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Bits of advice I wish I had known

• mark_l_watson 4y ago
  Great stuff. First suggestion list that I finished reading in years.
• gardenhedge 4y ago
  "If you stop to listen to a musician or street performer for more than a minute, you owe them a dollar" How is this advice that you wished you had known? I honestly stopped reading after this one.
  • zdbrandon 4y ago
    Are you asking “how could you not have known this before?”, or “how could you think that this is good advice?” Either way, it seems you’ve taken rather strong offense to such a small, and rather kind point.
  • zmxz 4y ago
    What made you post such a negative comment? You could have just closed the window and resumed with your day, but what propelled you to be so angry about this particular advice that you had to write about it here? The list is obviously not for you, but this reflex where one needs to be so angry and vocal about something so benign (and useful) is what makes me question what have we done to ourselves as a society.
• ggm 4y ago
  Criticize in private, praise in public. I broke this one, and it broke a 10 year friendship which took another 5 to heal, and I decided to stop pretending to be a manager. This is a rule of life not to break if you can avoid it. Almost irreparable harm done.
  • arendtio 4y ago
    I found the book 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' pretty helpful to understanding how important emotions are when working with people. After reading that book, you wonder how you ever dared to break that rule.
  • semireg 4y ago
    Agreed. This is the best advice I wish I could tell myself 20 years ago.
  • jatins 4y ago
    > I decided to stop pretending to be a manager. This is a really valuable advice. The cult like corporate brain washing often runs so deep that I see people treating their personal relationships like they'd treat work colleagues, or reports. This includes things like "having 1:1s" with their partners, or telling their friends to take "take ownership"
    • eastbound 4y ago
      My parents, who have succeeded to positively-educate us (never a slap or punishment, nor retribution for good behavior; just congratulate good behavior and explain), have always been to the church discussion groups, the family- and couple-oriented ones. It at least gives a framework on what to talk about, and a framework that most other couples are willing to talk about.
    • darkerside 4y ago
      I don't think this is corporate brainwashing so much as it's acting like you are superior to the other people in your life. I agree that it's really annoying.
  • sz4kerto 4y ago
    This is not a universal rule. Really not -- there's an important exception that people (especially managers) tend to forget. Reflect on issues where they happened. I.e. if someone is an asshole on a meeting, you (as a leader) need to reflect on that on the meeting. You can address the details in private, but not reflecting on it in front of the people who got hurt/offended is wrong as it approves the bad behaviour.
    • nvarsj 4y ago
      Definitely. I've heard stories of meetings where someone openly sexually harassed a coworker, and the manager didn't say a word. Maybe they talked to them privately, but that kind of behavior needs to addressed immediately, in public, otherwise people mistake silence as tacit approval.
    • darkerside 4y ago
      I struggle with this one, too. I don't like to criticize in public, but you CAN miss the opportunity if you are dogmatic about not doing it. One idea to do this better is, to day something about the behavior in real time without criticizing. People know that you noticed, and you can later talk about "that time in the meeting", and there's no doubt about what you're referencing. But you don't have to pick out your nuanced words in a high pressure real time scenario.
  • Broken_Hippo 4y ago
    This isn't the sort of advice one can blindly follow. I fully regret not criticizing people's public and private homophobia. I was young and knew the pain of having it directed at me. (Am bisexual, but folks just assumed I was lesbian in school. I hid it as much as possible at the next school). But if it is, say, work related in the US or something that someone might be embarrassed about (that doesn't harm other people)? Private is the way to go.
  • strikelaserclaw 4y ago
    This is true only sometimes. Some people need to be criticized in public.
• DeathArrow 4y ago
  >If you loan someone $20 and you never see them again because they are avoiding paying you back, that makes it worth $20. What if they are back, asking for other $20?
• _8j50 4y ago
  Almost funny how I find myself disagreeing with almost every single advice on the list.
• yef 4y ago
  I kept looking for a spoiler saying that these glib, seemingly-profound sentences were generated by GPT-3. Don't work for someone you wouldn't want to become? How on earth is someone supposed to determine that during a standard interview process? What are you supposed to do when teams get shuffled around, or your boss leaves? To say nothing of the fact that you can admire someone without wanting to become them.
  • magicroot75 4y ago
    I think this advice is more applicable when you're at a job and deciding whether to stay or leave.
• bspear 4y ago
  > No one is as impressed with your possessions as you are Reminds me of: if you own a Porsche, all I know is that you're $120K less rich
  • the_common_man 4y ago
    and if you own a house in bay area, you are on the leash for the next 20 years
  • ed312 4y ago
    I wanted to buy one. I technically could squeeze it out. I talked to a few folks who owned them (ok, 2 people that I sort of knew). They universally told me to hold off, that it was really expensive, that I should have my finances in order such that spending $100,000 (at the time) would feel like losing $1,000 to cancel a vacation so you could spend time with your sick grandma. Obviously this is just an anecdote, but everyone I've met who owned (not leased!) their Porsche was quite good with money.
    • Swizec 4y ago
      Don’t buy anything you’ll be afraid to use because of its price. Things are meant to be used. If you aren’t using it, what’s the point?
    • bitexploder 4y ago
      Make sure you can afford the maintenance and are willing to drive the wheels off of it. I drive mine often, especially road trips and fun weekend rides. But just infrequently enough that it feels good to sit down in it and crank it up. I have enjoyed many cars over the years and when we could afford a nicer one we did so.
      • anyfoo 4y ago
        I pretty much agree. When I still had a substantial commute (pre-WFH days), I had a cheap commuter car, because associating that thing with traffic jams didn't seem like fun. But now that that's gone I'm even getting the groceries with the fun car. It seriously transforms a chore into something I volunteer for. And we got rid of my crappy commuter car, for family business we still have my wife's solid but boring car.
• xupybd 4y ago
  • foobarian 4y ago
• hkwerf 4y ago
  > The biggest lie we tell ourselves is “I dont need to write this down because I will remember it.” I bookmarked the page and yet I will have forgotten about it tomorrow.
  • zelphirkalt 4y ago
    That is why I open the page and keep it as a tab instead of only bookmarking it ... only to forget that tab in my hundreds of tabs.
    • mjcohen 4y ago
      Email a link to the page yourself, then save the email both in a folder in your email system and as a text file in a directory of links.
      • wchar_t 4y ago
        I like to use forlater.email[0] for this. [0]: https://forlater.email/ https://forlater.email/
  • smackeyacky 4y ago
    I wouldn't feel too bad about that. After all, one of his aphorisms is "90% of everything is crap" and his list is proof.
  • rjh29 4y ago
    I added it to my Reading List (a newish feature in Chrome). It's a good way to make a list of bookmarks that is also a todo list.
• smeej 4y ago
  > The best way to get a correct answer on the internet is to post an obviously wrong answer and wait for someone to correct you. If HN ever needs a new motto!
  • jrib 4y ago
    https://meta.wikimedia.org/wiki/Cunningham%27s_Law https://meta.wikimedia.org/wiki/Cunningham%27s_Law
    • AceJohnny2 4y ago
      ... well played.
    • dang 4y ago
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fclyQt6R5Dc https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fclyQt6R5Dc
• deleted 4y ago
  [deleted]
• A4ET8a8uTh0 4y ago
  << Efficiency is highly overrated; Goofing off is highly underrated. Regularly scheduled sabbaths, sabbaticals, vacations, breaks, aimless walks and time off are essential for top performance of any kind. The best work ethic requires a good rest ethic. Good grief, yes. When you are tired and burnt out, you find the worst kind of shortcuts.
  • ed312 4y ago
    This is in the same vein as the advice I give to the overachiever junior/mid level engineers I mentor. They're constantly searching for the next big project or optimization. In the same way you need to sleep at night to process the day, you need a few weeks off every now and again to process your life/career.
• musicale 4y ago
  > Anything you say before the word “but” does not count. "but" does not count. TFTFY
  • quickthrower2 4y ago
    but” does not count
    • musicale 4y ago
      Haha, I considered dropping the opening quote as well, and I think there is good reason to do so. ;-)
  • djmips 4y ago
    So you wrote "does not count" and nothing else. How are we to interpret that?
