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My Time Working at Stripe

• deleted 2y ago
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• hu3 2y ago
  > Still more time passed and then came the depression. I found myself increasingly demotivated in all aspects of my life. I could hardly even muster the energy to play video games (my usual haunt). Some evenings I would literally sit and stare at a wall. My sleep went to shit. I'm sorry for that. I went through something similar and I managed to bounce back up but it took longer than I anticipated. Years, not months. Be gentle with yourself and forgive yourself.
  • calmbonsai 2y ago
    Amen. As much as it sucks in this culture atm, give yourself, at the very least, quarterly goalposts.
  • pixelatedindex 2y ago
    > Be gentle with yourself and forgive yourself. This is so hard for people like me who have high standards and are hard on themselves. I always wanted to buy a home - I graduated at the right time but I never got a job at big tech. When I did get my full time job it paid a good chunk below market, provided no equity and now post-pandemic whatever was at my fingertips is at least an arms length away. I have not done poorly for myself but I continue to rent in my mid 30s whereas my buddies at FAANG are much farther ahead in life. I was/am not kind to my past self in the current phase - constant thoughts of should have done this, should have known that, etc. With the current economy I feel like another chance might not come for another 5 years at the minimum, so I’m trying to learn my lesson and go to therapy, and accept it gracefully. I can’t even type “life isn’t a race and I shouldn’t compare myself” without putting it in quotes. Point is, don’t be like me. Yes it’s good to be driven and ambitious, but unmoderated it can be destructive.
• mparnisari 2y ago
  Sounds like you are burnt out. You did the right thing.
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• arcticbull 2y ago
  Big tech is very much a function of your team and manager. Any job is a function first of your manager, second of your team, third of your ability and fourth of your project. I always select teams in that way, within a company and outside, and this has been incredibly helpful. Stripe is a great place to work in some ways but judging from the writeup they had a ton of context switching preventing their productivity and the needs of the team didn’t align with what they did best. I’ve seen this feedback many times in many jobs. I’ve been there myself! No doubt this person will find something exciting in no time. Apropos of nothing as interviewers we do not put any weight on your submitting solutions after the window closes because we have to evaluate candidates consistently for business and legal reasons. We can’t give one person extra time because that’s not applying a consistent bar. Smaller companies may be more flexible but big tech won’t be. On the plus side big tech knows interviews are often a function of luck and setting and will generally always invite you to apply again without prejudice a few months later. Being in a position to recover by getting bored and hacking on stuff you’re passionate about without pressure is something we’re really lucky to have, and I always try to do this between jobs.
  • lucianbr 2y ago
    > On the plus side big tech knows interviews are often a function of luck How does this not mean "we hire at random"? It's especially egregious after explaining all the reasons you can't give a candidate extra time, because you're so precise and consistent. Which is it? Consistency and luck are opposites.
    • downWidOutaFite 2y ago
      It's not quite random, the goal is to bias the errors towards false negatives (bad rejection) than false positives because bad hires are so expensive to recover from.
    • pixelatedindex 2y ago
      I don’t know if it’s “we hire at random” more so “we hire based on intelligent guesses/calculated risk”. It’s not completely random because there’s a resume and a rigorous process.
• silisili 2y ago
  Well written. The one thing that immediately pissed me off was you doing something awesome, then having management attack you for reason X, where X attacks everything but the results. The reason never really matters, the real reason is that you threatened them in some manner and they need to justify their job. Honestly, I would have just quit at that point. You're a saint for staying any longer. This sounds like an absolutely terrible company to work for.
  • Aeolun 2y ago
    I was kinda expecting the rest of the post to prove that out.
  • gus_massa 2y ago
    Perhaps just a bad mánager, he got a better review with the new manager.
  • Jgrubb 2y ago
    They're not a saint, they're playing out a pattern that says "you're never good enough, try harder". The manager sounds classically awful and I hate that the world rewards such people w power over others.
• calmbonsai 2y ago
  Sleep is a definite signal. If you've eliminated diet, medication, and personal relationships (tough one) as causes, you're left with professional obligations. Note too that "chronic fatigue" is NOT "lack of sleep". The brain fog is the net resultant of the body being in a constant "fight or flight" mode for too long. Psychologically, you've been doing WWI "trench warfare".
• olivermuty 2y ago
  What you are experiencing is the symptom of working in a large company where no matter how well you perform, you can not significantly move the needle yourself. Coupled with the fact that, as you yourself pointed out, there is a literal endless amount of work to do, forever. This is also due to the nature of the company being so big. All companies always has work to do, and no one is ever «done», but in a giga-enterprise all meaningful deadlines and deliveries sort of tangentially rounds down to zero in terms of impact. I almost burned out from this myself working in Microsoft. I was succeeding in my work by most metrics, but I am motivated more by my work being MEANINGFUL and having impact more than anything. That is almost impossible to achieve in any large enough company. Jumped off to be a startup CTO and life started smiling again instantly. Take time away from work, but not too much time. Comments such as «it takes years» can be true if you have ground yourself down to a nub, but trying (and being ok with failing) to do some work that lets you feel like you mean something and contribute back to society is an understated and important part of the healing process. Good luck!
  • keiferski 2y ago
    Yeah this is why I sometimes miss the jobs I had in my early 20s, working at bakeries/ice cream shops/etc. Obviously the pay wasn’t great and the working conditions subpar, but there is a genuine psychological benefit to making a simple thing, giving it to people, then finishing work at the end of the day and being done, without an ongoing to-do list, sprints, daily meetings, and all the other requirements of contemporary white collar jobs. It’s led me to wonder how one could structure a knowledge work job in a similar way. The tough part conceptually is how to make progress long-term while still only keeping your focus on a day at a time, max.
    • foota 2y ago
      I couldn't find it after searching, but I remember reading about a company where they just relaxed and got done what they got done. To me, this would be the ideal workplace.
      • sharkweek 2y ago
• guitheengineer 2y ago
  I’ve seen this pattern repeated so many times that I feel like it can be generalized: when your mental health collapses nothing else holds value, it really doesn’t matter if you achieved your dream job, got all the prestige and income you initially desired, being mentally healthy is the basis of the pyramid. Something I learned based on that is to really prioritize it! Even if someone considers their career to be everything, realize that spending some of your earnings seeking professional help (therapy) is even a cheap investment considering that if you break and have to quit, you’re going to lose hundreds of thousands, and to recover it will suck (I’ve heard of people trying to quit tech altogether after burning out) Sneaking something else related to mental health: sleep should be #1 health wise, when you’re consistently not getting quality sleep for months, there’s nothing you can really do to get around that, it will eventually just break you (your body won’t care if you’re coping with coffe or exercising!) Btw that’s great writing and I really appreciate your courage in sharing this! I hope you’ll find your joy again.
