deanmoriarty

10 ms·

61.
by deanmoriarty 2y ago
From above: > I well understand the problem is “me”, I would say I suffer from quite a bit of misanthropy against pretty much every coworker I ever had, and on top of that I am an extreme introvert, relationships forced upon me cause a l
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by deanmoriarty 2y ago
> It's going to get worse before it gets better. What would be a reasonable estimate of when it could start to “get better”? I find “country eating its young” to be a perfect metaphor and honestly I don’t see any hope, it’s sad to s
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by deanmoriarty 2y ago
The year I got the original Gameboy, came with Tetris and Gargoyle's Quest. Must have been 1991 or so, was probably the happiest Christmas of my life. Incredible how I still vividly remember that morning, more than 30 years later. I op
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by deanmoriarty 2y ago
Anecdotally, nearly every time I’ve had a change of manager, replacing the one I originally interviewed with when joining the company, I ended up quitting in less than one year, typically because I couldn’t deal with their management style.
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by deanmoriarty 2y ago
Learning to ignore is a powerful tool. A few years ago I went down a spiral and wasted a couple of solid hours on a financial sub Reddit with a master troll who just wouldn’t stop gaslighting me despite my attempts to build a rational discu
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by deanmoriarty 2y ago
> what's keeping you from just walking out the door tomorrow and never returning? A literal 7 figure paycheck, which substantially pads my savings. Waiting until my next major vesting cycle in a few months to get out from corporate
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by deanmoriarty 2y ago
> But what about when you retire and carry this forward, likely alone. Curious what you mean by this: once I retire from work, what life situations will force me to be in close contact for 10+ hours a day, for years, with people I wouldn
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by deanmoriarty 2y ago
> You think every single one of your coworkers "cause you pain and stress during code reviews"? Yes, I have a right to have an opinion on how other people’s behaviors make me feel, and so long as I’m still functional at work it
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by deanmoriarty 2y ago
In the vast majority of cases, when I left a job I was genuinely excited about never having to see or talk to any of my coworkers/managers for the rest of my life, so breaking such streak with an intentional outreach would qualify as l
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by deanmoriarty 2y ago
I am going through it right now at 38. I am the unhappiest I have ever been. It all stems from being fundamentally so unhappy with work. I have changed 3 employers over the past 4 years and I’ve been more and more depressed with each transi
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by deanmoriarty 2y ago
In my experience there are just people built differently, I have known a few of them, it can actually be “scary” to be around them and realize that, no matter the effort, you would never be able to reach a similar output. They are able to b
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by deanmoriarty 2y ago
VTI + VXUS + BND, I’ve been dumping into those since my first tech paycheck in my early 20s, and now in my late 30s I can see a way out before I hit 40.
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by deanmoriarty 2y ago
Thanks, very helpful! I am still puzzled how this data reconciles with the median net worth figures that are also produced by the federal government (too lazy to google again).
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by deanmoriarty 2y ago
Is this true? The few net worth government statistics I can find from a quick google search point at median net worth, excluding house equity, to be significantly higher than $1k, so I wonder what I am missing. Is the implication that a per
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by deanmoriarty 2y ago
I couldn’t care less about crypto, but just for fun I bought 1 BTC in 2016. Still own it, and likely will never sell, but boy I wish I bought a lot more instead of my index funds, skipping one monthly contribution in VTI back then would hav
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by deanmoriarty 2y ago
I wrote a scraper for various dating websites that would automatically generate activity on my behalf according to several empirical criteria (very simple stuff, no ML!), so that I could minimize the amount of time spent manually browsing p
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by deanmoriarty 2y ago
Apple MacBook Air 2020, intel edition. Such a piece of junk and shame on Apple for releasing it knowing that they’d have launched the M1 in just a few months. Maximum corporate greed.
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by deanmoriarty 2y ago
Do you have enough savings to quit and take a long break? I’m in a similar predicament and fortunately I’ve built a good nest egg, and my plan is to quit at some point next year without any clear next plan, as my savings can support that.
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by deanmoriarty 2y ago
I will say that code reviews with some individuals have been, by far, the most stressful and demotivating part of my job, and a major reason why I am looking to end a career in developing software in teams, and I would not be surprised if t
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by deanmoriarty 2y ago
> but is it possible that you are the one doing the comparing, and not them? > Do you feel that you are doing how you want in life, or that you aren't successful enough, and feel triggered or self conscious about other people doi
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by deanmoriarty 2y ago
I’m on the receiving end of this behavior, and even if I’m probably not representative of what’s happening to you, I will bring my data point anyway. There are quite a non-trivial number of people who reach out to me (mostly old friends&#x2
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by deanmoriarty 2y ago
> Even 10 days away from the office has a distinct effect upon mine. Thank you for your kind message. So far, every single time I’ve taken a 1-2 week vacation, it’s been an extremely positive experience, I truly felt alive during the tim
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by deanmoriarty 2y ago
> You can easily get another tech job after you take a year off. Thank you for your comment. It is missing a critical point. I know that it’s likely I could get another job if I wanted to, after a year self-funded sabbatical (which, btw,
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by deanmoriarty 2y ago
What if you literally can’t think of a work position that would make you happy? Just talking out loud and not expecting an answer from you, but that’s just what was going on in my head while reading your comment. Perhaps I am too burned out
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by deanmoriarty 2y ago
Could you share more details about your job, if you don’t mind? I posted in a comment in this thread, but I changed 3 jobs in 4 years (a mix of FAANG and startups) and each one has been more miserable than the previous, so I can definitely
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by deanmoriarty 2y ago
Yeah it’s probably true. I explored this during a therapy session but nothing particularly insightful came up. I grew up in a family of entrepreneurs (extremely small scale brick-and-mortar solo businesses in my home country, barely making
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by deanmoriarty 2y ago
> If I were you, I'd try and find work that I actually enjoy and find meaningful Thanks. That’s easier said than done. A big reason why (but not the only one) work is so depressing is because, in every single job I had (consulting i
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by deanmoriarty 2y ago
What is the reason to suggest that a break from work, as opposed to a retirement (more similar to the author’s path), is more appropriate for my situation? Is it a concern about financials/age? After reading several people describing t
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by deanmoriarty 2y ago
First of all, truly sorry to the author for what happened to them, it is devastating, and something that indeed will shake your world and priorities. Any advice for people who are not finding the courage to quit, despite probably having the
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by deanmoriarty 3y ago
I am in a similar predicament and heavily conflicted. Mid 30s, at FAANG, making ~$1M/yr liquid for the past few years, a net worth of ~$5M liquid in Vanguard ETFs, and have an offer for a very popular AI "startup" you all kno

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