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Do you have any concerns about your son’s social development? If so, how do you address these? Personally, I would be worried about accidentally isolating my ki

Do you have any concerns about your son’s social development? If so, how do you address these? Personally, I would be worried about accidentally isolating my kids and causing them to miss out on certain soft skills.

centimeter 6y ago
All of my friends who were homeschooled did boy scouts, church programs, etc. and almost all of them have better-than-average social skills. I wasn't homeschooled but, based on the outcomes I've seen, I'll be homeschooling my children at least until high school.
- asdff 6y ago
  A potential confounding variable is that homeschooling doesn't happen without a good home environment with dedicated and involved parents, and that the student would be just as successful in a traditional schooling environment for those reasons alone.
  - EdwardDiego 6y ago
    It can happen without a good home environment, and then the results are very poor indeed.
agensaequivocum 6y ago
Virtually all homeschooling families are extremely active in at least one social group.
gliese1337 6y ago
Do you have any concerns about the social development of kids who go to traditional schools, where they interact solely with other kids close to their own age or teachers who are much older than them and whose interactions are rigid and artificial? Sorry to sound snarky, but the idea that homeschool kids are somehow socially stunted is a myth that needs to die. If anything, it's the other way around. Homeschool kids are exposed to a much wider variety of social situations which develops a broad base of social skills and preparation for adult responsibility much more effectively than the stifling and artificial environment of public schools does.
- Nimitz14 6y ago
  > Homeschool kids are exposed to a much wider variety of social situations which develops a broad base of social skills and preparation for adult responsibility much more effectively than the stifling and artificial environment of public schools does. You need to elaborate, it is not at all clear how homeschooling will lead to a kid being exposed to a much wider variety of social situations.
  - gliese1337 6y ago
    Homeschooling typically involves very little sitting at home, doing traditional schoolwork. As others have noted, and my extended family's experience supports, it only takes maybe 4 hours max to get through the basic curriculum--usually less--when all the ceremony of public school is removed. That frees up a ton of time for a combination of self-directed learning, engagement in extracurricular activities with other children of a variety of ages (e.g., may nephews have done karate for probably ten years now, started learning with older students and progressed to helping teach younger students) and regular "field trips" (e.g., when there isn't a lockdown in effect, my kids go to the aquarium at least once a month, and interact with the... zookeepers? fishkeepers?... there to ask questions about the animals, pet the rays, etc.), and navigating the world with their parents. Now, a parent can still isolate their kid from responsibility, by, e.g., taking them along on an errand to the bank and the grocery store and making them be quiet and Let The Adults Talk, but they don't have to, and those who choose to homeschool generally don't. Heck, my kids aren't even school-age yet, but I still let them hold the credit card, talk to cashier, stick the card in the chip reader, take it back out when it beeps, and grab the receipt. And since they are around the house with their parents, they also tend to get to know many of their parents friends, which is conducive to learning how to interact with adults, who are not your teachers, socially. On top of all that, even when engaging in core curricular study, homeschool kids are usually doing so in mixed-age groups, according to subject ability level--especially if they are part of a co-op.
  - jotakami 6y ago
    The variety of social situations in typical schools is narrow and artificial. Once you leave school, never again in your adult life will you be forced to endure such a stifling environment. If a homeschooled child never leaves the house, then yeah I can see it being a problem. But if they are allowed to go out and experience the world with their parents then they learn social skills by interacting with people of all ages, but mostly with adults who (most importantly) are already socialized and therefore model proper behavior instead of the insanity that goes on in age-segregated classrooms.
scop 6y ago
- martial arts class gives (non-parent) teacher-student setting w/ same-age peers - play groups gives play time w/ mixed-age kids - piano lesson gives (non-parent) teacher-student setting - living every day life has child interact with adults for various things (e.g. ask the cashier if they have X for you to buy) - tight knit parish community gives very diverse age range (babies, toddlers, teens, seniors, etc) for both play, service, hikes, etc - siblings close in age Full disclosure, I was very skeptical of homeschooling to start and am myself a product of one of the best Bay Area private schools. I only chose to give homeschooling a try as I had a flexible remote-work situation and thus a year of not being tied to a school schedule seemed worth a shot. It has been a success beyond my imagination and my son is not only ahead of where I expected scholastically, but also socially.
- ced 6y ago
  How do you mix work and homeschooling? How many hours do you work / week, and what do your kids do during that time?
- Avamander 6y ago
  Cool. I'm wondering though, personally I've had STEM teachers and met experts that have inspired me to do what I do now. Have you introduced things like science/robotics clubs to him? If it's not a secret. I'm just very curious.
- ryeights 6y ago
