4 ms·

Most of her friends are probably women. Try making an account with an obvious female name and you will see a marked difference on most social platforms I am say

by xbmcuser 10mo ago

Most of her friends are probably women. Try making an account with an obvious female name and you will see a marked difference on most social platforms I am saying this as a guy we really don't understand the world women live in online or offline.

fennecbutt 10mo ago
I think some of us have a fair idea. And I think both sexes have problems that we could solve but continue to ignore. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-Made_Man_(book) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-Made_Man_(book) Still a very valid experiment. I know the source of both sex' strife though: competition. I don't think we'll ever solve that, not while we're still monkeys.
- sph 10mo ago
  I like her take-away from this experiment: Vincent stated that, after the experiment, she gained more sympathy for the male condition: "Men are suffering. They have different problems than women have, but they don't have it better. They need our sympathy, they need our love, and they need each other more than anything else. They need to be together." I respect that, compared to the arguments that sex A is having a better time than B, or that one needs more support and focus than the other. We’re all in the same, but different, shit.
  - jpster 10mo ago
    > They have different problems than women have, but they don't have it better. How can I agree with this? Material conditions matter: whatever problem you have, being poorer will make it worse. Women have been earning less than men for decades, and most highly paid execs are men, not women. https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2023/03/01/the-enduring-grip-of-the-gender-pay-gap/ https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2023/03/01/the-end...
    - Slava_Propanei 10mo ago
      [dead]
  - jrflowers 10mo ago
    > We’re all in the same, but different, shit. Can you elaborate on other cases where the words “different” and “same” are interchangeable?
    - saaaaaam 10mo ago
      I want a sandwich to eat. You want sushi. We are both hungry.
      - jrflowers 10mo ago
        This is a good point. The words same and different are interchangeable if you do not use either word
    - MonkeyClub 10mo ago
      "Same difference" /s
      - taneq 10mo ago
        Same same, only different, but still same, but still different.
    - sethammons 10mo ago
      It means that if you zoom out, things look more similar. Similar patterns, similar problems and solutions, but different components. All the various shades of red are all red. All news is engagement bate (if it bleeds, it leads), but every piece of news is different. You are in a forest in region X and I am in a desert in region Y, both could be dealing with the same problem of keeping warm at night. It's all different, and yet still the same.
      - jrflowers 10mo ago
        I didn’t ask for an interpretation of the post, I asked for other times where anyone would use “same” and “different” interchangeably as words (in a sentence, presumably) It kind of seems like the sentence I quoted was gibberish that’s short enough to seem vaguely profound. Unless somebody could give other examples of when those words are interchangeable (then obviously dogs is eggs), but as it stands it’s a duck pregnancy is optional type situation
  - philipallstar 10mo ago
    I agree with that, although a giant amount of support and attention is one way, the sexes are going through different stuff into terms of the meta-problem of "how our problems are viewed".
  - pessimizer 10mo ago
    > We’re all in the same, but different, shit. We are not. This is the law of averages and is absolute poison. Sexism is not symmetrical. Men do not suffer from women like women suffer from men. Norah Vincent killed herself.
    - deleted 10mo ago
      [deleted]
    - sph 10mo ago
      She died by assisted suicide, for private reasons. No need to exaggerate to make a point. There’s Twitter if you want to engage in that type of culture war.
- darubedarob 10mo ago
  Social creditscore based cloning and ai crèche raising?
deaux 10mo ago
Over the whole population, I bet the difference between sexes is very small when it comes to what % posts online comment. You're saying "most social platforms" - what's the biggest one in the world? Probably still Facebook. Yet I'm fairly sure it has a higher female than male DAU, at least in the West. r/kpop has 3 million subscribers. Take a look at the most followed accounts on Instagram. How many of them have female-dominated comment sections? > I am saying this as a guy we really don't understand the world women live in online or offline. You're saying this as a guy who doesn't understand the world the general population lives in, outside your highly-educated male-dominated tech bubble. You're considering only the spaces you have been visiting for most of your life.
- ethbr1 10mo ago
  Parent was saying that most men don't understand the amount of casual sexual harassment women are subjected to in unmoderated online spaces -- much more so than men receive. Which makes me sad. Apparently Y chromosome + enculturation = prerogative to send unsolicited photos of ones genitalia to random internet strangers.
