10 ms·
The Moat of Low Status
- MongooseStudios 1y agoA more feelings-ey take on the common "get comfortable being uncomfortable" type advice. I enjoyed the perspective shift.
- anymouse123456 1y agoI love the repeated phrase, '...and the world wouldn’t turn to ash.'
- deleted 1y ago[deleted]
- roenxi 1y agoIt is a pretty good article, but it slightly misunderstands status. Being the first person on the dance floor is closer to a high status move, because it is taking a leardership position and suggesting what the group should do next. People avoid doing that because they want to copy someone of a higher status than themselves, not because they fear low status. The mechanism nature uses to implement that low status behaviour is nervousness which is often described as a fear of "standing out", "looking silly" or similar terms, but those are low status concerns. High status people don't really suffer from looking silly, they define what looking silly is by being what they don't do.
- ants_everywhere 1y agoI don't know. There's nothing high status about being the only person on the dance floor for 3 songs in a row. > High status people don't really suffer from looking silly, they define what looking silly is by being what they don't do. I also don't know about this. Certain high status people are obsessively concerned with whether they look silly. They used to routinely fight to the death over it. I've been reading the Book of the Courtier this week, and it's clear that even back in the 16th century high status people were very concerned about whether they looked silly, or even whether their dances looked silly.
- roenxi 1y ago> I've been reading the Book of the Courtier this week, and it's clear that even back in the 16th century high status people were very concerned about whether they looked silly, or even whether their dances looked silly. In the context of the situation the people worrying probably weren't the highest status person in the room though. In a room full of princes one of them is going to be feeling pressure because they are low status relative to their peers. That is what instincts key off, not absolute numbers of people that a body can't immediately detect.
- josephg 1y ago> There's nothing high status about being the only person on the dance floor for 3 songs in a row. Simon Sinek says we admire leaders because they take risks on behalf of the tribe. They'll start dancing first knowing they're risking looking silly if nobody joins them. Its impressive because the risk might not pay off. Being the only person on the dance floor for 3 songs in a row is an interesting move. I think there is something high status about it - in that you're clearly showing that you aren't insecure about how you're seen. I think its polarising. Either it'll make people think a lot less of you, or more of you. Someone who's generally high status will often gain status by doing things like that. And someone who's low status will lose status over it. People will either say "What an idiot, didn't he realise how goofy he looked?" or they'll say "Oh did you see what Jeff did to get the dance party started? We would never have gotten out there without him. I could never do that!". It really depends on context.
- twelve40 1y ago> People will either say "What an idiot, didn't he realise how goofy he looked?" or they'll say "Oh did you see what Jeff did to get the dance party started? We would never have gotten out there without him. I could never do that!". the obvious difference even right in that sentence is that whether that person actually successfully led or miserably failed
- dustingetz 1y agothe leader isn’t dancing because they want to dance, they are dancing because the people want to dance
- danaris 1y agoThat only works if the person is already seen as high status—ie, if the other people at the dance are already primed to look at them going out on the dance floor and say "oh, they're dancing; that means it's time to dance." If the person going out on the dance floor is an unknown, then going out there is a status risk. If it pays off, they can become seen as high status: a trailblazer, a trendsetter. If it doesn't, they become (at least for the time being) low status: pathetic, cringe. Having visible confidence and charisma can help make the gamble more likely to pay off, but it's not a guarantee.
- roenxi 1y agoI mean sure. There is a pretty substantial risk that low-status people will be perceived as low status if they do something where success relies on their status being high. I like to offer advice - low status people probably shouldn't be engaging in status-proving activities if that worries them. They're making a play for higher status; that might not work.
- danaris 1y ago...I think you've missed my point. In a situation where someone's status is not already known by a majority of people present, engaging in activities that rely on high status are a risk. No one's status is inherent. It's a purely social construct—and it can vary depending on what group you're with! If you look at, say, a black person in the mid-20th century, they might be very high status among other black people, but if they go among white people they will be seen as low status. Leave your own community, go among people who don't know you (assuming there's nothing immediately visible about you that communicates status to them, as above), and whatever status you had before is only as relevant as you make it.