  Thanks for your response, I'm glad to hear things are going well. Judging by your response, your son seems to be (relatively) young--do you have any plans to reintroduce him into the schooling system during his high school years, e.g. for college preparation? Also, where I live, driving around to all those activities would add up to a lot of time. I assume you live in a more urban area where those things are in close proximity/within walking distance?
ryanmarsh 6y ago
This is the most common question we homeschoolers receive. 1. Students and teachers are not always good role models and schools are not always a good environment for learning soft skills. Some schools are quite toxic. I'm sure many here can relate. 2. Who better to teach you social cues than your parents who love you and will be patient with you? 3. It depends on the child and the parents. Our oldest daughter is extremely introverted and was homeschooled yet has better social graces than her mother and I combined. Our middle daughter (extrovert) has a strong network of online/offline friends through various programs and activities. She will be starting a private school in the fall. 4. Homeschooled children get used to interacting with adults who are not in a school environment and tend to communicate in an adult like manner (IMHE). 5. The successful homeschoolers tend not to advertise it, yet they are everywhere. Unsuccessful home schoolers often become the subject click bait articles or books (ala Tara Westover's experience). School for me was a horrible experience socially for me. I wish I'd been home schooled.
- sbilstein 6y ago
  The assumption that parents love and treat their children well is a quite a big assumption by homeschooling advocates.
  - mrguyorama 6y ago
    My mother is a teacher. She has become surrogate mother to so many kids because their home lives are trash.
- andrepd 6y ago
  1. Parents are not always good role models and homes are not always a good environment for learning soft skills. Some homes are quite toxic. I'm sure many here can relate.
  - MH15 6y ago
    Exactly! It's more difficult (for most) to become a teacher than it is to become a parent and I think we can agree the average teacher is better at their job then the average parent. While homeschooling can work wonderfully in some places, it is exceedingly irresponsible to advocate for unregulated homeschooling while knowing the terrible home life some children have.
mumblemumble 6y ago
For what it's worth, among me and my siblings, the one with the best social skills, the widest circle of friends, and who is still most in contact with childhood friends is the one who was homeschooled. No, that wasn't me. I certainly spent a lot more time interacting with other kids my age during weekdays, but quantity isn't quality. I'd be curious to know if there's been any long-term research on this subject, but I'm not aware of anything.
sharadov 6y ago
There is no chance that a homeschooled kid is going to learn all the social, leadership skills that a kid who goes to a public/private school does. The diversity of people that you get to meet in a school, is pretty much impossible in a home school setting. What about the freedom to be away from your parents and run wild? I imagine a homeschooled kid always tagging along with his parents.
- remmargorp64 6y ago
  As if every kid that goes to public school learns social leadership skills (hint: the vast majority don't)... and as if a bunch of delinquent kids running wild without adult supervision is always a positive thing... There are plenty of ways to intentionally foster and coach leadership skills without putting your kid into a public school, and there are plenty of ways to give your kids freedom without them running around and getting into trouble. These things are in no way things that are strictly exclusive to the common public school experience. If anything, you are more likely to have success by being intentional with your approach in a homeschooled environment that is free from things like peer pressure and drugs and lack of supervision.
zxexz 6y ago
People are very opinionated about this topic, and I’m sure that’s because there’s not really an answer to “does homeschooling have negative impacts on social development?”, beyond “It depends.” I’m saying this as an unschooler, who was entirely without a mandated curriculum from 2nd grade until adulthood. A lot of it depends on the reasons for home schooling. My mum was just hippie-crunchy enough that when 6 year old me said I didn’t want to go to school, she just let me leave at the end of the year. I’ve met incredibly awkward homeschoolers who were not in school due to religious parents. I’ve met families who just travel so much, it was easier on everybody to just homeschool their kids - these kids tend to be more socially developed than average IMO - May be because that lifestyle rewards kids for being outgoing. I’ve noticed many more trends, but there is ALWAYS an exception to the rule. I should note that “successful” homeschooling does seem correlated with economic and social privilege; for me this was the case - I had the privilege of being raised in the greater Boston area, near enough public transport I could go into the city whenever I want. Personally, I can’t imagine raising kids in a rural environment where they can’t take bus anywhere, and don’t have easy access to other kids their own raise. But, of course, I know several people who were raised like that and are way more mature adults than most. I think this point is obvious, but traditional homeschooling also requires the privilege of having a parent who is not working, or the money to hire tutors (unschooling and co-op based homeschooling obviously has less of a dependency here).
aklemm 6y ago
School could easily be considered a negative social experience. Unnaturally spending 6+ hours/day with kids of the same age under loose social guidance. A home-schooler has his neighborhood and extra-curricular time which are more than sufficient, but also one huge advantage: the potential to spend time in the real world with authentic relationships with people of all ages.

