11 ms·

The surprising benefits of giving up

243 points by jnord 11mo ago

begueradj 11mo ago
>According to a review of more than 230 studies recently published in the journal Nature Human Behaviour, adjusting our goals in response to stress or challenges, rather than grinding on, is often “a more appropriate and beneficial response.” That is also what people who persist on the path of their goal do. And that's not giving up, as the title claims.
puppycodes 11mo ago
I think a better way to put this is the acknowledgement that resources are limited rather than giving up.
- zduoduo 11mo ago
  approval
hekkle 11mo ago
> The scientists also analyzed the impacts of these decisions. Giving up on goals was significantly linked to reduced stress, anxiety, and depression, for instance. This seems to be a correlation, not a causation. There are many studies that show Stress, Anxiety, and Depression are prevalent in people who are smarter than the average, due to factors such as heightened self-expectations, rumination on negative experiences, and awareness of negative aspects of the world. People who are smarter are more driven, which is how they develop their cognitive abilities. Giving up doesn't cause less anxiety, these people have less anxiety because they don't have the faculty to be affected by it.
- danielmarkbruce 11mo ago
  This is a clever insight. You are doomed to a life of anxiety.
- wiseowise 11mo ago
  > People who are smarter are more driven, which is how they develop their cognitive abilities. Giving up doesn't cause less anxiety, these people have less anxiety because they don't have the faculty to be affected by it. Ah, the old “I’m anxious therefore I’m smart, they’re not therefore they’re stupid”. Lol, get your head out of your ass.
  - hekkle 11mo ago
    I never said I was anxious, assuming just makes an ass out of you. Also "I’m smart, they’re not therefore they’re stupid" said the person whose handle is WISEoWISE. Gee you must be super wise. Go back to Reddit troll.
stevenwoo 11mo ago
I just read an article on this subject last week and thought this was going to be a republication on a nautilus but it’s different authors and different stories - https://www.newscientist.com/article/2501420-why-giving-up-on-goals-is-good-for-you-and-how-to-know-which-to-ditch/ https://www.newscientist.com/article/2501420-why-giving-up-o... The nautilus story uses one meta study and the New Scientist has many individual citations with some quotes from scientists.
rramadass 11mo ago
Philosophy has had an answer all along; One should become aware of one’s deluded notion in which one thinks that ‘I belong to these objects of the world and my life depends upon them. I cannot live without them and they cannot exist without me, either.’ Then by profound enquiry, one contemplates ‘I do not belong to these objects, nor do these objects belong to me’. Thus abandoning the ego-sense through intense contemplation, one should playfully engage oneself in the actions that happen naturally, but with the heart and mind ever cool and tranquil. Such an abandonment of the ego-sense and the conditioning is known as the contemplative egolessness. -- from "Vasistha's Yoga" translated by Swami Venkatesananda.
- zkmon 11mo ago
  Such ego and delusions are results of mind wandering outside of the context provided by the instincts and senses.
  - rramadass 11mo ago
    No. The ego-sense is the Mind in its capacity/function as self-identification. Its is called Ahamkara (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ahamkara https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ahamkara) and is an aspect of Antahkarana - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antahkarana https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antahkarana. It is fully capable of creating delusions from external (i.e. objects through the senses) or internal (i.e. objects through its own imagination) means.
    - zkmon 11mo ago
      Looking at biological evolution, purpose and functioning of instincts and senses is more useful and more grounded than abstract philosophies, in my opinion. We don't need to analyze mind and thoughts in a manner that is fully disconnected from biology. Mind is just an orchestrator of responses by processing of sensory information, memories and instincts. Actually, such processing and response can happen throughout the body as well to a limited extent.
      - 11mo ago
samdung 11mo ago
'When' does one give up? That is the question that needs an answer.
- zkmon 11mo ago
  Constantly assess the cost and benefit for future scenarios. Give up when the cost goes too high and beats your risk appetite.
- sayamqazi 11mo ago
  ask chatGPT
- dyauspitr 11mo ago
  When you have enough money so you don’t have to work anymore. For most that’s never unfortunately.
- sys_64738 11mo ago
  In SW development the bar is constantly being set extra high expecting people to meet it constantly if they meet it once. Maybe some random unachievable internal date for some pointless goal for a back slap and a feel good headpat. Yeah, no. You will fail sooner or later as the denizens of management and PM-topia expect that is the norm. Better to relax and let every date be missed and tell them life's a bitch.
