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Your Most Important Skill: Empathy

330 points by nikunjk 12y ago

Kalium 12y ago
One of the odds things I've noticed about empathy is that a great many people are very bad at recognizing it in others. Empathy doesn't just look like playing madlibs to the tune of "You feel $FEELING. That's $ADJECTIVE!". And beware of anyone who calls for empathy but displays none for their audience. That's just manipulation.
- serve_yay 12y ago
  Indeed. It does seem that people who talk about empathy will sometimes really mean they want you to agree with whatever they think, or whatever their version of empathy is. Not that I would accuse TFA of that -- it's explicit about "knowing your enemy" and listening to someone you are disagreeing with.
  - nostrademons 12y ago
    It's not incompatible for someone to have a lot of empathy and still just want you to agree with whatever they think. The real test is whether you find yourself actually agreeing with what they think. If you do, they have successfully gotten into your head and performed inception. If you don't, they bungled it.
    - serve_yay 12y ago
      Well, what I mean to say is that talk about empathy is sometimes talk about "just agree with me and stop with all your opinions otherwise". Which is of course the opposite of envy. I don't really understand about the inception stuff.
      - nostrademons 12y ago
        Then I fail at empathy. ;-) I'm saying that being able to communicate your ideas requires that you step into the mind of the listener - i.e, empathy. If you do this successfully, you express them in a language that is already familiar to him, and so (to him) it seems like you're saying something obvious. If you have to resort to "just agree with me and stop with all your opinions otherwise", then you don't actually understand how he thinks or how to reach him, i.e. you have failed at empathy. We agree, but I am trying to add a little extra detail and a meta-example to the discussion. :-)
    - lazaroclapp 12y ago
      You assume that understanding a belief system is enough to manipulate it in the direction you want. This is not necessarily always possible. If you want a external test of empathy, how about settling for the ability to predict what someone else will do, given particular circumstances? Even this much simpler test is often blundered at, even by professional diplomats.
    - marcosdumay 12y ago
      Funny thing that empathy should make it easier to recognize those people... Yet, most people simply can not empathize with them.
- kelukelugames 12y ago
  What do you mean by "bad at recognizing it in others"? Do you mean we can't tell who is empathetic?
  - Kalium 12y ago
    Empathy can manifest in many forms. People can't always recognize the behavior that results from empathy as a manifestation of empathy. So, yes. I do mean that. It's not always clear who is being empathetic and who isn't.
    - kelukelugames 12y ago
      Are you saying if I think someone is in a jerk then they are actually being empathetic in a different way?
      - Kalium 12y ago
        I'm saying it's possible.
- chipsy 12y ago
  This is how much I feel empathy: When I played Civilization as a kid I felt so terrible when the AI players begged for mercy, I would try to keep them around rather than have to conquer them entirely.
Spearchucker 12y ago
I can read anyone like a book. I also know why I have this skill - my mother had a mean temper. No violence, but a lot of screaming and banging doors. So I learnt quickly to measure the temperature of a room. Weird, and cool, that that aspect of growing up produced such a useful skill. Really weird though, was discovering how few have this ability.
- iopq 12y ago
  That's the thing, even though she knows he had some to drink, just the plausible (or even implausible) deniability makes her feel better. It's irrational, but that's how it works.
- nostrademons 12y ago
  Similarly, being on the bottom rung of a large corporate hierarchy is a great place to practice empathy. You learn fairly quickly which ideas are likely to have a shot and which will get shot down ruthlessly, where you can look for allies, who your protectors in management will be, and how to make your idea seem inconsequential or unrelated to those who might be threatened by it. It's too bad that so many startup founders are in it because they never want to work for somebody else. That denies them the opportunity to practice this skill, which tends to come back to bite them when they're dealing with customers or trying to manage employees.
- Jem 12y ago
  I too can read anyone like a book, and I'd never really thought about why before but my mum also had a temper and I grew up with 2 separate abusers and left home to a 3rd. I've never considered it a skill before, or indeed realised that it wasn't that common. I actually find it debilitating at times, because it can come out in weird ways. I will sometimes fixate on situations or even individuals and feel vast amounts of pain for them, even carrying massive guilt for things I cannot fix. (I am seeing a counsellor.)
  - kaybe 12y ago
    I've seen arguments that this is (part of?) the reason why women are generally more empathic than men.
edgarvaldes 12y ago
I think the most important job-related skill is Social Networking.
- thomasatethose 12y ago
  do you mean like social media or in person?
  - edgarvaldes 12y ago
    Face to face.
Mahn 12y ago
I find the amount of people that have a complete and utter lack of empathy staggering. Average people really couldn't care less if someone they don't know is hurt as long as they have what they want; coming across somebody truly empathetic is really a rarity. I've always found this rather depressing.
- toomuchtodo 12y ago
  I'm not quite sure how to fix this problem. I'm empathetic (I believe) because I've had terrible things happen to me in my life. I'm not sure everyone has to go through terrible things to be empathetic, and I worry about what my children would have to go through to have that same level of empathy. How do you teach something where you have to feel it to understand?
  - GauntletWizard 12y ago
    I'm no longer empathetic, because whenever I felt bad for people because terrible things happened to them, I saw them repeat mistakes. Empathy is behavior that only works if those around you are trustworthy. Societal empathy destroys the requirement to be so; and therefore makes it dangerous for individuals and society to be empathetic.
    - toomuchtodo 12y ago
      > because whenever I felt bad for people because terrible things happened to them, I saw them repeat mistakes. Keep in mind, there are terrible things that happen to people because of their choices, and terrible things that happen to people that are beyond their control. There is a difference. > Societal empathy destroys the requirement to be so; and therefore makes it dangerous for individuals and society to be empathetic. Fixing society is currently beyond my experience cone unfortunately :/
    - coderzach 12y ago
      > Empathy is behavior that only works if those around you are trustworthy. I would argue that this isn't true, so long as you make decisions rationally and not emotionally. Sharing an emotional state with someone can be a valuable tool in understanding them. Just don't let this shared emotional state cloud your decisions.
peterwwillis 12y ago
Book suggestion thread: Go. Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ (http://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Intelligence-Matter-More-Than/dp/055338371X http://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Intelligence-Matter-More-Tha...)
- thomasatethose 12y ago
  I second this.
- pvaldes 12y ago
  Emotional intelligence is only as good as healthy your social environment will be. If you work or live with toxic or neurotic people neither a great sense of social intelligente nor to be able to feel like them will help you. To be smarter could.
timwaagh 12y ago
