8 ms·

The 10 commandments for happiness and success

129 points by Amokrane 13y ago

jafaku 13y ago
> Have strong values and stick to them, no matter what. What if someone shows me evidence, a better reasoning, or anything I didn't know, that goes against one of my values? I disagree with this point.
- brugidou 13y ago
  Your values have nothing to do with evidence, reasoning and/or facts. You can change your opinion, increase your knowledge, admit you were wrong about facts but this won't change your values.
  - hnriot 13y ago
    Of course it does. One's values can be affirmed by evidence, or shown to be based on untruths. For example, I might have competition as one of my values, believing that its always good to be competitive and do one's best and strive to win. Then one day wake up and take stock of the accumulated evidence and realize that maybe this wasn't a good value to have held after all. It's nonsense to say values have nothi to do with evidence.
    - roryokane 13y ago
      This disagreement is a result of using the single word “value” to mean two different types of values. The values you describe are “instrumental values”. The values brugidou describes are “terminal values”. Here is a description of each: http://lesswrong.com/lw/l4/terminal_values_and_instrumental_values/ http://lesswrong.com/lw/l4/terminal_values_and_instrumental_...
- dbecker 13y ago
  You are interpreting the word "value" very narrowly. For instance, one could hold a value of relying on evidence rather than preconceived notions.
  - justinpombrio 13y ago
    Until someone showed strong evidence that those relying on preconceived notions were right more often than those relying on evidence. Then one'd be stuck ;-)
soora 13y ago
One concept that I think is hard to grasp, and makes taking this sort of advice hard to apply, is just how much our default happiness is biologically hard coded. For this reason I view the point about exercise and eating healthy to be the most important one on the list.
- Amokrane 13y ago
  I have read a book on this subject: http://www.amazon.fr/The-How-Happiness-Approach-Getting/dp/0143114956 http://www.amazon.fr/The-How-Happiness-Approach-Getting/dp/0.... The author wrote that happiness was defined at 50% by our genes, 10% by circumstances and 40% by intentional activities. I guess that's a non-negligible proportion we could act on.
eksith 13y ago
Great advice, but... "Don’t compare yourself to others" I've repeatedly found this to be near-impossible. It's just that no matter what standard I've set for myself, just the fact that I see someone doing better automatically makes me think I'm doing something wrong and/or I'm not good enough. That may not be the case, but that's the default thought for me and only after do I actually look into it. What's worse is that not only is it totally the wrong attitude, I know that it's the wrong attitude. It's very disheartening.
- yawn 13y ago
  I don't like "Don't compare yourself to others." To me it has little meaning other than making people feel good. If you are starting at the beginning of just about anything, you occasionally need to compare yourself to the "pros" in order to grow. All things in moderation.
  - Amokrane 13y ago
    There is nothing wrong in finding inspiration in someone else who is better than you, to help build a better version of yourself. There is a subtle nuance between this and feeling jealous or envious. The main reason why I used the verb 'compare', is because we are taught to think in terms of adversity/competition when it comes to learning in almost any field. I strongly believe that learning should only be about learning. And it turns out that if you learn the right things and if you work hard, for the sake of being good at something, then you will likely be highly ranked. But that should not be the goal.
- deleted 13y ago
  [deleted]
- SmallBets 13y ago
  I've had similar problems and saw a talk by Heidi Halvorson that reframed it a bit: Instead of trying to stop the "compare to others" behavior, replace the behavior instead with "compare to my own past performance". I've found measuring and hacking your own improvement is a more useful feedback loop.
bigd 13y ago
I've the feeling this is getting little out of hand. What this Oprah crap has to do with hackernews? (a shitty negative person)
shire 13y ago
2/ Only surround yourself with brilliant and positive people. this really touched me, most of my friends are always negative and angry and sad to say but my family is also dysfunctional which at times leads me to being stressed and upset as well. It's hard to cut people off who are your family and friends though.
6d0debc071 13y ago
Commandments for happiness. Hmm, okay ^_^ From my experiences, these spring up as the big ones I'd mention: 1. Learn to be happy with your own company before you seek a relationship. People who want to be your emotional crutches are generally bad for your growth in the long run, and being able to be happy on your own will help you get out if the other person becomes abusive. 2. Don't have a totally unbalanced investment in any one person, group or activity. Doing so makes you very vulnerable and makes failure in that area devastating for no commensurate increase in happiness. 3. Find people you can listen to, and who are interested in some of the same sort of things that you are. Listen to these people if you honestly trust them or leave them if you don't. If your friends are honest, sometimes they'll hurt you in warning you off of things or people. This is worth it - don't get so lost in your own ego that you lose all tough with reality, in the long run that will hurt more. 4. Get enough high-quality sleep. Not all sleep is good, even if you manage to pass out. Silence and as near to total darkness as you can get are pretty much prerequisites to waking up refreshed. A comfortable bed that properly supports you is also worthwhile. I've had friends who've gone off of depression medication by virtue of changing their beds and buying some blackout blinds. Just -- check that sort of thing first if you're having problems. 