5 ms·

I felt like I was dying at 35 years old, my body was completely betraying me, exhausted, constant pain, no life as absolutely no energy on days off and still ex

I felt like I was dying at 35 years old, my body was completely betraying me, exhausted, constant pain, no life as absolutely no energy on days off and still exhausted starting the next week. Even years in the Army never left me feeling like that I had no idea it was the misery of the IT job that was causing most of my pain and suffering, and it had nothing to do with the job itself, it was the endless insanity of everyone else around me doing exactly what they were informed would cause problems instead of having discussions with people that actually knew how shit worked. I was endlessly picking up everyone elses mess and treated worse than a pile of shit all because people were incapable of having a speck of respect for other people since all their hatred for computers fell on me I GTFO of the career of misery and took half a decade to finally start feeling better I have now spent years and countless hours working on software and I greatly enjoy doing this work again and find I get even more done than I used to simply by doing life the way I need to instead of how some backwards/abusive control freak "needs it done"

jdbsbsndn 1y ago
[flagged]
- roarcher 1y ago
  What a bizarre and unnecessary comment.
  - aspbee555 1y ago
    I have to admit it annoyed me for a moment, but it is an honest thing I have to have ask myself as part of my analysis of a situation, ie. AITA, in this instance, not at all
- aspbee555 1y ago
  the owner instructed everyone not to talk to me, I found out years later if it was a me problem then they would not have let the then president of the company go for working with me I was not the one with communication problems but people are really good at blaming me for their own problems
  - Buttons840 1y ago
    That is the same problem I had in my most stressful position. I was working for a consulting company: The first project I worked on was great, some of the most enjoyable work I've done at a company. Then the second project came (same company, same client). Things weren't going so well, so I started talking about the problems that everyone was having, and started talking about how we could fix the problems... ... and that's when the real problem revealed itself. The project manager on the client-side was secretly trying to replace my consulting company with another consulting company (where he had friends). However, my consulting company had ties with higher management at the client company, and my consulting company didn't want to abandon the work, because they wanted the money, of course. In the end, it was revealed that our team of programmers was surrounded on all sides by people that didn't care about solving the same problem, they only cared about the political games. It was extremely stressful. I got shingles, and was diagnosed with celiac disease in the same week. It's hard to say for sure, but I think the celiac disease was activated by the stress--I still have it to this day obviously. My advice to others: (1) Identify the problem (2) Communicate with the people that are needed to fix the problem (3) Work towards fixing the problem If at any point communication breaks down, or you realize management is not trying to solve the same problems you are trying to solve, then you need to GTFO.
    - paulryanrogers 1y ago
      And vaccinate your kids against chicken pox. Don't intentionally expose them repeatedly. Get yourself vaccinated for shingles, if it's not too late.
    - nradov 1y ago
      As a consultant there's no point in being so personally involved in the project outcome that you let it impact your health. Follow management orders, do the best work you can, and let the chips fall where they may. Whether the project succeeds or fails, you'll get paid either way and eventually you'll get reassigned to another client.
    - aspbee555 1y ago
      overall I felt my biggest mistake was believing that I would be fired/let go if there was ever a problem with my work I never realized there was such malicious people out there incapable of basic professional respect and tell me to f-off
vertigolimbo 1y ago
So you went back into software development after 5 years? Maybe you had a burnout and just needed to rest
- imhoguy 1y ago
  I read it that OP has left IT and rested then got back to some freelance/co-op/own softwate development. I am on the same fence, just on my notice period in the shit show called corporate IT where there is 90% time spent on toxic politics. Now dreaming to burn some savings, detox and then play with Raspberry Pi projects.
- aspbee555 1y ago
  I have worked with computers for decades, I love it, and for me to not even want to look at a computer was impossible for me I made it through the Army (decades ago), I ran my own company, handled employees, etc. I have no problem with hard work and stress. My joy for computers was destroyed for a while, and it had nothing to do with the work itself, it was due to targeted intentionally malicious discrimination from the top
foobiekr 1y ago
What do you do for a living post-escaping the IT career?
- aspbee555 1y ago
  I did part time work as a mentor which was way more fulfilling than the IT work. I eventually found my way back to programming my own project
  - soVeryTired 1y ago
    Roaming a labyrinth and savaging young Athenians might seem like a positive change in the short term, but ultimately it’s probably just as unfulfilling as corporate IT.
    - aspbee555 1y ago
