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How to be mediocre and be happy with yourself

356 points by sjcsjc 10y ago

igf 10y ago
The vast majority of people on the planet are mediocre, and many people seem happy about it; or rather, if they're unhappy then they're unhappy about other things rather than their own mediocrity. But then you've got the interviewee for this article, who is probably not happy with her own mediocrity. You can tell this by how hard she insists that she is. People who are genuinely happy with their mediocrity don't go around blogging about it -- in fact, they don't think about it.
- random42 10y ago
  Depends. Many people come to realize their mediocrity after spending enough time under the sun. Accepting this realization and learning to be happy with it takes time -- especially at the beginning. Edit: Formatting
  - igf 10y ago
    >Many people come to realize their mediocrity after spending enough time under the sun. Accepting this realization and learning to be happy with it takes time -- especially at the beginning. I don't know, I think it only bothers those of us who were brought up being told "oh, you're so special". Those who were never told that in the first place never expected to be special, so it doesn't bother them when they grow up to find that they're not.
- erelde 10y ago
  I think you're mistaking someone who's happy but ignorant of their mediocrity, and someone who's aware of their own mediocrity but learned to still enjoy life despite the knowledge of their own condition. I'd say many people are aware (in some form or another) that they are in the middle of the Gaussian curve, but live perfectly "happy life". If such a thing exists, since I've yet to encounter someone "normal".
  - igf 10y ago
    >I think you're mistaking someone who's happy but ignorant of their mediocrity, and someone who's aware of their own mediocrity Not really, I don't think people are unaware of their mediocrity, it's just that it doesn't bother them. For instance I'm not unaware that I am mediocre at the 100m sprint, it's just that it has never occurred to me to be in the least bit bothered by this fact. There's plenty of people out there who are mediocre at sprinting as well as everything else, and are not bothered by their mediocrity along any of these axes.
- cableshaft 10y ago
  Or it's better for the cadence and call to action of the article for her to join in and act as if she is also mediocre and okay about it, so you should too. So she makes the claim, regardless of her actual belief (she might sort of believe it, too).
tibbetts 10y ago
The article gets it at the end even if the author doesn't appear to: in order to talk about mediocrity on an absolute scale you have to be thinking of achievement on an absolute scale, and that a flawed approach no matter what percentile you are at. Achievement, and happiness, and other metrics of utilitarian outcomes, should be measured in context, against your inclinations and potential and situation. Trying to grade yourself against an average or aggregate scale will not only be disappointing, it won't even help you accomplish the right things for yourself.
- _0ffh 10y ago
  Also, you'd have to be thinking of mediocrity along a single (or very few) dimensions. The more features of a person you look at, the more likely you'll find they're special in some way. I thought we'd established that in [1]. :-) [1] https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=11230287 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=11230287
sixhobbits 10y ago
"Mediocrity" is such an ill-defined concept. As you advance out of being mediocre, the pool of people you compare yourself to gets smaller, and you still end up feeling mediocre. When you get to Elon Musk levels, I would assume you switch from comparing yourself to those you know and instead compare yourself to historical figures (e.g. Henry Ford) and perhaps still feel mediocre. Then add in the Dunning-Kruger effect (the real one, not the popular misinterpretation of "you're so dumb that you think you're smart") and judging what exactly mediocre means becomes even more difficult. But in the end, sure you can convince yourself that the negative feeling of not achieving as much as you might have been able to isn't worth losing sleep over, and you might end up 'happier'. You can also try to leverage the feeling to stop yourself from wasting those 50+ hours rewatching Game of Thrones and instead putting that time into becoming more like someone who you perceive as being less mediocre than yourself.
- marcofloriano 10y ago
  Mediocrity is an illusion. Elon Musk "level" is an illusion. Musk for example, is a great entrepreneur but just an average (maybe mediocre?) husband: had two wives, divorced three times from the same, is that even possible? Now do i think he is mediocre? No way! Even as a husband only him can tell that, maybe not even his wives. Nobody know how hard it was for him to be in a marriage, or even get to marriage in the first place. Take again an small entrepreneur from Brazil, India or Africa in a small village. Are they mediocre? Sure, low money, not visible for the world, no New York Times covers. But how hard it really is to be a entrepreneur when all the education you had when you was a kid was how to ask for money in the streets? There's no mediocrity there's just this illusion created by the very riches and powerful to make even more money, to create a crazy game to make us feel bad and always keep charging for the carrot. In the end of the day, it's your job to respect everyone limitations, including yours, and never judge the guys next to you as mediocre, or yourself. You may not get in the history books, but a lot of people around you that need you and your "mediocrity" wont read then anyway.
  - NhanH 10y ago
    > In the end of the day, it's your job to respect everyone limitations, including yours, and never judge the guys next to you as mediocre, or yourself. You may not get in the history books, but a lot of people around you that need you and your "mediocrity" wont ready then anyway. History books are way overrated. I can name like 3 Roman emperors, one of them is famous for being killed. And those dudes are about on top of the world as you can get.
doc_holliday 10y ago
It's absolutely important to your well-being and happyness to understand when something is enough and to be at ease with what you have. Hedonistic tendancies teaches you to want more and more, you never appreciate what you have because once you have got it you want the next thing. It becomes a zero sum game and you've probably just sacrificed a whole heap of your precious time and health to achieve it. Many people fall trap to trying to beat others in what they have / what they do. They see their friend has a bigger house, they want a bigger house. They see their friend had a big weddding, they want a bigger wedding. They see their friend earns X a year, they want to earn X + Y a year. Remember, there are 7 billion people on the planet, you will probably not be the richest ever, so learn to be happy with what you have. This is not to say do not strive for improvement, just allow yourself to be happy.
- treehau5 10y ago
  Travel to a country where the average monthly salary is what equates to a few US dollars to do some charity/mission/volunteer work. Problem solved, at least for people who have a heart, which is most thankfully. We need to actively seek to humble ourselves. Now what I gave is an extreme example that only few have the heart or time/money to do, but the lesson is the same -- help those out who are less fortunate than you (other than sending money). It really puts things into perspective.
throwaway991199 10y ago
This sort of article should really serve as a wake up call to this community. There was another article here recently: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=12329255 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=12329255, where some comments mentioned that people should retrain once jobs become available for consistent automation. Lets take the simple example of the machine that picks apples: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBcWZcjXr-I https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBcWZcjXr-I Typically immigrants do this work, low educated immigrants. They do it because they can't get any other work in higher skilled professions. Sure they could be a driver, oh wait soon that will be autonomous. They could work in a warehouse, oh wait Amazon is doing it's best to disrupt that. They could be a cleaner? Oh wait, companies like Roomba and Dyson are working to disrupt that. The point I'm trying to make here, is for all the poorly/low educated people and lets be really, seriously honest are in the tens of millions. What are they going to do? I've traveled all over the world, all the continents. There are segments of the population that can't read, can't write, can't even grasp basic maths. They are the ones who depend on these low end jobs. Are you going to tell me with a straight face they they can re-train, go back to school and work in STEM? It's just not feasible. Also, who is going to pay for all these millions to retrain for years. Remember, they'll probably have to restart their education, basic maths, basic science, then college, then university. That's what 7 years? Who will pay for their living expenses for them and their family? There is a ticking time-bomb coming soon. Where we'll have an OMEGA man type of situation. All sorts of jobs will be automated and people won't have anything to do. What are the solutions? 1) Do we implement 1 child per couple policy? To lessen the burden on the state? 2) Do we provide free schooling with a zero-tolerance on NO child left behind? So that they can go on to STEM fields? 3) Are there enough places in STEM fields for those who do retrain to move into? Is this another thing for government to throw money at? 4) Does society move from a capitalist to a socialist/communist system? But what happens when government runs out of money? What are we going to do? Just saying people will retrain is just utter folly. There is a time-bomb ticking and some of you just don't realise it. Want to know the result of no jobs, low educated populous, government with no money, socialism failed. Oh yeah. Greece. How's that doing for the last 10 years? It will be like that for another 25.
