7 ms·

Remember that you are fully allowed to dump your parents. Took me way too long to realize this.

lm28469 2y ago
Depending on the country you might actually be legally obligated to take care of them unless you can prove serious crimes like physical/sexual abuse
- HeatrayEnjoyer 2y ago
  No free country.
  - pavel_lishin 2y ago
    HN has readers from all over the world, including Pennsylvania: https://www.jdsupra.com/legalnews/what-do-you-mean-i-am-responsible-for-5519910/ https://www.jdsupra.com/legalnews/what-do-you-mean-i-am-resp...
  - MattGaiser 2y ago
    USA, Germany, Singapore are some of them. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Filial_responsibility_laws https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Filial_responsibility_laws I get that “no free country” can have many meanings, but these laws certainly exist in countries people call free.
    - deleted 2y ago
      [deleted]
- staticman2 2y ago
  I'm aware of some places where you might be financially obligated to support parents (Pennsylvania, for example has a filial support law). Is there any place where you literally have to care for them?
  - greentxt 2y ago
    The majority of states in the us have those laws and with increasing burden on the government due to greying of the population the courts are likely to shift towards more rigorous enforcement.
    - oblio 2y ago
      Yeah, but they're about financial support, from what I see. Which can already be a big thing, but I doubt there are laws that turn into you a literal nurse for them.
      - SoftTalker 2y ago
        Have you looked at what skilled care costs? It's either be their nurse or be bankrupt.
        oblio 2y ago
        My point was: do these laws mandate that you have to take care of them? Or is just pay a percentage of your income, like alimony?
        staticman2 2y ago
        In American law you usually can't get a court order requiring someone to do a job, you can usually only get a court order for restitution via financial payment if they failed to do a job they were supposed to do. So my educated guess would be you never have to actually care for your parents, but I'd be curious if any other countries actually will order children to nurse their parents.
- moffkalast 2y ago
  [flagged]
  - malfist 2y ago
    Please don't joke about that. People who come from abusive homes have higher chances of dying by suicide. It's not wise to suggest to people on the edge to jump
    - mkopec 2y ago
      Yeah, that's not something anyone should be saying to random people online.
throw_pm23 2y ago
Remember also that who you are (or even just the fact that you are) is in a very large part due to them. You are also fully allowed to feel an unconditional gratitude (dare I say, love) towards them for simply existing, while accepting them as they are, as individuals, without owing each other anything, and regardless of what they have done or not done. It also takes some people way too long to realize this, and it can be a liberating feeling.
- anonzzzies 2y ago
  > Remember also that who you are (or even just the fact that you are) is in a very large part due to them. Remember that you didn't ask for that though.
- silverquiet 2y ago
  Not everyone is thrilled about existing, and they didn't get a say in that. I could never imagine having children and I never understood why people wanted them, and then I realized that these people must have actually enjoyed their childhood; a concept that was obviously foreign to me. I don't harbor any ill will towards my parents, but nothing for me is unconditional.
  - Aeolun 2y ago
    I had a fantastic childhood (well, compared to the mean I guess), but that doesn’t mean my love of my parents is unconditional.
    - silverquiet 2y ago
      I suppose the implication is that most people who say they had miserable childhoods blame their parents; I might be a bit odd in that I think my parents did really well, but my problems are inherent to me, and that is why I can't really be mad at them. In some sense, you can blame your parents for everything since they provide both the nature and the nurture, but if you think they truly meant well, it's hard to resent them.
ta1243 2y ago
> "In the United Kingdom, about a million young people under 18 years old spend more than 50 hours a week caring for family members" > "Roughly 15,000 of them are children, with 3,000 just 5 to 9 years old. You can't dump your parents that easilly when you're under 18, and at 5-9 the only other option is being placed into local authority care.
knighthack 2y ago
How did your parents hurt you?
Clubber 2y ago
That's certainly the easiest route. Depending on circumstances, you might have to live with that for the rest of your life. Also, if you have kids, you'll be teaching them through example of how they should take care of you as well. Taking care of elderly parents is one of the toughest things in life that nobody talks about.
nradov 2y ago
That depends where you live. Some US states have filial support laws and adult children are legally responsible for paying for care. https://blog.aarp.org/legal-grounds/more-filial-support-cases-ending-up-in-court https://blog.aarp.org/legal-grounds/more-filial-support-case...
dyauspitr 2y ago
Makes me realize how different lives are. I’d rather cut off a couple of fingers than dump my excellent parents.

