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We invited a man into our home at Christmas and he stayed with us for 45 years

1178 points by rajeshrajappan 9mo ago

peterspath 9mo ago
beautiful... kindness can go a long way :) we could all do better (and I point mostly at myself now)
- rajeshrajappan 9mo ago
  Yes, it's very touching story. Incredible people.
- imiric 9mo ago
  > If you wanna make the world a better place > Take a look at yourself and then make a change <3 MJ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PivWY9wn5ps https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PivWY9wn5ps Merry Christmas!
  - leobg 9mo ago
    Would not have expected to ever find those lines quoted on HN. Thank you. And Merry Christmas!
- cheema33 9mo ago
  Agreed. We could all do better. I know it would be very difficult for me to do what these people did. Some of us are perhaps barely neurotypicals and barely holding it together. I worry that having to care for an autistic individual may push me over. I am not using that as an excuse, but genuinely curious if there are others in this position. They want to help, but worry that they are not sane and stable enough to handle the task.
akkad33 9mo ago
Ronnie led a rich life. I feel ashamed that my selfish life feels pale in comparison. It's amazing these people did not worry about the extra expense and inconvenience of taking care of another person, with children of their own to take care of.
- ekjhgkejhgk 9mo ago
  Different people are different I guess. Extra expense and inconvenience also wouldn't bother me. Instead I'd be worried that one day this guy is going to kill everyone while we're sleeping. How well do you really know someone? How well do you really know someone that just showed up at your door days before?
  - everyone 9mo ago
    I dont think that's a useful way of thinking.. A well known family member could also randomly kill you. Either one is extremely unlikely.
    - fragmede 9mo ago
      The random family member, hoping they're in your will, and you having drank all their wine, has more reason to kill you, if we're going there, than some random stranger, not less. In the ridiculously off chance that's even remotely a real possibility.
    - rwmj 9mo ago
      We don't give everyone guns, which helps a lot.
    - lupusyndrby9 9mo ago
      Isn’t that kind of a lesson learned though? Hitchhiking is illegal for a reason. We don’t let children run as freely outdoors . A lot of states are rewriting or adding exemptions to statutory limits on pressing charges and suing for certain crimes because they happened during a period of time where people assumed you could trust people more. Being cautious and distrustful of strangers with mental issues is a very productive way of thinking. I get people think it’s a fren because fren shaped but give em a couple bucks , and contact a professional to get them help. It sucks there are so many mentally ill people on the streets. That doesn’t make them any less dangerous and the honest truth is there’s a weird line between personal freedom and mental illness that means it’s their right to be a crazy homeless persons. You can clean em up set them up in apartment but you can’t force them to use their benefit payments to pay the rent, keep their apartment clean, or take their medicine. Help them if you can , but please please also don’t forget that people are dangerous. Use some common sense, the last thing anyone needs is more people in the news getting hurt by people with mental illness . It’s just makes it that much harder to get compassionate care for the rest.
wjnc 9mo ago
My parents once took a struggling man in. I think he stayed with them for about three years, up until the moment I was conceived and my mom started planning for a future for our family and helped him get into a housing project. For all of my life before adulthood this man would show up once in a while on his racing bike for coffee, talk and proceed to stay for dinner. He was kind, funny and a tidbit strange. His life's story had more drama than a soap opera, but you wouldn't know it. After my father died I proceeded to look for him, but never found him. I still search online for him once in a while, fully knowing he probably isn't alive anymore and probably wouldn't use online anyways. There is some story in my head that he probably showed up to my dads doorstep once on his racing bike to find other people living there, but was too shy to ask for details. A trace lost.
- HackingWizard 9mo ago
  You could always ask the police to see if they anything about. Or Hire a detective if you want closure.
- qng 9mo ago
  As a listener and big fan of the Heavyweight podcast, I think they'd love to help you find him. That is if you're ok with sharing your story to the general public.
rognjen 9mo ago
I'm not crying! You're crying!
- babylon5 9mo ago
  Is someone cutting onions in here?
- fleroviumna 9mo ago
  [flagged]
  - deleted 9mo ago
    [deleted]
  - toss1 9mo ago
    Seriously, even on Christmas, Mr. Scrooge? Just because the main purpose of the forum is technical things of interest and intellectual curiosity, doesn't mean we can't be human and show empathy and caring.
    - fleroviumna 9mo ago
      [dead]
- qwertz123 9mo ago
  Oh I‘m definitely crying. What a touching story.
- whatevermom4 9mo ago
  Indeed
- rajeshrajappan 9mo ago
  It's kind of emotional and happy story at the same time.
- justbees 9mo ago
  Don't worry I'm crying enough for both of us.
cogman10 9mo ago
Beautiful story but with a sad undertone. A large percentage of the homeless have autism [1]. And that really sucks. If these people don't have support, their lives can turn miserable fast. And unfortunately it's just way too easy for these people to end up in abusive situations. It's a lot of work to care for people with autism (moderate to severe). There is no standard for what they need, their capabilities can be all over the board. Some of them are capable like ronny in this story and they can hold down jobs. But others need 24/7 caregiving in order to survive. Unfortunately I don't think those with severe autism survive for long when they become homeless. I hope this story at very least gets people to view the homeless a little differently. They aren't all there because of vices or failure. A large percentage are there because society does not care for those with mental disabilities. It was good on this story to highlight that Ron had problems with gambling. Autism does, in fact, make an individual more prone to various addictions. My point in writing this, please have some humanity about the homeless. I get that they can be inconvenient. They are people and they aren't necessarily bad people due to their circumstances. [1] https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29633853/ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29633853/
- deleted 9mo ago
  [deleted]
- ChrisMarshallNY 9mo ago
