5 ms·

As someone who is considering moving to San Francisco, this is terrifying. Please, can a local soothe me with a rebuttal?

by branden 17y ago

zaidf 17y ago
1. If you're into Asian women(and may be they are into you), you'll feel like you've won the lottery by moving to SF. 2. If you're not, well, you'll learn to:)
- joez 17y ago
  I'd like to offer a corollary, if you are an Asian man... lots of Asian girls are only looking for white men... thusly lowering your pool. But San Francisco's women are beautiful and amazing. There are few other cities that compare. You may just need a bit more luck than elsewhere.
  - californiaguy 17y ago
    > lots of Asian girls are only looking for white men This usually wears off around age 25 after these girls realize that the world is slightly more complicated than TV portrays it to be. Note that I'm talking about the ones who date only white guys, not the ones who are normal and will date any attractive guy of any race.
    - FooBarWidget 17y ago
      How's TV related to Asian women's preference for white males? (I'm Dutch so I don't know what kind of stuff you broadcast)
- strlen 17y ago
  You know, what somewhat amused me is that lot of the people who complain about lack of women in Bay Area, generally completely ignore non-American women (Russian, Persian, Asian). I've heard lot of there are no women in {this company, this CS department}" when there clearly are. Otoh, it's also interesting why the gender gap is non-existant or is <b>the other direction</b> in former USSR and China/Taiwan/Korea (you could argue it's Communist legacy for USSR and China, but what about South Korea and Taiwan?). (Disclaimer: I'm an immigrant from the USSR and the person who has been introduced into was my mother. I remember visiting her work place and many of her coworkers were women too-- and this wasn't considered unusual in any form).
- cglee 17y ago
  Are they Asian American or straight Asian? There's a huge difference.
  - zaidf 17y ago
    True. I'm sure it's majority Asian-American but I found the cutest ones to be straight Asian. Of course, they were also the hardest to make things work out given the severe language issues. Interestingly almost all straight Asians in SF are there to learn English.
    - wyclif 17y ago
      I found the cutest ones to be straight Asian. Of course, they were also the hardest to make things work out given the severe language issues Depends on where she's from. In countries like the Philippines, English education is much more ubiquitous than, say, Japan or China.
      - catz 17y ago
        I think it is unfair to group Chinese English with Japanese English ability. The English ability of mainland Chinese people is terrible (even though they are enthusiastic). Talking to them, even those who are well educated (grad students/professors) is like a game of charades. The problem with China is that most young people (20-30) started learning English at age 13 at school and their parents learnt Russian as a second language.
      - catzaa 17y ago
        I think it is unfair to group Chinese English with Japanese English ability. The English ability of mainland Chinese people is terrible (even though they are enthusiastic). Talking to them, even those who are well educated (grad students/professors) is like a game of charades. The problem with China is that most young people (20-30) started learning English at age 13 at school and their parents learnt Russian as a second language.
johnrob 17y ago
If you're looking for a wife, it's no more difficult here than anywhere else. If you're looking for a dating scene, you will be disappointed if you're coming from the Midwest or South.
timr 17y ago
I think it's pretty silly, but it might just be my demographic -- the guys I know who are under thirty seem to complain a lot more. The Mission, in particular, seems to be a nightmare of young guys on the prowl on weekend evenings. Here's the thing, though: the guys I know who are single and under 30 also tend to be pretty isolated and nerdy. The ones who have other interests do fine for themselves. So, a protip for young nerdy guys everywhere: if you want to meet a girl, you've got to pull your nose out of the computer screen once in a while.
antonovka 17y ago
This isn't something I've experienced in my 7 years of living in San Francisco. It sounds like a sour grapes, or as a commentator on the blog stated, "external attribution error". http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attribution_theory http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attribution_theory
- deleted 17y ago
  [deleted]
nostrademons 17y ago
