21 ms·

From hacker to hospice in seven weeks

618 points by benjamincburns 12y ago

imranq 12y ago
one advice that has stuck with me: In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
- BorgHunter 12y ago
  There's no evidence that Lincoln actually said this, although it remains good advice. http://quoteinvestigator.com/2012/07/14/life-years-count/ http://quoteinvestigator.com/2012/07/14/life-years-count/
- sltkr 12y ago
  Sure, but I imagine there is some correlation.
KhalPanda 12y ago
I'm so sorry to hear that. A very sad and sobering read. I'm sure a lot of your coworkers and team are contributing, like you said, but it'd be nice to think (if they haven't already) that your actual company would make a reasonable contribution to Nicola and their future child, since it sounds like Steven gave so much to the company (albeit under compensation). I know I would for one of my key and valued employee's, if I were in a position to do so.
- mratzloff 12y ago
  Yeah. My company pays for a pretty good life insurance policy and long-term disability policy for each employee (beneficiary designated by employee, of course). It really doesn't cost that much and can make all the difference.
kumarski 12y ago
That's a rough read mate.
cookiecaper 12y ago
As many HN readers don't have children, they may be inclined to see Nicola's pregnancy as a tragedy of some kind. Truly it is sad that this child will live without its father, but it's also a gift to the world -- a bit of Steven, living on. It will be a continuing gift to Steven's loved ones to have a permanent, living piece of Steven, a continuance of himself after he slips into the eons. When you get that kind of gift, as sad as everything else around it may be, it almost feels like cheating. I just feel like this is a perspective that may not be immediately realized among groups of people that don't have their own children. I know before I had children, I would have only viewed it as tragic.
- benjamincburns 12y ago
  Thanks for saying this. I won't attempt to comment on how Nicola feels, because frankly I don't know. However everything I've heard second hand has told me that what you describe is very much the sentiment of the situation. I hope my words didn't portray the opposite.
- petercooper 12y ago
  As weird as this might sound, having children has given me a significant sense of relief for similar reasons to those outlined in your comment, even though I'm far from a natural parent (but I'm working at it!) Being a bit of a paranoid and morbid guy at the best of times, reproducing seemed inherently and intrinsically important to me in some hard to quantify way, and I feel so much mentally better for having descendants. I can't really explain it well though and have chalked it up to one of those messy, animalistic "instinct" things.
  - Dewie 12y ago
    > As weird as this might sound, Not necessarily weird - you sound just as self-obsessed as the rest of us.
- vlunkr 12y ago
  This is a great thought. I thought of it as a tragedy at first because having and raising a newborn on your own would be terrifying. But as long as she has people to help her and some way to financially support herself a child will be a great thing to have in her life.
mietek 12y ago
We need to fix this, and we need to start yesterday. “Yes, we did it, we killed the dragon today. But damn, why did we start so late? http://www.nickbostrom.com/fable/dragon.html http://www.nickbostrom.com/fable/dragon.html If you are in a position to fund things, consider the SENS Research Foundation, instead of the next Yo app. http://www.sens.org http://www.sens.org
- melling 12y ago
  How effective is the institution? We throw a lot of money at problems. Are there more effective institutions or methods? Perhaps a series of X-Prizes for medicine would help? The tricolor prize, for example: http://tricorder.xprize.org/about/overview http://tricorder.xprize.org/about/overview
james_fairhurst 12y ago
Extremely sad news, with a kid on the way myself I can't even imagine what Nicola's going through. Thanks for sharing such a tough post.
leonardinius 12y ago
I know I'll get downwoted for this, nevertheless .. I don't know how about Steven and Nicola, however I myself would mind having certain intimate moments shared with general public (e.g. overheard phone conversations, etc ..) Having sad that, I feel for Steve's and Nicola family. It's always tough.
- benjamincburns 12y ago
  No need for the preface - it's a fair thing to say. I hemmed and hawed about whether to post this article at all for this exact reason. In the end I decided that if I was going to post it I should be both respectful and truthful. I probably could've worded it better. I probably could've added some disclaimer that this is true as far as I remember, but my memory is fallible. [Edit, as I hit post too soon]: Either way, I tried to be polite about it. This tragedy struck during a crunch time when a lot of us were feeling the need to rally together in order to make the big win. Any married person who chooses to work late on occasion experiences such a phone call. To be clear, I didn't hear her end of any conversations. There weren't more than two or three of them that I overheard, and I wouldn't have included anything about them if I thought they were terribly personal. The struggle between work and home life is something I experience myself. It's just another parallel I can't help but think about when trying to make sense of this situation. Not including it felt like I was leaving something important out of the story.
  - deleted 12y ago
    [deleted]
  - mikegerwitz 12y ago
    I think you made the right decision. This is a very touching and saddening story, and as you said, it's very hard not to put yourself in his shoes. I think about my family any time I read a story of a loss. You have made a tribute to what sounds to be a wonderful person and a great friend. You have also helped to raise money for his family, which I'm sure will help---if not just a little bit---to put him at ease knowing that they have support. And you have brought further attention to cancer. I hate having my personal affairs public, but in a case like this, I'd be happy to have my story known.
sillysaurus3 12y ago
How long until a daily brain scan and body scan is a part of everyone's routine, the same way brushing your teeth is? Problems like these are untreatable if left for too long, but if caught early, there's sometimes hope. The solution seems to be to develop as many types of passive scanners as possible. The problem is false positives. But wasting a month needlessly visiting the doctor doesn't seem that bad.
- DanBC 12y ago
  False positives don't mean a month of visiting a doctor - they mean several months of anxiety inducing "watchful waiting" or invasive biopsies. And false positives are not a rare event. False positives are very common. On top of that the radiation (from CT scans) increase the risk of cancer. Scans for healthy people are strongly discouraged. There's a possible benefit if you have any of the genetic markers for lung cancer or are otherwise at risk of lung cancer - heavy lifelong smoker for example.
  - philjohn 12y ago
    Yep. My wife has yearly scans because of a tumour supressor gene mutation and last year they thought they spotted something on the ultrasound, so sent her for a CT. CT showed that it was pretty bad, que months of stressing and worrying about what was going to happen. Turns out it was a false positive, caused by an accessory spleen looking like a tumour. False positives do happen, and they can be pretty devastating - it took quite a while for her to get back to normal.
    - zo1 12y ago
      Would you care to share with us how you were able to determine that she had such a gene? Was it some sort of byproduct of a normal scan/test? Or was it some sort of specificly requested test you went somewhere to get tested for? Or?
      - qt7 12y ago
        I don't know about your country, but genetic screening / testing is something you need to ask for, not something that happens as a by-product of a CT scan.
Multics 12y ago
If people donate nothing towards ameliorating diseases of ageing[0], then what's to be expected? People die. People get sick. Everyone you, and I, know is probably going to suffer and perish. The poor soul in the blog post sounds like he got struck down in his prime; but rest assured, your time is coming in a matter of decades. Accept death/disease or do something about it; but don't be shocked when it happens! Statistically, it's going to happen in increasing rates as you, your family, your friends, and everyone you know gets older. Being blindsided by death is odd. A cognitive bias?: 'It won't happen to me'. But, quite frankly, it most probably will! [0] http://www.sens.org/ http://www.sens.org/
- zo1 12y ago
  As someone that is overly conscious about my own mortality, and fear of it. I can see it being much more preferable "in the moment" to be oblivious to such things awaiting us. And at times I really don't understand why people aren't afraid/concerned about their inevitable mortality. However, I wouldn't personally choose such obliviousness. I'd rather know, and perhaps plan for it, and do my best to mitigate it as far as I can.
  - Multics 12y ago
    You should check out longecity.org, if the subject interests you, zo1. Edit: In particular, the forum! http://www.longecity.org/forum/ http://www.longecity.org/forum/