• nomilk 4y ago
  > Whenever there is an argument between two sides, find the third side. A more apposite version of 'think outside the square'.
• musicale 4y ago
  > Don't bother fighting the old; just build the new. People love it when something they depend on is shut down and replaced with something new, incomplete, and buggy.
  • trustfundbaby 4y ago
    The people who like your new stuff will help you figure out how to fix it and make it good enough so the old system truly becomes obsolete, otherwise the old system will continue to exist and people will continue to use it, so that now, theres 2 options instead of just one.
    • Aunche 4y ago
      >otherwise the old system will continue to exist and people will continue to use it, so that now, theres 2 options instead of just one. This is a shittier outcome for most people, but hey, at least you got promoted!
• musicale 4y ago
  > Copying others is a good way to start. Copying yourself is a disappointing way to end. If people are paying to hear the hits, you should play them. It's part of the job.
• lifeplusplus 4y ago
  Thank you!!! I've read 400 pages long self help books covering only 3 of these points.. so much better in this format
• trustfundbaby 4y ago
  > A great way to understand yourself is to seriously reflect on everything you find irritating in others. This is one of the truest things I've ever read.
  • mahogany 4y ago
    FYI it's a riff on Carl Jung: "Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves." Agreed, it's a valuable insight.
    • dalmo3 4y ago
      Krishnamurti would say: "The observer is the observed."
  • Heyso 4y ago
    - accord toltèque de miguel ruiz ("whatever happen don't take it personnaly") - projection (in psychology)
  • kisstheblade 4y ago
    How would this help? Let's say that I find it annoying when people "missbehave", like people letting their dogs shit wherever and not cleaning up, or just commonly being selfish and rude. How do I now understand myself better? Is the point that the problem is somehow in me or what does this advice mean?
  • kieckerjan 4y ago
    It correlates closely with another one on the list: "You are as big as the things that make you angry."
• musicale 4y ago
  > There is no such thing as being “on time.” You are either late or you are early. Your choice. CalTrain explained.
  • bombcar 4y ago
    If you aim to be early, sometimes you’ll be on time. If you aim to be on time, sometimes you’ll be late. And if you aim late you’ll be late. So the only certainty is found by being late.
  • needle0 4y ago
    The Tokyo rail system begs to differ :P
• massysett 4y ago
  I’ll add one: there is limited time in life, and you cannot implement all the advice you’ll get about how to live a good life. A doctor will tell you to take care of your health. A sociable person will tell you to have friends. A traveler will tell you to travel. A priest will tell you to know God. A careerist will tell you to work harder. An entrepreneur will tell you to start a business. The list goes on and on and on. Life is about what you decide to do, not about what others think you should do and certainly not about what some random old person says you should do because that’s what he wishes he did.
  • jonahx 4y ago
    Your first paragraph is insightful. The second is an incredibly uncharitable take on a well-crafted list.
    • ThePrankster 4y ago
      That may be true, but for me his second paragraph is refreshing when it comes about advice I read on this website
    • nine_k 4y ago
      But the second paragraph is not about the list.
    • sombremesa 4y ago
      What makes this list "well-crafted"? It doesn't seem to be any different than any other listicle on the internet. Is it?
  • xjay 4y ago
    Those people ~ "When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail." [1] Law of the Instrument "Where some have found their paradise, others just come to harm." - Law of Joni Mitchell "Don't do things for the wrong reasons." [1] https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_of_the_instrument https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_of_the_instrument
    • 4y ago
• fny 4y ago
  Take risks in life, but not ones that are too big to recover from.
• cbtacy 4y ago
  Great summary, great lessons, definitely something worth fully digesting and internalizing. But to be fair (and pedantic), at least one is untrue. > • Handy measure: the distance between your fingertips of your outstretched arms at shoulder level is your height. Ape Index = the difference between your arm span at shoulder level and your height. In other words, a +6" Ape Index means your arm span is 6 inches more than your height.
  • Fanmade 4y ago
    I've been searching through the comments for a comment about this item in the list. I am less than 2 meters tall, but I can carry plates wider than 2 meters between my outstreched hands. Does that now mean that I am an ape? Actually, that would explain a lot...
  • deleted 4y ago
    [deleted]
  • tromp 4y ago
    I just checked and my Ape Index is -1"; i'm 1 inch taller than my "wingspan". Apparently this nomenclature is popular in the climbing community, where relatively long wingspan is an advantage.
  • zmxz 4y ago
    Number 7: "Anything you say before the word “but” does not count."
  • rurp 4y ago
    I think it's a good rule of thumb given that most people will be within an inch or two. My ape index is noticeably low and it's only -2.5". +/- 6" is absolutely massive. When I was a new climber I climbed with someone who was world class and just by watching me for a short time he could tell that my ape index was low.
• nakedgremlin 4y ago
  I love Kevin's life lists, but it always feels overwhelming to parse through. Too much lovely nuggets to internalize.
• Evan_Hellmuth 4y ago
  > To keep young kids behaving on a car road trip, have a bag of their favorite candy and throw a piece out the window each time they misbehave. This guy is my hero
  • schwartzworld 4y ago
    Lol, this would not go well with my kids. Might work for some families, but I'm pretty sure all four of us would spend most of the ride crying.
  • socceroos 4y ago
    My kids would immediately use this against each other. A psychological game of mutually assured destruction.
  • notRobot 4y ago
    Like I said elsewhere in the thread, do not actually do this: candy is toxic to lots of birds and animals, and if not toxic, it is sticky, and can cause them to choke.
  • justinjlynn 4y ago
    I mean, sure, if your end goal is to give your children anxiety, eating disorders, and unhealthy emotional associations with food (and especially w/ sweets). Not only that, but then you have to give them a bag of candy and give it to them at the end of the trip every trip or they learn that your "punishment" means absolutely nothing because you never give them "their" candy anyway. Oh, and wait to see how that scales when you have multiple children and they start to abuse each other to get the other to act out and lose candy. That'll be fun. But I guess it'll work well to keep kids quiet in the short term, sure. Advice is a form of nostalgia - a way of picking up the past, dusting it off, and selling it for more than it's worth; and, like nostalgia, it's never as good as it is remembered.
    • koolba 4y ago
      > Oh, and wait to see how that scales when you have multiple children and they start to abuse each other to get the other to act out and lose candy. That'll be fun. Learning about cause, effect, reaction, and manipulation are vital skills in life. Knowing and understanding them does not mean you’re a sociopath either. They’re widely useful in many aspects of life. Makes you a better poker player too.
• quickthrower2 4y ago
  * register a 2 letter .org while they are still available
  • kloch 4y ago
    They're not as valuable as you might think. LL.com's go for >$1M but LL.org's and LL.net's are in the $10K-$50K range. I missed registering kl.com by a few weeks and had to settle for kl.net. This was back 1995 when you had to email a template to Internic and wait about three weeks for a reply. In the template you had to provide working nameservers. I had put down some random hostnames for nameservers since I wasn't running my own yet and it was rejected after the usual three week delay. By the time I had nameservers set up a few weeks later a law firm had registered kl.com. With working nameservers I was able to register maj.com (have since sold it) and finally kl.net which I plan to keep til I die.
    • fffobar 4y ago
      1. Quietly buy all the $10k - $50k range stuff 2. Spin up another NFT hysteria 3. You know what happens here Not Financial Advice ™
      • preommr 4y ago
        1. Quietly buy all the $10k - $50k range stuf 2. Sell to people trying to execute above strategy 3. buy lambos This IS financial advice and totally legit.
      • quickthrower2 4y ago
        0. Get access to billions
    • toast0 4y ago
      Having a personal domain that's only 6 characters long is pretty handy at times. If it were a .com, it would be hard not to sell it for $1M, but a .org/.net that might get you a car is something you can keep.
• immigrantheart 4y ago
  > A wise man said, “Before you speak, let your words pass through three gates. At the first gate, ask yourself, “Is it true?” At the second gate ask, “Is it necessary?” At the third gate ask, “Is it kind?” What is kind? I am the straight shooter type. In the past I've gotten critiques from people about the way I speak, but also told by some people that the way I speak is fine. Maybe people just prefer different things. I myself prefer people speaking straight to me. I think I am kind, but not nice.
