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Myths About Introverts

429 points by Teckla 15y ago

Goladus 15y ago
The definition of introvert is already so vague it's hard to take this seriously.
oblique63 15y ago
original, slightly more detailed article: http://www.carlkingcreative.com/10-myths-about-introverts http://www.carlkingcreative.com/10-myths-about-introverts
- tybris 15y ago
  I like that one much better. No need for the cockiness.
latentflip 15y ago
This list is taken from this article: http://www.carlkingcreative.com/10-myths-about-introverts http://www.carlkingcreative.com/10-myths-about-introverts which is based on the guy reading this book: http://www.amazon.com/Introvert-Advantage-Thrive-Extrovert-World/dp/0761123695 http://www.amazon.com/Introvert-Advantage-Thrive-Extrovert-W... I read the book myself recently, and I can highly recommend it if you feel that you sit anywhere on the introvert spectrum. It covers the "science" behind introversion, how introverts vs. extroverts think and respond to stimuli and neurochemicals. (I put science in quotes as I don't know enough about the brain to know how scientific the discussion is but I found it useful and interesting nonetheless). It then goes on to look at how this affects introverts' interactions with themselves, others, and in social situations - with some thoughts and guidance on how to better integrate into an "extroverted world" without just trying to be more extroverted. I have definitely found it helpful and it's made me think a lot about who I am and how I react to life as an introvert.
jinushaun 15y ago
Pretty much describe me, and I consider myself an introvert.
tcskeptic 15y ago
Myth #3 – Introverts are rude. Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Yes, this is often called being rude. It may be true that by this guys definition introverts don't mean to be rude, but if a person (introvert or otherwise) acts as described above, that is rude.
- 46Bit 15y ago
  If we're going to keep to narrow introvert/extrovert definitions here, then to an extrovert only is that rude. Personally I find small talk and social pleasantries little more than a way to waste time and pretend you care more than you really do. I rely on the pretty sensible concept that if someone has anything important to tell me, they'll come out with it. Besides, the internet is wonderful for me because social niceties have faded. You don't get forum posts with 5 lines of social waffle, you get people just cutting to the chase. Think just-go-ahead-and-say-it IRC.
  - Monkeyget 15y ago
    Social niceties serve as a grease that makes the social interaction go smoothly. By avoiding those and being frank and direct you only introduce sand in the mechanism. There was a wonderful quote to this effect a while ago on HN but I can't quite find it.
    - mkr-hn 15y ago
      How does it introduce sand without one party deciding it's going to create friction? It wouldn't exist between two no-need-for-pleasantries people.
      - munificent 15y ago
        Smalltalk is exactly how you find out what the other party's preferred communication style is. People don't give a shit about the weather. They talk about it because it's a convenient substrate to see how a person interacts. Are they terse? Long-winded? Sad? Happy? What kind of accent to they have? Do they seem busy?
Hisoka 15y ago
Myth #6 describes me. I prefer authentic one on one connections rather than spreading myself "too thin". I think that's a problem w/ people with too many friends. Having too many friends is good but it also means you can't be great friends to all of them.
- potatolicious 15y ago
  I used to think (and act) the same, but I think it's really an unfair judgment on extroverts. What happened is that I started dedicating more time/effort to my relationships, and what I've found is that I can maintain good, meaningful friendships with a larger sphere of people than I thought would be possible. It's also a mistake to believe that extroverts have a large circle of loose friendships and that's it. This can't be further from the truth - everyone has close friends, and much looser acquaintances. It's one of the more annoying aspects of the "introverts are people too" movement - the constant need to put-down extroverts and the persistent claim that extroverts' relationships are predominantly shallow.
jhamburger 15y ago
Here's a myth held by introverts. Introverts (rightly) believe that extroverts don't understand them, but they don't understand extroverts as well as they think they do. Case in point, the commonly held belief on HN that extroverts mostly BS their way through life while the introverts are doing the real work. In reality we introverts probably don't understand how incredibly nuanced seemingly superficial relationships and conversations can be.
- ignifero 15y ago
  As an introvert, i understand very well how extroverts think. For years i tried to become more extroverted, only to discover at a certain point that it's a dysfunctional path that leads to a superficial, seemingly fullfilling but unfocused and non-goal-directed lives. The nuance of conversation is a charm, it fades fast. The way I see it is time management: life is short, do you want to spend most of it dealing with people or things? for me it's "things", because they have a higher signal/noise ratio.
  - jhamburger 15y ago
    And an extrovert trying to become an introvert would probably find himself incredibly bored and lonely. They're just two different orientations, we don't need to be constantly asserting superiority over one or the other.
    - knieveltech 15y ago
      I agree with your sentiment but I think you're railing against the tide here. Asserting superiority is what people do. It's largely hardwired.
      - innes 15y ago
        Speak for yourself - I like to think I'm above that.
        15y ago
jfruh 15y ago
I consider myself pretty introverted but I'm also pretty conflict-averse, which means that myth #3 doesn't apply at all, at least to me -- if anything, I tend to be overly polite with people. And I know lots of introverts who are the same way. The introvert-extrovert axis is a great tool for understanding behavior, but don't just assume that every angle of your personality arises from where you are on that spectrum.
- jhamburger 15y ago
  I would describe myself the same way. However sometimes I find myself in conversations where I might for example not respond to something someone says, and rather just reflect on it in my own mind as I don't really have anything meaningful to add. This makes perfect sense in my head where two different "conversations", internal and external are going on, but I realize that in real life it's pretty awkward.
john2x 15y ago
Most of the explanations pretty much equate to its corresponding myth, more or less. P.S. being a shy introvert sucks.
- ignifero 15y ago
  indeed, all but #9 and #10 are not myths, for me P.s. many introverts loathe themselves
  - billswift 15y ago
    Because the culture tells introverts that they are basically just "broken extroverts". EDIT: I meant American culture, as several people have pointed out other cultures are somewhat different about this.
agentultra 15y ago
Myth #11: all introverts are exactly alike I think it is worthwhile to note that not all introverts are alike. I can tick off some similiarities in this list with myself, but my experience of being an introvert is quite different. ymmv.
- deleted 15y ago
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Shenglong 15y ago
Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts. I don't know if "fix" is the right word in the complete, but they can definitely change. I used to follow that list pretty closely - and while there's nothing intrinsically wrong with that, I realized that it can be extremely socially disadvantageous. Regardless of how smart someone is, it's an undeniable fact that in this world, almost all the time, you need the support of other people to make your desires come true. I'll cite the academic community on this one: even if you make a great scientific discovery, you'll never get a Nobel prize if all the other academics think you're a jerk. I really think the primary talent any intelligent person should learn is adaptation - and that includes adapting to your social surroundings. For example: although I played a lot of sports semi-professionally, I have never enjoyed watching sports... especially team sports. Yet, when I go to a hockey game, I make a ton of noise, and force myself to get into the spirit and have a good time, even though I still haven't bothered to learn the rules. Don't like idle gossip? Well, it's the fastest way to permeate a new group of people. Now I'm an active gossip and drama seeker (although I make sure the gossip is harmless). In any case, I feel his point needs to be refined a bit.
- deleted 15y ago
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- pavel_lishin 15y ago
  But do you enjoy acting extroverted? Do you enjoy gossipping and seeking out drama? Do you get bored when you've been alone for too long?
  - Shenglong 15y ago
    Yes, I've grown to enjoy it. It's hard to fake enthusiasm when you're not genuinely having fun. No, I don't get bored when I'm alone, and I don't get bored when I'm with people either. It depends on the situation, and I really do think being able to switch is important.
  - SoftwareMaven 15y ago
    Saying the primary character traits of extroverts is gossipping and seeking drama is just silly. Extroverts make connections with many people (shallow extroverts are drama-seeking gossips), which most introverts simply can't understand. My wife, who is the premier example of an extrovert, has no interest in gossipping or in drama. I've seen far more drama in a group of forum-cruising introverts than in her life.
MetaMan 15y ago
Sorry but I can't take the article seriously. The notion that everybody can simply be divided into either being an "Extrovert" or "Introvert" is very doubtful for me. Even if you accept this one dimensional personality description as being useful by itself; - is it constant (the same in all circumstances), - does it vary over time? - Is everyone either an "introvert" or an "extrovert" OR do people fit on a sliding scale between the two extremes? I'm guessing that the author feels he is an introvert. IMO, rather than trying to redefine or clarify what it means to be an "introvert" just don't accept the "introvert/Extrovert" labels. Its a pseudo-scientific term which is used in a lazy way to put people into neat boxes. I'll bet most people can think of situations where they will act "extroverted" and others where they'll be "introverted". We are neither a number or a label!
- Symmetry 15y ago
  The words "introvert" and "extrovert" have been used by a lot of people over the years, starting all the way back at Freud I think. If a modern scientist uses these words, though, they're probably talking about it in terms of the Big Five[1] personality model, which is mostly just identifying some observed clusters of traits with strong correlations that tend to persist over a person's life. People argue about whether there might be more emperical clusters worth adding, or whether they might be made more orthogonal but generally there's a good amount of rigor behind them, far more than IQ for instance. Introversion/Extroversion is very much a matter of degree, just like pretty much any other human trait. It doesn't uniquely determine behavior by any means, humans are very complex creatures. However, there is a pretty strong correlation [2] between someone acting in an introverted or extroverted manner in one situation and acting the same way later. [1]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Five_personality_traits http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Five_personality_traits [2]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Correlation http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Correlation EDIT: All of which isn't to say that people can't use those terms in pseudo-scientific ways, or that the author of the article isn't. After all, people use terms like 'mass' and 'gravity' in pseudo scientific ways too.