  - lazide 10mo ago
    No, rather both are on opposite sides of an equation, and being buried in competition from folks trying to solve their part of it in isolation. Women == get too much attention, often of the wrong type. How to get the right kind of attention? Men == not getting any attention, of any type. How to get some attention? So women either get ‘the wrong kind’ of attention, but plenty of it - or somehow figure out the magic of getting the right kind of attention? Not easy. And men work hard to get any attention, often overdoing it on the only way they can figure out - which usually has poor (but not zero!) results. Folks good at playing the game get excellent results, however. Meanwhile, everyone is getting played by the folks in the middle. Notably, there are plenty of women taking advantage of the attention they get on Tinder. They just have no problem solving for what it works for, which is getting laid with near zero effort. The way this previously got figured out was a ‘managed market’ - arranged marriages. Religious/social rules, etc.
stinkbeetle 10mo ago
[flagged]
- AlecSchueler 10mo ago
  They didn't suggest men couldn't understand, they actually offered a way to help foster understanding by creating the false profile. The ones who won't understand are those who make no effort to understand, and that's quite reasonable to say. A woman's online safety relative to other spaces also misses the point about their online spaces being less safe than those of men; the suggestion wasn't that online spaces are the absolute most dangerous spaces for them. That said I would raise the point of how easy it is to dehumanise people online and how easy it is to quickly gather various data like work addresses etc.
  - stinkbeetle 10mo ago
    [flagged]
    - TuringTest 10mo ago
      [flagged]
      - stinkbeetle 10mo ago
        [flagged]
        TuringTest 10mo ago
        I have read the full conversation, and you're still failing to recognize how the original post has a valid point. You have admitted yourself that you create online accounts without gender identification, so your own experience is different from women that do create gendered accounts. It was never the point that it's possible to go online without recieving such ubiquitous abuse, which is what you suggest women should do. You have still not acknowledged that such high level of abuse can be dangerous, not merely for the mental health problems but for the real possibility of being stalked in the real world. That way, you're just reinforcing the point you tried to deny, which is that it's hard for men to understand such abuse without having experienced it first hand.
laszlojamf 10mo ago
funny story: I got the wife of a friend to install tinder, a couple of years back when I was dating. I was having a hard time getting matches, so I figured I'd see how the other side lives. She created an empty profile, with a blurry hippopotamus as a profile picture, and a single letter as name. Just "H". For hippopotamus. No bio. Within five minutes she was matching with every other guy she swiped right on. Which wasn't all of them, mind you. Within another five minutes, half of the guys she had matched with had messaged her. Regular looking guys. A lot of them had same opening line. "Did you know hippos are the most dangerous animal in the world?" After that, I got why I wasn't getting any replies >.<
- bambax 10mo ago
  You can try creating a profile as a woman. I did, five years ago, on a site that advertised itself as being dedicated to "affairs" between married people. All I said was I was 20, was red haired, and open minded. Nothing more, and no photo. Indeed, within a couple of minutes there were guys asking me if I liked to be whipped while handcuffed to a radiator, and offered to send me dick picks if I sent naked photos first. One of them added later "maybe I'm too direct for you, is that why you're silent?" I didn't respond to any message, but the offers kept coming. It's insane.
  - computerthings 10mo ago
    [dead]
tuesdaynight 10mo ago
It's really telling how most replies to your message are about "sexual market" or online dating. That's all some men can think of when talking about women online.
- aj_hackman 10mo ago
  It's almost as if we desire each other.
  - tuesdaynight 10mo ago
    If I summarized men online as watching pornography and following hot women on social media, people would (correctly) point out that it does not encapsulate what men do online as a whole. A lot of people do these things, but that is only part of their online experience. However, these replies are talking about OLD apps and sexual market as if women only do that online, which relates to the point of the original comment.
- throwaway173738 10mo ago
  When other men post about that, all I hear is a desperate cry for help.
  - tuesdaynight 10mo ago
    I understand their struggles because I lived through them. However, after I got better at OLD, I understand how it gets tiring hearing about it after a while, specially from people who are clearly on a bad path. For example, treating like a market (which I don't consider a good approach) but not accepting their current value is not enough for creating any demand. And nowadays, with the gym culture being mainstream, it's getting even harder if you don't even try to be more "valuable".