  • WaxedChewbacca 4y ago
  • agumonkey 4y ago
    There's a subtle blend of straight and kind. Whatever the thing you have to say, if you have that person interest in mind it's still kind, even if it's tough.
    • strgcmc 4y ago
      This makes sense, to a degree. But at the extreme, the speaker should absolutely take care to avoid being overbearing, condescending, patronizing, etc. Many delusional people think, "I am saying/doing this for YOUR own good", so simply believing that you have the other person's interest is not enough. Or rather, in order to TRULY have someone else's interest in mind, you have to incorporate things like condescension as in-scope requirements for your communication. Otherwise, even good advice delivered in a straightforward but condescending manner, won't get through (which means, the person won't benefit, which means you the speaker failed to achieve the thing that would help advance their interest due to your poor communication).
      • travisjungroth 4y ago
        It’s not even just the lack of benefit caused by the message not getting through. I think people who communicate too intensely, too aggressively, forget that the communication is part of the listener’s life. If someone feels like shit when they talk to you, you’re already in the red for whatever net impact you want to have on their life.
• testbjjl 4y ago
  Well intentioned drivel… • About 99% of the time, the right time is right now. Home refinance? Travel during a pandemic? • No one is as impressed with your possessions as you are. Search HN for Elon Musk • Dont ever work for someone you dont want to become. Search HN for Musk, Gates, Jobs, Ellison, Dorsey, Graham, Thiel, • Cultivate 12 people who love you, because they are worth more than 12 million people who like you. If I knew 12 million people I would have little time for the 12, most likely just my immediate family and primarily offspring • Dont keep making the same mistakes; try to make new mistakes. Retirement plans come to mind. Relationships is another one where I don’t want new mistakes • If you stop to listen to a musician or street performer for more than a minute, you owe them a dollar. My dollar and a vote to value culture, people, art, expression even not to my liking. This applies to any creative endeavor to be consumed. • Anything you say before the word “but” does not count. I love ice cream, it it gives me gas. • When you forgive others, they may not notice, but you will heal. Forgiveness is not something we do for others; it is a gift to ourselves. Don’t learn to forgive. Learn to forget. Better yet learn to not become attached to become angry. • Courtesy costs nothing. Lower the toilet seat after use. Let the people in the elevator exit before you enter. Return shopping carts to their designated areas. When you borrow something, return it better shape (filled up, cleaned) than when you got it. Sure. Treat others as you want to be treated. I think I have heard that one before. • Whenever there is an argument between two sides, find the third side. Slavery. Abortion. Access to the ballot. Immigration. Nuclear war. Child sex trafficking.
  • paulpauper 4y ago
    agree , this read like dated boomer advice from someone who lucked out tons of obvious counterexamples to his advice
  • haolez 4y ago
    You are an aggressive fellow, but I enjoyed your insights :)
    • testbjjl 4y ago
      I wish I could phrase things differently. Aggression doesn’t typically add value.
• smudgy 4y ago
  Let me add one that's not on the list: "The best way to get a correct answer on the internet is to post an obviously wrong answer and wait for someone to correct you." - M. G. Scott
  • Evan_Hellmuth 4y ago
    Whoever downvoted doesn't understand that this is a god-tier joke
  • agumonkey 4y ago
    I wonder if it's not in politics / war books too. Tap into others pride and principles to ensure their motivation for your goals. Internet "truth" is a great example, but I've seen this at work too, if you spin your question in a way to tickle others need for validation or superiority, all of a sudden you have a very strong engagement.. while on average people will refuse to help you. I don't like manipulating people, but society can be a never-ending source of absurdly high friction that any trick to avoid wasted energy is a strong survival skill to me.
  • paulcole 4y ago
    One of my favorite Michael Scott quotes!
  • 2143 4y ago
    That is infact on the list! (Do a ctrl+F on "correct answer")
    • cosentiyes 4y ago
      that's the joke
      • 2143 4y ago
        Ah! Rookie mistake!
  • Frotag 4y ago
    I've always thought this holds because it's easier to correct bits of a wrong answer than write a coreect one from scratch.
• maerF0x0 4y ago
  > Courtesy costs nothing. Lower the toilet seat after use. Let the people in the elevator exit before you enter. Return shopping carts to their designated areas. When you borrow something, return it better shape (filled up, cleaned) than when you got it. Sorry, this one depends on the old "if everyone would just..." It does cost something, and it's the price we ought to be willing to pay for a civil society. But it's also long been non-reciprocated (in my experience) and so I'm done with self sacrifice in the name of the common good (to the extent I can untrain it out of myself).
  • testbjjl 4y ago
    > so I'm done with self sacrifice in the name of the common good How’s that working out for you?
    • throwawaysleep 4y ago
      My quality of life has surged since I stopped caring about those around me who are not regular parts of my life.
      • testbjjl 4y ago
        Is this a prescription for the rest of us? What should happen when I encounter you, perhaps at an inconvenient time? Is the answer, “don’t know them, can’t be bothered, couldn’t care less?”
        • ggm 4y ago
          It asolutely isn't a prescription for the rest of us, its terribly a-social. It demands that "stop caring" is defined as "do the minimum harm, and do the maximum nice, within the limits"
          • AnimalMuppet 4y ago
            Well... there are people who go through life blowing off everyone they can. That is, as you say, terribly a-social. It's not a healthy way to live. At the same time, there are also people who feel free to write a check, sign your name to it, and expect you to cash it. (They would do this financially if they thought they could, but mainly they do it emotionally.) If you let people do that to you, that also is not a healthy way to live. So there's a balance between being asocial and being a doormat. Don't be either one.
• jaqalopes 4y ago
  "Dont keep making the same mistakes; try to make new mistakes" damn this one really hit me. So easy to stay in my comfort zone when there's so much else I could do.
• lr4444lr 4y ago
  Aim to die broke. Give to your beneficiaries before you die; it’s more fun and useful. Spend it all. Your last check should go to the funeral home and it should bounce No.
  • lulzury 4y ago
    Can you please elaborate? This is not reddit. Your comment adds nothing meaningful to the conversation. And now you have made me do the same.
    • jakear 4y ago
      > Your last check should go to the funeral home and it should bounce Not GP, but this line in particular is dangerous -- that funeral home will do everything they can to harass whoever they can to get their money. Is that how you want to be remembered by your next of kin? Speaking from experience (homicide of a college student, so no blame for not paying), homes will charge tens of thousands just to release the body.
    • lr4444lr 4y ago
      Lots of reasons. A basic one: the government (US) is gonna tax the assets you give to other people on some part of the transfer if it doesn't happen through inheritance, at which the beneficiary would otherwise get a stepped up cost basis.
  • colechristensen 4y ago
    To be fair it is a decent estate planning strategy to give the right amount away before not after you die. This also saves your heirs from a certain amount of fighting which tends to happen. I don’t know about being completely broke and timing that is quite hard. It’s the kind of thing you want to talk to your lawyer about though not the internet.
  • ggm 4y ago
    I too came to criticise this line, on the basis it incurs a cost on others after you die, but it has merit: Let others decide how lavish to make your funeral, including leaving your body out for dogs to eat: you don't need to care, so why spend? if you do chose to pay, make it as cheap as possible within the constraints of your circumstances. Leaving your body to science is cheap and useful.
• notRobot 4y ago
  I love this list, but: > • To keep young kids behaving on a car road trip, have a bag of their favorite candy and throw a piece out the window each time they misbehave. Please don't do this. Animals and birds can choke and die on candy. And even if they don't, the ingredients are often toxic to them.
  • paulcole 4y ago
    I mean, yes technically this is true. Practically, the kids, the car, and the lifestyle are worse for the environment than hucking a handful of jolly ranchers out the window.
    • notRobot 4y ago
      You already have kids. You're already on the road trip. Maybe don't also do yet another thing to kill animals?
      • paulcole 4y ago
        Again, I don’t disagree. Don’t do it. But clutch your pearls about having kids, buying cars, and going on road trips. Not throwing Jolly Ranchers out the window is like making sure the stove is off when the house is already on fire.