  - MetaMan 15y ago
    Thanks for the links but I remain unconvinced that Extraversion (describing people as either extrovert or introvert) is accurate or ultimately useful. From the 1st Wiki link I note that: 1. "Many studies have confirmed that in predicting actual behavior the more numerous facet or primary level traits are far more effective (e.g. Mershon & Gorsuch, 1988;[25] Paunonon & Ashton, 2001[26])" 2. Most measures are based on self-description. So we have a personality description which is not very accurate in terms of predicting behaviour and which also leads to a lot of disagreement (as witnessed by the comments here) about what it actually means in terms of behaviour and human interaction! If a "measure" is (a) not very accurate and (b) confuses rather than clarifies behaviour / human interaction then for me its not very useful no matter how seductive it is.
jamesaguilar 15y ago
I love his myth #3 response. "Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries" reduces to "Introverts are rude." Personally I don't think the average introvert is rude. I think that not because I redefine what "rude" means, but simply because on average introverts are polite people just like extroverts. Sure, there are socially maladjusted introverts who think that communicative efficiency scales with bluntness. (Hint: making someone feel insulted or defensive is likely to slow you down a lot more than the taking the effort to word criticism cautiously.) Just like there are extroverts that think it's ok to shout someone down or make fun of them until the acquiesce to whatever the extrovert wants. But I don't know that rudeness is more common in either of intro- or extroverts.
vladoh 15y ago
I think it will be very interesting to see a poll for introverts vs. extroverts. Unfortunately I don't have enough karma to create it...
- malingo 15y ago
  I voted you up for that proposal. The discussion here is fascinating--incredibly orthogonal. Although in the end, seems like it's just one of those orthogonal things: neither the discussion nor the poll would change anyone's mind.
- AlexC04 15y ago
  You might find you're interested in this article called "Geographic Distribution of Big Five Personality Traits" http://www.toddkshackelford.com/downloads/Schmitt-JCCP-2007.pdf http://www.toddkshackelford.com/downloads/Schmitt-JCCP-2007.... It's a scientific paper so the reading is going to be 'heavy' but if you skip down to page 198 (it's out of a larger journal, actually closer to about 5 or 10 pages in) you'll see that they graph some of the major traits. - East Asians are generally introverted while everyone else is pretty much 'flat' - East Asia is also the least "Agreeable" while Africa is the most. - EA is the least Consientious, while Africa is the most. - South America is the most open to new experiences while East Asia is the most conservative and resistant to change. - EA is the most Neurotic, while Africa is the least. It's possible that the outstanding nature of the results indicate that something might have been lost in translation when adapting the test to the East Asian market - but who knows? These things are usually quite heavily tested. I'm sure there's a lot more in there that's neat in there, but I only did a quick glance. For a more 'high level' explanation of what the aspects of the big five are: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Five_personality_traits http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Five_personality_traits is a fine overview, and you can actually do your very own personality inventory online http://www.personalitytest.org.uk/ http://www.personalitytest.org.uk/ seems good with a 41 item test, but you can also try some larger ones out there - I've done some 100 item tests online.
rapind 15y ago
#1 Introverts are not introverts. It's a generalization and simplification that's more often wrong than right.
- pavel_lishin 15y ago
  Can you expand on that? I sort of want to downvote you because what you said didn't make sense. Type-A personalities aren't Type-A personalities.
  - rapind 15y ago
    As an example, I read over his points and find myself agreeing with about 60% of them, while the other 40% don't describe me at all. Labels like Introvert are nice and neat, but unfortunately not very realistic.
MatthewPhillips 15y ago
This is relevant to my interests.
drblast 15y ago
The assumption that there's something wrong with not interacting with other people eagerly and often strikes me as oddly egotistical. Other people aren't alive solely for the enjoyment of extraverts. The "problem," if there is one, is that extraverts are uncomfortable and find it difficult to interact with introverts. But this is as much the fault of extraverted people as it is of introverted people. They speak a different language and need to meet halfway to interact effectively. Due to the personality type, however, the extraverts see this as a huge problem while the introverts really don't care all that much. What if we asked the obvious counter-question: Why are extraverts so threatened by anyone who won't interact with them on their terms? Nobody asks that because extraverts get a pass on this; it's the introvert's fault when social interaction between and extravert and an intravert is uncomfortable. I can see why that would happen but it's odd.
- bluekeybox 15y ago
  > Why are extraverts so threatened by anyone who won't interact with them on their terms? I act as an extravert in certain situations and as an introvert in others, so I feel qualified to answer your question. Extraverts don't always interact with everyone -- for example, in circles where social cliques are established, extraverts will interact with people outside of their clique less often. I call this "exclusionary" behavior -- one that serves to maintain the exclusiveness of the clique. Given that cases of extreme introversion are rare, an extravert A is more likely to interpret another individual B (who could well be an extreme introvert) as another extravert who simply shuns individual A so as to exclude A from his or her clique. The reason this "misinterpretation" occurs is because extreme introversion is rare (1% of the population?) while exclusionary behavior (shunning others to maintain exclusive cliques) is relatively highly prevalent (20% of the population?). So the conditional probability that individual B is not an introvert but an extravert exhibiting exclusionary behavior is high. Basically, the extravert A makes a correct conclusion given the limited information he/she possesses. Because the introvert B is unlikely to engage into conversation with A, the individual A will never gain more information about B and will therefore maintain the conclusion that B is an asshole.
  - rokhayakebe 15y ago
thomasgerbe 15y ago
What about ambiverts?
- wisty 15y ago
  What, you mean MOST people? Yeah, they got left off the Myers-Briggs scale. Everyone is either a hermit, or dances on tables after half a cup of coffee. More modern psychological metrics rate people on an introvertedness (or extrovertedness) scale, which is more or less normally distributed. But Myers-Briggs (which is roughly as old as the belief that you can electroshock queers straight) and crappy pop-psychology tests in women's magazines (and facebook) persist in categorizing everyone into two bins. Big 5 (a more modern categorization) is a much better descriptive framework. The factors are introvertedness, openness (or curiosity), conscientious (hard workingness), agreeableness, and neuroticism (the tendency to react to negative emotions). Note how they are all factors, not categories? You don't put normal people into bins.
uniclaude 15y ago
This article does not seem to describe Introverts, but more INTJ/INTP types. Neither all introverts like to solve problems or puzzles, nor they all take data and experience very quickly.
parfe 15y ago
This article is nothing more than a chain-mail style bullshit list and it's sad to see it voted up so highly. I suppose it's a nice ego-stroke for all the self described introverts, but most of the "myths" are actually supported by their counter-descriptions. The Original Source appears to be: http://www.carlkingcreative.com/10-myths-about-introverts http://www.carlkingcreative.com/10-myths-about-introverts They hate small talk. Small talk is a social skill. and when meeting a new person small talk is generally all you have. This basically affirms the "myth". They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings Talk about a value judgment on non-introverts. Being polite is more important than being pointlessly honest. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. If only I could find myself a loyal friend who can't make idle talk, will talk for days about things that only interest him and won't want to do much out in public. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” Ah yes, pity those non-introverts that take weeks to figure "it" out. Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy. Non-introverts are mindless slaves to culture and advertising! it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them. Or said in a way to not flex the ego "Their inner world is comforting and welcoming without challenge from outside stimulus."
- Helianthus 15y ago
  I agree with your general point about the chain-mail style bullshit, but it's not just an ego-stroke for self-described introverts: many are value judgments against introverts. >Myth #7 – Introverts are weird. Introverts (in my experience) _reject the concept of weird_. Social decisions like who's "in" and who's "out" hold no weight. Until this is understood, you're (by you I mean the writer, not you, parfe) not countering the myth that introverts are weird, you're just explaining the reasons people say that introverts are weird. >Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. Again, what is "broken?" It reads like an extrovert making a poor attempt to explain what he knows of introversion to other extroverts.
sambeau 15y ago
I'm often surprised at how many performers are introverts. I have known people who while barely saying a word and make eye contact in close social contact are able to get up on stage and sing, perform and show-off in front of hundreds. A few famous examples: Michael Stipe of R.E.M., George Harrison of The Beatles, Jimi Hendrix.
- droz 15y ago
  In college I used to hold study sessions for undergraduates in computer science. One thing I found was that one-on-one interactions were incredibly simple. Bump that up to may 5 or so people, and the mental effort to keep track of each person's reaction became more difficult. Up to about 15, almost impossible to do effectively. But, once I got past 50, it was almost like being up there by yourself. So, I can see how an introverted performer might have a similar experience as the audience grows in size.
dkarl 15y ago
