6 ms·
In Memory of My Wife, Elise Cawley, with Thanks for 36 Wonderful Years
- deleted 2mo ago[deleted]
- b3lvedere 2mo agoI am so sorry for your loss Mr. Wolfram.
- adamredwoods 2mo agoIt's a profound thing to lose someone that intertwined in your life. I should know.
- jasoneckert 2mo agoThis is a lovely and heartfelt tribute. Thanks for sharing this.
- BewareTheYiga 2mo agoWhat a beautiful tribute.
- altairprime 2mo ago[flagged]
- copperx 2mo agoWonderful tribute.
- steve_adams_86 2mo agoIt's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all, but, god damn does it still hurt to move through that loss. I'm glad it was fast and painless for her and her family.
- inigyou 2mo ago[flagged]
- steve_adams_86 2mo agoMy understanding is that these catastrophic events typically leave the victim unconscious before they have much time to suffer. I'm not an expert so I'm prepared to be wrong. I hope that was the case for her. I'm aware it could have hurt, too — I suppose the sentiment is that this wasn't a drawn out, needlessly arduous event of waiting and suffering.
- inigyou 2mo agoMy understanding is that people have enough time to register "holy fucking shit, this is it, I'm about to die" before they pass out. That's why they archetypically clutch their chests.
- deleted 2mo ago[deleted]
- applfanboysbgon 2mo ago> she had a freak, vast cardiovascular event—and died instantly > But then, soon after, disaster struck, and she collapsed, the victim of a massive cardiovascular event. My only solace in this tragedy is that the end came instantly Perhaps because you are contradicting the author of the tribute with your own unfounded assumptions about the particulars of her passing. I would wager he knows a little bit more about what she experienced than you, surmising in generalities, do. And really, what is the purpose of this quibbling? "Ah yes, I can't let this grieving man have any comfort -- I must assert that actually, his wife must've suffered quite a lot before she died".
- redsocksfan45 2mo ago[dead]
- cube00 2mo agoAn amazingly detailed tribute, you'd have to think this was taken from a journal, in which case it's impressive to keep such a record of their life, or maybe Stephen just has a fantastic memory. Even through that detail you can really feel how much he loved and admired her. > Somehow in the shock of what has happened it feels as if I just met Elise, and now she is gone. A reminder that time's cruelty is making the wonderful feel shorter than the painful. > My only solace in this tragedy is that the end came instantly, after a day filled with nothing but joy. Hopefully we're all lucky enough to be allowed to rest without suffering while surrounded by loved ones.
- iammjm 2mo agoStephen has been documenting his life for decades now. He talks about his system here: https://writings.stephenwolfram.com/2019/02/seeking-the-productive-life-some-details-of-my-personal-infrastructure/ https://writings.stephenwolfram.com/2019/02/seeking-the-prod...
- detourdog 2mo agoA read a story of a guy who bumped into him at conference and had some sort of conversation. The following week he received a follow-up from Wolfram's office with his assigned conversation number. The number was to be used for all follow-ups.
- MengerSponge 2mo agoI remember reading about a personal CRM project called Monica years ago. Does anyone here still use it? Is there an actively maintained alternative?
- rsolva 2mo agoI still have an instance of it running and get email reminders about birthdays, but no, I don't think it has been actively developed for years.
- binyu 2mo agoI am so sorry for your loss. This is a beautiful and touching tribute and she was lucky to have such a loving husband.
- arjie 2mo agoBeautiful tribute. Perhaps a reminder to self to write my own version prior to our passing. Such misfortune to be taken so young.
- frou_dh 2mo agoThat's neat that she designed their house. When I've seen photos of Wolfram in his house I've always thought it looked an awesome high-class place.
- Sprotch 2mo agoYou can feel his love for her. Heartbreaking.
- andromaton 2mo agoSorry for his loss, and for everybody helped by her in any way. However ineffective a comment like this is
- arsenkk 2mo agoBeautifully written. My condolences and wish you all the best!
- ajb 2mo agoThis is a moving tribute. Stephen Wolfram's writing often has certain faults, which I mention only to be able to say that he has here transcended them; this is a genuine and heartfelt piece of writing which makes me feel sad for his loss.
- ACS_Solver 2mo agoYes, it's a very well written, touching tribute and I think it's all the more touching when you're familiar enough with Wolfram's writings to notice the contrast here.
- arm32 2mo agoIt's one of the most beautiful things I've ever read in my entire life. The reader departs both fallen in love with Elise and tragically heartbroken. Excuse me while I go cry some more in the laundry room, collect myself and annoy my wife with a huge hug.
- mc32 2mo ago[dead]
- kreelman 2mo agoVale Elise.