  Happy Christmas, folks! > please have some humanity about the homeless In the US, the homeless population exploded, in the 1980s, when they closed down all the mental institutions. Before that, there was a far less pervasive homeless population in urban areas. Being "on the spectrum," myself (but highly functional), I can attest to how easy it is for an autistic person's life to go sideways. Many autistic folks have very specialized and advanced skills, which can sometimes be applicable to making a living (like programming, or visual design). However, we're "different," which often leads to being shunned/traumatized by neurotypicals. I got used to folks eventually walking away from relationships, for no discernible reason. Used to really bother me, until I figured it out. Now, I just take it in stride, and appreciate whatever time I get to spend with folks. If anyone has seen The Accountant (the first one), there's a scene, near the end, where Ben Affleck's character is considering putting the moves on Anna Kendrick's character, but remembers his father, admonishing him that people will always end up being frightened of "the difference," and he sneaks out, instead. That scene almost brought me to tears, I could relate so well. For some folks, it's much worse. They can be relentlessly bullied, abused, locked up, or shunned, which leaves psychological scars that manifest as antisocial behavior, so they are never given a chance to show what they can do.
reop2whiskey 9mo ago
[flagged]
- donkey_brains 9mo ago
  Ah, brilliant plan. Before governments there were no homeless. Maybe now we can have a for-profit corporation take care of homeless services to really squeeze all the efficiency out of the system. Just like they did for the prisons.
  - cogman10 9mo ago
    Imagine how much more efficient churches could be at taking care of the homeless if their tax burden was reduced! Oh, they don't pay taxes? Weird.
  - toenail 9mo ago
    Right, before governments you could just build a hut anywhere you wanted.
    - squigz 9mo ago
      Well... if you had the tools, and skills, and very likely some help, and the willpower to "just build a hut" Also, how long ago was "before governments"?
- tomrod 9mo ago
  How I wish such blithe, naive approaches could solve the major social quandries of our time. Unfortunately experience and time have proven lack of support is a death sentence to so many, to the detriment of all.
- m4ck_ 9mo ago
  IDK about ya'll but the ~25-30% (or whatever) I pay in taxes/SS/medicare isn't going to be a significant enough bump to enable me to eliminate homelessness... Where we can actually take the government out of the equation and actually help people: Zoning. In places without governments like Haiti you can raise a family in a relatively simple structure. It's not ideal but it's how humans have been not-homeless for the entirety of our existence. Currently in the US, this is basically only legal in extremely rural areas where there are no jobs, schools, stores, etc. I can find lots near a major metro area on the east coast for 10-20k, less than I pay rent in year; but I'd have to spend half a million on some shitty twig built monstrosity that meets minimum sq footage, parking, and other arbitrary regulations that only exist to drive housing prices up, in order to live there. I can't just buy a $10k shed from Home Depot, add insulation and all the other niceties we enjoy and live there. (even the most staunch anti-government, anti-regulation types would agree this should not be legal: they want big government to use violence to prevent anyone from building cheaper housing, because cheap housing hurts their net worth, on paper.)
landonia 9mo ago
A properly touching Christmas story. It’s made my day.
ignoramous 9mo ago
Reminds of this documentary of the Spring family: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=azxCUOE6srI https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=azxCUOE6srI (20m) Some seemingly ordinary people have superhuman ability.
gigatexal 9mo ago
Heart warming story. Thanks for sharing.
lazy_lumber 9mo ago
Well that's something I really liked reading from the BBC. This give hope that humanity is still alive & not everyone is selfish like us.
1123581321 9mo ago
That is lovely. Reminds me of Bruce taking in Neil for a shorter spell in the 7up documentaries.
mft_ 9mo ago
It’s a lovely, wholesome, heartwarming story… but it also made me sad that there wasn’t something more reliable than incredibly-unlikely-serendipity to help this man (who as well as autism, had a difficult family background and may have been educationally subnormal [for want of a more 2025 phrase]) and ensure that he was at least safe and happy, and maybe even relatively productive.
moondowner 9mo ago
> The homeless centre told them Ronnie needed an address to get a job, Rob said, but "to get an address, you need a job". > "That's the Catch 22 that loads of homeless people are in." Breaking this systemic barrier would make life easier on a lot of people.
- tclancy 9mo ago
  Yes. I’d like to think having a mobile phone would be enough but there’s still how work can write you a check and how you can deposit it. Not sure if any bank will go without a fixed address.
  - afiori 9mo ago
    A reasonable solution is to get a free "address" from the post office with optionally phone notifications for mail
    - caminanteblanco 9mo ago
      Well the only problem here is that general delivery is still not eligible for any of the main things people need an address for, like ID, tax docs, etc. Even if you want to pay for a PO box (which also doesn't satisfy those requirements), you need an address to register for one. I really wish there would be more work to try to at least add some kind of alternative path here, given America's growing homeless population. Leaving things to the goodwill of family or friends seems to me like a dereliction of duty by the state.
      - afiori 9mo ago
        The post office would identify you on access and hold mail for an appropriate amount of time. Like for some deliveries you need to sign a receipt that will be legally binding, the post office would take the role of handling those.
    - phantasmish 9mo ago
      When we were making a long move and temporarily without a stable address I looked into getting a PO Box and it seemed impossible without a real address. I ended up finding some kinda sketchy-feeling services aimed at people RV living, and not much else. I wasn’t able to find an official solution to the problem of “I need to receive mail but have no address” (there may be one, but in solid 60-90 minutes of searching I didn’t find it, but did find a lot of people complaining about the problem)
keepamovin 9mo ago
The kindness of strangers never ceases to amaze me. People are good.
alanmoraes 9mo ago
What a lovely Christmas story!
enimodas 9mo ago