      The mentoring was amazing when I started, but unfortunately the company was bought/sold and things unfortunately went downhill from there (corporate profits rarely coincide with providing actual help and is more designed to make paperwork/justify spending the precious numbers. I was great at the actual job, sucked at the medical paperwork) I am thrilled I got to help some kids in need of help/understanding/acceptance at least and seeing the joy/results first hand is something I will never forget
    - refulgentis 1y ago
      Do you have any more universal stack ranking / ruling out re: career paths? Bonus points for more epic phrasing: it didn't really hide that the subjective opinion is objective fact, but, I think there's a better chance I'm fooled into living someone else's life if you do it again.
e40 1y ago
Stress is so damaging to our bodies. Glad you got relief!
mdavid626 1y ago
Can you tell us how you recovered?
- aspbee555 1y ago
  overall it took time away from all that to recover, I also changed careers for a while to more fulfilling part time work I have always had a passion for computing so I eventually found my way back with a project of my own
  - reactordev 1y ago
    Sometimes it requires taking a step back to move forward. Healing takes time. There’s so many odd jobs, side hustles, or simply - working a no-brainer warehouse job, for you to find yourself again.
    - c0brac0bra 1y ago
      I'm kind of in the middle of this phase. Chronic stress and pressure leading to autoimmune disorder, insomnia, etc. Completely getting away from software dev will make it hard to support a family.
trts 1y ago
experienced something very similar. thought I would leave my field permanently out of frustration and despair. I like my work now, but faced with that burnout again do not think I could power through it a second time. Apropos, I had chronic pain throughout this experience. I thought it was just aging, irreversible, and something that compounded my hopelessness. It's very surprising to be 10 years older now but feel 20 years younger. Books like "The Body Keeps the Score" or "Healing Back Pain" used to seem woo to me, but now I am convicted that health comes from within as much or more than it does from without.
- kalkaran 1y ago
  I had sciatica for years and inflation in my hips so bad I could barely walk 500 meters while in college. Basically only kept going by iboprufen, naproxen and paracetamol. I tried everything. Acupuncture/LSD/ultra sound/kiro/physio/yoga had mri’s/xrays/you name it I had dr. Sarno’s healing back pain for 2 years on my shelf before I took a holiday and read the whole thing in one go. Fell asleep for 4 hours and woke up pain free for the first time in 7 years. Started to come back a few times but I would just read the book again and go for a run. Been smooth sailing for 10 years now.
  - johannesberlin 1y ago
    what exactly was in the book that relieved it for you? I’m curious
    - kalkaran 1y ago
      Healing back pain - by Dr. John Sarno.
SkyPuncher 1y ago
I ended up in a similar situation last year. Amazing job, but typical startup stresses combined with some situational stuff in my personal life (moving, new jobs for partner, kids, day-care changes, etc, etc, etc) left me completely broken. I ended up leaving my job to take care of my family (thought I was done with my career, but it ended up being a sabbatical - back at the old job and doing great now) It took about 6 months for the brain zaps to start fading. Then another 6 months for me to start feeling capable of really doing my job well. I'm 18 months into "recovery" and I still think I have another 6 to 12 months before I feel like my old self again (so about 2 to 2.5 years in total). Time is really the only solution. You can't just think your way through it. You have to left your body's rewards systems re-adapt and re-learn how to be a healthy, happy human.
- nicbou 1y ago
  Brain zaps?
  - SkyPuncher 1y ago
    I thought it was a somewhat common medical term, but all of the sources are from SSRI withdrawl (which is likely still the same symptom, just a different reason). My apologies for leaving it ambiguous. For me, it basically felt like my brain was misfiring when it'd respond to some sort of external stimuli (often basic work tasks). It was almost like my brain was getting a muscle cramp combined with a dose of adrenaline (think getting scared). It was almost like a thought would fire off in my brain, cascade around a bit, then never find anything. I could feel my brain searching for connections, but never making them. My best guess is I was essentially in fight or flight mode so severely that all of my thoughts were firing off my lizard brain type reactions. My brain was reacting as if I were in a deadly situation, just trying to keep me surviving.
andai 1y ago
My grandfather said he experiences stupidity as physically painful. I suppose pain is an indicator that some kind of damage is actually occurring. That's my experience at least, that it's not healthy to be in environments like that for any length of time. In such a place, my regret is always not leaving sooner...
sizzle 1y ago
I was thinking Lyme disease caused fatigue from the lead in sentence
baby 1y ago
BTW I can relate but to me this was the savior: - taking sport seriously - regaining control over my life (which I did by creating a startup) - moving to a city that cares about walking pedestrians and social life (moved from SF to New York!)
deezmofonutz 1y ago
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deezmofonutz 1y ago
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jdbsbsndn 1y ago

