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I'd be more interested in where your 7-year-old even learned phrases like "I feel like I shouldn't be on Earth anymore."
by jacobgkau 11mo ago
I'd be more interested in where your 7-year-old even learned phrases like "I feel like I shouldn't be on Earth anymore."
- robertakarobin 11mo agoYes, us too. Beats us. Sure wasn't around our house, and we can't imagine any family/friends/TV/whatever he may have learned it from.
- deleted 11mo ago[deleted]
- pizzafeelsright 11mo ago[flagged]
- Braxton1980 11mo ago"why do you feel sad about your girlfriend broke up with you, it happens all the time and you'll probably find someone else" Attitude
- djtango 11mo agoI can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not but that is kind of the truth. A breakup is horrible, in its worst case it is similar to an untimely death and can come with grief and maybe even worse because the person is still alive and in your life so you're reminded by their absence even deeper and could experience jealousy, and the drip feed of interaction can elongate the time it takes you to move on with your life and find the person who is more right for you. But while the sadness is real and shouldn't be ignored or suppressed, wallowing is unhelpful and you ought to move on with your life - just like if someone close to you dies, the deceased most likely would want you to be happy and continue living a good life and move on.
- robertakarobin 11mo agoObjectively you're right, but I hope you think twice before saying to someone who has experienced a tragedy, "You need to move on." Similarly if you're in an argument with a friend or loved one and they are upset I hope you think twice before saying "You need to calm down" or, "You're overreacting." Objectively those may all be correct, but they are unhelpful, and are likely to have the opposite effect. They minimize the weight of the emotions. Most of us cannot just turn emotions on and off, much as we try and wish we could.
- konmok 11mo ago> Depression is caused by laziness and anxiety by hopelessness. I wish this were true, but its not even close. I wonder how your kids will react when they move away, and you're not around to police their emotional expression. If they're like me, they will promptly collapse into paralysis and self-destruction. I strongly suggest that you frequently give your kids long stretches of time (months) to practice regulating themselves, without your interference. And if they have anxiety or depression, please let them see a professional. If my parents had noticed the signs earlier, they would have saved me decades of pain.
- pizzafeelsright 11mo agoAt this age I am teaching emotional regulation on a daily basis. As for when they grow up, adults who cannot manage their emotions get fired or are sent to jail. It is critical to be slow to anger, quick to forgive, and work at building strong friendships.
- robertakarobin 11mo agoYou imply we aren't teaching emotional regulation on a daily basis? We have always placed a great deal of emphasis on talking about feelings and developing "tools for our toolboxes" to deal with them. Unfortunately those tools are largely inadequate when there isn't a rational cause for a debilitating emotional state.
- rfrey 11mo agoPeople who have never experienced a particular challenge are quick to assume credit for its absence and assign moral failings to others who experience it. It's insufferable but common. Imagine a millionaire who had millionaire parents lecturing his children on how they're not allowed to be poor. Lo! They're not! The lectures worked.
- jacobgkau 11mo agoIt sounds very much like you planted a seed with your "great deal of emphasis on talking about feelings."
- poly2it 11mo ago> Depression is caused by laziness [...]. My kids know that they aren't permitted to be lazy. Do you really believe this, or do you believe your children aren't depressed? Your comment is not in accordance with science. Depression is a complex topic. I'm having trouble imagining a way to be more wrong. Is this satire?
- pizzafeelsright 11mo ago[flagged]
- piperswe 11mo agoIt's almost as if depression reduces your executive function, making it more difficult to exercise each day or consistently clean your house. And then you feel worthless for not being able to do those things, reinforcing the depression.
- pizzafeelsright 11mo agoI agree 100% and it is an uphill battle requiring significant effort. That is where discipline is required. Exercising that discipline will bring positive results. There is nothing other than self stopping someone from cleaning instead of crying under a blanket.
- konmok 11mo agoI know several depressed people that exercise every day and live in a clean house.
- deleted 11mo ago[deleted]
- skywhopper 11mo ago[flagged]
- JadeNB 11mo ago> Depression is caused by laziness and anxiety by hopelessness. My kids know that they aren't permitted to be lazy or say they are bored. They don't have anxiety because they have hope despite circumstances. This sounds horrible. If I weren't depressed or anxious, being told that I wasn't ever permitted to be lazy or say that I was bored would make me so; and, if I were, then being told that I was lazy and hopeless would make it worse.