centimeter 6y ago

All of my friends who were homeschooled did boy scouts, church programs, etc. and almost all of them have better-than-average social skills. I wasn't homeschooled but, based on the outcomes I've seen, I'll be homeschooling my children at least until high school.

asdff 6y ago
A potential confounding variable is that homeschooling doesn't happen without a good home environment with dedicated and involved parents, and that the student would be just as successful in a traditional schooling environment for those reasons alone.
- EdwardDiego 6y ago
  It can happen without a good home environment, and then the results are very poor indeed.

agensaequivocum 6y ago

Virtually all homeschooling families are extremely active in at least one social group.

gliese1337 6y ago

Do you have any concerns about the social development of kids who go to traditional schools, where they interact solely with other kids close to their own age or teachers who are much older than them and whose interactions are rigid and artificial? Sorry to sound snarky, but the idea that homeschool kids are somehow socially stunted is a myth that needs to die. If anything, it's the other way around. Homeschool kids are exposed to a much wider variety of social situations which develops a broad base of social skills and preparation for adult responsibility much more effectively than the stifling and artificial environment of public schools does.

Nimitz14 6y ago
> Homeschool kids are exposed to a much wider variety of social situations which develops a broad base of social skills and preparation for adult responsibility much more effectively than the stifling and artificial environment of public schools does. You need to elaborate, it is not at all clear how homeschooling will lead to a kid being exposed to a much wider variety of social situations.
- gliese1337 6y ago
  Homeschooling typically involves very little sitting at home, doing traditional schoolwork. As others have noted, and my extended family's experience supports, it only takes maybe 4 hours max to get through the basic curriculum--usually less--when all the ceremony of public school is removed. That frees up a ton of time for a combination of self-directed learning, engagement in extracurricular activities with other children of a variety of ages (e.g., may nephews have done karate for probably ten years now, started learning with older students and progressed to helping teach younger students) and regular "field trips" (e.g., when there isn't a lockdown in effect, my kids go to the aquarium at least once a month, and interact with the... zookeepers? fishkeepers?... there to ask questions about the animals, pet the rays, etc.), and navigating the world with their parents. Now, a parent can still isolate their kid from responsibility, by, e.g., taking them along on an errand to the bank and the grocery store and making them be quiet and Let The Adults Talk, but they don't have to, and those who choose to homeschool generally don't. Heck, my kids aren't even school-age yet, but I still let them hold the credit card, talk to cashier, stick the card in the chip reader, take it back out when it beeps, and grab the receipt. And since they are around the house with their parents, they also tend to get to know many of their parents friends, which is conducive to learning how to interact with adults, who are not your teachers, socially. On top of all that, even when engaging in core curricular study, homeschool kids are usually doing so in mixed-age groups, according to subject ability level--especially if they are part of a co-op.
- jotakami 6y ago
  The variety of social situations in typical schools is narrow and artificial. Once you leave school, never again in your adult life will you be forced to endure such a stifling environment. If a homeschooled child never leaves the house, then yeah I can see it being a problem. But if they are allowed to go out and experience the world with their parents then they learn social skills by interacting with people of all ages, but mostly with adults who (most importantly) are already socialized and therefore model proper behavior instead of the insanity that goes on in age-segregated classrooms.

scop 6y ago

- martial arts class gives (non-parent) teacher-student setting w/ same-age peers - play groups gives play time w/ mixed-age kids - piano lesson gives (non-parent) teacher-student setting - living every day life has child interact with adults for various things (e.g. ask the cashier if they have X for you to buy) - tight knit parish community gives very diverse age range (babies, toddlers, teens, seniors, etc) for both play, service, hikes, etc - siblings close in age Full disclosure, I was very skeptical of homeschooling to start and am myself a product of one of the best Bay Area private schools. I only chose to give homeschooling a try as I had a flexible remote-work situation and thus a year of not being tied to a school schedule seemed worth a shot. It has been a success beyond my imagination and my son is not only ahead of where I expected scholastically, but also socially.

ced 6y ago
How do you mix work and homeschooling? How many hours do you work / week, and what do your kids do during that time?
Avamander 6y ago
Cool. I'm wondering though, personally I've had STEM teachers and met experts that have inspired me to do what I do now. Have you introduced things like science/robotics clubs to him? If it's not a secret. I'm just very curious.
ryeights 6y ago
Thanks for your response, I'm glad to hear things are going well. Judging by your response, your son seems to be (relatively) young--do you have any plans to reintroduce him into the schooling system during his high school years, e.g. for college preparation? Also, where I live, driving around to all those activities would add up to a lot of time. I assume you live in a more urban area where those things are in close proximity/within walking distance?