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• yellow_lead 2y ago
  This is a great post and I'm glad the author was able to share it. I feel like I had a similar experience. Start working at a new job, hustle for several years, get promoted, projects do well, then ended up feeling bored and unexcited. Not exactly burnt out, but burnt out on the current pattern of life. I quit and moved to another country. I don't know if the author is "burnt out" or not. This is a privileged take, but sometimes it feels like a full time job is a leash. Life becomes so defined by your job it can feel suffocating. You can take a few weeks off, but a few weeks a year is hardly enough to have your own life.
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• abc-1 2y ago
  Great blog, but reading it gave me deep secondhand anxiety and even exhaustion. It’s strikingly clear this person is a people pleaser to potentially unhealthy levels, maybe due to low self-esteem or something else, and it could be contributing to the depression. Legitimately, therapy might be the right call here. But on the positive side, they do seem like a good person who wants to build good things. That’s commendable.
  • Jgrubb 2y ago
    100% agree. Please OP consider therapy or at least a next job that you can't give too much of a shit about. Care about the quality of the work you're shipping because it's fun. Be a human but keep your personal life personal. People pleasing, approval seeking makes you the battery in somebody else's flashlight. You will always find yourself used up by others. Don't give others control of your joy.
    • kirso 2y ago
      Totally, I think it also comes with a healthy detachment of the identity from work, because its only worth it in a personal context when working for yourself, not for another company.
• cobertos 2y ago
  I've been in this position a few times now. God is it hard to explain to other people, especially when you know how success is metricized by others and silently judged. But at the same time, the collection of life experiences gained by doing stupid, impulsive things has made me happier than I could have expected in the long run. And has shown me a lot of things I would not have seen otherwise.
• gradschoolfail 2y ago
  Time for PG to, with chainsaw & pernach, remind Patrick about founder mode?
• NetOpWibby 2y ago
  Big companies are great for job security, not so much for meaningful work (unless you’re senior, it seems). I’ve been at a massive company for four years and my work is uninspiring. Can’t wait to get back in the startup life.
• shubhamjain 2y ago
  Every company I have worked at I have hit this point of mental health collapse, just like OP. At this point, I can try everything—"Treating it just as a job", "finding happiness elsewhere", "just get shit done"—but nothing works. For a long while, I only found myself to blame. I felt idiotic for not having the energy to work like everyone else does. Past one and a half years, have been years of self-discovery. I have been hacking on projects full-time (hopefully, I will make sustainable money soon). And it's been so fun, and relieving, and joyful to direct your creative energy to projects, with no authority to answer to. It's not without difficult times though. Sometimes, I feel blocked to the point of abandoning months of hard work, but I am slowly learning how to avoid those situations. Honestly, everything I was advised was a lie (or at least, didn't work for me). I like being able to shape things, and use my creative energy to do useful things. Politics, and bureaucratic processes, drain my energy to an extent that I simply can't function. And no matter how hard I try, I can't ignore it with the mindset of "it's just a job." I can't find happiness in "being promoted" or whatever rating I am given. I just want to ship good software. When I am driven, I will forget about everything and just dive in to solve the problem. Sadly though, it's not an easy ask in a modern-day corporate environment. So, I would say what you're experiencing is normal in many ways. Don't kill yourself over it. If you have a list of fun projects, attempt them. For many of us, creative energy is precious, and needs to be directed well to keep ourselves sane.
  • kelnos 2y ago
    > Every company I have worked at I have hit this point of mental health collapse, just like OP. At this point, I can try everything—"Treating it just as a job", "finding happiness elsewhere", "just get shit done"—but nothing works. Sure, because that's too late. Once you've already collapsed, pretty much the only thing that's going to fix it is quitting and taking a break, possibly with some therapy. You need to "treat it as just a job" from your very first day there. You need to "find happiness elsewhere" every single day of your life, not just when you're feeling burned out. Regardless, I'm glad you've now found a path that's working for you!
• celltalk 2y ago
  I think this is the feeling when you realize what you’re doing does not matter. No big purpose, just a mere immortal. I think you need a bigger purpose bro, like really. Reach out.
• fnordpiglet 2y ago
  These symptoms are a classic sign of burn out. One thing I notice in your writing is you’re very tied up in things having meaning and mattering in some specific way. This itself can lead to burnout because if everything must matter you must be emotionally invested in everything. But you can care without it mattering to you. You can do a good job without being totally invested in everything about it. You can love what you do without it having significance in every detail. In a complex job with a fast pace, a fair amount of tech debt around every edge, a relentless pace of innovation happening, and - yes - growth, there’s too much to be invested in everything. It doesn’t have to matter that much. The parts you really care about, the craft and quality of your work, your relationships, mentoring and growing the people around you, seeing things get better one piece at a time, and a few things - they can matter. But everything can’t. And even those you have to at some very deep level realize don’t matter really. Stripe doesn’t really exist in this world. It’s a shared fiction to help frame the interactions between you and a few people you actually interact with in a day. The real truth is the only thing that happens in your days is you type on a computer and talk to a few people. It actually doesn’t matter in any meaningful way what you typed or some higher purpose around humbling honesty or exothermic curiosity or PMEs or whatever stories we tell ourselves to create some sort of reality out of the fiction. The only important things you really do is how you shape the lives of the people you interact with, and how you shape your own life. Burnout is hard. Adopt a daily meditation practice. Let your mind heal by letting go of meaning and practice enjoying the moment you’re in with whomever you’re with, but most especially yourself. The joy will come back faster the faster you let go of things needing to matter or have deeper meaning, especially when those things are a fiction like a company or a career or any of the other small and big lies we’ve been told and we reinforce to ourselves daily. I know I’ve been there man, and I know exactly - exactly - the sensations and experiences you describe. It gets better, but I think once you get there it never totally goes away and it’s easier to slip back. FWIW I don’t think burnout is the same as depression. I’ve felt both and burnout is different. It’s that loss of ability to engage - which overlaps with depression - but usually doesn’t come with the thoughts of hopeless despair and desire for life to be over. It’s just more of a deadness and inability to initiate what you think you should want to do but can’t, and it pervasively impacts everything. It gets better.
