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The passionate hunger to do something significant and meaningful with my life was a major reason I took care never to have any children. Having grown up in a la

• seabombs 2mo ago
  Thanks for sharing! I remember thinking pre-kids mostly about how much work they would be but not really considering the joy they bring too. Like I knew they would, but vastly underestimated what effect that would have on my life. I don't particularly regret any of my choices either, but knowing what I do now, would have chosen to have kids earlier in my life.
  • reillyse 2mo ago
    I find it funny that I spent my 20s and 30s doing everything in my power to avoid having kids and at this stage in my life I’m doing everything to have kids. I do feel that 30 year old me would definitely be in better shape to chase kids around.
    • voidmain0001 2mo ago
      This. I’m an old dad. I realized two years ago that to keep up with my pre-teens I had to change my lifestyle. For me that meant cutting out alcohol, not eating processed foods, avoiding sugar, reduced caffeine, way more protein and doing calisthenics. I sleep well and I have energy. I just have to keep this up for 10 more years when my youngest will be 21, then I can die. ;-)
      • computerdork 2mo ago
        Haha! Very interesting life goal - When your dependents have sucked all the life out of you, you can kick the bucket:) (And am sure it’s worth it)
        • Aeolun 2mo ago
          Rather sounds like they’ve given them their life back.
          • alansaber 2mo ago
            Exactly, good for them
          • computerdork 2mo ago
            Am not sure what your statement means? :) who is "them" and who is "their" in this?
            • voidmain0001 2mo ago
              I read it as “them” and “their” is the OP and “they’ve” are OP’s children.
        • WalterBright 2mo ago
          > When your dependents have sucked all the life out of you, you can kick the bucket:) Don't laugh, there's a reason for it. Read the book "The Red Queen" which explains all this.
          • le-mark 2mo ago
            Is this the teen novel or something else? Curios how a teen novel could address these issues?
            • WalterBright 2mo ago
    • tedggh 2mo ago
      There’s never a right time to have kids. But having them older has its perks. You are much more calmed, patient, you are wiser and likely financially stable. Throwing money at problems definitely makes life 10X easier when you have kids, something most people can’t do in their 20s or even 30s.
      • sacul 2mo ago
        I disagree. As a father of nine children, I submit that the best time to have children is when you’re young. The next best time is now. Sure, you’ll be poor, and you’ll make lots of mistakes. But how do you know you’ll be able to have children later? And what’s so important now that makes it worth putting off children?
        • Aeolun 2mo ago
          You’ll feel poor anyhow. More money just means you want more. I’ll say there’s benefits to having a single child, but not nearly as many as there are to have multiple.
          • enos_feedler 2mo ago
            Explain this please.
            • alanwreath 2mo ago
              I mean: siblings. Not to discount that it’s great when you play with your kids, but it’s different when your kids play together, and in particular when you can’t play that they have someone to interact with.
              • marttt 2mo ago
                Yeah, the group dynamics of, say, a family with two children: 1. Kid A plays with Kid B 2. Kid A plays alone and Kid B plays alone As compared to a three-child household: 1. Kids A, B and C play together 2. Kid A plays with Kid B, Kid C plays alone 3. Kid A plays with Kid C, Kid B plays alone 4. Kid B plays with Kid C, Kid A plays alone 5. Kid A, Kid B and Kid C all play alone So, in a bigger family, many more communication patterns between children can arise, which, among other things, might develop the child's empathy etc. Adding mom and dad as "players" would give us many more possible scenarios here (Kid A playing with mom, Kid B alone or with dad, etc). I'm a father of two with a low income, and I would like to have a third child for precisely the above described reason. As a sociologist in my country put it -- somewhat harsh words maybe, but probably largely true: a single child might get spoiled, two children may start competing too heavily, but three children and above is company.
    • testing22321 2mo ago
      I was 41 when my daughter was born. I think it’s a great reason to stay for, strong and healthy. My goal is to keep up with her mountain biking, snowboarding and hiking for as long as I can. Hopefully I’ll be on the game well in my 60s and her 20s
      • annzabelle 2mo ago
        My dad was 42 when I was born, and he was keeping up with me on hikes in my early 20s (his mid 60s). I haven't done much hiking with him lately, but he's going on 50 mile bike rides at 70. I think having kids late can help people stay young longer, if you let it.
