22 ms·

The Bitter Regrets of a Useless Chinese Daughter

• wpdev_63 8y ago
  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Organ_harvesting_from_Falun_Gong_practitioners_in_China https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Organ_harvesting_from_Falun_Go...
  • saagarjha 8y ago
    How is this relevant to the article?
• obulpathi 8y ago
  I came to US about 10 years ago. Finished my PhD and spent about 4 years in Software Industry. Saved some money. US has taught me a lot about entrepreneurship and software. Now moving to India for good to work on my own startup, spend more time with my hobbies and to stay close with my parents who are in their 60's. It took me more than an year to convince my parents (hardest to convince was my Mom) and my Wife. Looking back, I feel that is one of the best, courageous and hardest decisions I have taken in my life. Also thanks to YC for accepting my Startup in to their Startup School Advisor Track. Namaste!
  • User23 8y ago
    It’s the right decision. You will be able to take what you learned home and create wealth for thousands, if not more. India is going to surpass China in the next century.
    • obulpathi 8y ago
      Thank you and I too hope so!
    • sombremesa 8y ago
      India is one of the hardest countries to do business in. On top of that, many businesspeople (not to mention the government) are dishonest and will happily run with your money. The "guanxi" situation outlined above very much applies in India. I'd be curious to see how someone educated on American entrepreneurship performs.
    • contingencies 8y ago
      India is going to surpass China in the next century. Might need some anti-corruption startups to make that happen outside of cricket...
    • lovelearning 8y ago
      India is going to surpass China in the next century. Just curious, but this statement surprised me. Surpass in what ways? GDP? Per capita income? Standard of living? Population? Level of honesty? Level of corruption? Level of transparency? Any studies you can recommend that reach these conclusions?
      • User23 8y ago
        We all know that diversity drives positive economic outcomes. India is by far the most diverse large country on the planet. That combined with her diaspora to the west and the consequent knowledge transfer, in addition to not being a major strategic rival to the USA, adds up to an extremely positive medium to long term outlook. Yes there are major problems with corruption, it's true, but there are major problems with corruption in China and the USA for that matter. It's just in the USA the corruption is much more sophisticated and genteel. I mean this positively and I honestly believe Indian corruption is going to move toward the US model thanks to the large numbers of Indian nationals who have seen how much better that kind of corruption works. It's a classic case of not letting the perfect be the enemy of the less bad.
        • Majestic121 8y ago
          Do you have sources about diversity driving positive economic income ? It seems to go without saying for you, but it's not that natural for me. There are several examples of very homogeneous countries, such as Japan or Korea, doing economical prowess.
          • User23 8y ago
            http://news.mit.edu/2014/workplace-diversity-can-help-bottom-line-1007 http://news.mit.edu/2014/workplace-diversity-can-help-bottom... https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.forbes.com/sites/ruchikatulshyan/2015/01/30/racially-diverse-companies-outperform-industry-norms-by-30/amp/ https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.forbes.com/sites/ruchikatul... There are many many other studies, all easily queried. There’s also the largest and richest country in the world as a case study.
    • godzilla82 8y ago
      What is with this constant obsession with surpassing China. This is just so stupid.
  • pertymcpert 8y ago
    Are your parents in the US or India?
    • obulpathi 8y ago
      My parents are in India.
  • tinktank 8y ago
    Good luck! You taking in any tiny amounts of seed funding? (10K or less?)
• 40acres 8y ago
  I've been struggling with dream fulfillment vs. pragmatism for weeks now. The dillema is this: I only have a finite amount of time on the weekends and after work -- should I work on this side project idea that I want to turn into a start up or dedicate the time to study for interviews and secure my future with a high salary. Its been gnawing at me for weeks now and I think after reading this I've made my decision.. my parents are old and sick.. I'm the most successful child and have been covering medical bills for the past year.. it seems irresponsible to try to start a start up that will most likely fail instead of trying to secure a higher paying job so that I can cover their bills and live more comfortably. It may not be the glamorous thing to do but we all have responsibilities...
  • xaranke 8y ago
    Does it have to be an either/or situation? 2 months of spare time is probably the upper end of how much you should spend preparing for coding interviews, once that is done you could start working on your side project?
    • AstralStorm 8y ago
      It is generally better to use a spaced repetition schedule than cram in 2 months... So, taking say 4h each week or perhaps something even more adaptive would be better.
