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The unbearable joy of sitting alone in a café
- d--b 10mo agoThis is a highly romanticized view imo. I sit alone in cafes all the time, for many reasons. I don’t feel particularly joyful about it nor weird. I just do it to take a break and have something to drink, or wait for someone or something. Often I don’t look at my phone at all. That doesn’t feel weird either, or rebellious, or whatever the author experiences. I don’t understand the post at all. I’d have gone to Japan. I’ve been to Japan, it’s awesome.
- soared 10mo agoAgreed, Japan is 1000x better than any staycation especially for some privileged enough to get time off and as well compensated as the author.
- badlibrarian 10mo agoI know lots of broke-ass people who manage to travel and have a cup of coffee while there. It's choices, not privilege. Author of the piece sure is insufferable, though.
- qweiopqweiop 10mo agoIt shouldn't feel weird not to look at your phone, but approximately 98.5% of the population will do so (unless perhaps they're the older generation). When you're so addicted to checking at your phone (like me and many others), it does feel weird to sit and not look at it. I say this to help you understand, nothing more.
- munificent 10mo agoPart of the magic of being human is the interplay between our external world and internal states. Two people can go to the exact same venue, do the exact same things, and have radically different experiences because of how our different internal worlds collide with that same external world. And a further part of the magic of being human is that we're then able to share those experiences with each other. I wouldn't want to diminish someone else's experience of a place simply because I didn't have that same experience.
- soared 10mo agoThis reminds me of the “techbro discovers very common x thing” meme. Going to a coffee shop (that is 75% solo remote workers) without your phone and pretending it’s some divine experience feels conceited. Do things you like, sometimes don’t check your phone. Very well written title though.
- tomca32 10mo agoExactly how I feel about this. As a European living in the US this reads “American discovers sitting down with a cup of coffee instead of taking it outside”.
- walthamstow 10mo agoInstead of getting it through their car window, judging by these numbers https://www.ft.com/content/db5bb7a8-f7f3-4953-9c8f-8700739431a3 https://www.ft.com/content/db5bb7a8-f7f3-4953-9c8f-870073943...
- isoprophlex 10mo agoToo bad. The writing style... quickly loses it's luster. After you make it past the title.
- mrbukkake 10mo agoIt's the linkedin writing style, the idea is to make a bland anecdote with some vapid "insights" sound interesting by making it all enthusiastic and breathless like a TED talk
- tonyedgecombe 10mo agoIt's called broetry.
- CrossVR 10mo agotechbro discovers sitting down for a cup of coffee doesn't need to be a networking event.
- deadbabe 10mo agoJapan is not the ideal place I would go to for a cafe, but I get the sentiment. When the weather is nice I love going for a morning walk with my dog on a lazy weekend morning and just sitting outside at a cafe reading a book. Coffee itself is secondary to this experience, it’s mostly just the vibe of the place that brings me there. That’s why small local cafes that don’t like people to sit at tables for too long are so off putting.
- nicbou 10mo agoI disagree. Japan is the ideal place. Kissaten are a cultural treasure. Craig Mod has written at length about them and why they are so precious. I go to cafes strictly for the vibe, and I have fond memories of Japanese cafes.
- kopirgan 10mo agoNever tried that in my Japan trips as life is too rushed. But have seen old Japanese cafe in Singapore where jap patrons sit for hours reading manga sipping coffee. I'm sure the culture is there in Japan too..
- s5300 10mo ago[dead]
- aappleby 10mo agoThis author has never been alone with their thoughts before....
- arkaic 10mo agoClearly. What's there to be awkward about? You should be enjoying the coffee you came there for
- konaraddi 10mo agoProbably first extended time in a while. Everyone has a little box in their pocket that pumps out dopamine on demand, couple that with the hustle and bustle culture and I think it’s great the author is exercising more agency and presence over the inertial path. Kudos to them.
- ramon156 10mo agoIs it surprising to you that not everyone has experienced the same thing? Half of my friends have never been in a gym, is that bad?
- tayo42 10mo agoExcept for some weird circumstances like you have 2 friends or your part of a nomadic tribe, yeah that sounds like an issue. People should work out
- delis-thumbs-7e 10mo agoI didn’t quite understand why sitting alone in a café makes you a weirdo (is it an American thing?), but the piece was very well written. We all should learn how to be without electronics for every now and then, accompanied only our thoughts. It is good for the soul. I think the important part is leaving your phone and other devices home. Be alone, without even a possibility of connecting (apart from the old-fashione way of talking to an actual human being). People used to do this y’know? Back then.
- moooo99 10mo ago> I think the important part is leaving your phone and other devices home. The annoying part is that this becomes increasingly difficult to impossible. For example, I can't use public transport without my phone anymore, because my ticket is bound to my phone and the provider does not issue paper tickets or smartcards anymore. Less severe but equally frustrating, many restaurants choose to use QR codes for menus rather than printing them onto a sheet of paper or writing them to the wall. I love leaving my phone behind, primarily because I am in the "we're entertaining ourselves to death" crowd considering I essentially grew up with mobile phones already. But our environment is increasingly build on the assumption that we carry a smartphone with us at any given time.
- arccy 10mo agowith a modicum of self control, you can turn off your phone when it's not needed.
- 8organicbits 10mo agoAs a parent of young children I've found that I need my phone on any time my children are not with me. Calls from school or day care don't always come from the same number, so I answer every call when my kids are in the care of others (but none otherwise).
- Tagbert 10mo ago
- TZubiri 10mo agoRawdogging a coffee, will try it.
- giancarlostoro 10mo agoThats one way to put it. Yeah I dont care if I am alone or with friends, typically if I get a coffee and I am alone I rarely stay because I can go back to what I was doing before I needed coffee. I do sometimes go get coffee with my daughter the problem is shes nearly four years old and will want all the pastries.
- deleted 10mo ago[deleted]
- gardenhedge 10mo agoI did not know going to a cafe alone was a strange thing to do. In fact it is a place I would consider it is completely common to go alone - whereas a restaurant is less common.
- ruralfam 10mo agoWhen Coffee People was just one shop in Portland, went there every day before work. (B4 internet or phones.) Loved the shop, but they played pretty aggressive rock. Not adverse to it, but first thing in the morning... Anyway was a regular. They played music via a CD player. I noticed they often silently mouthed the lyrics to the background music. Talked them into including a CD I gave them: Cecilia Bartoli "Heroines" (Rosinni). Over time it made it into the regular rotation. I noticed after a while the staff would also silently mouth the "words" being sung. Good times. Long ago.
- Trasmatta 10mo ago> It’s contradictory to sit alone in a café. It’s against the reason cafés exist. > They are designed as meeting spaces. There is no table with a single chair. I'm so confused by this, because every cafe I've ever been to is full of people there alone. It seems to almost be the default, honestly.
