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Ask HN: I'm lonely. Are there any video chat support groups for solo founders?

293 points by danschumann 9y ago

hluska 9y ago
I don't know the answer to your question, but I'm Greg. I have been a small town solo founder (and a small town co-founder), so I likely know what you're going through. My email is in my profile - reach out if you'd like to talk.
taylorhou 9y ago
I'm not in a small town but definitely in a small founder community. I'm my username at pretty much everything. Reach out and happy to be of whatever help I can be as well.
neom 9y ago
When https://chat.meatspac.es/ https://chat.meatspac.es/ was busy, it was really good for this. Not sure lonely is a small town thing, it's both a founder thing and, well... a human thing. I'd guess we're all pretty lonely. :)
- soneca 9y ago
  Not sure about OP, but im having fun there! Thanks for posting
- inputdev 9y ago
  It was full of nsfw animated gifs...
pryelluw 9y ago
Shoot me an email (profile). We can talk about whatever.
- pryelluw 9y ago
  Update: OP got in touch and we are scheduling a chat.
acangiano 9y ago
There is a site where you can co-work with someone. They do their thing. You do yours. Can't remember the name. Edit: I was thinking of https://www.focusmate.com https://www.focusmate.com, which has live streaming.
- Artistry121 9y ago
  Check out Complice and Ultraworking
  - notlisted 9y ago
    https://complice.co/rooms https://complice.co/rooms
- swyx 9y ago
  ok whoa. this thing is completely free? how do they make money?
  - quickthrower2 9y ago
    question is will it be free forever?
narenkeshav 9y ago
Looking for similar minded people to team up with. Anyone would like to chat, get to know each other for building an idea (consumer focus), please drop a line here. narenkeshav at gmail We shall discuss a lot, just like dating. https://blog.angel.co/how-to-pick-a-co-founder-a984b704d0cb https://blog.angel.co/how-to-pick-a-co-founder-a984b704d0cb
notyetdeveloper 9y ago
https://wip.chat/ https://wip.chat/ is a new community of makers that I keep seeing around the Twitters
- segmondy 9y ago
  It's $10 a month.
  - swyx 9y ago
    and if its good, that's cheap. absurd to just talk about price without thinking about value. pple spend more on netflix.
plainOldText 9y ago
Shoot me an email as well if you need someone to talk to. Cheers!
mindcrime 9y ago
Video chat, not sure. But somebody recently setup a Slack workspace[1] for this crowd. There's almost nobody on it yet, but if you want to jump on you're welcome. If you're interested, check out https://electricautomata.slack.com/ https://electricautomata.slack.com/ If you need to be invited, give me a shout, I think I can invite people. [1]: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=15600749 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=15600749
deathtrader666 9y ago
Check out FocusMate. It has been helping me for the past few weeks. focusmate.com
- notlisted 9y ago
  Interesting concept. I sometimes work with friends, little or no talk, or chat that doesn't require brain bandwidth, also using appear.in (great service)
- swyx 9y ago
  it seems to be totally free? how do they make money?
api 9y ago
Where are you? If you are a solo founder I highly recommend co-working spaces that have other entrepreneurs. Doesn't feel solo anymore. If you are in Orange County CA check out this place: http://peoplespace.us http://peoplespace.us We (ZeroTier) and many others are residents. As a bonus it features a 3d printing lab, a martial arts dojo (which somehow fits with hackers), and regular meetings of loads of hacker meetups and hackathons and the like.
- MentallyRetired 9y ago
  Hey, shout out to peoplespace! I've been by there but didn't fully take advantage of it. I used to live right at main and jamboree, and later at 55/macarthur. :)
kmf 9y ago
Seen a couple Slack suggestions – you might fit in well w/ the Hello, Remote crowd: it's a Slack group I put together for remote workers. Lots of startup people there, join us! https://helloremote.life/ https://helloremote.life/
- tuxxy 9y ago
  It gave me a 503 door when I clicked "Join Us"
  - MentallyRetired 9y ago
    Same.
    - kmf 9y ago
      Sorry about that! Had some issues w/ the now.sh deploy I was using. I've moved it to Heroku–the "Join Us" button should point to the right place on the home page, or you can go to https://helloremote-invite.herokuapp.com/ https://helloremote-invite.herokuapp.com/ directly.
- lttlrck 9y ago
  Thanks, I signed up, interested to see how this works out :-)
notlisted 9y ago
I'd like a place where I could log in and see people working. The https://complice.co/rooms https://complice.co/rooms stuff (just chat, no cams) mentioned above/below is an interesting concept. Pomodoro timers. X mins push, Y mins talk. Shame the rooms are empty.
- hindsightbias 9y ago
  This gave me an idea. Anyone need a virtual supervisor? People could check in with you every few hours and ask you about the progress on your TPS Reports. All just for 5% of your startup.
  - exikyut 9y ago
    I remember reading how someone actually did this. They hired someone from craigslist to sit with them at a coffee shop, quietly watch what they were doing, and poke them to stay on task if they got distracted. It worked out ridiculously well.
  - smallhands 9y ago
    hmm i like it email me
  - psyc 9y ago
    I paid someone 10% for this exact service. Nominally, they were supposed to be QA, but they ultimately did very little other than be interested in the project and hound me to make progress. Totally worth it, and to date the only large, multi-year solo project I ever finished and brought to market.
- UncleEntity 9y ago
  So... A while back I was playing around on shodan looking for open webcams and found a few where you 'could log in and see people working'. Or, mostly, watch people who probably should be doing something productive not actually working. My favorite was a town square in Bulgaria, wonder if that one's still open...
- malcolmocean 9y ago
mjwhansen 9y ago
Thank you for posting this. I've five weeks into working for myself and avoiding loneliness has become a key task for me every day. I wouldn't say I'm succeeding at it, to be honest. I know I could join a coworking space but I question whether it's worth $400+ a month when I wouldn't be able to attend the networking events since I have a family and need to be home at night. (And I don't need meeting space, and have a desk at home, and etc.) I've started going to Whole Foods to work during the day just to be around other people. Not that we necessarily interact, but, you know, it's something.
- Waterluvian 9y ago
  And with one comment on Hacker News I think I understand why people do work at Starbucks. Not sure why that never dawned on me.
  - froindt 9y ago
    I've found being around others helps tremendously compared with working solo. I believe there have been academic studies into this as well. Being around other people who are "productive" (whether they really are or not) helps my mindset. I would study in the quiet chunks of the library with other people around me, particularly leading up to big exams.
  - cylinder 9y ago
    So all those people sitting there because they're lonely and want to be around other people ... But they never talk to one another. Weird.
    - ci5er 9y ago
      Or ... maybe not lonely. But want to feel a lively "buzz" that isn't from music or putting on movies in the background. Maybe weird. But I don't like sitting in my quiet apartment alone working. (I'm not particularly lonely - I just like the energy better when I'm "out")
      - 9y ago
anindha 9y ago
I’m in SF but always happy to do a Skype call with anyone that wants to bounce ideas. I’m currently working on a startup to help people that are remote so love this type of discussion. Email is my username at gmail.
knodi 9y ago
Coffee shops and go to meet ups after work.
goatherders 9y ago
My friend Sherry is a counselor specifucally working with startup founders. Her husband Rob is the founder of Drip (and probably hangs out here) . She offers individual counseling and has some great group programs so you know you aren't alone in the challenges you face. I can not recommend her enough. https://zenfounder.com https://zenfounder.com
- danschumann 9y ago
  Wow, her content looks really great. Thanks for sharing!
  - goatherders 9y ago
    This is a real thing. And she has told me that the most common thing she works with is people thinking they are alone. And they are! Because the specific challenges founders face are unique to them and that compounds the feeling of "no one understands." But that doesn't mean community and counsel can't help immensely. If you feel this way please get in touch with Sherry or listen to her podcasts and read the content. It can change your perspective and help embolden you.
- woogiewonka 9y ago
  Checking out her podcast, looks interesting.
knodi 9y ago
Coffe shops and go to meet ups after work.
segmondy 9y ago
I started a slack group for those of us that got rejected for YC, but no one participated so I shut it down. I'm also a solo founder in need of a support network. This is not about working around people but meeting up once a week for about an hour or so and sharing our progress and struggles and encouraging each other. Glad to know you are not alone. My email is on my profile. Ping me, anyone else interested should email as well.
- goatherders 9y ago
  Seriously, check out zenfounder.com. it's literally support groups for startup founders.
- swyx 9y ago
