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Ask HN: I don't want to be a founder anymore

• sebastianconcpt 9y ago
  A crisis of meaning. Need to understand better the sources of unhappiness. Is just being tired or bored? is being close to burnout? is because you are alone too much on job tasks? All those areas are "workable". I wouldn't hesitate to have a session with a psyche professional to help to dig on those things in an manageable way. Maybe the best outcome is to be acquired, maybe you are close to reach something important and this is your inner resistance.
• smt88 9y ago
  I have a friend who buys boring SaaS and doesn't require any existing employees to stay on. Send me an email via my HN profile if you want me to put you in touch.
• dudul 9y ago
  May be a stupid question but: can you suck it up until the acquisition goes through, take the money, leave, and try bagging stuff at a grocery store for a few months? Does the acquisition involves you signing a contract and being forced to stick around for a few years?
  • throwaway10595 9y ago
    > Does the acquisition involves you signing a contract and being forced to stick around for a few years? Yes they range from 3 to 5 years, with much of the compensation coming from future earnings.
    • ScottBurson 9y ago
      Sounds like you're talking to more than one potential acquirer, yes? That should give you more negotiating leverage. Seems to me that if you want to cut the earnout to 1 year in exchange for a smaller total package, that should be something they would entertain. Another option is to forget the acquisitions for the moment and bring in someone else to run the business, technical enough that they can pick up the details quickly. Bring them in as a co-founder; offer them maybe 20% of the company (with 4-year vesting that accelerates on acquisition) and explain that you want to turn over the day-to-day to them. Once they're comfortable running the business, you can resume trying to sell it, or just sit on a beach and sip mai-tais.
    • jaclaz 9y ago
      Don't take it the wrong way, but there are some unresolved problems that most probably caused your current feelings, you should make a list of them and try and solve them. It is not possible - no offence intended - that you managed to lock yourself in a position such as the one you described, where your product/company/service/whatever can't live one week without you in the office. And by the same token it is not possible that someone - knowingly - is going to give you money for something that can only work if you are not only at the steering wheel, but also doing the most relevant work all the time (it would be far too risky). Now that is more clear that the offer is actually largely linked to future earnings (and obviously your future work) it sounds a lot like they are buying you and your competences (and not your company/whatever). Maybe you should really talk first with someone that can help you with your (momentary) crisis (that would be psychological support, if you can stay away from prescribed drugs would be advisable) then - as soon as you have regained some objectiveness and a peaceful state of mind - take some time to talk with your immediate associates (be them co-founders, executives or employees) and try to make a plan to solve those problems (which seemingly essentially revolve around either missing resources in the company or missing attitude to delegate some of your work).
• mindcrime 9y ago
  I mean, it's hard to truly know what somebody else is experiencing and to give advice in a situation like that. But if you're that close to an acquisition and if the acquistion stands to make a material difference in your life going forward (like, does it get you to "fu money"), then I'd lean towards "suck it up and stay long enough to cash out". OTOH, if the acquisition gets you, say, enough money for a new car, but not enough to retire, (just to use made up parameters), then maybe it makes sense to just walk away. But even then, I wonder if you'll feel a lot of regret over spending so much time building something, and then walking away right before a big milestone. Maybe a nice, long vacation would be a good step before making any drastic decisions. Could you arrange to take 3-4 weeks off and go somewhere quiet and relax for a bit before deciding?
  • throwaway10595 9y ago
    I'd say it's not fu money. We're talking total deal size of < 40mm split 3 ways (much of that isn't up front, but earned out over time). I do think I'd regret not following through, you're right. The question is whether that regret is worse than multiple years of hating work. I guess I'm probably the only one who can answer that. I just took a week off and went out of town. Although everyone did manage to leave me alone while I was gone, people tried to do my job because they didn't want to keep customers waiting. That resulted in a lot of problems when I got back (they had no idea how to do my job). I'm still paying for it now. Maybe I do just have to force another > 1 week break and deal with the consequences later. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts. It is helpful.
    • maxerickson 9y ago
      $10 million is definitely FU money.
      • jjeaff 9y ago
        Ya, $10m is comfortably above fu money even in silicon valley or NYC. https://youtu.be/xdfeXqHFmPI https://youtu.be/xdfeXqHFmPI The size of the house you own and get to say fu from will vary, but the sentiment is the same as long as you own it.
• bsvalley 9y ago
  There is a huge misunderstanding from people in tech regarding blue collar jobs. You guys are way too naive about what it entails to work at a grocery store or on a construction site. I've done it a few times during summer while studying CS to pay for my bills. They do shifts from 4am-12pm, or 12pm-8pm, or even night shift... They treat you like a bad kid, you get humiliated 24h/7 by who ever is higher in the "hierarchy". On top of that your body takes a hit since most of these jobs are very physical. You get back home sore, exhausted, sometimes it turns into real health issues like tendonitis, chronic lower back pain, etc. Trust me after 2 months working at a factory you'd hate your life. You'd hate yourself. Some people get stuck in this nasty world for decades... You-I-we, the tech people, love to think there's a better world out there by lowering the level to its bare minimum. It's actually the opposite effect but you have to experience it to understand what I'm talking about. So go back to work and keep cashing out, or, go fishing on an island.
  • jakobegger 9y ago
    Isn't it a general human tendency, to assume that whatever other people do must be trivial while my own job is really challenging and can only be done by sophisticated people like myself.
    • 1123581321 9y ago
      It is, but people also admire other jobs and assume they are incapable of doing them. Regardless, the OP wasn't wishing to own a construction company or manage a grocery store. He was wishing to do individual contributor work in a field that uses his body more. It is not arrogant to want that. OP may find after some months that they are ready to go back to tech, and it seems that would be a good outcome since the burnout would have abated.
  • RealityVoid 9y ago
    > They treat you like a bad kid, you get humiliated 24h/7 by who ever is higher in the "hierarchy". That is not unheard of even in programming gigs. I've seen it around me, coming from bad management. I've been exposed to it but I've been good enough (at least compared my workplace) and managed gathering enough respect from both my coworkers and my superiors that I've been shielded from it. But it happens, they feel you're new, they feel they have an ounce of authority above you and they go crazy with every mistake(and mistakes happen).
• _notme 9y ago
  I feel your pain, I'm not a founder, but I also work in tech as a developer and sometimes wonder what it would be like to be a bartender or waiter. I have a friend who works as a waiter and always seems to be on vacation in some exotic part of the world. Makes me wonder how he can afford to do that and I can't? I realised I needed to do 2 things: 1/ Figure out what you REALLY want to do. 2/ Figure out how your work life can support it. Is your work life not supporting it? Figure out what you need to change to make it get there. For me, that meant switching jobs to something that allows remote work and unlimited vacation and organising my work day so that I can just put in 8-5 and leave work at the door. Also, try taking an open-ended vacation. Don't make any plans, just get the time off and do what feels right.
• ParameterOne 9y ago
  After astronauts came back from space a lot of them became alcoholics or developed other problems. NASA found that the reason for this is because most of them had only one goal in life, one target, to travel in to space. (what tops that!) With out any other goals they became lost, confused, and depressed. I say stay and take the buyout, and while you are bored in your boring day job chair, start thinking of awesome new goals, big and small, great new things to change your life, make a huge list of them that will keep you going till you are well over a hundred years old.
• coreyp_1 9y ago
  You're right: 1 person can't replace you. Can 3? Can 5? You must reorganize, if merely to save your sanity. Hire 1 person and start training them, then hire the next. For 1 week, write down everything that you do for your company, and then group the like tasks in order to figure out how many/what type of person(people) to hire/train. Start looking for that person, while writing down everything that you do the 2nd week. Rinse and repeat as you go through the month/quarter, and you should develop a better idea of what it will take to replace you. The LOI writers know that you are doing the job of multiple people, and that you are indispensable, and that's why they want to require you to stay. Make yourself replaceable, and then there would be no need for you to stay. Work from a beach if you want, but take action now to permanently lessen your stress. Feel free to reach out if you want to talk (or just vent) privately. You can find me through info in my HN profile.
  • touchofevil 9y ago
    +1 for this. I think the idea of hiring a small team to replace yourself is the way to go OP.
  • anmolparashar 9y ago
    +1 Hire Product Managers and groom them a bit to become Product Owners. I'd suggest doing it before the acquisition.
  • theparanoid 9y ago
    They already said "it's been hard to retain developers." One retention method is paying a fuckload of money.
    • linkregister 9y ago
      Another method is to provide a path for career progression. It sounds like the solution for "I'm overloaded" is "give more responsibility to bored employees."
    • ryandrake 9y ago
      ...which presumably you now have because you're being acquired.
• Lordarminius 9y ago
  I have a few thoughts. First of all it sounds a lot to me like you are suffering from burnout. You need to see someone about this (not necessarily a health professional, perhaps a mentor or confidant, someone accessible, whose opinions you respect) You have come a long way and achieved something that is not trivial. You are entitled to cash out. I am however wary of the terms you hint at. I would NEVER do a deal where a significant portion of my compensation is dependent on future income from the business I am selling. NEVER. Once the acquirer takes over, decisions are out of your hands and it is his/her prerogative to grow the business or run it down. Why should you tie yourself to such an uncertain future ? My reading of your situation is that you should try to get a deal where you stay on only long enough to transfer your knowledge to your replacement. 1 year is sufficient for that; 4 years essentially makes you a bonded servant. Have you retained the services of a professional to help with the acquisition? If 'No', do so asap. I mention these points because although your intention is not to stir up a debate about terms of purchase, I think they stand out as potentially significant stressors. Every field looks green when you are in burn-out-land but resist the temptation to think that dish-washing, bar tending or whatever menial task you presently romanticize, represents a step up from your present condition. I agree with @bsvalley. His answer is on point. I would talk to the missus. That's what she's there for - moral support; but its difficult to give support to a person who hasn't asked for it. Finally. I will say congratulations! You are on the last lap of a very difficult race. Not many people get to this point. Don't falter here. The reward for all your effort and sacrifice will be financial freedom, time for leisure and a sense of accomplishment - and maybe opportunity (on much better terms) to become a bartender after all :)
• chatmasta 9y ago
  Take a vacation, preferably to a beach. Use it to learn what processes at your company are dependent on you. Then when you get back, start documenting and delegating every process until you are no longer a critical dependency. Then take another, longer vacation. Sounds like you need one.
  • benmarten 9y ago
    I agree. It's your company so you should be able to do whatever you want with your time, now that the company is able to support you. Why not take a sabbatical, work remotely from anywhere on the world etc.? Basically find whatever you really want to do without giving up the responsibility as a CEO (yet)
  • amorphid 9y ago
    +1 for vacations. I used to vacation only when I burned out. Now I plan in advance several months ahead. It helps me pace myself so I don't burn myself out before the vacation shows up. Personally I try to schedule two week vacations, leaving the work laptop behind when I go. Letting people know you'll be traveling, so they can plan around it, also helps decouple you from the work. If everything catches on fire when you are gone, they will realize it's necessary to reduce their reliance on you.
  • alexashka 9y ago
    This is very solid advice
  • misiti3780 9y ago
    +1 on vacation, also maybe read a book like Deep Work, he has some interesting concepts that might be helpful involving exercise.
  • _e 9y ago
    +1 for learning what processes your company depends on you for. The vacation is a bonus.
  • LeifCarrotson 9y ago
    Beaches aren't for everyone. In burnout situations, I find going backpacking (mountains/hiking, canoeing in the Canadian wilderness) to be even more relaxing than a beach. None of these annoying humans that seem to be always present on beaches and at workplaces. And also none of the attention-sucking internet access.
• reckoner2 9y ago
  There are professionals out there whose job it is to help out people in situations like yours. Before you make any life changing decisions I would talk to one. CEO's, Hedgefund Managers, Sport Stars, they all talk to psychologists. Give it a try.
  • dsacco 9y ago
    I strongly second this suggestion. Unfortunately there is a stigma to speaking with mental health professionals, but I'm a strong proponent of doing so even when there is nothing necessarily "wrong" in your life. Speaking as someone who just recently experienced burnout for the first time in his career (along with losing several friends in the past year), and is now taking it easy for a while, you owe it to yourself to speak to someone about what you're feeling. You've gotten to the point where you're hiding in the bathroom with the water running so your wife doesn't know you're crying. There is no shame in admitting weakness, and you have a lot to be proud of in your position. Let people in who can help. While you're at it, take a vacation (even if only for a few days) and clear your head. If you don't want to talk to a professional, go somewhere with your wife and talk about what you're feeling.
    • jlangemeier 9y ago
      The simplest analogy usually works here. You take your car in for regular maintenance even if nothing is wrong. Is your car that much more important than your mental health?
    • adventured 9y ago
      > Unfortunately there is a stigma to speaking with mental health professionals That's pretty easy to solve: you don't have to tell anyone except perhaps a spouse (who should understand once the context is fully explained).
      • Mz 9y ago
        Not necessarily true. People might see you going to the office of the mental health professional, or leaving it. If the practice has no other purpose, it can be easy to infer you are getting some kind of mental health help. If it is a touchy topic for you as an individual and/or if you live in a small town or otherwise have a situation where someone might see you, make the inference and make it into an issue, this can be a not insignificant logistical detail to deal with. Just because for you personally all would be fine by simply not mentioning it doesn't mean this is true for everyone.
• asia067 9y ago
  So does that mean you're hiring developers? Hit me up - email is on profile.
  • bbcbasic 9y ago
    If anything he'd be hiring a manager or c level.
    • asia067 9y ago
      Apparently 3-4 people think it is in bad taste to volunteer my services. I won't retract it. It was in good taste to offer help to an individual that is struggling.
• threesixandnine 9y ago
  Go work on a contruction site for a few days. You'll be running back to your old 'miserable life', believe you me. What is it with this romantic view of supposedly stress free jobs of filling shelves with food or digging a hole for a garden tree ( the easiest thing in construction ). I feel your pain since I get similar feelings as you sometimes but then I remember 20 something me doing roofing and breaking ice on a path with a big ass hammer for tourists to enjoy a walk around the lake. It sucks. I can only offer you one solution that I would personally do if I were at your place right now... Sell asap and move on.
  • ParameterOne 9y ago
    Yeah construction is great. Me: "boss can I take a break?" Boss: "You got a break when you got this job, nubmnutz."
  • creepydata 9y ago
    I'll offer a counterpoint, as long as your management is effective there's plenty to love about those sorts of jobs. They are actually not bad at all other than the pay. No stress, no thinking, lots of moving around, no worry about the "bigger picture" as a founder must do. I've cleaned hotel rooms, stocked shelves at a discount store, worked the register at a grocery store, and unloaded trucks in a wearhouse. The only shitty "unskilled" job I had was due to mismanagement. Call me lazy but I would never want the responsibility of being a founder. Seems like much too much to worry about.
    • vacri 9y ago
      > No stress I've had my share of these jobs as well, and they pay terribly. Living hand-to-mouth is a stress in itself. And I had zero dependents. Being a founder is exceptionally stressful, but don't overcompensate and pretend that life as a minimum wager is carefree. The proof in the pudding is this: people don't move into these jobs if they have something else going on. Hospitality is a classic example - full of young people, but unless they become managers or chefs, they're out the door as soon as they can do something else. There are very few middle-aged people working on their feet in hospitality.
• jansho 9y ago
  Lots of good advice already: - Let it all out to a psychologist (definitely this) - Take a holiday somewhere sunny and not too crowded (definitely this) - And most definitely this, your new job: how you can delegate your work as much as possible, AND how best to upskill your new "minions" Hang in there, OP :) Edit to add: don't forget to talk to your wife about your real state!
• PrimalPlasma 9y ago
  You are out of your freakin mind. Just shut up, stop complaining, and get bought out. You can RETIRE and do what you want to after you work at your acquired company for two years. #1PercentProblems
  • subcosmos 9y ago
    Don't act like this. Literally become a different person before interacting online again.
    • PrimalPlasma 9y ago
      If he can't suffer through two more years of work after coming this far then I have no sympathy for him. He should be ashamed of himself for even posting this question. Be a man!
      • dang 9y ago
        Personal attacks are a bannable offense on HN. Please don't post like this again.
    • mpfundstein 9y ago
      in a way he is right. OP is nearly achieving what we all dream off. An exit that will leave him off rich! And yet he is whining that it's all too much! I can somehow understand why your parent is pissed off...
• dfuhriman 9y ago
  The problem you are experiencing is a result of the lack of systems and processes in your business. You need to make an important hire- you are missing a systematic. See, creatives like you are awesome at solving problems but hate to have structure and order because it doesn't allow you 100% freedom. But, as a result, you just have 100% creativity/problem solving- which is draining. The worst thing is, you can't even create the order you need to manage these things. Systematics create structure and order in dynamic environments. I wrote a book about this and other problems with innovation and how to solve them. It will be published later this year, but happy to provide an advanced copy to help work through seeing the problems you are facing. The systematics in your business are meant to free you from the ongoing crap that you are experiencing.
  • ryanmarsh 9y ago
    Reminds me of the e myth
    • dfuhriman 9y ago
      Replied in another comment, but posting here to reply to your comment too. This is also good advice and a good book. What I add to this aspect of innovation is a differentiation between standardizable work and original work. OP's approach to creating systems are different for each. The other thing I define is the roles in innovation; creatives, systematics, and bureaucrats. The problem I see with OP is that creatives usually cannot implement the systemization that is required for the "franchise prototypes", let alone manage the system.
  • karthikb 9y ago
    I would be interested in reading this as well...I've faced (and face) many of the same issues myself.
    • brango 9y ago
      Read the E-myth Revisited.
• yanilkr 9y ago
  I can relate to the pain. The mind seems to never stop and it seems to be in a perpetual state of anxiety. I dealt with burnout several times. The only thing that helped me deal with it was turn off electronic devices after certain time of the day and before certain time of the day. No tv, no phone, no laptop, not even your favorite meditation app. Do anything which does not involve electronics or information heavy. Much other advice about how to deal with such issues over long term are easier said than done. Some of my favorite ideas are Build sustainability into your engineering, product and sales process. It's like running a marathon. If you run too fast in the beginning, you get tired so easily. Be less outcome dependent and more discipline driven. If you plan to make incremental progress, you will eventually have something stable and it gets easy to continue. If you need a constant rush of positive outcomes to get you to do something, it does not build resilience to last longer.
• 23david 9y ago
  I can relate... I'm not sure it helps, but what you're going through is not uncommon for startup founders. I know someone who just came out of a job where he was hired to take over most of the day-to-day for a founder in a similar situation. It might be useful to discuss the situation and see what recommendations he has. Feel free to connect via Linkedin and I can put you in touch.