- Pamar 10y ago
  Are you sure that "no jobs, low educated populous" really describes Greece? Especially "Greece 10 years ago"? I know plenty of highly educated Greek engineers or other professionals (e.g.: archeologists) and not being Greek myself I met them through international working groups, so I suppose they qualify as "educated-enough" outside their own borders, too. On top of that, the current economical situation of Greece is due to some decisions taken outside of Greece itself and it is debatable if the current state of Greece was really the only possible outcome for them.
CM30 10y ago
I think the key point here is this one: > social media ensures we're constantly exposed to the highlight reel of people's lives and that's leaving some feeling like they're not quite making the most of their time on this mortal coil. Social media and the internet has made it incredibly easy to see the various people out there who are in the top of their league at any particular hobby, vocation or activity, and made it seem like that's the 'norm'. If you're an entrepreneur, it can feel like everyone's making millions off their startup ideas and that anyone who isn't is a failure. If you're a web developer, it can seem like the majority of developers are experts in every one of the latest trendy languages and frameworks and that you suck for not being like that. If you're making a game, you might end up judging your worth in comparison to say, the makers of Minecraft or Pokemon GO. But keep in mind that these are outliers by default. The top percentage of people in a field are overrepresented online and even then, they mostly only post about the things going well in their lives. Most people are average, and for any one thing you're interested in, there will almost always be many millions of others who are either better or worse than you at it. And hey, you don't have to be 'great' or even 'good' at something to be successful in it. Many people who were 'average' in a field ended up doing really well in it regardless. Maybe they had a good team, maybe they put in a stupid amount of time, maybe they simply had the right idea at the right point in time. You can just as easily be an expert or prodigy toiling away in obscurity as you can a celebrity with few skills to speak of. In other words, don't worry too much about it.
- SmellTheGlove 10y ago
  Right there's my problem. I don't have a Facebook account at all, and my Twitter account has been rotting idle for a few years now. All I really stay active with is LinkedIn, but I've been in the corporate world long enough to not really care where people are on the pyramid any longer. You're telling me I need to make a FB account to feel like shit about myself? :)
  - WalterSear 10y ago
    IMHO, the hypothesis that 'social media makes you compare yourself to others more', while true, is overblown. I'd hazard that the overreliance on college undergrads as study subjects may have something to do with it.
cko 10y ago
I really have to internalize this message. I always feel like I have to be better and smarter than everyone around me just to feel adequate. I guess that's one characteristic of insecurity. Is this why romantic relationships seem to kill ambition? I've seen this in myself and some of my friends.
- mberger 10y ago
  Maybe it's lowering the testosterone? http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/13129483 http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/13129483
- Kenji 10y ago
  Why should romantic relationships kill ambition? In my experience, it's the exact opposite. It is very common that people make their best works when they are in love. Of course, if ambitions get in the way of the relationship, that is not healthy. But hey, nothing wrong with a bit of competing and trying to prove yourself.
wazoox 10y ago
There is a serious error in this article: by definition and etymology, "mediocre" means "in the middle, average, ordinary", absolutely not "the worst possible quality". The "tyranny of excellence" undeservedly pushed "mediocre" meaning for many people down towards "bad", but "mediocre" isn't really bad; it's just barely average.
- napworth 10y ago
  Welcome to the lack lust journalism of the BBC. I would call them mediocre, but that's not the correct way to explain "the worst possible journalistic quality."
  - icebraining 10y ago
    I'm not sure what you're criticizing them for; the current definition of mediocre, as commonly used, does imply bad, even if originally it didn't.
  - toomanybeersies 10y ago
    The BBC has really gone downhill recently, especially the "magazine" style articles. A lot of their business and future articles are done by freelancers, and many of them are literally ripper from Quora (albeit with attribution). Their news coverage is still good though, Lyse Doucet is a great journalist who did some fantastic coverage of the Arab Spring. They also manage to avoid shitting the bed whenever breaking news happens, as CNN in particular tends to do.
    - icc97 10y ago
      About the only thing I'd moan to the BBC about is that they still use flash for the videos on their website. The rest of the BBC website, Radios 1 - 6 + Asian, TV stations (perhaps some of BBC 3/4 is bottom feeding), weather forecasts, world news, is awesome. That's just all I can think of off the top of my head. Their articles are still decent enough that they'll make it to the front page of HN. In specific areas they can be bettered, e.g. I prefer some specific football (soccer) websites, but this isn't a moan just a fact that they have to cover everything. As a general resource certainly for world news I think they're the standard to match.
touristtam 10y ago
Why is this on HN?
- Jaruzel 10y ago
  From the FAQ/Submission Guidelines: What to Submit On-Topic: Anything that good hackers would find interesting. That includes more than hacking and startups. If you had to reduce it to a sentence, the answer might be: anything that gratifies one's intellectual curiosity. --- I think the amount of comments on this post satisfies the criteria.
  - touristtam 10y ago
    I find it disappointing as much by the quality of the submission as by the interest it is receiving on HN. That being said, thank you for replying to a honest question. :)
- cJ0th 10y ago
  many folks on HN consider "being mediocre" and "being happy" as mutually exclusive. The article is thus thought provoking for this audience and could be considered interesting according to the guidelines. That said, I have to say the article is at best ... uhm ... mediocre. I think it is a topic worth discussing, though.
guard-of-terra 10y ago
How to be reasonably good and productive while having a life and not cannibalizing your time with work? (or anything else for that matter) That's what should have been asked.
- mrleinad 10y ago
  Maybe "having a life" could be replaced with "being happy". It's different for each one and in the end it's the actual result of having a life that matters.
andrewclunn 10y ago
I was going to write a lengthy in depth comment, but this is good enough.
- mildbow 10y ago
  Yes, I do find your comment mediocre. Hope you're happy!
katzgrau 10y ago
Mediocre or not, my personal view is that everyone should envision themselves as the person they want to be. Being mediocre may or may not prevent you from achieving your highest goals, but believing in your mediocrity will prevent you from setting out to achieve those goals in the first place. Tell yourself what a badass you are every day, surround yourself by the kind of people you want to be, and keep persisting until you get what you want or are simply satisfied by the effort you put it. There are plenty of roadblocks between you and your dreams that are completely out of your control - and the question of whether you believe in yourself doesn't have to be one of them.
- k-mcgrady 10y ago
  >> "believing in your mediocrity will prevent you from setting out to achieve those goals in the first place" Why is this a problem? I would really like to have a successful business, live in a large house, and not have to worry about money. Achieving that is going to require me to spend the next 20-40 years working extremely hard, I'll be constantly stressed out, and in the end the chance of actually succeeding is quite low. On the other hand I could earn a nice salary, work 9-5 mon-fri, and live comfortably and happy for the rest of my life.
  - katzgrau 10y ago
    Comfortable and happy is a great place to be - no argument there. It's my personal end goal. But don't think that your idea indefinite comfort and happiness is everyone's version of mediocrity - to many, it's the definition of wild success. For the larger world population - not to be cliche - believe in your own ability to achieve what you want. There are too many people (including oneself) who want to tell you what you are and aren't capable of.
