8 ms·

Overcoming the friendship recession

178 points by surprisetalk 8mo ago

hrdwdmrbl 7mo ago
Unfortunately many people now strongly dislike receiving unexpected phone calls. You may (i have) genuinely upset some people by calling them. Yes, I’m rolling my eyes too, but that’s how they feel
- metalman 7mo ago
  many people are now unable to discuss personal things at all, as I have a small business that is growing, I have interviewed hundreds of people seeking employment, and flat out refuse to even talk about resumes or past qualifications, as what counts in this case is an ability to comunicate verbaly about a combination of technical specifications, and then the mundane details of achiving them, so a verbal interview,that focuses on there full skill sets, and youth, mentors, and other influenced, many choke and hand up, sputter and repeat the speel they have practiced, one in 50 can roll with it cheerfully.
  - charlie0 7mo ago
    I wonder what is driving this. I too sense that people are really guarded these days. For me, I work remotely and it's hard to build true rapport through Slack.
    - righthand 7mo ago
      Lack of barrier breaking. Fewer people call and talk outside of slack so it becomes the norm to not talk outside of slack. When you do it seems weird. Break the norm.
    - johnnyanmac 7mo ago
      Why would I open up on a company chat? I don't want my life on record to be used against me by HR later on. I'll tell some friendly coworkers about vacation details, but certainly not on a paper trail.
  - johnnyanmac 7mo ago
    I feel that's more an issue in a job interview. You want to use every minute to make yourself look good, and the general "wisdom" is that employers don't care about your hobbies or social life or passions. They want someone to do the job right now.
- lowdude 7mo ago
  That was my first thought as well, and I am one of those people. I strongly dislike being called, especially unexpectedly, and much prefer a quick text message to maybe meet up in person, if the opportunity presents itself (e.g. if one of us happens to be in the town of the other one)
  - drzaiusx11 7mo ago
    At this point in my life if someone I actually know irl calls out of the blue, it induces anxiety as it's a very non-zero chance someone has died...
    - righthand 7mo ago
      That’s the reason I started reaching out to old friends. A friend had died and I knew no one else would tell them. One I even had to track down through email and ask for their new phone number. But now that I’m in regular contact I find calling easier and I don’t have worst-case-scenario fears anymore.
    - chrisweekly 7mo ago
      Yeah, that's one of the reasons calls out of the blue are mostly reserved for emergencies in my family and friend group. Texts eliminate that factor, and are more polite. A phone call represents immediacy / urgency ("this merits interrupting whatever you might be doing right now"). A text like "hey are you free for a quick call?" lets the recipient pivot from what they're doing and engage on their terms. IMHO it's more considerate.
      - groby_b 7mo ago
        You're about one step away from sending an email to ask if you can send a text to ask if you can make a phone call. It's not "more considerate" - you can ignore a phone call the same you can ignore a text. It's merely asking other people to optimize for you convenience only. That's perfectly fine to ask for, but it doesn't help with making friendships easy.
- drzaiusx11 7mo ago
  Spam phone calls have become so horrendously common here in the US (multiple a day) that I just keep my mobile on do not disturb 24/7 with exceptions for those in my core contact group. Maybe I'll miss a call or two that actually had substance, but I'd rather be slightly more isolated than constantly annoyed. Find me on various online platforms with text chat, voice or video if you really want to reach me. Or don't.
  - righthand 7mo ago
    Ridiculous how that ticked up in frequency (at least for me) after the last Potus election.
    - johnnyanmac 7mo ago
      Did you get laid off over the year? My spams always skyrocket on a job search. Just shows you what they are really doing with your resume (despite my LinkedIn profile being 15 years old and mostly updated. It's not hard to get my resume). Also, AI acceleration the last few years. most of the calls I do answer are clearly fake voices trying to sound real, as opposed to some TTY.
    - paradox460 7mo ago
      For me it's been down the last couple years, compared to a surge under the previous president. That means he's responsible, right? Or it could be I bought a house and financial institutions leak phone numbers like a colander
      - righthand 7mo ago
        It cooled under Biden for me, but who am I to say. I wouldn’t be surprised if current admin stop prosecuting against the spam callers. Some times these outfits are connected to politicians. Have you seen the 3-part documentary, Telemarketers?
    - drzaiusx11 7mo ago
      Bill 936 which would have required 1:1 expressly written consent to call was struck down in the 11th circuit court of appeals right before it was set to go into effect in Jan 2025 [1]. Trump flipped the 11th circuit by making a number of judge appointments in Jan 2020 [2]. As you correctly guessed, these two things are not unrelated. 1. https://www.consumerfinancialserviceslawmonitor.com/2025/09/fccs-final-rule-on-consent-kills-one-to-one-consent-requirement/ https://www.consumerfinancialserviceslawmonitor.com/2025/09/... 2. https://www.wiley.law/newsletter-Trump-Flips-Eleventh-Circuit-Critical-in-Election-Law-Cases https://www.wiley.law/newsletter-Trump-Flips-Eleventh-Circui...
- baby 7mo ago
  One alternative is voice recordings on whatsapp!
  - gregoriol 7mo ago
    This is the worst: people who use them hate the receiver
    - deleted 7mo ago
      [deleted]
- johnnyanmac 7mo ago
  For my demographic (late millenial), calls imply urgency. Like, if I see a call from a friend out of the blue I'm worried something dire happened. Texting is fine. We can schedule a call or meetup from there. But life as is is already so spontaneous, I don't need even more stuff to come up.
  - Barrin92 7mo ago
    >But life as is is already so spontaneous Is it? I think the exact opposite is true. Most people's life is a walking calendar. these days if someone can't "schedule" something they're losing their minds. Life was spontaneous when people didn't monitor every second of their day, when someone walked up to your house and asked you a question to your face, there wasn't a "I'll reply in ten minutes when I'm comfortable" button. We're living in a comfort obsessed society where, when you can't run away and plan your reply, people have a panic attack. Dating for young people is terrible because it's about as spontaneous as a legal appointment.
- robocat 7mo ago
  So what? There are also heaps of people that love getting phonecalls, or love to get a nice voice message. There's a whole other world of people that call and enjoy calling!!!! Why let a subset of people rule your behaviour towards others not in that subset? When people call, I try to encourage that. Unless I'm busy or they're too needy, so I don't answer. I am especially encouraging towards anyone that struggles with text messages (one of my oldest friends was illiterate, and I've got other friends that would call themselves dyslexic). I undermine that by messaging when I should call, because I like the written word.
- AussieWog93 7mo ago
  N=1 here but I love getting out of the blue phone calls from the couple of friends that do it. If I can't pick up, or am too busy to chat, I just swipe up on of the prebaked "sorry, can't chat now" SMS responses. It's them who initiate 90% of the calls too, and nobody cares.
mettamage 7mo ago