5. Do things with others. Archery, dancing, swimming, martial arts, paint-balling, painting, singing, etc. It gives you a chance to discover new passions and gets you in contact with a wider variety of friends in situations where you can form lasting relationships. 6. Smile at people. A smile is a gift you give to everyone around you, and it's free to the giver. It also seems to be linked to areas of our brains that make us feel happy even if we don't really feel that happy inside at the time. And seeing people smile back is nice. 7. Learn to look for the potential positives in things and phrase everything that you can in terms of positives rather than negatives. Few people like little storm-clouds dooming and glooming over them - in my experience, even in my own head, having a different spin on things makes me happier. You can make yourself very lonely just on the strength of choosing a specific phrasing. 8. This may not be for everyone, but: Teach. Not necessarily in a school environment. It can be incredibly rewarding to see a younger girl smile at the program she's just written, celebrate her first job, or (I gather from my boyfriend,) a young man make his first bit of woodwork. 9. Learn to recognise when you're boring people. This is, I gather, initially a rather depressing skill - but if you persevere you can find people who actually like being around you, or moderate your egoism somewhat, and that tends to be more rewarding. 10. Caring for others can let you be at least partially happy about some things that you might be sad about. A social form of hedging your bets. When the weather is blisteringly hot, for instance, I remind myself that Ellen (one of my friends) likes putting her washing out and sunbathing on the weekends and that makes me smile.
WalterGR 13y ago
Does anyone know of any good meta-analyses of studies about happiness / life satisfaction? Or put another way: what does actual research suggest the "commandments" for happiness are?
- mathattack 13y ago
  Almost by definition this is shaky science at best, but Daniel Gilbert seems to be one of the best. His book on the topic is here -> http://www.amazon.com/Stumbling-Happiness-Daniel-Gilbert/dp/1400077427 http://www.amazon.com/Stumbling-Happiness-Daniel-Gilbert/dp/... The impatient can look at his TED talk here -> http://www.ted.com/talks/dan_gilbert_asks_why_are_we_happy.html http://www.ted.com/talks/dan_gilbert_asks_why_are_we_happy.h...
- theorique 13y ago
  There are a lot of blog posts out there, many of which refer to peer-reviewed literature (or at least to news articles about peer reviewed literature). This is one of the best IMO: http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2011/09/10-things-you-need-to-know-to-be-happier/ http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2011/09/10-things-you-need-to-know... A lot of it aligns with what you might consider "common sense": exercise a sense of purpose and meaning (can be religion-based, but doesn't have to be) meaningful work gratitude for positive things in your life having someone you can talk to about your problems and difficulties regular and consistent connections with friends and family
  - ggreer 13y ago
    That list contains a lot of good advice. However, I did pause at: 3) Money isn’t going to make you much happier. It might make you unhappier. It's true that above a certain point, money doesn't correlate much with happiness. People are terrible at affective forecasting, so most rich people don't spend their money on things that will make them happy. If you are wealthy, see the paper "If money doesn't make you happy, then you probably aren't spending it right" for some ideas on how to purchase hedons: http://www.wjh.harvard.edu/~dtg/DUNN%20GILBERT%20&%20WILSON%20(2011).pdf http://www.wjh.harvard.edu/~dtg/DUNN%20GILBERT%20&%20WILSON%...
freejack 13y ago
A great list. I'd add - Understand the cost of fitting in. Being truly outstanding at what you do sometimes means you need to do it by yourself. Fitting in is comfortable, and will rarely lead to excellence and deep personal satisfaction.
lotharbot 13y ago
2/ Only surround yourself with brilliant and positive people. I partly agree with this rule. People who are negative drama-creators who regularly make bad decisions can really drag you down. They can cause you to spend an excessive amount of time worrying about pointless problems that only exist because of someone else's immaturity. But I'm also a teacher. I work with at-risk children who are immature and sometimes make bad decisions -- exactly the kind of people this rule says to stay away from, only they're 9 years old instead of 35. And being around them makes me very happy -- because of the difference I can make for them. I find it unfortunate that people sometimes fear "negativity" and "immaturity" so much that they let themselves be scared away from rewarding opportunities.
- x0054 13y ago
  I think the author is talking about people you choose to have in your life, people you would consider taking advice from and talking about your problems with. The 9 year olds in your profession probably provide very rewarding relationship, and they are people you can help. But they are hardly your "friends." If you were to surround your self with a bunch of 30 something neurotics who all needed your help, and it was not part of your job to help these people, then you would be in trouble.
- timr 13y ago