- sdoering 10mo agoI was also instantly struck by the intro of this piece of writing. It just doesn't make sense to me to state one's subjective interpretation as a universal fact, a universal law, as "the reason cafés exist". As if there is only one reason. I really do not get the tendency to reduce everything down to one singular reason or cause. Is this a monotheistic religious thing? Is this a binary thing? I just can't wrap my head around this. But that might just be me - having originally studied literature and history (after graduating from high school with mainly stem subjects) I always felt I had one foot in each of those worlds - one in the "hard sciences" one more in the humanities. Never able to reduce myself to just one reason of being or one interest - and never able to attribute only one reason/meaning to a work of art. So my long winded way of saying, that I just did not buy the premise.
- munificent 10mo agoI really like the article but in order to get the most of it, I had to mentally change the author's writing style. I think the article works much better if you reframe it from second person to first person and restate the general platitudes as observations of one particular place and experience.
- Sharlin 10mo agoAs someone who very much enjoys going to cafes solo and just observing, in my experience people sitting alone are definitely a small minority, unless they’re there with a laptop. This even in my stereotypically introverted culture (Finns).
- wcfrobert 10mo agoFor me, cafes are essentially libraries; except cafes actually have reasonable opening hours. I can't get work done at home (too many distractions), so I switch up my environment to one where I am forced to work. Go to any coffee shop in Palo Alto and Menlo Park, and you're bound to see students and tech workers sitting alone, typing away on their laptops. Even in LA, you'll see people editing videos and posting stuff on social media. I think it's perhaps very American to go to cafes alone, especially if you are going there to get work done. Anecdotally, I had a French tennis partner back in 2022. One time, after our match, we went to a neighborhood cafe to chat and talk about life. He remarked to me how strange and foreign it is that Americans work so hard. He finds it stupid, even off-putting, that people work in cafes, which to him is a place to relax and socialize. He used slightly stronger language than stupid, so I didn't have the heart to tell him I plan to work in a cafe later that day. Maybe it's just a cultural thing.
- dubeye 10mo agoI assume there must be a finite amount of anxiety from sole cafe trips. I'm probably an above averagely anxious person, but after a few trips without disaster, it becomes a non issue.
- munificent 10mo ago> after a few trips without disaster 100%. Exposure therapy is the cure for anxiety. I have a personal hunch that part of the massive rise in anxiety in the world is explained by many of us no longer being regularly forced outside of our comfort zones. Before the Internet and smartphones, we were obligated to go into the unknown much more often. It was a constant mandatory exposure therapy. Today, I can't remember the last time I walked into a restaurant without already having seen the inside on Google Maps, read several reviews on Yelp, and perused the menu online.
- fnord77 10mo ago> Exposure therapy is the cure for anxiety. Except when it is not. Exposure can make an autistic person's anxiety worse.
- jomohke 10mo agoInteresting. Even when nothing bad happens? It has always worked for me.
- galleywest200 10mo agoPretty sure the exposure makes _everyone's_ anxiety worse at the start, that is part of the point.
- bradlys 10mo agoNah, it’s actually a studied thing. Exposure therapy can work for some subjects but it’s quite controversial due to it quickly becoming “trauma therapy”. It can easily reinforce someone’s existing beliefs and make someone actually weaker and traumatized. Happens a lot. Imagine an ugly kid asking every girl out at school, you think maybe he just needs to get a single success but it’s possible he gets completely rejected and/or the rejections are so immense that it overpowers any single acceptance. He won’t be resilient from this - it will haunt him for the rest of his life. Plus, there can be social consequences (and consequences with other exposure therapies) that will be lasting from making such a brute force strategy. Exposure therapy can make sense if it always resorts in good outcomes but that’s the issue - bad things do happen. And sometimes bad things happen more often to those who are “needing” exposure therapy.
- wotsdat 10mo ago[dead]
- rpodraza 10mo agoHuh? I go to a nearby cafe solo, all the time, and a lot of other people do, for instance, to read. That's how I met couple of them, actually.
- llmslave2 10mo agoI'm realizing the only time I'm not stimulated is when I'm driving or when I go for my daily walk. My mom was right man, it's these damn phones...
- hypeatei 10mo agoDriving is the opposite of relaxing to me but I guess it is just you and your thoughts most of the time.
- csallen 10mo agoI recently completed a long road trip and realized partway through. I spent the first few days listening to an audiobook every time I got into the car. But one day, during a particularly long drive, I finished it. And I didn't put anything else on. A few hours later, I realized I'd spent those hours lost in my own thoughts in a way that just never occurs anymore.
- nchmy 10mo agoIts hard to express how terrible and deluded this article is...
- me_smith 10mo agoSitting in a coffee shop alone with a pen and journal is restorative time for me. No laptop, no headphones, no phone. Another thing to try is to go to a diner alone. Same deal.
- sdoering 10mo ago> Another thing to try is to go to a diner alone. Same deal. Oh yeah. This is one of the things I enjoy most when traveling for work (more often than not means traveling alone). I can go to dinner alone, watch people interact, feel the city, the people, the staff. Discovering dinner alone to me was an interesting experience. And a lovely one at that.
- sdoering 10mo ago[flagged]
- JoeAltmaier 10mo agoYou can think that, and not post snarky comments. Just go read something else, for instance. In fact, that's the policy here.
- acntr_employee 10mo agoShouldn't you have just flagged it, then? > Don't feed egregious comments by replying; flag them instead. Not OP, just wondering if the unwritten conventions changed since I was here the last time.
- JoeAltmaier 10mo agoYes, sorry.
- nirava 10mo agoIt is kind of like coffee right? It's just bitter liquid that makes us feel good. But a good coffee is very enjoyable once in a while. The writing might not be innovative or groundbreaking, but it is a great and relaxing piece of text that helps me connect to another person. It was a good read.
- utopiah 10mo agoIt literally changed my life. A decade ago I was working a boring job paying the bills in a small company. I honestly felt that despite being financially safe I was wasting my life. I didn't believe in the company mission and I wasn't gaining new skills. I was bored out. I went to a cafe every morning for 30min BEFORE my actual job. I did whatever I wanted, meaning reading, writing, jolting down ideas, being productive or not, but the point was it was MY time to think. This is so basic. I went with a notebook, a pencil, paid 2€ every morning for a basic black coffee... but what was special was having a dedicated time and place regularly to just inch at it, whatever "it" might be for me. Well, fast forward ~10 years and I'm HYPED. I'm so excited pretty much every morning that I can't help for the next day to work on more interesting projects. TL;DR: yes, go to the cafe, alone, for yourself.
