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Ask HN: Where have you found community outside of work?

• mdnahas 3y ago
  High-end coffee shops. I’ve been lucky that two of them that I’ve gone to had a bunch of interesting regulars. They were usually foodies (and I’m not), but they have other interests (travel, data, politics, woodworking, etc.). And, if you ever need an impressive restaurant for a date or business meeting, they have great recommendations. I believe a lot of the fostering of a “regular cwrowd” has to do with the architecture of the space. Both places had tight spaces near the staff. Also, the staff were interesting in each places, which started conversations or kept them going during slow times. So the crowd may not be at the tippy-top best coffee shop.
• jvm___ 3y ago
  http://c25k.com/mobile/dawn-people.html http://c25k.com/mobile/dawn-people.html Running groups are very welcoming, and they're only about improving yourself - it's hard to compete with most people in a running group. If you show up enough times to a regularly scheduled running group, you'll make friends by default. You can't have a regularly scheduled event, where you spend 30-60 minutes with people just chatting about life, without starting to know them and becoming friends.
• Slava_Propanei 3y ago
  [dead]
• cassidoo 3y ago
  Church. It's not for everyone but if you find a good one with kind people, it's such a great place to be accepted and build community.
• dheera 3y ago
  WeChat groups. I have all sorts of groups ranging from GroupOn-like fruit purchasing from local farmers to hiking to astrophotography to mental health to just about everything else.
• paddy_m 3y ago
  I race sailboats. Getting involved in an active fleet that hangs out afterwards is the single best way I have found to make friends. At one point in NYC I was racing on a J/24 part of a crew of 5, we raced against 15-20 other J/24s and all met at the docks after the race, every Tuesday from May until October. You are bound to make friends. Eventually you start getting invited onto other boats.
• marapu 3y ago
  I have a few people in my network that do triathlons / ironman races. It seems like they get along with each other very well. Great mix of smart, accomplished people who are constantly trying to challenge themselves in all aspects of life. When in doubt, sign up for a triathlon club nearby.
• pqs 3y ago
  Neighbors, with whom we share a swimming pool, parents of my kids friend's, church and sports.
• monosraduh 3y ago
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• monosraduh 3y ago
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• mystickphoenix 3y ago
  A few things for me: - A search and rescue team. Not only do I get exercise, fresh air, and the good feels of helping someone on their worst day, I also build very strong bonds with people I'd never have met otherwise. - Tabletop RPG's. I've joined a few groups and while not all have worked out, a couple have really stuck and we've become great friends. It's also a great excuse to sit around a table without digital distraction and really enjoy one another's company. - Finally, Burning Man. The burner community has been a godsend for me. Always interesting and engaging, sometimes sarcastic and snarky, never a dull moment.
• idk1 3y ago
  Local "white collar" boxing club, which is full of middle class people who want to give it a go. I tried going into a regular one but it was full of, what I would call kids, who want to make an actual career of it, but I saw a poster for a "white collar" club and everyone was really nice. Always someone is going to the pub afterwards and post in the group whatsapp all week.
• johnea 3y ago
  Try a coffee shop!
• alexei_rudak 3y ago
  The community of dancers once I decided to learn Cuban Salsa. It was the best choice for me to feel happy.
• andreynering 3y ago
  The church is like a second family for me. I made so many great friends there! Of course it will not be for everyone, but if you are open to it you can try.
  • MagicMoonlight 3y ago
    If they scrapped the sky fairy parts and just made it a weekly social event with interesting speakers and stories then church would actually be quite an attractive option
    • UtopiaPunk 3y ago
      You might be interested in the Unitarian Universalist Church. I'm not a member so can't speak directly to it, but I'm friends with a few people who are. I once heard it affectionately teased as the place for people who don't believe in God but like going to church.
  • ashton314 3y ago
    +1 for this. No church is perfect, but my experience is that church is a place where I can go to gather with people from diverse backgrounds, perspectives, and needs and come together on some common points: we need more than ourselves to make it through life, we need to be kinder, and we should serve each other. I have seen my congregation rally around new parents, people with mental health conditions, and other such common struggles. Serving others is a great way to feel that you are part of a community. Church can be a great framework for that kind of thing.
    • deleted 3y ago
      [deleted]
    • JambalayaJim 3y ago
      While I totally understand why you'd find community there, I am surprised that you'd consider Church to be a place to find people of diverse backgrounds. That hasn't at all been my experience
• tayo42 3y ago
  jiujitsu though competition gets a little toxic and filled with egos, friday night magic and mtg in general was fun for a bit until i realized how much of a cash sink it is. skateboarding, snowboarding and to some extent surfing, thats more of a loner thing. bowls at the skatepark are usually fun, social and laid back.
  • kozikow 3y ago
    BJJ (Brazilian jiu-jitsu) seems to be getting really popular in tech. Among others Mark Zuckerberg participated in a BJJ tournament very recently. BJJ seems to have the highest concentration of tech workers among any sports I did. Beyond the initial impression, it's very intellectual sport - "chess with your body".
    • tayo42 3y ago
      Yeah it seems that way. Though gyms them selves are pretty diverse still. Even when I was training in sf I was one of the few tech/software people
  • antoinealb 3y ago
    I second the magic the gathering suggestion, in particular if you go to tournaments. I have met a lot of cool people by preparing a tournament, discussing metagame choices, then spending three days living a shared experience (the tournament itself).
• yata69420 3y ago
  Open source. I recently started getting back into submitting patches and hanging out on irc/matrix/discord. I think a lot of the advice like "join the church" or "do an activity" are lost on chronically online people like myself. For us, it should be "find an online community that makes you challenge yourself to improve", but it's hard to articulate that.
  • andreynering 3y ago
    I contribute to open source myself, and I agree that it is a good way to socialize and belong to a community. I just don't think someone should live 100% online. Having real life and strong relationships is pretty valuable, also for your mental health.
• draw_down 3y ago
  Church. Volunteering (best results serving meals, less success with food pantries). Poker games.
• O5vYtytb 3y ago
  Ultimate (Frisbee)! Been playing for 15 years at all levels, it's amazing!
• senthil_rajasek 3y ago
  I played tennis in a rec league a long time ago. It was not community but a substitute for light social interaction. I guess similar things exist for Golf and pickleball. I grew up in India and now live in the U.S. Socializing or being a part of a community is surprisingly very very hard.
  • RajT88 3y ago
    I know some Indians and Pakistani who play pickleball. I know rather more Indians who play cricket. I think you have to have critical mass to get a cricket team going though... Not everywhere has enough interest.
    • senthil_rajasek 3y ago
      Socializing with "in groups" like Indians getting to know Indians is not what I was referring to in my original comment. I was talking about socializing outside of "in groups" which is what I found challenging.
  • 3minus1 3y ago
    The nice thing about pickleball is that it's often drop in play, so you can show up whenever is convenient for you and play with random people. This is indeed a light social interaction, but the people who regular eventually get to know each other. Where I live there is a strong pickleball community.
• nickthegreek 3y ago
  Reached out to a group of acquittances (with no kids) a few years back to see if anyone wanted to play weekly D&D. 6 years later, I am now happy to call them friends.
• niklearnstodev 3y ago
  Personally: -sports: climbing gyms/trips/facebook groups/etc, bike groups (not exclusively biking alone), hiking trips, etc Anecdotally: -drama clubs/local theatre productions -run clubs: while running is typically fairly isolated, there are social run clubs in cities that often go for a drink (no booze necessary) post-run -book clubs: random collections of people that discuss a book together -dinner clubs: sharing food with folks in a way where different people cook for others in turn -partying: most places have a community of folks that enjoy dancing and/or recreationals Note that I believe that the strong relationships can come from overcoming a shared struggle, so if you can think of something that's difficult and with one or more other person/people, you will probably form a community around it over time (co-founders and cohorts are a great example).
  • ghaff 3y ago
    At least on the coasts, clubs that do outdoors activities are fairly common. Doesn't need to be hardcore. There's the Appalachian Mountain Club in the Northeast US which dates to the 1800s. There are (unsurprisingly) at least a couple different Northern CA/PNW clubs though I'm less familiar with what they offer.
• deeg 3y ago
  My local gaming group has a number of people who have found community amongst our members. We advertise on our Facebook page so check for a group near you.
• AdrianB1 3y ago
  2 places: 1. family and extended family. Not everyone, but some are great. 2. Communities based on your hobbies or passions; for example, I ride motorcycles and I built a small team that go on tours across Europe and I am in progress to do the same for adventure/offroad bike tours. You can do many others, from hiking or fishing or dancing to flying sports planes, depending on what you love and what you can afford.
• yujian 3y ago
  I run community events for tech interest communities (AICamp, MLOps Community) It's work related, but not directly Outside of that, I don't really have much of a community. I sometimes go to local meetup groups for fun. However, I feel like these are usually a waste of time ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
• codeadict 3y ago
  Gardening/permaculture communities. Also, my kids preschool parents, its small, at least 80% of the parents are immigrants with another language other than English. We all share similar values and the struggles of learning the language. Before that mountaineering and Linux User Group where the places to have good friends.
• CSMastermind 3y ago
  Intermural sports teams - highly recommend. At the right gym you'll also find community. Separately just being a regular at a bar is a very good way to get to know people, again you need to find the right spot. I'm not religious but I know many people who find community there. Other places I've seen friends have success are gaming guilds/circles and fraternities (Mason lodges, etc.) Speaking of which I grow my friend circle by meeting friends of friends and then developing my own first order friendships with them.
• torvald 3y ago
  Hackerspaces! Check this list [0], maybe there is one close to you – and if you by any chance live in Oslo – swing by Hackeriet [1]. [0] https://wiki.hackerspaces.org/List_of_Hacker_Spaces https://wiki.hackerspaces.org/List_of_Hacker_Spaces [1] https://hackeriet.no/index.en.html https://hackeriet.no/index.en.html
  • argulane 3y ago
    Hackerspaces are awesome! Im quite active at https://k-space.ee https://k-space.ee in Tallinn, Estonia.
  • jmcdowell 3y ago
    Out of interest, do you find many working on software projects at hacker spaces? Each one I've looked at online seems to have more of a focus on hardware, electronics, metal/wood working with little mention of software. The caveat is that I've only really looked at UK based ones so this may be regional. I've been trying to find a space that has a similar energy as my old university CS lab. There was a bit of a perfect time in my final year, whereafter 2+ years most people seemed to know each other and at the same time everyone was specialising in their degree. So you could walk into the lab and find people working deep in their own game engine code, others would be working on ML models and others may be working on mobile apps or websites. But with a sense of overall camaraderie and sharing of what you're working on and why. I suppose it just sounds like I'm describing something like a WeWork but when I've attended those they seem much more employee focused and I rarely saw employees of different companies talk to each other. I also realise that some of what I describe is often fulfilled by talking to others at your workplace, I'm fully remote so I am missing out on that part. If anyone knows of anything similar to what I describe above in or near London feel free to reach out to the email in my profile!
    • squirrelman 3y ago
      The "open source club" events at the Chaitin School [0] sound like what you're looking for, but I don't think there are events on over the summer. [0]: https://chaitinschool.org/ https://chaitinschool.org/
• justusthane 3y ago
  Square dancing and running. Both have been wonderful for developing connections and lasting friendships — in fact, I met my wife square dancing, although that wasn’t my intention. I wasn’t athletic before I started running and I wasn’t a dancer before I started square dancing, so I think an important aspect is stepping out of your comfort zone yo try something new.
• ellisd 3y ago
  Raves, particularly ones that are designed to be “transformative” like Lightning in a Bottle in California. Music festivals with camping are magical ways to build community and inspire yourself around other like minded and curious people. I never attended these events until a near death experience prioritized my love of dancing in my early 30. Now nearly 10 years later I'm even more convinced this is the way.
  • km3r 3y ago
    Lightning in a Bottle was amazing this year. Something about camping in a harsh environment really brings you closer with your friends, and the whole community there is so welcoming and energizing. Music has been bringing communities together for 1000s of years, and festivals like that really show how true that is.