• apohn 9y ago
  The last company I worked for acquired 2-3 companies per year, And it became obvious that in some cases the people who part of the acquisition were burned out and wanted to be free of their responsibilities. But they didn't have the financial wherewithal to just quit and move on. A lot of them shifted into roles with different but less critical responsibilities. One person basically just turned into an evangelist, meeting customers and painting visions. It wasn't easy for them to keep going, but it's easier to keep going in that type of position because they weren't responsible for keeping the lights on. I realize this isn't an answer, but maybe this is a way to keep going if you decide to stay with whomever acquires your company. >The product is just too complicated (tons of domain knowledge required) for someone to come in and take over. This is a very heavy burden. I was here once as an individual contributor and I ended up in the same state you are in now. It was absolutely awful. Even if somebody can't take over 100%, can they take over 25%? Also, as others have said, find somebody to talk to. Assuming you have a decent marriage, cry in front of your wife so she knows what's going on. It's hard to move when you feel the whole world is resting on your shoulders.
• twobyfour 9y ago
  Why don't you want your wife to know? Your personal support network is exactly what you need to be able to lean on to get through stressful times.
• rpedela 9y ago
  I think the advice in this thread is generally good. The only thing I would add is to at least ask for half cash upfront and half stock vested. That way even if you end up quitting, you still get rich.
• lastofus 9y ago
  I think part of the problem is that being a founder of a profitable tech company is painted as the promise land, filled with riches and being the master of your own destiny. The reality is that it's a job like any other, but with way more stress, hours, responsibility, and people's livelihood depending on you not fucking up. A big part of the problem is that it is rather difficult to talk about burnout, depression, etc with others as people think you are living the dream. Not to mention, it's expected you keep up appearances as the person steering the ship. The only way to survive this and keep going is to find people you open up to, to talk things out and work through the shit. It kind of sounds like you are keeping this from your wife, at least in part, which is a big red flag. If you don't feel comfortable sharing everything with your partner in life, who can you talk to for support? Don't keep on trying to fix this on your own.
• niftylettuce 9y ago
  take a vacation. get outside of comfort. environment change helps vastly. train + delegate + automate
• agitator 9y ago
  Dude, talk to your wife about it. I feel like I wouldn't get through 50% of the stress in life without having someone who cares about me more than I do to bounce ideas and thoughts off of.
  • markyc 9y ago
    just opening up to your wife and taking some time off could help reset your mindset
• arsenico 9y ago
  Speaking from a completely different perspective, where we had a wonderful company, and would have never sold unless could not raise money anymore - sell, take money, then indeed hire someone to do your day-to-day, take a sabbatical and come up with a new idea and a new company.
• exclusiv 9y ago
  Agree with disclosing to your wife; that will help. Apart from that I'd say suck it up and plan on working at the acquiring company for only 1 year with the next step being something you're excited about. That will make the transition a little easier.
• exclusiv 9y ago
  Agree with disclosing to your wife; that will help. Apart from that I'd say suck it up and plan on working at the acquiring company for only 1 year with the next step being something you're excited about. That will make the transition a little easier.
• x0ner 9y ago
  Talk to your co-founder if you have one. If not, your wife is she's understanding. Having sold a company, it's one of the hardest processes to go through. It's not clear if your pain is from multiple years or the sale though. That clarification would help in the advice you get
• dustingetz 9y ago
  Hey there, are you exercising every morning? That is how I be happy.
• graphememes 9y ago
  I'll take it over for you, I'm tired of being in a position where you make suggestions and it's only realized two to three years later thats the path that should be taken anyway.
• mst 9y ago
  If you can find a psych/counselor that works for you, that's almost certainly a good idea - but when I hit a point of stress/burnout where I probably should have done that, I was also at the point where I was completely unable to actually make the call to set it up. After six months of waffling back and forth stressing myself out even worse over the fact that I wasn't doing the obvious thing about it, I concluded that if I was going to manage to do it I'd've done it by now, looked for other options, and suddenly realised that Tianeptine is (a) entirely unscheduled and hence not actively illegal to posess in both the UK and US (b) easily mail orderable from Hong Kong. Also Tianeptine is acute so if it works for you, you'll be able to tell by a few days in (three in my case). I've been deeply fond of it and far more productive since. Note to anybody about to reply telling me that's a terrible idea for any of the obvious reasons it could be a terrible idea: Yes, I know, but I was incapable of doing any of the things I should have done to fix it and I had a company and team I was letting down and this worked for me. I am now slowly getting back to a point where I don't feel like I'm letting everybody down, and that's more important to me than pretty much anything else.
• dkarapetyan 9y ago
  Quit. Given what you've described 2-5 more years of this is not going to be good for your mental health.
• thasdfjadfooa 9y ago
  Jason lemkin has a great post on this that might be helpful: https://www.saastr.com/is-burnout-especially-intensepervasive-in-failed-entrepreneurs/ https://www.saastr.com/is-burnout-especially-intensepervasiv... and https://www.saastr.com/the-holidays-part-1-im-tired-of-running-my-successful-start-up-after-x-years-what-should-i-do/ https://www.saastr.com/the-holidays-part-1-im-tired-of-runni... Essentially it is about hiring managers to share the burden with you. It doesn't have to be expensive either cause you can find hungry guys with lots of brains that are fast learners and hard workers to take over the worst parts of your role relatively quickly. I would recommend trying to remove yourself from the critical path and release control as different people make different mistakes. Acquisitions sure look attractive at this point but they are outside your zone of control so they could wind up being major disappointments too.
• hprotagonist 9y ago
  hang in until you're acquired -- if there are LOIs out it can't be _that_ much longer. Then cash out and walk.
• Mz 9y ago
  Several comments here say, essentially, "talk to someone to help you deal with your feelings." All well fine and good, but I will suggest you try to find a sounding board. Feelings come from somewhere. While there can be value in venting to get that part out of the way, if all you do is vent and get emotional support but you don't do any problem solving, it is sort of like drinking or taking drugs to deal with your problems. It is just sort of this feel good experience that bleeds off the big feelings and that's about it. And then you still have to face all this crap anyway. But a good sounding board can help you hammer out why things aren't working and what might be done about them. They won't make your decisions for you nor tell you what to do. A good sounding board listens a lot and comments a little and makes thought provoking comments. They do a bit of reframing. They give you some perspective. It can be a huge sanity saver to have a good sounding board to run things past. This is much, much, much more valuable than a psychologist or crying on the shoulder of a friend or loved one. Sometimes friends or loved ones can play the role of sounding board, but that isn't guaranteed. I don't know how you can find a good sounding board. But I think this would do more for you than talking just to vent about the stress. I agree that you need very much to talk with someone, but not just to blow off steam. You need to be able to go "AAAARGH!!!! The Whatsit is NOT fucking working AGAIN for the third fucking time this fucking week" and have someone say "So, with that much downtime, would it make sense to buy a second Whatsit? Would having two of them eliminate one of the major sources of stress in your life?" or even "So, explain to me what a Whatsit does. Why is this such an enormous source of stress for you?" and then in the course of explaining its role in the business, you have some epiphany about how things work and why you keep tripping over X, Y and Z issues.
• philip1209 9y ago
  I agree with others that you should take some time off, talk to a professional, and try to fix things if possible. That being said . . . I was in a similar position: last remaining founder having to pick between an acquihire where I'd be locked in to a job I didn't want, or pivot. I had cash in the bank, so I felt obligated to not stop. I talked to my investors, and they said "it's ok to shut down." The thing to keep in mind is that early-stage investors don't care about 1x or 2x returns - they hope that one or two out of dozens of investments make enough money to return the portfolio. For me: I chose to shut down [1] and travel for a bit. We open-sourced the code, which made clients happy. I kept my phone in "do not disturb" mode for a solid month after shutting down - it took awhile to decompress. (The shutdown process is still ongoing after 4 months, unfortunately). Feel free to email me if you want to chat. [1] https://blog.staffjoy.com/staffjoy-is-shutting-down-39f7b5d66ef6 https://blog.staffjoy.com/staffjoy-is-shutting-down-39f7b5d6...
• newera2016 9y ago
  I am in a similar situation other than the fact that I don't have acquisition offer and startup is not making much money even not able to pay my own expense. I have lots of customers though and working on it for more than 3 years. Feeling depressed every day and try to ask the question "what to do?". However, I have people who are managing that well.
  • wolco 9y ago
    Raise prices immediately x3 if possible. You will lose some customers but make more with less work.
• Zaskoda 9y ago
  We know it's you, Zuckerberg. Hang in there.
• JepZ 9y ago
  1. Get help (e.g. by a professional) 2. Find ways to cope with the stress (identify the real sources) 3. Decide if you want to continue the work for your company In that order. Otherwise, you might regret your decision at a later time. Keep in mind that your recovery might take some time. The pain does not vanish within a day.
• creepydata 9y ago
  1) Seek professional help 2) take a vacation/staycation 3) Learn to delegate. Hire people if you need to. 4) Set boundaries between work and life, keep them. 5) Practice some sort of meditation. Meditation is a broad category. 6) Build and/or rebuild your interpersonal relationships outside of work.
• deleted 9y ago
  [deleted]
• rubicon33 9y ago
  I'm really quite curious - At such a pivotal stage in the entrepreneurship life, one where you're having more success than most, you're still unhappy? If I were in your situation, feeling the way you feel at this moment, it would be an indicator that something is VERY wrong with my life. But if that were the case, it would have been wrong for a long time, and I would have just been ignoring it. I can't help but wonder if that's what's going on here with you. At the Nth hour, on the precipice of outstanding success, you're peaking in unhappiness. The correlation is likely not a coincidence. It's an unhappiness in you that has been there for a long time, and the more you continue to ignore it, the more it will rob you of your life. Find peace, my friend. It may mean enormous life changes.
• rubicon33 9y ago
  I'm really quite curious - At such a pivotal stage in the entrepreneurship life, one where you're having more success than most, you're still unhappy? If I were in your situation, feeling the way you feel at this moment, it would be an indicator that something is VERY wrong with my life. But if that were the case, it would have been wrong for a long time, and I would have just been ignoring it. I can't help but wonder if that's what's going on here with you. At the Nth hour, on the precipice of outstanding success, you're peaking in unhappiness. The correlation is likely not a coincidence. It's an unhappiness in you that has been there for a long time, and the more you continue to ignore it, the more it will rob you of your life. Find peace, my friend. It may mean enormous life changes.
• daniel_levine 9y ago
  Ping me. I know some folks who would probably consider buying the product without forcing you to keep working on it. It's more common than you might think.
• koolba 9y ago
  Take the money and run (figuratively). Do the acquisition. Presumably there will be some mandatory retention period. Once their check clears, mentally check out and see what happens. Take a vacay, start coming in around 11am, don't answer emails off hours... One of two things will happen, either the rest of the company will pick up the slack or the whole place will fall apart. Either way your money will be in the bank so who cares right?
• ryandrake 9y ago
  > "The product is just too complicated (tons of domain knowledge required) for someone to come in and take over." This statement is almost certainly not true. Anything can be learned by someone sufficiently motivated. You, yourself, were not born with the knowledge needed to run your company, were you? > "Additionally, the product just isn't that interesting (glorified CRUD app) and it's been hard to retain developers." People's motivations are different. Some people want to work on some super-interesting cutting edge product. Fine, you can't offer that, so forget them. Some people will do any job so long as they're rewarded with enough money. If you're about to get acquired, you may find you suddenly have the ability to hire these people. There are also tons of underemployed tech folks out there suffering away as "engineer number 7 from the left" who would love that rare chance to lead a project, move into product management, and/or finally have some ownership stake in what they're working on. They're probably super easy to find too. Just wait in the parking lot of any major tech employer at around 6:30-7:00PM and look for the people walking out the door with sad, exhausted faces :)
• postwait 9y ago
  Find a group of fellow founders that you can talk with. Even if it is just one or two. As a founder, I can relate to the stress and suffering. Sharing can make all the difference.
• 8f2ab37a-ed6c 9y ago
  Seems like a complex issue, but at least as far as your mental health goes: reach out to your doc, get connected with a therapist. I've been in a very similar situation as a first time founder for over half a decade, and getting professional help to deal with anxiety, burnout and depression was super helpful. I was spending days staring at the screen phasing out, couldn't get out of bed, crying, deriving no pleasure from anything, and all that jazz. This lasted over a year before it got bad enough I had to reach out for help. I was going to either quit and/or accidentally take the company down with me. No pills involved to fix it in my case, just a lot of techniques and practices prescribed by the therapist that help you keep your sanity over the long term. You can get over it within a couple of months if you are diligent about staying on top of the process. I suspect that almost every high performer who pushes hard in their career will eventually get to this point, it's normal, you need to learn how to deal with the level of anxiety that these positions can induce. Just like most super successful people have coaches, I think most super successful people have therapists keeping them afloat.
• simonebrunozzi 9y ago
  Dear founder, I want to give you my $0.02 of advice: 1) Seek out a mentor, either someone you know well, or someone who can be introduced by a good friend of yours. The mentor should be someone with experience with founders, and hard situations like these. Another person, with a fresh, different perspective, can help you look at the situation and really see what's wrong, what can be fixed, etc. As good as Hacker News can be, you can't share too many details which prevents most of us from being effective at helping you out. 2) I don't think a vacation is going to change anything. I've been in a situation like yours before, and a vacation would simply be pure suffering - you would be thinking about your issue all the time, and wouldn't enjoy the vacation. 3) You are a founder, which means you convinced other people to invest in you (with money, or with their career), so you somehow OWE them something. If you are very close to an acquisition, you should consider staying until the acquisition goes through. You can leave afterwards (and lose most of the economic benefits), but at least you wouldn't be damaging these other people. This is the behavior I would expect from you if I were one of your investors, or one of your early employees. 4) You never know what's going to happen after an acquisition. Perhaps you'll be able to spend more time with your friends, or on hobbies, and less on the job - which might bring some happiness to your life. 5) You might be depressed, or in a weird mental state, which might or might not depend on your job situation. Sometimes it could be wise to see some medical advice, although I am NOT a big fan of drugs/medication/etc, as most of the time they fail to fix the problem at the source. 6) Usually, sharing an issue makes it easier to face it. Besides the mentor (see #1), you might want to share your state with 1-2 very close friends, assuming you have any. That might help too. 7) Sometimes I use this "mental trick", which helps a lot in tough situations: I try ti imagine myself 10 years from now. I spend several minutes trying to get the details right. And then, usually I realize that I am giving too much importance to the imminent problem I'm facing, and that "everything is going to be all right" at the end. I don't know if it can work for you, but it does for me. And it worked, wonderfully, at least three times, in situations that - I think - were a bit worse than yours. Well, you never know, suffering is subjective, and relative to circumstances. I hope this helps.
  • rcazangi 9y ago
    +1
• karmajunkie 9y ago
  This sounds like a fairly classic case of burnout, which you've probably gathered from reading the other comments here. There's good news and bad news in that. On the good news: there are some short-term fixes you can pursue that will probably help a lot. * Antidepressants, while I don't think they're a long-term solution for anybody with exogenous depression (i.e. you're not someone with a chemical imbalance in your personal biology) can be really, really useful for helping you climb out of a rut. I was dealing with a really bad streak of depression awhile back and didn't even realize it because the character of it was so different from what I was used to in my 20s. After a few months and some targeted counseling, I found I was operating with much more clarity. * Better sleep—you didn't mention it, but I can guess that you're burning the candle at both ends and have been for some time. My particular antidepressant helped immensely with that as well. * Counseling. This is one a lot of us have trouble with when it comes to taking that step. But do it, seriously. And you might be surprised to find out your wife probably already has a good idea about it—mine saw it way before I did. She didn't know exactly what the problem was, but she knew we weren't just fighting about whose turn it was to do the dishes. * Perspective. This is really hard to get when you're in the midst of a depressive cycle or dealing with burnout. You are highly unlikely to be the only one who can do your job. It may take some training to get someone else to learn this stuff, and there may be some hiccups along the way, but unless your business is incredibly brittle you'll be ok. Look around at your industry and try to identify people who could do slices of your job, and then maybe have some conversations and see what it would take to get them to join you. If the programming is really just dead-simple CRUD for the most part, consider outsourcing it to someone or a team who will work on it hourly or weekly. The bad news: * Yes, as a founder you're likely part of the acquisition. This doesn't mean you don't have some room to negotiate with the acquiring company for a month or two of vacation after it closes. Take some time and go to the beach and recharge. You may not want to come back at the end but you'll at least feel rested enough to do the job. * If you're really burnt out, this can take some time to climb out of. Be patient with yourself and put structures in your life to help you get out of it. I started taking a karate class in a style I spent almost a decade in 20 years ago—its really helped a lot to be physical, and since I'm not the kind of person who is terribly motivated to go to a gym, its probably my only real option realistically to get myself to work out. Whatever your thing is, you gotta build in breaks somewhere. When you get through this, put a reminder on your calendar far in the future, far enough you'll forget you did it, and if you can predict stressful periods, during or just before one of those. Give your future self some words of encouragement. Mine popped up on May 1 and was a much-needed reminder of a few things going into my busy season. You'll be ok man, just try not to do anything drastic when you're feeling this way. When "here" looks bad, sometimes "anywhere but here" seems like it'd be better, but all that baggage you just bring with you.
• Grustaf 9y ago
  Since your company seems quite mature, it's got to be possible for you to find someone you can help run day to day. Even if you have to be there 80% in the start it's a win, and you can slowly ramp it down to say 20%. The aqcuirint company probably don't expect you to be super passionate after their takeover, so they shouldn't object. Even if they do, the worst that could happen is probably that they knock off a chunk of your earnout package, you'll probably make much more than if you simply leave now. If money is not the issue at all then you should definitely leave as soon as you can. There is absolutely no point in being miserable if it doesn't pay off big time. You already did something awesome, be proud of that and move on with good conscience!
• whistlerbrk 9y ago
  Can you negotiate as part of the acquisition a sabbatical, frame it as you've been at it for so long that stepping away for a minute would help clear your mind and focus you on the road ahead with new better ideas. Take like 6 weeks, hard travel and exercise, eat well, relax. Don't use email.
• carlsborg 9y ago
  Book into a high end beach resort for a week and work from one of those terrace lounges overlooking the water with wifi. Strictly limit the scope of things you will work on. This worked really well to soothe that decision fatigue/burnout feeling for me at least.
• deleted 9y ago
  [deleted]
• mabbo 9y ago
  > Each morning for the past couple months, my first thought has been "What could today be like if I didn't work here?". I drift off into exploring what it would be like to work at Wal Mart, or the construction site outside, or as a bagger at a grocery store. It seems so stress free. Here's the thing- it probably isn't stress free, just different kinds of stress. And you also need to ask yourself whether the feelings are caused by your job and stress, or if they're just coinciding with them. As many others have said, look into talking to a therapist. Also, talk to you wife about this! If she was crying the same way, you'd want to know, and you'd want her to trust you enough to tell you. If there's any person you need to be able to open up to, it's your spouse.
  • gallerdude 9y ago
    Can confirm - right now I personally work as a "Party Associate" at Party City - not very stress free. Customers can be very specific with what they want. Running a startup sounds like a dream - I'd much rather have your job, even if I still had to keep my $9.75/hour. (Anyone looking for a college sophomore eagle scout in the MN area for the summer?) (gallerdude@gmail.com)
    • chrsstrm 9y ago
      You should have your contact info in your profile...
