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I have a cousin and his wife who did this with kids. They sold everything, bought an RV, and traveled north and Central America. They were homeschooling during

I have a cousin and his wife who did this with kids. They sold everything, bought an RV, and traveled north and Central America. They were homeschooling during that time. Their kids were 5 and 7. It was not good. I cannot stress enough how bad of an idea this is unless your children are under 3. Children need structure and permanency. They need friends, not just acquaintances. My cousin did everything else right, but his kids still have issues with relationships because 5 of their very formative years were spent without actual friends. It's really sad to think about. For him, it was a wildly selfish move that negatively impacted his children. Don't be that guy.

samvher 2y ago
What does issues with relationships mean in this context? Also, it sounds like they were traveling for 5 years? Yeah, that does sound like a very long time - I imagine if it had been 1 year or so it might have been a very different story (?)
rikafurude21 2y ago
I dont really see the issue here? Obviously the parents are the stable anchor in that situation, and the kids probably had a great time traveling and exploring the world with their parents. I would honestly prefer that compared to the usual childhood experience you get nowadays, which is sitting around watching youtube brainrot right after being subjected to public school brainrot for 8 hours.
- geraldwhen 2y ago
  Kids need structure and permanency. This is child abuse, and I know people who have done it. Their kids are a mess, and it breaks my heart.
  - galangalalgol 2y ago
    Humans have been nomads for most of our existence. I think if the traveling group had been larger so that there were consistent friendships of various ages that it might have gone differently. Carnival workers are a modern example in NA, they have traveling homeschools as they go to each ren-fair or whatever. So there are permanent friends, but the structure is pretty lacking.
  - SoftTalker 2y ago
    Yes I know a woman who grew up this way, moving every couple of years, nothing ever permanent. As an adult, she has lived a life of self-sabotage, quitting jobs, moving and starting over, in and out of relationships with self-destructive men, never saving any money, never really planning for the future.
    - raddan 2y ago
      My family moved nearly every year (and sometimes twice a year) until I was in high school. I loved the changes. I liked that when I went someplace new, the only thing my peers knew about me was what I told them. I made many friends over the years and I’d like to think that I am happy. So YMMV.
      - rvba 2y ago
        With how many of those friends do you still talk? *Liking facebook photos does not count.
        BehindBlueEyes 2y ago
        How many childhood friend does anyone still talk to beyond liking photos on facebook?
        rvba 2y ago
        I used to talk with 2 of my neighbors. Then guess what: I moved.
    - zrobotics 2y ago
      I mean, the adult life you describe doesn't sound different from my brother, and growing up we moved once. Edit: my brother grew up into a child abusing POS by neglecting his kids, but let's looks at statistics VS anecdotes since individuals from all backgrounds can be garbage people.
    - hi_hi 2y ago
      You just described a good friend of mine. He's one of the smartest and most capable people I know, but could never get out of his own way.
  - insane_dreamer 2y ago
    > Kids need structure and permanency. This is child abuse Sorry, but this is BS. Structure, yes. Permanency, no. And certainly not child abuse. I know just as many examples of people with this experience, for whom it was amazingly positive and contributed to the successful people they are today.
    - lenkite 2y ago
      There is an extraordinary amount of scientific evidence that frequent moving during childhood severely impacts child psychology. I am not even sure how you can say it is BS while throwing up anecdotal experience.
      - stogot 2y ago
        The original OP is an anecdote. Could you link the extraordinary data? I want to see how they can empirically test this
        lenkite 2y ago
        Honestly, you can very easily find this yourself. Multiple independent studies carried out across both organizations and nations have shown this. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4866579/ https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4866579/ https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1353829217300503 https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S135382921... For the layman: https://www.nytimes.com/2024/07/17/health/moving-childhood-depression.html https://www.nytimes.com/2024/07/17/health/moving-childhood-d... https://www.psychiatrist.com/news/moving-even-once-in-childhood-boosts-depression-risk-later-in-life/ https://www.psychiatrist.com/news/moving-even-once-in-childh... https://www.verywellmind.com/moving-depression-and-your-child-1066796 https://www.verywellmind.com/moving-depression-and-your-chil...
        LouisSayers 2y ago