One thing I read on IG that one couple decided to do in NL was what they call "stoepen" ("stoep" is the Dutch word for sidewalk). They'd get some chairs to their front yard, which is connected to the sidewalk, and they'd greet people and start chatting with them. When vibes clicked they'd invite them to come sit with them, until people got in the habit of sometimes coming by and sitting with them. So there's that. Obviously there are other ways, but thought it'd be fun to share. Also research on self-disclosure might help. Long story short: be the first to reveal some details about yourself and progressively go deeper to the level that you want, it's kind of a tit for tat type of thing. There was one popular article about it so you could "fall in love" but IMO it's not love, it's simply building a deeper connection. Check it out [1]. I used to be really interested in topics like this, so if you want to know more about it or brainstorm, feel free to reach out. My email is in my profile. [1] https://36questionsinlove.com/ https://36questionsinlove.com/
- ralferoo 7mo ago
  I wonder if that's actually related to the Afrikaans word "stoep", where it's used in the sense of verandah which is obviously where you'd sit outside the house and watch the word go by. Both meanings ultimately come from the original meaning of the word as "step".
  - mettamage 7mo ago
    I mean... they are written the same... And given that it is Afrikaans, I guess so. Afrikaans always reads as "Dutch but it's a puzzle!" to me.
- giant_fern 7mo ago
  Very similar to this "stoop coffee" concept https://supernuclear.substack.com/p/stoop-coffee-how-a-simple-idea-transformed https://supernuclear.substack.com/p/stoop-coffee-how-a-simpl...
- CalRobert 7mo ago
  Ah Nice! I read about a couple in I think the Bay Area doing this too, to great effect
specproc 7mo ago
I've just moved to a new town, and my social life is kicking. Found a local computer club, crew of lads tinkering and using open source software. Really nice, smart bunch. I'm learning loads and appreciating their company. OP found this lacking, because it's not working fast enough and he's not getting enough time with people. I totally agree putting in time with old friends is always worth it (maybe not through surprise calls) but on a local level, I'd encourage patience. Things take time, friendship isn't something you can just switch on. It takes years, and that's the point. It's a journey, not a destination.
germinalphrase 7mo ago
I would strongly encourage everyone to choose two or three friends and say “hey - I want to chat with you, but it’s hard to schedule calls. I’m just going to try calling you sometime when I have a few minutes free. If you can talk, great! If you can’t, no sweat. Sound OK?” I lowered the stakes for calling/answering/not answering, and I actually catch up with my friends more often.
- righthand 7mo ago
  I just call them. I dont think you have to reach out and send a “hey I have question is it okay to ask”-style entering-the-chat messages. The overarching problem is that everyone started treating communication as a formal business letter.
  - germinalphrase 7mo ago
    I agree, but the social norm (for a lot of young people) is not to call spontaneously - at all, ever. Giving people a heads up helps, and then consistently following through, is a step that helps make it happen.
    - righthand 7mo ago
      Nah, just call them randomly and leave a message. I’m not going to have a whole social protocol for sending a phone call. If they don’t answer or call back it’s a lost cause communicating with them. I once dated someone who “didn’t just leave the house for any old outing” and it became exhausting trying to figure out the protocol for what qualified as a worthwhile outing. It was easier to just dump the person instead of playing this little “no you’re holding it wrong” game of comms.
      - germinalphrase 7mo ago
        You’re overthinking my recommendation. It’s a one-time comment to set expectations. Nothing more.
obscurette 7mo ago
Yes, managing relationships needs time, but there is another problem I see nowadays. When I was young (I'm in my sixties), it was normal to have friends who could be very different from you. They might have had qualities you didn't like at all, but you could still be very good friends. If I look my students (highschool and college level) now, they are extremely intolerant for differences compared to what I remember from my youth. One "I don't like it" problem is enough to dump any relationship. Why? I guess it's because of a lack of practice – you don't really need to interact with so many different people nowadays and interacting with people who are very different from you is just plain terrifying for many.
- throwawaysleep 7mo ago
  Depends? Are those more narrow one’s better and people have a better idea of what ideal looks like? I’m kind of horrified at people saying they had/have to work at their best friendships as with my best friends, everything is seamless. There are no misunderstandings. We never have to forgive each other. We never even need to clarify things for each other much, as we are that well aligned. Granted it may not be possible, but ideally go find a better match in a friend.
  - MarkusQ 7mo ago
    The axes are independent. You can have seamless friendships with people who are very different from you, and contentious relationships with folks who are just like you (but doing it wrong!) There's nothing wrong with having to work at friendship. For years I had a friend that I looked up to (and, as it turned out looked up to me). We were both constantly striving to justify the other's faith and respect. It was a lot of work but incredibly valuable for both of us.
- MarkusQ 7mo ago
  It may be terrifying, but it's also terribly important. If the friendship can't survive differences, you're going to silently censor any points of differences (real or imagined) and soon you're just pretending to be the people you think the other expects you to be. No depth of connection, no growth. You want someone to be friends with you, as you actually are. And that means you need to be friends with them, as they actually are, even if you worship different brands or vote for different movies.
Simulacra 7mo ago
I read an outstanding quote in a Brad Thor novel that I think speaks volumes about how to make friends: "Faith comes from trust, which comes from time, and experience" With the Internet, and social media, it can feel like we have friends when we really don't. But what social media etc. has robbed from us is that before, we had to spend time with people, we had experience with them, and over time they led to trust, and friendship. That's how people made friends before. Now we don't put that much effort into friendships because we think we already have friends because we see them on Facebook.
baby 7mo ago
Really good post! My own thoughts: - making new friends does take a massive amount of time, not just in finding friends but also in spending time with them until you can call them long-time friends - so you need to invest time in hanging out with people! Even when you don’t know what to say to them or when it’s awkward or when you’re not sure if you like them much. We weren’t picky when we were kids making friends, we just hung out a lot with whoever wanted to hang out - this also means make yourself available. Romantic partners, new jobs, as well as kids basically destroy your free time, but lots of it is self inflicted. Make sure you don’t seclude yourself and prioritize hanging out with people - also, it’s a number game, you should meet a lot of people if you want to eventually have a strong group of friends - one trick is to organize a house party or some gathering once a week, on the same day, and invite everyone you know, and ask them to invite more people as well - make sure you also spend time doing nothing with friends. Like watching tv and sitting on the couch. That’s how you used to create friendships as a kid, you just “hang”, you didn’t “go to the restaurant and went home afterwards”
- majora2007 7mo ago