    • sanderjd 9y ago
      This is interesting. What part of running a startup sounds like a dream?
      • shyn3 9y ago
        Not the OP, but the ability to control your own destiny? :)
        • darpa_escapee 9y ago
          Investors, stakeholders and clients control that destiny.
• ori_b 9y ago
  Groom someone to take over your role. Be honest with your cofounders, tell them you're feeling burned out and you need to take a step back to keep your sanity. > The product is just too complicated (tons of domain knowledge required) for someone to come in and take over. I doubt that this is actually true. It may take them time to ramp up, but you're there to guide them and mentor them. > Additionally, the product just isn't that interesting (glorified CRUD app) and it's been hard to retain developers. The fact that you're deeply involved and don't feel that other developers can step in, and at the same time feel like it's a glorified CRUD app hints that you may not be giving other developers enough autonomy or context on the problem. If they are just working on simple CRUD stuff and have no context, the job is going to suck. But simple CRUD with context could be much more interesting. And if all else fails, pay more.
  • agotterer 9y ago
    I'd like to add something to the simple CRUD app perspective. Make sure you hiring the right people for the job. An engineer with 15 years of senior experience might be bored working on crud apps and might be the wrong person for the job. But a junior engineer, someone fresh out of an engineering academy, or someone early in their career might be excited by the challenge. Everyone says they want to hire "the best". The trick is to hire the best for you and not worry about if they would be the best somewhere else.
    • rlabrecque 9y ago
      I'm in the middle of the road between those, but I love a good CRUD app. If it helps other people be more productive and remove stress from their day it's amazing.
      • therealdrag0 9y ago
        I cut my teeth at my first job on a CRUD app; it was great. Since then things have been less CRUDy, but it can be nice to get a simple CRUD task as a break from more complex tasks.
    • 9y ago
• NicoJuicy 9y ago
  Go to your wife and talk to her. Plan a vacation and depending profitability, check to shift some responsabilities to someone else. Why is it hard to retain developers? It would definately be easier to retain developers to ease your burden. ( that's a problem where $$$ can easily be thrown at, if it's possible off course) PS. For some (busy) people, doing sport actually helps a lot
• flamedoge 9y ago
  sell and get out. fast.
• point78 9y ago
  Outsource the work to me, pm me and go do whatever you want for 3 years
• ottoid 9y ago
  I think you are preparing for the next stage. You want to sell the thing and move on and just be a consultant on hand for the changeover. That way, you have a path forward to do something else?
• AmIFirstToThink 9y ago
  May be you don't need superstar developers. Someone appreciative of a paycheck that barely gets assigned tasks done is fine. Hire non-comp-science interns and build their careers. see them buy their first car, first rental place, go there with a wine and eat their burgers. It's good seeing people happy, providing them a career and paycheck. Their smiles, their families smiles will make it all worth it.
• rcazangi 9y ago
  First congrats on taking the first step and sharing your pain. As others have said, this is not uncommon and you're not alone. It has everything to do with your mental health and well being. I've been through something very similar and it basically revolves around burnout, stress, depression, anxiety and some times panic attacks (e.g. crying uncontrollably). While you don't treat those and their root causes, you won't be solving the problem. Treating means reaching out to experts (psychologist/psychiatrist) and sharing your burden and feelings with others. It's fundamental that you share it with your wife and once you feel more comfortable, with friends. You will notice how that will make you feel lighter and better. Remember, people care about you and you're not alone. If your current situation is destroying your health, it's not worth it whatever $$$ is involved. Thus, take care of your health first and foremost. In parallel, learn (via therapy, meditation, physical activities, hobbies, etc.) how to deal with tough situations like this - life is full of them. That will not only prepare you for future difficulties but also bring joy and excitement back to your day-to-day work.
• Ihateyouallhn 9y ago
  You sound like a spoiled cunt
• robg 9y ago
  The problem with stress is the physiology is fundamentally fight or flight. No surprise you are seeing flight, esp after several years of fight. You're also likely suffering from burnout (extensive, prolonged stress). The most important consideration is taking rest and recovery seriously, not on weekends, every day and throughout the day. Find moments to cherish, take walks outside, exercise more, get good sleep, quit using alcohol and start eating better. The brain is an organic computer, connected to every organ in the body and yours is running low on juice. You can't make good decisions right now, your brain is compromised by a health condition. Finding calm should be your priority toward inner peace.
• losteverything 9y ago
  I hope you get better. I work at that hated huge retailer and you would have to learn to smile before we hired you. Depressed people show through and lower our Friendly scores. Personnel at my store are very leary of hiring just anybody and having a mondo career -> Walmart has to be explained. I do work with 2nd career elders. Several just work to be among live people. It really is enjoyable. All the best but hold off on walmart.com/careers
• aaronblohowiak 9y ago
  Burnout. You need a few week's vacation. Maybe a month.
• Negitivefrags 9y ago
  Do not talk to your wife. Talk to your best friend, talk to your parents, talk to a therapist, don't talk to your wife. Your wife loves you so if you say you are depressed, she will be understanding and let you lay in bed all day if you want. She will make meals for you, she will do the chores around the house because she wants to help you and you feel too tired to do those things. But depression will only get worse if you do this. Maintaining appearances is important. You need someone to make an effort for. You might feel like shit right now, but you will feel a lot worse when you can't even get up in the morning because you let your standards slip. Don't do it.
  • Xeoncross 9y ago
    Interesting angle. I can't imagine not telling my wife (or her not already knowing), but at the same time I know she would proactively work with me on solutions rather than just provide comforts and doses of sympathy. I guess it depends on the type of personality and the strengths of each person.
  • jrowley 9y ago
    For many people their spouses are their best friend. I don't support your advice. Transparency while trying not to overburden your partner is essential imo.
  • cosinetau 9y ago
    You're describing an enabler. We're talking about his wife.
    • at-fates-hands 9y ago
      Most co-dependency relationships are those in your immediate family. source: had a father who was an alcoholic and had to learn this myself.
      • obstinate 9y ago
        As gently as possible, I want to let you know that not all relationships are like the one you so unfortunately experienced with your father.
• sarah180 9y ago
  "Sucking it up" isn't actually an option. You're describing a mental health crisis. Unless other people might literally die (e.g., you're a soldier, police officer, etc) then your job is not worth sacrificing your own life. Consider another perspective: if you get to the breaking point, which you're near, you're going to leave—either because you quit or because you wind up in a hospital. You think you're important—but you are not helping the company if your only options are to quit or die of overwork. Both of those situations end up with 0% of your energy going to the business. Many people mentioned therapy, which I think is a good idea for everybody. My recommendation is to draw a boundary. Say "here's how much energy I feel comfortable putting in." Then really reflect on how to use that energy in the way that will help the company the most. That might mean hiring or training people. It might mean continuing to do what you do now, but letting more things fall to others—or just letting some things not happen. You are more valuable to your company if you are healthy and present than if you are unhealthy and quit. When you start to feel "my only option is to quit because I'm too important" you're just indulging in a fantasy of running away.
• ridgeguy 9y ago
  First, talk this over with your wife. She deserves to know what's going on with you and you need her counsel and strength. Second, recognize that an acquisition is a change of life - that can certainly make one feel anxious and depressed, no matter how much you may have looked forward to this milestone. Third, nobody is indispensable. If you died in a car crash today, the company would find a way to continue. In your place, I'd go through with the acquisition (and do my duty to my investors & employees). When the dust settles (3-6 months), I'd go to my Board of Directors and tell them I need to change roles at the company. That would include dropping all my day-to-day responsibilities and dropping back from full-time. Be explicit that you're on a transition out of the company, and you want it to be orderly (for the company's benefit) and time-limited (for your benefit). When the time expires, leave with thanks and go live your life. Good luck and congratulations!
  • deleted 9y ago
    [deleted]
  • hitekker 9y ago
    Excellent advice, though I must say that > If you died in a car crash today, the company would find a way to continue. might not be the most comfortable way to describe a person's importance when they're feeling down. I would instead say "if you quit today suddenly with no warning,".
    • tigershark 9y ago
      It's a common metaphor. There is also a risk measure explicitly based on this concept: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bus_factor https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bus_factor But I guess that there are not that many buses there in US so a car crash may be more appropriate.
      • deleted 9y ago
        [deleted]
      • hitekker 9y ago
        Oh, it is technically correct. The issue is that when comforting the depressed, violent or overly negative imagery may distract from the point being made. The metaphor is perfectly unnoticeable in everyday contexts, but in his state, careless edges of arguments must feel awfully pointy. I learned that the hard way when trying to support a friend down on his luck.
• enknamel 9y ago
  I see many founders manage themselves out of their position. You hire a VP or Director to replace yourself in the day to day and then you transition out to the point where you can just go do whatever you want inside the company. Want to go back to being an individual contributor? Go for it! Want to just do skunkworks projects? Go for it! There are many routes to happiness while maintaining your company.
• omarish 9y ago
  > The product is just too complicated (tons of domain knowledge required) for someone to come in and take over. Are you sure about this, beyond a reasonable doubt? Reading your post, this sounded to me like the kind of story I sometimes tell myself to boost my self-esteem when I feel like I'm in a bind. If you are in fact irreplaceable, that means you're unique and one-of-a-kind. Feels good, doesn't it? Everything is hard, but at least you're valuable and unique. At the same time, if you're actually replicable, that means you might not be as unique as you think you are in this situation, but fortunately by admitting that, you're on the way to solving the problem. It sounds like you're in a generally good situation, and maybe there's someone smart and ambitious out there who would be willing to step up and help you make yourself redundant? Good luck!
• dyeje 9y ago
  I mean, if you are about the be acquired then just take the pay day and start working on an exit strategy. Seems pretty straight forward.
• radley 9y ago
  Sounds like you may want to take a sabbatical, which usually lasts 1-12 months and can be flexible. I suggest making it part of your acquisition arrangements. Many professionals need a timeout to reset. Often they return to their current / new role refreshed, but sometimes they decide it's time to move on.
• jly 9y ago
  This is minor depression, related to your work. I would emphasize that your thoughts are not irrational or misplaced, no matter how much money is on the table or how the situation might look to an outsider. The fact that you are currently hiding it is also not abnormal. Your mind is unconsciously focusing energy on analysis of your problems and how you might solve them, and you may be on the edge of signaling for help, implied by the crying. You’re tightly ensnared in an overly restrictive set of obligations. Perhaps it’s classic burnout from just plain working too much in a demanding role, or perhaps you have new ideas about how to make a living that would require new employment which is restricted by your LOI terms. Perhaps it's something else altogether or a combination of things. In any case, the symptoms are a direct response to these socially-imposed constraints hindering your pursuit of something more appealing, that in your view are beyond conventional means of renegotiation. It would help immensely to talk with someone - therapist, your wife, etc - and help work through why you are feeling this way and what changes can be made to alleviate the mismatch. There are many good pieces of advice already in the comments here. Just remember that things cannot continue the way they are now without some kind of situational change (not drugs) or your symptoms will only get worse and more debilitating. Good luck.
• lazyjones 9y ago
  I was in a similar situation a few years ago - not as badly burned out and wanting to quit, but having a strong desire to do something else after 17 years(!) on the same project, with me as sole founder and still major developer/"architect". We were also in acquisition talks back then and minor health issues (that turned out to be rather major ones later) didn't help. What happened next: * the acquisition - I discussed the possibility of leaving and insisted that the new owners obtain much more than just a slim majority, so I didn't have to worry as much about the future of the company if I left (it would have been annoying to have a major stake and no control, particularly as an opinionated ex-founder). It wasn't easy and my plans certainly didn't affect the price positively, but we found a good solution. * I left rather quickly (a few months after closing the deal) and nominated a most suitable candidate for CEO who had been in the company for ~12 years. He's not a developer, but he's doing great and the company is thriving. They hardly ever need to ask me things about old code now. In hindsight, everyone is happy that a larger stake changed hands. So, that's my recommendation based on personal experience. Stick around till the acquisition and make sure you can leave without causing major problems. Good luck! Remember that as a founder, you might misjudge/overrate how much the company actually depends on you. PS. as for "other plans", life makes its own - I have been mostly dealing with my health issues lately, so it's safe to say I was better off beforehand. C'est la vie...
• deleted 9y ago
  [deleted]
• YuriNiyazov 9y ago
  Drink some St. John's Wort.
• jbannick 9y ago
  Quit immediately. No transition. Sleep. When you're rested, decide what you want to do with the rest of your life
• endlessvoid94 9y ago
  How big is the company? You're right to identify this as a hard problem. I've been in your exact shoes before. 100+ person company, the weight is heavy. The good news is that it's totally possible to get out without wrecking the company's outlook. But it does take a minor amount of time investment. Perhaps it's possible to view it as a new challenge: how to quickly hire or find someone within your org who is capable of taking over your day-to-day responsibilities? Who do people ask for decisions / advice when you're out sick? Frame it as a promotion for them. Give them a (small) comp bump and a new set of responsibilities that include most (or all) of your existing responsibilities. Coach them for a quarter, give them enough rope to hang themselves with, give them radically candid feedback, and then you can step away. (Or even go do something else interesting at the company!) I can go into a lot more detail if you'd like -- please email me. The username in my profile (not my HN handle) at gmail. Good luck, positive vibes! P.S. Watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqmdLcyES_Q https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqmdLcyES_Q as a jumpstart to getting your org ready for life without you
  • wetyareyjrut 9y ago
    > Give them a (small) comp bump If you did this to me I'd give you the finger and find another job. You want me to take over running the company - you'd better be ready to give me a large increase in compensation.
    • endlessvoid94 9y ago
      Stating my assumption here: If you're already demonstrating the ability to do my day-to-day, I'd suggest you should already have a nearly congruent compensation (otherwise I'm doing something wrong). Otherwise, yes, obviously compensation is a crucial component of this plan.
• yeukhon 9y ago
  Hi I agree with a lot of the positive comments here. Take the money ASAP and go on a nice vacation. Do what you afterward. If I were ever a founder and sold off a company with a big check, I would go back to shool, get my master degree, and become an adjunct teaching. I enjoy that more than coding all day. So bite it, talk to your wife, see a therapist (I am depressed myself) and begin to offload your work to someone else. Remember many founders would leave after aqusitions probably felt the same as you ("they come in and want to take over a product I built") It sounded like you are attached to your work and if so I understand because you were a co-founder. I am also very attached to my work but I am beginning to build up resistance. I just keep reminding myself if at some point I stop finding my job fun and enjoyful, then I need to find an exit, just like I would go home if I haven't slept for teo days. Find and do the thing(s) you enjoy doing now. You wil be happier.
• wilsynet 9y ago
  Why wouldn't you wait until acquisition closes and then decide to quit or not. Quitting before the acquisition is ... harmful?
• deleted 9y ago
  [deleted]
• jacquesm 9y ago
  Well, you're about to be acquired. Tough it out, insist on being paid in cash and live long and happily ever after. Simple! The idea that you are essential to allow the company to be acquired is most likely nonsense, I've yet to meet someone that could not be replaced with some goodwill and hard work to transfer responsibilities. Better that than to have someone that does not really want to work!
• nhod 9y ago
  I would recommend investing in a CEO or Executive Coach. It is lonely at the top even with mentors and spouses. Hiring my CEO Coach years ago was among the best decisions I have ever made on any level. It paid for itself immediately – certainly from a financial perspective, but also (and more importantly) from an emotional and mental health perspective. This, in turn, allowed me to see things through new eyes and push through barriers I otherwise was stuck behind. I became a better leader, a better husband, and a better person as a result, and I transformed my life and my company in the process. Not sure if it's kosher or not to push someone's services here but I don't really care; this particular coach changed my life for the better, and I know he could change yours too. Dale Larson at Startup Happiness: https://startuphappiness.com/ https://startuphappiness.com/
• cantbecool 9y ago
  I don't understand why you're being down voted. Most women can't handle adversity, especially if she doesn't work and relies on your income. Two relationships ended due to me losing my job and essentially coming clean saying I was depressed. In hindsight, they lost respect for me. People say you aren't your job, but psychologically it really is.
  • gnaritas 9y ago
    > Most women can't handle adversity Hmm... massively sexist comment, and not remotely true. Two relationships is not a valid sample size to make judgements about "most women" and likely your hindsight is a bit flawed given your ideas about women.
    • joyeuse6701 9y ago
      https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/14999449 https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/14999449
      • gnaritas 9y ago
        That doesn't remotely agree with your claim. That women feel more anxiety than men isn't remotely the same as saying most women can't handle adversity. Being anxious doesn't equate to not handling adversity, and if you read it this way it's simply more evidence of your sexism interfering with your reason.
  • Programmatic 9y ago
    I think you could make your point without saying that "Most women can't handle adversity", which seems to be a dubious claim arising from extrapolation from your particular situation. Assuming that your partners were fair-weather partners and that there aren't more layers to the situation, would you really want a partner around who wouldn't support you at your darkest? It seems coming clean has two incentives: you gain the support of someone close to you or you lose the facade of someone who doesn't seem care for you in particular (if I understood your situation correctly).
  • 9y ago
• Jare 9y ago
  Let me add my voice to those already suggesting a therapist. There are a number of options you can take for each of the many things that are piling up in your head and heart, but I believe the only one that is non-negotiable is this one. Let me describe one possible way this may work for you: - It will feel weird to open up to a stranger, and in the very beginning it may ADD to your stress; you will find reasons to cancel the session. Don't. - It will level up quickly and after a few sessions, you will likely start to see improvements. The sessions may still feel a burden, but by now you know you do not cancel or skip them. - Don't expect your entire outlook and days to be wholesome better, you may still have crisis like you described - the important thing is that you will also have more moments of energy and positive thinking. Use those highs to prepare your mind and agenda for the lows. Other thoughts that may help: - Making yourself less necessary may not be tactically wise right before the acquisition, but rest assured, afterwards it WILL be. Under stress time may pass too slowly, but it does pass, and you will get there. - One or two trusted and loving family members may offer excellent emotional support, without the day-to-day baggage that may have made you feel you needed to hide from your wife. They will love you no matter your mistakes and weaknesses. - A good friend you can talk to that has no ties to anything else that worries you - no direct link to your work or family. They can offer an objective point of view and help you plan, strategize and clarify the situations you face. And their mere presence will remind you that you are not alone, that you are worthy by who you are and how you are. - I can't tell you how to involve your wife in your current plight. Ideally she could be one or more of the above, but life is not perfect. If you don't feel you can fully do it, do what you can and figure it out (possibly with marriage counsel) after you are feeling better and with less weight on your shoulders. - Find some activity, even if it is infrequent or short, that is yours and yours only, and absolutely enjoyable for you. A TV show, a hobby, gym, swimming, a game, writing. Keep your support group 100% in the loop so they can help you keep it at a healthy level (they ensure that you do it, but they don't let you escape into it and neglect your "real" life). All the best.
• sharp_heat 9y ago
  Just curious, why did you start this company in the first place, if it's an uninteresting "glorified CRUD app"?