        And how much of this is just correlation and not due to mobility per se? From the first link you provided: > Firstly, increased risk for onset of mental disorders between mid-adolescence and early middle age could be a consequence of serious and enduring difficulties within families, rather than being a direct result of residential mobility. Relocation occurs more commonly amongst single parent and step families and those from lower socioeconomic background
  - stogot 2y ago
    This is not child abuse. It’s an anecdote of two kids. I’m sure the parents were very loving. Another pair of kids could turn out perfectly fine doing this.
    - jmcgough 2y ago
      In the above scenario, they were depriving their kids of any kind of meaningful friendship with peers during a critical development period. This is neglect, and neglect is abuse in children. If you care about your children, why would you risk permanently impairing their ability to form healthy relationships?
      - piuantiderp 2y ago
        I'm not sure the average school peers are any better. Unless we're talking private education. Do consider that for the better part of history, even in school, kids were not separated into years. That they need permanency, sure but that's the parents and the living situation
        stogot 2y ago
        Agreed, separation into school grades by age is not normal or healthy. And abuse often happens in school. You could argue more soundly that modern schools are child abuse if we follow the commenter’s line of reasoning.
  - zrobotics 2y ago
    It's presumptuous to claim child abuse, since we fundamentally know very little about the situation. I wouldn't say it's abuse, but it's certainly depriving the kids from learning how to develop socially. They aren't learning how to maintain friendships, and are being implicitly taught that such connections are disposable. I've had the misfortune to see actual child abuse, from the story presented in the OP it doesn't rise even close to that level. Let's please reserve words/phrases like that for situations that warrant it. It may not be an ideal parenting strategy, but claiming it's abuse cheapens the word. Are the children being fed properly? Are they being physically/sexually harmed? I've unfortunately had to intervene in a situation with my niece that involved the above 3. The parenting method in the OP may not be ideal, but plenty of people have had childhoods like that My mom grew up moving every 5-8 months, her dad was a contractor for the TVA. There are still people who follow around contracting work. Please don't minimize that actual harm caused by child abuse by cheapening the term.
    - Aeolun 2y ago
      While one is undoubtedly worse than the other, I don’t think it’s a good idea to say it’s not abuse because it’s not as bad as the worst possible variety. I happen to agree this probably doesn’t rise to the level of child abuse, but there’s a large range between there and unfed/physically/sexually harmed. We shouldn’t cheapen it, but we shouldn’t make it too expensive either.
      - borski 2y ago
        You’re right. But this is decidedly not abuse; it’s a parenting style that many are unaccustomed to, and perhaps doesn’t work as well in the US, I have no idea. But it’s not abuse. You’re correct that physical/sexual harm and malnutrition are not the only things that constitute abuse either, though.
  - _yb2s 2y ago
    I am into sailing and know a bunch of people that grew up “cruising the world” on sailboats with their parents. They’re almost all well adjusted, successful, and have unusually good social skills from learning how to make friends with people from other cultures. I think the structure and permanence that kids need is emotionally mature and available parents- the physical part is not the important part. Also, kids can have mental health problems and developmental disorders that have nothing to do with parenting- and it’s pretty awful to blame parents for their kids problems unless they intentionally abused them.
    - borski 2y ago
      This is precisely the first thing I thought of. You can absolutely provide structure and strong friendships without physical proximity.
    - withinboredom 2y ago
      Hol up. Sailing culture is VERY different from RV culture. I lived on a sailboat for years, going up and down the US coast, startup hopping. The sailing culture is very friendly, especially to kids (who are treated more like small adults than children). The people I met along the way are life-long friends. If I needed a ride to an auto store to pick up new house batteries, engine parts, or even to a Walmart, there were always people to give me a ride. RV culture is much more lonely and expects people to be more self-sufficient. If you need help, there may or may not be people to help you; for sure, the whole campsite won’t jump to help, unlike a marina. At least, that was my experience.
      - jhives 2y ago
        I don’t think that’s true of RV culture at all. I currently live on the road with my partner, and while we don’t yet have kids, we’ve met dozens of families and many more dozens of kids. All were more than capable of socializing and making friends, both with adults and other kids, and could often be found running around whatever campground or forest we were parked at. Certainly you can live a very isolated life on the road, but just like when living in a house if you put yourself out there there is a welcoming community that will respond.