Here in Belgium there's a village that's famous for doing this. Currently there's about 100 people there who are living with another family. https://nl.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gezinsverpleging_(Geel) https://nl.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gezinsverpleging_(Geel) If you translate you can read about it.
- lobeai 9mo ago
  This is pretty cool!
- wek 9mo ago
  Thank you for sharing this.
- araes 9mo ago
  Since you're from the "local" area (Belgium), do you happen to know why the numbers have declined over the years? From this article [1] it seemed like it was hugely popular pre-WWII (3,750) with that article quoting 500 in the modern era. Less acceptable currently, other alternatives? Still seems famous and popular, just not quite as much as it used to be. [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geel#A_model_of_psychiatric_care https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geel#A_model_of_psychiatric_ca...
  - ajb 9mo ago
    Another possiblity is the reduced number of housewives; who would largely have been the ones supporting this effort
clait 9mo ago
Being on the spectrum myself, I can’t be thankful enough for the people I’ve met and supported me too. This was a lovely and touching story to read, I wish the best to the Rob and Dianne of the world!
siavosh 9mo ago
I read stories like these and it inspires me to think a bit deeper about things. Recently I told a friend that a good compass in one’s life is to seek out what gives you a lump in your throat, the rest are just words. Merry Christmas friends.
- spoonsearch 9mo ago
  > "A good compass in one’s life is to seek out what gives you a lump in your throat". This is a such a great outlook towards living life.
the_arun 9mo ago
When you read this story - your heart warms & your eyes gets filled. It is crazy nice feeling. You feel like this world is such a better place. Yet, it hurts - to know there are so many homeless that our system needs corrections.
- alwa 9mo ago
  It also reminds me that systems can’t fix situations like this. The system of “care,” as the story alludes to the autistic person experiencing in their youth, often looks a lot more like warehousing the people on the margins of society, often in unpleasant (and almost always in institutional) conditions. Some kinds of humanity can only ever happen person-to-person, and it’s a great treasure for everyone involved to encounter such an opportunity and choose to take it up.
  - the_arun 9mo ago
    Yep, we are part of the system.
    - deleted 9mo ago
      [deleted]
  - h2zizzle 9mo ago
    "Incentivizing" doesn't really fix it either, as people take avantage of the incentives. You do have to make it possible for the people who do care to be able to, though.
  - weakfish 9mo ago
    I think that the _current_ systems are incapable of care, but that doesn’t mean systems can’t be in general. I often think that they’re held back in large part by people who say “we can’t” rather than building a solution
    - kulahan 9mo ago
      It’s extremely easy to say that things could and should be better, but it’s about as useful as saying that things “can’t” be done. The problem isn’t that nobody wants things to get better, it’s that we disagree on how to get there. This has literally always been the case. Of course things could be better. Life could be perfect. Lacking this solution you’re hand-waving, it’s useless drivel.
dyauspitr 9mo ago
Since no one else is going to be cynical I will do it. This is a heartwarming story. However, it seems like that by taking this man in they got a live in maid along with an additional source of income. The fact that he is autistic and along with his disposition also probably made him feel “safe” to the husband around the women and girls in the house.
- KaiserPro 9mo ago
  I mean, thats one way to look at it. But reading between the lines, having someone with a gambling habit isn't the best live in "maid" especially if they work full time as a bin man. I would just suggest that looking to believe the worst in people will not make you stronger or more effective than others, it'll just make you lonely.
  - dyauspitr 9mo ago
    Yeah I try to see the best in people. But the internet is anonymous and my first thoughts revolved around why they would do this for so long.
    - KaiserPro 9mo ago
      I feel ya. The internet can be corrosive, and its difficult to not let it tarnish. But, dear hacker news friend, I believe in you.
hkpack 9mo ago
Since it is Christmas and we are talking about welcoming strangers in your house, I think we need to remember the story of the author of the most popular Christmas Carrol ("Carrol of the bells") - Ukrainian composer Mykola Leontovych. His family was hosting a stranger in their house for the night in 1921. Stranger said he has nowhere to go, so they allowed him to stay in the room with Leontovych himself. The stranger ended up being a Russia undercover checkist who killed Leontovych and robbed his family. [0] [0] - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mykola_Leontovych#Death https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mykola_Leontovych#Death
- squigz 9mo ago
  What is your intent in sharing this? Why do we need to remember this story? Do you - and others who are talking about how strangers might murder you and your family - really think that people don't consider that risk or something?
KaiserPro 9mo ago
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0025sr0 https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0025sr0 has a bit more information in it, but its in a radio show with a bunch of other bits and pieces. From memory its in the last quarter of the show. He has a really lovely welsh accent. The other thing to do is they did this largely because its what they felt was the right thing to do.
eternalreturn 9mo ago
A cautionary tale.
smugma 9mo ago
I’m not crying, you’re crying.
htk 9mo ago
Unbelievable story in the best of ways. Three amazing people lucky to have each other in their lives.
- hsuduebc2 9mo ago
  Exactly. It's so heartwarming to hear this when you are constantly bombarded by negative messages. Really made my day.
perching_aix 9mo ago
Remarkable story. I'd not have had the kindness for this. I'm grateful people like them exist.
mjmasn 9mo ago
Crazy to see this story on the front page of the BBC and now Hacker News too! Ronnie was an awesome guy, and absolutely a part of Rob and Dianne's family, not a "maid" as another comment suggested.
- nrhrjrjrjtntbt 9mo ago
  More like a brother/uncle helping out around the home than any kind of maid.
fcatalan 9mo ago
Not as hugely generous as this story, but during his whole college professor career since the 70s, my father always took care that none of his students spent any major holidays alone and away from home, so we always ended up having 2 or 3 of them around for Christmas, the New Year, Easter... They were from everywhere around the country and the world, and it was so very enriching for me and my siblings. I had a huge postage stamp collection from the ever increasing well wishing mail that arrived. It's also kind of comforting to think that anywhere in the world you are not that far from someone that remembers you fondly.
