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I'm a Coffin Confessor

307 points by mastazi 6y ago

Igelau 6y ago
I can't help reading the first couple paragraphs in gravelly film noir voice. I'm waiting for the gangster's moll to show up with no one else to turn to.
deleted 6y ago
[deleted]
ErikAugust 6y ago
For those who do not want the auto play video following them around while they try and read the article: https://beta.trimread.com/articles/37273 https://beta.trimread.com/articles/37273
- kryogen1c 6y ago
  skipped the conflict of interest disclosure this time, hm?
  - ErikAugust 6y ago
    Sorry, not following?
    - Klinky 6y ago
      He's the Hacker News Confessor, outing you as the creator of this TrimRead service!
      - zymhan 6y ago
        Indeed, it is customary to note that you created or run a site if you link to it on HN. Or anywhere, for that matter.
- user1234568 6y ago
  Or here: https://www.abc.net.au/news/2020-09-02/coffin-confessor-bill-edgar-reveals-secrets-of-dead-at-funerals/12619946 https://www.abc.net.au/news/2020-09-02/coffin-confessor-bill...
- markdown 6y ago
  You should change the logo to TRIMREAD.
- SamBam 6y ago
  How is it not copyright infringement to simply reproduce a copy of the article on your own site?
  - jrochkind1 6y ago
    I dunno, but other sites that do it include Google (cache), Internet Archive, and Instapaper.
- coronadisaster 6y ago
  Firefox now has a setting for auto-play...
ctrlp 6y ago
So much for 'dead men tell no tales'. Personally I don't see the point of this sort of thing. Why hurt people after you're gone? Do it when you're still alive and can share the burden of the truth.
- anoncareer0212 6y ago
  If my brother tried to sleep with my wife and I couldn't forgive him, there's no reason to worry myself with telling him that when I'm alive. Not everything is worth talking about or forgivable, in my experience, people universally avoid tough conversations
- ArkVark 6y ago
  The bigger questions is why waste $7,000 on this when that sum could have gone to your heirs?
  - mbreese 6y ago
    It’s their $7000, they can do what they want with it. If they want to leave it to their heirs, no one is stopping them. But for some people, that is a reasonable sum to know that your “final message” will be delivered at the appropriate time.
  - deleted 6y ago
    [deleted]
  - jacobwilliamroy 6y ago
    deficient character that's why.
  - Igelau 6y ago
    The number is probably derived from his PI services. It also seems like a good enough number to filter out most of the pranksters. I'd fork over a hundred bucks to have someone "confess" at my funeral about some really outlandish swashbuckling lifestyle just for laughs. I'd only go to $7000 for a special sort of loose end that would be far too painful to waste my numbered days on, but would make me feel much better knowing someone's got it handled. He also lines up an alternate funeral director to have a backup site, and I imagine that's not free.
AndrewKemendo 6y ago
One of my first "startups" was basically this as a service in 2006 [1] and the Houston Chronicle did a brief story on it under "Get the Message" in 2007[2]. The idea was basically that anyone could pay to get any message delivered anonymously using our service as a cut out [3]. 1. Client pays UCC to send a message of their choosing 2. UCC Contractor delivers message and sends proof and any response, back to UCC 3. UCC sends client the proof and any response This was pre-smart phone, pre-gig economy, pre-easy payments and was done with me hiring random people off of craigslist as messengers and taking messages from emails. I think someone could actually turn this into a real service today for really cheap. Probably doesn't scale though. [1] https://web.archive.org/web/20071106164225/http://upclosecommunication.com/main/UCC-home.asp?p=1 https://web.archive.org/web/20071106164225/http://upclosecom... [2] https://www.houstonpress.com/news/random-checks-at-the-bolivar-ferry-up-close-communications-ted-poe-gene-green-and-mac-haik-6540517 https://www.houstonpress.com/news/random-checks-at-the-boliv... [3] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cutout_(espionage) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cutout_(espionage)
- nickff 6y ago
  Your startup sounds a lot like a 'hard' version of the controversial app "Secret".[1] [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secret_(app) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secret_(app)
  - eru 6y ago
    Having people pay for "Secret" might be all that's required (but not necessary) to turn it into something that's not a cesspool.
- StavrosK 6y ago
  I made a service (https://www.deadmansswitch.net https://www.deadmansswitch.net) back in 2008 to do the same. You write a few emails to your loved ones, then the service checks up on you every so often. If you never reply, it sends the messages. Much cheaper than sending someone to crash a funeral, but also much less dramatic.
  - 6y ago
kozd 6y ago
Speaker for the Dead has a much better ring to it.
- Aeolun 6y ago
  I was wondering if someone else immediately made that connection.
  - tacLog 6y ago
    Yeah, if he can I would use that over "Coffin Confessor". There is a clear difference in what he is doing verse in the books. To anyone that doesn't get the reference, the book "Speaker for the Dead" is the next book after Ender's Game and in my opinion is the best book in the series. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ender%27s_Game_(novel_series) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ender%27s_Game_(novel_series)
    - azernik 6y ago
      Even for those who haven't read any of the series but the first one (eg me), "Speaker for the Dead" is a job/title that the protagonist of Ender's Game takes up at the end of the book.
  - btilly 6y ago
    I did, but this seems different. This is the dead person speaking on their own behalf. That is telling the truth, both positive and negative, about the dead person.
    - rriepe 6y ago
      I thought this was more practical-- the positive parts do already tend to be taken care of by the crowd.
- bolasanibk 6y ago
  It's already a well known novel[1]. You will have copyright issues. [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Speaker_for_the_Dead https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Speaker_for_the_Dead
StavrosK 6y ago
We respect your privacy! That's why we make opting out almost impossible! https://imgz.org/iP7y9UFH.png https://imgz.org/iP7y9UFH.png
- mastazi 6y ago
  OP here, sorry for that. Usually I don't post links that do that, but apparently my adblocker removes that modal automatically so I didn't even realise it was there.
  - StavrosK 6y ago
    Oh it's not your fault, many sites do this, I just hate how disingenuous their "we LOOOOVE your privacy yeees" shtick is.
    - andrewflnr 6y ago
      We love your privacy. It's delicious.
irrational 6y ago
Wow, a real life Speaker for the Dead. I wonder if he is familiar with Ender Wiggins?
