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> What I learned is to not to be afraid. Regardless of what is happening around you. Were you perhaps financially secure enough not to have to fear anything? O

by tmpz22 2y ago

> What I learned is to not to be afraid. Regardless of what is happening around you. Were you perhaps financially secure enough not to have to fear anything? Or tenured (Bell Labs!) that unemployment wasn't actually a threat to you? YMMV.

Stefan-H 2y ago
While YMMV, a fear response is a choice. You can have all the rational reasons to be afraid (like the bottom of your hierarchy of needs being unmet) and choose to act out of cold rationality rather than fear. Then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy - if you can act without fear even when there is justified reason to be afraid, you will be able to easily do so when it isn't justified.
- Paul-Craft 2y ago
  Where I come from, "hav[ing] all the rational reasons to be afraid" and pretending otherwise is called a delusion. I prefer to see the world as it is.
  - Stefan-H 2y ago
    "... is called a delusion". What I am suggesting is not delusion, it is mindfulness and cutting through delusion. When one is presented with something that elicits a fear response (whether the stimulus is rational or not) the goal is to quiet all of the "lizard brain" reactions, and instead formulate a well reasoned response. "Fear is the mind-killer" - while from fiction, still rings true to me - if you react out of fear you will short-circuit internal processes that are far better at long-term reasoning even when at the expense of short-term comfort.
    - Paul-Craft 2y ago
      I'm sorry, but that is delusional. It is not possible for humans to forego emotion in favor of logic.
      - Stefan-H 2y ago
        It's really just about giving yourself enough time to think before you respond. That's the entire difference between a reaction and a response. You can use dialectical and cognitive behavioral therapies to help develop the tolerance to do that. Mindfulness and meditative practices like those in zen buddhism have proven helpful to me as well. Perhaps you're taking an extreme interpretation of my using the word "logic" and instead you could use "wise mind" or even just "considered thought" as the response in lieu of an emotional one.
zeroCalories 2y ago
People acclimate to their circumstances. Do you think people in developing countries live in a constant state of panic because they don't have a seven figure retirement account?
- charlie0 2y ago
  This. Just gotta live within your means. It's so easy with a developer salary unless you're 1 year in and haven't had time to save for a rainy day.
- 84748498373 2y ago
  > Do you think people in developing countries live in a constant state of panic because they don't have a seven figure retirement account? If Brazil is anything to look at, maybe? https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7111415/ https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7111415/
dartos 2y ago
I long for the day when someone can give advice based on their own personal experience without someone else being like “well that won’t work for literally everyone” Yeah obviously. It’s a personal anecdote.
- luhsprwhk 2y ago
  I long for the day when people don't try to pass off vapid generic advice for likes. Waste of bandwidth.
  - dartos 2y ago
    A bit cynical, no?
    - luhsprwhk 2y ago
      Giving generic feel-good advice is a decent strategy to farm likes from the naive. Some people have no shame.
      - ahmeneeroe-v2 2y ago
        Don't be afraid is excellent advice, sorry but you're coming off as very cynical.
        refulgentis 2y ago
        I was watching a trial the other day and the prosecutor asks "And did you often see your nephews at your mothers house when you video called her?", and the defendant, a dentists, says "Yep, watching TV, brushing their teeth.[5 second silence] Don't forget to brush your teeth. Really important." The prosecutor smiles, laughs, and says "A little dull humor never hurt, eh?" I'm not sure your average adult would find "don't be afraid" to be "advice", or some deeply meaningful advice that only a cynic would think was anything less than excellent.
- mathgladiator 2y ago

by tmpz22 2y ago

Stefan-H 2y ago

While YMMV, a fear response is a choice. You can have all the rational reasons to be afraid (like the bottom of your hierarchy of needs being unmet) and choose to act out of cold rationality rather than fear. Then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy - if you can act without fear even when there is justified reason to be afraid, you will be able to easily do so when it isn't justified.

Paul-Craft 2y ago
Where I come from, "hav[ing] all the rational reasons to be afraid" and pretending otherwise is called a delusion. I prefer to see the world as it is.
- Stefan-H 2y ago
  "... is called a delusion". What I am suggesting is not delusion, it is mindfulness and cutting through delusion. When one is presented with something that elicits a fear response (whether the stimulus is rational or not) the goal is to quiet all of the "lizard brain" reactions, and instead formulate a well reasoned response. "Fear is the mind-killer" - while from fiction, still rings true to me - if you react out of fear you will short-circuit internal processes that are far better at long-term reasoning even when at the expense of short-term comfort.
  - Paul-Craft 2y ago
    I'm sorry, but that is delusional. It is not possible for humans to forego emotion in favor of logic.
    - Stefan-H 2y ago
      It's really just about giving yourself enough time to think before you respond. That's the entire difference between a reaction and a response. You can use dialectical and cognitive behavioral therapies to help develop the tolerance to do that. Mindfulness and meditative practices like those in zen buddhism have proven helpful to me as well. Perhaps you're taking an extreme interpretation of my using the word "logic" and instead you could use "wise mind" or even just "considered thought" as the response in lieu of an emotional one.

zeroCalories 2y ago

People acclimate to their circumstances. Do you think people in developing countries live in a constant state of panic because they don't have a seven figure retirement account?

charlie0 2y ago
This. Just gotta live within your means. It's so easy with a developer salary unless you're 1 year in and haven't had time to save for a rainy day.
84748498373 2y ago
> Do you think people in developing countries live in a constant state of panic because they don't have a seven figure retirement account? If Brazil is anything to look at, maybe? https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7111415/ https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7111415/

dartos 2y ago

I long for the day when someone can give advice based on their own personal experience without someone else being like “well that won’t work for literally everyone” Yeah obviously. It’s a personal anecdote.

luhsprwhk 2y ago
I long for the day when people don't try to pass off vapid generic advice for likes. Waste of bandwidth.
- dartos 2y ago
  A bit cynical, no?
  - luhsprwhk 2y ago
    Giving generic feel-good advice is a decent strategy to farm likes from the naive. Some people have no shame.
    - ahmeneeroe-v2 2y ago
      Don't be afraid is excellent advice, sorry but you're coming off as very cynical.
      - refulgentis 2y ago
        I was watching a trial the other day and the prosecutor asks "And did you often see your nephews at your mothers house when you video called her?", and the defendant, a dentists, says "Yep, watching TV, brushing their teeth.[5 second silence] Don't forget to brush your teeth. Really important." The prosecutor smiles, laughs, and says "A little dull humor never hurt, eh?" I'm not sure your average adult would find "don't be afraid" to be "advice", or some deeply meaningful advice that only a cynic would think was anything less than excellent.
mathgladiator 2y ago