fennecbutt 10mo ago

I think some of us have a fair idea. And I think both sexes have problems that we could solve but continue to ignore. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-Made_Man_(book) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-Made_Man_(book) Still a very valid experiment. I know the source of both sex' strife though: competition. I don't think we'll ever solve that, not while we're still monkeys.

sph 10mo ago
I like her take-away from this experiment: Vincent stated that, after the experiment, she gained more sympathy for the male condition: "Men are suffering. They have different problems than women have, but they don't have it better. They need our sympathy, they need our love, and they need each other more than anything else. They need to be together." I respect that, compared to the arguments that sex A is having a better time than B, or that one needs more support and focus than the other. We’re all in the same, but different, shit.
- jpster 10mo ago
  > They have different problems than women have, but they don't have it better. How can I agree with this? Material conditions matter: whatever problem you have, being poorer will make it worse. Women have been earning less than men for decades, and most highly paid execs are men, not women. https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2023/03/01/the-enduring-grip-of-the-gender-pay-gap/ https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2023/03/01/the-end...
  - Slava_Propanei 10mo ago
    [dead]
- jrflowers 10mo ago
  > We’re all in the same, but different, shit. Can you elaborate on other cases where the words “different” and “same” are interchangeable?
  - saaaaaam 10mo ago
    I want a sandwich to eat. You want sushi. We are both hungry.
    - jrflowers 10mo ago
      This is a good point. The words same and different are interchangeable if you do not use either word
  - MonkeyClub 10mo ago
    "Same difference" /s
    - taneq 10mo ago
      Same same, only different, but still same, but still different.
  - sethammons 10mo ago
    It means that if you zoom out, things look more similar. Similar patterns, similar problems and solutions, but different components. All the various shades of red are all red. All news is engagement bate (if it bleeds, it leads), but every piece of news is different. You are in a forest in region X and I am in a desert in region Y, both could be dealing with the same problem of keeping warm at night. It's all different, and yet still the same.
    - jrflowers 10mo ago
      I didn’t ask for an interpretation of the post, I asked for other times where anyone would use “same” and “different” interchangeably as words (in a sentence, presumably) It kind of seems like the sentence I quoted was gibberish that’s short enough to seem vaguely profound. Unless somebody could give other examples of when those words are interchangeable (then obviously dogs is eggs), but as it stands it’s a duck pregnancy is optional type situation
- philipallstar 10mo ago
  I agree with that, although a giant amount of support and attention is one way, the sexes are going through different stuff into terms of the meta-problem of "how our problems are viewed".
- pessimizer 10mo ago
  > We’re all in the same, but different, shit. We are not. This is the law of averages and is absolute poison. Sexism is not symmetrical. Men do not suffer from women like women suffer from men. Norah Vincent killed herself.
  - deleted 10mo ago
    [deleted]
  - sph 10mo ago
    She died by assisted suicide, for private reasons. No need to exaggerate to make a point. There’s Twitter if you want to engage in that type of culture war.
darubedarob 10mo ago
Social creditscore based cloning and ai crèche raising?

deaux 10mo ago

Over the whole population, I bet the difference between sexes is very small when it comes to what % posts online comment. You're saying "most social platforms" - what's the biggest one in the world? Probably still Facebook. Yet I'm fairly sure it has a higher female than male DAU, at least in the West. r/kpop has 3 million subscribers. Take a look at the most followed accounts on Instagram. How many of them have female-dominated comment sections? > I am saying this as a guy we really don't understand the world women live in online or offline. You're saying this as a guy who doesn't understand the world the general population lives in, outside your highly-educated male-dominated tech bubble. You're considering only the spaces you have been visiting for most of your life.