  unfortunately rejection is a difficult identity for people to rally around. consider joining some of the established slack communities mentioned here. good luck.
andreyazimov 9y ago
Hey man, I understand you! Let's make a skype call if you want :) my Skype: azimov.andrey
coupdejarnac 9y ago
I work at a coffee shop with a few other solo entrepreneurs. It helps everyone stay sane. In the past I went to a coworking space, but I finally got tired of the wantrapreneur atmosphere. I go back there once in a while to reconnect with friends.
opensports 9y ago
Feel free to email me james@opensports.net and happy to talk. =) Working non-stop/being a founder is often lonely.
coderpact 9y ago
Try https://www.coderpact.com/ https://www.coderpact.com/
songzme 9y ago
Personally, whenever I feel lonely I would go volunteer and help people. It makes you feel connected and really puts things into perspective (like, even if your startup doesn't do well, you would still be surrounded by people who enjoys you as a person). Every Saturday, my wife and I volunteer at our local library (northside branch in santa clara) to teach people how to code. We've been doing that for almost a year with surprising results. Now I'm leading about 10 engineers that I've taught from the ground up and they are happily building features for my app for minimum wage (temporarily). I'm hoping that one of my apps take off and I can pay everyone great salary.
- danschumann 9y ago
  That's a great idea. I could probably start that up pretty easily because I know there's a need.
  - simonebrunozzi 9y ago
    Where are you based? If you are in San Francisco, let me know if I can be of help. (my HN name @ gmail, or google my name).
    - danschumann 9y ago
      I'm from Oshkosh, WI. There aren't many tech meet ups around here.
      - j_s 9y ago
        You would do better to look in the Appleton area if you don't want to travel far, otherwise Milwaukee/Madison could be worth a trip (especially conferences) and Chicago should have everything. Rob Walling is in MN right now, might be worth asking this question of him via his podcast, Startups for the Rest of Us. I assume he mostly interacts with his existing network remotely now though, not sure he could offer advice on creating such a network without bootstrapping in-person.
      - 9y ago
nevi-me 9y ago
I have an accountability thing with a few close people in my life. I commit to them that I'll do X items this week, and we catch up on them each few days. It helps me with keeping promises to myself and others, since I picked up bad habits during my depression's worst states. It doesn't help with loneliness, but at least you have a person to talk to about what you're doing. If you're working only on your startup, I'd recommend not burning too much time on it, and using the other time on other activities with other people.
ci5er 9y ago
This comment may be appreciated or not, but, I find (for myself) that taking Thanksgiving dinners and birthday cakes and pies and (often disasterous) dinners to "old folks homes" to be good for me. I get to meet some people outside of my realm. That also appreciate me. That want to talk. Not about engineering stuff. Just show up with a pie and a smile - and ... you realize that: 1) everything isn't so bad, 2) we're all going to be here (perspective), and 3) they know more about life than you do. Give it a try. I've been doing it for 20 years. After my girlfriend at the time ended up a paraplegic from an accident, she ended up in rehab at one of these places. Other than her brain, she got better and left. I keep going back. YMMV. EDIT: My point is-- you aren't the only lonely person out there. Sometimes you have to take the first step to make a friend. Even outside of your realm of experience.
dustin 9y ago
Get yourself into a mastermind group with 2-5 others in a similar situation - solo founders, bootstrappers, etc. You can start with just 1 other person then add more. Have a regular 1 hour video call every week or two. Everyone gives updates, support, and keeps each other accountable on goals. Keep a Slack/Skype channel open in between to say hi, help each other, share wins, etc. Bonus points for meeting locally, but online is fine. Why? Masterminds are the biggest thing I did going from wantreprenur to actually shipping & earning from products. They're also one of the best things you can do to beat entrepreneurial loneliness. Every week you meet other people who share your struggles and are invested in your success. Here's a good resource for running one: https://taylorpearson.me/mastermind/ https://taylorpearson.me/mastermind/ If you find at least 1 other person willing to do this (a few candidates on this thread already, or make a FB / LinkedIn post) I'll happily join the first one to facilitate & show how. Email in profile. P.S. A coworking space + online communities like founder cafe, product people, complice, wip.chat (h/t other posters) can also be super helpful.
- double0jimb0 9y ago
  Thank you for this comment!
- perlgeek 9y ago
  Somewhat related: There's a mastermind group that publishes their sessions as podcasts (and I think on youtube too), called the "entreprogrammers". Some time ago they started to organize spinoff groups, and are occasionally looking for new folks. Check out http://entreprogrammers.com/ http://entreprogrammers.com/ One thing I like about listening to this is that you really hear about the struggles, not just the successes.
- vram22 9y ago
  I'm interested.
forkLding 9y ago
Try suggesting this idea at Indie Hackers (indiehackers.com), I think there are more founders there interested in starting something like this
redm 9y ago
I think this is one of the biggest problems of "remote" work teams vs. in office teams. I know it's not exactly what you asked, but it really gets at the same problem -> being connected to people (IRL) you can talk to about what is eating your life.
alrs 9y ago
There is something deeply dysfunctional in our profession when people identify as "founders" instead of "engineers".
- rak00n 9y ago
  I don't think so. Founders are engineers who are entrepreneurs. It comes with different set of responsibilities and risk.
lordzeus 9y ago
from an Indian prospective, I feel the same!I can't afford co working spaces. working from home lead to loneliness. loneliness leads to depression and constant anxiety. also being in India, there are minuscule number of therapists and still going to a therapist is frowned upon!
ZenFounder 9y ago
What you're feeling is so very common among solo founders. I'm glad you're talking about it here. It is one of the most important conversations founders need to be having. Isolation has the power to undo you and your business. Like others have said co-working, masterminds, volunteering- those are all helpful ways to connect to other founders. We at https://zenfounder.com/ https://zenfounder.com/ run ZenTribe groups for founders. Our groups are small and co-facilitated by me (a psychologist) and an experienced founder. There's also https://mastermindjam.com/ https://mastermindjam.com/ which helps people find a mastermind. Smallish conferences are a helpful way to make some friends that you can keep in touch with: https://rhodiumweekend.com/ https://rhodiumweekend.com/ and http://www.microconf.com/ http://www.microconf.com/ are oriented toward connecting people and encourage people to form masterminds. It's so important to reach out. Don't stop trying to figure out how to get connected.
- ivm 9y ago
  One more: http://discuss.bootstrapped.fm/ http://discuss.bootstrapped.fm/
psergeant 9y ago
Dynamite Circle is far from cheap, but I enjoy my membership. They’ll set you up with Mastermind groups of four or five other people in the same time zone for regular video calls, and there are frequent in-person meet ups worldwide. Bit of a tilt towards affiliate marketer and SEO types, but there are plenty of us with normal businesses too. Many members seem to feel that it’s their larger support group because they don’t know many people outside of it building their own businesses.
doyoulikeworms 9y ago
I’m not sure if this is the right place to share this, but loneliness as an entrepreneur was painful and was extremely bad for my mental health. When I give it another go, it will be after having secured a much better set of relationships.
sjg007 9y ago
Talk to your customers. They should be your best friends.
- redeploy-test 9y ago
  In all honesty this comes across as too gung-ho and short sighted. Perhaps even cruel advice, though I am certain it is not meant in that fashion at all. What someone needs is good human connection that is not totally associated with their project. People need friends - real friends, and it is not realistic to expect that one should seek that out from customers. Not that it's unheard of to make a real friend in that situation, and yes, the closer the relationship is the better, but let's be real. Businesses have risk. They are not a healthy place to receive all of your biological need for real connection. Also you don't know if the poster even has customers or is even in a business where intensive customer interaction is an option.
- ericd 9y ago
  Ehhh while I agree that you should talk to your customers, you need real relationships, not transactional ones.
muzani 9y ago
I wonder if someone could just do a Twitch channel. Similar to those "study with me" Youtube videos, but with a human on the other side.
- malikNF 9y ago
  There's a subreddit that shares these kind of videos. https://www.reddit.com/r/WatchPeopleCode/ https://www.reddit.com/r/WatchPeopleCode/
neilk 9y ago