- Robotbeat 6y ago
  How could he not be? I'm a little sad that that question isn't given in this article. A compare/contrast with that would be interesting. (Although maybe he's sick of that question?)
jakobmartz3 6y ago
Interesting, but I wouldn't want them to do that at my funeral.. maybe a week before or something
jojobas 6y ago
>People have found out about me from funeral to funeral. Now that's morbid.
narrator 6y ago
Sometimes people who were more infamous are better remembered because when they die, nobody really wants to hold back on the juicy dirt on them. For example, the details we know about Stalin's private life are enormous because very few people needed to have him preserved in a good light for history except for a handful of true believers. Maybe this service will help people remember the dead after they die because it will help catalog all their exploits that they would have otherwise have gotten in trouble for had they been alive.
DanielBMarkham 6y ago
This reads so good, it almost reads too well. It's an incredible story that, if true, has never been told in thousands of years of literature. It would be an amazing experience, for both the speaker and the mourners. Looking forward to hearing more about this story.
- cafard 6y ago
  No? I think of at least one 19th Century short story from high school that had aspects of this, less the deceased leaving someone to speak for him, than a friend more or less volunteering. And one could regard it as a slight modification of the will-reading scenes in many Victorian novels.
- NateEag 6y ago
  See upthread discussion of "Speaker For The Dead", which is about a very similar (though not identical) idea.
klik99 6y ago
Just a guess, but I’ll bet this being optioned and someone’s starting a pass on the screenplay as we speak
- jcutrell 6y ago
  I think this should be a side-story in a Wes Anderson film
- peterkelly 6y ago
  I hope Vince Gilligan becomes aware of this for this next show after Better Call Saul.
starkred 6y ago
I'd think a lot less of the deceased after a display like this. Their best friend may-or-may-not have wanted to sleep with their wife but whatever, leave me out of it. I'm trying to pay my respects and mourn a friend, not get caught up in some love triangle. Of course the deceased could also have lied for reasons best known to themselves. The 'best mate' is not in the best condition to defend themselves if it turned out the deceased was delusional.
- tptacek 6y ago
  Seriously, write a damn letter.
  - spicybright 6y ago
    Right? No matter how you go out, just put an envelope taped to the fridge with "IF I DIE" written in big letters on the front and be done with it. Why rely on some flaky big tech solution to this?
    - raisedbyninjas 6y ago
      The scenario of the gay biker is much more likely to get the desired message across to the intended audience than a letter. If the family or friends that visited his empty home were hostile to gays or deemed it inappropriate, they may have just quietly concealed the letter. Christopher Hitchens published an article shortly before his demise to reassure people of his views on atheism, lest any clergy or family get the urge to fabricate the good news of his deathbed conversion. For those of us that aren't writers for Vanity Fair a service like this could be useful.
- jacobwilliamroy 6y ago
  It shows that the deceased took life and the living for granted. The deceased had a whole lifetime to say such things, and in the end they were such a coward that they would literally rather die than live a true, honest, authentic life.
- refurb 6y ago
gkoberger 6y ago
I... don't believe this? Maybe parts of it are based in truth, but the explanation for not doing it as a video feels weak to me. I feel like most people would want him to show a video, not disrupt it himself? It feels like a fantasy. There's almost nothing online about him other than his interviews, and all of a sudden this week numerous articles about him separately popping up? Something feels a bit off. It's almost like it's becoming true because it's been printed? He can now go make a show or sell the service to people or whatever, and when people say "is this true?" he can point to all the articles about it as proof. It doesn't matter if it's true anymore, because now there's enough sources that it's fact.
- anigbrowl 6y ago
  Yeah, by the time I got to the third story I was waiting to read 'and then everybody clapped.' historically people use their executor to do this sort of stuff.
- ACow_Adonis 6y ago
  Its because its likely a reprint of a pre-packaged ad/media release that's doing the rounds dressed up as news/an article. From one of the original articles from the gold-coast: "The extraordinary story of a Gold Coast private detective paid to gatecrash funerals and tell uncomfortable truths is to be made into an ‘emotional and confronting’ TV series." They even managed to get the story run by our national broadcaster, which is SUPPOSED to be ad/marketing free, but these days shrug, just dress it up as an article and its on for young and old...
  - mturmon 6y ago
    Yeah, people should be aware that Newsweek magazine has itself died and been brought back. It’s just a name at this point, I don’t think it retained any editors or writers from its earlier incarnations. For more on what it looks like at the bottom of the cesspool of click driven “journalism”: https://www.cjr.org/special_report/newsweek.php https://www.cjr.org/special_report/newsweek.php > Newsweek has the name and the professional website it has built in years past, but it’s increasingly repurposing the work of others—whether the Washington Post, the outrage fiends at Fox News, or a dozen people on Twitter—and packaging it as its own. Plenty of news sites aggregate, and in many ways the story of Newsweek is the story of the industry. But whereas other aggregators—Mashable, BuzzFeed, Upworthy; the list goes on—built their sites around this kind of internet-first strategy, Newsweek is selling off its own legacy while hoping that readers won’t notice.
jacobwilliamroy 6y ago
Why should I believe some stranger who just walked into the funeral? Why would anyone listen to a gate-crasher? I think this kind of service only works on gullible people. "I'm here to tell you something that the deceased had a whole lifetime to tell you, but just decided not to." Sure, stranger. Sure. Whatever.
- Igelau 6y ago
  RTFA: > I need to record the conversation and I need a contract signed, because I need to protect myself. If someone thinks he's just making it up, he's got the documentation.
  - KorfmannArno 6y ago
    That someone could argue that the proof is forged.
- Tiki 6y ago
  Because the 'stranger' has a voice recording and a signed contract of what he confesses on behalf of the deceased.
  - jacobwilliamroy 6y ago
    That's not good enough. That's just pathetic. People should settle their affairs on this side of life, or not at all.
    - eru 6y ago
