11 ms·

Motivation is fleeting but routine persists. When there is something that you want to do regularly (exercise, doing the final boring part of some sideproject,

Motivation is fleeting but routine persists. When there is something that you want to do regularly (exercise, doing the final boring part of some sideproject, cleaning the house...) you remove willpower from the equation and set a day and a time. For example, everyday from 18 to 19 I work on my sideprojects, or saturdays from 16 to 18 is house cleaning time. There is no question if I want to do it, it is set at that time and I have to do it, period. The nice thing about routine is that the first times it is hard, but after some repetitions your mind (and body) begin to get used and it transforms into a routine and then it's like it's written in stone. That time period of that day X is for Y and it is what it is. Routine can be used for bad things but also for good things.

jjtheblunt 10mo ago
I bet simply having a dog needing walking tips the scales into an exercise routine at some level.
- multiplegeorges 10mo ago
  It did for me. You have to be truly heartless to see a dog being sad about not going outside. So you take it for a walk, then another and another. Soon enough you're researching hiking trails in your region and getting healthier. Dogs are the best.
  - jjtheblunt 10mo ago
    agreed, with an addendum : we have rescue cats too, and they too are like "nope, off the computer, time to play". And perhaps because we have both, they all will play games together (and with us humans): the cats are like dogs who can do gymnastics. the cats will walk outside on leashes but look annoyed and embarrassed. however our feral ancestry dog is like having Richard Simmons on meth...and makes me amused at people who are like "a border collie is a handful". i'm like tell it to her paw.
- specproc 10mo ago
  God yeah. So much healthier and happier in my forties than my thirties, and it's all down to my executive assistant.
- greenie_beans 10mo ago
  yes and then dog dies so you go back into a depression :(
  - jjtheblunt 10mo ago
    and then you realize shelters/rescues are full of super healthy dogs yearning for a home, and same for cats, and then you go adopt at least one, and realize you've honored what your previous pet would want for you. (speaking from experience, 5 rescues here now, lots of activity for lots of fun...thankful for WFH flexibility)
    - greenie_beans 10mo ago
      not ready for that yet but i look forward to that future
      - jjtheblunt 10mo ago
        yep, understood, and your future looks bright!
smeej 10mo ago
> There is no question if I want to do it, it is set at that time and I have to do it, period. Gosh it must be nice to have at least an ordinary amount of executive function skills. Is it really this easy for neurotypical people to build routines? That's really all it takes? I don't see how this removes willpower at all. It just determines what time you have to use it.
- cheald 10mo ago
  It still requires willpower, but to use a metaphor, it's much easier to travel down a well-trod path than it is to cut a new path through the jungle. Repetition and consistency establishes the path, so the willpower required to travel down it the next day is reduced over time. Establishing a pre-set time and committing to that time ahead of time removes the "will I or won't I" decision at "go time", when you're most likely to falter.
  - kayodelycaon 10mo ago
    This method requires a significant amount of executive function. My body doesn't feel the passage of time consistently. So my mind is never prepared to switch activities when it needs to. And there are times my brain stops working on a particular task and nothing can get it started again. It's like a leg going out, you just can't stand on it. This isn't occasionally where habit could be picked back up. This has been a problem every day of my life. In my experience, this has been the death of every bit advice I've gotten from a neurotypical person. A lot of them keep circling back to discipline or trying harder as a solution to a problem they can't make sense of. Lack of understanding isn't their fault, this is so far outside their frame of reference they can't make sense of it in a single conversation. Fortunately understanding isn't required, only the acceptance that other people have limits they don't have themselves.
    - technothrasher 10mo ago
      I would imagine you'd get this advice from other non-neurotypical people too. My son is neurodivergant, and strict routine like what is being described is about the only thing that keeps him able to handle most daily life tasks regularly. But plenty of other advice he constantly gets frustrates him similarly to the frustration you seem to be describing. We call it "you've just never had it cooked right" advice. So I feel your exasperation.
RickJWagner 10mo ago
I subscribe to Arnold Schwarzenegger’s newsletter, which has a surprising amount of great, well researched content. Right after New Year’s Day, he said pretty much what you said. Discipline beats Herculean effort that’s sporadic.
- WalterBright 10mo ago
  Scott Adams said it a different way - systems over goals.
shevy-java 10mo ago
> saturdays from 16 to 18 is house cleaning time. > Routine can be used for bad things but also for good things. So your willpower causes such routines to work. Not everyone works that way. And not everyone not working that way has depression. I don't think one can generalise this to "routines will fix your depression". > but after some repetitions your mind (and body) begin to get used I also don't buy into that. A good counter-example is tobacco smokers. Some manage to quit the moment they decide they want to quit, with no substitutes. Others try with substitute and interestingly for many who try, that also works, but for some it does not. And some can barely ever quit smoking. And a lot of this has to do with how their brain works. Matthew Perry spoke about that with regard to his alcohol addiction. People are different. I personally never started with smoking, for instance, because I never trusted myself to be able to (want to) quit again - so at the least I was consistent in this regard (plus also, because in our youth, so many others started to smoke suddenly, and I always felt it was a very stupid reason to smoke merely because others would do so, even at an early age. Their rationales would not be mine and I failed to see the point in adopting their positions and make them my position).