- utopiah 10mo agoAnother way to put, that I thought of few weeks ago : - embrace liminal spaces We tend to see such spaces as waste. We tend to skip them. We use any trick possible, from rushing to having a mobile phone with a podcast. We find ways to avoid being alone with our thoughts. Guess where ideas come from? Shower? Waiting for the bus? ... they come from our running minds NOT being entertained. Embrace liminal spaces. Make your own liminal spaces. They are liberating.
- deleted 10mo ago[deleted]
- jmkni 10mo agoI love sitting alone in Wetherspoons, and working, it's actually perfect because: - None of my colleagues, and nobody in any of my social circles, would ever be seen dead there - You meet the best people, everyones really nice - Nobody judges anybody, we're all just there go get a bit pissed, lots of people socialising, some people are there doing a crossword, I'm just a guy sitting on my laptop coding, nobody cares - I can focus better with lots of background noise - Cheap beer If you've not tried it, try it!
- walthamstow 10mo agoCoffee refills too! And the characters, especially in the day time. I probably wouldn't say they're /all/ nice people.
- hexbin010 10mo agoI recommend only sitting on a leather seat, or laying a waterproof jacket over a cloth seat. Too many times I've come out of Wetherspoons itching - and not from knackering my liver! Worth it though for ~£1.30 unlimited tea and coffee.
- rambambram 10mo agoApparently Wetherspoons is British? Never heard of it. Now I'm curious to the characters inside, got some memorable anecdotes?
- 2b3a51 10mo agoThe Lord Rosebery, Westborough, Scarborough. Friday around 6pm. Plenty of people watching potential. You sort of have to be there.
- PaulRobinson 10mo agoIt is a chain of very cheap pubs, often known by the abbreviated name "spoons". It's the sort of place you can go at 9am and see people having a full English breakfast with a large glass of wine. It's people who want to drink a lot of alcohol for not a lot of money, but not quite at the point where they're buying very cheap cider (which is always alcoholic in the UK), and sitting in the park with it. There's a veneer of high-functioning about it. They do vary a bit (the "posh pub" in central Hull is the 'spoons, one of the roughest pubs I've been to in West London is also a 'spoons), but the clientele are typically white, working class, pro-Brexit (the founder is very anti-EU and publishes an in-house propaganda mag to that effect), pretty right wing, heavy drinkers. It's not my preferred crowd, I'd rather spend a bit more and go to a pub where there's a chance somebody is reading something other than the Daily Mail or The Sun, but each to their own.
- polishdude20 10mo agoAnyone else a bit tired of the "The Unbearable Joy of..." Titles? I'm sure sitting in a cafe is bearable.
- gavmor 10mo ago"Unbearable Joy Considered Harmful"
- postsantum 10mo ago-- Stanford experts and scientists weight in
- Anon84 10mo agoTrue, “The Unbearable Lightness of…” is a much better choice
- nirava 10mo agoNah, every time some parody of this title comes up, it reminds me of the book and the movie. I like that :)
- projektfu 10mo agoJuliette Binoche was perfect in the role. I didn't read the book but I read The Book of Laughter and Forgetting. An eye-opener for a young college student.
- toomanyrichies 10mo agoYes, this and "unreasonable effectiveness" are both clichés at this point, and need to take a nice long rest.
- morgengold 10mo agoIsn't it astonishing how much happier the author / most of us could be without our phones?
- ugjjhgvjb 10mo ago[dead]
- unsungNovelty 10mo agoToo many negative comments here. This is just someone discovering something new and sharing it very excitedly. Almost 6-7 years ago, I read about a 30min challenge to sit upright without doing anything in a chair challenge. That changed how I think about distractions. If I had written about it, there surely will be people who would just like here say... What is so crazy about it? I do that all the time... To me, this post is someone's joy and curiosity shared through a well written piece. Everybody discover certain things at different stages of their lives. What's so bad about that? Was able to bring a smile on my face. A good post. :)
- cm2012 10mo agoTrying to sit still for 30 min without any stimulation at all (no talking, watching, reading) sounds like torture to me.
- dymk 10mo agoIt starts like that. Work up to 30 minutes, start with 5. The mind has an uncanny ability to entertain itself when it’s bored but paying attention.
- doublerabbit 10mo agoYou also find out how much noise your brain filters. You end up hearing conversations more clearly, environmental noises you wouldn't normally hear and I find more clarity for the environmental area.
- Tagbert 10mo agoIt can be at first until you get used to it. You can observe your surroundings, make up stories about what is happening. Ask yourself questions. Listen to yourself. This is a bit like excercise. When you first start, 30 minutes of exercise can be torture as your is out of shape and not used to the effort. Keep doing it and it feels better and you feel better. Work on becoming a source of thoughts rather than a consumer of thoughts.
- danielfalbo 10mo agoI feel you. > I decided to leave my phone at home I used to do this too but soon I realized I wanted my phone for payments (say, coffee) and/or unlocking public bikes (like Lime). Now I have 2 phones: - Phone A with my SIM, internet, payment cards, but unlogged from any internet account - Phone B, no SIM, usually connected to Phone A via hotspot, with email, messaging apps, logged into hacker news and everything. When I want to take an offline walk/ebike-ride I only bring Phone A with me.
- kfrane 10mo agoThat's a beautiful writing style. Feels like there's some Anthony Bourdain in it :)
- deleted 10mo ago[deleted]
- Jackpillar 10mo ago> It’s contradictory to sit alone in a café. It’s against the reason cafés exist. Fresh out the gate just wrong and confused.
- spudlyo 10mo agoI struggled greatly with this article. There was something halting about it. Something precious. I felt that the author desperately wanted to elevate the mundane into the realm of the sublime. I found myself annoyed. I thought to myself "Are paragraphs a renewable resource? Is it wrong to waste them?" It doesn't matter. In neuroscience, there is a thing called the "default mode network" which is best known for being active when a person is not focused on anything in particular. The mind is awake, but at rest, like when you're daydreaming, bored, and have no goal oriented tasks. All sorts of neat stuff happens in this network, things like "shower thoughts", self reflection, autobiographical memories, thoughts about future goals and events, trying to figure out the people in your life -- their desires, intentions, emotions and thoughts. In boring situations like when I'm on the bus, or waiting in line for something, I'll spin it as an opportunity to spend time with the ole' default mode network. It's a good time observe people around you, as they're often completely engrossed in their devices. Occasionally I'll seek out other folks who are also chilling in the default mode network, and we'll sometimes share a knowing look.
- ugjjhgvjb 10mo ago[dead]
- throwtt4er5 10mo agoI appreciated the author’s writing format. For example, I read your first four sentences/paragraphs. When I got to your last paragraph, it was so long that I started skimming halfway and then just gave up. I think a mix and match of small paragraphs and single line sentences for emphasis is a pretty good writing format for holding my attention, but I can see how others might be annoyed by it.