  • 2y ago
• DeathArrow 2y ago
  >he asked the team, “for this meeting I’d like us to try and introduce ourselves a little differently. If you’re comfortable, I’d like us to try and be 10% more vulnerable than we normally would in a work setting.” I remember feeling a mix of anxiety and excitement rise in my chest. I sat pondering what I would share. I decided to go for more than 10%. I shared about how my marriage had almost collapsed a couple years prior and a taste of how painful it was. Some of my coworkers shared deeper things I’d never heard in a work setting. It was awkward. It was beautiful. I'd rather not have my manager forcing me to do group therapy. I owe the company some work hours and they own me money. If I want to have personal relations with someone from my work, befriend somebody, share personal things, that is my choice. My personal life is not the company business. Of course I wouldn't say all that to the manager, but 'I'll put him on the list of people I should be careful about, and fake some confessions.
  • dabeeeenster 2y ago
    If you did this in the UK you can be guaranteed a meeting with HR. Absolutely mind blowing.
    • kyleee 2y ago
      A meeting with HR too, talk about adding insult to injury
      • cutemonster 2y ago
        I think they mean that the manager would get to talk to HR
  • aaronbrethorst 2y ago
    10% more vulnerable? Ok, I’ll make up a story about how some weekends I keep working because I love this job and team so danged much! A team isn’t a family. A company isn’t a family.
  • soneca 2y ago
    Well, the manager asked only for “10% more vulnerable”. That seems pretty far from “being forced into group therapy” in my perception. It was the author and colleagues that decided to overstate, and seemingly did not regret. Groups of humans sometimes have connections like these, whatever the environment they are in. I am sure other similar meeting with the same prompt only generated people saying they have two cats, they I am anxious about learning a new programming language or that they do not quite understand Stripe business model
• DeathArrow 2y ago
  >motivated more by my work being MEANINGFUL I quit trying to find meaning in my work long time ago. And work never depresses me. I work to have food on the table for me and my family. That is enough of a motivation. If I want to do something meaningful, I either work on a personal project or contribute to one, outside work.
  • whstl 2y ago
    That's how it should be. It is too dangerous to attach meaning to a place that can fire you, or push you into burnout.
• oldpersonintx 2y ago
  [dead]
• DeathArrow 2y ago
  I think the author had unrealistic expectations from working at a large company. He expected doing something meaningful that will change the world. He expected to be applauded like a hero for his efforts. But things don't work like that. If you work your ass out, don't expect more than a pat on the back. Managers won't care about your efforts, your mental state or your sleepless nights. They care about looking good in front of their superiors. So it's better to do just that is expected for you, enough to get a good evaluation. If you come out with a brilliant idea that might help the company a lot don't just do it. Find some allies in the higher hierarchy, explain to them what is their advantage, do a POC or MVP, then let the top management know in a public meeting. That way you get a lot of credits and applause for doing great things for the company and fighting the good fight.
  • lmm 2y ago
    The flip side of that is that if companies make "passion" a hiring criterion, they'll end up hiring people who care about making a difference, which may serve them poorly if the position doesn't actually fit that.
    • Aeolun 2y ago
      Of course not. They got 4 years of fantastic work out of the guy before he burned out. That serves them just fine. The only requirement is that you have no morals.
      • stitched2gethr 2y ago
        I don't see it that way. He wanted to work there. They paid him for his time and from his account all of the passion was his own. I'm not speaking against those who just want to do what's required, but is it really wrong to hire someone who is passionate about the work?
        • Aeolun 2y ago
          Sorta, yeah. Working for a largeish enterprise I actively select against too much passion. Those people will come in, go WTF constantly for about half a year, spend another half year doing less and less, before eventually leaving for greener pastures. I mean, I get them, as I went through the same thing.
• kaiwenwang 2y ago
  https://www.ribbonfarm.com/2009/10/07/the-gervais-principle-or-the-office-according-to-the-office/ https://www.ribbonfarm.com/2009/10/07/the-gervais-principle-...
• deeplogiccom 2y ago
  I think it might help to focus on staying grounded and regulating your emotions, especially when it comes to thinking about Patrick and his success. While it’s natural to admire someone who has built an impressive company and achieved significant financial success, remember that people are often respected for being authentic and secure in who they are, rather than for how much they admire others. I think a good approach would be to consider asking for adjustments to your work hours or talking with your team lead about creating a plan to make your work environment feel more manageable. It might also be helpful to discuss with a therapist why Patrick’s success affects you so strongly. Understanding the root of this could help you focus more on your own growth and well-being. The challenges you experienced at Stripe aren’t unique to that company. These same lessons are likely to come up in future roles if they’re left unaddressed. You have the choice to face these issues now or later, but life has a way of bringing them back until they’re fully understood and resolved. Taking proactive steps now can set you up for a healthier, more resilient future in your career and beyond.
  • jondlm 2y ago
    I completely agree. I didn't talk about it in the post but I have done a lot of therapy over the last couple years. I'm painfully aware of the ways I've projected my past pain onto my present. My attempt with the article was to simply reflect how things have felt and leave analysis largely absent. I realize it's left folks with a lot of questions and rightly worried about me. I'm in a much better place now. Thank you for taking the time to write this comment.
• pammf 2y ago
  Ways I found that helped me the most dealing with this kind of situation: - Refine your definition of what’s “meaningful”: anything that helps you, your colleagues, helps you to learn a new thing or simply allows you to create something beautiful can be meaningful; there’s a lot of meaning in giving a meal to someone starving, even though you’re not solving any big societal issue or being applauded by many for that single act. - Don’t take people like the OP’s first manager too personally: with time you realize they’re generally not evil or terrible human beings, they’re just in a different mission. Usually they are also as lost as we are, trying to find meaning and recognition. Just lower the importance you give to them (if you’re really incompatible with their personalities) and focus on your work. If even then it becomes toxic, then move. - Most importantly: reshape your relationship with work. Who you are and what you do are not necessarily the same thing. I don't like the advice of "slacking and collecting your pay check" (been there, you also feel shit after a while), but I think that going a bit to that direction helps to find balance.
• skwee357 2y ago
  Corporate environments tend to destroy the human souls. More so with “dream companies”. Sure, job is a big part of our life, but it’s better to leave as “just job”, and not focus on it too much. Wishing the best to the author!