    - deleted 12y ago
      [deleted]
    - zo1 12y ago
      Thanks for the link, I'll definitely check it out!
- wtbob 12y ago
  > Everyone you, and I, know is probably going to suffer and perish. Not probably, definitely. It's a fact of life. The question is not, 'will I die?' but 'will I live?'
deleted 12y ago
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kabdib 12y ago
I've had a couple friends taken out by cancer over the last 2-3 years. Each time was pretty sudden; one I found out a month after he died, the other I had maybe a day of warning. Both of these people were great engineers that I looked up to, and it's still hard to believe they are gone. Harlan Ellison has a rant, written when he was my current age, about how many of his friends were dying and that it sucked. (I wish I could find what he wrote but my books are all boxed up at the moment). He had eloquent and angry and, well, Harlan-esque words for the experience. I remember my friends when I can, and write about them from time to time so that others can share my memories of how cool and great and human they were. That's the best I can do.
alinenache 12y ago
http://waltherpragerandphilosophy1.blogspot.ro/2012/08/my-life-and-my-brain.html http://waltherpragerandphilosophy1.blogspot.ro/2012/08/my-li...
merrua 12y ago
Kia kaha out to his family and friends.
mcphage 12y ago
> Aside from the anger, there’s another feeling I just can’t shake. I’m not sure it has a name... It’s impossible for me to be a witness to this situation and not think “what if it were me?” Um, you're not the first person to contemplate your own mortality. The usual term for it is memento mori, and has been a major component of culture and art for thousands of years: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Memento_mori http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Memento_mori
- Dewie 12y ago
  Right now, it's more of a relieving thought really. In the sense that - no matter how much I screw up, none of it will matter when I'm dead.
hox 12y ago
If anything, this article points out one thing to me: spend your time doing what you love. If that's work, great. If you love your family or life outside of work more, do whatever you can to spend more time with them. Sacrifice by finding a stable, well-paying yet not "exciting" job that enables you to avoid 12 hour workdays that are normal. If your significant other says you are spending too much time at work, that means you should make the choice over what is more important. You always have a choice.
scottndecker 12y ago
Site is down. Anyone have a cached version?
- Fuzzwah 12y ago
  Seems to be back up (at least it worked for me). However, google has a cached version if you still need it: http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:8-vKw53irssJ:www.benjamincburns.com/2014/11/30/from-hacker-to-hospice-in-seven-weeks.html+&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:8-vKw53...
eli 12y ago
This post really hits home for me. My dad is in a similar situation as Steven after a sudden diagnosis with a very aggressive form of lung cancer. Despite a growing brain tumor, he was still tweaking database reports and writing SQL queries from home up until a few weeks ago. He made sure his coworkers were watering his plants even as he started chemo and went through full-brain radiation. He's not some startup guy and was never a workaholic, but I think working -- and the idea of returning to work -- was something he really needed. I regret not reaching out to his coworkers sooner, though. He's too sick to have any visitors now and for a guy with a reputation as a curmudgeon it seems he had a lot of people who cared about him.
DigitalSea 12y ago
I have absolutely no words. My heart goes out to Steve's wife, family and friends. I think many of us can relate to the long hours part of the story, the strain that it puts on relationships is real. We have all been there at one stage or another, the inevitable you are always working late and I never get to see you call/in person conversation. Not to mention the effects of sleep deprivation can be serious, there have been quite a few studies that have linked sleep deprivation to a lot of things including serious disease, reduced cognitive ability and even kill brain cells. If there is one thing we can take from this it is: you don't know how long you have got in this life. Family is always more important than work, I think we should all remind ourselves every once in a while we have a husband or wife at home, possibly kids, who love seeing us and need your time just as much as your employer does. Jobs come and go, family is for life.
wspeirs 12y ago
I am in no way trying to downplay the severity of this post, but I had a very different reaction when I read this. My reaction was, "Why did the head of the division tell the group about his condition in detail?" Maybe it is because I live in America, and maybe it is because I know someone who had cancer and was reprimanded by HR for discussing his cancer -- and survival from it -- on an internal work forum. My preference would be to work in a place where people can talk openly about their conditions, if they so choose. It seems like in the litigious country where I live, this isn't possible. Has anyone had similar experiences?
- navait 12y ago
  In general it's ok to do so. I think you're confusing one ancedote for reality.
  - wspeirs 12y ago
    Certainly an anecdote, but also the reality at this company. I'm guessing they'd be burned in the past (see comments above) and this is why they acted the way they did.
- JonnieCache 12y ago
  Why would it not be OK? What could the company possibly be liable for?
  - brianwawok 12y ago
    Person A says "I have a brain tumor!" Boss of Person A fires person A for poor performance. Person A sues company of Boss of person A for firing due to a medical condition. From my limited legal knowledge, it seems like this is the argument for why they try to avoid outside of work knowledge being viewed by those in a hiring/firing/promotion position over you. It is kind of a joke, because if you are out for 8 weeks for chemo, clearly something is up... but somehow just knowing something is up is different from knowing you have cancer?
- Loughla 12y ago
hamburg 12y ago
fwiw, I think it's good to contemplate death and sad stories like this one remind us of it. If we all took 5 minutes each day to think about our own death, and that it can happen to us at virtually any moment, the world would be different. Better, I assume.
adogslife 12y ago
natural /// news dot /// com may be useful for health crisis. like the various kernels, no guarantees. 1.) like the Wall Street hedge fund operators who get brain cancer from overuse of the cell phones, etc modern day life is stressful on YOUR HEALTH and even YOUR LIFE. 2.) that's why I recommend a special health database and PEER assitance non-profit. PLEASE START A GITHUB NOW! 3.) There are many professors who will be mourned, as Prof. Harper of the FREE BOOK ON ML is stil surviving cancer, as far as I know. 4.) However, apologies to Plato. the LIKELY MOST IMPORTANT THING IN LIFE IS your family, some 'so-called fickle friends' and THE HACKERS THAT RUN THE NET and this forum. 5.) So, I do not cry over the death of plato, socrates? who cares? I do cry over the FAMILY that builds and hacks the internet. Brother, or Sister. 6.) Some of my fellows have bad habits. lack of exercise, taichi, even raw, fermented food and avoidance of 7.)avoid too many death marches as per Yourdon book. but I personally like them. Summary: so START the Health GITHUB for HACKERS ONLY. Yes, your source code and build engineering plans will be ranked. PS. without the code and self-education, I would be still living in the Matrix of the BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH. Taking 'the red pill' and just doing LEGAL things means a.) my life is about serving 'the net and others' b.) it's a fun hobby but stressful at times. c.) i continually amaze myself in doing things that have never been done before --- BECAUSE HACKING or just thinking out loud BUILDS CONFIDENCE and UNITY and oh yes. check out patients like me and other databases. PPS. As I grow older and closeer to another 'life' - no I am not now a Buddhist, who comes back as a hacker dog and BARKS WHEN HE SMELLS BAD CODE THAT RUNS THE NUCLEAR POWER PLANTS ... START THE GITHUB now dedicated to 'hacker health.' PPS. one of my later spin-offs may be the standing desk. did you know that estimated 8 hours CHAIR TIME >> 1 hour DEATH closer? PPS. for those who demand practical proof: here is the test. The 'long lived' other than the Chi Gung Farmers of the East are Mr. Jack La Lanne - exercise HACKER who also loved meeting people and telling jokes. - laughter. so, hacker survey 1.) most are overworked 2.) lot of chair time == DEATH 3.) tendency to be anti-social and avoid big meetings 4.) etc... milage will vary IMHO. your opinions please. Prof. Harper is illustration only. He knows not of me nor I of him. BUT I AM STILL STUDYING HIS FREE BOOK and I IHOPE I CAN actually learn ML BEFORE I die
vegancap 12y ago
Such a moving post. Really sad. I had to hold back the tears in the middle of the office reading it! Always seems to happen to the best people.
edw519 12y ago
