12 ms·

Facts about throwing good parties

• rossdavidh 11mo ago
  "21) The biggest problem at many parties is an endless escalation of volume. If you know how to fix this, let me know." Only way I know is to have a porch, garage, or other connected-but-not-the-same-space open for people to spill into.
  • deleted 11mo ago
    [deleted]
  • nkrisc 11mo ago
    Sound deadening and insulation, whether purpose-made or simply walls/trees/incidental stuff. Fifty people in a 200sq/ft space will almost always louder than twenty-five people in two 100sq/ft spaces connected by a doorway. Unless the space has amazing purpose-built acoustic qualities, put physics obstructions between groups of people (walls, doors, bushes, trees, fences, whatever). If a house-party is unbearably loud, there's just too many people for the space, or there's some anomaly that is concentrating too many people in one area.
  • Projectiboga 11mo ago
    That is often coincident w cannibis consumption and if they aren't super drunk people can be prompted politely to bring their voices down. With the music itself volume is best moved gradually enough to not be noticed. Main thing as a host is to guard the volume. It is always a balance to make people want to dance, to provide shelter for intimate conversations which don't travel against too loud where shouting and law enforcement may arise. Rock musicians and their engineers eventually figured out an audience can match nearly any decible level below 110 and can move above it.
  • hamdingers 11mo ago
    If it's the kind of party where there's music, stop the music. Everyone will hush, expecting for something to happen. After a minute or two, turn the music back on at a lower volume and the crowd will adjust.
  • adriand 11mo ago
    On the flip side, is there such a thing as a good, quiet party? Only if it's very small.
    • bsenftner 11mo ago
      I attended "The Whisper Club" once in NYC, where the music performance was female performers whispering to soft muted horns and piano, and anyone who spoke in a normal or louder tones was asked to leave. Instead of clapping to the music, people snapped their fingers. It was kind of subversively wonderful.
      • adriand 11mo ago
        That actually does sound amazing! That has to be one of the best parts of living in NYC, that there is literally something for everyone.
  • fragmede 11mo ago
    db meters are available for purchase, which helps with the problem of not being sure how loud is loud while in an altered state of consciousness and need something to compare the volume to.
    • aerostable_slug 11mo ago
      Apple watches have them as well.
      • fragmede 11mo ago
        an apple watch is not a shared, observable thing for everyone to glance at, vs a db meter mounted on a wall somewhere.
    • darkwater 11mo ago
      That could be a party killer, though. I understand the neighbors issue, especially if you are throwing the party in a flat, but getting reminded "you are making too much noise" while you are having a great time with that noise, IME will totally kill the party.
      • fragmede 11mo ago
        more or less than having the party shut down for noise complaints though?
  • jauntywundrkind 11mo ago
    Ideally this is something we could solve with data, with letting people see the trend over time, with some call to action moments to quiet the fuck down for a minute, reset the otherwise only up-moving gauge. Every now and then I'll resort to just turning the volume up so that people give up. No, sorry, conversation is already basically impossible except via shouting, so I'm going to up the volume to prevent conversations for a little bit, interrupt the flow, then go back down. I'd love some volume meters that have very visible displays. It's in the red! Everyone chill out! Or ideally presenting some view over time. Little tablet screens placed about or above that show some logarithmic time scale of volume, so people can calibrate, see the bad trend line. There need to be enough different volume-over-time systems about so people know where the problem really is coming from too. Most people at the party are just trying to talk, so the real art of debugging this nonsense is finding who is being extra loud, and introducing some observability to let the specific worst offenders fix their specific loudness issues, then the rest of the party can de-escalate too.
  • marssaxman 11mo ago
    That one struck me oddly; escalation of volume is a problem you want to have. If the party is quiet, it feels dead, and people leave early. I always used to deliberately leave music playing at a level which would require people to speak up a bit, so it would feel like something was happening right from the start; the glorious roaring chaos would then build of its own accord.
  • bsenftner 11mo ago
    Spaces, as in have multiple locations for smaller groups to enjoy the scene. There is a real reason that some of the better night clubs are not a single spralling space, but a multi-floor building with each floor sub sectioned into dozens of little back to back living room like couch setups. Intimacy works.
• deleted 11mo ago
  [deleted]
• cjbarber 11mo ago
  Found via: https://auren.substack.com/p/top-5-things-to-read-in-november https://auren.substack.com/p/top-5-things-to-read-in-novembe... See also: https://x.com/wangzjeff/status/1983914310738047291 https://x.com/wangzjeff/status/1983914310738047291 And also Nick Gray's 2 hour cocktail party book My personal thoughts on events: (These don't really apply to parties, but they do apply to non-party events) 1. Do intro circles: If it's a 5-25 person event with a handful of people that don't know each other, do an intro circle about 15-20 mins after the start time. Turns it from something where people show up and might meet 1-3 random people that they happen to walk up to, vs something where everyone gets 1 point of contact with anyone else. Works well up to about 25 people, haven't tested it beyond that. Go round say name, and then pick a few questions depending on the audience (eg could be something you'd like help with, something you're reading about, etc). For non-parties (eg meetups, work mixers, things that don't have alcohol or aren't late), the easiest way to improve any event is for the host to do a brief intro circle. 2. The best events to host are the ones you wish you could attend but that don't exist 3. Minimize uncertainty for attendees: Clear parking info/photos and a photo of the space is always helpful too. 4. Host more events: Very positive sum. Even can be simple discussion groups. Anything that you enjoy doing where it'd be more fun with a few other people. Playing video games together, reading papers together, discussing how you're using AI coding tools, whatever. Workshops, mixers, talks, parties, peer groups, etc. If you enjoy reading about it on HN or twitter, you'd probably also enjoy discussing it with people directly. The world is undersupplied for events.
  • roncesvalles 11mo ago
    >1. Do intro circles So, turn your party into hell on earth?
    • user_7832 11mo ago
      I think a middle ground is possible. Have people not talk about themselves, but rather how they'd react in some bizzare hypothetical situation (for example), and have a few limited options for them to pick and justify. Kinda like cards against humanity in some ways. Ofc ask people first in private what kind of questions etc they're comfortable with and what they'd like to talk about. Almost everyone has something interesting to say or contribute, the hosts' ideal job is to bring that out.