I’ve participated in two or three solopreneur / side-project groups (and even started one myself). I don’t think they work. I’ve seen friendships forged by volunteering together on the same thing. But not by people working in proximity on different things. Coworking spaces have worked out for me but only by giving me access to job opportunities.
dlevine 9y ago
I would suggest meeting up with real people rather than doing video chat. There is something much more satisfying about meeting in person. When I used to work alone, I had to schedule regular social interactions to keep from getting lonely (coffee or lunch with friends, meetups, etc...) It's important to focus on your startup, but it's impossible to do that unless you take care of your mental (and physical) health.
skython 9y ago
Years ago I created a public TeamSpeak server to meet and talk to people with the same coding interests. It never got much attention, but it's still online at devcon5.org. It's a voice group chat where you can create your own channels, but has no video features.
jondubois 9y ago
"If you need a friend, get a dog." Or if you want human friends, be an employee at a corporation and you will find plenty of colleagues to make friends with. Otherwise, toughen up. If it was easy, everyone could do it.
- exikyut 9y ago
  > Otherwise, toughen up. > If it was easy, everyone could do it. It seems these two sentences are mutually exclusive.
- ericd 9y ago
  As a former solo founder, "just toughen up" is very bad advice. It's not something to just power through, and trying is likely to be bad for your mental health. Much better advice would be to get a cofounder and/or join a startup program or some other group of peers.
ryandrake 9y ago
This thread is such a stark and welcome contrast to the dozens of "remote work is the one true way" and "open offices are bad in all ways" threads that seem to pop up here every few weeks. For extroverts (or in my case, introvert-deliberately-turned-extrovert) energy, creativity and innovation are fueled by human interaction. I consider going solo, couped up in your sterile, quiet home office, to be a certain path to failure. I'm glad to finally have a discussion here where this is being recognized!
- bauerd 9y ago
  Not sure what you're after here. Remote doesn't imply "couped up in sterile, quiet home office". Remote just means no physical presence required
- 59nadir 9y ago
  > I consider going solo, couped up in your sterile, quiet home office, to be a certain path to failure. You say you're happy to have a contrast to the usual, but here you are sort of arguing for the other extreme. There are plenty of people who have made amazing things in isolation and work well under those conditions. The point here is that not everyone is the same.
- eeZah7Ux 9y ago
  You are confusing distractions with human interaction. When people works from quiet rooms in offices they can still get out and go to a meeting or relax room and talk to others.
- bubblesocks 9y ago
  You bring up a good point when you talk of introverts vs. extroverts. I cannot see extroverts being happy working remotely. They seem to need the human interaction offered in the office. Personally, I'm an introvert. I don't like being around other people and find their presence irritating and unwelcome when I'm trying to get something done. For me, working remotely really IS the one true way. I cannot even relate to the author of the article's sense of loneliness. That certainly isn't true for everyone though. Rather than dictating one or the other, companies should be flexible and embrace both, I think, in order to get the most out of all their employees.
leonroy 9y ago
Solo founder here. I found the first few months of my startup so tough that I must've googled Successful solo founders? a half dozen times. I'm sure you've done the same and there's a lot of stuff out there from PG, Altman, Quora et al. describing how solo founders are far less likely to succeed vs co-founders and I personally think it's not just the shared work load aspect (which is definitely big) but the fact that is lonely at the top. That said I can tell you what helped me: 1. Good family and friends. Your support network is key - it will support you both financially and emotionally. After a hard day or a bad meeting I have someone I can talk to for advice or just to vent. Having great advisors there to tell you when you're on track or off track is incredibly important. They could be your SO, a successful Aunt/Uncle or even your parents. 2. Co-working space. After several months of trying to code my prototype at home and getting very little done compared to my previous day job where I was very productive I realized I needed to get out the house. Try telling a three year old 'no' when they're tugging on your finger and asking "Daddy, wanna play?". Co-working is an expensive option at £400 odd per month and some angel investors will poo-poo it as a waste in those early months but for me it literally changed my business. Not only was I able to (finally) code after months of being stuck in a rut but just by being in close proximity to successful professionals and attending networking events nearby I felt energized to keep trucking. 3. Networking. Talk to people, attend networking events (I attend 2-3 a year at most right now so it doesn't need to be nuts to start with). These people become your vendors, your contractors and sometimes your future mentors and employees. A ready smile and willingness to push myself a little and chat with folk about their companies and problems has helped me solve my own company's problems. 4. Save money. Sounds simple but as a solo founder you have almost HALF the contacts a two man founding team has. Your money pool to dip into is also considerably lower. Keep your burn rate low as possible but not too low! Invest in your training (Safari Books, online courses). I didn't hire anyone to help me or buy an expensive computer until I'd built my prototype and demo'd the concept to my friends and family. Of course I'm a coder so if you're not that might be easier said than done! 5. Effective time management. Accept that some days just getting to your desk and answering emails is gonna seem like you're trying to climb a mountain. That's normal. Calendaring helped me with this - by scheduling certain afternoons as my "Do whatever you like" period I was able to look forward to an art exhibition or going to a beautiful library downtown and reading some business and management books. It's different for everyone but do schedule your week to help avoid poor time management. There's loads of stuff you can do and I could probably write for hours on the subject. I'd say the TLDR; is to have a good support network since flying solo is emotionally tough and to have a productive space where you can work.
praulv 9y ago
If you're into exercise and working out, try going OUT (shopping, cafe, people mingling, malls) in the 2-3 hours right after a workout. Your energy levels are raised, you're a lot more vocal, relaxed and "open" along with a positive physical glow and a smile on your face. You are at peak likelihood of engaging in small talk with people in this state.
smallhands 9y ago
anybody working with or thinking about tenorflow i will love to talk watever email tejioford@yahoo.com
sytelus 9y ago
- Find and go to conferences. This is really the best way to meet like-minded people in the same field. - Check out meetup.com. Lots of crap and there and mostly uninteresting but there are few gems for startups and tech people. - Hang out in downtown areas of nearest cities on weekend. You probably won't be doing anything but its still great feeling to be in crowd and people watching. Most cities have some list of trendy places. - In your areas of outdoor interests find local groups. For example, hiking, mountaineering, caving etc. This is one of the best way to build deep relationship with great folks.
smilesnd 9y ago
I would do meetups, hackerspace/makerspaces, cons, and something that has nothing to do with whatever you are trying to do. Taking breaks from your work is just as important as working itself. If you are single I would also suggest grindr/tinder which ever pulls your rope. They are not just about quick hookups(%80 of it is), but you can find someone just to get a bit to eat with and talk about whatever you want and such.
austinjp 9y ago
In addition to the suggestions about sitting in cafes, I'd suggest you look at places like museums and art galleries. In the UK at least, many have members' rooms. An annual membership plus guest might be in the region of £100-200. Beyond the benefits people have listed with cafes, your money will be going to a good place. Shop around. Some places are great, and with the +1 membership you can even invite a business partner. Or ask your friends to see if someone would benefit from coming along with you. Far cheaper than typical startup desk-rental.
- chrisper 9y ago
  And what do you do when sitting in cafes? In Switzerland it seems kind of a taboo to just talk up random strangers... The one thing I miss from the US.
  - austinjp 9y ago
    Actually in the gallery/museum setting I mention I have talked with plenty of strangers. Maybe that's just me. There is no doubt an air of "who the hell are you?" sometimes but it passes with friendly chat. Plenty of people at the surrounding tables are running small IT or creative startups, it turns out.
nilsocket 9y ago
I always want to be alone, but sometimes I fear, I may end up really being alone my whole life. (I.e., I may never be able to find a partner myself.) I like to talk with someone who has a good character, and probably I prefer a CS partner. I love to have perfection in many things, I don't want to do, anything stupid with my life-partner. This perfection of mine may lead to something bad.