• sourcepluck 2y ago
  > The tech I build protects well-being and promotes human flourishing. Tech should never exploit weaknesses no matter how well intentioned. That's from the "values" section of the website under the "Tech as a tool" subsection. How does working for Stripe fit with this value? As a mere user of "tech", and a concerned observer of what I perceive to be its negative effects on society around me the last 5-10 years, it feels impossible to deny that the main drivers of the tech space haven't been "protecting well-being" and "promoting human flourishing", rather the opposite, and often rather brutally. The article leaves the question unanswered of what actually led to the depression, and I'm left wondering if the author explored that question specifically. Perhaps Stripe aren't building technology that promotes human flourishing, and perhaps the author's core values were clashing with the reality of a modern tech company.
• sourcepluck 2y ago
  Also, this article prompted me to use Ngram for the first time, to compare "camaraderie" and "comradery", which I was amazed and appalled by. The resulting diagram really helped soothe me, so here it is: https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=camaraderie%2Ccomradery&year_start=1800&year_end=2022&corpus=en&smoothing=3 https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=camaraderie%2C...
  • davedx 2y ago
    Probably the "English is a dual language with lots of words that mean the same thing because half are from French and the other half are Anglo Saxon" thing again. There are loads of words like this, there was an article about it on HN the other week
    • sourcepluck 2y ago
      No, not whatsoever. "Camarade" is the French word they both stem from, and the spelling "comradery" is the (North) American variant which some sources describe as an error and some not. It's the U.S. vs England spelling thing again, except this time the U.S. spelling doesn't seem to be catching on, for some reason. To get a feel for the whole thing in Ngram I looked at "labor,labour", "color,colour" and "organize,organise" and for each one the U.S. spelling was winning by a little or by loads, but "camaraderie" heavily dominates "comradery" in terms of usage. So, a little bit mysterious, maybe. [Ngram is a great tool].
      • Tade0 2y ago
        I for one could not help but read it in my head with a thick Slavic accent. All the more interesting that I am Slavic already.
• deleted 2y ago
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• jakub_g 2y ago
  Thanks for this writeup. I hope the author recovers soon. Some of the situations feel familiar to my experience in other companies, so here's some advice to younger folks, which took me some time to grasp: - Communication with the manager is critical. Better to overcommunicate than undercommunicate. It's a natural tendency for curious folks to do "side quests" and while you were supposed to work on X, you noticed that you can improve Y which in your opinion is more important. At the very least, drop your manager a Slack message like "hey, I was supposed to work on X but I have an idea about Y which can bring more benefit, I will take N hours/days to dig into that if that's ok with you" and see what's their response (also make sure to time constrain it to avoid getting sidetracked for too long). I was definitely burned by this in prev job: I shipped some nice things but I was supposed to work on something else which I didn't do, and each time my manager mentioned this (i.e. N months later in performance evaluation), I knew it was correct for him to point it out, but it made me feel bad. - In bigtech the work happens in quarters. If you're unhappy about things you work on currently, take some time to prepare the work items you do want to work on, and seed your manager's mind before next quarter planning about things you DO want to work on, why, how is the impact and so on. - When feeling overwhelmed with too many things on your plate, talk to your manager to dispatch some responsibilities to other team members. Don't be the messiah who needs to fix everything by yourself silently and burn out. - For candidates: When doing interviews, you absolutely should do everything to streamline things and avoid distractions. Most likely use JS or Python for coding. Probably avoid TS, definitely avoid C++. It's too easy to get lost fighting the compiler or "reinventing the world" with languages like C/C++. You won't get extra points for going uphill, but you will get minus points for not finishing.
• wkjagt 2y ago
  There's a lot of comments on the "10% more vulnerable" part of the post in here that amount to "I just owe the company work hours, and they owe me money", and a strong aversion to showing anything resembling human connection going slightly further than "how are you", "fine". One commented even called the question by the manager "abuse", and suggested the manager should be fired. But if on most days we're spending most of our time with these people, what do we gain from automatically disqualifying them from human connection just because they work at the same place as us? And let's not pretend that the manager in this story forced anyone to do anything.
  • yunohn 2y ago
    I’ve heard of cases where not sharing vulnerability in such a setting led to others (who did) being offended and subsequent othering. While arguing the manager needs to be fired is a bit too far, you do need to consider the power differential and how it forces conformance from everyone.
    • kyleee 2y ago
      Yes, if someone shares they were abused as a child, it becomes much more fraught to tell everyone you messed up two poached eggs while making brunch last weekend and you are not quite the chef you hope to be. That’s why you have to volunteer to go first, because then you have plausible deniability about the expected level of vulnerability.
  • molochai 2y ago
    I have personal experience with a manager who acted similarly intrusively, seeming to want to blur lines between professional and personal. They later critiqued my (supposed) emotional state and motivations in a professional review. "Force" may not be accurate as in strapping me into the group until I talk, "abuse" may not be accurate as in an active misuse of power -- but there are negative consequences for non-participation. I'm not the least bit opposed to connecting with peers. I've extracted two cherished friends of 10+ years from prior jobs. I just require it to occur organically and with peers, separate from groups led by the person signing my paychecks and writing my annual reviews.
• nvarsj 2y ago
  A lot of this post reminds me of my own experience in big tech. I think it's really brutal to those inclined to the highly sensitive person archetype (overly sensitive to external stimuli). Every little thing you do is analysed and the perf process is intense. It can also be illogical - despite attempts to not be - as subjectivity in the perf process is almost unavoidable. Just take this author, who had a successful project, but got below expectations simply because their manager or a senior lead got a bad impression from probably a handful of interactions with them. At these companies you _have_ to learn to not get emotionally or mentally invested in this process, or it can wreck you. Therapy can help a lot here.
• kopirgan 2y ago
  Gave up about 30% of the way..
• mndgs 2y ago
  Sorry for a probably unpopular opinion here, and let me generalize a bit: Gen Z all the way... (Saying this makes me feel a bit old, I guess I'm certainly am than the author). On a serious note, in my book there are hints of perfectionism right from the start of the story (fonts dimming, wait 30 sec to join the meeting..). And too much fragility in personal attidudes. S/he is probably a relatively young idealistic person, early in the career. Such people often don't last long, if they can't change inside and take manager's or corporate shit. One needs at least some "fuck it" attitude to preserve one's dignity. Your performance review does not and cannot define you as a person. Else you're likely to end up disappointed and/or emotionally exhausted. And that's what I see here.
  • eddd-ddde 2y ago
    Everything in life needs a healthy amount of "fuck it" attitude. The second I learnt this and started living by it my happiness shot up and my anxiety went down. Who cares if you mess up, you have to stop living by your ideas of other people's ideas of you.