  • dleslie 8y ago
    I've made a career of chasing other people's dreams: I look for opportunities at well-funded or well-positioned small companies and insert myself into the opportunity to help others achieve their dreams. It's fun, and sometimes it's fortuitous, but most of the time it just pays the bills and keeps my life interesting. The key is that it pays the bills and remains interesting. If I were to chase my own entrepreneurial ambitions I suspect that the latter _and_ the former would give way to stress and poverty. With kids, that's not particularly desirable.
    • pm90 8y ago
• j45 8y ago
  Some wisdom that's not easy to imagine for ourselves, but statistically.. "Looking back on my high school years, all my relatives tried to talk me, a top-ranking student, into majoring in science or finance in college. But I was stubborn enough to stay with my favorite subject, literature. Now I understand them. They knew very well that in life, things can easily fall apart, and that those degrees are a promise of a steady, good-paying job, and perhaps a ticket to freedom, too." Feeling the shadow of how things can fall apart easily can be delayed until one's 30's or 40s for the privileged, but everyone will see it.
  • sizzle 8y ago
    What did you end up doing with your literature degree if you don't mind me asking. I hope you found your profitable niche, if not what is the barrier to success?
    • j45 8y ago
      My point was the increased awareness of fragility as time goes on, regardless of a science or arts education. I didn't take literature, I was in sciences. Today those who are read, and can write are able to write marketing, copy, communication and are valuable where techies struggle to growth hack. In university, it seemed friends in sciences had less of a sense of themselves, but found a career easier. It was also noticeable that friends in arts may not have had a clear path to a career, but seemed to have a clearer sense of themselves, or at least an ability to explore and articulate it.
• bxtt 8y ago
  As an Asian-American, I'm struggling through the same dilemma as well. I've been given a huge opportunity to move to Asia and to initiate a program at a Fortune 100 company, but recently my parents have gotten very ill. My dad was recently diagnosed with cancer, and has had multiple surgeries. My mom has a myriad of health issues, and I feel painfully selfish by not helping them. They would never burden me, and pushing me to go pursue my career dreams. I think this is an experience that most people will face in their lifetime. I don't necessarily know if this is an Asian experience, and the discussion of family burdens because in our culture the parents would never say a thing about their illness. But, I don't think what they realize is that it puts even more pressure on the children on accepting the right path.
  • appleiigs 8y ago
    I'm asian. I'm not american. I think weighing career dreams (a stereotypical american thing) versus taking care my parents (a stereotypical asian thing) is not even a close decision. When I look back at my life, I'm not going to regret spending extra time in the office. I'm in no way saying my opinion is correct, because everyone has different values. I'm just sharing my surprise of the dilemma in your post and the original article from my point of view. In fact, my wife and I are a 1000 km apart because she has to take care of her parents and my parents and job are here. we've lived like this for 6 years.
    • nambit 8y ago
      To what end?
      • appleiigs 8y ago
        We are working on our own businesses. She will be at a point where she can hire staff soon to provide her more flexibility to travel here more. I'm running a side project which may change my career, allowing me to move. Other plans/alternatives too... situation is temporary even though it's measured in years.
    • bxtt 8y ago
• RikNieu 8y ago
  A common trend I've noticed with successful founders in my small circle - little responsibilities to dependents and a ridiculous abundance of just-in-case-it-fails funds.
  • onion2k 8y ago
    Anecdotally, that's the opposite of my experience in startups. The founders who had funds to fall back on (or a job they could easily return to, or parents who could help them through tough times, etc) mostly either failed outright or ran their startup for years without really getting anywhere. I think the reason is that they didn't need to succeed. They were 'playing' at startups. It didn't matter if they failed. The fear of actual, real failure is a fantastic motivator. Failing should have consequences for it to matter and for it to drive you to succeed. That doesn't need to be financial ruin of course; it could be that you truly believe your startup is important and necessary, and that you're solving an actual pain. I believe that startups with that are more likely to succeed. It'd be interesting to study it.
    • achow 8y ago
      That is true. But what one of the two points of OP is while you are running a startup, which would fail if you take your attention away, your chance of making it a success would be orders of magnitude higher if you don't have to care about your aged parents medical bills, or home mortgage, etc.
• willvarfar 8y ago
  So healthcare in China is two-tier? Excellent care for those with money or connections, and bad care for everyone else? The author works in America as a writer (and the prose is excellent! Hard to believe English is a second language!). Would things be any different if the mother lived in the states with her daughter? Would healthcare be better for her, or would it only be better if they were richer than they are? As someone living in a country with working universal healthcare, I can only feel exceedingly sorry for those living in countries such as China and USA.