I think it's more that most men here aren't into the same sorts of things women are into, so they self-segregate by sex. If you're going to work 70-80 hours on a startup, basically no sane woman is going to join you (I know a couple women that'll do startups, but most seem to want some semblance of a life too.) If you're going to read TechCrunch and Reddit and Digg all day, same thing. If you go to a yoga/pilates/yogalates class, or a Harry Potter fan convention, it will be practically all women. And even big tech companies have pretty even gender ratios, at least out of my sample size of one. My cube is 3 women and 4 men; so was my last project. Back when I had roommates, it was 2 girls and me. I think people find the Bay Area so dating-hostile because the people who move here are often hostile to dating. A lot of guys come to Silicon Valley to seek their fame and fortune with this wild-eyed technology vision, where they'll put their nose to the grindstone and concentrate on their code for 5 years. That's not a very good way to meet women; most of them don't exactly care for that lifestyle. Then again, I've been here for 6 months and am still single. Then again again, I haven't exactly been looking very hard. I'm one of the dating hostile (well, apathetic) folks. ;-)
- ardit33 17y ago
  "And even big tech companies have pretty even gender ratios" Thats very false. Here is a sample of companies and their ratio: Google: Median Age 29 years Gender Male 65% Female 35% Yahoo: Median Age 32 years Gender Male 66% Female 34% Facebook: Median Age 27 years Gender Male 68% Female 32% Sun: Median Age 37 years Gender Male 74% Female 26% eBay: Median Age 32 years Gender Male 62% Female 38% Non Tech: UC Berkeley (employees): Median Age 29 years Gender Male 51% Female 49% City of San Francisco: Median Age 32 years Gender Male 62% Female 38%
  - branden 17y ago
    Source?
    - ardit33 17y ago
      You can search for companies profile in linked in. (I actually I friends that work there, and they complain the same, no women). Linkedin. Median Age 33 years Gender Male 70% Female 30% Ps. While that counts only people that have a linkedIn profile, I would remind you Facebook has more women that guys, so I would assume that women are very familiar with social networks, and not afraid of them.
utx00 17y ago
how could there be no women in SF? get ready for fun.
- utx00 17y ago
  dang! downvoted by a virgin.
marketer 17y ago
I've lived in SF for about 10 months, and it isn't as hopeless as the article states. I've met quite a few girls and went on plenty of dates, but you may have to be a little more aggressive than other places. For instance, it's common for bars to have a higher ratio of guys; I know a lot of 'nice' guys who will give up in this situation. You might have to step out of your comfort zone to interact with girls, but it's doable. SF is a massive, dynamic city and it can't be modeled in such a simple way.
stevenj 17y ago
I'm not a local, but Forbes ranks SF #7 for best cities for singles: http://www.forbes.com/2009/07/27/best-cities-singles-lifestyle-singles-methodology.html http://www.forbes.com/2009/07/27/best-cities-singles-lifesty...
- ardit33 17y ago
  Yeah. Singles rate number 4, but if all those singles are guys that can't find girls, it surely doesn't look good, unless you are a girl. The other thing it rated high is on coolness, which I guess it is, give the amount of hipsters/piercings/tattoed/non normal people you see here.
gcheong 17y ago
I know several hackers who've been lucky in love in San Francisco or thereabouts. Does this help?
- ardit33 17y ago
  Well, I know more hackers, that are not lucky at all, then that they are lucky.
wheels 17y ago
I heard a lot of this before spending some time in SF. If you don't have problems meeting women elsewhere you won't in SF either. If you do, at least here you'll be able to join the throng of socially awkward folks that blame it on the city.
bkovitz 17y ago
Rebuttal: I am a social retard, typical geek, and it was only in San Francisco that I found some success meeting women. There are lots and lots of really interesting, amazing, beautiful women in San Francisco. I dated a bunch of them. A year ago, I returned to the Midwest, and haven't gotten a date since.
- huherto 17y ago
  may be nerdy guys are better accepted in SF
- teeja 17y ago
  "lots of really interesting, amazing, beautiful women in San Francisco" That was true when I was there. And they tended to like independent rockers with somewhat long hair, day-old beard, who were smart and literate but never let that get in the way of being physically active most of the time. How many geeks does that describe? (That described many of the people who got Silicon Valley started .... then)

