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Do you have any concerns about the social development of kids who go to traditional schools, where they interact solely with other kids close to their own age o

Do you have any concerns about the social development of kids who go to traditional schools, where they interact solely with other kids close to their own age or teachers who are much older than them and whose interactions are rigid and artificial? Sorry to sound snarky, but the idea that homeschool kids are somehow socially stunted is a myth that needs to die. If anything, it's the other way around. Homeschool kids are exposed to a much wider variety of social situations which develops a broad base of social skills and preparation for adult responsibility much more effectively than the stifling and artificial environment of public schools does.

Nimitz14 6y ago
> Homeschool kids are exposed to a much wider variety of social situations which develops a broad base of social skills and preparation for adult responsibility much more effectively than the stifling and artificial environment of public schools does. You need to elaborate, it is not at all clear how homeschooling will lead to a kid being exposed to a much wider variety of social situations.
- gliese1337 6y ago
  Homeschooling typically involves very little sitting at home, doing traditional schoolwork. As others have noted, and my extended family's experience supports, it only takes maybe 4 hours max to get through the basic curriculum--usually less--when all the ceremony of public school is removed. That frees up a ton of time for a combination of self-directed learning, engagement in extracurricular activities with other children of a variety of ages (e.g., may nephews have done karate for probably ten years now, started learning with older students and progressed to helping teach younger students) and regular "field trips" (e.g., when there isn't a lockdown in effect, my kids go to the aquarium at least once a month, and interact with the... zookeepers? fishkeepers?... there to ask questions about the animals, pet the rays, etc.), and navigating the world with their parents. Now, a parent can still isolate their kid from responsibility, by, e.g., taking them along on an errand to the bank and the grocery store and making them be quiet and Let The Adults Talk, but they don't have to, and those who choose to homeschool generally don't. Heck, my kids aren't even school-age yet, but I still let them hold the credit card, talk to cashier, stick the card in the chip reader, take it back out when it beeps, and grab the receipt. And since they are around the house with their parents, they also tend to get to know many of their parents friends, which is conducive to learning how to interact with adults, who are not your teachers, socially. On top of all that, even when engaging in core curricular study, homeschool kids are usually doing so in mixed-age groups, according to subject ability level--especially if they are part of a co-op.
- jotakami 6y ago
  The variety of social situations in typical schools is narrow and artificial. Once you leave school, never again in your adult life will you be forced to endure such a stifling environment. If a homeschooled child never leaves the house, then yeah I can see it being a problem. But if they are allowed to go out and experience the world with their parents then they learn social skills by interacting with people of all ages, but mostly with adults who (most importantly) are already socialized and therefore model proper behavior instead of the insanity that goes on in age-segregated classrooms.
  - EdwardDiego 6y ago
    But by primarily socialising with adults, they aren't as successful when it comes time for socialising with people their own age.
    - lmm 6y ago
      Real life socialising is done with adults who are probably not exactly the same age as you. The kind of interactions a homeschooled child will have are a much closer model of the kind of interactions everyone has post-school than what happens in school is.
      - matchbok 6y ago
        That's not what the previous poster said. They were talking about socializing with people your own age, which is critically important. When I was 18 if I acted like a 40 year old I would have never made friends or found a girlfriend.
        lmm 6y ago
        But relative age is not what makes the difference. Interacting with 20 year olds as a 20 year old is much more like interacting with 20 year olds as a 10 year old than it is like interacting with 10 year olds as a 10 year old.
cellar_door 6y ago
I'm an only child and had plenty of adult interactions outside of public school. If I was homeschooled I would have been miserable, even if I met people through sports and other activities. This site is filled with introverted engineers -- not exactly a representative sample. 3.4% of kids are homeschooled, 64% of which are doing so in order to provide religious instruction.
- sharadov 6y ago
  Can't agree more!
- gliese1337 6y ago
  And I have no reason to doubt you. Homeschooling definitely isn't for everyone... but that is not the same as saying that homeschooling is across-the-board inferior to public schooling. Public schooling also isn't for everyone.
sharadov 6y ago
Are you telling me that a homeschooled kid will get exposed to more social situations than one in a public school where every race, ethnicity, and social strata are represented?
- baddox 6y ago
  Unless the homeschooling parents went out of their way to isolate their child, it seems like the amount of interaction with people of various ethnicities, social strata, etc. is going to depend more on the community than whether a child is homeschooled. There are plenty of public schools with very little diversity.
  - sharadov 6y ago
    I'll argue the other way, even if the parents are social butterflies, they end up socializing with people who belong to the same income strata. I live is a HCOL suburb in the San Jose bay area, and even here, 20% of kids are from low-income families.All races and ethnicities are represented.
- mlindner 6y ago
  But they're all the same aged or very closely aged. Having genuine interactions with an non-authority-figure adults is important for children (and was how most of the world worked until the invention of modern schooling).
  - pbhjpbhj 6y ago
    Learning from, and teaching, other kids at different stages and with different abilities too. Peer-teaching doesn't seem to happen much in schools.
- jhawk28 6y ago
  Homeschooling today is very different than 20 years ago. Since it has become more mainstream, there are so many more activities and support groups. My kids have a better social lives with a more diverse set of people than any of our friends that send their kids to school. When their kids come home from school AND finish their homework, that is when they get a little bit of time to play with my kids.
ska 6y ago
I don't think it's a myth so much as it really doesn't reflect the broad range of both possible and actual home schooling scenarios. When home schooling is used as one aspect of minimizing broader social contact for your children, it can be an issue. But it's not the home schooling per se that is the problem, but the attempt to narrow their world. And I agree it's totally unfair to paint every home schooled child with that particular brush. But they do exist, and where they exist, most would highly benefit from traditional schools if for no other reason than it breaks the bubble a bit. Having know a bunch of people who were home schooled in various ways I think your claim of clear superiority of preparation for adult life is also a bit too strong. On the whole I'd say it's a bit of a wash.
