10 ms·

This is almost exactly my life, shifted by a decade. The problem is that by 35 you can't get by on novelty anymore because you've seen some version of everythi

This is almost exactly my life, shifted by a decade. The problem is that by 35 you can't get by on novelty anymore because you've seen some version of everything there is to see. The worst thing you can do is pine for the good old days. They aren't coming back. And they weren't that good anyway. Your best times are ahead if you can successfully adjust. What worked for me was putting down roots. I resisted it mightily at first because I wanted to stay mentally 25 forever. Now I see that getting married and having a couple of kids was the right thing to do. It forced me to become more flexible, more deliberate, more focused and have more stamina to do hard things I'm a loner by nature, so I can't imagine where I'd be if I hadn't settled down. I just know it wouldn't be as good. Once you've got those roots down, life will lead you to what you should do next. Maybe being a full time parent, maybe learning to sail, maybe more successful entrepreneurship. Who knows... EDIT: I don't mean to imply that everyone needs a family. What's important is to start living for others to some degree. Hedonism has famously bad diminishing returns. Some people choose to do lots of volunteering or switch careers to social work. There's lots of options.

jaybrendansmith 5y ago
I believe 35 is a tough age. You've effectively achieved Journeyman level. No, seriously, you're past the Apprentice level, and you've completed all the 300-400 level life courses. You're ready to become a Master. Unfortunately, you need to go on a journey to discover your masterwork. That may take a while. For me it took another 10 years. But trust me, you will find it, if you're willing to take a step sideways in your career a few times to try and find the problem that you seek. When you find the problem, you will recognize it for what it is: Your Masterwork ... something only you can solve. Solving it may pay off financially, with fame, or just emotionally, but either way it will pay off spiritually. You will know who you are.
- amznbyebyebye 5y ago
  Wow brilliant comment. This masterwork concept - I love it. Something only you can solve. Wow. Solving this type of problem it brings a wealth greater than any type of FAANG paycheck, win or lose.
vietvu 5y ago
Well said. I have been thinking like you and OP: never wanted to settled down , didn't want to be tied down to anything. Now, I have married, and planning to get a child. I kind of gave up and let wherever life/fate lead me to. However, I still feel lost. Just too busy with worries to think about it every hour like before. I feel terrible because I feel like I have surrendered life. At least I don't have time to think about it as much; whether it is an improvement or not, I don't know.
pw4001 5y ago
I'm a month from 71 and I still get excited by stuff. Things I half expected aren't going to happen in my lifetime (fusion for example after working on JET years back) which is disappointing. And flying cars - thankfully seeing how ground based cars are handled. OTOH I came across the Internet in the early 70s and it's been amazing to watch it change. I still work in cyber security and that keeps giving challenges which I enjoy. I've been married and been not married and had long term relationships. Built a couple of houses, moved from the UK to Australia, then across country. So much new to see there's never time to get bored. A decade ago I started to feel burn-out so I did an MSc (Mobile Biometric Authentication), worked at an ISP and learned about voice. My current side project is a mix of NLP and semantic graphs, and I read a lot. The biggest change over the years is probably that I listen to less music now. I never really got into podcasts or audio books, but I still have 70s, 80s and 90s mixes on the server, but they're played less. Probably because I know the content too well.
- madjayhawk 5y ago
  I used to like music. Now I think it muddles the brain. I am 80. Brains are marvelous things but the thing I don't think can handle multiple inputs over a significant period of time. I prefer quiet when I am engaged with any project or activity except those involving the opposite sex.
szundi 5y ago
I second this one
deleted 5y ago
[deleted]
subpixel 5y ago