Depending on the country you might actually be legally obligated to take care of them unless you can prove serious crimes like physical/sexual abuse

HeatrayEnjoyer 2y ago
No free country.
- pavel_lishin 2y ago
  HN has readers from all over the world, including Pennsylvania: https://www.jdsupra.com/legalnews/what-do-you-mean-i-am-responsible-for-5519910/ https://www.jdsupra.com/legalnews/what-do-you-mean-i-am-resp...
- MattGaiser 2y ago
  USA, Germany, Singapore are some of them. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Filial_responsibility_laws https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Filial_responsibility_laws I get that “no free country” can have many meanings, but these laws certainly exist in countries people call free.
  - deleted 2y ago
    [deleted]
staticman2 2y ago
I'm aware of some places where you might be financially obligated to support parents (Pennsylvania, for example has a filial support law). Is there any place where you literally have to care for them?
- greentxt 2y ago
  The majority of states in the us have those laws and with increasing burden on the government due to greying of the population the courts are likely to shift towards more rigorous enforcement.
  - oblio 2y ago
    Yeah, but they're about financial support, from what I see. Which can already be a big thing, but I doubt there are laws that turn into you a literal nurse for them.
    - SoftTalker 2y ago
      Have you looked at what skilled care costs? It's either be their nurse or be bankrupt.
      - oblio 2y ago
        My point was: do these laws mandate that you have to take care of them? Or is just pay a percentage of your income, like alimony?
        staticman2 2y ago
        In American law you usually can't get a court order requiring someone to do a job, you can usually only get a court order for restitution via financial payment if they failed to do a job they were supposed to do. So my educated guess would be you never have to actually care for your parents, but I'd be curious if any other countries actually will order children to nurse their parents.
moffkalast 2y ago
[flagged]
- malfist 2y ago
  Please don't joke about that. People who come from abusive homes have higher chances of dying by suicide. It's not wise to suggest to people on the edge to jump
  - mkopec 2y ago
    Yeah, that's not something anyone should be saying to random people online.

throw_pm23 2y ago

Remember also that who you are (or even just the fact that you are) is in a very large part due to them. You are also fully allowed to feel an unconditional gratitude (dare I say, love) towards them for simply existing, while accepting them as they are, as individuals, without owing each other anything, and regardless of what they have done or not done. It also takes some people way too long to realize this, and it can be a liberating feeling.

anonzzzies 2y ago
> Remember also that who you are (or even just the fact that you are) is in a very large part due to them. Remember that you didn't ask for that though.
silverquiet 2y ago
Not everyone is thrilled about existing, and they didn't get a say in that. I could never imagine having children and I never understood why people wanted them, and then I realized that these people must have actually enjoyed their childhood; a concept that was obviously foreign to me. I don't harbor any ill will towards my parents, but nothing for me is unconditional.
- Aeolun 2y ago
  I had a fantastic childhood (well, compared to the mean I guess), but that doesn’t mean my love of my parents is unconditional.
  - silverquiet 2y ago
    I suppose the implication is that most people who say they had miserable childhoods blame their parents; I might be a bit odd in that I think my parents did really well, but my problems are inherent to me, and that is why I can't really be mad at them. In some sense, you can blame your parents for everything since they provide both the nature and the nurture, but if you think they truly meant well, it's hard to resent them.

ta1243 2y ago

> "In the United Kingdom, about a million young people under 18 years old spend more than 50 hours a week caring for family members" > "Roughly 15,000 of them are children, with 3,000 just 5 to 9 years old. You can't dump your parents that easilly when you're under 18, and at 5-9 the only other option is being placed into local authority care.

knighthack 2y ago

How did your parents hurt you?

Clubber 2y ago

That's certainly the easiest route. Depending on circumstances, you might have to live with that for the rest of your life. Also, if you have kids, you'll be teaching them through example of how they should take care of you as well. Taking care of elderly parents is one of the toughest things in life that nobody talks about.

nradov 2y ago

That depends where you live. Some US states have filial support laws and adult children are legally responsible for paying for care. https://blog.aarp.org/legal-grounds/more-filial-support-cases-ending-up-in-court https://blog.aarp.org/legal-grounds/more-filial-support-case...

dyauspitr 2y ago

Makes me realize how different lives are. I’d rather cut off a couple of fingers than dump my excellent parents.