As someone who is considering moving to San Francisco, this is terrifying. Please, can a local soothe me with a rebuttal?

by branden 17y ago

As someone who is considering moving to San Francisco, this is terrifying. Please, can a local soothe me with a rebuttal?

zaidf 17y ago

1. If you're into Asian women(and may be they are into you), you'll feel like you've won the lottery by moving to SF. 2. If you're not, well, you'll learn to:)

joez 17y ago
I'd like to offer a corollary, if you are an Asian man... lots of Asian girls are only looking for white men... thusly lowering your pool. But San Francisco's women are beautiful and amazing. There are few other cities that compare. You may just need a bit more luck than elsewhere.
- californiaguy 17y ago
  > lots of Asian girls are only looking for white men This usually wears off around age 25 after these girls realize that the world is slightly more complicated than TV portrays it to be. Note that I'm talking about the ones who date only white guys, not the ones who are normal and will date any attractive guy of any race.
  - FooBarWidget 17y ago
    How's TV related to Asian women's preference for white males? (I'm Dutch so I don't know what kind of stuff you broadcast)
strlen 17y ago
You know, what somewhat amused me is that lot of the people who complain about lack of women in Bay Area, generally completely ignore non-American women (Russian, Persian, Asian). I've heard lot of there are no women in {this company, this CS department}" when there clearly are. Otoh, it's also interesting why the gender gap is non-existant or is <b>the other direction</b> in former USSR and China/Taiwan/Korea (you could argue it's Communist legacy for USSR and China, but what about South Korea and Taiwan?). (Disclaimer: I'm an immigrant from the USSR and the person who has been introduced into was my mother. I remember visiting her work place and many of her coworkers were women too-- and this wasn't considered unusual in any form).
cglee 17y ago
Are they Asian American or straight Asian? There's a huge difference.
- zaidf 17y ago
  True. I'm sure it's majority Asian-American but I found the cutest ones to be straight Asian. Of course, they were also the hardest to make things work out given the severe language issues. Interestingly almost all straight Asians in SF are there to learn English.
  - wyclif 17y ago
    I found the cutest ones to be straight Asian. Of course, they were also the hardest to make things work out given the severe language issues Depends on where she's from. In countries like the Philippines, English education is much more ubiquitous than, say, Japan or China.
    - catz 17y ago
      I think it is unfair to group Chinese English with Japanese English ability. The English ability of mainland Chinese people is terrible (even though they are enthusiastic). Talking to them, even those who are well educated (grad students/professors) is like a game of charades. The problem with China is that most young people (20-30) started learning English at age 13 at school and their parents learnt Russian as a second language.
    - catzaa 17y ago
      I think it is unfair to group Chinese English with Japanese English ability. The English ability of mainland Chinese people is terrible (even though they are enthusiastic). Talking to them, even those who are well educated (grad students/professors) is like a game of charades. The problem with China is that most young people (20-30) started learning English at age 13 at school and their parents learnt Russian as a second language.

johnrob 17y ago

If you're looking for a wife, it's no more difficult here than anywhere else. If you're looking for a dating scene, you will be disappointed if you're coming from the Midwest or South.

timr 17y ago

I think it's pretty silly, but it might just be my demographic -- the guys I know who are under thirty seem to complain a lot more. The Mission, in particular, seems to be a nightmare of young guys on the prowl on weekend evenings. Here's the thing, though: the guys I know who are single and under 30 also tend to be pretty isolated and nerdy. The ones who have other interests do fine for themselves. So, a protip for young nerdy guys everywhere: if you want to meet a girl, you've got to pull your nose out of the computer screen once in a while.

