15 ms·

I am lonely will anyone speak to me

284 points by spondyl 6y ago

spondyl 6y ago
Here's an internet archive link to the original thread: https://web.archive.org/web/20160304102718/https://www.lounge.moviecodec.com/on-topic/i-am-lonely-will-anyone-speak-to-me-2420/ https://web.archive.org/web/20160304102718/https://www.loung...
- im3w1l 6y ago
  It only took some guy on a forum one reply and 9 days to get on top of google for "I am lonely". Ah... things sure have changed.
  - Throwaway1771 6y ago
    Accuracy mattered more than how relevant Google decided you were to society.
- albertgoeswoof 6y ago
  This my favourite comment from the thread > Ha I typed “I am lonely” into Google as well! Wonderful. I’m not so lonely anymore!
dhaivat 6y ago
It goes without saying that this year has been really difficult for most if not all of us. Not being able to see extended family especially during holiday season can feel lonely and depressing. Please, please, please don't make this a solo suffering, use FaceTime, Xoom, WhatsApp, Meet whatever to talk to friends/family if you can. If things feel worse - don't keep it to yourself, for those in the US - 1-800-273-8255's the number for National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. And remember - this too shall pass, there is a light at the end of this fucking tunnel and we will get through it. Take care and happy holidays!
- spzb 6y ago
  UK and European Union phone 116123
- tonymet 6y ago
  Does this number actually help? It’s shared kind of automatically but I find it trivializes suicide
  - systemvoltage 6y ago
    People who comment and provide whatever help they can - they're not doing this out of malice. They have good intentions. Whether it helps or not - people in trouble have the choice to accept the consolation or ignore it.
    - tonymet 6y ago
      It’s not malicious, I’m saying it’s patronizing and hollow
      - ineedasername 6y ago
        I don't see how it's patronizing. And if it does help people, it's certainly not hollow.
  - warent 6y ago
    When I was a younger going through a very painful time there was a brief period of suicidal ideation and the suicide hotline would have been a very useful resource for me. I didn't know about it at the time, so I just called 911, and they were very kind to me but their response was absolutely awful. It was pretty clear they weren't trained for such conversations, and just send the police to pick me up. The police! Fortunately at the time I just needed anybody in the world to show that they didn't want me to die, and that was just enough. But the hotline probably would have been more effective and not ended in me in a police cruiser.
    - 6y ago
mostlove 6y ago
Search engines are kingmakers. So don't hate the SEO players, hate the game.
ad404b8a372f2b9 6y ago
I've typed things like that often in the past. Usually it leads to past messages from lonely people, forums dedicated to loneliness, hubs of human misery. Nothing too comforting. edit: Merry Christmas btw.
DoreenMichele 6y ago
I've studied social/psychological stuff, spent a lot of years suicidal and spent a number of years homeless which was incredibly socially isolating and even negatively impacted how people interacted with me online. Some thoughts (intended as a buffet to choose from if it strikes your fancy, not a prescription for "the right way" to do anything at all): 1. It's usually not actually helpful to signal that you are desperate and lonely and your life is in the toilet. Once in a great while, someone will be truly wonderful to you because you did that but it's usually counterproductive. 2. It's usually better to look for one of two things: A chat-friendly space where it's okay to just talk to people or a discussion space on a topic that genuinely interests you. 3. Signaling desperation attracts predators far more often than it attracts real friends. 4. Support groups have a tendency to be all kinds of drama and not terribly helpful because it tends to be the case that you can't suggest to people "You could try doing things differently" because that will be taken as blaming the victim and it's just really hard to find good ways to help people solve their personal problems. 5. The best way to make friends is to connect with people you have something in common with. So joining discussions about things that interest you is more likely to help you connect socially. 6. Yes, you can have real friends via internet. I've had lots of real friends online over the years. ((germ-free internet hugs)) if you need/want them and happy holidays and all that.
- colmvp 6y ago
  > 1. It's usually not actually helpful to signal that you are desperate and lonely and your life is in the toilet. Once in a great while, someone will be truly wonderful to you because you did that but it's usually counterproductive. I met up with a close friend a few days ago to lament how tough its been to live alone throughout this Covid period, to get rejected by dozens of companies while job hunting, and to do online dating and not only get rejected by 99% of potentials but have some of the worst first dates I've ever had in my life. One woman was literally multi-tasking while she was on the Zoom 'date' with me. And her response was "I'm sorry that you're going through that" before switching to talking about her kid being noisy. And internally I'm thinking all these years I've spent listening to you complain about your job/husband/baby and this one time I'm being honest about how tough things are right now and you can't even bear to hear me out more than a split second? Give me a fucking break. Covid-19 really revealed who my true friends are. I am quite thankful that I do have a couple friends who I meet on a weekly basis where we check in on one another and keep our spirits up. Without them, I don't think I would've survived these lockdowns without having a mental breakdown.
_yfk6 6y ago
> Some people rely heavily on technology and end up treating it as an electronic friend, a sounding board—just writing it down can make you feel better... Ha! I too have a something like paranoid disease, and writing it down made me realize how crazy my speculation. [link redacted]
- pschimi 6y ago