  I was hoping that you were going to critique the need to surround yourself with "positive people". There's obviously a lot to be said for not surrounding yourself with pessimists, but (in the US, anyway, and silicon valley, in particular), the default personality type tends to be "optimism to the point of delusion". It's just as problematic to overdose on positive thinking as it is being surrounded by pessimists. Optimism is like sugar: it's great and you need it, but if you eat too much of it you'll only get sick. And just like sugar, the average US diet already has plenty.
  - quaunaut 13y ago
    I could not disagree more readily. Note: I don't live in silicon valley. We're talking about a nation of people who, by far, believe they are stuck with the life they were given, with no means of control. Sure, they hope that one day they'll be able to achieve their dreams and desires, but by far, the majority of the country(outside of Silicon Valley) has the opinion that the only way to live, is to slave it out for someone else doing something you don't like. Hell, you hear half as much in comedy routines, frequently(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ph9I-qPQ6FU http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ph9I-qPQ6FU, and I've heard several others make the same comment, including Chris Rock, Louis CK, and Ricky Gervais). But the attitude silicon valley seems to foster in people- that if you work hard at something you believe in, you have a chance at being successful in ways you never could have dreamed? That's the only way an economy is going to work in the future. That's the only way when the majority of manual labor jobs can be eliminated by automation. Being able to teach, develop, and put yourself to good use in something you're proud of is gonna be the only way we've got left. Pessimism isn't worth shit, and we've got too much of it in the US. At least with optimism, people try things. Sure, their dreams of success might be delusional- but they still have value, in that they'll try, and in trying, better themselves. The other option is that they just keep living a life of misery or mediocrity, and that way leads only madness.
damiongrimfield 13y ago
i think some of these points can help me. and the css block in the document head is priceless.
crassus 13y ago
I disagree with the dichotomy between living a "default life" and being happy[1]. Maybe in America where society is so atomized and culture is so dead this is true, but this is not true everywhere. It is an American sickness that says you must work your way to happiness, that happiness comes at the end of a chain of accomplishments. What more is needed to be happy but friends, family, and enough to get by? Honestly, I think living in a culture with a strong sense of itself and its purpose is more important than any of the author's points, but people living in America wouldn't know what that feels like. All of what makes America terrible and most of what makes it successful is the puritan ancestry of its institutions. More and more Americans are skipping having families. Why? Because it would interfere with their career. Translated: they want to work more. In an effort to work their way into heaven, they ignore heaven's gifts. I know a lot of people that follow the author's advice, or try to (I can guess which cultural milieu this is coming from). They are all stressed out trying to save the world or something and nervous about failing (commandment number 3 is like saying "don't get cold in the winter"). [1] http://www.theonion.com/articles/unambitious-loser-with-happy-fulfilling-life-still,33233/ http://www.theonion.com/articles/unambitious-loser-with-happ...
- Amokrane 13y ago
  FWIW, I grew up in a third world country, waking up everyday fearing that I or someone I care about will die in a bomb attack (search for Algerian Civil War: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Algerian_Civil_War http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Algerian_Civil_War) and having all sort of daily issues (no water for a week, no electricity for days, etc.), and I can tell you this for sure: this didn't prevent us from wanting a life that's above average, from pursuing happiness and from questioning whether we loved what we were doing or not. Also, I am not sure where you are reading that you should be solitary or not have any family. I take care of my parents, a depressed brother who threatens to suicide every now and then, I am married and would love to have children. What's wrong with having that and aspiring to work on something that you find enjoyable instead of settling on a boring job?
farnsworth 13y ago
How do I find and identify brilliant and positive people?
giulivo 13y ago
I enjoyed the post but there is one sentence I can't understand: > 2/ Only surround yourself with brilliant and positive people. Negative and mediocre people are everywhere and their influence on you can be devastating. The thing is that I'm potentially one of those "mediocre" people and I don't see why my influence should be devastating. For instance, what is wrong about being negative? Not that my days are about it but, when I find myself thinking about the society we've built, I feel depressed and helplessness. Our society runs on poverty, climate change, INC governments, wars. We got to a point where some perpetuate violence on people and animals for living. Not only that but from a certain perspective, I've a reason to think about myself as a mediocre person, cause I managed to get lot of good things from life, including a fun job but I'm not the "cool kid" and, as such, I think I'm quite a mediocre guy. So my question is as follows, what are you suggesting here: the best way to avoid any negativity get to you, is to eliminate these gloomy people from your life ? Sounds more a strategy for distraction.
- Dewie 13y ago