Just somebody (presumably an introvert) denying common negative generalizations about introverts without providing any supporting references or analysis. Turns out (thank you, oblique63) it was an off-the-cuff list thought up by someone who read a self-help book and was inspired to "redefine [his] entire life in a new and positive context." Seeing introversion as a preference or identity is fine as long as you have a nice consistently introverted life and that's exactly what you want, but it harks back to the day when everybody had their place and accepted their limitations and anyone who felt any conflict or frustration about it was "maladjusted." If you're introverted and want some of the benefits of extroversion, such as a bigger social network for locating jobs and meeting women, or if you discover that you really enjoy a hobby that has a large incidental but unavoidable social component, then you're supposed to realize those things are "just not you" and go home and read a book. Introversion as an identity is a nice explanation when you really don't want to do something. "What, you don't want to go to the Nicki Minaj concert?" "Let me explain. You see, I'm an introvert...." But what explanation do you give yourself when you really want to go see a certain band but you think the social aspect will drain you so much it will be hard to enjoy? There's no simple "I like this" or "I don't like this." There's a conflict that can't be resolved. What do you do when you realize it's nice to have a big diverse circle of friends sometimes -- for trying to round people up for certain activities, or so you aren't limited to the tastes of your one or two really close friends -- but maintaining that social network is intimidating and draining and you don't know if you're up to it? Introversion starts to seem less like a matter of taste and more like a limitation you're fighting against. It's nice to say you're a picky person who doesn't like superficial relationships, who only wants a handful of close friends you can engage with in a meaningful way, but then you plan a backpacking trip and realize there's some climbing involved and it isn't safe to go alone. You could limit yourself to whatever your friends like to do. But the trip sounds really cool, and now that you think about it, you're pretty sure you'd enjoy rock climbing in itself. Wait, there's a problem. Learning basic rock climbing doesn't intimidate you, but you will have to meet people who like climbing, meet enough of them and cultivate enough social connections to put together three or four people to do this hike. What would sound fun to an extrovert -- meet a bunch of new people who share my interests, yay! -- poses a tough decision for the introvert. Do I really want to do this? Will it be worth it? Am I even capable of doing it? It will involve a lot of social interaction, and I don't know if I can muster enough smalltalk and conviviality or if I'll get tired, zone out, fail to engage and be engaging. That brings up another matter of "taste." It would be nice to say I'm simply bored by smalltalk, but I can't kid myself; it isn't that simple. I know that once in a while I do like smalltalk, and when I think about it my ability to enjoy a social situation has more to do with my mood going into it than the situation itself. I get bored when I'm not engaged, and I have difficulty engaging with people because anxiety and stress make me shut down. When I'm overflowing with positive feelings, I have no problem engaging with people and enjoying smalltalk. So the problem isn't smalltalk, unless I want to say that I'm stupid to enjoy it when I do, and right to be bored when it bores me. I could resolve all these problems by having a consistent life and molding my tastes to coincide with my comfort zone. I could just happen to prefer hobbies that shelter me from social situations or bring me together with other introverts instead of forcing me into uncomfortable situations. It's great when it works out that way, and it's certainly a major factor in how I manage to enjoy life! But I chafe against it. I'm maladjusted. I don't like tailoring my life to my natural limitations any more than I like tailoring my life to other people's expectations. My introversion messes with me, so I mess with it right back. Sometimes, when I can afford the energy.
kenjackson 15y ago
The thing that is interesting about introverts (of which I am one) is that they will often say very little in person. But in email will write a rant that goes off in 20 different tangents to ppl they've never met.
cmurdock 15y ago
I hate this sort of stuff because it's so binary. I consider myself a definite gray area and I think a lot of people are in there as well.
a3_nm 15y ago
"Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up." This seems surprisingly simplistic. Is there actually any serious science to back this?
- Goladus 15y ago
  I've spent the last 20 minutes or so digging and haven't found much (though I haven't read the book linked). The most interesting paper I've found is this one from 1990 called The Biological Bases of extraversion: psychophysiological evidence [1]; which discusses a hypothesis by Sybil Eysenck from 1969. Essentially, extraversion and introversion are first observed to be personality traits that can be passed genetically. Eysenck's hypothesis was that introverts were more sensitive to stimulation in the reticular activating system. Attempts to confirm this hypothesis have met with mixed success. Eysanck also came up with a personality inventory, similar to the popular MBTI and the "Big Five" inventory used by psychologists. I haven't yet found anything particularly solid that confirms the connection between those physiological traits and the personality as defined by the Eysanck Questionnaire. Every other paper I have found so far begins by using the Eysanck Questionnaire to sort people into Introverts and Extraverts and does some other tests. [1] http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov.ezp-prod1.hul.harvard.edu/pubmed/2198340 http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov.ezp-prod1.hul.harvard.edu/pubmed...
dholowiski 15y ago
That's great - it's like a user manual for Me. If I wasn't such an introvert, I'd print it out and give it to everybody I work with!
scythe 15y ago
Why do we need this silly choice between being an 'introvert' and being an 'extrovert' and some fifty-cent words to hang around our necks with some attached activities we're supposed to like or dislike? I joke about how awesome it is to be "ENTP", but I don't really take that shit seriously. This whole "*-trovert" obsession drives people away from understanding conversation because they try to categorize it solely as 'necessary' and 'unnecessary'. What sort of life is it when things are solely necessary or unnecessary?
- mcantor 15y ago
  It reminds me of the "alpha male/beta male" thing that leaks out of 4chan occasionally. Sometimes it's just not as easy as one or the other!
  - Psyonic 15y ago
    alpha/beta has gone much bigger than 4chan. I don't have the links on hand, but I've seen it in serious publications recently.
jkuria 15y ago
I just read a very interesting book called The Art of SpeedReading people that supports this article. According to the book the main distinction between an introvert and extravert (yes, not a typo, the term used in the book) is that introverts re-charge by being alone while extaverts recharge by being around people. Even introverts who are socially adept and can thrive in public gatherings, feel drained by the experience and need some time alone afterwords. Extraverts are the exact opposite. Also there are shy extaverts and highly talkative introverts! I highly recommend the book!
AlexC04 15y ago
I did a degree in Psychology and one of the advanced topics in personality theory that came up when discussing the Introversion/Extroversion spectrum was the concept of 'Pseudo Introversion' and 'Pseudo Extroversion' The general crux is that there exist people who are what you might call 'biologically' introverts (or extraverts) but who have made a conscious decision that there is something that they love more than their base trait in the I/E personality dimension. Examples of pesudo-extroverts might be a very shy actor, singer or performer. Socially they'd be considered an introvert, but they love their craft so much that they pretend to be an extrovert in order to do the thing that they love. I thought it was pretty interesting. (More reading: http://carletonnow.carleton.ca/february-2004/personalities-at-work-toward-a-%E2%80%9Cfree-trait%E2%80%9D-agreement-in-ottawa/ http://carletonnow.carleton.ca/february-2004/personalities-a...) And more, this is a good one too: http://harvardmagazine.com/2003/07/introversion-unbound.html http://harvardmagazine.com/2003/07/introversion-unbound.html
int3rnaut 15y ago
Why can't we all just get past labels and respect one another for who we are and act--there wouldn't be a need for this blog post if that was the case which is reason enough to try for that better future.
- pjscott 15y ago
  Labels are sometimes handy for quickly getting an approximate idea of what kind of person you're interacting with. For example, I'm a human rather than (say) a turtle or a supernova, so the "human" label is very useful for telling you how to interact with me. Labels among humans have subtler distinctions behind them, but when people fall in useful clusters, labels can be useful if you bear in mind that they're necessarily fuzzy concepts. My gender is male, I have a fairly nerdy personality, I enjoy hiking and various such outdoor activities -- surely these are potentially useful things to know about me, even if they are not perfect descriptions of me, and do not define my identity. Labels aren't bad; just too often misused.
Benjo 15y ago
I feel compelled to share my current process of understanding and dealing with my own introversion. Maybe this will resonate with others, maybe not. Where I am right now, it's more important for me to be able to share this than anything else. I ended a relationship recently, partly because we had huge communication issues. Her thoughts were always close to the surface, I tended to think about things for hours before finding the courage or words to express ideas that were important to me. When I finally managed to say out loud what I'd been mulling over, she didn't always take me very seriously or even let me finish my thought before jumping in with hers. This of course made it even harder to open up to her again. I tried earnestly to explain to her that I needed quiet time daily to process my thoughts and that interruptions were lethal to my ability to communicate. In the end she never seemed to accept that this was a fundamental part of my personality and not some excuse I was giving her. Often she would make sarcastic comments like "Have you had enough quiet time today?" These relatively innocuous comments hurt me more than most of our arguments, simply because it communicated to me that she truly didn't understand me or what I needed to be happy. Maybe we could have established that communication, but the relationship had gone on too long for that kind of refactoring. After the relationship ended, I suddenly had ten times the social energy. I thought I was burnt out of performing comedy, but suddenly had more then enough energy. I took the time to study social skills and took a hard look at my life and my emotional state. It became clear to me that being introverted had closed me off to not only her, but to all my friends and even family. I realized that my closest friends actually made me LESS social, simply because of the attitudes they held towards meeting new people and society in general. So I started cutting them out of my life. I began a new effort of being more social. I limited my "deep thought introverted" time to when I was actually alone. When I was socializing, I made sure that I extroverted the entire time. If I felt the urge to check my phone or zone out of the conversation, I recognized that my energy had run out, excused myself and left. I made new friends who viewed me as a social, outgoing person. Their expectations of me helped my momentum. I forced myself to be open with people. I ignored my tendency to withhold personal information, embarrassing stories, or questions that might make me look stupid. I started bantering more with coworkers that I hadn't been close to before. I started reinforcing the believe that I shouldn't feel the need to hide anything about myself. I was a little confused by the new amounts of social energy I had. My girlfriend had taken up a lot of my time, but after our breakup, I was able to maintain a schedule with at least twice the social hours as previously. Where was I getting all this energy? I realized that what was draining me wasn't being social, it was being uncomfortable. It was the awkward situations, not social situations in general, that were sapping my energy. I couldn't tell the difference because I was in a situation where 90% of my social interactions were uncomfortable for one reason or another. In my relationship, I was constantly worried about giving her the time she wanted to spend with me while giving my time to process my thoughts and work on projects. In general, I was always trying to follow a train of thought in my head, even when out with friends, or