- rajeshrajappan 9mo ago
  It's great to hear there are amazing people like your father. We need more of these people in this world.
- ekjhgkejhgk 9mo ago
  Huh, I wish to some time be in the position to do this.
- Gibbon1 9mo ago
  My dad said his grandfather always had a teenager or two at the dinner table who had no where else to go. Not just Christmas but all year. My parents did the same with a friend of mine and one of my sisters friends.
- jwrallie 9mo ago
  That’s nice, I once ended up alone around New Year, a mix of being far away from family, busy with studies and not actively asking people around to join their events due to being shy. One of my friends that lived nearby spotted me walking alone and invited me over. Another of her friends joined in. It was just the three of us, and it was much, much better than spending it alone.
- neilv 9mo ago
  That seems to be one of the things that some great professors do. I've heard of that convention from many colleges/universities. At any university, look for the professors who act like benevolent citizens of the best of university ideals. They don't all do it in the same way, but they're some of the best. I like to think of the university as a microcosm, and incubator, for how you'd like larger society to be.
mihaaly 9mo ago
> one young UK couple's act of kindness 50 years ago changed their lives forever. I like to think that their caring life did not really change, they were like that to begin with, they just missed a Ronni from it. : )
wewewedxfgdf 9mo ago
In England the advice is that the best thing you can do for homeless people is refer them to the correct social services, which has the resources and skills to deal with people who are often mentally damaged or unwell in some way. The case of Aaron Barley triggered this after a lovely and caring family took in a homeless boy into their own home leading to a terrible situation in which he murdered two of the family. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4elLA4FpnHQ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4elLA4FpnHQ There's no way I'd let random people into my home - you absolutely do not know what might happen, what their history is, their mental state, their criminal background. Be kind in other ways.
- pier25 9mo ago
  45 years ago?
- jstummbillig 9mo ago
  I think the more earnest approach would be to understand the risk first. Blanket avoiding something because the chance for a bad outcome is not 0 is fairly lame.
- saikia81 9mo ago
  the best thing that you can do for yourself maybe, but not for them...
- Normal_gaussian 9mo ago
  The institutional advice would struggle to directly recommend any other action as it can only be seen to create an unconstrained liability - if not legal, then social. That does not mean they wouldn't be amenable to a system of placing people who were vetted and managed if they were sufficiently convinced it would resolve the issue (at institutional scale). Its worth noting that the homeless person in this situation was in fact known to those who provided the home - and not as casually as the first para suggests.
- Gerard0 9mo ago
  And Michele and Rob Reiner were murdered by their own son and my uncle while going shopping. You don't have to do anything, but this kind of comment puts a huge stigma on homeless people and others.
jeandejean 9mo ago
Damn that's some great Christmas story. Thanks for sharing
rasengan0 9mo ago
Glad this story got on HN, it moved the heart and I hope it spreads in the little openings of our lives. Nothings perfect, but day by day, more kindness and care, we can share https://youtu.be/wlpcFnOPH2k?si=C1Wa1cviJMa1zlYm https://youtu.be/wlpcFnOPH2k?si=C1Wa1cviJMa1zlYm
spiritplumber 9mo ago
I did this for 3 years for two homeless women. Had to kick them out because I did not want meth in my home.
- itsthecourier 9mo ago
  that's what I was thinking. have tried to help people before, but when they have some mental disabilities is difficult for them to keep their instincts in check, then we have to care of small children in the same space, thus best I can do is help while keeping the distance :(
sapphirebreeze 9mo ago
[dead]
cobicobi 9mo ago
My son has ASD, and non-verbal so far. No matter how I prepare for his future, I still have my fear about his well-being. I can only pray, when I died, hopefully, he can live happily and feel loved :'(
angelamerkel200 9mo ago
[flagged]
mos87 9mo ago
another fabulous story https://www.bristolpost.co.uk/news/bristol-news/homeless-man-admits-killing-mother-571853 https://www.bristolpost.co.uk/news/bristol-news/homeless-man...
geoelkh 9mo ago
What a story!
decafninja 9mo ago
My wife’s uncle took in a man into his home, gave him a room to live in, and a job as a cook at his restaurant. This man would otherwise have been homeless on the streets. The man doesn’t seem to be fully mentally well, but apparently he does his job diligently, has no inclination towards being violent, doesn’t do drugs, and keeps his problems mostly to himself. That said, he has an extreme gambling addiction (he blows all his paychecks at casinos) and having seen his room once, it looked and smelled like a biohazard disaster. He seems like a poor fellow that had some bad luck and now lives to just gamble the rest of his life away. I give my uncle in law huge respect for taking this guy in, and also my aunt in law for also putting up with him living in their home. I don’t think my wife or I could have done the same. The two of them are workaholics though and their home is just a space for them to sleep between work shifts at their restaurant. Which is why I don’t think they care too much about this man’s room’s condition.
- Rendello 9mo ago
  The man in the article had a similar problem: > While they admitted the dynamic had its difficulties, including battling Ronnie's gambling addiction for 20 years, they couldn't imagine their lives without him.
  - decafninja 9mo ago
    One unfortunate aspect about their relationship is that my uncle in law also likes to gamble - but in strict moderation. However this means the two of them sometimes end up going to the casinos together. I don’t think these trips are helping this man’s gambling addiction.
    - Rendello 9mo ago
      That's one reason I don't like to drink. I can moderate myself (I don't like being inebriated at all), but some around me are active or recovering alcoholics. So why drink in front of them? A recovering family member told me the location of every bottle of booze in the family home where we were, their type, and how full they were. In the fridge, the back of the cupboard, and in the basement under the laundry rack. Even though he'd stopped drinking! So, I don't even like keeping alcohol in the house anymore, especially if it's not locked up.
kyyt 9mo ago
Why is this not a movie?