- gliese1337 6y ago
  Exactly. There are certainly socially-stunted homeschoolers. But in those case, it is not the homeschooling that is the problem.
bscphil 6y ago
> Sorry to sound snarky, but the idea that homeschool kids are somehow socially stunted is a myth that needs to die. I'm sorry, but it's not a myth. It's something that can and does happen in many cases, depending pretty much entirely on the attitude of the parents. I was homeschooled. My religious parents viewed it as an opportunity to shelter me from the evils of the world. I now have social anxiety, difficulty relating to other people, an inability to make and keep friends, and several other mental health issues. The majority of "homeschooled" students I knew (and know) were barely homeschooled - starting in middle school or high school, most of their classes were taught co-operatively by other homeschooling parents, or paid community college professors looking for some extra money. (I took several math and science classes this way.) Full homeschooling (where every single "class" from K-12 is done in the home) needs to be undertaken with extreme caution, if at all, especially when the kids get past grade school, and need to be hearing the ideas and input of peers as they relate to the things they are learning. The also need to be having social experiences with peers many times per week, which becomes very difficult even for dedicated parents.
- gliese1337 6y ago
  It's something that can and does happen in many cases, depending pretty much entirely on the attitude of the parents. Or, in other words, it's not actually the homeschooling that is the problem. It's the attitudes of the parents. And it turns out that when you have cruddy parents, public-school outcomes aren't good either.
  - bscphil 6y ago
    Well, yes, but it has the important difference that being in public school can hardly fail but to give you a certain minimum level of social skills and in most cases one or two friends at least. And on the other hand being homeschooled by bad parents can hardly fail to have a bad outcome for you. Also, can you use ">" to offset quotes instead of four spaces? Because HN uses that for code, it's not readable for mobile users.
    - pbhjpbhj 6y ago
blackrock 6y ago
If you’re home-schooled, then how do you make childhood friends? How do you meet that dreamy girl, that you remember after all these years, just because she did something nice for you once. Most friendships are based on serendipity and closeness and repeated interactions. While public schooling does have its drawbacks, and some bad bullying scenarios (we’ve all been there), it also does have some good things. And you meet a variety of other kids, that comes from different walks of life, that may positively (or negatively) influence your own life. Sure, you can supplement your kid’s social activities with going to church, or karate, or ballet, or piano, or other extracurricular activities, but it’s not quite the same. Church, for one, is too cohesive, and results in groupthink. And that’s if you really want your kid to worship a bible, instead of understanding science. The other extracurricular activities on the other hand, lacks cohesion, that you don’t build lifelong friendships through that. The other thing is, home-schooling tends to shelter your kids. You need them to build the toughness and mental resilience, from peer competition with other kids at school, in order to face the real world. Because in the real world, you now compete with other adults, and a lot more is at stake. And you tend to learn these lessons along the way, as you grow up.
- gliese1337 6y ago
  If you’re home-schooled, then how do you make childhood friends? How do you meet that dreamy girl, that you remember after all these years, just because she did something nice for you once. You meet kids in your co-op. Or in your extracurricular activities (if you don't have access to non-school-related options like karate classes, dance classes, community sports leagues, etc., plenty of school systems still permit homeschooled kids to register for their extracurricular programs). Or by hanging out with your parents' friends kids. Or by playing with other kids in the neighborhood after school. While public schooling does have its drawbacks, and some bad bullying scenarios (we’ve all been there), it also does have some good things. And you meet a variety of other kids, that comes from different walks of life, that may positively (or negatively) influence your own life. Yes, it does. And for some people, public school is the best option. One of my sisters, for example, has a mix of kids in public school, private school, and homeschooling, because each of them has different needs and different approaches to schooling have ended up working out better for each child. But the fact that each option has its strengths does not mean that homeschooling is deficient. Sure, you can supplement your kid’s social activities with going to church, or karate, or ballet, or piano, or other extracurricular activities, but it’s not quite the same. Of course it's not the same. That's the whole point. But "not the same" does not mean "worse". Church, for one, is too cohesive, and results in groupthink. Depends on your church. And that’s if you really want your kid to worship a bible, instead of understanding science. Again, depends on your church. I grew up in a religious family, and made many friends through church, but I still got degrees in two scientific fields, as did several of my siblings, and I don't think you could accuse any of us of "worshiping a bible" or "not understanding science". The other extracurricular activities on the other hand, lacks cohesion, that you don’t build lifelong friendships through that. You have no evidence for that. My nieces and nephews, and homeschoolers I know of my own generation, would say exactly the opposite. The other thing is, home-schooling tends to shelter your kids. No. Homeschooling is sometimes used as a tool b people who want to shelter their kids to give them greater control. But it does not in and of itself result in excessive sheltering. Some of my niblings have online homeschool classes with kids from all over the country, with way more diversity than they would get in their local public schools.
AuryGlenz 6y ago
All I can say is there are several times in my life I’ve encountered a teen/adult that I instantly knew was homeschooled. Personally, I don’t think the occasional shared class or meetup with their peers compares to 8 hours every day being around hundreds of different personalities. Sometimes it can be hell, but you learn a lot about social interaction. All that said I live in an area where most people that homeschool do it for religious reasons, so that could definitely be skewing things.
- jki275 6y ago
  It is likely that there are far more times in your life that you've encountered a teen/adult that actually was home schooled and you never knew.