  • mindhash 9y ago
    Most successful (revenue making) products are simplistic. Also it could be his perception because he has done it over and over. Someone new or outsider may not have same view. If you ask Larry Page to re-work on search engine, he may not enjoy it so much as he has done his time.
• wpietri 9y ago
  Regarding hiring somebody for the day-to-day, maybe you'll find this story from another founder useful: https://sivers.org/delegate https://sivers.org/delegate I suggest that you have two kinds of problem: a daily happiness deficit and a long-term happiness debt. Your day-to-day life has been grinding you down for a while. You'll have to make two kinds of changes. One is to pay down the giant debt. E.g., once you get acquired, take a serious vacation. But the other, the more important one, is to make sure that most days are at least modestly positive for you. I'd also suggest you find a therapist. You may have to try a few before you find one that's a good match. They can help you figure out whether it's depression or just a reasonable reaction to a bad situation. Either way, they can also help you figure out ways of coping Think of it like hiring a lawyer: Sure, you could figure all the contracts out yourself, but the lawyer has more training and much more experience. It's the same deal with therapy. A good therapist will be able to see patterns you are missing because they have seen it many times before. Feel free to email me (contact info in my profile). I'm glad to correspond or talk on the phone if you'd like to discuss this further.
• mrwnmonm 9y ago
  > I drift off into exploring what it would be like to work at Wal Mart, or the construction site outside, or as a bagger at a grocery store. It seems so stress free. I feel this too, when it comes to programming, there are small number of positions that would makes me happy, but if i would have to deal with CRUD apps, i would prefer a job like you have mentioned. Now i want a job that i don't care about, that leave my mind in peace, so i would dive in theoretical computer science with a free mind.
• donpark 9y ago
  I recommend, exploring other options. For example, work on same thing for 2-5 more years but from a remote location of your choosing, like Thailand, or full Nomad life-style. If result improves your productivity, it may be a WIN-WIN solution.
• sharp_heat 9y ago
  This is what happens when you do a startup that you're not truly passionate about. Thank you for this, for making me realize the very real risk of being trapped a few years in.
• akarshsatija 9y ago
  No job, no work, no role is stressfree my friend.
• akarshsatija 9y ago
  No job, no work, no role is stressfree my friend
• Baobei 9y ago
  Consider to take a break for 2 weeks, rather than resigning, replacing yourself or talking to your wife. After 2 weeks you may feel less burnt out and see things more clearly. You can get medication (and I for one can confirm it does work) but ideally that's to get you out of the rut not a permanent solution. It's possible that your lack of passion for this idea, combined with how much time and dedication it takes is making you feel this way. Your mind/body doesn't understand the inherent contradiction. I'm married to my cofounder and it's hard to be honest when one is feeling weak, but hiding stuff damages your intimacy and closeness. Protect that, it's worth more than your company.
• Animats 9y ago
  If you're about to be acquired, what's the problem? Does the buyer want a contractual commitment that you stay with the company? If not, this is where you can cash out and retire. Stay 3-6 months after the acquisition and phase yourself out.
• contingencies 9y ago
  Execute on the LOIs pronto and get paid external help, preferably from the acquirers. If you say its urgent they should jump. It's in their interest. Remember: 1. Even if in the very worst case the result is a slightly lower price, that's way less important than your health. 2. Life balance is a real thing, burnout is a real thing, they cannot be ignored indefinitely. 3. You work hard and they obviously value you and your team's achievements, which means they also can relate to the situation. 4. Don't feel shameful in admitting your limits, we all have them. 5. Acquirers will work with you to hand over responsibilities in a way that works for your situation. Remember from their perspective that, since every acquisition is different, complexity of handover is actually normal and expected.
• morgante 9y ago
  > - Suck it up and work on the same thing for 2-5 more years Why do you assume you have to work on it for 2-5 more years? It's pretty common for founders to quit within a year or two of an acquisition.
• hartator 9y ago
  > I'd been mulling over a third option (hire someone to do my day-to-day) Don't do this. It's the easiest way to be exited on not your conditions. From personal experiences. Just quit now on your conditions and name someone else as CEO. It always easier than it seems to gain domain knowledge. On a personal level, reading stoicism philosophers helped a lot too. If it's actually about your state of mind and not the job itself, that can trigger a switch to liking sucking it up if you decide to continue.
• cheez 9y ago
  > First, talk this over with your wife. She deserves to know what's going on with you and you need her counsel and strength. Only if she's the type. Many women, for better or worse, will NOT be happy to hear this and will silently freak out, assuming the worst.
  • jaxomlotus 9y ago
    That's ridiculous. 1) that's an idiotic stereotype. Men and women both will react in similar ways. 2) Doesn't make a difference what "type" of person she is. They are married and she has every right to know (and voice her opinion on) if a big part of their financial future will be impacted by him feeling burned out. Hopefully she'll be supportive, but either way she deserves to know the truth.
    • cheez 9y ago
      1) I never said that women are the only ones who do this. I just said if she is the type who will support you. Nowhere in my statement did I say anywhere near all women are of type X. You seemed to assume I meant that, which I didn't. I know the value of a supportive woman. My girlfriend is MOSTLY supportive but I don't dump everything on her. Learn to deal with stuff yourself and you'll be happier. 2) It absolutely does make a difference. Freak out type? Divorce on top of the stress. Supportive? Let's go on a vacation and I'll blow you till your head pops. Other people mentioned stoicism. You will naturally become stoic after making it through a brutal pain like this one. Stick it out. It is a superpower. It will help you withstand anything without buckling.
      • theseoafs 9y ago
        > My girlfriend is MOSTLY supportive but I don't dump everything on her. Learn to deal with stuff yourself and you'll be happier. Learning to deal with stuff yourself doesn't preclude asking your partner for help with making a decision that can impact both of you for the rest of your lives.
        • 9y ago
• edo 9y ago
  Quit. Life's too short to spend it doing something you don't love.
• tehwebguy 9y ago
  Would happily share my similar experience privately if you like.
• jaxomlotus 9y ago
  Hey founder in pain - I've been in a very similar situation as you and ultimately decided to stay to fulfill my duty to investors and employees. And in the end, post-acquisition, I was happier. If you want to chat, shoot me an email to muchnick/a/gmail
• napperjabber 9y ago
  Don't Make the decision until after you take a break.
• pwh 9y ago
  I can't say that I know your pain, but I can sort of feel your pain. Simply because I've been there done that. Taking advice from HN, no matter how well meaning, may or may not help, it may even frustrate you more. Best thing to do is to step back. Find a way to clear your head. A long hike worked for me. Even washing dishes. You may have your own thing that works for you. Do that. Talk it out with someone you trust or who is willing to listen. You can talk with your wife later when you have your bearing back. Heck if you are in bay area and need a sounding board, you can ping me. Keep in mind though, the best answer probably will eventually come only from yourself.
• timwaagh 9y ago
  two - five years isn't much if you're going to be rich. unhappiness is part of life. and when you get rich enough, just quit. because you will be able to. if you're not going to be rich in any case then the answer is simple: you should quit. let it die. i know there is emotional investment, but there is no reason to continue to be unhappy. get another job you like better. assuming you need to get another job: construction is not stress free. its not normal work, its labour. its risky. people develop physical problems. but yes i understand the appeal. diy'ing is fun. construction could be fun as well if you have the talent for it. retail pays enough for kids, not adults with a house. so although it could be chill that is not really an option. finally i recommend having some people around you to distract you from your worries. roommates. a loving wife. whatever you can get.
• lemonsqueeze 9y ago
  Do not talk it over with your wife. It won't go well. And if it does.... she will see you as weak and eventually leave you (80% of marriages are terminated by the woman) You are the captain and you can rely on the people for support like your family and close friends. You tell her what you decided, and act like it's no big deal to you and she won't think it's a big deal either. If she does act like it's a big deal, then you know what she was after all along. Best of luck.
  • abrookewood 9y ago
    Seriously, WTF? I don't know if this is a cultural thing, but you are projecting a whole lot of stuff on this guy's marriage that you know NOTHING about. If I was in the same situation, the first person I would be talking to would be my wife - you know ... the person I married because they know me better than anyone else in the world and who's opinion matters more to me than anyone else's.
    • lemonsqueeze 9y ago
      I know enough about intersexual dynamics to stand behind the statement. The fact that he's coming to a forum, anonymously, for advice says volumes about his precarious position. Look at the upside and downside potential for not being stoic and you will understand where my statement is coming from. Trust me OP, you are the Captain and no one on the crew wants to see the Captain cry or look for "support". It won't end well. If you have tons of $$$, then take the fucking money and invest it wisely in rental properties, and income trusts. It would be wise and prudent to do a risk analysis of losing: - your spouse - your house - access to your children - other assets Then start preparing by locking everything up and minimize your downside. - talk to a lawyer and tax accountant about how to protect yourself Don't believe what the Blue Pill masses here are saying. I know you love your family and spouse. Don't let this decision bring out the worst in others.
    • maverick_iceman 9y ago
      I think GP gets all his relationship advice from /r/redpill.
  • 9y ago
• powera 9y ago
  What you need to do is go to the company acquiring you, and make sure that the deal allows for you to leave a year and a day after the acquisition closes with "minimal" penalties. You'll get less money, but you should get at least half, and everyone else will end up OK. Also, take 2 weeks off after the deal closes and the money for the acquisition is in escrow.
• futun 9y ago
  Been there. It's a hard choice. I took some risk off the table and did the deal. Was it the right choice? I'm still not sure. I was certainly less stressed about money afterwards. But I was also left feeling like I probably short circuited many more meaningful (and profitable) levels of success. How much would we have been worth? I'll never know. But... looking back on it... If I had it to do over again, I probably would have made the same call. I know exactly where you're at. Here's the question: What else do you have going on that gives you hope, enthusiasm and energy? If the answer is "nothing". Don't do the deal. If you have a list of other things in your life, or things you want to try. Do it.
• fipar 9y ago
  I'm sorry you're going through a bad time. Some things I can say: - I think your wife needs to know. I have never taken a big decision like a job change without consulting my wife. We're in this together, and if I wanted to not have to share this decisions with someone else, I would have stayed single. Please don't take this as an attack, I am not judging you. I'm pretty sure you don't want her to know so you don't stress her, but you too are in this together, and there's no need for you to go through this problem alone. - I think you may have a partial view of those jobs you mention. It's quite likely that a bagger at a grocery store does not suffer the stress you have at his or her job, but the pay is also much less, and the stress may come at other parts of life (for example, if that job forces him or her to live in a bad, dangerous neighborhood). Construction? working outside must be very hard in the middle of the winter or the summer, for example. I think it's good that you consider other options if being a founder is burning you out, but you don't need to go to the other extreme. - You and your family are the ones to decide if quitting is a good option. Don't worry about the company in that case. You are entitled to pursue your own happiness, and people who work for startups (I know, I have) are or should be aware that failure is one of the options, usually the most likely one. So please don't feel like you need to put up with something that makes you supremely unhappy so that the company stays afloat. So my summary is: Find what is best for you and your family, don't worry about the company if you really feel that unhappy, and if you do quit, if finances allow, take a short break and then don't go for the first thing that comes your way. You are smart enough to have started a company and getting it close to an acquisition. That's something I was never able to do, so I say 1) hats off to you, and 2) you won't have trouble finding a good job once you're ready to do that. Good luck.
• ggggtez 9y ago
  Sure, you forgot to talk to your wife. Come on man, you've entered a partnership. Adding hiding secrets from you partner isn't going to make your life any less stressful.
• jjm 9y ago
  I'd like to know details on why you can't be automated. My info in profile.
• lunaru 9y ago
  Being a founder is tough and the grind several years in can feel like a heavy burden. However, it sounds like with the LOI, you might be looking at an opportunity that comes with a welcome change of pace. Directly answering your original question, I would take a serious look at option #2 ("Suck it up and work on the same thing for 2-5 more years"). In my personal experience, I sold my previous company to a much larger company some years back and it was a great change. Even though it was "working on the same thing" for 3 more years, there were new people to meet and new challenges to tackle. After all, humans are a social species and just having a different set of people to interact with can be a much needed change. You might be thinking you'll be working on the same problems, but really it will be nothing alike. Your work might get better or it might get worse, but I guarantee that you and your company post-acquisition will be experiencing something very different. And I'm not just talking about the money part. That might be very helpful to get you out of this unhappy burnout. If you need someone to chat with over email about what might be upcoming if you decide to take the deal, feel free to hit me up. Contact info in profile.
• graeme 9y ago
  The good news is: you built a functioning system! Within thay structure, there is likely much room to make it much more tolerable, even freeing. I say good news, because many people manage to have both a restrictive structure and a failimg business. So you'rs already halfway there, and frankly, you've done the hard half. What you need do is figure out how mucn actually depends on you. Likely far less than you think. Then, once you've done that, figure out how to have the other responsibilities taken care of otherwise. For a couple of days, track everything you do and how long it takes you. If that doesn't capture the variety, do it for a week. Then look it all over, and classify it. It is: * something only you could do * something someone else could do (well enough, even if you'd be better) * actually unnecessary. (You'd be surprised how much stuff doesn't matter) Then, you focus on: 1. Eliminating the unncessary 2. Identifying who could do the stuff in the second category, and create processes for them to follow. 3. Then you're just left with the essential. If you do ateps 1 and 2 well, you can then switch to replacing your higher level functions. Pretend you're the acquiring company, and your (the founder) have quit abruptly. How does the acquiring company run things? They are surely under no illusion that you are an irreplaceable part of the business. You might need a vacation, or a break, as others suggest. (You will eventually, for sure). But I find that when I get overwhelmed, addressing some of the stuff above is the biggest stress reliver. I do find a week of comparative isolation helps for this task though. (Actually, removing yourself from the office periodically can be a good way to digure out what has to be done. Feix Denniss wrote this is how stuff ended up delegated from him) Strongly recommended reading: The Four Hour Workweek The e myth revisited This: https://sivers.org/delegate https://sivers.org/delegate And this, as a caution: https://sivers.org/abdicate https://sivers.org/abdicate Re the four hour workweek: selectively read this one. You're obviously not about to found an automated business from scratch. You're instead trying to make an existing operation less dependent on you. So read for that purpose. It is an incredibly productive book if read the right way. I run a business without employees, so take all this with a small grain of salt. I've been there with the overwhelm, but you have responsibilities I don't. But I believe the above method will apply to your situation. You can turn your business from a drain to one with far more autonomy. It will be good preparation for phasing yoursef out with the acquistion. Trust me, if you can make it to the other side, it's worth it. To decide every day what you want to do is an incredible freedom. You do not get that as a walmart clerk. But if you've built a successful business and just need to optimize it, you are surprisingly close to a very free life. Edit: Just reread and spotted the bit about domain knowledge. I'm in a bit of a similar situation in that the work I do is highly specific. For growth, I basically can't hire anyone to do part of what I do. But, for all the admin work, I can, so I outsourced most of it. For developer retention, I'd reach out to other software business owners in your city, and ask them how they do it. But that's likely a later stage thing. There are probably easier to deletate components you can take care of first.
• phoenix-wright 9y ago
  Lol @ the people saying tell the wife that'll only make things worse. Bottom line you're a weak person and this depressive episode will destroy everything you've built. A strong person wouldn't cry in the shower for an hour or consider asking a woman for help. Sincerely not trying to shit on you or your situation but this is the real underlying problem. My advice would be therapy and prescription drugs. A weak person like you needs to "talk it out" and get constant reassurance from a quack. This seems like the only way you'd make it to an exit.
  • zenlikethat 9y ago
    This is a tone deaf and just plain wrong comment. Who are you to be posting these negative words from a throwaway? Why don't you tell us your real identity as a successful entrepreneur if you're such a hot shot? OP, it's perfectly normal to be feeling this way. Humans aren't built to take the constant stress that growing a company requires. There's nothing wrong with talking out your problems in therapy with a professional either.
    • lemonsqueeze2 9y ago
      It is tone deaf. But he's right. OP, trust us when we say that crying to your wife will cause more harm. Take as much money in as short of period of time as possible (after acquisition) then eject ASAP and only THEN deal with your issues. If you eject now, you will be broke, wifeless and still fucked in the head. May as well have a few 100k (or more) in the bank and be still fucked up than being broke and fucked up.
      • venture_lol 9y ago
        Rough words, but yeah, definitely better to cry in rolls royce that hunting food stamps in a corolla
  • dang 9y ago
    This is such a vile personal attack that we've banned not only this account but your main one as well. If you don't want to be banned, you're welcome to email hn@ycombinator.com and give us reason to believe you'll follow the rules in the future.
• rebelidealist 9y ago
  A business should work for you. Find a team of smart people. Gradually train them to replace you.
• zeta0134 9y ago
  Throwaway, this sounds like a classic case of burnout, and I don't know how to say this in a way that isn't going to sound rough, so here it is: You're doing your company a disservice by staying in your current state. If you're unhappy with your work, you won't be passionate about leading a company. Especially through an acquisition, your colleagues are looking at you, a founder, as a leader, and drawing on you for strength. If you can find it within yourself to be that leader, then that's great! In that case, you probably shouldn't also be the lead developer, and given your extensive domain specific knowledge, it sounds like you might be doing too much all at once. I can't know; I'm not in your shoes, so this is all an outsider looking in. It sounds like for the moment, what you really need is to pull back and relax, take some time for yourself, and recover. Your body only has so much willpower to go around, and if you get in the habit of exhausting that regularly, you'll burn out every time. Figure out if reducing your role at the company will let you continue, and do that if you want. Or, if you need to craft an exit plan, do that as well, and find someone just as passionate as you to fill your shoes. But take care of yourself first!
• inuhj 9y ago
  If it's any consolation I feel the same way. Company is doing 1.6MM/mo in revenue but I haven't been excited about it in over a year. I've put good people in place but I'm tired of getting up everyday and facing the exact same problems we faced 4 years ago. I'm at least 2 years out from acquisition so I'm spending my time trying to develop some satisfying hobbies. I restarted therapy a month ago and that's helping.
• soneca 9y ago
  Holly shit a lot of weird things being said about the role of the wife. I agree with most of downvotes and wholeheartly agree with sharing with your wife. Just commenting in a new thread to give a suggestion: have you considered promoting someone to your executive position? A founder stepping down to a "more suited" executive might not hurt the acquisition. And I would give another thought about hiring someone for the role. I think "sucking up" is the worst option and leaving without a plan the second worst. Anyway, I wish you good luck. I am not a founder, but fortunately you can find advice from the right people.
• mindfulgeek 9y ago
  In my experience, if I am wondering if I am depressed it is because I am, it just happened slowly over time, like a frog boiling in water. I didn't realize it happened until the water was bubling all around me and I was doing things like crying in the bathroom, alone and scared. Please get professional support. Things are much better than they seem. You are on the brink of many founders dreams, but you are stuck in a nightmare. It will go away and you will find joy again. You've already taken your first step in finding it. Good luck. This too shall pass.