  Hate to be the party pooper, but the proper diagnosis for "something like paranoid disease" is called "paranoid schizophrenia" and if you had any idea what that implied you might have sounded like less of a Jackass. Your "problem" is colloquially called "teenage angst" and adequate treatment can be achieved by reading The Catcher In The Rye, listening to copious amounts of Grunge music and, if you have enough status among your peer group, fucking your brains out with someone equally confused as yourself but of the (usually) opposite sex, about whom only in hindsight when it is too late you'll realize that you actually cared about.
underseacables 6y ago
In my humble opinion, it is critical that we become OK with being alone. I believe that only when we are comfortable by ourselves, can we truly ever be happy with someone else.
- bentlloyd1 6y ago
  I disagree with this mindset. Humans are a social species and require some sort of interaction to thrive. Perpetuating this idea of going at it alone is a problem in modern society imo. This is coming from a pretty extreme introvert.
  - underseacables 6y ago
    I reason that filling loneliness should not be the primary focus of a relationship. If you’re lonely, you’re making decisions because you’re lonely. However if you’re not lonely - meaning you’ve found happiness in being alone - then you would seem to be more free to choose partners based on other things than filling your loneliness. I guess in short, loneliness seems to be a really shortsighted reason to date someone.
    - bentlloyd1 6y ago
      A person certainly shouldn't choose to have an incompatible relationship to assuage their own loneliness, but the argument that I'm making is that people tend to get lonely when alone regardless of their own self contentment. And it's quite fine for a person who's uncomfortable being alone to start a compatible, healthy relationship. Humans should seek human interaction to some degree regardless of their degree of loneliness.
    - pschimi 6y ago
      From someone who used to be content with being alone most their life：Nothing hurts as much as being forced to be alone when you have become used to sharing life with someone else. Consider the opposite though：imagine being trapped in a relationship both sides feel compelled only "for the Kids". If you feel bad for being alone, realize that what you got is the closest a human can be to true freedom. Only in being alone can you be unconstrained by the wants or needs (hell， just the wishes) of another person. Your future self might envy this luxury of yours, so appreciate it while you can.
theboat 6y ago
Sometimes it feels like we're in the midst of a loneliness epidemic, created or exacerbated by technology like the internet. But the data doesn't actually line up with that belief: https://ourworldindata.org/loneliness-epidemic https://ourworldindata.org/loneliness-epidemic It looks like we are generally as lonely as we were throughout the 20th century. Perhaps that's a sign the internet hasn't yet lived up to its promise as the great unifier. The fact that the greatest and most accessible communication technology in history hasn't put a dent in loneliness shows that we still have a lot of work to do in making it serve that end.
- yters 6y ago
  I wonder if people just are not as good at being stimulation free and alone with their thoughts.
- brundolf 6y ago
  Totally speculating, but I think cultural loneliness may be rooted in individualism. Which isn't to say individualism is intrinsically bad, but one of its trade-offs is the devaluation of relationships, especially ones you haven't gone out of your way to initiate and maintain. Which is to say: the problem was never a lack of communication channels.
  - AnthonyMouse 6y ago
    I think there's something to what you're saying but the terms are slightly wrong. Individualism is ordinarily set in opposition to collectivism, but it's the bastardization of both that have created the problem. On the one hand, social clubs have been evaporating. Bowling leagues, rotary clubs, ham radio clubs etc. They're fading, and this predates 2020. These things are compatible with individualism -- it's freedom of association. But in practice people aren't doing them as much anymore. On the other hand, the bureaucratization of social assistance. If you need help you don't go to people in your community who already know your face and the specifics of your plight, you fill out a form on a computer and some algorithm decides whether you get a supermarket gift card. Both of these trends are isolating but it's not because of where we put the trade off between individualism and collectivism, it's because we're doing both of them poorly.
zhoujianfu 6y ago
In the late nineties we started a public message board at http://newdream.net/bored/ http://newdream.net/bored/ ... somehow it became the top result for “Aol punterz” AND the boy band Hanson. Some strange threads ensued.
pschimi 6y ago
Look at the signal that is the net today. As long as you see something that cannot be adequately explained with simply increasing entropy, there's a chance it's someone just like you speaking. Don't be afraid to speak up and reach out. Even those who wish for censorship to protect their own interests， at the very least their agents， are most likely humanists - for now. As long as we have reason to hold on to this assumption, know that you are not alone - even though most of those who you would like to speak to may prefer to stay silent over having every Syllable of their public speech recorded for perpetuity and likely analyzed for exploitability， not unlike a software bug allowing privilege escalation. IMO, it has never been a better time to speak up. We may be the last generation to know the true meaning of free speech, where it is still possible to express or share an opinion before an Al evaluates, scores, judges it. Even those tasked with watching us must realize that the short term goal is to make them redundant, to replace their weary eyes with an automaton that will never question the morality or ethics of their surveillance of us and thereby，their future selves. Trust them not to rat you out simply for extending the courtesy of assuming good intentions. Guess why everything is now being recorded unconditionally： The hardest idea to contain is that we're all equal， which is incidentally the singular proof necessary that the 'net community transcends nations. It blows a hole through any| nationalist or elitist rhetoric, it turns into a leaky sieve any argument justifying war. You will find that those who oppose this view most likely do so because they have come to rely on control through fear. They'll find It hard to keep you afraid if you do not feel alone. And you are far from alone. you've got a worldwide communications network at your fingertips. Say hi, stranger! Merry Christmas!