  • whooshee 8y ago
    Unlike U.S., Most good hospitals in China are public, but that doesn't change the fact that it's still expensive with the basic care if someone is in serious situation. More and more people are going towards buying some insurance nowadays. Sometimes I wonder if universal healthcare works in big countries like U.S., China, India etc,.
  • cowmoo728 8y ago
    Two tier healthcare in China is more like the doctors refuse to do anything for you, or the hospital refuses to admit you. https://qz.com/1206738/the-death-of-a-chinese-flu-patient-reminds-chinas-middle-class-their-lives-hinge-on-personal-connections/ https://qz.com/1206738/the-death-of-a-chinese-flu-patient-re... The new yorker has a much more in depth diagnosis of health care in China. https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2014/08/25/under-the-knife https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2014/08/25/under-the-knif...
    • modells 8y ago
      That sounds like Valley Medical here in Si Valley. Ostensibly, they have to "accept everyone" but realistically, they put people on buses and send them elsewhere. Also, there are many specialties with zero appointments available and no waiting list... they require calling up at a certain time like getting Yosemite campgrounds. So much for capitalism and the miracles of being "better" than socialism.
      • 8y ago
• dangero 8y ago
  This resonated with me as an introvert and I'm not Chinese. There have been many times that I've realized, I should have spent more time collecting connections and less time working in front of the screen. I think this also relates to the values my parents gave me that I should work for everything I have and hard work pays off. They never asked anyone for a favor or special privileges, so I never put much value on networking. When I get in a tough spot my natural instinct is to put my head down and solve the problem on my own. Calling in a favor requires future planning because you need to collect the right kind of friends who also understand the value of passing favors. My observation is that it's much more common for business types, not engineers to think this way.
  • fspeech 8y ago
    Not sure favors can really save someone in time of need. They tend to help when one's trajectory is up, not down. Like banks love to loan to people who don't need to borrow.
    • iamgopal 8y ago
      And they may solve this problem only emotional point of view.
  • kos_ 8y ago
    You don't need to collect the "right" kind of friends. This kind of thinking strips the humanity out of the process. It's an understandable conclusion but highly misleading. The simplest heuristic to use that will get you to a better place - is to maintain/grow the connect with people you care about. What does that mean? Why do you care about certain ppl? How do they make you feel? What needs of yours are they meeting? How well do you understand/misunderstand their needs?And what is involved in maintaining and growing the connect through good and bad times? The world can be divided into people who think about these questions all the time and those who don't. No guesses to who has more connections and is more comfortable calling in favours. The good news is you too can spend time on those questions even if you currently don't. The more you do and deeper your answers get the more satisfying your life gets. A large part of the human brain is devoted to social connection. But you have to learn and exercise it for the best results.
• modells 8y ago
  I got the regrets of an useless but effective great paywall of NYT.
• abhi152 8y ago
  It has less to do with China but more to do with the Author being so far from the home. Tomorrow her Mom might need her more and the government can only help that much. These are all the choices people make in life..
• cbhl 8y ago
  One of the least useful pieces of start-up advice I received in college was, "if your startup fails, don't worry, you can go live in your parents' basement." Well, fine, if your parents owned their home, the worst you have to deal with is the shame of failing. If I did a start-up and it failed, it's probable that my parents wouldn't even have a basement for me to return home to.
  • kaskavalci 8y ago
    Hence you don't have a safety net and can't be an entrepreneur. If you can take the chance of getting rich or becoming homeless, good luck with that. Otherwise, 9-5 jobs are the only option.
    • eiurafhlfie 8y ago
      If you are middle class (~$30k-$70k per annum) you can be wealthy* by focusing your spending on freedom, aka capital investments. I did not understand this was an option before reading the blog of Mr. Money Mustache[0]. Reading that and the Living a FI blog[1] may hopefully be as life-changing to you reading this comment as it was for me. * Wealthy in time to spend with those you love [0] https://www.mrmoneymustache.com/ https://www.mrmoneymustache.com/ [1] https://livingafi.com/ https://livingafi.com/
      • YinglingLight 8y ago
        Woah, I've encountered me 4 years ago online. You sound just like I did. To past me, I highly recommend audiobooking "Millionaire Fastlane". Do not let the awkward title turn you off. It'll put you in a much more productive mindset than Mr. Mustache.
        • sizzle 8y ago
          What impact did this book have on you? What have you achieved since reading it that you otherwise would not have? Investments? What other books do you recommend?