• cat199 9y ago
  pretty much been said here but.. 1) Step sloowly.. It's easy to lose perspective here and make decisions you might regret later.. Case in point - worked at a company that was acquired for lots of $$$ - while the founder did well, his 'explanation to the company for selling' email basically sounded like someone whining about not being able to handle stress when essentially he was running the place 24x7 and could have easily structured himself at arms length.. and it was not a small shop at that point either with several 100s of employees.. I'm sure with proper perspective he could have done much much better (like, orders of magnitude, potential internet mogul, etc) in the aquisition.. Those who are buying are not your friends, and are looking for anything to maximise their side of the deal.. taking advantage of your stress level and 'need' for escape will be one of them, and this only serves to let the team down in the bigger sense. 2) This is your challenge now. The company is up, it's running, it's doing well. The challenge now is adapting. Apparently you're having some difficulty with that. Others have mentioned vacation and refactoring your role and therapy or finding better life stress skills. I think that is your plan. If I were you: a) mini vacation: a couple days (e.g. long weekend) as unplugged as possible, possibly with trusted advisors or so, to think of any/all things that could be restructured to relieve immediate short term stresses in the course of 1-2 weeks, as well as personal planning for 'c' If advisors present, present it as 'getting ready for the next stage' (if you do still end up leaving, this will only help the transition anyway). include in this some kind of expectation for a longer trip coming up, and how to manage during this time (others have mentioned this as a way for process inventory.. exactly) b) implement the mini vacation plans during work in next 1-2 weeks. c) do some quick hits in life structure while mini vacation plans are getting done: implement stress relief activites, reach out to a few ppl who can assist with venting/discussing in a constructive way. this would be the time for wife/friends/therapy/spiritual/healthy stress relieving hobby d) Go on the longer trip. bring wife. rebond, get perspective, think of more in-depth ways to restructure your role going forward over the longer haul (e.g. 6mo-1y). Don't do this all day - make it a significant but not all encompassing part of your day. structure is key. also to see you are taking control of the situation - time managment here,getting perspective there, being 'in charge' yet not in the weeds, etc. e) come back, implement longer term strategy. add further break at end of this, and revisit results. make another similar plan, resolve only to decide on the effect of the 1st 6mo plan after another period. (e.g. let your changes sink in). not sure of your age/life experience but there could be other things afoot here.. e.g. you are dreading 'what's next' since life has been leading up to this moment and don't know what to do after, so better to 'take control' by quitting and then you don't have to deal.. the mind can play significant tricks.. so yes, hence #1 - redefining your role as accepting this challenge, and stepping carefully.
• siliconc0w 9y ago
  Take a vacation (even a short one) and maybe look into talking to a therapist. They can help you figure out where the clarity of your thought process may be caving a bit to the stress/anxiety of your job. I.e Working a wallmart isn't a stress free life. (Which isn't to say you shouldn't leave your job, it's just good to make that decision from a place of clarity rather than emotion).
• rbobby 9y ago
  You could be suffering from major depression, aka clinical depression (maybe not... but some of what you said rings that warning bell for me). The crying in the shower is probably the biggest bell ringer for me. I've known a couple of tech types (one dev, one a pm) that both found out that they were clinically depressed. They've both bounced back from it and are their old selves again. Major depression is a serious medical issue and can happen to anyone... there's nothing to be ashamed of (and anyone who thinks otherwise is ignorant). Treatment is usually talk therapy and antidepressants (and usually some time away from work... expecting a sick person to be at work while they're undergoing treatment is plain wrong). Googling "major depression" will show you lots of resources... but talking to your doctor about this is your first step (this can be tough... but you can do it). Don't put that off. Especially don't put that off due to worry about step 2 though N. So... your 2 options are really 3: See a doctor! Best of luck (and feel free to reach out and I'll offer what advice/help I can).
• alfon 9y ago
  Just came here to say: Don't do drugs for this, that's as far as I can say.
• akeating 9y ago
  I wonder whether you know how to nurture leaders under you and how to delegate effectively? Many founders are relatively inexperienced and I understand this might not be the case for you. But if it sounds like something that resonates, consider reaching out to a mentor who can help with this. With an exit on the horizon, there's an end-game. It's likely the acquirer would anticipate you would leave anyway. You might start a dialog about building the skills of a replacement, you know, if you get hit by a bus, wink wink.
• netaustin 9y ago
  Vacation aside, I have a tactical suggestion that could help quickly if you can afford it: Hire an assistant. You get two things from this pretty quickly: instant help with your petty day to day tasks to allow you to save your energy for the truly grinding chores that only you can do, plus a teammate who will be by your side as you fight through the next couple years. I have a relatively stressful founder job and have recently been able to do this. Just having someone who's in my inbox, seeing the same demands I see, makes it much easier to get through each day.
• BrailleHunting 9y ago
  Delegate - Hire some competent people to take over sales, product and engineering management. Depression - Examine heirarchy of needs: Sufficient exercise, sleep, nutrition, social interaction and maybe medication if CBT doesnt work. Feeling not depressed is like a release from constant internal judgement, cloud of doom, negativity spectacles. For some people, it's only temporary, situational and existential to change one's agenda; for others, there is a genetic component which causes permanent, unrelenting major depression which is unlikely to be addressed without finding a suitable medication. Transistion to a social venture - Setup a school or hospital in Botswana or Somaliland, or join the Peace Corps. There is plent of work that needs doing. Teach, mentor and/or build something that builds people ready for tomorrow.
• kgc 9y ago
  Why not just complete your sale? Then you can do whatever you want without letting down those that depend on you.
• nerdy 9y ago
  I'd encourage you to be transparent with your wife. Tell her your situation. Ask what she thinks. Discuss options. Execute upon your mutual decision. Do it when you two have time to dig into the details. Don't rush it but if you're unhappy that's no way to live. I'm leaving my company this summer, my business partner has known for some time. My wife knew first. Look, I really don't know your situation but you might want to ask yourself why you felt it necessary to hide it from your wife. Can you not be honest with her? Are you trying to protect her? And if so, does it really protect her from anything or just give her a warped perception of the circumstances? Her opinion of this makes way more of a difference than anyone on HN. Love your wife and be open and honest with her. She's far more important than any business.
• vcool07 9y ago
  Option 2 : Suck it up and work on improving the situation. Instead of throwing in the towel and going on a quest for self discovery, find ways to avoid stress. Take up yoga/gym classes or play some video games in between. Take your wife shopping, have quick power naps just google and see what works for you. You are not the first person to be in this situation, discuss with your peers on how they handle it and try to see if you can incorporate some of their good habits. You're having a company which you started and which you say is profitable, don't throw away all that due to some temporary situation. Instead of running away, face it and see how you can improve on it !
• rukuu001 9y ago
  Burnout in action. When was the last time​ you took a holiday? Like, a solid two weeks away from everything? If you decide to go through with the acquisition, I'd schedule in some time off.
• babyrainbow 9y ago
  >It seems so stress free. Try it. Or talk to someone who works at walmart, or a bagger at a grocery store. See if they would like to be in your shoes. Might help put things in perspective, and it seems to be that just a change in perspective is all you need..
• johndotsun 9y ago
  Before attending college I worked at walmart for several months, and I also spent a few months working construction. You do not want to work in either of those environments. You're a person with intelligence, agency, and presumably the strong drive to succeed at various goals that motivated you to start your company in the first place. Your skill set and ability to learn new skills is such that you are useful for more tasks than stacking shelves, pushing carts, or hauling and shaping re-bar. By and large the people I met at walmart were, to say it bluntly, not very smart and were consequently aggravating to interact with because of this. There are people in this life who struggle to reach full competency at stocking shelves, dusting, pushing carts, or other menial retail oriented tasks despite an earnest effort from them. A work environment like walmart is structured to run a billion dollar business using these people, and to do this their workers are subjected to a system that at times seem arbitrary and overly restrictive but ultimately necessary given their labor pool. So not only will you be inside of that system, but you will be required to find ways to work with coworkers who have managed to reach levels of incompetence that you wouldn't otherwise think was possible had you not seen it with your own eyes. This is not to say that there are no intelligent people working in the various walmart stores, and I did meet some during my tenure. However those people were few and far between, and were usually there due to unfortunate life circumstances beyond their control. General labor construction work involves working with the same people, but without the strict and arbitrary system. This is replaced with coworkers that show up drunk and high starting as early as 7 AM and while this isn't a problem in some work environments, in a work environment involving power tools and heavy equipment this can be life threatening not just for them but for you as well. If you choose to train in a specialty such as electrical or other, you'll be fairly well separated from these people but then considering the amount of effort you have to go to in order to get these jobs you might as well just use the skillset you have in programming. You'll get payed more and you won't be working in environments with toxic dust, ambient noise levels capable of causing permanent hearing loss, and repetitive physical movement that slowly destroys your mobility so that in your old age you're completely sedentary (my electrician grandfather can no longer lift his arms above level despite several attempted corrective surgeries) I don't know what the solution to your problem is but I do know that working in a grocery store or basic construction is not the correct course of action if you desire to reduce the amount of stress in your life.
• ge96 9y ago
  Isn't that funny the grass is greener thing... washing plates might seem stress free, but you're the dog of the kitchen... have to deal with people's shit. Everybody throws the word "sorry" around. I'm just speaking my experience as a guy on the shit-end of the stick haha by my own doing. If you're at this level/credibility why do some shit job. I realize you said stress free but being a drone/laborer sucks I'd like to lobotomize myself to escape from reality sometimes. Going on someone's thought of "died in a car crash... continue..." maybe once you're acquired someone can take over your role after you train them/and be a consultant. I wouldn't know I only dream to be where you are at this point in my life cycle.
• webwright 9y ago
  (source: I've twice left my own companies- both companies continued to grow and prosper after I left). Personally, I'd suck it up and get the sale done, working hard to make the price as front-loaded as possible. Depending on the buyers appetite for you to keep working there you could: A) Suggest that you're excited to stay with the business, but if they feel there'd be too many chefs in the kitchen and that you should phase out, you'd like to know about that now... i.e. open the door for them to express how critical you are to the deal. B) If they DO really want you, push hard for a front-loaded deal (i.e. initial payout versus earn out) and then give notice 6 months after the deal closes. You'll leave some (maybe lots) of $ on the table, but who cares. Selling a company isn't indentured servitude. Someone else owning the company might relieve some stress. If it doesn't, punt. Broadly-- I'm a believer that happiness is generally internal. If you can't find a way to be happy with this job, I suspect you'll have a hard time with a different one. Starting ASAP, I'd make some changes to see if it makes a difference. Get therapy. Try anti-depressants. Shut off your phone at 6pm and don't open your computer. The sky won't fall. Exercise. Meditate. Try psychedelic mushrooms (only half kidding-- there are some studies that one dose positively impacts depression and anxiety). Eat better. Go into work late AM twice a week so you can take a long walk with your wife. Schedule vacations. Go into the woods a lot (exposure to green space helps depression too). I just read that doing tai chi helps with depression. Schedule weekly lunches with friends.
  • repomies691 9y ago
    "Try psychedelic mushrooms (only half kidding-- there are some studies that one dose positively impacts depression and anxiety)" As a founder, I generally agree. I have also done mushrooms a lot, I don't know if it is very wise but I enjoy it a lot. I also excercise daily and try to follow other tips you gave, though I'm not into meditation, medication or tai chi. I'm quite happy, but I can't really agree that the situation will fix itself with only these tips. Sometimes there are problems at work that need fixing, and the situation only gets better if you fix them. Often fixing these problems requires lots of dedicated work and leaving your comfort zone. But once they are fixed, you are a little bit happier. For example: - Too much responsibilities -> define new roles and delegate responsibilities - Problematic employees -> try to work out the problem with 1-to-1 discussions, or as a last resort, fire them (or talk them to leave). - Difficult to retain employees -> find out and research how to make employees more happy at their work. Try to research which perks are cheap and improve employee happiness. Give free candy. etc.
• rodrigosetti 9y ago
  Try to find a motivation to get thru this - think about the good that you can make it to your employees as you lead them through the acquisition. This might help you to gain some more time to think about your options
• retreatguru 9y ago
  As a fellow founder my advice is to take a break - go on a retreat - yoga, meditation, ayahuasca, nature, etc.. Sounds like you are highly stressed. A break will give you some perspective. I bet those around you will understand and support a week or 10 day break. Happiness mainly comes from appreciating what we have. When you are stressed and too close to the action it's easy to lose sight of all our blessings. I'm happy to connect on a call and listen if you feel it would be helpful.
• lemonsqueeze 9y ago
  Just accept the acquisition. Leave at the soonest chance you can. If they offer say 2 million dollars, but require you to stay 4 years.... then leave at the first "cliff" and walk with 25% (or whatever). You will feel just as miserable if you leave and work at Walmart. Because the issue is inside your own head. But you would be broke and your wife will leave you. Good luck getting custody rights if she paints you as a nutcase. Take the money, pretend long enougb to extract capital and eject asap
• nradam123 9y ago
  It happens to a majority of founders. I have panic attacks, i sometimes cry and I get sleep paralysis all the time. And unlike you, i am yet to even build a profitable business.
• scottbartell 9y ago
  Are you familiar with the concept of the False dilemma[0]? It seems as if you've limited yourself to an "either/or" situation when in fact there are countless other possible solutions to this problem. Here are some possible alternatives: - find a leadership coach and/or mentor - delegate the parts of your job that you like the least - find a way to reduce stress in your life (exercise, hobby, etc) - try professional therapy - share how you feel with your friends and/or family (maybe even leadership team) - take a vacation - work less - define and respect clear work/life boundaries for yourself - read about/learn how to manage stress more effectively - create a project plan for yourself (what do _you_ want to accomplish for _yourself_ in the next 3,6,12 months) I could go on and on. Another thing I think that you should ask yourself is: would you really be happier working at WalMart? Is it really this specific job and role that's causing your unhappiness? Is there really nothing you can change to make you job more enjoyable? Is it possible that you're creating your own unhappiness? From personal experience I highly recommend finding a great leadership coach. I had a leadership coach who really helped me tackle some potentially similar challenges I was having. If you want to talk more feel free to ping me. Good luck! [0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/False_dilemma https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/False_dilemma
  • mindhash 9y ago
    +++++ for - take a vacation Nothing else will give you better clarity.
  • tudorw 9y ago
    Great advice, thanks, to add to this, don't worry about the state of your existing product, it's what it is, if you are acquired it is more likely for your presence, reputation and talent than for actual lines of code. [edit] spend some time forest bathing if you can!
  • scottbartell 9y ago
    As you make your decision, you might want to consider applying the WARP decision framework from Decisive by Chip & Dan Heath[0]: 1. Widen your options 2. Reality-test your assumptions 3. Attain distance before deciding 4. Prepare to be wrong The heath brothers offer a useful workbook[1] that goes into details for each of these steps. It might be worthwhile to go through it as you decide. [0] http://heathbrothers.com/books/decisive/ http://heathbrothers.com/books/decisive/ [1] http://heathbrothers.com/ot/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/HBDWB.pdf http://heathbrothers.com/ot/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/HBDWB...
• deleted 9y ago
  [deleted]
• ingenuous2 9y ago
  If you read this, I want to say, "it's OK". seriously. I have depression episodes, had one while my company sold. Today isn't tomorrow, tomorrow isn't yesterday. Accept how you feel and make the best decisions, holistically, that you can. If that means letting your partners negotiate because you're unable to? In spite of you building much of the value? Then giving you a dime on your dollar of equity? That's fine. Seriously. I went through that literal situation, and it was the most important thing I've ever experienced.
• lemonsqueeze2 9y ago
  OP, you have more than the choices you listed. Here's a choice: Get acquired and then leave as soon as you can walk away with a mountain of cash. Act like you will stay forever. But leave in a year. Leave money on the table if you must, but grab a huge chunk of it first. Do not tell anyone about your plan. Not even your wife. If you tell your wife how you feel, she will likely: - Lose respect for you - start hunting for a better provider (Don't be surprised if she starts staying out late and you find she cheated on you) - she will work to limit your access to your children. Suck it up for just 1 more year. Make your decision (and make it final with only input from your closest friends and parents/brothers/etc) Hypergamy is real. Do not listen to the crap here about therapy or sharing this with your wife. Mark my words, you will be in a more fucked up state whem she leaves you and you are broke too.
  • scottbartell 9y ago
    As someone who's been in a 9 year relationship, I profoundly disagree. In my experience sharing has helped build a foundation of trust and respect in our relationship. Seeking out professional therapy and/or sharing your feelings with others is the opposite of weak, it's courageous.
  • jakelazaroff 9y ago
    > - Lose respect for you - start hunting for a better provider (Don't be surprised if she starts staying out late and you find she cheated on you) > - she will work to limit your access to your children. > Make your decision (and make it final with only input from your closest friends and parents/brothers/etc) Your misogyny is not welcome here. Get out.
    • lemonsqueeze2 9y ago
      This is not about hating woman. You are pulling the 'misogyny' card and don't know what you are talking about. There is nothing wrong with acknowledging that a woman (or anyone) will want someone who is stable emotionally and doesn't cry to them over making serious money because "unhappy". I will never tell me enemies to "get out" or label them with a word to shame them. Look in the mirror. Your comment history is so full of 3rd wave Feminism that it is natural you would try to shut me down
• KirinDave 9y ago
  I deliberately took a few steps back in my career after this last exit as well. I've learned that being in charge is ... Sort of awful. I'd make many of the same decisions again, but I have regrets.
• seige 9y ago
  Building businesses is hard and emotionally draining. There is always a person to do a job. It's just the matter of what you are willing to give up for your own peace of mind.
• Majorburn 9y ago
  You can't be diagnosed over the internet so I'm not diagnosing you with depression. And it does sound like you have that. Things you used to enjoy not doing it for you anymore? Trying to handle it yourself and not talking about how you feel? Definitely, I recommend you talk to a counsellor / therapist / psychologist. I mean, you're already reaching out to the tech disapora for help ( Ask HN ), so take what may be a more effective and qualified step and talk to person whose profession is helping people. Now I want to enjoy a vicarious "I told you so" ( since I didn't tell you anything ! ). I have however heard the advice said many times that before you startup a startup consider if you really care about it so much that you shall want to be doing it in 10 years. Didn't you think about that? Haha. Schadenfreude. Or maybe it's just a case of "You need to love what you do, because shit gets really really hard, and any rational person would give up." Maybe shit is just really really hard and you don't love it. So, nothing wrong with you. Just your situation is sub optimal. I don't know how this works, but if you can get your stock options ( if they've vested ), just take them, and to do the acquisition or not depending on whether that will net you more money. Dude -- screw the duty to investors and employees -- take care of yourself. You probably never know how much time you have in this body, so do what you wanna do. Pull the trigger, since time is your most valuable asset. Why sink another 3 to 6 months ? ( Sunk Cost Fallacy ) -- just get out and be with your family. What if you try to white knuckle this, choose to be a slave to your investors and employees ( slaves ), "do the right thing", and your relationship with your wife frays, and you can't fix it...and you're in worse shape 6 months down the line? Take care of your mental health. Fixing the company, finding a replacement, serving your investors and employees doesn't sound to me like it is going to improve your mental health. So do something that will. And remember, depression is really just anger ( barring "chemical imbalance" believers -- sorry where does that imbalance come from? either you've always been nature / nurture fucked up, or you made choices that didn't work emotionally for you, and "chemically imbalanced yourself" ), turned inward on yourself, that you haven't found a constructive outlet to express. So work out what you are angry about ( maybe about this company, or something about this situation ) and work out a constructive way to fix the problem. You are a problem solver, right? Working at Wal Mart, doesn't seem to me like it is a constructive solution. But yeah, talk to a professional. And are you dealing with some loss of a close family member or friend? That's definitely capable of contributing to how you are now. And it certainly pays to talk to a professional to help you through that.