      Who are we to tell people what they should and should not do?
      - jacobwilliamroy 6y ago
        Don't worry. I don't actually have any authority over you. You don't have to do what I say if you don't want to.
karaterobot 6y ago
I don't understand. There's no satisfaction in it if you're dead. If you have something to say, surely the best time to do it is when you're still alive? I can't think of anything sadder than knowing you're going to die, wanting to be able to say something — good or bad — to someone important to you, and STILL being unable to do it yourself.
- eru 6y ago
  > I don't understand. There's no satisfaction in it if you're dead. Why not? People gain satisfaction from eg knowing that their work will endure after them, or that there offspring will live on etc. Why should this be different? Of course, whether or not the 'coffin confessor' follows through for any one specific persons funeral doesn't make a different to that specific person: they are dead. But following through is still essential, because for the next client to get satisfaction out of the service while they are still living requires the 'coffin confessor' to have a reputation for following through.
Upvoter33 6y ago
Honestly I'm not sure if this is really very positive. Funerals are for the living. This is for the dead. Seems like it could cause a lot more harm than good, in some cases.
codezero 6y ago
I am on the fence on this. Culturally, it's my feeling that funerals are not for the dead, they are for the living, and this is a way for the dead to cut into the lives of people who now get to move on. The "zing" element of it is just a way for someone to be hurtful to people who can never have closure on that... On the flip side - not everyone is cynical, they may say some of the things they had a hard time saying when they were alive, affirmations that maybe made them uncomfortable, or admitting wrongs that may have been too difficult to do when alive. I'd hope that a service like this would be thoughtful, and pensive, and think of those who are left behind as a primary focus. Edit: and this is all possibly moot as it sounds like this person isn't even real (I get that this is speculation, but I'm just sharing it because I agree, this story is questionable): https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=24427464 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=24427464 Edit 2: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=24428153 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=24428153 Pretty good evidence this is actually real, so, yeah, my comment stands though :)
- mastazi 6y ago
  > The "zing" element of it is just a way for someone to be hurtful to people who can never have closure on that... I agree on this, it's unfortunate that the article focuses on that story first... towards the end, it mentions other stories that are more wholesome (e.g. the story about the wife who left messages around the house for his surviving husband to find) but I guess that unfortunately negativity "sells" better. Edit - nowadays, considering our shortened attention span, that editorial choice is even more unfortunate (as opposed to 20-30 years ago when news consumption happened offline and in a different fashion - and probably a higher percentage of readers would end up reading the whole article).
- Barrin92 6y ago
  >and this is a way for the dead to cut into the lives of people who now get to move on. this is why I absolutely love this, it has a Diogenic quality. I've always really disliked how churches and funerals lull people with their bog-standard speeches and an hour after the funeral everyone's bickering about the news or who gained ten pounds of weight. A death is a great opportunity to shock people out of their everyday stupor, and when my grandfather died who was always somewhat of a trickster, he asked to put a recorder into the coffin with a sort of knocking sound that should play when he was lowered into the grave. Obviously everyone completely freaked out and half of the people were mad but I laughed my ass off. I think this is life affirming and when you can shock some people and have something they ought to be reminded of a funeral's the time to do it, they'll probably remember it for a long time.
ChrisMarshallNY 6y ago
Reminds me a bit of Irish wakes[0]. It does sound a bit "too good to be true," but the Australians have exactly this type of humor, so I could believe it. [0] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7g3RuoreRc https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7g3RuoreRc (slightly NSFW -Dropkick Murphy video)
ilamont 6y ago
This article reminded me of some odd traditions surrounding death. There is apparently a tradition in some cultures, now largely vanished, known as the “sin eater.” It goes beyond a religious deathbed confession in that the sin eater hears the worst sins, and takes on the weight of those sins, in return for a fee. It occurred in parts of the UK and India, but died out in the 1800s. Another is more modern, prompted or resurrected by the science fiction novel Speaker for the Dead by Orson Scott Card. The author claimed that people were adapting the ceremony featured in the novel to their own deaths. (Typing from a phone, hard to share links, sorry)
dilyevsky 6y ago
This reads like something out of Chuck Palahniuk’s book
lvturner 6y ago
Quoted from the article: "It's all secure, and when they pass, the next of kin receives the login and that person will get to read the deceased person's confession. I got 8,000 uploads in one week and it's just gone from there. There's some really funny stuff, but I would definitely contact the police if something was posted on the site that I felt was a serious crime that needed to be reported." If he can read it directly like that, it's not really that secure (or at least private), is it? I understand the law enforcement argument here so I'm not quite sure how I feel about this.
coronadisaster 6y ago
> I need to record the conversation and I need a contract signed, because I need to protect myself. why not record the guy and play the video at the funeral?
- LeonenTheDK 6y ago
  It's mentioned in the article "[...]but it could have been edited, turned off or the funeral director may have not allowed it". I suppose this is a less fragile way of fully executing their client's authentic wishes, with a backup funeral home ready to go if it remains impossible.
  - coronadisaster 6y ago
    he could be standing next to the TV that is streaming from his phone... how is that different?
treesprite82 6y ago
> It's all secure, and when they pass, the next of kin receives the login and that person will get to read the deceased person's confession. I got 8,000 uploads in one week and it's just gone from there. There's some really funny stuff, but I would definitely contact the police if something was posted on the site that I felt was a serious crime that needed to be reported. Evidently not that secure then, if he's reading through people's confessions. And worrying when the site explicitly encourages "graphic images, confessions of a crime or something [like] an extra marital affair". Keep in mind also that it costs $9.99 to upload your confession, with "no guarantees" that the service will actually exist long enough to deliver it.