I am so sorry to hear this and also so glad you posted it here, Ben. Thank you. We all get so busy in our daily details, it's nice to be reminded what's really important. Just some quick, well intentioned feedback from someone who has lost almost every important loved one... Please don't be angry. That may seem like a natural response, but it is wasted output, serving as input into no productive process. Life is not a problem to be solved; it is a gift to be savored, one day at a time. Have fun doing what you love to do, but don't forget to knock off when it still makes sense today. Then go hug your love one(s). Today will be gone tomorrow and there is no algorithm to bring it back.
- Filligree 12y ago
  I here declare, that I disagree. http://www.nickbostrom.com/fable/dragon.html http://www.nickbostrom.com/fable/dragon.html
  - maerF0x0 12y ago
    tldr?
    - doktrin 12y ago
      I only skimmed the piece, but it has a self-contained TL;DR at the bottom ("morals"). If I were to make my own abridged TL;DR, it would be "aging is a human tragedy that we can and should fix"
      - bentcorner 12y ago
        I worry that a victory over aging would be opening a pandora's box on humanity's progress on social change. It is my personal opinion that a person's opinions of social norms, cultures, and traditions are largely fixed throughout one's lifetimes, and it is death (and birth!) that allows a society to shift its morals.
        randallsquared 12y ago
deleted 12y ago
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madaxe_again 12y ago
I don't have a brain tumour, but I have had, and am still having, an experience which has made me think seriously about my mortality. I'm 31. About three years ago I started having three/four day long bouts of total delirium, roasting fever, extreme nausea, can't even keep sips of water down when it happens - by day three or four, I'm usually too weak to move, totally dehydrated. Two years on, my GP is still going "clearly your hygiene is terrible and you're giving yourself food poisoning", and it had got to the point where I'd be lying there, lapsing in and out of consciousness, feeling my heart stop. And start. Then stop. Then I'd turn blue. Then it'd start again. Then I'd turn back to a nice healthy jaundiced yellow. Took myself to the far side of the planet, got diagnosed with gallstones. Not just good old fashioned gallstones, but gallstones that make an imaging tech go pale and run out of the room to bring in several other people to hemm and haww before looking at me and going "Sir, you're extremely ill.". Turns out my gall bladder ruptured years ago, due to a large collection of stones, and occasionally oozes bile and bowel contents into my innards. It has eroded my vagus nerve (hence the cardiac symptoms), damaged my liver, and I'm having surgery at some point hopefully soon to have the damned thing (gall bladder) outright removed. I can't drink any more, and my other half gives me no end of shit for smoking weed in my spare time, as it's the one thing that makes the f'ing thing stop hurting - or at least makes me not care that it hurts. I've tried various legal pharmaceuticals, but they all either make me more nauseous, or make me incredibly tired - or I can't take them because they're liver metabolised. I digress. Anyway. The long and the short is that knowing what's wrong with me has helped, as when I didn't know it was utterly terrifying, and while it's now still terrifying, it's a known terror, rather than my darkest fears made manifest. I could drop dead with only a few days notice from this, and my next attack might be my last. Every time I've had a major attack, I haven't just felt like I've been dying - I have been dying - and have been fortuitous enough not to. For now. This led to the realisation that I could drop dead at any point, regardless of this. I mean, we're all ultimately aware of our own mortality, but until you're reminded of it every day, by perhaps an awkward "I have a stick wedged under my ribs and looking at things makes me feel sick" sensation, you never really appreciate it. Mortality is the ticking timer that keeps you alive. If the mortality of others can remind us of the importance of living well, then even if just in that way alone, they persist in doing good for we the living even once they're gone.
- 12y ago
AznHisoka 12y ago
So I'm somewhat confused by the responses to this post. It seemed to me that his long hours at work contributed to his developing the disease. But ppl seem to be responding as if he had a natural inclination to developing it, and that we should accept it. So there's absolutely nothing to learn here aside from "visit the doctor often"?
- japhyr 12y ago
  His long hours at work probably masked the symptoms. He didn't think "I have cancer", he thought "I'm not getting nearly enough sleep." Everyone around him thought the same thing.
- peterwwillis 12y ago
  I think there isn't really a lesson at all. It's like if a meteor falls on someone walking through town. Is there really a 'lesson' you can take from that? Sure, you could dig into the person's life and try to find some underlying meaning, or something important this person should have said or done before said meteor came shooting through the sky. But in the general scheme of things, we are tiny ants crawling over the dry parts of an ant-hill floating on a small blue puddle somewhere in the backwater bayou of the universe. Our lives amount to the goings-on of ants, and we can be squashed at any moment by unseen cosmic feet. The truth of this - that life, and mortality, and our existence, is a fleeting and inconsequential part of everything in the universe - really puts into perspective getting pissed off at immigration reform, or the barista that didn't make your coffee right, or not making enough money, or not getting to see that one movie before it left theaters. We're so unimaginably lucky to be wandering around this ant-hill, and meeting other ants, and getting to start a tiny little ant family. When it ends, it ends. You should also probably get regular checkups with your doctor, and exercise regularly, don't smoke or drink to excess, and try to get 8 hours of sleep each night. That won't stop the meteors from crashing down on you, but it might help you walk around the ant-hill a little bit longer.
- seren 12y ago
  This is rather a memento mori, a stark reminder than it could happen to any of us at any time.
- 12y ago
saboot 12y ago
I would like to take this opportunity to remind our fellow hackers to be aware of changes within your own body. Being alert to physical and/or mental changes and relaying concerns to your doctor is one the best methods for overcoming several diseases and cancers. As a personal testimony, about ten months ago user ifktaotc made a very helpful comment regarding testicular cancer and it's prevalance among young men warning that it was likely that at least some of those reading his comment will have it or already do so. https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=7120102 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=7120102 After reading I checked myself and found what was confirmed a few days later to be a cancerous mass. I am very fortunate to be alerted to the fact very early as aside from some initial surgery it hasn't affected the rest of my life. Even though the odds of survival overall are high, not knowing it earlier would have required much more intense and painful treatment (chemo, RPLND).
- k-mcgrady 12y ago
  Glad you're doing well saboot. I just had to say I find it pretty amazing that a comment online can have this sort of effect on someone's life!
- sgt101 12y ago
  I have chronic Orchitis (I find the symptoms quite funny having been an avid reader of Vis) anyway, you can imagine that this has led to a lot of testicular examination (har har har) When my testical swelled up I was quite frightened. It is essential that you go to the doctor and get checked - that's obvious, but to calm yourself down you can use a bright torch to check to see if you have any part of it which is not transparent. A soft pink glow with some blood vessels is reassuring (go to the doc anyway as lumps are not normal and need a bit of a look see). If you observe any dark patches then this is more of a concern and you need to move fast with the knowledge that there is good treatment available and you have caught it earlier than many would. I find shining a bright light through much easier than squeezing and feeling - but it's worth doing both.
sidcool 12y ago
Such instances always make me wonder if it's worth putting so much effort in chasing dreams, when there are chances of I dying anyday, just like that. Nothing else will matter.
- steffan 12y ago
  These instances are exactly why it is worth chasing your dreams. We are all going to die, the issue is only _when_. Don't you want to have spent your time doing something meaningful to you?
  - nnoitra 12y ago
    This is of course under the assumption that what you will do (in this case work) has the capability of bringing meaning to yourself.
pawelkomarnicki 12y ago
I had very similar situation at work, one day we found out one of the teammates passed away in his sleep (a young, heavy, although sporty person), but I would never make a blog post like the one I'm commenting on. Being Nicole I would be really angry about you invading my privacy, making her tragedy all about yourself and your fear of mortality... Just saying.