  • kirubakaran 4y ago
    You could roll down the window, pretend to toss the candy, and put it in your pocket.
    • lifeformed 4y ago
      Or just eat it
    • aembleton 4y ago
      and teach them that littering is OK?
  • 4y ago
• ngngngng 4y ago
  > Purchase the most recent tourist guidebook to your home town or region. You’ll learn a lot by playing the tourist once a year. This is a great idea, though I try and keep the same principle in mind. I grew up in a very popular tourist area and never visited anything of interest, so I started consciously enjoying where I live and going out of my way to discover new things as if I were a tourist. > No one is as impressed with your possessions as you are. Does anyone else get a kick out of "hiding" your wealth? Obviously every Dave Ramsey enthusiast, but I guess I sort of fit in there as well. I wear the cheapest Casio G-shock (love that thing) and drive a 10 year old economy car. I allow myself many luxuries but almost none that communicate wealth to random onlookers. > If you repeated what you did today 365 more times will you be where you want to be next year? Oh, that's fun. I've been adding a bit of stoicism into my life. Reminders that I might die today etc. I think I'll throw this one in the mix and see if it alters my behavior.
  • cheschire 4y ago
    In a similar vein, I encourage people to edit OpenStreetMap for their local area, adding sidewalks, street lamps, dog poo bins, etc. Getting to know that level of detail gives you an incredible sense of perspective and really helps you feel connected to your immediate surroundings.
    • 3np 4y ago
      What're the smoothest tools/apps to do that, especially on the go?
      • habi 4y ago
        On Android, take a look at StreetComplete. Organic Maps has ‘casual’ edit features on both Android and iOS. On iOS nothing beats Go Map!! A complete list can be found at https://wiki.openstreetmap.org/wiki/Comparison_of_Android_applications https://wiki.openstreetmap.org/wiki/Comparison_of_Android_ap... or https://wiki.openstreetmap.org/wiki/Comparison_of_iOS_applications https://wiki.openstreetmap.org/wiki/Comparison_of_iOS_applic... or just ask here. StreetComplete: https://github.com/streetcomplete/StreetComplete#download https://github.com/streetcomplete/StreetComplete#download Organic Maps: https://organicmaps.app/ https://organicmaps.app/ Go Map!!: https://apps.apple.com/app/id592990211 https://apps.apple.com/app/id592990211
• ipsin 4y ago
  "Speak confidently as if you are right, but listen carefully as if you are wrong." I hate-hate-hate this advice. When I assert something confidently, I'm willing to put money on it. The first time I ran into someone I respected who was confidently wrong, it threw me for a loop. It makes you seem like a blowhard bullshitter! Guessing is fine, but say it's a guess. Edited to add: I suppose this is a variant of Cunningham's Law, but I still hate it.
  • nine_k 4y ago
    People can make honest mistakes, and be certain they are right when it's not so. A person is only a bulshitter when they know they don't know the topic, but still speak radiating confidence. It's just lying, implying you know things when you don't know them.
  • daenz 4y ago
    Modification: Don't speak until you're confident that you're right. And always listen unless you're absolutely certain you're not wrong.
  • josephg 4y ago
    I just think its one of those areas where different people need different advice. We can draw a spectrum called "confidence bias". On one end of the spectrum are your "blowhard bullshitters". At the other end of the spectrum are people who are so scared to be seen that they keep themselves small. You know where on the spectrum you are. Aim toward the middle.
  • wand3r 4y ago
    I read it more like a variation of "strong opinions weakly held". It makes sense to have conviction on something based on a mental model or experience. However, you should usually try and listen to others because they can improve your mental model of the world. Patrick Collison has a piece of advice like this. It's something like when you hear someone you respect or admire say something you disagree with, you will automatically try and think about why they are wrong, but it is usually always good to try and think about what they believe about the world that would lead them to think this is true.
• nine_k 4y ago
  The list is not all solid pieces of advice, or even mostly. But each item is thought-provoking, which is indeed valuable: even when you completely disagree, you think why you disagree.
• AprEaL 4y ago
  Anything you say before the word “but” does not count. Quite right.
• gunnihinn 4y ago
  > 103 Bits of Advice I Wish I Had Known Not one of them being "edit your writing".
• abel_ 4y ago
  I wonder what the net effect of such pieces of writing is. The problem is that these abstract and contextless statements make sense only if they cause the reader to reflect on some experience, and thus only mildly reinforce currently held beliefs. Otherwise, I can't see how the statements would stick for most people (not even as cached memory). What would add significantly to this is a bunch of Gwern-style links embedded within each of these quips. The author is clearly speaking from a vantage point not many others have attained, and he'd be able to provide a story or other context to each.
  • hattmall 4y ago
    The one about kids on road trips and candy is pretty good.
    • MrVandemar 4y ago
      It's terrible. It's called "littering". And you're modelling it for them as "adult behavior". No. No.
      • hattmall 4y ago
        As long as it's biodegradable it's not littering. It's not like individual wrapped Snickers or something. Just a cookie or cracker.
        • MrVandemar 4y ago
          It's still littering. Used toilet-paper is biodegradable too. Would you care if I threw some on your lawn? Anyway, throwing away food is appalling. It costs a titanic amount of resources to grow, make, manufacture, transport, package and sell. There are significant environmental costs to producing anything and most of it isn't captured in what you pay for things. To throw almost anything away is bad; throwing away food is criminal. And it's irresponsible behavior in front of children, who typically take on board what you do, and not what you say. Don't do it. It's nothing to do with Freedom. It's to do with being a responsible adult.
• daenz 4y ago
  >Anything you say before the word “but” does not count. That's a funny one, and I agree, and it's also the reason I use "and" instead of "but" for those kinds of sentences. It sounds a little clunkier, but(!) it doesn't trigger people's alarms.
  • _carbyau_ 4y ago
    I was amused that the point after that has a "but" in it and using this rule invalidates the message...
  • rootlocus 4y ago
    > That's a funny one, and I agree, and it's also the reason I use "and" instead of "but" for those kinds of sentences. So you agree, but it's also the reason you substitute it to hide it?
    • mpol 4y ago
      Oh no, I am playing with this in the same way. Saying things like "Yes, but...", just means "No". I regularly change the word "but" to "and". Sometimes it works really well, like, both parts are true. Sometimes it doesn't work, where I really mean to send the message as "No". And sometimes it makes me notice that I don't want to hide a "No" message with a "Yes, but", and change it to say clearly "No". The most dreadful way of hinding a "No" is behind a "Yes, but..." and I know people who are allergic to that way of non-communication.
  • c048 4y ago
    The part before 'but' can be informative and shape context. I strongly disagree with this statement.
    • yarky 4y ago
      It's informative ! Until you say "but", where it becomes meaningless.
      • 4y ago
• garbagetime 4y ago
  Good list IMO >To keep young kids behaving on a car road trip, have a bag of their favorite candy and throw a piece out the window each time they misbehave WTF >You cant reason someone out of a notion that they didn’t reason themselves into. You definitely can if they're the right kind of person. >When someone tells you about the peak year of human history, the period of time when things were good before things went downhill, it will always be the years of when they were 10 years old — which is the peak of any human’s existence. I believe he's showing his age with this one. I doubt many people born after 1999 believe that to be true.
  • ars 4y ago
    > I believe he's showing his age with this one. I doubt many people born after 1999 believe that to be true. I think it's you that are showing your age :) Presumably you were 10 in 1999.... and it's all downhill from there.
    • garbagetime 4y ago
      Hah! It's actually my 23rd birthday today. I've talked to a quite a few people about this and most seem to think we've been going downhill since at least the early 1990's. Some would point back as far as the 60's. I picked 1999 since I don't think I've ever talked to someone who chose a later date than that. Of course, people from 2nd world and 3rd world countries likely have different views.
      • shepherdjerred 4y ago
        Downhill in what sense? Downhill implies there’s some goal or ideal to strive for, but what exactly is that? Do you believe that this downhill is irreversible, or just another bump? Lots of people take negative views on today, but it’s hard to reason about until you can nail down exactly what “good” is and why.