    • _proofs 2y ago
      i feel similarly and have had an adjacent experience with anxiety. the more i got to know myself, and the more i've accepted myself over the years, the more i've found myself self-advocating and validating my own existence (to myself) -- i do not need to prove or justify it to others, and i have been working on keeping this mantra alive. a large part of this experience has been overcoming things by applying a healthy dose of, "fuck it -- this is for me." [1] [1] obviously one can suggest there is an element of hedonism or selfishness inherent in the attitude, but i think we can appreciate framing it in the context of not using this attitude or mantra to justify being self-destructive, or harmful -- that is not the point. it's more about applying it in a way, that combats the mundane insecurities i've faced and experienced in a range of extremes, which otherwise get in the way of personal growth.
    • nunez 2y ago
      I agree, but many people in this world are raised by parents for whom "fuck it" is not an option. Escaping that kind of environment is very difficult.
• 101008 2y ago
  Not sure if this helps someone, but I joined a new German company a few months ago, the type of company that has a great culture and everyone wants to work for (when I announced it on Linkedin my stats increased and I received a lot of invitations). Anyway, on-boarding was awful and codebase is terrible. For the first four months I have been struggling, suferring, getting frustrated, and everything impacting my life outside work (weekends, sleeping, etc) Then I realized. This is just a job. What is the worst it could happen? Getting fired and these people thinking I'm an idiot? I can live with that. I won't probably meet them again (perks of remote) and I could find another job down the line. And that helped me. What you do at work and how are you seen at work, as long as you are responsible, shouldn't be that important. Leave it at work and try to enjoy your life. Don't carry it with you, especially when it is a position where you don't have much control.
• edlebert 2y ago
  I quit Stripe after only six months because the pace, stress, and anxiety were not worth the paycheck.
  • leoqa 2y ago
    Stripe is a tough place at all levels, I saw more staff engineers get fired there than anywhere else. Had some bad managers and then some good ones. Did my time and got out.
• onetokeoverthe 2y ago
  No wonder I cannot find an easy to use payment processor.
  • snapcaster 2y ago
    in my experience stripe's software is great, and their documentation is top notch. What is your problem with the product?
    • onetokeoverthe 2y ago
      I￶t's not a personal "me or your" problem. It's "macro, structural". Prohibited Businesses￶: By registering for Stripe, you are confirming that you will not use the Service to accept payments in connection with the following businesses, business activities or business practices: (1) door-to-door sales, (2) offering substantial rebates or special incentives to the Cardholder subsequent to the original purchase, (3) negative response marketing, (4) engaging in deceptive marketing practices, (5) sharing Cardholder's data with another merchant for payment of up-sell or cross-sell product or service, (6) evading Card Network's chargeback monitoring programs, (7) engaging in any form of licensed or unlicensed aggregation or factoring, (8) airlines, (9) age verification, (10) age restricted products or services, (11) bail bonds, (12) bankruptcy lawyers, (13) bidding fee auctions, (14) collection agencies, (15) chain letters, (16) check cashing, wire transfers or money orders, (17) counterfeit goods, (18) currency exchanges or dealers, (19) embassies, foreign consulates or other foreign governments, (20) firms selling business opportunities, investment opportunities, mortgage consulting or reduction, credit counseling, repair or protection or real estate purchases with no money down, (21) credit card and identity theft protection, (22) cruise lines, (23) essay mills, (24) flea markets, (25) drug paraphernalia, (26) extended warranties, (27) fortune tellers, (28) ?get rich quick? schemes; (28) gambling (including but not limited to lotteries, Internet gaming, contests, sweepstakes, or offering of prizes as an inducement to purchase goods or services), (29) sports forecasting or odds making, (30) illegal products or services, (31) mail-order brides, (32) marijuana dispensaries and related businesses, (33) money transmitters or money service businesses, (34) multi-level marketing or pyramid schemes, (35) online or other non-face-to-face pharmacies or pharmacy referral services, (36) prepaid phone cards, phone services or cell phones, (37) pseudo pharmaceuticals, (38) quasi-cash or stored value, (39) securities brokers, (40) sexually-oriented or pornographic products or services, (41) shipping or forwarding brokers, (42) substances designed to mimic illegal drugs, (43) telemarketing, (44) telecommunications equipment and telephone sales, (45) timeshares, (46) travel agencies or travel clubs, (47) online or other non-face-to-face tobacco or e-cigarette sales, (48) weapons and munitions (49) virtual currency that can be monetized, re-sold or converted to physical or digital goods or services or otherwise exit the virtual world, (50) personal computer technical support, (51) selling video game or virtual world credits (unless you are the operator of the video game or virtual world), (52) selling social media activity, such as Twitter followers, Facebook likes or Youtube views, (53) human hair, fake hair or hair-extensions, (54) any product or service that infringes upon the copyright, trademark or trade secrets of any third party, or (55) any product, service or activity that is deceptive, unfair, predatory or prohibited by one or more Card Networks. No hair extensions?!?
• nine_zeros 2y ago
  I think this post highlights one of the core reasons why tech jobs suck so much and why burnout is so common among such smart people. It is because a lot of these jobs are oriented towards PERFORMANCE REVIEWS that are based on BS unrelated to the actual work - such as feelings of others or sometimes # of commits. Big tech management has departed from being leaders to being raters and rankers of things they are unqualified to rate and rank. They have organizational authority which they should be using to make good choices for customers, employees and projects. But the management only uses it for reviews. Of course, this is toxic. No one wants to be led by people who don't care more than them and don't contribute in helping the work. Why wouldn't someone get burned out in such an environment?
  • segmondy 2y ago
    Nah, I think OP has reached his idea of pinnacle. When you set out to do a thing, and achieve that thing, it's all downhill unless you set out for more challenging goals or switch up. People often get depressed, after getting their dream job, getting promotions, having a successful business exit. It's normal. When you realize this is normal, it makes it easier to embrace it and figure the next step forward. It's the right balance of the struggle that keeps us feeling alive and on the edge. Too much and you become hopelessly depressed, no struggle and you feel empty and depressed too.
• dionian 2y ago
  I identified with this story quite a bit. I had a similar experience at a cut-throat big name tech company. It's extremely political and the business has to run extremely sharp to succeed. Hence the hightened politics and management involvement at that level. You did a great job with the writing! It was fun to read, and interesting to hear the story. Best of luck in the future
• deleted 2y ago
  [deleted]
• lquist 2y ago
  My email admired by a billionaire? Bliss. Hoping this is satire
  • jondlm 2y ago
    It wasn't. It's the painful truth of how I felt. I'm not saying it's good. In fact, it's _very bad_.