- spudlyo 10mo agoYeah, I should have split the final paragraph into two, but I kept it long thinking it would be a funny contrast; it wasn't. In retrospect, it probably would have been better not to have made fun of the poster's style at all. I also find it annoying when commenters complain about trivial stylistic issues in folks' writing rather than engaging with the substance.
- pm90 10mo agoThe part that seems to need emphasis is that the author happened to walk inside this neighborhood cafe while just walking his dog. To many Americans, the idea of just walking into a cafe is probably alien (you need to drive everywhere).
- johnnyanmac 10mo agoThe one downside of non-urban life (and crappy public transportation). It's overall quieter than if I lived downtown and I appreciate that. But in terms of walking, I have a Mexican joint and then everything else takes effort. The Wal Mart plaza is only a mile away, but unfortunately its a fully uphill mile that has me going 200 feet in elevation. And in terms of cafe, it's simply a tiny corner Starbucks. The local joints are about 3 miles out east or west as a start.
- fencepost 10mo agoIf this is something you want to do you might consider a bike. A 6 mile round trip on for for coffee seems a bit much, but 3 miles each way on a bike shouldn't be bad unless you're in a city (in which case there should be things closer). You could also do this same thing with a thermos of coffee/tea and a local park.
- johnnyanmac 10mo agoOnce the job situation is out of the way (which sadly might take a while in this market), I wouldn't mind that idea. It plays double duty in helping to loa weight I really need to lose as well. Any hesitation I have to bike around a few miles is entirely my own fault in terms of health, so I should buck that mentality. My nearest park is 6-7 miles away, meanwhile. I don't know about going there for coffee, but it'd be a nice little bike route. My city does fortunately have quite a few dedicated bike paths as some solace against the usual car centric society.
- nicbou 10mo agoThis is why I'll never move back to Canada. A cafe will be a few red lights away on these ugly wide roads, in the middle of a parking lot surrounded by box stores. It's not just the driving that sucks, but the ugly environment it created.
- p1esk 10mo agoI love to sit alone in a cafe - reading. Before smartphones I was reading newspapers or books. Now I read on my phone or tablet. While there, I don’t want to talk to anyone, I just want to sit and read quietly.
- johnnyanmac 10mo agoI can count the number of impromptu conversations I had at a cafe on one hand. That just doesn't seem to be a thing these days.
- galleywest200 10mo agoHonestly it feels kind of rude for people to just walk up and talk to you while you are obviously trying to focus on reading something.
- cja 10mo agoWhich is a bit tragic for someone like me who lives in a place where I hardly know anyone and is desperate to talk to the other people sitting alone in the cafe
- moffkalast 10mo ago> There were a few moments I put my hand into my pocket to take out my phone to look up something I was curious about. My phone wasn’t there. > I smiled. Every. Single. Time. > On the second day, I randomly walked into a neighborhood café. I ordered an americano with a double shot of espresso. And then I paid for the coffee with my pho- oh fuck.
- skirmish 10mo agoIt happened to me several times for real. Credit cards not accepted for charges below $15; cash in my wallet $4.05. Next I spend 30 minutes trying to install my bank app with a horrible cell connection so that I can use Zelle to send that $6 payment for coffee. The barista thinks I am a bum.
- the__alchemist 10mo agoThis doesn't match my experience at all, starting from the beginning. Many go to cafes alone to read, work, study etc. Seating set up for this, including small tables and bars. That's one of their biggest draws. With large fluctuations, I estimate ~30%. I suspect this depends on the location, given this contrast. It seems the Author might be from Delaware, USA? I haven't been to any coffee shops there. Maybe this is an exception? Of interest, it does not match my experience in coffee shops elsewhere on the East Coast (Va, NC, Mass for example). Not my experience in various European countries as well.
- presentation 10mo agoYeah, I live in Japan and going to cafes to basically have a meditative experience is the norm if anything.
- tonyedgecombe 10mo ago>Many go to cafes alone to read, work, study etc. I've seen a few cafes in the UK push back against this, in particular people who buy a drink and then sit at a laptop for hours. One I visited last week had a large table set aside for laptops and the rest were marked as laptop free.
- barnabee 10mo agoI enjoy a laptop free café. I’ve (thankfully) never come across any that has a problem with reading though.
- microflash 10mo agoI used to do this so often during my university days. In today's attention-starved ecosystem, drift is such a luxury. There's this urge to fill the gap, with scrolling on our phones, impulse shopping online, or just opening and closing the apps. We've subscribed to the fear of missing out, of being out of touch, of being left behind. Drifting is a way to push all that feedback in the background. It does not necessarily have to be a staycation at a cafe. It can be a walk in a park, a morning jog with a friend who's comfortable with your silence, a book reading session in the twilight. We need to slow down and relax to truly appreciate the pace of life, and drifting is such an awesome way to do it. Lovely post. It reminded me of good times in the past, and that I need to make time for them in future.
- markus_zhang 10mo ago"The Unbearable Joy of Sitting Alone". This is good enough for me. Yeah I have a family and a son, but I enjoy sitting alone with a cup of coffee (doesn't have to be in a Cafe), programming my own project. As the article hints, sitting in a crowded place sometimes actually REDUCES distraction, because those white noise around me reduces the need to pull out my cell phone. I think I always perform better in such an environment.
- sedatk 10mo agoWe are destined to re-discover meditation: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=46353700 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=46353700
- quantumfissure 10mo agoFor me, the issue is not being alone, or quiet. I don't even own a cell phone. It's everyone else with the incessant noise; non-stop music; speaker/video calls; and now AI talking back to you via phone. Speakerphones are the worst, I cannot believe we normalized having a two way conversation via speakerphone while holding it up to your ear. I used to enjoy nature and just sitting and staring, with portable bluetooth speakers and phones blasting music, I can't do that anymore. I used to enjoy the library and just sitting, reading whatever random facts I could find. Last couple times I went, I was yelled at to mind my own business by people when I asked them to take their phone conversations to the lobby. So I went to another library, librarians were loud and several meetings via Teams were going on by different people. Local rail trails are similar, I can't just take a walk in peace and quiet anymore. Honestly, removing the 3.5mm port is when I started noticing when it all got worse.
- owenpalmer 10mo ago> I cannot believe we normalized having a two way conversation via speakerphone while holding it up to your ear. It's not normal, those people are rude.
- Tor3 10mo agoIndeed it's rude, but since I suddenly found myself unplannedly having to use an iPhone I found that's it's hard to position the speaker so that my ear can actually hear the other person.. I have to carefully keep micro-adjusting the position until I can actually hear something, and then ask the person to start from the beginning. Speakerphone fixes that. Not that I would ever do that in public though.
