8 ms·

Paul Buchheit wrote a wonderful post, after similar circumstances, that I often re-read: > On a more practical level, what matters most in our day-to-day lives

by GuiA 11y ago

Paul Buchheit wrote a wonderful post, after similar circumstances, that I often re-read: > On a more practical level, what matters most in our day-to-day lives is that we're good to ourselves and to each other. It's actually not possible to only do one or the other -- we must do both or neither, but that's a topic for another time. Sometimes, when I write about startups or other interests of mine, I worry that perhaps I'm communicating the wrong priorities. Investing money, creating new products, and all the other things we do are wonderful games and can be a lot of fun, but it's important to remember that it's all just a game. What's most important is that we are good too each other, and ourselves. If we "win", but have failed to do that, then we have lost. Winning is nothing. http://paulbuchheit.blogspot.com/2012/03/eight-years-today.html?m=1 http://paulbuchheit.blogspot.com/2012/03/eight-years-today.h... May Sheryl and her family be free of suffering.

misiti3780 11y ago
I have read that post multiple times also - it really puts things into perspective
AndrewKemendo 11y ago
Investing money, creating new products, and all the other things we do are wonderful games and can be a lot of fun, but it's important to remember that it's all just a game. I feel like this sentiment is very common, but is implicitly stating that all of the other things, family, friends, personal health etc... are not games - when I don't see why that would be the case. Nothing distinguishes those things for me. Creating new products, like software that gives people better productivity, or hardware that helps people achieve physical fitness goals, or systems that make getting clean water cheaper - those are life changing to a lot of people, sometimes even millions. The typical response to this is "yea but most people make junk" to which I say, telling junk from non-junk is an exercise in futility. We wouldn't be quoting Paul Buchheit or talking about Dave Sandberg if they hadn't sacrificed some of those relationships, or health for the products and platforms that we know them for. And that's the real point - legacy. Someone's legacy is not the relationships they had personally, just look at the miserable relationship failures of Steve Jobs, but their impact on bringing their vision and impact on groups outside of their circle. Winning in my opinion then, is having an (hopefully positive) impact on those outside of your inner circle, not within it. And the larger the impact, the bigger the win.
- iamcurious 11y ago
  I used to think that. Then I realized that the one reason to think that legacy is important, is that losts of very influential people, the kind that leave a legacy, seem to think so. By that lens, legacy is nothing but a virus that uses your resources to replicate. Currently, I aim to love as much as I can and to have some fun! Any other aim, just seems like a great way to fret.
- JoeAltmaier 11y ago
  Spoken like somebody without kids. They trigger responses built into our brains that make family very much more important that all the rest. Thus, family isn't a game any more.
  - AndrewKemendo 11y ago
    I have three kids (5, 3 and 1) and a wife of 6 years.
  - misterbee 11y ago
    > trigger responses > game
  - TeMPOraL 11y ago
    That's exactly why I feel having a family is nothing fundamental, it's just bunch of hard-wired hormonal failure modes. Not to say they aren't pleasant though.
- deleted 11y ago
  [deleted]
- kraig911 11y ago