demands exceeds supply. even socially inept lazy aspies with mediocre coding skills, who'd normally be the last that would get hired (like me) have programming careers. any success you may experience is not likely to have anything to do with your soft skills.
- eropple 12y ago
  I don't agree. In my experience, somebody who can't deal effectively with people will get hired for technical skills and be largely put on the slow track where the benefits of their technical expertise can be reaped while not having to deal with the negatives of their social weaknesses. (I was that guy once. I got better.) One thing I've gotten better at--with a derivative that's much steeper than the rise in my technical skills over time--is a kind of empathy that I can use in a professional context. What I've found that this lets me do (this can also be read "forces me to do") is understand others' needs and actually care about them at a level that makes it important for me to do the right thing. People can tell when you give a shit about them, and they're more likely to entrust you with responsibility even when you may not be, from a technical or historical perspective, the best candidate. Not just because they like you, but because they can have confidence in your desire to do well, with their interests in mind. That matters.
spacemanmatt 12y ago
True story: I took a parenting course titled Redirecting Childrens Behavior (great course, BTW) from an instructor who also taught an enterprise-oriented course called Redirecting Corporate Behavior. In class, I was curious and had to ask what the difference was. Her response was, "They're the same. People are the same at work as at home."
- hammock 12y ago
  Who was the instructor?
  - spacemanmatt 12y ago
    http://redirectionconnection.com/ http://redirectionconnection.com/
trevelyan 12y ago
This blog post is factually incorrect in the sense that it contradicts the current state-of-the-art in psychology research, which comes from the regression analysis of statistically-identifiable personality traits against actual career outcomes in repeated large-n survey research. Specifically, empathy is associated with "agreeability" in the five-factor OCEAN model (the dominant scientific model of personality traits in psychology). In this model, agreeability has been repeatedly shown to correlate with worse career outcomes and lower professional satisfaction over time. This is not to say that being an asshole is good, but if we are measuring career performance in terms of the traditional metrics that matter to most people (promotion and pay), the statistical reality is that high levels of empathy don't move the needle in the direction people conventionally assume they want.
- kelukelugames 12y ago
  Do you have any links to the studies?
  - trevelyan 12y ago
    This is a decent starting point if you're not familiar with the OCEAN model: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Five_personality_traits http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Five_personality_traits If you are interested and have the time, Jordan Peterson has a great course that covers the five factors and goes into some detail on what we think we know about them. This is agreeability: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yOJR-nEhNMk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yOJR-nEhNMk
- coderzach 12y ago
  Googling didn't turn up anything on a link between empathy and agreeableness. Only a study that had both words in the title.
  - trevelyan 12y ago
    From Wikipedia: "Agreeableness is a personality trait manifesting itself in individual behavioral characteristics that are perceived as kind, sympathetic, cooperative, warm and considerate.... People scoring low on agreeableness are generally less concerned with others' well-being and report having less empathy...." and: "Agreeableness is usually associated with a lower income as opposed to aggressive employees who are found to have a higher income." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agreeableness http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agreeableness
bootload 12y ago
"Why should you explicitly work to enhance your ability to empathize with others?" There's a reason why empathy is declining and I think it's related to the disconnect individuals have when moving from situations where the "We" has been superseded by the "I". If you live, work with a number of individuals working together, where everyone has particular skills and roles then find yourself in a situation where your existence is on the line, co-operation will beat individuals. You see this in nature where big cats hunt in teams, with combat troops and to an extent startups. Empathy is a by-product, because if you don't help them out, you fail. People can get a taste of this playing competitive team sports.
- 616c 12y ago
  Nash Equilibrium?
  - bootload 12y ago
    "Nash Equilibrium" Maybe in a situation where you have time for strategy. In a dynamic real-time situation where training and instinct kicks in (no time to think), maybe not.
- verbin217 12y ago
  Nope. That's the wrong explanation for empathy. This won't be popular. Empathy forms in environments where individual outcomes are determined by group perception. Everyone romantacizes it's benevolence but it's really all about manipulating people. Empathy is actually on the rise. Compassion on the other hand...
  - bootload 12y ago
    " Empathy forms in environments where individual outcomes are determined by group perception." Can you give some examples or cites for this. I can give lots of real-world examples where self concern is second and group put first. Animals in nature and humans in groups. This is from an anthropology observational point of view. "Oh so you were perceiving them then? ;)" Animals in nature, yes. Humans in real-life under stress, yes.
jheriko 12y ago
its good to promote this. thank you for advocating this viewpoint. :) although as much as i identify a failure at empathy as a serious weakness i have, i continually fail to do anything about it and constantly put my foot in my mouth and offend others. maybe i just need a lot more practice...
wonnage 12y ago
Incoming armchair psychiatrist... I think any perceived universal lack of empathy is more a projected personal lack of empathy. I think that if you assume and expect the worst from others you'll in turn hold yourself to the same standard. Everyone's been in a bystander position before, where they knew they could do something but didn't; this is empathy without action, which is mistakenly labelled as a lack of empathy. Hence the problem is not that we can't empathize but that there's no obligation to do anything, which reflects a general preference towards identifying and branding over the actual work of change and action.
- bootload 12y ago
  "I think that if you assume and expect the worst from others you'll in turn hold yourself to the same standard. Everyone's been in a bystander position before, where they knew they could do something but didn't; this is empathy without action, which is mistakenly labelled as a lack of empathy." Yes I have. I'll tell you I didn't see empathy I saw fear and inability to act through lack of cognition. I'll agree with the lack of obligation but that depends. A parent will move into danger to rescue their own child, a stranger may not. Service people move into danger putting their lives at risk to rescue strangers every day.
- the8472 12y ago
  > I think any perceived universal lack of empathy is more a projected personal lack of empathy. (a) > I think that if you assume and expect the worst from others you'll in turn hold yourself to the same standard. (b) (b) does not necessarily follow from (a). Lack of empathy does not automatically make you expect the worst from others. For example you can easily assume that people will treat you at least superficially nicely because "being nice" is some expectation. Or maybe because it's even their job, e.g. someone in a leadership position. Or put differently, if you do not have empathy and do not expect empathy from someone else (whether rightly so or simply due to your own lack of empathy) you could assume they still act rationally and that it is simply not in their interest to "do their worst" when interacting with you.