antonovka 17y ago

This isn't something I've experienced in my 7 years of living in San Francisco. It sounds like a sour grapes, or as a commentator on the blog stated, "external attribution error". http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attribution_theory http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attribution_theory

deleted 17y ago
[deleted]

nostrademons 17y ago

I think it's more that most men here aren't into the same sorts of things women are into, so they self-segregate by sex. If you're going to work 70-80 hours on a startup, basically no sane woman is going to join you (I know a couple women that'll do startups, but most seem to want some semblance of a life too.) If you're going to read TechCrunch and Reddit and Digg all day, same thing. If you go to a yoga/pilates/yogalates class, or a Harry Potter fan convention, it will be practically all women. And even big tech companies have pretty even gender ratios, at least out of my sample size of one. My cube is 3 women and 4 men; so was my last project. Back when I had roommates, it was 2 girls and me. I think people find the Bay Area so dating-hostile because the people who move here are often hostile to dating. A lot of guys come to Silicon Valley to seek their fame and fortune with this wild-eyed technology vision, where they'll put their nose to the grindstone and concentrate on their code for 5 years. That's not a very good way to meet women; most of them don't exactly care for that lifestyle. Then again, I've been here for 6 months and am still single. Then again again, I haven't exactly been looking very hard. I'm one of the dating hostile (well, apathetic) folks. ;-)

ardit33 17y ago
"And even big tech companies have pretty even gender ratios" Thats very false. Here is a sample of companies and their ratio: Google: Median Age 29 years Gender Male 65% Female 35% Yahoo: Median Age 32 years Gender Male 66% Female 34% Facebook: Median Age 27 years Gender Male 68% Female 32% Sun: Median Age 37 years Gender Male 74% Female 26% eBay: Median Age 32 years Gender Male 62% Female 38% Non Tech: UC Berkeley (employees): Median Age 29 years Gender Male 51% Female 49% City of San Francisco: Median Age 32 years Gender Male 62% Female 38%
- branden 17y ago
  Source?
  - ardit33 17y ago
    You can search for companies profile in linked in. (I actually I friends that work there, and they complain the same, no women). Linkedin. Median Age 33 years Gender Male 70% Female 30% Ps. While that counts only people that have a linkedIn profile, I would remind you Facebook has more women that guys, so I would assume that women are very familiar with social networks, and not afraid of them.

utx00 17y ago

how could there be no women in SF? get ready for fun.

utx00 17y ago
dang! downvoted by a virgin.

marketer 17y ago

I've lived in SF for about 10 months, and it isn't as hopeless as the article states. I've met quite a few girls and went on plenty of dates, but you may have to be a little more aggressive than other places. For instance, it's common for bars to have a higher ratio of guys; I know a lot of 'nice' guys who will give up in this situation. You might have to step out of your comfort zone to interact with girls, but it's doable. SF is a massive, dynamic city and it can't be modeled in such a simple way.

stevenj 17y ago

I'm not a local, but Forbes ranks SF #7 for best cities for singles: http://www.forbes.com/2009/07/27/best-cities-singles-lifestyle-singles-methodology.html http://www.forbes.com/2009/07/27/best-cities-singles-lifesty...

ardit33 17y ago
Yeah. Singles rate number 4, but if all those singles are guys that can't find girls, it surely doesn't look good, unless you are a girl. The other thing it rated high is on coolness, which I guess it is, give the amount of hipsters/piercings/tattoed/non normal people you see here.

gcheong 17y ago

I know several hackers who've been lucky in love in San Francisco or thereabouts. Does this help?

ardit33 17y ago
Well, I know more hackers, that are not lucky at all, then that they are lucky.

wheels 17y ago

I heard a lot of this before spending some time in SF. If you don't have problems meeting women elsewhere you won't in SF either. If you do, at least here you'll be able to join the throng of socially awkward folks that blame it on the city.

bkovitz 17y ago

Rebuttal: I am a social retard, typical geek, and it was only in San Francisco that I found some success meeting women. There are lots and lots of really interesting, amazing, beautiful women in San Francisco. I dated a bunch of them. A year ago, I returned to the Midwest, and haven't gotten a date since.

huherto 17y ago
may be nerdy guys are better accepted in SF
teeja 17y ago
"lots of really interesting, amazing, beautiful women in San Francisco" That was true when I was there. And they tended to like independent rockers with somewhat long hair, day-old beard, who were smart and literate but never let that get in the way of being physically active most of the time. How many geeks does that describe? (That described many of the people who got Silicon Valley started .... then)