trueismywork 10mo ago
The same routine for good things can turn into being a bad thing. Brcause it can make you inflexible. So there's a trade off there. For me, it was when I was in a situation where I had to work 80 hours a week to keep my job. I had to get rid of my routine for 8 months and I am happy I did it otherwise I would he poor today.
- exe34 10mo ago
  Being inflexible is only a problem for other people! :P
skywhopper 10mo ago
Glad that works for you, but please know if you are giving advice to individuals, that not everyone can work this way. In fact, for some people, this sort of artificial structure actually makes it harder to get the stuff done, and just makes things worse.
WalterBright 10mo ago
> Motivation is fleeting but routine persists. Ahnold Schwarzenegger said that the gains in an exercise program happen when you really don't want to do it, but do it anyway.
ericmcer 10mo ago
It is really easy to have a routine when you are single and healthy in your 20s. It stops working so well later on. If you have friends, partner, kids, parents, pets, work, health issues etc. the routine is going to be challenged. If that only happens once every few months no big deal, but now that I am in my late 30s with a partner, kid, 3 pets and elderly parents. I literally have something derail my day almost every single day. Carefully planning my week would be a recipe for misery. I think really successful people are ones that just don't give a shit, like full on narcissism. Like my dream is X, I need to do Y today. The dog is sick? My kid needs a ride? My parents need help? Not my problem I am doing Y full stop.
- deleted 10mo ago
  [deleted]
- chaostheory 10mo ago
  I’m in the same situation as you as well many other people who still workout. The trick is to remove as much friction as possible for working out and adding friction to activities that aren’t good for you. For example, if you don’t have time for the gym, make it easier to workout at home, make working out the very first thing you do when you wake up, etc…
- nradov 10mo ago
  Routines tend to get more and more derailed as the day goes on. Wake up early and get the important stuff done first. As for narcissism, the optimal amount is not zero. If you want to continue being of value to your family over the long term then sometimes you have to take care of yourself first. Unless it's a life-or-death emergency, others can wait a bit for help.
parpfish 10mo ago
An easier routine for me to manage house cleaning is to set up a calendar with one little chore each day. List out what needs to be done every week, every month, every season, and set them up to repeat. Every day you do your little two minute task (clean the bathroom mirrors; vacuum a single room), so you get a little win. And they’re each so small that it never feels like you need to switch into a long “cleaning binge” that you need to dread.
darrenf 10mo ago
I found this to be true, and that it perfectly dovetailed with TFA. When I was at my absolute depth (so far…) back in 2013, I would see my counsellor at 1130 on a Saturday. I’d be able to recount the darkness of the previous 7 days in stark vivid detail, yet cheerfully and not feeling at all depressed in the moment. The counsellor asked what I did on Saturday morning except the session and my answer was, well I do Parkrun[0] of course. I always do Parkrun. It’s in my calendar, it’s not really negotiable. It might have been the only time I managed to get out of bed all week, but, I mean, how can I possibly skip Parkrun? I never actually linked the exercise to the boost in my mental health until I had it pointed out to me at that moment. I go for a run and I feel better because of the run. I would spend the whole 5km stewing and ruminating and maybe in tears but half hour after getting home I could function! it’s stuck with me ever since, and I’ve never (yet) been so down again. Tomorrow will be my 429th Parkrun :) [0] https://www.parkrun.com/ https://www.parkrun.com/
- cheald 10mo ago
  That's amazing! I'm so glad for you that you found something that works and which can keep you going!
- bmicraft 10mo ago
  This reads like an ad. Why would you capitalize it like a product name and then even link to the website? I still have no idea what it really is. From the name I'd think you're going for a run at a local park. The website calls it a "5k and 2k community event", what that's supposed to mean I have no clue. It insists you either "join" or "volunteer", all while being as non-specific as possible why I should even care 2/5k what? people? distance? currency? number of events? It almost reads like in-group speak of a cult I don't partake in. -- Rant over --
  - Jtsummers 10mo ago
    5k is a common distance for runs. 2k would be a shorter run/walk event, it's more common when you have kids participating. It's not confusing, just normal language. No cults involved unless you think running is a cult. The "k" is for "kilometer" in case you're still confused.
Terr_ 10mo ago
> Motivation is fleeting but routine persists. That makes me think of a philosophical comic on quitting smoking. [0] Rather than cerebral willpower, a lot of value comes from indirectly shaping what your animal-brain does or doesn't encounter/expect every day. [0] https://existentialcomics.com/comic/13 https://existentialcomics.com/comic/13
bicepjai 10mo ago
This is a great quote >> Motivation is fleeting but routine persists.
taeric 10mo ago
As someone that is unable to keep any sort of routine, I have objections here. :D Without some sort of obligating circumstance, it is incredibly easy to forego what would have otherwise been today's routine.
- hn_acc1 10mo ago