- Puts 12y ago
  Sometimes I joke about people and someone corrects me telling me what a douche I am. But lately I've started thinking that maybe It's easy for me to say these things because just because I say someone for example looks a certain way does not genuinely mean I think that person IS that way. And then when people correct me, they are actually reacting on their own prejudgements and projecting it on my joke.
xacaxulu 12y ago
I've seen, 9 definitions of empathy on this thread so far. That might be a place to start :)
- electronvolt 12y ago
  I think there's a lot of associated cultural baggage and expectations that come with our notions about empathy. This muddies the discussion, somewhat: people seem to be conflating the idea of understanding what other people are feeling (and why they feel that way--which doesn't require feeling anything), feeling what other people are feeling (which doesn't necessarily require understanding), and a host of other ideas. (e.g. influencing how other people are feeling--which may require the first to some extent)
grownseed 12y ago
This is a refreshing article considering the mainstream upsell of the selfish "cool" stone-hearted asshole. Anywho, I used to be one of those kids with little to no capacity for empathy. I wasn't horrible, I would never have hurt anyone, but I had a really hard time relating (nor was I trying to). My pre-school teacher mentioned to my parents that something was off with me (they just thought I was a weird kid), it seemed I had no notion of social feedback, putting me somewhere on the autism spectrum. Turns out I was going completely deaf, which on the long run ended up being a blessing in disguise (also because I more or less recovered my hearing later on). Being deaf, you learn to read people as if they came with an instruction booklet, it comes very naturally. I saw how other people had those reactions, emotions showing in their faces, their body language and so on, and how it affected others. I started feigning it and playing with it, effectively manipulating people into reacting the way I wanted them to. As time moved on, some of these things started coming naturally and it soon hit me like a brick: the best way to get things from others is to understand where they stand emotionally and to show reciprocation and support, i.e. empathy. It often makes me wonder whether empathy is purely an acquired trait, or if some people have a strong predisposition for it. The one major drawback of empathy, in my opinion, is feeling utterly useless when you see other people repeatedly hurting themselves, usually thinking they're doing the right thing. It pains me, deeply, but I suppose it's a necessary side-effect.
- erodingvar 12y ago
  > the best way to get things from others is to understand where they stand emotionally and to show reciprocation and support, i.e. empathy. This is the dangerous line this article is suggestive toward: empathy as a tool for manipulative gain. I wonder if someone truly naturally capable of understanding differing perspectives would even write such an article. It sounds more like a robot discovering a trick they can utilize to score points. I think empathy is a sense. When I read some people talking about it in this way, it feels like deaf people thinking they're able to hear music because they found a trick of feeling the speaker's bass.
  - Kalium 12y ago
    > This is the dangerous line this article is suggestive toward: empathy as a tool for manipulative gain. It's also the main thrust of famous works such as "How To Make Friends And Influence People".
narrator 12y ago
Empathy is a skill and a talent. I've had close personal relationships with a few great salesmen. It's incredible to watch the difference between someone who is gifted in this regard and someone who isn't. It can be worked on, but some people definitely have a natural talent. Great salesmen are always in a good mood, never negative, never criticize, never go off on random tangents and know what the other person is going to say even before they say it. They can tell immediately how a target market will react to anything in a product or offering. It's like they can easily put themselves in the other person's mindset to understand their gut emotional reaction to things. I only dream of being that good. The best I can do is to clumsily emulate it, but it requires concentration to pay attention to everything, it's like speaking a foreign language but never quite thinking in it.
- erodingvar 12y ago
  > I only dream of being that good. You mean, that _bad_.
  - tomphoolery 12y ago
    A real salesman listens way more than he speaks. Whenever you hear a salesman speak more than he listens, do not trust that person.
  - narrator 12y ago
    It can be used for good or evil, like any talent. The good is that a person with empathy will be able to find common ground and defuse conflicts by understanding the other side's position and actually be able to address their concerns instead of just talking past them. Being empathetic can also lead to better leadership and maintaining groups by helping different participants in the group communicate and understand each other instead of splitting up the group due to petty squabbles. A very empathetic person can design brilliant products too by being able to feel every pain point in a user's interaction with that product.
- deanotron 12y ago
  There is a large difference between the ability to read emotions and "..vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another..". A great salesman can also be sociopathic. We are all salesmen to some extent, so this isn't to denigrate the profession or the ability to read people and use it for personal gain. I suppose the difference lies in whether what one is selling tends towards symbiosis or exploitation.
brianstorms 12y ago
I'm glad to see this sort of article in here. However I would suggest it could be argued that compassion is the bigger skill and talent here, and that it includes empathy. The etymological root of "compassion" is "to suffer with", to feel someone's pain. To walk in their shoes. To see their perspective. To breathe their air. When there is compassion there is a better user experience. Apple used to have a lot of compassion but like other recent HN posts have discussed, Apple's software of late suggests they're losing it . . . fast. One's entire daily activity, including operating vehicles (be they two wheels or more), could benefit from more compassion. Nations would benefit from a more compassionate media. Not to menion more compassionate politicians. For me, compassion is the thing. It's what the world needs now.
irishcoffee 12y ago
I'm sure this will get buried at this point, but I have experienced very negative side effects from my ability to empathize with people. Theres a term (which I find silly) that categorizes people as 'empaths' which I gathered means one can almost "link" emotionally with people. While I fid the term silly, i have experienced almost crippling emotional pain when someone close to me is hurting. I hate it, I wish it would go away. My one friend, brilliant engineer. Has brain cancer. I sit a desk away from him. When he is upset, I can hardly function. My ex-SO, when upset, I can feel the anger and sadness. It destroys me to feel that someone feels that way toward me. Its truly awful and I wish this didn't happen to me. My siblings growing up, I was able to (and I'm not proud of this at all) basically manipulate them into doing whatever I wanted, because I was able to understand how they felt. People tell me all the time "you're such likeable person, everyone likes you. That'll take you far." My boss said it not a month ago, which took me by surprise, as I don't care for my boss at all. I wish there was a spectrum opposite the autism spectrum. I don't think I am at all unique in this, and I wish I could talk to others experiencing the same kinds of things.
- altcognito 12y ago