• buildsjets 11mo ago
  I sure miss the kind of parties where they have to get an emergency court order to cut power the building at 3am. I learned everything I need to know about throwing parties from Dave Barry. If you throw a party, the worst thing that you can do would be to throw the kind of party where your guests wake up today, and call you to say they had a nice time. Now you'll be be expected to throw another party next year. What you should do is throw the kind of party where your guest wake up several days from now and call their lawyers to find out if they've been indicted for anything. You want your guests to be so anxious to avoid a recurrence of your party that they immediately start planning parties of their own, a year in advance, just to prevent you from having another one. If your party is successful, the police will knock on your door, unless your party is very successful in which case they will lob tear gas through your living room window. As host, your job is to make sure that they don't arrest anybody. Or if they're dead set on arresting someone, your job is to make sure it isn't you.
  • ssl-3 11mo ago
    I had a halloween party once. It had everything: Substance abuse, debauchery, a proper PA system shaking the floor, good lighting, costumes, good people we knew, random other people we'd never met before, a keg of beer, epic bean dip... everything but the police, somehow. Anyway, my boss showed up. I don't know if I invited him or if he just decided to be there on his own. He was having a great time with everything, and then he went into the back where some folks were enjoying the not-booze. It was at this point that I lost track of him. His jacket was still there. His motorcycle was still parked on the front sidewalk. But he was nowhere to be found, and his phone went straight to voicemail. It was like he'd simply vanished. "Fuck," I thought to myself. "I've only had this job for a few months." It turns out that he'd walked home, a couple of miles away. He woke up the next morning sitting at the picnic table in his back yard, shirtless, in the rain. After that, I always made sure that I invited him to my other parties -- and he always made sure to decline, and tell me that he was never doing anything like that ever again. I consider this to be a win.
    • mberning 11mo ago
      Awesome story. Thanks for sharing.
• sbuccini 11mo ago
  22) Turn the AC wayyyyyyy down when the party starts 23) Buy frozen finger food and put into oven in staggered batches. When a batch is ready, immediately transfer to serving tray and walk through party offering people food. Great task to delegate to that one attendee who doesn't know anyone! 24) Polaroids/Disposable cameras are cheap and seem to be universally adored. Get a few and scatter them throughout the party. 25) Sharpies/labels for marking solo cups, drastically cuts down on clutter as the night goes on. 26) If someone brings a bottle of wine or a bottle of liquor as a gift, just crack it open and ask them to share it with other attendees. Same with food. Makes for a good conversation starter.
  • tcoff91 11mo ago
    If you give people glasses instead of solo cups, I find that partygoers will tend to treat your house with a lot more care and respect. We have a set of glasses that have little black stickers on them that are a material that works well with chalk, so people can label them. Yes, there's a risk of breakage & having to clean up, but overall I think it sets a better tone.
    • beerandt 11mo ago
      Dixie cup / glassware divide will tell you a lot about the type of party, but not always along the lines you might think.
      • roncesvalles 11mo ago
        I'm intrigued. Elaborate?
  • Mashimo 11mo ago
    > Polaroids/Disposable cameras are cheap and seem to be universally adored. I do this on my parties! Also sometimes people ask me to bring my gear to their parties. The guests can either keep the photo and take home some memories or gift it to the host. My more advanced version is that I take photos with my "good" mirrorless camera, transfer the photos to my phone, and then send them to the polaroid (Instax mini) for print. Too much work as a host, but as a gift when I'm a guest I might do it :)
• TheAceOfHearts 11mo ago
  If you're hosting a party in a place where there's lots of shy or quiet people, you should recruit some people who are skilled at getting others to open up, and keep them in active rotation. Call them firestarters: tasked with making sure that none of the fires go out while making sure that the party doesn't burn down.
• dlisboa 11mo ago
  I feel like this is really an American culture thing where parties or dinner parties are mostly the responsibility of the host. In movies or TV there’s even a common theme of guests judging the host’s hosting abilities. In Brazil you throw a party to people you like and they all have a hand in helping you, sharing the load. Everyone will be responsible for some part of it, all of it is organized informally, there are no real formalities to the event. No one cares about making a science out of it. I’ve never heard of a person complaining about party quality or comparing hosting abilities.
  • johnsillings 11mo ago
    sounds way better that way
    • mingus88 11mo ago
      They are called potlucks or cookouts in the U.S. and they happen all the time. In fact, they are probably a lot more common than having a huge party (so large that you have to invite people in batches of half a dozen at a time) completely planned and executed by a single person. This article is good, don’t get me wrong, but this type of event planning is not really representative of how folk in the U.S. get together
      • johnsillings 11mo ago
        I live in the US, and the type of party in the article is way more familiar to me than potlucks or cookouts – but that's just me
      • AmbroseBierce 11mo ago
        Yes but it probably has a bigger overlap with the kind of people that would use Google to find an article that says how to throw a good party.
      • com2kid 11mo ago
        Some summers I plan on BBQing every weekend and I throw invites out on Thursday. People typically bring something and we all have a good time. For the parties as described in the article, I maybe go to one or two a year tops. Before I had a kid I used to host large parties like the kind described (~15 people tops though), now I just attend and contribute.
• nicbou 11mo ago
  I prefer to invite people individually, and create a group chat with those who confirmed. Nothing is more demoralising than 24 hours of people saying they won’t come, in the group chat, right before the event. My flake rate is close to zero, mostly because people personally told me they’ll join. It doesn’t hurt to get the group chat hyped up on the day of the event. The activity is enough to get people excited. I also pin the time and location so people find it easily. Besides that, just chill. It doesn’t have to be perfect. Once a few good people are there, the thing mostly runs itself. Try to relax and enjoy your own party.
  • kelseydh 11mo ago
    I miss the days when Facebook events worked well for getting people to attend a party. Now, nobody is on Facebook so those event invitations get missed and you need to hustle much harder with individual chat messages to get people to attend.
    • nicd 11mo ago
      Partiful works well?
      • ljlolel 11mo ago
        Very high flake rate like 2/3
    • varenc 11mo ago
      In my social circles Partiful feels like it's becoming a good replacement for the golden era of Facebook Events. At first you had to invite people manually by sending them a Partiful link, but now they have their own internal invite system where you can invite your "mutuals" (people you've partied with) directly on the platform. It's become the clear standard for house parties in my sphere. Not quite as good as Facebook events used to be though.
    • nlh 11mo ago
      Oh man this definitely makes me wax nostalgic for that golden era ... it was 2013-2016 for me. I would throw an annual holiday party w/ my roommate in SF every year and I recall being able to just go down the list of my FB friends and click "invite, invite, invite" and everyone I cared about would show up and we all had a wonderful time. Sigh.
• OisinMoran 11mo ago
  I did a fun one at a party of mine where I had name tags for everyone (a pretty good idea by itself) but each person's name tag had the name of someone else they had to talk to at some point. Most of the pairings were quite intentional but a few ended up being random. Got a lot of compliments about it!
