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One thing that came to mind recently is this imaginary subsidy that I came up with: Give people money to go and eat a meal with strangers. A sit-down meal at a

One thing that came to mind recently is this imaginary subsidy that I came up with: Give people money to go and eat a meal with strangers. A sit-down meal at a restaurant where you can talk. I think this would benefit society immensely: - New random connection, outside your bubble - Someone who you can talk to, who might have a different point of view - Making it real that there are other people than the ones you know

haliskerbas 4y ago
Immediately imagining another random person asking me “but what part of arabic are you from” even though I’m not middle eastern.
- jarebear6expepj 4y ago
  What better opportunity to educate!
rocketflumes 4y ago
I love this idea in principle, but when our school ran something similar to connect grad students who didn't have the opportunity to socialize due to covid remote work, I got a feeling some of them just showed up for the free coffee (we did free coffee chats instead of meals) and just weren't that interested in the social aspect.
- luckylion 4y ago
  Would that be a problem? I mean, you want them to socialize, and they'll do for a while, even if not for "the right reasons". If some of them do so more because the free coffee is that valuable to them, what's the downside with letting them have the free coffee you wanted to give away anyhow? Imho that would be a good opportunity to get them more support, not a problem with that approach.
- vuln 4y ago
  > free coffee They showed up for a sub $1/a cup coffee. I doubt there is much malicious intent.
- bheadmaster 4y ago
  You can't give people free stuff and then complain when they only come for free stuff. That was literally the whole tactic - that people will come for the free stuff, and some of them might also engage in the secondary activity.
  - DwnVoteHoneyPot 4y ago
    Also, if they're reclusive, maybe the first few times they act as lurkers and will engage later.
- LorenPechtel 4y ago
  I can't imagine it being worth the trip for just the coffee. Rather, I think they were just too isolated for whatever reason to socialize.
- Tozen 4y ago
  This concept can work outside the context of a school, as various coffee shops and social gatherings are conducive to it. Doesn't have to be coffee, could be wine and cheese, beers from around the world, or other light offerings. The "trick" to it, in regards to dating opportunities, is the place has to be quietly accepted as a "safe" hookup spot, as well as have a good setup for people to move around and talk to each other. What I mean by setup, is the design of the place. Like having lots of benches or chairs in a row or parallel to each other, not facing (can make people uncomfortable when approached by strangers) or far across from each other (which can cause yelling as hard for people to hear each other), where people can easily sit next to each other. It also must be accepted or encouraged by the staff, managers, or owners that people there, even though strangers, can approach and talk to each other. Bad behavior is not accepted, but polite talking is. It's tricky, because women will avoid or condemn a place that gets a bad reputation (which is easy to create on social media), be it deserved or not. The place has to be considered safe, cheap, respectful, welcoming, and fun. The combination of such appears hard to get right, so can be hard to find. Places that are good for such socializing, can also be surprising and unexpected ones. And when people do find them, they tend to be quiet about them, to avoid it getting a bad reputation (which can ruin it). Many places that seem like they could or should work for socializing or hookups, often are actually bad. Be it the design (separate tables that are far apart) or the environment that's created (talking to strangers discouraged). For instance, if those managing it or owners are overly protective or strict, then people may come just and only for say the coffee. No talking to others, drink up, then leave or be nearly completely absorbed into a computer or smartphone. The environment, which encourages and allows polite socializing, has to be created and maintained.
ogurechny 4y ago
The result would be people eating their meals awkwardly in silence. That is, if you somehow manage to make them join that experiment.
- bluGill 4y ago
  Some people will. However most people are enough more social that they will attempt a conversation. If you only put two people together than silence will happen. However if you can get 4 new people at a table odds are at least 2 will start a conversation and the rest will join at least a little. I used to go to such 4 random people paired up for a meal, then a different 4 next month. (back before work form home my office had a system to match people like that - even though it was a work sponsored program we almost never talked about work even when there was senior management at the table). Even though I'm the silent type there was always a conversation that I ended up joining in. Sure it was work for me to join the conversation, but it was still worth it.
  - Tozen 4y ago
    Adding more people often results in more socially awkward, bullying, peer pressure, etc... type situations. Women often put pressure on each other, as to who they "should date" and so unrealistic expectations and hypergamy takes hold, where only the top 20% of men are "good" enough. Even if those women are of "lower ranking" and can't hold on to top ranking men (for more than a night or as a booty call). Often getting men and women alone together, but in a public setting (so the women feel safe), and putting a time limit on it can work better. Give them an hour, and see if there are any sparks. If not, let them go there separate ways, to find others they can talk to. In that way, there is no obvious peer pressure being exerted on who they "should" choose, it's a matter of chemistry between them.
    - bluGill 4y ago
      I said 4 people, not 20. I know what you are saying, and I think around 4 is about right. Less and you start to think about romance and while that can be good not everyone needs it and destroying a marriage is not the goal. More and it is too easy to tune out.
tokai 4y ago
The Human Library is a project much like what you are describing. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Human_Library https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Human_Library
artificial 4y ago
In the same spirit as this we have a “donut buddy” system in slack that randomly pairs you with someone from another org. Some user entered topics are listed such as entertainment and cuisine to kickstart conversations. It’s been a great way to humanize things. I’d love to do this in person. Minor expansion: The bot handles the calendar coordination, too. Meets are 30 minutes and finish with a screenshot posted to the channel and end of the year there's a collage that's created. I'm fond of the stats.
- loopdoend 4y ago