  You have to learn to set boundaries and set some distance between yourself and that person. There are lots of articles and books out there that probably cover this better than I can. This was an interesting read though. http://blogs.psychcentral.com/balanced-life/2014/05/setting-boundaries/ http://blogs.psychcentral.com/balanced-life/2014/05/setting-...
  - rcconf 12y ago
    Do you happen to have any books on hand that deal with setting boundaries. I never really developed this skill, but it seems really useful and I'm in a situation where I need it. My boundaries are clearly being crossed, but I don't know how consequences should be brought up, or how to actually go through with the consequences (I seem to cave pretty easily.)
  - amagumori 12y ago
    as a person with severe depression, i am absolutely certain of one thing. feelings come first, then thoughts. it's impossible to think your way out of depression. it sounds like OP's empathy is a "deep" / low-level quality of how their mind works, in which case it's probably impossible for them to think their way out of it. IMO
actf 12y ago
I really enjoyed the book: Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall Rosenberg - which despite the title, is actually very relevant to this topic. I picked it up after hearing a number of very positive reviews, and despite my skepticism, I now understand why it's so highly praised. I'd try to provide a brief summary, but I know I wouldn't do it justice. I will however say that it's almost certainly one of, if not the best, book I've ever read on improving interpersonal communication and relationships. The author has a phd in psychology, so the advice has some real science backing it up too.
- Argorak 12y ago
  I also can't give a short summary, but one thing about the book struck me: it's a very egoistic book. He describes in the very beginning that his reason to learn these techniques was to find out how he can get his wishes fulfilled, easier and with less friction. His conclusion is that seriously caring about others wishes and wants is one of the best ways to do that. He also tries to do that without being manipulative.
tek-cyb-org 12y ago
Wow this is so me. I feel u totally. Unfortunately my "Sensitivity" has caused me to become somewhat introverted yet still able to get through life and doing pretty well. Great article, great to know im not the only one out there. thanks
joshfraser 12y ago
A lack of empathy is the source of many of the worlds problems. Would we be care more about US drone attacks if we had friends or family living in Afghanistan or Iran? Would we be so cavalier about prison rape if it had happened to us or a close friend? These things occur when we distance ourselves from the people who are affected. When you look at all the injustice in the world, so much of it would evaporate if the people responsible simply had more empathy.
pflanze 12y ago
Previous discussion: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=7084299 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=7084299
coryl 12y ago
Great design and UX comes from a deep understanding and empathy of people (including yourself). If I feel your pain, I can help address it.
Puts 12y ago
Some here seems to think that introverts can't be empathic which ironically seems like a very hostile attitude towards fellow people.
realrocker 12y ago
Sure. I think it's important to empathise with people. Especially in a professional setup. But how do you empathise with the lazy ones who would come to a meeting unprepared, hoping to get a quick tutorial on the subject on the go. Or the condescenders who would assume their expertise on a subject renders all other opinions invalid. In those cases empathy is actually cruel to the remaining who do deserve it. Empathy like every other human emotion isn't really universal.
deleted 12y ago
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jraedisch 12y ago
Another side effect of involuntary empathy for me is tending to forgive (sometimes too?!) easily - since I understand, or at least like to believe I understand almost everything as a result of hard to change traits and motivations. Whenever somebody is blamed for something I immediately try to explain why her or his acting is understandable. Empathy might also lower my belief in free will.
bambax 12y ago
> The reason crowds of people exhaust me is that I am constantly trying to read and understand the feelings and motivations of those around me. That describes me perfectly. But there is a general confusion between "empathy" and "compassion". I have a lot of the former and very little of the latter; I understand what other people experience, but I don't really "feel" it -- I don't suffer when they do. (I don't know what this says about me -- that's just how I am). Professionally this has served me well; I'm an independent contractor but the core of what I do is translate what people say to one another. When designing a system it's amazing how users think they have expressed their needs clearly when the tech guys understood a completely different thing; this happens even when everything is written down and formally accepted, etc. The way to fight this problem is to describe the consequences of every choice: if you do this this way, then you won't be able to do that other thing. Personally, empathy without compassion is more of a flaw. In a conversation I usually know what the other person is going to say, so I answer their questions before they finish asking, and most people don't like it. Or they feel they have found a sympathetic ear and start telling me a lot about themselves, which gets boring quickly. Small talk with people you know just a little, terrifies me. I have learned to talk about the weather -- that works most of the time, but only for so long (but the conversation can start anew every day). I wonder if I shared too much.
grkovalev 12y ago
i tried it, did not work for me
dschiptsov 12y ago
"Social Intelligence" again? Btw, empathy by itself (if we think of it as so-called mirror neurons based machinery of shaped by evolutionary forces reciprocal altruism) is a "glue" of any social formation, so there is nothing special about it. If we think of it as an "ability to feel other people's feels" (and reflect and react on them) - then it is OK for some context and not so for another. At least, in a harsh, competitive even hostile environments it is rather a vulnerability. So, inside any kind of social organization, be it a flock of animals or a village community or a company competing in a crowded market - empathy is what holds it together. It is also the foundation of the social aspect of some religions, but why should one pile up more abstract concepts on top of a simple biological phenomena? And, of course, it is not the most important skill, given that the social aspect of a human life is, indeed, important, but not the most important. Any so-called "introvert" (with is a last-century meme) will tell you that. There are people, who would say, that independent thinking, not being a docile sheeple, conditioned by social environment, etc. are more important virtues in life. There are reasons, why intellectual practices and spiritual growth requires a solitude. So, high empathy is important for a social worker or a priest or any kind of "manipulator", but I don't buy that it is the most important skill for a techie or an "introvert". Yes, it helps when we have to visit a public place, but why should we make other people as our primary occupation?
theRhino 12y ago
become a stoic, practice all the virtues, not just empathy your brain will thank you for it
perdunov 12y ago
My empathy is blocked by disgust towards most people, although I am very empathetic. I am not sure what it is that slight or strong disgust I feel towards almost all people. Maybe it is a psychiatric condition.
normloman 12y ago
I love the message of this article. Yet I'm also disappointed we needed an article to tell us this. How is having empathy controversial?
bl00djack 12y ago
Love this! Lately, I have been suffering from Impostor Syndrome and there are times I felt like I am doing everything wrong and I even started to question my empathy. Anyway, great article!

