8 ms·

One thing to me is fairly obvious: people who are introverts can be social, but only for limited amounts of time. For example, I like talking a lot, but I can

• fnord77 2y ago
  > people who are introverts can be social not if they have social anxiety or are not NT > but only for limited amounts of time. but yes, this is true. And it is not something you can build up like a muscle or long distance running. In fact I think trying to build up the amount of time you socialize actually diminishes it
  • zimpenfish 2y ago
    > not if they have social anxiety I have (frequent) crippling social anxiety, am definitely an introvert, and I can be social -in the right circumstances-[0] (albeit for a limited period of time[1].) [0] eg. small group of people I know well, familiar surroundings, ideally without a lot of external noise. [1] 3-4 hours tends to be my limit even under the best circumstances.
  • michaelcampbell 2y ago
    Everything is true except for the edge cases where it's not; pointing this out I think is unnecessary.
    • fnord77 2y ago
      if something is true everywhere except the edge cases, it is not true everywhere.
      • michaelcampbell 2y ago
        No one said it was true everywhere.
      • deleted 2y ago
        [deleted]
• SecretDreams 2y ago
  > Extroverts don't understand this concept of limited capacity for socialization. I think there's gotta be a middle ground where someverts are more tolerant of socializing for long periods of time. It still becomes draining, but they don't have some terrible allergic reaction. More like just mild sneezing!
  • neofrommatrix 2y ago
    It’s a spectrum - most of us are ambiverts.
    • jfengel 2y ago
      I'm not convinced it's a single dimension, either. I suspect it's less a spectrum and more of a blotch.
      • lupire 2y ago
        People say "spectrum" when they mean "1-dimensional ranged value". But a real spectrum is a bitfield of attributes.
      • pizza 2y ago
        Considering we're talking about real people and the real conversations you have with them, definitely. The 5 people I talk to and the patterns I've come to expect from socializing with them, and the way that those patterns interact with my own behavior, don't really have a neat apples-to-apples comparison with your 5 people and their patterns and how you interact with those patterns, etc. We could both be calling ourselves introverts and extrapolating wildly different chains of observations and predictions about how those hypothetical conversations would be affecting the other one's energy levels, etc.
    • shermantanktop 2y ago
      The whole concept of *verts is an early 20th century psychological concept from an era which produced practices and ideas which are now mostly antiquated. It has become pop psychology and never had much meaning.
• amelius 2y ago
  I also find that switching between introvert and extrovert mode takes effort. If you like being in an introvert mode, then in social environments you move a lot of times between both modes (because you fall back into introvert mode, until someone starts talking to you), and this can be tiring.
• inciampati 2y ago
  Yes, extroverts do understand this limited capacity. It's like when you live an ultra sedentary lifestyle, and one day you realize you can't catch your breath after walking up four flights of stairs. Like any capacity, socializing requires exercise. We are all descended from a long line of people who lived extremely social lives. It's only in the last decade or two that it became possible to live a productive live by text, alone, without the intense realtime, full mind and full body experience of being with other people. Use it or lose it. And don't assume socialization is easy for some class of "extroverts" who are dominating "introverts" into being full members of the organizations which they work for. It's hard, worthwhile work for everyone. Socialization capacity is like any trait. You have to use it or you'll lose it. I say this because I think modern life is depopulating as people decide they have a condition that's some kind of innate disability. I wish y'all would accept that it's just hard, but worth it.
  • vouaobrasil 2y ago
    Good counterpoint but I think there's definitely a variance in ease amongst the population. Don't get me wrong, I agree with you. I am the kind of person that will socialize because I know it's a good thing in general. But I do think some people can perform "socialization feats" just in the same way the best bodybuilders can get super jacked whereas there is no way I'm lookin' like Arnold. haha.
  • jrs235 2y ago
    Extroverts also need to work on sitting in silence, IMO... https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=42517790 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=42517790
  • ACow_Adonis 2y ago
    So what you're saying is that extroversion is curable with a bit of a change of social behaviours and environment, and with a bit of practice, discipline and repetition we can turn them into mathematicians, farmers, hunters, philosophers, scientists, monks, priests and witch doctors and negate this artificial always networking and hustling environment that's only been created in the last 200 years with the industrial revolution, communication revolution and growth obsessed capitalism :) This gives me hope: there's no silver bullet, but one day we can find a cure for our modern curse of excessive extroversion :)
• markeroon 2y ago
  > Extroverts don't understand this concept of limited capacity for socialization. Othering >50% of your audience isn’t the best way to make a point, and plenty of extroverts understand this concept perfectly well (myself as an example).
  • khendron 2y ago
    You are right, but it doesn't take many extroverts not understanding this concept to make it feel like it's everybody :) My mother, for example, is a serious extrovert. When I explained to her that socializing seriously drains me and I need to, for example, spend time alone after attending a party, her response was to ask if I'd seen a therapist about it.