yudlejoza 6y ago
I'm wondering if hotline services should also offer volunteer options. Could be an issue with liability though (what if the the volunteer is a crazy person who's less of a help, to put it mildly).
jayski 6y ago
I struggled with loneliness and depression for almost a decade. Im now married have a beautiful son, and a great social life, I can tell you the secret and its easy: excercise. Thats all there is to it. Dont sign up for a gym membership and show up there confused and intimidated. join some sort of excercise class; crossfit, spinning,jiu jitsu, yoga. I promise, it wont be overnight, but it will be FAST. you will feel better, youll make friends without even trying. Its impossible to go through an hour of physical suffering every day with the same people and not end up gradually talking more and getting to know each other. OR, you could sit at your computer with the curtains shut, feeling like shit while you wait for friends to appear out of thin air.
- pksebben 6y ago
  But it's so HARD. Really, though, thanks for posting this. I'm in a slump recently and I've been nagging myself to get up and go (to no avail, nagging has never worked on me anyhow) and it's genuinely helpful to be reminded that others have done it, too and that the results are real. Today is it. I'ma go running. Cheers!
- globular-toast 6y ago
  Yep. This 100% matches my experience too. We're the product of a billion years of evolution. Descended from an unbroken line of creatures that move around. It's really little wonder that we get sick when we don't use our bodies the way they should be.
- magicalhippo 6y ago
  If going to a gym is not an option (not cheap around here for one), I've had plenty of good experiences finding outdoor groups on Meetup or similar. Got myself a bike, started riding in the forest with one group. Hiking with couple of others. While getting out into nature is great in itself, the social aspect was really nice as well. Very relaxed, nothing forced. But yeah, getting in better shape really helped on feeling more positive.
- SeeDave 6y ago
  > I promise, it wont be overnight, but it will be FAST. you will feel better, youll make friends without even trying. Its impossible to go through an hour of physical suffering every day with the same people and not end up gradually talking more and getting to know each other. I really encourage people to try a martial art like boxing, muay thai, or brazilian jiu jitsu once COVID lockdowns are over. These sports are extremely effective at fighting depression and loneliness for a couple of reasons: 1. You get plenty of one-on-one interaction 2. Shared suffering really does create bonds 3. There is a lot of positive validation ("great jab!", "nice hook") 4. You will see the same people 2,3,4 times a week 5. Exercise releases endorphins 6. You will be proud of how your body changes for the better 7. You will get many compliments on your new figure 8. You will get more romantic interest (looks do matter, and doing a fun/exciting sport can be bonus points in dating)
Triv888 6y ago
There's an app for that, maybe.. Im spending Christmas alone so I would know
austincheney 6y ago
Loneliness is interesting from the perspective of technology and privacy. The internet’s, especially the web’s, solution to social engagement is sharing, often completely at odds to privacy. For most people there exists a healthy social balance of privacy and engagement by limiting sharing to a confined group, often close social contacts from the offline world. For many people that balance is absent resulting in behaviors that could be defined as exhibitionist. As an example years ago there numbers for Twitter suggestive of the 80/20 rule where a minority of the users create that vast majority of content while everyone else mostly lurks. From a technology perspective, especially an ad driven platform, that creates all kinds of problems. Exhibitionists, the possibly unhealthy people, are an audience the platform wants to reward because they disproportionately drive revenue. In the offline world this is extremely bizarre behavior, but on online social platforms become something artificially enviable. These behaviors exchange social interaction for attention engagement often at cost to privacy. As a technologist it is possible to create a software tool that is inherently private and creates a healthy social environment online. In order to accomplish that the technology has to promote the same sort of privacy and interpersonal balance that is more natural to the offline world. The biggest challenge isn’t designing the proper technology but rather promoting such a solution contrary to current platforms and their supposed incentives.
timoth3y 6y ago
When we go out and try to find a friend, they are rare. When we go out and try to be a friend, they are everywhere.
bluepoint 6y ago
I am sorry this is out of topic, but does anyone else wonder if wikipedia is the right place for such articles? It feels like wikipedia is becoming some kind of mirror of blogs instead of a repository of distilled knowledge. Am I wrong?
Scapeghost 6y ago
meh I've just about given up. There's no worse curse than being born and stuck in a place where you can't find any compatible people let alone kindred spirits. All I can hope for is running into someone like myself someday, but if they're really like me we will just turn each other off.
lihaciudaniel 6y ago
it is true that lonely people are on the internet, it is like a rule 34 type of thing I don't know how that helps

