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What frustrates me is that, it seems (Read as: the following is just my vibe) that the majority of 3rd places left are religious in nature, but I, personally, d
by vegadw 2y ago
What frustrates me is that, it seems (Read as: the following is just my vibe) that the majority of 3rd places left are religious in nature, but I, personally, don't want to be religious or raise children that are.
There are some options, of course, but they're limited and often of poor quality, at least locally. Libraries are trying to adapt to fill this gap, and maker spaces spring up but most don't have funding to be good - or if they do, that funding brings things that ruin the spirit. Once you're looking for a place as an Adult, especially without kids, the number of relevant events and things to do drops quickly too - so these same children aren't going to find better options as they grow older.
- giobox 2y agoI've found the only way to make friends/community as an adult outside of religion, at least for me, is to go to events relevant to my hobbies and interests. Yes it's difficult, but communities for just about everything are out there if you put yourself out there. If you choose events that occur regularly I've found you get to know people and make friends just by trying to become a regular face too. If you don't have a hobby/interest with a local group, you can try picking new ones until you find one that clicks too. It does take some effort initially though. The shared interest is critical to removing barriers to making those relationships for me.
- phil21 2y agoThe mad rush to as quickly abolish religious practices in mainstream U.S. culture without any form of societal replacement is puzzling to me. I am no fan of religion having grown up in an exceedingly religious environment. But it was always completely obvious to me even as a child that the primary purpose of religion was to form local communities and have others with shared values to rely on. We seem to be doing it with more than just religion these days, but it’s the canary in the coal mine. Lack of investment in your community will very rapidly erode any sort of high trust society you once had within a single generation. Once it’s gone, it’s pretty much gone for good. I believe no one is talking about this aspect of WFH either. It’s taking away maybe the last “socially expected” regular commitment to your local community. Your daily life is not supposed to be lived in complete social comfort with planned interactions with a tiny group of people being your sole source of socialization. At times you should be feeling uncomfortable or obligated in some community or social setting or you are not growing as a human being. I don’t think the office is the best place at all for this, but for many folks I know it was their last social interaction of any sort outside of family. I’ve been unable to articulate these thoughts very well for decades now - since my late high school days I was already the crazy guy telling friends I was really worried how our hobbies and social interactions were so much less investment on average than our grandparents generation. On average having a bunch of Quake guild buddies is simply not the same as my grandpa who had a bunch of fishing buddies. It’s been on my mind for quite some time, and I think the data is starting to show those concerns were legitimate.
- Filligree 2y ago> The mad rush to as quickly abolish religious practices in mainstream U.S. culture without any form of societal replacement is puzzling to me. > I am no fan of religion having grown up in an exceedingly religious environment. But it was always completely obvious to me even as a child that the primary purpose of religion was to form local communities and have others with shared values to rely on. It is a problem, but… religion isn’t true. How do you square that with any sort of culture that values reality?
- benreesman 2y agoIt seems in 2024 that one simply chooses their religion. Arbitrary GDP growth in a finite environment isn’t true either, it’s just another convenient fiction. More recently the AI doom/effective altruist community has just made some hypothetical AI thing into a god. Even rational things like environmentalism and social progressivism have taken on many of the trappings of a religion. It might be time to start judging which faith-based organizing principles produce the best outcomes.
- simianparrot 2y agoReligion is literally false but metaphorically true. Our brain filters existence through metaphors. I’m not religious but my metaphors of understanding reality are built on a culture that was for thousands of years until the state got separated from church within my lifetime here in Norway. And it hasn’t made things better.
- the_snooze 2y ago>How do you square that with any sort of culture that values reality? Empiricism doesn't help you with the questions of "who are my people?" or "what matters?" You can make a legitimate case for some of religion's claims being empirically unsound, it doesn't take away from the fact that religion is very effective at giving a lot of people meaning and community, orthogonal to those specific claims.
- Barrin92 2y ago
- andrepd 2y agoSports, hobby groups, book clubs? There are plenty of options to meet like-minded people other than churches.
- darepublic 2y agoChess clubs in my city mostly closed down due to online games. I remember the largest club owner complaining of this in the early 2000s
- benreesman 2y agoThe extent to which such a list is accurate and complete is the extent to which it’s a great list of startup ideas to destroy some community institution, make it impossible to do without an app, and put ads on it.
- Eisenstein 2y agoMaybe in your experience. It isn't in mine. You can make due with email lists and flyers and word of mouth and if someone tries to push an app for it everyone is welcome to ignore it.
- AlwaysRock 2y agoYeah, this really is the key. I've moved several times as an adult, and my new friend group always comes from doing sports or some hobby regularly with the same group of people.
- marcosdumay 2y agoReligious places didn't use to be indoctrinating. Nowadays they mostly are, because religions have to justify them economically. My guess is that "place" have become a way too expensive good, that people just can't afford to share for free.
- lovethevoid 2y agoReligious places were always indoctrinating, they were just the norm for such a long time people didn't recognize such. It was just the thing you did.
- mitthrowaway2 2y agoLibraries are a great place to be, enjoy, learn, and relax, but a terrible place to meet new people. You're not really supposed to talk, and most people don't go there expecting to interact with a stranger or strike up a conversation.
- fn-mote 2y agoI hear you, but it sounds like you’re saying you want program that delivers high value without paying for it. The way to make this happen is get out there and volunteer your big dollar software engineer time to make it happen. Use all of the knowledge about how to get things done that you get from reading HN, join a team, and start building. My volunteering experience has been amazing, but there were some negative experiences where it was clear we should have required more buy-in or up front investment.
- vegadw 2y agoI'm willing to help, but as one person, I can only do so much. Hyper-locally, it's actually a problem of community here instead of money anyway. There's a half-way decent maker-space, but it's all old men. Think "ham radio guys" stereotype. They're knowledgeable, but without any young blood (and the artistic pursuits younger people tend to bring) it's not fun.
- abnercoimbre 2y agoMay I ask where you're based in? I'm a little intrigued.
- vegadw 2y agoLincoln, Nebraska
- hoosieree 2y agoI've had the exact same feeling. I think this is some latent cultural zeitgeist that more people are starting to notice. My thought was to start a "philosopher's club", for Platonic friendships. Right now it's just me and one neighbor meeting every 2 weeks for coffee, but I think an ideal size might be around 3-4 "regulars" plus 2-5 sporadic attendees. Big enough to get boisterous but small enough to carpool.
- api 2y agoYou could even go so far as to say that third spaces that are tied to political, religious, or other types of groups are "monetized" in the sense that they exist to further the cause of growing that group. What's nearly extinct is neutral third spaces with zero agenda.
- s1gsegv 2y agoI suppose parks (national, provincial/state, or just local) and libraries are neutral. Perhaps this was always true, but it seems for a brief time places like shopping malls were not as concerned as much somehow with having purely immediately profitable people inside and that’s why they were able to be that third place. Hopefully in time a new generation of voters will want to fund more third places with taxes, because that seems to be the way to get long lasting third places that really do serve their purpose without an agenda.
- crooked-v 2y agoOne of the major issues with libraries these days is that because a lot of cities want to pretend really hard that homelessness doesn't exist, libraries end up as the only social resource available to many homeless people, which leads to other people avoiding them.
- Yhippa 2y agoIn a few of the local libraries near me homeless people occupy the bank of public computers and are frequently watching hardcore pornography. I'm terrified of my young children seeing that.
- relwin 2y agoMy local library employs internet filters, similar to parental control software for your home. This seems to significantly reduce porn watching.