- DavidPiper 1y agoWhen I think of status the way Keith Johnstone describes it in "Impro", being the first one out on the dancefloor is a completely neutral action. _How_ you do it, and your own physical reaction to those around you while doing it, will reveal whether you're acting from a place of high or low status.
- twelve40 1y agoNo, it gets it just right. The implicit assumption in this example is that the first person on the dance floor is _not_ quickly joined by hundreds of other people but continues to be awkwardly by themselves for a while, possibly then embarrassing themself by completely failing to attract anyone.
- brabel 1y agoWhat a miserable world people commenting here seem to live in where going out to dance is a sort of status challenging activity?! When I was younger and frequented dance floors, everyone immediately started dancing as soon as the music started playing, wasn’t that the point of being there?? Never even occurred to me to fear being the only one dancing. And if did happen I would be wondering what kind of people come here and just stands there.
- sokoloff 1y agoThere are many events where dancing is not the main point of being there. Wedding receptions being an obvious one, but there are others as well.
- SoftTalker 1y agoOne thing that helps with this: getting old. You just stop worrying about what other people think of you. All the drama and gossip and cliquish behavior just gets so boring. Why do you think old fat guys walk around naked in the locker room at the gym? They've certainly got nothing to show off, but they don't give a shit.
- aspenmayer 1y agoThey “let it all hang out” quite literally.
- aspenmayer 1y agohttps://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/let_it_all_hang_out https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/let_it_all_hang_out > (idiomatic) to relax and be carefree > Synonym: let one's hair down
- vishnugupta 1y agoFor me this is it. Whenever someone does “statusy” things I just know how it feels like having done it before so I just move on and don’t participate in that theater anymore.
- FlyingSnake 1y agoSometime around mid-30s I stopped caring about what people think about me and it had a great effect on my mental well being. I reconnected with age old Lindy wisdom and started reading classics that helped me with my midlife crisis. Not giving a fuck surprisingly opens up lots of doors. Status games and tech-bro style hustle culture only leads to burnout.
- matwood 1y ago"Sexy indifference" is how I've heard it. Don't be a jerk about it, but also give off the DGAF vibe. It works.
- bisRepetita 1y agoYes. And this is very helpful. If you are young and you suck at something, more people will give you the benefit of the youth and envision you may improve. If you're old and you suck at something, many will think you're just old, and you just suck. "Don't hurt yourself!" So yes, not giving a shit is a very good way to make progress.
- photon_garden 1y agoIn a similar vein, I’ve found helpful: There’s a difference between pain and suffering. This is true for emotions: feelings people often find uncomfortable (sadness, loneliness, fear) don’t have to make you miserable. You can just feel those feelings in your body, pay attention to what they’re asking you to pay attention to, and feel deeply okay about it all. The same is true for physical sensations. Pain is loud so it’s really good at drawing our attention, but there’s a difference between noticing you’re hurt and getting upset about being hurt. I flipped my bike a couple months ago and scraped myself up incredibly badly, but there wasn’t a ton of suffering involved. The massive adrenaline shot left me shaking, I felt overwhelmed and like I wanted to cry, and the pain was very loud. But I laid on the ground for fifteen or twenty minutes and then walked the fifteen minutes back home. I wouldn’t call it fun, but it was totally okay. (Nick Cammarata has a good Buddhist take on this: suffering is a specific fast, grabby movement you do in your mind called “tanha” and if you pay attention you can learn to do it less.)
- alshival 1y agoI agree. I used to live high class. Then the Mafia came at me. I learned to lay low and appreciate poverty. Also, my ex and I bought a house, but then a richer man came and she kicked me out on Valentine's day. Now I despise wealth and luxury and now date only women at the flea market, cashiers and walmart stockers. Highly recommend. The devil wears Prada.
- samdoesnothing 1y ago[dead]
- vjvjvjvjghv 1y agoIt's the typical advice coming from high status people. Reminds me of rich people glorifying minimalism because they can buy stuff whenever they need it and throw it away after. Being truly low status isn't much fun.