  • kortex 3y ago
    How do you find out about these? I hear about some by word of mouth but I'd like to accelerate the process.
    • ativzzz 3y ago
      I've found one by going to smaller EDM/DJ sets on weekdays and talking to people - it's not a huge crowd so people tend to chill and chat. Never ended up going to the actual event - it was more of a local burner/art event, but it was definitely a word of mouth kind of thing
      • kortex 3y ago
        Yeah, regional burns are definitely my jam. I guess I just gotta ask folks what other events they are going to whenever I'm at one. Yay network effects!
  • cecilpl2 3y ago
    Have you been to Burning Man or various Burner regional events that take place all over the world?
  • 3y ago
• jot 3y ago
  Not quite outside of work but separate from my clients and employers. I have found it at my Coworking space. Sadly, in my experience, few Coworking spaces provide the things good communities provide. I recommend trying all the Coworking spaces near you until you find the one that feels right. Like good coffee shops, it’s usually the ones that aren’t part of a chain that are best. High-end interior design, flashy marketing and all the amenities you can imagine aren’t the things that matter.
• antisthenes 3y ago
  Other dog owners/trainers. Neighbors. Anything close by really. I don't really have the time to venture far from the house for hobbies, so most of mine revolve around dogs/gardening and electronics tinkering that I do inside the house. And obviously hanging out with long time friends.
• coolspot 3y ago
  Hacker News. You all are my community!
• trbleclef 3y ago
  Sounds like you are looking for your local community chorus! Often no experience required. The Choruses tab here[1] is a good place to start. This[2] may be a little outdated. Or just Google. [1] https://chorusamerica.org/member_directory https://chorusamerica.org/member_directory [2] https://www.singers.com/lists/choral-groups/ https://www.singers.com/lists/choral-groups/ a PSA from HN's lurking choral director
  • plemer 3y ago
    This might be the closest for me. Grew up in choirs and play multiple instruments. Would really love a gospel choir, if one would have me. Will poke around. Thanks!
• geocrasher 3y ago
  You asked, so I'll tell you: My local Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses. https://jw.org https://jw.org. I've never been happier in my life, and the sense of purpose, community, and security has never been higher. I won't espouse any religious teachings here, that's what the link above is for should you choose to visit it. The most amazing part is that it's genuine and trustworthy. It's all made of imperfect humans to be sure, but you'll be hard pressed to find more trustworthy people who show a sincere genuine interest and truly care.
  • Zetice 3y ago
    Eh, it's genuine as long as you subscribe to their set of beliefs. This may not be a problem for you, but for folks who care about reality, it could be more difficult. The difference between this and say, a rec soccer team, is that it's an all-or-nothing endeavor. You can't "casually" become a Jehovah's Witness (or any other religion), you have to decide that your entire life is aligned to those principles. I'm not knocking it (here, anyway), but I would hesitate to join a religion to make friends.
    • jrumbut 3y ago
      > it's an all-or-nothing endeavor I don't know anything about Jehovah's Witnesses but certainly there are a lot of religions that are comfortable with people coming by out of curiosity and/or participating sporadically. I think that's how most people do it.
      • EA-3167 3y ago
        They're referring to what happens if you join the faith, and then leave it: Defellowshipping, aka shunning.
        • digitalsushi 3y ago
          I googled the word and the first google hit tells me that if I am following those rules, it's not cool for me to say hello to someone in that state of being.
• block_dagger 3y ago
  Music! Playing in groups is a wonderful lifelong social activity.
• mydriasis 3y ago
  I joined the Freemasons. It's been awesome, I've met a great group of guys and we talk smack and eat soup. Good stuff.
  • antoinealb 3y ago
    How does it work ? I always kind of assumed you had to be invited to join, that it was not something you can just go to and register ?
    • kortex 3y ago
      As far as I understand as a non-member, but as someone who has talked to one, they are really hurting for new members. I'm pretty sure if you just find a local lodge and email them they'd be happy to give an invite.
    • neverartful 3y ago
      "To be one, ask one" is their common saying about how to join. There are 3 degrees (entered apprentice, fellow craft, and master mason). Typically, someone who wants to join a lodge will contact the secretary of the lodge to express their interest. The secretary should provide information on either 'stated communications' (regular meetings) or some informal event that would be conducive to meeting some of the members of the lodge. Once the person decides that they want to join a specific lodge, they should ask the secretary (or whoever else) for a petition. You fill out the petition and then the lodge will form an 'investigating committee' to meet with you personally to determine whether they would be willing to have you join. The investigating committee then reports their findings at the next stated meeting. The lodge then votes on whether to accept the petition (or not). After the vote, the secretary will notify the applicant and ask them to come to the lodge on a specific date and time for the initiation as an entered apprentice (the first degree). If there are multiple lodges in your area, I would highly encourage you to visit all of them. Every lodge has its own personality. You might be a good fit for one lodge and a poor fit for another. Disclosure: I used to be a card-carrying Freemason.
      • DANmode 3y ago
• joe_hills 3y ago
  Local weekly pinball tournaments are an amazing way to meet folks and hang out in a low-pressure social environment. Since the rounds of the tournament are randomized groups of four, every round is a chance to introduce yourself to three other players and learn each others' names. If you come back regularly, you'll start to recognize and be recognized by the other regulars. Everyone gets to know each other better at a natural and unforced pace. I've been playing every Wednesday night for about a year, and I like it so much that I'm shifting my work schedule so I can join the same local regulars for a Thursday night tournament at a different arcade too. I really hope you have the chance to give it a try! You can find tournaments in your area at: https://www.ifpapinball.com/calendar/# https://www.ifpapinball.com/calendar/#
• francisofascii 3y ago
  Running groups. Every city seems to have a few for different pace groups.
• gcanyon 3y ago
  I don't -- all of my "communities" are through work. Not the answer you're looking for, but I've been working in tech long enough at this point that I'm pretty sure it's not going to change (for me).
  • Hamuko 3y ago
    I don't really even have community through work. There was more of a community when everyone was working at an office, but not to a massive extent. (Still wouldn't go back to the office.)
• xavriley 3y ago
  It’s not been mentioned yet, but if you play music then going to jam sessions is a great way to meet people. You’re all on a journey together toward improving as musicians which helps things to gel. As a jazz musician I can find a jam session in pretty much any city I go to. If you don’t play you can always go just to listen, watch and be inspired
  • circlefavshape 3y ago
    +1 Not a jazz guy, but open mics are a good way to meet people
    • fuzzfactor 3y ago
      Bluegrass jams too. Seems like the less popular the genre, the more interactive the amateur musicians are.
• daverol 3y ago
  Live in a village, get a partner, have children, participate in children's schooling.
• motohagiography 3y ago
  Joined a fraternal organization. Meets once a month, 8mo a year. Made new friends I'm in touch with most days as a result. Shop around, ymmv, etc, but having a routine that maintains relationships yields benefits by itself.
• 0xbadcafebee 3y ago
  I mean.. what do you like to do? Go find a community that does that thing. You should already have something you do "for you", so regardless of whether you connect to the community or not, you're still getting something out of it. I would also say to be hyper-aware around communities that try to make a "second family". They can be fine, but can also lead to some toxic attachment/codependency and result in some gnarly outcomes. Moderation is key.
• htsh 3y ago
  I moved back to NYC after a long time away, and to a different part of town than where many of my old friends live, and getting a dog considerably improved my connection with the folks around me. And of course, as others have said, volunteering.
• mkrone42 3y ago
  I was an athlete in college and struggled to find community after joining the working world… … so I built a platform to connect college and pro athletes in-person around sports and shared interests. Would love any feedback on the app as we roll it out this summer! https://apps.apple.com/us/app/adak/id6444288312 https://apps.apple.com/us/app/adak/id6444288312
• rullopat 3y ago
  I started playing the electric guitar in a school, where they also do lessons for bands, so now I play live some covers with them. I'm the by far the oldest of the group and I came to connect with a lot of people that also love to play of very different ages and backgrounds.
• anonzzzies 3y ago
  Local coffee places and bars; like minded people rock up all the time. Met lovely people just today; gonna meet them in an a few weeks for a hike. Never worked for me for focused envs, for instance the gym: too much whining about sports/health and not stuff I actually like.
  • turkeygizzard 3y ago
    Embarrassing / dumb q, but how do you actually get to talking with them in a meaningful way? I can imagine with repeats, it's easier to build up rapport, but I don't think I've ever hit it off so strongly with someone at a coffee shop that we exchange info after one interaction (mine here aren't super social fwiw)
    • sublinear 3y ago
      You didn't ask me and I'm definitely not suggesting you exclusively go out to bars but if you're in a nicer neighborhood, especially with patrons that skew older, you can basically flat out ask them for advice like you did here and you'll usually get a dump truck of it and their personal stories in exchange for your name and buying a few beers. You might even get invited to a backyard cookout that same weekend. Alcohol is a double-edged sword because it breaks down barriers. It's your call what you do with the information and experiences it provides. It isn't too bad if you're careful. You can take all that as a way to level up and be more sociable in sober settings like coffee shops. It translates to everywhere. People aren't different when they're sober apart from being slightly more defensive due to stress. That's actually a pretty good conversation starter if done in a non-confrontational way. The main skill is just learning to be genuinely interested in other people. It's easy to mimic this and return the favor when you've seen enough of this kind of attention given to you.
      • moneywoes 3y ago
        “Hey sorry to bother you, did you have a minute, I noticed you around here for a bit and I was interested in knowing how you got up to here” Something like that? What’s in it for them for telling you. Is it hard to not sound like you’re soliciting
• RajT88 3y ago
  A friend of mine is an extrovert with a touch of Agoraphobia. (The agoraphobia came on in middle age) Most of his social life is online games these days like Destiny 2, Dead Island 1/2, etc. He's happy enough. I did the online circle of friends thing back in the Destiny 1 days and it was fun enough. I'm less extroverted, so don't need as much social time.
  • jimt1234 3y ago
    Extrovert and agoraphobic? That must be painful for your friend. Poor guy.
    • RajT88 3y ago
      Some other health issues mixed in there too (COVID, back problems, shingles). I was really worried for a while there I was going to have to bury him. He's doing better now. So now, I just gotta worry about getting him back out into the world. Maybe a date?
• renox 3y ago
  Note that it's not really the activity, it's the people who matters: I was part of several scuba diving club when I was younger: each had his strong points, and the community aspect differed a lot from one club to another..
• FourthProtocol 3y ago
  Always had a thing for radio control, so eventually in 2015 or so I had a look online and discovered crawlers (1:10 scale replicas of 4x4/AWD/rock crawlers). There are quite a number available to purchase in ready to run form, and self-build kits. Lost interest in the geeky side of mechanics and electronics - they're neccessary to buy, or make a body. Jeeps, Land Rovers and Toyotas seem to be favourites. The thing I love about it is two-fold - first is building unique bodies never done before, using styrene. Second are the events, where you meet other RC geeks, see everyone else's builds, take part in comptetions (individual and team events). In France there's an annual event that runs a pretty sweet Camel Trophy event. SuperScale in Germany is amazing for having the longest 1:10 scale bridge seen in the hoppy. USTE (Ultimate Scale Truck Expo) in Florida USA holds the largest scale RC event I've attended/know of. Axial Fest in the US is also a big deal in the calendar, but I've never been. They have a "float you rig" challenge which got me building rafts for my trucks. Herds of fun. Some of my trucks and build progression at https://www.wittenburg.co.uk/Play/RcTrucks.aspx https://www.wittenburg.co.uk/Play/RcTrucks.aspx I also get a kick out of building houses/bridges/and so on for events - some of those are here - https://www.wittenburg.co.uk/Play/RcBuildings.aspx https://www.wittenburg.co.uk/Play/RcBuildings.aspx My most ambitious build took 5 years to (almost) complete - https://www.wittenburg.co.uk/Play/FordF5Coe.aspx https://www.wittenburg.co.uk/Play/FordF5Coe.aspx
  • conductr 3y ago
    Woah. I was expecting something like my traxxas but this is way more, nice work!!