scythe 10y ago
The dominant ideology of Western aesthetics in life is existentialism: the idea of excelling by your own definition. But in order for this to be meaningful, "your definition" has to be socially informed, and yet by construction, it's not part of the theory. In some sense there's an essential tension between the need to be free and the need to not be insane. Unfortunately, succeeding according to a socially-informed but ill-defined set of criteria basically always reduces to being socially successful in one way or another, and it might be cheeky, but it's true, to point out that this is a perfectly reasonable metric of success... for philosophers. However, the fact is that everyone can't be socially successful, and the result is that many people who are motivated by existentialism in its popular form end up unsuccessful and unhappy. Note that "social success" does not mean socializing; Paul Dirac was extremely socially successful, yet nearly incapable of socializing. And despite this it strikes me that he would have been less happy if he had not been one of the greatest physicists in history: introversion or even (possibly) autism is no antidote to vanity. In light of this people point the blame at social media, but don't ideas matter?
Kenji 10y ago
I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best. - Oscar Wilde
SCdF 10y ago
In my mid-twenties I had this peak of "I'm going to make the next Facebook for cats and it's going to be amazing". After repeatedly trying to have an enjoyable life and make the aforementioned Catbook* I realised that I'm actually pretty OK with not being super duper rich and famous. I quite like being out to chill out and watch some dumb youtube crap. Or actually spend time with my partner. Or put my health (running, sleeping a good amount, not using a computer too much etc) above some violent need to succeed. In my early thirties I've now taken two pay cuts to move to jobs that I thought would be more enjoyable, as opposed to more important / prestigious / success signifying. I still tinker around and would like to produce something all on my own, but I don't really care if I don't. What I'm doing now for someone else is important enough. *Not actually it, obviously I'm not a complete failure
- gutnor 10y ago
  That is harder to achieve that state of mind in the larger more expensive cities. Everything around you always remind you how poor you are. I'm not talking about the luxury thing, but stuff like renting/buying a flat were you have enough space for your hobby while not commuting for crazy hours. Paying for nursery, ... And of course, your monkey brain require constant reminder that you don't actually care about whatever new stuff everything else seems to care about. Then I have had the opportunity to work for a few months in the middle of nowhere. (i.e. rural Spain) Having a relaxed perspective was way easier without the constant reminder of your financial inadequacy.
  - SCdF 10y ago
    As we type I'm sitting in a cafe in central London. I agree. Was looking for good repairable shoes on the weekend. El. Oh. El. Back to shoes that break every 6 months for me! It helps that I have a partner who also makes money. If she didn't I wouldn't be here at all.
    - sotojuan 10y ago
      Why not just get some low mid tier shoes like Clarks? I spent 3 years of high school with one pair of Clarks boots—they died shortly after graduation. Never had them repaired. The second pair lasted about 2 years since I moved to a city where you walked way more. Definitely worth it.
ThomPete 10y ago
Normally when people ask me why us Danes are considered the happiest people in the world I always answer the same way. We have no aspirations and are totally fine with living a mediocre life. The entire society is based on that (with the high level of wealth redistribution) Good enough is almost the definition of Danish working culture. It's not for everyone (I moved) but it sure is a good quality of life.
- prostoalex 10y ago
  "Over there you think of nothing but becoming President of the United States some day. Potentially every man is Presidential timber. Here it's different. Here every man is potentially a zero. If you become something or somebody it is an accident, a miracle." Henry Miller, "Tropic of Cancer" (1934)
- erikb 10y ago
  I really like that. But the thing is, even if we Europeans are still quite protected from the outside world the outside world is still there. And there are always people who try to take what you have. So having some fighting skills is also necessary, I think. Life is not just about finding happiness.
  - ThomPete 10y ago
    Oh I agree completely. I believe it's a major risk despite Denmark doing quite well on many other areas (design, gastronomy, sports architecture) it's size taken into account. I also think it's changing quite a lot because the younger generations grew up with social networks and so a certain amount of equalizing between cultures in certain areas is happening. As an example x-factor the music talent show is still doing well in Denmark. What is interesting is that over the years the quality of the contestants have really improved especially in the young category. My theory is that this is because the young generation is seeing how good contestants from other countries are and so what's good enough changes. My luck was that I did an internship when I was really young in the US and learned just how good the good really are. Their luck is that they are surrounded by talent which pushes everyones understanding of "good enough"
teekert 10y ago
I love this post: http://waitbutwhy.com/2013/09/why-generation-y-yuppies-are-unhappy.html http://waitbutwhy.com/2013/09/why-generation-y-yuppies-are-u... Hits home for me. Life expectations people. You're not great, your 35 and your farther is still not driving your Porche as he always wanted. But hey, you have a house, income and food every day. How beautiful is that? Try to long for the things you already have (as it taught in this "always popular on HN" -book http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/5617966-a-guide-to-the-good-life http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/5617966-a-guide-to-the-go...)
lambdacomplete 10y ago
There has been a scientific study about what makes people "happy" [1]. It's even something we can easily test personally: relationships. No matter what, relationships create that emotional swing that makes our lives interesting (assuming a psychologically "healthy" person, by today's standards). That said, how many people actively pursue relationships? To me a person who has tons of friends (the kind you spend time with on trips etc. not the kind you text every once in a while to see how they are doing) but works a frustrating 9-5 job at a bank is definitely not someone I'd look up to. On the other hand a person who is extremely successful in his field, wins the most prestigious award in that field, but does not (again, by today's standards) live a healthy life does not set a good example either [2]. So what's the optimal situation? And appearances don't help. I have no idea whether Elon Musk (since he was mentioned in another comment) is happy. I just know he looks successful. In my mind he's the kind of guy that enters a room and automatically and instantly gets the respect and admiration of the "smart" people in there. Does he even care about that? Am I being tricked into seeing Elon Musk as a status symbol like I'm tricked into seeing the iPhone as one of the best smartphones out there? Happiness is definitely more complex than accepting what you do as "special". Accepting your current situation is a great way to start clearing up the cloud of things you consider important but if that was really the way to be happy why would we even bother improving ourselves or society? I hate to say this but I almost feel like this is the classic story of the fox and the grapes. When the fox can't reach the grapes says they are not ripe. What if happiness was about pursuing something, regardless of the end result? Refs: [1] https://www.ted.com/talks/robert_waldinger_what_makes_a_good_life_lessons_from_the_longest_study_on_happiness?language=en https://www.ted.com/talks/robert_waldinger_what_makes_a_good... [2] http://www.nature.com/news/2006/060821/full/news060821-5.html http://www.nature.com/news/2006/060821/full/news060821-5.htm...
- papapra 10y ago
  In the ted talk, he doesn't explain why this is not just a correlation. Maybe there is something else that makes you happy and makes one better at having relationships. For exemple, someone who has anxiety disorder will not be good with relationships and most probably will be unhappy. But the root cause of unhappines is anxiety.
ioda 10y ago
