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Ask HN: What is the best advice you got on any aspect of life?

• urthor 4y ago
  Some piece of psychology research said having others depend on you is a deep source of happiness. You were contributing to the hunter gatherer tribe or whatnot. Another piece of psychological research. When you did something for a gold star reward, and they took the reward away, people stopped enjoying the activity. Aka, just do kind deeds for others. Everything will be alright. Also, do stuff for others, for free, using software. It's a really important part of enjoying your job.
  • iLoveOncall 4y ago
    > Some piece of psychology research said having others depend on you is a deep source of happiness. I find it to be the absolute opposite. It's absolutely draining. You can quickly become exhausted and apathic when constantly having people rely on you.
    • titaniumdafodil 4y ago
      There's a difference between interdependence and dependence, I believe the former is what he meant based on the tribe context
    • urthor 4y ago
      Often, what people truly need from you is a kick up the backside.
  • tcbawo 4y ago
    I can think of a person in my family that needs to be needed in this way. Since I am somewhat independent, she is put off, probably subconsciously. Trying to find ways to be needed feels artificial. It’s hard to reconcile this. Maybe therapy.
    • urthor 4y ago
      Explain, clearly, the fact you're perfectly alright. And, lay out for them another important job to get on with.
• golergka 4y ago
  To get good at something, you have to be bad at it first, often for a very long time.
  • dmichulke 4y ago
    The master failed more often that the student ever tried.
• corobo 4y ago
  Do you have evidence or do you have assumptions? Something I learned in CBT - while I can trust my mind to return facts I know most of the time, if I'm in a heated moment or excessively stressed out I can start making assumptions of the world (to save time and think faster?) - sometimes these assumptions are wrong. Basically the therapist taught me to be less like ChatGPT, haha. I can express my assumptions and opinions of course, but I should note (at least to myself) where something I claim is an assumption I've made rather than a fact I know. This was primarily for my low self-esteem and imposter syndrome feelings, but it works for pretty much everything. --- Side note it turns out actual imposters don't have a mental portfolio of projects to hand that are actually really impressive when listed off in one sitting, haha "oh yeah I tinkered on a project for a weekend while bored which went on to (indirectly) help raise millions for charity that one time" If you also suffer from this I'd recommend making a "brag bin" - This is a tub I store complements and success stories that I can later go through when I'm feeling useless. This I adapted from (my systems use individual cards rather than documents) https://jvns.ca/blog/brag-documents/ https://jvns.ca/blog/brag-documents/
  • rychco 4y ago
    Thanks for sharing this, I’ll have to try making my own brag docs. I’ve recently started a new position & I can feel the imposter syndrome creeping back in.
  • jacooper 4y ago
    CBT = Cognitive behavioral therapy
    • deleted 4y ago
      [deleted]
• modernerd 4y ago
  “…for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: ’If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?’ And whenever the answer has been no for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something. Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life.” - Steve Jobs' 2005 Stanford Commencement Address https://youtu.be/UF8uR6Z6KLc?t=562 https://youtu.be/UF8uR6Z6KLc?t=562
  • 2OEH8eoCRo0 4y ago
    Memento Mori https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Memento_mori https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Memento_mori
    • wrycoder 4y ago
      But in an old man who has known human joys and sorrows, and has achieved whatever work it was in him to do, the fear of death is somewhat abject and ignoble. The best way to overcome it -so at least it seems to me- is to make your interests gradually wider and more impersonal, until bit by bit the walls of the ego recede, and your life becomes increasingly merged in the universal life. An individual human existence should be like a river: small at first, narrowly contained within its banks, and rushing passionately past rocks and over waterfalls. Gradually the river grows wider, the banks recede, the waters flow more quietly, and in the end, without any visible break, they become merged in the sea, and painlessly lose their individual being. The man who, in old age, can see his life in this way, will not suffer from the fear of death, since the things he cares for will continue. And if, with the decay of vitality, weariness increases, the thought of rest will not be unwelcome. I should wish to die while still at work, knowing that others will carry on what I can no longer do and content in the thought that what was possible has been done. — Bertrand Russell
  • smallnix 4y ago
    "Chemotherapy today? No again!" That "too many days in a row" is the critical part in this piece of advice in my opinion.
• nprateem 4y ago
  Buddhism's 4 noble truths. Aversion & craving, impermanence, etc.
• ianai 4y ago
  I’ll go esoteric. Existence precedes essence. I first encountered existentialism in HS within the book of “One Day in the life of Ivan D.” If a labor camp prisoner can find meaning and even beauty in those circumstances my HS self had quite a bit of opportunity around him. But it’s also a good entry point to stoicism, too. Edit-special mention to Long Chen Pa’s “since everything in the universe is perfect in being exactly as it is, having nothing to do with acceptance/reject […] one may well burst out in laughter.” In a writing on Taoism (I think? Been way too long). Edit2-Long Chen Pa must have been writing about Tibetan Buddhism.
  • dmichulke 4y ago
    HS = Head'n'Shoulders, Holy Spirit, Higher Self, Hacker newS?
    • ianai 4y ago
      High school.