• NickC25 3y ago
  I live in a very transient city with very little tech industry, which also happens to be a city where half the population leaves every April/May through October/November. Community has been hard, especially meeting new folks. There have been a few community tech events that have come and gone, and I've been lucky enough to meet a few friends through that. I joined a gym 4 years ago, and a lot of my friends now I've met through that gym.
  • Brusco_RF 3y ago
    Phoenix? Because I have been living in southern Arizona for 5 years now and have also found this frustrating.
  • sgt 3y ago
    I can't imagine anything worse than going to the gym. What do you do there? Walk on a treadmill like a mouse in a laboratory? Also, you come back starving because you've burned calories, probably eating way more than you should due to being famished. And it's also extremely boring. I've tried it once or twice, but I just can't handle it. Genuinely interested in how some people manage to consistently keep going to the gym.
    • michaelrpeskin 3y ago
      If you're going to a "treadmill" gym, yeah, you're right. But a small powerlifting or weightlifting gym is different. You have to have a spotter or partner, so you'll workout with someone while you're there. And if you're doing it right, you have more downtime between sets than time working, so you end up chatting and making friends.
    • skulk 3y ago
      Cardio exercise is absolutely dreadful. Try lifting weights, heavy ones (after studying form via YouTube videos and verifying that your form is correct on lighter weights). Pushing your limits is neither boring nor time-consuming. 45 minutes is enough for a vigorous workout.
      • 3y ago
• manesioz 3y ago
  Church
• abnercoimbre 3y ago
  Take matter into your own hands. "Be the change you want to see" basically. For example I organize software meetups at a nice coffeehouse. It started out with like four people a year ago, and now we average ~25-30 each month, and growing. Consistency is key. P.S. If you live in Seattle, and you're a software engineer, shoot me an email: abner at handmadecities dot com
  • bombcar 3y ago
    You can do this really simply, if you're willing to eat alone for awhile - just put a notice in appropriate places that you'll be at the restaurant/bar/whatever every Thursday at 7:00 PM for "whatever topic you come up with". It'll eventually grow.
    • _tom_ 3y ago
      Meetup.com is worth the $100 for this.
  • wallmountedtv 3y ago
    > Consistency is key. This 100%, but a warning, this consistency also applies to the people meeting. And that is much more difficult to encourage than anything else. Funding, organizing and advertising meetups ends up being the easy part. I have run a LUG now for half a year now, and it has been impossible to get people to meet up more than once. This is regardless of content, free food, event weeks, high quality talks by members, encouraging social interactions, holding discussions with experts on interested topics, etc. Mind you, the members we have are still fiercely for the LUG to continue, they do not want to see it gone, but also continue not showing up. I have worked with frequent members individually to try and find alternatives like better time slots, as many complain about being "busy", but I have now learned its really not a time issue either. Not really sure why its so hard getting people to show, it just is, even if you give people exactly what they want plus unique spins on topics that are cheered on in the public channel when announced, but follows to nobody showing up.
    • abnercoimbre 3y ago
• geverett 3y ago
  Community living! I've lived in various communes for 8 years now. I don't use the term coliving space as I feel a lot of places that go under that moniker are commercially driven and not particularly community based. The houses I've lived in are very rooted in where they're based, host a lot of events, and (crucially I think) are not for profit - they're designed to sustain themselves rather than maximize $ for the landlord. This post has a bunch of resources to see if there are any community houses near you: https://supernuclear.substack.com/p/directory-of-coliving-directories https://supernuclear.substack.com/p/directory-of-coliving-di...
• almog 3y ago
  Personally, other than school, (mandatory) military services (I really do not recommend that) and work (well, cannot recommend that either when I come to think of it), it's thruhiking (hiking a trail end to end continuously, usually over weeks or months) where I've really felt like being part of a community (or a tribe really).
• malux85 3y ago
  Universities : Engage with professors and ask if they want any free coding done, you'll make friends Python user groups: I've been to two of them and speak every few weeks (for free) and have made a group of friends there. Shared interets: I am interested in computational chemistry, so I got on a bunch of science discord channels and started chatting and helping others (again for free), now I have friends in every country, I just got back from the US and I met several over there (they paid for my flights etc) Find some shared interests and engage with people
• lynx23 3y ago
  Reading the comments, I notice a lot of posters seek out tech communities. While I get why a nerd would want to do that, I have a different tendency. Most of my outside-of-work activities are actually not tech related. Sure, I have a bunch of private projects to work on, but I usually do that in single player mode. I picked up a number of "also working in tech" friends over time, and going out with them is still fun and interesting. I also enjoyed the social time at various conferences, meeting likeminded people. But I don't want to spend my after-work-time and weekends with tech folks by default. That is, simply put, too much of one thing. Stepping out of tech is what keeps the dayjob interesting.
  • robbyking 3y ago
    > I notice a lot of posters seek out tech communities. While I get why a nerd would want to do that, I have a different tendency. Absolutely! I genuinely enjoy writing code at work, but I literally never do it in my spare time. I already spend a greater number of waking hours in front of my computer than I do with my friends and family (or playing music, or mountain biking, or...).
    • kelnos 3y ago
      I do spend a lot of my spare time writing code for free, but I think a healthy, well-rounded person should get outside one genre of activity at least some of the time!
  • alfalfasprout 3y ago
    leaving SF was a godsend. I was tired of everyone being in tech and it's nice interacting with people that are actually diverse and don't all work in the same industry and have the same mindsets.
    • fragmede 3y ago
      That's the saddest part about people who moved to SF for tech. They moved here, interacted with their coworkers, who are tech workers, they found roommates through their company, so their roommates are also tech workers, and so all their friends are also tech workers, all the people at parties they go to are tech workers. So it's no surprise all they know of San Francisco is tech. There's more to San Francisco than tech, but if that's all someone ever sees of the city, it's no wonder they drew those conclusions! Just like I'm glad the people who hated the city left because Covid finally gave them an excuse, I'm also glad the people that failed to see the beautiful wonderful city underneath the moneied veneer of tech are gone as well. It saddens me that the two cities didn't mange to meet and melt in America's mixing pot, but, ah, that's just the way the cookie crumbles.
• reducesuffering 3y ago
  Skate parks
• porcoda 3y ago
  Sports (both playing in amateur leagues and attending local teams), seeing live music, and participating in local arts collectives. I tried computer related communities (hacker spaces, meetups, etc), but it always felt like it was just work in disguise or people trying to turn fun into resume fodder or networking for professional purposes. So I just try to find people with mutual interests that are orthogonal to my day job.
• givemeethekeys 3y ago
  Eaaasy: - Meetup.com - If you don't find a community for something you want to do, then start one! - Local sports clubs - Volunteering - Start going to EDM parties - pretty soon you'll see the same people. Say, "hi". - Facebook groups for pretty much everything. - Do what kids in the 80's did, and many still do: go to the local playground, and ask if you could also play with them. You're not too old, you're not too "different". Don't be a pussy, and get out of your head.
  • robbyking 3y ago
    When my mom moved to a new city I recommended she look for a hiking Meetup as a way to make some friends, and she ended up meeting her future husband there!
    • plugin-baby 3y ago
      Isn’t this the plot to Back to the Future?
  • robbyking 3y ago
    > Do what kids in the 80's did, and many still do: go to the local playground, and ask if you could also play with them. I was a stay at home dad for a couple years, and I made a lot of long term friends this way. In one case I saw a guy riding his bike with a 2yo on the back so we chased them down and asked if they wanted to hang out and do bike nerd stuff together. That was almost 6 years ago and we're still friends
• nja4 3y ago
  HONK!-style bands - street/brass bands - you don't need to be good - you can learn an instrument and just hang out and play fun music. Through mine, we've played at Mardi Gras (Chewbacchus), Timber!, Burning Man events, Comicons, birthdays, weddings, etc. The Seattle festival is this weekend, see: https://honkfestwest.org/ https://honkfestwest.org/
• stefanka 3y ago
  For me it’s Capoeira; cool Music, learning petrified, good workout, less competitive than other marital arts and great community
• fnordpiglet 3y ago
  Open source projects. I am building a side project in Rust and contribute to crates along the way. I also do 3d printing of stuff - I’m building a device to freeze air (co2 waypoint hit, next oxygen and nitrogen) using only thermoelectric chips and all the enclosures etc I’m designing in build123d a parametric cad system in Python. So I have a lot of discord communities that I interact with and it’s been great. Since I started working from home 6 years ago I’ve also built up a network of nerd friends in my local community / neighborhood that I interact with regularly. In fact remote work has let me build a real community in my life. Being very senior your relationships at work can be very transactional. Being locked into a human hamster wheel chicken coop with a bunch of people who need something from me all work day then the rest of my day commuting and being exhausted meant I was very lonely.
• nullityrofl 3y ago
  My girlfriend used Bumble BFF to find friends and the friends she found had partners. We found a community surprisingly quickly. But we explicitly wanted the opposite of what it seems many here want: more friends in tech. We wanted a more balanced community. Now we have friends we hike with, mountain bike with, ski with, go mushroom foraging, host dinners, play trivia, etc.
• Minor49er 3y ago
  There's a group on Discord I hang out with that puts together experimental/industrial music compilations for charity. The group is highly creative which is fun and engaging They actually just announced their next theme today and are looking for submissions that are based on serpents. Their "inspriation" page is like a floating museum gallery (so long as you're not using IE/Edge) https://moonmusiq.com/serpents-compilation-info/ https://moonmusiq.com/serpents-compilation-info/
• laingc 3y ago
  Have you considered starting a family?
  • cja 3y ago
    Creating humans to solve your problems sounds unethical.
    • laingc 3y ago
      "I'm lonely!" "Have a family?" "Sounds unethical..." This is an absolutely demented perspective.
      • cja 3y ago
        If you can't fix your loneliness in another way then you may not be ready to be a good parent. Separately, is it ethical to decide on behalf of another person that they should be born? (I sentence you to life...)
• actinium226 3y ago
  When I can, I like to try to find local classes in something. That way you get to see a group of people more regularly, as opposed to one-off meetups. I've taken classes in acting, swing dancing, salsa. There's probably some cooking classes around, and given my local creative writing too. Hope that gives you some ideas.
• silisili 3y ago
  My neighborhood. When we moved in we sat out front every evening, and made small talk with every single person who walked by. Some were caught off guard, some kinda just waved and moved on, but most stopped to talk. What's interesting is that people who had lived in that neighborhood nearly 20 years together had never talked, and met for the first time as both stopped to chat at nearly the same time. Then we started with small gifts, usually food because my wife cooks exotic things for people to try. Now we get random gifts, usually food or fruits or some flower or plant. Now we have little get togethers inviting each other, text to ask if need anything from the store, etc. And all it took was being willing to sit outside for a couple hours each night and say hi.
  • Yhippa 3y ago
    This is so wholesome and has generally worked for us. I have one thing to add if you can pull it off: get a dog, and walk the dog around then neighborhood. I've met so many cool people that way.
  • cj 3y ago
    This worked for me, too (except I’m usually the one walking by rather than the one waving people over to chat). If you don’t like small talk, a great way to interact with neighbors is to offer your help, e.g. if you see someone doing work outside, gardening, etc… offer to lend a hand!
  • aj_g 3y ago
    Beautiful. Does it ever feel challenging in any way, like you're fighting against a social norm?