• burgerquizz 11mo ago
  ask people that stayed late to help cleanup a bit. It will only take them 5minutes and will save you hours. Also cleanup everything before you go to sleep. It will save your next day
• kashnote 11mo ago
  Love all of these tips. I've hosted dozens of events since moving to NYC and figured I'd add 5 more: 1. If this is a dinner party (or people are all seated), force people to get up and move in a way that they'll meet new people. Do this when you're about 2/3 of the way through the party. Some will complain - do it anyway. 2. Plan 1 (ideally 2) interludes. It can be a small speech, moving people around, changing locations, having people vote on something, etc. For whatever reason, they make the night more memorable. 3. Do your best to make introductions natural and low-pressure. Saying things like "you two would really get along" can put pressure on people - especially shy ones. Bring up something they have in common and let them chat while you back away. 4. Go easy on folks who cancel last minute. They often don't feel good about doing it and you don't want to add more stress to them or yourself. 5. More music != more fun. Some music is good, but if people can't hear each other, turn it down. If you're interested reading more about this stuff, read The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker.
  • xhrpost 11mo ago
    I feel like hosting in NYC is even more of a public service given that space is limited and not everyone has a living situation suited for it. Props to you for making it happen. Been doing what I can here as well. Cheers!
  • phito 11mo ago
    1. Maybe it's a cultural thing but it sounds like hell on earth to me. I'd be the one complaining and probably will not show up to the next party ...
    • spiralcoaster 11mo ago
      That makes two of us. I've never heard of (or thank god, been to) a party where a host is forcing people to move around, especially in an unnatural way. Nothing feels like a forced party more than, well, forcing.
      • toast0 11mo ago
        > I've never heard of (or thank god, been to) a party where a host is forcing people to move around, especially in an unnatural way. You've never been to a party where you had dispersed throughout the location, and then the host gathered you to eat a meal or a cake (possibly singing a song prior to distributing the cake)?
• drooby 11mo ago
  Surprised no mention of space per person. The sweet spot is not yet fully known to me. But maybe about 8-10 square feet per person. You want that intoxicating social energy, but people need the space to bop from circle to circle
• analog8374 11mo ago
  I have a few to add You need games. Smalltalking gets old quick. You need snacks, drinks, music and drugs. Regulate that lighting. Not too bright.
• calvinmorrison 11mo ago
  facts - go listen to the dinner party download!
• tern 11mo ago
  The most important party hack in my opinion is to ban alcohol and provide something else
  • hexis 11mo ago
    A secret, second, thing.
  • henry2023 11mo ago
    Fentanyl parties are the best /s
  • mtoner23 11mo ago
    Condoms? Drugs? Food? Coffee? What other thing do you have in mind
    • charcircuit 11mo ago
      Board games are common in my experience.
      • xxs 11mo ago
        Without vodka?
        • charcircuit 11mo ago
          Without.
• atoav 11mo ago
  As someone who was throwing the most popular parties in my hometown¹ during my youth probably the number 1 thing is finding the right mixture of people. Nearly the most boring thing you can do is only inviting people who know each other, ideally it is an explosive mix of different ages, backgrounds, interests, styles to avoid people sticking together in their known constellations. ¹: one if the proudest moments was when some random stranger in an European capital spoke to me on the street and told me: "Hey I know you, I have been to your party!" and I had no idea who they were
• fragmede 11mo ago
  I'll probably get uninvited from the party for pointing this out, but Partiful is free for users because they are datamining the shit out of us. If Palantir gives any here the creeps, just fyi, Partiful was founded by several former Palantir employees, including CEO Shreya Murthy and CTO Joy Tao.
  • 0_____0 11mo ago
    They have a page that claims they don't sell user data. Not that this makes me trust them. https://help.partiful.com/hc/en-us/articles/26526557943067-How-do-you-make-money https://help.partiful.com/hc/en-us/articles/26526557943067-H...
    • sodality2 11mo ago
      Also from their (presumably more binding) privacy policy: > We don’t sell your personal data as a source of revenue, unlike most apps -- we make money by selling drinks & snacks for your event via our Group Order feature
      • Cheer2171 11mo ago
        > We don’t sell your personal data as a source of revenue What a curiously specific phrase. So if they traded your data to Palantir in exchange for hosting or services, this would still be allowed. The fact that they have another revenue stream says nothing about your data privacy. Or if Thiel has a backdoor to snoop on Silicon Valley's most intimate social networking data.
      • deleted 11mo ago
        [deleted]
      • cube00 11mo ago
        > We don’t sell your personal data as a source of revenue A well compensated lawyer could drive a truck through that statement, we'll start with the classic "sharing with our (allegedly) trusted 1000 partners" that you always see on cookie popups.
    • 11mo ago
• laxd 11mo ago
  Sounds like the knee-jerk rules of some socialite circle in a top floor Manhatten apartment. Please let me have some of your cocaine.
• baby 11mo ago
  I've organized so many parties that I feel qualified to comment here :D (actually sorry but the other commens I've read feel silly). Love the number one advice of the post: focusing on yourself having a good time. Although the more you organize the easier it gets. > 5) Use an app like Partiful or Luma I refuse to use an event page personally because I think it makes it less personal. I always DM people directly if I want to invite them. Also always try to get people to invite their friends as well. That'a the upside of gatherings: you get to meet new people effortlessly. And this solves a number of the problem in the post's list. > In a small group, the quality of the experience will depend a lot on whether the various friends blend together well Na, just invite everyone, diversity is a feature. IMO most of the advice are over engineer. Here are more from mine: - soundproof with plants and rugs and stuff in the room so it doesn't get echo'y - play some background music at low volume - always prepare a punch. People don't realize it but there's alcohol in this thing - don't have seats otherwise people will sit down, and sitting down is the party killer - don't prep anything. The place will get messy anyway. Just make sure people bring food and drinks.
  • barbs 11mo ago
    > - don't have seats otherwise people will sit down, and sitting down is the party killer My Nan used to always say to me: "You know what happens to girls that sit down at parties?" "What Nan?" "Nothing!"
  • komali2 11mo ago
    > - don't have seats otherwise people will sit down, and sitting down is the party killer I agree with all your points but this one. My parties go for hours, people wanna chill. Usually there's some corner playing board games or smoking hookah, it's the perfect couch scenario and a great way to let a party go loooooong. People's feet get tired! Also I've had all sorts of all ages, people with MS or whatever else, pregnant people, etc. I would say split your house or apartment into sections, just like clubs do: the biggest area is the music area, the kitchen is the stand around and snack and have ridiculously deep conversations area, wherever the couches are is the smash bros / hookah / just take a break area, the balcony or backyard is the smoking / drunk wrestling area. Definitely no seats in the music area. And NEVER let someone bring a guitar.