1178 points by rajeshrajappan 9mo ago

peterspath 9mo ago

beautiful... kindness can go a long way :) we could all do better (and I point mostly at myself now)

rajeshrajappan 9mo ago
Yes, it's very touching story. Incredible people.
imiric 9mo ago
> If you wanna make the world a better place > Take a look at yourself and then make a change <3 MJ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PivWY9wn5ps https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PivWY9wn5ps Merry Christmas!
- leobg 9mo ago
  Would not have expected to ever find those lines quoted on HN. Thank you. And Merry Christmas!
cheema33 9mo ago
Agreed. We could all do better. I know it would be very difficult for me to do what these people did. Some of us are perhaps barely neurotypicals and barely holding it together. I worry that having to care for an autistic individual may push me over. I am not using that as an excuse, but genuinely curious if there are others in this position. They want to help, but worry that they are not sane and stable enough to handle the task.

akkad33 9mo ago

Ronnie led a rich life. I feel ashamed that my selfish life feels pale in comparison. It's amazing these people did not worry about the extra expense and inconvenience of taking care of another person, with children of their own to take care of.

ekjhgkejhgk 9mo ago
Different people are different I guess. Extra expense and inconvenience also wouldn't bother me. Instead I'd be worried that one day this guy is going to kill everyone while we're sleeping. How well do you really know someone? How well do you really know someone that just showed up at your door days before?
- everyone 9mo ago
  I dont think that's a useful way of thinking.. A well known family member could also randomly kill you. Either one is extremely unlikely.
  - fragmede 9mo ago
    The random family member, hoping they're in your will, and you having drank all their wine, has more reason to kill you, if we're going there, than some random stranger, not less. In the ridiculously off chance that's even remotely a real possibility.
  - rwmj 9mo ago
    We don't give everyone guns, which helps a lot.
  - lupusyndrby9 9mo ago
    Isn’t that kind of a lesson learned though? Hitchhiking is illegal for a reason. We don’t let children run as freely outdoors . A lot of states are rewriting or adding exemptions to statutory limits on pressing charges and suing for certain crimes because they happened during a period of time where people assumed you could trust people more. Being cautious and distrustful of strangers with mental issues is a very productive way of thinking. I get people think it’s a fren because fren shaped but give em a couple bucks , and contact a professional to get them help. It sucks there are so many mentally ill people on the streets. That doesn’t make them any less dangerous and the honest truth is there’s a weird line between personal freedom and mental illness that means it’s their right to be a crazy homeless persons. You can clean em up set them up in apartment but you can’t force them to use their benefit payments to pay the rent, keep their apartment clean, or take their medicine. Help them if you can , but please please also don’t forget that people are dangerous. Use some common sense, the last thing anyone needs is more people in the news getting hurt by people with mental illness . It’s just makes it that much harder to get compassionate care for the rest.

wjnc 9mo ago

My parents once took a struggling man in. I think he stayed with them for about three years, up until the moment I was conceived and my mom started planning for a future for our family and helped him get into a housing project. For all of my life before adulthood this man would show up once in a while on his racing bike for coffee, talk and proceed to stay for dinner. He was kind, funny and a tidbit strange. His life's story had more drama than a soap opera, but you wouldn't know it. After my father died I proceeded to look for him, but never found him. I still search online for him once in a while, fully knowing he probably isn't alive anymore and probably wouldn't use online anyways. There is some story in my head that he probably showed up to my dads doorstep once on his racing bike to find other people living there, but was too shy to ask for details. A trace lost.

HackingWizard 9mo ago
You could always ask the police to see if they anything about. Or Hire a detective if you want closure.
qng 9mo ago
As a listener and big fan of the Heavyweight podcast, I think they'd love to help you find him. That is if you're ok with sharing your story to the general public.

rognjen 9mo ago

I'm not crying! You're crying!

babylon5 9mo ago
Is someone cutting onions in here?
fleroviumna 9mo ago
[flagged]
- deleted 9mo ago
  [deleted]
- toss1 9mo ago
  Seriously, even on Christmas, Mr. Scrooge? Just because the main purpose of the forum is technical things of interest and intellectual curiosity, doesn't mean we can't be human and show empathy and caring.
  - fleroviumna 9mo ago
    [dead]
qwertz123 9mo ago
Oh I‘m definitely crying. What a touching story.
whatevermom4 9mo ago
Indeed
rajeshrajappan 9mo ago
It's kind of emotional and happy story at the same time.
justbees 9mo ago
Don't worry I'm crying enough for both of us.

cogman10 9mo ago

Beautiful story but with a sad undertone. A large percentage of the homeless have autism [1]. And that really sucks. If these people don't have support, their lives can turn miserable fast. And unfortunately it's just way too easy for these people to end up in abusive situations. It's a lot of work to care for people with autism (moderate to severe). There is no standard for what they need, their capabilities can be all over the board. Some of them are capable like ronny in this story and they can hold down jobs. But others need 24/7 caregiving in order to survive. Unfortunately I don't think those with severe autism survive for long when they become homeless. I hope this story at very least gets people to view the homeless a little differently. They aren't all there because of vices or failure. A large percentage are there because society does not care for those with mental disabilities. It was good on this story to highlight that Ron had problems with gambling. Autism does, in fact, make an individual more prone to various addictions. My point in writing this, please have some humanity about the homeless. I get that they can be inconvenient. They are people and they aren't necessarily bad people due to their circumstances. [1] https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29633853/ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29633853/