- sah2ed 9y ago
  You have to learn that you need to strike a balance between wanting to be left alone (while productive) but not to the point that you are abandoned by friends and loved ones that you become lonely. You need to make time to do things that will allow you meet new people: visit the library, gym, etc but keep in mind good character is relative. Please accept that although you seem to have the tendency to want to make things perfect before shipping, you'll never to be able to truly ship one. Oh, and you'll make stupid mistakes. It's unavoidable, that's part of what makes all of us human. Better to accept it and view embarrassing mistakes as a learning opportunity.
dennis_jeeves 9y ago
Digressing a bit: It's very lonely at the 'top' is a phrase I have heard decades back. You are not alone. Any person who takes on tasks where there is high degree of uncertainty will feel lonely because the vast majority of people around you do not do that or even have the mindset to do that. In short even if you were surrounded by a lot of caring people, you may not be able to relate to them. I think you will get substantial mileage if the support group is trying to solve a similar problem as your are, but you may not, if their domain of work is significantly different than yours.
EGreg 9y ago
Please remember: Your friends don't have to do the same thing you do. Find people whose schedule matches yours and hang out with them! Also: go to meetups. Talk online with your developers (if you employ them) with screensharing etc. And your FAMILY -- the perfect opportunity to spend time with them. Don't let American mores of individualism keep you from spending way more time with your family.
- timthelion 9y ago
  Personally, I find that I feel perhaps even more lonely when I talk to people who don't understand what I do. Going out for a beer with "normal people" doesn't help with the loneliness of having ideas which no one else understands. I feel that one of the main motivations/actions of an inventor is to try to communicate their ideas with others. I feel like my entire job is to live in a dream world, and to try to bring that dream world to the real world. So my entire job is spent mostly totally alone in a world that doesn't even exist, and that no one can visit.
fpisfun 9y ago
I work remotely for my current job and am also working on a startup so I can relate to the feelings of loneliness.. I intentionally took a remote work job to try to figure out more about myself and what I really want long-term. Establishing a routine helps a lot, for example I like to use a standing desk at home for a couple hours but after that I'm usually about to go crazy so I go out to work in public, usually a coffee shop. Then, from there I may stay out the rest of the day, switching venues at least once, or come back home depending on how I'm feeling. Then I to to go to the gym when I'm done working. This seems to have helped my feel a lot better than when I would just stay home all day. Another thing I've realized is I hate the area I live because I have to drive everywhere and being able to walk places makes me much happier so I'm figuring how to eventually move somewhere that's a better fit. Also, I've gotten into traveling, I have a little camper I travel with sometimes and work in that. I basically do the exact same routine when traveling but just the added stimulation of being somewhere different. I've developed a lot of interest in learning about how the brain works and one thing I've read is that the main purpose of having complex brains is for motor control and movement, I don't have a good source off the top of my head but it's an easy topic to look up. Basically, though, what I take from it is that it's hard for most people to truly be happy sitting idle in one place all day because it's very unnatural.
LandR 9y ago
I work remotely in a shared working space, but I'm the only person from my company there. I thought it would better than working from home, on my own all the time, but in a way it ends up worse. I'm in an office with a load of other people but I can't talk to any of them. It can feel a lot more isolating than if I was just sitting alone at home. The only time I see friends is at weekends, so if I don't go out on one weekend, I can easily go 6 days a week without having a face to face chat with an actual real person. It's been a big shift from my previous company where going to work felt like going and hanging out with my mates. I'm not sure how long I'll be able to do this, I feel it can't be good for your mental health long term.
JayClouse 9y ago
There are a ton of great ideas here, coworking spaces, volunteering, etc. Someone sent me this topic because it's super relevant to the work that I do right now working with creators and entrepreneurs. I've found that creating around other people has a ton of benefits both personally and professionally, and so I create those spaces for people via video chat. https://unrealcollective.com https://unrealcollective.com
lisper 9y ago
Loneliness is a vicious self-perpetuating cycle. It makes you depressed, which makes you want to wallow in self-pity, which makes people not want to be around you, which isolates you, which make you lonelier, which makes you more depressed. The only way to break the cycle (and I apologize if this sounds harsh, but it's really the only way) is to just give yourself a swift kick in the pants and fucking DO something about it, and I don't mean posting on HN about how lonely you are. You have to actually GO somewhere where there are people and INTERACT with them in a positive way. Smile. Introduce yourself. Take interest in them. Listen. It hardly matters where you go or what you do. Just pick a random meetup near you and go. Or volunteer somewhere. Or just go to a random homeless person and offer to buy them a meal. The key is to project a positive attitude. This will be exceptionally difficult at first because every neuron in your brain is telling you that YOU are the one who needs to be listened to, the world has abandoned YOU, it's all about YOU. Well, guess what: you are not the only one who feels that way. EVERYONE feels that way at one time or another. You have to force yourself past those feelings and smile even though it's the most unnatural thing in the world for you to do right now. It feels like a lie. But trust me, this feeling will be temporary. It might take more than one session, but eventually the mere act of smiling and listening to people will make them want to interact with you, and THAT will make the depression and the loneliness go away. And after a while it will start to work even when you are alone! One disclaimer: depression can be very serious. It can be so serious that it does not respond to this kind of self-help. If you try this and it doesn't work, get counseling. There are professionals out there who can help. But whatever you do, don't succumb to the temptation to numb the pain by inaction. You can't get yourself out of a hole by curling up into a ball.
- TrinaryWorksToo 9y ago
  This is so true. What I've realized is how hard it is to get to a place where I meet people. I'm in a place that's really only accessible by car, and I don't drive. Uber works sometimes, maybe often, but not always.
  - lisper 9y ago
    > I'm in a place that's really only accessible by car, and I don't drive. Then relocate. Or learn to drive. Or invite people over to your place. Anything will be more effective than complaining about your plight on HN.
deleted 9y ago
[deleted]
Dowwie 9y ago
"Battle is the Great Redeemer, the fiery crucible in which the only true heroes are forged."
tkriplean 9y ago
Hi! This isn't exactly what you asked for, but our Invisible College informally helps connect peers doing independent work. Sometimes we organize video checkins. Eventually we're going to create a method for cohorts of independent workers to form. These cohorts can support each other over time with checkins to counter that loneliness of independent work. If you want to get involved, join our Slack at http://invisible-slack.herokuapp.com http://invisible-slack.herokuapp.com
marojejian 9y ago
We have a project called Campfire, to build video support groups around pretty much any area, from anxiety to grief to even being a founder: campfire.care Sign up and indicate you want to join a founder group! My co-founder and I are also still working on the right setup for optimizing efficiency/cost/culture, and this discussion is great.
peatmoss 9y ago
When I was recovering from being in a PhD program (I was experiencing pretty extreme isolation), my wife and I re-started aikido. Dojo has been a great benefit to our lives. We get: - a friendly community of close-knit people who ask about your welfare if you’re absent - vigorous aerobic exercise - A well-lit space during the dark winter months In a lot of ways, it’s a bit like a church, but without the religion, and a whole lot more exercise. Also, this isn’t unique to aikido. I’ve also done judo and another style of jujitsu and found similar experiences (albeit with a little more difficulty finding a non-testosterone-soaked environment). Presumably other styles offer this too.
andreliem 9y ago
This has probably been mentioned already, but just in case checkout indiehackers. A slack group spun out of this for founders looking to stay accountable to each other for a September sprint.. but now it's ongoing. Its a good place to chat with other fellow founders, mostly devs and a few marketing. I can send you the slack link if you like, just reply. I work from home by myself so i get your problem!