Khelavaster 6y ago
The millennial Speaker for the Dead
ornornor 6y ago
I found the first few examples very sad. How miserable of a person do you have to be if you’ve been given a death sentence (illness probably) and spend the little time and energy you have left plotting drama at your own funeral, so that a third party can shame and expose the people who are attending your funeral?? I also think it’s unfair of the second example to come out as gay and also name his lover at the funeral. I’m guessing this was a secret because that particular bike club wasn’t very open minded, the deceased doesn’t care because now he’s gone but his lover probably does very much care but now he’s burned. I really hope that if I’m ever in this situation i can focus on being grateful and spend my time on much more positive things as I’m dying rather than revenge beyond the grave. I also just finished reading Eugene o’kelly’s book (chasing daylight) on his last 100 days between when he finds out he has terminal brain cancer and only three months left to live, and how he is doing everything he can to have the beat time of his life while also making it easier for his whole family and friends to deal with his death. Quite a contrast from the story in the article and much much more positive.
- callamdelaney 6y ago
  He didn't name the person, only said he was there.
- postalrat 6y ago
  You make it sound like what you do your last few days matters more than what you and other around you did before.
  - ornornor 6y ago
    Not necessarily, but think about it: you’re given a month left to live. 30 days. Does it make any sense to spend time and energy being bitter and angry, and spend some of that time on people you dislike so that you can get revenge after you’re dead (and thus won’t even be around to see)? In my opinion, you have to be miserable to even entertain the possibility vs spending all the time you have enjoying yourself and saying goodbye to the people you actually do love.
gurustave 6y ago
Glad I'm not the only one here who immediately thought about Speaker for the Dead.
agys 6y ago
> One guy wanted me to put fireworks in his coffin so they went off during a parade, another guy wanted to be naked, lying on his front and for me to write "kiss this" on his a for when he had an open casket viewing. This reminds me of Swiss kinetic artist Jean Tinguely: his coffin was followed by one of his mechanical sculptures with noisy fireworks and smoke… He was also known as a “party perturbator” [1] (article in German). Another one of his surprises, a bit unrelated but noteworthy: a “major auto-destructive performance, a work called La Vittoria, in front of Milan Cathedral in 1970. La Vittoria was a 10-metre-high phallus made of papier-mâché, spiked with fireworks, and then set on fire.” (I stress that the installation was set up in front of the “Duomo”) [2]. [1] https://www.spiegel.de/spiegel/print/d-13491563.html https://www.spiegel.de/spiegel/print/d-13491563.html [2] https://www.stedelijk.nl/en/collection/95263-jean-tinguely-la-vittoria-milan https://www.stedelijk.nl/en/collection/95263-jean-tinguely-l...
sam_goody 6y ago
There was a English politician who committed crimes with a partner, and then feuded with him. He wrote a book describing their joint activities, and had his son publish it after his passing, so as to embarrass the former friend. When he died, this politician was greatly respected. After the book came out, it made him seem so crass, petty and vengeful, that his reputation was completely shattered. It was so bad that another famous man - I think Churchill - said that this was the first case he knew of a man committing suicide posthumously. If anyone can give names, would appreciate it. But I bet a service like this will offer many more the ability to accidentally destroy themselves after their death.
- dalbasal 6y ago
  There is a long tradition of political deathbed "conversions." Politicians taking positions opposed to popular opinion or politically structural norms after their political careers are over. It is craven by definition, but it is what it is. Unspokeness exists because there are pressures. It is naive to think that politicians do not hold opinions that they keep to themselves to some extent. Such is politics. People too, not just politicians. In a US context (not american, but I guess US politics is our lingua franca) Eisenhower's military-industrial complex speech is the prime example. Even firm "peace candidates" of american politics (then and today) do not generally address the economic aspects of military policy. Now that we're in the $trn corporation era, there may be eisenhower speeches from former CEOs and such. I'd be curious to hear Jack Dorsey's opinions, once he's removed from direct interest. So... the desire, the tendency exists. Speaking from the grave has an added romantic element. I think I'm "pro" on this coffin confessions thing. There are certainly downsides, the potential to unload negativity which can never be moderated. But, I think the act of uploading such a confession is likely to have consequences before death. I'd be curious to know how many edits these get, on average.
lqet 6y ago
This seems to be a great way to tell your relatives and loved ones what a bitter, revengeful person you had been all along, who couldn't even find forgiveness in death. There is also a massive potential for abusing such a service to destroy the lives of people you hated, disliked or were jealous of during your lifetime. Just let the coffin confessor tell some made-up story during your funeral. Who would question the last confession of a dying person?
- cerebrum 6y ago
  > Who would question the last confession of a dying person? If you are doing it so would lots of other people.
jerome-jh 6y ago
Well actually the first use Thomas Edison envisioned for his phonograph, at a time when live music was everywhere, was to record the last words of dying people so they can be replayed at their funerals. A company was setup to provide exactly this but supposedly met no success. Sorry I have no source to provide but I take it from a reliable (french) broadcast.
coffinconfessor 6y ago
I have to say some of the comments are hilarious but worth noting I more than most understand the desire to know more and to get to the facts it’s in my nature and my job but for those of you who ask why as a PI have exposed myself I’m actually a financial investigator www.freedomfromdebtcollectors.com.au and in Australia we can have a number of businesses registered under the one ABN number. As for those who feel the stories are best taken to the grave I understand but don’t shoot the messenger. Like me or loath me I guess you won’t forget me. The Coffin Confessor