    • boogieknite 2y ago
      my own experience as someone who used to be very extroverted: extroversion was meeting a social expectation. i had good social skills and people relied on me to carry social situations. i could entertain, organize and predict needs. i earned that expectation to feed my ego and then became trapped in a vicious cycle. then i had a fresh start after moving to a new city for grad school and have done my best to avoid any vocal leadership for anything because i know what can happen. organizational, behind the scenes leadership is ok. i wonder how many extroverts would rather be introverts given the opportunity and some introspection
      • Dracophoenix 2y ago
        > i had good social skills and people relied on me to carry social situations. i could entertain, organize and predict needs. Exactly how were you doing so? Were you able to predict these needs with "tells" or some other reference point? Did you get assessments wrong? > i earned that expectation to feed my ego and then became trapped in a vicious cycle. What caused you to think it wasn't worth it anymore?
        • boogieknite 2y ago
• more_corn 2y ago
  This is only true for shallow connections. Introverts can talk for hours in deeply interesting and satisfying conversations. People they love and trust or people with whom they share a deep connection. Your task is to define and identify your tribe and work to surround yourself with those people. (Check in on your emotions regularly, identify who you connect with, identify how to replicate that) And then actively grow your tribe. One trick you will learn is that changing the way you perceive others changes your ability to connect with them.
• forgotoldacc 2y ago
  Or not just limited amounts of time, but limited types of people. I have some friends who I have no trouble talking with all day. But with the overwhelming majority of people I meet, even if we get along well, I feel exhausted after too much interaction. Dealing with some types of "extroverts" is particularly tiring due to not caring about the weird formalities and talking around things that a lot do to seem "friendly". It's like dealing with an MBA--using pointlessly fluffy language to say pointless "pleasant" things and being so afraid to step on any toes that their statements are just boring and void of any substance. But there are also some extroverts who know how to gauge your personality in an instant and know whether you're the type who likes the fluffy stuff, or you want to jump right into talking about specific subjects. Then there are fellow introverts, and unfortunately, it becomes obvious how bad my own personality and conversation skills are with them. Lots of super brief answers and not engaging in any discussion. But I guess when you're the one talking to an introvert, even as an introvert, it's easy to come across as one of the aforementioned annoying extroverts.
  • pydry 2y ago
    I've never been able to distinguish this from simply being shy. More shyness means more stress in certain social interactions and stress is tiring. Moreover, I'm pretty sure you could take the most extroverted person around and take them out of their social element and they too would tire out. And vice versa, some of the most introverted people don't get tired out by their spouse.
    • RoyalHenOil 2y ago
      The difference between introversion and shyness is the difference between exhaustion and fear. They can influence each other (being afraid all the time is exhausting, for example), but they are ultimately separate emotions that need not coexist or have any relationship to each other.
  • LouisSayers 2y ago
    Even as an extrovert you get people who just ramble. In a social setting you can just tune out or move on, but in a work setting... It's extremely tiring because you're trying to catch what's important and distinguish from the unnecessary fluff.
• magicalhippo 2y ago
  My sister is fairly extrovert, she gets energy from being with others. I'm a fairly typical introvert. Before kids she used to have parties with her ever-increasing circle of friends. She'd invite me, and I'd often say yes but as the day approached I had to force myself to go. One day, after one of her parties, she told me "everyone really likes it when you come, you're so good at making people feel seen". I hadn't thought about it before, but realized that I do tend to chat with most people. And I do ask perhaps non-typical "party questions", as I love to learn about new stuff so I like to find out what others are interested in and talk about that. Almost always I enjoy these events. However after such an even I'm so exhausted, and need a day or three on my own. If I don't get that then things don't go well.
• brookst 2y ago
  The best description I’ve heard is “introverts are recharged by being away from people, extroverts are recharged by being around people”. As an ambivert, I experience both… sometimes I really need to be in big groups and talking to lots of people, sometimes that exhausts me I need time away.
• mattm 2y ago
  This is me. I've noticed that I generally shut down after about 90 minutes of being at a social event.
• interludead 2y ago
  It seems to me that everyone has a limit
• draw_down 2y ago
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• jillesvangurp 2y ago
  It's a spectrum of multiple things here so I agree that this is too simplistic. You might even label some of these things as features, not bugs. But the flip side is that the ability to mingle and talk to people is something that doesn't come equally naturally to everyone and some people feel uncertain of themselves when put in situations where they have to mingle with a lot of especially those type of people that are really good at that. Avoiding such situations is a natural response to such negative feelings. I've worked with an autistic colleague who explained to me the notion of these situations being mentally, emotionally, and physically draining. You'd think they'd be hermits! But the opposite is actually true. As it turns out this person had a rich online life that also spilled over into a personal life. As it turns out, being autistic also means that these people are on the receiving end of a lot of care and training. And some of that stuff actually works. I'm not saying it's easy. But this was a hard working person that was one of the most coacheable people I worked with and in many ways a lot more senior and mature than other people I've worked with. Socializing is a skill, that's actually something that you can work on and something that can be useful in professional situations. Or even in your personal life. Once you get better at it, you get to talk to nice people, meat new friends, etc. And once you build a relationship with such people you can meet them on your terms as well. There's also the related trait that some people need to be talking to people all the time in order to feel comfortable. They become uncertain when having to spend time with themselves even. That's probably something that they could work on as well. A lot of these people might be equally unhappy as some lonely people are.