  This 100x. I go to work because I don't want to have a long uncomfortable conversation with my boss, and because I hate interviewing, and not having income is even worse. Even at work, I often find reasons (like HN) to do actually DO work. I've had routines at times in my life for months. And they disappear in a matter of days when I get stressed or my schedule changes or whatever.
  - taeric 10mo ago
    It is funny, as this extends to stuff like watching TV. I have never, in my life, managed to watch more than a few episodes of a show. It isn't that I don't like shows. I just don't have the habit of getting ready to watch a show.
  - synecdoche 10mo ago
    If you don't run your life others will do it for you. Nothing in this life is a must.
- aiahs 10mo ago
  What worked for me was a thing I started with one of my best friends, where we're accountability buddies for each other. We both pick topics/habits we wanna foster and then talk once a week about how that went the last week. In my case I chose exercise (going a certain number of times per week), and there were quite a few moments already, where I'm sure I would've just skipped if I didn't have this construct. It basically created this social obligation to keep the habit. I can really really recommend it if you wanna try it out with someone.
mnky9800n 10mo ago
thats right. a year ago i decided, fuck this going to the gym randomly and not having a plan and only kind of committing. im going to do it. so i got a trainer, committed to 4 days a week, and so far ive kept that up for a year. and now, if i find myself running out of time in the day i make time for the gym. it is such a part of my routine that i simply do it without much questioning. because i know if i dont go i will no longer be able to do the things in the gym the way i do them today. i enjoy that feeling and wish to continue. i think the point of life, at least partially, is to figure out things that you enjoy that don't take from you and do them consistently.
femto 10mo ago
The key I found was to avoid self flagellation. Try your hardest to do each session, but if you miss a session don't try to make it up. Just get on and do a normal session the next time it falls due. You're in it for the long term, so long term it doesn't matter if you were intermittent when building the habit, or the occasional session gets missed for a reason.
- benji8000 10mo ago
  This, plus start small. Just do those 5 or 10 minutes of karate exercises per day, at a fixed time, or 5 new flashcards per day.
  - femto 10mo ago
    I agree. If you're in it for the long term, it doesn't matter if you start low or increment slowly. You will eventually get to an equilibrium that has an effect.
- deleted 10mo ago
  [deleted]
- Ostrogoth 10mo ago
  I’m on this journey myself; learning to become more emotionally well-regulated, and kinder to myself. For years I had depression, and I used self-flagellation and self-loathing as drivers to motivate myself to do better. In work, hobbies, fitness, relationships…everything. I would unfairly criticize, disdain, and lash out in anger at myself, in ways I would never treat another person. My baseline emotional state skewed negative, and I’ve realized I was suppressing or dissociating from emotions entirely. It took a while to realize I wasn’t coping well. I made improvements over many years time, but sometimes still fall back into old default patterns. I finally hired a therapist to work through stuff and develop better emotional health and cognitive strategies. Started with just checking-in and recognizing emotions, and being more fair and kind to myself, which in turn helps to respond to everyday circumstances more objectively. It has helped immensely, and I don’t think I could have made the same progress without a neutral third party. I highly encourage anyone in a similar place to hire a therapist; it can be hard to find someone you meld with, but it’s worth it.
mancerayder 10mo ago
>Motivation is fleeting but routine persists. When there is something that you want to do regularly (exercise, doing the final boring part of some sideproject, cleaning the house...) you remove willpower from the equation and set a day and a time. Absolutely!! Don't wait to Feel Like It, or Be Motivated... and especially do not depend on another person/trainer/weather to motivate you! Fitness is a to-do, like laundry or grocery shopping or going to work. Now where the nuance comes in is finding what you enjoy. But a nuance of this nuance is, you don't know what you like until you have done it for a while, at least one month. Don't do boot camps or hacky gimmicky things people try to trick themselves into doing. For a while I was deep into photography and writing. In both, I read and listened to people who were experts - successful writers and photographers. I learned this - they don't wait for inspiration. They commit X time per day to doing their craft, as habit. I write this after coming from the gym, on a chilly night, after a relatively annoying day, and I feel 80 percent better. Now the joint soreness and constant tightness are a problem, cuz I'm getting older. But it must be done.
jimnotgym 10mo ago
I'm not even back from work at 18-19 every day, or even most days. It varies by hours. By the time I have had dinner I'm thinking about settling down to settle my mind so that I might sleep that night. I'm also mentally exhausted after a day in my job. How do I create a habit without a time gap?
46493168 10mo ago
> Motivation is fleeting but routine persists. This is tautological: if the action doesnt persist, it isn’t routine.
fastasucan 10mo ago
>Motivation is fleeting but routine persists Dude, not when we are talking about mental health problems. A semi serious mental health problem can take you out of the routine of showering, eating and brushing yoir teeth. >There is no question if I want to do it, it is set at that time and I have to do it, period. Again we talk about mental health here. Getting out of bed before dinner can be an impossible task. There is no "I have to do it, period". That period can cease to exist, and all you are left with is "i have to do it" over and over again without the ability to actually do it.

