6 ms·

I recently retired after 45 years in tech. I started out in 1978 at Bell Labs. I have had great jobs and terrible jobs. Great bosses and horrific bosses. And al

I recently retired after 45 years in tech. I started out in 1978 at Bell Labs. I have had great jobs and terrible jobs. Great bosses and horrific bosses. And all the things in between. I did not just survive, I thrived and beyond and worked at 3 start ups and a bunch of other companies large and small. What I learned is to not to be afraid. Regardless of what is happening around you. Fear is the enemy. Don't be afraid to be weird or crazy or whatever is causing you to be timid.

tmpz22 2y ago
> What I learned is to not to be afraid. Regardless of what is happening around you. Were you perhaps financially secure enough not to have to fear anything? Or tenured (Bell Labs!) that unemployment wasn't actually a threat to you? YMMV.
- Stefan-H 2y ago
  While YMMV, a fear response is a choice. You can have all the rational reasons to be afraid (like the bottom of your hierarchy of needs being unmet) and choose to act out of cold rationality rather than fear. Then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy - if you can act without fear even when there is justified reason to be afraid, you will be able to easily do so when it isn't justified.
  - Paul-Craft 2y ago
    Where I come from, "hav[ing] all the rational reasons to be afraid" and pretending otherwise is called a delusion. I prefer to see the world as it is.
    - Stefan-H 2y ago
      "... is called a delusion". What I am suggesting is not delusion, it is mindfulness and cutting through delusion. When one is presented with something that elicits a fear response (whether the stimulus is rational or not) the goal is to quiet all of the "lizard brain" reactions, and instead formulate a well reasoned response. "Fear is the mind-killer" - while from fiction, still rings true to me - if you react out of fear you will short-circuit internal processes that are far better at long-term reasoning even when at the expense of short-term comfort.
      - Paul-Craft 2y ago
        I'm sorry, but that is delusional. It is not possible for humans to forego emotion in favor of logic.
        Stefan-H 2y ago
        It's really just about giving yourself enough time to think before you respond. That's the entire difference between a reaction and a response. You can use dialectical and cognitive behavioral therapies to help develop the tolerance to do that. Mindfulness and meditative practices like those in zen buddhism have proven helpful to me as well. Perhaps you're taking an extreme interpretation of my using the word "logic" and instead you could use "wise mind" or even just "considered thought" as the response in lieu of an emotional one.
- zeroCalories 2y ago
  People acclimate to their circumstances. Do you think people in developing countries live in a constant state of panic because they don't have a seven figure retirement account?
  - charlie0 2y ago
    This. Just gotta live within your means. It's so easy with a developer salary unless you're 1 year in and haven't had time to save for a rainy day.
  - 84748498373 2y ago
    > Do you think people in developing countries live in a constant state of panic because they don't have a seven figure retirement account? If Brazil is anything to look at, maybe? https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7111415/ https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7111415/
- dartos 2y ago
  I long for the day when someone can give advice based on their own personal experience without someone else being like “well that won’t work for literally everyone” Yeah obviously. It’s a personal anecdote.
  - luhsprwhk 2y ago
    I long for the day when people don't try to pass off vapid generic advice for likes. Waste of bandwidth.
    - dartos 2y ago
      A bit cynical, no?
      - luhsprwhk 2y ago
        Giving generic feel-good advice is a decent strategy to farm likes from the naive. Some people have no shame.
        ahmeneeroe-v2 2y ago
        Don't be afraid is excellent advice, sorry but you're coming off as very cynical.
        refulgentis 2y ago
        I was watching a trial the other day and the prosecutor asks "And did you often see your nephews at your mothers house when you video called her?", and the defendant, a dentists, says "Yep, watching TV, brushing their teeth.[5 second silence] Don't forget to brush your teeth. Really important." The prosecutor smiles, laughs, and says "A little dull humor never hurt, eh?" I'm not sure your average adult would find "don't be afraid" to be "advice", or some deeply meaningful advice that only a cynic would think was anything less than excellent.
  - mathgladiator 2y ago
Stefan-H 2y ago
As someone who is more in the middle of my career rather than the end of it, I would like to echo your sentiment. I have had plenty of roles where I was tasked with things that were out of my depth, and the answer is to just not let it be. There is always a path to get the answers/skills you need to do what is asked of you, you just might not know the path yet, so the core skill (and where I think fear comes into the process) is accepting that not knowing something now is never a hinderance so long as once can do self-directed learning. The rest is reality testing if what you just learned is actually able to solve your problem. If it isn't, then repeat ad infinitum until it is.
- saturn8601 2y ago
  How do you slog through something you truly hate? More than a decade ago I was hired as an intern at Colgate-Palmolive as a software developer. Turns out they were(are?) one of the largest SAP deployments in the US. The entire company revolved around SAP. Due to lack of college graduates knowing SAP, they took great pains to treat me extremely well and train me (a CS major) in ABAP using SAP Netweaver. My project was more ambitious than the rest of the group because I had enough courage and bravado to be assigned a project like that. In fact I made it a point to be 'brave' and make myself look really good in front of the upper level managers. I tried to know everyones name, even in other departments and to be super polite and humble around any sort of manager there. When I finally got some tasks to do, I was so miserable that I finished multiple days without getting anything done. I felt so depressed thinking that I slogged through four years of CS for this? In the end I managed to finish last in the cohort and Colgate took the rare(at the time)decision to not extend me a full time offer. I felt like a complete failure because I didn't put in 100% and I felt like I let my mentor down. At the same time I know that I truly hated it. To this day seeing pictures of SAP GUI gives me anxiety and makes my stomach turn. How do you overcome something like that and push on? It does not always seem like a sure thing. I sometimes think what if I had pushed through and gotten the offer? I'd probably still be at Colgate like my mentor was. With the benefit of hindsight I have learned to be super appreciative and thankful for them treating me so well but im glad circumstances led me to not ending up there. But really who knows if it would have been better in the long run? Whenever I see Colgate it actually evokes positive memories of that time. But the biggest thing I learned was to not bite off more than you can chew and if you don't truly love what you are doing there is another path out there.
adultcool 2y ago
Fear is the mind killer.
- callc 2y ago
  Did anyone else’s boss ask them to stick your hand in a box or just me?
- saturn8601 2y ago
  Fear is one thing but how do you deal with regret? Regret for taking the leap as well as regret for not taking the leap? There can be regret in both paths.
  - imp0cat 2y ago
    Start by reading some Robert Frost. https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=43476154 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=43476154
  - anarticle 2y ago
    You have to accept that life is single threaded and you’re not always going to choose the most optimal path. It’s easy to overthink, but without omniscient info, execute the plan you have. Regret is tough because it piles up as you age. It’s easy to look back and think “dang, I did a lot of bad moves” while ignoring all the upsides and limited info you had at the time. In many ways our easy access to info makes you think “just one more search” will make my decision 10x better when in reality it’s a huge super power you should use to drive execution, not the other way around. Think of what an advantage it is to have that much context on the scale of human existence. At least for me, this makes me more optimistic: I make less mistakes than ages before me because I’m relatively better informed. Note: this doesn’t mean the choices are always good, just that I understand them more completely.
kcatskcolbdi 2y ago
This seems supremely irrelevant to the topic of the article. I doubt very much the Wayfair bed assemblyperson is being held back from fear. But hopefully they read your inspiring comment and can, I guess, stop being timid.
cnasc 2y ago
Which Bell Labs? Are you still in the area? I’m minutes away from Murray Hill and a lot of what you’re saying resonates with me (~10 years into my career and starting to lean into what I previously thought was weird).
numa7numa7 2y ago
This is such a boomer style comment. * Not super relevant. * Gives advice that is extremely vague. * The entire comment is essentially a humblebrag. Would fit well on Facebook.