Nimitz14 6y ago

> Homeschool kids are exposed to a much wider variety of social situations which develops a broad base of social skills and preparation for adult responsibility much more effectively than the stifling and artificial environment of public schools does. You need to elaborate, it is not at all clear how homeschooling will lead to a kid being exposed to a much wider variety of social situations.

gliese1337 6y ago
Homeschooling typically involves very little sitting at home, doing traditional schoolwork. As others have noted, and my extended family's experience supports, it only takes maybe 4 hours max to get through the basic curriculum--usually less--when all the ceremony of public school is removed. That frees up a ton of time for a combination of self-directed learning, engagement in extracurricular activities with other children of a variety of ages (e.g., may nephews have done karate for probably ten years now, started learning with older students and progressed to helping teach younger students) and regular "field trips" (e.g., when there isn't a lockdown in effect, my kids go to the aquarium at least once a month, and interact with the... zookeepers? fishkeepers?... there to ask questions about the animals, pet the rays, etc.), and navigating the world with their parents. Now, a parent can still isolate their kid from responsibility, by, e.g., taking them along on an errand to the bank and the grocery store and making them be quiet and Let The Adults Talk, but they don't have to, and those who choose to homeschool generally don't. Heck, my kids aren't even school-age yet, but I still let them hold the credit card, talk to cashier, stick the card in the chip reader, take it back out when it beeps, and grab the receipt. And since they are around the house with their parents, they also tend to get to know many of their parents friends, which is conducive to learning how to interact with adults, who are not your teachers, socially. On top of all that, even when engaging in core curricular study, homeschool kids are usually doing so in mixed-age groups, according to subject ability level--especially if they are part of a co-op.
jotakami 6y ago
The variety of social situations in typical schools is narrow and artificial. Once you leave school, never again in your adult life will you be forced to endure such a stifling environment. If a homeschooled child never leaves the house, then yeah I can see it being a problem. But if they are allowed to go out and experience the world with their parents then they learn social skills by interacting with people of all ages, but mostly with adults who (most importantly) are already socialized and therefore model proper behavior instead of the insanity that goes on in age-segregated classrooms.
- EdwardDiego 6y ago
  But by primarily socialising with adults, they aren't as successful when it comes time for socialising with people their own age.
  - lmm 6y ago
    Real life socialising is done with adults who are probably not exactly the same age as you. The kind of interactions a homeschooled child will have are a much closer model of the kind of interactions everyone has post-school than what happens in school is.
    - matchbok 6y ago
      That's not what the previous poster said. They were talking about socializing with people your own age, which is critically important. When I was 18 if I acted like a 40 year old I would have never made friends or found a girlfriend.
      - lmm 6y ago
        But relative age is not what makes the difference. Interacting with 20 year olds as a 20 year old is much more like interacting with 20 year olds as a 10 year old than it is like interacting with 10 year olds as a 10 year old.