• fouc 8y ago
  This is a very bizarre story. Not everyone has the inclination to develop connections, nor should they. Not everyone is motivated by more "practical" careers. The truth is if she had a chance to repeat her life, she'd probably still choose to pursue her literary dreams. She made the decision multiple times in her life to focus on other things besides connections or going for some "practical" career. She knew there would be different opportunities/costs regardless of the direction she chose. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense to suddenly feel bitter regret about this. That's just hypocritical.
  • mafro 8y ago
    Have you never regretted decisions made?
    • fouc 8y ago
      All the time :)
  • DoreenMichele 8y ago
    Her closing remarks indicate it doesn't matter what choice she makes, she will have regrets. The end of the piece indicates it is systemic, a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation that shouldn't exist. It also describes a situation where the system sets you up for failure, then blames you when you fail. They disappear people in China for criticizing the government. This strikes me as a left-handed critique of China, hopefully one that won't come back to bite the author.
    • helloindia 8y ago
      My thoughts went the same way. I hope this article doesn't cause problem for the Author's parents back home.
• femto 8y ago
  I read it as a commentary on corruption, contacts and money governing access to things that should otherwise be accessible. People are so bogged down in trying to survive the system, often for the sake of dependents, that they don't have the time to change it. Edit: Added bit about dependents.
  • deleted 8y ago
    [deleted]
  • fspeech 8y ago
    If every patient demands the "best" doctor then indeed no system could satisfy everyone. If instead one settles for a competent doctor, esp. for a standard case I don't see why such care can't be routinely accessed in a place like Shanghai. Rural China is another story.
• iamkp 8y ago
  If I do a search and replace of China with India, this article would still be real and same.
• spyckie2 8y ago
  The harsh reality of 1st or 2nd generation Chinese is that while many of us went to the top universities and grew up with a modern, 1st world mindset, we can't escape the fact that our financial and family background is from the developing world, and we live in both worlds at once - our mindset is modern, but the issues and problems of the developing world are still very much things we have to deal with. I first encountered this dichotomy at a young age, when I was invited to my friend's house. It was a mansion in Bel-aire. Then another friend - a beach house overlooking Santa Monica. I was too young to know at the time, but we lived with no savings in a small apartment, and eventually bought a modest house, but even then, our furniture was mix-mash, we did a lot of poor quality self repairs, and were extremely careful about spending. Our life was focused on frugality - I remember a lot of small things I found particular, like my mom would reuse the paper towels to clean the dishes, and our TV was older than me by 1 year - it was my mom's TV from college. When I was in high school, I visited my grandparents back in Taiwan, and I vividly remember the experience, not in a good way. They used to be rich but gambled most of their wealth away, including most of their house. It left them with this pitiful structure, a corner skeleton of what was once a majestic courtyard house that had fallen into disrepair and was never modernized. The structure wasn't fully enclosed so you had to sleep in a mosquito net, and there was barely a modern kitchen and bathroom. Needless to say, I did not want to go back. I eventually worked at a real estate company and got a chance to view many houses on the market in SoCal. One step into the house and you can immediately tell a lot about the family's background. I remember 2 houses distinctly - a rich Asian immigrant's house, and a rich Caucasian's house. The Caucasian's was filled with relics of community - pictures of their involvement on sports teams, pictures of grandparents leading town hall meetings - it felt like they were rooted into the city and were an integral part of the community there. In contrast, the Asian immigrant's house was filled with relics of achievement - the doctorate was posted on the wall, lots of trophies and awards for their kids. The imagery offers a lot of insight into family and community development lagging behind income development in immigrant families. From developing world living conditions, to a small apartment, to a modest house, to seeing rich houses and mansions in Bel-aire - each of these provides me a snapshot of way more than just income. Beyond wealth, there is poverty of taste, standards, and expectations, family practices and emotional intelligence that define many Asian family backgrounds. Beating your kids is not the right way to raise them. Yelling louder is not the way to win an argument. Hiding your faults hurts your family more than it helps. Our parents came from humble, uneducated backgrounds, and modern society and the cultural values it instills - while a gift from them - is something they themselves lacked. Interestingly enough, I have a lot of friends who feel a similar regret as this article implies. Our parents have done such a good job of creating a modern world environment for us that we don't see the developing world heritage until much later. What it means is that it is hard to understand the advice and mindset of our parents growing up, and only much later do we appreciate their perspective and effort - when it feels too late.