- k-mcgrady 12y ago
  Everyone regards their privacy in this kind of situation differently. Some want to keep everything to themselves and others want to share. Considering the OP probably knows the family he's much better placed than any of us to make that call. It also seems like it's generated a nice response so who's to say it won't comfort the family? I guess it would be best to ask permission first but I'm sure the family has more important things to think about at this time.
sirduncan 12y ago
This is absolutely heartbreaking.
michaelvkpdx 12y ago
I'm sad for Steven and for all the other software engineers who tell similar stories. I don't have math or numbers on this- does anyone?- but I can tell from personal experience that just about every time some software engineer my age becomes mortally ill, it's brain cancer. There is something unstudied about what we do that causes problems. Personally, I had my biggest scare a couple years ago while I was working on a deeply nested, recursive algorithm. Trying to keep the whole thing in my head caused me to stay awake at night. Eventually, I had a fainting spell at a sushi bar, an ambulance was called, and ultimately the doctor thought I'd had a a massive heart attack. This didn't turn out to be true, thank God, and they never found the biological cause. But I swear to this day that it was the algorithm gnawing on my brain. I don't know that I've been the same engineer since. There's a terrible risk in our business and no one is researching it. I almost feel like we software engineers are like 3 pack a day smokers before enough science and research was done to prove to the public that smoking causes cancer. Software engineering can cause brain cancer.
- bentcorner 12y ago
  I think it's more likely that sitting in an office insulates you from other risks that are more common in other professions. http://www.abta.org/about-us/news/brain-tumor-statistics/ http://www.abta.org/about-us/news/brain-tumor-statistics/ http://www.abta.org/brain-tumor-information/risk-factors/ http://www.abta.org/brain-tumor-information/risk-factors/
- deleted 12y ago
  [deleted]
- michaelvkpdx 12y ago
  Downvoted to -3 for suggesting that software engineering can cause brain cancer?
  - copperx 12y ago
    Software engineering is a new field, but mathematics isn't, and both require intense bouts of thinking. Is there any study that suggests that mathematicians have a higher cancer rate? or for that matter, anyone that thinks all day?
peter303 12y ago
I didnt directly experience a death until my 40s. When I've talked about I've run into even older people that have not directly experienced a death. We live in age-stratified communities where death happens infrequently to young adults. And we have a modern health system which has made death rare among younger people. I had to be a care-giver for a few months. I learned a lot about peole and medicine and dont regret it a bit.
vonseel 12y ago
In 2000 my mother was diagnosed with malignant brain tumors after experiencing similar symptoms (nausea, vomiting, fatigue, "vertigo" like dizziness). She had surgery within days and began radiation treatment within a few weeks... but lost the battle no more than 6 weeks after first discovering the tumors. I was 10 at the time with brothers age 14 and 18. Very sorry to hear about your friend. Brain cancer is a terrible, tragic condition that can steal your loved ones when you least expect it.
andrewhillman 12y ago
"If you’re uncomfortable donating directly to an individual, please consider making a donation to Cancer Society of New Zealand in Steven’s name." They will need way more money than this. If uncomfortable giving to an individual, you shouldn't feel this way because this is about giving money to a family in need. This money needs to cover a lot of personal expenses and a soon to be born child.
andrea_s 12y ago
I'm having issues donating through the givealittle.co.nz service... My VISA gets rejected. Does anybody know if it's possible to donate via PayPal?
- astrange 12y ago
  Ask your issuing bank to stop rejecting the transaction. They probably think someone stole your card.
- benjamincburns 12y ago
  Even if it doesn't go through - thanks so much for the sentiment. That said, Givealittle is located in New Zealand, and they're charging New Zealand Dollars. It's likely your bank is blocking the foreign transaction, or that they don't offer foreign currency conversion services. If you're keen to donate I'd send a note to Givealittle's customer service. I'm sure they'll get you sorted. Thanks once again.
taocoyote 12y ago
I worked with Steven. When he was an intern I was responsible for reviewing his code. He was not as experienced as me, but he was smarter than me. I feel lucky to have worked with him, I learned a lot from him and I like to believe he learned a lot from me. Writing code, hacking wasn't just a hobby for him, it was part of his identity. The same as it is for me. I'm not sure what to make of this. I learned of it a few days ago.
nocman 12y ago
A cousin of mine recently lost her life in a very short battle with cancer. She was only 41 years old -- both of her parents still living. In the past few years there have been a lot of deaths among my family and friends. Some of them were very old, some very young, and some in-between. I would like to encourage readers here to consider this. Your life here is temporary. Even if you are very healthy your whole life, one day you will take your last breath, and it will be over. It is easy to get wrapped up in everyday life. Pursuing your goals and dreams, or perhaps just barely getting by, living day to day. I think most people tend to push off thinking about their own mortality. And as it is, most of us have no idea how much longer we have. We could be here 50 or 60 more years, or we could die tomorrow in some sort of accident. So the question I would like to pose is this: Are you prepared for your own death? Do you have any idea what will happen to you when you die? It is going to happen. Isn't it worth considering what the possibilities are, and spending at least some time exploring the question? I believe I have shared this before here (at least to some extent). I am a Christian, and I believe the Bible is direct revelation from God. I believe there is life after death, and that the only hope for a peaceful existence after death is found by believing in Jesus Christ in this life. I would like to encourage anyone here to read for themselves about Jesus' life on Earth, and make their own decision as to whether they should believe in Him. I think the best place for you to start reading about Him is in the Bible, in the gospel of John ( https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?version=NKJV&search=John%201 https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?version=NKJV&search=Jo... ). That book will give you enough information, IMHO, to make an informed decision about Him.
- sireat 12y ago
  Why become a Christian out of multitude of religions? And if one is to become Christian then which one (Catholic, Lutheran, etc etc)? I've read some Christian apologestics (Augustine, Aquinas, Pascal, GK Chesteron, CS Lewis et al) and they spin a good yarn but obviously you can not reason your way into/out of religion. So why should one believe Jesus was the Real Thing and Brian was not ? One way I can see religion working if there is a way to reconcile most of world's religions (that is they are all working to the same end just from different directions). This is what a Lutheran pastor was proposing to me that all Abrahamic religions were working towards the same goal, but that leaves the problem of Jesus. Second way would be the second coming. This would be even more effective. Why settle for some miracles 1970 years ago, when you could do real miracle stuff every once in a while to remind people that God is indeed something they should consider. Otherwise we get some questionable miracles like the gold plates from Mormons etc. Until I can figure this out I am doomed to remain in "conscious meat" category.
Hapa 12y ago
This is terrifying story, my question is what we can do , so less people suffer from it. Here are few of my suggestions. I am curious about your opinion: 1. Obviously take care about your health. 2. Send as much money as you comfortable can to somewhere, where you think it might make the biggest difference. 3. Support indirectly companies which focuses on these problems. As consumer you can give them feedback on their apps. You can promote them amongst the friends(although make sure you aren't promoting some pseudoscience nonsense). You can choose to buy products from companies which helps the good cause. 4. Work on problem your self directly in work or in free time, by working on open source project, helping some organization. 5. Inform others about science. Many people don't trust the science, doesn't understand basic of scientific research, which can obviously hurt the research (by less funding, cancellation of research), helps ineffective pseudo-scientific treatment. 6. Give info to others about different treatments, and scientific breakthroughs. Many people have information about last treatments only through news, who can care more about great headline than boring truth. 7. Use your pc/mobiles by joining programs like Folding@home. Any other tips?