- RataNova 2mo agoHe is not trying to impress the reader so much as preserve as much of her as he can while the memories are still vivid
- klustregrif 2mo agoA very beautiful tribute to her life and memory. My condolences go out to her family.
- inigyou 2mo agoWell shit. Also, certificate error, but that's forgiveable in the circumstances.
- tibbydudeza 2mo agoA beloved wife and mother and a brilliant partner as well. My condolences to the family.
- glimshe 2mo agoI've been reading Wolfram quite a bit lately. I'm sad for him and the family, my condolences.
- senderista 2mo agoThis was really moving and sincere. It made me think of my dad's catastrophic stroke while recovering from brain surgery. I wish that, like Wolfram's wife, he had died instantly on the operating table instead of enduring six years of agony for himself and everyone else.
- reassess_blind 2mo agoThat’s tough. Sorry that you all had to go through that.
- kylehotchkiss 2mo ago> But from that moment on we talked essentially every day for 36 years Man. Our culture is speed running away from one of the greatest joys you can have in your life (a healthy relationship). Stephen, if you can see this, thank you for opening up. Wishing you comfort and peace.
- breezybottom 2mo ago[flagged]
- armitron 2mo ago<edited> Wolfram is obviously a genius but, like a lot of geniuses, so ahead of his time that he'll be recognized, maybe, decades after his own death.
- breezybottom 2mo agoI can't think of any case where that's true. Einstein was recognized as a genius before his death. Most are recognized from childhood (Carl Friedrich Gauss, John Nash, Blaise Pascal, John von Neumann, etc.)
- myroon5 2mo agoSeems more common in media fields (Van Gogh, Lovecraft, etc.)
- senderista 2mo agoWolfram was, in fact, a child (or at least teenage) prodigy.
- deleted 2mo ago[deleted]
- tim-projects 2mo agoI once asked a 93 year old, what the best experience of his life was. He said being married to his wife until she died. I've never forgotten that.
- arm32 2mo agoI am not crying. You're crying. Oh, man. Rest in peace, Elise and I'm so sorry for your loss, Stephen.
- lofaszvanitt 2mo ago[flagged]
- JSeiko 2mo agoMy Condolences!
- Arshad-Talpur 2mo agoWhat a tribute, what a way of writing, honestly i just felt i was living it
- CommenterPerson 2mo ago[flagged]
- HumblyTossed 2mo agoThere was a time when people could write, and thus read, longer than a tweet. Some of us remember that time and are still able to do it.
- prawn 2mo agoIt's a tribute and he tells you that in the second paragraph. "But now that Elise is gone I cannot restrain myself from telling the world something about the remarkable person with whom I shared the past 36 years of my life."
- throwaway5752 2mo agoStephen, we haven't met, but this was a beautiful, heartbreaking tribute. Your wife was clearly an extraordinary person. My deepest condolences to you and your family. Should everyone have someone who loves them so much to remember them like this.
- zoom6628 2mo agoBeautiful and warmth-filled tribute to Elise . Gorgeous piece of writing reflecting his sense of joy, love and loss. A life well lived.
- Hasz 2mo agodamn. I am so sorry to hear his wife passed, my heart goes out to him and his family. What a thoughtful tribute. I have always been a big fan of Stephen Wolfram, I had no idea his wife was such a great mathematician.
- sebmellen 2mo agoI met Stephen in 2023 at some MIT AI conference. He was the kindest, most grandfatherly person. I was expecting to meet a relatively pontifical person given some of his work, but he was such the opposite that I was completely taken aback. I spent two hours that evening with him and a small group of people talking about language and maths and so on. (He was very kind to let me take a photo: https://postimg.cc/LYmVCs0G https://postimg.cc/LYmVCs0G) That conversation had a tremendous impact on me and completely changed my attitude towards meeting new people. I am heartbroken for him and his family. And I can see that kind / heartfelt / grandfatherly nature throughout this memoriam. And please, God, let me die with my wife like John Nash did in that NJ Turnpike taxi crash.
- beardedwizard 2mo ago> And please, God, let me die with my wife like John Nash did in that NJ Turnpike taxi crash. amen brother.
- jvdsf 2mo agoI will be honest with you, this is my worst nightmare- to die after my wife. Life will be here without her, but it will be without her light.
- sriram_malhar 2mo agoAn aged uncle of mine (who loved his wife very much) once said, "I hope she goes before me. I'd never want her to face the pain of my leaving". Such love.
- srean 2mo agoBut think what your wife would have to go through if you passed earlier. It is that thought that makes me want to out last my wife, but in a state where I am useful in some way.
- meifun 2mo ago> And please, God, let me die with my wife like John Nash did in that > NJ Turnpike taxi crash. I feel you. My worst fear in life is surviving my wife of so far 20 years. I hope that we both reach 80 years old and sit next to each other in rocking chairs and let the days pass by.