• vouaobrasil 4y ago
  Best advice I got was from my psychology professor. He said "if someone asks you to do something, especially in a social situation, tell them you will think about it". It prevents you from saying yes under pressure. I still rememeber using it when someone at my old workplace wanted me to sign up to be in a club (that had a fee). I never joined and I am proud that I didn't. Also, I've learned a few things from Jordan Peterson: (1) reframe accurately what someone is telling you when they have a problem, and (2) give someome very specific positive feedback when they do something you like. Finally, from my mom: don't care what other people think (in the sense of not letting it get in the way of doing something you know is right for you). And a little bit of advice from myself: less is more. Don't accumulate things, don't go after the latest gadgets. Knowledge is power but too much knowledge (in the factual, scientific sense of knowledge) can take up mental space that would be better for personal development and care for others. And show respect for others AND the whole planet. It is what gave us life, and it's not a resource to use to create mostly irrelevant crap like AI and the latest iPhone.
  • iLoveOncall 4y ago
    > if someone asks you to do something, especially in a social situation, tell them you will think about it There's not a single socially capable person that will not straight away understand that "I will think about it" means "no". May as well say no.
    • Joeri 4y ago
      Not if you will genuinely think about it. The assumption that it means no is often wrong. I’m cautious and say this often to things I then afterwards say yes to.
    • vaylian 4y ago
      I will think about it
    • russelldjimmy 4y ago
      What is the way to genuinely communicate “I will think about it” then?
• ergonaught 4y ago
  "You are mistaken, your knowledge is partial, your certainty is a delusion, and real world consequences occur as a result. You desperately need to shut up. There are no exceptions." You can test that advice here and now, first with your own apparent belief that advice can somehow be tested to be factually true, secondly by applying it to all of these comments. Yes, I quoted myself.
• thefz 4y ago
  From my mom: If in a couple there is a wide intellectual imbalance, it is not going to last long. Whether it is intelligence or curiosity or culture.
  • strikelaserclaw 4y ago
    i think the most important thing for a couple to have in common is values.
  • prettyStandard 4y ago
    Since you're on this site, sounds like your mom doesn't want you going after beautiful dummies. My mom told me she saw lots of beautiful dumb girls marry successful men, and then their kids were dumb as bricks. Also to be careful with dating short women because then your boys might be short. I said okay well then by that logic you don't want to date tall women either because you might have tall girls.
    • baobabKoodaa 4y ago
      I'm not advocating for eugenics, but I just have to say being a "tall girl" is not in any way comparable to the handicap of being a "short boy".
    • thefz 4y ago
      > Since you're on this site, sounds like your mom doesn't want you going after beautiful dummies. It was actually part of a discussion about other people, not a direct advice to me; however it struck me as a hard truth and something I always thought but never formulated.
• bloopernova 4y ago
  Long time ago a friend copied some albums onto minidisk for me. When I played them I saw that he had named each album and track fully. This would have been done by manually choosing each letter using the arrow keys on the remote. It would have taken many hours to do this very tedious task. When I expressed my amazement and thanks, he shrugged and said something that stuck with me ever since: "If a job is worth doing, it's worth doing well."
  • Anon84 4y ago
    There's a better version of that last sentence: "If it's worth doing, it's word doing poorly" In other words, if it's worth doing, it's worth struggling through the many frustrating failures until you can do it well. Otherwise, you might get put off by not being able to do it "well"
    • hacknewslogin 4y ago
      I also took it as "even if the end result isn't perfect, having it done is better than not doing it at all." It has helped a lot with my hesitation to start projects.
  • aristofun 4y ago
    World stands on people like this. Unfortunately there are so few of us :)
• NiceAndWarm 4y ago
  Stop worrying over nothing young man
• 65 4y ago
  "Listen to no one" - Eric Andre
  • Pinegulf 4y ago
    I don't get this. Is there some context that's missing?
    • coremoff 4y ago
      Feels like it's got a > "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." - Ralph Waldo Emerson vibe to it... (or a Life of Brian "you're all individuals" thing)
    • evanmoran 4y ago
      I think it is meant to be true and also funny. First, you can start by agreeing with the advice, imagining how listening to other’s advice can be overrated. Then you realize that by listening to Andre you are actually breaking Andre’s advice (to listen to no one, including him!). So the advice is impossible to follow and quite clever.
• pkoird 4y ago
  This is a mix of Buddhist, Hindu, and Stoic philosophy: Ask yourself this, why do you do anything? For the sake of Profit? Recognition? Love? Or return of any kind? Any deed done with reward in mind creates an expectation which, if not met, causes suffering. Similarly, you will end up focusing more on the reward than the task itself and will unable to be loyal to the task. The only reason you must do a task is because you must do the task i.e. it's your duty to do so (either self-imposed or originating from a construct you follow). This is such a conflicting piece of advice that goes against the fundamental reward-driven human biochemistry. But I've found that in following it, you really begin to tune out suffering and start to discover something that's a bit above being human.
  • hacknewslogin 4y ago
    Ok but what if the result of contemplating this is overwhelming existential dread? This comment kind of reduces life to a give and take philosophy. One where everything you do is to accomplish a task. I'm not sure that has anything to do with Buddhism. It's my understanding that part of Buddhism is the removal of the self, and appreciating the moment. I agree that focusing on the end result can detract from appreciating being in the moment, but this sounds sounds more like self-deception. I prefer the Japanese concept that, and I'm paraphrasing here, "every action has a purpose." Putting value on the actions themselves adds an appreciation for the moment you are in, and the process you are doing. It then becomes a sign of respect for you to do everything in your life to the best of your ability. There's a whole philosophy about this, but the name of it escapes me. A few things I've found that are related: "The was of the peaceful warrior" - Book This is water - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eC7xzavzEKY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eC7xzavzEKY Sorry if this is a little rambly, I have ADHD and my adderoll is doing its thing.