  idk about a house party once a week, but I do like the idea of having my friends invite their other friends. As I age, it becomes harder to find new friends just by happenstance. Friends of Friends usually end up becoming friends after meeting them.
  - ikr678 7mo ago
    It doesn't have to be a whole-ass house party, but a good low effort method is picking a tv series, putting out some snacks and watching an episode at the same time every week with an open door policy.
    - baby 7mo ago
      Or choose a bar, or a park, etc.
dhbradshaw 7mo ago
- making new friends does take a massive amount of time I think the solution to this is to enjoy the journey. There's not a line that someone needs to cross before you can enjoy spending time with them. Just reach out and learn and enjoy people from the beginning.
Zealotux 7mo ago
I live in Barcelona, and during last year’s blackout I wandered through the city. As I passed by the Baix Guinardó gardens, I came across something that felt like a "A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte" brought to life: the park was full of families socialising the old way, children running everywhere, the whole place buzzing with chatter and energy. Later that day, walking home through darkened streets, I noticed small groups, maybe a dozen people at a time, gathered around certain spots. For some reason, a few closed shops still seemed to have working free Wi-Fi (backup generators, maybe), and people clustered there, drawn in like mosquitoes to light. Their faces glowed in the dark, lit only by their screens, and they stood in near-total silence. It’s hard to describe the feeling, it was surreal. You had to be there. I’m no Luddite, but I went to sleep that night wondering how on earth we get ourselves out of this.
- sph 7mo ago
  Have you ever seen those videos filming London streets in the 1970s? They are absolutely packed with groups of two or three people, not going places, but just standing there, chatting, as if they have nowhere else to be. It is something most of us have never experienced in any form and the change has happened over long enough timescales that we are used to our streets of strangers just going about their lives, the external world just a physical inconvenience to traverse as quickly as possible, not the real world where one just exists.
  - germinalphrase 7mo ago
    My perspective is very simple: our homes are simply a lot more comfortable than they used to be. We have better heating/air conditioning, endless television/video games/entertainment, large refrigerators, lower density, etc and so on. Back then, home covered a narrower set of needs - so the default option was to spend time elsewhere, even if it was just to escape the noise/heat/smells/smoke of home for a minute.
    - bluefirebrand 7mo ago
      > our homes are simply a lot more comfortable than they used to be. Yes. And public spaces are significantly less comfortable (and more expensive) than they used to be
pino83 7mo ago
One thing that I've learned from my friends in the last 10 years: You can either have deep friendships XOR children. All of them are either still without children, or are by no means valuable friends anymore. Sorry, but that's just how it is.
- MarkusQ 7mo ago
  Hang in there. As the kids get older, "XOR" can turn into "WITH".
- GJim 7mo ago
  Disappointing somebody has seen fit to "drive-by" downvote your post that simply describes your truthful personal observations. Presumably they don't want to engage in discussion, which is precisely what this topic is about!
  - pino83 7mo ago
    Well, quite often I think this way but resist to say so. This time it's even more obvious, though: They all know that I'm right. Everybody knows. That's not the point why they downvote.
    - garciansmith 7mo ago
      Or perhaps people down voted because absolute statements on social relationships are often not absolute at all. Or maybe they even have a personal experience that is contrary to your statement. I say this as a childless person whose closest friend has a child and a significant other whose two closest friends have children. And yes, I would describe all those friendships as deep.
      - pino83 7mo ago
        Yes, let's agree it all depends on the definition of a deep friendship, I'd say. If your definition includes regularly spending time together with your friend, not as appendix to her/his family, but with activities that connect you and your friend (e.g. with activities that you had before). With your friend focus on you then, instead of constantly being involved in other things. Ideally without the constant need to plan it months in advance. As far as I've seen it, parents are usually far away from that. In terms of possibility, and also in terms of mindset. At some point in time, they seem to completely lose the understanding of what all these words could even mean. It might work better if you have a more abstract or otherwise different definition. Yes.
lp4v4n 7mo ago
Society is getting materialistic and cynical to toxic levels as the standards of living and the perspective of future further deteriorate. People feel overworked, tired and out of money. This general malaise spills on almost every type of social interaction, including friendships unfortunately.
- unsupp0rted 7mo ago
  Society has never been less materialistic and cynical than it is today
metalliqaz 7mo ago
I have thought alot about making friends and why it's so hard. I keep coming back to the same question. In myself I find I can't seem to muster the motivation to spend enough time with someone that it would take to form a friendship. I want to have friends, but I don't care to know any of these people. I just don't like anyone that much. The question is, am I just inherently a cynical asshole? Or, has modern life done something to me that it has also done to everyone else?
- buzarchitect 7mo ago
  [dead]
- johnnyanmac 7mo ago
  > Or, has modern life done something to me that it has also done to everyone else? it's a mix of life moves and mismatched schedules, as well as some people simply being flaky. It's hard to make friends if you're always moving around for your job, and jobs are less stable than ever (be it willfully with job hops, or unwillfully with layoffs). So it happens a lot more. And yeah, I think "flake culture" makes it harder to form gatherings when you're still forming that friendship. Some people just have other stuff in life (be it in or out of their control), but they never bother communicating it. So with that radio silence, you can't do much.
- intended 7mo ago
  I’ve made better friends later in life than I did earlier. I think the thing is to have fun first. If people aren’t on the same wavelengths it’s ok. It’s also good to have a fun thing to do which does involve other people or even a competitive scene.
nephihaha 7mo ago
Meet in person. Rule no. 1. Language can be a barrier, but not insurmountable. Also that lockdown destroyed many social connections and it is up to each and every one of us to take the initiative instead of expecting it to happen to us.
ZpJuUuNaQ5 7mo ago
When I was about 10 years old it dawned on me that "friendship" is a really unclear, mutual agreement, and if you consider someone your friend, they might not consider you theirs (or at the very least, not on the same level of "friendliness") and vice versa. What does it even mean to be or have a "friend"? It's such a silly thing, but it permanently changed the way I looked at social connections. I never had "friends" ever since and don't feel like I am missing out on anything.
johnnyanmac 7mo ago