in a meeting, or in a friendly conversation, instead of being present and happy to interact with someone else. The biggest benefit to this change in my life has been the increased sensitivity to my own emotional state, including how much control I had over my own happiness at any given time by means of my own posture, facial expression and state of mind. I realized that just wearing a stupid grin on my face made my happier than any of my academic or professional accomplishments. It was as if my introversion had muted me to my own emotional state. I began to recognize that humans are essentially emotional antennas. Evolution has conditioned us to subcommunicate volumes of information to each other. The emotional state of a person is broadcast and received by everyone around them. Extroverts are much more sensitive to this than introverts. Suddenly I realized why smalltalk, politeness, and so many other things I had never given much value were so important. Other people felt the effects of these things a hundred times more than I had. And they couldn't help it anymore than I could help being introverted. The reverse of this is also true, by learning to recognize this, I began to pick up much more how other people were feeling. Connecting with people and making them happy begin to give me as much satisfaction as I've ever had from programming or making something work. I'm beginning to reconsider whether technical work is good for my emotional state, or if I am even cut out to be happy while doing it. Am I truly an introvert? Yes, I still believe I am pretty strongly introverted by nature. Do I think all introverts are closed off? No. I think most introverts, even those more introverted than me, are more successful than I was at maintaining at least a few close friendships. I do believe that learning how to be comfortable in ones own skin is critical to being a happy person. I certainly didn't give this problem nearly as much attention as I should have. If you take anything away from this, I hope that you will consider if you should be giving it more attention in your life as well.
T_S_ 15y ago
Instead of the "War Between the 'Verts", it would be useful to hear some comments about successfully interfacing with the other type. Seems to me the two types complement each other well in business as long as there is mutual respect.
mcantor 15y ago
Am I the only person who just can't figure out whether I'm an "introvert" or an "extrovert" no matter how hard I try? I hate small talk (and love Smalltalk), but love meeting people. I value unfiltered honesty, but prefer effective communication. I love to be alone with my thoughts, but sometimes I just need to go out and make an idiot of myself at a party. Am I really the only person in the universe with a mutant 'vert-agnostic brain, or maybe, perhaps, are we creating some unnecessary binary distinctions here?
- AlexC04 15y ago
  Look up big five personality test online. (Check my other comment in this thread for a link) you'll find that E/I is a spectrum of opposites. Most likely you sit somewhere in the middle - or score high in both E & I.
amosson 15y ago
Here's an anecdote. My first job out of collage was with a Big 6 accounting firm as a IT consultant. As part of training, we took the Myers-Briggs test (which places you on the Introvert/Extravert spectrum) and spent an entire day discussing the results. The message of the day was any of the different personality types can thrive and people should be aware of other's personality styles and taylor their interactions given what they know about themselves and what they know about the people they are interacting with. This was/is an important lesson and has been helpful in my career. They ended the day with a set of two slides that broke down the population of the firm as a whole and the population of the partners in the firm. 80% of the firm were extraverts and >95% of the partners where extraverts. So the other lesson I learned that day, was that if you want to be in a sales-y leadership position, you better learn to behave like an extravert.
zyfo 15y ago
This is a much better article to pass along to non-introverts, if understanding is the goal: http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2003/03/caring-for-your-introvert/2696/ http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2003/03/caring-f...
rokhayakebe 15y ago
Cheap shot: "The loudest one in the room is also the weakest"
petenixey 15y ago
Why is this being dressed up as introvertedness v. extrovertedness? Introvertedness and extrovertedness are different directions on a scale, not absolute points. Introvertedness covers a far milder set of characteristics than those described here. What the author describes is an extremity of the spectrum and characteristics more usually associated with Asberger or High functioning Autism.
scelerat 15y ago
A lot of this rang true for me. I'm an introvert, always have been. From a very early age I tended towards internal activities: reading, programming. Even the sport I ended up focusing on (running) is a very solitary activity. Social interaction drains me and I need lots of alone time, often preferring it. I play in bands too though, and get a serious, addictive rush from making noise and performing for a lot of people. And I genuinely like people and making friends, but I don't really feel like I'm sharing "me" in a meaningful way unless it's one-on-one or with a very small group. Parties sap my energy, but I go to them because I get to interact with so many people. The only point I take issue with is #9, because I definitely have a thrill-seeking, adrenaline-junkie streak. There's no script.
protagonist_h 15y ago
Judging from responses, the topic resonates well here. Therefore a more interesting question to ask is ― why so many hackers are introverts/shy/anti-social etc? Or more precisely, which one causes the other? Is it spending too much time in front of your computer which makes you introvert? Or is it that introverts are more inclined to take up solitude activities like programming?
thret 15y ago
#5 is the only one that doesn't apply to me. I quite enjoy observing crowd activities and can do this for long periods of time. I don't know how to 'let go' and join in with the crowd but it is precisely that release I find so fascinating to watch.
Macro 15y ago
So true!
ChrisMac 15y ago
A site I read on social skills has a post explaining why it doesn't use the words Introvert and Extrovert. The main points it gives are: * There are no agreed upon definitions of the terms * Just bringing up the terms can derail conversations and turn them into debate on what the words really mean (e.g., like what is happening in this thread) * The terms cram too many sub-concepts into one * False dichotomy * Tends to ignore context (i.e., people act differently in different situations) * Associated with a bitter Us vs. Them mentality * The terms can make people feel defensive and closed off * The words can be self-limiting labels Full post: http://www.succeedsocially.com/introversion http://www.succeedsocially.com/introversion
crux 15y ago
I have to agree with some other commenters that although this article is accurate enough, it establishes a view of introversion that's so rigidly determined, so reified, and so self-perpetuating and self-justifying that I find it hard to recognize and certainly hard to endorse as a lifestyle. The personality type and lifestyle here is a sort of baseline tendency for introverts (like myself), but there's so much more leeway and growth possible within the most introverted soul that it makes me a little sad to see something so pat about these tendencies (and the whole dopamine thing—well, let's just say I Am Not A Neuroscientist but I suspect that Dr. Laney isn't one either). A couple commenters have suggested that instead of wholly embracing these practices—especially the ones about being rude to people—it's advantageous, for job purposes, to meet women, to learn to at least put up with talking to other people. To be honest it's been kind of entertaining to hear from introverts who view the great extroverted mob like an enemy camp, to be infiltrated—at great personal expense, but to great personal reward—by learning to mimic their ways. I want to suggest that it's possible to actually learn to enjoy being social and meeting people. You know, for its own sake. While it's true that eventually one will find that they might need to make relationships with other people so they can do camping trips and get laid and such, I have found that actually humanizing people, rather than treating them as ends to means, is more satisfying and healthy in the long run. Further, while it's nice to try to maintain a few close relationships, I think it's more satisfying and healthy to learn to get beyond a simplistic superficial/real binary with your human relationships—and by extension, with other people. There are lots of ways to be introverted without seeing nearly the whole raft of humanity as psychic vampires, or insensitive extroverts, or simply resource repositories that you need to interact with. If you treat a work relationship or a bank teller with this attitude of, 'I'm not interested in superficial small talk. You only exist to me for the purposes of sending and receiving information or resources', you will not ONLY be alone when you want to go camping, but you will also be spiritually and emotionally impoverished. The good news is, it IS possible to learn to enjoy talking with other people, even if it's ultimately tiring. I mean, most things in life are tiring. That's the nature of energy—we spend it on doing things. But you can be mindful of your energy level (and I might suggest, blood sugar) without having to abstain from all human contact. In fact, you can even enjoy human contact. The last 8 or so years of my life has been in a large part about learning to enjoy human contact—and I've learned to enjoy it by learning to be _good_ at it. I am now, I am glad to say, a pretty charming guy. I tell good stories, I meet people well, I dress well, I make a good impression. This means that I don't have trouble meeting women or finding partners for the activities that I like, but it also means that I derive actual satisfaction from the practice of social skills. I like exercising my expertise, like most people, and I like the rewards I get—social reinforcement, positive feedback, that sort of thing. And I think that's been the key for me. I didn't decide to embark on a project of self-improvement and socialization because it was necessary for my eventual professional success. I learned to get off on doing a good job at social behavior. Introvert or not, it still _feels good_ to be a charming, likeable person. It just means I take a nap afterwards.
mattiask 15y ago
You know being an introvert or extrovert isn't a binary thing but rather a spectrum. If you want to find out how you are on that scale you can get do a Myers-Briggs personality test to get a rough estimate. I'm squarely in the middle myself, I enjoy being by myself for periods of time working on my own stuff but after a while I need to socialize, and when I've socialized I need some me-time again :) I just hope people think they're introverted because they lack social skills, being uncomfortable and not enjoying certain social situations doesn't mean one is introverted it only means one has to improve one's social skills. They're like any skill, something you learn by experience and practice. Perhaps the reason that people think many computer-oriented people are introverted is because they choose to spend time in front of their computer instead of interacting with people (irl) and therefore don't develop their social skills as much.
schiptsov 15y ago
There is my demystification. ^_^ http://schiptsov.blogspot.com/2011/06/top-ten-oversimplifications-over.html http://schiptsov.blogspot.com/2011/06/top-ten-oversimplifica...
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known 15y ago
Can introverts become good sales man?
JohnnyBrown 15y ago
O language, how poorly suited you are to describing the multidimensional space that holds all possible personalities

