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She Wanted a Man with a Good Job Who Is Nice to Animals
- cpt1138 7y agoWhat a perfect story. Very nicely done.
- Syssiphus 7y agoNothing can ever replace your dog.
- Noumenon72 7y agoIf you don't like dogs, you will probably have zero interest in this. It has nothing to do with programming or society at large.
- 0x8BADF00D 7y agoIt’s much deeper than a story about a man and his dog. The real moral of this story is to not have any attachments. It’s all fleeting in the end. When the time comes, you need to accept it with open arms, instead of holding on in futility. Death comes for us all eventually.
- bittercynic 7y agoIt might be more fulfilling to learn to have attachments and to cope with loss.
- 0x8BADF00D 7y agoThat’s the path toward suffering. What if I choose to have zero personal attachments, but still celebrate human life? Complete strangers become immediate friends, family even. I have no need for such selfish bonds that will lead me to suffering.
- bittercynic 7y agoI guess that's your choice, but please consider that avoiding suffering at the expense of all other factors is an extreme choice, and you may miss out on something worthwhile.
- sgt101 7y ago>you may miss out on something worthwhile sorry, you should correct that to : you will miss out on everything worthwhile
- Noumenon72 7y agoNothing is actually worthwhile. Our "worthwhile" sense is perfectly capable of telling us that building the largest Beanie Baby collection is worthwhile, that joining the Westboro Baptists is worthwhile, or starting a juice bag startup is worthwhile. Do other people's lives seem more worthwhile to you because they have some relationships with people you'd care nothing for? Not to me -- the worthwhileness is an entirely subjective feeling for them. Whereas suffering is a real thing that subtracts much more from life than worthwhile adds.
- krageon 7y agoIf the highest you can attain in life is a lack of suffering, then death is the reasonable option. As a mindset, I think that's not a great one to have.
- krapp 7y ago>As a mindset, I think that's not a great one to have. It's the thesis behind one of the world's great religions.
- krageon 7y agoIt is in fact not, unless you are talking about some cult I don't know about. If you are talking just from the elimination of suffering angle, sure. But they make the theological case that the absence of suffering itself leads to a state that is far more than just the absence of suffering. I don't think we can or should take that as a given, just as we don't take other theological truths as a given.
- YinglingLight 7y agoYou are flirting with Nihilism. Nihilism is sick beyond belief. It's alluring because "people are more afraid that things might have meaning, than that they might not."
- danso 7y agoI like dogs, but I saw it more of a story about the expectations we often have for folks in their 30s, in terms of life responsibilities and relationships. The author describes having to move on from the perfect love of a dog: > Dusty taught me everything I needed to know about life, but over the years there had been something missing. My friends Ben and Rachel insisted I join a dating app to expand my horizons. That’s how they met, but I loathed the idea. > Why would I want to expand my life? I had a dog, a place to live, a pickup truck smothered in bumper stickers. But out of curiosity (or God knows what), I humored them. I created a Tinder account with a picture of Dusty as my profile picture. No one matched with me until Rachel explained that I was swiping in the wrong direction. The first time I swiped right, I matched.
- sbmthakur 7y agoDo women have a thing for men with dogs? I've read at certain forums that men with dogs have better success with girls but never came across a study.
- decebalus1 7y agoIt's an American thing and it's more than that. Having a dog is like a signal that you're 'normal'. If you don't have a dog, there may be something wrong with you. The lack of a dog or love for dogs is actually the red flag. The dog just raises you closer to the baseline. If you don't like dogs and have the audacity to voice your preference out loud, prepare to be a social outcast/weirdo/creep.
- magduf 7y agoExactly. My profile clearly states that I have cats, and at least on OKC, I do have the audacity in the "questions" (in a couple asking if you have/want a dog or like dogs) to say that I don't like dogs much, and like them about as much as I like goats and horses (which is to say, they're fun to see on a farm once in a while, but that's it). I rarely get any interest from white American women, but I get tons of interest from Asian women. I agree that this is an American thing, but moreover, I think it's a relatively recent thing too. I don't remember this dog craze existing back in the 90s.
- dwd 7y agoI guess it's all in the signaling. A guy who's nice to animals may be perceived as being nice in general. Owning a dog makes for a good neutral conversation starter. There is a link between cruelty to animals and violence against women, murder, etc. https://www.independent.co.uk/news/long_reads/domestic-violence-animal-cruelty-abuse-neglect-murder-children-dogs-a9018071.html https://www.independent.co.uk/news/long_reads/domestic-viole... Owning a cat however isn't the same, and could have a negative effect.