- deleted 11mo ago[deleted]
- Refreeze5224 11mo ago> Depression is caused by laziness and anxiety by hopelessness. No offense, but teaching your kids this kind of nonsense is borderline abusive. It's so far away from so many people's experiences, and is just plain wrong. I hope you can recognize how damaging this could be for your kids down the road.
- mvkel 11mo agoYou seem to have your mind thoroughly made up, which should raise a flag that you might be suffering from a bad case of Dunning-Kruger, and need to re-ask questions you think you already know the answers to.
- robertakarobin 11mo ago> Depression is caused by laziness and anxiety by hopelessness. Others have responded to the depression/laziness part -- I was wondering if you could clarify what you mean by anxiety being caused by hopelessness? To my way of thinking hopelessness and depression have a lot of overlap, but anxiety not so much... It's more like a feeling of dread.
- pizzafeelsright 11mo agoAnxiety is fear based often if the unknown. Fear of the dentist is common but understanding that the inconvenience is required for the desired outcome, the reason for the suffering, there is a hope to look to allowing the suffering to have meaning.
- squigz 11mo ago> My kids know that they aren't permitted to be lazy or say they are bored. Seems like a really great way to have your kids feel guilty about the way they feel and then not talk to you about it.
- cindyllm 11mo ago[dead]
- cjfd 11mo agoIt is great that that works for you but I don't think you should assume that what works for you is applicable in every situation.
- aleph_minus_one 11mo ago> Depression is caused by laziness and anxiety by hopelessness. While pizzafeelsright gets heavily downvoted, I think their may be some (dark) truth behind it: if you weren't lazy, you would sommit suicide instead of living a depressed life. :-( I also have a feeling that there might be another (dark) truth behind the link between anxiety and hopelessness.
- nuancebydefault 11mo ago> they have hope despite circumstances. Maybe they act like being hopeful because they are afraid of you. If you were my parent, chances are I would.
- lawlessone 11mo agoIt sounds to me how a someone would describe feeling suicidal when they don't know the word for it.
- pinkmuffinere 11mo agoYa, when I'm sad I can come up with pretty creative language to express it. It does feel really tough to know that a seven year old feels like that :(
- throw-the-towel 11mo agoCome on, 7 year olds should have already learned to form phrases.
- incr_me 11mo agoNo, you see, this phrase must have appeared in his training set.
- skywhopper 11mo ago[flagged]
- georgeburdell 11mo agoI’m with you on this. Granted my oldest is only 5, but anything profound my kids say can be traced back to something they heard
- drekipus 11mo agoTeachers / schools / mandatory privilege education
- phatskat 11mo agoYou seem to have a pretty narrow view of the world, especially about “privilege education.” FWIW I’ve never once heard anything about “white people bad” from my kiddo, about 10. It’s also impossible to to talk about idk Columbus, slavery, Great Britain, or the founding of America (and like ya know, the treatment of native Americans) without ascribing some blame to the people responsible…who were by and large “white”. We also talk about how any judgement based on skin, appearance, gender, ethnicity, or religion, is flat out wrong.
- fn-mote 11mo ago7 year olds are second graders in school. They are exposed to plenty.
- drekipus 11mo ago[flagged]
- robertakarobin 11mo agoWith both my kids in 2nd grade and my wife also a public 2nd grade teacher, I consider myself pretty aware of what kids are being taught these days. They certainly are being gradually introduced to some of the problems of the world, but I think childhood development experts would all agree that's healthy. As for them being told they're the source or victim that's hardly the case. I'm sure there are a few isolated incidents that right-wing media love to bang on about, but not the experience for most.
- drekipus 11mo ago> but I think childhood development experts would all agree that's healthy. Could it be that we think it's healthy because we can just give meds to the kids that it affects? How would someone even have the ability to say "it's healthy" - I'm struggling to think how it comes about. I think it's healthy for my kids to cry about a worm dying in the garden, but anything less than "anxiety about a dying planet"... Put it another way: climate change messaging IS totally about anxiety and putting human as the cause, so we can (as adults) change our habits and save the planet. Could it be too much for kids though?
- robertakarobin 11mo agoAt what age will you permit your kids to leave the walled garden you've created for them?
- drekipus 11mo ago
- s5300 11mo ago[dead]
- holden_nelson 11mo agoHe learned it from being on Earth? And noticing that some people who used to be on Earth aren’t anymore? And it dawning on him that he doesn’t have to be either?
- victorbjorklund 11mo agoNot sure about you but I didn’t learn my native language phrase by phrase only. You learn the individual parts and concepts and construct sentences from that.