330 points by nikunjk 12y ago

One of the odds things I've noticed about empathy is that a great many people are very bad at recognizing it in others. Empathy doesn't just look like playing madlibs to the tune of "You feel $FEELING. That's $ADJECTIVE!". And beware of anyone who calls for empathy but displays none for their audience. That's just manipulation.

serve_yay 12y ago
Indeed. It does seem that people who talk about empathy will sometimes really mean they want you to agree with whatever they think, or whatever their version of empathy is. Not that I would accuse TFA of that -- it's explicit about "knowing your enemy" and listening to someone you are disagreeing with.
- nostrademons 12y ago
  It's not incompatible for someone to have a lot of empathy and still just want you to agree with whatever they think. The real test is whether you find yourself actually agreeing with what they think. If you do, they have successfully gotten into your head and performed inception. If you don't, they bungled it.
  - serve_yay 12y ago
    Well, what I mean to say is that talk about empathy is sometimes talk about "just agree with me and stop with all your opinions otherwise". Which is of course the opposite of envy. I don't really understand about the inception stuff.
    - nostrademons 12y ago
      Then I fail at empathy. ;-) I'm saying that being able to communicate your ideas requires that you step into the mind of the listener - i.e, empathy. If you do this successfully, you express them in a language that is already familiar to him, and so (to him) it seems like you're saying something obvious. If you have to resort to "just agree with me and stop with all your opinions otherwise", then you don't actually understand how he thinks or how to reach him, i.e. you have failed at empathy. We agree, but I am trying to add a little extra detail and a meta-example to the discussion. :-)
  - lazaroclapp 12y ago
    You assume that understanding a belief system is enough to manipulate it in the direction you want. This is not necessarily always possible. If you want a external test of empathy, how about settling for the ability to predict what someone else will do, given particular circumstances? Even this much simpler test is often blundered at, even by professional diplomats.
  - marcosdumay 12y ago
    Funny thing that empathy should make it easier to recognize those people... Yet, most people simply can not empathize with them.
kelukelugames 12y ago
What do you mean by "bad at recognizing it in others"? Do you mean we can't tell who is empathetic?
- Kalium 12y ago
  Empathy can manifest in many forms. People can't always recognize the behavior that results from empathy as a manifestation of empathy. So, yes. I do mean that. It's not always clear who is being empathetic and who isn't.
  - kelukelugames 12y ago
    Are you saying if I think someone is in a jerk then they are actually being empathetic in a different way?
    - Kalium 12y ago
      I'm saying it's possible.
chipsy 12y ago
This is how much I feel empathy: When I played Civilization as a kid I felt so terrible when the AI players begged for mercy, I would try to keep them around rather than have to conquer them entirely.

Spearchucker 12y ago

I can read anyone like a book. I also know why I have this skill - my mother had a mean temper. No violence, but a lot of screaming and banging doors. So I learnt quickly to measure the temperature of a room. Weird, and cool, that that aspect of growing up produced such a useful skill. Really weird though, was discovering how few have this ability.

iopq 12y ago
That's the thing, even though she knows he had some to drink, just the plausible (or even implausible) deniability makes her feel better. It's irrational, but that's how it works.
nostrademons 12y ago
Similarly, being on the bottom rung of a large corporate hierarchy is a great place to practice empathy. You learn fairly quickly which ideas are likely to have a shot and which will get shot down ruthlessly, where you can look for allies, who your protectors in management will be, and how to make your idea seem inconsequential or unrelated to those who might be threatened by it. It's too bad that so many startup founders are in it because they never want to work for somebody else. That denies them the opportunity to practice this skill, which tends to come back to bite them when they're dealing with customers or trying to manage employees.
Jem 12y ago
I too can read anyone like a book, and I'd never really thought about why before but my mum also had a temper and I grew up with 2 separate abusers and left home to a 3rd. I've never considered it a skill before, or indeed realised that it wasn't that common. I actually find it debilitating at times, because it can come out in weird ways. I will sometimes fixate on situations or even individuals and feel vast amounts of pain for them, even carrying massive guilt for things I cannot fix. (I am seeing a counsellor.)
- kaybe 12y ago
  I've seen arguments that this is (part of?) the reason why women are generally more empathic than men.

edgarvaldes 12y ago

I think the most important job-related skill is Social Networking.

thomasatethose 12y ago
do you mean like social media or in person?
- edgarvaldes 12y ago
  Face to face.

Mahn 12y ago

I find the amount of people that have a complete and utter lack of empathy staggering. Average people really couldn't care less if someone they don't know is hurt as long as they have what they want; coming across somebody truly empathetic is really a rarity. I've always found this rather depressing.

toomuchtodo 12y ago
I'm not quite sure how to fix this problem. I'm empathetic (I believe) because I've had terrible things happen to me in my life. I'm not sure everyone has to go through terrible things to be empathetic, and I worry about what my children would have to go through to have that same level of empathy. How do you teach something where you have to feel it to understand?
- GauntletWizard 12y ago
  I'm no longer empathetic, because whenever I felt bad for people because terrible things happened to them, I saw them repeat mistakes. Empathy is behavior that only works if those around you are trustworthy. Societal empathy destroys the requirement to be so; and therefore makes it dangerous for individuals and society to be empathetic.
  - toomuchtodo 12y ago
    > because whenever I felt bad for people because terrible things happened to them, I saw them repeat mistakes. Keep in mind, there are terrible things that happen to people because of their choices, and terrible things that happen to people that are beyond their control. There is a difference. > Societal empathy destroys the requirement to be so; and therefore makes it dangerous for individuals and society to be empathetic. Fixing society is currently beyond my experience cone unfortunately :/
  - coderzach 12y ago
    > Empathy is behavior that only works if those around you are trustworthy. I would argue that this isn't true, so long as you make decisions rationally and not emotionally. Sharing an emotional state with someone can be a valuable tool in understanding them. Just don't let this shared emotional state cloud your decisions.

peterwwillis 12y ago

Book suggestion thread: Go. Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ (http://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Intelligence-Matter-More-Than/dp/055338371X http://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Intelligence-Matter-More-Tha...)