293 points by danschumann 9y ago

I don't know the answer to your question, but I'm Greg. I have been a small town solo founder (and a small town co-founder), so I likely know what you're going through. My email is in my profile - reach out if you'd like to talk.

taylorhou 9y ago

I'm not in a small town but definitely in a small founder community. I'm my username at pretty much everything. Reach out and happy to be of whatever help I can be as well.

neom 9y ago

When https://chat.meatspac.es/ https://chat.meatspac.es/ was busy, it was really good for this. Not sure lonely is a small town thing, it's both a founder thing and, well... a human thing. I'd guess we're all pretty lonely. :)

soneca 9y ago
Not sure about OP, but im having fun there! Thanks for posting
inputdev 9y ago
It was full of nsfw animated gifs...

pryelluw 9y ago

Shoot me an email (profile). We can talk about whatever.

pryelluw 9y ago
Update: OP got in touch and we are scheduling a chat.

acangiano 9y ago

There is a site where you can co-work with someone. They do their thing. You do yours. Can't remember the name. Edit: I was thinking of https://www.focusmate.com https://www.focusmate.com, which has live streaming.

Artistry121 9y ago
Check out Complice and Ultraworking
- notlisted 9y ago
  https://complice.co/rooms https://complice.co/rooms
swyx 9y ago
ok whoa. this thing is completely free? how do they make money?
- quickthrower2 9y ago
  question is will it be free forever?

narenkeshav 9y ago

Looking for similar minded people to team up with. Anyone would like to chat, get to know each other for building an idea (consumer focus), please drop a line here. narenkeshav at gmail We shall discuss a lot, just like dating. https://blog.angel.co/how-to-pick-a-co-founder-a984b704d0cb https://blog.angel.co/how-to-pick-a-co-founder-a984b704d0cb

notyetdeveloper 9y ago

https://wip.chat/ https://wip.chat/ is a new community of makers that I keep seeing around the Twitters

segmondy 9y ago
It's $10 a month.
- swyx 9y ago
  and if its good, that's cheap. absurd to just talk about price without thinking about value. pple spend more on netflix.

plainOldText 9y ago

Shoot me an email as well if you need someone to talk to. Cheers!

mindcrime 9y ago

Video chat, not sure. But somebody recently setup a Slack workspace[1] for this crowd. There's almost nobody on it yet, but if you want to jump on you're welcome. If you're interested, check out https://electricautomata.slack.com/ https://electricautomata.slack.com/ If you need to be invited, give me a shout, I think I can invite people. [1]: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=15600749 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=15600749

deathtrader666 9y ago

Check out FocusMate. It has been helping me for the past few weeks. focusmate.com

notlisted 9y ago
Interesting concept. I sometimes work with friends, little or no talk, or chat that doesn't require brain bandwidth, also using appear.in (great service)
swyx 9y ago
it seems to be totally free? how do they make money?

api 9y ago

Where are you? If you are a solo founder I highly recommend co-working spaces that have other entrepreneurs. Doesn't feel solo anymore. If you are in Orange County CA check out this place: http://peoplespace.us http://peoplespace.us We (ZeroTier) and many others are residents. As a bonus it features a 3d printing lab, a martial arts dojo (which somehow fits with hackers), and regular meetings of loads of hacker meetups and hackathons and the like.

MentallyRetired 9y ago
Hey, shout out to peoplespace! I've been by there but didn't fully take advantage of it. I used to live right at main and jamboree, and later at 55/macarthur. :)

kmf 9y ago

Seen a couple Slack suggestions – you might fit in well w/ the Hello, Remote crowd: it's a Slack group I put together for remote workers. Lots of startup people there, join us! https://helloremote.life/ https://helloremote.life/

tuxxy 9y ago
It gave me a 503 door when I clicked "Join Us"
- MentallyRetired 9y ago
  Same.
  - kmf 9y ago
    Sorry about that! Had some issues w/ the now.sh deploy I was using. I've moved it to Heroku–the "Join Us" button should point to the right place on the home page, or you can go to https://helloremote-invite.herokuapp.com/ https://helloremote-invite.herokuapp.com/ directly.
lttlrck 9y ago
Thanks, I signed up, interested to see how this works out :-)

notlisted 9y ago

I'd like a place where I could log in and see people working. The https://complice.co/rooms https://complice.co/rooms stuff (just chat, no cams) mentioned above/below is an interesting concept. Pomodoro timers. X mins push, Y mins talk. Shame the rooms are empty.

hindsightbias 9y ago
This gave me an idea. Anyone need a virtual supervisor? People could check in with you every few hours and ask you about the progress on your TPS Reports. All just for 5% of your startup.
- exikyut 9y ago
  I remember reading how someone actually did this. They hired someone from craigslist to sit with them at a coffee shop, quietly watch what they were doing, and poke them to stay on task if they got distracted. It worked out ridiculously well.
- smallhands 9y ago
  hmm i like it email me
- psyc 9y ago
  I paid someone 10% for this exact service. Nominally, they were supposed to be QA, but they ultimately did very little other than be interested in the project and hound me to make progress. Totally worth it, and to date the only large, multi-year solo project I ever finished and brought to market.
UncleEntity 9y ago
So... A while back I was playing around on shodan looking for open webcams and found a few where you 'could log in and see people working'. Or, mostly, watch people who probably should be doing something productive not actually working. My favorite was a town square in Bulgaria, wonder if that one's still open...
malcolmocean 9y ago

mjwhansen 9y ago

Thank you for posting this. I've five weeks into working for myself and avoiding loneliness has become a key task for me every day. I wouldn't say I'm succeeding at it, to be honest. I know I could join a coworking space but I question whether it's worth $400+ a month when I wouldn't be able to attend the networking events since I have a family and need to be home at night. (And I don't need meeting space, and have a desk at home, and etc.) I've started going to Whole Foods to work during the day just to be around other people. Not that we necessarily interact, but, you know, it's something.

Waterluvian 9y ago
And with one comment on Hacker News I think I understand why people do work at Starbucks. Not sure why that never dawned on me.
- froindt 9y ago
  I've found being around others helps tremendously compared with working solo. I believe there have been academic studies into this as well. Being around other people who are "productive" (whether they really are or not) helps my mindset. I would study in the quiet chunks of the library with other people around me, particularly leading up to big exams.
- cylinder 9y ago
  So all those people sitting there because they're lonely and want to be around other people ... But they never talk to one another. Weird.
  - ci5er 9y ago
    Or ... maybe not lonely. But want to feel a lively "buzz" that isn't from music or putting on movies in the background. Maybe weird. But I don't like sitting in my quiet apartment alone working. (I'm not particularly lonely - I just like the energy better when I'm "out")
    - 9y ago

anindha 9y ago

I’m in SF but always happy to do a Skype call with anyone that wants to bounce ideas. I’m currently working on a startup to help people that are remote so love this type of discussion. Email is my username at gmail.

knodi 9y ago

Coffee shops and go to meet ups after work.

goatherders 9y ago

My friend Sherry is a counselor specifucally working with startup founders. Her husband Rob is the founder of Drip (and probably hangs out here) . She offers individual counseling and has some great group programs so you know you aren't alone in the challenges you face. I can not recommend her enough. https://zenfounder.com https://zenfounder.com

danschumann 9y ago
Wow, her content looks really great. Thanks for sharing!
- goatherders 9y ago
  This is a real thing. And she has told me that the most common thing she works with is people thinking they are alone. And they are! Because the specific challenges founders face are unique to them and that compounds the feeling of "no one understands." But that doesn't mean community and counsel can't help immensely. If you feel this way please get in touch with Sherry or listen to her podcasts and read the content. It can change your perspective and help embolden you.
woogiewonka 9y ago
Checking out her podcast, looks interesting.

knodi 9y ago

Coffe shops and go to meet ups after work.