  Cool idea. It seems like there is some intrinsic motivation when doing this at a workplace that would be missing with random strangers.
- bluefirebrand 4y ago
  My workplace had something like this and everyone opted out. I didn't realize everyone had opted out until I got matched with the same person several times in a row. Turns out we were the only two people still left in it. Which is funny because the company did those Myers-Briggs tests and I scored as one of the most introverted people in the company. Edit: And no, I don't put much stock in that sort of personality test, but the company did it and it was interesting to see the results, especially compared against "This is where most of your coworkers landed and here's you"
  - artificial 4y ago
    You may enjoy the Clifton Strengths, far more detailed: https://www.gallup.com/cliftonstrengths/en/252137/home.aspx https://www.gallup.com/cliftonstrengths/en/252137/home.aspx
Workaccount2 4y ago
I can't imagine this going any other way than a program dominated by the mostly socially uncomfortable types of people, resulting in "going out out to eat" but going to a cafe and sitting separately and on their phone the whole time.
- foobarbecue 4y ago
  You probably need a no phones rule.
  - lezojeda 4y ago
    When you have to add so many rules and regulations you know it's not going to work. You can't force human interaction, is something that naturally happens (through common interests, goals and ideologies, spending lot of time together, etc.) or it doesn't.
ilaksh 4y ago
As a reclusive person I will tell you a big part of it is not having financial security and therefore not having social status or good health. I don't have the time or energy and it's uncomfortable telling people how your life is going. Your bank account really is your status to a large degree. Low status, health issues, no extra energy, I don't really want to be around other people anyway.
- deleted 4y ago
  [deleted]
- baja_blast 4y ago
  Yes but in this case you'd be sharing a meal with people who share your experience. They will understand your struggles since they are also struggling.
  - whitemary 4y ago
    This just shows how little you have actually thought about the matter. Another deprived person does not negate the deprivation. Two wrongs don't make a right. Ignoring the root of the problem is only postponing the solution.
    - vuln 4y ago
      I don’t know. It works for AA. Alcoholics understand other Alcoholics like no other. Having someone the same social status eating, fellowship, brainstorming, can be uplifting. At least that’s my experience.
      - MisterTea 4y ago
        > I don’t know. Correct. You did not factor in alcoholics who do not show up for AA meetings. Not all alcoholics are the same.
        JumpCrisscross 4y ago
belugacat 4y ago
When I lived in Oxford, UK (as a broke student) one of the cheapest places to get dinner on my street was a restaurant with a few very long tables with benches on each side. It was usually pretty full, so you’d always meet interesting people if you were the kind of person to walk in there in the first place. They didn’t pay you to do so though. I haven’t found many places like this later in my life, which is too bad. I’m currently on the island of Réunion, which I understand used to have very similar setups, but not many are left. For all I know the one in Oxford doesn’t exist anymore; I last went there almost 2 decades ago.
- baja_blast 4y ago
  Oxford is such a cool city, I lived there as a kid.
  - deleted 4y ago
    [deleted]
- ceejayoz 4y ago
  > I haven’t found many places like this later in my life, which is too bad. Amtrak dining cars! You get seated with random people for your dinner reservation. I found it delightful.
  - krferriter 4y ago
    Too bad Amtrak is so expensive to use
  - selimthegrim 4y ago
    Not since the pandemic
- BoxOfRain 4y ago
  I currently work in Oxford, where is/was this place? It sounds cool, I might pay a visit and see if it's still around!
rasengan 4y ago
Sometimes, I think there is a sort of social "pre-filter" that occurs that helps to keep people "safe" when meeting new people (e.g., go to a friend's party and someone is friends with someone). This isn't perfect, but over the years it's helped considerably. I totally wholeheartedly agree that meeting new people is a great thing. But in practice, this could lead to quite a few people getting screwed over in some way shape or form by people with terrible agendas. :(
throwaway743 4y ago
That on top of the $490 could work, but likely minimal results with the free meal/social outting alone for reclusive type. Side thought tho, if the allowance was included, in addition to the free meal with a stranger, it could potentially increase birth rates, which would then benefit their economy. Edit: Just saw it'd be for ages 9-24... thought it was for adults. Hopefully teen pregnancies would be avoided
tcmart14 4y ago
I don't know about a meal, but a coffee would be good. But that is a small point. This would be kinda of cool. I have two small kids and I don't know if anyone else is like myself or my wife, but we don't really have friends anymore. All my connection with other adults is my wife, her family and co-workers. But co-workers are just work place connections. I wonder if other people with young kids would find this useful? I mean, my wife and I enjoy each other's company, but we don't really have any non-family and non-work connections. It would be nice to have a conversation with another adult that isn't about uncle jimbo's DUI he got last weekend or a work project.
- chasd00 4y ago
  schedule some play dates with people at school/daycare. play dates are as much for the parents as they are for the kids. Many of the family friends my wife and I have were actually made by our kids being friends at school first.
SuoDuanDao 4y ago
I had a similar idea when I was in Vancouver - get people who would like a home-cooked meal to sit down for dinner with new immigrants looking to practice English. I mostly thought of students, but anyone could participate.
traceroute66 4y ago
> Give people money to go and eat a meal with strangers. Given the subject line of this discussion includes the word "South Korea", I suggest you ask Mr Google about mukbang.
monkeynotes 4y ago
What's to stop the money being spent on video games and red bull, basically reinforcing the problem?
chasd00 4y ago
isn't this what meetup.com was made for? Not sure if it still exists but socializing events with strangers was what it was all about. To have any hope of getting people out of their bedroom you're going to have to remove all data connections. The endorphin release from a browser/app is enough to keep people satisfied being alone, you're going to have to remove that and get them to seek it elsewhere.
lostgame 4y ago
Yeaaaaah, until that stranger ends up being a total sketchbag. As a woman, unless I'm meeting other women I'd never feel safe about this. Even so, it would be weird. Could never be down for this, and I'm only half a recluse.
charlieyu1 4y ago
I will bring my smartphone just so I don’t have to talk with strangers

