7 ms·
I married the first girl I dated because I waited to date someone I was truly attracted to, that I felt was my mental equal and who could hold a real discussion
by smoyer 12y ago
I married the first girl I dated because I waited to date someone I was truly attracted to, that I felt was my mental equal and who could hold a real discussion (plus she's beautiful). We've now been married 27 years ... I hope it's not a fluke!
- ashcairo 12y ago<3
- shawnz 12y agoOT, but as a younger guy I'm curious: how old were you when you met?
- smoyer 12y agoWhen we first met, I was 17 and she was 14 but we were friends for a several years before we even started dating.
- ropman76 12y agoMy wife and I met when I was 15 and she was 16. After dating other people and a few years later we ended up getting married at 21 and 22. After 13 years, two kids, and watching many hours of "Star Trek" and "Pride and Prejudice" together we are still happily married with hopefully many more years to come.
- lotharbot 12y agoMy wife and I met when I was 18 and she was 16, online (playing the same video game). We married at 20 and 21.98, and are going on 12 years now. Here's what my wife wrote a previous time this algorithm was discussed: "To pre-optimize a future wife, focus on being a man of character. Sacrifice for noble goals, exercise self-discipline, show love to family, especially your mother. To optimize an existing wife, continue to do those things, and also spend a lot of time together, be romantic, communicate honestly and frequently (pursue intimacy; resolve to hold no secrets), and ensure a good sex life for her--which for you means generosity and an eye toward emotion." followup: "Over ten, fifteen, twenty years of marriage, the single largest factor in who your wife is, is who you are. And vice versa. Her criticisms become your defensive sore spots. Your generocity becomes her avid interest. Your callousness becomes her indifference. Her complacency becomes your disinterest. And on and on. After many years, every groove in your soul matches a cusp in hers, and vice versa. There's feedback. There's resonance. That's why the quality of your wife is 120% you. You grow to be like who you hang out with. You rise to high expectations or sink to low ones .... To optimize your wife, optimize yourself. Because marriage is really long, and after just a few years, she's mostly who you've made her." ( Full discussion at https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1236686 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1236686 )
- cm2012 12y agoMy story is almost exactly like yours. Met at 15, married at 22. We are only married for 1 years now though, though we've been living together for 6 :)
- mcv 12y agoWe met when I was 32 and she was 31. Second person I ever seriously dated. I'm 40 now, and everything is looking well. Don't be in too much of a hurry.
- deleted 12y ago[deleted]
- Zelphyr 12y agoThis somewhat reminds me of when Microsoft announced the Zune. One of the selling points was (in true nerd form) you could send a song to a cute girl nearby. To which Steve Jobs replied, "Or you could just go up and talk to her." A bunch of mathematicians came up with a formula for finding a wife. @smoyer effectively just went up and talked to her. Kudos to you sir... and your wife! :)
- steveklabnik 12y agoDidn't they call it something terribly awkward too, like 'spurting?' Oh, no, it was 'squirting': http://www.newsweek.com/zune-should-go-beyond-squirting-107255 http://www.newsweek.com/zune-should-go-beyond-squirting-1072...
- steven2012 12y agoI give it 28 years, tops. jk, congrats on a successful marriage!
- judk 12y agoThat's how long my parents lasted.
- hangonhn 12y agoI've noticed a trend with computer people who married the first person they dated and the marriage being very successful (in terms of longevity at least). I haven't quite figured out why that is but I would say the vast majority of my software engineering friends are like this. I've been told by women who are in my other circle of friends that they wouldn't want that because then they feel like they aren't the first choice but whatever the guy can get. But then I think about the marriages that have resulted and how happy those people are. Sometimes I wonder if people over think these things. Forget the Kepler strategy. Forget getting the "best", if there is such a thing. If you click with the other person and both people care for and are kind to each other, then go for it and enjoy love and life.
- jackbravo 12y agoThis is very well discussed in Erich Fromm's book "The art of loving". He proposed that in today's society we put too much value on the object of love, and too little in learning how to love. Thus we look intensely for the best possible partner and we may have second thoughts even once we reach a decision, instead of learning how to love and enjoy life.
- marincounty 12y agoEric Fromm also said true love is letting that person you love sleep with other people if it makes them happy. I have been with one person who I felt I loved according to Fromm, but I was not attracted to her--so I guess I never loved? By the way, I think Fromm is right, but I'm just to selfish, and he said that before AIDS. I wonder if he would be so cavileer today?
- mtdewcmu 12y agoIntellectuals have been known to give terrible relationship advice. They have their theory and they apply it. You can't hold them responsible when it blows up for you. I don't have advice on what to do, but mix a good dose of common sense and your experience of human nature in with Eric Fromm. Edit: It sounds to me like you are rationalizing and intellectualizing.