That is a low key point the author touched on but never really expanded upon. >It could be that I had my second kid in 2024 or that 2024 marked 5 years of working remotely. The kids vs. single divide is real, and I don't think it needs much more elaboration. Working remotely definitely has its costs, though. There's lots of discussions these days about 3rd places, and remote work more or less removes your "second place". We don't just drop by people's houses unannounced anymore, so that leaves zero places for friendhips to naturally form post school. It's definitely one thing I miss most about an in-office job. To coworking initiative is a nice way to get some "company", but I imagine most people will still ultimately be focusing on doing work. So it's not quite the 2nd nor 3rd place the author desires. As for me, it's pretty straightforward: I'm underemployed and am spending any down time applying to jobs. Not much time to hang out. I'm busy trying to survive first.
seu 7mo ago
I think there should be less "how to solve friendship" posts, which see our social interactions as "problems" to be solved, and more reflection about how this is a consequence of a market oriented, inequality driving system. If the problem is that friendships need time, we should demand less working time and more free time to establish friendships.
momentary 7mo ago
I'm surprised that this article that has so much of an AI smell gets such a positive reception. I thought HN didn't go in for AI slop? I suspect that this kind of thing has people feeling more alienated than ever, what with even the articles online lacking any level of human connection.
- unixhero 7mo ago
  I for one am here to talk about how to get friends. I didn't read the article. The comments is the content.
  - simianwords 7mo ago
    https://simianwords.bearblog.dev/it-doesnt-matter-if-the-post-was-fully-ai-generated/ https://simianwords.bearblog.dev/it-doesnt-matter-if-the-pos...
teaearlgraycold 7mo ago
Here’s what I do: Spend time at my local marker space. It’s easy to bond with people when you have such similar interests. It’s really amazing how exactly aligned I am with a set of the people there. Being in SF already biases people towards certain interests. But going beyond that to the inner circle of tech obsessed nerds, makers from all over the world that moved here with a purpose, gives me a form fitting community that probably only exists in a handful of locations on Earth. Play social deduction/deception games. I have a free social club of 100+ people that meets at least once per week. We all practice lying to each other and reading each other. Yeah it’s only a couple hours per week but it’s highly focused on social muscles we often only exercise infrequently elsewhere. No social media. Pretty much no long distance friendships (outside of stints where I play a lot of video games with someone). I genuinely do not give a damn what’s happening to people I haven’t seen in years even if I could know everything by looking at their feed. If I want to catch up I’ll make plans to have them visit me or I will visit them. There are people I do this for on a regular basis, but it’s a short list. I do not comprehend the appeal of social media. All of my social brain is exercised on face to face interactions. I think the biggest factors here are living in a city (I was pretty isolated when I lived in the suburbs) and having enough free time.
nineteen999 7mo ago
I've never made a lasting connection with anyone I've met online. Not once. It's not that I didn't hang around on BBS's and IRC when I was younger, I did. And I did meet people from there IRL, but no friendships formed. The whole concept just seemed (and still seems) alien to me. But I did have a point after the end of a 12 year relationship ended, around the time of the pandemic and lockdowns when I realised most of my old IRL friendships hadn't gone ... but those people had moved away, and we didn't talk as much any more. I still have old friendships with high school friends, old girlfriends, old friends from bands I played in from years past. But about a year ago in a particularly lonely and tragic period I started a pub trivia group on an unnamed IRL meetup platform, which has grown to over 300 members in less than a year (guessing a lot of those are bot accounts). About half a dozen core members that come to play trivia at the pub almost every week, and then another 10-20 that attend less regularly, rotating in and out. It can be hard work to build yourself a new social group, but it can be done, and I now consider I have some good friends that come out of it and there are friendships forming between members of the group as well. At 50 years of age, they're not the kind of friendships that I would count on to last forever, but they're there, people to chat with sometimes, people to catch up with for the odd drink or to go out dancing with. It can be done. And I'm much better off for it.
aa-jv 7mo ago
I started a "mans group" - just a bunch of my local male friends in the neighborhood, doing 'man things' - actually there's no need to pitch it this way, we're just all men and so far thats how we describe ourselves, but it'll change the instant we get some diversity. We take care of each other, meet every week to shoot the shit and do stuff. So far the group has caught pinball fever (we even have members of the group doing tournaments now), we have movie nights where some of us recommend strange and obscure movies for everyone to enjoy - this has been very successful in terms of lifting everyones spirits - and we have jam sessions, woodworking sessions, table tennis and other racquet-based game events, and so on. It just snowballed organically. I was in a bar with a mate deliberating on whether there was anything else we could be doing except getting drunk in shady bars, and I noticed a pinball sticker. So we looked into that, caught the pinball fever, and things snowballed. Soon enough, there are 8 of us attending the regular pinball sessions in our city .. and in so doing, we've established some great bonds between us. Its now at the point where if anyone of us needs something, we just ping the group chat and within minutes there is usually a show of helpful hands. Wouldn't have happened if we hadn't discovered an activity that united us all, brought us together, and gave us the group context to add many other fun activities to the list. We even have our own (cult-like) language and slang for things, its kinda funny to observe it evolve over the last 6 months .. and also to see new members adopt our strange language for things. Really amusing! Try it, its a great way to make friends.
raw_anon_1111 7mo ago
My wife and I are in Costa Rica for six weeks to see what it would be like to live here part of the year. We plan to do this at least once a year. This is my plan b to establish residency here if I ever need to do independent consulting instead of working for a consulting company. Before we even got here we got on Ex pat Facebook groups and once we did get here, we went to a meet and greet and got connected to a few people that we arrange to meet for dinner outside of the official meetup. The ex pat community is really cool and welcoming. On a second note, I really don’t want any new “deep connections”. My closest friends I’ve known from between 15-35 years. I am always willing to meet and talk to people just to hang out
lionkor 7mo ago
Make a friend. Keep talking to that friend. Put reminders, say good morning, or write it. Call them, ask how it's going. Send them a 5 minute audio about something interesting in your day. Schedule a meet up, like you did as kids. "Lets hang out after ~~school~~ work today". It's not as easy to make friends when you don't meet new people all the time, and it's hard to keep them when you're not forced to see them every day (because of school or something). Make a friend or maybe two, and do this. It takes effort, but you'll be more fulfilled. It's okay to just meet up, hang out, watch some YouTube together, play a game, go on a walk, or do legal drugs (coffee, beer, whatever)
skyberrys 7mo ago
The call to action at the bottom managed to actively give me anxiety. I don't know why I don't tend to call people very much. Anyways, back to making my flyer for community egg hunt. I'm practicing some of the suggestions in the article, let's celebrate small wins.
deleted 7mo ago
[deleted]
jal505 7mo ago
[dead]