• alexashka 8y ago
  That's a very well written piece. I don't know that it needs to be judged or debated.
• eb48 8y ago
  Woah.. spoilers ahead The author discusses her lack of guanxi and her decision to major in literature as a detriment to her career path ... in the new york times. The postmodernism is striking!
  • netsharc 8y ago
    Detriment to her career path? Did you read the right article? More like her lack of networking deterred her from getting the benefits of knowing people, benefits her peers can enjoy.
    • eb48 8y ago
      No, you should re-read the article. She states that if she lacks networking, then she'd need to get by with wealth -- which then she follows up in a significant part of the article with why she doesn't have wealth due to taking up a less privileged career path.
      • netsharc 8y ago
        You're mixing success in career with success in life (wealth/status). She's doing fine in her career path, right? If I want to be an accomplished historian of e.g. Tibetan architecture, I can know everything in that field, but it's probably not going to pay well because society doesn't care. Then again, googling what "career success" means, the results say it's a personal definition, so maybe we're both wrong.
• fspeech 8y ago
  "I tried to secure her a specialist appointment at Huashan Hospital, one of the best public hospitals in Shanghai, only to discover that they were full till the end of August. " I am a little confused. Why is getting an appointment at the best hospital by the end of August not good? Take the appointment. See a competent doctor you can find now and then go to the best hospital for a second opinion.
  • faitswulff 8y ago
    If it relies on guanxi, your appointment probably would have been rescheduled whenever convenient to those with better connections to the hospital. You might schedule for August, but it's essentially meaningless if someone's always a higher priority than you.
• fivecents 8y ago
  I can't help but think... wouldn't the average Chinese be much better off if the current Taiwanese gov. still ruled China? I mean, look at Taiwan... it has nothing (no land, no diplomatic ties, etc). Yet it has a lot (decent economy for avg. joe, democracy, etc). Compare this to the current PRC: - cultural revolution wiped out most of the smart people - centries of wrong economic policy (until pretty recent radical change) - can't vote - if the party loves a corrupt official, then what can you do? - a lot of human-rights violations: organ-trafficking, tibet, deportation of north korean refugees - helping north Korea to make a nuke... right next to beijing! (or is PRC already a hostage?) And the Wumaos (Chinese-gov-paid people to comment favorably to PRC) will say: > "Chinese people aren't decent enough to have democracy" well have a look at Taiwan! it's smaller than China with the same ethnicity but Taiwan packs a punch without shady stuff China does (eg. stealing IPs, trafficking bodyparts, etc)
  • jstanley 8y ago
    > if the current Taiwanese gov. still ruled China? Did the current Taiwanese government ever rule China?
    • fivecents 8y ago
      unfortunately, for a very-short-time :( maybe you can even say it mostly didn't happen
      • Laforet 8y ago
        Technically, no. The ruling DP party was formed locally and never ruled in China. The institution itself also bears little in common with the previous nationalist regime. Follwing the civil war Taiwan was under three decades of martial law and the government was effectively an autocracy ruled by presidential decrees and led by a minority of migrants from the mainland. Without US support they would not have survived that long to see development and liberalisation.
  • jhanschoo 8y ago
    Note that the KMT did not always do well by it's people either. Note the White Terror. Nevertheless still a far cry from the Great Leap Forward.
• ak39 8y ago
  I am not familiar with nuances of Chinese culture, but I was so intrigued by the "guanxi" phenomenon that I immediately and gladly spent half an hour reading about it and watching Youtube videos of the "guanxi" culture in China.[1] "Guanxi" is nothing other than socially institutionalised networks of non-monetary favours and counter-favours. It happens in every culture actually but the thing that makes "quanxi" uniquely Chinese, in my very recent opinion, is that the folks living there have removed it from their subconscious, their latent and dissonant reality and made it front and center of their everyday thinking and living philosophy. They gave it a name! It seems they've accepted it as part of a means of survival in a world of scarcity and in so doing have collectively abandoned the shame associated with relying on favours. They've removed the shame of accepting that it's not only merit or competency alone that gets you ahead - because there are many competent in a land of 1 billion citizens - but also who you know to get you to ply your skills. Now it seems meritocracy, as it is explained in Jianan Qian's excellently written article, is about how _competent_ you are with your "guanxi". Next level shit, this. [1] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2GBL-IfY3Q https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2GBL-IfY3Q
  • est 8y ago
    I think the main difference of guanxi is that it's bilateral. In order to survive good in China you need some kind of in brain CRM Where as "institutionalised networks" more or less implies like-minded people sharing the some common value. Just my two cents.