- huflungdung 10mo ago[dead]
- motohagiography 10mo agoive spent much of my life sitting alone in cafes, some places i became something of a fixture. what made me welcome was i never used a laptop, always left the copy of whatever newspaper or magazine i was reading behind in their pile, tipped well, and kept to myself. i used to leave my copy of the weekend FT or the economist at one and there were people who would wait for me to be finished with it. others would have been reading it for months without knowing i was the one who supplied it. friends knew where to find me and could show up and sit at my table for a bit on their way places. covid policies killed most of those cafes in my city, and nothing can replace a multi decade family run restaurant that anchored a neighbourhood. its part of why i don't forgive what happened. it was my culture they dismantled in their hysteria. i am glad nature is healing and younger people are learning how to be welcome and open to the serendipity of participating in the city. i was worried i was the last of the boulevardiers. get a book, turn off your phone, dont look at the prices and just sit somewhere for a while, eat and drink as much as you enjoy, and just be a quiet pleasant presence. the world rewards it.
- lugu 10mo agoI loved to go to the movie theater just by myself. I am not sure what makes it more exciting to me. I haven't done that since I am married, but I should.
- FerretFred 10mo ago"So, I took long walks with my dog. What used to feel like 10 minutes between breakfast and lunch while working became a full-blown day. Even though I was spending two hours walking my dog instead of a 30-40 minute rush, it felt like an eternity" My dog has a way of slowing down time, although he won't tell me how. I think as humans we know what we expect from this other species, but they have a way of reorganizing the walk to suit themselves. I do it largely to bond with my best bud and get some exercise. He on the other hand goes out to catch up on doggy social media, with endless sniffing and donating further smells. Every walk is different - the route's the same but the sensory part is constantly changing. All this takes place, silently. We go back home satisfied but I know my boi gets the most satisfaction from it!
- performative 10mo agothis is a very cute anecdote, thank you. my parents have three dogs, so i've had similar thoughts. i believe they're just truly used to the dead space in a day. it makes sense once i think about it, but it feels so far away
- browningstreet 10mo ago“They are designed as meeting spaces. There is no table with a single chair.” Grating.
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- nabbed 10mo agoLately I've found that cafes (and also some very popular restaurants) blast music at rock concert levels of volume. That seems to be a requirement to compete, for some reason. I waited at a cafe last year while my partner was at a meeting, and when I left (after about 90 minutes) my ears were ringing very loudly and that continued overnight. Not really a place for meditative thinking. The next time I had to go there, I brought noise cancelling headphones. I wonder what this does to the baristas who are there for many hours. That's why it was so nice when I recently found a nice little mom-and-pop cafe that was quiet. I can't remember if there was music, but if there was, it was very quiet. Again, my partner was at a meeting, but this time I just sat and enjoyed my latte with no damage to my ears. I probably did look at my phone a few times. :)
- johnnyanmac 10mo agoThat's sad to hear. Unless the place is explicitly brining in live music, I consider cafes to be relatively quiet in general. Almost as a way to explicitly avoid that "bar culture" where i can barely hear my own thoughts. And most thankfully are in my area (just don't go to the one near schools on weekdays). Really hope it stays that way.
- hexbin010 10mo agoThey do it do encourage turnover. Also: uncomfortable seats
- accidentallfact 10mo agoNot that I want to be necessarily contrarian, but just a few months ago I decided to stop worrying about using my phone, and it honestly feels like the most liberating decision of my life. There is nothing wrong with it. I think that many people feel like their lives suck in some way that they can't define or explain, and they want something to blame it on, and their phone is an excellent target. It's relatively new. Of course it's the source of recent problems. It's CONVENIENT. You can do something about it by simply not looking at it. Your phone is not the source of any of your problems.
- johnnyanmac 10mo ago>I think that many people feel like their lives suck in some way that they can't define or explain, and they want something to blame it on, and their phone is an excellent target. They will blame anything but the billionaires. But to be a devil's advocate: I think most phone issues arise from a child's use of them. They don't have the discipline to put a phone down, and then it enshrines habits that last into adult hood. Gen Z is the testing grounds for such a phenomenon. Sadly, working adults who need to chat with work, get calls for interviews, schedule and get updates on appointments, and check on family do need to have their phone on the ready. I don't think anyone is condemning the people here. Just the system.
- ghaff 10mo agoThe turn-off-the-phone crowd tend to be in situations where parents, young kids, doctors, interview calls, etc. getting in touch isn't a priority. Yes, voicemail is a partial answer but an imperfect one in this day and age. Didn't even used to have and just got messages on a voicemail device (after the mid-80s or so) but there's a much greater expectation of being able to reach people easily today.
- nicbou 10mo agoYou can do all of these things outside the hour you spent at a cafe. Constant availability is partly self-imposed.
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- etra0 10mo agoYou have to realize, that some folks were born in the age of super-information and immediacy. When I take a picture, I get the luxury of immediately see what I got. When I wanted to hear some music, I can search it up, and hear an entire album in a question of seconds. It's an incredible privilege to do that, but at the same time, we got so used to speed, that pausing can be new for us. This year I had the opportunity to travel to Europe and just sit in a café, sipping coffee, just observing, and it also felt new and different for me. I shot with an analogue camera because I enjoy the feeling of waiting for the results, not being able to see the results at the split of a second. This blog resonates with me because I've been feeling I want to pause more, to create more memories, to be in the moment. I should go to a café without phones and a notepad.
- xiande04 10mo agoHow did you get on top of the cafe?
- Towaway69 10mo agoWell said: it’s a privilege to be able to access everything on a device that isn’t much larger than the TV remote with which I grew up with! Your comments make me glad I spent a childhood having to use analog phones to connect to the information superhighway - much pausing and reflection involved. I guess we’ve come full circle with the spend of our societies, when we have a new generation rediscovering how to pause.
- yieldcrv 10mo ago
- nicbou 10mo agoIs this a post I'm too European to understand? That writing style is like nails on a chalkboard to me. I love lingering in cafés. In the summer, I bike from café to café, catching up with my reading and slowly getting to a productive state. I'll do a bit of reading for work, maybe annotate some articles, eventually open my laptop, and if I'm lucky meet friends along the way. I often leave at 9 and come home at around midnight. If I'm feeling lazy, I just do it on my balcony. Spending the first hour of the day just gathering your thoughts does wonders for your wellbeing. This winter, I created a space for this inside too. I recently got a nice stereo and I put easy listening music on it while I have my morning coffee. No phone, no emails, just me, my thoughts and a warm drink. When I travel, I do the same. I sketch and make watercolours on the go. I've done this in dozens of countries, and not once have I got the impression that being on your own in a café was odd. What a weird take. Very related: https://tomaguir.substack.com/p/how-to-waste-a-morning-properly https://tomaguir.substack.com/p/how-to-waste-a-morning-prope...