        • garbagetime 4y ago
          That question (i.e. exactly what ought we value) isn't difficult to answer. It is impossible to answer. So I don't let it get in my way. I disagree with your second paragraph. Each person has some idea of what he values, and some idea of whether things have improved with respect to those values, a comprehensive survey of people on this matter would be somewhat accurate IMO.
• koolba 4y ago
  This a great list but at least one of these is dangerous: > When buying a garden hose, an extension cord, or a ladder, get one substantially longer than you think you need. It’ll be the right size. Extension cords should be of the length being used. Using a substantially longer extension cord and keeping it coiled up in a neat pile can cause a fire. It’s meant to be stretched out to dissipate heat.
  • nemo44x 4y ago
    Same with hoses - well, minus the fire part. A 100’ hose sounds great until you realize it’s impossible to wind up reliably and to manage.
  • Cerium 4y ago
    I interpret this advice to mean that if you think 20 feet should do it, get a 30 or 50 foot cord. Personally, I prefer having more than one. At home I keep a pair of 50 foot cords of the same gauge as a 100 foot should be made of. I usually only need one, but sometimes need to chain both.
  • djmips 4y ago
    Only dangerous if you coil it.
• a1445c8b 4y ago
  Protip: Always pay your taxes.
• Claudus 4y ago
  Well, I found two that were particularly insightful and applicable to the rest of the list: “Half the skill of being educated is learning what you can ignore.” and: “90% of everything is crap.”
• WillAdams 4y ago
  All of this advice stuff always ignores one brutal truth, which I wish I had learned when I was much younger: Your life will become the accumulation and consequences of every decision you make which cannot be changed --- never make a lasting decision without considering all the consequences.
  • hattmall 4y ago
    Can you give a concrete example of that which isn't obvious? This seems like pretty much the most basic principle ever, but I feel I must be missing something.
• jfdi 4y ago
  This is beautiful thank you
• rmason 4y ago
  As someone bearing down on age seventy I have to tell younger folks these resonate with me. A few are even new to me, like the 4 second rule when meeting people. If you like Kevin Kelly he has a weekly newsletter of recommendations, mostly on products he finds useful called Recommendo that I highly recommend. https://www.getrevue.co/profile/Recomendo/ https://www.getrevue.co/profile/Recomendo/
  • WA 4y ago
    I found the 4 second rule interesting, but I wonder how this should play out. Most humans break eye contact after 2-3 seconds. It's extremely uncommon to find someone holding eye contact for longer than that. After ~3 seconds, it can be perceived either as aggression or as flirting.
    • dorianmariefr 4y ago
      Yes I think it would make most people uncomfortable
    • deleted 4y ago
      [deleted]
    • itronitron 4y ago
      The rule is actually stated as counting to 4 which will probably/hopefully be less than four seconds for most people :)
• eyelidlessness 4y ago
  Intentionally ignoring prior discussion because I don’t want it to color my response: a lot of this is really empty or reacts to incentives I don’t have, but some of it is very good general advice: > If you stop to listen to a musician or street performer for more than a minute, you owe them a dollar. > Courtesy costs nothing My only note is I’d expand this to generally accepting people how they express themselves and their cares > Efficiency is highly overrated; Goofing off is highly underrated. Regularly scheduled sabbaths, sabbaticals, vacations, breaks, aimless walks and time off are essential for top performance of any kind. The best work ethic requires a good rest ethic. Two years into burnout, this x1000. > Criticize in private, praise in public. Mostly right on but sometimes public criticism is the only effective tool to right things that are otherwise wrong, or just necessary because the wrong is entirely immovable without public attention. > If winning becomes too important in a game, change the rules to make it more fun. Changing rules can become the new game. This is fantastic, please enjoy. I stopped here because I am very hungry.
• photochemsyn 4y ago
  Every list like this should probably end with a final line: Take all advice anyone gives you with a large grain of salt. In the end, you are the one who will be making the decisions that change your life in one way or the other. If you can't trust yourself to make the right decision, then who can you trust? At the very least, you'll have noone but yourself to blame if you happen to make the wrong one. Those are the mistakes you learn the most from, by the way.
  • RhysU 4y ago
    For whom is the Funhouse fun? With apologies to Barth. Damn, early post-modern fiction was spot on.
• pseudosavant 4y ago
  Wow, this is so good. One of the best things I've read via HN. Wisdom: "The best way to get a correct answer on the internet is to post an obviously wrong answer and wait for someone to correct you."
  • maicro 4y ago
    And in a self fulfilling way... that's actually known as Cunningham's Law: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ward_Cunningham https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ward_Cunningham Which possibly is your joke as well, in which case I believe the kids would say "r/whoosh".
  • Cxckers 4y ago
    The top comments in this tread are testiment to that bit of wisdom
    • zmxz 4y ago
      Your comment should be the #1 in this entire thread.
  • yarky 4y ago
    I kinda applied this for my thesis. Advisor got really mad, rejected my draft and gave me an annotated version using a red pen (first time, it was blue til then). I couldn't be happier : he caught way too many little details I didn't have time for, and explained the important details I didn't have interest in. I submitted the new version around a month after that and it went smoothly. Guess who saved a lot of work :)
• nojs 4y ago
  Meta comment: I wish more older people would write things like this. Based on how much more I know now compared to 10 years ago, it’s hard to imagine how much wisdom a 70 year old must have about the way the world works. It’s so valuable.
  • js2 4y ago
    Youth is wasted on the young, as they say.
  • niccl 4y ago
    Heading towards 70 here. I find that as I get older I get less dogmatic and certain about almost everything, so I don't think it's appropriate for me to lay down a list of certainties like the OP has. Apart from that as an observation, I don't think I've got any particular wisdom to impart.
    • niccl 4y ago
      Having thought about this some more, I guess I have got some observations that could pass as hard-won wisdom: I try to accept people as they are, without trying to change them I try to treat people with respect When debugging, I try to fix the problem I can see then deal with what's left I try to treat someone's hurtful comment as more likely the result of a bad day or thoughtlessness, rather than malice I try hard to avoid giving advice, and instead try to ask questions: 'have you thought about doing X?'. And I will try _really_ hard to avoid 'you should do ... ' or 'you ought to ...' I believe that in almost all cases (I haven't yet found a counter) a decision is either easy or it doesn't matter
      • lalopalota 4y ago
        Phrasing advice as a "question" has always come across as patronizing to me. Someone is giving advice, they know they are giving advice, but they seem to think that rewording it into a question makes it more acceptable to the receiver?
        • 4y ago
• beckingz 4y ago
  "It’s thrilling to be extremely polite to rude strangers." This is a powerful one. Simultaneously virtuous and incredibly petty.
  • yarky 4y ago
    This one is really powerful I agree ! I'm still amazed by the power of being extra nice to rude people. I've found that it also helps to be as explicit as you can when communicating your politeness btw.
• ehnto 4y ago
  > When checking references for a job applicant, employers may be reluctant or prohibited from saying anything negative, so leave or send a message that says, “Get back to me if you highly recommend this applicant as super great.” If they don’t reply take that as a negative. Big disagree here, that's not fair at all to the applicant. Some people are just terrible referees and it's hard to know that as the applicant until someone lets you down. Some people mean to reply but forget, some people are too busy to answer and don't get back to you, some people just don't want to even though they think you'd be an excellent candidate. On top of that, with people moving around so much it can be hard to nail down recent contact details. If somewhere I'm applying to work can't get a hold of someone, I'd very much expect them to reach back out to me in order to resolve the issue, if they can't do me that courtesy then I guess I'll be working somewhere else.
  • CPLX 4y ago
    Yeah that advice is horrible. Someone could forget or change voicemail systems or have your email go to spam. It’s not a signal of anything. Doubly so as I’ve had the experience of totally unqualified people with great references. Checking references and figuring out when you’re getting real feedback on topics relevant to the new job is a practiced art.