haliskerbas 4y ago

Immediately imagining another random person asking me “but what part of arabic are you from” even though I’m not middle eastern.

jarebear6expepj 4y ago
What better opportunity to educate!

rocketflumes 4y ago

I love this idea in principle, but when our school ran something similar to connect grad students who didn't have the opportunity to socialize due to covid remote work, I got a feeling some of them just showed up for the free coffee (we did free coffee chats instead of meals) and just weren't that interested in the social aspect.

luckylion 4y ago
Would that be a problem? I mean, you want them to socialize, and they'll do for a while, even if not for "the right reasons". If some of them do so more because the free coffee is that valuable to them, what's the downside with letting them have the free coffee you wanted to give away anyhow? Imho that would be a good opportunity to get them more support, not a problem with that approach.
vuln 4y ago
> free coffee They showed up for a sub $1/a cup coffee. I doubt there is much malicious intent.
bheadmaster 4y ago
You can't give people free stuff and then complain when they only come for free stuff. That was literally the whole tactic - that people will come for the free stuff, and some of them might also engage in the secondary activity.
- DwnVoteHoneyPot 4y ago
  Also, if they're reclusive, maybe the first few times they act as lurkers and will engage later.
LorenPechtel 4y ago
I can't imagine it being worth the trip for just the coffee. Rather, I think they were just too isolated for whatever reason to socialize.
Tozen 4y ago
This concept can work outside the context of a school, as various coffee shops and social gatherings are conducive to it. Doesn't have to be coffee, could be wine and cheese, beers from around the world, or other light offerings. The "trick" to it, in regards to dating opportunities, is the place has to be quietly accepted as a "safe" hookup spot, as well as have a good setup for people to move around and talk to each other. What I mean by setup, is the design of the place. Like having lots of benches or chairs in a row or parallel to each other, not facing (can make people uncomfortable when approached by strangers) or far across from each other (which can cause yelling as hard for people to hear each other), where people can easily sit next to each other. It also must be accepted or encouraged by the staff, managers, or owners that people there, even though strangers, can approach and talk to each other. Bad behavior is not accepted, but polite talking is. It's tricky, because women will avoid or condemn a place that gets a bad reputation (which is easy to create on social media), be it deserved or not. The place has to be considered safe, cheap, respectful, welcoming, and fun. The combination of such appears hard to get right, so can be hard to find. Places that are good for such socializing, can also be surprising and unexpected ones. And when people do find them, they tend to be quiet about them, to avoid it getting a bad reputation (which can ruin it). Many places that seem like they could or should work for socializing or hookups, often are actually bad. Be it the design (separate tables that are far apart) or the environment that's created (talking to strangers discouraged). For instance, if those managing it or owners are overly protective or strict, then people may come just and only for say the coffee. No talking to others, drink up, then leave or be nearly completely absorbed into a computer or smartphone. The environment, which encourages and allows polite socializing, has to be created and maintained.