  - Invictus0 2y ago
    Please don’t trivialize child abuse like this.
- oblio 2y ago
  > I would honestly prefer that compared to the usual childhood experience you get nowadays, which is sitting around watching youtube brainrot right after being subjected to public school brainrot for 8 hours. There are more alternatives than the extreme you're describing.
declan_roberts 2y ago
What exactly was not good?
Brian_K_White 2y ago
I would say don't be the guy judging another parent, or another anyone, for simply living their own life differently than you happened to choose to live yours. A different lifestyle isn't child abuse. Get over yourself. We moved a lot as kids due to my dads jobs. It was nothing you can point at and call call crazy like living in a rv, just normal jobs like a million people have to deal with, yet has essentially the same effect as your nomad rv story. Some time in the air force followed by different electronics and computer engineering jobs that just resulted in a significant move every couple of years. Depending on my mood I can say I didn't make a lot of friends or that I made exactly normal friends, and that any weirdness about me was caused by that, or was my own nature and that didn't change anything. I can think of argumants that sound reasonable both ways, and I can cite various facts (things about me, events and outcomes in my life, etc, and the same about others with different events and outcomes) that support both ways. Which means what I choose to say or blame says more about me than anything else. Every thing you can say about stability I can say something equal about conformity.
insane_dreamer 2y ago
I think it depends on the children and duration. 5 years might have been too long -- you start getting to age 10-12 stable friends become more important. But I know plenty of people who did it for a couple of years with kids - homeschooling - and it was a great opportunity for them. Our neighbors a few years back had spent years living on a boat with their child up until age 6, I think it was, and it was great. And their daughter had a very positive experience. But yeah, once she was older they moved onshore. I don't think moving itself has a negative effect. If you stay long enough for your kids to establish friendships, sometimes those friendships can remain when you move. My 8 year old boy still plays almost daily online + FaceTime with his friend from 1st grade in another city even though they were only a year together they established a bond that is very strong years later and they haven't seen each other. They're still best friends. The usual YMMV.
em-bee 2y ago
i used to think that moving frequently when i was young was the cause of why i didn't make any friends, but i realized that there was much more to it. if the kids have relationship issues, then i suspect it wasn't the frequent travel that caused that but it may also have been relationship issues with the parents as well. staying in one place and going to school may have mitigated the issue or it may have not. we can't say. my parents went through a divorce when we moved, and we didn't get any help from family or community while my parents tried to sort out their lives. there wasn't much, if anything they could have done better. the things that happened were more or less unavoidable. obviously i don't know your cousin, but before you blame him, consider that there may have been other factors that you can't see, that were beyond their control. the worst thing in my experience is relatives who think they know what i am doing wrong as a parent, without understanding the whole picture. (friends too, but once friends do that, they are no longer friends). try not to be that person.
- 0x1ceb00da 2y ago
  Homeschooled kids are overfitted to their training data (parents).
- dogman144 2y ago
  > the worst thing in my experience is relatives who think they know what i am doing wrong as a parent Glad someone said it! I’m disinclined to take any parenting advice from a peer group that’s been raising kids on tablets for the last 10 years. But ya, moving around is the concern hah. God forbid they see life outside the suburbs.
tbrownaw 2y ago
Shouldn't something that unavoidably severe show up pretty clearly at a population level for military kids? I'd think there'd be some high-profile lawsuits by now.
- lumost 2y ago
  Military kids hang out with other military kids for protracted periods (6+ months). Living in an ev in a foreign country where you don’t speak the language is different.
- weard_beard 2y ago
  We used to call them, “military brats”. Just like they used to call PTSD, “He lost his marbles. Couldn’t take the stress like a real man.”
- nemo 2y ago
  If you want to debate something, don't pick another person's experience. There's no winning that.
- zrobotics 2y ago