284 points by spondyl 6y ago

Here's an internet archive link to the original thread: https://web.archive.org/web/20160304102718/https://www.lounge.moviecodec.com/on-topic/i-am-lonely-will-anyone-speak-to-me-2420/ https://web.archive.org/web/20160304102718/https://www.loung...

im3w1l 6y ago
It only took some guy on a forum one reply and 9 days to get on top of google for "I am lonely". Ah... things sure have changed.
- Throwaway1771 6y ago
  Accuracy mattered more than how relevant Google decided you were to society.
albertgoeswoof 6y ago
This my favourite comment from the thread > Ha I typed “I am lonely” into Google as well! Wonderful. I’m not so lonely anymore!

dhaivat 6y ago

It goes without saying that this year has been really difficult for most if not all of us. Not being able to see extended family especially during holiday season can feel lonely and depressing. Please, please, please don't make this a solo suffering, use FaceTime, Xoom, WhatsApp, Meet whatever to talk to friends/family if you can. If things feel worse - don't keep it to yourself, for those in the US - 1-800-273-8255's the number for National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. And remember - this too shall pass, there is a light at the end of this fucking tunnel and we will get through it. Take care and happy holidays!

spzb 6y ago
UK and European Union phone 116123
tonymet 6y ago
Does this number actually help? It’s shared kind of automatically but I find it trivializes suicide
- systemvoltage 6y ago
  People who comment and provide whatever help they can - they're not doing this out of malice. They have good intentions. Whether it helps or not - people in trouble have the choice to accept the consolation or ignore it.
  - tonymet 6y ago
    It’s not malicious, I’m saying it’s patronizing and hollow
    - ineedasername 6y ago
      I don't see how it's patronizing. And if it does help people, it's certainly not hollow.
- warent 6y ago
  When I was a younger going through a very painful time there was a brief period of suicidal ideation and the suicide hotline would have been a very useful resource for me. I didn't know about it at the time, so I just called 911, and they were very kind to me but their response was absolutely awful. It was pretty clear they weren't trained for such conversations, and just send the police to pick me up. The police! Fortunately at the time I just needed anybody in the world to show that they didn't want me to die, and that was just enough. But the hotline probably would have been more effective and not ended in me in a police cruiser.
  - 6y ago

mostlove 6y ago

Search engines are kingmakers. So don't hate the SEO players, hate the game.

ad404b8a372f2b9 6y ago

I've typed things like that often in the past. Usually it leads to past messages from lonely people, forums dedicated to loneliness, hubs of human misery. Nothing too comforting. edit: Merry Christmas btw.