618 points by benjamincburns 12y ago

one advice that has stuck with me: In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln

BorgHunter 12y ago
There's no evidence that Lincoln actually said this, although it remains good advice. http://quoteinvestigator.com/2012/07/14/life-years-count/ http://quoteinvestigator.com/2012/07/14/life-years-count/
sltkr 12y ago
Sure, but I imagine there is some correlation.

KhalPanda 12y ago

I'm so sorry to hear that. A very sad and sobering read. I'm sure a lot of your coworkers and team are contributing, like you said, but it'd be nice to think (if they haven't already) that your actual company would make a reasonable contribution to Nicola and their future child, since it sounds like Steven gave so much to the company (albeit under compensation). I know I would for one of my key and valued employee's, if I were in a position to do so.

mratzloff 12y ago
Yeah. My company pays for a pretty good life insurance policy and long-term disability policy for each employee (beneficiary designated by employee, of course). It really doesn't cost that much and can make all the difference.

kumarski 12y ago

That's a rough read mate.

cookiecaper 12y ago

As many HN readers don't have children, they may be inclined to see Nicola's pregnancy as a tragedy of some kind. Truly it is sad that this child will live without its father, but it's also a gift to the world -- a bit of Steven, living on. It will be a continuing gift to Steven's loved ones to have a permanent, living piece of Steven, a continuance of himself after he slips into the eons. When you get that kind of gift, as sad as everything else around it may be, it almost feels like cheating. I just feel like this is a perspective that may not be immediately realized among groups of people that don't have their own children. I know before I had children, I would have only viewed it as tragic.

benjamincburns 12y ago
Thanks for saying this. I won't attempt to comment on how Nicola feels, because frankly I don't know. However everything I've heard second hand has told me that what you describe is very much the sentiment of the situation. I hope my words didn't portray the opposite.
petercooper 12y ago
As weird as this might sound, having children has given me a significant sense of relief for similar reasons to those outlined in your comment, even though I'm far from a natural parent (but I'm working at it!) Being a bit of a paranoid and morbid guy at the best of times, reproducing seemed inherently and intrinsically important to me in some hard to quantify way, and I feel so much mentally better for having descendants. I can't really explain it well though and have chalked it up to one of those messy, animalistic "instinct" things.
- Dewie 12y ago
  > As weird as this might sound, Not necessarily weird - you sound just as self-obsessed as the rest of us.
vlunkr 12y ago
This is a great thought. I thought of it as a tragedy at first because having and raising a newborn on your own would be terrifying. But as long as she has people to help her and some way to financially support herself a child will be a great thing to have in her life.

mietek 12y ago

We need to fix this, and we need to start yesterday. “Yes, we did it, we killed the dragon today. But damn, why did we start so late? http://www.nickbostrom.com/fable/dragon.html http://www.nickbostrom.com/fable/dragon.html If you are in a position to fund things, consider the SENS Research Foundation, instead of the next Yo app. http://www.sens.org http://www.sens.org

melling 12y ago
How effective is the institution? We throw a lot of money at problems. Are there more effective institutions or methods? Perhaps a series of X-Prizes for medicine would help? The tricolor prize, for example: http://tricorder.xprize.org/about/overview http://tricorder.xprize.org/about/overview

james_fairhurst 12y ago

Extremely sad news, with a kid on the way myself I can't even imagine what Nicola's going through. Thanks for sharing such a tough post.

leonardinius 12y ago

I know I'll get downwoted for this, nevertheless .. I don't know how about Steven and Nicola, however I myself would mind having certain intimate moments shared with general public (e.g. overheard phone conversations, etc ..) Having sad that, I feel for Steve's and Nicola family. It's always tough.

benjamincburns 12y ago
No need for the preface - it's a fair thing to say. I hemmed and hawed about whether to post this article at all for this exact reason. In the end I decided that if I was going to post it I should be both respectful and truthful. I probably could've worded it better. I probably could've added some disclaimer that this is true as far as I remember, but my memory is fallible. [Edit, as I hit post too soon]: Either way, I tried to be polite about it. This tragedy struck during a crunch time when a lot of us were feeling the need to rally together in order to make the big win. Any married person who chooses to work late on occasion experiences such a phone call. To be clear, I didn't hear her end of any conversations. There weren't more than two or three of them that I overheard, and I wouldn't have included anything about them if I thought they were terribly personal. The struggle between work and home life is something I experience myself. It's just another parallel I can't help but think about when trying to make sense of this situation. Not including it felt like I was leaving something important out of the story.
- deleted 12y ago
  [deleted]
- mikegerwitz 12y ago
  I think you made the right decision. This is a very touching and saddening story, and as you said, it's very hard not to put yourself in his shoes. I think about my family any time I read a story of a loss. You have made a tribute to what sounds to be a wonderful person and a great friend. You have also helped to raise money for his family, which I'm sure will help---if not just a little bit---to put him at ease knowing that they have support. And you have brought further attention to cancer. I hate having my personal affairs public, but in a case like this, I'd be happy to have my story known.

sillysaurus3 12y ago

How long until a daily brain scan and body scan is a part of everyone's routine, the same way brushing your teeth is? Problems like these are untreatable if left for too long, but if caught early, there's sometimes hope. The solution seems to be to develop as many types of passive scanners as possible. The problem is false positives. But wasting a month needlessly visiting the doctor doesn't seem that bad.

DanBC 12y ago
False positives don't mean a month of visiting a doctor - they mean several months of anxiety inducing "watchful waiting" or invasive biopsies. And false positives are not a rare event. False positives are very common. On top of that the radiation (from CT scans) increase the risk of cancer. Scans for healthy people are strongly discouraged. There's a possible benefit if you have any of the genetic markers for lung cancer or are otherwise at risk of lung cancer - heavy lifelong smoker for example.
- philjohn 12y ago
  Yep. My wife has yearly scans because of a tumour supressor gene mutation and last year they thought they spotted something on the ultrasound, so sent her for a CT. CT showed that it was pretty bad, que months of stressing and worrying about what was going to happen. Turns out it was a false positive, caused by an accessory spleen looking like a tumour. False positives do happen, and they can be pretty devastating - it took quite a while for her to get back to normal.
  - zo1 12y ago
    Would you care to share with us how you were able to determine that she had such a gene? Was it some sort of byproduct of a normal scan/test? Or was it some sort of specificly requested test you went somewhere to get tested for? Or?
    - qt7 12y ago
      I don't know about your country, but genetic screening / testing is something you need to ask for, not something that happens as a by-product of a CT scan.