• amluto 11mo ago
  > The biggest problem at many parties is an endless escalation of volume. If you know how to fix this, let me know. If there’s a band: if you’re the host or the person paying, just ask them politely to turn the volume down every ten minutes or however long it takes for the volume to drift up. And it will drift back up, because very few bands are able to keep their hands off the mixer. For conversational volume, either go outside or use serious acoustic treatment. The latter may be challenging.
• Waterluvian 11mo ago
  I don’t like #2 because I hate the game of tricking people to be on time and then people start compensating further and eventually I’m trying to host a Cosmic Comet Party and you’re showing up after the punch has been distributed. I just like being honest and stripping away the layers of manipulation. “Starts at 2:00. Please be on time. If you don’t want to be the first, show up at 2:10. If you want to come early, we’d love a bit of help with last minute preparation but we won’t be in hosting mode just yet!” Do I overthink things? Absolutely. Do people comment about how much they love how I strip all the uncertainty and mind games from it all? Yes.
  • ricardobeat 11mo ago
    > Starts at 2:00. Please be on time. This will not work with south american guests. It's a cultural thing, being a little late (but not too late) is cool; being on time seems desperate or too strict.
    • spiralcoaster 11mo ago
      Sounds like the perfect filter then. I'd rather have people showing up to my party that are interested in having a good time moreso than how "cool" they appear.
      • deleted 11mo ago
        [deleted]
    • bigstrat2003 11mo ago
      I would say personally I don't care if people show up late, but I'm also not going to play scheduling mind games to try to trick them into being there on time. The event starts at whatever time the invitation says. If someone shows up late, I have no sympathy if they are upset that they missed the beginning. But I'm not going to be mad they didn't show up right on time, either. It's ultimately their problem, not mine.
      • ricardobeat 11mo ago
• pjs_ 11mo ago
  This is great advice, parties are a lost technology in some parts of society, like the pyramids. We should throw more parties For a dinner party specifically I like to force everyone to go for a walk before dessert. By that point they’re all hot and drunk, sending them outside for a quick lap cools everybody off, gets them talking, and is good for the digestion. Then you can come home and crack into that bottle of wine someone brought
• titanomachy 11mo ago
  > Once an event crosses a threshold (maybe 70%?) of male-or-female dominance, most people of the other gender are likely to decline (or just not-come to your next party) as a result. I’m not sure that this one is true. Once, as a single guy, I got invited to a party that turned out to be 80% women, and I would definitely have gone to that guy’s parties again.
• Animats 11mo ago
  (This is going to upset some people.) A successful escort who is into statistical data analysis and market research talks about the details of organizing an orgy.[1] Aella's thing is to ask questions that lead to "what do women really want", and go from there to design events. She has about 800,000 raw survey responses, so there's enough data to look for patterns. The answers will upset some people. The conventional wisdom appears to be way out from where the data leads. [1] https://aella.substack.com/p/a-girls-guide-to-a-data-driven-orgy https://aella.substack.com/p/a-girls-guide-to-a-data-driven-...
  • z3ugma 11mo ago
    “ This post is for paid subscribers “
    • gpm 11mo ago
      I think the intent is you watch the 20 minute conference talk at the top, not read the paywalled post.
      • Animats 11mo ago
        Right. You can watch the video, which is better than most YouTube videos, for free.
        • johnnyanmac 11mo ago
          You need a better Youtube feed in that case.
      • johnnyanmac 11mo ago
        > The main part of the talk is available for anyone to watch, and the Q&A section is for paid supporter. So I listen to part of a talk and don't get the actual feedback on the talk unless I pay them? It's like the opposite of the Socratic method.
  • deleted 11mo ago
    [deleted]
• samuba 11mo ago
  shameless pluck: In my friend circle im the only one throwing real parties. The most annoying thing always was the logistics of keeping track how many people come and what they might bring (cuz usually it's a, bring your favorite food/booze party). group chats are super messy and get taken away by chit chat, so I build a simple, clean product that helps me with all that. it's basically a virtual invitation card with extra features, like comments when people rsvp, image upload for after the party etc. never shared it outside my circles but it's pretty polished. hope this could be of some use for you: https://create.party https://create.party
  • Multiplayer 11mo ago
    Well done. There are some fun features here! Very polished as well.
• knuppar 11mo ago
  Being brutally honest, I wouldn't be too keen to attend a party from someone that writes up about their 21 party facts lol. This sounds more like a meticulous plan to maximize human socialization than an actually just fun party :)
  • Esophagus4 11mo ago
    Casual hangs are definitely fun, but there's also a lot of fun to being at a bigger "party" or "event." It's everything from the organization of the space and the flow of people during the night, to the mix of invitees, to possibly having some kind of gimmick there for people to connect over and for the shy people who need some social lubricant (like palm readers, a caricature artist, etc), to the music, to the decor, to the food, to people hired to help pass out the food, to the theme / dress, to the interlude that brings people together (like a vote / contest)... When done well, it looks effortless, and it can be really fun to attend!
    • cindyllm 11mo ago
      [dead]
  • nxor 11mo ago
    Best comment.
  • Edman274 11mo ago
    I am reminded of an episode of SpongeBob SquarePants where he meticulously plans a party with a huge list of scheduled, mandatory activities, and hovers around guests and tries to direct them on how to talk to each other and have fun. No one has fun until he leaves to perform errands and then gets locked out of his house. I wonder how much of that episode's plot was intended as a morality tale for children, and it's funny to consider that children's cartoon animators may have wide discretion to create stories meant to instruct kids on issues the animators have personally experienced. It's funny to imagine someone like Stephen Hillenburg or Derek Drymon or another writer going to a party that wasn't very fun and then saying "we need to let the future generation know that they shouldn't be too authoritarian about their parties", haha.
• nixpulvis 11mo ago
  What do you do if you only have like two friend (who don't know each other) these days, and you want to get them to invite their friends... I'm planning a thing for the 8th and super worried it's going to be like 4 of us and we're going to hate it.
  • GrifMD 11mo ago
    You've gotta change it from "you're throwing a party" to "we're throwing party". Or just ask them to invite some people man, don't stress.