DoreenMichele 6y ago

I've studied social/psychological stuff, spent a lot of years suicidal and spent a number of years homeless which was incredibly socially isolating and even negatively impacted how people interacted with me online. Some thoughts (intended as a buffet to choose from if it strikes your fancy, not a prescription for "the right way" to do anything at all): 1. It's usually not actually helpful to signal that you are desperate and lonely and your life is in the toilet. Once in a great while, someone will be truly wonderful to you because you did that but it's usually counterproductive. 2. It's usually better to look for one of two things: A chat-friendly space where it's okay to just talk to people or a discussion space on a topic that genuinely interests you. 3. Signaling desperation attracts predators far more often than it attracts real friends. 4. Support groups have a tendency to be all kinds of drama and not terribly helpful because it tends to be the case that you can't suggest to people "You could try doing things differently" because that will be taken as blaming the victim and it's just really hard to find good ways to help people solve their personal problems. 5. The best way to make friends is to connect with people you have something in common with. So joining discussions about things that interest you is more likely to help you connect socially. 6. Yes, you can have real friends via internet. I've had lots of real friends online over the years. ((germ-free internet hugs)) if you need/want them and happy holidays and all that.

colmvp 6y ago
> 1. It's usually not actually helpful to signal that you are desperate and lonely and your life is in the toilet. Once in a great while, someone will be truly wonderful to you because you did that but it's usually counterproductive. I met up with a close friend a few days ago to lament how tough its been to live alone throughout this Covid period, to get rejected by dozens of companies while job hunting, and to do online dating and not only get rejected by 99% of potentials but have some of the worst first dates I've ever had in my life. One woman was literally multi-tasking while she was on the Zoom 'date' with me. And her response was "I'm sorry that you're going through that" before switching to talking about her kid being noisy. And internally I'm thinking all these years I've spent listening to you complain about your job/husband/baby and this one time I'm being honest about how tough things are right now and you can't even bear to hear me out more than a split second? Give me a fucking break. Covid-19 really revealed who my true friends are. I am quite thankful that I do have a couple friends who I meet on a weekly basis where we check in on one another and keep our spirits up. Without them, I don't think I would've survived these lockdowns without having a mental breakdown.

_yfk6 6y ago

> Some people rely heavily on technology and end up treating it as an electronic friend, a sounding board—just writing it down can make you feel better... Ha! I too have a something like paranoid disease, and writing it down made me realize how crazy my speculation. [link redacted]

pschimi 6y ago
Hate to be the party pooper, but the proper diagnosis for "something like paranoid disease" is called "paranoid schizophrenia" and if you had any idea what that implied you might have sounded like less of a Jackass. Your "problem" is colloquially called "teenage angst" and adequate treatment can be achieved by reading The Catcher In The Rye, listening to copious amounts of Grunge music and, if you have enough status among your peer group, fucking your brains out with someone equally confused as yourself but of the (usually) opposite sex, about whom only in hindsight when it is too late you'll realize that you actually cared about.

underseacables 6y ago

In my humble opinion, it is critical that we become OK with being alone. I believe that only when we are comfortable by ourselves, can we truly ever be happy with someone else.