- weatherlite 1y ago> Being truly low status isn't much fun. What is truly low status though ? I'd say it is quite rare. Most people are average. Truly low status I guess would be to be homeless or be so disfigured you cannot find a mate - something of that sort. I think many average or even above average people who are not low status want to have more status and that's their real issue - the unmet desire for more power, not being actually low status.
- vasilzhigilei 1y agoRelated: During solo travelling whenever a thought crosses my mind to do something and my instinctual internal response is discomfort, I try to make myself do it - even if I feel awkward inserting myself or going back. I've had so many awesome conversations with random interesting people every day during my trips thanks to this. I've gone places I'd otherwise not experience, all for the sake of exciting adventure and pushing my own bounds. The confidence that comes from this is significant. Also, as a former remote software engineer of 3 years, it has been so energizing to socialize with people again. Best upper that there is.
- djoldman 1y agoThere's a LOT here. I feel this applies to a lot of decisions. For instance, if you want to make a product that requires a database and you like building database stuff, do the database stuff last. Do what is difficult first - fail fast. The easy or default route will always be well known to someone.
- bitwize 1y agoSolo travelling was how I formed one of my most salient memories of the "moat of low status", to wit: going to Japan in 2011. Japan is an advanced G7 country, but unlike most of the rest, very few people there speak or understand English. So I was put in the position of having to get by with my shitty Japanese, or attempt to communicate even more futilely with the locals in English and seem like an even bigger, more clueless asshole. I think I gained more levels of Japanese in those two weeks than I did in two years of university education.
- Tade0 1y agoMy lifetime best command of Italian was when I lost the keys to my apartment and had to ask around if anyone has seen them. At that point I was already living part time in Italy for over two years, but since I was working remotely for a company in my country, I hardly had an opportunity to learn the language. Fortunately Italians appreciate people attempting to speak their language.
- ants_everywhere 1y agoOverall I like this framing. But I wanted to comment on this > In poker, it’s possible to improve via theoretical learning.... But you really can’t become a successful player without playing a lot of hands with and in front of other players, many of whom will be better than you. This is an interesting example because poker is a game that has existed for many years, and for most of those years everyone learned by doing and was terrible at it. People who excel at things have typically done more theoretical learning than the average person. Doing is necessary, but it's rarely the main way you learn something. Either you have a mentor who has already absorbed theory and transmits it to you in digested form, or you have to learn the theory yourself. But most people get the balance between theory and doing wrong, and most people err on the side of doing because theory is harder and less instantly rewarding.
- jmj 1y agowell said
- BrenBarn 1y agoI think one aspect of this is that learning from doing often involves more than just doing. It involves paying attention to what you're doing, and what other people are doing, and then reviewing that. This doesn't necessarily have to be "theoretical" learning, but it's deliberate or explicit study as opposed to just hoping to get better by osmosis. It's easy to do something a lot and not learn from it.
- shutupnerd0000 1y agoEveryone on HN is an expert in poker.
- AceJohnny2 1y agoTangentially, I've been applying something similar, but actually thinking of it as the privilege of high status. As a very senior member of my team, which has a lot of new college grads, I've been asking the "dumb" questions, the "irritating" questions, intentionally speaking up what I believe others may be thingking, specifically because I figure I can afford the social (career) hit.
- no_wizard 1y agoIn my experience this usually doesn’t turn into a career hit, but a career boon. I’ve been doing this since I was a junior, now I’m a staff engineer, and admittedly I am biased toward myself, but my career growth has been robust and among both my current t team and my professional network I feel I command a fair amount of respect and approachability because of this practice, which always pays off in the long run
- bravesoul2 1y agoThere must be much more to it. Staff is a leadership role effectively, right?
- no_wizard 1y agoYes, though that is what I am getting at. It displays good leadership characteristics and reflects positively upon a person who acts this way, having the confidence to ask questions that others don’t or won’t. It’s a positive thing
- pfannkuchen 1y agoI've had a similar experience with doing this overall in terms of career impact. It hasn't consistently worked for me, though. It really depends on the team. The main issue I've run into happens when a person's reply to my stupid question doesn't make sense to me. If I continue asking follow up questions in order to understand better they sometimes get angry. But if I stop asking questions when I start to detect anger then I am left feeling confused about how the system works. Either way I'm left with a negative emotional impression of the person's caliber. Which isn't great for me cohering with the team. I imagine that you've also run into this problem. How do you think about it?