• pbreit 9y ago
  I don't understand what the problem is. If you have LOIs on the table, SELL THE COMPANY!!! You can leave the day the deal closes.
• venture_lol 9y ago
  Friendliest advice: promote someone NOW! or hire someone -- NOW! It's just a load you are telling yourself your product is too complicated for anyone else to take over.
• andreapaiola 9y ago
  Maybe you can start to read http://notalwaysright.com http://notalwaysright.com :D
• kcdev 9y ago
  I'm not in your shoes, but I'd happily trade places. I assume you're calling most of the shots, so if you take a step back and reflect, where is this stress coming from? Who is putting pressure on you? I'm guessing it's you doing it to yourself because you hold yourself to a high standard and have a strong work ethic. Excellent qualities. So take a few days off, refocus, slow down, and just do what you can do. No pressure.
• molyss 9y ago
  If you don't already have professional help (therapy), seek some. I've experience the hour long crying showers first hand, and I don't wish it to anyone. Don't minimize how you feel, and don't blame/shame yourself. Therapy can be scary and still cary a stigma, but it's basically allowed me to be myself. I am no founder myself, so I don't pretend to know what you're going through, but I know the symptoms. Let me know if you want to discuss this further
• gumby 9y ago
  I've been there. I was unhappy, I left, I felt better. Later I started other businesses. In my case the threshold is ~200 people; after that I don't really recognize everyone. In once case I was having fun but my wife was miserable. In all these cases I was glad I left. Now: if an acquisition truly is imminent, and you can hang on a bit longer, go for it. The buyer will be able to find someone to run the business, perhaps internal, perhaps not. It likely won't happen overnight (unless they have someone in mind already) but some pressure will come off you immediately. If the acquisition isn't truly imminent you can indeed start looking for someone to run the business. Believe me there are people with domain experience and executional experience you can find. Use an executive headhunter. Have your board members help. Sounds like burnout. Take it seriously, but it doesn't mean all is lost! Those LOIs are light at the end of the tunnel. Oh, and consider therapy. You may or may not need drugs, but they probably aren't the first line of therapy. The talk therapy is good, and as a CEO you probably have nobody else to talk to about certain things -- especially if you think you can't talk to your spouse about stuff. Talk therapy is not a sign of weakness -- in fact you sound like the kind of person who has their act together (probably you don't feel like it, but your note says you understand something's not right), and so you probably will benefit a lot from it. Many people in the valley, especially top execs, are in therapy and it helps them a lot.
  • tudorw 9y ago
    +1 for talking therapy, all drugs have a risk profile, however low, I've never encountered anyone who has come to harm through talking therapy (prove me wrong, but it's rare right!), and trying that first still leaves the drug option if things seem to reach a crisis point.
• reilly3000 9y ago
  I was there. Didn't take the deal. Ended up filing chapter 7. That really sucked. Life moves on, it really does. Try to know what your heart is really trying to say before you say no or yes.
• deepGem 9y ago
  I feel your pain. I honestly think you should talk to your wife or your close friends about this. You'll be surprised how people help out when they know you are in distress. Also, taking on a different activity that involves leadership might greatly help in boosting your morale. What you have done with your company is quite commendable that you should be proud of. If I were you, I would focus all my energies on the company's future post acquisition. To think of ways of growing the company beyond what it is today and see the acquisition as a possible out in that direction, not the end goal in itself might be helpful. You might also want to try to accomplish something in a field that you have no clue about but is not super hard on your brain. For instance, you could learn ballroom or Tango. You could also join a basic mountaineering course. You'll be out in the nature and accomplishing an endurance task. All your energies will be focused away from your day to day mind numbing activities and towards accomplishing a very different goal. Good luck !
• ecksor 9y ago
  https://gettingreal.io/why-do-i-fantasize-about-quitting-my-startup-3fc425004a21 https://gettingreal.io/why-do-i-fantasize-about-quitting-my-...
• o2l 9y ago
  I have not been a founder of any company so I can't comment on that part. But I can strongly related to this part - "what it would be like to work at Wal Mart, or the construction site outside, or as a bagger at a grocery store" I am a passionate web developer but a few months ago, I had these exact same thoughts mainly about switching to a low stress job. Later I realised that I needed a break badly and the monotonousness of work ( building some kind of CRUD all day ) for me personally was making my life severely discomforting. So I left the job against everyone's advice and for the next few months I had terrible arguments with my family about this decision. But I was at peace the moment after I left the job and I think it was the right decision, even though my family wants me to regret it. It's not that you hate what you do, but you definitely need a break and not just like a vacation, but actual handing over of responsibilities to someone else. After a few months, I felt like being back into the business and the optimism for work was back. So this is probably against what everyone else is advising here but if you don't like it, leave it. Your wife should understand this too, if this is so important to you that it makes you cry. And definitely take up a stress free job for a change. It should help. As far as leaving the company goes, you might find someone in ranks just below you who could be able enough to take over most aspects of your position. Let me know, if you think this is a completely wrong advice.
  • gadders 9y ago
    I have these thoughts too, and then realise basically all jobs suck at some level. If they didn't suck, people wouldn't need paying to do them.
    • o2l 9y ago
      May be most do if you look at them from one person's perspective. The point here is to try something else for a change until you figure out whether you want to go back to doing something you liked earlier or moving on.
• harlanji 9y ago
  If you're that unhappy just fucking quit and ask questions later. Let me explain. A couple years ago life was awesome but I was having some burnout related chest pains and worse at my first "long" startup job after some minor workplace drama and a medical procedure... we had an agreeable separation. Then the following week my younger brother started dying. I was picturing Hawaii and sitting in Alamo Square when I got the message, he was in a coma with an infected heart. Guess I shoulda followed through on that trip I started researching for him and I that Winter, nothing I could do in the situation but learn how to pray and start doing it. To a speedy recovery. Instead of vacation I set forth finding another job to be ready to jump on a plane as soon as he woke up. He woke up, and then had complications right before calling me, from which he would not wake up. Shock and horror. Then my family couldn't agree on a time to gather for his service in the same state for five months. He passed away an hour after I was rejected from Uber, my performance obviously was suffering. I prioritized working for Uber, oops, silver lining. He was supposed to wake up. I mourned each mourning and carried on. I was hired without much trouble, to a great company doing interesting work for way more money... AWESOME, back on track. Didn't tell anyone except my manager and an intern with Hacker-mind who I got kinda close with about life situation, MISTAKE. The funeral date came and I took the time off, finally. Well, then I was let go from that job literally while at the funeral by a bogus report that I tried to refute (no conflict of interest in that process...), had to un-RSVP on two lifetime best friends' weddings ("I hope to make it, if I can get hired soon enough"), couldn't get hired again so got stuck in a job with an overtly abusive boss, lost my physical health (no gym time, christmas revoked, told I was only giving 30%), saved all my money to quit that job and did it, and am now almost homeless again but this time with almost no support system and ineligible for unemployment and with a worse resume... people lose faith after a while of chronic unemployment, when your identity is programming (must not be that good after all)... not sure if I have rent money in a few days (I think so, afraid to look, small check from contracting on the way should fill it...), credit obliterated and collectors starting and ending every day with phone calls and voice mails--eventually blocked, recently. Plenty of other stuff going wrong, eg. ex-friends' SOs think I am a piece of shit and infecting their thoughts, but it's all a side effect of having no resources and literally starving (materialistic friends, oops). The company who flushed me ended with my boss's boss literally giving a satisfied smile and saying my action "T-T-Trumps any explanation" [sic] (and sick) on the way out the door. From rock star to human garbage faster than my head could spin, at a point well well well (3x) beyond burnout. And yet I'm sleeping like a baby and not crying, while I still have a bed. And having lots of sex and not masturbating and going to the gym and getting sunlight as much as possible for the sheer hormones, as I'm not getting even sustenance level calories. Strangely getting skinny and cutting my own hair weekly and wearing 2 year old clothes (clean) has left me incredibly attractive, thought it would be the other way--boasting, what else can I do? obviously I have a fit foundation, good posture, and jolly attitude toward whatever shit the day wants to dump on. "Thanks for the shit universe, I'll eat it right up!" Mind-body, let it roll off. Life is unexpected sometimes, but it's all good. ALL GOOD. Lifting changed my life, and adopting a stoic mindset. Cold showers every day while things were good built mental fortitude... I yearn for a time when that was the hardest part of my days. I found having a Trello board with pirate card add-on helps. I started cooking with Plated... it's a bit more expensive but I've made like 50 recipes now, can save so much money making wonderful vegetarian food for myself in very little time! I will not resort to eating Doritos etc to save money, MIND BODY. You've probably let people push your boundaries so far in that you are no longer yourself. I cut the majority of people from my personal life, and things got a lot better very quickly. I had months and months of funk. Attitude > all. Sure I'm materially worse than horrible, but I feel good. I do miss some people but 0 > -1. Actions > words. I am blessed to have a couple of +1s, but making posts like this is bound to drive people away as I've learned the hard way... you recognize the truth too as you've posted under a fake account and cried with the shower on. God knows somebody important will probably see this, but that's okay, I have literally nothing to lose and the history will be awesome when I make it through. Plenty of people are cheering for my downfall, no doubt, and this can be seen as ammo for them if I want to be paranoid. You're doing the RIGHT THING by hiding it generally, but private support system is so important. You must learn to outlet your stress in productive ways and set boundaries, and mind-body feedback (eg. Amy Cuddy) is the foundation of your reboot. My approach can be criticized, but that's just what unsupportive people do--totally ignore those people. If they ask specific questions and have a conversation with you then they might be worth considering and perhaps good friends, but most people are unhappy and project 1:1 with laser accuracy onto people who trigger insecurities. When your friends' girlfriends start looking at you with googly eyes for example, they will envy you even if they can't verbalize it, and start trashing your name if they're people who generally make excuses and feed on gossip about others. Know people like this? Not a friend. Just for example, it can get worse in the workplace when promotions and similar rewards are involved. What I am saying is, cutting people who aren't supportive out is good even if it feels bad. People who have conversations without being manipulative, beautiful, but that isn't most people--takes a mindset of great abundance to even be such a person. When doors close or you close them, sometimes new ones open. Again, if you're that unhappy just fucking quit and ask questions later. Harlan JI, short for Harlan Time... time, one's only limited resource. If only I'd lived that before many of the important doors closed. I didn't know when to quit, I had to be pushed into action. Now I can only offer a silver lining through advice: Don't be like Harlan JI... value your time. Be like Harlan JI... value your time.
• baxtr 9y ago
  This may be of help: https://bothsidesofthetable.com/how-do-you-motivate-yourself-and-stay-focused-70dcf5987ec0 https://bothsidesofthetable.com/how-do-you-motivate-yourself...
• owens99 9y ago
  There's a lot of great advice here on what to do. The one thing I want to add is see a doctor for your depression. It sounds like everything in your business is going well and you should be proud of yourself, yet personally you feel at the lowest point. Burn out is real and happens to most entrepreneurs who go the distance. When you get depressed, your mind focuses on negative memories and situations and you get trapped in a train of negative thought. Even though, almost every negative memory can be thought of in a positive way. There was one time where I felt like you do, and after working on my depression I was able to recognize the negative thoughts in my mind and start to look at them in a different way. Once this happened I felt like a completely new person and was able to look at the same data in a different way that made me feel empowered and hopeful. Depression will destroy you if you don't get it treated. Happiness is a conscious decision and you can recover from your burn out if you shift your perspective.
• staticelf 9y ago
  Weird to read since you're essentially living my dream.
• focii_e 9y ago
  Been there. One of the biggest mistakes I made was thinking people are indispensable, I was indispensable. I thought after I walked out of the door, the company would fall apart. Nope. A successful organization often has multiple roots for productivity and success. So here is the advice if you like, take a month long break. Have the cashflow taken care of, and ensure customers are treated well in your absence. Rest can be fixed if it falls apart. A month break and you will not only want to go back but will probably redefine where the organization should be in a few years. A month long breaks, that is all it takes.
• bitL 9y ago
  Don't talk to your wife about it, you'll show her a weakness, she will start subconsciously resent you, become colder and distant and your stress will double. She has you as her rock, she doesn't want a weak man to rely on. Start instead some sport, take care of your body (try sauna + cold baths together), eat brain-boosting supplements, kick out sugar/flour-based food for a month, switch your phone off for 4 hours during work day and tell everyone about your reachability, start learning something on a side which makes you happy. You have a happiness deficit; do something you always wanted to do though don't overdo it, and allow yourself to be a bit happy for no reason ;-)
  • idlewords 9y ago
    Strong men don't take relationship advice from HN, though... paradox!
  • soft_dev_person 9y ago
    To retain some faith in humanity I will read this as sarcasm.
    • bitL 9y ago
      I wish the world was as I was told when I was a kid and not the way it is. Some of the main reasons (statistically) why wives divorce their husbands in the US are unemployment of husband and higher earnings of wife. This should tell you there is some biological programming that is different between genders regardless of what is currently popular in soft-science academia.
  • dang 9y ago
    You can't know any of that about a person you've never met, which makes this comment generic. Generic plus inflammatory equals trolling. Please don't post like that here. We detached this subthread from https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=14420786 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=14420786 and marked it off-topic.
  • jwdunne 9y ago
    That's the most ridiculous thing that I've ever heard about marriage. In a solid, loving, marriage, your wife will resent you for not being open and honest. She's meant to be your best friend. She wants to be there for you as much as you are for her. My Mrs has cried before now because I've not let her in on my hard times, my pain. She was devastated​ to know what I was going through alone. She assumed I'd closed up because I didn't care, I didn't love her anymore. Yeah take the latter advice but if you want a happy life don't take the former. This will not lead to a happy marriage, which is, if good, the biggest source of happiness you can get.
• leandot 9y ago
  My sincere 2 cents: 1) talk to your wife 2) get the best deal out of your pending acquisition - highest cash component upfront 3) find and train someone to take your place 4) at that point check if you are still so unhappy - leave or stay 5) do what makes you happy
• zecg 9y ago
  Working at Wal Mart or in construction is stress free? Try it for a few years and for full effect, try living on those wages.
• thedonkeycometh 9y ago
  Sounds more like a minor bout of depression. See a doctor while its in its early stages. You're obviously smart enough to bring a company to this point, don't let a depressive episode derail you.
• robmcvey 9y ago
  Are you in a position to discuss with your co-founders? If there's money in the company maybe they could buy you out based on the EBITDA of the existing offers, getting you out of the company sooner and not scuppering any deals on the table (which might take years to complete).
• jondubois 9y ago
  I'm so jealous, I feel offended reading this post. I would shovel pig shit for 2 years straight if it meant that I would be able to retire at the end.
• synthecypher 9y ago
  Take a holiday dude, get someone to cover for you.
• synthecypher 9y ago
  Take a holiday dude, get someone to cover for you.
• thiagooffm 9y ago
  You are overvaluating the wallmart job and thinking it "seems" stress free. The truth is that if you want to do anything at a very competitive level, even packaging goods at the counter, it WILL be stressful. You could also stop stressing: don't answer the calls, let your business slide and go bankrupt. Running a business is no easy feat. As you've got that far, you probably know that. You are likely tired because of it, which is normal, everybody gets tired and there's nothing wrong with you or your business. I think what you need is to perhaps promote someone or get a friend to help you. I don't see how a domain can be so insanely complex and out of reality for everyone. You probably just need someone and that someone to spend enough time with you. My point with stress is that I don't necessarily own a business anymore and never had as much success as you doing that, I'm not about to cash in some big money which would allow me to follow other passions I have. After some failed startups, I work for a big business and the only thing that changed was the job "security". Instead of having to look for a new job every year or so, now I don't anymore, but it's stressful: I want to do my best. The same happens when I try to play the guitar, I get also tired, stressed out. Then I give it a pause. As with a business or work, you can't pause, but you can always ask for help.
• manigandham 9y ago
  Why do you think you only have 2 options? Suck it up, get the sale done (especially when you're so close to improving the lives of your other founders) then take a vacation and recharge. If you need to quit at that point then do so, but at least you're not taking the rest of the team with you. Would you feel ok if they did the same to you? You signed up for a team sport, hold the line and finish the job.
• keerthiko 9y ago
  There's a lot of hyperfocusing on the comment that you don't want your wife to know. From everyone on HN, you're the best judge of whether she should know or not, so I have no choice but to trust your judgment on that. Something I find missing from your narrative is what exactly is making you unhappy -- the title of Founder? The pressure of the job and the impending sale? The mundane-ness of the technical details of the job? The fate of being handcuffed to this job (that you don't care for) after the sale? Are you financially constrained and feel tethered to the company to stay afloat? You mention the stress, but it doesn't sound like that's the kicker by itself. There's no magic bullet to fix all your worries in one go. So write down in order which parts of the whole situation you hate. You'd be surprised how many of those can be solved independently of the others. Maybe you can hire a personal assistant to sort through all your communications and scheduling and logistics, and can filter out the domain-knowledge-needed parts to you. Perhaps you can invest in transitioning various boring technical portions of your product to be outsource-able, so your in-house developers have only the more fun stuff to worry about. Consider the best and worst case outcomes for each of these options. Check the risk. Some of them will be worth it, some not. If you can improve your situation even a little bit, it's a step forward. I can relate to some of what you say. Luckily my cofounders are wonderful and take responsibility for lot of the shitty parts of the job of running a company, so I have a fun time mostly gallivanting in technical and product design spaces without stressing out much, and we're profitable and bootstrapped. All in all, my job doesn't really stress me out much, I work with great people, I love our product, I have lots of freedom and make enough money to use it to work out of a different country every other month. It sounds pretty great, but I have shared your fantasy of working as a grocery bagger or as a Starbucks barista or something. For me it's because I am in America on a work visa that won't allow me to be employed outside of my field of expertise and study, ie, engineering. So I fantasize about what I can't have, think how cool it would be to have the freedom to be an uber driver or a waiter or just simply be unemployed before I look for a new opportunity, even for just a month, without the threat of violating my visa agreement and risk deportation. A little reality check reminds me that I have these fantasies from a position of privilege -- all those people who's jobs I envy do not have the right, or freedom, or training to start and run a company building something they care about in the first place, and I happily return to my day job.