    • silisili 3y ago
      A little, but not terribly much. Maybe it's an age thing, I'm not that old (around 40), but I don't feel weird talking to people I don't know - I quite enjoy it. In fact, I felt rather sad since the rise of smartphones, because a lot of places I use to get small talk(barber, airport, etc), everyone is busy or feigning being busy. But when people are just out enjoying the air, they are more free to chat. The biggest thing to put aside are first impressions/biases - ie, treating people that you wouldn't normally think you'd be friends with the same. As a lot of my neighborhood are older than we are, that was a lot of people. In a way it's like coworkers, you can't pick them, but some end up being great friends. It also helped to have a really outgoing child. She'd go riding her bike around the neighborhood, and a few people stopped by because "the little girl on the bike said I should come meet you guys." I will say it was easier, to me, to do so when first moving in. I personally would feel weird if I'd lived somewhere a long time and never bothered to meet anyone, then started acting more social out of nowhere. But that's probably just in my head.
• robbyking 3y ago
  I'm going to add another vote for volunteering. A lot of people only think of food kitchens and political campaigns when it comes to volunteering, but as a cyclist I've made a lot (if not a majority) of my friends while volunteering at events like trail building days, or by helping to set up or tear down for races or other cycling events.
• xahrepap 3y ago
  1 - I host a game night once a week. We play Magic the Gathering. Though the group is quite small now (4-6 people) it was quite large pre-pandemic (~20 people). I just asked around at work and the neighborhood if anyone was interested and just sent out a text every week to those who said they were interested. 2 - Monthly board game night. Very similar to #1, but I mention it because it's much less formal. There's a small group of neighbors in my little neighborhood. Once a month or so one of us will text the group and say "Who's up to board games? I can do Wed or Thurs". Usually have 3-5 people actually show up so far. But it's been fun. 3 - "Knit Night". My wife recently joined a group of people who like to do more ... traditional style crafting. Mostly crocheting and knitting. Though there's a little bit of quilting. And sometimes people show up and draw. One time one person did a stained glass kit. But they just get together every other week, take turns hosting. 4 - Band. My wife joined a local for-adults band. A former band-instructor from a local highschool formed it. They do performances in the community 4 or 5 times a year. Apparently these kinds of bands are pretty common. Probably could ask a local conductor at a highschool, middle school, or community college if they know of one locally.
• dayvid 3y ago
  Meditation. I got into it by accident when I taught English overseas. Some of the best friends I've had came from it, especially on retreats. Also if you make the community, you grow a community more. This happened when I became a teacher. I don't do it as much nowadays, though. You could equally have a solid community by organizing events, creating groups or some type of thing online like-minded people can find you by as a beacon of sorts. So, if possible, finding groups that align with deeply held values you have is a good sign or activities you deeply enjoy. It's probably good if it's something outside of tech unless that's something you mainly 100% care about.
• xwdv 3y ago
  Warhammer 40k.
• ok_dad 3y ago
  I participate in a weekly simracing tournament with several others. We’re all adults with responsibilities so we’re generally not all there every week, but we have a few leagues that we run in different games. I am not particularly close to those guys but it’s a good place for my social needs to be met without having to always dedicate time that I might not have. We also have few requirements, just don’t be a jerk, so even people using a controller or people who can’t drive often attend. One guy is really slow and gets lapped quite often, but I’ve never heard any suggesting he’s not welcome. A real world meetup would be harder for me with a job and a kid with some special needs, so a virtual thing is great for me.
• higgins 3y ago
  I love focusmate.com Less for the “i can’t focus without some external accountability”-pitch it seems to market itself as and more for the serendipitous network of people doing interesting things
• librish 3y ago
  My strong recommendation is to find an activity you genuinely enjoy. From personal experience if I go to a meet-up with the mindset that I'm only there to make friends I won't have any fun, I won't go back enough time that there's a chance that I'll actually form a connection.
• bsnnkv 3y ago
  I live in Seattle, Cap Hill. Before I moved here and when I first moved here (from London) people told me that Seattle was a terrible place to make friends and build a community. My experience has been exactly the opposite; this has been the best place I've ever lived for making friends and building community, especially as a sober person. The order of importance, I have found community here in: - Swing dancing, both classes and going to shows with live jazz bands to dance (I was never a dancer before moving here) - Lifting (there are great locally owned gyms in this neighborhood) - Getting to know people who own or work at local businesses - People who have similar tech interests, that I meet from a mixture of the previous 3 places Finally, and I think this is a really important thing to do, I try to organize events, either in my home or in any one of the local parks in the summer, where friends I've made in different parts of my life all get together and also get to know each other
  • Darkphibre 3y ago
    Oh! I'm on the east side. I've been attending Brazillian Zouk classes, but I've been interested in swing. Where do you go? And I completely agree about event organization! It really introduces you to a wider swath of people than your initial search may have turned up. Way to go!
    • bsnnkv 3y ago
      Swing It Seattle has dances with live bands in Cap Hill at least once a week, and they also have multiple classes going on at any given time. Really pleasant environment, great people, can't recommend it enough!
  • cmilton 3y ago
    Location is going to significantly impact the number of opportunities. I love that about big cities, but I miss the peacefulness of the country.
  • vgel 3y ago
    > Swing dancing Swing It Seattle? Me and my wife go to the wednesday dances :-)
• buffalobuffalo 3y ago
  The key to building relationships with people is that you need to spend time with them. A lot of time. That's a big reason why it's so easy when you're young; you're constantly put in classrooms with the same people. It works pretty well as an adult too. Take an in person class. Something 1-2 days a week for a couple months. You meet people and you learn something.
• sovietmudkipz 3y ago
  Bouldering gym and various meetup groups
• rootusrootus 3y ago
  1- Beer. Way back when I first started working in Portland, a few of us got together after work every Thursday for beer. People moved on to other jobs, but some kept in touch, and over time we built up a nice core of people, maybe a dozen on average, who would get together every Thursday. New coworkers always welcome, and some of those would become regulars themselves. It kind of fell apart, however, towards the end of the pandemic when the nucleus of our group passed suddenly from cancer. We still try to get together, but it isn't quite the same. 2- Neighborhood. We moved in this neighborhood about 10 years ago when all the houses were being built, and we socialized with the other families buying homes. Now we know almost all of the neighbors within a 5 minute walk. Aside from a couple weirdos, most people are really nice even if sometimes a bit shy. It's great to be on cordial terms with the people who live around you. 2a- Poker. The guys of the neighborhood get together regularly to play Texas Hold 'em. Not for a lot of money, just to have something to do and people to connect with. 2b- Bunco. The gals of the neighborhood also have a regular gathering, generally audible for an eighth of a mile away, Bunco must be the funniest game in the world.
• doctorh 3y ago
  My local Catholic parish. Besides the obvious spiritual benefits, it's a great place to connect with other families. Also, me and my wife have young children at home that act as a pretty constant source of community.
  • JeanV-pip 3y ago
    Same here! Catholic youth group, Emaus group, and i also help the people of St. Vincent de Paul ministry. I don’t have a lot lot of time so I’m not very consistent, but i sure go to at least one of them every week. Highly recommended.
• elijaht 3y ago
  For me it revolves around three pieces (1) doing some hobby activity (2) with the goal of socializing, (3) consistently over a period of time. For (1)- climbing, board games, team sports are all some ways I specifically do this for, but in a large city almost anything you find interesting probably has a group. For (2)- I think it's worth explicitly going in with the mindset that you want to be social. For example, I go to the gym for some me time. I have zero gym friends (even though it is a good place to make friends, if you want to). So just showing up won't be enough IMO For (3)- community needs investment. Most of the best groups I am in did not provide a lot of value to me for months. So you have to stick it out
• driscoll42 3y ago
  I'm a member of my local Rotary, the one I'm part of does a lot of good work around the city. I'm also part of a non-profit, the Chicago Engineers' Foundation (https://www.chicagoengineersfoundation.org/ https://www.chicagoengineersfoundation.org/) that I get a lot of value and connections out of. Also a city club to meet other professionals and chat. But my main was going back to school to get a MBA, met a ton of people that way. What you want is called a "third place", which has sadly died out in many ways recently. A great way to just meet people from different backgrounds with different interests.
  • ljsocal 3y ago
    I joined a local Rotary club twenty years ago (in my mid-40s) and it’s become a pillar of my social health and personal productivity. Service clubs like Rotary (Lions, Kiwanis,etc) are facing an existential demographic crash right at a time when people have a renewed interest in IRL social/community engagement. Fingers crossed that resolves!
    • leesalminen 3y ago
      I tried applying to my local rotary club online in 2019. Basically just a web form expressing interest. I got an automated email saying someone would reach out in the next 30 days. I was met with complete radio silence. Never heard anything back at all. I was a Rotary exchange student 20 years ago which completely changed the trajectory of my life (for the better), and was excited to help the next generation with becoming an exchange student. I was also involved with RYLA as a teen. For a group facing an existential crisis, they didn’t seem too worried about it
      • xrd 3y ago
        That's interesting to hear. I was also a Rotary exchange student to Japan. It was an incredible experience. I've thought about whether Rotary would be a good option personally or professionally but haven't tried it yet.
      • bombcar 3y ago
• Scoundreller 3y ago
  Volunteer at my local DIY bicycle coop. Nobody gets paid so it aligns with me in ways that most non-profits won’t.
• osdoorp 3y ago
  Volunteering. And before you brush it out skeptically, like "oh yeah right, those people", it really doesn't have to be anything you don't care about. I volunteer at a boat house on the city lake nearby, just putting kids on pedal boats and kayaks. I don't even call it volunteering, I just love kayaks and water. It's amazing how your perspective of time and people and service shifts, when you spend some time being "in service" to other people, instead of anxiously counting hours that you're being paid for — or could've been paid for — and maximizing "receiving". I've confirmed for myself time and time again the advice I've read: if you have a busy life and want to increase a feeling that you have more time? — try spending your time for free, for example, volunteering.
  • theAlexander 3y ago
    Sometimes, The Best Way To Solve Your Own Problems Is To Help Someone Else. - Avatar: Uncle Iroh
  • redleggedfrog 3y ago
    I wish this wasn't brushed off, but when I suggest it, frequently, as a scientifically proven method of improving happiness, well, it gets brushed off. I guess it's really difficult to relate just how much it can improve your life. Some of the highlights of my entire life have been coaching 3rd/4th grade girls basketball at a YMCA. Yeah, it's a lot of work at the time, but the memories are priceless, and the benefit to the kids is definite - they tell me, years (and sometimes years and years - with a baby in their arms) later.
    • glacials 3y ago
      Can you share some source material for improved happiness?
      • eric-hu 3y ago
        Not the person you asked, but results of a quick search. I only gave each of these a quick scan, but it seems to be a well supported claim. https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2013-21685-006 https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2013-21685-006 https://docs.iza.org/dp1045.pdf https://docs.iza.org/dp1045.pdf https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5504679/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5504679/ https://web.archive.org/web/20150113062433/https://www.baycrest.org/smart-aging/mental-health-sa/evidence-mounting-that-older-adults-who-volunteer-are-happier-healthier/ https://web.archive.org/web/20150113062433/https://www.baycr...
• ineedausername 3y ago
  Magic the Gathering local game stores joining tournaments and events ocassionaly.
• baggsie 3y ago
  Mountain Biking - you get a really varied cross section of society bonding over a shared love of getting muddy and acting like 12 year olds in the woods. My club’s age range is from 20 - 76, and contains aCardiac surgeon, plumber, retired clown, journalist, a couple of coppers, a rabbit farmer and of course the requisite number of IT workers the sport attracts.
• clpm4j 3y ago
  Exercise - gym classes, biking groups, running groups, triathlon groups.
• tombert 3y ago
  I guess I'm a little weird, because while I have plenty of friends (generally former coworkers), I generally haven't felt the need to be part of a community since I got married. I like my wife, presumably she likes me, and having a person that cohabits with me that I get along with has honestly done a good enough job at making me feel a connection and purpose.
  • cmilton 3y ago
    I think most of us would like to a part of that type of relationship. Usually you can find these potential partners in communities.
• joeevans1000 3y ago
  Festivals. Any kind of festival. Music festival. Art festival. Craft festival. Everyone drops their guard and you can talk to them. Another one you can do: volunteer at a shelter. If you are still hiding from covid, try volunteering for Habitat For Humanity. Less people interaction on the latter.