  The human mind is so great that it came up with all modern society, and so irrational that it chooses to be miserable about people dying of famine and in wars on the other side of the world when there is nothing that the person can do about it and his life is devoid of any remotely immediate tragedies. What is wrong about ignoring (really, not so much ignore as simply not watching the news) things that you will do nothing about (most people will only help the proverbial children in Africa for the odd fundraiser) anyway, and instead focus on the fact that you are living a life that is much more pleasant and prosperous than what the news chooses to focus on? Ignorance truly is bliss.
  - konstruktor 13y ago
    Are you sure the people on the other side of the world, living in famine, also consider your ignorance bliss? What is more irrational: Choosing to ignore grave suffering that we have the resources to end, many times over, for the sake of avoiding bad feelings, or at least acknowledging the suffering of others? I think the latter is an essential step in bringing modern society to a state that can truly be called civilised.
runn1ng 13y ago
I will share my two cents, how I overcome my depression. It sounds deadly simple, and it sort of is. 1) regular excercise. Make some small, daily routine (I prefer running) and stick to it. The endorphines work wonders. The body starts feeling good after a few days. 2) (and this will be maybe controversial due to The religious undertones) regular meditation. While excercise clears your body, meditation clears your mind. Maybe it's not "really" doing anything and it's just a placebo, but frankly, it doesn't really matter. What I do is zen meditation (of soto school), which is basically just staring to wall for 20 minutes a day.... and it helps wonders. So yeah.... those two commandments help me. Your mileage may vary.
- oskarth 13y ago
  There are two great things about this advice. First, it's based on personal experience. Second, it's limited to only a few suggestions which are either implemented or not, rather than a laundry list of vague suggestions. It's surprisingly often that both of these things are missing.
- ams6110 13y ago
  I really don't get the anti-religion sentiment here. If you find in religious teachings a way to live happily, productively, in a socially positive way, why is that a problem or anything to apologize for?
  - CrankyPants 13y ago
    Because this is HN and we're all expected to apologize for being anything but categorically dismissive of religion.
    - MartinCron 13y ago
      I have one place, just one, where being a nonbeliever doesn't make me feel like a deviant distrusted outsider. I don't approve of disrespectful dismissals, but I understand why some people are seduced by it.
baldfat 13y ago
There is no mediocre people???? Unless you like to be a ranking jerk with no friends. Seriously some of the most amazing people I have meet were "mediocre"
kyle4211 13y ago
Eh. 1) We're social creatures -- we will inherently derive feelings of success from certain comparisons with others. Why should I forcefully negate this natural channel for happiness? 2) Only surround yourself with brilliant people. Negative people can be great. 3) Don’t be afraid to fail. Failing is not the best thing that could happen to you. 4) Find your vocation and have pleasure doing it (if vocations are you thing). 5) +1 6) +1 7) +1 8) +1 9) +1 10) Eh.
Shank 13y ago
I agree with every one of those things. Especially #2, but in a reverse effect: I've noticed that if I'm in a negative mood, the people I care about the most suffer from it. In the same way that you shouldn't surround yourself with people who are negative, you should attempt to be the same way yourself as much as possible. It'll make you a better person to be around.
dbpokorny 13y ago
1. Pablum 2. Pablum 3. Pablum 4. Pablum 5. Pablum 6. Pablum 7. Pablum 8. Pablum 9. FIGHT THE MATRIX 10. Pablum I like this guy :)
gsk 13y ago
Graham Greene said: "Point me out the happy man and I will point you out either egotism, selfishness, evil - or else an absolute ignorance." This world isn't built for maximising happiness of humans, this is true whether you follow scientific rationale or religious faith. When you pursue happiness, you are working against the system. There in nothing wrong with it, however it does tell you why Graham Greene concluded the above.
- namenotrequired 13y ago
  What do you think the world is built to maximise? Edit: clarity
  - gsk 13y ago
    Life is built to maximise survival, I suppose. Note that Life is not the World (I refer to the physical non-biological things as world). I would say, as far as science can probe, world isn't there to maximise anything.
  - T-A 13y ago
    Entropy? ;)
- epsylon 13y ago
  Consider Mathieu Ricard : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matthieu_Ricard https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matthieu_Ricard https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXZqQINH9O0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXZqQINH9O0 I wouldn't paint him as either egotistic, evil or ignorant. I consider myself an atheist and his books have significantly changed the way I view the world.
- Dewie 13y ago
  Selfishness and having a positive impact on others/your surroundings are far from mutually exclusive.
bjourne 13y ago
I wouldn't mind the list so much if you wrote "this is MY best tips for happiness and success." Because then it wouldn't contradict many studies on the subject which finds that very different variables cause happyness and success.
Sagat 13y ago
Great, another listicle that people will get excited about and then forget about in a few days.
rheide 13y ago
Not bad. I always look at the Dokkodo to motivate myself: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dokk%C5%8Dd%C5%8D https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dokk%C5%8Dd%C5%8D . I sense some similarities.
rpmuller 13y ago
I click on every link similar to this one, and I've started to see the same things over and over again. This article was refreshing and different. Thanks for sharing.