- mirimir 7y ago> Owning a cat however isn't the same, and could have a negative effect. Huh? All of my ~longtime girlfriends and wives have been cat people. Two out of three wives, at one point in their lives, had more than five cats. The first, when I met her, had over 20 cats. Counting kittens and loosely attached males. So why not cats?
- maximente 7y agonah, i'm not really into dogs but found the story fascinating: - author's fear of being left without companionship overcoming his fear of commitment/failure (seemingly): ... I didn’t want to lose Ilse, especially knowing I was about to lose Dusty ... - author's POV about living for more than himself: ... I thought none of this was worth anything unless I had something more to live for. - how his "youth"/carefree phase sort of died with his dog - travels ending in his truck, etc. - and a new chapter begins with his spouse - near death experience + how that (seemingly?) kicked off his choice to marry his spouse lots of good stuff to reflect on here, especially for lone ranger/loss-averse/single people types
- Noumenon72 7y agoThanks, that makes sense. I don't really recognize those kind of emotions as valid reasons to do anything, so I skimmed without identifying with him or understanding the kind of journey he was trying to tell. Maybe letting the emotions take charge is the only way people do break away from being a lone ranger/loss-averse/single people type. I always have trouble understanding why they do, even when they write a whole essay to explain it to me.
- honestoHeminway 7y agoThe animal cult has become a problem for society at large. You might not know this, but there are regularly mobs crying for lynchings on imgur etc. when a troll posts some animal-cruelty or touching story. Its part of the anti-enlightment, a crawling back into emotional safe spaces, shunning human company for controllable social interaction. Thus a problem. Thus relevant, at least when it comes to meta.
- kwhitefoot 7y agoNot at all. And HN posts are not required to be about programming or programmers. Anyway, I don't even like dogs and I certainly don't have one but I was still touched by it.
- pbhjpbhj 7y agoIs HN really for trite, emotional, insubstantial stories about people who think their dog has a favourite pizza parlour though? Seems more Reddit or pulp magazine territory to me.
- blaser-waffle 7y agoI agree. I come to HN for tech-ish news. Usually it'll include things related to work/tech stuff, like the economy or employment laws, or whatever. But when you're just softballing in "human interest" stories about pets then it's just reddit with less features.
- arcboii92 7y agoWhat the hell I don't come on HN to cry. WHAT IS THIS?!
- casefields 7y agoI've got an older dog and it got me too. That was quite a touching piece.
- kwhitefoot 7y agoI haven't even got a dog and I don't like them much; still touched me.
- _eric 7y agoPretty much when I finished reading it I got the news that my old dog had died. We were kind of waiting for it already, but it still hurts. The article timing couldn't be better. Definitely a touching piece.
- dwd 7y agoI wasn't planning to read it until I saw your comment, got me as well. I have an older dog who's hips are starting to pain her.
- deedree 7y agoTears flowing down my face. Didn't see that coming.
- Noos 7y agoThis is the male version of "being basic." I cannot, for the life of me, see organizing and playing a twenty one kazoo salute for a dog I loved. Dear God, Ilse made him change his clothes. The article is so bloodless.
- Causality1 7y agoGlad it worked out for him but for me she'd be packing a ton of red flags. Changing his fashion? Changing his diet? Watching the Hallmark Channel? >After a year of dating, Ilse began pushing for marriage >She said it’s difficult for an entrepreneurial woman in her 30s to find love with someone who has a good job >We had a back and forth, like playing chess. So she's actively trying to convince him to do something she knows he doesn't want to do. >One evening, Ilse said if I wasn’t going to be with her, I had to let her go so she could find someone else. "Giving ultimatums" appears on every single list of "signs of abusive relationships" you could care to find. If I had been this guy's friend I'd have been telling him to break up with her, and saying so regularly.
- liability 7y agoNature has cruelly given women who want children the ultimate ultimatum. If she is such a woman, giving men an ultimatum isn't abusive.
- gamedori 7y agoUltimatums are one of the best tools for people in terrible relationships to use: "Give up the bottle, or I leave." "Stop hitting the kids, or I call the cops." (Other ultimatums, such as "Marry me or I kill the dog" are obviously abusive.) In this case, the woman is forcing the man into a choice, but he still has a choice. "Show me that I'm not wasting my time or I leave" is in the grand scheme of things quite tame.
- krageon 7y agoIf you have to give ultimatums about abuse you should already have left.
- lacampbell 7y agoPhew, for a brief moment there was only one New York Times article on the front page. Glad we're back up to two!