The big difference is that settling down gives you things to care about deeply. Your family, the community your kids will grow up in, the experiences and skills you want your kids to grow up with. Absent that, my life was one long drawn-out example of “fear of missing out” and I flitted from thing to thing, place to place. Just make sure you marry above your station, emotionally.
- jkhdigital 5y ago
  > Just make sure you marry above your station, emotionally. This is one of the most pithy bits of marital advice I’ve ever read, but easier said than done! Emotional maturity seems to exhibit a very pronounced Dunning-Kruger effect. Also, people continue to mature emotionally in adulthood and this can occur at very different rates. Just as a vivid example, recovery from addiction/alcoholism can often create rapid changes in emotional maturity.
  - baremetal 5y ago
    i second the recovery from addiction as a catalyst for growth in emotional maturity.
- hackerfromthefu 5y ago
  This sounds like incredible advice, if you can it would be wonderful to learn more of your thinking about marrying above your station, emotionally?
  - subpixel 5y ago
    It’s sort of a know-it-when-you-see-it thing. On an early date with my now wife she spent an entire subway ride to Queens telling me about Montessori education methods and how it made her the person she is. I recounted that when I was in first grade I was punished for interrupting the class by having a cardboard box put over by desk, so nobody could see me, and that that made me the person I am. So two passing tests in one convo: she was impressively interested in things that matter (I was already infatuated with her) and she was not put off by my bullshit.
jimt222 5y ago
>problem is that by 35 you can't get by on novelty anymore because you've seen some version of everything there is to see I'm 68 and this is self-limiting B.S. In the last few years I have seen many things I never saw before, and never imagined. Ironically, when I was about 30, I was in a similar position and complained to my dad that there was nothing new under the sun, everything is just a rehash of what has come before. He laughed at me, and threw me out of the house.
- Aeolun 5y ago
  You don’t feel the amount of new things you see slows down considerably as you grow older? It’s not that you can’t find novel things any more if you go looking for them, but most everyday things hold no more (or less) excitement. I notice this especially much with my 3 year old son, for whom everything is fascinating. He’ll find out that sticking a bowl upside down in the water and turning it face up will make a lot of bubbles and he’s tremendously excited. I’m excited to see him being excited (which is novel’ish), but the fact that bubbles appear is incredibly mundane now.
  - indymike 5y ago
    > You don’t feel the amount of new things you see slows down considerably as you grow older? Only if you stop exploring. When you think there's nothing new left to learn, nothing novel to experience, well, you stop looking. Start looking again. > I notice this especially much with my 3 year old son, for whom everything is fascinating. Spending time with kids is the best way there is to rediscover your sense of wonder.
  - jimt222 5y ago
    Just one example: All my life I have been curious about human pre-history and ancient history. Never learned much about it along the way. Now that I have time, I find an incredible wealth of knowledge and insight about early human history has been developed. I feel like a dim area of my understanding is being illuminated, like exploring a dark attic with a bright flashlight, it is very satisfying, and particularly when pieces fall into place and I have an "aha! so that is what that was all about" moment, it is exciting as well.
unfocussed_mike 5y ago
You don't need to _have_ a family. But it helps to find one.
- kgin 5y ago
  Can you add a bit more about how this works?
  - unfocussed_mike 5y ago