• SFJulie 9y ago
  I have made a hook in my coder life as a mover. PRO: It was indeed a breeze and stress free. CON: without social help or illegal secondary activities you don't earn enough to sustain your life (pay rents, food, clothing and that's all). But, it has been the moment of my life I was the happiest to work everyday. Maybe that's how you could make a vacation. It helps you forget everything about the business brain washing that is strong in the IT, it clears your head of the noise, and you might come back more efficient, and retaining more employees by sharing their day to day concern of working to make a living and not living to work. My take is simple, life is too short to not try to live some of your fantasies, some may actually prove to be fruitful. Simply remember that there is no success in trying if you don't accept you also may fail and be disappointed. I was lucky, may you be lucky.
• gadders 9y ago
  Never been a CEO or a founder, but I always thought this was a good read: "Given this stress, CEOs often make the one of the following two mistakes: 1. They take things too personally 2. They do not take things personally enough In the first scenario, the CEO takes every issue incredibly seriously and personally and urgently moves to fix it. Given the volume of the issues, this motion usually results in one of two scenarios. If the CEO is outwardly focused, she ends up terrorizing the team to the point where nobody wants to work at the company any more. If the CEO is inwardly focused, she ends up feeling so sick from all of the problems that she can barely make it to work in the morning. In the second scenario, in order to dampen the pain of the rolling disaster that is the company, the CEO takes a Pollyannaish attitude: it’s not so bad. In this view, none of the problems are actually that bad and they needn’t be dealt with urgently. By rationalizing away the issues, the CEO feels better about herself. The problem is that she doesn’t actually fix any of the problems and the employees eventually become quite frustrated that the Chief Executive keeps ignoring the most basic problems and conflicts. Ultimately, the company turns to crap." https://techcrunch.com/2011/03/31/what%E2%80%99s-the-most-difficult-ceo-skill-managing-your-own-psychology/ https://techcrunch.com/2011/03/31/what%E2%80%99s-the-most-di...
• ultim8k 9y ago
  Welcome on earth. I don't want to be a developer anymore. I don't want to do business with anyone. But I have to. I'm not giving up. Sometimes you have to be tough man. Just stop moaning and work on how to survive. There is none else who knows better than you how. Also don't try! Do it or do not.
• paulajohnson 9y ago
  I'm not a doctor, but it sounds to me like you may be suffering from clinical depression. You should talk to your doctor about this urgently.
• throwanem 9y ago
  I don't know directly from any of this, because I am an unlettered redneck with air-cooled teeth and a net worth in the middle four figures. But if I had a serious prospect of ending up with genuine fuck-you money, and all I had to do to get it was keep doing what I was already doing and gut it out for a few more years, then that is precisely what I would do, to the best of my ability. I get that you're suffering, and I am not without compassion. But the kinds of jobs you're fantasizing about are kinds of jobs I've had. They are not without stress, as you imagine them to be. They are physically wearing and not at all secure, but most of all, the kind of stress that comes with those jobs - more to the point, that comes with those jobs being the best prospect you have - is not a kind of stress that ends, save to give way to something worse. Your current travail, conversely, certainly will end, and based on what admittedly little I know about how startups work, you have a very real prospect of a great big payoff at the end of it. It would, I think, be the regret of a lifetime to squander that enrichment of all your years in search of a more comfortable day after tomorrow.
  • patorjk 9y ago
    You're right about those jobs being physically wearing and not secure. My brother works at Target and lost 100 pounds over the course of a year. He wasn't trying to lose weight, it just happened because he was on his feet all day running around and because of other physical demands of the job. He does not seem stress free and it is not a job he likes, nor does it pay well. I would definitely never want his job.
    • _Tev 9y ago
      My experience is the opposite - paid workout without many responsibilities is nice job. It's monotone as hell and you have to forget any real ambition. Also bosses often suck ... But when you find position under good managment it IS stressfree job imo. It's more about tradeoffs - what you want from life vs. how hard are you willing to work for it.
  • ido 9y ago
    They are not without stress, as you imagine them to be. I guess they imagine they wouldn't care about doing a good job, losing it, or making money - which would probably alleviate a bunch of the stress!
• sleepingeights 9y ago
  I'd say quit, but you're very close to the finish line. One of my friends found out the hard way about how corporations are, and he went through the same thing. It just sucks to work for any company in the US right now if you compare to the better work and social environments in Europe. If you compare to East-Asia it's still better. An example is Japan where their employees literally pass away while working due to their culture, or South Korea where they're immediately put into debt slavery and ruled by a tiny handful of "chiabowls". edit: Look at YCombinator where their founders are part of that "billionaire" clique and basically helped put in Donald Trump. Them and the entire thing is a joke. They're just a bunch of fakers and liars like the rest of them, and everyone knows it. When you figure that out, and find out what kind of stress you had to deal just to put up with their bullshit, it doesn't seem worth it at all. In the end you just get some millions, but you paid in mental health and you're lucky if not physical. It's a wonder why white folks don't go to Europe and take advantage of a much better social and work environment. It's way better than what the US provides for them. The US has no substance. tldr; Make your millions and move to Europe (or Canada) and raise your family in a far safer and better environment. Do that if you can, before the Clowns In Action burn the 90% to the ground.
• ljf 9y ago
  For option 3 check out: https://medium.com/the-modern-team/lazy-leadership-8ba19e34f959#.afzawx2jq https://medium.com/the-modern-team/lazy-leadership-8ba19e34f...
• romanovcode 9y ago
  Why do you need to work there 2-5 more years if you're about to get acquired? Why can't you cash in as soon as you are acquired and go pack bags in walmart?
• ivanjaros 9y ago
  a) take a break, month or two if you need to and appoint someone that will handle your d2d business in the meantime. b) exercise more. I cannot stress this one out more!!! c) wait until the company is sold and move to a new project. Negotiate that you will be only an advisor(maybe only for the following year) and find someone else as ceo. d) do not quit without selling out. All that time you have invested in this company will go to waste. So suck it up for now.
• congerous 9y ago
  I've been there. A ton of good advice is on this thread. You need to try to influence your internal state chemically if you want to stay on track. Exercise, medication, meditation, eating and sleeping healthy are all helpful. It's also good to reconnect with people that matter to you: family, friends, etc. If you're closing the deal, and the money is significant, just think what you could do for them, or for other people who need help. And find ways to spend more time with them, because our lives are defined by our relationships. You could say your self exists to the extent that your in conversation with people who understand you. So go find with and be with them. It'll help you refuel.
• nish1500 9y ago
  I was in the same position sometime back. I was convinced that chasing startup money and fame was some objective form of happiness. The chase never made me happy. Luckily, I woke up before I made any hires. My startup is still profitable, but it's more of a lifestyle business now. I work enough to make sure the profits don't fall. I use my time to travel the world, live out of a backpack, make friends, do shit that scares me. Still struggling with the last part. Last month I volunteered at a not-for-profit pay-as-you-go restaurant taking orders and cleaning tables and it made me the happiest I have been in almost a year. I am also exploring my other passions - fitness, food, nutrition. You know best what you need to do. I thought I'd share what I did.
• bowthy 9y ago
  It could be the routine and long hours that's driving you to this dispair. I had many jobs before being a dev, including supermarket and bar jobs. They mostly sucked because I had close to zero control of my environment. Being a dev is the best by far. I have a lot of control. Not without stress though. Best antidotes to stress for me are cycling to work, swimming in cold lakes, weight lifting, hours of device free time with wife and children. As a founder aren't you in a priviledged position of being able to change whatever you want? If not, what's the point?
• burner_qwert 9y ago
  Had something similar, but alone ... Weekdays: appear strong, I'm responsible for 30 people, nobody can see that I'm vulnerable. Weekends: massive bingie, parties, alcohol, coke, hookers... Last year in april after a 4 day weekend I almost died, had to call the ambulance on myself. My legs and arms started to feel numb, couldn't move them, was scary. Called the ambulance, they said that go to the street wait for them, and under no circumstances close my eyes. It was really hard to keep them open, but when I heard the sirens just snaped. Had this thought closing my eyes that I may never open them again. Turns out that I didn't drink enough water, and my blood got so dense that my heart couldn't circulate it. Wake up in the ambulance car still in my street feeling pretty well, bribed them so they say they haven't found me, because I had a big contract signing in 5 hours. Then I reached out for help, on therapy since. Before that I was thinking about it for long, but how should I choose, etc. Doesn't matter, just went with the first one I found sympathetic online. The second one is sport, get your self time to move 2-3 times a week, does wonders. I wish I could say I haven't touched any substances since, but currently I feel much better. So get therapy and start to move, that worked for me.
• smoyer 9y ago
  I've been in jobs that I've hated and have a fail-safe trick - hire people to do the parts of the job that you hate. There was obviously something that enamored by when you decided to found the start-up. Are you still in love with that technology/solution? Are you sure you don't just hate the increasing management and paperwork duties? As a founder, you're always going to have to deal with strategic situations (like the sale of the company) but you'd be surprised how much of the day-to-day work you can pawn off on a recent MBA graduate. I'm also wondering if you've come to hate the job because of the work involved with finding a buyer and working towards the sale. It's grueling! But it's also over when the sale is complete. Good luck!
• unstatusthequo 9y ago
  Agree. Suck it up, buttercup. Quitting is the only real certain way to screw up what you've built. Go find an executive coach and get yourself some help.
  • throwanem 9y ago
    Flagged for arrant failure to add value to the conversation. I get that it's easy to just tear people down, and has a certain brief and nasty pleasure to it besides, but this sort of behavior helps nothing and nobody, and there is no place here for it.
    • deleted 9y ago
      [deleted]
    • Domenic_S 9y ago
      Vouched because it's a legitimate response. "Suck it up" is a totally valid response to "I'm soooo successful but I'm just _booooreeeddddddd_." "Get an executive coach" is a useful option as well.
      • throwanem 9y ago
        Sounds to me like the man just needs someone to care for a little while, and maybe a chance to look at the world from a perspective not so intimately bound up with his troubles that he can't see past them any more. I know - who else in the world could ever empathize with that, right? Again, I get that it's a lot easier and more fun, especially on the Internet where no one seems quite real, just to be a contemptuous asshole about it than to try to be a little kind. I've been that way myself at times, and always been ashamed of it afterward - and rightly so, I think. How you react to your own unworthy behavior is your problem, of course, not mine. But whom, really, do you imagine it helping, to choose to act this way?
        • Domenic_S 9y ago
          It's not really easy or fun, because you often end up with white knights swarming you. He didn't say anything that you didn't say, he just used fewer words. Your original comment: > if I had a serious prospect of ending up with genuine fuck-you money, and all I had to do to get it was keep doing what I was already doing and gut it out for a few more years, then that is precisely what I would do In short: suck it up. You used more flowery language and a perhaps gentler delivery, but your message is the same. > But whom, really, do you imagine it helping, to choose to act this way? I'm of the opinion that a lot of people should be told to suck it up a lot more than they're being told today. My close friends and I often tell each other to suck it up, or equivalent, and it's not being contemptuous -- it's, for us, a reminder that life is actually pretty good and these are first-world problems. The OP's phrasing, "I don't want to be a founder anymore", seems especially egregious for this forum. Not "I'm burnt out", or "how do you keep pressing on?", but "My successful startup is being bought and I don't want to be a founder any more". It would be like visiting a forum for college-aged NBA hopefuls and posting, "I'm about to sign a contract worth millions with the Kings but I don't want to be a professional basketball player anymore". It's almost intentionally crafted to be inflammatory.
• meerita 9y ago
  Hi, I hope you find out the light at the end of the tunnel. Regarding your situation, I would think about this as a project, a project to go out. It has to be planned and executed. That helped me out many years ago. You don't need to quit now but bear in mind crying doesn't take to the shore.
• amelius 9y ago
  So what is your analysis of how you got into this situation?
• themantalope 9y ago
  OP, sounds like youre experiencing some real burnout. It's OK, it happens to a lot of people. Couple things to think about. 1) Are there ways you can keep going but change something to help? Going to see a therapist? Taking a short break? Talking about what's going on with your family? When you're stressed it's hard to remember all the support structures out there. 2) You need to ask yourself what is it worth to stay where you are (from a financial point of view). Is it worth a big payout in a few months to a year? Getting acquired is a good way to earn a big pile of FU money quick - and that will buy you all the time to relax and recoup that you need. Do what you need to do to get better, and dont trash what youve worked hard to build! You can do it! Hope to see you post your success story a few months/years from now!
• donohoe 9y ago
  1. Talk to your wife. She is there for you too. 2. Talk to a therapist or counselor. They can be amazing and helpful in ways you don't realize.
• unabst 9y ago
  To be honest, I think all founders are in some degree of pain. I mean, I say that hoping it will make you feel a little better, but it certainly won't solve any of your problems. For me, knowing I can quit whenever I want helps. I mean, I would literally quit and move on if things got too bad. There are plenty of opportunities. But as it turns out, either my pain tolerance is pretty high, or it's never gotten bad enough -- probably out of sheer luck. To me, your situation is straight forward. This is what you're missing. Well, two things. #1. You are burning out. Pretty standard, frankly. And anything could cause it. For some it's the mid-life crisis. For some it could even be diet. My mother took pills that caused night terrors. They stopped when she changed medication. The typical entrepreneurial cause would be "lost your passion". That thing that got you motivated before you went to work is no longer there. Your entrepreneurial mojo is gone. But of course, that makes for a good narrative, but in reality it could be anything. Even just plain fatigue. #2. I'm not sure how conscious entrepreneurs and founders are of this, but if you're a fan of first principles, you should be a fan of this one. An entrepreneur is someone that creates jobs. Though we can define it many ways, ultimately the core competence of an entrepreneur is in their ability to grow a company beyond just themselves, and... move on. So a successful entrepreneur is either serial - moves on from startup to startup, or is monolithic - they build one business but with multiple departments under one umbrella (a la Amazon or Microsoft or Apple, but head count still keeps growing). So #2 is your third option. This is what you need to do. > don't know how to make it work Figure this out, just like you did everything else. > The product is just too complicated (tons of domain knowledge required) for someone to come in and take over Simplify and document until you're out of paper, then train someone. > isn't that interesting Doesn't matter. Money is interesting. If they're being paid for work they agreed to do, it's just a matter of finding a professional worker. The thing about your third option is, at least to me, it's the obvious final step. If you're looking to get acquired successfully, then you are looking to be replaced, no? And the hurdles for your third option are exactly what would turn off anyone looking to take over. So for your own sake, and for the incoming new boss, you need to continue on with your third option. Anyway, hope that helps!
• brightball 9y ago
  I'm a little late on this one but I'd echo what many others here have said, find a way to push through to the sale and then talk with the board to first, distribute your workload and/or define an exit strategy. You're essentially sitting on a lottery ticket and when it hits, you'll have a heck of a lot more free time. Just looking at this from another perspective, I tried running a contract programming business for a few years that sucked up my life and eventually put me in the hospital at age 30. That business never consistently made money. Contract programming is very much a peaks-and-valleys experience and once you experience that for long enough you end up working like that. You kill yourself on the peaks in hopes to not experience the valleys. When it was over I was so happy to have a 40 hour a week job...it's a vacation by comparison. Consistency is the key. If you've got something that is generating a steady income, enough that it's profitable enough to be acquired...then it's on you to scale yourself down. It's also within your ability to do so. I see that you've cited domain specific knowledge. All knowledge can be learned and taught. You might not be able to hire somebody off the street like that, but you can most likely hire a few people and delegate. If the work isn't interesting, then you need to find a way to enhance the experience for people working there. Make the hours creative or the opportunity unique. See if you can find ways to let people experiment or add their own flavor to it. If it's wood-chopping dull, then maybe those creative efforts are better focused on automating the day to day? Wrote about my experience here if it helps: http://www.brightball.com/articles/what-exactly-happened-to-brightball-for-hire http://www.brightball.com/articles/what-exactly-happened-to-...
• TallGuyShort 9y ago
  If the third option of hiring someone to do your day to day really was impossible, this would never end. I would strongly recommend getting someone to come on board and start trying to take off some of the load / get up to speed. It might take a long time but either you're going to quit and ruin it anyway, it's going to kill you and that'll ruin it anyway, or that has to happen eventually. Start now. I get why it's hard: attracting someone who's committed, getting the incentives right for them to not feel the same way in 2 years, etc. But it's really worth focusing on attacking those specific issues as soon as you feel up to it. Even if the person just takes over some QA work / automation / simpler features and fixes, etc. Doesn't necessarily require an unreasonable amount of domain knowledge but if it frees up a couple of hours a day for you, you could take a hike in the mornings and stop feeling like crying about what you're not experiencing every day (or whatever it is you'd love to do instead of work). More immediately - it sounds like you need a vacation. I've been there with the whole fantasizing-about-walmart-construction-sites-and-grocery-stores but it's a dead-end in the long-run. Every job will wear on you and come with it's own set of hardship. Mentally less stressful? Possibly. But think of the very different set of people you'll interact with - possibly a huge culture shock. Think of what a bad day at work might look like at a construction site. In the rain and cold, a little physically injured, maybe having to deal with a client that's trying to screw your crew over on the contract? Probably making less money? And dealing with all the comes with? It's not much of a greener pasture once you get into it. I would bet what you're really in need of is a break and a change of scenery for a little while. If you can make that happen (and again - you need to or this is all destined for failure at some point), try that and see how you feel when you come back. By all means keep talking to people who have been there to get input - probably a lot of us on HN. Don't take all of it as gospel, but you're definitely not the only person to go through this, and you won't be the only person to figure out a way through it.
• throwaway122394 9y ago
  As a founder I can definitely relate. Everyday driving to/from the office my chest is so tight it feels hard to breath. I constantly think about my old friends that have real weekends, have time for hobbies, and get to leave their work at work. The main reason I keep going is that I actually enjoy the work. When I take a break I get excited about going back and continuing to build the company. Having worked landscaping/construction before starting a company, I can say I often think fondly of the simplicity of those jobs. Though when I was there I all I could think about was starting my own company. You really need to find a way to be happy regardless of what you're doing. That may be by just cutting back on how much you are working, delegating more, and finding meaning outside of work.
  • daxfohl 9y ago
    Hehe, someone in landscaping saying the grass is greener on the other side.
• heimatau 9y ago
  For what it's worth, my advice would be to get the sale done with conditions that you DON'T have to work for 2-5 years. If you have enough money to take a Sabbatical, then do it, 3 months or 6 months. I know many (mostly in academic field) that tend to 'find themselves' when they do these every 10 years or so. You sound like you're suffering from burnout. When is the last time you took an extended rest? I'd strongly advise that. Best of luck to you and I hope this reaches you! :)
• masukomi 9y ago
  Once upon a time i was pretty similarly stressed about my situation. I had a good job, and worked with good people, but was just completely burnt out. Based on my personal experience i believe that you will end up destroying yourself, the people you love, and possibly harming your company, with this all consuming depression. Get out. For me i spent a month riding my motorcycle across the country. Came back, worked for a little while met a fantastic woman, then quit and spent four months riding our motorcycles from Boston to the bottom of South America. Came back, and started working again. Of course, 6 years later i'm daydreaming about doing it all over again. ;) When i was young I was the child of an artist. We were pretty effing poor. But, we had food. We had a roof over our heads, and every day my mother worked doing something she loved. We were happy. Money isn't everything. Now, you've got the compounding aspect of the acquisition and not wanting to screw over your friends/coworkers just because you're depressed as all get-out. You are absolutely wrong that you can't offload your work to someone else (as you noted in the comments). You probably can't hand it over today, but you can start training someone else, and if you're like most people who think that then you're probably overestimating your capabilities and underestimating those of the people around you. I think you need to get out. Even if you decide to stay, you absolutely need to start offloading your stuff. Also. talk to your wife more about this, and maybe talk to a psychiatrist. Many of us have aversions to them but they have tools they can offer you to help you work through the more difficult moments until you can get yourself out of this situation in a way that works for you.