429 points by Teckla 15y ago

The definition of introvert is already so vague it's hard to take this seriously.

original, slightly more detailed article: http://www.carlkingcreative.com/10-myths-about-introverts http://www.carlkingcreative.com/10-myths-about-introverts

tybris 15y ago
I like that one much better. No need for the cockiness.

latentflip 15y ago

This list is taken from this article: http://www.carlkingcreative.com/10-myths-about-introverts http://www.carlkingcreative.com/10-myths-about-introverts which is based on the guy reading this book: http://www.amazon.com/Introvert-Advantage-Thrive-Extrovert-World/dp/0761123695 http://www.amazon.com/Introvert-Advantage-Thrive-Extrovert-W... I read the book myself recently, and I can highly recommend it if you feel that you sit anywhere on the introvert spectrum. It covers the "science" behind introversion, how introverts vs. extroverts think and respond to stimuli and neurochemicals. (I put science in quotes as I don't know enough about the brain to know how scientific the discussion is but I found it useful and interesting nonetheless). It then goes on to look at how this affects introverts' interactions with themselves, others, and in social situations - with some thoughts and guidance on how to better integrate into an "extroverted world" without just trying to be more extroverted. I have definitely found it helpful and it's made me think a lot about who I am and how I react to life as an introvert.

jinushaun 15y ago

Pretty much describe me, and I consider myself an introvert.

tcskeptic 15y ago

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude. Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Yes, this is often called being rude. It may be true that by this guys definition introverts don't mean to be rude, but if a person (introvert or otherwise) acts as described above, that is rude.

46Bit 15y ago
If we're going to keep to narrow introvert/extrovert definitions here, then to an extrovert only is that rude. Personally I find small talk and social pleasantries little more than a way to waste time and pretend you care more than you really do. I rely on the pretty sensible concept that if someone has anything important to tell me, they'll come out with it. Besides, the internet is wonderful for me because social niceties have faded. You don't get forum posts with 5 lines of social waffle, you get people just cutting to the chase. Think just-go-ahead-and-say-it IRC.
- Monkeyget 15y ago
  Social niceties serve as a grease that makes the social interaction go smoothly. By avoiding those and being frank and direct you only introduce sand in the mechanism. There was a wonderful quote to this effect a while ago on HN but I can't quite find it.
  - mkr-hn 15y ago
    How does it introduce sand without one party deciding it's going to create friction? It wouldn't exist between two no-need-for-pleasantries people.
    - munificent 15y ago
      Smalltalk is exactly how you find out what the other party's preferred communication style is. People don't give a shit about the weather. They talk about it because it's a convenient substrate to see how a person interacts. Are they terse? Long-winded? Sad? Happy? What kind of accent to they have? Do they seem busy?

Hisoka 15y ago

Myth #6 describes me. I prefer authentic one on one connections rather than spreading myself "too thin". I think that's a problem w/ people with too many friends. Having too many friends is good but it also means you can't be great friends to all of them.

potatolicious 15y ago
I used to think (and act) the same, but I think it's really an unfair judgment on extroverts. What happened is that I started dedicating more time/effort to my relationships, and what I've found is that I can maintain good, meaningful friendships with a larger sphere of people than I thought would be possible. It's also a mistake to believe that extroverts have a large circle of loose friendships and that's it. This can't be further from the truth - everyone has close friends, and much looser acquaintances. It's one of the more annoying aspects of the "introverts are people too" movement - the constant need to put-down extroverts and the persistent claim that extroverts' relationships are predominantly shallow.

jhamburger 15y ago

Here's a myth held by introverts. Introverts (rightly) believe that extroverts don't understand them, but they don't understand extroverts as well as they think they do. Case in point, the commonly held belief on HN that extroverts mostly BS their way through life while the introverts are doing the real work. In reality we introverts probably don't understand how incredibly nuanced seemingly superficial relationships and conversations can be.

ignifero 15y ago
As an introvert, i understand very well how extroverts think. For years i tried to become more extroverted, only to discover at a certain point that it's a dysfunctional path that leads to a superficial, seemingly fullfilling but unfocused and non-goal-directed lives. The nuance of conversation is a charm, it fades fast. The way I see it is time management: life is short, do you want to spend most of it dealing with people or things? for me it's "things", because they have a higher signal/noise ratio.
- jhamburger 15y ago
  And an extrovert trying to become an introvert would probably find himself incredibly bored and lonely. They're just two different orientations, we don't need to be constantly asserting superiority over one or the other.
  - knieveltech 15y ago
    I agree with your sentiment but I think you're railing against the tide here. Asserting superiority is what people do. It's largely hardwired.
    - innes 15y ago
      Speak for yourself - I like to think I'm above that.
      - 15y ago

jfruh 15y ago

I consider myself pretty introverted but I'm also pretty conflict-averse, which means that myth #3 doesn't apply at all, at least to me -- if anything, I tend to be overly polite with people. And I know lots of introverts who are the same way. The introvert-extrovert axis is a great tool for understanding behavior, but don't just assume that every angle of your personality arises from where you are on that spectrum.

jhamburger 15y ago
I would describe myself the same way. However sometimes I find myself in conversations where I might for example not respond to something someone says, and rather just reflect on it in my own mind as I don't really have anything meaningful to add. This makes perfect sense in my head where two different "conversations", internal and external are going on, but I realize that in real life it's pretty awkward.

john2x 15y ago

Most of the explanations pretty much equate to its corresponding myth, more or less. P.S. being a shy introvert sucks.

ignifero 15y ago
indeed, all but #9 and #10 are not myths, for me P.s. many introverts loathe themselves
- billswift 15y ago
  Because the culture tells introverts that they are basically just "broken extroverts". EDIT: I meant American culture, as several people have pointed out other cultures are somewhat different about this.

agentultra 15y ago

Myth #11: all introverts are exactly alike I think it is worthwhile to note that not all introverts are alike. I can tick off some similiarities in this list with myself, but my experience of being an introvert is quite different. ymmv.

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Shenglong 15y ago

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts. I don't know if "fix" is the right word in the complete, but they can definitely change. I used to follow that list pretty closely - and while there's nothing intrinsically wrong with that, I realized that it can be extremely socially disadvantageous. Regardless of how smart someone is, it's an undeniable fact that in this world, almost all the time, you need the support of other people to make your desires come true. I'll cite the academic community on this one: even if you make a great scientific discovery, you'll never get a Nobel prize if all the other academics think you're a jerk. I really think the primary talent any intelligent person should learn is adaptation - and that includes adapting to your social surroundings. For example: although I played a lot of sports semi-professionally, I have never enjoyed watching sports... especially team sports. Yet, when I go to a hockey game, I make a ton of noise, and force myself to get into the spirit and have a good time, even though I still haven't bothered to learn the rules. Don't like idle gossip? Well, it's the fastest way to permeate a new group of people. Now I'm an active gossip and drama seeker (although I make sure the gossip is harmless). In any case, I feel his point needs to be refined a bit.

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pavel_lishin 15y ago
But do you enjoy acting extroverted? Do you enjoy gossipping and seeking out drama? Do you get bored when you've been alone for too long?
- Shenglong 15y ago
  Yes, I've grown to enjoy it. It's hard to fake enthusiasm when you're not genuinely having fun. No, I don't get bored when I'm alone, and I don't get bored when I'm with people either. It depends on the situation, and I really do think being able to switch is important.
- SoftwareMaven 15y ago
  Saying the primary character traits of extroverts is gossipping and seeking drama is just silly. Extroverts make connections with many people (shallow extroverts are drama-seeking gossips), which most introverts simply can't understand. My wife, who is the premier example of an extrovert, has no interest in gossipping or in drama. I've seen far more drama in a group of forum-cruising introverts than in her life.

MetaMan 15y ago

Sorry but I can't take the article seriously. The notion that everybody can simply be divided into either being an "Extrovert" or "Introvert" is very doubtful for me. Even if you accept this one dimensional personality description as being useful by itself; - is it constant (the same in all circumstances), - does it vary over time? - Is everyone either an "introvert" or an "extrovert" OR do people fit on a sliding scale between the two extremes? I'm guessing that the author feels he is an introvert. IMO, rather than trying to redefine or clarify what it means to be an "introvert" just don't accept the "introvert/Extrovert" labels. Its a pseudo-scientific term which is used in a lazy way to put people into neat boxes. I'll bet most people can think of situations where they will act "extroverted" and others where they'll be "introverted". We are neither a number or a label!