deleted 9mo ago
[deleted]
ChrisMarshallNY 9mo ago
Happy Christmas, folks! > please have some humanity about the homeless In the US, the homeless population exploded, in the 1980s, when they closed down all the mental institutions. Before that, there was a far less pervasive homeless population in urban areas. Being "on the spectrum," myself (but highly functional), I can attest to how easy it is for an autistic person's life to go sideways. Many autistic folks have very specialized and advanced skills, which can sometimes be applicable to making a living (like programming, or visual design). However, we're "different," which often leads to being shunned/traumatized by neurotypicals. I got used to folks eventually walking away from relationships, for no discernible reason. Used to really bother me, until I figured it out. Now, I just take it in stride, and appreciate whatever time I get to spend with folks. If anyone has seen The Accountant (the first one), there's a scene, near the end, where Ben Affleck's character is considering putting the moves on Anna Kendrick's character, but remembers his father, admonishing him that people will always end up being frightened of "the difference," and he sneaks out, instead. That scene almost brought me to tears, I could relate so well. For some folks, it's much worse. They can be relentlessly bullied, abused, locked up, or shunned, which leaves psychological scars that manifest as antisocial behavior, so they are never given a chance to show what they can do.

reop2whiskey 9mo ago

[flagged]

donkey_brains 9mo ago
Ah, brilliant plan. Before governments there were no homeless. Maybe now we can have a for-profit corporation take care of homeless services to really squeeze all the efficiency out of the system. Just like they did for the prisons.
- cogman10 9mo ago
  Imagine how much more efficient churches could be at taking care of the homeless if their tax burden was reduced! Oh, they don't pay taxes? Weird.
- toenail 9mo ago
  Right, before governments you could just build a hut anywhere you wanted.
  - squigz 9mo ago
    Well... if you had the tools, and skills, and very likely some help, and the willpower to "just build a hut" Also, how long ago was "before governments"?
tomrod 9mo ago
How I wish such blithe, naive approaches could solve the major social quandries of our time. Unfortunately experience and time have proven lack of support is a death sentence to so many, to the detriment of all.
m4ck_ 9mo ago
IDK about ya'll but the ~25-30% (or whatever) I pay in taxes/SS/medicare isn't going to be a significant enough bump to enable me to eliminate homelessness... Where we can actually take the government out of the equation and actually help people: Zoning. In places without governments like Haiti you can raise a family in a relatively simple structure. It's not ideal but it's how humans have been not-homeless for the entirety of our existence. Currently in the US, this is basically only legal in extremely rural areas where there are no jobs, schools, stores, etc. I can find lots near a major metro area on the east coast for 10-20k, less than I pay rent in year; but I'd have to spend half a million on some shitty twig built monstrosity that meets minimum sq footage, parking, and other arbitrary regulations that only exist to drive housing prices up, in order to live there. I can't just buy a $10k shed from Home Depot, add insulation and all the other niceties we enjoy and live there. (even the most staunch anti-government, anti-regulation types would agree this should not be legal: they want big government to use violence to prevent anyone from building cheaper housing, because cheap housing hurts their net worth, on paper.)

landonia 9mo ago

A properly touching Christmas story. It’s made my day.

ignoramous 9mo ago

Reminds of this documentary of the Spring family: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=azxCUOE6srI https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=azxCUOE6srI (20m) Some seemingly ordinary people have superhuman ability.

gigatexal 9mo ago

Heart warming story. Thanks for sharing.

lazy_lumber 9mo ago

Well that's something I really liked reading from the BBC. This give hope that humanity is still alive & not everyone is selfish like us.

1123581321 9mo ago

That is lovely. Reminds me of Bruce taking in Neil for a shorter spell in the 7up documentaries.

mft_ 9mo ago

It’s a lovely, wholesome, heartwarming story… but it also made me sad that there wasn’t something more reliable than incredibly-unlikely-serendipity to help this man (who as well as autism, had a difficult family background and may have been educationally subnormal [for want of a more 2025 phrase]) and ensure that he was at least safe and happy, and maybe even relatively productive.

moondowner 9mo ago

> The homeless centre told them Ronnie needed an address to get a job, Rob said, but "to get an address, you need a job". > "That's the Catch 22 that loads of homeless people are in." Breaking this systemic barrier would make life easier on a lot of people.

tclancy 9mo ago
Yes. I’d like to think having a mobile phone would be enough but there’s still how work can write you a check and how you can deposit it. Not sure if any bank will go without a fixed address.
- afiori 9mo ago
  A reasonable solution is to get a free "address" from the post office with optionally phone notifications for mail
  - caminanteblanco 9mo ago
    Well the only problem here is that general delivery is still not eligible for any of the main things people need an address for, like ID, tax docs, etc. Even if you want to pay for a PO box (which also doesn't satisfy those requirements), you need an address to register for one. I really wish there would be more work to try to at least add some kind of alternative path here, given America's growing homeless population. Leaving things to the goodwill of family or friends seems to me like a dereliction of duty by the state.
    - afiori 9mo ago
      The post office would identify you on access and hold mail for an appropriate amount of time. Like for some deliveries you need to sign a receipt that will be legally binding, the post office would take the role of handling those.
  - phantasmish 9mo ago
    When we were making a long move and temporarily without a stable address I looked into getting a PO Box and it seemed impossible without a real address. I ended up finding some kinda sketchy-feeling services aimed at people RV living, and not much else. I wasn’t able to find an official solution to the problem of “I need to receive mail but have no address” (there may be one, but in solid 60-90 minutes of searching I didn’t find it, but did find a lot of people complaining about the problem)

keepamovin 9mo ago

The kindness of strangers never ceases to amaze me. People are good.

alanmoraes 9mo ago

What a lovely Christmas story!

enimodas 9mo ago

Here in Belgium there's a village that's famous for doing this. Currently there's about 100 people there who are living with another family. https://nl.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gezinsverpleging_(Geel) https://nl.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gezinsverpleging_(Geel) If you translate you can read about it.