tmpz22 2y ago

> What I learned is to not to be afraid. Regardless of what is happening around you. Were you perhaps financially secure enough not to have to fear anything? Or tenured (Bell Labs!) that unemployment wasn't actually a threat to you? YMMV.

Stefan-H 2y ago
While YMMV, a fear response is a choice. You can have all the rational reasons to be afraid (like the bottom of your hierarchy of needs being unmet) and choose to act out of cold rationality rather than fear. Then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy - if you can act without fear even when there is justified reason to be afraid, you will be able to easily do so when it isn't justified.
- Paul-Craft 2y ago
  Where I come from, "hav[ing] all the rational reasons to be afraid" and pretending otherwise is called a delusion. I prefer to see the world as it is.
  - Stefan-H 2y ago
    "... is called a delusion". What I am suggesting is not delusion, it is mindfulness and cutting through delusion. When one is presented with something that elicits a fear response (whether the stimulus is rational or not) the goal is to quiet all of the "lizard brain" reactions, and instead formulate a well reasoned response. "Fear is the mind-killer" - while from fiction, still rings true to me - if you react out of fear you will short-circuit internal processes that are far better at long-term reasoning even when at the expense of short-term comfort.
    - Paul-Craft 2y ago
      I'm sorry, but that is delusional. It is not possible for humans to forego emotion in favor of logic.
      - Stefan-H 2y ago
        It's really just about giving yourself enough time to think before you respond. That's the entire difference between a reaction and a response. You can use dialectical and cognitive behavioral therapies to help develop the tolerance to do that. Mindfulness and meditative practices like those in zen buddhism have proven helpful to me as well. Perhaps you're taking an extreme interpretation of my using the word "logic" and instead you could use "wise mind" or even just "considered thought" as the response in lieu of an emotional one.
zeroCalories 2y ago
People acclimate to their circumstances. Do you think people in developing countries live in a constant state of panic because they don't have a seven figure retirement account?
- charlie0 2y ago
  This. Just gotta live within your means. It's so easy with a developer salary unless you're 1 year in and haven't had time to save for a rainy day.
- 84748498373 2y ago
  > Do you think people in developing countries live in a constant state of panic because they don't have a seven figure retirement account? If Brazil is anything to look at, maybe? https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7111415/ https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7111415/
dartos 2y ago
I long for the day when someone can give advice based on their own personal experience without someone else being like “well that won’t work for literally everyone” Yeah obviously. It’s a personal anecdote.
- luhsprwhk 2y ago
  I long for the day when people don't try to pass off vapid generic advice for likes. Waste of bandwidth.
  - dartos 2y ago
    A bit cynical, no?
    - luhsprwhk 2y ago
      Giving generic feel-good advice is a decent strategy to farm likes from the naive. Some people have no shame.
      - ahmeneeroe-v2 2y ago
        Don't be afraid is excellent advice, sorry but you're coming off as very cynical.
        refulgentis 2y ago
        I was watching a trial the other day and the prosecutor asks "And did you often see your nephews at your mothers house when you video called her?", and the defendant, a dentists, says "Yep, watching TV, brushing their teeth.[5 second silence] Don't forget to brush your teeth. Really important." The prosecutor smiles, laughs, and says "A little dull humor never hurt, eh?" I'm not sure your average adult would find "don't be afraid" to be "advice", or some deeply meaningful advice that only a cynic would think was anything less than excellent.
- mathgladiator 2y ago