307 points by mastazi 6y ago

I can't help reading the first couple paragraphs in gravelly film noir voice. I'm waiting for the gangster's moll to show up with no one else to turn to.

deleted 6y ago

[deleted]

ErikAugust 6y ago

For those who do not want the auto play video following them around while they try and read the article: https://beta.trimread.com/articles/37273 https://beta.trimread.com/articles/37273

kryogen1c 6y ago
skipped the conflict of interest disclosure this time, hm?
- ErikAugust 6y ago
  Sorry, not following?
  - Klinky 6y ago
    He's the Hacker News Confessor, outing you as the creator of this TrimRead service!
    - zymhan 6y ago
      Indeed, it is customary to note that you created or run a site if you link to it on HN. Or anywhere, for that matter.
user1234568 6y ago
Or here: https://www.abc.net.au/news/2020-09-02/coffin-confessor-bill-edgar-reveals-secrets-of-dead-at-funerals/12619946 https://www.abc.net.au/news/2020-09-02/coffin-confessor-bill...
markdown 6y ago
You should change the logo to TRIMREAD.
SamBam 6y ago
How is it not copyright infringement to simply reproduce a copy of the article on your own site?
- jrochkind1 6y ago
  I dunno, but other sites that do it include Google (cache), Internet Archive, and Instapaper.
coronadisaster 6y ago
Firefox now has a setting for auto-play...

ctrlp 6y ago

So much for 'dead men tell no tales'. Personally I don't see the point of this sort of thing. Why hurt people after you're gone? Do it when you're still alive and can share the burden of the truth.

anoncareer0212 6y ago
If my brother tried to sleep with my wife and I couldn't forgive him, there's no reason to worry myself with telling him that when I'm alive. Not everything is worth talking about or forgivable, in my experience, people universally avoid tough conversations
ArkVark 6y ago
The bigger questions is why waste $7,000 on this when that sum could have gone to your heirs?
- mbreese 6y ago
  It’s their $7000, they can do what they want with it. If they want to leave it to their heirs, no one is stopping them. But for some people, that is a reasonable sum to know that your “final message” will be delivered at the appropriate time.
- deleted 6y ago
  [deleted]
- jacobwilliamroy 6y ago
  deficient character that's why.
- Igelau 6y ago
  The number is probably derived from his PI services. It also seems like a good enough number to filter out most of the pranksters. I'd fork over a hundred bucks to have someone "confess" at my funeral about some really outlandish swashbuckling lifestyle just for laughs. I'd only go to $7000 for a special sort of loose end that would be far too painful to waste my numbered days on, but would make me feel much better knowing someone's got it handled. He also lines up an alternate funeral director to have a backup site, and I imagine that's not free.

AndrewKemendo 6y ago

One of my first "startups" was basically this as a service in 2006 [1] and the Houston Chronicle did a brief story on it under "Get the Message" in 2007[2]. The idea was basically that anyone could pay to get any message delivered anonymously using our service as a cut out [3]. 1. Client pays UCC to send a message of their choosing 2. UCC Contractor delivers message and sends proof and any response, back to UCC 3. UCC sends client the proof and any response This was pre-smart phone, pre-gig economy, pre-easy payments and was done with me hiring random people off of craigslist as messengers and taking messages from emails. I think someone could actually turn this into a real service today for really cheap. Probably doesn't scale though. [1] https://web.archive.org/web/20071106164225/http://upclosecommunication.com/main/UCC-home.asp?p=1 https://web.archive.org/web/20071106164225/http://upclosecom... [2] https://www.houstonpress.com/news/random-checks-at-the-bolivar-ferry-up-close-communications-ted-poe-gene-green-and-mac-haik-6540517 https://www.houstonpress.com/news/random-checks-at-the-boliv... [3] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cutout_(espionage) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cutout_(espionage)

nickff 6y ago
Your startup sounds a lot like a 'hard' version of the controversial app "Secret".[1] [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secret_(app) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secret_(app)
- eru 6y ago
  Having people pay for "Secret" might be all that's required (but not necessary) to turn it into something that's not a cesspool.
StavrosK 6y ago
I made a service (https://www.deadmansswitch.net https://www.deadmansswitch.net) back in 2008 to do the same. You write a few emails to your loved ones, then the service checks up on you every so often. If you never reply, it sends the messages. Much cheaper than sending someone to crash a funeral, but also much less dramatic.
- 6y ago

kozd 6y ago

Speaker for the Dead has a much better ring to it.

Aeolun 6y ago
I was wondering if someone else immediately made that connection.
- tacLog 6y ago
  Yeah, if he can I would use that over "Coffin Confessor". There is a clear difference in what he is doing verse in the books. To anyone that doesn't get the reference, the book "Speaker for the Dead" is the next book after Ender's Game and in my opinion is the best book in the series. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ender%27s_Game_(novel_series) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ender%27s_Game_(novel_series)
  - azernik 6y ago
    Even for those who haven't read any of the series but the first one (eg me), "Speaker for the Dead" is a job/title that the protagonist of Ender's Game takes up at the end of the book.
- btilly 6y ago
  I did, but this seems different. This is the dead person speaking on their own behalf. That is telling the truth, both positive and negative, about the dead person.
  - rriepe 6y ago
    I thought this was more practical-- the positive parts do already tend to be taken care of by the crowd.
bolasanibk 6y ago
It's already a well known novel[1]. You will have copyright issues. [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Speaker_for_the_Dead https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Speaker_for_the_Dead

StavrosK 6y ago

We respect your privacy! That's why we make opting out almost impossible! https://imgz.org/iP7y9UFH.png https://imgz.org/iP7y9UFH.png

mastazi 6y ago
OP here, sorry for that. Usually I don't post links that do that, but apparently my adblocker removes that modal automatically so I didn't even realise it was there.
- StavrosK 6y ago
  Oh it's not your fault, many sites do this, I just hate how disingenuous their "we LOOOOVE your privacy yeees" shtick is.
  - andrewflnr 6y ago
    We love your privacy. It's delicious.

irrational 6y ago

Wow, a real life Speaker for the Dead. I wonder if he is familiar with Ender Wiggins?