- 12345hn6789 10mo ago>Is this a post I'm too European to understand? Are you in a top tier city? Very very few cafes are open late (later than 8pm) in cities and if youre not in a big city, Chicago, NYC, Seattle etc etc you will likely have none open that late. It's definitely a culture thing. Not many folks are drinking coffee / hanging out that late in cafes. Enough do, but nowhere near as much as Europeans do
- nicbou 10mo agoUsually you go to a cafe in the morning, and to a pub in the evening. I could wax poetic about the joy of having a beer in the late afternoon, before the place fills up. I was born and raised in Canada. I manage to keep up my routine just fine when I visit. Sure, the cafes are in the middle of a parking lot by a box store, but in a pinch they'll do. This is hardly a "top tier city" thing. I went on many road trips and pretty much always managed to start my day with a slow coffee, even in the smallest towns.
- SapporoChris 10mo agoI do not understand the attraction or rather the glorification of going to a Cafe alone. "It was pure delight. Every element. Or rather, the non-existence of any element. No phone. No headphones. No tablet. No laptop." I believe I can do this anywhere. They talk about interactions with people in the cafe but it is primarily avoiding interactions.
- pipeline_peak 10mo agoThe irony of these type of blog musings is how they always try to outline the neuroticism of our culture as being afraid of being alone and too connected online. Because at the same time they themselves sound entrenched in it by making an effort to take a step back and appreciate something as simple and normal as sitting alone in a cafe.
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- CrzyLngPwd 10mo agoLovely piece. Some of my most interesting moments have come from simply sitting still and doing nothing. Highly recommended.
- anonzzzies 10mo agoI like sitting in bars and cafes alone. Reading mostly.
- fencepost 10mo agoI'm a bit surprised to not see mention in comments of "social vs sociable." There's often something nice about being around people that you're interacting with only minimally (sociable) vs being around people you're talking with (social). The shutdown in 2020 did away with a lot of options for"sociable."
- manicennui 10mo agoGo to a major city. There are tons of people doing things alone, including sitting in a cafe.
- zx8080 10mo ago> There is no table with a single chair. This is written not by a human. Because almost every other coffeeshop has tables with a single chair.
- sedim33 10mo agoJust wait til you guys discover vipassana meditation
- srameshc 10mo agoI come from India. Many years ago I remember I was having a tough day and very less money on me and sitting by a busy road side tea stall along and sipping my Rupee 2 tea , looking at passers by and traffic. I don't remember anything more but that thought often comes to me randomly and makes me happy even after about 20 years. Life brings joy at unexpected corners.
- coldtea 10mo agoThe unbearable anti-sociality of modern people
- chairmansteve 10mo agoI love going to bars on my own...
- mberning 10mo ago> There were a few moments I put my hand into my pocket to take out my phone to look up something I was curious about. My phone wasn’t there. My dad smoked for decades and when he tried to quit his hand would instinctively go to his pocket dozens of times a day. That is the level that smartphone addiction is on. Literally ruining peoples lives.
- huevosabio 10mo agoI used to do this every now and then. I would leave my phone at home and take a book and a notebook to a coffee shop and sit and sip. I would read if I felt like it, or write, or just plain stare. I also chose cafes that were a hit of a walk away. It was absolutely glorious. I got to think my own thoughts, get bored, get into conversations with random people. I should do it more often.
- gerdesj 10mo agoI have noticed that the young 'uns are quietly rebelling against the way things are. This is another example. OP is considering going off social grid as they understand it ... OK, dumping doom-scrolling and sitting in a cafe alone and being obviously alone and then looking around and noticing things. That sort of "interaction" used to be normal. Having a billion people within ear shot was not normal until about 15 years ago.
- doug_durham 10mo agoI think the problem with articles like this is the insensitivity to others. The phrase "A porcelain cup makes ..." is a declaration for all of humanity. The reality is "A porcelain cup, for me, makes ...". Qualifying the experience as possibly someone only experienced by the teller makes the story more relatable, as opposed to a value judgment.
- mrcsharp 10mo agoI think the "for me" part is implied with pieces like these.
- kopirgan 10mo agoDone that many times only never thought of writing a nice piece like this. Certainly not with pen and paper. Lol that skill gone these days can't write a sentence I can read later.
- kopirgan 10mo agoAgree on the paper cup burning the tongue. Hate that too. But then coffee gets cold within minutes in porcelain cup. Solution: I bring along a flask and use the paper cup as a cup and flask as cache. Means I lose the discount offered on byo but doesn't matter.
- onecommentman 10mo agoAlpha types might appreciate sitting alone in a café more if they realize that it is the ultimate power flex. I remember a quote from many years ago: standing on a street corner, waiting for no one, is power. I appreciate that much more in retirement.
- stan3223 10mo agoWhile on holidays in Sarajevo, Bosnia, I saw a sign that said something like 'take away coffee available'. So most cafes you are expected to sit down and have your coffee :)
- blitzball 10mo agoI do this everyday. Made possible by financial freedom from employment.
- artemonster 10mo agoCongrats and enjoy!! Are you retired? Windfall? Successful exit?
- booleandilemma 10mo agoI like to do this. Please don't create a term for it like "performative male", or "tech bro", or some such thing. Please.
- lutusp 10mo agoThis article reminds me of my favorite John F. Kennedy quote: "I think this is the most extraordinary collection of talent, of human knowledge, that has ever been gathered together at the White House, with the possible exception of when Thomas Jefferson dined alone." There are three classes of people likely to be found alone: * Geniuses. * Psychopaths. * Psychopathic geniuses.
- tokioyoyo 10mo agoNice read, but the "Unlike most of my friends, who visited Japan in 2025." is funny to me. I go to a bakery/cafe next to me every day, before work at around 8am over here. And all regulars are there by themselves, and sometimes with their family members. Half of the clientele in almost all non-trendy cafes are solo sitters as well. When I discovered the whole "doing things alone" stuff a decade ago, it felt like a pressure was lifted off me. It's been good. It brings me extra joy when I take people to places that I frequent as well, it just feels like I'm introducing them to my own little spots. Hope you enjoy more of it!
- AdieuToLogic 10mo agoTo me, this story is one of a person discovering the freedom found by unplugging: On the second day, I decided to leave my phone at home, so I lived those two hours to the fullest. I didn’t take any device that could connect me to the internet or to other people. By consciously relinquishing the ability to electronically connect, the author was able to connect with the moment and thus find joy in it.