  • aatd86 4y ago
    Every action is reward driven and sel-interested. The suffering stems from the reward being external. If the reward is in the self or from the action itself, then there is less suffering. Self fulfillment. Less suffering only, to take into account an inability to act.
• carabiner 4y ago
  yolo
  • lcall 4y ago
    Not true. How I learned, at site in my profile. Really. (thoughtful comments appreciated w/ any downvotes.)
• ldjkfkdsjnv 4y ago
  If someone does something once, they will do it twice
  • thebigspacefuck 4y ago
    Maybe better said “fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me”. I’ve done lots of things once and will never do them again.
  • morelinks 4y ago
    I don’t agree and think it’s dangerous advice. You should give people a second chance - depending on the severity of the first chance, of course.
• faebi 4y ago
  Having tight positive feedback loops is great for motivation. For example when writing code, seeing immediately if it works. Either by hot reloading, automated testing or at least building it. I try to find the same in other mundane topics.
  • domh 4y ago
    This resonates with me, and is what I always try to drum into less experienced engineers when we're pairing. You'd be surprised how often someone who doesn't know programming that well will sit down and code for a whole hour before checking if any of it works. I'm checking every line to see if it works before moving on!
    • baremetal 4y ago
      I can't imagine coding like that. Imagine the frustration level at the end of the hour when they go to run it.
  • mcurial 4y ago
    Agree, that's definitely one of the gems of wisdom from the software product world that would work in many aspects of life. Finding ways to get an MVP of something, getting feedback and iterating definitely makes one get the motivation from quick visible results, and also definitely teaches one a lesson or two about humility too.
• aa-jv 4y ago
  Your life is yours, you own it. Its entirely up to you how you live it - nobody can make that decision for you. Don't spoil it by making excuses. Make goals instead, and then: attain those goals.
• frabia 4y ago
  I think often about this one I read a while ago (paraphrased): “one of the quickest path to unhappiness is to not follow your true self”. I believe we often face situations where we would rather be someone else or present traits that are not natural to us (eg to appear more likable). However, any behavior that is not led by who we really are, will inevitably make us like ourselves less. Stay true to yourself, your believes, and what brings you joy.
  • abhayhegde 4y ago
    That's beautiful! That kind of explains why things have been dragging me down lately.
• revskill 4y ago
  Functional programming matters. You look at everything as input => output, as cause => effect,... You don't need to dive into the internal complexity of anything, because it doesn't make sense. Complexity eventually failed, so you should never take care of them. Simplicity matters.
• nkrisc 4y ago
  You can’t control the actions of others, only your own. Another person is like a mountain: you can’t change anything about the mountain. You can only decide whether you’ll go around it, over it, or turn back. I learned long ago to stop wasting my energy worrying about what other people did, and to focus on what I could do. Sometimes your actions can influence others, but you can’t make then do anything, they make their own choices and choose their own actions.
  • zepolen 4y ago
    Most people are easily manipulated if you know how and are willing to do so. This has been proven multiple times, for example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o8BkzvP19v4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o8BkzvP19v4 There are other ways to make people do things as well like money or force. Only strong minded people not afraid of death are truly immovable mountains.
    • ImHereToVote 4y ago
      I think this advice could be revised to. "You can't change people, you can only manipulate them."
    • nkrisc 4y ago
      But you're agreeing with me. You can't make them do anything, but you can choose actions that influence them. It may work, it may not.
• gizmo 4y ago
  Don't be a cynic. Society is messed up. Tech is messed up. But it doesn't matter. You just have to make a positive contribution somehow, anyway.
  • uptownfunk 4y ago
    This is so hard, especially for the analytical types.
• ChrisMarshallNY 4y ago
  One Day At A Time
  • lcall 4y ago
    And for me, one thing at a time. (very helpful) Still, planning is often worthwhile.
• akg_67 4y ago
  One of my favorite subreddit is /r/AskOldPeople. The posts and replies put a lot of things going on in life in perspective.
  • Balgair 4y ago
    https://old.reddit.com/r/AskOldPeople/ https://old.reddit.com/r/AskOldPeople/
• darttree 4y ago
  Straight trees are cut first and honest people are screwed first <- Chanakya This changed how i view people completely for good.
  • thunderbong 4y ago
    That's a very cynical way to live a life, isn't it?
    • bick_nyers 4y ago
      What you choose to do with this information determines whether you are cynical or not, not the presence of the information itself. You could throw your hands up and say the world is screwed up so I should start screwing the world, or you could say the world is screwed up so I'm going to choose to try to make things around me a little better while also protecting myself a little bit along the way.
    • darttree 4y ago
      I was taken advantage of by people before so this fixed my peasing/trusting people bug in me.
      • tifkap 4y ago
        "Trust, but verify" Used mostly in bookkeeping and nucleair monitoring, but very usefull outside it as well.
• jb1991 4y ago
  I once heard, "Never trust a man who won't clean his own toilet." Sounds silly but you'd be amazed just how much truth lies within it.
• dsr_ 4y ago
  The best shaving cream/soap/oil is your favorite (or least despised) hair conditioner. I think I learned that from Neil Gaiman. I don't think the source has much relevancy. You almost certainly have all the test materials you need already.
• docdeek 4y ago
  The Serenity Prayer (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serenity_Prayer https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serenity_Prayer) has helped me to put things into perspective many times. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference." There’s a lot that can cause you stress and anxiety that is entirely outside of your control and if you can be OK with not being able to control those things, life gets a whole lot happier.