Multics 12y ago

If people donate nothing towards ameliorating diseases of ageing[0], then what's to be expected? People die. People get sick. Everyone you, and I, know is probably going to suffer and perish. The poor soul in the blog post sounds like he got struck down in his prime; but rest assured, your time is coming in a matter of decades. Accept death/disease or do something about it; but don't be shocked when it happens! Statistically, it's going to happen in increasing rates as you, your family, your friends, and everyone you know gets older. Being blindsided by death is odd. A cognitive bias?: 'It won't happen to me'. But, quite frankly, it most probably will! [0] http://www.sens.org/ http://www.sens.org/

zo1 12y ago
As someone that is overly conscious about my own mortality, and fear of it. I can see it being much more preferable "in the moment" to be oblivious to such things awaiting us. And at times I really don't understand why people aren't afraid/concerned about their inevitable mortality. However, I wouldn't personally choose such obliviousness. I'd rather know, and perhaps plan for it, and do my best to mitigate it as far as I can.
- Multics 12y ago
  You should check out longecity.org, if the subject interests you, zo1. Edit: In particular, the forum! http://www.longecity.org/forum/ http://www.longecity.org/forum/
  - deleted 12y ago
    [deleted]
  - zo1 12y ago
    Thanks for the link, I'll definitely check it out!
wtbob 12y ago
> Everyone you, and I, know is probably going to suffer and perish. Not probably, definitely. It's a fact of life. The question is not, 'will I die?' but 'will I live?'

deleted 12y ago

[deleted]

kabdib 12y ago

I've had a couple friends taken out by cancer over the last 2-3 years. Each time was pretty sudden; one I found out a month after he died, the other I had maybe a day of warning. Both of these people were great engineers that I looked up to, and it's still hard to believe they are gone. Harlan Ellison has a rant, written when he was my current age, about how many of his friends were dying and that it sucked. (I wish I could find what he wrote but my books are all boxed up at the moment). He had eloquent and angry and, well, Harlan-esque words for the experience. I remember my friends when I can, and write about them from time to time so that others can share my memories of how cool and great and human they were. That's the best I can do.

alinenache 12y ago

http://waltherpragerandphilosophy1.blogspot.ro/2012/08/my-life-and-my-brain.html http://waltherpragerandphilosophy1.blogspot.ro/2012/08/my-li...

merrua 12y ago

Kia kaha out to his family and friends.

mcphage 12y ago

> Aside from the anger, there’s another feeling I just can’t shake. I’m not sure it has a name... It’s impossible for me to be a witness to this situation and not think “what if it were me?” Um, you're not the first person to contemplate your own mortality. The usual term for it is memento mori, and has been a major component of culture and art for thousands of years: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Memento_mori http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Memento_mori

Dewie 12y ago
Right now, it's more of a relieving thought really. In the sense that - no matter how much I screw up, none of it will matter when I'm dead.

hox 12y ago

If anything, this article points out one thing to me: spend your time doing what you love. If that's work, great. If you love your family or life outside of work more, do whatever you can to spend more time with them. Sacrifice by finding a stable, well-paying yet not "exciting" job that enables you to avoid 12 hour workdays that are normal. If your significant other says you are spending too much time at work, that means you should make the choice over what is more important. You always have a choice.

scottndecker 12y ago

Site is down. Anyone have a cached version?

Fuzzwah 12y ago
Seems to be back up (at least it worked for me). However, google has a cached version if you still need it: http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:8-vKw53irssJ:www.benjamincburns.com/2014/11/30/from-hacker-to-hospice-in-seven-weeks.html+&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:8-vKw53...

eli 12y ago

This post really hits home for me. My dad is in a similar situation as Steven after a sudden diagnosis with a very aggressive form of lung cancer. Despite a growing brain tumor, he was still tweaking database reports and writing SQL queries from home up until a few weeks ago. He made sure his coworkers were watering his plants even as he started chemo and went through full-brain radiation. He's not some startup guy and was never a workaholic, but I think working -- and the idea of returning to work -- was something he really needed. I regret not reaching out to his coworkers sooner, though. He's too sick to have any visitors now and for a guy with a reputation as a curmudgeon it seems he had a lot of people who cared about him.

DigitalSea 12y ago

I have absolutely no words. My heart goes out to Steve's wife, family and friends. I think many of us can relate to the long hours part of the story, the strain that it puts on relationships is real. We have all been there at one stage or another, the inevitable you are always working late and I never get to see you call/in person conversation. Not to mention the effects of sleep deprivation can be serious, there have been quite a few studies that have linked sleep deprivation to a lot of things including serious disease, reduced cognitive ability and even kill brain cells. If there is one thing we can take from this it is: you don't know how long you have got in this life. Family is always more important than work, I think we should all remind ourselves every once in a while we have a husband or wife at home, possibly kids, who love seeing us and need your time just as much as your employer does. Jobs come and go, family is for life.

wspeirs 12y ago

I am in no way trying to downplay the severity of this post, but I had a very different reaction when I read this. My reaction was, "Why did the head of the division tell the group about his condition in detail?" Maybe it is because I live in America, and maybe it is because I know someone who had cancer and was reprimanded by HR for discussing his cancer -- and survival from it -- on an internal work forum. My preference would be to work in a place where people can talk openly about their conditions, if they so choose. It seems like in the litigious country where I live, this isn't possible. Has anyone had similar experiences?

navait 12y ago
In general it's ok to do so. I think you're confusing one ancedote for reality.
- wspeirs 12y ago
  Certainly an anecdote, but also the reality at this company. I'm guessing they'd be burned in the past (see comments above) and this is why they acted the way they did.
JonnieCache 12y ago
Why would it not be OK? What could the company possibly be liable for?
- brianwawok 12y ago
  Person A says "I have a brain tumor!" Boss of Person A fires person A for poor performance. Person A sues company of Boss of person A for firing due to a medical condition. From my limited legal knowledge, it seems like this is the argument for why they try to avoid outside of work knowledge being viewed by those in a hiring/firing/promotion position over you. It is kind of a joke, because if you are out for 8 weeks for chemo, clearly something is up... but somehow just knowing something is up is different from knowing you have cancer?
Loughla 12y ago

hamburg 12y ago

fwiw, I think it's good to contemplate death and sad stories like this one remind us of it. If we all took 5 minutes each day to think about our own death, and that it can happen to us at virtually any moment, the world would be different. Better, I assume.

adogslife 12y ago

natural /// news dot /// com may be useful for health crisis. like the various kernels, no guarantees. 1.) like the Wall Street hedge fund operators who get brain cancer from overuse of the cell phones, etc modern day life is stressful on YOUR HEALTH and even YOUR LIFE. 2.) that's why I recommend a special health database and PEER assitance non-profit. PLEASE START A GITHUB NOW! 3.) There are many professors who will be mourned, as Prof. Harper of the FREE BOOK ON ML is stil surviving cancer, as far as I know. 4.) However, apologies to Plato. the LIKELY MOST IMPORTANT THING IN LIFE IS your family, some 'so-called fickle friends' and THE HACKERS THAT RUN THE NET and this forum. 5.) So, I do not cry over the death of plato, socrates? who cares? I do cry over the FAMILY that builds and hacks the internet. Brother, or Sister. 6.) Some of my fellows have bad habits. lack of exercise, taichi, even raw, fermented food and avoidance of 7.)avoid too many death marches as per Yourdon book. but I personally like them. Summary: so START the Health GITHUB for HACKERS ONLY. Yes, your source code and build engineering plans will be ranked. PS. without the code and self-education, I would be still living in the Matrix of the BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH. Taking 'the red pill' and just doing LEGAL things means a.) my life is about serving 'the net and others' b.) it's a fun hobby but stressful at times. c.) i continually amaze myself in doing things that have never been done before --- BECAUSE HACKING or just thinking out loud BUILDS CONFIDENCE and UNITY and oh yes. check out patients like me and other databases. PPS. As I grow older and closeer to another 'life' - no I am not now a Buddhist, who comes back as a hacker dog and BARKS WHEN HE SMELLS BAD CODE THAT RUNS THE NUCLEAR POWER PLANTS ... START THE GITHUB now dedicated to 'hacker health.' PPS. one of my later spin-offs may be the standing desk. did you know that estimated 8 hours CHAIR TIME >> 1 hour DEATH closer? PPS. for those who demand practical proof: here is the test. The 'long lived' other than the Chi Gung Farmers of the East are Mr. Jack La Lanne - exercise HACKER who also loved meeting people and telling jokes. - laughter. so, hacker survey 1.) most are overworked 2.) lot of chair time == DEATH 3.) tendency to be anti-social and avoid big meetings 4.) etc... milage will vary IMHO. your opinions please. Prof. Harper is illustration only. He knows not of me nor I of him. BUT I AM STILL STUDYING HIS FREE BOOK and I IHOPE I CAN actually learn ML BEFORE I die

vegancap 12y ago

Such a moving post. Really sad. I had to hold back the tears in the middle of the office reading it! Always seems to happen to the best people.

edw519 12y ago

I am so sorry to hear this and also so glad you posted it here, Ben. Thank you. We all get so busy in our daily details, it's nice to be reminded what's really important. Just some quick, well intentioned feedback from someone who has lost almost every important loved one... Please don't be angry. That may seem like a natural response, but it is wasted output, serving as input into no productive process. Life is not a problem to be solved; it is a gift to be savored, one day at a time. Have fun doing what you love to do, but don't forget to knock off when it still makes sense today. Then go hug your love one(s). Today will be gone tomorrow and there is no algorithm to bring it back.