"Everybody is a Genius. But If You Judge a Fish by Its Ability to Climb a Tree, It Will Live Its Whole Life Believing that It is Stupid."- Einstein "Mediocrity" arises only when compared. And comparison is plain stupid. My genes are different. The life circumstance through which I have gone through are different. My responses to various stimuli are different. My pleasure points are different. My pain points are different. My memory is different. The things that I consider important in my life are different.Every single thing about me is different from that of anybody else in this world. And yet, if I want to compare myself to some other person on a specific domain, I should be plain stupid. Instead I would happily compare myself with myself. Am I giving my personal best? Am I getting paid in 'currencies that are important to me'? Life is not single subject course. It is a multi disciplinary course. One may have ideas about becoming the greatest entrepreneur, the greatest artist or the greatest politician. But not many people talk about being a great child, being a great brother, being a great husband, being a great friend, being a great father or being a great grand father. You may think that you got an "A' in a particular subject. But you may be a complete failure in other. If you are OK with it, no issues. But make sure that you scored 'A' in subjects that you thought important, and not someone else thought important. I would love to believe that there is no such thing as 'Mediocrity'. The greatest tragedy is to not have lived the life that you wanted to live.
- Luc 10y ago
  Not Einstein. It's never Einstein. The greatest tragedy in life is to misquote Einstein. http://quoteinvestigator.com/2013/04/06/fish-climb/ http://quoteinvestigator.com/2013/04/06/fish-climb/
  - dTal 10y ago
    "The greatest tragedy in life is to misquote Einstein." --Albert Einstein
  - deleted 10y ago
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  - icc97 10y ago
    That quote investigation is definitely not mediocre. That puts snopes to shame. Now of course snopes feels mediocre. Sorry snopes, I didn't mean it.
SmellTheGlove 10y ago
Mediocre, or just average? Mediocre implies something, like you're lazy, not trying your best or otherwise leaving something on the table that you should grab. The outcome is being average, and there's nothing wrong with that at all. I have for sure been gunning for the next promotion, but I've started to question my motives there - I'm director level now, and is the personal sacrifice really worth it to keep moving up? I started to do the math for us. Public school starts in 2 years, there's $1000/mo back in our bank account (private pre-k/preschool now). My federal student loans can "only" go another 18 years max. Mortgage will stick around, but isn't terrible. Cars are paid off. And my wife stays at home, which was a goal for us (she was a director too, that was a fun adjustment financially). Right now I spend every dollar that comes through the door on mostly non-optional things. Some months a little more. But I'm realizing that in terms of financial obligation, I may be at or near my high water mark. I never realized that before. If I never get another promotion, we'd likely be just fine, even improving financially over the next decade or two. So the question becomes, do I really need to hit VP or whatever other level? It's not to say I don't work hard now, but I mostly leave the office to get home by 5. I take all of my vacation time and wish I had more. Maybe I have the potential to keep moving up, maybe I don't, but the question is really becoming more whether I'm willing to put in more time and energy here, rather than outside of work. I think I'm pretty good at what I do, but does that obligate me to go as hard as I can at that thing I do pretty well, and subjugate everything else just a little more? I don't think it does.
- Cyph0n 10y ago
  I completely agree with your viewpoint. Sometimes you have to weigh the time commitment required to get more money against the time you currently have. For me, the more off time I can get, the better. It's not that I'm lazy, but it's just that I'd rather enjoy what life has to offer while I can. But if I feel that I can get more money and satisfaction that's worth it, I'd go for it.
  - SmellTheGlove 10y ago
    I hear you. I spent some time in big consulting before I became a lawyer (and before I went back to tech), and the number of people that derive their self worth from their work accomplishments was very high. That, in and of itself, isn't surprising, but I theorize that many (most?) weren't always of the live-to-work variety. However, they put in the mega hours in at work early on, kept going, and by age 30 work was all that remained. So it became about work for the sake of work, rather than the life outside. Having been in two of the more soul-crushing industries, I'd rather find a better balance. I also realized in typing this that I was a real glutton for punishment in my 20's.
sillyquiet 10y ago
This is a very first-world way of looking at the world. What about self-sacrifice? What about the drive to 'change the world', to use the cliche? To use a bad analogy, a mediocre farmer wouldn't feed as many people.
JMCQ87 10y ago
>I put it to her that all of that doesn't sound very average to me. >She pauses and laughs sheepishly. "I guess it just depends on who you're comparing me to." That's the key thing. If I compare myself to the average person, I'm obviously not "mediocre". However, compared to some people who (I think) have had similar opportunities and potential, I probably am.
- deleted 10y ago
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DrNuke 10y ago
Social gamification is almost impossible to evade but you can still disconnect and carry on with your own local life.
khaledh 10y ago
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tvos4nORf_Y https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tvos4nORf_Y How Will You Measure Your Life? Clay Christensen at TEDxBoston This is a very inspiring presentation, especially towards the end. The take away is that it's not important how high you went up a certain hierarchy or how much money you have in the bank. The important question is what did you do with your life to make other people's lives better? When you're put in certain situations that touch other people's lives, it's for a reason, and your life will be measured by how you did in those situations.
jrs235 10y ago
Seriously, everyone should read The Underachiever's Manifesto: The Guide to Accomplishing Little and Feeling Great[1] (after they turn 18, in hopes it doesn't encourage them to drop out :). I'd recommend getting a used hard copy and placing it on your coffee table. It's a quick and humorous read that helps bring the lighter side of things back into perspective. [1] http://amzn.to/2bAi7dN http://amzn.to/2bAi7dN
- mkagenius 10y ago
  Pretty costly for me in India, I'll pass and feel curious.
  - jrs235 10y ago
    Is the cost prohibitive because of shipping? There is a kindle version too. How many U.S. dollars is a standard Indian weekly salary?
    - mkagenius 10y ago
      Monthly average salary would be around $1000. I do not own a kindle. I would buy it if it costed $10 or so but due to shipping it would cost me around $50 (old one probably around $30)
      - jrs235 10y ago
        While not ideal, you can read kindle books on a computer using Amazon's Kindle Cloud Reader[1]. [1] https://read.amazon.com/ https://read.amazon.com/
- mherrmann 10y ago
  Just ordered it. I'm curious!
- cpeterso 10y ago
  The original Peter Principle book ends with a look at various degrees of dropping out and managing happiness before you reach your own success plateau. The book seems dated, but it's a classic. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_principle https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_principle
ObeyTheGuts 10y ago
This read was 100% onion article
advertising 10y ago
Had to be a CEO and rich until I tried being both of those things and realized it wasn't as important as I thought. Pursuit of those things was quite an unhappy pursuit. But I needed to know I had tried before I was comfortable not being those things. Maybe instead of being average, focus on your average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. :D
isuckatcoding 10y ago
I think this is getting a little too much into semantics but I see people here using "mediocre" as being synonymous with being "average". What if I'm feeling BELOW average? :-)
amelius 10y ago
> How to be mediocre and be happy with yourself However, the hard truth is that both evolution and capitalism don't care about mediocre people, and whether or not they are happy with themselves. I think that's a missed point.
- pzone 10y ago
  Evolution functions at the level of populations, not individuals. The individual's mandate is always simply to lead their best life. Evolution is a phenomenon that happens on top of that but defines it. Letting go of your dreams of long-run impact on the world's gene pool is just as important as letting go of your dreams about being the greatest entrepreneur of all time. Those dreams are probably making you miserable without improving your life. As far as capitalism, I disagree. To whatever extent modern capitalism cares about people, it cares enough about mediocre ones to let most of them live modern, comfortable lives in today's society.
jokoon 10y ago
Mediocre falls along the "good versus bad" metric, which honestly is not the most valid. It's true, it's easy to feel like society and capitalism in general are becoming a rat race. Excellency is neither subjective or objective, it's just a made up social norm that people create in their head for competitive purposes. What do you want millions of dollars for? To travel the world for all the rest of your life? I see so many people fighting during their vacations. If you're the best at your job, will the world really be improved by your contribution? Innovator tend to explore beyond what society wants, and when it works, it works great.
Artoemius 10y ago
I'm surprised that not a single comment here suggested that mediocrity is boring. Boredom is of course a subjective state of mind, but I have a feeling that the average and the boring cannot be entirely statistically unrelated in humans.