bentlloyd1 6y ago
I disagree with this mindset. Humans are a social species and require some sort of interaction to thrive. Perpetuating this idea of going at it alone is a problem in modern society imo. This is coming from a pretty extreme introvert.
- underseacables 6y ago
  I reason that filling loneliness should not be the primary focus of a relationship. If you’re lonely, you’re making decisions because you’re lonely. However if you’re not lonely - meaning you’ve found happiness in being alone - then you would seem to be more free to choose partners based on other things than filling your loneliness. I guess in short, loneliness seems to be a really shortsighted reason to date someone.
  - bentlloyd1 6y ago
    A person certainly shouldn't choose to have an incompatible relationship to assuage their own loneliness, but the argument that I'm making is that people tend to get lonely when alone regardless of their own self contentment. And it's quite fine for a person who's uncomfortable being alone to start a compatible, healthy relationship. Humans should seek human interaction to some degree regardless of their degree of loneliness.
  - pschimi 6y ago
    From someone who used to be content with being alone most their life：Nothing hurts as much as being forced to be alone when you have become used to sharing life with someone else. Consider the opposite though：imagine being trapped in a relationship both sides feel compelled only "for the Kids". If you feel bad for being alone, realize that what you got is the closest a human can be to true freedom. Only in being alone can you be unconstrained by the wants or needs (hell， just the wishes) of another person. Your future self might envy this luxury of yours, so appreciate it while you can.

theboat 6y ago

Sometimes it feels like we're in the midst of a loneliness epidemic, created or exacerbated by technology like the internet. But the data doesn't actually line up with that belief: https://ourworldindata.org/loneliness-epidemic https://ourworldindata.org/loneliness-epidemic It looks like we are generally as lonely as we were throughout the 20th century. Perhaps that's a sign the internet hasn't yet lived up to its promise as the great unifier. The fact that the greatest and most accessible communication technology in history hasn't put a dent in loneliness shows that we still have a lot of work to do in making it serve that end.

yters 6y ago
I wonder if people just are not as good at being stimulation free and alone with their thoughts.
brundolf 6y ago
Totally speculating, but I think cultural loneliness may be rooted in individualism. Which isn't to say individualism is intrinsically bad, but one of its trade-offs is the devaluation of relationships, especially ones you haven't gone out of your way to initiate and maintain. Which is to say: the problem was never a lack of communication channels.
- AnthonyMouse 6y ago
  I think there's something to what you're saying but the terms are slightly wrong. Individualism is ordinarily set in opposition to collectivism, but it's the bastardization of both that have created the problem. On the one hand, social clubs have been evaporating. Bowling leagues, rotary clubs, ham radio clubs etc. They're fading, and this predates 2020. These things are compatible with individualism -- it's freedom of association. But in practice people aren't doing them as much anymore. On the other hand, the bureaucratization of social assistance. If you need help you don't go to people in your community who already know your face and the specifics of your plight, you fill out a form on a computer and some algorithm decides whether you get a supermarket gift card. Both of these trends are isolating but it's not because of where we put the trade off between individualism and collectivism, it's because we're doing both of them poorly.

zhoujianfu 6y ago

In the late nineties we started a public message board at http://newdream.net/bored/ http://newdream.net/bored/ ... somehow it became the top result for “Aol punterz” AND the boy band Hanson. Some strange threads ensued.

pschimi 6y ago

Look at the signal that is the net today. As long as you see something that cannot be adequately explained with simply increasing entropy, there's a chance it's someone just like you speaking. Don't be afraid to speak up and reach out. Even those who wish for censorship to protect their own interests， at the very least their agents， are most likely humanists - for now. As long as we have reason to hold on to this assumption, know that you are not alone - even though most of those who you would like to speak to may prefer to stay silent over having every Syllable of their public speech recorded for perpetuity and likely analyzed for exploitability， not unlike a software bug allowing privilege escalation. IMO, it has never been a better time to speak up. We may be the last generation to know the true meaning of free speech, where it is still possible to express or share an opinion before an Al evaluates, scores, judges it. Even those tasked with watching us must realize that the short term goal is to make them redundant, to replace their weary eyes with an automaton that will never question the morality or ethics of their surveillance of us and thereby，their future selves. Trust them not to rat you out simply for extending the courtesy of assuming good intentions. Guess why everything is now being recorded unconditionally： The hardest idea to contain is that we're all equal， which is incidentally the singular proof necessary that the 'net community transcends nations. It blows a hole through any| nationalist or elitist rhetoric, it turns into a leaky sieve any argument justifying war. You will find that those who oppose this view most likely do so because they have come to rely on control through fear. They'll find It hard to keep you afraid if you do not feel alone. And you are far from alone. you've got a worldwide communications network at your fingertips. Say hi, stranger! Merry Christmas!

yudlejoza 6y ago

I'm wondering if hotline services should also offer volunteer options. Could be an issue with liability though (what if the the volunteer is a crazy person who's less of a help, to put it mildly).