Stefan-H 2y ago

As someone who is more in the middle of my career rather than the end of it, I would like to echo your sentiment. I have had plenty of roles where I was tasked with things that were out of my depth, and the answer is to just not let it be. There is always a path to get the answers/skills you need to do what is asked of you, you just might not know the path yet, so the core skill (and where I think fear comes into the process) is accepting that not knowing something now is never a hinderance so long as once can do self-directed learning. The rest is reality testing if what you just learned is actually able to solve your problem. If it isn't, then repeat ad infinitum until it is.

saturn8601 2y ago
How do you slog through something you truly hate? More than a decade ago I was hired as an intern at Colgate-Palmolive as a software developer. Turns out they were(are?) one of the largest SAP deployments in the US. The entire company revolved around SAP. Due to lack of college graduates knowing SAP, they took great pains to treat me extremely well and train me (a CS major) in ABAP using SAP Netweaver. My project was more ambitious than the rest of the group because I had enough courage and bravado to be assigned a project like that. In fact I made it a point to be 'brave' and make myself look really good in front of the upper level managers. I tried to know everyones name, even in other departments and to be super polite and humble around any sort of manager there. When I finally got some tasks to do, I was so miserable that I finished multiple days without getting anything done. I felt so depressed thinking that I slogged through four years of CS for this? In the end I managed to finish last in the cohort and Colgate took the rare(at the time)decision to not extend me a full time offer. I felt like a complete failure because I didn't put in 100% and I felt like I let my mentor down. At the same time I know that I truly hated it. To this day seeing pictures of SAP GUI gives me anxiety and makes my stomach turn. How do you overcome something like that and push on? It does not always seem like a sure thing. I sometimes think what if I had pushed through and gotten the offer? I'd probably still be at Colgate like my mentor was. With the benefit of hindsight I have learned to be super appreciative and thankful for them treating me so well but im glad circumstances led me to not ending up there. But really who knows if it would have been better in the long run? Whenever I see Colgate it actually evokes positive memories of that time. But the biggest thing I learned was to not bite off more than you can chew and if you don't truly love what you are doing there is another path out there.

adultcool 2y ago

Fear is the mind killer.

callc 2y ago
Did anyone else’s boss ask them to stick your hand in a box or just me?
saturn8601 2y ago
Fear is one thing but how do you deal with regret? Regret for taking the leap as well as regret for not taking the leap? There can be regret in both paths.
- imp0cat 2y ago
  Start by reading some Robert Frost. https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=43476154 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=43476154
- anarticle 2y ago
  You have to accept that life is single threaded and you’re not always going to choose the most optimal path. It’s easy to overthink, but without omniscient info, execute the plan you have. Regret is tough because it piles up as you age. It’s easy to look back and think “dang, I did a lot of bad moves” while ignoring all the upsides and limited info you had at the time. In many ways our easy access to info makes you think “just one more search” will make my decision 10x better when in reality it’s a huge super power you should use to drive execution, not the other way around. Think of what an advantage it is to have that much context on the scale of human existence. At least for me, this makes me more optimistic: I make less mistakes than ages before me because I’m relatively better informed. Note: this doesn’t mean the choices are always good, just that I understand them more completely.

kcatskcolbdi 2y ago

This seems supremely irrelevant to the topic of the article. I doubt very much the Wayfair bed assemblyperson is being held back from fear. But hopefully they read your inspiring comment and can, I guess, stop being timid.

cnasc 2y ago

Which Bell Labs? Are you still in the area? I’m minutes away from Murray Hill and a lot of what you’re saying resonates with me (~10 years into my career and starting to lean into what I previously thought was weird).

numa7numa7 2y ago

This is such a boomer style comment. * Not super relevant. * Gives advice that is extremely vague. * The entire comment is essentially a humblebrag. Would fit well on Facebook.