178 points by surprisetalk 8mo ago

Unfortunately many people now strongly dislike receiving unexpected phone calls. You may (i have) genuinely upset some people by calling them. Yes, I’m rolling my eyes too, but that’s how they feel

metalman 7mo ago
many people are now unable to discuss personal things at all, as I have a small business that is growing, I have interviewed hundreds of people seeking employment, and flat out refuse to even talk about resumes or past qualifications, as what counts in this case is an ability to comunicate verbaly about a combination of technical specifications, and then the mundane details of achiving them, so a verbal interview,that focuses on there full skill sets, and youth, mentors, and other influenced, many choke and hand up, sputter and repeat the speel they have practiced, one in 50 can roll with it cheerfully.
- charlie0 7mo ago
  I wonder what is driving this. I too sense that people are really guarded these days. For me, I work remotely and it's hard to build true rapport through Slack.
  - righthand 7mo ago
    Lack of barrier breaking. Fewer people call and talk outside of slack so it becomes the norm to not talk outside of slack. When you do it seems weird. Break the norm.
  - johnnyanmac 7mo ago
    Why would I open up on a company chat? I don't want my life on record to be used against me by HR later on. I'll tell some friendly coworkers about vacation details, but certainly not on a paper trail.
- johnnyanmac 7mo ago
  I feel that's more an issue in a job interview. You want to use every minute to make yourself look good, and the general "wisdom" is that employers don't care about your hobbies or social life or passions. They want someone to do the job right now.
lowdude 7mo ago
That was my first thought as well, and I am one of those people. I strongly dislike being called, especially unexpectedly, and much prefer a quick text message to maybe meet up in person, if the opportunity presents itself (e.g. if one of us happens to be in the town of the other one)
- drzaiusx11 7mo ago
  At this point in my life if someone I actually know irl calls out of the blue, it induces anxiety as it's a very non-zero chance someone has died...
  - righthand 7mo ago
    That’s the reason I started reaching out to old friends. A friend had died and I knew no one else would tell them. One I even had to track down through email and ask for their new phone number. But now that I’m in regular contact I find calling easier and I don’t have worst-case-scenario fears anymore.
  - chrisweekly 7mo ago
    Yeah, that's one of the reasons calls out of the blue are mostly reserved for emergencies in my family and friend group. Texts eliminate that factor, and are more polite. A phone call represents immediacy / urgency ("this merits interrupting whatever you might be doing right now"). A text like "hey are you free for a quick call?" lets the recipient pivot from what they're doing and engage on their terms. IMHO it's more considerate.
    - groby_b 7mo ago
      You're about one step away from sending an email to ask if you can send a text to ask if you can make a phone call. It's not "more considerate" - you can ignore a phone call the same you can ignore a text. It's merely asking other people to optimize for you convenience only. That's perfectly fine to ask for, but it doesn't help with making friendships easy.
drzaiusx11 7mo ago
Spam phone calls have become so horrendously common here in the US (multiple a day) that I just keep my mobile on do not disturb 24/7 with exceptions for those in my core contact group. Maybe I'll miss a call or two that actually had substance, but I'd rather be slightly more isolated than constantly annoyed. Find me on various online platforms with text chat, voice or video if you really want to reach me. Or don't.
- righthand 7mo ago
  Ridiculous how that ticked up in frequency (at least for me) after the last Potus election.
  - johnnyanmac 7mo ago
    Did you get laid off over the year? My spams always skyrocket on a job search. Just shows you what they are really doing with your resume (despite my LinkedIn profile being 15 years old and mostly updated. It's not hard to get my resume). Also, AI acceleration the last few years. most of the calls I do answer are clearly fake voices trying to sound real, as opposed to some TTY.
  - paradox460 7mo ago
    For me it's been down the last couple years, compared to a surge under the previous president. That means he's responsible, right? Or it could be I bought a house and financial institutions leak phone numbers like a colander
    - righthand 7mo ago
      It cooled under Biden for me, but who am I to say. I wouldn’t be surprised if current admin stop prosecuting against the spam callers. Some times these outfits are connected to politicians. Have you seen the 3-part documentary, Telemarketers?
  - drzaiusx11 7mo ago
    Bill 936 which would have required 1:1 expressly written consent to call was struck down in the 11th circuit court of appeals right before it was set to go into effect in Jan 2025 [1]. Trump flipped the 11th circuit by making a number of judge appointments in Jan 2020 [2]. As you correctly guessed, these two things are not unrelated. 1. https://www.consumerfinancialserviceslawmonitor.com/2025/09/fccs-final-rule-on-consent-kills-one-to-one-consent-requirement/ https://www.consumerfinancialserviceslawmonitor.com/2025/09/... 2. https://www.wiley.law/newsletter-Trump-Flips-Eleventh-Circuit-Critical-in-Election-Law-Cases https://www.wiley.law/newsletter-Trump-Flips-Eleventh-Circui...
baby 7mo ago
One alternative is voice recordings on whatsapp!
- gregoriol 7mo ago
  This is the worst: people who use them hate the receiver
  - deleted 7mo ago
    [deleted]
johnnyanmac 7mo ago
For my demographic (late millenial), calls imply urgency. Like, if I see a call from a friend out of the blue I'm worried something dire happened. Texting is fine. We can schedule a call or meetup from there. But life as is is already so spontaneous, I don't need even more stuff to come up.
- Barrin92 7mo ago
  >But life as is is already so spontaneous Is it? I think the exact opposite is true. Most people's life is a walking calendar. these days if someone can't "schedule" something they're losing their minds. Life was spontaneous when people didn't monitor every second of their day, when someone walked up to your house and asked you a question to your face, there wasn't a "I'll reply in ten minutes when I'm comfortable" button. We're living in a comfort obsessed society where, when you can't run away and plan your reply, people have a panic attack. Dating for young people is terrible because it's about as spontaneous as a legal appointment.
robocat 7mo ago
So what? There are also heaps of people that love getting phonecalls, or love to get a nice voice message. There's a whole other world of people that call and enjoy calling!!!! Why let a subset of people rule your behaviour towards others not in that subset? When people call, I try to encourage that. Unless I'm busy or they're too needy, so I don't answer. I am especially encouraging towards anyone that struggles with text messages (one of my oldest friends was illiterate, and I've got other friends that would call themselves dyslexic). I undermine that by messaging when I should call, because I like the written word.
AussieWog93 7mo ago
N=1 here but I love getting out of the blue phone calls from the couple of friends that do it. If I can't pick up, or am too busy to chat, I just swipe up on of the prebaked "sorry, can't chat now" SMS responses. It's them who initiate 90% of the calls too, and nobody cares.