segmondy 9y ago

I started a slack group for those of us that got rejected for YC, but no one participated so I shut it down. I'm also a solo founder in need of a support network. This is not about working around people but meeting up once a week for about an hour or so and sharing our progress and struggles and encouraging each other. Glad to know you are not alone. My email is on my profile. Ping me, anyone else interested should email as well.

goatherders 9y ago
Seriously, check out zenfounder.com. it's literally support groups for startup founders.
swyx 9y ago
unfortunately rejection is a difficult identity for people to rally around. consider joining some of the established slack communities mentioned here. good luck.

andreyazimov 9y ago

Hey man, I understand you! Let's make a skype call if you want :) my Skype: azimov.andrey

coupdejarnac 9y ago

I work at a coffee shop with a few other solo entrepreneurs. It helps everyone stay sane. In the past I went to a coworking space, but I finally got tired of the wantrapreneur atmosphere. I go back there once in a while to reconnect with friends.

opensports 9y ago

Feel free to email me james@opensports.net and happy to talk. =) Working non-stop/being a founder is often lonely.

coderpact 9y ago

Try https://www.coderpact.com/ https://www.coderpact.com/

songzme 9y ago

Personally, whenever I feel lonely I would go volunteer and help people. It makes you feel connected and really puts things into perspective (like, even if your startup doesn't do well, you would still be surrounded by people who enjoys you as a person). Every Saturday, my wife and I volunteer at our local library (northside branch in santa clara) to teach people how to code. We've been doing that for almost a year with surprising results. Now I'm leading about 10 engineers that I've taught from the ground up and they are happily building features for my app for minimum wage (temporarily). I'm hoping that one of my apps take off and I can pay everyone great salary.

danschumann 9y ago
That's a great idea. I could probably start that up pretty easily because I know there's a need.
- simonebrunozzi 9y ago
  Where are you based? If you are in San Francisco, let me know if I can be of help. (my HN name @ gmail, or google my name).
  - danschumann 9y ago
    I'm from Oshkosh, WI. There aren't many tech meet ups around here.
    - j_s 9y ago
      You would do better to look in the Appleton area if you don't want to travel far, otherwise Milwaukee/Madison could be worth a trip (especially conferences) and Chicago should have everything. Rob Walling is in MN right now, might be worth asking this question of him via his podcast, Startups for the Rest of Us. I assume he mostly interacts with his existing network remotely now though, not sure he could offer advice on creating such a network without bootstrapping in-person.
    - 9y ago

nevi-me 9y ago

I have an accountability thing with a few close people in my life. I commit to them that I'll do X items this week, and we catch up on them each few days. It helps me with keeping promises to myself and others, since I picked up bad habits during my depression's worst states. It doesn't help with loneliness, but at least you have a person to talk to about what you're doing. If you're working only on your startup, I'd recommend not burning too much time on it, and using the other time on other activities with other people.

ci5er 9y ago

This comment may be appreciated or not, but, I find (for myself) that taking Thanksgiving dinners and birthday cakes and pies and (often disasterous) dinners to "old folks homes" to be good for me. I get to meet some people outside of my realm. That also appreciate me. That want to talk. Not about engineering stuff. Just show up with a pie and a smile - and ... you realize that: 1) everything isn't so bad, 2) we're all going to be here (perspective), and 3) they know more about life than you do. Give it a try. I've been doing it for 20 years. After my girlfriend at the time ended up a paraplegic from an accident, she ended up in rehab at one of these places. Other than her brain, she got better and left. I keep going back. YMMV. EDIT: My point is-- you aren't the only lonely person out there. Sometimes you have to take the first step to make a friend. Even outside of your realm of experience.

dustin 9y ago

Get yourself into a mastermind group with 2-5 others in a similar situation - solo founders, bootstrappers, etc. You can start with just 1 other person then add more. Have a regular 1 hour video call every week or two. Everyone gives updates, support, and keeps each other accountable on goals. Keep a Slack/Skype channel open in between to say hi, help each other, share wins, etc. Bonus points for meeting locally, but online is fine. Why? Masterminds are the biggest thing I did going from wantreprenur to actually shipping & earning from products. They're also one of the best things you can do to beat entrepreneurial loneliness. Every week you meet other people who share your struggles and are invested in your success. Here's a good resource for running one: https://taylorpearson.me/mastermind/ https://taylorpearson.me/mastermind/ If you find at least 1 other person willing to do this (a few candidates on this thread already, or make a FB / LinkedIn post) I'll happily join the first one to facilitate & show how. Email in profile. P.S. A coworking space + online communities like founder cafe, product people, complice, wip.chat (h/t other posters) can also be super helpful.

double0jimb0 9y ago
Thank you for this comment!
perlgeek 9y ago
Somewhat related: There's a mastermind group that publishes their sessions as podcasts (and I think on youtube too), called the "entreprogrammers". Some time ago they started to organize spinoff groups, and are occasionally looking for new folks. Check out http://entreprogrammers.com/ http://entreprogrammers.com/ One thing I like about listening to this is that you really hear about the struggles, not just the successes.
vram22 9y ago
I'm interested.

forkLding 9y ago

Try suggesting this idea at Indie Hackers (indiehackers.com), I think there are more founders there interested in starting something like this

redm 9y ago

I think this is one of the biggest problems of "remote" work teams vs. in office teams. I know it's not exactly what you asked, but it really gets at the same problem -> being connected to people (IRL) you can talk to about what is eating your life.

alrs 9y ago

There is something deeply dysfunctional in our profession when people identify as "founders" instead of "engineers".

rak00n 9y ago
I don't think so. Founders are engineers who are entrepreneurs. It comes with different set of responsibilities and risk.

lordzeus 9y ago

from an Indian prospective, I feel the same!I can't afford co working spaces. working from home lead to loneliness. loneliness leads to depression and constant anxiety. also being in India, there are minuscule number of therapists and still going to a therapist is frowned upon!

ZenFounder 9y ago

What you're feeling is so very common among solo founders. I'm glad you're talking about it here. It is one of the most important conversations founders need to be having. Isolation has the power to undo you and your business. Like others have said co-working, masterminds, volunteering- those are all helpful ways to connect to other founders. We at https://zenfounder.com/ https://zenfounder.com/ run ZenTribe groups for founders. Our groups are small and co-facilitated by me (a psychologist) and an experienced founder. There's also https://mastermindjam.com/ https://mastermindjam.com/ which helps people find a mastermind. Smallish conferences are a helpful way to make some friends that you can keep in touch with: https://rhodiumweekend.com/ https://rhodiumweekend.com/ and http://www.microconf.com/ http://www.microconf.com/ are oriented toward connecting people and encourage people to form masterminds. It's so important to reach out. Don't stop trying to figure out how to get connected.

ivm 9y ago
One more: http://discuss.bootstrapped.fm/ http://discuss.bootstrapped.fm/

psergeant 9y ago

Dynamite Circle is far from cheap, but I enjoy my membership. They’ll set you up with Mastermind groups of four or five other people in the same time zone for regular video calls, and there are frequent in-person meet ups worldwide. Bit of a tilt towards affiliate marketer and SEO types, but there are plenty of us with normal businesses too. Many members seem to feel that it’s their larger support group because they don’t know many people outside of it building their own businesses.

doyoulikeworms 9y ago

I’m not sure if this is the right place to share this, but loneliness as an entrepreneur was painful and was extremely bad for my mental health. When I give it another go, it will be after having secured a much better set of relationships.

sjg007 9y ago

Talk to your customers. They should be your best friends.

redeploy-test 9y ago
In all honesty this comes across as too gung-ho and short sighted. Perhaps even cruel advice, though I am certain it is not meant in that fashion at all. What someone needs is good human connection that is not totally associated with their project. People need friends - real friends, and it is not realistic to expect that one should seek that out from customers. Not that it's unheard of to make a real friend in that situation, and yes, the closer the relationship is the better, but let's be real. Businesses have risk. They are not a healthy place to receive all of your biological need for real connection. Also you don't know if the poster even has customers or is even in a business where intensive customer interaction is an option.
ericd 9y ago
Ehhh while I agree that you should talk to your customers, you need real relationships, not transactional ones.