ethbr1 10mo ago
Parent was saying that most men don't understand the amount of casual sexual harassment women are subjected to in unmoderated online spaces -- much more so than men receive. Which makes me sad. Apparently Y chromosome + enculturation = prerogative to send unsolicited photos of ones genitalia to random internet strangers.
- lazide 10mo ago
  No, rather both are on opposite sides of an equation, and being buried in competition from folks trying to solve their part of it in isolation. Women == get too much attention, often of the wrong type. How to get the right kind of attention? Men == not getting any attention, of any type. How to get some attention? So women either get ‘the wrong kind’ of attention, but plenty of it - or somehow figure out the magic of getting the right kind of attention? Not easy. And men work hard to get any attention, often overdoing it on the only way they can figure out - which usually has poor (but not zero!) results. Folks good at playing the game get excellent results, however. Meanwhile, everyone is getting played by the folks in the middle. Notably, there are plenty of women taking advantage of the attention they get on Tinder. They just have no problem solving for what it works for, which is getting laid with near zero effort. The way this previously got figured out was a ‘managed market’ - arranged marriages. Religious/social rules, etc.

stinkbeetle 10mo ago

[flagged]

AlecSchueler 10mo ago
They didn't suggest men couldn't understand, they actually offered a way to help foster understanding by creating the false profile. The ones who won't understand are those who make no effort to understand, and that's quite reasonable to say. A woman's online safety relative to other spaces also misses the point about their online spaces being less safe than those of men; the suggestion wasn't that online spaces are the absolute most dangerous spaces for them. That said I would raise the point of how easy it is to dehumanise people online and how easy it is to quickly gather various data like work addresses etc.
- stinkbeetle 10mo ago
  [flagged]
  - TuringTest 10mo ago
    [flagged]
    - stinkbeetle 10mo ago
      [flagged]
      - TuringTest 10mo ago
        I have read the full conversation, and you're still failing to recognize how the original post has a valid point. You have admitted yourself that you create online accounts without gender identification, so your own experience is different from women that do create gendered accounts. It was never the point that it's possible to go online without recieving such ubiquitous abuse, which is what you suggest women should do. You have still not acknowledged that such high level of abuse can be dangerous, not merely for the mental health problems but for the real possibility of being stalked in the real world. That way, you're just reinforcing the point you tried to deny, which is that it's hard for men to understand such abuse without having experienced it first hand.

laszlojamf 10mo ago

funny story: I got the wife of a friend to install tinder, a couple of years back when I was dating. I was having a hard time getting matches, so I figured I'd see how the other side lives. She created an empty profile, with a blurry hippopotamus as a profile picture, and a single letter as name. Just "H". For hippopotamus. No bio. Within five minutes she was matching with every other guy she swiped right on. Which wasn't all of them, mind you. Within another five minutes, half of the guys she had matched with had messaged her. Regular looking guys. A lot of them had same opening line. "Did you know hippos are the most dangerous animal in the world?" After that, I got why I wasn't getting any replies >.<

bambax 10mo ago
You can try creating a profile as a woman. I did, five years ago, on a site that advertised itself as being dedicated to "affairs" between married people. All I said was I was 20, was red haired, and open minded. Nothing more, and no photo. Indeed, within a couple of minutes there were guys asking me if I liked to be whipped while handcuffed to a radiator, and offered to send me dick picks if I sent naked photos first. One of them added later "maybe I'm too direct for you, is that why you're silent?" I didn't respond to any message, but the offers kept coming. It's insane.
- computerthings 10mo ago
  [dead]

tuesdaynight 10mo ago

It's really telling how most replies to your message are about "sexual market" or online dating. That's all some men can think of when talking about women online.

aj_hackman 10mo ago
It's almost as if we desire each other.
- tuesdaynight 10mo ago
  If I summarized men online as watching pornography and following hot women on social media, people would (correctly) point out that it does not encapsulate what men do online as a whole. A lot of people do these things, but that is only part of their online experience. However, these replies are talking about OLD apps and sexual market as if women only do that online, which relates to the point of the original comment.
throwaway173738 10mo ago
When other men post about that, all I hear is a desperate cry for help.
- tuesdaynight 10mo ago
  I understand their struggles because I lived through them. However, after I got better at OLD, I understand how it gets tiring hearing about it after a while, specially from people who are clearly on a bad path. For example, treating like a market (which I don't consider a good approach) but not accepting their current value is not enough for creating any demand. And nowadays, with the gym culture being mainstream, it's getting even harder if you don't even try to be more "valuable".