• KingOfCoders 4y ago
  Don't waste money. It makes a huge difference when you're 40 if you've wasted your developers salaries from 20-40 or not.
  • corobo 4y ago
    Wish I'd learned this in my 20s, at least I learned it in my 30s.
• graderjs 4y ago
  Follow your heart. It really does know more than the rest of you. It takes courage to do it though...not surprising....root word for courage is heart. Especially in our robotic, conformist society...this is invaluable. Lean into your intuition. Have the courage to speak from your heart, say what you feel, say what's on your mind. Best advice I ever had. When I fail to do that, it's cost me big time.
• m1nes 4y ago
  You learn more by observing than by judging
• INTPenis 4y ago
  An ex once told me "You speak very dogmatically" and that completely turned my world upside down. Ever since I've been exploring how I'm perceived by others and how I can improve my interactions with other people.
• sebastiansm 4y ago
  I followed the advice of lifting weights. Before that I was feeling pretty tired of my life, barely played with my little son, was exhasuted in my work as data scientist and my personal relationships with my wife, family and friends were poor. Also I didn't had the energy to pursue my hobbies, was abusing cannabis and alcohol and had poor eating and sleeping habits. Since I started going to the gym and found this simple beginner routine everything started to feel better. Something changed and feel way better and improving every other aspect of my life. I started this program, but I think anything similar will help: https://stronglifts.com/ https://stronglifts.com/
  • test1235 4y ago
    I also started on stronglifts and moved onto greyskull lp shortly after my progression stalled and I stared to lose interest: https://physiqz.com/workout-routines/powerbuilding-programs/greyskull-lp-best-powerbuilding-routine-beginners-gslp/ https://physiqz.com/workout-routines/powerbuilding-programs/...
    • seventhtiger 4y ago
      When the easy gains are over it becomes much less rewarding. But the easy gains themselves are worthwhile. My plan for that is to step back to a minimal strength maintenance program and focus more on sports and outdoors enabled by the strength.
  • bilsbie 4y ago
    Would it be terrible to mostly use weight machines? That’s all my gym has?
    • sebastiansm 4y ago
      Not optimal, but there must be some program for those cases
    • dinkleberg 4y ago
      Using mostly machines is fine, don’t worry about what others think is optimal. The truth is, if you push yourself hard, you can get great results regardless of the equipment available to you (and you still need to push yourself hard with free weights too).
• Pinegulf 4y ago
  Sleep on it. It's a dishonest actor who tries to rush you into a decision.
  • Doxin 4y ago
    Honestly, just "programming" yourself to at least initially say no to any question with a high degree of time pressure will save you from by far most scams.
• pmoriarty 4y ago
  Know thyself
• glenngillen 4y ago
  Work and career progression: “always take the interview”. I reported direct to the CEO at a startup and I told him our largest customer had headhunted me, and I assumed I wasn’t special and they’re probably targeting many of us. He asked me what the process was like and what the offer was, and when I told him I didn’t take the initial call hand he shook his head. “You always take the interview. Absolute worst case is you confirm you’re happy where you are. Median case is you confirm your worth and force me to have a difficult conversation where you’ve got the most leverage. Best case is you find a new better thing. But through it all you’re exercising the muscle of interviewing while you’re at the top of your game. People always let it atrophy and then try and rebuild it when they’re at their low point. Frustrated with where they are. Unexcited about the things they’re working on, and unable to fake talking about them in the overly positive ways they need to. Don’t want until a low point to work out what comes next. Always take the interview”.
  • iLoveOncall 4y ago
    I, and most software engineers, would be interviewing 24/7.
    • paulcole 4y ago
      This attitude is a good reason to take the advice.
      • kerpotgh 4y ago
        [dead]
      • Our_Benefactors 4y ago
        Honestly it’s not. I would basically be reducing my hourly rate if I _never_ stopped interviewing, because most of those are dreck that can’t meet my current comp in the first place.
        • paulcole 4y ago
• Dalewyn 4y ago
  Contrary to many teachings and sayings: Effort does not guarantee reward. However: Rewards have always required effort, and sometimes a bit of luck.
  • dvas 4y ago
    Great one! Digging for gold doesn't mean you will certainly find it.
• no1groyp 4y ago
  Just be urself bro
• a_bonobo 4y ago
  'a_bonobo, you're lying to yourself.' I am an overly optimistic person and I was talking about how I believe my career will pan out and develop. They just stopped me and said that I was lying to myself, being way too optimistic, blindly assuming stuff that (relatively surely) would not happen or pan out. They were right. Sometimes you want to believe something so much, even though it has no chance of being true.
  • maCDzP 4y ago
    I too suffer from optimism. For me it’s a double edged sword. It can help you take a leap of faith, but it can also keep you from quitting. It’s really weird.
• thenerdhead 4y ago
  Having a love for one's fate. This is a common idea in Stoicism, Buddhism, Taoism, etc. Shakespeare famously touched upon this in Hamlet: > Why, then, 'tis none to you, for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so: to me it is a prison. The absurdity of life is that much of our suffering is our own doing. That one has to accept this absurdity before you can find peace.
• palashkulsh 4y ago
  From my father- cost of the thing is not how much it was bought for but it's replacement cost today !! Deep
• bloopernova 4y ago
  For young, single heterosexual men; cultivate deep platonic friendships with women. Get a hobby, do charity work, find something where you meet and become good friends with multiple women of different ages and backgrounds. Do not ever attempt to date any of these women. Why? Because most men know woefully few women, and your life will be much richer. A lot of men know very little about the experiences, fears, and hopes of women. Be there for them. Ask them for advice. Ask them for feedback on your appearance and your personality. Tell them your hopes and fears, and listen to their feedback. You'll become a much better partner because of it, and your romantic relationships will be far more satisfying.