Filligree 12y ago
I here declare, that I disagree. http://www.nickbostrom.com/fable/dragon.html http://www.nickbostrom.com/fable/dragon.html
- maerF0x0 12y ago
  tldr?
  - doktrin 12y ago
    I only skimmed the piece, but it has a self-contained TL;DR at the bottom ("morals"). If I were to make my own abridged TL;DR, it would be "aging is a human tragedy that we can and should fix"
    - bentcorner 12y ago
      I worry that a victory over aging would be opening a pandora's box on humanity's progress on social change. It is my personal opinion that a person's opinions of social norms, cultures, and traditions are largely fixed throughout one's lifetimes, and it is death (and birth!) that allows a society to shift its morals.
      - randallsquared 12y ago

deleted 12y ago

[deleted]

madaxe_again 12y ago

I don't have a brain tumour, but I have had, and am still having, an experience which has made me think seriously about my mortality. I'm 31. About three years ago I started having three/four day long bouts of total delirium, roasting fever, extreme nausea, can't even keep sips of water down when it happens - by day three or four, I'm usually too weak to move, totally dehydrated. Two years on, my GP is still going "clearly your hygiene is terrible and you're giving yourself food poisoning", and it had got to the point where I'd be lying there, lapsing in and out of consciousness, feeling my heart stop. And start. Then stop. Then I'd turn blue. Then it'd start again. Then I'd turn back to a nice healthy jaundiced yellow. Took myself to the far side of the planet, got diagnosed with gallstones. Not just good old fashioned gallstones, but gallstones that make an imaging tech go pale and run out of the room to bring in several other people to hemm and haww before looking at me and going "Sir, you're extremely ill.". Turns out my gall bladder ruptured years ago, due to a large collection of stones, and occasionally oozes bile and bowel contents into my innards. It has eroded my vagus nerve (hence the cardiac symptoms), damaged my liver, and I'm having surgery at some point hopefully soon to have the damned thing (gall bladder) outright removed. I can't drink any more, and my other half gives me no end of shit for smoking weed in my spare time, as it's the one thing that makes the f'ing thing stop hurting - or at least makes me not care that it hurts. I've tried various legal pharmaceuticals, but they all either make me more nauseous, or make me incredibly tired - or I can't take them because they're liver metabolised. I digress. Anyway. The long and the short is that knowing what's wrong with me has helped, as when I didn't know it was utterly terrifying, and while it's now still terrifying, it's a known terror, rather than my darkest fears made manifest. I could drop dead with only a few days notice from this, and my next attack might be my last. Every time I've had a major attack, I haven't just felt like I've been dying - I have been dying - and have been fortuitous enough not to. For now. This led to the realisation that I could drop dead at any point, regardless of this. I mean, we're all ultimately aware of our own mortality, but until you're reminded of it every day, by perhaps an awkward "I have a stick wedged under my ribs and looking at things makes me feel sick" sensation, you never really appreciate it. Mortality is the ticking timer that keeps you alive. If the mortality of others can remind us of the importance of living well, then even if just in that way alone, they persist in doing good for we the living even once they're gone.

12y ago

AznHisoka 12y ago

So I'm somewhat confused by the responses to this post. It seemed to me that his long hours at work contributed to his developing the disease. But ppl seem to be responding as if he had a natural inclination to developing it, and that we should accept it. So there's absolutely nothing to learn here aside from "visit the doctor often"?

japhyr 12y ago
His long hours at work probably masked the symptoms. He didn't think "I have cancer", he thought "I'm not getting nearly enough sleep." Everyone around him thought the same thing.
peterwwillis 12y ago
I think there isn't really a lesson at all. It's like if a meteor falls on someone walking through town. Is there really a 'lesson' you can take from that? Sure, you could dig into the person's life and try to find some underlying meaning, or something important this person should have said or done before said meteor came shooting through the sky. But in the general scheme of things, we are tiny ants crawling over the dry parts of an ant-hill floating on a small blue puddle somewhere in the backwater bayou of the universe. Our lives amount to the goings-on of ants, and we can be squashed at any moment by unseen cosmic feet. The truth of this - that life, and mortality, and our existence, is a fleeting and inconsequential part of everything in the universe - really puts into perspective getting pissed off at immigration reform, or the barista that didn't make your coffee right, or not making enough money, or not getting to see that one movie before it left theaters. We're so unimaginably lucky to be wandering around this ant-hill, and meeting other ants, and getting to start a tiny little ant family. When it ends, it ends. You should also probably get regular checkups with your doctor, and exercise regularly, don't smoke or drink to excess, and try to get 8 hours of sleep each night. That won't stop the meteors from crashing down on you, but it might help you walk around the ant-hill a little bit longer.
seren 12y ago
This is rather a memento mori, a stark reminder than it could happen to any of us at any time.
12y ago

saboot 12y ago

I would like to take this opportunity to remind our fellow hackers to be aware of changes within your own body. Being alert to physical and/or mental changes and relaying concerns to your doctor is one the best methods for overcoming several diseases and cancers. As a personal testimony, about ten months ago user ifktaotc made a very helpful comment regarding testicular cancer and it's prevalance among young men warning that it was likely that at least some of those reading his comment will have it or already do so. https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=7120102 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=7120102 After reading I checked myself and found what was confirmed a few days later to be a cancerous mass. I am very fortunate to be alerted to the fact very early as aside from some initial surgery it hasn't affected the rest of my life. Even though the odds of survival overall are high, not knowing it earlier would have required much more intense and painful treatment (chemo, RPLND).

k-mcgrady 12y ago
Glad you're doing well saboot. I just had to say I find it pretty amazing that a comment online can have this sort of effect on someone's life!
sgt101 12y ago
I have chronic Orchitis (I find the symptoms quite funny having been an avid reader of Vis) anyway, you can imagine that this has led to a lot of testicular examination (har har har) When my testical swelled up I was quite frightened. It is essential that you go to the doctor and get checked - that's obvious, but to calm yourself down you can use a bright torch to check to see if you have any part of it which is not transparent. A soft pink glow with some blood vessels is reassuring (go to the doc anyway as lumps are not normal and need a bit of a look see). If you observe any dark patches then this is more of a concern and you need to move fast with the knowledge that there is good treatment available and you have caught it earlier than many would. I find shining a bright light through much easier than squeezing and feeling - but it's worth doing both.

sidcool 12y ago

Such instances always make me wonder if it's worth putting so much effort in chasing dreams, when there are chances of I dying anyday, just like that. Nothing else will matter.

steffan 12y ago
These instances are exactly why it is worth chasing your dreams. We are all going to die, the issue is only _when_. Don't you want to have spent your time doing something meaningful to you?
- nnoitra 12y ago
  This is of course under the assumption that what you will do (in this case work) has the capability of bringing meaning to yourself.