129 points by Amokrane 13y ago

> Have strong values and stick to them, no matter what. What if someone shows me evidence, a better reasoning, or anything I didn't know, that goes against one of my values? I disagree with this point.

brugidou 13y ago
Your values have nothing to do with evidence, reasoning and/or facts. You can change your opinion, increase your knowledge, admit you were wrong about facts but this won't change your values.
- hnriot 13y ago
  Of course it does. One's values can be affirmed by evidence, or shown to be based on untruths. For example, I might have competition as one of my values, believing that its always good to be competitive and do one's best and strive to win. Then one day wake up and take stock of the accumulated evidence and realize that maybe this wasn't a good value to have held after all. It's nonsense to say values have nothi to do with evidence.
  - roryokane 13y ago
    This disagreement is a result of using the single word “value” to mean two different types of values. The values you describe are “instrumental values”. The values brugidou describes are “terminal values”. Here is a description of each: http://lesswrong.com/lw/l4/terminal_values_and_instrumental_values/ http://lesswrong.com/lw/l4/terminal_values_and_instrumental_...
dbecker 13y ago
You are interpreting the word "value" very narrowly. For instance, one could hold a value of relying on evidence rather than preconceived notions.
- justinpombrio 13y ago
  Until someone showed strong evidence that those relying on preconceived notions were right more often than those relying on evidence. Then one'd be stuck ;-)

soora 13y ago

One concept that I think is hard to grasp, and makes taking this sort of advice hard to apply, is just how much our default happiness is biologically hard coded. For this reason I view the point about exercise and eating healthy to be the most important one on the list.

Amokrane 13y ago
I have read a book on this subject: http://www.amazon.fr/The-How-Happiness-Approach-Getting/dp/0143114956 http://www.amazon.fr/The-How-Happiness-Approach-Getting/dp/0.... The author wrote that happiness was defined at 50% by our genes, 10% by circumstances and 40% by intentional activities. I guess that's a non-negligible proportion we could act on.

eksith 13y ago

Great advice, but... "Don’t compare yourself to others" I've repeatedly found this to be near-impossible. It's just that no matter what standard I've set for myself, just the fact that I see someone doing better automatically makes me think I'm doing something wrong and/or I'm not good enough. That may not be the case, but that's the default thought for me and only after do I actually look into it. What's worse is that not only is it totally the wrong attitude, I know that it's the wrong attitude. It's very disheartening.

yawn 13y ago
I don't like "Don't compare yourself to others." To me it has little meaning other than making people feel good. If you are starting at the beginning of just about anything, you occasionally need to compare yourself to the "pros" in order to grow. All things in moderation.
- Amokrane 13y ago
  There is nothing wrong in finding inspiration in someone else who is better than you, to help build a better version of yourself. There is a subtle nuance between this and feeling jealous or envious. The main reason why I used the verb 'compare', is because we are taught to think in terms of adversity/competition when it comes to learning in almost any field. I strongly believe that learning should only be about learning. And it turns out that if you learn the right things and if you work hard, for the sake of being good at something, then you will likely be highly ranked. But that should not be the goal.
deleted 13y ago
[deleted]
SmallBets 13y ago
I've had similar problems and saw a talk by Heidi Halvorson that reframed it a bit: Instead of trying to stop the "compare to others" behavior, replace the behavior instead with "compare to my own past performance". I've found measuring and hacking your own improvement is a more useful feedback loop.

bigd 13y ago

I've the feeling this is getting little out of hand. What this Oprah crap has to do with hackernews? (a shitty negative person)

shire 13y ago

2/ Only surround yourself with brilliant and positive people. this really touched me, most of my friends are always negative and angry and sad to say but my family is also dysfunctional which at times leads me to being stressed and upset as well. It's hard to cut people off who are your family and friends though.