• angarg12 2y ago
  This is what happens when you make your work most of your identity. At the end of the day work won't love you back. Managers will come and go. Projects will start and end. Colleagues will join and leave. For most of us work is an important part of our lives, after all we spend a big chunk of our life there. But try to find meaning outside work.
• FpUser 2y ago
  >"She shared with me some concerns about my communication and project management. She, and apparently others she gathered feedback from, felt like I hadn’t done a good enough job pulling other engineers into the project." You are software developer, not a manager. It is her job to worry about things like that. >"for this meeting I’d like us to try and introduce ourselves a little differently. If you’re comfortable, I’d like us to try and be 10% more vulnerable than we normally would in a work setting" What a fucking moron. Most likely he was fishing for weak spots to be exploited. I do not get how one can fall for this type of crap. Anyways this whole thing reminds me why I've never wanted to work for big companies and eventually went on my own. I do not need somebody else to organize my life. I do job, client pays money and this is where it ends.
• xivusr 2y ago
  Really appreciate the honest writing, and can appreciate the courage it takes to share this type of honest reflection publicly. Definitely keep writing, the "like a peacock" line made me chuckle :-)
• chiefrubberduck 2y ago
  thank you for sharing your story and experience through all of this
  • jondlm 2y ago
    Thank you for the kind comment :)
• thecleaner 2y ago
  I kinda applaud OP for sharing their personal story. However, I personally never understood why people give a shit about objectives which aren't tied to business objectives. I mean the build improvement of 10x is great, but so what ? Also, Stripe is barely profitable. As an engineer in big tech, I wouldn't even consider applying. You're better off targeting Principal engineer at Big Tech since it implies doing some really ground breaking software work. At that point, you probably don't have to worry about middle management and that bs. Outside the big 4 I had an experience where the manager read a Software engineering management book and would follow the things down to the letter like a superstition. It was a stupid exchange but ChatGPT really helped build my repository of meaningless corporate soeak. I find it to be a very useful skill.
  • canucker2016 2y ago
    But that's the problem with the OP's job - "first hire onto the brand new JS Infra team". That doesn't sound like a customer/external developer-facing position. It can be hard to make a visible impact when your work is hidden behind many layers. But that's the nature of their job - it's not a "rainmaker" position, it's a cost centre. But it sounds like they wanted to have a job that had more visible impact.
  • snapcaster 2y ago
    I'm glad someone else mentioned this, i think too often engineers think they've done something huge because it was technically challenging but how does any of this impact the business? why would speeding up dashboard builds by 10x matter at all?
    • astrange 2y ago
      Focusing on things often causes you to get worse at them, so businesses intentionally keep most employees away from profit or from thinking about it. In ZIRP land this might be because they're banking tech workers so they won't start their own startup, or in case someone comes up with a better thing for them to do. Instead you do artificial projects and it either impresses people enough to get you a good performance review or it doesn't. This often produces customer surplus (like when companies release cool open source projects they didn't need to write) so it's a good thing, maybe.
• pjot 2y ago
  > He gave me a coderpad link. I started to read through the question. I could already feel my mind moving like molasses. On the surface the question seemed straightforward enough. It presented a simple data structure and asked me to do some filtering based on a set of constraints. “No problem!” I thought. I fired up vim and got to work. Wait, since when can you use your own editor? Is this common? Did I just fail to ask? My interview with Stripe felt similarly nerve wracking - with writing code in what may as well be TextEdit.app contributing to that feeling
  • jlund-molfese 2y ago
    Some companies will actually ask you to share your screen and run a bash script they provide to install dependencies live instead of providing a coderpad link. I don't like those interviews at all. It feels invasive if you aren't prepared with a VM already, and then you have to worry about undoing whatever their script did afterward.
  • __float 2y ago
    Yes, you can use your own editor. It's not generally _offered_ for the first (pre "onsite") interview but is an option if you ask. It's made clear (recommended, even) for the onsite that you have that option.
• sashank_1509 2y ago
  > >he asked the team, “for this meeting I’d like us to try and introduce ourselves a little differently. If you’re comfortable, I’d like us to try and be 10% more vulnerable than we normally would in a work setting.” I think this is a ham fisted attempt at trying to solve one of the most isolating and painful issues of modern day work environments: the complete lack of any friendship or camaraderie whatsoever. I was not born in the 1980’s but just reading stories of how people worked then, makes me feel that there was a level of trust and friendship somehow that is completely lacking in a modern job. It is a painful life when you cannot be friends with the folks you spend 40+ hours a week your entire life. I don’t know why or how it has gotten to be this way. Modern pop psychology recommends you to be vulnerable and open, but that’s definitely wrong, maybe even opposite of what you should do, I was never vulnerable with my college friends, but we did have kickass time in college and we were friends. I would much rather that just have continued into my professional life, but instead we get a sterilized environment, that we just live through trying to find meaning in our work, to make the passing of 40+ hours more pleasant.
  • nunez 2y ago
    You can't REALLY be friends with people that can extend or end your career. Needing to promote and fire people is part of the job. Doing these things friends is almost impossible to do. I'm almost certain this is talked about in most managerial training curriculums. This manager's tactic sounds like a tip from a book they read. Creating a safe space for teammates to feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable is ver hard, but asking them to be a smidge more vulnerable than last time is inauthentic and potentially dangerous in the hands of management with ulterior motives.
• nunez 2y ago
  Hitting a wall sucks, and FAANG style tech companies know how to hurl their engineers (and their management) straight towards it. I'm glad you got out. Gotta look out for you, always; (most) companies sure as shit won't. Unrelated, but if OP is here, about this: > Things were moving rather smoothly despite my sweat soaked armpits. I silently resented my wife’s decision to unilaterally give up anti-perspirant due to chemicals. Check out Arm and Hammer's Essentials deodorants. They don't contain aluminum and smell great despite being all natural. I switched to this deodorant after noticing that Mitchum deodorants were staining the pits of my shirts.
• deleted 2y ago
  [deleted]
• vunderba 2y ago
  I remember the moment when my buddy Slacked me saying that my shipped email had been one of Patrick’s tabs in a Friday Fireside. I hadn’t attended because I was too busy trying to work more. My email admired by a billionaire? Bliss. The thought of Patrick noticing me felt unbelievably good. Oof. Allowing other people to dictate your own self-worth is always a bad sign. I'll take a five figure bonus pay out over a "good job old boy" pat on the back any day.