thomasatethose 12y ago
I second this.
pvaldes 12y ago
Emotional intelligence is only as good as healthy your social environment will be. If you work or live with toxic or neurotic people neither a great sense of social intelligente nor to be able to feel like them will help you. To be smarter could.

timwaagh 12y ago

demands exceeds supply. even socially inept lazy aspies with mediocre coding skills, who'd normally be the last that would get hired (like me) have programming careers. any success you may experience is not likely to have anything to do with your soft skills.

eropple 12y ago
I don't agree. In my experience, somebody who can't deal effectively with people will get hired for technical skills and be largely put on the slow track where the benefits of their technical expertise can be reaped while not having to deal with the negatives of their social weaknesses. (I was that guy once. I got better.) One thing I've gotten better at--with a derivative that's much steeper than the rise in my technical skills over time--is a kind of empathy that I can use in a professional context. What I've found that this lets me do (this can also be read "forces me to do") is understand others' needs and actually care about them at a level that makes it important for me to do the right thing. People can tell when you give a shit about them, and they're more likely to entrust you with responsibility even when you may not be, from a technical or historical perspective, the best candidate. Not just because they like you, but because they can have confidence in your desire to do well, with their interests in mind. That matters.

spacemanmatt 12y ago

True story: I took a parenting course titled Redirecting Childrens Behavior (great course, BTW) from an instructor who also taught an enterprise-oriented course called Redirecting Corporate Behavior. In class, I was curious and had to ask what the difference was. Her response was, "They're the same. People are the same at work as at home."

hammock 12y ago
Who was the instructor?
- spacemanmatt 12y ago
  http://redirectionconnection.com/ http://redirectionconnection.com/

trevelyan 12y ago

This blog post is factually incorrect in the sense that it contradicts the current state-of-the-art in psychology research, which comes from the regression analysis of statistically-identifiable personality traits against actual career outcomes in repeated large-n survey research. Specifically, empathy is associated with "agreeability" in the five-factor OCEAN model (the dominant scientific model of personality traits in psychology). In this model, agreeability has been repeatedly shown to correlate with worse career outcomes and lower professional satisfaction over time. This is not to say that being an asshole is good, but if we are measuring career performance in terms of the traditional metrics that matter to most people (promotion and pay), the statistical reality is that high levels of empathy don't move the needle in the direction people conventionally assume they want.

kelukelugames 12y ago
Do you have any links to the studies?
- trevelyan 12y ago
  This is a decent starting point if you're not familiar with the OCEAN model: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Five_personality_traits http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Five_personality_traits If you are interested and have the time, Jordan Peterson has a great course that covers the five factors and goes into some detail on what we think we know about them. This is agreeability: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yOJR-nEhNMk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yOJR-nEhNMk
coderzach 12y ago
Googling didn't turn up anything on a link between empathy and agreeableness. Only a study that had both words in the title.
- trevelyan 12y ago
  From Wikipedia: "Agreeableness is a personality trait manifesting itself in individual behavioral characteristics that are perceived as kind, sympathetic, cooperative, warm and considerate.... People scoring low on agreeableness are generally less concerned with others' well-being and report having less empathy...." and: "Agreeableness is usually associated with a lower income as opposed to aggressive employees who are found to have a higher income." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agreeableness http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agreeableness

bootload 12y ago

"Why should you explicitly work to enhance your ability to empathize with others?" There's a reason why empathy is declining and I think it's related to the disconnect individuals have when moving from situations where the "We" has been superseded by the "I". If you live, work with a number of individuals working together, where everyone has particular skills and roles then find yourself in a situation where your existence is on the line, co-operation will beat individuals. You see this in nature where big cats hunt in teams, with combat troops and to an extent startups. Empathy is a by-product, because if you don't help them out, you fail. People can get a taste of this playing competitive team sports.

616c 12y ago
Nash Equilibrium?
- bootload 12y ago
  "Nash Equilibrium" Maybe in a situation where you have time for strategy. In a dynamic real-time situation where training and instinct kicks in (no time to think), maybe not.
verbin217 12y ago
Nope. That's the wrong explanation for empathy. This won't be popular. Empathy forms in environments where individual outcomes are determined by group perception. Everyone romantacizes it's benevolence but it's really all about manipulating people. Empathy is actually on the rise. Compassion on the other hand...
- bootload 12y ago
  " Empathy forms in environments where individual outcomes are determined by group perception." Can you give some examples or cites for this. I can give lots of real-world examples where self concern is second and group put first. Animals in nature and humans in groups. This is from an anthropology observational point of view. "Oh so you were perceiving them then? ;)" Animals in nature, yes. Humans in real-life under stress, yes.

jheriko 12y ago

its good to promote this. thank you for advocating this viewpoint. :) although as much as i identify a failure at empathy as a serious weakness i have, i continually fail to do anything about it and constantly put my foot in my mouth and offend others. maybe i just need a lot more practice...

wonnage 12y ago

Incoming armchair psychiatrist... I think any perceived universal lack of empathy is more a projected personal lack of empathy. I think that if you assume and expect the worst from others you'll in turn hold yourself to the same standard. Everyone's been in a bystander position before, where they knew they could do something but didn't; this is empathy without action, which is mistakenly labelled as a lack of empathy. Hence the problem is not that we can't empathize but that there's no obligation to do anything, which reflects a general preference towards identifying and branding over the actual work of change and action.

bootload 12y ago
"I think that if you assume and expect the worst from others you'll in turn hold yourself to the same standard. Everyone's been in a bystander position before, where they knew they could do something but didn't; this is empathy without action, which is mistakenly labelled as a lack of empathy." Yes I have. I'll tell you I didn't see empathy I saw fear and inability to act through lack of cognition. I'll agree with the lack of obligation but that depends. A parent will move into danger to rescue their own child, a stranger may not. Service people move into danger putting their lives at risk to rescue strangers every day.
the8472 12y ago
> I think any perceived universal lack of empathy is more a projected personal lack of empathy. (a) > I think that if you assume and expect the worst from others you'll in turn hold yourself to the same standard. (b) (b) does not necessarily follow from (a). Lack of empathy does not automatically make you expect the worst from others. For example you can easily assume that people will treat you at least superficially nicely because "being nice" is some expectation. Or maybe because it's even their job, e.g. someone in a leadership position. Or put differently, if you do not have empathy and do not expect empathy from someone else (whether rightly so or simply due to your own lack of empathy) you could assume they still act rationally and that it is simply not in their interest to "do their worst" when interacting with you.
Puts 12y ago
Sometimes I joke about people and someone corrects me telling me what a douche I am. But lately I've started thinking that maybe It's easy for me to say these things because just because I say someone for example looks a certain way does not genuinely mean I think that person IS that way. And then when people correct me, they are actually reacting on their own prejudgements and projecting it on my joke.