muzani 9y ago

I wonder if someone could just do a Twitch channel. Similar to those "study with me" Youtube videos, but with a human on the other side.

malikNF 9y ago
There's a subreddit that shares these kind of videos. https://www.reddit.com/r/WatchPeopleCode/ https://www.reddit.com/r/WatchPeopleCode/

neilk 9y ago

I’ve participated in two or three solopreneur / side-project groups (and even started one myself). I don’t think they work. I’ve seen friendships forged by volunteering together on the same thing. But not by people working in proximity on different things. Coworking spaces have worked out for me but only by giving me access to job opportunities.

dlevine 9y ago

I would suggest meeting up with real people rather than doing video chat. There is something much more satisfying about meeting in person. When I used to work alone, I had to schedule regular social interactions to keep from getting lonely (coffee or lunch with friends, meetups, etc...) It's important to focus on your startup, but it's impossible to do that unless you take care of your mental (and physical) health.

skython 9y ago

Years ago I created a public TeamSpeak server to meet and talk to people with the same coding interests. It never got much attention, but it's still online at devcon5.org. It's a voice group chat where you can create your own channels, but has no video features.

jondubois 9y ago

"If you need a friend, get a dog." Or if you want human friends, be an employee at a corporation and you will find plenty of colleagues to make friends with. Otherwise, toughen up. If it was easy, everyone could do it.

exikyut 9y ago
> Otherwise, toughen up. > If it was easy, everyone could do it. It seems these two sentences are mutually exclusive.
ericd 9y ago
As a former solo founder, "just toughen up" is very bad advice. It's not something to just power through, and trying is likely to be bad for your mental health. Much better advice would be to get a cofounder and/or join a startup program or some other group of peers.

ryandrake 9y ago

This thread is such a stark and welcome contrast to the dozens of "remote work is the one true way" and "open offices are bad in all ways" threads that seem to pop up here every few weeks. For extroverts (or in my case, introvert-deliberately-turned-extrovert) energy, creativity and innovation are fueled by human interaction. I consider going solo, couped up in your sterile, quiet home office, to be a certain path to failure. I'm glad to finally have a discussion here where this is being recognized!

bauerd 9y ago
Not sure what you're after here. Remote doesn't imply "couped up in sterile, quiet home office". Remote just means no physical presence required
59nadir 9y ago
> I consider going solo, couped up in your sterile, quiet home office, to be a certain path to failure. You say you're happy to have a contrast to the usual, but here you are sort of arguing for the other extreme. There are plenty of people who have made amazing things in isolation and work well under those conditions. The point here is that not everyone is the same.
eeZah7Ux 9y ago
You are confusing distractions with human interaction. When people works from quiet rooms in offices they can still get out and go to a meeting or relax room and talk to others.
bubblesocks 9y ago
You bring up a good point when you talk of introverts vs. extroverts. I cannot see extroverts being happy working remotely. They seem to need the human interaction offered in the office. Personally, I'm an introvert. I don't like being around other people and find their presence irritating and unwelcome when I'm trying to get something done. For me, working remotely really IS the one true way. I cannot even relate to the author of the article's sense of loneliness. That certainly isn't true for everyone though. Rather than dictating one or the other, companies should be flexible and embrace both, I think, in order to get the most out of all their employees.

leonroy 9y ago

Solo founder here. I found the first few months of my startup so tough that I must've googled Successful solo founders? a half dozen times. I'm sure you've done the same and there's a lot of stuff out there from PG, Altman, Quora et al. describing how solo founders are far less likely to succeed vs co-founders and I personally think it's not just the shared work load aspect (which is definitely big) but the fact that is lonely at the top. That said I can tell you what helped me: 1. Good family and friends. Your support network is key - it will support you both financially and emotionally. After a hard day or a bad meeting I have someone I can talk to for advice or just to vent. Having great advisors there to tell you when you're on track or off track is incredibly important. They could be your SO, a successful Aunt/Uncle or even your parents. 2. Co-working space. After several months of trying to code my prototype at home and getting very little done compared to my previous day job where I was very productive I realized I needed to get out the house. Try telling a three year old 'no' when they're tugging on your finger and asking "Daddy, wanna play?". Co-working is an expensive option at £400 odd per month and some angel investors will poo-poo it as a waste in those early months but for me it literally changed my business. Not only was I able to (finally) code after months of being stuck in a rut but just by being in close proximity to successful professionals and attending networking events nearby I felt energized to keep trucking. 3. Networking. Talk to people, attend networking events (I attend 2-3 a year at most right now so it doesn't need to be nuts to start with). These people become your vendors, your contractors and sometimes your future mentors and employees. A ready smile and willingness to push myself a little and chat with folk about their companies and problems has helped me solve my own company's problems. 4. Save money. Sounds simple but as a solo founder you have almost HALF the contacts a two man founding team has. Your money pool to dip into is also considerably lower. Keep your burn rate low as possible but not too low! Invest in your training (Safari Books, online courses). I didn't hire anyone to help me or buy an expensive computer until I'd built my prototype and demo'd the concept to my friends and family. Of course I'm a coder so if you're not that might be easier said than done! 5. Effective time management. Accept that some days just getting to your desk and answering emails is gonna seem like you're trying to climb a mountain. That's normal. Calendaring helped me with this - by scheduling certain afternoons as my "Do whatever you like" period I was able to look forward to an art exhibition or going to a beautiful library downtown and reading some business and management books. It's different for everyone but do schedule your week to help avoid poor time management. There's loads of stuff you can do and I could probably write for hours on the subject. I'd say the TLDR; is to have a good support network since flying solo is emotionally tough and to have a productive space where you can work.

praulv 9y ago

If you're into exercise and working out, try going OUT (shopping, cafe, people mingling, malls) in the 2-3 hours right after a workout. Your energy levels are raised, you're a lot more vocal, relaxed and "open" along with a positive physical glow and a smile on your face. You are at peak likelihood of engaging in small talk with people in this state.

smallhands 9y ago

anybody working with or thinking about tenorflow i will love to talk watever email tejioford@yahoo.com

sytelus 9y ago

- Find and go to conferences. This is really the best way to meet like-minded people in the same field. - Check out meetup.com. Lots of crap and there and mostly uninteresting but there are few gems for startups and tech people. - Hang out in downtown areas of nearest cities on weekend. You probably won't be doing anything but its still great feeling to be in crowd and people watching. Most cities have some list of trendy places. - In your areas of outdoor interests find local groups. For example, hiking, mountaineering, caving etc. This is one of the best way to build deep relationship with great folks.

smilesnd 9y ago

I would do meetups, hackerspace/makerspaces, cons, and something that has nothing to do with whatever you are trying to do. Taking breaks from your work is just as important as working itself. If you are single I would also suggest grindr/tinder which ever pulls your rope. They are not just about quick hookups(%80 of it is), but you can find someone just to get a bit to eat with and talk about whatever you want and such.

austinjp 9y ago

In addition to the suggestions about sitting in cafes, I'd suggest you look at places like museums and art galleries. In the UK at least, many have members' rooms. An annual membership plus guest might be in the region of £100-200. Beyond the benefits people have listed with cafes, your money will be going to a good place. Shop around. Some places are great, and with the +1 membership you can even invite a business partner. Or ask your friends to see if someone would benefit from coming along with you. Far cheaper than typical startup desk-rental.

chrisper 9y ago
And what do you do when sitting in cafes? In Switzerland it seems kind of a taboo to just talk up random strangers... The one thing I miss from the US.
- austinjp 9y ago
  Actually in the gallery/museum setting I mention I have talked with plenty of strangers. Maybe that's just me. There is no doubt an air of "who the hell are you?" sometimes but it passes with friendly chat. Plenty of people at the surrounding tables are running small IT or creative startups, it turns out.