- deleted 1y ago[deleted]
- pyrolistical 1y agoThe way I describe this idea is shamelessness is a super power
- neom 1y agoI grew up in Scotland in the 90s, the high school I went to was ill equipped to deal with someone as wide as I am on the spectrums. I was put into the "retarded children" programs. I think this resulted in me always "knowing" I was the dumbest person in the room, and eventually as a survival mechanism I learned to, well... not care. All through college, my 20s and 30s, I always felt like the dumbest person in the room, but I didn't really care I just felt super happy to be in the rooms, and so I said whatever I wanted and asked whatever I wanted. Now that I'm older, I realize what a blessing this ended up being because I've always ended up in rooms full of incredibly brilliant people having decent amounts of money thrown my way to be in them. Low status isn't so bad.
- FlyingSnake 1y agoEverything is a remix. Previous art: “ Willingness to look stupid” by Dan Luu. https://danluu.com/look-stupid/ https://danluu.com/look-stupid/ Precious discussion https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=28942189 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=28942189
- nico 1y agoVery similar to the concept of the dip, explained in the book The Dip by Seth Godin I asked Google to briefly summarize the concept: > The Dip: It's a term Godin uses to describe the unavoidable and challenging period that occurs after the initial excitement of starting a new project, skill, or career, and before achieving success or mastery. This is the time when things get difficult, frustrating, and many people are tempted to quit > Embracing the Dip: Instead of being discouraged by The Dip, Godin suggests that dips can be opportunities. They serve as a natural filter, separating those with the determination to persevere from those who are not truly committed. By pushing through the Dip, you can emerge stronger and potentially achieve greater rewards
- OjotCewIo 1y ago> unavoidable Well, no. Depends on the person. For some people and for some new undertakings, especially if those people know themselves well already, they can hit the ground running. I've seen it.
- charles_f 1y agoI started the piano when I was 32. I'm not particularly good at it, I'll never play anything complex, but I love playing and I do my best. My teacher forced me to play in public at some point, and that was probably one of the best things he did, to get me past the point of caring. That made me realize: no-one cares. You're the center of your life, and it's very important that you succeed, but the very few people who care about you (and whom you should care about) will have the patience, empathy, and admiration for you to be in that "moat", everyone else won't give a shit. If you fuck up, they'll forget about you in a minute. Try to remember about someone trying to do something you like but badly? You can't. Whenever I see a public piano I seat at it. Sometimes it's just shit and I'm the only one happy I can press keys. Sometimes I manage to play a piece, and a random couple of people are happy about it. This is a great article, follow its advice. The definition of low status is only the one you set for yourself. Push the shame and embrace it. No one cares anyways
- deleted 1y ago[deleted]
- ramblerman 1y agoLove the concept but “the moat of low status” is a poor name. It implies a defensive structure. I.e the advantage I get out of low status. Op even refers to the concept of moats as used in business, but clumsily hand waves the concept to fit her own. The cage of low status would be more apt
- derektank 1y agoBeing low status can be psychologically protective in some ways. One can opt into being low status as a defense mechanism, "I'm afraid of genuine failure, but by choosing artificial failure from the start, I can avoid the emotional pain of genuine failure."
- pavement_sort 1y ago>It implies a defensive structure. I.e the advantage I get out of low status. OP is using the term moat in the standard way, actually. Something you have to cross to get to the reward (skill at a particular thing), that most people won't pay the cost for (being temporarily bad at something and low status). It stops most people from even trying to compete. Quote from the article: "It’s called a moat because it’s an effective bar to getting where you’re trying to go, and operates much like a moat in the business sense — as a barrier to entry that keeps people on the inside (who are already good at something) safe from competition from the horde of people on the outside (who could be)."