    • Aeolun 2mo ago
      > I do feel that 30 year old me would definitely be in better shape to chase kids around. Can confirm that starting at 30 makes it relatively easy to keep up. Still not early enough though. Wish I’d started at 25. It’s mostly a matter of effort though. You’ll become very good at it out of sheer need if you genuinely want to keep up. In far better shape now than I was at 30, mentally and physically.
      • graemep 2mo ago
        I was nearly 40 when my younger daughter was born. No problem. Kids helped keep me fit.
    • somenameforme 2mo ago
      100% on this. In my life I have 0 regrets except not having kids younger. I was never especially fond of kids, but it turns I out love my own more than I imagined possible, and have more fun with them I ever thought I would! I only wish we could have many more but given when we started, the odds of having more than 2 are very low. The amount of joy and life they bring to you and to your house is something you can't really appreciate until you've had them. To say nothing of the sort of fulfillment and life satisfaction they bring. My parent's goal was to get me to go to college. My goal for my kids is to teach them the importance of having kids early. The fact it might help in having a grandkid or two before I kick the bucket is just a wee bit of icing on that cake. I think the ideal time to start is probably in your 20s. This also maximizes the amount of time you'll get to spend with your kids. I'm quite 'jealous' (sans the negative connotations) of those who will get to see their kids live til retirement, but hey - they made wiser decisions, so hopefully I can help encourage my children to do the same.
      • WalterBright 2mo ago
        > I was never especially fond of kids, but it turns I out love my own more than I imagined possible, and have more fun with them I ever thought I would! That's because we're designed to have kids.
      • kakacik 2mo ago
        I for a change am happy I had my kids in late 30s / 40. I am certainly wiser, way more experienced with world, humans, got to be successful and in much better financial position which also helped my parents to have better retirement. I wasn't a full adult in my 20s, too naive, too trusting, undefined for the lack of better words, not experienced with various types of women (laugh all you want, this was probably the most important experience from all for me, it afterwards formed my choice of wife which is often the most important choice in one's life). Plus I've managed in a decade before having kids to travel the world backpacking, various experiences that changed me for the better and basically reinvented myself, on my own. I don't come from competitive or nurturing environment, nobody expected anything from me. I've found my passions in various mountain/extreme sports. None of that would happen if I had kids earlier, thats very clear when looking at peers who took the other trajectory. If my kids will have their kids young or older is completely up to them, I find it selfish to push any expectations on them, they (will) live vastly different life compared to me, I can just respect their choices and love them regardless.
• joshdavham 2mo ago
  > Having grown up in a large family within a religious subculture full of other large families, the amount of time and attention children consume was crystal clear Similar experience here growing up Mennonite (they’re sorta like the Amish but more moderate). I’m one of the only remaining men in my family without kids, but those that do have kids (and there’s a lot of them) are super busy. This is at least partially offset by their wives who are more on the traditional side. They all do seem very fulfilled however :)
• nubg 2mo ago
  very happy for you that things turned out this way
• Quothling 2mo ago
  I got sort of lucky early in my career because I had a talent that was discovered in a national network. Which meant I found myself writing national strategies for IT in our public sector (Denmark) at my late 20ies. It felt great for a year, or maybe two. When it stopped being fun though, it sort of hit me hard. I did enjoy writing and working on the strategies with other people. All the "glamour" around it, advicing politicians, going to conferences, networking with all sorts of "important" people. That got to me on one of the many train rides I had to take. I know a 3 hour commute might not be a lot to Americans or people in larger countries in general, but here it's a life time. Eventually I didn't know why I was going on them, so I quit and went back to being a nerd in a basement. Having my first child was the kick I needed to push me to where I was already heading though. I would've likely ridden the career ladder for a lot longer if I hadn't become a dad. I rarely speak about it but something about reading you accepting the failure of your ambitions made me want to do it. Are you sure it's a failure? For me family life turned out to be what I wanted and work is just a fun place which makes me money, but I totally get why people want to do it the opposite way. In some ways you could say that I did something significant, but it made me misserable. So I failed just as much as you, if not more. I don't regret any of it either though. It's what made me who I am.
  • somenameforme 2mo ago
    I'd also agree with this. Children don't make you give up your ambitions in the least. However they will almost certainly make you rethink what is important in life. It's not even conscious like an 'ok I give this up, in order to get that' but rather they just make you feel very differently, in a way that you can't really explain. But it's good, very good.