    (wishy-washy, unverifiable emotional pseudo-psychology follows) What I mean is -- you do not need to have a partner and your own kids. There are all sorts of families (macro and micro) out there that can benefit from us. On the micro side: you can allow yourself to be included in your best friend's family, you can allow friends to become close enough that you know they'd be there if you were sick and vice versa. You can think about lonely older people who you feel kinship for and be brave enough to offer them support. You can sometimes convert former romantic relationships into trusted friendships, and you can widen your romantic ideals to include joining a single-parent family that already exists. One step up: you can treat your wider friendship circle like a family, believe in them like you would your family. On the macro side of things: you can join a community and allow yourself to be absorbed into it as someone of significance; you can help people find their people. Introduce people to other people; be the reason other people have people. All of these things require a kind of bravery that deserts most of us at some time, and obviously a kind of comfort with other people that not all of us find easy at all, but really any step you make to try to build a "family" is better than no step. When you're young you don't need it and you forget to look for it, because new experiences outweigh family ties. When you're old you need it and it is harder to find. When you're 35... this is the time to enjoy the thrill of being brave and seeking real connections with a mature mind, and allow yourself to think of it as building family and significance into your life. I managed some of this -- a real social life, real connections -- for a long time from the age of 33[0], and then the pandemic has undone a lot of that; people have scattered. And if all of the above sounds preachy and patronising it is because it's really all I think about again -- how do I get that back, at the age I am now? [0] "Lord, to be 33 forever"
elzbardico 5y ago
I started surfing with 40. And then I found out plenty of people do it, now I am starting with rock climbing. Plenty of things to see and do after 35. New friends, new activities, new music to listen, new places to go. Don't self limit yourself.
bladegash 5y ago
Yep, concur with this - having children and a family gave me a sense of fulfillment and purpose that has never really diminished. Won’t say every day is amazing or life is any less difficult. However, there is definitely something to be said for living your life for others instead of your own enjoyment.
- franczesko 5y ago
  I felt exactly the same as OP described. Once I became a dad (not that long ago), I felt that a missing piece of a puzzle finally fell in its place.
  - agent008t 5y ago
    This thread suggests that becoming a dad is not unlikely to throw you into a 2-year deep depression: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=30240609 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=30240609 "Even with this realization, there were lots of times where I sat on the couch the first year and just felt like I was drowning and life was over. That happened in the second year as well, but less after the child was 18 months. And by ~2.5, it's a lot better!" That's hardly a good outcome for anyone, let alone someone who misses the joy of life they had in their 20s.
    - zdbrandon 5y ago
      I wouldn’t call 2.5 years the “outcome”. You have kids with a much deeper horizon in mind.
codebolt 5y ago
> I'm a loner by nature, so I can't imagine where I'd be if I hadn't settled down. I just know it wouldn't be as good. I'm the same way, and spent many years of my twenties living a very lonely existence. Getting a family was the best decision I ever made. I'm absolutely certain I'd be in a miserable place otherwise.
j4yav 5y ago
If you’re out of novelty in the world by 35 I think that’s more on you than the world. There’s really so much out there - complexity in every direction and at every focal length. If you want to center your life around novelty-seeking you can do it until well past the point where your body will fail you. Travel and education are good ways to find new horizons, but they are everywhere around you all the time. Seriously.
- alangibson 5y ago
  > If you’re out of novelty in the world by 35 I think that’s more on you than the world It's a good thing I didn't say that then. I said you experience diminishing returns due to having already experienced similar (but not the same!) things. The more you experience, the more you recognize what you've already experienced in new experiences. This seems like a totally unavoidable consequence of living for anyone that doesn't have a long term memory disorder or an interdimensional portal gun.
  - j4yav 5y ago
    Even getting diminishing returns on all the variety and everything in the world in your 30s to me seems crazy, but to each his or her own. I am in my 40s and don’t feel like my world is trending towards indistinguishable gray mush at all. You don’t have to take my word for it though, there are lots of older people who still find and get by on novelty in the world, are inspired by it, and don’t feel that everything is a rehash. There are some even replying in this thread, and more you can meet in your own neighbourhood I’m sure. Let them be an inspiration that it doesn’t have to end up that way.