Robotbeat 6y ago
How could he not be? I'm a little sad that that question isn't given in this article. A compare/contrast with that would be interesting. (Although maybe he's sick of that question?)

jakobmartz3 6y ago

Interesting, but I wouldn't want them to do that at my funeral.. maybe a week before or something

jojobas 6y ago

>People have found out about me from funeral to funeral. Now that's morbid.

narrator 6y ago

Sometimes people who were more infamous are better remembered because when they die, nobody really wants to hold back on the juicy dirt on them. For example, the details we know about Stalin's private life are enormous because very few people needed to have him preserved in a good light for history except for a handful of true believers. Maybe this service will help people remember the dead after they die because it will help catalog all their exploits that they would have otherwise have gotten in trouble for had they been alive.

DanielBMarkham 6y ago

This reads so good, it almost reads too well. It's an incredible story that, if true, has never been told in thousands of years of literature. It would be an amazing experience, for both the speaker and the mourners. Looking forward to hearing more about this story.

cafard 6y ago
No? I think of at least one 19th Century short story from high school that had aspects of this, less the deceased leaving someone to speak for him, than a friend more or less volunteering. And one could regard it as a slight modification of the will-reading scenes in many Victorian novels.
NateEag 6y ago
See upthread discussion of "Speaker For The Dead", which is about a very similar (though not identical) idea.

klik99 6y ago

Just a guess, but I’ll bet this being optioned and someone’s starting a pass on the screenplay as we speak

jcutrell 6y ago
I think this should be a side-story in a Wes Anderson film
peterkelly 6y ago
I hope Vince Gilligan becomes aware of this for this next show after Better Call Saul.

starkred 6y ago

I'd think a lot less of the deceased after a display like this. Their best friend may-or-may-not have wanted to sleep with their wife but whatever, leave me out of it. I'm trying to pay my respects and mourn a friend, not get caught up in some love triangle. Of course the deceased could also have lied for reasons best known to themselves. The 'best mate' is not in the best condition to defend themselves if it turned out the deceased was delusional.

tptacek 6y ago
Seriously, write a damn letter.
- spicybright 6y ago
  Right? No matter how you go out, just put an envelope taped to the fridge with "IF I DIE" written in big letters on the front and be done with it. Why rely on some flaky big tech solution to this?
  - raisedbyninjas 6y ago
    The scenario of the gay biker is much more likely to get the desired message across to the intended audience than a letter. If the family or friends that visited his empty home were hostile to gays or deemed it inappropriate, they may have just quietly concealed the letter. Christopher Hitchens published an article shortly before his demise to reassure people of his views on atheism, lest any clergy or family get the urge to fabricate the good news of his deathbed conversion. For those of us that aren't writers for Vanity Fair a service like this could be useful.
jacobwilliamroy 6y ago
It shows that the deceased took life and the living for granted. The deceased had a whole lifetime to say such things, and in the end they were such a coward that they would literally rather die than live a true, honest, authentic life.
refurb 6y ago

gkoberger 6y ago

I... don't believe this? Maybe parts of it are based in truth, but the explanation for not doing it as a video feels weak to me. I feel like most people would want him to show a video, not disrupt it himself? It feels like a fantasy. There's almost nothing online about him other than his interviews, and all of a sudden this week numerous articles about him separately popping up? Something feels a bit off. It's almost like it's becoming true because it's been printed? He can now go make a show or sell the service to people or whatever, and when people say "is this true?" he can point to all the articles about it as proof. It doesn't matter if it's true anymore, because now there's enough sources that it's fact.

anigbrowl 6y ago
Yeah, by the time I got to the third story I was waiting to read 'and then everybody clapped.' historically people use their executor to do this sort of stuff.
ACow_Adonis 6y ago
Its because its likely a reprint of a pre-packaged ad/media release that's doing the rounds dressed up as news/an article. From one of the original articles from the gold-coast: "The extraordinary story of a Gold Coast private detective paid to gatecrash funerals and tell uncomfortable truths is to be made into an ‘emotional and confronting’ TV series." They even managed to get the story run by our national broadcaster, which is SUPPOSED to be ad/marketing free, but these days shrug, just dress it up as an article and its on for young and old...
- mturmon 6y ago
  Yeah, people should be aware that Newsweek magazine has itself died and been brought back. It’s just a name at this point, I don’t think it retained any editors or writers from its earlier incarnations. For more on what it looks like at the bottom of the cesspool of click driven “journalism”: https://www.cjr.org/special_report/newsweek.php https://www.cjr.org/special_report/newsweek.php > Newsweek has the name and the professional website it has built in years past, but it’s increasingly repurposing the work of others—whether the Washington Post, the outrage fiends at Fox News, or a dozen people on Twitter—and packaging it as its own. Plenty of news sites aggregate, and in many ways the story of Newsweek is the story of the industry. But whereas other aggregators—Mashable, BuzzFeed, Upworthy; the list goes on—built their sites around this kind of internet-first strategy, Newsweek is selling off its own legacy while hoping that readers won’t notice.

jacobwilliamroy 6y ago

Why should I believe some stranger who just walked into the funeral? Why would anyone listen to a gate-crasher? I think this kind of service only works on gullible people. "I'm here to tell you something that the deceased had a whole lifetime to tell you, but just decided not to." Sure, stranger. Sure. Whatever.