    • kakacik 2mo ago
      100% agree with this. But its not uniform for everybody, mothers generally change and throw away previous life after having kids in ways that most men don't. Some fathers are similar (and few mothers are similar to average guy) but difference is pretty big when you dig deeper.
• brightball 2mo ago
  I think one of the reasons that a lot of successful founders are in their mid-40s is because they combine 20ish years of experience with an empty nest after kids are out on their own. Nothing to back it up, but it makes sense to me.
  • hahahaa 2mo ago
    Add in personal networks too.
  • Arubis 2mo ago
    Raising kids is fabulous experience for management. If you can convince a five-year-old that greens are tasty, you can motivate almost anyone.
    • timc3 2mo ago
      Having been on the receiving end of someone trying to manage me like they do with their kids - No. A really strong NO to that behaviour.
      • vickychijwani 2mo ago
        That just tells us the person wasn’t a good parent either. Your comment assumes the only way to parent is to manipulate, patronize, etc. That’s just one perspective though. There are other ways to parent that are actually fantastic management training - figuring out how to think from another human’s POV, acknowledge their frustrations, help them build the skills to handle their feelings, etc. It turns out great parenting is to a first degree about great relationship skills.
    • rimliu 2mo ago
      Raising kids is a fabulous experience for management of kids. Trying to apply the lessons to adults... I pity either the manager, or the adults.
    • kakacik 2mo ago
      You can achieve that trivially with such young kids by simply leading by example, not having snacks and junkfood at home and so on. We eat a lot of healthy stuff, so our kids do. You are still their world and define many patterns they will follow later subconsciously. That doesn't translate that much into say teens but it lays a solid foundation.
• dyauspitr 2mo ago
  [flagged]
  • wat10000 2mo ago
    Who gives a crap about "genetic legacy"? How about mind your own business.
    • dyauspitr 2mo ago
      Most people.
      • wat10000 2mo ago
        Nah, creepy weirdos care about “genetic legacy.” Normal people have no problem with adoption or stepkids or whatever.
        • dyauspitr 2mo ago
          Yeah, you’re the normal one and most of the world is creepy weirdos
          • qwerpy 2mo ago
            The “reality has a liberal bias” crowd gets pretty quiet when biology comes up.
            • inigyou 2mo ago
              The two genders: liberal and biological
            • AlexeyBelov 2mo ago
              What do you mean?
          • wat10000 2mo ago
• deleted 2mo ago
  [deleted]
• Derbasti 2mo ago
  > The passionate hunger to do something significant and meaningful with my life was a major reason I took care never to have any children. Raising kids is probably the most meaningful and significant thing I have done with my life.
  • karmakurtisaani 2mo ago
    I feel like when young people think they want to do significant and meaningful things, they think about things that will make them famous in one way or another. Most of such things are neither significant nor meaningful.
    • russelldjimmy 2mo ago
      This is very true :) I used to think this way, and then I realised that I actually want to be famous and respected. After some time, I realised that I just wanted the approval of people. And finally I realised all I wanted was to feel loved and cared for.
      • JKCalhoun 2mo ago
        Or perhaps you simply just wanted to finally love yourself.
        • russelldjimmy 2mo ago
          Indeed that seems like the next logical step
    • khazhoux 2mo ago
      That's unnecessarily pessimistic. I think it's much more common for drive people to want to make a significant positive impact on the world, rather than becoming famous. Doesn't matter either way, though, once you realize you're just a blip like the other 8,000,000,000 people on this earth.
  • Gareth321 2mo ago
• i_am_a_peasant 2mo ago
  and yet most nobel prize laureates seem to be family people. I found that adult responsibilities have a way of making me very very intentional about how i spend my time.
  • astura 2mo ago
    Most nobel prize laureates have children because the vast majority of humans have children.
    • tuesdaynight 2mo ago
      And I would bet that most of them don't spend a lot of time with their kids.
• modo_mario 2mo ago
  I think being a proper dad (or mom of course) you realise that that is something extremely "significant and meaningful". My ambition is to become a dad. I have other ambitions too whcih require a lot of time but if need be i'll make my choices.
• nchmy 2mo ago
  May I ask you what significant and meaningful thing you tried to do, and why you think you failed at it? I've spent my 30s doing something similar and it's still unclear whether it will work out or not. And I've foregone essentially all else, including family.