  • jdthedisciple 4y ago
    I'd say do that, but with men. Men of good character, morals, aspirations and goals. Platonic friendship between men and women is a myth. (Exceptions exists, but only confirm the rule)
    • maCDzP 4y ago
      I disagree but I am curious, what makes you think it’s a myth?
      • jdthedisciple 4y ago
        First, thank you for asking, I already appreciate your constructive approach. Now I would like to be more precise: I assert that, at the very least, male-female-friendship is a deviation from the rule. I.e., it is not expected to work, but it can in some instances. Why? Because male and female are by default and by nature sexually attracted to each other, and if not then that is simply unexpected. In fact, there are studies where they made strangers simply look each other in the eyes for a little while. What happened was that some of them fell in love just by doing so. Put another way: Friendship means affection. There is no reason why such affection between a heterosexual male and female wouldn't eventually cross the sexual level of affection, at least for one of the two. It is simply to be expected more often than not. Thus it is expected that at least one of the two will - at least occasionally - have sexual fantasies about the other.
• mrazomor 4y ago
  Finance: aim to be broke when you die. It changed my view at the personal finance, and made some decisions much easier. If I die at the old age, my kids will be in their 40's-60's. My savings won't make a significant impact on their personal finance (assuming all is well; validated over the multiple inheritance splits within my family). Which means, don't (extensively) save for the retirement, but invest in yourself and your children. Makes spending money for the classes, better schools, moving to the neighborhood with more options, etc. much easier decision to make.
  • thfuran 4y ago
    It's true that extra money left over when you die doesn't help you, but if you aim to be broke when you die and miss in the wrong direction, you're going to have a bad time.
• fghfghfghfghfgh 4y ago
  From a girlfriend who was my intellectually superior (which I had a hard time dealing with) You are responsible for your actions - no one else. "But I did it because...". No. You chose to do it. You are responsible. Other people are responsible for their actions. Not you. She was/is right.
  • baremetal 4y ago
    You are responsible for your choices all day every day for your entire life. I agree. It is a self-destructive behavior to think otherwise, in my opinion. How can a person grow if they don't take responsibility for their choices?
  • gaws 4y ago
    > From a girlfriend who was my intellectually superior (which I had a hard time dealing with) Did she end the relationship?
• Brian_K_White 4y ago
  If you don't think you have time to do it right, what makes you think you have time to do it over?
  • shaftoe 4y ago
    I like this. I counterbalance it by asking myself, "what makes you think you know how to do it right, yet?"
    • Brian_K_White 4y ago
      I can't turn doing your best into hubris no matter how hard I try.
• rich_sasha 4y ago
  "Not all advice from strangers is worth following; some of it might be outright lies" Plato
• applebutter 4y ago
  Receiving, understanding, accepting, and implementing the following changed my life: “The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.” ― Bob Marley
• lukebitts 4y ago
  When I was a child in school, we had to cut a piece of paper in the shape of a flower with a hole in the middle, to put around an utensil as a gift. When I cut my flower and tried to fit it in the utensil, the hole was a bit smaller than I needed. I was ready to cut a full circle around the hole when a teacher told me “sometimes all you need is just a little bit” and she cut the smallest piece of paper and suddenly the flower fit perfectly. 30 years later I’ve followed her advice too many times to count, more than any advice I got from my parents
  • derwiki 4y ago
    This is probably too literal an interpretation, but it’s similar to some of the best advice I’ve received for woodworking: sneak up on the cut. When I need to cut a piece of wood to an exact precision, I end up making 5-10 cuts to shave off a tiny piece of the end, check if it’s right, and shave again if needed.
    • Doxin 4y ago
      Same with lathe/mill work. You repeatedly remove about 90% of the remaining material that needs to be removed, until you're within tolerance. Trying to aim for removing 100% will mean you'll definitely overshoot.
  • qup 4y ago
    I got a similar lesson in kindergarten, about glue: "A little dab'll do ya" (it's said kinda like a tongue twister, it's fun to say)
• shaftoe 4y ago
  There are three guarantees in life, no matter what you do or attain. Pain, uncertainty, and constant work. Make peace with that and you'll find these are the spices that make life much richer.
• papandada 4y ago
  This comes from 12 Steps/AA literature. If something external causes me to feel some way, it may be more about me than about the externality itself. I'll try an example. If a random stranger comes up and insults me, I might start getting angry, insult him back, even start a fight. If I reflected on it a bit I might see my reaction was based on my own insecurity, my pre-existing belief that some of these insults, whatever they were, were true; or maybe a fear that these words could injure me somehow and I'd need to protect myself. On the other hand, I can think of a very loving person I know, and if someone started insulting them, they'd be more likely to say, whoa, you poor man, you seem troubled, what's going on? The point being responding back with anger is not a necessary reaction to this stimulus. And a strong unpleasant reaction, or avoidance, is often rooted in my own self-centeredness (which can be changed).
• ravagat 4y ago
  If you're so smart, why aren't rich yet?* * change out rich for wealth or whatever major thing you are currently focused on.