pawelkomarnicki 12y ago

I had very similar situation at work, one day we found out one of the teammates passed away in his sleep (a young, heavy, although sporty person), but I would never make a blog post like the one I'm commenting on. Being Nicole I would be really angry about you invading my privacy, making her tragedy all about yourself and your fear of mortality... Just saying.

k-mcgrady 12y ago
Everyone regards their privacy in this kind of situation differently. Some want to keep everything to themselves and others want to share. Considering the OP probably knows the family he's much better placed than any of us to make that call. It also seems like it's generated a nice response so who's to say it won't comfort the family? I guess it would be best to ask permission first but I'm sure the family has more important things to think about at this time.

sirduncan 12y ago

This is absolutely heartbreaking.

michaelvkpdx 12y ago

I'm sad for Steven and for all the other software engineers who tell similar stories. I don't have math or numbers on this- does anyone?- but I can tell from personal experience that just about every time some software engineer my age becomes mortally ill, it's brain cancer. There is something unstudied about what we do that causes problems. Personally, I had my biggest scare a couple years ago while I was working on a deeply nested, recursive algorithm. Trying to keep the whole thing in my head caused me to stay awake at night. Eventually, I had a fainting spell at a sushi bar, an ambulance was called, and ultimately the doctor thought I'd had a a massive heart attack. This didn't turn out to be true, thank God, and they never found the biological cause. But I swear to this day that it was the algorithm gnawing on my brain. I don't know that I've been the same engineer since. There's a terrible risk in our business and no one is researching it. I almost feel like we software engineers are like 3 pack a day smokers before enough science and research was done to prove to the public that smoking causes cancer. Software engineering can cause brain cancer.

bentcorner 12y ago
I think it's more likely that sitting in an office insulates you from other risks that are more common in other professions. http://www.abta.org/about-us/news/brain-tumor-statistics/ http://www.abta.org/about-us/news/brain-tumor-statistics/ http://www.abta.org/brain-tumor-information/risk-factors/ http://www.abta.org/brain-tumor-information/risk-factors/
deleted 12y ago
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michaelvkpdx 12y ago
Downvoted to -3 for suggesting that software engineering can cause brain cancer?
- copperx 12y ago
  Software engineering is a new field, but mathematics isn't, and both require intense bouts of thinking. Is there any study that suggests that mathematicians have a higher cancer rate? or for that matter, anyone that thinks all day?

peter303 12y ago

I didnt directly experience a death until my 40s. When I've talked about I've run into even older people that have not directly experienced a death. We live in age-stratified communities where death happens infrequently to young adults. And we have a modern health system which has made death rare among younger people. I had to be a care-giver for a few months. I learned a lot about peole and medicine and dont regret it a bit.

vonseel 12y ago

In 2000 my mother was diagnosed with malignant brain tumors after experiencing similar symptoms (nausea, vomiting, fatigue, "vertigo" like dizziness). She had surgery within days and began radiation treatment within a few weeks... but lost the battle no more than 6 weeks after first discovering the tumors. I was 10 at the time with brothers age 14 and 18. Very sorry to hear about your friend. Brain cancer is a terrible, tragic condition that can steal your loved ones when you least expect it.

andrewhillman 12y ago

"If you’re uncomfortable donating directly to an individual, please consider making a donation to Cancer Society of New Zealand in Steven’s name." They will need way more money than this. If uncomfortable giving to an individual, you shouldn't feel this way because this is about giving money to a family in need. This money needs to cover a lot of personal expenses and a soon to be born child.

andrea_s 12y ago

I'm having issues donating through the givealittle.co.nz service... My VISA gets rejected. Does anybody know if it's possible to donate via PayPal?

astrange 12y ago
Ask your issuing bank to stop rejecting the transaction. They probably think someone stole your card.
benjamincburns 12y ago
Even if it doesn't go through - thanks so much for the sentiment. That said, Givealittle is located in New Zealand, and they're charging New Zealand Dollars. It's likely your bank is blocking the foreign transaction, or that they don't offer foreign currency conversion services. If you're keen to donate I'd send a note to Givealittle's customer service. I'm sure they'll get you sorted. Thanks once again.

taocoyote 12y ago

I worked with Steven. When he was an intern I was responsible for reviewing his code. He was not as experienced as me, but he was smarter than me. I feel lucky to have worked with him, I learned a lot from him and I like to believe he learned a lot from me. Writing code, hacking wasn't just a hobby for him, it was part of his identity. The same as it is for me. I'm not sure what to make of this. I learned of it a few days ago.

nocman 12y ago

A cousin of mine recently lost her life in a very short battle with cancer. She was only 41 years old -- both of her parents still living. In the past few years there have been a lot of deaths among my family and friends. Some of them were very old, some very young, and some in-between. I would like to encourage readers here to consider this. Your life here is temporary. Even if you are very healthy your whole life, one day you will take your last breath, and it will be over. It is easy to get wrapped up in everyday life. Pursuing your goals and dreams, or perhaps just barely getting by, living day to day. I think most people tend to push off thinking about their own mortality. And as it is, most of us have no idea how much longer we have. We could be here 50 or 60 more years, or we could die tomorrow in some sort of accident. So the question I would like to pose is this: Are you prepared for your own death? Do you have any idea what will happen to you when you die? It is going to happen. Isn't it worth considering what the possibilities are, and spending at least some time exploring the question? I believe I have shared this before here (at least to some extent). I am a Christian, and I believe the Bible is direct revelation from God. I believe there is life after death, and that the only hope for a peaceful existence after death is found by believing in Jesus Christ in this life. I would like to encourage anyone here to read for themselves about Jesus' life on Earth, and make their own decision as to whether they should believe in Him. I think the best place for you to start reading about Him is in the Bible, in the gospel of John ( https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?version=NKJV&search=John%201 https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?version=NKJV&search=Jo... ). That book will give you enough information, IMHO, to make an informed decision about Him.

sireat 12y ago
Why become a Christian out of multitude of religions? And if one is to become Christian then which one (Catholic, Lutheran, etc etc)? I've read some Christian apologestics (Augustine, Aquinas, Pascal, GK Chesteron, CS Lewis et al) and they spin a good yarn but obviously you can not reason your way into/out of religion. So why should one believe Jesus was the Real Thing and Brian was not ? One way I can see religion working if there is a way to reconcile most of world's religions (that is they are all working to the same end just from different directions). This is what a Lutheran pastor was proposing to me that all Abrahamic religions were working towards the same goal, but that leaves the problem of Jesus. Second way would be the second coming. This would be even more effective. Why settle for some miracles 1970 years ago, when you could do real miracle stuff every once in a while to remind people that God is indeed something they should consider. Otherwise we get some questionable miracles like the gold plates from Mormons etc. Until I can figure this out I am doomed to remain in "conscious meat" category.

Hapa 12y ago

This is terrifying story, my question is what we can do , so less people suffer from it. Here are few of my suggestions. I am curious about your opinion: 1. Obviously take care about your health. 2. Send as much money as you comfortable can to somewhere, where you think it might make the biggest difference. 3. Support indirectly companies which focuses on these problems. As consumer you can give them feedback on their apps. You can promote them amongst the friends(although make sure you aren't promoting some pseudoscience nonsense). You can choose to buy products from companies which helps the good cause. 4. Work on problem your self directly in work or in free time, by working on open source project, helping some organization. 5. Inform others about science. Many people don't trust the science, doesn't understand basic of scientific research, which can obviously hurt the research (by less funding, cancellation of research), helps ineffective pseudo-scientific treatment. 6. Give info to others about different treatments, and scientific breakthroughs. Many people have information about last treatments only through news, who can care more about great headline than boring truth. 7. Use your pc/mobiles by joining programs like Folding@home. Any other tips?