• osmala 9y ago
  Tim Ferris: Four Hour Workweek . Eliminate, Automate, Delegate... It can give you ideas on how to delegate more. Secondly figure out how to retain developers. If it causes you stress and hiring is real expense then you should invest in fixing it. Make developer work environment as good as possible and maybe pay slightly above market pay.Your job is to fix the environment to reduce turn over to compensate the boring product with other factors they value.
  • xemdetia 9y ago
    Another thing here- you are having exit interviews right? You aren't just letting people walk out the door in a huff? If people are genuinely unhappy and are leaving because of it there's an obvious signal here that you can get some feedback about. Does the pay suck? Is the work unrewarding for them as individuals? Are you not letting them share good ideas and not just shooting them down?
• daxfohl 9y ago
  Take a trip to the doctor, get some antidepressants or anti-anxiety medication prescribed. They'll level you out so you can focus rationally on getting stuff done without the anxiety. I never had much luck with therapy, but meds worked phenomenally. (And I was very very reluctant to start, fearing long-term effects, but after a few months I was able to come off of them with no problems). This project sounds like not a big life goal for you, so once you're stable, plan a nice end game. Plan for it to happen sooner rather than later. Think about other life goals you have, and how you can pursue them afterwards. Try to make time for these things. Anti-anxiety meds will help you do this. You regain a lot of time that unconsciously allocated to fretting. Let good enough be good enough. Try to get the company into a reasonable position but don't feel like it has to be perfect. Downsize a bit if need be. Learn to say No. People's lives are not dependent on your ability to do stuff for them. Focus on those things that create the most value with the least time/stress. Once you get to this point, you may even decide you like the company enough to stick with it.
• gigatexal 9y ago
  Get bought out and go on a much deserved vacation?
• palerdot 9y ago
  Maybe you are under depression. Give yourself some slack and take one day at a time.
• 0x4f3759df 9y ago
  You feel like you have no good options. There are always more options. Take a book-vacation. Get a bunch of biographies and go somewhere by yourself for a weekend and read other people's stories and you will get some perspective that might lead you to discover your options.
• pmarreck 9y ago
  couple thoughts. note: 45 and have seen much drama in my life: 1) At some point you SHOULD try one of those other jobs. Bartending, etc. See how the other side lives. Exercise your freedom and don't feel constrained to do this sort of work (even though the ship currently depends on you right now to keep acting in this role in order not to sink). 2) You should really have a better relationship with your wife. Open up to her in ALL ways, and she might surprise you. 3) I don't understand how the product could not be that interesting AND YET it is just too complicated. People generally find complexity interesting. What am I missing, here? 4) Perhaps you're burnt-out? When's the last time you took a 2 week vacation? You NEED to figure out how to make it possible to disappear for a while. Because your sanity depends on it. That all said... here is a bro-hug. People obviously find your work valuable. Take solace in that for the time being, at least.
• gdubs 9y ago
  Have you ever meditated before? Sometimes in these situations our minds just swirl non-stop and we spend all of our time aganozing over everything that might happened, or has happened. Meditation can help quiet your mind, and for a lot of people it can lead to being able to appreciate what's happening right now, in this moment. Nike founder Phil Knight said, "if all you see are problems, you're not thinking straight." You're probably not getting enough sleep. Perhaps consider taking a day or two to really just rest. No matter how important everything seems, you can almost always take a day or two. In fact, it sounds like you pretty much can't afford not to take a day or two and rest. Really sleep. I'm a believer in the idea that when we're rested, when our thoughts our quiet, we're able to see the right way forward. When things feel hopeless we're often just burnt, and need to rest. Phil Jackson, the champion NBA coach wrote a lot about his mediation practice. He had plenty of times in his life were he felt the way you're describing. He said knowing how to breath and quiet his mind saved him from many sleepless nights. Good luck and remember everything feels better after a solid 8 hours of sleep.
  • unoti 9y ago
    Excellent advice. Get sleep. Exercise. Eat well. See a psychiatrist; its very possible a single visit and prescription could make a radical difference in your life. Meditation/mindfulness, read the book "10 percent happier" which is available on Audible.
• rbistolfi 9y ago
  Hi founder, I think you are idealizing other jobs because you are suffering in your current position. I am from a development country where many would give it all in exchange of being in your shoes. I don't mean that your problem is not real or important. What I want to say is that you may be missing a lot of positive value because your perspective is narrowed by how you feel. Talk with your wife, you will feel way better, I am sure she will understand and support you. Find professional help, like a therapist. Compensate your day at work with activities that you enjoy, this can do wonders!. Hire someone, maybe not for replacing you because that is too hard, but for helping you with your tasks and having more time for doing things you enjoy. I am sure you will be able to build the strength you need for going through the acquisition an collecting the goodies of the hard work you have done over the years. I wish you all the best
• beejiu 9y ago
  If you feel like you are suffering from depression, see a doctor. They can give advice specific to your situation, which might involve therapy or drugs. The treatments do work.
• Mikho 9y ago
  What you describe is usually result of being reactive, not proactive in life. When you don't proactively control your life and rather react to other people's agendas, need to always face problems when they already happened, and extinguish fires, you end up exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally. Instead plan well ahead and make the world around you stick to your schedule and life rhythm. Being more proactive let you enjoy life much more while predicting fires and troubles well before they happen and, hence, being able to solve them on your own terms. Definitely it's only one of the reasons and maybe not even the biggest one. This is symptom of bigger disbalance in life that requires more free "me time" time for you, more calming and wondering to decide what's important for you in life, what you want from life. As an actionable solution I'd recommend 1/ to start meditating. It helps a lot to calm down and enjoy life. Also, 2/ start lead you life by saying more NOs to what's not on your own agenda. I like a lot Derek Sivers on saying NO: If you’re not saying “HELL YEAH!” about something, say “no”. https://sivers.org/hellyeah https://sivers.org/hellyeah
• ravimalik20 9y ago
  Hi. Have you considered the possibility that what you are facing is probably because of depression? I know, you would say that the work is the cause of depression. Either way, you should seek medical help for it. I have seen people waste away because of depression, my grandmother for one. It would be much better once your depression is under control and you'd be able to make a better decision. There is one thing thatI learned growing up, "Never make a decision when your head isn't straight". You'd be able to make a better decision once you are free of the burden of depression. Trust me, and see a doctor for depression. There's nothing bad about it.
• iaw 9y ago
  Is there an option between 1 & 2? Push the acquisition through but with an exit timeline for yourself. How much does the business depend on your day-to-day interaction?
• dmitripopov 9y ago
  You need a break. It's an obvious burnout and you won't get out of it unless you stop and go for vacation.
• arkades 9y ago
  I don't do internet diagnoses, but before you make any career- or life-altering decisions: You need to meet with a psychiatrist (MD) and be screened for depression. Being Depressed doesn't feel the way you think it does, and you're throwing up several flags. Please consider that your emotions right now might not be what you think they are, and that for mild depression (which one often sees in people in stressful life situations), very mild medications can be greatly efficacious. Please, please take this advice seriously. - an anonymous health care professional, who's been where you are.
• stevenalowe 9y ago
  If the product is complicated, requiring tons of domain knowledge, but the implementation is an uninteresting, glorified CRUD app, then part of the grinding suck for you and the developers might be the mismatch between the product domain model and the software's implementation model. As an advocate of domain-driven design, this situation would make me sad, too. Happy to discuss if you're so inclined.
• tarikozket 9y ago
  If your wife doesn't know about this, I can easily tell that you are doing something wrong. Believe me, your wife is the only one who can help you on this and give you the power needed. A little support she would show would make you feel like a baby. People are not around just to celebrate successes, especially the partners.
• wcummings 9y ago
  If youre financially secure, and can line up a new job, which I'm imagining you are and you can... Sure, fuck it, quit. Line up a new job at a big enterprise shop with lots of process and 9-5ers, tell them you'll start in 6 months. Spend that time exercising, enjoying your hobbies, and doing things with your wife/family/friends. This board is filled with people who fetishize entrepreneurship, the responses are going to slant that way, take them with a grain if salt. Hope everything works out for you.
• maxander 9y ago
  This thread has become piled high with self-help advice already, and none of us know whether our advice will help any with your own situation, but here's another take; make the best of one advantage you have, which is an endpoint. Pick a date and say to yourself (and probably also your wife), "on that day, I'm out of this shit job." Maybe with the uncertainty of selling you can't pick an actual day now, but do so as soon as you can, or say "at most X days after the sale." You know you probably aren't going to just quit outright, since the stakes are too high, but if each day is part of a process towards eventual quitting, that'll give it a bit more meaning. But also, for goodness' sake, take a vacation. The office is going to have to get used to your not being around eventually, why not practice now?
• gargarplex 9y ago
  I can't believe nobody's recommended "The E-Myth Revisited" yet. Take a month vacation and transfer the domain knowledge to paper.
• my_throw_away 9y ago
  A) Make time to de-stress. Force yourself if necessary. B) Exercise is a good way to de-stress. C) Start planning how to implement your third option. You need to do this anyway so that you are not a single point of failure. This is good risk mitigation practise. However I don't know enough about pitching/diplomacy/PR to tell you the best way to spin this to acquirers. D) You many need to delegate to multiple other staff, not just one. E) Once you are de-stressed, you will be better able to judge whether you are able to suck it up as necessary. F) Personally, I think that if it's only 2 more years, it may be worth sticking out, provided you first implement points A-E above. There is a big difference between 2 years and 5 years. You could give yourself a hard deadline to be out within 2 years, and take steps to make sure that you are not a single point of failure by that time.
• fred_is_fred 9y ago
  Working at Walmart is as far from stress free as you can be. Ever had to wonder if you would have enough money to feed your kids that night? Holy first world problems.
• dorianm 9y ago
  Why post it on Hacker News? What kind of advices were you expecting? Why not ask your wife? Why not ask your coworkers? Why not ask your friends? Why not ask your family? etc. They know you and your situation much better than any of us.
• JakeAl 9y ago
  Sounds to me like the problem is managing stress due to a lack of healthy growth. You are lacking leadership fundamentals guiding you in your life and career. Leadership is about awareness, knowledge, experience and skills in growing roles and responsibilities. That's a trite summary, but in short we are individual contributors, team managers, managers of teams, managers of managers, or organization leaders. We grow throughout these stages and healthy growth means not too fast and not too slow, but at a rate where we develop the experience and master the skills necessary to level up. Often we take on roles before we have the skills to do so, and when this keeps happening the damage piles up and eventually comes back to haunt you. That sounds like where you are now. In your post when you say you want to do something menial it says that you want to go back to the level of individual contributor. It means in moving past that role you didn't master something to prepare you for the next level and/or what you are doing at your current level is not commensurate with your skills and experience. That means what you are required to do in your role on a daily basis is beneath you or beyond you. Something is not consistent between your level/roles and responsibilities and your experience or else you wouldn't have a problem. Healthy growth keeps you engaged and moving forward at a rate consistent not with your wants but with your needs. You may not like doing something but that doesn't mean you have developed enough to move past doing it. You may like doing something but that doesn't mean someone at your level should be doing it. When you get stressed by something. It means you haven't mastered managing stress associated with tackling problems at that level. It may also mean that the organization is requiring you do things a person at your level should not be doing. Either way you shouldn't be getting stressed, you should be taking the appropriate action for someone at your level -- developing what you are lacking to manage stress (awareness, knowledge, experience and skills) or doing what needs to be done so someone at the appropriate level deals with things you shouldn't be. In short leadership of the company is mess. Most companies are because few understand the most basic principles I've vaguely described here. If you're getting stressed you need to understand why. Look at the levels I've described and start asking yourself in each role/level what stresses you out. That's where you failed to grow as you moved up, and where you need develop your experience and skills before you can move forward. Stress management and awareness are two of the most difficult things to master because of how entwined they are. Don't listen to anyone telling you to do drugs to manage stress or emotions. Instead, start by getting physical exercise. Go for a long walk alone regularly. It does wonders. It gives you time to reflect and think and plan. Getting the blood flowing physically allows the body to do what it does to manage stress chemically. If you need to do more, then level up your physical exercise to something more strenuous and active, but most people don't find walking to be a burden and can motivate themselves to go for a walk. It will address the most basic physical needs and buy you the time to reflect and address what mentally causes you stress.
• DamonHD 9y ago
  I was in a start-up (as an expensive hire) some years ago where each day was horrible, and I thought I was suffering terrible 'flu. The day the board flew in to fire me* and I stepped out into the sunshine the 'flu lifted instantly. Stress not 'flu in other words, which is I suspect is where you are. The crying was probably good, and supports my suggestion! And when you're that deep in stress it's even more difficult than usual to see a way out, to be rational, to separate the short-term from the long-term. I wasn't even a founder, and I have been founder of a handful of start-ups now, all with their bad moments. Can you ease off a bit, get someone else to help out, and get through acquisition? That is, a less binary view than you suggest. I don't think the buyer is likely to want either a dead company or a walking-dead company with a burnt-out founder. Even the big boys get overwhelmed and stressed out from time to time and have to take a break: http://uk.reuters.com/article/uk-lloyds-idUKTRE7A10Y620111102 http://uk.reuters.com/article/uk-lloyds-idUKTRE7A10Y62011110... http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/newsbysector/banksandfinance/8959785/Antonio-Horta-Osorio-the-bank-chief-who-just-could-not-switch-off.html http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/newsbysector/banksandfina... And all these years later he's steered Lloyds back into profit and the UK government just disposed of its final shares, also at a nominal profit. There is light at the end of the tunnel. It is probably not an oncoming train. But you need to give yourself a chance to get some perspective. *I did point out as a contractor that all they had to do was pay me up to the end of the day and say goodbye and I'd be happy. And I got to leave at noon. Bonus half day. The company did less well, but that's another story...
• WarrenBaker 9y ago
  If at all possible, I'd hire someone and gradually teach them the real pain points for you. Don't forget, something you hate may be something that someone else finds to be the coolest challenge! By giving them some things they might like as well as a few of the worst things in your work life, they could thrive and it cuts you some slack. Yes, it may be difficult domain material but people can learn and you may be surprised at how fast and how much of it someone who has a real interest in it can absorb. One of the reasons you feel completely trapped is that, effectively you are. You need to get one or two people who can start giving you a break. Then you will get perspective and can make reasonable career decisions. When you're trapped, it gets worse and worse and you may just toss all that work to now and walk. Hire someone, or delegate bits to others (or do both) to get some space from the things that are driving this ideation. You will be much happier and it will buy time to determine what you need to do for you to thrive. My heart goes out to you!
• damm 9y ago
  I don't really see a problem here; your mind is drifting wandering. Pretty clear that you are restless but it's likely mostly in you. 1. Meditation and taking time out of the day to enjoy your life 2. Take time out of your day to enjoy what you have 3. Remember to take time out of your day to enjoy life for what it is. Not what it can be. 4. Take time out of your day to appreciate your peers and your loved ones. Take them out to dinner or just show how much you appreciate them. 5. Lastly if you really want to quit; you need to setup an exit plan. It's clear you have a few excuses; hell don't we all. Can't find someone to replace you? well if the domain knowledge is high; it's likely needing to be documented and distilled down. Maybe it's too much for 1 person maybe 2 or 3 people could replace you. Lastly stop assuming life has to be a certain way; it's hard enough with all these assumptions and expectations lumped on us. By beating yourself up you are just doing yourself a disservice. Don't forget to tell yourself how amazing you are; I mean you are a founder at a company that is not in debt. You could be acquired; you don't have to be a founder forever it sounds like. Time to take time and celebrate.
• bobbybobbybob 9y ago
  Go do some CBT, then reevaluate.
• thepaulstella 9y ago
  FWIW, as someone who's worked those jobs (hard labor and customer service) for roughly 7 years prior to becoming a full-time programmer, I can assure that those jobs aren't stress free. Quite the opposite, actually. I try my hardest to never take my opportunities for granted and I can't imagine pining for the days of being treated like a low-level grunt of a company. I now have unyielding respect for those working those jobs by not idealizing their "simple" profession.
• cathaeichert 9y ago
  It is always the things we do not have that we crave the most, don't let yourself be fouled by the romantic "when finally this and that will have happened, when finally I work at McDonald's" ideas. As a psychologist it sounds to me like you're in a serious crisis, a mixture of burn out, depression and lack of meaning. There is no "trick" to magically just "snap out of it". You might find counseling, coaching or therapy useful (especially logotherapy which focuses on finding meaning in life). Please do not just see a GP to get some drugs, antidepressants treat a symptom (namely brain chemistry) but it doesn't solve the underlying Probleme. Just "sucking it up" will not work, please do not mistake mental problems as "oh it's ONLY mental, it's not like I'm REALLY ill" - psychological problems are DEADLY!! Depression on deadly! From my point of view it would be best not to give up all that you worked for for so long but to find someone you can train in your job and who can help you out. It might look like only you can do this job because it's so complex but it will not all collapse when you find someone to help you out for now, who you can train to learn how you manage stuff. They will learn and they will be able to manage it even though that might seem unrealistic to you at the moment. You NEED to take care of yourself before doing anything else at the moment. Don't go "but I have to be strong now and push through this" ... You will only become more miserable...Many people find it helpful to talk to a counselor to get a clearer picture about what they need now and how they can overcome their current struggle. Feel free to message me on Catharina.eichert@gmx.net if you have any questions, I'm happy to help out if anything I said resonated with you. Kind regards, Catharina
• JabavuAdams 9y ago
  I am amazed by the number of responses that aren't "find a mental health professional to talk to". Talk to your wife, then talk to your doctor. Don't wind up dead or making a rash decision that would seem silly when you're in a healthier frame of mind. I have had the experience of wanting to kill myself on a Friday, and then thinking "boy that was stupid" by Monday. Please seek help, before it gets worse. There is no shame in this.
• doppioslash 9y ago
  What you're feeling is sanity giving you a reality check. The possibility of starting to hate your own startup isn't much considered, but as you found out definitely exist. You might be heading towards a nice nervous breakdown. Definitely consider seriously making your load lighter, either by delegating your job, or quitting altogether. You're not going to get those years of life back.
• flaviusas 9y ago
  So it's a glorified CRUD app and domain knowledge is required. Why is that domain knowledge not built into the app?