  • tifkap 4y ago
    I always disliked that saying, because i'm never in it for the money. Money often follows, through paths I could not imagine when starting the adventure, but it was never the goal. Following your interests and going on weird adventures/side-tracks outside your comfort-zone won't make you very rich, but you'll always have enough, and a life that is fun. It helps if you don't care to much about collecting useless stuff: Travel light!
• cheri9 4y ago
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• dvas 4y ago
  Like many other interesting and insightful comments here on the thread. My take on advice I have heard, received and then condensed into a single sentence which benefits me the most at the current time. -> 1. Advice I have received: Only Constant in Life Is Change “When you are finished changing, you are finished”. - Benjamin Franklin “Heraclitus, I believe, says that all things pass and nothing stays, and comparing existing things to the flow of a river, he says you could not step twice into the same river.” – Plato -> 2. My advice: Get to know yourself, but be honest with yourself! Over the years, I have listened to podcasts and read numerous books about individuals who have achieved "success" by definition and trying to understand what got them there. Then general topics such as happiness, peak performance, personal development, introspection, ego, endurance, motivation etc etc etc. Combining my own experience (happiness, sadness, success, failure, disappointment ... n emotions) + Insight into other people's experience. ... Listening to a motivational speech or being enlightened by everyone else's advice will feel good in the short term (hour, day, week) as a great hit of dopamine while imagining yourself being {productive, organized, admired, respected, X, Y, Z}. However some advice/motivation will hit home harder than others / last longer or shorter depending on who you are as a person. In my view, to maximize advice of others. Begin to really understand yourself and acknowledge every shortcoming and celebrate your virtues. TLDR; Only Constant in Life Is Change, Know yourself well to flexibly change with life as it changes.
• deleted 4y ago
  [deleted]
• sherilm 4y ago
  Physical reality is often easier to change than psychological reality, but culture programs us to do the latter. Riffed on it here: https://www.leadingsapiens.com/changing-your-mindset/ https://www.leadingsapiens.com/changing-your-mindset/
• kickaha 4y ago
  “It’s just stuff.” My first college roommate made this completely off handed comment not too long after we moved in together. We were still strangers. I must have been anxious over some of my dumb crap, god knows what prompted it. But in that one moment everything changed for me, it really did. I had only been moved out of my hoarding parents’ house for a few days and that one remark snapped me out of it forever.
• aliqot 4y ago
  "no matter where you go in life, there you are"
• antisthenes 4y ago
  Be comfortable being alone, by yourself and do not seek the company of others for the sake of any company. In the words of Omar Khayyam: To wisely live your life, you don't need to know much Just remember two main rules for the beginning: You better starve, than eat whatever And better be alone, than with whoever.
• kranke155 4y ago
  Only Bad things happen quickly. From the excellent book Too Soon Old, Too Late Wise.
• not_your_mentat 4y ago
  You can always course correct, but you can't steer a ship that isn't moving.
• mprime1 4y ago
  There are enough assholes out there to make you think everyone is an asshole (in reality, most people are great, and the asshole are e tiny minority)
  • thebigspacefuck 4y ago
    If you think everyone else is an asshole, you might be the asshole.
• taylodl 4y ago
  I always think of this John Lennon quote: Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans. It's the day-to-day activities of life that are important. Even those great plans you're making, you're going to have to live through it day-by-day. The here and now is the only thing that actually exists. As for an interesting anecdote, I had an episode where I suddenly and unexpectedly started not feeling well, was thinking I needed to lay down, and then found myself on the floor with my head on a pillow and my feet propped up. I was thinking, yeah, this is what I needed. It slowly dawned on me my wife was on the phone with 911 and was about to start chest compressions just before I came to. I heard sirens in the background and realized they were coming for me. I later learned I had slumped over in my chair. When the medics arrived I had a very weak pulse and extremely low blood pressure. I have mild hypertension and I thought it rather funny that they were trying to increase my blood pressure en route to the hospital in the ambulance. I was extremely cold, a cold I've never experienced, which is weird because I'm always the one who's hot. As I was laying on the gurney waiting to be admitted to the ER I had the realization today might be the day I die. I started laughing to myself as I realized nobody ever had "die" on their to-do list for the day. That gave me a deep insight into how optimistic we are - even the terminally ill never think today is going to be THE DAY. It was just an interesting observation on human nature. Anyway, I'm fine. No blood clots, they checked my heart out and it's fine and I don't have any blockages. They don't know why it happened but I've since discovered others who've had a similar experience and like me, everything checked out fine and they never had any further issues. My own experience was over a year ago and I've had no other issues since. Anyway, I'll leave you with this quote: Live every day like it's your last Because you never know which day will actually be your last. As I discovered regardless of your health condition we're always surprised when the end comes.
• vr46 4y ago
  "You have two ears and one mouth, and they should be used in that ratio"
• subpixel 4y ago
  Forgive my very watered-down Buddhism but the realization that desire and ignorance are at the root of suffering was big for me, and a concept that I continually return to. I'm not a practicing Buddhist but I find myself significantly less miserable when I take the limits of gratification and the illusions I (and most people) are continually falling prey to into consideration.
• bosky101 4y ago
  - to get what you have never got, be prepared to do what you have never done - do not allow your inbox to manage your time - Manage, or be managed - people overpay to have you keep doing what you were already doing before. - win:wins - most people do not experience pmf that then warps their thinking into plateaus of mediocrity - it is mighty difficult to create wealth being an employee. Most mansions, large homes in any neighbourhood belong to business(wo)men - OC: what looks good from far, maybe far from good - do not despise boredom. It is the spark that guides souls to their next passion or idea or habit
  • Syntonicles 4y ago
    Pmf?