lobeai 9mo ago
This is pretty cool!
wek 9mo ago
Thank you for sharing this.
araes 9mo ago
Since you're from the "local" area (Belgium), do you happen to know why the numbers have declined over the years? From this article [1] it seemed like it was hugely popular pre-WWII (3,750) with that article quoting 500 in the modern era. Less acceptable currently, other alternatives? Still seems famous and popular, just not quite as much as it used to be. [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geel#A_model_of_psychiatric_care https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geel#A_model_of_psychiatric_ca...
- ajb 9mo ago
  Another possiblity is the reduced number of housewives; who would largely have been the ones supporting this effort

clait 9mo ago

Being on the spectrum myself, I can’t be thankful enough for the people I’ve met and supported me too. This was a lovely and touching story to read, I wish the best to the Rob and Dianne of the world!

siavosh 9mo ago

I read stories like these and it inspires me to think a bit deeper about things. Recently I told a friend that a good compass in one’s life is to seek out what gives you a lump in your throat, the rest are just words. Merry Christmas friends.

spoonsearch 9mo ago
> "A good compass in one’s life is to seek out what gives you a lump in your throat". This is a such a great outlook towards living life.

the_arun 9mo ago

When you read this story - your heart warms & your eyes gets filled. It is crazy nice feeling. You feel like this world is such a better place. Yet, it hurts - to know there are so many homeless that our system needs corrections.

alwa 9mo ago
It also reminds me that systems can’t fix situations like this. The system of “care,” as the story alludes to the autistic person experiencing in their youth, often looks a lot more like warehousing the people on the margins of society, often in unpleasant (and almost always in institutional) conditions. Some kinds of humanity can only ever happen person-to-person, and it’s a great treasure for everyone involved to encounter such an opportunity and choose to take it up.
- the_arun 9mo ago
  Yep, we are part of the system.
  - deleted 9mo ago
    [deleted]
- h2zizzle 9mo ago
  "Incentivizing" doesn't really fix it either, as people take avantage of the incentives. You do have to make it possible for the people who do care to be able to, though.
- weakfish 9mo ago
  I think that the _current_ systems are incapable of care, but that doesn’t mean systems can’t be in general. I often think that they’re held back in large part by people who say “we can’t” rather than building a solution
  - kulahan 9mo ago
    It’s extremely easy to say that things could and should be better, but it’s about as useful as saying that things “can’t” be done. The problem isn’t that nobody wants things to get better, it’s that we disagree on how to get there. This has literally always been the case. Of course things could be better. Life could be perfect. Lacking this solution you’re hand-waving, it’s useless drivel.

dyauspitr 9mo ago

Since no one else is going to be cynical I will do it. This is a heartwarming story. However, it seems like that by taking this man in they got a live in maid along with an additional source of income. The fact that he is autistic and along with his disposition also probably made him feel “safe” to the husband around the women and girls in the house.

KaiserPro 9mo ago
I mean, thats one way to look at it. But reading between the lines, having someone with a gambling habit isn't the best live in "maid" especially if they work full time as a bin man. I would just suggest that looking to believe the worst in people will not make you stronger or more effective than others, it'll just make you lonely.
- dyauspitr 9mo ago
  Yeah I try to see the best in people. But the internet is anonymous and my first thoughts revolved around why they would do this for so long.
  - KaiserPro 9mo ago
    I feel ya. The internet can be corrosive, and its difficult to not let it tarnish. But, dear hacker news friend, I believe in you.

hkpack 9mo ago

Since it is Christmas and we are talking about welcoming strangers in your house, I think we need to remember the story of the author of the most popular Christmas Carrol ("Carrol of the bells") - Ukrainian composer Mykola Leontovych. His family was hosting a stranger in their house for the night in 1921. Stranger said he has nowhere to go, so they allowed him to stay in the room with Leontovych himself. The stranger ended up being a Russia undercover checkist who killed Leontovych and robbed his family. [0] [0] - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mykola_Leontovych#Death https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mykola_Leontovych#Death

squigz 9mo ago
What is your intent in sharing this? Why do we need to remember this story? Do you - and others who are talking about how strangers might murder you and your family - really think that people don't consider that risk or something?

KaiserPro 9mo ago

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0025sr0 https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0025sr0 has a bit more information in it, but its in a radio show with a bunch of other bits and pieces. From memory its in the last quarter of the show. He has a really lovely welsh accent. The other thing to do is they did this largely because its what they felt was the right thing to do.

eternalreturn 9mo ago

A cautionary tale.

smugma 9mo ago

I’m not crying, you’re crying.

htk 9mo ago

Unbelievable story in the best of ways. Three amazing people lucky to have each other in their lives.

hsuduebc2 9mo ago
Exactly. It's so heartwarming to hear this when you are constantly bombarded by negative messages. Really made my day.

perching_aix 9mo ago

Remarkable story. I'd not have had the kindness for this. I'm grateful people like them exist.

mjmasn 9mo ago

Crazy to see this story on the front page of the BBC and now Hacker News too! Ronnie was an awesome guy, and absolutely a part of Rob and Dianne's family, not a "maid" as another comment suggested.

nrhrjrjrjtntbt 9mo ago
More like a brother/uncle helping out around the home than any kind of maid.

fcatalan 9mo ago

Not as hugely generous as this story, but during his whole college professor career since the 70s, my father always took care that none of his students spent any major holidays alone and away from home, so we always ended up having 2 or 3 of them around for Christmas, the New Year, Easter... They were from everywhere around the country and the world, and it was so very enriching for me and my siblings. I had a huge postage stamp collection from the ever increasing well wishing mail that arrived. It's also kind of comforting to think that anywhere in the world you are not that far from someone that remembers you fondly.