nilsocket 9y ago

I always want to be alone, but sometimes I fear, I may end up really being alone my whole life. (I.e., I may never be able to find a partner myself.) I like to talk with someone who has a good character, and probably I prefer a CS partner. I love to have perfection in many things, I don't want to do, anything stupid with my life-partner. This perfection of mine may lead to something bad.

sah2ed 9y ago
You have to learn that you need to strike a balance between wanting to be left alone (while productive) but not to the point that you are abandoned by friends and loved ones that you become lonely. You need to make time to do things that will allow you meet new people: visit the library, gym, etc but keep in mind good character is relative. Please accept that although you seem to have the tendency to want to make things perfect before shipping, you'll never to be able to truly ship one. Oh, and you'll make stupid mistakes. It's unavoidable, that's part of what makes all of us human. Better to accept it and view embarrassing mistakes as a learning opportunity.

dennis_jeeves 9y ago

Digressing a bit: It's very lonely at the 'top' is a phrase I have heard decades back. You are not alone. Any person who takes on tasks where there is high degree of uncertainty will feel lonely because the vast majority of people around you do not do that or even have the mindset to do that. In short even if you were surrounded by a lot of caring people, you may not be able to relate to them. I think you will get substantial mileage if the support group is trying to solve a similar problem as your are, but you may not, if their domain of work is significantly different than yours.

EGreg 9y ago

Please remember: Your friends don't have to do the same thing you do. Find people whose schedule matches yours and hang out with them! Also: go to meetups. Talk online with your developers (if you employ them) with screensharing etc. And your FAMILY -- the perfect opportunity to spend time with them. Don't let American mores of individualism keep you from spending way more time with your family.

timthelion 9y ago
Personally, I find that I feel perhaps even more lonely when I talk to people who don't understand what I do. Going out for a beer with "normal people" doesn't help with the loneliness of having ideas which no one else understands. I feel that one of the main motivations/actions of an inventor is to try to communicate their ideas with others. I feel like my entire job is to live in a dream world, and to try to bring that dream world to the real world. So my entire job is spent mostly totally alone in a world that doesn't even exist, and that no one can visit.

fpisfun 9y ago

I work remotely for my current job and am also working on a startup so I can relate to the feelings of loneliness.. I intentionally took a remote work job to try to figure out more about myself and what I really want long-term. Establishing a routine helps a lot, for example I like to use a standing desk at home for a couple hours but after that I'm usually about to go crazy so I go out to work in public, usually a coffee shop. Then, from there I may stay out the rest of the day, switching venues at least once, or come back home depending on how I'm feeling. Then I to to go to the gym when I'm done working. This seems to have helped my feel a lot better than when I would just stay home all day. Another thing I've realized is I hate the area I live because I have to drive everywhere and being able to walk places makes me much happier so I'm figuring how to eventually move somewhere that's a better fit. Also, I've gotten into traveling, I have a little camper I travel with sometimes and work in that. I basically do the exact same routine when traveling but just the added stimulation of being somewhere different. I've developed a lot of interest in learning about how the brain works and one thing I've read is that the main purpose of having complex brains is for motor control and movement, I don't have a good source off the top of my head but it's an easy topic to look up. Basically, though, what I take from it is that it's hard for most people to truly be happy sitting idle in one place all day because it's very unnatural.

LandR 9y ago

I work remotely in a shared working space, but I'm the only person from my company there. I thought it would better than working from home, on my own all the time, but in a way it ends up worse. I'm in an office with a load of other people but I can't talk to any of them. It can feel a lot more isolating than if I was just sitting alone at home. The only time I see friends is at weekends, so if I don't go out on one weekend, I can easily go 6 days a week without having a face to face chat with an actual real person. It's been a big shift from my previous company where going to work felt like going and hanging out with my mates. I'm not sure how long I'll be able to do this, I feel it can't be good for your mental health long term.

JayClouse 9y ago

There are a ton of great ideas here, coworking spaces, volunteering, etc. Someone sent me this topic because it's super relevant to the work that I do right now working with creators and entrepreneurs. I've found that creating around other people has a ton of benefits both personally and professionally, and so I create those spaces for people via video chat. https://unrealcollective.com https://unrealcollective.com

lisper 9y ago

Loneliness is a vicious self-perpetuating cycle. It makes you depressed, which makes you want to wallow in self-pity, which makes people not want to be around you, which isolates you, which make you lonelier, which makes you more depressed. The only way to break the cycle (and I apologize if this sounds harsh, but it's really the only way) is to just give yourself a swift kick in the pants and fucking DO something about it, and I don't mean posting on HN about how lonely you are. You have to actually GO somewhere where there are people and INTERACT with them in a positive way. Smile. Introduce yourself. Take interest in them. Listen. It hardly matters where you go or what you do. Just pick a random meetup near you and go. Or volunteer somewhere. Or just go to a random homeless person and offer to buy them a meal. The key is to project a positive attitude. This will be exceptionally difficult at first because every neuron in your brain is telling you that YOU are the one who needs to be listened to, the world has abandoned YOU, it's all about YOU. Well, guess what: you are not the only one who feels that way. EVERYONE feels that way at one time or another. You have to force yourself past those feelings and smile even though it's the most unnatural thing in the world for you to do right now. It feels like a lie. But trust me, this feeling will be temporary. It might take more than one session, but eventually the mere act of smiling and listening to people will make them want to interact with you, and THAT will make the depression and the loneliness go away. And after a while it will start to work even when you are alone! One disclaimer: depression can be very serious. It can be so serious that it does not respond to this kind of self-help. If you try this and it doesn't work, get counseling. There are professionals out there who can help. But whatever you do, don't succumb to the temptation to numb the pain by inaction. You can't get yourself out of a hole by curling up into a ball.

TrinaryWorksToo 9y ago
This is so true. What I've realized is how hard it is to get to a place where I meet people. I'm in a place that's really only accessible by car, and I don't drive. Uber works sometimes, maybe often, but not always.
- lisper 9y ago
  > I'm in a place that's really only accessible by car, and I don't drive. Then relocate. Or learn to drive. Or invite people over to your place. Anything will be more effective than complaining about your plight on HN.

deleted 9y ago

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Dowwie 9y ago

"Battle is the Great Redeemer, the fiery crucible in which the only true heroes are forged."

tkriplean 9y ago

Hi! This isn't exactly what you asked for, but our Invisible College informally helps connect peers doing independent work. Sometimes we organize video checkins. Eventually we're going to create a method for cohorts of independent workers to form. These cohorts can support each other over time with checkins to counter that loneliness of independent work. If you want to get involved, join our Slack at http://invisible-slack.herokuapp.com http://invisible-slack.herokuapp.com

marojejian 9y ago

We have a project called Campfire, to build video support groups around pretty much any area, from anxiety to grief to even being a founder: campfire.care Sign up and indicate you want to join a founder group! My co-founder and I are also still working on the right setup for optimizing efficiency/cost/culture, and this discussion is great.

peatmoss 9y ago

When I was recovering from being in a PhD program (I was experiencing pretty extreme isolation), my wife and I re-started aikido. Dojo has been a great benefit to our lives. We get: - a friendly community of close-knit people who ask about your welfare if you’re absent - vigorous aerobic exercise - A well-lit space during the dark winter months In a lot of ways, it’s a bit like a church, but without the religion, and a whole lot more exercise. Also, this isn’t unique to aikido. I’ve also done judo and another style of jujitsu and found similar experiences (albeit with a little more difficulty finding a non-testosterone-soaked environment). Presumably other styles offer this too.

andreliem 9y ago

This has probably been mentioned already, but just in case checkout indiehackers. A slack group spun out of this for founders looking to stay accountable to each other for a September sprint.. but now it's ongoing. Its a good place to chat with other fellow founders, mostly devs and a few marketing. I can send you the slack link if you like, just reply. I work from home by myself so i get your problem!