- mcmoor 11mo ago
  I mean this ran straight into Halting problem, and proven impossible to solve.
bob1029 11mo ago
I don't believe in "giving up" but I do believe in picking battles and leveraging higher order effects. A short term retreat to win a long term war. Walking away can be the best strategic option. For example, if you find yourself in strong disagreement with the current leadership at your company, instead of having cataclysmic battles every day on Teams, you could simply hand in your resignation letter and walk away while the boat is still afloat. Keep your chin up and firmly depart with grace. Short term, this looks exactly like giving up. Long term, it can surface the foundation of your arguments and force those higher up the chain (investors) to potentially come back to you and your arguments in the future (assuming you were actually right). I'm living this one right now. It's surreal watching people who attempted to game of thrones me ~every day get perp walked. I wouldn't say I enjoy this because it would have been better if we had figured out a way to work together. It definitely wasn't a skill problem on anyone's part. It is often best to use your opponent's momentum and energy against them. If the problem you are dealing with is other people, giving up is a reasonable default. If the problem is some challenging machine learning algorithm or other personal project I think you should be more cautious about walking away. This can turn into a bad habit. The fewer chefs you have in the kitchen, the easier it is to assign blame and figure out what the real issues are. You can become part of that refining process if you have the contingencies to endure this job market.
- wiseowise 11mo ago
  That’s still giving up. Just a fancy way of saying it. There’s nothing wrong with giving up.
zkmon 11mo ago
Modern upbringing of children is full of nonsense forced by business and political goals. Rhymes that go "rain, rain go away" etc. Values that prioritize and reward sales skills, TV shows that show telling lies and pretending is acceptable and fun, weirdness is desirable etc. Importance of presentation over core content and so on. We trained our mind to ignore and forget all animal instincts, body signals and wisdom acquired through ages. Of course, ancient battle wisdom from the East tells you how to approach issues - saama, daana, bhedha, danda - that is - make friends, negotiate, divide and rule, use force. At any point, if things look infeasible, retreat and avoid. Pure common sense.
- zwnow 11mo ago
  Social media established a hustle culture in young men, cost of living forces people to work without taking vacation. The modern trend is 72 hour weeks in Silicon Valley corporations. Houses are speculation objects rather than affordable homes for families. In this society you have to teach children early on about how money works and how to keep jobs or you'll find them in a vicious cycle of trying to afford life. Giving up simply is not an option for many people anymore.
  - mk89 11mo ago
    > In this society you have to teach children early on about how money works In this society? When and where was it ever different? First lesson of life should be "you work to buy your bread" followed by "nobody will ever give you something for free".
    - zwnow 11mo ago
      First lesson of life should be to show empathy towards other living beings. If the first lesson in life is "you work to buy your bread" and "nobody will ever give you something for free" you'll end up in a world filled with egoistical maniacs. Which unfortunately is where we are at the moment. Your second lesson is not even true considering I'd have unconditional love for my children/wife. Altruistic love in the form of give for the sake of giving, not give for the sake of receiving. People forget that we are strong together. Working together is actually the only way humanity got where its at until some maniacs invented slavery.
lkuty 11mo ago
This reminds me of Henri Laborit's book entitled "Eloge de la fuite" (in praise of flight) which states that when faced with stress, we can respond with action, flight, or inaction. Unlike the other two responses, inaction is toxic to the body. Maybe giving up corresponds to flight. I didn't read the article.
- maxidorius 11mo ago
  "fuite" is french which means to escape, to flee. Flight is only in context of planes or flying transportation. As for the sense of it, you're right, it's either do something, go away, or do nothing.
  - TylerE 11mo ago
    The usage is a bit archaic, but that's another meaning of flight. flight [flahyt] noun an act or instance of fleeing or running away; hasty departure.
    - rkomorn 11mo ago
      I honestly don't know how you define archaic here because it's very much a current usage of the word.
      - TylerE 11mo ago
        (of a linguistic form) commonly used in an earlier time but rare in present-day usage except to suggest the older time, as in religious rituals or historical novels. Examples. thou; wast; methinks; forsooth. Its usage isn’t extinct, but it is far less common than it used to be and IS largely extinct in casual day to day speech. We would say flee, run away, escape, or any of a dozen other things more often than “flight”
  - afandian 11mo ago
    What distinction do you draw between “flight” and “fleeing”? To me they are synonyms. From Cambridge.org: > (an act or example of) escape, running away, or avoiding something: > They lost all their possessions during their flight from the invading army.