  • toomuchtodo 2y ago
    Hard learned lessons for some. The money is the validation, anything else is a call for therapy or more support from loved ones. https://thecontextofthings.com/2014/10/15/don-draper-thats-what-the-money-is-for/ https://thecontextofthings.com/2014/10/15/don-draper-thats-w...
• neilv 2y ago
  The stereotypical brogrammer hazing interview at the start kinda foreshadowed everything else. When you see that a company is playing games in an interview, the questions are what other forms will the doofus/jerky culture take if you join, and how will it affect you.
  • whiplash451 2y ago
    What kind of games are you referring to? The interview seemed standard to me.
  • cipheredStones 2y ago
    This is the entirety of the post's description of the interviewer and the interview itself: > He introduced himself and we settled into the usual ritual of a phone screen. ... He gave me a coderpad link. ... It presented a simple data structure and asked me to do some filtering based on a set of constraints. ... He kindly ended the interview and asked if I had any questions. Everything else is about the author struggling and being anxious. Where do you get "stereotypical brogrammer hazing"?
    • neilv 2y ago
      Because traditionally good software engineers in an interview would treat each other as colleagues, not turn the meeting into a one-way hazing. The CS101 hazing interview style was popularized by some CS students with no work experience, and then cargo-culted as religious rituals by others who also didn't have any other conception of what interviews for experienced professionals should be.
      • __float 2y ago
        Do you think interviewers at a company this size are deciding how interviews are run? They're basically just following a script.
  • dilyevsky 2y ago
    Oh no! They asked a coding question for an l3 eng position and used coderpad, not some private environment which would be impossible to review after the call! Such hazing Actually one could argue if it kept being “stereotypical brogrammer” on the actual job, it would end up being much better outcome for the author
• whiplash451 2y ago
  The bigger lesson is that no company in the world (except maybe your own) should trigger so much emotional involvement from day one. With time you learn to put everything in perspective. I am worried that the author did not learn that lesson in the end since he quit with no job behind, which is not a sign of emotional stability.
  • asadotzler 2y ago
    Unless it's your own company, I mean really yours and not "I own 1/1,000,000 of it in stock".
  • sofal 2y ago
    Exactly how broke do you think this guy is that taking a career break is a sign of instability?
• Brian_K_White 2y ago
  What was the point of this to anyone who does not already know this person? I thought the internal memo was going to just be the background to set up the actual point which would be something they learned or something. Actually at first I thought it was going to be about Stripe's culture but there was really nothing too exceptionally bad, just ordinary bog standard work in a too-big company issues. The standout most offensive thing Stripe did to them was something they actually liked. So, fine, it won't be about how good or bad Stripe is, just about some process they went through and it starts with "I'm not feeling much purpose to my life and I'm not sure why not, but work as a developer in a generic bog standard tech company is not providing it." Ok, got it. Setup established. Ready for the point now. But then that's it. 'No "and then"'. Ok like, so what? The mere fact of deciding to quit a tech job for the vague reason of non-specific dissatisfaction is relevant to this person's direct close friends & family, barely relevant to anyone else at their company, and not relevant at all to anyone else.
  • mistrial9 2y ago
    you are provided with an up-close and detailed story of a person under pressure at a high-pressure company, and the ending is not a good ending for the high skill person. Since there is no conclusion drawn "for you" you must do the work of active imagination and decide for yourself, why "so what." At a minimum, some empathy for the person writing to start with.. being nauseous or in a cold sweat over work situations, interviews, the expectations of a spouse over stable income.. lots of reasons.. This person is being a lot more than ten percent vulnerable in writing this.. they say right away they were torn over writing it in public.
    • Brian_K_White 2y ago
      Posing a problem is not a story or a point. All this is the posing of a problem, or the reciting of a sequence of mere events. "I tried to go to work today, but there was too much snow in the driveway."
• nojvek 2y ago
  Hey Jon, Kudos for having courage to write it up. Enjoyed my time with you at Stripe. Large company cog syndrome is very real. Especially when performance reviews are not tied to reality but someone’s inner monologue that you have no access to. Take care. Time heals most wounds. Oregon is a beautiful place.
  • jondlm 2y ago
    Hey Noj! Thanks! I certainly am getting some good rest. Things aren't as bleak as they may appear from my article.
• siliconc0w 2y ago
  It makes sense to care about a 'startup' if it's like a few small teams, everyone knows each other, resources are still constrained, etc. But when the company is public or on their series Z funding round and the once nimble startup has devolved into a big ball of bureaucracy- the psychologically healthier thing is to not care. Your project may be no-scoped by a higher up for no discernable reason. Your trash manager was probably imported from a similarly bureaucratically burdened company and will import and impose their bullshit. You don't have any real agency or identity to this company which will treat you as an interchangeable resource. Sure, try to be useful where you can but seek validation and meaning outside of work. I generally recommend a side project you have agency in that can maybe one day replace your primary employment.
• kev009 2y ago
  Of course we only see one side of the story here, but as written the original manager sounds like a maniac. Letting someone complete a major and well received project and then sniping backward at how they did it with a performance review reeks of incompetent tyrant. Where the hell was the feedback and mentoring when it mattered? If you are worth your salt as a manager your reports should know exactly where they are going into performance reviews and that process should just be a formality to make the HR department whole. Unfortunately, a lot of dipshits end up in management because once you make it here it is a lot harder (ironically) to get performance reviewed out. The second manager also sounds pretty foolish, but at least in a more endearing and earnest way. That kind of emotional thing can and should be discussed on 1:1s once you have built up the relationship. As a manager you should be looking out for your reports and trying to set them up for long term success, and that means learning about their personal life to the extent that is mutually decided to be appropriate. Forcing emotionality out into a group setting sounds like a cringe moment in the Silicon Valley sitcom. This is a bad idea for so many reasons.. for one a lot of us are introverts and doing that is crushing anxiety.. and the innate peer pressure if others are doing it are going to lead to overshares and yet more anxiety. No. If the depression era fell under the same manager they also missed the importance of momentum. Momentum carries you through failure, depression, hard times.. and you need to give your team easy wins if they are falling behind to rebuild momentum. Otherwise it feels like jumping back on to a moving train. Based on this I'd wonder what's going on at Stripe. Run not walk from a situation like that, author made the right call.