6d0debc071 13y ago

Commandments for happiness. Hmm, okay ^_^ From my experiences, these spring up as the big ones I'd mention: 1. Learn to be happy with your own company before you seek a relationship. People who want to be your emotional crutches are generally bad for your growth in the long run, and being able to be happy on your own will help you get out if the other person becomes abusive. 2. Don't have a totally unbalanced investment in any one person, group or activity. Doing so makes you very vulnerable and makes failure in that area devastating for no commensurate increase in happiness. 3. Find people you can listen to, and who are interested in some of the same sort of things that you are. Listen to these people if you honestly trust them or leave them if you don't. If your friends are honest, sometimes they'll hurt you in warning you off of things or people. This is worth it - don't get so lost in your own ego that you lose all tough with reality, in the long run that will hurt more. 4. Get enough high-quality sleep. Not all sleep is good, even if you manage to pass out. Silence and as near to total darkness as you can get are pretty much prerequisites to waking up refreshed. A comfortable bed that properly supports you is also worthwhile. I've had friends who've gone off of depression medication by virtue of changing their beds and buying some blackout blinds. Just -- check that sort of thing first if you're having problems. 5. Do things with others. Archery, dancing, swimming, martial arts, paint-balling, painting, singing, etc. It gives you a chance to discover new passions and gets you in contact with a wider variety of friends in situations where you can form lasting relationships. 6. Smile at people. A smile is a gift you give to everyone around you, and it's free to the giver. It also seems to be linked to areas of our brains that make us feel happy even if we don't really feel that happy inside at the time. And seeing people smile back is nice. 7. Learn to look for the potential positives in things and phrase everything that you can in terms of positives rather than negatives. Few people like little storm-clouds dooming and glooming over them - in my experience, even in my own head, having a different spin on things makes me happier. You can make yourself very lonely just on the strength of choosing a specific phrasing. 8. This may not be for everyone, but: Teach. Not necessarily in a school environment. It can be incredibly rewarding to see a younger girl smile at the program she's just written, celebrate her first job, or (I gather from my boyfriend,) a young man make his first bit of woodwork. 9. Learn to recognise when you're boring people. This is, I gather, initially a rather depressing skill - but if you persevere you can find people who actually like being around you, or moderate your egoism somewhat, and that tends to be more rewarding. 10. Caring for others can let you be at least partially happy about some things that you might be sad about. A social form of hedging your bets. When the weather is blisteringly hot, for instance, I remind myself that Ellen (one of my friends) likes putting her washing out and sunbathing on the weekends and that makes me smile.

WalterGR 13y ago

Does anyone know of any good meta-analyses of studies about happiness / life satisfaction? Or put another way: what does actual research suggest the "commandments" for happiness are?

mathattack 13y ago
Almost by definition this is shaky science at best, but Daniel Gilbert seems to be one of the best. His book on the topic is here -> http://www.amazon.com/Stumbling-Happiness-Daniel-Gilbert/dp/1400077427 http://www.amazon.com/Stumbling-Happiness-Daniel-Gilbert/dp/... The impatient can look at his TED talk here -> http://www.ted.com/talks/dan_gilbert_asks_why_are_we_happy.html http://www.ted.com/talks/dan_gilbert_asks_why_are_we_happy.h...
theorique 13y ago
There are a lot of blog posts out there, many of which refer to peer-reviewed literature (or at least to news articles about peer reviewed literature). This is one of the best IMO: http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2011/09/10-things-you-need-to-know-to-be-happier/ http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2011/09/10-things-you-need-to-know... A lot of it aligns with what you might consider "common sense": exercise a sense of purpose and meaning (can be religion-based, but doesn't have to be) meaningful work gratitude for positive things in your life having someone you can talk to about your problems and difficulties regular and consistent connections with friends and family
- ggreer 13y ago
  That list contains a lot of good advice. However, I did pause at: 3) Money isn’t going to make you much happier. It might make you unhappier. It's true that above a certain point, money doesn't correlate much with happiness. People are terrible at affective forecasting, so most rich people don't spend their money on things that will make them happy. If you are wealthy, see the paper "If money doesn't make you happy, then you probably aren't spending it right" for some ideas on how to purchase hedons: http://www.wjh.harvard.edu/~dtg/DUNN%20GILBERT%20&%20WILSON%20(2011).pdf http://www.wjh.harvard.edu/~dtg/DUNN%20GILBERT%20&%20WILSON%...

freejack 13y ago

A great list. I'd add - Understand the cost of fitting in. Being truly outstanding at what you do sometimes means you need to do it by yourself. Fitting in is comfortable, and will rarely lead to excellence and deep personal satisfaction.

lotharbot 13y ago

2/ Only surround yourself with brilliant and positive people. I partly agree with this rule. People who are negative drama-creators who regularly make bad decisions can really drag you down. They can cause you to spend an excessive amount of time worrying about pointless problems that only exist because of someone else's immaturity. But I'm also a teacher. I work with at-risk children who are immature and sometimes make bad decisions -- exactly the kind of people this rule says to stay away from, only they're 9 years old instead of 35. And being around them makes me very happy -- because of the difference I can make for them. I find it unfortunate that people sometimes fear "negativity" and "immaturity" so much that they let themselves be scared away from rewarding opportunities.