[flagged]

roarcher 1y ago
What a bizarre and unnecessary comment.
- aspbee555 1y ago
  I have to admit it annoyed me for a moment, but it is an honest thing I have to have ask myself as part of my analysis of a situation, ie. AITA, in this instance, not at all
aspbee555 1y ago
the owner instructed everyone not to talk to me, I found out years later if it was a me problem then they would not have let the then president of the company go for working with me I was not the one with communication problems but people are really good at blaming me for their own problems
- Buttons840 1y ago
  That is the same problem I had in my most stressful position. I was working for a consulting company: The first project I worked on was great, some of the most enjoyable work I've done at a company. Then the second project came (same company, same client). Things weren't going so well, so I started talking about the problems that everyone was having, and started talking about how we could fix the problems... ... and that's when the real problem revealed itself. The project manager on the client-side was secretly trying to replace my consulting company with another consulting company (where he had friends). However, my consulting company had ties with higher management at the client company, and my consulting company didn't want to abandon the work, because they wanted the money, of course. In the end, it was revealed that our team of programmers was surrounded on all sides by people that didn't care about solving the same problem, they only cared about the political games. It was extremely stressful. I got shingles, and was diagnosed with celiac disease in the same week. It's hard to say for sure, but I think the celiac disease was activated by the stress--I still have it to this day obviously. My advice to others: (1) Identify the problem (2) Communicate with the people that are needed to fix the problem (3) Work towards fixing the problem If at any point communication breaks down, or you realize management is not trying to solve the same problems you are trying to solve, then you need to GTFO.
  - paulryanrogers 1y ago
    And vaccinate your kids against chicken pox. Don't intentionally expose them repeatedly. Get yourself vaccinated for shingles, if it's not too late.
  - nradov 1y ago
    As a consultant there's no point in being so personally involved in the project outcome that you let it impact your health. Follow management orders, do the best work you can, and let the chips fall where they may. Whether the project succeeds or fails, you'll get paid either way and eventually you'll get reassigned to another client.
  - aspbee555 1y ago
    overall I felt my biggest mistake was believing that I would be fired/let go if there was ever a problem with my work I never realized there was such malicious people out there incapable of basic professional respect and tell me to f-off

vertigolimbo 1y ago

So you went back into software development after 5 years? Maybe you had a burnout and just needed to rest

imhoguy 1y ago
I read it that OP has left IT and rested then got back to some freelance/co-op/own softwate development. I am on the same fence, just on my notice period in the shit show called corporate IT where there is 90% time spent on toxic politics. Now dreaming to burn some savings, detox and then play with Raspberry Pi projects.
aspbee555 1y ago
I have worked with computers for decades, I love it, and for me to not even want to look at a computer was impossible for me I made it through the Army (decades ago), I ran my own company, handled employees, etc. I have no problem with hard work and stress. My joy for computers was destroyed for a while, and it had nothing to do with the work itself, it was due to targeted intentionally malicious discrimination from the top

foobiekr 1y ago

What do you do for a living post-escaping the IT career?

aspbee555 1y ago
I did part time work as a mentor which was way more fulfilling than the IT work. I eventually found my way back to programming my own project
- soVeryTired 1y ago
  Roaming a labyrinth and savaging young Athenians might seem like a positive change in the short term, but ultimately it’s probably just as unfulfilling as corporate IT.
  - aspbee555 1y ago
    The mentoring was amazing when I started, but unfortunately the company was bought/sold and things unfortunately went downhill from there (corporate profits rarely coincide with providing actual help and is more designed to make paperwork/justify spending the precious numbers. I was great at the actual job, sucked at the medical paperwork) I am thrilled I got to help some kids in need of help/understanding/acceptance at least and seeing the joy/results first hand is something I will never forget
  - refulgentis 1y ago
    Do you have any more universal stack ranking / ruling out re: career paths? Bonus points for more epic phrasing: it didn't really hide that the subjective opinion is objective fact, but, I think there's a better chance I'm fooled into living someone else's life if you do it again.