    • bosky101 4y ago
      product market fit
  • jacknews 4y ago
    - it is mighty difficult to create wealth being an employee. Most mansions, large homes in any neighbourhood belong to business(wo)men It's not just business; plenty of small ones struggle. It's ownership. Own that mansion, and it's rise in value will far outstrip your salary. Own other people's work, by owning a company, and even if doesn't make much profit it's probably worth much more than a salary.
  • graposaymaname 4y ago
    Love the one from OC :)
• michepriest 4y ago
  This isn’t advice that was given to me but something I wanted for myself that changed my life. Advice: Figure out how to exercise for the sake of exercise In the past I exercised for a weight loss goal. I’d reach the goal then stop exercising. I spent all of last year experimenting trying to figure out how to be like those people who run in -20C. I wanted to love some type of exercise so much I’d do it in -20C. I’m now training for a marathon. I look forward to running and get excited about hill training (running up and down a hill at moderate exertion). I find running enjoyable and meditative. The lessons I learned I apply to other areas of my life. For example, when my brain initially rejects something I know is good for me, I think “not today” and put on my running shoes (ie do the thing).
• glonq 4y ago
  A smart woman at work once advised me to never bring a problem to the boss unless you also bring some potential solutions.
• adamredwoods 4y ago
  What is the goal of the advice? To self-tune oneself into enlightenment? Being a better person to society? To make lots of money to escape poverty? So therefore, the goal is the advice.
• lcall 4y ago
  "Keep God's commandments" (like the 10, and others such as all-around honesty, diligence, humility, kindness, and reading scriptures very regularly for guidance). I have found by long, oft-repeated experience and observation (i.e., the hard way and the easy way) that everything goes better when I do what I know is right, and specifically worse when I do not. Absolutely everything, large and small, in my life. Also, lesser but still very useful, from my dad, "You might not think you can go the whole way, but you can always put one foot in front of the other." (Thoughtful comments appreciated with the inevitable downvotes.)
• ad404b8a372f2b9 4y ago
  Accept that suffering is a normal part of life, and reciprocally that you're not abnormal for suffering. I feel like a lot of the modern hustle is a false promise, we are told to seek happiness (in the hedonistic sense), and suffering is presented in opposition to this as a failure both personal and existential. But suffering is not a failure, it's a frequent and normal part of life, life musn't stop or be dreaded or resented because you're suffering. And most importantly happiness and suffering can co-exist. That's advice I gathered from personal experience and letters I exchanged with a Franciscan monk a few years back.
• jasonpeacock 4y ago
  Marriage advice: You can love many people, but you can only live with a few.
• raphaelj 4y ago
  Constantly get yourself in new fields, practice your curiosity. Whenever you can, learn a new tech, a new music instrument, practice a new sport, get into new disciplines ... Soon you'll end up with a brother knowledge of things, and meet people you'd never ever thought to dream of. The thing is, in most fields, you don't need to get very experienced to develop valuable knowledge or skills. But the combined value of knowing these various things will get exponentially more valuable, socially and professionally.
• birdymcbird 4y ago
  question everything. do not take internet and media at face value. many lies. half truths or zero truths. in country where living now, me former political preference. always viewed its politicians favorably. saw problem to be “other” side. sometime later realized the media i listen to not much different than “other” side. me favored politicians not much better than other side. they all crooks. intention not to tune out and ignore responsibility to vote in democracy but stop political divide.
• adnanh 4y ago
  Do not make your job (career) the main purpose of your life.
• adnanh 4y ago
  Do not make your job (career) your main purpose of life. Also, try not to be an a-hole.
• JohnFen 4y ago
  You can't always decide what's going to happen to you, but you can always decide how you will react to what happens to you.
• foogazi 4y ago
  You are only getting paid for 8 hours of work a day
• mensetmanusman 4y ago
  Don’t fight for a 10% raise, fight for working 10% less at the same pay.
• johnea 4y ago
  Get the fuck up from your computer, put down the god damn phone, and go outside!
• logicalmonster 4y ago
  Somebody a little topical. I don't know if Andy Reid is a perfect man in his personal life, but other than sometimes being indescribably confusing at clock-management, he's a hell of a football coach and exemplifies a lot of great leadership qualities that are worth observing. From following his career very early on, he had a few great things that stuck with me. > Preparation. He got the coveted job as an NFL head coach even though he was just a QB Coach and not even at the offensive coordinator level because he prepared a thick-ass notebook filled with his ideas of how he'd manage the team, scouting reports of players and coaches, lists of plays, and other things he'd do as head coach. This level of preparation and attention to detail greatly impressed the team's ownership. > Consistency. He always had his way for preparing for a game or building a team and never deviated from it. Despite successes and failures, he'd always stick with pre-scripting the first 15 plays of the game to set a particular tone in the offense, as an example. > Stoicism. When things were going well, he'd never gloat and get people too overconfident. When things were going bad, he'd never panic. He'd always be a rock out there that would keep people focused and level-headed. > Egoless. He was willing to take the blame for something in public that wasn't his fault, and then deal with the players behind closed doors. He'd be willing to make self-deprecating jokes to diffuse a tough situation, putting the mission above his ego.