ogurechny 4y ago

The result would be people eating their meals awkwardly in silence. That is, if you somehow manage to make them join that experiment.

bluGill 4y ago
Some people will. However most people are enough more social that they will attempt a conversation. If you only put two people together than silence will happen. However if you can get 4 new people at a table odds are at least 2 will start a conversation and the rest will join at least a little. I used to go to such 4 random people paired up for a meal, then a different 4 next month. (back before work form home my office had a system to match people like that - even though it was a work sponsored program we almost never talked about work even when there was senior management at the table). Even though I'm the silent type there was always a conversation that I ended up joining in. Sure it was work for me to join the conversation, but it was still worth it.
- Tozen 4y ago
  Adding more people often results in more socially awkward, bullying, peer pressure, etc... type situations. Women often put pressure on each other, as to who they "should date" and so unrealistic expectations and hypergamy takes hold, where only the top 20% of men are "good" enough. Even if those women are of "lower ranking" and can't hold on to top ranking men (for more than a night or as a booty call). Often getting men and women alone together, but in a public setting (so the women feel safe), and putting a time limit on it can work better. Give them an hour, and see if there are any sparks. If not, let them go there separate ways, to find others they can talk to. In that way, there is no obvious peer pressure being exerted on who they "should" choose, it's a matter of chemistry between them.
  - bluGill 4y ago
    I said 4 people, not 20. I know what you are saying, and I think around 4 is about right. Less and you start to think about romance and while that can be good not everyone needs it and destroying a marriage is not the goal. More and it is too easy to tune out.

tokai 4y ago

The Human Library is a project much like what you are describing. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Human_Library https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Human_Library

artificial 4y ago

In the same spirit as this we have a “donut buddy” system in slack that randomly pairs you with someone from another org. Some user entered topics are listed such as entertainment and cuisine to kickstart conversations. It’s been a great way to humanize things. I’d love to do this in person. Minor expansion: The bot handles the calendar coordination, too. Meets are 30 minutes and finish with a screenshot posted to the channel and end of the year there's a collage that's created. I'm fond of the stats.

loopdoend 4y ago
Cool idea. It seems like there is some intrinsic motivation when doing this at a workplace that would be missing with random strangers.
bluefirebrand 4y ago
My workplace had something like this and everyone opted out. I didn't realize everyone had opted out until I got matched with the same person several times in a row. Turns out we were the only two people still left in it. Which is funny because the company did those Myers-Briggs tests and I scored as one of the most introverted people in the company. Edit: And no, I don't put much stock in that sort of personality test, but the company did it and it was interesting to see the results, especially compared against "This is where most of your coworkers landed and here's you"
- artificial 4y ago
  You may enjoy the Clifton Strengths, far more detailed: https://www.gallup.com/cliftonstrengths/en/252137/home.aspx https://www.gallup.com/cliftonstrengths/en/252137/home.aspx

Workaccount2 4y ago

I can't imagine this going any other way than a program dominated by the mostly socially uncomfortable types of people, resulting in "going out out to eat" but going to a cafe and sitting separately and on their phone the whole time.

foobarbecue 4y ago
You probably need a no phones rule.
- lezojeda 4y ago
  When you have to add so many rules and regulations you know it's not going to work. You can't force human interaction, is something that naturally happens (through common interests, goals and ideologies, spending lot of time together, etc.) or it doesn't.

ilaksh 4y ago

As a reclusive person I will tell you a big part of it is not having financial security and therefore not having social status or good health. I don't have the time or energy and it's uncomfortable telling people how your life is going. Your bank account really is your status to a large degree. Low status, health issues, no extra energy, I don't really want to be around other people anyway.