    • nixpulvis 11mo ago
      Yea I have. Still waiting to hear confirmation that anyone they know is coming... but that still only puts us at like 6 people :/
      • jama211 11mo ago
        You’ve either gotta pivot the event from a party (where attendance is considered optional) to a specific gathering/dinner event or something, where people will feel like attendance is more expected. Or, have a frank conversation with your guests about your worries and expectations and see what comes with it.
      • ryanmentor 11mo ago
        Go make some friends. I invite people to events almost every time I go out and talk to people.
        • johnnyanmac 11mo ago
          >I go out and talk to people. Well there's the first issue. That's harder and harder to do in this economy, and the quality of people I meet aren't exactly the ones who won't flake 80% of invites.
      • komali2 11mo ago
• jll29 11mo ago
  I've (co-)organized parties of varying sizes (N=2..50+) and I would say volume hasn't been the top problem, ever. - As hosts, the main problems are finding a suitable date to hold the party, chasing attendance confirmations and getting people to dance (esp. once they're over 30). - As attendees, the main problem besides whether on should go or not (which is often made dependent on who else is going) is figuring out what kind of "party" exactly it is (formal/informal, dance party/potluck, enough food?). The definition of "party" is very broad, even leaving aside cross-cultural norms, ranging from "let's sit around the table and play board games" to "let's outdo Hangover I/II/III [except for the giraffe]".
• highfrequency 11mo ago
  > 1) Prioritize your ease of being over any other consideration: parties are like babies, if you’re stressed while holding them they’ll get stressed too. Every other decision is downstream of your serenity: e.g. it's better to have mediocre pizza from a happy host than fabulous hors d'oeuvres from a frazzled one. This is great, and applies broadly to parenting.
• franciscop 11mo ago
  Excellent tips, I've naturally followed most of these, it's crazy to see them reflected here explicitly, they felt "such a natural thing" to do. Given the quality of most of them, I'll try to follow better the couple I don't yet. > 2) Advertise your start time as a quarter-to the hour. If you start an event at 2:00, people won't arrive till 2:30; if you make it 1:45, people will arrive at 2:00. Needless to say this is highly culture-dependent. I recently threw a dinner at my place in Tokyo, and I had to add the warning: - Official dinner time was 7pm. - Told my Southern European friends at 7pm, expecting them to arrive at 8pm. - Told my Japanese and American friends at 7:30-8, expecting them to arrive at 8pm. It went much better than expected, everyone arrived within 8pm~8:10pm (okay, except that one friend who is chronically late, but that's a lost cause).
  • Cerium 11mo ago
    I recently arrived at an Indian birthday party at 11 am (the scheduled time) and the host immediately responded, oops I forgot to tell you the real time... everyone else will arrive after noon.
  • Symbiote 11mo ago
    The first party I attended in Denmark started at 6pm. I knew arriving promply was important, then I found about half the guests chatting in the park opposite the host's house at 5.55pm ready for an on-the-dot arrival.
• iansimon 11mo ago
  I'm already out after Rule 1 (prioritize your ease of being). If I prioritized my ease of being I wouldn't throw a party in the first place.
  • globular-toast 11mo ago
    This is why I've never thrown a party. I don't hate socialising, but I want to go home. I'll often leave without any fanfare when I've had enough. If I throw the party, I can't just go home or, worse, it's in my home, which is the only place I can go.
  • bigstrat2003 11mo ago
    Honestly, depending on the party I just don't even go. The loud drunk type of parties that a lot of people are talking about here are absolute misery for me. I just wind up standing off to the side, too shy to strike up a conversation with any of the various strangers around, and eventually just leave. Eventually I stopped going to such parties because I just wind up feeling awful about myself afterwards. On the other hand, I love having dinner parties with friends or family, because then I actually can talk to people and have a nice time. Both of those things are parties, but they are both very different experiences for me.
  • citizenpaul 11mo ago
    This list is for little dinner parties held by women. I could tell a woman write this at 11 "gender balance." No, just no. If you are a man thowring a party the one and only concern you have is throwing every bit of effort at making sure women will show up and not be outnumbered 2:1 or worse by guys. They will all leave and the reputation will forever ruin your chances of having women show up in the future. They talk. If you are a man throwing a party you have to actively turn away other men. There is no other way. You have to rotate bouncing duty.
• cvoss 11mo ago
  > The biggest problem at many parties is an endless escalation of volume. If you know how to fix this, let me know. Ideally, a guest breaks a cheap glass. The sound is heard across the house. The helpers immediately spring into action, leaving their conversations behind, looking for towels and a dustpan. The people nearby go mute with sympathetic embarrassment. Much ado is made of finding every shard. Meanwhile you are laboring over a replacement drink for the guest, which you graciously present in protest to their apologies. The party resumes at 70% volume. Also happened with a lamp on one occasion.
  • IanCal 11mo ago
    Here I think that’s more likely to result in shouts of “Weeeeey!” And “Sack the juggler!”
  • saghm 11mo ago
    This is ingenious. If I ever host a house party, I might consider stocking on some cheap glassware just in case (and figure out which friend I can trust to do the dirty work)...
    • Vinnl 11mo ago
      Haha, my first thought too; I'm sure you can also just find some spots where someone is bound to bump one over. It might just get suspicious the fourth time around, though then again, that might make the party memorable.
    • Esophagus4 11mo ago
      I have been at a party where (as I later found out) the host had hired an actor to be one of the waiters, and she paid him to trip and fall and spill a tray of food. It made the night memorable and got everyone talking and working together to help clean up!
      • thimkerbell 11mo ago
        So now we are to wonder if accidents are faked? The host did harm here.
• jkaptur 11mo ago
  "Couples often flake together. This changes the probability distribution of attendees considerably" It's interesting to consider the full correlation matrix! Groups of friends may tend to flake together too, people who live in the same neighborhood might rely on the same subways or highways... I think this is precisely the same problem as pricing a CDO, so a Gaussian Copula or graphical model is really what you need. To plan a great party.
  • ramses0 11mo ago
    We tend to calculate "people at percentages", ie: 2 adults, 2 kids, 50% chance of showing up rates as an attendance-load of 1.5 virtual people (for food calculations). Then sometimes you need the "max + min souls" (seats, plates), and account for what we call "the S-factor" if someone brings an unexpected guest, roommate, etc. Lastly: there is a difference between a "party" and a "soirée" (per my college roommate: "you don't have parties, you have soirées!") All the advice is really accurate, makes me miss hosting. If you want to go a little deeper, there's a book called "How to be a Gentleman", and it has a useful section on "A Gentleman Hosts a Party", and then "Dads Own Cookbook" has a chapter on party planning, hosting, preparation timelines... there's quite a bit of art and science to it!