x0054 13y ago
I think the author is talking about people you choose to have in your life, people you would consider taking advice from and talking about your problems with. The 9 year olds in your profession probably provide very rewarding relationship, and they are people you can help. But they are hardly your "friends." If you were to surround your self with a bunch of 30 something neurotics who all needed your help, and it was not part of your job to help these people, then you would be in trouble.
timr 13y ago
I was hoping that you were going to critique the need to surround yourself with "positive people". There's obviously a lot to be said for not surrounding yourself with pessimists, but (in the US, anyway, and silicon valley, in particular), the default personality type tends to be "optimism to the point of delusion". It's just as problematic to overdose on positive thinking as it is being surrounded by pessimists. Optimism is like sugar: it's great and you need it, but if you eat too much of it you'll only get sick. And just like sugar, the average US diet already has plenty.
- quaunaut 13y ago
  I could not disagree more readily. Note: I don't live in silicon valley. We're talking about a nation of people who, by far, believe they are stuck with the life they were given, with no means of control. Sure, they hope that one day they'll be able to achieve their dreams and desires, but by far, the majority of the country(outside of Silicon Valley) has the opinion that the only way to live, is to slave it out for someone else doing something you don't like. Hell, you hear half as much in comedy routines, frequently(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ph9I-qPQ6FU http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ph9I-qPQ6FU, and I've heard several others make the same comment, including Chris Rock, Louis CK, and Ricky Gervais). But the attitude silicon valley seems to foster in people- that if you work hard at something you believe in, you have a chance at being successful in ways you never could have dreamed? That's the only way an economy is going to work in the future. That's the only way when the majority of manual labor jobs can be eliminated by automation. Being able to teach, develop, and put yourself to good use in something you're proud of is gonna be the only way we've got left. Pessimism isn't worth shit, and we've got too much of it in the US. At least with optimism, people try things. Sure, their dreams of success might be delusional- but they still have value, in that they'll try, and in trying, better themselves. The other option is that they just keep living a life of misery or mediocrity, and that way leads only madness.

damiongrimfield 13y ago

i think some of these points can help me. and the css block in the document head is priceless.

crassus 13y ago

I disagree with the dichotomy between living a "default life" and being happy[1]. Maybe in America where society is so atomized and culture is so dead this is true, but this is not true everywhere. It is an American sickness that says you must work your way to happiness, that happiness comes at the end of a chain of accomplishments. What more is needed to be happy but friends, family, and enough to get by? Honestly, I think living in a culture with a strong sense of itself and its purpose is more important than any of the author's points, but people living in America wouldn't know what that feels like. All of what makes America terrible and most of what makes it successful is the puritan ancestry of its institutions. More and more Americans are skipping having families. Why? Because it would interfere with their career. Translated: they want to work more. In an effort to work their way into heaven, they ignore heaven's gifts. I know a lot of people that follow the author's advice, or try to (I can guess which cultural milieu this is coming from). They are all stressed out trying to save the world or something and nervous about failing (commandment number 3 is like saying "don't get cold in the winter"). [1] http://www.theonion.com/articles/unambitious-loser-with-happy-fulfilling-life-still,33233/ http://www.theonion.com/articles/unambitious-loser-with-happ...

Amokrane 13y ago
FWIW, I grew up in a third world country, waking up everyday fearing that I or someone I care about will die in a bomb attack (search for Algerian Civil War: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Algerian_Civil_War http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Algerian_Civil_War) and having all sort of daily issues (no water for a week, no electricity for days, etc.), and I can tell you this for sure: this didn't prevent us from wanting a life that's above average, from pursuing happiness and from questioning whether we loved what we were doing or not. Also, I am not sure where you are reading that you should be solitary or not have any family. I take care of my parents, a depressed brother who threatens to suicide every now and then, I am married and would love to have children. What's wrong with having that and aspiring to work on something that you find enjoyable instead of settling on a boring job?

farnsworth 13y ago

How do I find and identify brilliant and positive people?

giulivo 13y ago

I enjoyed the post but there is one sentence I can't understand: > 2/ Only surround yourself with brilliant and positive people. Negative and mediocre people are everywhere and their influence on you can be devastating. The thing is that I'm potentially one of those "mediocre" people and I don't see why my influence should be devastating. For instance, what is wrong about being negative? Not that my days are about it but, when I find myself thinking about the society we've built, I feel depressed and helplessness. Our society runs on poverty, climate change, INC governments, wars. We got to a point where some perpetuate violence on people and animals for living. Not only that but from a certain perspective, I've a reason to think about myself as a mediocre person, cause I managed to get lot of good things from life, including a fun job but I'm not the "cool kid" and, as such, I think I'm quite a mediocre guy. So my question is as follows, what are you suggesting here: the best way to avoid any negativity get to you, is to eliminate these gloomy people from your life ? Sounds more a strategy for distraction.