mettamage 7mo ago

One thing I read on IG that one couple decided to do in NL was what they call "stoepen" ("stoep" is the Dutch word for sidewalk). They'd get some chairs to their front yard, which is connected to the sidewalk, and they'd greet people and start chatting with them. When vibes clicked they'd invite them to come sit with them, until people got in the habit of sometimes coming by and sitting with them. So there's that. Obviously there are other ways, but thought it'd be fun to share. Also research on self-disclosure might help. Long story short: be the first to reveal some details about yourself and progressively go deeper to the level that you want, it's kind of a tit for tat type of thing. There was one popular article about it so you could "fall in love" but IMO it's not love, it's simply building a deeper connection. Check it out [1]. I used to be really interested in topics like this, so if you want to know more about it or brainstorm, feel free to reach out. My email is in my profile. [1] https://36questionsinlove.com/ https://36questionsinlove.com/

ralferoo 7mo ago
I wonder if that's actually related to the Afrikaans word "stoep", where it's used in the sense of verandah which is obviously where you'd sit outside the house and watch the word go by. Both meanings ultimately come from the original meaning of the word as "step".
- mettamage 7mo ago
  I mean... they are written the same... And given that it is Afrikaans, I guess so. Afrikaans always reads as "Dutch but it's a puzzle!" to me.
giant_fern 7mo ago
Very similar to this "stoop coffee" concept https://supernuclear.substack.com/p/stoop-coffee-how-a-simple-idea-transformed https://supernuclear.substack.com/p/stoop-coffee-how-a-simpl...
CalRobert 7mo ago
Ah Nice! I read about a couple in I think the Bay Area doing this too, to great effect

specproc 7mo ago

I've just moved to a new town, and my social life is kicking. Found a local computer club, crew of lads tinkering and using open source software. Really nice, smart bunch. I'm learning loads and appreciating their company. OP found this lacking, because it's not working fast enough and he's not getting enough time with people. I totally agree putting in time with old friends is always worth it (maybe not through surprise calls) but on a local level, I'd encourage patience. Things take time, friendship isn't something you can just switch on. It takes years, and that's the point. It's a journey, not a destination.

germinalphrase 7mo ago

I would strongly encourage everyone to choose two or three friends and say “hey - I want to chat with you, but it’s hard to schedule calls. I’m just going to try calling you sometime when I have a few minutes free. If you can talk, great! If you can’t, no sweat. Sound OK?” I lowered the stakes for calling/answering/not answering, and I actually catch up with my friends more often.

righthand 7mo ago
I just call them. I dont think you have to reach out and send a “hey I have question is it okay to ask”-style entering-the-chat messages. The overarching problem is that everyone started treating communication as a formal business letter.
- germinalphrase 7mo ago
  I agree, but the social norm (for a lot of young people) is not to call spontaneously - at all, ever. Giving people a heads up helps, and then consistently following through, is a step that helps make it happen.
  - righthand 7mo ago
    Nah, just call them randomly and leave a message. I’m not going to have a whole social protocol for sending a phone call. If they don’t answer or call back it’s a lost cause communicating with them. I once dated someone who “didn’t just leave the house for any old outing” and it became exhausting trying to figure out the protocol for what qualified as a worthwhile outing. It was easier to just dump the person instead of playing this little “no you’re holding it wrong” game of comms.
    - germinalphrase 7mo ago
      You’re overthinking my recommendation. It’s a one-time comment to set expectations. Nothing more.

obscurette 7mo ago

Yes, managing relationships needs time, but there is another problem I see nowadays. When I was young (I'm in my sixties), it was normal to have friends who could be very different from you. They might have had qualities you didn't like at all, but you could still be very good friends. If I look my students (highschool and college level) now, they are extremely intolerant for differences compared to what I remember from my youth. One "I don't like it" problem is enough to dump any relationship. Why? I guess it's because of a lack of practice – you don't really need to interact with so many different people nowadays and interacting with people who are very different from you is just plain terrifying for many.

throwawaysleep 7mo ago
Depends? Are those more narrow one’s better and people have a better idea of what ideal looks like? I’m kind of horrified at people saying they had/have to work at their best friendships as with my best friends, everything is seamless. There are no misunderstandings. We never have to forgive each other. We never even need to clarify things for each other much, as we are that well aligned. Granted it may not be possible, but ideally go find a better match in a friend.
- MarkusQ 7mo ago
  The axes are independent. You can have seamless friendships with people who are very different from you, and contentious relationships with folks who are just like you (but doing it wrong!) There's nothing wrong with having to work at friendship. For years I had a friend that I looked up to (and, as it turned out looked up to me). We were both constantly striving to justify the other's faith and respect. It was a lot of work but incredibly valuable for both of us.
MarkusQ 7mo ago
It may be terrifying, but it's also terribly important. If the friendship can't survive differences, you're going to silently censor any points of differences (real or imagined) and soon you're just pretending to be the people you think the other expects you to be. No depth of connection, no growth. You want someone to be friends with you, as you actually are. And that means you need to be friends with them, as they actually are, even if you worship different brands or vote for different movies.

Simulacra 7mo ago

I read an outstanding quote in a Brad Thor novel that I think speaks volumes about how to make friends: "Faith comes from trust, which comes from time, and experience" With the Internet, and social media, it can feel like we have friends when we really don't. But what social media etc. has robbed from us is that before, we had to spend time with people, we had experience with them, and over time they led to trust, and friendship. That's how people made friends before. Now we don't put that much effort into friendships because we think we already have friends because we see them on Facebook.

baby 7mo ago

Really good post! My own thoughts: - making new friends does take a massive amount of time, not just in finding friends but also in spending time with them until you can call them long-time friends - so you need to invest time in hanging out with people! Even when you don’t know what to say to them or when it’s awkward or when you’re not sure if you like them much. We weren’t picky when we were kids making friends, we just hung out a lot with whoever wanted to hang out - this also means make yourself available. Romantic partners, new jobs, as well as kids basically destroy your free time, but lots of it is self inflicted. Make sure you don’t seclude yourself and prioritize hanging out with people - also, it’s a number game, you should meet a lot of people if you want to eventually have a strong group of friends - one trick is to organize a house party or some gathering once a week, on the same day, and invite everyone you know, and ask them to invite more people as well - make sure you also spend time doing nothing with friends. Like watching tv and sitting on the couch. That’s how you used to create friendships as a kid, you just “hang”, you didn’t “go to the restaurant and went home afterwards”

majora2007 7mo ago
idk about a house party once a week, but I do like the idea of having my friends invite their other friends. As I age, it becomes harder to find new friends just by happenstance. Friends of Friends usually end up becoming friends after meeting them.
- ikr678 7mo ago
  It doesn't have to be a whole-ass house party, but a good low effort method is picking a tv series, putting out some snacks and watching an episode at the same time every week with an open door policy.
  - baby 7mo ago
    Or choose a bar, or a park, etc.

dhbradshaw 7mo ago

- making new friends does take a massive amount of time I think the solution to this is to enjoy the journey. There's not a line that someone needs to cross before you can enjoy spending time with them. Just reach out and learn and enjoy people from the beginning.