    • 21723 4y ago
      It's not just horrible advice. It's dangerous and unethical. In Silicon Valley or on Wall Street, when people lose jobs on reference checks, people often get hit men sent to their house, and while the objective usually is just intimidation, all sorts of bad things can happen in that situation. Putting someone at risk of getting killed because "his references weren't as enthusiastic as I expect everyone to be" is fucking immoral.
      • golergka 4y ago
        > In Silicon Valley or on Wall Street, when people lose jobs on reference checks, people often get hit men sent to their house What?!
• bambax 4y ago
  > When you are stuck, explain your problem to others. Often simply laying out a problem will present a solution. This is true, except the to others part isn't really necessary. It works just as well if you try to reformulate the problem for yourself. Many times, just trying to think of a good way to ask something on StackOverflow priduces a solution. It even works when trying to write a good search query on Google.
  • shepherdjerred 4y ago
    This happens to me so often when I’m writing a GitHub issue or SO question. I’ll write detailed reproduction steps and every bit of reasoning about my issue, and 75% of the time that’ll be enough for me to figure out my problem.
  • simpsond 4y ago
    Rubber duck debugging. I call it rubber ducking. It works well for me.
• bornfreddy 4y ago
  Great list, but: > To keep young kids behaving on a car road trip, have a bag of their favorite candy and throw a piece out the window each time they misbehave. That's terrible advice. Treat children with respect! They are very smart, they just lack experience. If they "misbehave", talk to them and explain why this is not good. If you can't find an explanation, chances are you are wrong and you should reevaluate your position. But never, never, never willfully hurt them by throwing away their favorite candy. So wrong on so many levels. This was a big surprise for me in this list as I mostly agree with the items before it. Or, to use a previous item: > You’ll get 10x better results by elevating good behavior rather than punishing bad behavior, especially in children and animals. Well said.
  • hilbert42 4y ago
    Parenting styles differ, yours isn't one of discipline. If I hadn't had discipline at that age, I'd be hopelessly undisciplined now (in hindsight, I reckon my parents probably should have disciplined me even more than they did). Taking away my favorite things when I misbehaved worked wonders for me - I then did what I was told. "But never, never, never willfully hurt them by throwing away their favorite candy. So wrong on so many levels" Why, what are those levels? Discipline works by first explaining the rules and the reason for them then enforcing the rules with rewards and sanctions. It works for kids, it's the same for army recruits - in fact everyone. Mollycoddling kids who then never have a day of remorse throughout childhood deprives them of resilience later on in life. Resilience is so important that not instilling it into kids early on in life is of itself abuse. There's a huge difference between disciplining kids and willfully hurting them. In the above scanario the candy is thrown away but the parent has a choice of whether he or she is administrating discipline or undue cruelty. It's how one goes about it that matters.
  • arendtio 4y ago
    Actually, I find that idea kinda funny and with some minor adjustments, I think it can be good parenting. So maybe you don't want to throw the candy out of the window, because that is not the proper way to dispose candy. However, if you add an empty bag for you, where you put the candy every time the kids misbehave, the kids will probably learn how to preserve their stash. In addition, you might want to add some rules, how they can get the candy back which has landed in your bag (like every time you 'misbehave'). That way you would level the playing field and it might become a game. After all, it is candy. Nothing the kids rely on to survive, but rather some pleasure drug.
• ekianjo 4y ago
  > 90% of everything is crap. If you think you don’t like opera, romance novels, TikTok, country music, vegan food, NFTs, keep trying to see if you can find the 10% that is not crap. Meh. Finding the 10% is not free either - and the benefit of finding it not very tangible either.
  • langsoul-com 4y ago
    It's an opportunity cost thing, how do you know you dislike something until you tried it?
  • trellad 4y ago
    Seeing "NFTs" in this list made me less interested in the entire page of advice.
    • mizzao 4y ago
      > If your opinions on one subject can be predicted from your opinions on another, you may be in the grip of an ideology. When you truly think for yourself your conclusions will not be predictable. I think I can predict your ideology on NFTs?
      • AnimalMuppet 4y ago
        That's not predicting trellad's position on a different topic. trellad doesn't like NFTs. Can you tell me what trellad's political preference is? Their nation of citizenship? Their position on abortion? Brexit? Ukraine? Climate change? The Beatles vs The Rolling Stones? I can't.
• ekianjo 4y ago
  > Aim to die broke. Give to your beneficiaries before you die; it’s more fun and useful. Spend it all. Your last check should go to the funeral home and it should bounce. Easier said than done, and I find this is bad advice. You don't really know how much runway you have in front of you and in a situation where you may have very limited income, your best bet is to save as much as possible. Also you will have unforeseen health-related expenses as you get old. Following this logic incurs a risk of make yourself depend on your kids or your family members before you die.
  • roberdam 4y ago
    https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/52950915-die-with-zero https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/52950915-die-with-zero Not related in any way to the author, but I find the book great and it answer all of the common issues
  • eqtn 4y ago
    > unforeseen health-related expenses Doesn't this depends upon where you live?
    • caymanjim 4y ago
      Even with the best free health care and enormous social safety nets, losing your health to the point that you can't work would be a lifestyle change for anyone anywhere due to lost income.
      • PeterisP 4y ago
        My expectation is that at the age you'd expect to die, you're retired and not working for quite many years before you'd actually die, so a health event at that stage of life would not change your income.
      • w-j-w 4y ago
      • arinlen 4y ago
• alkaloid 4y ago
  No one cares how many / what size TVs you have.
• mrblampo 4y ago
  Author wishes they'd known not to ask a woman if she's pregnant. That cannot have been a pleasant experience.
  • WalterBright 4y ago
    I learned that the hard way, too. Never again.
• asimovfan 4y ago
  > A wise man said, “Before you speak, let your words pass through three gates. At the first gate, ask yourself, “Is it true?” At the second gate ask, “Is it necessary?” At the third gate ask, “Is it kind?” it was the Buddha.
  • hnarn 4y ago
    No it wasn’t. https://fakebuddhaquotes.com/if-you-propose-to-speak-always-ask-yourself-is-it-true-is-it-necessary-is-it-kind/ https://fakebuddhaquotes.com/if-you-propose-to-speak-always-...
    • blenderdt 4y ago
      For those who don't want to read the linked article: "... I tracked the quote back to a book of Victorian poems! It’s from “Miscellaneous Poems,” by Mary Ann Pietzker, published in 1872"
    • goodpoint 4y ago
      tl;dr it's not a direct quote, but the very same concept was expressed in sutra: says only what it well-spoken, not what is poorly spoken; only what is just, not what is unjust; only what is endearing, not what is unendearing; only what is true, not what is false
      • chandureddyvari 4y ago
        Actual source(Manu smriti Verse 4.138) quotes: 'Satyam bruyat priyam bruyat. Na bruyat satyam apriyam. Priyam cha nanrutham bruyat. Esha dharmah sanatanah’ This somewhat means, ‘Speak the truth that is pleasant. Never speak the truth that is unpleasant. And, never speak the untruth even if it’s pleasant. This is eternal philosophy of righteousness.” More commentary here: https://www.wisdomlib.org/hinduism/book/manusmriti-with-the-commentary-of-medhatithi/d/doc200246.html https://www.wisdomlib.org/hinduism/book/manusmriti-with-the-...
    • asimovfan 4y ago
      "Monks, a statement endowed with five factors is well-spoken, not ill-spoken. It is blameless & unfaulted by knowledgeable people. Which five? "It is spoken at the right time. It is spoken in truth. It is spoken affectionately. It is spoken beneficially. It is spoken with a mind of good-will." — AN 5.198 btw he later on defines "beneficial" as something that is immediately applicable for the listener, which is just extra good in my opinion.
• saberience 4y ago
  I'll be honest here, I found this list mostly banal and also not really actionable. I think anyone could generate a similar list with a few Google searches and many of these tips I have seen written by other others and this guy has just re-phrased them. Basically generic self-help. I think a better option is to choose one particular thing you want to improve in yourself and have a focused plan to work on it. However this takes work and effort that most will never do. Reading a big list of 50 sentences will make zero difference to your life.
  • lostcolony 4y ago
    A little ironic that you ding this list for being banal, not really actionable, and basically generic self-help, and then follow that with - >> I think a better option is to choose one particular thing you want to improve in yourself and have a focused plan to work on it.