thread_id 5y ago
> The problem is that by 35 you can't get by on novelty anymore because you've seen some version of everything there is to see. This could not possibly be true. You have only just begun. The mere thimble full fo knowledge and experience that you have accumulated thus far is nothing compared to what lies ahead. But only you can make it happen. Make a decision. Take an action. The comments here are loaded with wonderful and practical advice. Louis Pasteur: "Chance favors the prepared mind". Also consider this (this is a quote that I cannot give attribution for): "In youth we struggle with illusion of certainty. As we grow older we struggle with the certainty of illusion." We create the worlds that we live in. It is easier to follow a path that mimics and conforms to the structure of your environment. It is much more difficult to break away and define and follow your own journey. The feedback is not avaialble so you have to rely on your own internal compass. The choice is yours.
- alangibson 5y ago
  > This could not possibly be true. The novelty you experience when doing something new must decrease over time. To say otherwise is to say the world is infinite, which it definitely is not. At some point the buzz one gets from the novelty of new experiences is not enough to make a satisfying life. That's when it's time to look for source of meaning for your life. It's different for everyone. For me and the OP it happened rather quickly. > Make a decision. Take an action Thanks coach
  - torbTurret 5y ago
    “Thanks coach” The ego in this response and complete ignoring of the advice given to you is off putting. And I’m quite younger than you ;)
  - mcv 5y ago
    > The novelty you experience when doing something new must decrease over time. It goes up and down at different stages in your life. When you're a child, everything is new, so nothing is. Everything that exists in your childhood is Normal. It might be completely new to your parents, but you've never known otherwise. As you grow up, you get used to this normality, and new things are novel, but not that novel yet, because they're still close to what you know as Normal from your childhood. As you get older, new stuff gets increasingly removed from your Normal, and you're amazed by it. At some point, you get used to that feeling of amazement. You get used to getting new stuff all the time. And sometimes it doesn't impact you as much because you're already completely invested in all the old stuff. Although still there sometimes is new stuff that you can't avoid, and it uproots everything. (Think internet banking for old people who have banked on paper for all their lives.) And then you start to realize that all the Normal stuff from your childhood was probably also completely novel at the time.
62951413 5y ago
There's no question that family is what is missing from your life. A grown man needs a family to take care of. And yes, it's a direct contradiction to what has been discussed on this very forum re:divorce. And no, I cannot suggest any magic solution to the question of finding a sane woman who you'd be madly in love with. The good new is that 35 is far from the end for a man. I'd say you have five to ten years while you are still at the peak. Make sure to look for a woman a few years younger though.
the__alchemist 5y ago
35 is an interesting age, because it can cut both ways in terms of the OP's concern. Your approach is common, but I think it's not the only way. Many people commit to being settled etc as you imply. But you don't have to! The "settled" / company-man group skews older, but it's more about attitude and priorities. Keep a positive attitude, keep working out, don't let the way you dress etc slip, be a "bro" not a "bob" at work, go out and do fun things, and keep raging on the weekends. Don't steer conversations towards work and your kids. Get excited about things. Don't complain. Keep up personal projects and hobbies. Keep learning new skills and challenging yourself. Talk to the newer/younger people at work etc as peers, and not in a condescending/know-it-all way. Assuming that's what you want!
WaitWaitWha 5y ago
Best part? When you have raised the your own children, grand and great-grand-children start trickling in! YAY!