Surac 11mo ago
I quit my job 2 months ago ago Best thing I have ever done. Only now I realize how toxic and unrealistic the projects I have done where
- mock-possum 11mo ago
  Woooooooow good for you. Must be nice to have quitting money. I’ve never once been able to afford being able to quit a job, and I’m like, closing in on 40 now.
  - randyrand 11mo ago
    You just need to limit your expenses more. It’s possible to live on $1000/month in the USA if you have a shared bedroom, dine-in, and skip medical insurance.
    - bongodongobob 11mo ago
      $1000/mo? Pff, that is luxury. Live on the streets, dumpster dive, forage and hunt for food, eat every other day, and you can get that down to $0. If you really need income you can take up sex work. $1000/mo, imagine!
      - deleted 11mo ago
        [deleted]
    - Balinares 11mo ago
      The "just stop eating avocado toast" advice is neither helpful nor thoughtful, friend.
      - kortilla 11mo ago
        That’s not “just stop eating avocado toast” advice. It’s advice to cut extremely high expenses. Avocado toast advice is dumb because it’s an expense that doesn’t move the needle.
merobin_hood 11mo ago
I gave up my well paying full time job to start my own mammoth, own intuition. Been 5 months now and mammoth is ready for the ride.
zduoduo 11mo ago
It is indeed true that giving up can be the best choice.
guytv 11mo ago
From my own entrepreneurship scars, the real curse is never knowing when “enough is enough.” If I’d pushed a little harder, would it have finally broken through? Figma, Airbnb, and the other freak successes only exist because they didn’t quit.
- randyrand 11mo ago
  I made $60K since launching a year ago, after 4 years of full time development. I feel delusional that I still want to keep working on it. I guess we’ll see how year 2 post-launch goes.
- bongodongobob 11mo ago
  People also waste entire decades because they didn't quit.
- coffeebeqn 11mo ago
  You shouldn’t be blinded by survivorship bias either. Some of the best decisions I’ve made is quit my startup or company when I see the writing on the wall that this is not salvageable by my sacrifices
- germandiago 11mo ago
  Inisisting, trying, experimentation, effort and not giving up makes a big difference. I suspect the reason is because most of the people, at that time, have surrendered already.
zywoo 11mo ago
This analysis is interesting, but I think there’s a small self-reference problem hidden in it: what exactly counts as an “impossible goal,” and who gets to decide that? It’s obviously true that some people chase almost “fantasy-level” ambitions. But for most of us, the reason we keep going is that, somewhere in the background, we still believe our goals are possible, possible enough to justify the time, effort, and even psychological pain. If some external standard comes along and declares “this is impossible, you should give up,” that can reduce stress in the short term, but it may also plant a long-term regret that keeps growing with age. Looking back on my own life, the goals I abandoned for internal reasons (“this no longer fits who I am / I don’t want to pay this price anymore”) are the ones I can live with. I learned from those failures and even feel a bit stronger because of them. The painful ones are the goals I dropped mainly because someone else convinced me they were impossible. Those still feel like open loops. So maybe the more useful takeaway isn’t “giving up is good,” but: keep reassessing your goals realistically as you grow. If, after a sober look at your skills and constraints, you still feel a goal is worth the cost, then commit and try. At least when you’re old and sitting in a chair somewhere, you’ll be less haunted by “I never even gave it a shot.”
- mk89 11mo ago
  I like your advice. It's like setting some metrics on your own progress and happiness level. On the other hand, sometimes without pushing, you won't be able to fully enjoy something "later". Stupid example: learning piano or guitar. Which metrics would you use? In addition, here the issue is also about children, not just grownups: when to stop paying for their "xyz" course? And how do you teach them when to stop/change? If we're able to guess that right, I guess we can educate children better to have better grownups.
- armada651 11mo ago
  > So maybe the more useful takeaway isn’t “giving up is good,” but: keep reassessing your goals realistically as you grow. This is ultimately what the article is talking about. It's not about giving up on your ultimate goal, it's about giving up on your current approach and finding other ways to progress towards your goal.
siva7 11mo ago
This piece is missing something important: Pain of letting go. Especially if you're sensitive to pain, you will be sensitive of letting go.