- lamroger 2mo agoBeautiful tribute. May we all be seen so clearly with whatever time we have on this plane.
- cglan 2mo agoI have no words, but this tribute is beautiful. I can’t imagine losing someone like that after so many years. Heartbreaking
- acm9680 2mo agoshe was loved, she was seen, she was valued.
- crtified 2mo agoAs everybody privileged-to-know knows, a long term partner becomes an equal, and you theirs. One of life's greatest blessings. There is nothing like it.
- sohrob 2mo agoIt sounds like the author had an amazing partner and I'm sorry for his loss.
- skyberrys 2mo agoA beautiful read, that is both happy and sad. Sad because the days of their conversations have past. Happy because the memories of their conversations will live on. But since her passing is so sudden, more sad than happy, there are so many things she didn't get to finish.
- RataNova 2mo agoThe mathematical biography is fascinating, but it is the tiny domestic details that stay with you...
- jacobgold 2mo agoSounds like Elise Cawley had a great life. Stephen Wolfram has an incredible mind and this post is a great example.
- m101 2mo agoI’ve been a light reader of Stephen Wolfram’s work over the years. I am grateful he’s taken the time to write this tribute. May she rest in peace and condolences to Stephen. How I considered Stephen coming in to this: 1) he is wonderfully generous with his ideas and knowledge, especially towards the young. I think this is an extremely good quality. 2) he attracts envy from many people, partly because of his successes, but also because of his manner. I feel his manner is often totally unintentional to cause upset, but also I think he’s so unashamedly himself and how he wants to be that it is sometimes verging on rude, which people hold against him (mostly unfairly, sometimes fairly) 3) given his commitment to work I always wondered about how he balanced his personal life amongst all that What I found very interesting about this letter was how his personal relationship seems to have been in keeping with the man we see on the outside: 1) the first thing in the lists on his wife, as well as what he spends significant time on in the letter, are her intellectual capabilities. He is a man of intellect through and through, and it shows in how he writes of his wife. 2) he mentions how he has failed to collaborate with her for their entire marriage because of their strong wills. It strikes me as somewhat sad that there’s this failure to connect somehow. It might be that a prioritisation of the intellect in life holds us back from virtues. 3) there were moments where he talks about how she was intuitively right and how he had to work things out by taking “the long way”. I just get the feeling that a lot of their relationship was somehow like this - where something obvious to the normal intuition is something to be worked out by the intellect. 4) I think there might be an element of regret in this letter. A regret that perhaps a connection could have been different had one chosen to indulge one’s intellect less. I feel like this moment perhaps made Stephen’s mind pause for a moment on that - an all too human pause.
- BLKNSLVR 2mo agoI'm making this about me, so feel free to skip past this. I've been married for 26 years, which means I'd only have 10 more years with my wife, which would take us almost into retirement. That's not near enough. We're meant to have at least another 25-30 to take us deep into our 70s, becoming grandparents and seeing out that whole stage of life. No guarantees in life, obviously, but there's no way to plan a backup "life partner". Half of the two people with that specific shared life experience is gone, it's an unfillable hole.
- sheepscreek 2mo agoI couldn’t help but feel a bit emotional reading this. Elise was clearly an incredible human. Thank you Stephen for sharing her story and your love for her. I cannot imagine a better way to have spent those 36 years. Rest in peace Elise.
- epaga 2mo agoSuch a beautiful tribute. You get such a sense of his urgency at really wanting as many as possible to understand how precious and wonderful this woman was to him.
- fancyfredbot 2mo agoI found this touching. As someone who has tried to read a new kind of science, but struggled with the arrogant style, the love and respect this shows he had for his wife came as a welcome surprise. It has raised my opinion of Stephen Wolfram as a person considerably. Elise sounds amazing. He and his family have my sympathy.
- ubermonkey 2mo agoI am 56. I have been married for almost 21 years. I will not be reading this link, but I am glad it exists. Midlife brings many things, some good and some bad and some just part of life. One of these is the more visceral, serious understanding -- replacing the mere intellectual knowledge you had before -- that the ride you're on will end. You will, in your middle years, have friends whose own rides were far shorter than any of you imagined. You will see people's partners die, and the emotional wreckage that leaves behind. My friend D. is, right now, navigating his first summer alone after losing his wife of nearly 40 years last spring (fuck cancer). You will realize it could be you, on either side of the sod. May Elise's memory be a blessing. But I'm gonna go hug my wife now instead of reading Stephen's piece.
- cowboylowrez 2mo ago"She also asserted that physics differs from math mainly in its introduction of the concept of time. " intuitively I think thats just a really cool insight, though formally I suck both at math and physics so can't really tell. Its a very good read, such an interesting person she was, I'm sorry for his loss.
- Malcomwillis200 2mo ago[dead]