Igelau 6y ago
RTFA: > I need to record the conversation and I need a contract signed, because I need to protect myself. If someone thinks he's just making it up, he's got the documentation.
- KorfmannArno 6y ago
  That someone could argue that the proof is forged.
Tiki 6y ago
Because the 'stranger' has a voice recording and a signed contract of what he confesses on behalf of the deceased.
- jacobwilliamroy 6y ago
  That's not good enough. That's just pathetic. People should settle their affairs on this side of life, or not at all.
  - eru 6y ago
    Who are we to tell people what they should and should not do?
    - jacobwilliamroy 6y ago
      Don't worry. I don't actually have any authority over you. You don't have to do what I say if you don't want to.

karaterobot 6y ago

I don't understand. There's no satisfaction in it if you're dead. If you have something to say, surely the best time to do it is when you're still alive? I can't think of anything sadder than knowing you're going to die, wanting to be able to say something — good or bad — to someone important to you, and STILL being unable to do it yourself.

eru 6y ago
> I don't understand. There's no satisfaction in it if you're dead. Why not? People gain satisfaction from eg knowing that their work will endure after them, or that there offspring will live on etc. Why should this be different? Of course, whether or not the 'coffin confessor' follows through for any one specific persons funeral doesn't make a different to that specific person: they are dead. But following through is still essential, because for the next client to get satisfaction out of the service while they are still living requires the 'coffin confessor' to have a reputation for following through.

Upvoter33 6y ago

Honestly I'm not sure if this is really very positive. Funerals are for the living. This is for the dead. Seems like it could cause a lot more harm than good, in some cases.

codezero 6y ago

I am on the fence on this. Culturally, it's my feeling that funerals are not for the dead, they are for the living, and this is a way for the dead to cut into the lives of people who now get to move on. The "zing" element of it is just a way for someone to be hurtful to people who can never have closure on that... On the flip side - not everyone is cynical, they may say some of the things they had a hard time saying when they were alive, affirmations that maybe made them uncomfortable, or admitting wrongs that may have been too difficult to do when alive. I'd hope that a service like this would be thoughtful, and pensive, and think of those who are left behind as a primary focus. Edit: and this is all possibly moot as it sounds like this person isn't even real (I get that this is speculation, but I'm just sharing it because I agree, this story is questionable): https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=24427464 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=24427464 Edit 2: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=24428153 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=24428153 Pretty good evidence this is actually real, so, yeah, my comment stands though :)

mastazi 6y ago
> The "zing" element of it is just a way for someone to be hurtful to people who can never have closure on that... I agree on this, it's unfortunate that the article focuses on that story first... towards the end, it mentions other stories that are more wholesome (e.g. the story about the wife who left messages around the house for his surviving husband to find) but I guess that unfortunately negativity "sells" better. Edit - nowadays, considering our shortened attention span, that editorial choice is even more unfortunate (as opposed to 20-30 years ago when news consumption happened offline and in a different fashion - and probably a higher percentage of readers would end up reading the whole article).
Barrin92 6y ago
>and this is a way for the dead to cut into the lives of people who now get to move on. this is why I absolutely love this, it has a Diogenic quality. I've always really disliked how churches and funerals lull people with their bog-standard speeches and an hour after the funeral everyone's bickering about the news or who gained ten pounds of weight. A death is a great opportunity to shock people out of their everyday stupor, and when my grandfather died who was always somewhat of a trickster, he asked to put a recorder into the coffin with a sort of knocking sound that should play when he was lowered into the grave. Obviously everyone completely freaked out and half of the people were mad but I laughed my ass off. I think this is life affirming and when you can shock some people and have something they ought to be reminded of a funeral's the time to do it, they'll probably remember it for a long time.

ChrisMarshallNY 6y ago

Reminds me a bit of Irish wakes[0]. It does sound a bit "too good to be true," but the Australians have exactly this type of humor, so I could believe it. [0] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7g3RuoreRc https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7g3RuoreRc (slightly NSFW -Dropkick Murphy video)

ilamont 6y ago

This article reminded me of some odd traditions surrounding death. There is apparently a tradition in some cultures, now largely vanished, known as the “sin eater.” It goes beyond a religious deathbed confession in that the sin eater hears the worst sins, and takes on the weight of those sins, in return for a fee. It occurred in parts of the UK and India, but died out in the 1800s. Another is more modern, prompted or resurrected by the science fiction novel Speaker for the Dead by Orson Scott Card. The author claimed that people were adapting the ceremony featured in the novel to their own deaths. (Typing from a phone, hard to share links, sorry)

dilyevsky 6y ago

This reads like something out of Chuck Palahniuk’s book

lvturner 6y ago

Quoted from the article: "It's all secure, and when they pass, the next of kin receives the login and that person will get to read the deceased person's confession. I got 8,000 uploads in one week and it's just gone from there. There's some really funny stuff, but I would definitely contact the police if something was posted on the site that I felt was a serious crime that needed to be reported." If he can read it directly like that, it's not really that secure (or at least private), is it? I understand the law enforcement argument here so I'm not quite sure how I feel about this.

coronadisaster 6y ago

> I need to record the conversation and I need a contract signed, because I need to protect myself. why not record the guy and play the video at the funeral?

LeonenTheDK 6y ago
It's mentioned in the article "[...]but it could have been edited, turned off or the funeral director may have not allowed it". I suppose this is a less fragile way of fully executing their client's authentic wishes, with a backup funeral home ready to go if it remains impossible.
- coronadisaster 6y ago
  he could be standing next to the TV that is streaming from his phone... how is that different?

treesprite82 6y ago

> It's all secure, and when they pass, the next of kin receives the login and that person will get to read the deceased person's confession. I got 8,000 uploads in one week and it's just gone from there. There's some really funny stuff, but I would definitely contact the police if something was posted on the site that I felt was a serious crime that needed to be reported. Evidently not that secure then, if he's reading through people's confessions. And worrying when the site explicitly encourages "graphic images, confessions of a crime or something [like] an extra marital affair". Keep in mind also that it costs $9.99 to upload your confession, with "no guarantees" that the service will actually exist long enough to deliver it.