- ozim 1y agoIt is super important to have “no asshole zones”. We can joke about “safe space” like “South Park” did but at least not having your work shredded to parts with snarky comments goes far. I started posting on LinkedIn this year. I was afraid all the time there will be assholes coming out of woods to just say “you’re an idiot take this post down” - it happened once in 6 months so not bad. Other asshole was reposting my stuff picking on the details basically making content out of me. Blocking was effective and shadow banning is great as those most likely moved on not even knowing I blocked them.
- zeroCalories 1y agoI know a lot of people as described in this post, but it's never been an issue for me. I'm much more concerned about earning status, then embarrassing myself. I remember when I first started BJJ I was getting crushed, but it was still fun. But once I had been doing it for a year getting submitted stung bad because I should have known better. In the end I think the advice about accepting embarrassment is still good, because if you're pushing yourself and trying to perform at a high level you will never stop failing and embarrassing yourself.
- hiAndrewQuinn 1y ago"Cate Hall is Astera's CEO. She's a former Supreme Court attorney and the ex-No. 1 female poker player in the world." This article is countersignaling. It also happens to be directionally correct. There is absolutely nothing low status about being present-day Cate Hall. But present-day Cate Hall probably tried and pushed through a lot of really tough stuff in part because yesteryear Cate Hall had this mindset. It so happened that she also had the talent to actually end up in impressive places. The real lesson one should probably take from a person like this is that learning to eyeball your own strengths and weaknesses before you start down the long path of honing them is really important. If you are low status now but you have reason to believe you will become much higher status in the future by persevering, then persevere. If not...
- baxtr 1y agoEncouraging people to be low status in order to have high status is a genius way to create a new status game.
- FlyingSnake 1y agoBe wary of imitating high status people who can afford to counter signal. https://www.robkhenderson.com/p/the-perils-of-imitating-high-status https://www.robkhenderson.com/p/the-perils-of-imitating-high...
- ImaCake 1y agoThanks for pointing out that it is counter signalling, but I would also say that it is good advice regardless. It's like an efficient highway - the road is straight and unadorned because looking "scientific" and sensible is how you convince government and the public it is a good idea. The fact that being efficient is also a net good is almost a side effect but still not to be ignored!
- e1g 1y agoShe’s a VC-backed founder who went to Yale, and her very first job was at Goldman. What she’s describing in the article is not “low status” because she hadn’t experienced that. But the feeling she describes reveals what she thinks “low status” is - embarrassment.
- reactordev 1y agoI love this. People have always asked me: Why don’t you have a big house or <status-symbol-x> or <status-symbol-y>? My response is always: Because I could use that capital to try something new. Granted, there were a few times I wish I had the house because of the market bumps but stocks have made up for it. People are scared of failing, scared of losing the precarious position they have built up over the years. The housing market has made that 10x worse with the prices but humans need to try different things, learn different things. You can’t just do one thing for 70 years. My father had 4 careers, 3 wives, 5 children throughout his lifetime. 2 degrees. I’ve had 1 wife, 1 child, 1 career, 1 degree, because the world is 100x more expensive now. This is what prohibits us from finding our ikigai.
- jhassell 1y agoGreat article. I’ve come to see that feeling embarrassed can actually be a kind of luxury. When I’m around people with disabilities—many of whom might simply hope to reach a point where embarrassment is even possible—it reminds me how much we take that experience for granted. In that light, embarrassment itself can feel like a privilege. It calls to mind 2 Corinthians 12:9: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
- bmicraft 1y agoI'm sorry but I don't quite get what you mean here. Could you maybe put it in simpler terms?
- jhassell 1y agoSure. Maybe feeling embarrassed is a sign that our pride sometimes carries more weight than it should. It’s easy to forget that many people—especially those who are disadvantaged or disabled—might not even have the opportunity to feel embarrassed in the same way. Perhaps it’s a gentle reminder to let go a little of our need to protect our self-image.