jaybrendansmith 5y ago

I believe 35 is a tough age. You've effectively achieved Journeyman level. No, seriously, you're past the Apprentice level, and you've completed all the 300-400 level life courses. You're ready to become a Master. Unfortunately, you need to go on a journey to discover your masterwork. That may take a while. For me it took another 10 years. But trust me, you will find it, if you're willing to take a step sideways in your career a few times to try and find the problem that you seek. When you find the problem, you will recognize it for what it is: Your Masterwork ... something only you can solve. Solving it may pay off financially, with fame, or just emotionally, but either way it will pay off spiritually. You will know who you are.

amznbyebyebye 5y ago
Wow brilliant comment. This masterwork concept - I love it. Something only you can solve. Wow. Solving this type of problem it brings a wealth greater than any type of FAANG paycheck, win or lose.

vietvu 5y ago

Well said. I have been thinking like you and OP: never wanted to settled down , didn't want to be tied down to anything. Now, I have married, and planning to get a child. I kind of gave up and let wherever life/fate lead me to. However, I still feel lost. Just too busy with worries to think about it every hour like before. I feel terrible because I feel like I have surrendered life. At least I don't have time to think about it as much; whether it is an improvement or not, I don't know.

pw4001 5y ago

I'm a month from 71 and I still get excited by stuff. Things I half expected aren't going to happen in my lifetime (fusion for example after working on JET years back) which is disappointing. And flying cars - thankfully seeing how ground based cars are handled. OTOH I came across the Internet in the early 70s and it's been amazing to watch it change. I still work in cyber security and that keeps giving challenges which I enjoy. I've been married and been not married and had long term relationships. Built a couple of houses, moved from the UK to Australia, then across country. So much new to see there's never time to get bored. A decade ago I started to feel burn-out so I did an MSc (Mobile Biometric Authentication), worked at an ISP and learned about voice. My current side project is a mix of NLP and semantic graphs, and I read a lot. The biggest change over the years is probably that I listen to less music now. I never really got into podcasts or audio books, but I still have 70s, 80s and 90s mixes on the server, but they're played less. Probably because I know the content too well.

madjayhawk 5y ago
I used to like music. Now I think it muddles the brain. I am 80. Brains are marvelous things but the thing I don't think can handle multiple inputs over a significant period of time. I prefer quiet when I am engaged with any project or activity except those involving the opposite sex.

szundi 5y ago

I second this one

deleted 5y ago

[deleted]

subpixel 5y ago

The big difference is that settling down gives you things to care about deeply. Your family, the community your kids will grow up in, the experiences and skills you want your kids to grow up with. Absent that, my life was one long drawn-out example of “fear of missing out” and I flitted from thing to thing, place to place. Just make sure you marry above your station, emotionally.

jkhdigital 5y ago
> Just make sure you marry above your station, emotionally. This is one of the most pithy bits of marital advice I’ve ever read, but easier said than done! Emotional maturity seems to exhibit a very pronounced Dunning-Kruger effect. Also, people continue to mature emotionally in adulthood and this can occur at very different rates. Just as a vivid example, recovery from addiction/alcoholism can often create rapid changes in emotional maturity.
- baremetal 5y ago
  i second the recovery from addiction as a catalyst for growth in emotional maturity.
hackerfromthefu 5y ago
This sounds like incredible advice, if you can it would be wonderful to learn more of your thinking about marrying above your station, emotionally?
- subpixel 5y ago
  It’s sort of a know-it-when-you-see-it thing. On an early date with my now wife she spent an entire subway ride to Queens telling me about Montessori education methods and how it made her the person she is. I recounted that when I was in first grade I was punished for interrupting the class by having a cardboard box put over by desk, so nobody could see me, and that that made me the person I am. So two passing tests in one convo: she was impressively interested in things that matter (I was already infatuated with her) and she was not put off by my bullshit.

jimt222 5y ago

>problem is that by 35 you can't get by on novelty anymore because you've seen some version of everything there is to see I'm 68 and this is self-limiting B.S. In the last few years I have seen many things I never saw before, and never imagined. Ironically, when I was about 30, I was in a similar position and complained to my dad that there was nothing new under the sun, everything is just a rehash of what has come before. He laughed at me, and threw me out of the house.

Aeolun 5y ago
You don’t feel the amount of new things you see slows down considerably as you grow older? It’s not that you can’t find novel things any more if you go looking for them, but most everyday things hold no more (or less) excitement. I notice this especially much with my 3 year old son, for whom everything is fascinating. He’ll find out that sticking a bowl upside down in the water and turning it face up will make a lot of bubbles and he’s tremendously excited. I’m excited to see him being excited (which is novel’ish), but the fact that bubbles appear is incredibly mundane now.
- indymike 5y ago
  > You don’t feel the amount of new things you see slows down considerably as you grow older? Only if you stop exploring. When you think there's nothing new left to learn, nothing novel to experience, well, you stop looking. Start looking again. > I notice this especially much with my 3 year old son, for whom everything is fascinating. Spending time with kids is the best way there is to rediscover your sense of wonder.
- jimt222 5y ago
  Just one example: All my life I have been curious about human pre-history and ancient history. Never learned much about it along the way. Now that I have time, I find an incredible wealth of knowledge and insight about early human history has been developed. I feel like a dim area of my understanding is being illuminated, like exploring a dark attic with a bright flashlight, it is very satisfying, and particularly when pieces fall into place and I have an "aha! so that is what that was all about" moment, it is exciting as well.