  I mean, 'military brat' is definitely a stereotype. I'm not a sociologist so not familiar with relevant research, but I would be shocked if it hadn't been studied. One thing I would point out is that military kids are in a far different scenario than the OP's cousins kids. Military kids will grow up moving from base to base, but the schools around bases are fundamentally different. Those are schools where teachers are used to student turnover, and the students are as well. OP talked about kids that were in a more nomadic situation, where they could only form brief <1mo friendships. The local culture of these communities is also used to and adapted somewhat to this. That sounds like childhood trauma to me, the closest analog might not be military children but the foster care system. Not a 100% analog, since presumably the OP's cousins kids didn't have the pre-existing trauma that entry into that system necessitates, but that is the closest conventional analog I can think of. Moving around constantly into communities that aren't necessarily set up to deal with that is rough.
  - 2y ago
pinkmuffinere 2y ago
I totally agree this is bad for the kids. Fwiw please try to encourage the kids to break out of their shell and socialize in college/high school/when they can. I moved a ton growing up, went to four different high schools, etc, and had a really hard time being “normal” with other people. In grad school I got a TA position that forced me to do 1:1 meetings with ~300 new students every semester, and that experience taught me how to be more normal. I’m still weird, but at least can fit in with Bay Area engineers. All this to say — I didn’t have their experience, but I think they can ameliorate it
- hi_hi 2y ago
  Weird doesn't exist. You are not weird. You are not normal. This may be different to your situation, but when i was younger I wanted people to like me, and if they didn't I'd blame myself for being weird. Now I'm older, I don't give a shit if people like me or not, and I've stopped thinking of myself as weird.
  - pinkmuffinere 2y ago
    I agree to some extent, and I am getting better at just being comfortable in my own skin, but I think social conventions matter too. Eg I shouldn’t act overly surprised when someone says they’re a morning person, but I should/can do that when they say they’re pregnant. If you get too many conventions wrong, people are uncomfortable lol Edit: I realized I didn’t respond as directly as I’d like to. I think I do want people to like me, and that’s ok. I think it’s also ok to not care
    - hi_hi 2y ago
      Thank you for the considered and insightful response. This is obviously a deeply person topic and each individual will have their own take on how they feel. I think the key point in all of this, which you and others highlighted, is weird vs not weird is very much a consequence of social conventions. It's also important, generally speaking, to fit into these conventions to facilitate social cohesion. There are obviously extremes, which are outside of my considerations here. I should have put more effort into my original comment but I was in a rush at the time. This bit might not apply to you, I don't know you, these are just my own poor articulations. Feeling like you are weird, or don't fit in, or make people uncomfortable, basically comes down to peoples reflections of their judgement on you. This is inescapable and to judge is human nature. But being on the wrong side of it, for long enough, can lead to a very negative mental state. Having the ability to realise you are not responsible for other peoples feelings is important. And also realising these feelings are largely dictated by the society you find yourself in is also important. These things can be changed, social circles need not be permanent, and should probably be changed if leading to a negative mental state, brought about because you feel you don't fit in. I stand by my original point that there is no such thing as weird or normal, anymore so than some cultures or societies can appear weird or normal, which is highly relative. Otherwise intelligent and conscientious people should not believe themselves to be less than they are because they are at odds with their current time and place. As Yuval Noah Harari would say, society is a fiction.
addicted 2y ago
RV living is very different from living in an actual home (or even Air Bnb) and moving around. AirBnB’s and homes are located in areas and designed for living like normal social human beings. RVs are parked in areas that are not designed to sustain long term living.
- rvba 2y ago
  Socializing kids is about actual interactions with other kids. Something that nomadic life takes away from them. In many cases they simply dont have any friends at all. Or are always the incomers. Of course you can live in a place with lots of kids of your own age and still be lonly, or the kids can be dicks, but in my opinion there is benefit in socialization at age 4-10. Kids could go out ans play together. The nomads cant. IMO permanent group of friends and place, repetition, predictability are a foundation for growth. Then you can sprinkle one off things on top. Not a life of unpredictable mess when you are on your own. Also if you dont speak the local language how can one even socialize
swiftcoder 2y ago
Look, I get you may have a bad experience with loneliness growing up, but this doesn't generalise. Lots of us grew up traveling for one reason or another (RVs, sailboats, military/diplomatic kids, etc), and I'd say on average we're about as well-adjusted as the kids whole spent their whole childhood in one of the various school systems around the US