    • sebastiennight 11mo ago
      > We tend to calculate "people at percentages", ie: 2 adults, 2 kids, 50% chance of showing up rates as an attendance-load of 1.5 virtual people (for food calculations). > > Then sometimes you need the "max + min souls" (seats, plates), and account for what we call "the S-factor" if someone brings an unexpected guest, roommate, etc. I made myself a "food and drinks amount" calculator for weekends/week-long party events a few years back and it was eerily accurate once you take in unexpected plus ones, flake rates, hangovers and other computable-at-scale events into the formula!
• ocelotBridge 11mo ago
  Parties are really just about good vibes and kind people, everything else is just extra sparkle.
  • johnnyanmac 11mo ago
    Not a lot of either lately.
• jama211 11mo ago
  All good advice, but I’d recommend against removing chairs etc. I have family members with mobility issues and the biggest reason they’re upset and feel left out at parties is because everyone is standing and they don’t feel like they’re included because of it. Have seated areas, and have a couple of chairs in locations that let standing people chat with the people who need to sit too. Make it such that people who usually stand will naturally sit and hang out with the sitters as a part of the rotation.
• niteshpant 11mo ago
  At our apartment in the South End in Boston (2023-2024), we had a nice backyard where me and my roommate would host a lot of parties. Some were more successful than others. In particular, one event (dubbed 727 for being on 7-27) was particularly unsuccessful. My good friend and DJ came to visit and we did a B2B backyard sesh. The music was amazing, vibes immaculate but we lacked the crowd. Looking back, our biggest mistakes were: 1. asking people to come at 2 PM on a weekend and saying party will go till 7 PM. There is a limit to expectations, as I have learned 2. not using Partiful or Luma (Apple Invites wasn't a thing back then) so we could never really remind people or confirm people. Plus, many flaked (~40%) or arrived very late (~70%) 3. not making the party interesting enough for 22-24 year olds - many flaked :( 4. not following rules 8 and 9 as mentioned here (whom to or not to invite given a group) Some tips that worked for us in other parties: 1) Be very generous with drinks, make good ones and buy good beer/wine, avoid temptation to venmo request afterwards (please don't). atithi devo bhava 2) Have something to do. For us it was Dartmouth pong in our backyard lol 3) Have a good vibe One major pro tip not mentioned: if inviting a girl you want to impress, learn to mix drinks and songs ;) A good shake goes a long way...
  • squigz 11mo ago
    People send Venmo requests to people they invite to their own party?!
• petesergeant 11mo ago
  > The biggest problem at many parties is an endless escalation of volume. If you know how to fix this, let me know As an engineer, I have to say, the answer is obvious: simply install a siren that goes off when average volume over a period of time is too high.
• ryukoposting 11mo ago
  Call me bad at parties, but a dedicated app for inviting people to the party is too much fanfare for my taste. If everyone waits around to see if their friends are going, nobody will RSVP because they're all waiting on each other to RSVP. We're all friends here. A good party fosters serendipity. Granted, I'm the same person who accepts any invitation to any concert, and intentionally doesn't listen to the band ahead of time because the experience of hearing an artist in a live setting for the first time is so fun. I may have a bias towards serendipity.
  • mtoner23 11mo ago
    The good thing about partiful (the most popular and imo best party app) is that you can set the invite up such that they cant see the guest list unless they RSVP yes
    • Dilettante_ 11mo ago
      That just sounds like it creates a perverse incentive for people to say yes despite having no intention of coming?
      • Cthulhu_ 11mo ago
        In which case they wouldn't be invited again, right?
  • hutattedonmyarm 11mo ago
    > Call me bad at parties, but a dedicated app for inviting people to the party is too much fanfare for my taste. I agree. We threw a halloween party. We just discussed who we wanted to invite and threw everybody together in a whatsapp groupchat to announce the thing.
    • ryukoposting 11mo ago
      Same, but either Signal or plain ol' SMS depending on the group.
• ericzawo 11mo ago
  Over the years I've thrown many parties, from house parties, surprise parties, keggers, to corporate events, concerts and DJ events that are ticketed, underground, invite-only in cities like Hong Kong, Paris, Toronto and Miami and can 100% stand behind every one of these rules. There is an art and a science to hosting good events and this post breaks it down really well.
• d--b 11mo ago
  A little bit of overthinking in there, no? I mean this is kind of stressing me out that I’ve not been doing this properly. It feels like the person writing this is constently rating the quality of his/her parties, like she’s being judged. Perhaps it’s a NY thing. The ‘flake rate’ also feels very New York-y My experience is that some parties will be good others won’t, and you can’t really know why. General mood can’t be steered. It’s ok.
• hamstergene 11mo ago
  Endless volume escalation is known as Lombard Effect: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lombard_effect https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lombard_effect At parties it is mainly due to room's echo. The best and cheapest is open-air, where voices fly into the sky and never return, it would take like a thousand of people before it stops being enough. Second best are large open windows, missing walls (porch/balcony) or multiple rooms. Beyond that I don't think there can be a solution without some sort of room soundproofing, which is usually no-go for rented spaces and private houses. The closest one can get is to maximize soft surfaces (rugs, curtains esp. along walls). Speaking of which, I wish bars, restaurants and other venues were required to place echo reducers on the ceiling, such simple and cheap measure would dramatically improve ability to talk there when they're full.
  • saghm 11mo ago
    > Speaking of which, I wish bars, restaurants and other venues were required to place echo reducers on the ceiling, such simple and cheap measure would dramatically improve ability to talk there when they're full. It's possible they aren't aware, but I have to wonder if it's sometimes intentional. As someone who doesn't drink, I find most bars close to if not entirely intolerable as places to hang out in, not because I mind being around other people drinking, but because they're always so loud. I've always assumed that drinking is what makes this tolerable to people, so now that you bring this up, the idea that this could be a way to sell more alcohol occurs to me. Probably a silly conspiracy theory, but who knows!
    • lan321 11mo ago
      Also probably to do with cost. Acoustic panels are pretty expensive. I can imagine selling this to a manager/owner won't be easy since it's not clearly bound to return on investment.
• TacticalCoder 11mo ago
  [dead]
• d--b 11mo ago
  For me the main thing is to get people pumped from the first invite. Like don’t write: ‘hey I am doing this thing for my bday on Friday, wanna come?’ But come up with something like: ´Ok people, I just read in a recent Nasa report that the planets are going to be lined up on Friday evening. Coincidentally, this is the day I am turning X. So, I was thinking it would be the perfect opprtunity for us to show the entire solar system how it is we do it on Earth.’ then some fun lines about how we’ll make Marsians green, and have more love than Venus, and what not. stupid puns like ‘don’t sit on Uranus and come party like you’re the sun’ tend to work nicely. You get the idea. Be totally over the top in your invites.