ryanmarsh 6y ago

This is the most common question we homeschoolers receive. 1. Students and teachers are not always good role models and schools are not always a good environment for learning soft skills. Some schools are quite toxic. I'm sure many here can relate. 2. Who better to teach you social cues than your parents who love you and will be patient with you? 3. It depends on the child and the parents. Our oldest daughter is extremely introverted and was homeschooled yet has better social graces than her mother and I combined. Our middle daughter (extrovert) has a strong network of online/offline friends through various programs and activities. She will be starting a private school in the fall. 4. Homeschooled children get used to interacting with adults who are not in a school environment and tend to communicate in an adult like manner (IMHE). 5. The successful homeschoolers tend not to advertise it, yet they are everywhere. Unsuccessful home schoolers often become the subject click bait articles or books (ala Tara Westover's experience). School for me was a horrible experience socially for me. I wish I'd been home schooled.

sbilstein 6y ago
The assumption that parents love and treat their children well is a quite a big assumption by homeschooling advocates.
- mrguyorama 6y ago
  My mother is a teacher. She has become surrogate mother to so many kids because their home lives are trash.
andrepd 6y ago
1. Parents are not always good role models and homes are not always a good environment for learning soft skills. Some homes are quite toxic. I'm sure many here can relate.
- MH15 6y ago
  Exactly! It's more difficult (for most) to become a teacher than it is to become a parent and I think we can agree the average teacher is better at their job then the average parent. While homeschooling can work wonderfully in some places, it is exceedingly irresponsible to advocate for unregulated homeschooling while knowing the terrible home life some children have.

mumblemumble 6y ago

For what it's worth, among me and my siblings, the one with the best social skills, the widest circle of friends, and who is still most in contact with childhood friends is the one who was homeschooled. No, that wasn't me. I certainly spent a lot more time interacting with other kids my age during weekdays, but quantity isn't quality. I'd be curious to know if there's been any long-term research on this subject, but I'm not aware of anything.

sharadov 6y ago

There is no chance that a homeschooled kid is going to learn all the social, leadership skills that a kid who goes to a public/private school does. The diversity of people that you get to meet in a school, is pretty much impossible in a home school setting. What about the freedom to be away from your parents and run wild? I imagine a homeschooled kid always tagging along with his parents.

remmargorp64 6y ago
As if every kid that goes to public school learns social leadership skills (hint: the vast majority don't)... and as if a bunch of delinquent kids running wild without adult supervision is always a positive thing... There are plenty of ways to intentionally foster and coach leadership skills without putting your kid into a public school, and there are plenty of ways to give your kids freedom without them running around and getting into trouble. These things are in no way things that are strictly exclusive to the common public school experience. If anything, you are more likely to have success by being intentional with your approach in a homeschooled environment that is free from things like peer pressure and drugs and lack of supervision.

zxexz 6y ago

People are very opinionated about this topic, and I’m sure that’s because there’s not really an answer to “does homeschooling have negative impacts on social development?”, beyond “It depends.” I’m saying this as an unschooler, who was entirely without a mandated curriculum from 2nd grade until adulthood. A lot of it depends on the reasons for home schooling. My mum was just hippie-crunchy enough that when 6 year old me said I didn’t want to go to school, she just let me leave at the end of the year. I’ve met incredibly awkward homeschoolers who were not in school due to religious parents. I’ve met families who just travel so much, it was easier on everybody to just homeschool their kids - these kids tend to be more socially developed than average IMO - May be because that lifestyle rewards kids for being outgoing. I’ve noticed many more trends, but there is ALWAYS an exception to the rule. I should note that “successful” homeschooling does seem correlated with economic and social privilege; for me this was the case - I had the privilege of being raised in the greater Boston area, near enough public transport I could go into the city whenever I want. Personally, I can’t imagine raising kids in a rural environment where they can’t take bus anywhere, and don’t have easy access to other kids their own raise. But, of course, I know several people who were raised like that and are way more mature adults than most. I think this point is obvious, but traditional homeschooling also requires the privilege of having a parent who is not working, or the money to hire tutors (unschooling and co-op based homeschooling obviously has less of a dependency here).

aklemm 6y ago

School could easily be considered a negative social experience. Unnaturally spending 6+ hours/day with kids of the same age under loose social guidance. A home-schooler has his neighborhood and extra-curricular time which are more than sufficient, but also one huge advantage: the potential to spend time in the real world with authentic relationships with people of all ages.