xacaxulu 12y ago

I've seen, 9 definitions of empathy on this thread so far. That might be a place to start :)

electronvolt 12y ago
I think there's a lot of associated cultural baggage and expectations that come with our notions about empathy. This muddies the discussion, somewhat: people seem to be conflating the idea of understanding what other people are feeling (and why they feel that way--which doesn't require feeling anything), feeling what other people are feeling (which doesn't necessarily require understanding), and a host of other ideas. (e.g. influencing how other people are feeling--which may require the first to some extent)

grownseed 12y ago

This is a refreshing article considering the mainstream upsell of the selfish "cool" stone-hearted asshole. Anywho, I used to be one of those kids with little to no capacity for empathy. I wasn't horrible, I would never have hurt anyone, but I had a really hard time relating (nor was I trying to). My pre-school teacher mentioned to my parents that something was off with me (they just thought I was a weird kid), it seemed I had no notion of social feedback, putting me somewhere on the autism spectrum. Turns out I was going completely deaf, which on the long run ended up being a blessing in disguise (also because I more or less recovered my hearing later on). Being deaf, you learn to read people as if they came with an instruction booklet, it comes very naturally. I saw how other people had those reactions, emotions showing in their faces, their body language and so on, and how it affected others. I started feigning it and playing with it, effectively manipulating people into reacting the way I wanted them to. As time moved on, some of these things started coming naturally and it soon hit me like a brick: the best way to get things from others is to understand where they stand emotionally and to show reciprocation and support, i.e. empathy. It often makes me wonder whether empathy is purely an acquired trait, or if some people have a strong predisposition for it. The one major drawback of empathy, in my opinion, is feeling utterly useless when you see other people repeatedly hurting themselves, usually thinking they're doing the right thing. It pains me, deeply, but I suppose it's a necessary side-effect.

erodingvar 12y ago
> the best way to get things from others is to understand where they stand emotionally and to show reciprocation and support, i.e. empathy. This is the dangerous line this article is suggestive toward: empathy as a tool for manipulative gain. I wonder if someone truly naturally capable of understanding differing perspectives would even write such an article. It sounds more like a robot discovering a trick they can utilize to score points. I think empathy is a sense. When I read some people talking about it in this way, it feels like deaf people thinking they're able to hear music because they found a trick of feeling the speaker's bass.
- Kalium 12y ago
  > This is the dangerous line this article is suggestive toward: empathy as a tool for manipulative gain. It's also the main thrust of famous works such as "How To Make Friends And Influence People".

narrator 12y ago

Empathy is a skill and a talent. I've had close personal relationships with a few great salesmen. It's incredible to watch the difference between someone who is gifted in this regard and someone who isn't. It can be worked on, but some people definitely have a natural talent. Great salesmen are always in a good mood, never negative, never criticize, never go off on random tangents and know what the other person is going to say even before they say it. They can tell immediately how a target market will react to anything in a product or offering. It's like they can easily put themselves in the other person's mindset to understand their gut emotional reaction to things. I only dream of being that good. The best I can do is to clumsily emulate it, but it requires concentration to pay attention to everything, it's like speaking a foreign language but never quite thinking in it.

erodingvar 12y ago
> I only dream of being that good. You mean, that _bad_.
- tomphoolery 12y ago
  A real salesman listens way more than he speaks. Whenever you hear a salesman speak more than he listens, do not trust that person.
- narrator 12y ago
  It can be used for good or evil, like any talent. The good is that a person with empathy will be able to find common ground and defuse conflicts by understanding the other side's position and actually be able to address their concerns instead of just talking past them. Being empathetic can also lead to better leadership and maintaining groups by helping different participants in the group communicate and understand each other instead of splitting up the group due to petty squabbles. A very empathetic person can design brilliant products too by being able to feel every pain point in a user's interaction with that product.
deanotron 12y ago
There is a large difference between the ability to read emotions and "..vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another..". A great salesman can also be sociopathic. We are all salesmen to some extent, so this isn't to denigrate the profession or the ability to read people and use it for personal gain. I suppose the difference lies in whether what one is selling tends towards symbiosis or exploitation.

brianstorms 12y ago

I'm glad to see this sort of article in here. However I would suggest it could be argued that compassion is the bigger skill and talent here, and that it includes empathy. The etymological root of "compassion" is "to suffer with", to feel someone's pain. To walk in their shoes. To see their perspective. To breathe their air. When there is compassion there is a better user experience. Apple used to have a lot of compassion but like other recent HN posts have discussed, Apple's software of late suggests they're losing it . . . fast. One's entire daily activity, including operating vehicles (be they two wheels or more), could benefit from more compassion. Nations would benefit from a more compassionate media. Not to menion more compassionate politicians. For me, compassion is the thing. It's what the world needs now.

irishcoffee 12y ago

I'm sure this will get buried at this point, but I have experienced very negative side effects from my ability to empathize with people. Theres a term (which I find silly) that categorizes people as 'empaths' which I gathered means one can almost "link" emotionally with people. While I fid the term silly, i have experienced almost crippling emotional pain when someone close to me is hurting. I hate it, I wish it would go away. My one friend, brilliant engineer. Has brain cancer. I sit a desk away from him. When he is upset, I can hardly function. My ex-SO, when upset, I can feel the anger and sadness. It destroys me to feel that someone feels that way toward me. Its truly awful and I wish this didn't happen to me. My siblings growing up, I was able to (and I'm not proud of this at all) basically manipulate them into doing whatever I wanted, because I was able to understand how they felt. People tell me all the time "you're such likeable person, everyone likes you. That'll take you far." My boss said it not a month ago, which took me by surprise, as I don't care for my boss at all. I wish there was a spectrum opposite the autism spectrum. I don't think I am at all unique in this, and I wish I could talk to others experiencing the same kinds of things.