Symmetry 15y ago
The words "introvert" and "extrovert" have been used by a lot of people over the years, starting all the way back at Freud I think. If a modern scientist uses these words, though, they're probably talking about it in terms of the Big Five[1] personality model, which is mostly just identifying some observed clusters of traits with strong correlations that tend to persist over a person's life. People argue about whether there might be more emperical clusters worth adding, or whether they might be made more orthogonal but generally there's a good amount of rigor behind them, far more than IQ for instance. Introversion/Extroversion is very much a matter of degree, just like pretty much any other human trait. It doesn't uniquely determine behavior by any means, humans are very complex creatures. However, there is a pretty strong correlation [2] between someone acting in an introverted or extroverted manner in one situation and acting the same way later. [1]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Five_personality_traits http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Five_personality_traits [2]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Correlation http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Correlation EDIT: All of which isn't to say that people can't use those terms in pseudo-scientific ways, or that the author of the article isn't. After all, people use terms like 'mass' and 'gravity' in pseudo scientific ways too.
- MetaMan 15y ago
  Thanks for the links but I remain unconvinced that Extraversion (describing people as either extrovert or introvert) is accurate or ultimately useful. From the 1st Wiki link I note that: 1. "Many studies have confirmed that in predicting actual behavior the more numerous facet or primary level traits are far more effective (e.g. Mershon & Gorsuch, 1988;[25] Paunonon & Ashton, 2001[26])" 2. Most measures are based on self-description. So we have a personality description which is not very accurate in terms of predicting behaviour and which also leads to a lot of disagreement (as witnessed by the comments here) about what it actually means in terms of behaviour and human interaction! If a "measure" is (a) not very accurate and (b) confuses rather than clarifies behaviour / human interaction then for me its not very useful no matter how seductive it is.

jamesaguilar 15y ago

I love his myth #3 response. "Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries" reduces to "Introverts are rude." Personally I don't think the average introvert is rude. I think that not because I redefine what "rude" means, but simply because on average introverts are polite people just like extroverts. Sure, there are socially maladjusted introverts who think that communicative efficiency scales with bluntness. (Hint: making someone feel insulted or defensive is likely to slow you down a lot more than the taking the effort to word criticism cautiously.) Just like there are extroverts that think it's ok to shout someone down or make fun of them until the acquiesce to whatever the extrovert wants. But I don't know that rudeness is more common in either of intro- or extroverts.

vladoh 15y ago

I think it will be very interesting to see a poll for introverts vs. extroverts. Unfortunately I don't have enough karma to create it...

malingo 15y ago
I voted you up for that proposal. The discussion here is fascinating--incredibly orthogonal. Although in the end, seems like it's just one of those orthogonal things: neither the discussion nor the poll would change anyone's mind.
AlexC04 15y ago
You might find you're interested in this article called "Geographic Distribution of Big Five Personality Traits" http://www.toddkshackelford.com/downloads/Schmitt-JCCP-2007.pdf http://www.toddkshackelford.com/downloads/Schmitt-JCCP-2007.... It's a scientific paper so the reading is going to be 'heavy' but if you skip down to page 198 (it's out of a larger journal, actually closer to about 5 or 10 pages in) you'll see that they graph some of the major traits. - East Asians are generally introverted while everyone else is pretty much 'flat' - East Asia is also the least "Agreeable" while Africa is the most. - EA is the least Consientious, while Africa is the most. - South America is the most open to new experiences while East Asia is the most conservative and resistant to change. - EA is the most Neurotic, while Africa is the least. It's possible that the outstanding nature of the results indicate that something might have been lost in translation when adapting the test to the East Asian market - but who knows? These things are usually quite heavily tested. I'm sure there's a lot more in there that's neat in there, but I only did a quick glance. For a more 'high level' explanation of what the aspects of the big five are: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Five_personality_traits http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Five_personality_traits is a fine overview, and you can actually do your very own personality inventory online http://www.personalitytest.org.uk/ http://www.personalitytest.org.uk/ seems good with a 41 item test, but you can also try some larger ones out there - I've done some 100 item tests online.

rapind 15y ago

#1 Introverts are not introverts. It's a generalization and simplification that's more often wrong than right.

pavel_lishin 15y ago
Can you expand on that? I sort of want to downvote you because what you said didn't make sense. Type-A personalities aren't Type-A personalities.
- rapind 15y ago
  As an example, I read over his points and find myself agreeing with about 60% of them, while the other 40% don't describe me at all. Labels like Introvert are nice and neat, but unfortunately not very realistic.

MatthewPhillips 15y ago

This is relevant to my interests.

drblast 15y ago

The assumption that there's something wrong with not interacting with other people eagerly and often strikes me as oddly egotistical. Other people aren't alive solely for the enjoyment of extraverts. The "problem," if there is one, is that extraverts are uncomfortable and find it difficult to interact with introverts. But this is as much the fault of extraverted people as it is of introverted people. They speak a different language and need to meet halfway to interact effectively. Due to the personality type, however, the extraverts see this as a huge problem while the introverts really don't care all that much. What if we asked the obvious counter-question: Why are extraverts so threatened by anyone who won't interact with them on their terms? Nobody asks that because extraverts get a pass on this; it's the introvert's fault when social interaction between and extravert and an intravert is uncomfortable. I can see why that would happen but it's odd.

bluekeybox 15y ago
> Why are extraverts so threatened by anyone who won't interact with them on their terms? I act as an extravert in certain situations and as an introvert in others, so I feel qualified to answer your question. Extraverts don't always interact with everyone -- for example, in circles where social cliques are established, extraverts will interact with people outside of their clique less often. I call this "exclusionary" behavior -- one that serves to maintain the exclusiveness of the clique. Given that cases of extreme introversion are rare, an extravert A is more likely to interpret another individual B (who could well be an extreme introvert) as another extravert who simply shuns individual A so as to exclude A from his or her clique. The reason this "misinterpretation" occurs is because extreme introversion is rare (1% of the population?) while exclusionary behavior (shunning others to maintain exclusive cliques) is relatively highly prevalent (20% of the population?). So the conditional probability that individual B is not an introvert but an extravert exhibiting exclusionary behavior is high. Basically, the extravert A makes a correct conclusion given the limited information he/she possesses. Because the introvert B is unlikely to engage into conversation with A, the individual A will never gain more information about B and will therefore maintain the conclusion that B is an asshole.
- rokhayakebe 15y ago

thomasgerbe 15y ago

What about ambiverts?

wisty 15y ago
What, you mean MOST people? Yeah, they got left off the Myers-Briggs scale. Everyone is either a hermit, or dances on tables after half a cup of coffee. More modern psychological metrics rate people on an introvertedness (or extrovertedness) scale, which is more or less normally distributed. But Myers-Briggs (which is roughly as old as the belief that you can electroshock queers straight) and crappy pop-psychology tests in women's magazines (and facebook) persist in categorizing everyone into two bins. Big 5 (a more modern categorization) is a much better descriptive framework. The factors are introvertedness, openness (or curiosity), conscientious (hard workingness), agreeableness, and neuroticism (the tendency to react to negative emotions). Note how they are all factors, not categories? You don't put normal people into bins.

uniclaude 15y ago

This article does not seem to describe Introverts, but more INTJ/INTP types. Neither all introverts like to solve problems or puzzles, nor they all take data and experience very quickly.

parfe 15y ago

This article is nothing more than a chain-mail style bullshit list and it's sad to see it voted up so highly. I suppose it's a nice ego-stroke for all the self described introverts, but most of the "myths" are actually supported by their counter-descriptions. The Original Source appears to be: http://www.carlkingcreative.com/10-myths-about-introverts http://www.carlkingcreative.com/10-myths-about-introverts They hate small talk. Small talk is a social skill. and when meeting a new person small talk is generally all you have. This basically affirms the "myth". They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings Talk about a value judgment on non-introverts. Being polite is more important than being pointlessly honest. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. If only I could find myself a loyal friend who can't make idle talk, will talk for days about things that only interest him and won't want to do much out in public. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” Ah yes, pity those non-introverts that take weeks to figure "it" out. Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy. Non-introverts are mindless slaves to culture and advertising! it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them. Or said in a way to not flex the ego "Their inner world is comforting and welcoming without challenge from outside stimulus."

Helianthus 15y ago
I agree with your general point about the chain-mail style bullshit, but it's not just an ego-stroke for self-described introverts: many are value judgments against introverts. >Myth #7 – Introverts are weird. Introverts (in my experience) _reject the concept of weird_. Social decisions like who's "in" and who's "out" hold no weight. Until this is understood, you're (by you I mean the writer, not you, parfe) not countering the myth that introverts are weird, you're just explaining the reasons people say that introverts are weird. >Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. Again, what is "broken?" It reads like an extrovert making a poor attempt to explain what he knows of introversion to other extroverts.

sambeau 15y ago

I'm often surprised at how many performers are introverts. I have known people who while barely saying a word and make eye contact in close social contact are able to get up on stage and sing, perform and show-off in front of hundreds. A few famous examples: Michael Stipe of R.E.M., George Harrison of The Beatles, Jimi Hendrix.

droz 15y ago
In college I used to hold study sessions for undergraduates in computer science. One thing I found was that one-on-one interactions were incredibly simple. Bump that up to may 5 or so people, and the mental effort to keep track of each person's reaction became more difficult. Up to about 15, almost impossible to do effectively. But, once I got past 50, it was almost like being up there by yourself. So, I can see how an introverted performer might have a similar experience as the audience grows in size.