jjtheblunt 10mo ago

I bet simply having a dog needing walking tips the scales into an exercise routine at some level.

multiplegeorges 10mo ago
It did for me. You have to be truly heartless to see a dog being sad about not going outside. So you take it for a walk, then another and another. Soon enough you're researching hiking trails in your region and getting healthier. Dogs are the best.
- jjtheblunt 10mo ago
  agreed, with an addendum : we have rescue cats too, and they too are like "nope, off the computer, time to play". And perhaps because we have both, they all will play games together (and with us humans): the cats are like dogs who can do gymnastics. the cats will walk outside on leashes but look annoyed and embarrassed. however our feral ancestry dog is like having Richard Simmons on meth...and makes me amused at people who are like "a border collie is a handful". i'm like tell it to her paw.
specproc 10mo ago
God yeah. So much healthier and happier in my forties than my thirties, and it's all down to my executive assistant.
greenie_beans 10mo ago
yes and then dog dies so you go back into a depression :(
- jjtheblunt 10mo ago
  and then you realize shelters/rescues are full of super healthy dogs yearning for a home, and same for cats, and then you go adopt at least one, and realize you've honored what your previous pet would want for you. (speaking from experience, 5 rescues here now, lots of activity for lots of fun...thankful for WFH flexibility)
  - greenie_beans 10mo ago
    not ready for that yet but i look forward to that future
    - jjtheblunt 10mo ago
      yep, understood, and your future looks bright!

smeej 10mo ago

> There is no question if I want to do it, it is set at that time and I have to do it, period. Gosh it must be nice to have at least an ordinary amount of executive function skills. Is it really this easy for neurotypical people to build routines? That's really all it takes? I don't see how this removes willpower at all. It just determines what time you have to use it.