    • saberience 4y ago
      I could write an essay on this topic but it's far too complex of a topic to summarize in a quick comment. But for example, quickly: One thing I personally do is journal every day (yes every day) before I do anything else. That is, I get up, grab a coffee and write roughly 1000 words. I will choose certain topics on which to journal and focus on these for a few weeks, for example: looking at how my relationships are going, how I interact with people, where I find myself energised and working well with others, and where I'm getting annoyed or frustrated or otherwise have some issues. I try and increase my levels of consciousness around certain topics in my life to gain a lasting impact and changed and improved behaviors. I use certain techniques like sentence completions (thanks Nathaniel Branden!) and also asking myself provocative questions (e.g. "What did today's experience touch in my history?") to gain learning and insight in certain areas of my life. The point being that to genuinely CHANGE as a person (in my belief), reading a list of snappy aphorisms is useless, you need to change your habits, daily routines, you need repitition and work. Sincere self reflection is difficult, as is changing the habits and brain patterns of a lifetime.
      • 4y ago
• ornornor 4y ago
  > B[u]y used books. They have the same words as the new ones. Also libraries. The library genesis is very useful in that regard, so is bookfinder.com
• adamredwoods 4y ago
  >> Dont purchase extra insurance if you are renting a car with a credit card. Some credit cards no longer offer coverage. Some recently removed some benefits, so check to make sure.
  • deleted 4y ago
    [deleted]
  • lostcolony 4y ago
    Most credit cards that do offer it only offer it as secondary coverage. I.e., it'll first hit any personal car insurance coverage you have, and in that case the card will cover the deductible. For ones that provide primary coverage, Amex's premium coverage is very good, and will run you ~$25 per rental period (not day, period, up to 42 days), but you have to call (once) to get it added to the card. It doesn't include liability or uninsured motorists, but for just "hey, something happened, the car got damaged, but I don't want to be able to just walk away and not worry about it", it's an easy, braindead option.
    • lostcolony 4y ago
      Err, "but I don't want to have to worry, and be able to just walk away (etc)".
• Simon_O_Rourke 4y ago
  Seems to lean into the "hotel tips and tricks".
• shahbaby 4y ago
  "The best way to get a correct answer on the internet is to post an obviously wrong answer and wait for someone to correct you." Nowadays if you try that on reddit you'll probably just get downvotes and sarcastic replies.
• jimt1234 4y ago
  Here's one I would add: "Go to jail." Seriously. I spent a weekend in jail when I was about 19. So many life lessons learned in such a short time.
  • kisstheblade 4y ago
    Easier to just go to the army. Where I live we have mandatory service, and it was very educational and eyeopening. Got to meet a lot of people outside my "bubble" (middle upper class, great parents etc., "smart"/educated, technical). Turns out, even though I might have found "them" obnoxious in theory before, they were actually often great and smart people, just "different". Also the normal share of assholes of course (but surprisingly few, if you got to know them!), but you learn to deal with them :) Even the criminals there (straight from jail to the army) were kind of normal people, just from bad circumstances.
• EVa5I7bHFq9mnYK 4y ago
  >> Dont purchase extra insurance if you are renting a car with a credit card. Is it really a thing? I also heard this from other people, but it's hard for me to believe that CC company will really pay out in case of an insurance case. After all, their commission for renting a car is 2-3%, and car rent companies charge 50-100% of the rental price for insurance.
  • junofan 4y ago
    So IIRC the rental car company is selling you a waiver of sorts that says they won’t come after you if you damage the car, not insurance per se. The car’s always insured. A credit card company is probably a more unattractive target than an individual.
• t0bia_s 4y ago
  - To keep young kids behaving on a car road trip, have a bag of their favorite candy and throw a piece out the window each time they misbehave. This is good one!
• gundamdoubleO 4y ago
  > When checking references for a job applicant, employers may be reluctant or prohibited from saying anything negative, so leave or send a message that says, “Get back to me if you highly recommend this applicant as super great.” If they don’t reply take that as a negative. And what about the referees who either don't care and never reply or send canned responses to everything?
• lgvld 4y ago
  > If you stop to listen to a musician or street performer for more than a minute, you owe them a dollar. Yes. Also if you take a picture.
• shetill 4y ago
  > find 12 people to love you Am I Jesus or something?
• zivkovicp 4y ago
  > The best way to get a correct answer on the internet is to post an obviously wrong answer and wait for someone to correct you. I often do this but it rarely results in healthy dialog, I don't look for answers in online _forums_ too often anyway. :D
• paulkre 4y ago
  There is no bigger flex than using a 2 letter domain name for your personal blog.
  • Biganon 4y ago
    Too bad it means "poop" in many languages
    • musicale 4y ago
      Appropriate for most blogs; self-deprecating otherwise.
• yc-kraln 4y ago
  > Whenever there is an argument between two sides, find the third side. Curious to know the third side with regards to clear victim/aggressor situations (domestic violence, x*phobia, Russia in Ukraine, etc.)
  • forgotmypw17 4y ago
    It is not always easy to find, but generally speaking, I find Mark Twain's advice very apt: When you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. In complex situations like what you describe, there are almost always more actors and/or forces at play than may seem at first glance. For example, many cases of domestic violence are perpetuated by the victim and/or aggressor being victims of not being able to find alternative housing easily, not having the tools/upbringing/training to cope with their situation of forced cohabitation without violence, generational abuse, and many others. It's easy to pick a side and distribute the blame 100% and 0%, but reality is almost always more complicated, there almost always many more factors than may seem obvious at first.
• the_only_law 4y ago
  > Your best job will be one that you were unqualified for because it stretches you. In fact only apply to jobs you are unqualified for. Someone tell the other side.
• jstanley 4y ago
  > When speaking to an audience it’s better to fix your gaze on a few people than to “spray” your gaze across the room. Your eyes telegraph to others whether you really believe what you are saying. Please don't do this. It's incredibly uncomfortable to be the one person in the audience that the speaker is staring at.
  • arkaic 4y ago
    It's also incredibly uncomfortable being the one person everyone is staring at. Using few people as focal points is a pretty common piece of public speaking advice.
  • AlwaysRock 4y ago
    This is a you thing. You shouldnt feel uncomfortable because someone is making eye contact in a harmless setting.
• no_time 4y ago
  >Dont bother fighting the old; just build the new. This message has been brought to you by the freedesktop.org foundation.
• known 4y ago
  [dead]
• NickRandom 4y ago
  Great list indeed - but he forgot the 'Trust Me on the Sunscreen' line. (Ref to a Baz Luhrman hit https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KdQbb3FXSEI https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KdQbb3FXSEI)
• amelius 4y ago
  Add: - If you have spinach or any green leafy vegetables, carrot, turnip or celery, avoid reheating them. These nitrate rich vegetables when heated again can turn toxic, releasing carcinogenic properties, which are generally cancerous in nature. - Some fruit juices and fruits (most notably grapefruit) can interact with numerous drugs, in many cases causing adverse effects. - Floss.
• samjanis 4y ago
  Nice list. Some hit the spot, others miss. Not sure if the author is trying to be funny with points 7 and 8: > Anything you say before the word “but” does not count. > When you forgive others, they may not notice, but you will heal. Forgiveness is not something we do for others; it is a gift to ourselves.
  • JeromeLon 4y ago
    I don't think he is trying to be funny. Here are a few examples: - "I believe in free speech, but some opinion are too abhorrent to be protected." -> the person actually does not believe in free speech. - "I am sorry I reacted like this, but they went too far" -> the person is not sorry.
    • shynrou 4y ago
      "but" expresses conflict, nuances and compromises. Life is not simple and our thoughts, actions and feelings are often not rational or in line with each other, there for dismissing anything before "but" is a way of actively not listening. - "I believe in free speech, but some opinion are too abhorrent to be protected." -> Maybe free speech should not allow people to slander, extort, abuse people? Or at least not give them a jail free card. - "I am sorry I reacted like this, but they went too far" -> This person can indeed feel sorry and feel somewhat justified, because maybe both parties involved did something worth being sorry for.