• agentultra 3y ago
  I shovelled snow for the older lady who lived around the corner. She had the same given name as my mother. We talked shop about gardening. Occasionally she would invite my kids over for tea and cookies. We traded books. Other neighbours would be working on projects in their yard. I offered to help. We get to talking. Some of us had kids around the same age who started hanging out. I show movies in my yard when the weather is nice and invite people over. We make a big potluck dinner and hang out. I care a lot about global warming and climate change. One of the biggest impacts we can have as individuals is at the local level. Help out with municipal elections and support councillors who are going to help reduce traffic, make streets safer, help develop community infrastructure, etc. Go to zoning by-law meetings and press for mixed-use neighbourhoods. There's lots you can do here. I also play music and enjoy board gaming. I meet other musicians through gigs or friends and we jam together, etc. I've joined gaming groups at my local game store on and off when I get into a good game. There are lots of ways to get out and get local. Start helping people in your community get what they need is a good way to start.
• idlewords 3y ago
  Fostering rescue animals has a double payoff–the animals themselves keep you company, and you'll meet a lot of people through the shelter or rescue you volunteer at. It's also one of the few ways to get to hang out with a litter of juvenile kittens.
• joeevans1000 3y ago
  Get a housemate or two or move in with some. Make sure they are doing it because at least partly they like having housemates. In other words, you don't want to move in with silent bob who's just doing it because of financial reasons. Lots of folks like having housemates for the community.
• deleted 3y ago
  [deleted]
• denimnerd42 3y ago
  my town of 10,000 in a larger school district of 40,000. Schools have parent run (not associated with ISD at all) associations by grade level. (pre school, elementary, middle, high) They put on social events at least monthly with smaller groups breaking out weekly. Pickle ball, tennis, mahjong, parties, clubs, etc.
• y-curious 3y ago
  I started a chess club in my suburban city. It went from 1 person on Nextdoor (who turned out to have developed the original Carmen Sandiego game) and is now a group of 15 regulars. Of the regulars, I would call 4 of them good friends that have since introduced me to even more friends. Chess isn't even something we regularly talk about, anymore.
• donkey-hotei 3y ago
  My yoga studio and sailing community. Nearly every day I find myself at my yoga studio after work to practice. It's how I met a lot of my initial friends where I currently live. Then, there's the hobby of sailing which has a rich community where I live. Intentionally I don't seek out tech-based communities, but ones centered around other aspects of life.
• anorphirith 3y ago
  religion aviation previously MTG
• LouisSayers 3y ago
  Funnily enough I've met a couple people in the past through housemate searches (and made friends with an actual housemate). The common element was that they were all new to town. One girl declined my spare room but said she'd like to see me again, and one time I told a guy he had some cool pics in his profile, and we ended grabbing a drink and formed a bit of a friend group around playing board games. So... maybe go house hunting?!
• kelseyfrog 3y ago
  Bumble BFF is where I found my way into a local queer women's bookclub that also a is a space to form ad hoc meetups, do hikes, and generally make friends. Discord is another, oddly enough. The story is a bit messy, but there was an "offical" server attacked to a subreddit for my location (think r/<MYCITY>). That was, frankly, a terrible server, but I eventually found myself migrating onto a splinter server with a few other folks who felt the same way and together we've cultivated our own community. Again, the space serves as a clearinghouse for ad hoc meetups, group coffees, GWD[1] teams, groups who go to the musical theater together, etc. These online spaces are good examples of places that have cultivated norms around high psychological safety. In other words, behaviors that lower psychological safety are seen as destructive to the space. The high psychological safety there means that I can probably meet up with any random person in these spaces and be able to trade some degree of vulnerability with them and actually form meaningful connection. 1. https://www.geekswhodrink.com/ https://www.geekswhodrink.com/
  • carabiner 3y ago
    I tried bumble bff as a guy, and it was just gay men trying to sexually assault me.
    • moneywoes 3y ago
      Thanks for the heads up
• lackbeard 3y ago
  The time-honored (or "lindy") solutions here are joining a gym and going to church.
• sebastianconcpt 3y ago
  After having many Out of Body Experiences (without hacks or chemical hacks), I've met people that also did and wanted to know more about consciousness. I met lots of interesting people and long lasting friendships following that lead and finding these common experiences.
• jdmoreira 3y ago
  Old school Magic the Gathering / Premodern. Bunch of dudes around the world that like playing an old game with old cards. I travel internationally for tournaments once a year or so. And travel a lot within Sweden.
• Daniel_92 3y ago
  Church. If you've never been, give it a few tries. Often the people suck, but if you find the right niche its lifechanging.
  • nickelcitymario 3y ago
    Not to be preachy, but I'd second this. I don't really attend anymore, but for a while, my local church was a safe haven from the stresses of both my professional and personal life. That said, over time I found it impossible to reconcile my church's teachings with my own values, and haven't found another that I'd be more comfortable with. But I would never deny that they were a crucial part of me rebuilding my life when I was on the ropes. For anyone who isn't particularly religious, if you live in a fairly big city, you can probably find some faith group that aligns with your values, whatever they may be. In smaller towns and communities, you kinda get what you get.
• mcook08 3y ago
  F3 https://f3nation.com https://f3nation.com I was feeling very lonely working remote. We moved to a Memphis TN to be closer to family and I was struggling with feeling like an outsider. I grew up playing sports and tried CrossFit but hated paying so much for a gym. F3 workouts are free and I thought I was going for the fitness aspect, but the fellowship is what really stuck. Guys hung out after workouts and it was great to meet so many guys from so many different walks of life.
  • uoaei 3y ago
    I've heard these quickly become alt-right incubation machines. The "fellowship" becomes "brotherhood" and then you got a cult-militia going pretty easy after that.
    • Zpalmtree 3y ago
      God forbid people have different political opinions to you... they must be those scary militias
      • uoaei 3y ago
        Anyone whose political ideals include exclusion or destruction of classes of people may be "scary" to those classes, and in any case I am willing to be intolerant to people who have vocally, explicitly broken the social contract we all usually abide by.
    • mcook08 3y ago
      There's no ignoring how the pictures can look externally. For example, I never imagined myself wearing a rucksack for fitness. In my experience though, the community is filled with men from all walks of life, political views, etc. I suppose like any group, its local membership is what most defines your experience. I've personally met lots of guys that I would have never met at church, work, etc because I worked out with them at F3.
• donnfelker 3y ago
  A fitness community. This could be either a BJJ (Brazilian Jiu Jitsu) place or even a CrossFit gym. I've done both and while I'm not here to promote CrossFit, I am here to say that a group fitness class is awesome for meeting other people and finding a community of people that do something similar as you, but have absolutely nothing to do with your work. I workout with Police officers, Lawyers, Doctors, Dentists, Stay at home moms, Accountants, Students, other tech folks, etc, you name it they're all there. There's something about "shared misery" that brings people together and builds a comrade. That turns into a community where you start to hang out with them out of the gym/etc. This happens at any group fitness place where the same people show up at the same time to do the same thing. It's natural, organic and freeing. I've moved across the country 3 times now and this is how I integrated into each area I moved into.
  • omar12 3y ago
    > There's something about "shared misery" that brings people together and builds a comrade. It's been scientifically proven that this is the way to create strong bonds with people. It's why we are easier to get close with former classmates and co-workers. My fitness group is the rec basketball league that I participate.
  • achileas 3y ago
    It doesn't even have to be group fitness. I've made great friends at traditional gyms (I train more in a bodybuilding style) just showing up and training.
  • bazzert 3y ago
    Fully agree, the crossfit gym I joined several years ago has become an important part of my life.
    • seoulbran 3y ago
      I second that. I do a 5:15 am class on weekdays even during the summer when I don't have to take kids to school. My wife pushes me to sleep in a little and do a later morning class but I would miss my 5:15 crew so I keep getting up at 4:30 a.m. I love the community in CrossFit.
• raintrees 3y ago
  University of Reason and No Agenda Social for online. The rest in the real world, playing music with others, putting on musical concerts of other musicians, garden club, permaculture club. Helping neighbors with their property projects, them helping me with mine.
• foobarbecue 3y ago
  I think community is the main reason (EDIT: I meant to say ONE OF THE main reasonS) people go to church, not for the magical guy-in-the-sky stuff. Someone here in my small beach city started a "Secular Society" which is a bit of a reaction to how religious this area is. The concept is that we don't have to be religious to get together and hang out. Only a couple meetings so far, but it's been fun!
  • slothtrop 3y ago
    I think it's a strong reason, but not the only one. Many people do, apparently, take comfort in things like faith and salvation (or a 'relationship' with God), creed, etc.
• shp0ngle 3y ago
  One holy apostolic Catholic Church
  • JeanV-pip 3y ago
    Can you be more specific?
• jonah 3y ago
  Volunteer public service organizations. Some years ago I was looking for an activity to get into that met the following needs: * Helps others * Physically active * Outdoors / in nature * Requires specialized skills * Gives back to the community I was entertaining things like the local trail building groups when an article about our local Search and Rescue team mentioned they were having a recruiting meeting the next week. I applied and was accepted. It's a highly rewarding activity - literally saving peoples lives at times - with a high-calibre of like-minded people from an incredibly diverse array of backgrounds. I've recently moved away though and in my new area, I've joined the volunteer fire department which has a lot of the same features and benefits.
  • bombcar 3y ago
    The best thing about getting into one volunteer thing is you find out about tons of other ones; the people who volunteer often do so in various semi-related groups. And you can end up with some really fun volunteering opportunities.
• gabugabu 3y ago
  Role-Playing Game conventions. Absolutely astounding how much community I’ve found there. Headed to North Texas RPG Con this weekend, in fact. It’s amazing what using your imagination around a table with a bunch of fellow geeks can do for your feeling of belonging in the universe.
• jonah 3y ago
  Games. My girlfriend has made a group of very close friends by playing scrabble with them every Thursday for many years. It seems like it's a great context to have a scheduled time to spend time together.
• loriverkutya 3y ago
  I joined a local Iaido club.
• some_furry 3y ago
  I just hang out with furries online and am increasingly involved in local furry meet-ups. 10/10 lots of fun.
• potta_coffee 3y ago
  Brazilian Jiu Jitsu has been an awesome venue for finding new friends. I highly recommend, plus you'll gain fitness and confidence.
• nullpage 3y ago
  My local makerspace[1] for sure. 1. https://protospace.ca/ https://protospace.ca/
• samtho 3y ago
  I’ve been doing ground school and getting into flying lessons, but what has been really interesting and surprising was the strong community that lurks just behind the wall you have to climb to enter. It can be a cost prohibitive hobby but a lot of people make it into a career. You get a lot of different types of people and they are welcoming. I’ve done work for people in exchange for for some wet hours on their plane
  • bombcar 3y ago
    I would recommend this - you don't even have to get your license, just start hanging around on weekends at the local airstrip and you'll find the groups.
• trailrunner46 3y ago
  Might seem like and odd one to some but I became a volunteer firefighter and it has been very rewarding for many reasons but the connection with the community is a big one (most members grew up in the town and a central part of it).
  • bombcar 3y ago
    You can also get a cool license plate (in most states)!
• BubbleRings 3y ago
  I met a guy in the parking lot of Sugarloaf Mountain here in the Maryland suburbs of Washington DC, when we were both about to walk to the top of the mountain. (About a 40 minute climb.) So we walked up together. He smiled and said hi to everybody we walked past, it was kind of impressive how good he was at it. It influenced me, and now I try to smile and wave at people when I pass them while I am out running.
• SaintGhurka 3y ago
  I joined the Texas State Guard and found a lasting connection with my group. When I'm there I feel like I'm with family. About half the states have a state guard. The organizational structure is military-ish, but we don't have weapons. We wear essentially the same uniform as the national guard, and sometimes work with them, but it's not related to the national guard except that we both report to the governor. The difference is the state guard ONLY reports to the governor and doesn't have any federal connection. Since I joined I've helped run a shelter after hurricane Harvey and run water distribution centers after the freeze 2 years ago. But most of the time I just do the same thing I do at my regular job. When I joined they needed programmers. They need everybody, tbh. It's not hard to qualify.