356 points by sjcsjc 10y ago

igf 10y ago

The vast majority of people on the planet are mediocre, and many people seem happy about it; or rather, if they're unhappy then they're unhappy about other things rather than their own mediocrity. But then you've got the interviewee for this article, who is probably not happy with her own mediocrity. You can tell this by how hard she insists that she is. People who are genuinely happy with their mediocrity don't go around blogging about it -- in fact, they don't think about it.

random42 10y ago
Depends. Many people come to realize their mediocrity after spending enough time under the sun. Accepting this realization and learning to be happy with it takes time -- especially at the beginning. Edit: Formatting
- igf 10y ago
  >Many people come to realize their mediocrity after spending enough time under the sun. Accepting this realization and learning to be happy with it takes time -- especially at the beginning. I don't know, I think it only bothers those of us who were brought up being told "oh, you're so special". Those who were never told that in the first place never expected to be special, so it doesn't bother them when they grow up to find that they're not.
erelde 10y ago
I think you're mistaking someone who's happy but ignorant of their mediocrity, and someone who's aware of their own mediocrity but learned to still enjoy life despite the knowledge of their own condition. I'd say many people are aware (in some form or another) that they are in the middle of the Gaussian curve, but live perfectly "happy life". If such a thing exists, since I've yet to encounter someone "normal".
- igf 10y ago
  >I think you're mistaking someone who's happy but ignorant of their mediocrity, and someone who's aware of their own mediocrity Not really, I don't think people are unaware of their mediocrity, it's just that it doesn't bother them. For instance I'm not unaware that I am mediocre at the 100m sprint, it's just that it has never occurred to me to be in the least bit bothered by this fact. There's plenty of people out there who are mediocre at sprinting as well as everything else, and are not bothered by their mediocrity along any of these axes.
cableshaft 10y ago
Or it's better for the cadence and call to action of the article for her to join in and act as if she is also mediocre and okay about it, so you should too. So she makes the claim, regardless of her actual belief (she might sort of believe it, too).

tibbetts 10y ago

The article gets it at the end even if the author doesn't appear to: in order to talk about mediocrity on an absolute scale you have to be thinking of achievement on an absolute scale, and that a flawed approach no matter what percentile you are at. Achievement, and happiness, and other metrics of utilitarian outcomes, should be measured in context, against your inclinations and potential and situation. Trying to grade yourself against an average or aggregate scale will not only be disappointing, it won't even help you accomplish the right things for yourself.

_0ffh 10y ago
Also, you'd have to be thinking of mediocrity along a single (or very few) dimensions. The more features of a person you look at, the more likely you'll find they're special in some way. I thought we'd established that in [1]. :-) [1] https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=11230287 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=11230287

sixhobbits 10y ago

"Mediocrity" is such an ill-defined concept. As you advance out of being mediocre, the pool of people you compare yourself to gets smaller, and you still end up feeling mediocre. When you get to Elon Musk levels, I would assume you switch from comparing yourself to those you know and instead compare yourself to historical figures (e.g. Henry Ford) and perhaps still feel mediocre. Then add in the Dunning-Kruger effect (the real one, not the popular misinterpretation of "you're so dumb that you think you're smart") and judging what exactly mediocre means becomes even more difficult. But in the end, sure you can convince yourself that the negative feeling of not achieving as much as you might have been able to isn't worth losing sleep over, and you might end up 'happier'. You can also try to leverage the feeling to stop yourself from wasting those 50+ hours rewatching Game of Thrones and instead putting that time into becoming more like someone who you perceive as being less mediocre than yourself.

marcofloriano 10y ago
Mediocrity is an illusion. Elon Musk "level" is an illusion. Musk for example, is a great entrepreneur but just an average (maybe mediocre?) husband: had two wives, divorced three times from the same, is that even possible? Now do i think he is mediocre? No way! Even as a husband only him can tell that, maybe not even his wives. Nobody know how hard it was for him to be in a marriage, or even get to marriage in the first place. Take again an small entrepreneur from Brazil, India or Africa in a small village. Are they mediocre? Sure, low money, not visible for the world, no New York Times covers. But how hard it really is to be a entrepreneur when all the education you had when you was a kid was how to ask for money in the streets? There's no mediocrity there's just this illusion created by the very riches and powerful to make even more money, to create a crazy game to make us feel bad and always keep charging for the carrot. In the end of the day, it's your job to respect everyone limitations, including yours, and never judge the guys next to you as mediocre, or yourself. You may not get in the history books, but a lot of people around you that need you and your "mediocrity" wont read then anyway.
- NhanH 10y ago
  > In the end of the day, it's your job to respect everyone limitations, including yours, and never judge the guys next to you as mediocre, or yourself. You may not get in the history books, but a lot of people around you that need you and your "mediocrity" wont ready then anyway. History books are way overrated. I can name like 3 Roman emperors, one of them is famous for being killed. And those dudes are about on top of the world as you can get.

doc_holliday 10y ago

It's absolutely important to your well-being and happyness to understand when something is enough and to be at ease with what you have. Hedonistic tendancies teaches you to want more and more, you never appreciate what you have because once you have got it you want the next thing. It becomes a zero sum game and you've probably just sacrificed a whole heap of your precious time and health to achieve it. Many people fall trap to trying to beat others in what they have / what they do. They see their friend has a bigger house, they want a bigger house. They see their friend had a big weddding, they want a bigger wedding. They see their friend earns X a year, they want to earn X + Y a year. Remember, there are 7 billion people on the planet, you will probably not be the richest ever, so learn to be happy with what you have. This is not to say do not strive for improvement, just allow yourself to be happy.

treehau5 10y ago
Travel to a country where the average monthly salary is what equates to a few US dollars to do some charity/mission/volunteer work. Problem solved, at least for people who have a heart, which is most thankfully. We need to actively seek to humble ourselves. Now what I gave is an extreme example that only few have the heart or time/money to do, but the lesson is the same -- help those out who are less fortunate than you (other than sending money). It really puts things into perspective.

throwaway991199 10y ago

This sort of article should really serve as a wake up call to this community. There was another article here recently: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=12329255 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=12329255, where some comments mentioned that people should retrain once jobs become available for consistent automation. Lets take the simple example of the machine that picks apples: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBcWZcjXr-I https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBcWZcjXr-I Typically immigrants do this work, low educated immigrants. They do it because they can't get any other work in higher skilled professions. Sure they could be a driver, oh wait soon that will be autonomous. They could work in a warehouse, oh wait Amazon is doing it's best to disrupt that. They could be a cleaner? Oh wait, companies like Roomba and Dyson are working to disrupt that. The point I'm trying to make here, is for all the poorly/low educated people and lets be really, seriously honest are in the tens of millions. What are they going to do? I've traveled all over the world, all the continents. There are segments of the population that can't read, can't write, can't even grasp basic maths. They are the ones who depend on these low end jobs. Are you going to tell me with a straight face they they can re-train, go back to school and work in STEM? It's just not feasible. Also, who is going to pay for all these millions to retrain for years. Remember, they'll probably have to restart their education, basic maths, basic science, then college, then university. That's what 7 years? Who will pay for their living expenses for them and their family? There is a ticking time-bomb coming soon. Where we'll have an OMEGA man type of situation. All sorts of jobs will be automated and people won't have anything to do. What are the solutions? 1) Do we implement 1 child per couple policy? To lessen the burden on the state? 2) Do we provide free schooling with a zero-tolerance on NO child left behind? So that they can go on to STEM fields? 3) Are there enough places in STEM fields for those who do retrain to move into? Is this another thing for government to throw money at? 4) Does society move from a capitalist to a socialist/communist system? But what happens when government runs out of money? What are we going to do? Just saying people will retrain is just utter folly. There is a time-bomb ticking and some of you just don't realise it. Want to know the result of no jobs, low educated populous, government with no money, socialism failed. Oh yeah. Greece. How's that doing for the last 10 years? It will be like that for another 25.