cellar_door 6y ago

I'm an only child and had plenty of adult interactions outside of public school. If I was homeschooled I would have been miserable, even if I met people through sports and other activities. This site is filled with introverted engineers -- not exactly a representative sample. 3.4% of kids are homeschooled, 64% of which are doing so in order to provide religious instruction.

sharadov 6y ago
Can't agree more!
gliese1337 6y ago
And I have no reason to doubt you. Homeschooling definitely isn't for everyone... but that is not the same as saying that homeschooling is across-the-board inferior to public schooling. Public schooling also isn't for everyone.

sharadov 6y ago

Are you telling me that a homeschooled kid will get exposed to more social situations than one in a public school where every race, ethnicity, and social strata are represented?

baddox 6y ago
Unless the homeschooling parents went out of their way to isolate their child, it seems like the amount of interaction with people of various ethnicities, social strata, etc. is going to depend more on the community than whether a child is homeschooled. There are plenty of public schools with very little diversity.
- sharadov 6y ago
  I'll argue the other way, even if the parents are social butterflies, they end up socializing with people who belong to the same income strata. I live is a HCOL suburb in the San Jose bay area, and even here, 20% of kids are from low-income families.All races and ethnicities are represented.
mlindner 6y ago
But they're all the same aged or very closely aged. Having genuine interactions with an non-authority-figure adults is important for children (and was how most of the world worked until the invention of modern schooling).
- pbhjpbhj 6y ago
  Learning from, and teaching, other kids at different stages and with different abilities too. Peer-teaching doesn't seem to happen much in schools.
jhawk28 6y ago
Homeschooling today is very different than 20 years ago. Since it has become more mainstream, there are so many more activities and support groups. My kids have a better social lives with a more diverse set of people than any of our friends that send their kids to school. When their kids come home from school AND finish their homework, that is when they get a little bit of time to play with my kids.

ska 6y ago

I don't think it's a myth so much as it really doesn't reflect the broad range of both possible and actual home schooling scenarios. When home schooling is used as one aspect of minimizing broader social contact for your children, it can be an issue. But it's not the home schooling per se that is the problem, but the attempt to narrow their world. And I agree it's totally unfair to paint every home schooled child with that particular brush. But they do exist, and where they exist, most would highly benefit from traditional schools if for no other reason than it breaks the bubble a bit. Having know a bunch of people who were home schooled in various ways I think your claim of clear superiority of preparation for adult life is also a bit too strong. On the whole I'd say it's a bit of a wash.

gliese1337 6y ago
Exactly. There are certainly socially-stunted homeschoolers. But in those case, it is not the homeschooling that is the problem.

bscphil 6y ago

> Sorry to sound snarky, but the idea that homeschool kids are somehow socially stunted is a myth that needs to die. I'm sorry, but it's not a myth. It's something that can and does happen in many cases, depending pretty much entirely on the attitude of the parents. I was homeschooled. My religious parents viewed it as an opportunity to shelter me from the evils of the world. I now have social anxiety, difficulty relating to other people, an inability to make and keep friends, and several other mental health issues. The majority of "homeschooled" students I knew (and know) were barely homeschooled - starting in middle school or high school, most of their classes were taught co-operatively by other homeschooling parents, or paid community college professors looking for some extra money. (I took several math and science classes this way.) Full homeschooling (where every single "class" from K-12 is done in the home) needs to be undertaken with extreme caution, if at all, especially when the kids get past grade school, and need to be hearing the ideas and input of peers as they relate to the things they are learning. The also need to be having social experiences with peers many times per week, which becomes very difficult even for dedicated parents.