unfocussed_mike 5y ago

You don't need to _have_ a family. But it helps to find one.

kgin 5y ago
Can you add a bit more about how this works?
- unfocussed_mike 5y ago
  (wishy-washy, unverifiable emotional pseudo-psychology follows) What I mean is -- you do not need to have a partner and your own kids. There are all sorts of families (macro and micro) out there that can benefit from us. On the micro side: you can allow yourself to be included in your best friend's family, you can allow friends to become close enough that you know they'd be there if you were sick and vice versa. You can think about lonely older people who you feel kinship for and be brave enough to offer them support. You can sometimes convert former romantic relationships into trusted friendships, and you can widen your romantic ideals to include joining a single-parent family that already exists. One step up: you can treat your wider friendship circle like a family, believe in them like you would your family. On the macro side of things: you can join a community and allow yourself to be absorbed into it as someone of significance; you can help people find their people. Introduce people to other people; be the reason other people have people. All of these things require a kind of bravery that deserts most of us at some time, and obviously a kind of comfort with other people that not all of us find easy at all, but really any step you make to try to build a "family" is better than no step. When you're young you don't need it and you forget to look for it, because new experiences outweigh family ties. When you're old you need it and it is harder to find. When you're 35... this is the time to enjoy the thrill of being brave and seeking real connections with a mature mind, and allow yourself to think of it as building family and significance into your life. I managed some of this -- a real social life, real connections -- for a long time from the age of 33[0], and then the pandemic has undone a lot of that; people have scattered. And if all of the above sounds preachy and patronising it is because it's really all I think about again -- how do I get that back, at the age I am now? [0] "Lord, to be 33 forever"

elzbardico 5y ago

I started surfing with 40. And then I found out plenty of people do it, now I am starting with rock climbing. Plenty of things to see and do after 35. New friends, new activities, new music to listen, new places to go. Don't self limit yourself.

bladegash 5y ago

Yep, concur with this - having children and a family gave me a sense of fulfillment and purpose that has never really diminished. Won’t say every day is amazing or life is any less difficult. However, there is definitely something to be said for living your life for others instead of your own enjoyment.

franczesko 5y ago
I felt exactly the same as OP described. Once I became a dad (not that long ago), I felt that a missing piece of a puzzle finally fell in its place.
- agent008t 5y ago
  This thread suggests that becoming a dad is not unlikely to throw you into a 2-year deep depression: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=30240609 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=30240609 "Even with this realization, there were lots of times where I sat on the couch the first year and just felt like I was drowning and life was over. That happened in the second year as well, but less after the child was 18 months. And by ~2.5, it's a lot better!" That's hardly a good outcome for anyone, let alone someone who misses the joy of life they had in their 20s.
  - zdbrandon 5y ago
    I wouldn’t call 2.5 years the “outcome”. You have kids with a much deeper horizon in mind.

codebolt 5y ago

> I'm a loner by nature, so I can't imagine where I'd be if I hadn't settled down. I just know it wouldn't be as good. I'm the same way, and spent many years of my twenties living a very lonely existence. Getting a family was the best decision I ever made. I'm absolutely certain I'd be in a miserable place otherwise.

j4yav 5y ago

If you’re out of novelty in the world by 35 I think that’s more on you than the world. There’s really so much out there - complexity in every direction and at every focal length. If you want to center your life around novelty-seeking you can do it until well past the point where your body will fail you. Travel and education are good ways to find new horizons, but they are everywhere around you all the time. Seriously.