e40 1y ago

Stress is so damaging to our bodies. Glad you got relief!

mdavid626 1y ago

Can you tell us how you recovered?

aspbee555 1y ago
overall it took time away from all that to recover, I also changed careers for a while to more fulfilling part time work I have always had a passion for computing so I eventually found my way back with a project of my own
- reactordev 1y ago
  Sometimes it requires taking a step back to move forward. Healing takes time. There’s so many odd jobs, side hustles, or simply - working a no-brainer warehouse job, for you to find yourself again.
  - c0brac0bra 1y ago
    I'm kind of in the middle of this phase. Chronic stress and pressure leading to autoimmune disorder, insomnia, etc. Completely getting away from software dev will make it hard to support a family.

trts 1y ago

experienced something very similar. thought I would leave my field permanently out of frustration and despair. I like my work now, but faced with that burnout again do not think I could power through it a second time. Apropos, I had chronic pain throughout this experience. I thought it was just aging, irreversible, and something that compounded my hopelessness. It's very surprising to be 10 years older now but feel 20 years younger. Books like "The Body Keeps the Score" or "Healing Back Pain" used to seem woo to me, but now I am convicted that health comes from within as much or more than it does from without.

kalkaran 1y ago
I had sciatica for years and inflation in my hips so bad I could barely walk 500 meters while in college. Basically only kept going by iboprufen, naproxen and paracetamol. I tried everything. Acupuncture/LSD/ultra sound/kiro/physio/yoga had mri’s/xrays/you name it I had dr. Sarno’s healing back pain for 2 years on my shelf before I took a holiday and read the whole thing in one go. Fell asleep for 4 hours and woke up pain free for the first time in 7 years. Started to come back a few times but I would just read the book again and go for a run. Been smooth sailing for 10 years now.
- johannesberlin 1y ago
  what exactly was in the book that relieved it for you? I’m curious
  - kalkaran 1y ago
    Healing back pain - by Dr. John Sarno.

SkyPuncher 1y ago

I ended up in a similar situation last year. Amazing job, but typical startup stresses combined with some situational stuff in my personal life (moving, new jobs for partner, kids, day-care changes, etc, etc, etc) left me completely broken. I ended up leaving my job to take care of my family (thought I was done with my career, but it ended up being a sabbatical - back at the old job and doing great now) It took about 6 months for the brain zaps to start fading. Then another 6 months for me to start feeling capable of really doing my job well. I'm 18 months into "recovery" and I still think I have another 6 to 12 months before I feel like my old self again (so about 2 to 2.5 years in total). Time is really the only solution. You can't just think your way through it. You have to left your body's rewards systems re-adapt and re-learn how to be a healthy, happy human.

nicbou 1y ago
Brain zaps?
- SkyPuncher 1y ago
  I thought it was a somewhat common medical term, but all of the sources are from SSRI withdrawl (which is likely still the same symptom, just a different reason). My apologies for leaving it ambiguous. For me, it basically felt like my brain was misfiring when it'd respond to some sort of external stimuli (often basic work tasks). It was almost like my brain was getting a muscle cramp combined with a dose of adrenaline (think getting scared). It was almost like a thought would fire off in my brain, cascade around a bit, then never find anything. I could feel my brain searching for connections, but never making them. My best guess is I was essentially in fight or flight mode so severely that all of my thoughts were firing off my lizard brain type reactions. My brain was reacting as if I were in a deadly situation, just trying to keep me surviving.

andai 1y ago

My grandfather said he experiences stupidity as physically painful. I suppose pain is an indicator that some kind of damage is actually occurring. That's my experience at least, that it's not healthy to be in environments like that for any length of time. In such a place, my regret is always not leaving sooner...

sizzle 1y ago

I was thinking Lyme disease caused fatigue from the lead in sentence

baby 1y ago

BTW I can relate but to me this was the savior: - taking sport seriously - regaining control over my life (which I did by creating a startup) - moving to a city that cares about walking pedestrians and social life (moved from SF to New York!)

deezmofonutz 1y ago

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deezmofonutz 1y ago

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