  I too used to think this way. I can't explain it now that I have a child and family and have lost people very close to me. Where as before the mere thought of innovating I felt like I was some of the first people ever to be doing something where in now I find it was all just a race. I.E. - Someone else could've finished that super fancy product and made lots of money. Just today I missed my daughter swimming for the first time and no amount of money or technology can fix that. I agree with you about the hopeful positive impact. Impact is hard to quantitively measure though so much as love is hard to measure. You only know how much you are loved by surrounding yourself with people who love you and sharing your love for them I guess. I never realized how alone I was until I had an inner circle to miss.
unclebucknasty 11y ago
I hear this sentiment all the time--about what's really important and what our priorities should be, etc. But, there is something disingenuous about it. We have engineered a society wherein our very survival depends upon these "games" to which Mr. Buchheit has alluded. And, in his case he has the luxury of considering his economic endeavors to be games. It's certainly not his fault. I'm saying that we choose the society we want, and we have collectively decided that we will continue to allocate the world's resources--and, hence, our very subsistence--according to our successful participation in these "games". Well, enough (not really), but then, is it genuine to remind people that eating isn't as important as relationships? If we really believe that our economy diminishes our most important human needs and priorities, then shouldn't we instead be advocating for a new economy?
- jamesrcole 11y ago
  >we choose the society we want That's not really true. I don't think there's any meaningful sense in which anybody chose this society. We don't have that level of control.
  - unclebucknasty 11y ago
    Then we should dispense with the admonitions about reducing our focus on "the game", work, etc. in order to focus on "what's truly important in life". Eating is important.
    - TeMPOraL 11y ago
      That's why more and more people are pushing towards things like basic income and achieving self-sustaining technology levels. Because when basic sustenance is free to everyone and required maintenance work is minimized, one is free to focus on "truly important things in life" and do meaningful work, instead of engaging in bullshit jobs and "games" to earn the bread for oneself and their family.
      - unclebucknasty 11y ago
Sven7 11y ago
Good message. In the old days we needed a Buddha, Jesus or a Krishna to remind us of the simple truths. Today we look for them in blog posts. Everything changes and nothing changes.
- TeMPOraL 11y ago
  What is the New Testament if not a bunch of blog posts published together in a paper form? ;). Writing forms evolve and change names, but they're still fundamentally the same as ever, and as important as they always were.
- kmfrk 11y ago
  I mean, you are commenting on the site created by a guy whose essays people read as scripture. :)
- keane 11y ago
  Buddha taught that there was no God, therefore there were no morals, that the universe was deterministic, but that even so humans should strive to act with loving-kindness. Perhaps in your estimation this is a simple truth. Jesus' call that one must metanoeo (let one's mind be changed and one's heart transformed) or perish, while related to the Jewish teaching that God is close to those with broken, contrite and humble hearts and found by those who seek him with all their heart and soul, was a new and radical call, not a mere reminder of a simple truth clearly as he claimed himself to be the Truth.
jusben1369 11y ago
"May Sheryl and her family be free of suffering." Out of respect to Sheryl and making sure we learn from her experience I think it's important to post this part: "Real empathy is sometimes not insisting that it will be okay but acknowledging that it is not. When people say to me, “You and your children will find happiness again,” my heart tells me, Yes, I believe that, but I know I will never feel pure joy again. Those who have said, “You will find a new normal, but it will never be as good” comfort me more because they know and speak the truth." Sheryl and her family will never be free of suffering.