altcognito 12y ago
You have to learn to set boundaries and set some distance between yourself and that person. There are lots of articles and books out there that probably cover this better than I can. This was an interesting read though. http://blogs.psychcentral.com/balanced-life/2014/05/setting-boundaries/ http://blogs.psychcentral.com/balanced-life/2014/05/setting-...
- rcconf 12y ago
  Do you happen to have any books on hand that deal with setting boundaries. I never really developed this skill, but it seems really useful and I'm in a situation where I need it. My boundaries are clearly being crossed, but I don't know how consequences should be brought up, or how to actually go through with the consequences (I seem to cave pretty easily.)
- amagumori 12y ago
  as a person with severe depression, i am absolutely certain of one thing. feelings come first, then thoughts. it's impossible to think your way out of depression. it sounds like OP's empathy is a "deep" / low-level quality of how their mind works, in which case it's probably impossible for them to think their way out of it. IMO

actf 12y ago

I really enjoyed the book: Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall Rosenberg - which despite the title, is actually very relevant to this topic. I picked it up after hearing a number of very positive reviews, and despite my skepticism, I now understand why it's so highly praised. I'd try to provide a brief summary, but I know I wouldn't do it justice. I will however say that it's almost certainly one of, if not the best, book I've ever read on improving interpersonal communication and relationships. The author has a phd in psychology, so the advice has some real science backing it up too.

Argorak 12y ago
I also can't give a short summary, but one thing about the book struck me: it's a very egoistic book. He describes in the very beginning that his reason to learn these techniques was to find out how he can get his wishes fulfilled, easier and with less friction. His conclusion is that seriously caring about others wishes and wants is one of the best ways to do that. He also tries to do that without being manipulative.

tek-cyb-org 12y ago

Wow this is so me. I feel u totally. Unfortunately my "Sensitivity" has caused me to become somewhat introverted yet still able to get through life and doing pretty well. Great article, great to know im not the only one out there. thanks

joshfraser 12y ago

A lack of empathy is the source of many of the worlds problems. Would we be care more about US drone attacks if we had friends or family living in Afghanistan or Iran? Would we be so cavalier about prison rape if it had happened to us or a close friend? These things occur when we distance ourselves from the people who are affected. When you look at all the injustice in the world, so much of it would evaporate if the people responsible simply had more empathy.

pflanze 12y ago

Previous discussion: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=7084299 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=7084299

coryl 12y ago

Great design and UX comes from a deep understanding and empathy of people (including yourself). If I feel your pain, I can help address it.

Puts 12y ago

Some here seems to think that introverts can't be empathic which ironically seems like a very hostile attitude towards fellow people.

realrocker 12y ago

Sure. I think it's important to empathise with people. Especially in a professional setup. But how do you empathise with the lazy ones who would come to a meeting unprepared, hoping to get a quick tutorial on the subject on the go. Or the condescenders who would assume their expertise on a subject renders all other opinions invalid. In those cases empathy is actually cruel to the remaining who do deserve it. Empathy like every other human emotion isn't really universal.

deleted 12y ago

[deleted]

jraedisch 12y ago

Another side effect of involuntary empathy for me is tending to forgive (sometimes too?!) easily - since I understand, or at least like to believe I understand almost everything as a result of hard to change traits and motivations. Whenever somebody is blamed for something I immediately try to explain why her or his acting is understandable. Empathy might also lower my belief in free will.

bambax 12y ago

> The reason crowds of people exhaust me is that I am constantly trying to read and understand the feelings and motivations of those around me. That describes me perfectly. But there is a general confusion between "empathy" and "compassion". I have a lot of the former and very little of the latter; I understand what other people experience, but I don't really "feel" it -- I don't suffer when they do. (I don't know what this says about me -- that's just how I am). Professionally this has served me well; I'm an independent contractor but the core of what I do is translate what people say to one another. When designing a system it's amazing how users think they have expressed their needs clearly when the tech guys understood a completely different thing; this happens even when everything is written down and formally accepted, etc. The way to fight this problem is to describe the consequences of every choice: if you do this this way, then you won't be able to do that other thing. Personally, empathy without compassion is more of a flaw. In a conversation I usually know what the other person is going to say, so I answer their questions before they finish asking, and most people don't like it. Or they feel they have found a sympathetic ear and start telling me a lot about themselves, which gets boring quickly. Small talk with people you know just a little, terrifies me. I have learned to talk about the weather -- that works most of the time, but only for so long (but the conversation can start anew every day). I wonder if I shared too much.

grkovalev 12y ago

i tried it, did not work for me

dschiptsov 12y ago

"Social Intelligence" again? Btw, empathy by itself (if we think of it as so-called mirror neurons based machinery of shaped by evolutionary forces reciprocal altruism) is a "glue" of any social formation, so there is nothing special about it. If we think of it as an "ability to feel other people's feels" (and reflect and react on them) - then it is OK for some context and not so for another. At least, in a harsh, competitive even hostile environments it is rather a vulnerability. So, inside any kind of social organization, be it a flock of animals or a village community or a company competing in a crowded market - empathy is what holds it together. It is also the foundation of the social aspect of some religions, but why should one pile up more abstract concepts on top of a simple biological phenomena? And, of course, it is not the most important skill, given that the social aspect of a human life is, indeed, important, but not the most important. Any so-called "introvert" (with is a last-century meme) will tell you that. There are people, who would say, that independent thinking, not being a docile sheeple, conditioned by social environment, etc. are more important virtues in life. There are reasons, why intellectual practices and spiritual growth requires a solitude. So, high empathy is important for a social worker or a priest or any kind of "manipulator", but I don't buy that it is the most important skill for a techie or an "introvert". Yes, it helps when we have to visit a public place, but why should we make other people as our primary occupation?

theRhino 12y ago

become a stoic, practice all the virtues, not just empathy your brain will thank you for it

perdunov 12y ago

My empathy is blocked by disgust towards most people, although I am very empathetic. I am not sure what it is that slight or strong disgust I feel towards almost all people. Maybe it is a psychiatric condition.

normloman 12y ago

I love the message of this article. Yet I'm also disappointed we needed an article to tell us this. How is having empathy controversial?

bl00djack 12y ago

Love this! Lately, I have been suffering from Impostor Syndrome and there are times I felt like I am doing everything wrong and I even started to question my empathy. Anyway, great article!