- stego-tech 1y agoI genuinely needed this piece today, specifically. Thanks for sharing it. I've been trying to live more authentically in general these past few years, making tiny little inroads one step at a time towards being someone I've consciously chosen, rather than merely exist in a safe form that doesn't risk alienating others (or rather, in a form I don't perceive to alienate others - obviously I am not a mindreader). Think classic tech neutral outfits (jeans and neutral shirts, neutral shoes, neutral socks, the sole piece of color being the Pride band of my Apple Watch). OCD hurts the process of trying to live authentically, because it's doing its damndest to ensure I never encounter harm. So last night, after coming down from some flower and watching the evening roll in, I decided to put on an outfit I'd put together. All sorts of bright colors: neon green and black sneakers, bright pink shirt, sapphire blue denim jean shorts, bleached white socks - and went for a walk. OCD was INCREDIBLY self-conscious that I would stand out (duh), court the wrong sort of attention, or somehow find myself in trouble...for wearing things I see everyone else wear without any issue whatsoever. The moat is real, and the mind wants to build barriers to minimize perceived harms; for neurodivergent folks, it can be downright crippling. Wallflowering at parties, never gambling on colors or bold styles, never taking on new challenges for risk of failure. It results in a life so boring, sterile, and uninteresting - to yourself, and to others. So...yeah. I got nothing to add other than my personal nuggets of experience. Really glad this piece came past on HN today, I think a lot of folks are going to enjoy its message.
- drst 1y agoI’m glad you’re happy. I do wish we could stop saying “moat”. Most of us aren’t living in ancient forts we need to protect.
- k__ 1y agoTangential related: I learned in a class on design that you should work with what you already know. If you don't know about colors, then do it in grey scale, if you don't know about that, do it in black and white. The best ideas come from working with constraints. While highly skilled designers/musicians/developers/writers/etc. do this despite being able to work outside of the constraints, a beginner can do it too. Sure, they can't choose the constraints as freely as a pro, but they can make work with what they got and it can lead to interesting results. This is also a good way to approach new things without embarrassing yourself, as you don't try to impress with skills you don't mastered 100% yet.
- deleted 1y ago[deleted]
- fat_cantor 1y agothe math version of this idea: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=41566446 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=41566446
- lo_zamoyski 1y agoIt comes down to pride and an insecure or poorly formed conscience. Obviously, you are going to be bad at something when you begin. What did you expect? Know it, accept it, and don’t pretend otherwise. Who expects a beginner to be good? And why are you afraid of someone, I don’t know, laughing at you or being condescending? What kind of prick would do that unless they were envious of your courage or insecure in their own abilities? The fact is that many people spend their entire lives putting up appearances, and with time, it becomes harder and harder for them to do anything about it, because the whole facade of false identity would have to crumble. They live is a state of fear of being outed and shamed. This is a recipe for mental illness. This matter situation reminds me of the parable about the Emperor’s new clothes. The boy’s potency comes from stating the obvious. You find something similar in professional life: the person who is like that boy in a room full of posers and blowhards is a threat to pretense, because he states the obvious. In that way, he is more in touch with reality, even if it is at such a basic level. This is a great catalyst for change in an organization, if the insecure and prideful don’t dig in their heels. The truth will set you free, and where there is good will, there is no fear. And learn to endure suffering.
- deleted 1y ago[deleted]
- caseysoftware 1y agoGood lessons. Over the past few years, I've managed to convince (and occasionally demonstrate) to my kids that "you'll be bad at anything new" and that they only way to get better is practice. As a result, when other kids have made fun of them for failing, they rebut with "I've never done this before! I'll get better!" which is awesome.. being able to handle failure, acknowledge it as failure, and then figure out how to get better. If you can get and hold onto that mindset, it's kinda awesome.
- kaycebasques 1y ago"Sucking at something is the first step towards being kinda good at something." --- Jake the Dog
- OjotCewIo 1y agoCounterpoint: you'll stop enjoying a new hobby, like learning to play the guitar, when you decide to get serious about it.
- unclad5968 1y agoThis hasnt my been my experience. I continue to love basketball despite being bad at it for years regardless of how much "serious" training I do.