  • snapcaster 2y ago
    I've always admired stripe as a user and follower of tech news but yeah both of these managers give off really bad vibes
• dangsux 2y ago
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• dlevine 2y ago
  Reading this, I do get the impression that the Partially Meets Expectation was given to get more work out of this guy. It's the worst kind of manipulation - spinning something that was an unqualified success into a "failure." Especially because the boss clearly already had an internal narrative, and it sounds like they cherry-picked feedback from coworkers to support that narrative. Having had something somewhat similar happen in the past, it seems like this is common at high-growth tech companies. Everyone pretends to be your friend, and there are definitely some genuine people, but getting ahead is clearly number 1.
• yieldcrv 2y ago
  I read it but ohhhh my gawwwwd what compels you all to write stuff like this about an employer, why is this any part of your identity at all? This is the opposite of having a life. Serious question, what is this mentality? tl;dr Look at this guy! He left a job without another job lined up after making half a million for 4 consecutive years! but only thought it was a big deal because he learned how to write but was disillusioned by his masters in other ways. Really, I don't get resignation posts. Like the ones on linkedin, or other social media. Just surreptitiously go like all the other people who just weren't there the next day. Whose slack randomly said (deactivated). Live your life But sure, whats the other perspective?
• snozolli 2y ago
  She, and apparently others she gathered feedback from, felt like I hadn’t done a good enough job pulling other engineers into the project. She spoke of how proud she was of the outcome but that it didn’t excuse my less than ideal methods. I gather from what he wrote that he's a software engineer. How is it his duty to "pull other engineers into the project"? What does management at this company do, besides invent contrived criticism to mash into a compliment sandwich? American corporate management culture has become laughably toxic over the last several decades.
  • astrange 2y ago
    Two reasons: * it depends if the "other engineers" are on the same team or not. If they're a different team, it's not so much a manager responsibility. * in tech, it helps to already be doing the next job level up to get promoted to it. > What does management at this company do, besides invent contrived criticism to mash into a compliment sandwich? The primary job of a manager is to get their employees promoted. The second job is to do whatever you promised your own management you'll do. So yes, that's what they're supposed to do - the "compliment sandwich" is the yearly performance review.
    • snozolli 2y ago
      If they're a different team, it's not so much a manager responsibility. That doesn't even make any sense. If you need people from other teams, your manager should absolutely be coordinating that. in tech, it helps to already be doing the next job level up to get promoted to it. That is not justification for negative comments in a review. The primary job of a manager is to get their employees promoted. I have never, in my entire life, ever come across anyone inside or outside of management who held that view. So yes, that's what they're supposed to do Yeesh. Agreeing that management should invent contrived criticism to form a compliment sandwich? Okay. The important part here is the contrived bit, not the compliment sandwich.
• _heimdall 2y ago
  The common sentiment here that the manager's "10% vulnerable" exercise was inappropriate or even abusive is a little surprising to me.Maybe I'm just showing my age a bit, but my immediate reaction would have just been that this is a stupid team building exercise (whether accurate or not, that's just how I'd see it).Assuming I generally like my boss I wouldn't be a jerk about it, but I wouldn't be interested in participating and would say that as matter-of-fact as I could. Especially if the manager led with "if your willing to..." that should be that, I'd be on with my day no harm no foul. For anyone coming by that would read the situation as inappropriate or abusive, what's different? Why do you see it abusive where I might see it a waste of time that I would just opt out of?
  • kelnos 2y ago
    I think "abusive" is a bit hyperbolic, but I do think it was inappropriate. If the manager was asking them to be a little more vulnerable about a professional situation they went through, perhaps that would be ok. But it's completely inappropriate to expect people to share deeply personal stories during a work meeting. And the power imbalance compounds the problem. Good on you for feeling comfortable and confident enough in yourself and your position that you'd be fine telling the boss that you're not interested in participating. I think most people wouldn't be able to do that, and some would feel pressured to participate ("because the boss asked") even if they were uncomfortable doing so, even if it's presented as "if you're willing to..." I wouldn't be comfortable with that kind of sharing in a work setting either, but my approach would probably be to share a "vulnerable" professional situation, or, if I wasn't even feeling up for that, to just share a situation that I was fully comfortable talking about. And being a teammate I'd also be uncomfortable if someone I didn't know on a close personal basis started talking about how their marriage almost fell apart during a team meeting. This stuff isn't any of my business, and I'm not at work for this! (Re: your "showing your age" comment, FWIW, I'm in my 40s; not sure if that's old or young by your standards when it comes to this sort of thing.)
    • _heimdall 2y ago
      Thanks for the comment here, I'm genuinely curious how I may be seeing it so starkly different from many comments here. > During one of his early meetings at a team onsite he asked the team, “for this meeting I’d like us to try and introduce ourselves a little differently. If you’re comfortable, I’d like us to try and be 10% more vulnerable than we normally would in a work setting.” I had to go back and double check the original post here to make sure I remembered it right. This may actually be part of where I read it differently, if I heard a manager say this in a meeting I would have still assumed it was to be more vulnerable in a work context rather than breeching the wall between work and personal life. Maybe I would share a code review that made me feel uncomfortable, not a personal trauma in my life. For better or worse I do tend to have a habit of speaking my mind, hopefully in a kind way that makes it clear I'm being genuine. I'd speak up in this kind of situation in part hoping that it makes others less likely to speak up feel more comfortable or willing to then speak up. > Re: your "showing your age" comment, FWIW, I'm in my 40s; not sure if that's old or young by your standards when it comes to this sort of thing It may not be a generational thing at all. I'm not far behind you, in my late 30s, and my initial reaction could very well have been the bad (and timeless) trope of "kids these days just don't ..."
• akomtu 2y ago
  I feel sorry for this guy, but he will be alright in the end. Corporations create a facade of a rosy kindergarten, they lure in smart but immature guys like him, extract their energy and once they look depleted, they gaslight them into thinking they are failures and throw them out. "Until I had my next one on one with my boss. She shared with me some concerns about my communication and project management. She, and apparently others she gathered feedback from, felt like I hadn’t done a good enough job pulling other engineers into the project. She spoke of how proud she was of the outcome but that it didn’t excuse my less than ideal methods." Manipulative managers like her willingly fuse themselves with the beast that is corporation, and become its tentacles of some sort. But this guy has also learnt a lesson that he shouldn't seek happinesses in someone's approval. What his manager thinks of him matters very little and once he has grown out of this kindergarten mindset, he'll realise that he is his own judge and the only thing that matters and the only source of happiness is whether he does the right thing.
• Mali- 2y ago
  Incredibly melodramatic "Having his avatar beside mine on an unfinished google doc felt invigorating" - are you fucking kidding me.