Dewie 13y ago
The human mind is so great that it came up with all modern society, and so irrational that it chooses to be miserable about people dying of famine and in wars on the other side of the world when there is nothing that the person can do about it and his life is devoid of any remotely immediate tragedies. What is wrong about ignoring (really, not so much ignore as simply not watching the news) things that you will do nothing about (most people will only help the proverbial children in Africa for the odd fundraiser) anyway, and instead focus on the fact that you are living a life that is much more pleasant and prosperous than what the news chooses to focus on? Ignorance truly is bliss.
- konstruktor 13y ago
  Are you sure the people on the other side of the world, living in famine, also consider your ignorance bliss? What is more irrational: Choosing to ignore grave suffering that we have the resources to end, many times over, for the sake of avoiding bad feelings, or at least acknowledging the suffering of others? I think the latter is an essential step in bringing modern society to a state that can truly be called civilised.

runn1ng 13y ago

I will share my two cents, how I overcome my depression. It sounds deadly simple, and it sort of is. 1) regular excercise. Make some small, daily routine (I prefer running) and stick to it. The endorphines work wonders. The body starts feeling good after a few days. 2) (and this will be maybe controversial due to The religious undertones) regular meditation. While excercise clears your body, meditation clears your mind. Maybe it's not "really" doing anything and it's just a placebo, but frankly, it doesn't really matter. What I do is zen meditation (of soto school), which is basically just staring to wall for 20 minutes a day.... and it helps wonders. So yeah.... those two commandments help me. Your mileage may vary.

oskarth 13y ago
There are two great things about this advice. First, it's based on personal experience. Second, it's limited to only a few suggestions which are either implemented or not, rather than a laundry list of vague suggestions. It's surprisingly often that both of these things are missing.
ams6110 13y ago
I really don't get the anti-religion sentiment here. If you find in religious teachings a way to live happily, productively, in a socially positive way, why is that a problem or anything to apologize for?
- CrankyPants 13y ago
  Because this is HN and we're all expected to apologize for being anything but categorically dismissive of religion.
  - MartinCron 13y ago
    I have one place, just one, where being a nonbeliever doesn't make me feel like a deviant distrusted outsider. I don't approve of disrespectful dismissals, but I understand why some people are seduced by it.

baldfat 13y ago

There is no mediocre people???? Unless you like to be a ranking jerk with no friends. Seriously some of the most amazing people I have meet were "mediocre"

kyle4211 13y ago

Eh. 1) We're social creatures -- we will inherently derive feelings of success from certain comparisons with others. Why should I forcefully negate this natural channel for happiness? 2) Only surround yourself with brilliant people. Negative people can be great. 3) Don’t be afraid to fail. Failing is not the best thing that could happen to you. 4) Find your vocation and have pleasure doing it (if vocations are you thing). 5) +1 6) +1 7) +1 8) +1 9) +1 10) Eh.

Shank 13y ago

I agree with every one of those things. Especially #2, but in a reverse effect: I've noticed that if I'm in a negative mood, the people I care about the most suffer from it. In the same way that you shouldn't surround yourself with people who are negative, you should attempt to be the same way yourself as much as possible. It'll make you a better person to be around.

dbpokorny 13y ago

1. Pablum 2. Pablum 3. Pablum 4. Pablum 5. Pablum 6. Pablum 7. Pablum 8. Pablum 9. FIGHT THE MATRIX 10. Pablum I like this guy :)

gsk 13y ago

Graham Greene said: "Point me out the happy man and I will point you out either egotism, selfishness, evil - or else an absolute ignorance." This world isn't built for maximising happiness of humans, this is true whether you follow scientific rationale or religious faith. When you pursue happiness, you are working against the system. There in nothing wrong with it, however it does tell you why Graham Greene concluded the above.

namenotrequired 13y ago
What do you think the world is built to maximise? Edit: clarity
- gsk 13y ago
  Life is built to maximise survival, I suppose. Note that Life is not the World (I refer to the physical non-biological things as world). I would say, as far as science can probe, world isn't there to maximise anything.
- T-A 13y ago
  Entropy? ;)
epsylon 13y ago
Consider Mathieu Ricard : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matthieu_Ricard https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matthieu_Ricard https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXZqQINH9O0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXZqQINH9O0 I wouldn't paint him as either egotistic, evil or ignorant. I consider myself an atheist and his books have significantly changed the way I view the world.
Dewie 13y ago
Selfishness and having a positive impact on others/your surroundings are far from mutually exclusive.

bjourne 13y ago

I wouldn't mind the list so much if you wrote "this is MY best tips for happiness and success." Because then it wouldn't contradict many studies on the subject which finds that very different variables cause happyness and success.

Sagat 13y ago

Great, another listicle that people will get excited about and then forget about in a few days.

rheide 13y ago

Not bad. I always look at the Dokkodo to motivate myself: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dokk%C5%8Dd%C5%8D https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dokk%C5%8Dd%C5%8D . I sense some similarities.

rpmuller 13y ago

I click on every link similar to this one, and I've started to see the same things over and over again. This article was refreshing and different. Thanks for sharing.