Pamar 10y ago
Are you sure that "no jobs, low educated populous" really describes Greece? Especially "Greece 10 years ago"? I know plenty of highly educated Greek engineers or other professionals (e.g.: archeologists) and not being Greek myself I met them through international working groups, so I suppose they qualify as "educated-enough" outside their own borders, too. On top of that, the current economical situation of Greece is due to some decisions taken outside of Greece itself and it is debatable if the current state of Greece was really the only possible outcome for them.

CM30 10y ago

I think the key point here is this one: > social media ensures we're constantly exposed to the highlight reel of people's lives and that's leaving some feeling like they're not quite making the most of their time on this mortal coil. Social media and the internet has made it incredibly easy to see the various people out there who are in the top of their league at any particular hobby, vocation or activity, and made it seem like that's the 'norm'. If you're an entrepreneur, it can feel like everyone's making millions off their startup ideas and that anyone who isn't is a failure. If you're a web developer, it can seem like the majority of developers are experts in every one of the latest trendy languages and frameworks and that you suck for not being like that. If you're making a game, you might end up judging your worth in comparison to say, the makers of Minecraft or Pokemon GO. But keep in mind that these are outliers by default. The top percentage of people in a field are overrepresented online and even then, they mostly only post about the things going well in their lives. Most people are average, and for any one thing you're interested in, there will almost always be many millions of others who are either better or worse than you at it. And hey, you don't have to be 'great' or even 'good' at something to be successful in it. Many people who were 'average' in a field ended up doing really well in it regardless. Maybe they had a good team, maybe they put in a stupid amount of time, maybe they simply had the right idea at the right point in time. You can just as easily be an expert or prodigy toiling away in obscurity as you can a celebrity with few skills to speak of. In other words, don't worry too much about it.

SmellTheGlove 10y ago
Right there's my problem. I don't have a Facebook account at all, and my Twitter account has been rotting idle for a few years now. All I really stay active with is LinkedIn, but I've been in the corporate world long enough to not really care where people are on the pyramid any longer. You're telling me I need to make a FB account to feel like shit about myself? :)
- WalterSear 10y ago
  IMHO, the hypothesis that 'social media makes you compare yourself to others more', while true, is overblown. I'd hazard that the overreliance on college undergrads as study subjects may have something to do with it.

cko 10y ago

I really have to internalize this message. I always feel like I have to be better and smarter than everyone around me just to feel adequate. I guess that's one characteristic of insecurity. Is this why romantic relationships seem to kill ambition? I've seen this in myself and some of my friends.

mberger 10y ago
Maybe it's lowering the testosterone? http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/13129483 http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/13129483
Kenji 10y ago
Why should romantic relationships kill ambition? In my experience, it's the exact opposite. It is very common that people make their best works when they are in love. Of course, if ambitions get in the way of the relationship, that is not healthy. But hey, nothing wrong with a bit of competing and trying to prove yourself.

wazoox 10y ago

There is a serious error in this article: by definition and etymology, "mediocre" means "in the middle, average, ordinary", absolutely not "the worst possible quality". The "tyranny of excellence" undeservedly pushed "mediocre" meaning for many people down towards "bad", but "mediocre" isn't really bad; it's just barely average.

napworth 10y ago
Welcome to the lack lust journalism of the BBC. I would call them mediocre, but that's not the correct way to explain "the worst possible journalistic quality."
- icebraining 10y ago
  I'm not sure what you're criticizing them for; the current definition of mediocre, as commonly used, does imply bad, even if originally it didn't.
- toomanybeersies 10y ago
  The BBC has really gone downhill recently, especially the "magazine" style articles. A lot of their business and future articles are done by freelancers, and many of them are literally ripper from Quora (albeit with attribution). Their news coverage is still good though, Lyse Doucet is a great journalist who did some fantastic coverage of the Arab Spring. They also manage to avoid shitting the bed whenever breaking news happens, as CNN in particular tends to do.
  - icc97 10y ago
    About the only thing I'd moan to the BBC about is that they still use flash for the videos on their website. The rest of the BBC website, Radios 1 - 6 + Asian, TV stations (perhaps some of BBC 3/4 is bottom feeding), weather forecasts, world news, is awesome. That's just all I can think of off the top of my head. Their articles are still decent enough that they'll make it to the front page of HN. In specific areas they can be bettered, e.g. I prefer some specific football (soccer) websites, but this isn't a moan just a fact that they have to cover everything. As a general resource certainly for world news I think they're the standard to match.

touristtam 10y ago

Why is this on HN?

Jaruzel 10y ago
From the FAQ/Submission Guidelines: What to Submit On-Topic: Anything that good hackers would find interesting. That includes more than hacking and startups. If you had to reduce it to a sentence, the answer might be: anything that gratifies one's intellectual curiosity. --- I think the amount of comments on this post satisfies the criteria.
- touristtam 10y ago
  I find it disappointing as much by the quality of the submission as by the interest it is receiving on HN. That being said, thank you for replying to a honest question. :)
cJ0th 10y ago
many folks on HN consider "being mediocre" and "being happy" as mutually exclusive. The article is thus thought provoking for this audience and could be considered interesting according to the guidelines. That said, I have to say the article is at best ... uhm ... mediocre. I think it is a topic worth discussing, though.

guard-of-terra 10y ago

How to be reasonably good and productive while having a life and not cannibalizing your time with work? (or anything else for that matter) That's what should have been asked.

mrleinad 10y ago
Maybe "having a life" could be replaced with "being happy". It's different for each one and in the end it's the actual result of having a life that matters.

andrewclunn 10y ago

I was going to write a lengthy in depth comment, but this is good enough.

mildbow 10y ago
Yes, I do find your comment mediocre. Hope you're happy!

katzgrau 10y ago

Mediocre or not, my personal view is that everyone should envision themselves as the person they want to be. Being mediocre may or may not prevent you from achieving your highest goals, but believing in your mediocrity will prevent you from setting out to achieve those goals in the first place. Tell yourself what a badass you are every day, surround yourself by the kind of people you want to be, and keep persisting until you get what you want or are simply satisfied by the effort you put it. There are plenty of roadblocks between you and your dreams that are completely out of your control - and the question of whether you believe in yourself doesn't have to be one of them.

k-mcgrady 10y ago
>> "believing in your mediocrity will prevent you from setting out to achieve those goals in the first place" Why is this a problem? I would really like to have a successful business, live in a large house, and not have to worry about money. Achieving that is going to require me to spend the next 20-40 years working extremely hard, I'll be constantly stressed out, and in the end the chance of actually succeeding is quite low. On the other hand I could earn a nice salary, work 9-5 mon-fri, and live comfortably and happy for the rest of my life.
- katzgrau 10y ago
  Comfortable and happy is a great place to be - no argument there. It's my personal end goal. But don't think that your idea indefinite comfort and happiness is everyone's version of mediocrity - to many, it's the definition of wild success. For the larger world population - not to be cliche - believe in your own ability to achieve what you want. There are too many people (including oneself) who want to tell you what you are and aren't capable of.

scythe 10y ago

The dominant ideology of Western aesthetics in life is existentialism: the idea of excelling by your own definition. But in order for this to be meaningful, "your definition" has to be socially informed, and yet by construction, it's not part of the theory. In some sense there's an essential tension between the need to be free and the need to not be insane. Unfortunately, succeeding according to a socially-informed but ill-defined set of criteria basically always reduces to being socially successful in one way or another, and it might be cheeky, but it's true, to point out that this is a perfectly reasonable metric of success... for philosophers. However, the fact is that everyone can't be socially successful, and the result is that many people who are motivated by existentialism in its popular form end up unsuccessful and unhappy. Note that "social success" does not mean socializing; Paul Dirac was extremely socially successful, yet nearly incapable of socializing. And despite this it strikes me that he would have been less happy if he had not been one of the greatest physicists in history: introversion or even (possibly) autism is no antidote to vanity. In light of this people point the blame at social media, but don't ideas matter?