samvher 2y ago

What does issues with relationships mean in this context? Also, it sounds like they were traveling for 5 years? Yeah, that does sound like a very long time - I imagine if it had been 1 year or so it might have been a very different story (?)

rikafurude21 2y ago

I dont really see the issue here? Obviously the parents are the stable anchor in that situation, and the kids probably had a great time traveling and exploring the world with their parents. I would honestly prefer that compared to the usual childhood experience you get nowadays, which is sitting around watching youtube brainrot right after being subjected to public school brainrot for 8 hours.

geraldwhen 2y ago
Kids need structure and permanency. This is child abuse, and I know people who have done it. Their kids are a mess, and it breaks my heart.
- galangalalgol 2y ago
  Humans have been nomads for most of our existence. I think if the traveling group had been larger so that there were consistent friendships of various ages that it might have gone differently. Carnival workers are a modern example in NA, they have traveling homeschools as they go to each ren-fair or whatever. So there are permanent friends, but the structure is pretty lacking.
- SoftTalker 2y ago
  Yes I know a woman who grew up this way, moving every couple of years, nothing ever permanent. As an adult, she has lived a life of self-sabotage, quitting jobs, moving and starting over, in and out of relationships with self-destructive men, never saving any money, never really planning for the future.
  - raddan 2y ago
    My family moved nearly every year (and sometimes twice a year) until I was in high school. I loved the changes. I liked that when I went someplace new, the only thing my peers knew about me was what I told them. I made many friends over the years and I’d like to think that I am happy. So YMMV.
    - rvba 2y ago
      With how many of those friends do you still talk? *Liking facebook photos does not count.
      - BehindBlueEyes 2y ago
        How many childhood friend does anyone still talk to beyond liking photos on facebook?
        rvba 2y ago
        I used to talk with 2 of my neighbors. Then guess what: I moved.
  - zrobotics 2y ago
    I mean, the adult life you describe doesn't sound different from my brother, and growing up we moved once. Edit: my brother grew up into a child abusing POS by neglecting his kids, but let's looks at statistics VS anecdotes since individuals from all backgrounds can be garbage people.
  - hi_hi 2y ago
    You just described a good friend of mine. He's one of the smartest and most capable people I know, but could never get out of his own way.
- insane_dreamer 2y ago
  > Kids need structure and permanency. This is child abuse Sorry, but this is BS. Structure, yes. Permanency, no. And certainly not child abuse. I know just as many examples of people with this experience, for whom it was amazingly positive and contributed to the successful people they are today.
  - lenkite 2y ago
    There is an extraordinary amount of scientific evidence that frequent moving during childhood severely impacts child psychology. I am not even sure how you can say it is BS while throwing up anecdotal experience.
    - stogot 2y ago
      The original OP is an anecdote. Could you link the extraordinary data? I want to see how they can empirically test this
      - lenkite 2y ago
        Honestly, you can very easily find this yourself. Multiple independent studies carried out across both organizations and nations have shown this. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4866579/ https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4866579/ https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1353829217300503 https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S135382921... For the layman: https://www.nytimes.com/2024/07/17/health/moving-childhood-depression.html https://www.nytimes.com/2024/07/17/health/moving-childhood-d... https://www.psychiatrist.com/news/moving-even-once-in-childhood-boosts-depression-risk-later-in-life/ https://www.psychiatrist.com/news/moving-even-once-in-childh... https://www.verywellmind.com/moving-depression-and-your-child-1066796 https://www.verywellmind.com/moving-depression-and-your-chil...
        LouisSayers 2y ago
        And how much of this is just correlation and not due to mobility per se? From the first link you provided: > Firstly, increased risk for onset of mental disorders between mid-adolescence and early middle age could be a consequence of serious and enduring difficulties within families, rather than being a direct result of residential mobility. Relocation occurs more commonly amongst single parent and step families and those from lower socioeconomic background
- stogot 2y ago
  This is not child abuse. It’s an anecdote of two kids. I’m sure the parents were very loving. Another pair of kids could turn out perfectly fine doing this.
  - jmcgough 2y ago