  • dnomad 8y ago
    > "Guanxi" is nothing other than socially institutionalised networks of non-monetary favours and counter-favours. People like to focus on the favors part but Guanxi isn't really about exchanging favors and in fact you mostly never see any kind of explicit quid pro quo. Westerners tend to be "transactionally oriented" and never quite grasp that transactions are always a means to a greater end. In fact if you are seen to be "banking" favors people will quickly lose all confidence in you. There's two very simple ideas here: (1) if you want to succeed in your own endeavors you must make yourself useful and help others succeed in their endeavors and (2) non-monetary ("personal") obligations are much, much more important than monetary ("public") obligations. The "favors" aspect is kinda beside the point. Someone with really good guanxi will actually find others eager to help without even needing to ask!
• gregw2 8y ago
  The author's self deprecation is brilliant. She uses her "meager useless" writing skills to broadcast to the one of the world's largest wealthy educated (kind?) audiences, readers of the NYTimes (not to mention HN), also subtly shaming anyone responsible for her mother's poor care past or future to the broadest most influential audience she can reach. What more can a mother ask for? I'm proud of her. Guanxi is not the only form of human influence in the world... isn't the "pen mightier than the sword?" (Sometimes). I wish the best for her and her mother.
  • draw_down 8y ago
    Come on.
• roadster1451 8y ago
  The author is too pessimistic about the healthcare system in Shanghai or China. That's to say, the article is way too exaggerated and involve too much mood. I think one of factor she thinks so is she is too far away from her mother geographically. The lesson from her article: if you get sick, go to hospital as soon as possible, don't wait.
• netsec_burn 8y ago
  Does anyone else think this reads almost like propaganda?
  • zbentley 8y ago
    Not at all. Propaganda for what?
    • netsec_burn 8y ago
      The whole thing read like it was painting a picture of US society being utopia while Chinese society is restrictive where only a few make it. I believe both to a limited extent, but it's hard not to get the feeling this article doesn't have a spin. I knew I would be outspoken on this but I felt I should mention it anyway.
      • ljj1122 8y ago
        you're looking at this from a strictly Western perspective, this story was fairly similar something my mother went through when my grandfather in Shanghai had a heart attack, and anybody with a similar background can tell you this is something they've either personally felt or seen in a close family member.
  • shadofx 8y ago
    Any legitimate grievance can sound like "propaganda placed by hostile foreign agents to undermine domestic morale" to the right ears.
• m3mpp 8y ago
  You have this same problem as non-chinese or as non-daughter (son). It's the issue of living far away from your parents and family, they get old, sick and will die at some point and you can't do much, besides feeling guilt and frustration. Whether your family is in China, Europe or wherever, same feeling.
• ummonk 8y ago
  The need for money and/or guanxi might be worse in China, but it's certainly not China-specific. Every time I see an example of police and the justice system running roughshod over somebody I think "I need to be rich and well-connected so this won't happen to me". The ability to get top medical care in America is also dependent on having good connections, insurance, and/or deep pockets. Of course, as an introvert, I'm relatively bad at creating and holding on to a wide net of connections, so I have to make up for it with more money.
• justicezyx 8y ago
  > After every social tragedy, victims are subjected to disdain on social media, rather than sympathy: “this happened to you because you are a loser; because you don’t have the right connections; because you are not making enough money. Not true. People's reaction is same as ordinary people, sympathy and pity.
• ConfusedDog 8y ago
  I am experiencing similar problems with my parents in China right now... it is super stressful. Being a nerd throughout my life, I disdained people using each other for achieving anything - I didn't think it's real friendship. In a way, I was right, and in other ways, I couldn't be more wrong... I was just too stubborn and selfish to accept their social rules. Now I don't even know how to help my parents to do simple things like getting them a good doctor...
• mnm1 8y ago
  > Why do we need to be rich or have guanxi merely to enjoy access to very basic public services? I can't speak about China, butt this question was quite pertinent in communist Romania. The answer should be fairly obvious. Because it's communist and the government doesn't give a fuck about its people. That's likely why the daughter is in America. That most certainly is how I ended up here. When it's necessary to have connections in high places or a ton of money or both just to get the doctors to not let you die or to get any decent healthcare, that's the sign of a system that has failed most if not all of its people. We should learn from this here in America because we are only a little ahead of this type of situation with healthcare here. Instead of connections though, the privileged here have good health care and the money to pay for it.