- dent9 10mo agobefore long we will all just be sitting in cafés alone staring at each other alone and together we will all just take in the experience of being alone with each other in a café
- SubiculumCode 10mo agoI spent much of my youth at cafe's alone an hour or two until someone I know comes by. Before everyone had cell phones, such places were used by us as a place to be, waiting to see who comes by, waiting to see what the world was going to bring. There is part of me that misses that way of being. But I suspect that it would be like video games. It sounds funner than it is, and so while I may buy a game or two, I rarely spend my time doing it.
- notepad0x90 10mo agoYou know, on the internet I've read a lot about how "it's not weird" to sit alone in cafe's and restaurants. But in real life, even when I don't think it's weird, people go out of their way to make sure I know it is. You can try and ignore what people think, but it is an exhausting exercise in mental gymnastics. Same goes for not caring about what people in think when you're trying to work on your health and go to a gym. I don't know, it just feels really bad, no one wants to be treated badly, it's that simple. But if you can manage to find a good spot where it just works out for you, treasure/keep that. Solitude is precious when it is done with purpose.
- seb1204 10mo ago> a cup of americano with a double shot of espresso. What is that exactly? A cup of percolator coffee with a double shot of espresso into the cup? Or a long black (a double shot of espresso filled up with hot water) plus two extra espresso shots? Or just a long black expressed in a complicated way?
- scbrg 10mo ago> Or just a long black expressed in a complicated way? Presumably this. Coffee terminology is (apparently) not global. I've never seen the term "long black", and I visit cafés quite a lot. Wikipedia lists it as a thing primarily in Australia/New Zealand. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Long_black https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Long_black
- rglynn 10mo agoThey are basically the same, long black is water with espresso poured on top, americano is espresso with water poured on top.
- deleted 10mo ago[deleted]
- green_wheel 10mo agoHaving kids allows you to somewhat similarly step out of your usual behavior patterns. Obviously not in the "I'll spend two hours watching someone move porcelain cups around" sense, but today I spent an hour standing barefoot ankle-deep in a muddy puddle holding an umbrella over my kid as they played with a Lego figurine and a plastic cup. I got soaked, but it wasn't too cold and if standing outside feeling the rain on your face, watching the clouds pass, and listening to the birds doesn't make you feel alive I dunno what does.
- Tade0 10mo agoSimilar experience here. I'm like those chimps set free after a life of captivity in a roofed enclosure. I just stare at the sky or maybe at the trees in the distance.
- mahirsaid 10mo agoI often do this too clear some air or to take a break from the tech world of today. We all should have something similar in our lives. Not everything is meant to be searched and read about tirelessly, sometimes it's nice to just walk in a park and look at what the animals have going on around you. This reminds me of a experience that I encountered in my own life that i wish more people felt when explaining. I am not the best at telling stories but i will try to keep it short. There was a time i lived in Florida for a few years and it was joyous i must say. I love nature and Florida sure does have that to offer, ignoring the politics and the obstacles that take the joy out of Florida. I visited many national parks, exploring animals That i have never seen before that are native to that region, i cant put into words how wonderful it is to see some of these animals living in their habitat going about their business. One thing that stuck out was when i was walking a trail and came across a small box turtle crossing a trail and i picked up to see it not thinking of why it might be crossing away from water, first i thought doesn't thing need to be around water shortly after i realized that it does not " it is a box turtle". I returned the turtle a little further away from where i originally picked it up and sat on a near by bench to watch it continue it's journey. As i sat down the turtle continued to stare at me at disgust as to how dare i touch it and move it from its original location. From there i see the turtle continue walking and returned to the same exact path it was already going before it's interruption from the degenerate up right ape evolved clothed creature , myself. i think about that everyday because despite all of it's interruptions it ignored all of that and continued the slow path towards its goal. At times I think we really don't understand the world nor the reality that is around us, some more than others, some due to the influx of societies pressure that are at times blinders for a horse to on one path.
- jdthedisciple 10mo agoStaycation is where it's at. As Marcus Aurelius already said, retire not to pompous resorts, but to thine inner truth and peace.
- defrost 10mo agoWatch what people do rather than listen to what they say. Marcus Aurelius likely quipped about pompous resorts during one of his many four day public holiday visits to Alsium (a pompous seaside resort town), although he was known to write at length about the work he did on holidays rather than the time he spent on the beach. As for retirement .. not a thing for Marcus. He died* age 58 in his military quarters while on active tour of Roman provinces (in either Austria or Serbia apparently). * https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxDHv9Ktb78 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxDHv9Ktb78
- zkmon 10mo agoThe only problem is, when you are alone and not looking at your phone, you tend to observe people around. But unfortunately, looking at others is seen as being a weirdo, while looking at phone is considered super normal. Also, the reason people feel comfortable with dogs is because, you don't need to act or talk in way to impress the dog, while technically not being alone. You don't get this freedom while being with people, unless you are the boss of the gang. The lack of freedom is usually offset of by the benefit of sharing, laughs and a feeling that you have achieved your goal of impressing others.
- 20kHz 10mo ago> But unfortunately, looking at others is seen as being a weirdo No it’s simpler than that: 1) sitting alone - you’re a weirdo 2) sitting doing nothing public, staring off into space like you’re a zen master - no, you’re a weirdo 3) blogposting how you sat alone in a public space for 30 minutes and how this is an “unbearable joy” - do I need to spell it out? This person needs help. They are having an episode. If someone has gone so far as to have this level of emotional outburst by leaving their phone at home, there’s deeper issues to unpack. For the rest of us, sitting down at the cafe to have a nice drink and something to eat while we look at the cars and foot traffic going by is a perfectly normal activity.
- Hobadee 10mo ago> It’s contradictory to sit alone in a café. It’s against the reason cafés exist. Not at all. I've never been a huge cafe person, so I don't have much firsthand experience with this, but I do recall a time before laptops and cell phones when people would go to cafes to just read the newspaper or a magazine. Heck, some cafes even had the daily paper there for you to borrow if you wanted.