gliese1337 6y ago
It's something that can and does happen in many cases, depending pretty much entirely on the attitude of the parents. Or, in other words, it's not actually the homeschooling that is the problem. It's the attitudes of the parents. And it turns out that when you have cruddy parents, public-school outcomes aren't good either.
- bscphil 6y ago
  Well, yes, but it has the important difference that being in public school can hardly fail but to give you a certain minimum level of social skills and in most cases one or two friends at least. And on the other hand being homeschooled by bad parents can hardly fail to have a bad outcome for you. Also, can you use ">" to offset quotes instead of four spaces? Because HN uses that for code, it's not readable for mobile users.
  - pbhjpbhj 6y ago

blackrock 6y ago

If you’re home-schooled, then how do you make childhood friends? How do you meet that dreamy girl, that you remember after all these years, just because she did something nice for you once. Most friendships are based on serendipity and closeness and repeated interactions. While public schooling does have its drawbacks, and some bad bullying scenarios (we’ve all been there), it also does have some good things. And you meet a variety of other kids, that comes from different walks of life, that may positively (or negatively) influence your own life. Sure, you can supplement your kid’s social activities with going to church, or karate, or ballet, or piano, or other extracurricular activities, but it’s not quite the same. Church, for one, is too cohesive, and results in groupthink. And that’s if you really want your kid to worship a bible, instead of understanding science. The other extracurricular activities on the other hand, lacks cohesion, that you don’t build lifelong friendships through that. The other thing is, home-schooling tends to shelter your kids. You need them to build the toughness and mental resilience, from peer competition with other kids at school, in order to face the real world. Because in the real world, you now compete with other adults, and a lot more is at stake. And you tend to learn these lessons along the way, as you grow up.

gliese1337 6y ago
If you’re home-schooled, then how do you make childhood friends? How do you meet that dreamy girl, that you remember after all these years, just because she did something nice for you once. You meet kids in your co-op. Or in your extracurricular activities (if you don't have access to non-school-related options like karate classes, dance classes, community sports leagues, etc., plenty of school systems still permit homeschooled kids to register for their extracurricular programs). Or by hanging out with your parents' friends kids. Or by playing with other kids in the neighborhood after school. While public schooling does have its drawbacks, and some bad bullying scenarios (we’ve all been there), it also does have some good things. And you meet a variety of other kids, that comes from different walks of life, that may positively (or negatively) influence your own life. Yes, it does. And for some people, public school is the best option. One of my sisters, for example, has a mix of kids in public school, private school, and homeschooling, because each of them has different needs and different approaches to schooling have ended up working out better for each child. But the fact that each option has its strengths does not mean that homeschooling is deficient. Sure, you can supplement your kid’s social activities with going to church, or karate, or ballet, or piano, or other extracurricular activities, but it’s not quite the same. Of course it's not the same. That's the whole point. But "not the same" does not mean "worse". Church, for one, is too cohesive, and results in groupthink. Depends on your church. And that’s if you really want your kid to worship a bible, instead of understanding science. Again, depends on your church. I grew up in a religious family, and made many friends through church, but I still got degrees in two scientific fields, as did several of my siblings, and I don't think you could accuse any of us of "worshiping a bible" or "not understanding science". The other extracurricular activities on the other hand, lacks cohesion, that you don’t build lifelong friendships through that. You have no evidence for that. My nieces and nephews, and homeschoolers I know of my own generation, would say exactly the opposite. The other thing is, home-schooling tends to shelter your kids. No. Homeschooling is sometimes used as a tool b people who want to shelter their kids to give them greater control. But it does not in and of itself result in excessive sheltering. Some of my niblings have online homeschool classes with kids from all over the country, with way more diversity than they would get in their local public schools.

AuryGlenz 6y ago

All I can say is there are several times in my life I’ve encountered a teen/adult that I instantly knew was homeschooled. Personally, I don’t think the occasional shared class or meetup with their peers compares to 8 hours every day being around hundreds of different personalities. Sometimes it can be hell, but you learn a lot about social interaction. All that said I live in an area where most people that homeschool do it for religious reasons, so that could definitely be skewing things.

jki275 6y ago
It is likely that there are far more times in your life that you've encountered a teen/adult that actually was home schooled and you never knew.