Kenji 10y ago

I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best. - Oscar Wilde

SCdF 10y ago

In my mid-twenties I had this peak of "I'm going to make the next Facebook for cats and it's going to be amazing". After repeatedly trying to have an enjoyable life and make the aforementioned Catbook* I realised that I'm actually pretty OK with not being super duper rich and famous. I quite like being out to chill out and watch some dumb youtube crap. Or actually spend time with my partner. Or put my health (running, sleeping a good amount, not using a computer too much etc) above some violent need to succeed. In my early thirties I've now taken two pay cuts to move to jobs that I thought would be more enjoyable, as opposed to more important / prestigious / success signifying. I still tinker around and would like to produce something all on my own, but I don't really care if I don't. What I'm doing now for someone else is important enough. *Not actually it, obviously I'm not a complete failure

gutnor 10y ago
That is harder to achieve that state of mind in the larger more expensive cities. Everything around you always remind you how poor you are. I'm not talking about the luxury thing, but stuff like renting/buying a flat were you have enough space for your hobby while not commuting for crazy hours. Paying for nursery, ... And of course, your monkey brain require constant reminder that you don't actually care about whatever new stuff everything else seems to care about. Then I have had the opportunity to work for a few months in the middle of nowhere. (i.e. rural Spain) Having a relaxed perspective was way easier without the constant reminder of your financial inadequacy.
- SCdF 10y ago
  As we type I'm sitting in a cafe in central London. I agree. Was looking for good repairable shoes on the weekend. El. Oh. El. Back to shoes that break every 6 months for me! It helps that I have a partner who also makes money. If she didn't I wouldn't be here at all.
  - sotojuan 10y ago
    Why not just get some low mid tier shoes like Clarks? I spent 3 years of high school with one pair of Clarks boots—they died shortly after graduation. Never had them repaired. The second pair lasted about 2 years since I moved to a city where you walked way more. Definitely worth it.

ThomPete 10y ago

Normally when people ask me why us Danes are considered the happiest people in the world I always answer the same way. We have no aspirations and are totally fine with living a mediocre life. The entire society is based on that (with the high level of wealth redistribution) Good enough is almost the definition of Danish working culture. It's not for everyone (I moved) but it sure is a good quality of life.

prostoalex 10y ago
"Over there you think of nothing but becoming President of the United States some day. Potentially every man is Presidential timber. Here it's different. Here every man is potentially a zero. If you become something or somebody it is an accident, a miracle." Henry Miller, "Tropic of Cancer" (1934)
erikb 10y ago
I really like that. But the thing is, even if we Europeans are still quite protected from the outside world the outside world is still there. And there are always people who try to take what you have. So having some fighting skills is also necessary, I think. Life is not just about finding happiness.
- ThomPete 10y ago
  Oh I agree completely. I believe it's a major risk despite Denmark doing quite well on many other areas (design, gastronomy, sports architecture) it's size taken into account. I also think it's changing quite a lot because the younger generations grew up with social networks and so a certain amount of equalizing between cultures in certain areas is happening. As an example x-factor the music talent show is still doing well in Denmark. What is interesting is that over the years the quality of the contestants have really improved especially in the young category. My theory is that this is because the young generation is seeing how good contestants from other countries are and so what's good enough changes. My luck was that I did an internship when I was really young in the US and learned just how good the good really are. Their luck is that they are surrounded by talent which pushes everyones understanding of "good enough"

teekert 10y ago

I love this post: http://waitbutwhy.com/2013/09/why-generation-y-yuppies-are-unhappy.html http://waitbutwhy.com/2013/09/why-generation-y-yuppies-are-u... Hits home for me. Life expectations people. You're not great, your 35 and your farther is still not driving your Porche as he always wanted. But hey, you have a house, income and food every day. How beautiful is that? Try to long for the things you already have (as it taught in this "always popular on HN" -book http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/5617966-a-guide-to-the-good-life http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/5617966-a-guide-to-the-go...)

lambdacomplete 10y ago

There has been a scientific study about what makes people "happy" [1]. It's even something we can easily test personally: relationships. No matter what, relationships create that emotional swing that makes our lives interesting (assuming a psychologically "healthy" person, by today's standards). That said, how many people actively pursue relationships? To me a person who has tons of friends (the kind you spend time with on trips etc. not the kind you text every once in a while to see how they are doing) but works a frustrating 9-5 job at a bank is definitely not someone I'd look up to. On the other hand a person who is extremely successful in his field, wins the most prestigious award in that field, but does not (again, by today's standards) live a healthy life does not set a good example either [2]. So what's the optimal situation? And appearances don't help. I have no idea whether Elon Musk (since he was mentioned in another comment) is happy. I just know he looks successful. In my mind he's the kind of guy that enters a room and automatically and instantly gets the respect and admiration of the "smart" people in there. Does he even care about that? Am I being tricked into seeing Elon Musk as a status symbol like I'm tricked into seeing the iPhone as one of the best smartphones out there? Happiness is definitely more complex than accepting what you do as "special". Accepting your current situation is a great way to start clearing up the cloud of things you consider important but if that was really the way to be happy why would we even bother improving ourselves or society? I hate to say this but I almost feel like this is the classic story of the fox and the grapes. When the fox can't reach the grapes says they are not ripe. What if happiness was about pursuing something, regardless of the end result? Refs: [1] https://www.ted.com/talks/robert_waldinger_what_makes_a_good_life_lessons_from_the_longest_study_on_happiness?language=en https://www.ted.com/talks/robert_waldinger_what_makes_a_good... [2] http://www.nature.com/news/2006/060821/full/news060821-5.html http://www.nature.com/news/2006/060821/full/news060821-5.htm...

papapra 10y ago
In the ted talk, he doesn't explain why this is not just a correlation. Maybe there is something else that makes you happy and makes one better at having relationships. For exemple, someone who has anxiety disorder will not be good with relationships and most probably will be unhappy. But the root cause of unhappines is anxiety.

ioda 10y ago

"Everybody is a Genius. But If You Judge a Fish by Its Ability to Climb a Tree, It Will Live Its Whole Life Believing that It is Stupid."- Einstein "Mediocrity" arises only when compared. And comparison is plain stupid. My genes are different. The life circumstance through which I have gone through are different. My responses to various stimuli are different. My pleasure points are different. My pain points are different. My memory is different. The things that I consider important in my life are different.Every single thing about me is different from that of anybody else in this world. And yet, if I want to compare myself to some other person on a specific domain, I should be plain stupid. Instead I would happily compare myself with myself. Am I giving my personal best? Am I getting paid in 'currencies that are important to me'? Life is not single subject course. It is a multi disciplinary course. One may have ideas about becoming the greatest entrepreneur, the greatest artist or the greatest politician. But not many people talk about being a great child, being a great brother, being a great husband, being a great friend, being a great father or being a great grand father. You may think that you got an "A' in a particular subject. But you may be a complete failure in other. If you are OK with it, no issues. But make sure that you scored 'A' in subjects that you thought important, and not someone else thought important. I would love to believe that there is no such thing as 'Mediocrity'. The greatest tragedy is to not have lived the life that you wanted to live.