  • MichaelNolan 3y ago
    > When I joined they needed programmers. How did that work? Unless there is a deployment, the schedule is one weekend a month right? What kind of tech work were you able to do in that timeframe? You mentioned working in a shelter as well during Harvey. How often were you called into service? It looks likes the number of whether related missions has increased in recent years - https://tmd.texas.gov/texas-state-guard-missions https://tmd.texas.gov/texas-state-guard-missions I just moved to Austin and the idea of joining a state guard is appealing.
    • SaintGhurka 3y ago
      > Unless there is a deployment, the schedule is one weekend a month right? Yes and no. I do a lot of work at home. I mostly work on our home-grown software that manages the organization (recruiting and personnel management). > How often were you called into service? In 6 years I've been called out by the governor twice on big missions (1 hurricane and 1 freeze). But I've also had a handful of other deployments that were more like "we need a volunteer to come to HQ for a week". I once got "deployed" for 2 days to drive some computers from Austin down to the border. I try to take those tasks occasionally if my job can spare me. The drill weekends are unpaid, but you get paid for any deployment. All deployments are voluntary, but you are expected to be available if a big disaster strikes. > I just moved to Austin Headquarters is at Camp Mabry in Austin. Building 32.
• Glench 3y ago
  I recently joined a local Plum Village meditation community as well as a contact improvisation dance community! It's great to see the same faces every time and making connections.
• the-printer 3y ago
  I’ve found a profound virtue, sense of responsibility and selflessness since I’ve taken an oath to be in the company of a distinct group of men in my community five times daily at a maximum (or a minimum, depending on the circumstance). We don’t gather for the sake of gathering with each other, but for the sake of the shared oath that consists of various practices and beliefs, one of which requires that we gather. And the venue of this gathering is at enough locations that I can have this experience far from home even. The sense of community is transcends the boundaries of my locale. I’m a Muslim. The place is a Masjid.
• milancurcic 3y ago
  My son died at birth in August of 2022. A month later, my wife found a group of 30-some Loss Dads who at the time met monthly via Zoom. I quickly bonded with all the Dads there, despite most of us never having met each other in person. I attribute our strong bond to us sharing a rare and intense life experience, as well as to the fact that it's still difficult to find support, and even willingness to talk about, with friends and family who have not experienced child loss. Fast forward to today, we have an active Discord server and meet on Zoom bi-weekly. The group has also recently filed for a non-profit status and has raised funds and materials to help grieving parents as well as hospitals. If you're a grieving Dad and are looking for support from other grieving Dads, please email me at milancurcic@hey.com.
• jraph 3y ago
  A university choir of around 80-100 members. Joined as a student and stayed. I now have many friends, many of them from the choir or friends of a member.
• PenguinCoder 3y ago
  I've found it in Freemasonry. A sense of purpose and brotherhood, community support, etc. Being a part of the fraternity has introduced me to many other aspects of everything, but especially non-technical people. Knowing and being around men that also strive to be a better person, resonated with me. I don't have enough time to devote to their various projects and meetings, but what I can give, I do; and that is always returned. Friendship, fellowship and like minded goals. Freemasonry is my non tech outside the house outlet. Good experiences.
  • erulabs 3y ago
    There is a beautiful Freemason temple about 2 blocks from my house, one of my favorite buildings in the area. How does one get an invite to an event?
    • BjoernKW 3y ago
      Just google the lodge meeting there, go to their website and send them an email. Contrary to common perception, Freemasonry isn't a secret - or secretive - society. Usually, they'll be happy to oblige.
• bwb 3y ago
  Ultimate frisbee:)
• uranium 3y ago
  I've been a member of a number of juggling clubs over the years. If you're not into juggling, I'm sure there are other kinds of clubs around, but if you're a juggler or juggling-curious, they're great. They tend to be super open to new folks, whether they can juggle or not. Often folks would go out to eat afterward [depending on the time of the club meeting]; at one club they even had a weekly movie outing afterward for a long time. The larger juggling community is great too--there are little festivals and larger conventions all over the world, with great shows but also great social scenes. I met my spouse at a university juggling club. Neither of us attended the university, but we were both club members, as were lots of our friends [after a while, anyway].
• exabrial 3y ago
  Mountain Biking
• asim 3y ago
  Struggled a lot. I grew up amongst an extended family of relatives. It was my community. Then I moved away. I also grew up on the internet and spent a lot of time moving between communities there. I am trying to rebuild some of they now https://micro.mu https://micro.mu
• winrid 3y ago
  Stage Rally (motorsport). The community is amazing. I've had competitors help fix my car between stages, in pitch black, in the middle of the desert. Volunteering is an easy way to get involved and is really appreciated! You go to interesting, sometimes beautiful places, help run timing, radio, etc. You can also volunteer to help specific teams as crew. The driver will usually cover all your expenses to get to the rally and feed you. We're building our next car atm (a VW Scirocco). Check out NASA Rally Sport, American Rally Association, and CRC for those in Canada. There is never an off season, there are always events. Note - if you plan to drive - start with RallyCross - and buy an already built car (it's 1-2x cheaper).
  • wly_cdgr 3y ago
    I am super interested in getting into motorsports as a driver but really not sure how/where to start. Why do you say to start with RallyCross? Is it best to still start by volunteering as a first way of getting involved? What are useful skills to have/develop for volunteering? Do you recommend doing some kind of rally driving school / classes like DirtFish? Do you find sim racing useful as prep/practice if you drive, and if so, which game - DiRT Rally? DiRT Rally 2.0? Something else? Sorry for the question whirlwind lol, please feel free to answer only some or none, thank for all the info in your OP regardless.
    • winrid 3y ago
      Hey! so, you asked me about my hobby, so you're gonna get a book :) Feel free to email me via gmail, I'm Devon. RallyCross - just show up with a stock car, preferably some simple FWD car. Learn how to remove the ABS fuse before you go, and bring a tire pressure gauge. A lot of newbies don't remove the ABS fuse and they have to unlearn how to drive with the computer doing weird things that slow them down (the computer is designed to save your life, not go fast. If it was programmed to go fast, it'd make you faster, but it's not). With RallyX, just show up. At least skim SCCA rallyx rules, checkout norcalrallycross.com[0] if you're in the SF bay area - there is an event coming up early June at prairie city. People win their class all the time with 90hp, so you don't need a powerful car[1]. At every event there are new people, who have no idea what they are doing, so stuff is already in place to make the first time fairly easy. My first event I drove 7hrs in my clapped out VW golf daily driver and just showed up - I was 19. If I can do it, you can do it! With RallyCross, you might break the car, but it's rare. You won't push the car hard enough as a new driver to break it, and you probably won't go over 40mph, but it's a lot of fun. You'll generally see one car break out of 60 at an event and it's almost always a modified car. The most common failure is tires de-beading, so AAA is helpful, but really people are around with compressed air etc so not a big deal. Modern stock cars are very tough, compared to stuff from the 80s-90s with weak engine mounts and control arms. You can also "borrow" a car with the "insurance" - I've done this lots of times and just pressure wash the car before I return it... usually cleaner than I picked it up. Volunteering - this is complicated. But with stage rally they are always expecting new people, and there are always "intro" positions. If you can do basic math (this car arrived at this time and left the previous stage at this time) you can do timing, and you get to stand next to every car and see it launch/finish. If you're a HAM, you can do radio. Some volunteers do tech. You basically fill out the form with your experience and the organizer puts you somewhere. You don't really wanna volunteer for RallyX as it would be very boring, Rally is different. If you want to start with RallyX, and you should, you just bring your car and show up. My first volunteering experience was Mendocino Rally, which is sadly now defunct. I "only" did finish control timing, but the night before I got to sleep under the stars in Mendocino forest and sit around a fire and drink with a bunch of radio guys. Tons of fun. Or, it could be terrible and cold and miserable. That's rally. In terms of Schools I've been to a few (O'Neil, CRS, Primitive, visited DirtFish) - I prefer Tim O'Neil in New Hampshire. I personally find them really friendly, and if you go in the winter, near Christmas, and buy your tickets on black Friday, you get like half off and get to slide around in the snow with AWD cars. CRS is great if you want to dip your toes. Games - I personally love DR2. It's fun, and I find it feels closer to cars I've driven, although some people swear by Richard Burns Rally. I personally feel like RBR is like driving on ice even on the gravel stages, which I didn't find super accurate or fun. The main thing with games is you learn pace, and you learn to "look where you want to go", which is like the most important thing in rally because if you target fixate on a tree you will hit it... but this applies to all motorsport. The game will also let you practice left-foot-braking, which is useful to help balance the car or at least bring weight back to the front to make a tight turn in Rallyx. [0] there is also californiarallyseries.com [1] I've taken everything from Honda Accords and Civics to trucks and minivans. I prefer 2WD because I like cars that feel nimble. My favorite stock cars to RallyCross include the Chevy Spark (very competitive if it's not too hot out for the CVT) and Hyundai Elantra.
• SergeAx 3y ago
  Social dancing, Argentinian tango in my case. Pretty healthy hobby for an engineer, by the way.
• uptownfunk 3y ago
  Parents of kids friends at school Grad School Neighbors Religious community
• ragingroosevelt 3y ago
  Crafting clubs. In particular, I found a spoon carving (green wood working) club that was astoundingly welcoming. Attendance is pretty even between men and women and across ages. Pretty diverse ethnically, too. My wife and I go every month and people started inviting us to post-event activities. We know most of the regulars by name and even people I don't know recognize us. It's super casual and everyone is just there to enjoy the outdoors while they work on their projects.
• pcthrowaway 3y ago
  Historically, it's been climbing or other social events for me. But lately I've been working so much I barely have time for anyone or anything besides an occasional climb and spending time with my partner.
• patrickserrano 3y ago
  If you're in a city, get a dog assuming you're ok with the responsibility that comes with having one. About 5 years ago my wife finally wore me down and we got an English Bulldog. The friends that we made at the dog park have become some of our closest friends, and it's great having friends that you don't work with because you don't end up talking about work. I'm not a very extraverted person by any means but whenever I'm out with the dog I end up talking to people I never would have. Especially when I take him to a dog friendly bar (shoutout to DBA in the East Village!)
• mym1990 3y ago
  Tennis for me(and ultimate frisbee, although not so much in the past few years)! Tennis is one of the few things I have found where I am completely comfortable going up to a stranger(maybe they are on a court, or have a racquet in their backpack) and asking them if they would like to play sometime. There are also teams one can join(competitive or less so), tournaments, for fun social groups. Its been very wonderful.
• chasd00 3y ago
  Hobbies. I got into high power rocketry and met people online and then went to some meetups of local clubs in my area. There’s a couple regional events I attend too. It’s nice to have a community of friends with shared interests but not so physically close I have to interact daily.
• meken 3y ago
  My apartment complex has a hot tub. I spent many nights there meeting a few neighbors. From there, some of us played Pickleball. I started noticing a few other neighbors playing, so I started a group chat. Now a bunch of us play 2-3 times per week and the group is growing There’s a local developer community that hosts meetups every month that I’m a part of. They also have a slack group I’m in a slack spiritual group. I don’t really care about the spiritual aspect, it’s kind of interesting, I guess. They’re just very thoughtful interesting people and now some of my closest friends
• vitabenes 3y ago
  Swing dancing has been awesome for me: movement, complexity in the music (jazz), cool people (half of which are women),...
• davidbanham 3y ago
  Volunteer fire brigade. Great way to connect with local community. Also a pathway into experiences and skills you’ll never get anywhere else. Kids school. Everyone is local, engage with the other parents/etc. Local dog park. Get into a routine of regularly heading up at a similar time and you’ll get familiar with the others that do the same.