cheald 10mo ago
It still requires willpower, but to use a metaphor, it's much easier to travel down a well-trod path than it is to cut a new path through the jungle. Repetition and consistency establishes the path, so the willpower required to travel down it the next day is reduced over time. Establishing a pre-set time and committing to that time ahead of time removes the "will I or won't I" decision at "go time", when you're most likely to falter.
- kayodelycaon 10mo ago
  This method requires a significant amount of executive function. My body doesn't feel the passage of time consistently. So my mind is never prepared to switch activities when it needs to. And there are times my brain stops working on a particular task and nothing can get it started again. It's like a leg going out, you just can't stand on it. This isn't occasionally where habit could be picked back up. This has been a problem every day of my life. In my experience, this has been the death of every bit advice I've gotten from a neurotypical person. A lot of them keep circling back to discipline or trying harder as a solution to a problem they can't make sense of. Lack of understanding isn't their fault, this is so far outside their frame of reference they can't make sense of it in a single conversation. Fortunately understanding isn't required, only the acceptance that other people have limits they don't have themselves.
  - technothrasher 10mo ago
    I would imagine you'd get this advice from other non-neurotypical people too. My son is neurodivergant, and strict routine like what is being described is about the only thing that keeps him able to handle most daily life tasks regularly. But plenty of other advice he constantly gets frustrates him similarly to the frustration you seem to be describing. We call it "you've just never had it cooked right" advice. So I feel your exasperation.

RickJWagner 10mo ago

I subscribe to Arnold Schwarzenegger’s newsletter, which has a surprising amount of great, well researched content. Right after New Year’s Day, he said pretty much what you said. Discipline beats Herculean effort that’s sporadic.

WalterBright 10mo ago
Scott Adams said it a different way - systems over goals.

shevy-java 10mo ago

> saturdays from 16 to 18 is house cleaning time. > Routine can be used for bad things but also for good things. So your willpower causes such routines to work. Not everyone works that way. And not everyone not working that way has depression. I don't think one can generalise this to "routines will fix your depression". > but after some repetitions your mind (and body) begin to get used I also don't buy into that. A good counter-example is tobacco smokers. Some manage to quit the moment they decide they want to quit, with no substitutes. Others try with substitute and interestingly for many who try, that also works, but for some it does not. And some can barely ever quit smoking. And a lot of this has to do with how their brain works. Matthew Perry spoke about that with regard to his alcohol addiction. People are different. I personally never started with smoking, for instance, because I never trusted myself to be able to (want to) quit again - so at the least I was consistent in this regard (plus also, because in our youth, so many others started to smoke suddenly, and I always felt it was a very stupid reason to smoke merely because others would do so, even at an early age. Their rationales would not be mine and I failed to see the point in adopting their positions and make them my position).

trueismywork 10mo ago

The same routine for good things can turn into being a bad thing. Brcause it can make you inflexible. So there's a trade off there. For me, it was when I was in a situation where I had to work 80 hours a week to keep my job. I had to get rid of my routine for 8 months and I am happy I did it otherwise I would he poor today.

exe34 10mo ago
Being inflexible is only a problem for other people! :P

skywhopper 10mo ago

Glad that works for you, but please know if you are giving advice to individuals, that not everyone can work this way. In fact, for some people, this sort of artificial structure actually makes it harder to get the stuff done, and just makes things worse.

WalterBright 10mo ago

> Motivation is fleeting but routine persists. Ahnold Schwarzenegger said that the gains in an exercise program happen when you really don't want to do it, but do it anyway.

ericmcer 10mo ago

It is really easy to have a routine when you are single and healthy in your 20s. It stops working so well later on. If you have friends, partner, kids, parents, pets, work, health issues etc. the routine is going to be challenged. If that only happens once every few months no big deal, but now that I am in my late 30s with a partner, kid, 3 pets and elderly parents. I literally have something derail my day almost every single day. Carefully planning my week would be a recipe for misery. I think really successful people are ones that just don't give a shit, like full on narcissism. Like my dream is X, I need to do Y today. The dog is sick? My kid needs a ride? My parents need help? Not my problem I am doing Y full stop.