rajeshrajappan 9mo ago
It's great to hear there are amazing people like your father. We need more of these people in this world.
ekjhgkejhgk 9mo ago
Huh, I wish to some time be in the position to do this.
Gibbon1 9mo ago
My dad said his grandfather always had a teenager or two at the dinner table who had no where else to go. Not just Christmas but all year. My parents did the same with a friend of mine and one of my sisters friends.
jwrallie 9mo ago
That’s nice, I once ended up alone around New Year, a mix of being far away from family, busy with studies and not actively asking people around to join their events due to being shy. One of my friends that lived nearby spotted me walking alone and invited me over. Another of her friends joined in. It was just the three of us, and it was much, much better than spending it alone.
neilv 9mo ago
That seems to be one of the things that some great professors do. I've heard of that convention from many colleges/universities. At any university, look for the professors who act like benevolent citizens of the best of university ideals. They don't all do it in the same way, but they're some of the best. I like to think of the university as a microcosm, and incubator, for how you'd like larger society to be.

mihaaly 9mo ago

> one young UK couple's act of kindness 50 years ago changed their lives forever. I like to think that their caring life did not really change, they were like that to begin with, they just missed a Ronni from it. : )

wewewedxfgdf 9mo ago

In England the advice is that the best thing you can do for homeless people is refer them to the correct social services, which has the resources and skills to deal with people who are often mentally damaged or unwell in some way. The case of Aaron Barley triggered this after a lovely and caring family took in a homeless boy into their own home leading to a terrible situation in which he murdered two of the family. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4elLA4FpnHQ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4elLA4FpnHQ There's no way I'd let random people into my home - you absolutely do not know what might happen, what their history is, their mental state, their criminal background. Be kind in other ways.

pier25 9mo ago
45 years ago?
jstummbillig 9mo ago
I think the more earnest approach would be to understand the risk first. Blanket avoiding something because the chance for a bad outcome is not 0 is fairly lame.
saikia81 9mo ago
the best thing that you can do for yourself maybe, but not for them...
Normal_gaussian 9mo ago
The institutional advice would struggle to directly recommend any other action as it can only be seen to create an unconstrained liability - if not legal, then social. That does not mean they wouldn't be amenable to a system of placing people who were vetted and managed if they were sufficiently convinced it would resolve the issue (at institutional scale). Its worth noting that the homeless person in this situation was in fact known to those who provided the home - and not as casually as the first para suggests.
Gerard0 9mo ago
And Michele and Rob Reiner were murdered by their own son and my uncle while going shopping. You don't have to do anything, but this kind of comment puts a huge stigma on homeless people and others.

jeandejean 9mo ago

Damn that's some great Christmas story. Thanks for sharing

rasengan0 9mo ago

Glad this story got on HN, it moved the heart and I hope it spreads in the little openings of our lives. Nothings perfect, but day by day, more kindness and care, we can share https://youtu.be/wlpcFnOPH2k?si=C1Wa1cviJMa1zlYm https://youtu.be/wlpcFnOPH2k?si=C1Wa1cviJMa1zlYm

spiritplumber 9mo ago

I did this for 3 years for two homeless women. Had to kick them out because I did not want meth in my home.

itsthecourier 9mo ago
that's what I was thinking. have tried to help people before, but when they have some mental disabilities is difficult for them to keep their instincts in check, then we have to care of small children in the same space, thus best I can do is help while keeping the distance :(

sapphirebreeze 9mo ago

[dead]

cobicobi 9mo ago

My son has ASD, and non-verbal so far. No matter how I prepare for his future, I still have my fear about his well-being. I can only pray, when I died, hopefully, he can live happily and feel loved :'(

angelamerkel200 9mo ago

[flagged]

mos87 9mo ago

another fabulous story https://www.bristolpost.co.uk/news/bristol-news/homeless-man-admits-killing-mother-571853 https://www.bristolpost.co.uk/news/bristol-news/homeless-man...

geoelkh 9mo ago

What a story!

decafninja 9mo ago

My wife’s uncle took in a man into his home, gave him a room to live in, and a job as a cook at his restaurant. This man would otherwise have been homeless on the streets. The man doesn’t seem to be fully mentally well, but apparently he does his job diligently, has no inclination towards being violent, doesn’t do drugs, and keeps his problems mostly to himself. That said, he has an extreme gambling addiction (he blows all his paychecks at casinos) and having seen his room once, it looked and smelled like a biohazard disaster. He seems like a poor fellow that had some bad luck and now lives to just gamble the rest of his life away. I give my uncle in law huge respect for taking this guy in, and also my aunt in law for also putting up with him living in their home. I don’t think my wife or I could have done the same. The two of them are workaholics though and their home is just a space for them to sleep between work shifts at their restaurant. Which is why I don’t think they care too much about this man’s room’s condition.

Rendello 9mo ago
The man in the article had a similar problem: > While they admitted the dynamic had its difficulties, including battling Ronnie's gambling addiction for 20 years, they couldn't imagine their lives without him.
- decafninja 9mo ago
  One unfortunate aspect about their relationship is that my uncle in law also likes to gamble - but in strict moderation. However this means the two of them sometimes end up going to the casinos together. I don’t think these trips are helping this man’s gambling addiction.
  - Rendello 9mo ago
    That's one reason I don't like to drink. I can moderate myself (I don't like being inebriated at all), but some around me are active or recovering alcoholics. So why drink in front of them? A recovering family member told me the location of every bottle of booze in the family home where we were, their type, and how full they were. In the fridge, the back of the cupboard, and in the basement under the laundry rack. Even though he'd stopped drinking! So, I don't even like keeping alcohol in the house anymore, especially if it's not locked up.

kyyt 9mo ago

Why is this not a movie?