dkarl 15y ago

Just somebody (presumably an introvert) denying common negative generalizations about introverts without providing any supporting references or analysis. Turns out (thank you, oblique63) it was an off-the-cuff list thought up by someone who read a self-help book and was inspired to "redefine [his] entire life in a new and positive context." Seeing introversion as a preference or identity is fine as long as you have a nice consistently introverted life and that's exactly what you want, but it harks back to the day when everybody had their place and accepted their limitations and anyone who felt any conflict or frustration about it was "maladjusted." If you're introverted and want some of the benefits of extroversion, such as a bigger social network for locating jobs and meeting women, or if you discover that you really enjoy a hobby that has a large incidental but unavoidable social component, then you're supposed to realize those things are "just not you" and go home and read a book. Introversion as an identity is a nice explanation when you really don't want to do something. "What, you don't want to go to the Nicki Minaj concert?" "Let me explain. You see, I'm an introvert...." But what explanation do you give yourself when you really want to go see a certain band but you think the social aspect will drain you so much it will be hard to enjoy? There's no simple "I like this" or "I don't like this." There's a conflict that can't be resolved. What do you do when you realize it's nice to have a big diverse circle of friends sometimes -- for trying to round people up for certain activities, or so you aren't limited to the tastes of your one or two really close friends -- but maintaining that social network is intimidating and draining and you don't know if you're up to it? Introversion starts to seem less like a matter of taste and more like a limitation you're fighting against. It's nice to say you're a picky person who doesn't like superficial relationships, who only wants a handful of close friends you can engage with in a meaningful way, but then you plan a backpacking trip and realize there's some climbing involved and it isn't safe to go alone. You could limit yourself to whatever your friends like to do. But the trip sounds really cool, and now that you think about it, you're pretty sure you'd enjoy rock climbing in itself. Wait, there's a problem. Learning basic rock climbing doesn't intimidate you, but you will have to meet people who like climbing, meet enough of them and cultivate enough social connections to put together three or four people to do this hike. What would sound fun to an extrovert -- meet a bunch of new people who share my interests, yay! -- poses a tough decision for the introvert. Do I really want to do this? Will it be worth it? Am I even capable of doing it? It will involve a lot of social interaction, and I don't know if I can muster enough smalltalk and conviviality or if I'll get tired, zone out, fail to engage and be engaging. That brings up another matter of "taste." It would be nice to say I'm simply bored by smalltalk, but I can't kid myself; it isn't that simple. I know that once in a while I do like smalltalk, and when I think about it my ability to enjoy a social situation has more to do with my mood going into it than the situation itself. I get bored when I'm not engaged, and I have difficulty engaging with people because anxiety and stress make me shut down. When I'm overflowing with positive feelings, I have no problem engaging with people and enjoying smalltalk. So the problem isn't smalltalk, unless I want to say that I'm stupid to enjoy it when I do, and right to be bored when it bores me. I could resolve all these problems by having a consistent life and molding my tastes to coincide with my comfort zone. I could just happen to prefer hobbies that shelter me from social situations or bring me together with other introverts instead of forcing me into uncomfortable situations. It's great when it works out that way, and it's certainly a major factor in how I manage to enjoy life! But I chafe against it. I'm maladjusted. I don't like tailoring my life to my natural limitations any more than I like tailoring my life to other people's expectations. My introversion messes with me, so I mess with it right back. Sometimes, when I can afford the energy.

kenjackson 15y ago

The thing that is interesting about introverts (of which I am one) is that they will often say very little in person. But in email will write a rant that goes off in 20 different tangents to ppl they've never met.

cmurdock 15y ago

I hate this sort of stuff because it's so binary. I consider myself a definite gray area and I think a lot of people are in there as well.

a3_nm 15y ago

"Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up." This seems surprisingly simplistic. Is there actually any serious science to back this?

Goladus 15y ago
I've spent the last 20 minutes or so digging and haven't found much (though I haven't read the book linked). The most interesting paper I've found is this one from 1990 called The Biological Bases of extraversion: psychophysiological evidence [1]; which discusses a hypothesis by Sybil Eysenck from 1969. Essentially, extraversion and introversion are first observed to be personality traits that can be passed genetically. Eysenck's hypothesis was that introverts were more sensitive to stimulation in the reticular activating system. Attempts to confirm this hypothesis have met with mixed success. Eysanck also came up with a personality inventory, similar to the popular MBTI and the "Big Five" inventory used by psychologists. I haven't yet found anything particularly solid that confirms the connection between those physiological traits and the personality as defined by the Eysanck Questionnaire. Every other paper I have found so far begins by using the Eysanck Questionnaire to sort people into Introverts and Extraverts and does some other tests. [1] http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov.ezp-prod1.hul.harvard.edu/pubmed/2198340 http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov.ezp-prod1.hul.harvard.edu/pubmed...

dholowiski 15y ago

That's great - it's like a user manual for Me. If I wasn't such an introvert, I'd print it out and give it to everybody I work with!

scythe 15y ago

Why do we need this silly choice between being an 'introvert' and being an 'extrovert' and some fifty-cent words to hang around our necks with some attached activities we're supposed to like or dislike? I joke about how awesome it is to be "ENTP", but I don't really take that shit seriously. This whole "*-trovert" obsession drives people away from understanding conversation because they try to categorize it solely as 'necessary' and 'unnecessary'. What sort of life is it when things are solely necessary or unnecessary?

mcantor 15y ago
It reminds me of the "alpha male/beta male" thing that leaks out of 4chan occasionally. Sometimes it's just not as easy as one or the other!
- Psyonic 15y ago
  alpha/beta has gone much bigger than 4chan. I don't have the links on hand, but I've seen it in serious publications recently.

jkuria 15y ago

I just read a very interesting book called The Art of SpeedReading people that supports this article. According to the book the main distinction between an introvert and extravert (yes, not a typo, the term used in the book) is that introverts re-charge by being alone while extaverts recharge by being around people. Even introverts who are socially adept and can thrive in public gatherings, feel drained by the experience and need some time alone afterwords. Extraverts are the exact opposite. Also there are shy extaverts and highly talkative introverts! I highly recommend the book!

AlexC04 15y ago

I did a degree in Psychology and one of the advanced topics in personality theory that came up when discussing the Introversion/Extroversion spectrum was the concept of 'Pseudo Introversion' and 'Pseudo Extroversion' The general crux is that there exist people who are what you might call 'biologically' introverts (or extraverts) but who have made a conscious decision that there is something that they love more than their base trait in the I/E personality dimension. Examples of pesudo-extroverts might be a very shy actor, singer or performer. Socially they'd be considered an introvert, but they love their craft so much that they pretend to be an extrovert in order to do the thing that they love. I thought it was pretty interesting. (More reading: http://carletonnow.carleton.ca/february-2004/personalities-at-work-toward-a-%E2%80%9Cfree-trait%E2%80%9D-agreement-in-ottawa/ http://carletonnow.carleton.ca/february-2004/personalities-a...) And more, this is a good one too: http://harvardmagazine.com/2003/07/introversion-unbound.html http://harvardmagazine.com/2003/07/introversion-unbound.html

int3rnaut 15y ago

Why can't we all just get past labels and respect one another for who we are and act--there wouldn't be a need for this blog post if that was the case which is reason enough to try for that better future.

pjscott 15y ago
Labels are sometimes handy for quickly getting an approximate idea of what kind of person you're interacting with. For example, I'm a human rather than (say) a turtle or a supernova, so the "human" label is very useful for telling you how to interact with me. Labels among humans have subtler distinctions behind them, but when people fall in useful clusters, labels can be useful if you bear in mind that they're necessarily fuzzy concepts. My gender is male, I have a fairly nerdy personality, I enjoy hiking and various such outdoor activities -- surely these are potentially useful things to know about me, even if they are not perfect descriptions of me, and do not define my identity. Labels aren't bad; just too often misused.

Benjo 15y ago

I feel compelled to share my current process of understanding and dealing with my own introversion. Maybe this will resonate with others, maybe not. Where I am right now, it's more important for me to be able to share this than anything else. I ended a relationship recently, partly because we had huge communication issues. Her thoughts were always close to the surface, I tended to think about things for hours before finding the courage or words to express ideas that were important to me. When I finally managed to say out loud what I'd been mulling over, she didn't always take me very seriously or even let me finish my thought before jumping in with hers. This of course made it even harder to open up to her again. I tried earnestly to explain to her that I needed quiet time daily to process my thoughts and that interruptions were lethal to my ability to communicate. In the end she never seemed to accept that this was a fundamental part of my personality and not some excuse I was giving her. Often she would make sarcastic comments like "Have you had enough quiet time today?" These relatively innocuous comments hurt me more than most of our arguments, simply because it communicated to me that she truly didn't understand me or what I needed to be happy. Maybe we could have established that communication, but the relationship had gone on too long for that kind of refactoring. After the relationship ended, I suddenly had ten times the social energy. I thought I was burnt out of performing comedy, but suddenly had more then enough energy. I took the time to study social skills and took a hard look at my life and my emotional state. It became clear to me that being introverted had closed me off to not only her, but to all my friends and even family. I realized that my closest friends actually made me LESS social, simply because of the attitudes they held towards meeting new people and society in general. So I started cutting them out of my life. I began a new effort of being more social. I limited my "deep thought introverted" time to when I was actually alone. When I was socializing, I made sure that I extroverted the entire time. If I felt the urge to check my phone or zone out of the conversation, I recognized that my energy had run out, excused myself and left. I made new friends who viewed me as a social, outgoing person. Their expectations of me helped my momentum. I forced myself to be open with people. I ignored my tendency to withhold personal information, embarrassing stories, or questions that might make me look stupid. I started bantering more with coworkers that I hadn't been close to before. I started reinforcing the believe that I shouldn't feel the need to hide anything about myself. I was a little confused by the new amounts of social energy I had. My girlfriend had taken up a lot of my time, but after our breakup, I was able to maintain a schedule with at least twice the social hours as previously. Where was I getting all this energy? I realized that what was draining me wasn't being social, it was being uncomfortable. It was the awkward situations, not social situations in general, that were sapping my energy. I couldn't tell the difference because I was in a situation where 90% of my social interactions were uncomfortable for one reason or another. In my relationship, I was constantly worried about giving her the time she wanted to spend with me while giving my time to process my thoughts and work on projects. In general, I was always trying to follow a train of thought in my head, even when out with friends, or in a meeting, or in a friendly conversation, instead of being present and happy to interact with someone else. The biggest benefit to this change in my life has been the increased sensitivity to my own emotional state, including how much control I had over my own happiness at any given time by means of my own posture, facial expression and state of mind. I realized that just wearing a stupid grin on my face made my happier than any of my academic or professional accomplishments. It was as if my introversion had muted me to my own emotional state. I began to recognize that humans are essentially emotional antennas. Evolution has conditioned us to subcommunicate volumes of information to each other. The emotional state of a person is broadcast and received by everyone around them. Extroverts are much more sensitive to this than introverts. Suddenly I realized why smalltalk, politeness, and so many other things I had never given much value were so important. Other people felt the effects of these things a hundred times more than I had. And they couldn't help it anymore than I could help being introverted. The reverse of this is also true, by learning to recognize this, I began to pick up much more how other people were feeling. Connecting with people and making them happy begin to give me as much satisfaction as I've ever had from programming or making something work. I'm beginning to reconsider whether technical work is good for my emotional state, or if I am even cut out to be happy while doing it. Am I truly an introvert? Yes, I still believe I am pretty strongly introverted by nature. Do I think all introverts are closed off? No. I think most introverts, even those more introverted than me, are more successful than I was at maintaining at least a few close friendships. I do believe that learning how to be comfortable in ones own skin is critical to being a happy person. I certainly didn't give this problem nearly as much attention as I should have. If you take anything away from this, I hope that you will consider if you should be giving it more attention in your life as well.