Khelavaster 6y ago

The millennial Speaker for the Dead

ornornor 6y ago

I found the first few examples very sad. How miserable of a person do you have to be if you’ve been given a death sentence (illness probably) and spend the little time and energy you have left plotting drama at your own funeral, so that a third party can shame and expose the people who are attending your funeral?? I also think it’s unfair of the second example to come out as gay and also name his lover at the funeral. I’m guessing this was a secret because that particular bike club wasn’t very open minded, the deceased doesn’t care because now he’s gone but his lover probably does very much care but now he’s burned. I really hope that if I’m ever in this situation i can focus on being grateful and spend my time on much more positive things as I’m dying rather than revenge beyond the grave. I also just finished reading Eugene o’kelly’s book (chasing daylight) on his last 100 days between when he finds out he has terminal brain cancer and only three months left to live, and how he is doing everything he can to have the beat time of his life while also making it easier for his whole family and friends to deal with his death. Quite a contrast from the story in the article and much much more positive.

callamdelaney 6y ago
He didn't name the person, only said he was there.
postalrat 6y ago
You make it sound like what you do your last few days matters more than what you and other around you did before.
- ornornor 6y ago
  Not necessarily, but think about it: you’re given a month left to live. 30 days. Does it make any sense to spend time and energy being bitter and angry, and spend some of that time on people you dislike so that you can get revenge after you’re dead (and thus won’t even be around to see)? In my opinion, you have to be miserable to even entertain the possibility vs spending all the time you have enjoying yourself and saying goodbye to the people you actually do love.

gurustave 6y ago

Glad I'm not the only one here who immediately thought about Speaker for the Dead.

agys 6y ago

> One guy wanted me to put fireworks in his coffin so they went off during a parade, another guy wanted to be naked, lying on his front and for me to write "kiss this" on his a for when he had an open casket viewing. This reminds me of Swiss kinetic artist Jean Tinguely: his coffin was followed by one of his mechanical sculptures with noisy fireworks and smoke… He was also known as a “party perturbator” [1] (article in German). Another one of his surprises, a bit unrelated but noteworthy: a “major auto-destructive performance, a work called La Vittoria, in front of Milan Cathedral in 1970. La Vittoria was a 10-metre-high phallus made of papier-mâché, spiked with fireworks, and then set on fire.” (I stress that the installation was set up in front of the “Duomo”) [2]. [1] https://www.spiegel.de/spiegel/print/d-13491563.html https://www.spiegel.de/spiegel/print/d-13491563.html [2] https://www.stedelijk.nl/en/collection/95263-jean-tinguely-la-vittoria-milan https://www.stedelijk.nl/en/collection/95263-jean-tinguely-l...

sam_goody 6y ago

There was a English politician who committed crimes with a partner, and then feuded with him. He wrote a book describing their joint activities, and had his son publish it after his passing, so as to embarrass the former friend. When he died, this politician was greatly respected. After the book came out, it made him seem so crass, petty and vengeful, that his reputation was completely shattered. It was so bad that another famous man - I think Churchill - said that this was the first case he knew of a man committing suicide posthumously. If anyone can give names, would appreciate it. But I bet a service like this will offer many more the ability to accidentally destroy themselves after their death.

dalbasal 6y ago
There is a long tradition of political deathbed "conversions." Politicians taking positions opposed to popular opinion or politically structural norms after their political careers are over. It is craven by definition, but it is what it is. Unspokeness exists because there are pressures. It is naive to think that politicians do not hold opinions that they keep to themselves to some extent. Such is politics. People too, not just politicians. In a US context (not american, but I guess US politics is our lingua franca) Eisenhower's military-industrial complex speech is the prime example. Even firm "peace candidates" of american politics (then and today) do not generally address the economic aspects of military policy. Now that we're in the $trn corporation era, there may be eisenhower speeches from former CEOs and such. I'd be curious to hear Jack Dorsey's opinions, once he's removed from direct interest. So... the desire, the tendency exists. Speaking from the grave has an added romantic element. I think I'm "pro" on this coffin confessions thing. There are certainly downsides, the potential to unload negativity which can never be moderated. But, I think the act of uploading such a confession is likely to have consequences before death. I'd be curious to know how many edits these get, on average.

lqet 6y ago

This seems to be a great way to tell your relatives and loved ones what a bitter, revengeful person you had been all along, who couldn't even find forgiveness in death. There is also a massive potential for abusing such a service to destroy the lives of people you hated, disliked or were jealous of during your lifetime. Just let the coffin confessor tell some made-up story during your funeral. Who would question the last confession of a dying person?

cerebrum 6y ago
> Who would question the last confession of a dying person? If you are doing it so would lots of other people.

jerome-jh 6y ago

Well actually the first use Thomas Edison envisioned for his phonograph, at a time when live music was everywhere, was to record the last words of dying people so they can be replayed at their funerals. A company was setup to provide exactly this but supposedly met no success. Sorry I have no source to provide but I take it from a reliable (french) broadcast.

coffinconfessor 6y ago

I have to say some of the comments are hilarious but worth noting I more than most understand the desire to know more and to get to the facts it’s in my nature and my job but for those of you who ask why as a PI have exposed myself I’m actually a financial investigator www.freedomfromdebtcollectors.com.au and in Australia we can have a number of businesses registered under the one ABN number. As for those who feel the stories are best taken to the grave I understand but don’t shoot the messenger. Like me or loath me I guess you won’t forget me. The Coffin Confessor