Zealotux 7mo ago

I live in Barcelona, and during last year’s blackout I wandered through the city. As I passed by the Baix Guinardó gardens, I came across something that felt like a "A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte" brought to life: the park was full of families socialising the old way, children running everywhere, the whole place buzzing with chatter and energy. Later that day, walking home through darkened streets, I noticed small groups, maybe a dozen people at a time, gathered around certain spots. For some reason, a few closed shops still seemed to have working free Wi-Fi (backup generators, maybe), and people clustered there, drawn in like mosquitoes to light. Their faces glowed in the dark, lit only by their screens, and they stood in near-total silence. It’s hard to describe the feeling, it was surreal. You had to be there. I’m no Luddite, but I went to sleep that night wondering how on earth we get ourselves out of this.

sph 7mo ago
Have you ever seen those videos filming London streets in the 1970s? They are absolutely packed with groups of two or three people, not going places, but just standing there, chatting, as if they have nowhere else to be. It is something most of us have never experienced in any form and the change has happened over long enough timescales that we are used to our streets of strangers just going about their lives, the external world just a physical inconvenience to traverse as quickly as possible, not the real world where one just exists.
- germinalphrase 7mo ago
  My perspective is very simple: our homes are simply a lot more comfortable than they used to be. We have better heating/air conditioning, endless television/video games/entertainment, large refrigerators, lower density, etc and so on. Back then, home covered a narrower set of needs - so the default option was to spend time elsewhere, even if it was just to escape the noise/heat/smells/smoke of home for a minute.
  - bluefirebrand 7mo ago
    > our homes are simply a lot more comfortable than they used to be. Yes. And public spaces are significantly less comfortable (and more expensive) than they used to be

pino83 7mo ago

One thing that I've learned from my friends in the last 10 years: You can either have deep friendships XOR children. All of them are either still without children, or are by no means valuable friends anymore. Sorry, but that's just how it is.

MarkusQ 7mo ago
Hang in there. As the kids get older, "XOR" can turn into "WITH".
GJim 7mo ago
Disappointing somebody has seen fit to "drive-by" downvote your post that simply describes your truthful personal observations. Presumably they don't want to engage in discussion, which is precisely what this topic is about!
- pino83 7mo ago
  Well, quite often I think this way but resist to say so. This time it's even more obvious, though: They all know that I'm right. Everybody knows. That's not the point why they downvote.
  - garciansmith 7mo ago
    Or perhaps people down voted because absolute statements on social relationships are often not absolute at all. Or maybe they even have a personal experience that is contrary to your statement. I say this as a childless person whose closest friend has a child and a significant other whose two closest friends have children. And yes, I would describe all those friendships as deep.
    - pino83 7mo ago
      Yes, let's agree it all depends on the definition of a deep friendship, I'd say. If your definition includes regularly spending time together with your friend, not as appendix to her/his family, but with activities that connect you and your friend (e.g. with activities that you had before). With your friend focus on you then, instead of constantly being involved in other things. Ideally without the constant need to plan it months in advance. As far as I've seen it, parents are usually far away from that. In terms of possibility, and also in terms of mindset. At some point in time, they seem to completely lose the understanding of what all these words could even mean. It might work better if you have a more abstract or otherwise different definition. Yes.

lp4v4n 7mo ago

Society is getting materialistic and cynical to toxic levels as the standards of living and the perspective of future further deteriorate. People feel overworked, tired and out of money. This general malaise spills on almost every type of social interaction, including friendships unfortunately.

unsupp0rted 7mo ago
Society has never been less materialistic and cynical than it is today

metalliqaz 7mo ago

I have thought alot about making friends and why it's so hard. I keep coming back to the same question. In myself I find I can't seem to muster the motivation to spend enough time with someone that it would take to form a friendship. I want to have friends, but I don't care to know any of these people. I just don't like anyone that much. The question is, am I just inherently a cynical asshole? Or, has modern life done something to me that it has also done to everyone else?

buzarchitect 7mo ago
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johnnyanmac 7mo ago
> Or, has modern life done something to me that it has also done to everyone else? it's a mix of life moves and mismatched schedules, as well as some people simply being flaky. It's hard to make friends if you're always moving around for your job, and jobs are less stable than ever (be it willfully with job hops, or unwillfully with layoffs). So it happens a lot more. And yeah, I think "flake culture" makes it harder to form gatherings when you're still forming that friendship. Some people just have other stuff in life (be it in or out of their control), but they never bother communicating it. So with that radio silence, you can't do much.
intended 7mo ago
I’ve made better friends later in life than I did earlier. I think the thing is to have fun first. If people aren’t on the same wavelengths it’s ok. It’s also good to have a fun thing to do which does involve other people or even a competitive scene.

nephihaha 7mo ago

Meet in person. Rule no. 1. Language can be a barrier, but not insurmountable. Also that lockdown destroyed many social connections and it is up to each and every one of us to take the initiative instead of expecting it to happen to us.