by GuiA 11y ago

misiti3780 11y ago

I have read that post multiple times also - it really puts things into perspective

AndrewKemendo 11y ago

Investing money, creating new products, and all the other things we do are wonderful games and can be a lot of fun, but it's important to remember that it's all just a game. I feel like this sentiment is very common, but is implicitly stating that all of the other things, family, friends, personal health etc... are not games - when I don't see why that would be the case. Nothing distinguishes those things for me. Creating new products, like software that gives people better productivity, or hardware that helps people achieve physical fitness goals, or systems that make getting clean water cheaper - those are life changing to a lot of people, sometimes even millions. The typical response to this is "yea but most people make junk" to which I say, telling junk from non-junk is an exercise in futility. We wouldn't be quoting Paul Buchheit or talking about Dave Sandberg if they hadn't sacrificed some of those relationships, or health for the products and platforms that we know them for. And that's the real point - legacy. Someone's legacy is not the relationships they had personally, just look at the miserable relationship failures of Steve Jobs, but their impact on bringing their vision and impact on groups outside of their circle. Winning in my opinion then, is having an (hopefully positive) impact on those outside of your inner circle, not within it. And the larger the impact, the bigger the win.

iamcurious 11y ago
I used to think that. Then I realized that the one reason to think that legacy is important, is that losts of very influential people, the kind that leave a legacy, seem to think so. By that lens, legacy is nothing but a virus that uses your resources to replicate. Currently, I aim to love as much as I can and to have some fun! Any other aim, just seems like a great way to fret.
JoeAltmaier 11y ago
Spoken like somebody without kids. They trigger responses built into our brains that make family very much more important that all the rest. Thus, family isn't a game any more.
- AndrewKemendo 11y ago
  I have three kids (5, 3 and 1) and a wife of 6 years.
- misterbee 11y ago
  > trigger responses > game
- TeMPOraL 11y ago
  That's exactly why I feel having a family is nothing fundamental, it's just bunch of hard-wired hormonal failure modes. Not to say they aren't pleasant though.
deleted 11y ago
[deleted]
kraig911 11y ago
I too used to think this way. I can't explain it now that I have a child and family and have lost people very close to me. Where as before the mere thought of innovating I felt like I was some of the first people ever to be doing something where in now I find it was all just a race. I.E. - Someone else could've finished that super fancy product and made lots of money. Just today I missed my daughter swimming for the first time and no amount of money or technology can fix that. I agree with you about the hopeful positive impact. Impact is hard to quantitively measure though so much as love is hard to measure. You only know how much you are loved by surrounding yourself with people who love you and sharing your love for them I guess. I never realized how alone I was until I had an inner circle to miss.

unclebucknasty 11y ago

I hear this sentiment all the time--about what's really important and what our priorities should be, etc. But, there is something disingenuous about it. We have engineered a society wherein our very survival depends upon these "games" to which Mr. Buchheit has alluded. And, in his case he has the luxury of considering his economic endeavors to be games. It's certainly not his fault. I'm saying that we choose the society we want, and we have collectively decided that we will continue to allocate the world's resources--and, hence, our very subsistence--according to our successful participation in these "games". Well, enough (not really), but then, is it genuine to remind people that eating isn't as important as relationships? If we really believe that our economy diminishes our most important human needs and priorities, then shouldn't we instead be advocating for a new economy?

jamesrcole 11y ago
>we choose the society we want That's not really true. I don't think there's any meaningful sense in which anybody chose this society. We don't have that level of control.
- unclebucknasty 11y ago
  Then we should dispense with the admonitions about reducing our focus on "the game", work, etc. in order to focus on "what's truly important in life". Eating is important.
  - TeMPOraL 11y ago
    That's why more and more people are pushing towards things like basic income and achieving self-sustaining technology levels. Because when basic sustenance is free to everyone and required maintenance work is minimized, one is free to focus on "truly important things in life" and do meaningful work, instead of engaging in bullshit jobs and "games" to earn the bread for oneself and their family.
    - unclebucknasty 11y ago

Sven7 11y ago

Good message. In the old days we needed a Buddha, Jesus or a Krishna to remind us of the simple truths. Today we look for them in blog posts. Everything changes and nothing changes.

TeMPOraL 11y ago
What is the New Testament if not a bunch of blog posts published together in a paper form? ;). Writing forms evolve and change names, but they're still fundamentally the same as ever, and as important as they always were.
kmfrk 11y ago
I mean, you are commenting on the site created by a guy whose essays people read as scripture. :)
keane 11y ago
Buddha taught that there was no God, therefore there were no morals, that the universe was deterministic, but that even so humans should strive to act with loving-kindness. Perhaps in your estimation this is a simple truth. Jesus' call that one must metanoeo (let one's mind be changed and one's heart transformed) or perish, while related to the Jewish teaching that God is close to those with broken, contrite and humble hearts and found by those who seek him with all their heart and soul, was a new and radical call, not a mere reminder of a simple truth clearly as he claimed himself to be the Truth.

jusben1369 11y ago

"May Sheryl and her family be free of suffering." Out of respect to Sheryl and making sure we learn from her experience I think it's important to post this part: "Real empathy is sometimes not insisting that it will be okay but acknowledging that it is not. When people say to me, “You and your children will find happiness again,” my heart tells me, Yes, I believe that, but I know I will never feel pure joy again. Those who have said, “You will find a new normal, but it will never be as good” comfort me more because they know and speak the truth." Sheryl and her family will never be free of suffering.