    In the above scenario, they were depriving their kids of any kind of meaningful friendship with peers during a critical development period. This is neglect, and neglect is abuse in children. If you care about your children, why would you risk permanently impairing their ability to form healthy relationships?
    - piuantiderp 2y ago
      I'm not sure the average school peers are any better. Unless we're talking private education. Do consider that for the better part of history, even in school, kids were not separated into years. That they need permanency, sure but that's the parents and the living situation
      - stogot 2y ago
        Agreed, separation into school grades by age is not normal or healthy. And abuse often happens in school. You could argue more soundly that modern schools are child abuse if we follow the commenter’s line of reasoning.
- zrobotics 2y ago
  It's presumptuous to claim child abuse, since we fundamentally know very little about the situation. I wouldn't say it's abuse, but it's certainly depriving the kids from learning how to develop socially. They aren't learning how to maintain friendships, and are being implicitly taught that such connections are disposable. I've had the misfortune to see actual child abuse, from the story presented in the OP it doesn't rise even close to that level. Let's please reserve words/phrases like that for situations that warrant it. It may not be an ideal parenting strategy, but claiming it's abuse cheapens the word. Are the children being fed properly? Are they being physically/sexually harmed? I've unfortunately had to intervene in a situation with my niece that involved the above 3. The parenting method in the OP may not be ideal, but plenty of people have had childhoods like that My mom grew up moving every 5-8 months, her dad was a contractor for the TVA. There are still people who follow around contracting work. Please don't minimize that actual harm caused by child abuse by cheapening the term.
  - Aeolun 2y ago
    While one is undoubtedly worse than the other, I don’t think it’s a good idea to say it’s not abuse because it’s not as bad as the worst possible variety. I happen to agree this probably doesn’t rise to the level of child abuse, but there’s a large range between there and unfed/physically/sexually harmed. We shouldn’t cheapen it, but we shouldn’t make it too expensive either.
    - borski 2y ago
      You’re right. But this is decidedly not abuse; it’s a parenting style that many are unaccustomed to, and perhaps doesn’t work as well in the US, I have no idea. But it’s not abuse. You’re correct that physical/sexual harm and malnutrition are not the only things that constitute abuse either, though.
- _yb2s 2y ago
  I am into sailing and know a bunch of people that grew up “cruising the world” on sailboats with their parents. They’re almost all well adjusted, successful, and have unusually good social skills from learning how to make friends with people from other cultures. I think the structure and permanence that kids need is emotionally mature and available parents- the physical part is not the important part. Also, kids can have mental health problems and developmental disorders that have nothing to do with parenting- and it’s pretty awful to blame parents for their kids problems unless they intentionally abused them.
  - borski 2y ago
    This is precisely the first thing I thought of. You can absolutely provide structure and strong friendships without physical proximity.
  - withinboredom 2y ago
    Hol up. Sailing culture is VERY different from RV culture. I lived on a sailboat for years, going up and down the US coast, startup hopping. The sailing culture is very friendly, especially to kids (who are treated more like small adults than children). The people I met along the way are life-long friends. If I needed a ride to an auto store to pick up new house batteries, engine parts, or even to a Walmart, there were always people to give me a ride. RV culture is much more lonely and expects people to be more self-sufficient. If you need help, there may or may not be people to help you; for sure, the whole campsite won’t jump to help, unlike a marina. At least, that was my experience.
    - jhives 2y ago
      I don’t think that’s true of RV culture at all. I currently live on the road with my partner, and while we don’t yet have kids, we’ve met dozens of families and many more dozens of kids. All were more than capable of socializing and making friends, both with adults and other kids, and could often be found running around whatever campground or forest we were parked at. Certainly you can live a very isolated life on the road, but just like when living in a house if you put yourself out there there is a welcoming community that will respond.
- Invictus0 2y ago
  Please don’t trivialize child abuse like this.
oblio 2y ago
> I would honestly prefer that compared to the usual childhood experience you get nowadays, which is sitting around watching youtube brainrot right after being subjected to public school brainrot for 8 hours. There are more alternatives than the extreme you're describing.

declan_roberts 2y ago

What exactly was not good?