• torehan 3y ago
  My dog, the dog park, and subsequently my neighborhood. If you go to the dog park twice a day you'll meet people and start chatting with them. Everyone needs to walk their dog so you end up seeing the same crew regularly. Its a great way to meet the people who live around you. I think the pandemic definitely helped people realize that their job can't be their only social outlet.
• petecooper 3y ago
  Male mental health support group. First attended in Nov 22, now a volunteer facilitating local meetings, and taking Peer Support Worker training course. Inevitably there’s some tech help in the mix, but it’s all worthwhile. https://www.mandown-cornwall.co.uk/ https://www.mandown-cornwall.co.uk/
• torehan 3y ago
  My neighborhood! I got my dog during the pandemic and its been a great way to meet my neighbors and also the people at the dog park (many of whom are also my neighbors). If you start hanging out in the same spots regularly you'll eventually meet people to talk to. Having a dog is a huge plus since dogs are generally playful and can be a great way to start a conversation.
• owenpalmer 3y ago
  Sports. I still meet with friends from middle school for volleyball games, and another friend of mine hosts a weekly soccer game. We usually go out for tacos afterwards. It's a great time
• ankaAr 3y ago
  Sysarmy Cafelug Megajuegos Even when I'm not an active member on some ones, I will carry them with me for ever. Aside of that, any hiking group I found.
• beebmam 3y ago
  World of Warcraft. I met my current lovers in that game. There are a tremendous number of beautiful, sensitive, artistic, and brilliant humans I've met in that game.
• orliesaurus 3y ago
  I run a Discord with my friend (@moconinja) for people in tech who want to play videogames at night and chill. We don't like drinking at bars so we built it. So far we have about 10 people, mostly are from Austin, TX but there're also others from all over the US. If you're interested, apply here - I will personally review your application and reach out :) [1]
  • caxco93 3y ago
    I'm interested. I think you forgot the link? :D
    • orliesaurus 3y ago
      https://jointhirdshift.com/ https://jointhirdshift.com/
  • thinkxl 3y ago
    howdy from HTX. I'm interested!
    • orliesaurus 3y ago
      https://jointhirdshift.com/ https://jointhirdshift.com/
• flappyeagle 3y ago
  Pick-up basketball. Just go once or twice a week
• pugworthy 3y ago
  Local tap house and Burning Man - including Homebrew 4A Homebrew, which is essentially a neighborhood tap house at Burning Man.
• chris1993 3y ago
  Choir, Aikido, seed-savers group, community garden. All communities engaged in purposeful activities together.
• lessright 3y ago
  I've longed for a secular "church". A place to gather with the community on Sunday to listen to a non-religious sermon (the importance of self-control and techniques to help; the role emotions play in our lives, what they are, where they come from, and how to manage them), form smaller interest groups, and connect with people in the area. I believe The School of Life [0] tried this in London but I don't see any mention of it on their website today. I've had luck with sports, specifically cycling. Check out Strava for groups in your area and just show up to a ride and introduce yourself. [0] https://www.theschooloflife.com/ https://www.theschooloflife.com/
  • MagicMoonlight 3y ago
    Yeah we need a new church that’s non-religious. I’m okay with having roman style statues and shrines though
    • jcrben 3y ago
      Check out https://www.sundayassembly.org/ https://www.sundayassembly.org/ referenced elsewhere
• cgs 3y ago
  Folk music. I've been playing Irish traditional music as a hobby for years and it has always been an excellent gateway to making friends with like-minded people. Pursuing a hobby seriously and finding others who are also into said hobby is a great way to make meaningful connections with others.
  • analog31 3y ago
    For me it's jazz, but similar deal. Actually, I like the fact that jazz musicians come from all walks of life: Professional, working class, even homeless. And that they don't give a rat's ass about the drama of my day job, so I can leave it at the door. Lately I've been going to "old time" fiddle jams (with my cello or double bass). It's a super chill community, welcoming of strangers, with a rich heritage to learn from even if it seems superficially simplistic.
  • kQq9oHeAz6wLLS 3y ago
    Do you, by chance, work at Cowboy Feng's Spacebar and Grille? If so, I'd recommend sticking close to it.
• baud147258 3y ago
  This year I've joined a troupe (with a groupe of amateurs/hobbyists but led by professional director, choreographer and musical directors), to prepare and play a musical (done the first two performances, we've got three more in two weeks). As someone who wasn't really good at singing and dancing, some parts were challenging, but it was really rewarding. I also helped a little with the sets and costumes, so it was interesting to see that side of the stage. And despite a somewhat heterogenous group, the atmosphere's been great
• alsobrsp 3y ago
  My wife and I moved aboard a sailboat in 2012, we made more new friends over the next 2 years that we were in and out of St Augustine than we had made in a long time. That community was so welcoming that years after we left the boat we moved there and it is our permanent home. There are sailing communities like this all over the US east coast and Caribbean.
• cjmcqueen 3y ago
  Church. Religion is a practice, find good people to practice good things with.
• madman2890 3y ago
  The gym
• cjmcqueen 3y ago
  I also started a series of gravel bicycle races. Sometimes starting something you love is a great way to gather like minded people. https://iowagravelseries.com/ https://iowagravelseries.com/
• xoxxala 3y ago
  Dog park. We take our furry friends twice a day, see the same group of people (and dogs) plus new people (and dogs) quite often. Get outdoors, play with dogs, chat with friends and strangers. And pet plenty of cool dogs. People that go to dog parks are generally pretty nice, around here at least. I help out by cleaning up the park, too. That's one part of my life that I can make a little less poopie with minimal effort.
• maerF0x0 3y ago
  Church
• lasermatts 3y ago
  I found my people at my local climbing gym. I live in a very tech-dominated city and the people at the gym break down into 1. people who work in tech 2. people who work in the medical field 3. students and the gym caters to that. I've met some great people on the bouldering wall, at yoga classes, or at events hosted by the gym.
• mrnotcrazy 3y ago
  Meetup groups! I live in Portland Oregon and there are so many awesome board game meetups. I also tend to like hacker spaces but they can be less social and you aren’t guaranteed to have personal interaction
• SamWhited 3y ago
  I've found the local Swing Dance scene to be very welcoming; the same with local bicycle group rides (you see a lot of the same people at different rides and make friends really quick), the local bike repair co-ops where you can learn/teach mechanical skills, the local blues dance scene has been great, etc. Pick something that interests you and go do it! Find a nerd store that has a gaming night and sit down at a random table and ask to join their DnD campaign, or ask around and find the local rock climbing gym that does community building nights, etc. whatever catches your fancy I guarantee there are others out there that also like the same things and want to connect! Public social infrastructure like your local library is always a good place to go too: they'll have book clubs, lecture series, parent meetups, etc. check out their programming schedule and see if anything sounds interesting to you.
• thepasswordis 3y ago
  Church. My wife and I sit in the cry room with out little kids, and have gotten to know the people that are there with us. It's gotten to the point where we have started recognizing these people all over town. Very cozy and nice. I'll say: having kids is obviously itself incredibly meaningful; as an additional benefit: kids are a fantastic ice-breaker/opener for other families with kids.
  • Breza 3y ago
    Same here! Cry/play rooms can be awesome.
  • ubj 3y ago
    I'll second this. I've been a part of several fantastic church communities in the various places I've lived, both before and after I had kids. And yes, a great side perk of having children is connecting with other parents :)
  • stevage 3y ago
    There are cry rooms?
    • Breza 3y ago
      Our church has a play room with a TV tuned to the livestream. My toddler can make it to the sermon and then heads for the play room. Honestly, it's pretty nice to kick back in a comfy room and play with my daughter while still attending worship.
    • thepasswordis 3y ago
      Yeah, like a room in the back specifically for crying babies (and their families).
      • unsupp0rted 3y ago
        How much extra per long-haul airplane ticket would you pay for this? I'd gladly add 20% minimum.
• marcus_holmes 3y ago
  Boardgames. I met my wife at a boardgame meetup. They're really common in Germany, less so elsewhere but there's usually a boardgame group in every city I've travelled to (all over SE Asia, Central America so far). Perfect for us geeks, too, as the more complex boardgames are really scratching that intellectual itch; learning a new ruleset for a complex game and grokking it enough to create a workable strategy for the game is a great intellectual exercise. And a mix of genders and backgrounds, with conversation during the game, it's a great way of meeting people.
• poulsbohemian 3y ago
  My local organization of the Democratic Party. What you discover are a whole lot of people with similar values who really care about their community. I've also been surprised by how many have similar hobbies and interests - who knew that there were so many beekeepers, cheesemakers, chicken farmers, etc? Great opportunity to connect with people, learn more about local issues, and have a voice in our democracy.
• spookybones 3y ago
  I’ve met most of my friends in my late 30s at a small coworking space.
• pbhowmic 3y ago
  In the past, I have found community - and many lifelong friendships - in a ballroom & latin dance community. Currently, I find community in hiking groups.
• fortran77 3y ago
  Synagogue.
• spike021 3y ago
  I'm part of a regional car community for a specific sports car model. I've probably been involved for 6 years now. Originally the regional club had a board with people volunteering to have some responsibility for their subregion (parts of the Bay Area). I first got involved just as a member going to meet ups. Then I became a board member about four years ago. Helped host some meets and other events. Then COVID happened and we stopped all social meets. The last remaining board members gave up on it. So since about a year ago even though I had officially stepped down as a member before COVID, I decided to start hosting events again because people had been asking. Some of my closest friends are part of this community and we don't only discuss cars. Some friends are also SWE's and some aren't. Makes for a good social mix. I'd say the events I organize these days average 20-40 cars and about as many people or a bit more. Just at the most recent one we had some visitors from a much further inconvenient region they said they'd really missed these events. So it's really inspiring when people come up to me and thank me for setting these up. People get to make friends and talk about fun things.
  • rozap 3y ago
    The car community is super big and diverse. I found my niche in budget endurance racing, since it's basically hacking on cars. There's really something for everyone. Good on you for organizing stuff. People get a lot out of it.
• Cody_C 3y ago
  I'd say a hobby always does well to build up a group. I've had a great time meeting people riding dirt bikes and cycling. Gives you a good chance to do group rides and you'll be surprised how small of a world it is. It can be intimidating to join at first but if you have one buddy you can go with or even one person in the group you can build rapport with it helps. The biggest thing is you have to put yourself out there. It isn't always easy but, you have to realize most people are worried to strike up a conversation first. Being willing to do so is a game changer. I'd also say don't completely forego making friends at work. You already have something in common and there is a big opportunity for a shared circumstance and hanging out together regularly. I've made great friends at work.
• ArekDymalski 3y ago
  Board games club. That's also fanatstic hobby as you can fine-tune the level & character of interactions with others to your own taste.
• __mharrison__ 3y ago
  Mostly church and ultimate (Frisbee). When I lived in the bay area and played in ultimate leagues and pickup games, I knew someone who worked at almost every big company. Another nice thing about ultimate is that it is social exercise, so you kill two birds with one stone (for those of us who sit in front of a computer all day).
• howenterprisey 3y ago
  Volunteering for FIRST programs (FRC, FTC, FLL, etc) and similar programs would be right up the alley of anyone here. I find it incredibly fulfilling. You can mentor a team directly and/or volunteer at events; both are rewarding in their own way. There are many different roles that you can fill. For example, next competition season I will try to become a CSA (Control Systems Advisor). They help teams troubleshoot various issues during competitions and even during matches. The role requires excellent problem-solving and communication skills. As my description suggests, roles are well-defined, as are the relationships between them. This structure neatly avoids most of the messiness about unclear decision-making hierarchies that can be found in some other volunteer organizations. It also avoids something that really annoys me about some other volunteering opportunities, which is an unclear path of advancement to "the good roles". Of course, advancement isn't required at all and I'd guess most people don't think about it; it's just something I care about.