• CSMastermind 11mo ago
  > Most people will only go to a party where they expect to know 3+ others already. Is that true? I've been to two weddings where the only person I knew was the bride and I was just like, well I guess I'll make friends there. Had a blast both times.
• OldSchool 11mo ago
  My first instinct here is that "New York Socialite" != "Hacker News Reader" shall we say almost always.
  • lurk2 11mo ago
    It was difficult to read through due to the number of people using it as an opportunity to try and come across as experienced and worldly, which just ends up having the opposite effect, especially when you consider the target demographic of this forum.
  • johnnyanmac 11mo ago
    People talking about all the parties they throw and I'm struggling to make proper friends at Meetups.
• jgilias 11mo ago
  I get mild anxiety just from reading this.
• barbs 11mo ago
  > " Parties are a public service, you’re doing people a favor by throwing them..Throwing parties is stressful for most people, but a great kindness to the community, so genuinely pat yourself on the back for doing this." I sort of agree, but I also think they're intrinsically a lot of fun, and if you're not enjoying yourself and only doing it to provide the service then you probably shouldn't be throwing them. Also, in my experience the best parties were the ones that, at a certain point, would carry themselves forward from their own momentum. Everyone participates in their own way, so if the music needed changing or there needed to be more alcohol, it would sort of work itself out automatically. Basically, it's less about the host providing everything and more providing the environment for the party to run itself.
• bullen 11mo ago
  Exclusion is terrible practice.
  • sweetjuly 11mo ago
    I used to really believe this too, but I stumbled across the "Five Geek Social Fallacies" and it really helped me understand why I was so apprehensive to exclude others. Some people just don't mesh well, and trying to force it will just ruin the entire vibe. You don't have to throw all your volatile or otherwise abrasive friends to the side, but it's important to understand that some friends are better one-on-one as opposed to group gatherings (especially with people who aren't familiar with their quirks). Trying to force it just makes everyone miserable. [1] https://plausiblydeniable.com/five-geek-social-fallacies/ https://plausiblydeniable.com/five-geek-social-fallacies/
    • johnnyanmac 11mo ago
      >it's important to understand that some friends are better one-on-one as opposed to group gatherings sounds like a great origin story for someone who finds out they aren't invited to any parties and then self-exiles themself from the group. Or society as a whole. The article says as much: >when nothing smacking of social selectiveness can be discussed in public, people inevitably begin to organize activities in secret. These conspiracies often lead to more problems down the line, and the end result is as juvenile as anything a seventh-grader ever dreamed of. I wish people could just be direct and tell Cat Piss Man to take a good shower and clean their literbox more often instead of playing these mindgames. If they don't correct their behavior, then sure. You need to cut them off. But in my experience around neurodivergence, it's much easier to be upfront about these things than avoiding it.
• atbvu 11mo ago
  My family used to host yearly neighborhood dinners people brought food, sang, danced. Those things faded over time, but reading this made me realize: that was the heartbeat of a community. Without those rituals, we quietly turn into islands.
• zer0zzz 11mo ago
  This guy is a genius
• BiteCode_dev 11mo ago
  I throw a 200+ persons party every year at halloween, and I concur with every points on this list. I'll add: if you need money but don't want to ask for it upfront, you will need to have someone to ask for it individually to each person mid party. Just having a box to collect it somewhere, or a sign with a qr code, doesn't work nearly as well. It's annoying to do, but if your party is good people react surprisingly well to this.
  • deleted 11mo ago
    [deleted]
  • lurk2 11mo ago
    > if you need money but don't want to ask for it upfront, you will need to have someone to ask for it individually to each person mid party. If someone invited me to a party and asked for money after I arrived I would in all likelihood never speak with that person ever again.
    • bradlys 11mo ago
      Same with people who try to act generously but then surprisingly throw a large bill your direction. I’ve been victim to this behavior a few times and I’ve cut those people out after every offense. No surprise, these people don’t tend to have friends for long.
    • BiteCode_dev 11mo ago
      Of course you don't tell people they have to pay mid party. This is for things like collecting donations money for next parties. In places when you don't have a lot of money to go around, solidarity goes a long way, and nobody finds it weird to ask for help. I understand on HN the average salary allows to pay for a lot, but it's an exception. In France, it's common that everybody brings something for dinner, for example, even if you are invited. If you throw a big party and then ask people if they want to help the people that did that, they are usually happy to do it.
• schainks 11mo ago
  The tell tale sign you are throwing good parties is when the random name you make up for the party manifests in the real from a guest who did not see the invite.
• niborbit 11mo ago
  Step 1: have friends
  • johnnyanmac 11mo ago
    I'm a bit stuck here. Any advice? Meetups just don't seem to stick these days.
  • anal_reactor 11mo ago
    Yes, was about to say this. Also, once I started having friends, I also entered the period of life when people have wives and children, which means they don't have free time at all.
• cube00 11mo ago
  > try to encourage standing for those who can e.g. by having high-top tables, or taking away chairs from around tables Why do people feel it's their role to take away choice if someone wants (or need) to sit down? I don't buy the attempt at inclusive language either because it's nobody's business to determine "for those who can". Have chairs available for those who need them rather then forcing them make themselves known by asking the host for a chair or trying to drag one in from another room. As a bonus you won't have to lug chairs out of the room only to put them back later.
• mamidon 11mo ago
  I fully agree that most people won't be comfortable if they're the "only" man or woman at the party. How do you suggest evening genders out? Inviting couples is fine by definition; but I only really know single men. It seems odd for me to randomly invite single women I don't really know.
  • morshu9001 11mo ago
    Idk, this problem only got solved for me when I got married and my wife started inviting women
• selfawareMammal 11mo ago
  > Once an event crosses a threshold (maybe 70%?) of male-or-female dominance, most people of the other gender are likely to decline (or just not-come to your next party) as a result. This is not true for men.
  • zeroCalories 11mo ago
    I don't know. Probably depends on your demographic. I already have a partner, so if I feel like I won't connect with the crowd I'm probably gonna decline.
  • karel-3d 11mo ago
    It really is. Men actually don't feel comfortable when they are at majority women party. They start to feel insecure.
    • eertami 11mo ago
      I suspect what OP meant is that if the party is majority men, then they are still happy to hang out.