deleted 10mo ago
[deleted]
chaostheory 10mo ago
I’m in the same situation as you as well many other people who still workout. The trick is to remove as much friction as possible for working out and adding friction to activities that aren’t good for you. For example, if you don’t have time for the gym, make it easier to workout at home, make working out the very first thing you do when you wake up, etc…
nradov 10mo ago
Routines tend to get more and more derailed as the day goes on. Wake up early and get the important stuff done first. As for narcissism, the optimal amount is not zero. If you want to continue being of value to your family over the long term then sometimes you have to take care of yourself first. Unless it's a life-or-death emergency, others can wait a bit for help.

parpfish 10mo ago

An easier routine for me to manage house cleaning is to set up a calendar with one little chore each day. List out what needs to be done every week, every month, every season, and set them up to repeat. Every day you do your little two minute task (clean the bathroom mirrors; vacuum a single room), so you get a little win. And they’re each so small that it never feels like you need to switch into a long “cleaning binge” that you need to dread.

darrenf 10mo ago

I found this to be true, and that it perfectly dovetailed with TFA. When I was at my absolute depth (so far…) back in 2013, I would see my counsellor at 1130 on a Saturday. I’d be able to recount the darkness of the previous 7 days in stark vivid detail, yet cheerfully and not feeling at all depressed in the moment. The counsellor asked what I did on Saturday morning except the session and my answer was, well I do Parkrun[0] of course. I always do Parkrun. It’s in my calendar, it’s not really negotiable. It might have been the only time I managed to get out of bed all week, but, I mean, how can I possibly skip Parkrun? I never actually linked the exercise to the boost in my mental health until I had it pointed out to me at that moment. I go for a run and I feel better because of the run. I would spend the whole 5km stewing and ruminating and maybe in tears but half hour after getting home I could function! it’s stuck with me ever since, and I’ve never (yet) been so down again. Tomorrow will be my 429th Parkrun :) [0] https://www.parkrun.com/ https://www.parkrun.com/

cheald 10mo ago
That's amazing! I'm so glad for you that you found something that works and which can keep you going!
bmicraft 10mo ago
This reads like an ad. Why would you capitalize it like a product name and then even link to the website? I still have no idea what it really is. From the name I'd think you're going for a run at a local park. The website calls it a "5k and 2k community event", what that's supposed to mean I have no clue. It insists you either "join" or "volunteer", all while being as non-specific as possible why I should even care 2/5k what? people? distance? currency? number of events? It almost reads like in-group speak of a cult I don't partake in. -- Rant over --
- Jtsummers 10mo ago
  5k is a common distance for runs. 2k would be a shorter run/walk event, it's more common when you have kids participating. It's not confusing, just normal language. No cults involved unless you think running is a cult. The "k" is for "kilometer" in case you're still confused.

Terr_ 10mo ago

> Motivation is fleeting but routine persists. That makes me think of a philosophical comic on quitting smoking. [0] Rather than cerebral willpower, a lot of value comes from indirectly shaping what your animal-brain does or doesn't encounter/expect every day. [0] https://existentialcomics.com/comic/13 https://existentialcomics.com/comic/13

bicepjai 10mo ago

This is a great quote >> Motivation is fleeting but routine persists.

taeric 10mo ago

As someone that is unable to keep any sort of routine, I have objections here. :D Without some sort of obligating circumstance, it is incredibly easy to forego what would have otherwise been today's routine.

hn_acc1 10mo ago
This 100x. I go to work because I don't want to have a long uncomfortable conversation with my boss, and because I hate interviewing, and not having income is even worse. Even at work, I often find reasons (like HN) to do actually DO work. I've had routines at times in my life for months. And they disappear in a matter of days when I get stressed or my schedule changes or whatever.
- taeric 10mo ago
  It is funny, as this extends to stuff like watching TV. I have never, in my life, managed to watch more than a few episodes of a show. It isn't that I don't like shows. I just don't have the habit of getting ready to watch a show.
- synecdoche 10mo ago
  If you don't run your life others will do it for you. Nothing in this life is a must.
aiahs 10mo ago
What worked for me was a thing I started with one of my best friends, where we're accountability buddies for each other. We both pick topics/habits we wanna foster and then talk once a week about how that went the last week. In my case I chose exercise (going a certain number of times per week), and there were quite a few moments already, where I'm sure I would've just skipped if I didn't have this construct. It basically created this social obligation to keep the habit. I can really really recommend it if you wanna try it out with someone.