- wolframhempel 10mo agoI used to work in investment banking in the city of London and later in Canary Wharf. I loved working in the city as it was a beautiful old place, people were very social and having 2-3 hour boozy lunches with someone who you might do business with one day wasn't a rarity (mind you, I moved out before covid, I understand things have changed quite a bit). Then I switched jobs and ended up in Canary Wharf. For those who don't know it, Canary Wharf is a newly built finance district in the London Docklands. If you've been to Singapore, Dubai, La Defense in Paris or Songdo in Korea, you know the kind of place. Everything is clean, new, modern. Everything has 90 degree angles. Everything has cameras, security guards and cleaning stuff. What it doesn't have is any resemblance of a real city, any organicity or soul. I hated it. Every morning I saw the streams of suite dressed worker drones pouring from the tube directly into their office towers (Canary Wharf has a huge underground shopping mall/railway station that allows you to go from the subway directly into your office without ever seeing the sun). I was unhappy. So I did similar things to the OP. I got up earlier and walked there. (I lived in Mile End). It was a nice walk along the canal for a while and then a not so nice walk through smog and traffic, but I didn't mind. I took my lunch outside on the remaining docks. And finally, I got up so early that I arrived an hour before work began. I spent this hour in a Cafe. Alone. Having breakfast. I loved this hour. I sat there, as the only one not rushing in, getting their "strong capo", beeping their card against the reader and rushing out. I observed the grey and black dressed stream of people. I day dreamed. It helped - for a while. It was a band aid before I left London all together and moved to Berlin. But most of all, it is a uniquely calm and joyful experience. It decelerates you. The boheme in Paris or Prague has long figured this out. Sit in a cafe. Enjoy a coffee or a glass of wine. Look at people. Daydream. Reflect, be enough - there's a lot to it.
- cfn 10mo agoIf you are over 50 and live in Southern Europe this used to be a ver common way to spend an afternoon. Maybe add a newspaper and definitely a cigarette to go with your coofee. Very relaxing.
- ashu1461 10mo agoMeditation used to need a cave or a mountain, now it just needs a cafe and no phone.
- Pavilion2095 10mo ago> I was sitting alone in a café with a dog That isn't alone though. People are anxious to sit alone in a cafe because they think it's weird being all alone. But when you're with a dog - it's a different story.
- tigerlily 10mo agoMade me think of Tom's Diner by Suzanne Vega. Go listen :)
- artur_makly 10mo agoReading 1 min into it.. somehow I felt he was German.. and voila.. he lives in Berlin.
- jillesvangurp 10mo agoIf you travel solo, going to cafe's, bars, and especially restaurants can be a bit awkward. But also enjoyable. Mostly, it's just a mental block that people need to get over. Some venues are really just not designed for solo travelers. You have all these couples and social groups having fun with each other and then the tables they give to social travelers don't tend to be the nicest. This is annoying if you are hungry and not looking to get another fast food meal. But fast food restaurants are of course perfect for solo travelers otherwise. And there are lots of restaurant types that serve decent food in a bit informal setting where eating by yourself is not that weird. Other good options include hotel restaurants. Because hotels tend to have lots of solo travelers. The bigger the city, the easier it is to find nice places to eat by yourself generally. Cafes are easier. Lots of people go there to have a coffee by themselves, work, read, or whatever. It's normal. The venue might not like the sub optimal use of tables though. But if it's not too busy and you tip well, they typically don't mind people staying for a few hours and perhaps reading or working on a laptop. I do this a lot. I don't drink alcohol anymore and getting drunk by yourself in a bar can be a bit weird. Though depending on the bar, it's perfectly normal to have a drink by yourself of course. These days I tend to like to sit down after a day of sight seeing to have a few cold alcohol free beers. Lots of places where this is perfectly normal. I've been traveling solo for a few decades. I can be quite social but I'm also fine not talking to people for days/weeks when traveling. It's not for everyone. I tend to prefer booking apartments and self catering these days. Going to restaurants for dinner is expensive and not really worth it to me by myself. But I'll have coffees, light lunches, and other beverages.
- regularfry 10mo agoThe more accessible version of this, for me, is lying in the bath. The phone is out of reach and it's more effort than is worthwhile to get any props other than maybe a book I don't care about getting wet into reach. So there's just nothing. In that situation I can usually last about 5 minutes before my brain says write that thought down, you'll forget it so forcefully that the bath gets cut short. Rampant unmedicated ADHD has a lot to answer for. So I can second the physical writing recommendation, if only because having a laptop in the bath is a really stupid idea.
- nelblu 10mo agoI really enjoyed reading this. I can totally see where the author is coming from. I have a dog, and this holiday season my wife went away to her parents for a month and I was all alone with my dog. My daily routine was to just take him for a hike in the morning, workout in my basement gym, cook some breakfast then do some mundane activities at home then prepare cooking for lunch (always prepare extra lunch for the neighbours or the random friend that shows up at my door), then again take the dog out to the dog park and enjoy conversation with regulars and or new ones. Come back enjoy lunch, read some book, then around 4pm before it gets too dark, take the dog out again for a hike. Stop by at a friend's house or just come back home watch a Disney movie then read again until you fall asleep. All this time, I would intentionally forget my phone at home and all my notifications except calls were turned off. EDIT: I must say having a dog made a lot of difference, I don't know if I would feel the same being just alone. That might be an experiment for another time :-).
- MORPHOICES 10mo ago[dead]
- fouronnes3 10mo agoA life hack I'm trying for 2026 is to stop setting an alarm clock in the morning, and set a bed time alarm instead. Yes, even when I have an important meeting in the morning. This does two things: - provide a strong incentive to go to bed at the correct time for my body every day because that's the only way to not over sleep - enjoy the joy of waking up without an alarm every day - provide some of this clear thinking time. Either at night when I'm sitting in bed not quite super tired yet, or in the morning when I woke up a bit early before everyone else
- lo_fye 10mo agoI don't think about anyone at the cafe, unless I start chatting with someone. I just take a physical book with me, crack it open, and read as I sip my coffee. I keep a notepad nearby in case I have good ideas while reading. I may get a refill. When I've read enough, I leave. It's 100% relaxing for me.
- stronglikedan 10mo agoFor a level-up, try it with (well behaved) dogs!
- commandlinefan 10mo agoI take my lunch break every day and sit in a cafe alone and work math problems - it's by far the most relaxing, enjoyable part of my day.
- badcryptobitch 10mo agoThis article is kind of hilarious to read. This is my life since getting a dog (and I've been doing versions of it before my dog too) but this guy just discovered the way Europeans have been living for hundreds of years and wrote a whole article about it. I guess this is also one of the great things about the internet. Another person's mundane thing is another person's discovery.
- famahar 10mo agoLots of cafés and restaurant in Tokyo have seating designed for just one person. It's usually a cozy spot in the corner. It's not uncommon at all to go to cafés alone. Many people study, read, or just quietly sit. I feel like bars are a place where people go to socialize. Anyways, I'm happy for him. Some people never feel comfortable being alone. I personally view solitude as a key factor in my creative and personal growth. Even better when it's in nature.
- AlfredBarnes 10mo agoFor me this is the running I do. No phone accessible (still with me for safety). Just the repetitive sound of my feet and breathing, lets my mind wander and enjoy the isolation.
- haloblue 10mo agoUnplugging and/or disconnecting is a skill. Read this post with a smile on my face because I do the same thing as often as I can.
- hypertexthero 10mo agoBrought REM’s ÜBerlin to mind: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZITh-XIikgI https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZITh-XIikgI