alangibson 5y ago
> If you’re out of novelty in the world by 35 I think that’s more on you than the world It's a good thing I didn't say that then. I said you experience diminishing returns due to having already experienced similar (but not the same!) things. The more you experience, the more you recognize what you've already experienced in new experiences. This seems like a totally unavoidable consequence of living for anyone that doesn't have a long term memory disorder or an interdimensional portal gun.
- j4yav 5y ago
  Even getting diminishing returns on all the variety and everything in the world in your 30s to me seems crazy, but to each his or her own. I am in my 40s and don’t feel like my world is trending towards indistinguishable gray mush at all. You don’t have to take my word for it though, there are lots of older people who still find and get by on novelty in the world, are inspired by it, and don’t feel that everything is a rehash. There are some even replying in this thread, and more you can meet in your own neighbourhood I’m sure. Let them be an inspiration that it doesn’t have to end up that way.

thread_id 5y ago

> The problem is that by 35 you can't get by on novelty anymore because you've seen some version of everything there is to see. This could not possibly be true. You have only just begun. The mere thimble full fo knowledge and experience that you have accumulated thus far is nothing compared to what lies ahead. But only you can make it happen. Make a decision. Take an action. The comments here are loaded with wonderful and practical advice. Louis Pasteur: "Chance favors the prepared mind". Also consider this (this is a quote that I cannot give attribution for): "In youth we struggle with illusion of certainty. As we grow older we struggle with the certainty of illusion." We create the worlds that we live in. It is easier to follow a path that mimics and conforms to the structure of your environment. It is much more difficult to break away and define and follow your own journey. The feedback is not avaialble so you have to rely on your own internal compass. The choice is yours.

alangibson 5y ago
> This could not possibly be true. The novelty you experience when doing something new must decrease over time. To say otherwise is to say the world is infinite, which it definitely is not. At some point the buzz one gets from the novelty of new experiences is not enough to make a satisfying life. That's when it's time to look for source of meaning for your life. It's different for everyone. For me and the OP it happened rather quickly. > Make a decision. Take an action Thanks coach
- torbTurret 5y ago
  “Thanks coach” The ego in this response and complete ignoring of the advice given to you is off putting. And I’m quite younger than you ;)
- mcv 5y ago
  > The novelty you experience when doing something new must decrease over time. It goes up and down at different stages in your life. When you're a child, everything is new, so nothing is. Everything that exists in your childhood is Normal. It might be completely new to your parents, but you've never known otherwise. As you grow up, you get used to this normality, and new things are novel, but not that novel yet, because they're still close to what you know as Normal from your childhood. As you get older, new stuff gets increasingly removed from your Normal, and you're amazed by it. At some point, you get used to that feeling of amazement. You get used to getting new stuff all the time. And sometimes it doesn't impact you as much because you're already completely invested in all the old stuff. Although still there sometimes is new stuff that you can't avoid, and it uproots everything. (Think internet banking for old people who have banked on paper for all their lives.) And then you start to realize that all the Normal stuff from your childhood was probably also completely novel at the time.

62951413 5y ago

There's no question that family is what is missing from your life. A grown man needs a family to take care of. And yes, it's a direct contradiction to what has been discussed on this very forum re:divorce. And no, I cannot suggest any magic solution to the question of finding a sane woman who you'd be madly in love with. The good new is that 35 is far from the end for a man. I'd say you have five to ten years while you are still at the peak. Make sure to look for a woman a few years younger though.

the__alchemist 5y ago

35 is an interesting age, because it can cut both ways in terms of the OP's concern. Your approach is common, but I think it's not the only way. Many people commit to being settled etc as you imply. But you don't have to! The "settled" / company-man group skews older, but it's more about attitude and priorities. Keep a positive attitude, keep working out, don't let the way you dress etc slip, be a "bro" not a "bob" at work, go out and do fun things, and keep raging on the weekends. Don't steer conversations towards work and your kids. Get excited about things. Don't complain. Keep up personal projects and hobbies. Keep learning new skills and challenging yourself. Talk to the newer/younger people at work etc as peers, and not in a condescending/know-it-all way. Assuming that's what you want!

WaitWaitWha 5y ago

Best part? When you have raised the your own children, grand and great-grand-children start trickling in! YAY!