jayski 6y ago

I struggled with loneliness and depression for almost a decade. Im now married have a beautiful son, and a great social life, I can tell you the secret and its easy: excercise. Thats all there is to it. Dont sign up for a gym membership and show up there confused and intimidated. join some sort of excercise class; crossfit, spinning,jiu jitsu, yoga. I promise, it wont be overnight, but it will be FAST. you will feel better, youll make friends without even trying. Its impossible to go through an hour of physical suffering every day with the same people and not end up gradually talking more and getting to know each other. OR, you could sit at your computer with the curtains shut, feeling like shit while you wait for friends to appear out of thin air.

pksebben 6y ago
But it's so HARD. Really, though, thanks for posting this. I'm in a slump recently and I've been nagging myself to get up and go (to no avail, nagging has never worked on me anyhow) and it's genuinely helpful to be reminded that others have done it, too and that the results are real. Today is it. I'ma go running. Cheers!
globular-toast 6y ago
Yep. This 100% matches my experience too. We're the product of a billion years of evolution. Descended from an unbroken line of creatures that move around. It's really little wonder that we get sick when we don't use our bodies the way they should be.
magicalhippo 6y ago
If going to a gym is not an option (not cheap around here for one), I've had plenty of good experiences finding outdoor groups on Meetup or similar. Got myself a bike, started riding in the forest with one group. Hiking with couple of others. While getting out into nature is great in itself, the social aspect was really nice as well. Very relaxed, nothing forced. But yeah, getting in better shape really helped on feeling more positive.
SeeDave 6y ago
> I promise, it wont be overnight, but it will be FAST. you will feel better, youll make friends without even trying. Its impossible to go through an hour of physical suffering every day with the same people and not end up gradually talking more and getting to know each other. I really encourage people to try a martial art like boxing, muay thai, or brazilian jiu jitsu once COVID lockdowns are over. These sports are extremely effective at fighting depression and loneliness for a couple of reasons: 1. You get plenty of one-on-one interaction 2. Shared suffering really does create bonds 3. There is a lot of positive validation ("great jab!", "nice hook") 4. You will see the same people 2,3,4 times a week 5. Exercise releases endorphins 6. You will be proud of how your body changes for the better 7. You will get many compliments on your new figure 8. You will get more romantic interest (looks do matter, and doing a fun/exciting sport can be bonus points in dating)

Triv888 6y ago

There's an app for that, maybe.. Im spending Christmas alone so I would know

austincheney 6y ago

Loneliness is interesting from the perspective of technology and privacy. The internet’s, especially the web’s, solution to social engagement is sharing, often completely at odds to privacy. For most people there exists a healthy social balance of privacy and engagement by limiting sharing to a confined group, often close social contacts from the offline world. For many people that balance is absent resulting in behaviors that could be defined as exhibitionist. As an example years ago there numbers for Twitter suggestive of the 80/20 rule where a minority of the users create that vast majority of content while everyone else mostly lurks. From a technology perspective, especially an ad driven platform, that creates all kinds of problems. Exhibitionists, the possibly unhealthy people, are an audience the platform wants to reward because they disproportionately drive revenue. In the offline world this is extremely bizarre behavior, but on online social platforms become something artificially enviable. These behaviors exchange social interaction for attention engagement often at cost to privacy. As a technologist it is possible to create a software tool that is inherently private and creates a healthy social environment online. In order to accomplish that the technology has to promote the same sort of privacy and interpersonal balance that is more natural to the offline world. The biggest challenge isn’t designing the proper technology but rather promoting such a solution contrary to current platforms and their supposed incentives.

timoth3y 6y ago

When we go out and try to find a friend, they are rare. When we go out and try to be a friend, they are everywhere.

bluepoint 6y ago

I am sorry this is out of topic, but does anyone else wonder if wikipedia is the right place for such articles? It feels like wikipedia is becoming some kind of mirror of blogs instead of a repository of distilled knowledge. Am I wrong?

Scapeghost 6y ago

meh I've just about given up. There's no worse curse than being born and stuck in a place where you can't find any compatible people let alone kindred spirits. All I can hope for is running into someone like myself someday, but if they're really like me we will just turn each other off.

lihaciudaniel 6y ago

it is true that lonely people are on the internet, it is like a rule 34 type of thing I don't know how that helps