• honzabe 3y ago
  1. Languages - I started going to English meetups in my town to practice English; I found a group of like-minded people that I felt comfortable with and we started doing other things together - hiking, visiting castles and museums, drinking wine and talking till 2am. 2. Cycling - I love road cycling and there is a strong sense of community around cycling. If you are training alone and a bunch of faster cyclists catches you, you can draft behind them for a while and start chatting with them when you catch your breath; if you hit it off, you exchange contacts and start riding together. There are people that I have spent years and thousands of km with. The advantage of cycling is that there is a lot of endurance rides where you can easily talk and you get to know people pretty well.
• deleted 3y ago
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• sagarpatil 3y ago
  Sports. I live in a gated community. Saw some people playing Cricket. I was hesitant to ask if I could join because I hadn’t played the sports in 15 years but decided to try. Everyone was very welcoming and now I play every weekend and have made good friends. We handed a WhatsApp group where we discuss cricket matches. It’s fun.
• wraptile 3y ago
  Scuba diving - many divers are engineers of some sort and being under water for couple of hours really clears your mind for a good talk. There's also a ton of subjects to talk about as there's just so much happening under water - flora, fauna, technique etc.
• mercurialsolo 3y ago
  To find meaning in connection you have to open up and the avenues are at every point. From local walks to sports, to neighbourhoods, to hobbies. This place is community, we share ideas and exchange our views, we have the ability to express and that's how we connect.
• yubiox 3y ago
  Skydiving. Nice hobby, lots of people to hang out with, go eat together after. Plenty of time to talk between loads. After a while you end up having friends all over the world, and you are welcome at a dropzone anywhere. There are quite a few different disciplines within the sport, from high speed to low speed both in freefall and under canopy. There's always something new to learn or practice and people to do it with. There are events organized all over the place, often around holidays, where people gather to jump.
• bradlys 3y ago
  I see a lot of people recommending specific forms of dance. I’m gonna be a bit more broad and say “social dancing” overall. Specific dance recommendations can lead people to give up quickly when running into base issues. Swing dancing will most likely appeal to the typical HN reader but there are a variety of dances out there. Dances like salsa and bachata are vastly larger than most other social dances but they have no appeal to me. (Machismo, Latin culture, somewhat exclusionary as a whole, not much actual socializing) Same for Argentine Tango. (Old people mostly, very snobby, tends to be expensive, feels like the nimby wine snobs dance due to the typical goer) There’s lots of other dances - not gonna bother describing each. But my point is - each has a distinct culture and community (or lack thereof) associated with them. If one doesn’t hit your fancy - I’d recommend exploring others. It might not be that dancing ain’t your thing - it might be that particular dance ain’t your thing. Social dance overall is quite popular with the white collar crowd and especially so with people in tech. That is - it’s popular with the men. There’s more variance on the other side. Don’t expect to meet your future wife at a social dance either - the ratios are quite lopsided when it comes to single men:women. It’s usually relatively even men:women but it’s heavily single men and many women in relationships. Many women go purely for the love of dance (and attention) but very few men go for purely the love of the dance.
• alex_lav 3y ago
  I mostly haven't. Work has brought me all of the best friends in my life, including multiple of my long term committed relationships and current wife. I don't particularly enjoy this, I've just never really been able to figure anything else. I started programming at 11 and it's been my biggest hobby and passion for a very long time.
• vicary 3y ago
  For me I actually moved from Seattle, WA back near family by the beach picking up surfing and enjoying old and new friends for a bit. Church helps a lot for sure, and because I grew up here I have connections to people all over town which helps so different than Seattle, where there was tonnes of churn through covid both in the groups and the people who lived there. It's something I think about quite a bit in wanting to potentially move to SF/SV or Austin, TX and get back closer to the kinda work I was more interested in on the American side of tech.
• BrianB 3y ago
  APA pool is a good place to meet people
• eimrine 3y ago
  Salsa / other social dances.
• anirudh24seven 3y ago
  Toastmasters. Attending my own club meetings, other club meetings, contests and conferences have been fun. We insist that speakers share their own original content and they usually share stories from their lives. Lots of networking offline via WhatsApp, Facebook and phone calls as well.
  • no_butterscotch 3y ago
    So you don't actually have to make toasts? Haha I'm scared of public speaking. What would a first meeting look like for someone like me?
    • anirudh24seven 3y ago
      No. There are several roles one can play in a meeting. - Audience - Prepared speech speaker (usually 5-7 mins. They speak on topics from their manual.) - Table topics speaker (1-2 mins impromptu. Usually audience & non-role players are picked.) - Prepared speech evaluator (2-3 mins) - TMOD (The host of each meeting) - General Evaluator - Timer - Ah-counter - Grammarian Usually, most clubs adjust according to guests. If guests are nervous, clubs are very encouraging. If guests are confident, clubs try to improve their speaking skills. Usually first time guests are asked for their introduction and encouraged to speak on an impromptu topic. They are heavily applauded for getting over their stage fear. Most times, they are also voted as the best speaker of the day to encourage them.
• ragebol 3y ago
  My local scout group, in the Netherlands (which is quite different from what I gather about US scout groups). Leading kids, organize events, manage the building etc.
• theoa 3y ago
  I moved to an old people's home. I now always have 84 nearest and dearest friends 24/7 always. When one of them dies, somebody else moves in.
  • gaoryrt 3y ago
    So you work for old people and you still browse HN?
• slushh 3y ago
  How come there is not something like a dating app to make friends?
  • IlPeach 3y ago
    I thought Bumble was providing something like that ... but I might be wrong.
• za3faran 3y ago
  We're fortunate to live in an area with several mosques within driving distance. We made connections at a couple of them. Great communities.
• RHSman2 3y ago
  By talking to people and saying yes more than no. As I scan through various things I have done and I would have said it was X in the past, the consistency is just getting to know people.
• jjav 3y ago
  Team sports is a good opportunity. When I was single I joined some team sport events which cascaded to getting invited to more events and soon enough every weekend was filled with activities with like-minded people.
• slmjkdbtl 3y ago
  Mostly music, most connection branches out from my band.
• theusus 3y ago
  Nowhere!!! All the good communities are online only. I want to meet people with similar interetsts locally.
• EliRivers 3y ago
  If you've got the time and the inclination, depending on where you live and your circumstances, reserve forces can provide connection, purpose and places in spades.
• daneel_w 3y ago
  On IRC and in online games, and in club activities.
• surume 3y ago
  Religion. You automatically have something in common, and religious people are usually of a high quality because they live for something more than just themselves, as opposed to secular people. Of course, there are terrible, and I mean truly terrible, people in religious communities, and you should identify them and then stay the hell away from them. But the good ones are REALLY good. As an added bonus, you get to grow, and also help build and develop a community that will be all the richer for your involvement. It's a win-win-win (you, them, the world at large). Give it a shot. What you do you have lose? ;)
  • martopix 3y ago
    > religious people are usually of a high quality because they live for something more than just themselves, as opposed to secular people this is a very prejudiced view.
  • PestoDiRucola 3y ago
    > and religious people are usually of a high quality because they live for something more than just themselves, as opposed to secular people I'd say it's the opposite, but that's just me.
  • pbrw 3y ago
    I second this. Going to "academic catholic community" 6 years ago was one of the best decisions in my life honestly. We formed a group of closed friends there. Now we celebrate together birthdays, Christmas, etc. These are the people who help you when you are lost in the middle of nowhere (also metaphorically). Interestingly, not all of us are "believers" right now but it does not affect our bonds. Of course, I met some crazy people in that community but with sufficiently large group you can find good guys and bad guys everywhere. You can find religious groups which don't force you to do anything. They may even value a philosophical questioning and discussion.
• perfunctory 3y ago
  Astonished that only one comment so far even mentioned it: climate activism.
• gjadi 3y ago
  Interestingly, a year ago, this post was submitted: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31562478 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31562478 Friendships form via shared context, not shared activities (billmei.net)
• pbrw 3y ago
  Church again. Going to "academic catholic community" 6 years ago was one of the best decisions in my life honestly. We formed a group of closed friends there. Now we celebrate together birthdays, Christmas, etc. These are the people who help you when you are lost in the middle of nowhere (also metaphorically). Interestingly, not all of us are "believers" right now but it does not affect our bonds. Of course, I met some crazy people in that community but with sufficiently large group you can find good guys and bad guys everywhere. You can find religious groups which don't force you to do anything. They may even value a philosophical questioning and discussion.
• larsrc 3y ago
  Meetup is pretty active around here, with many things for various interests. A good starting point. Me, I have found Belegarth and other variations of foam swordfighting to have great communities. If Habitat For Humanity were active in Germany the way they are in the US, I would certainly volunteer there.
• comprev 3y ago
  I used to race mountain bikes and the community was strong - both online and on the race track! These days I've made friends in the car community (Audi Owners Club, TT Owners Club) who I occasionally meet in person around the country. Also got to know people via local cafes, hiking groups, and going out solo for nights out! It's taken nearly 3 years to feel sufficiently settled enough to consider buying a house in the area. I live alone with no partner/kids so kind of _have_ to make an effort socially to avoid total isolation.
• SAI_Peregrinus 3y ago
  Scottish Country Dancing. It's a social dance form, and there are branches of the Royal Scottish Country Dance Society all over. Rock Climbing. Very friendly community.
• grvdrm 3y ago
  I joined a track and marathon training club in my town 3 years ago. Found on Strava. It’s a group of people that I now depend on for many things that have nothing to do with running.
• circlefavshape 3y ago
  The pub I was never much interested in pubs when I was younger, but in my mid-40s working at home I found myself a place where everybody knows my name. It's not about the alcohol - most of the time I'm driving and therefore drinking non-alco beer
• JD1967 3y ago
  I started running about 10 years ago, and joined some local run groups. A few of them will do a run and then go out for a beer afterwards. I've made some good friends there, and we do things outside of running. Same with cycling - I started cycling a few years ago and meet up with some cycling groups and we do rides together.
• rocket_surgeron 3y ago
  1. A yoga studio. I practice practically every day and have made many good friends. We started an informal "outnumbered yoga males club" that meets for tacos and ice cream every other weekend or so. 2. The local summer garden/community theater. I help build sets and paint. Occasionally, I run the spotlights. 3. Your neighborhood's local botanical club. It's just me (a middle-aged man) and a bunch of old ladies who run something called "weed warriors" where we go to local parks and beaches and eradicate invasive species with great prejudice. "But my neighborhood doesn't have a botanica..." I'm willing to bet it does, you just don't know about it. 4. The local volunteer fire department. I am a volunteer EMT and Firefighter who got started when I fell and injured my back and my barber showed up on the ambulance. I rehabbed (hence, the yoga) and got into shape and signed up. EMT-B is easy to attain and Firefighter-I is even easier. I do one shift per week on average, usually Saturday nights and gained an instant group of people from which to make friends.
• abysmallytall 3y ago
  Pickleball in my neighborhood. We had been in our neighborhood for about 8 years before I started and I kind of stumbled into the group. I had been mentioning to my wife that I wish I knew our neighbors, but didn't press the issue because I assumed it would happen naturally when we had kids. We've been delaying kids, both for covid and private family reasons, so I had been waiting longer than I would have liked. As luck would have it, I went to go use our neighborhood basketball court but it was being used by a pickleball group. They asked if I wanted to play and I went from never having heard of the game to now playing 2x / week most weeks. The crew is mostly older than me and no one is in tech. I do wish there were more players close to my age and I wouldn't mind 1 person in tech to talk shop with, but it's overall been a net positive in my life. I knew I was struggling from the lack of local community, but I think I underestimated how much. Even being fairly introverted, I still need to see people somewhat regularly.
• hacknewslogin 3y ago
  I'm in the SCA, the Society for Creative Anachronism. Medieval reenactment for fun. It's non-profit, run almost entirely by volunteers. Feasts, recreational combat, games, blacksmithing, brewing, crafts of all kinds. Nearly all of the people in the group are friendly, kind, nerdy goofballs. There's something for everyone, tagline of the SCA is "Welcome home." Local groups all over the place: https://www.sca.org/ https://www.sca.org/