• foobazzy 4y ago
  - "if you're counting the days since you last had it, you truly haven't given it up" It's about baggage and addiction. If you can't remember the last time you had it, then you've truly mastered the 'letting go' part - "try everything, don't get addicted to anything" My father said that to me when I was going to college. It took me a few years to understand what it meant. - "accept reality as it is, not as you believe it to be, nor as you wish it was...then, adapt" Paraphrasing from memory. I read it in a book about Jack Welch and GE when I was a teenager. Internalising this has helped me stay calm and analytical during tough situations.
• borroka 4y ago
  I had planned a 3-day trip with a person (a date, let's say) whom I had met for the first time a few weeks earlier for a couple of days. I was not familiar with either the place or my date. A few days before the trip, I saw a friend of mine, the same age as my parents. During the conversation, I asked him what to do with my date during those 3 days. He replied, "Come up with something." Isn't that brilliant advice? When we are stuck, we have the option of coming up with something.
• ismokedoinks 4y ago
  My brother passed down my grandma's advice on college, which was to believe that you will pick up the things you need to know one way or another so take the opportunity to learn things you will probably never encounter again. It definitely still resonates with me when I think about what skills I want to develop outside of work
• actually_a_dog 4y ago
  If taking a nap is both practical and sounds like a good idea, do it. Being well rested just makes every single thing you do easier and better. Conversely, and this may just apply to me personally, whatever it is, I'm not going to get up earlier in the morning to do it, unless there are serious consequences for not doing it.
• TradingPlaces 4y ago
  Listening is the most underrated skill.
• Rev359a 4y ago
  Never compete with anyone except yourself
• moomoo11 4y ago
  It was simple. Try to make today better than yesterday. So far so good, every day is the best damn day of my life!
• leobg 4y ago
  „Never be against Elon.” —Peter Thiel
• vermaden 4y ago
  Do not give a fuck about things that you should not give a fuck. Its pointless to waste your time and energy for them. What are they? You decide.
• lcall 4y ago
  Another: break hard things into small enough steps (and possibly write them down so you can forget all but the one you are working on). If the next step is hard, break it into small steps, etc. And pray humbly & with willingness to be obedient. Things always go better for me this way. (It helps to have a good tool to handle the capturing and rearranging of collections of steps for various kinds of work in progress. I use the one I wrote, AGPL; in my profile.) (Thoughtful comments appreciated with any downvotes; thanks.)
• tifkap 4y ago
  Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out of it alive anyway. In other words: relax, experiment, take a change on new or weird things, and don;t believe that the thing you're working on right now is super-duper important in the big scheme of things. Consider the size of the Universe (Douglas Adam's style), and remember that any change you make (even if traveling at the speed of light), will still be insignificant for the universe. Use this information not to paralyse you, but gain a sense of unlimited freedom. You are free.
• rawgabbit 4y ago
  To live is a declaration that good will triumph over evil, wisdom from anxiety, and joy from bitterness.
• didizaja 4y ago
  1. “Sometimes, you just have to trust people.” Said to me by the owner of a shop at a farmer’s market after I explained I didn’t have cash on hand to pay for an item so I couldn’t accept it, but would go to an ATM to get it. She gave me the items anyway, and I promptly went to an ATM to bring her the money. I grew up in an environment where I was constantly told about all the bad intentions everyone around me had, and how dangerous the world was. It was unnerving, so that moment was refreshing and eye-opening. 2. When I was buying my first bed, I talked with an older salesperson who did a great job helping me find what I was looking for. During our long conversation, he said, “You never know what someone you’re interacting with is going through. Keep that in mind and try not to assume bad intentions.” 3. The less time I spend on the computer/looking at screens/sitting down, and the more time I spend out in the physical world, allowing myself to explore, the more my subjective well-being increases. Similarly, the more time I spend interacting physically with people, the more meaningful, nuanced, and empathy-building interactions I have. I learned this when I quit my first job and spent a week in an hostel in Alaska, and just immersed myself in _life_ for a week. 4. It’s okay to not be productive all the time. I don’t have to side hustle if I don’t want to. Not doing so doesn’t mean I should withhold compassion from myself. Remember, there are other aspects of life outside of work, and in fact, time, relationships, and health are more important than work. I learned this during COVID when I had family in a coma for multiple months.
  • mkbkn 4y ago
    Great advice, all four. Thanks.
  • uptownfunk 4y ago
    Really nice, thanks.
• throwaway234299 4y ago
  Translated from a song: No matter if models or shop assistants / some women will make fun of you / treat them all like princesses / and you will be a king
• deleted 4y ago
  [deleted]
• ineedausername 4y ago
  The best advise I ever got was: "don't get advice from strangers on the internet" I got this advice from strangers on the internet.
• mattpallissard 4y ago
  Skepticism is the chastity of the intellect. Another in the same vein; the truth is somewhere in the middle. As socio-political views and news sources get more extreme, both ring truer and truer every day.
• pedrodelfino 4y ago
  Learn emacs! I wish I had done that 10 years ago… it teaches you so much about the tinker/hacker spirit. Also, it gives you an awesome community to be part of. Finally, you can have huge gains in productivity. Not just for code, but also organization, emails, taking notes, etc.
• Arafen 4y ago
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• 8252209411 4y ago
  ID mujhe chahiye free fire ka
• gcj 4y ago
  "If it's not a hell yeah, then it's a no" That has saved me so much pain and time.
• marttt 4y ago
  My late dad, often: "If you're afraid, don't do it. If you do it, don't be afraid." This has guided (and possibly also saved) me numerous times, in terms of both everyday decisions and long-term plans. Great heuristic for a youngster, because it makes every decision one's own. Thanks dad!