deleted 4y ago
[deleted]
baja_blast 4y ago
Yes but in this case you'd be sharing a meal with people who share your experience. They will understand your struggles since they are also struggling.
- whitemary 4y ago
  This just shows how little you have actually thought about the matter. Another deprived person does not negate the deprivation. Two wrongs don't make a right. Ignoring the root of the problem is only postponing the solution.
  - vuln 4y ago
    I don’t know. It works for AA. Alcoholics understand other Alcoholics like no other. Having someone the same social status eating, fellowship, brainstorming, can be uplifting. At least that’s my experience.
    - MisterTea 4y ago
      > I don’t know. Correct. You did not factor in alcoholics who do not show up for AA meetings. Not all alcoholics are the same.
      - JumpCrisscross 4y ago

belugacat 4y ago

When I lived in Oxford, UK (as a broke student) one of the cheapest places to get dinner on my street was a restaurant with a few very long tables with benches on each side. It was usually pretty full, so you’d always meet interesting people if you were the kind of person to walk in there in the first place. They didn’t pay you to do so though. I haven’t found many places like this later in my life, which is too bad. I’m currently on the island of Réunion, which I understand used to have very similar setups, but not many are left. For all I know the one in Oxford doesn’t exist anymore; I last went there almost 2 decades ago.

baja_blast 4y ago
Oxford is such a cool city, I lived there as a kid.
- deleted 4y ago
  [deleted]
ceejayoz 4y ago
> I haven’t found many places like this later in my life, which is too bad. Amtrak dining cars! You get seated with random people for your dinner reservation. I found it delightful.
- krferriter 4y ago
  Too bad Amtrak is so expensive to use
- selimthegrim 4y ago
  Not since the pandemic
BoxOfRain 4y ago
I currently work in Oxford, where is/was this place? It sounds cool, I might pay a visit and see if it's still around!

rasengan 4y ago

Sometimes, I think there is a sort of social "pre-filter" that occurs that helps to keep people "safe" when meeting new people (e.g., go to a friend's party and someone is friends with someone). This isn't perfect, but over the years it's helped considerably. I totally wholeheartedly agree that meeting new people is a great thing. But in practice, this could lead to quite a few people getting screwed over in some way shape or form by people with terrible agendas. :(

throwaway743 4y ago

That on top of the $490 could work, but likely minimal results with the free meal/social outting alone for reclusive type. Side thought tho, if the allowance was included, in addition to the free meal with a stranger, it could potentially increase birth rates, which would then benefit their economy. Edit: Just saw it'd be for ages 9-24... thought it was for adults. Hopefully teen pregnancies would be avoided

tcmart14 4y ago

I don't know about a meal, but a coffee would be good. But that is a small point. This would be kinda of cool. I have two small kids and I don't know if anyone else is like myself or my wife, but we don't really have friends anymore. All my connection with other adults is my wife, her family and co-workers. But co-workers are just work place connections. I wonder if other people with young kids would find this useful? I mean, my wife and I enjoy each other's company, but we don't really have any non-family and non-work connections. It would be nice to have a conversation with another adult that isn't about uncle jimbo's DUI he got last weekend or a work project.

chasd00 4y ago
schedule some play dates with people at school/daycare. play dates are as much for the parents as they are for the kids. Many of the family friends my wife and I have were actually made by our kids being friends at school first.

SuoDuanDao 4y ago

I had a similar idea when I was in Vancouver - get people who would like a home-cooked meal to sit down for dinner with new immigrants looking to practice English. I mostly thought of students, but anyone could participate.

traceroute66 4y ago

> Give people money to go and eat a meal with strangers. Given the subject line of this discussion includes the word "South Korea", I suggest you ask Mr Google about mukbang.

monkeynotes 4y ago

What's to stop the money being spent on video games and red bull, basically reinforcing the problem?

chasd00 4y ago

isn't this what meetup.com was made for? Not sure if it still exists but socializing events with strangers was what it was all about. To have any hope of getting people out of their bedroom you're going to have to remove all data connections. The endorphin release from a browser/app is enough to keep people satisfied being alone, you're going to have to remove that and get them to seek it elsewhere.

lostgame 4y ago

Yeaaaaah, until that stranger ends up being a total sketchbag. As a woman, unless I'm meeting other women I'd never feel safe about this. Even so, it would be weird. Could never be down for this, and I'm only half a recluse.

charlieyu1 4y ago

I will bring my smartphone just so I don’t have to talk with strangers