mnky9800n 10mo ago

thats right. a year ago i decided, fuck this going to the gym randomly and not having a plan and only kind of committing. im going to do it. so i got a trainer, committed to 4 days a week, and so far ive kept that up for a year. and now, if i find myself running out of time in the day i make time for the gym. it is such a part of my routine that i simply do it without much questioning. because i know if i dont go i will no longer be able to do the things in the gym the way i do them today. i enjoy that feeling and wish to continue. i think the point of life, at least partially, is to figure out things that you enjoy that don't take from you and do them consistently.

femto 10mo ago

The key I found was to avoid self flagellation. Try your hardest to do each session, but if you miss a session don't try to make it up. Just get on and do a normal session the next time it falls due. You're in it for the long term, so long term it doesn't matter if you were intermittent when building the habit, or the occasional session gets missed for a reason.

benji8000 10mo ago
This, plus start small. Just do those 5 or 10 minutes of karate exercises per day, at a fixed time, or 5 new flashcards per day.
- femto 10mo ago
  I agree. If you're in it for the long term, it doesn't matter if you start low or increment slowly. You will eventually get to an equilibrium that has an effect.
deleted 10mo ago
[deleted]
Ostrogoth 10mo ago
I’m on this journey myself; learning to become more emotionally well-regulated, and kinder to myself. For years I had depression, and I used self-flagellation and self-loathing as drivers to motivate myself to do better. In work, hobbies, fitness, relationships…everything. I would unfairly criticize, disdain, and lash out in anger at myself, in ways I would never treat another person. My baseline emotional state skewed negative, and I’ve realized I was suppressing or dissociating from emotions entirely. It took a while to realize I wasn’t coping well. I made improvements over many years time, but sometimes still fall back into old default patterns. I finally hired a therapist to work through stuff and develop better emotional health and cognitive strategies. Started with just checking-in and recognizing emotions, and being more fair and kind to myself, which in turn helps to respond to everyday circumstances more objectively. It has helped immensely, and I don’t think I could have made the same progress without a neutral third party. I highly encourage anyone in a similar place to hire a therapist; it can be hard to find someone you meld with, but it’s worth it.

mancerayder 10mo ago

>Motivation is fleeting but routine persists. When there is something that you want to do regularly (exercise, doing the final boring part of some sideproject, cleaning the house...) you remove willpower from the equation and set a day and a time. Absolutely!! Don't wait to Feel Like It, or Be Motivated... and especially do not depend on another person/trainer/weather to motivate you! Fitness is a to-do, like laundry or grocery shopping or going to work. Now where the nuance comes in is finding what you enjoy. But a nuance of this nuance is, you don't know what you like until you have done it for a while, at least one month. Don't do boot camps or hacky gimmicky things people try to trick themselves into doing. For a while I was deep into photography and writing. In both, I read and listened to people who were experts - successful writers and photographers. I learned this - they don't wait for inspiration. They commit X time per day to doing their craft, as habit. I write this after coming from the gym, on a chilly night, after a relatively annoying day, and I feel 80 percent better. Now the joint soreness and constant tightness are a problem, cuz I'm getting older. But it must be done.

jimnotgym 10mo ago

I'm not even back from work at 18-19 every day, or even most days. It varies by hours. By the time I have had dinner I'm thinking about settling down to settle my mind so that I might sleep that night. I'm also mentally exhausted after a day in my job. How do I create a habit without a time gap?

46493168 10mo ago

> Motivation is fleeting but routine persists. This is tautological: if the action doesnt persist, it isn’t routine.

fastasucan 10mo ago

>Motivation is fleeting but routine persists Dude, not when we are talking about mental health problems. A semi serious mental health problem can take you out of the routine of showering, eating and brushing yoir teeth. >There is no question if I want to do it, it is set at that time and I have to do it, period. Again we talk about mental health here. Getting out of bed before dinner can be an impossible task. There is no "I have to do it, period". That period can cease to exist, and all you are left with is "i have to do it" over and over again without the ability to actually do it.