Brian_K_White 2y ago

I would say don't be the guy judging another parent, or another anyone, for simply living their own life differently than you happened to choose to live yours. A different lifestyle isn't child abuse. Get over yourself. We moved a lot as kids due to my dads jobs. It was nothing you can point at and call call crazy like living in a rv, just normal jobs like a million people have to deal with, yet has essentially the same effect as your nomad rv story. Some time in the air force followed by different electronics and computer engineering jobs that just resulted in a significant move every couple of years. Depending on my mood I can say I didn't make a lot of friends or that I made exactly normal friends, and that any weirdness about me was caused by that, or was my own nature and that didn't change anything. I can think of argumants that sound reasonable both ways, and I can cite various facts (things about me, events and outcomes in my life, etc, and the same about others with different events and outcomes) that support both ways. Which means what I choose to say or blame says more about me than anything else. Every thing you can say about stability I can say something equal about conformity.

insane_dreamer 2y ago

I think it depends on the children and duration. 5 years might have been too long -- you start getting to age 10-12 stable friends become more important. But I know plenty of people who did it for a couple of years with kids - homeschooling - and it was a great opportunity for them. Our neighbors a few years back had spent years living on a boat with their child up until age 6, I think it was, and it was great. And their daughter had a very positive experience. But yeah, once she was older they moved onshore. I don't think moving itself has a negative effect. If you stay long enough for your kids to establish friendships, sometimes those friendships can remain when you move. My 8 year old boy still plays almost daily online + FaceTime with his friend from 1st grade in another city even though they were only a year together they established a bond that is very strong years later and they haven't seen each other. They're still best friends. The usual YMMV.

em-bee 2y ago

i used to think that moving frequently when i was young was the cause of why i didn't make any friends, but i realized that there was much more to it. if the kids have relationship issues, then i suspect it wasn't the frequent travel that caused that but it may also have been relationship issues with the parents as well. staying in one place and going to school may have mitigated the issue or it may have not. we can't say. my parents went through a divorce when we moved, and we didn't get any help from family or community while my parents tried to sort out their lives. there wasn't much, if anything they could have done better. the things that happened were more or less unavoidable. obviously i don't know your cousin, but before you blame him, consider that there may have been other factors that you can't see, that were beyond their control. the worst thing in my experience is relatives who think they know what i am doing wrong as a parent, without understanding the whole picture. (friends too, but once friends do that, they are no longer friends). try not to be that person.

0x1ceb00da 2y ago
Homeschooled kids are overfitted to their training data (parents).
dogman144 2y ago
> the worst thing in my experience is relatives who think they know what i am doing wrong as a parent Glad someone said it! I’m disinclined to take any parenting advice from a peer group that’s been raising kids on tablets for the last 10 years. But ya, moving around is the concern hah. God forbid they see life outside the suburbs.

tbrownaw 2y ago

Shouldn't something that unavoidably severe show up pretty clearly at a population level for military kids? I'd think there'd be some high-profile lawsuits by now.

lumost 2y ago
Military kids hang out with other military kids for protracted periods (6+ months). Living in an ev in a foreign country where you don’t speak the language is different.
weard_beard 2y ago
We used to call them, “military brats”. Just like they used to call PTSD, “He lost his marbles. Couldn’t take the stress like a real man.”
nemo 2y ago
If you want to debate something, don't pick another person's experience. There's no winning that.
zrobotics 2y ago
I mean, 'military brat' is definitely a stereotype. I'm not a sociologist so not familiar with relevant research, but I would be shocked if it hadn't been studied. One thing I would point out is that military kids are in a far different scenario than the OP's cousins kids. Military kids will grow up moving from base to base, but the schools around bases are fundamentally different. Those are schools where teachers are used to student turnover, and the students are as well. OP talked about kids that were in a more nomadic situation, where they could only form brief <1mo friendships. The local culture of these communities is also used to and adapted somewhat to this. That sounds like childhood trauma to me, the closest analog might not be military children but the foster care system. Not a 100% analog, since presumably the OP's cousins kids didn't have the pre-existing trauma that entry into that system necessitates, but that is the closest conventional analog I can think of. Moving around constantly into communities that aren't necessarily set up to deal with that is rough.
- 2y ago