Luc 10y ago
Not Einstein. It's never Einstein. The greatest tragedy in life is to misquote Einstein. http://quoteinvestigator.com/2013/04/06/fish-climb/ http://quoteinvestigator.com/2013/04/06/fish-climb/
- dTal 10y ago
  "The greatest tragedy in life is to misquote Einstein." --Albert Einstein
- deleted 10y ago
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- icc97 10y ago
  That quote investigation is definitely not mediocre. That puts snopes to shame. Now of course snopes feels mediocre. Sorry snopes, I didn't mean it.

SmellTheGlove 10y ago

Mediocre, or just average? Mediocre implies something, like you're lazy, not trying your best or otherwise leaving something on the table that you should grab. The outcome is being average, and there's nothing wrong with that at all. I have for sure been gunning for the next promotion, but I've started to question my motives there - I'm director level now, and is the personal sacrifice really worth it to keep moving up? I started to do the math for us. Public school starts in 2 years, there's $1000/mo back in our bank account (private pre-k/preschool now). My federal student loans can "only" go another 18 years max. Mortgage will stick around, but isn't terrible. Cars are paid off. And my wife stays at home, which was a goal for us (she was a director too, that was a fun adjustment financially). Right now I spend every dollar that comes through the door on mostly non-optional things. Some months a little more. But I'm realizing that in terms of financial obligation, I may be at or near my high water mark. I never realized that before. If I never get another promotion, we'd likely be just fine, even improving financially over the next decade or two. So the question becomes, do I really need to hit VP or whatever other level? It's not to say I don't work hard now, but I mostly leave the office to get home by 5. I take all of my vacation time and wish I had more. Maybe I have the potential to keep moving up, maybe I don't, but the question is really becoming more whether I'm willing to put in more time and energy here, rather than outside of work. I think I'm pretty good at what I do, but does that obligate me to go as hard as I can at that thing I do pretty well, and subjugate everything else just a little more? I don't think it does.

Cyph0n 10y ago
I completely agree with your viewpoint. Sometimes you have to weigh the time commitment required to get more money against the time you currently have. For me, the more off time I can get, the better. It's not that I'm lazy, but it's just that I'd rather enjoy what life has to offer while I can. But if I feel that I can get more money and satisfaction that's worth it, I'd go for it.
- SmellTheGlove 10y ago
  I hear you. I spent some time in big consulting before I became a lawyer (and before I went back to tech), and the number of people that derive their self worth from their work accomplishments was very high. That, in and of itself, isn't surprising, but I theorize that many (most?) weren't always of the live-to-work variety. However, they put in the mega hours in at work early on, kept going, and by age 30 work was all that remained. So it became about work for the sake of work, rather than the life outside. Having been in two of the more soul-crushing industries, I'd rather find a better balance. I also realized in typing this that I was a real glutton for punishment in my 20's.

sillyquiet 10y ago

This is a very first-world way of looking at the world. What about self-sacrifice? What about the drive to 'change the world', to use the cliche? To use a bad analogy, a mediocre farmer wouldn't feed as many people.

JMCQ87 10y ago

>I put it to her that all of that doesn't sound very average to me. >She pauses and laughs sheepishly. "I guess it just depends on who you're comparing me to." That's the key thing. If I compare myself to the average person, I'm obviously not "mediocre". However, compared to some people who (I think) have had similar opportunities and potential, I probably am.

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DrNuke 10y ago

Social gamification is almost impossible to evade but you can still disconnect and carry on with your own local life.

khaledh 10y ago

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tvos4nORf_Y https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tvos4nORf_Y How Will You Measure Your Life? Clay Christensen at TEDxBoston This is a very inspiring presentation, especially towards the end. The take away is that it's not important how high you went up a certain hierarchy or how much money you have in the bank. The important question is what did you do with your life to make other people's lives better? When you're put in certain situations that touch other people's lives, it's for a reason, and your life will be measured by how you did in those situations.

jrs235 10y ago

Seriously, everyone should read The Underachiever's Manifesto: The Guide to Accomplishing Little and Feeling Great[1] (after they turn 18, in hopes it doesn't encourage them to drop out :). I'd recommend getting a used hard copy and placing it on your coffee table. It's a quick and humorous read that helps bring the lighter side of things back into perspective. [1] http://amzn.to/2bAi7dN http://amzn.to/2bAi7dN

mkagenius 10y ago
Pretty costly for me in India, I'll pass and feel curious.
- jrs235 10y ago
  Is the cost prohibitive because of shipping? There is a kindle version too. How many U.S. dollars is a standard Indian weekly salary?
  - mkagenius 10y ago
    Monthly average salary would be around $1000. I do not own a kindle. I would buy it if it costed $10 or so but due to shipping it would cost me around $50 (old one probably around $30)
    - jrs235 10y ago
      While not ideal, you can read kindle books on a computer using Amazon's Kindle Cloud Reader[1]. [1] https://read.amazon.com/ https://read.amazon.com/
mherrmann 10y ago
Just ordered it. I'm curious!
cpeterso 10y ago
The original Peter Principle book ends with a look at various degrees of dropping out and managing happiness before you reach your own success plateau. The book seems dated, but it's a classic. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_principle https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_principle

ObeyTheGuts 10y ago

This read was 100% onion article

advertising 10y ago

Had to be a CEO and rich until I tried being both of those things and realized it wasn't as important as I thought. Pursuit of those things was quite an unhappy pursuit. But I needed to know I had tried before I was comfortable not being those things. Maybe instead of being average, focus on your average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. :D

isuckatcoding 10y ago

I think this is getting a little too much into semantics but I see people here using "mediocre" as being synonymous with being "average". What if I'm feeling BELOW average? :-)

amelius 10y ago

> How to be mediocre and be happy with yourself However, the hard truth is that both evolution and capitalism don't care about mediocre people, and whether or not they are happy with themselves. I think that's a missed point.

pzone 10y ago
Evolution functions at the level of populations, not individuals. The individual's mandate is always simply to lead their best life. Evolution is a phenomenon that happens on top of that but defines it. Letting go of your dreams of long-run impact on the world's gene pool is just as important as letting go of your dreams about being the greatest entrepreneur of all time. Those dreams are probably making you miserable without improving your life. As far as capitalism, I disagree. To whatever extent modern capitalism cares about people, it cares enough about mediocre ones to let most of them live modern, comfortable lives in today's society.

jokoon 10y ago

Mediocre falls along the "good versus bad" metric, which honestly is not the most valid. It's true, it's easy to feel like society and capitalism in general are becoming a rat race. Excellency is neither subjective or objective, it's just a made up social norm that people create in their head for competitive purposes. What do you want millions of dollars for? To travel the world for all the rest of your life? I see so many people fighting during their vacations. If you're the best at your job, will the world really be improved by your contribution? Innovator tend to explore beyond what society wants, and when it works, it works great.

Artoemius 10y ago

I'm surprised that not a single comment here suggested that mediocrity is boring. Boredom is of course a subjective state of mind, but I have a feeling that the average and the boring cannot be entirely statistically unrelated in humans.