T_S_ 15y ago

Instead of the "War Between the 'Verts", it would be useful to hear some comments about successfully interfacing with the other type. Seems to me the two types complement each other well in business as long as there is mutual respect.

mcantor 15y ago

Am I the only person who just can't figure out whether I'm an "introvert" or an "extrovert" no matter how hard I try? I hate small talk (and love Smalltalk), but love meeting people. I value unfiltered honesty, but prefer effective communication. I love to be alone with my thoughts, but sometimes I just need to go out and make an idiot of myself at a party. Am I really the only person in the universe with a mutant 'vert-agnostic brain, or maybe, perhaps, are we creating some unnecessary binary distinctions here?

AlexC04 15y ago
Look up big five personality test online. (Check my other comment in this thread for a link) you'll find that E/I is a spectrum of opposites. Most likely you sit somewhere in the middle - or score high in both E & I.

amosson 15y ago

Here's an anecdote. My first job out of collage was with a Big 6 accounting firm as a IT consultant. As part of training, we took the Myers-Briggs test (which places you on the Introvert/Extravert spectrum) and spent an entire day discussing the results. The message of the day was any of the different personality types can thrive and people should be aware of other's personality styles and taylor their interactions given what they know about themselves and what they know about the people they are interacting with. This was/is an important lesson and has been helpful in my career. They ended the day with a set of two slides that broke down the population of the firm as a whole and the population of the partners in the firm. 80% of the firm were extraverts and >95% of the partners where extraverts. So the other lesson I learned that day, was that if you want to be in a sales-y leadership position, you better learn to behave like an extravert.

zyfo 15y ago

This is a much better article to pass along to non-introverts, if understanding is the goal: http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2003/03/caring-for-your-introvert/2696/ http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2003/03/caring-f...

rokhayakebe 15y ago

Cheap shot: "The loudest one in the room is also the weakest"

petenixey 15y ago

Why is this being dressed up as introvertedness v. extrovertedness? Introvertedness and extrovertedness are different directions on a scale, not absolute points. Introvertedness covers a far milder set of characteristics than those described here. What the author describes is an extremity of the spectrum and characteristics more usually associated with Asberger or High functioning Autism.

scelerat 15y ago

A lot of this rang true for me. I'm an introvert, always have been. From a very early age I tended towards internal activities: reading, programming. Even the sport I ended up focusing on (running) is a very solitary activity. Social interaction drains me and I need lots of alone time, often preferring it. I play in bands too though, and get a serious, addictive rush from making noise and performing for a lot of people. And I genuinely like people and making friends, but I don't really feel like I'm sharing "me" in a meaningful way unless it's one-on-one or with a very small group. Parties sap my energy, but I go to them because I get to interact with so many people. The only point I take issue with is #9, because I definitely have a thrill-seeking, adrenaline-junkie streak. There's no script.

protagonist_h 15y ago

Judging from responses, the topic resonates well here. Therefore a more interesting question to ask is ― why so many hackers are introverts/shy/anti-social etc? Or more precisely, which one causes the other? Is it spending too much time in front of your computer which makes you introvert? Or is it that introverts are more inclined to take up solitude activities like programming?

thret 15y ago

#5 is the only one that doesn't apply to me. I quite enjoy observing crowd activities and can do this for long periods of time. I don't know how to 'let go' and join in with the crowd but it is precisely that release I find so fascinating to watch.

Macro 15y ago

So true!

ChrisMac 15y ago

A site I read on social skills has a post explaining why it doesn't use the words Introvert and Extrovert. The main points it gives are: * There are no agreed upon definitions of the terms * Just bringing up the terms can derail conversations and turn them into debate on what the words really mean (e.g., like what is happening in this thread) * The terms cram too many sub-concepts into one * False dichotomy * Tends to ignore context (i.e., people act differently in different situations) * Associated with a bitter Us vs. Them mentality * The terms can make people feel defensive and closed off * The words can be self-limiting labels Full post: http://www.succeedsocially.com/introversion http://www.succeedsocially.com/introversion

crux 15y ago

I have to agree with some other commenters that although this article is accurate enough, it establishes a view of introversion that's so rigidly determined, so reified, and so self-perpetuating and self-justifying that I find it hard to recognize and certainly hard to endorse as a lifestyle. The personality type and lifestyle here is a sort of baseline tendency for introverts (like myself), but there's so much more leeway and growth possible within the most introverted soul that it makes me a little sad to see something so pat about these tendencies (and the whole dopamine thing—well, let's just say I Am Not A Neuroscientist but I suspect that Dr. Laney isn't one either). A couple commenters have suggested that instead of wholly embracing these practices—especially the ones about being rude to people—it's advantageous, for job purposes, to meet women, to learn to at least put up with talking to other people. To be honest it's been kind of entertaining to hear from introverts who view the great extroverted mob like an enemy camp, to be infiltrated—at great personal expense, but to great personal reward—by learning to mimic their ways. I want to suggest that it's possible to actually learn to enjoy being social and meeting people. You know, for its own sake. While it's true that eventually one will find that they might need to make relationships with other people so they can do camping trips and get laid and such, I have found that actually humanizing people, rather than treating them as ends to means, is more satisfying and healthy in the long run. Further, while it's nice to try to maintain a few close relationships, I think it's more satisfying and healthy to learn to get beyond a simplistic superficial/real binary with your human relationships—and by extension, with other people. There are lots of ways to be introverted without seeing nearly the whole raft of humanity as psychic vampires, or insensitive extroverts, or simply resource repositories that you need to interact with. If you treat a work relationship or a bank teller with this attitude of, 'I'm not interested in superficial small talk. You only exist to me for the purposes of sending and receiving information or resources', you will not ONLY be alone when you want to go camping, but you will also be spiritually and emotionally impoverished. The good news is, it IS possible to learn to enjoy talking with other people, even if it's ultimately tiring. I mean, most things in life are tiring. That's the nature of energy—we spend it on doing things. But you can be mindful of your energy level (and I might suggest, blood sugar) without having to abstain from all human contact. In fact, you can even enjoy human contact. The last 8 or so years of my life has been in a large part about learning to enjoy human contact—and I've learned to enjoy it by learning to be _good_ at it. I am now, I am glad to say, a pretty charming guy. I tell good stories, I meet people well, I dress well, I make a good impression. This means that I don't have trouble meeting women or finding partners for the activities that I like, but it also means that I derive actual satisfaction from the practice of social skills. I like exercising my expertise, like most people, and I like the rewards I get—social reinforcement, positive feedback, that sort of thing. And I think that's been the key for me. I didn't decide to embark on a project of self-improvement and socialization because it was necessary for my eventual professional success. I learned to get off on doing a good job at social behavior. Introvert or not, it still _feels good_ to be a charming, likeable person. It just means I take a nap afterwards.

mattiask 15y ago

You know being an introvert or extrovert isn't a binary thing but rather a spectrum. If you want to find out how you are on that scale you can get do a Myers-Briggs personality test to get a rough estimate. I'm squarely in the middle myself, I enjoy being by myself for periods of time working on my own stuff but after a while I need to socialize, and when I've socialized I need some me-time again :) I just hope people think they're introverted because they lack social skills, being uncomfortable and not enjoying certain social situations doesn't mean one is introverted it only means one has to improve one's social skills. They're like any skill, something you learn by experience and practice. Perhaps the reason that people think many computer-oriented people are introverted is because they choose to spend time in front of their computer instead of interacting with people (irl) and therefore don't develop their social skills as much.

schiptsov 15y ago

There is my demystification. ^_^ http://schiptsov.blogspot.com/2011/06/top-ten-oversimplifications-over.html http://schiptsov.blogspot.com/2011/06/top-ten-oversimplifica...

deleted 15y ago

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known 15y ago

Can introverts become good sales man?

JohnnyBrown 15y ago

O language, how poorly suited you are to describing the multidimensional space that holds all possible personalities