  • whiplash451 4y ago
    Point 7 is not meant to be funny at all. It’s called Non-violent communication.
  • dcminter 4y ago
    The clearest example of that first one being genuinely good advice is in apologies. "I'm sorry I was late" is an apology. "I'm sorry I was late but ..." is not.
  • megalottachoc 4y ago
    By the look of it, what this reply is saying is how point 7 describes the negating qualities of "but", while the point immediately following it uses the said word. So I wouldn't say funny, just inconsistent.
• julienreszka 4y ago
  Terrible advices
• 21723 4y ago
  Some of these are good, some are bad, but this one is dangerous and unethical: When checking references for a job applicant, employers may be reluctant or prohibited from saying anything negative, so leave or send a message that says, “Get back to me if you highly recommend this applicant as super great.” If they don’t reply take that as a negative. When you flush a candidate on a reference check, there's a good chance that he'll figure out what happened, and justifiably become paranoid. He's going to assume someone deliberately ratfucked him, which is not necessarily what happened here--the person could have legitimately thought highly of the candidate, but forgotten to reply because the email came at an inconvenient time (or ended up in the spam folder). At the minimum, you're destroying someone's professional relationships, but if this is in an industry like Silicon Valley, where people have glowing references not because of sincerity but because everyone who matters retains a hit man to "fix" negative ones, you're putting people in danger of physical harm, including the possibility of death. Worst of all, since the candidate might not know which reference ratfucked him, you could end up getting someone innocent killed. So, don't do this. The main function of reference checks is to ensure you're not getting someone who claims to have worked at Goldman Sachs or Google for 4 years but actually never set foot there. Leave it at that and be happy.
  • gaadd33 4y ago
    People in Silicon Valley employ hit men to murder people who give bad references? Do you have any stories of that or links? Seems pretty far fetched
    • 21723 4y ago
      Bad references can ruin careers. When you're talking about the difference between getting a $500k per year job and being completely unemployable, it makes sense. That all said, people usually start with intimidation, and that's usually enough. Very few people believe in their vendettas enough to die for them, and very few people want to kill or have someone killed, just to make a problem go away, if they don't need to do so. I do have stories, but I'm not going to share them, for obvious reasons. Only one of the ones I know well involved a person actually dying, but quite a few where people were "roughed up" and are now disabled.
• gregwebs 4y ago
  > If your opinions on one subject can be predicted from your opinions on another, you may be in the grip of an ideology. When you truly think for yourself your conclusions will not be predictable. Most people seem to think it’s a sign of consistency and want to belong to a tribe. This piece of advice needs a lot of repeating.
• efitz 4y ago
  • Criticize in private, praise in public. I’ve always lived by this one. Bridgewater corporation takes the opposite of this approach and is lauded for it. The idea is that you get better results by saying what you think honestly but respectfully. Maybe it works there, but I’ve worked with ex Bridgewater people and they’re toxic. Evidently it’s very hard to develop the social skills to give public criticism in a way that doesn’t erode trust. Such feedback often comes across as callous and sometimes disrespectful. Withholding approval/praise in public; tentativeness, etc., will convey the message to socially perceptive folks, while not conveying to others that you support bad plans/designs/ideas. Not everyone is socially perceptive, and even for those who are, it’s always good to follow up in private where you can convey your concerns while being respectful- in a 1:1 you can take the time needed to ensure that you get across that you’re concerned with the idea, not the person; you often don’t have the time for that in meetings and besides even if you’re 100% right the other person could lose “face” with others. Yes maybe they already did with their statements, but you don’t need to compound it. Also the other effort is cohesion. If you are part of a team they WILL lose trust in you quickly if you frequently side with “others” (against your team) in meetings, regardless of whether you’re correct. Closely related is “don’t try to always win” against someone who you need a long term relationship with. If you always win, you’re in a relationship with a loser. Or you’re an asshole. Or both.
• prmph 4y ago
  > Anything you say before the word “but” does not count. Not sure I agree with this one at all. It irks me a lot when caveats I put in arguments are ignored, and the other party assumes that I don't really mean them. This happens a lot (even on HN, see the responses to my comments at [1] and [2]), and causes a lot of straw-man arguments and talking past each other. Caveats are important and should not be ignored and should be evaluated on their own merits, because they could be an intrinsic part of the argument being made. 1. https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31156271 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31156271 2. https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=29185739 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=29185739
  • jmiskovic 4y ago
    This is more of observation of communication culture that you should be aware of. The actual advice would read more like "if you want to draw attention to something, you better not follow it with a _but_". At least that's my reading.
• arkaic 4y ago
  Buying used books is sage advice, but you should also support smaller authors from time to time as well by buying new
• taco_emoji 4y ago
  > Dont ever work for someone you dont want to become Can't say I really understand this one. Wanting to become somebody else sounds like insecurity to me.
  • Lammy 4y ago
    It's not something you actively choose. People are unconsciously shaped by their environment, so when a particular organization rewards a particular type of thinking it's hard to avoid becoming it if you want to stay there and succeed. TL;DR: Don't touch the green button https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EbaRmdpALsE https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EbaRmdpALsE
• pedrodelfino 4y ago
  Pure gold. Content like this reminds me of the "favorite" feature available on HN. I will try to read this article a few times during the year. I should have used this "favorite feature" more often. Btw, I love HN. Thanks for sharing!
• ask_b123 4y ago
  > Handy measure: the distance between your fingertips of your outstretched arms at shoulder level is your height. What does this mean?
  • depaya 4y ago
    Your wingspan is roughly equal to your height.
    • ask_b123 4y ago
      Oh, I see! Thanks. I had thought that perhaps it was the distance between thumb and small finger measured in inches vs feet or something. But… I guess it wouldn't make sense for the arms to have to be outstretched then.
• whiddershins 4y ago
  > • Keep all your things visible in a hotel room, not in drawers, and all gathered into one spot. That way you’ll never leave anything behind. If you need to have something like a charger off to the side, place a couple of other large items next to it, because you are less likely to leave 3 items behind than just one. Even better rule: never, ever, unplug a device from a charger in a hotel room without unplugging the charger from the wall at the same time. Put it back in your bag. No other rule for chargers has ever worked for any frequent traveler I’ve known. Edit: Unplug the charger from the wall first, then the device from the charger.
• depaya 4y ago
  > To rapidly reveal the true character of a person you just met, move them onto an abysmally slow internet connection. Observe. I like to think of myself as a levelheaded and rational person, but nothing gets me enraged more than barely working technology.
  • AlwaysRock 4y ago
    One day at work I had changed my chrome settings to emulate slow 3G mobile speeds and forgot about it. The entire next day was maddening until, near the end of the day, I realized why my internet had been running so slowly.
• porknubbins 4y ago
  > * Getting cheated occasionally is the small price for trusting the best of everyone, because when you trust the best in others, they generally treat you best.* This is very good advice that my family never follow because of short sighted idea that everyone is out to cheat you. You get so much more out of life by being cooperative and vulnerable than you do by protecting yourself from all risk of being cheated.
  • mizzao 4y ago
    I wrote a paper about this: https://www.nature.com/articles/ncomms13800 https://www.nature.com/articles/ncomms13800
• AlwaysRock 4y ago
  It's kind of funny how everyone seems to be reading this list until they hit one they disagree with them posting about it. Good list. Not all of them are going to apply to everyone.
• bfors 4y ago
  Amazing list, and one of the best things I've found on HN. I'll add my own bit of advice, for fun: The party is over the instant one person asks for the wifi password
• whaatwhat 4y ago
• ozim 4y ago
  > Whenever there is an argument between two sides, find the third side. > Lower the toilet seat after use. Close the frigging lid for Pete’s sake!
• DeathArrow 4y ago
  I don't get why people are so upset about some particular piece of advice KK generously shared with us. You don't have to absolutely agree with the author. It's best to take anything through the filter of your own mind. Find pros and cons, think about if it works or not and why. But most outraged persons are so because the piece of advices don't match their particular view of the world. They don't spend time thinking, they hurry to show outrage, mostly invoking some kind of injustice.