- dceddia 1y agoIf it turns into treating it as a “should” then my experience is yes, definitely, that’s a death knell for basically anything. Without the “should” it continues to be fun. The trick is threading that needle.
- SlowTao 1y agoIt is said that God wrote the entire language for to use in a book and that we shall model ourselves off of it. Once it was done, God turns his back on the book and Satan sneaked in and added two words - "Should" and "Aught".
- dixong 1y agoBased on her profile picture I find it extremely hard to believe anyone made fun of her appearance unless one is being compared to a super model.
- deleted 1y ago[deleted]
- timewizard 1y agoYou have "social anxiety." You are not in a "moat of low status." The status is purely in your own mind and not something calculated and assigned to you by the world. Another CEO flying at 30,000' missing the forest for the trees.
- lazyeye 1y agoScott Galloway talks about this same concept here https://youtu.be/rKOx5qlLyaA https://youtu.be/rKOx5qlLyaA
- djmips 1y agoThe moat is filled with people pointing at you and yelling 'Don't quit your day job'
- 77pt77 1y agoThe real moat of low status is something completely different. It consists on punishing people with low status when they objectively succeed and doing so brutally if they excel. This entire post sounds like the complaints of someone with extreme privilege that lived a completely sheltered life. In fact, the title of this blog, "Useful fictions", plays exactly into that.
- deleted 1y ago[deleted]
- intellectronica 1y agoA few extra tricks that worked for me (you can alternate depending on what fits best in the moment): - Embrace the role of imposter. Instead of whining about imposter syndrome, accept a-priori that you are an imposter. The game is to survive as long as possible as an imposter in a world full of naturals. You lose not when you are made out, but when you give up. - Embrace being a useless git. You're an idiot, you have no talent whatsoever, you don't have the skill yet, and there's no hope you'll ever acquire it. So, no pressure, you're only playing. Anything beyond failing completely is a bonus. - Commit to "open to goal". You are starting today and you'll go on for as long as it takes. Possibly until you die. There's no deadline and no expected speed. You're just being stubborn and refuse to stop trying even in the face of evidence that you have no chance. - Be delusional about "the hack". You are special and you've discovered a hack that makes it easier and faster for you to acquire the new skill and apply it successfully than it is for most people. All you have to do is go through the motions, "the hack" will take care of things. - Fight injustice. You are _entitled_ to have this skill and the success it affords people, it is your god-given, inalienable right. But the world / family / society / boss / ex / whatever screwed you and you've been deprived of what's rightfully yours. Fuck them, you are now on a quest to acquire by brute force what you deserve.
- andy99 1y agoThere's some survivorship bias here. You often just end up looking like an idiot or being really bad at something. I agree that embarrassment shouldn't be a barrier but one should be aware of the flip side. "Putting yourself out there" mostly results in humiliation and rejection. Focusing on being thick skinned and resilient is maybe more important than imagining you just need to get over embarrassment. If you try new things, you may go bankrupt, get laughed at or be humiliated in a much worse way, be regularly rejected or talked down to, etc. It's not just about being brave for a minute. And in the end you might never make it.
- exolymph 1y agoI appreciate this. Risk is real! It's still worth taking risks, but the chance of failure is not imaginary.
- weatherlite 1y agoI agree but I think many of us are paralyzed even in the face of tiny risks or even imaginary ones. I have an idea for a 20 hour solo software project and besides the usual resistance of sitting there and getting it done, one of the barriers is the thought "what if people don't use it much" or what if "my wife doesn't get what I did it" and stuff like that. These are quite paralyzing feelings that are not really rational, I stand to gain more than I stand to lose by doing this project, and yet my mind has settled on the risk being about as high as the reward. You could say this is just me but I think many many people are like that.
- jhanschoo 1y agoA caveat that practice itself without reflection or deliberation does not necessarily lead to better outcomes. The author gives the example of poker, but a frequent poker player without knowledge of theory and without sufficient skepticism of optimality can easily learn suboptimal strategy. Similarly, learning a sport (which must be done by practice and alongside conditioning towards the sport) without a good coach is risky with respect to safety and with respect to failing to learn the right thing.