ZpJuUuNaQ5 7mo ago

When I was about 10 years old it dawned on me that "friendship" is a really unclear, mutual agreement, and if you consider someone your friend, they might not consider you theirs (or at the very least, not on the same level of "friendliness") and vice versa. What does it even mean to be or have a "friend"? It's such a silly thing, but it permanently changed the way I looked at social connections. I never had "friends" ever since and don't feel like I am missing out on anything.

johnnyanmac 7mo ago

That is a low key point the author touched on but never really expanded upon. >It could be that I had my second kid in 2024 or that 2024 marked 5 years of working remotely. The kids vs. single divide is real, and I don't think it needs much more elaboration. Working remotely definitely has its costs, though. There's lots of discussions these days about 3rd places, and remote work more or less removes your "second place". We don't just drop by people's houses unannounced anymore, so that leaves zero places for friendhips to naturally form post school. It's definitely one thing I miss most about an in-office job. To coworking initiative is a nice way to get some "company", but I imagine most people will still ultimately be focusing on doing work. So it's not quite the 2nd nor 3rd place the author desires. As for me, it's pretty straightforward: I'm underemployed and am spending any down time applying to jobs. Not much time to hang out. I'm busy trying to survive first.

seu 7mo ago

I think there should be less "how to solve friendship" posts, which see our social interactions as "problems" to be solved, and more reflection about how this is a consequence of a market oriented, inequality driving system. If the problem is that friendships need time, we should demand less working time and more free time to establish friendships.

momentary 7mo ago

I'm surprised that this article that has so much of an AI smell gets such a positive reception. I thought HN didn't go in for AI slop? I suspect that this kind of thing has people feeling more alienated than ever, what with even the articles online lacking any level of human connection.

unixhero 7mo ago
I for one am here to talk about how to get friends. I didn't read the article. The comments is the content.
- simianwords 7mo ago
  https://simianwords.bearblog.dev/it-doesnt-matter-if-the-post-was-fully-ai-generated/ https://simianwords.bearblog.dev/it-doesnt-matter-if-the-pos...

teaearlgraycold 7mo ago

Here’s what I do: Spend time at my local marker space. It’s easy to bond with people when you have such similar interests. It’s really amazing how exactly aligned I am with a set of the people there. Being in SF already biases people towards certain interests. But going beyond that to the inner circle of tech obsessed nerds, makers from all over the world that moved here with a purpose, gives me a form fitting community that probably only exists in a handful of locations on Earth. Play social deduction/deception games. I have a free social club of 100+ people that meets at least once per week. We all practice lying to each other and reading each other. Yeah it’s only a couple hours per week but it’s highly focused on social muscles we often only exercise infrequently elsewhere. No social media. Pretty much no long distance friendships (outside of stints where I play a lot of video games with someone). I genuinely do not give a damn what’s happening to people I haven’t seen in years even if I could know everything by looking at their feed. If I want to catch up I’ll make plans to have them visit me or I will visit them. There are people I do this for on a regular basis, but it’s a short list. I do not comprehend the appeal of social media. All of my social brain is exercised on face to face interactions. I think the biggest factors here are living in a city (I was pretty isolated when I lived in the suburbs) and having enough free time.

nineteen999 7mo ago

I've never made a lasting connection with anyone I've met online. Not once. It's not that I didn't hang around on BBS's and IRC when I was younger, I did. And I did meet people from there IRL, but no friendships formed. The whole concept just seemed (and still seems) alien to me. But I did have a point after the end of a 12 year relationship ended, around the time of the pandemic and lockdowns when I realised most of my old IRL friendships hadn't gone ... but those people had moved away, and we didn't talk as much any more. I still have old friendships with high school friends, old girlfriends, old friends from bands I played in from years past. But about a year ago in a particularly lonely and tragic period I started a pub trivia group on an unnamed IRL meetup platform, which has grown to over 300 members in less than a year (guessing a lot of those are bot accounts). About half a dozen core members that come to play trivia at the pub almost every week, and then another 10-20 that attend less regularly, rotating in and out. It can be hard work to build yourself a new social group, but it can be done, and I now consider I have some good friends that come out of it and there are friendships forming between members of the group as well. At 50 years of age, they're not the kind of friendships that I would count on to last forever, but they're there, people to chat with sometimes, people to catch up with for the odd drink or to go out dancing with. It can be done. And I'm much better off for it.

aa-jv 7mo ago

I started a "mans group" - just a bunch of my local male friends in the neighborhood, doing 'man things' - actually there's no need to pitch it this way, we're just all men and so far thats how we describe ourselves, but it'll change the instant we get some diversity. We take care of each other, meet every week to shoot the shit and do stuff. So far the group has caught pinball fever (we even have members of the group doing tournaments now), we have movie nights where some of us recommend strange and obscure movies for everyone to enjoy - this has been very successful in terms of lifting everyones spirits - and we have jam sessions, woodworking sessions, table tennis and other racquet-based game events, and so on. It just snowballed organically. I was in a bar with a mate deliberating on whether there was anything else we could be doing except getting drunk in shady bars, and I noticed a pinball sticker. So we looked into that, caught the pinball fever, and things snowballed. Soon enough, there are 8 of us attending the regular pinball sessions in our city .. and in so doing, we've established some great bonds between us. Its now at the point where if anyone of us needs something, we just ping the group chat and within minutes there is usually a show of helpful hands. Wouldn't have happened if we hadn't discovered an activity that united us all, brought us together, and gave us the group context to add many other fun activities to the list. We even have our own (cult-like) language and slang for things, its kinda funny to observe it evolve over the last 6 months .. and also to see new members adopt our strange language for things. Really amusing! Try it, its a great way to make friends.

raw_anon_1111 7mo ago

My wife and I are in Costa Rica for six weeks to see what it would be like to live here part of the year. We plan to do this at least once a year. This is my plan b to establish residency here if I ever need to do independent consulting instead of working for a consulting company. Before we even got here we got on Ex pat Facebook groups and once we did get here, we went to a meet and greet and got connected to a few people that we arrange to meet for dinner outside of the official meetup. The ex pat community is really cool and welcoming. On a second note, I really don’t want any new “deep connections”. My closest friends I’ve known from between 15-35 years. I am always willing to meet and talk to people just to hang out

lionkor 7mo ago

Make a friend. Keep talking to that friend. Put reminders, say good morning, or write it. Call them, ask how it's going. Send them a 5 minute audio about something interesting in your day. Schedule a meet up, like you did as kids. "Lets hang out after ~~school~~ work today". It's not as easy to make friends when you don't meet new people all the time, and it's hard to keep them when you're not forced to see them every day (because of school or something). Make a friend or maybe two, and do this. It takes effort, but you'll be more fulfilled. It's okay to just meet up, hang out, watch some YouTube together, play a game, go on a walk, or do legal drugs (coffee, beer, whatever)

skyberrys 7mo ago

The call to action at the bottom managed to actively give me anxiety. I don't know why I don't tend to call people very much. Anyways, back to making my flyer for community egg hunt. I'm practicing some of the suggestions in the article, let's celebrate small wins.

deleted 7mo ago

[deleted]

jal505 7mo ago

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