- charliebrownau 7y agoWomen lie to men and themselfs 99% of women claim they want a "nice guy" and will ALWAYS hunt out for an arsehole Women will never be equal to men as long as society and law gives them double standards, lower or no sentencing and little to none accountability and responsibilities for their actions Feminism is SOCIALISM for women with zero accountablity
- js2 7y agoThe author also wrote about Dusty in 2012. https://www.nytimes.com/2012/08/26/fashion/dog-anchors-man-facing-setbacks.html https://www.nytimes.com/2012/08/26/fashion/dog-anchors-man-f...
- knodi123 7y agoWhat a coincidence. Picked up an Austin Chronicle for the first time in a year because I needed to kill time at a restaurant while a kid ate their way through a giant rice krispie treat. This was the front page story: https://www.austinchronicle.com/arts/2019-08-16/causing-trouble-as-we-smiled-a-dusty-story/ https://www.austinchronicle.com/arts/2019-08-16/causing-trou... It may appear to be the same story, but it is a completely separate article on the same topic written by the same author and published the same day.
- criddell 7y agoAt the bottom of that article it says: > A version of this article appeared in print on August 16, 2019 with the headline: Causing Trouble as We Smiled I wonder if that accounts for the differences?
- reagent_finder 7y ago"You’re in private mode." "Log in or create a free New York Times account to continue reading in private mode." I guess Chrome incognito is still detectable. Hard pass.
- sysbin 7y agoDisable javascript and then you can read the article is what I do.
- criddell 7y agoI opened it then hit the reader mode button.
- mtgx 7y agoSeems to work in Firefox' private mode.
- deleted 7y ago[deleted]
- casefields 7y agohttp://archive.is/75ik5 http://archive.is/75ik5
- sersi 7y agoFirefox containers work well
- lota-putty 7y agoHere I thought Men who defeated seven-deadly-sins are ideal partners. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seven_deadly_sins https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seven_deadly_sins
- jokowueu 7y ago"With Dusty everything was safe and there was never a compromise, but with Ilse I had to listen and negotiate. Ilse knew how to manage her life, and she made me change. Sometimes she made me change my clothes." Dogpill? There is a subreddit about this, I thought it was a parody about redpill but more and more I'm reading about these similar experiences which I found quite interesting
- kwhitefoot 7y agoBut what happened to Oscar Wilde?
- temptemptemp111 7y agoMental illness. HN loves it. NYT, HN, Hollywood, MSM, (((et al))) -> constantly promoting subversive propaganda.
- systemtest 7y agoPlease don't link to articles that require creating an account.
- ohduran 7y agoI didn't come to HN to cry!!
- hirseypie 7y agoI'll give you the summary: - Man and dog are best long time friends - Man meets over 30 yr old diabetic sexual abuse victim on Tinder - Woman pushes him for marriage contract - Dog dies 2 days before wedding - She pushes him to still get married and cares more about "At least smile for the photos"
- anjc 7y agoSurprisingly accurate summary.
- larrydag 7y agoMy partner and I went the traditional route. We married then we (okay, she) rescued a dog from the local shelter. Coincidentally also in Texas. We later had our own kids but Sadie was our first one for us to bring into the family. We loved that dog even if Sadie was as stubborn as anything. We cried when we finally had to let her go a few years ago. The next month after Sadie's passing my wife and my two boys introduced me to Freddy. And so goes our family with another happy member to share our love.
- lowken10 7y agoDude if your wife is bring a dog into the family without your approval then you need to turn in your man card.
- Balgair 7y ago> I took Dusty for one last walk so he could feel the sun on his nose. We had treats and watched a comic-book movie together. The vet gave him drugs. Dusty died at home, in my arms, his nose on my knee, only days before Ilse and I got married. As he closed his eyes, I whispered, “I’ll guard the castle.” We wrapped him in blankets, placed him in a basket and a white van took him away. We lost our cat to cancer this year. She was everything to my SO. The cat and I got my SO through grad school and really helped out my SO with a pain disorder that my SO has been battling. We had her euthanized at home as well and I was lucky enough to be the one that plunged the vial into her, relieving her of the pain. She was my cat afterall, just as I was her human. Then we wrapped her in her favorite blanket and the specalist took her away. We got the ashes a while later. I still can't bear to open the bag that they sit in. It was ... tough. It is tough still. She is everywhere and I still look for her when something perks just outside of my sight. I still think she's just in another room. But she is not. The cancer took her away from us. Pets are amazing, and it's a testament to the love they reflect that we miss them so much. I wish the author the best in the new journey and the new life, I'm certain that the new couple will find another pet to love and care for. Based on the essay, it will be a very lucky pet to have such great owners to love.
- peter303 7y agoFrom Sunday NY Times weekly Modern Love story in the Style section. I dont think there is any requirement these articles are autobiographical or fiction, but some sound more one way or the other. They tend to be about quirky current situations. I almost always read it.