel disappointed, jealous." Perhaps this is why you don't understand what being extraordinary is all about. I didn't get where I was by feeling sorry for myself. I spent the time and energy learning where I failed and remediating that failure. That is really what has become the definition of extraordinary. Continuing on when the average person quits. The author touches on this when she says, "Extraordinary should not be the end goal." This is very true. The goal is the satisfaction of a job well done. By adding up enough repeats of the satisfactions of a job well done you will find yourself extraordinary at something. If you complete a task and you don't get that satisfaction of a job well done then re-evaluate the process and fix it for the future. I only have 25 years of experience at enjoying the satisfaction of a job well done. Look for extraordinary people in your life and ask them how they started and what made them better at what makes them extraordinary. Remember: Keep up the good work.

pmoriarty 4y ago

This reminds me of this scene from Harold and Maude that I think about a lot: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0FX_ROcNV4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0FX_ROcNV4

throwaway71271 4y ago

made me think of The Genius of the Crowd by Charles Bukowski https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0doGM_6izYg https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0doGM_6izYg

Prcmaker 4y ago

I've been really enjoying sucking at stuff recently. I like to think I'm pretty good at my job, and some of my hobbies. A few of my new pass times however, I am woeful at. It has been genuinely refreshing and enjoyable to sit back and watch myself suck at something, laugh, and keep trying.

giantg2 4y ago

I gave up on extraordinary long ago. Even average seems out of my reach now.

user8501 4y ago

or how I learned that everybody is extraordinary

paulpauper 4y ago

The nice thing about investing and the stock market is you do not have to be extraordinary or that talented to be successful. Index funds, maybe some leverage, and you can beat most active managers and funds.

r00tanon 4y ago

The fact that we exist and live is baseline extraordinary. What we do after that is so-called gravy. But seriously. Measuring ourselves against the Einsteins is a path leading nowhere. What you do adds to the universe.

jppope 4y ago

Good article. Great writing. Solid premise. Whatever nuanced likes or dislikes I may take with the article I'm happy to ignore them because theres some wisdom in this piece.

kajaktum 4y ago

What exactly is wrong with being mediocre?

unrealp 4y ago

Why should one want to be extraordinary? to feel validated? isnt that wrong solution to a right problem?

DubiousPusher 4y ago

I have come to believe that the cultural obsession with extraordinary individuals is a big part of the breakdown of solidarity between Americans in the late 20th and early 21st centuries. Because when your individual success becomes your entire sense of self worth you cease to see the power of collective action whether it is to accomplish some goal or to raise your standard of living. In fact, this obsession creates a contempt for "average people" because they are the signifier and the constant reminder of one's own failure to self actualize. So not only does the culture of extraordinaryness create the grounds for alienation but even worse it reinforces that alienation by creating a class of untouchable peers due to their contemptible ordinariness. Reconnecting with the human social organism and consciously developing a love for commonness is the only antidote as far as I know. https://youtu.be/IiZbjYR0YFQ https://youtu.be/IiZbjYR0YFQ

quickthrower2 4y ago

The problem with being extraordinarily is you need a measure. And as we all know measures can be misleading. The big billionaires businesses are powered by many extraordinary efforts by extraordinary people, but when measured in $, fame, titles, accolades they seem ordinary. Those same people may provide an awesome environment for their kids to grow up or be cherished friends or help their neighbours.

lo_zamoyski 4y ago

'But as it is, there are many parts, yet one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, “I do not need you,” nor again the head to the feet, “I do not need you.” Indeed, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are all the more necessary, and those parts of the body that we consider less honorable we surround with greater honor, and our less presentable parts are treated with greater propriety, whereas our more presentable parts do not need this. But God has so constructed the body as to give greater honor to a part that is without it, so that there may be no division in the body, but that the parts may have the same concern for one another. If [one] part suffers, all the parts suffer with it; if one part is honored, all the parts share its joy.' 1 Corinthians 12

nickd2001 4y ago
Are you going to provide, for those who don't make the link, an explanation for what St Paul is saying here? :) What I've heard is basically, we're all meant to look after each other, and use the talents we have, to the best of our ability for the common good, including helping others do their best (For themselves and for everyone). Which is the reverse of the individualism all over this thread. Many people here seem to be thinking "How can I do the best for me" instead of for all of us. and the irony is when one tries to do the best for others, that's when one often develops skills and becomes the best one can be for oneself, too. Personally I believe Jesus knew exactly what's good for us and makes us happy, (helping others being a big one) but most of us spend our lives ignoring his advice because its counter-intuitive and often hard to do. (or we think its all made up and he didn't exist anyway ;) ) I guess he's up there with God sighing "well I tried to tell those guys, I really did". Meanwhile down here are lots of people saying "I wish I had more money/ could run faster/ could play my instrument better" than loads of others otherwise I feel inadequate. Resulting in this destructive competitive attitude instead of helping each other be happy. Its never too late to change tack though. ;)

nnoitra 4y ago

ahf8Aithaex7Nai 4y ago

Is she confusing 'extraordinary' with 'famous'? I am extraordinary! Some people see it. Most don't. I'm fine with both.

_8j50 4y ago

One thing I've noticed is the older you get, the less extraordinary you can be despite what you have accomplished because there is less time for you to more stuff, you have less potential , at least in society's eyes. My take is to look at it as an opportunity to liberate yourself from needing external validation and celebrate your acheivements and enjoy life while you can.

pelasaco 4y ago

I used to be competitive athlete in sports. Judo and Wrestling. Until my 28s, I tried to be extraordinary in the sports. Then I did the transition to full time software developer and I didn't bring this competitive spirit with me. I found my peace, I work in the stuff that are interesting to me and bring the money that I think i deserve. But maybe to be able to perform well, make my money, provide to my family and enjoy the time together with them, and without them, makes me extraordinary too, since not everyone can do it and many envy my life style. It is very unusual or remarkable, which are one of the definitions of extraordinary.

personjerry 4y ago

My interpretation is that the author wants to emphasize the process of getting there, rather than the end state of "being extraordinary". I think it's a good point, but some may also interpret these words differently - I would be careful not to take these words as permission to be mediocre. I think mediocrity is extraordinarily boring.

b3kart 4y ago
What is boring about pushing yourself to get better at something? If an activity is boring to you unless you’re better at it than other people, maybe it’s just…boring to you, and you simply crave validation?
- personjerry 4y ago
  I think you're strawmanning me here, I didn't say it's boring to push yourself to get better at something. I said to "not take these words as permission to be mediocre", as in, don't settle for mediocrity, i.e. DO push yourself to get better Ah I understand that my pivot in the second sentence has thrown you off, I will edit my original comment so it flows better.

junkerm 4y ago

I definitely can relate to the author as well. I think we are all putting a lot of effort in standing out in some way because that is how (western?) society distributes rewards. We favor the things that are special or unique in some way. We celebrate all the possibilities that allow us be special and unique but sometimes overlook that this also generates a lot of pressure and when you fail to stand out its easy to feal inadequate. I liked the book by Michael Sandel "The Tyranny of Merit" which goes somewhat in this direction.

agumonkey 4y ago

Being OK with a context is often the best way to deal with or benefit from it. There's a strange balance into accepting your in one spot on the map, getting rid of the pressure, yet keeping the ability to get moving to other / better places at later point in time. It's a wild organic where you try to coast and when an opportunity shows up you accelerate.

deleted 4y ago

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avbanks 4y ago

"What looks like skill is often just consistency" You can absolutely become extraordinary, just not overnight.