pinkmuffinere 2y ago

I totally agree this is bad for the kids. Fwiw please try to encourage the kids to break out of their shell and socialize in college/high school/when they can. I moved a ton growing up, went to four different high schools, etc, and had a really hard time being “normal” with other people. In grad school I got a TA position that forced me to do 1:1 meetings with ~300 new students every semester, and that experience taught me how to be more normal. I’m still weird, but at least can fit in with Bay Area engineers. All this to say — I didn’t have their experience, but I think they can ameliorate it

hi_hi 2y ago
Weird doesn't exist. You are not weird. You are not normal. This may be different to your situation, but when i was younger I wanted people to like me, and if they didn't I'd blame myself for being weird. Now I'm older, I don't give a shit if people like me or not, and I've stopped thinking of myself as weird.
- pinkmuffinere 2y ago
  I agree to some extent, and I am getting better at just being comfortable in my own skin, but I think social conventions matter too. Eg I shouldn’t act overly surprised when someone says they’re a morning person, but I should/can do that when they say they’re pregnant. If you get too many conventions wrong, people are uncomfortable lol Edit: I realized I didn’t respond as directly as I’d like to. I think I do want people to like me, and that’s ok. I think it’s also ok to not care
  - hi_hi 2y ago
    Thank you for the considered and insightful response. This is obviously a deeply person topic and each individual will have their own take on how they feel. I think the key point in all of this, which you and others highlighted, is weird vs not weird is very much a consequence of social conventions. It's also important, generally speaking, to fit into these conventions to facilitate social cohesion. There are obviously extremes, which are outside of my considerations here. I should have put more effort into my original comment but I was in a rush at the time. This bit might not apply to you, I don't know you, these are just my own poor articulations. Feeling like you are weird, or don't fit in, or make people uncomfortable, basically comes down to peoples reflections of their judgement on you. This is inescapable and to judge is human nature. But being on the wrong side of it, for long enough, can lead to a very negative mental state. Having the ability to realise you are not responsible for other peoples feelings is important. And also realising these feelings are largely dictated by the society you find yourself in is also important. These things can be changed, social circles need not be permanent, and should probably be changed if leading to a negative mental state, brought about because you feel you don't fit in. I stand by my original point that there is no such thing as weird or normal, anymore so than some cultures or societies can appear weird or normal, which is highly relative. Otherwise intelligent and conscientious people should not believe themselves to be less than they are because they are at odds with their current time and place. As Yuval Noah Harari would say, society is a fiction.

addicted 2y ago

RV living is very different from living in an actual home (or even Air Bnb) and moving around. AirBnB’s and homes are located in areas and designed for living like normal social human beings. RVs are parked in areas that are not designed to sustain long term living.

rvba 2y ago
Socializing kids is about actual interactions with other kids. Something that nomadic life takes away from them. In many cases they simply dont have any friends at all. Or are always the incomers. Of course you can live in a place with lots of kids of your own age and still be lonly, or the kids can be dicks, but in my opinion there is benefit in socialization at age 4-10. Kids could go out ans play together. The nomads cant. IMO permanent group of friends and place, repetition, predictability are a foundation for growth. Then you can sprinkle one off things on top. Not a life of unpredictable mess when you are on your own. Also if you dont speak the local language how can one even socialize

swiftcoder 2y ago

Look, I get you may have a bad experience with loneliness growing up, but this doesn't generalise. Lots of us grew up traveling for one reason or another (RVs, sailboats, military/diplomatic kids, etc), and I'd say on average we're about as well-adjusted as the kids whole spent their whole childhood in one of the various school systems around the US