      • johnnyanmac 11mo ago
        It says "of the other gender". And yes, I get it. If it gets to a poitn where it feels more like a female-only space, I'll be less inclined to go next time. I don't want to feel like I'm invading. I'm perfectly fine with a sausage fest, though. That's the default in tech circles, after all.
    • CrimsonCape 11mo ago
      When a guy walks into a minefield, do you accuse him of being insecure?
• lukan 11mo ago
  "Prioritize your ease of being over any other consideration: parties are like babies, if you’re stressed while holding them they’ll get stressed too" Depends. I stopped throwing big parties, after people enjoyed them too much and I too little, especially the cleanup part.
• Einenlum 11mo ago
  Maybe it's because I'm French and the author is American (I guess?), but this post made me anxious. Putting so many rules and so much science on something that should be fun and spontaneous feels so wrong to me. Maybe a cultural thing. But I would never go to a party hosted by someone who thinks in statistical terms and uses a dedicated app to invite guests. I admit there are a few interesting tips though. Especially the one about splitting food and drinks across the room.
  • thenoblesunfish 11mo ago
    Americans tend to have larger, more casual social circles, probably. Having hosted parties in both the U.S. and Europe, the "flake rate" in Europe is much smaller, but the parties are also smaller, less frequent, and planned further ahead of time.
    • teiferer 11mo ago
      "Europe"? I can assure you, the party cultures in Spain, Scandinavia, France and Greece are all pairwise so dramatically different that the U.S. are not the counterpole, but just another flavor in the sea of possibilities. The same applies to different cultures within these countries. Across areas, ages, socioeconomic backgrounds, political leanings, hobby groups. It's astonishing to me how many comments around here are lumping everything together under specific nationalities.
      • IanCal 11mo ago
        I’m always amused by this. The US has a hugely diverse set of attitudes to things and yet a surprising number of people there then look at a more populated combination of more than 25 countries with varied languages and histories who have fought many wars over history against each other have some singular approach to parties or cycling or anything else.
        • johnnyanmac 11mo ago
          we have different culutures but Americans also have decades of media exposure to inform them on what an "American party" is. Especially if you grew up in the late 80's/90's where "party" was a literal genere of movie to subscribe to. Now of course, media doesn't reflect reality. But it can certainly homogenize sentiment.
• widikidiw 11mo ago
  [dead]
• dm319 11mo ago
  The bible: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UXRkgtnBmzs&pp=ygUubWljcm9zb2Z0IHdpbmRvd3MgNyBsYXVuY2ggaG93IHRvIGhvc3QgYSBwYXJ0eQ%3D%3D https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UXRkgtnBmzs&pp=ygUubWljcm9zb...
• miyafliker04 11mo ago
  [flagged]
• ei23 11mo ago
  Tip for #21 (increasing noise) 1. Use multiple speakers in different locations. Single speakers tend to be turned louder, people then talk louder... 2. Breaks for toasts / games. If everyone has to listen, the talking noise level resets a bit. 3. No Alcohol. Yeah, this is a game changer. Some people even won't come if they know there is no alcohol and some will go early. The other ones have a better sense for noise.
• atmosx 11mo ago
  Here's another one (assuming you can afford it): If you host 15+ ppl, make sure you get "help". Pay one or two young ppl a day's salary to act as a waiters. This way you _can_ focus on ppl and have some fun instead of you and your SO, close friends or family acting as a waiter all night. If not, try to make it self-service.
• HK-NC 11mo ago
  "Once an event crosses a threshold (maybe 70%?) of male-or-female dominance, most people of the other gender are likely to decline" Most guys I know would be eager to go to a party that had more women.
  • johnnyanmac 11mo ago
    It's a dangerous game. 30/70 is probably still appealing. 10/90 might be where it starts to feel like you're invading in someone else's space.
• marstall 11mo ago
  my rules of throwing a good (house) party: 1. good music with a beat. play records if you can, it's fun. 2. no food. people already ate. 3. hit the liquor store pre-party and get a few cases of booze. 4. if there's something a girl wants to listen to, let her. she'll dance with her friends. 5. be super high energy. 6. whip-its
• circlefavshape 11mo ago
  I've had a few "Cinderella parties" in my house over the last few years - there is dancing, and the party ends at midnight It works well for us. I have the music timed so that a tolling bell comes over the soundsystem at midnight and I just kick everyone out. The curfew means people will arrive and get up and dance early, and nobody gets too messy
• immmmmm 11mo ago
  As an occasional organiser of techno parties point 21) made me gently laugh. After decades of experience I’ve resorted to: 1) get the best quality, ultra high headroom, system money can rent 2) get a high quality monitoring system for the DJs 3) find a venue as remote as I can 4) go turn down the master volume on the main desk every now and then :)
• blackspring 11mo ago
  Please don't overthink. Put some music on. Breath. Relax. Be human. Everything will be fine.
• thimkerbell 11mo ago
  Urban planning provocateur here (me). The writer: (kindaquote) "Create as much circulation at your party as you can. ...take away chairs from tables, leave shelves and counter-tops open for people to rest their plates and drinks" IMO there are parallels here with cities and parking. If noplace satisfactory to leave your car, you circulate less.
• fellowniusmonk 11mo ago
  I've thrown a huge number of parties, some with vendors, some all day affairs, most outdoor/indoor to the point we had alcohol sponsorships. Always did this for community building, ran it at a marginal loss (with donations and alcohol you can run big parties for the cost of drinking at a bar two or three times.) Endless escalation of volume is easily addressed by having a live band(s) and allow silence between sets. Graded participation, drinks near the loud focal point, seating back where it is quieter. Multiple bands also naturally cause the party to restructure, a percentage of the attendees will know one of the bands and will cycle out when they play. The real value of any party, the true multi year community building, is in the group setting the party up. It's not the audience it's the players. Make sure the players get recognition (not from the mic) or perks during the party, a different color wristband, an area only they get access to, a private drinks cache inside, they are volunteer helpers and helpers deserve to have a smooth night. Don't make it a hassle to attend, don't be formal, have wristbands if kids will be attending. Don't make it about you or give a speech, have each band introduce the next with an MC to make sure it happens. Don't get talky on the microphone. Be chill and perma ban anyone who can't handle their drinks, it only takes once. Make a giant crockpot or two of vegan chili. Cans of beans and jalapeño becomes ambrosia once you have a few drinks in you.
• 1vuio0pswjnm7 11mo ago
  Actual title: "21 facts about throwing good parties" Are the items in this list "facts" Are they unsolicited opinions Are they unsolicited recommendations The top comment calls them "tips"
• OrangeMusic 11mo ago
  Sounds exhausting.