- danielmarkbruce 11mo ago
  That pain disappears really quickly in many cases...
  - siva7 11mo ago
    True, but it's like with needles for some people. Even if you know that pain is just quick and harmless, your brain will act like you're in live danger.
customer1 11mo ago
[flagged]
danielmarkbruce 11mo ago
i spend a lot of time looking at companies to buy for the company I work at. A decent number of them are in situations where they aren't doing well and the founders have had a very difficult 10 or so years and you can see the pain. They should have given up 8 years ago in most cases.
fud101 11mo ago
Any study involving so called meta-analyses is not worth reading on the basis of some scientific evidence, just call it a hot take and leave it at that. It might still be an interesting hot take, not to say this is or is not.
vintermann 11mo ago
I used to think David Bazan's "Winners Never Quit" was a little over the top, but with some modern "grindset" advocates, I feel like it's becoming less so. Save your applause for the end of the road.
bhawks 11mo ago
The author of the article obviously didn't read the paper. The paper's finding focuses on goal adjustment/flexibility being a functional response when encountering difficulty meeting a goal. Disengagement had correlations with impairment. Which probably tracks most people's life experience. https://www.nature.com/articles/s41562-025-02312-4 https://www.nature.com/articles/s41562-025-02312-4 | This interpretation aligns with our finding that dispositional flex- ibility, rather than more proximal disengagement or reengagement, more strongly predicts functioning. Notably, we observed a positive association between disengagement and impairment. Although this could reflect a ‘dark side’ of disengagement—where letting go of goals offers short-term relief but risks longer-term purposelessness and dysfunction11—this pattern was not evident in longitudinal or experi- mental studies. An alternative explanation is that the association is bidirectional, with impairment potentially prompting disengagement as a reactive strategy. Given these complexities, we advice caution in interpreting this finding and highlight the need for further research.
jamil7 11mo ago
In most trading advice, cutting loses as soon as possible and as emotionlessly as possible is emphasised heavily. It's also physiologically one of the hardest parts for people to do consistently.
bondarchuk 11mo ago
A nice article on the benefits of giving up from a magazine promoting religion under the guise of science. https://www.templeton.org/grant/nautilus-magazine https://www.templeton.org/grant/nautilus-magazine https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Templeton_Foundation https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Templeton_Foundation
constantcrying 11mo ago
It makes absolutely no sense to do an analysis of such a broad subject and then analyze it in such superficial detail. At least this article does nothing but give the most vague description of what might in general happen. It is of course obvious that any hard goal requires effort and effort is linked with a lot of "bad things". The whole article can be reduced to this. Trying requires effort and effort is hard.
pelagicAustral 11mo ago
The issue is that we live in an era were a 2-bedroom house is already something people can start giving up on. So the threshold for whats attainable is getting lower and lower, and soon enough just food will be enough.
- kakacik 11mo ago
  Its only an issue because people don't want to compromise on location, aka they want the most convenient place possible (because they 'deserve it'?), but half of other folks living and working in the area want exactly the same. And it doesn't really matter if we talk about SV or some other big enough city anywhere else, they all share the same situation. And commute is unacceptable, for some even 20 mins according to same topic being discussed also here ad nausea. Btw having a house is a luxury basically anywhere in the world, not sure why the baseline expectation is that its some UN-enforced basic human right. I for example lived, live and will live in apartments only which cost less than 50% of similarly-sized house and derive life satisfaction other things than gardening and constant upkeep of property. Really not getting this want-luxury-as-baseline mindset.
  - brianmcc 11mo ago
    No it's more because things have gotten worse. When people's parents could get an X-bedroomed house on a single parent's income, which they grew up in and developed their sense of aspiration and normality, but they cannot do so with joint really high incomes, there's a very tangible sense of progress having not just stalled but gone backwards.
  - Atreiden 11mo ago
    Nobody is claiming owning your residence is a basic right. We're talking about long term goals that you spend your professional life (read also: youth) working diligently towards. If the average person/family cannot work hard, save, and purchase their own safe, comfortable, living accommodations, the implication is that the landowning class will forever co-opt an increasing percentage of the economic surplus for one of the most essential goods - shelter. There is only so much adequately zoned land, and so much housing on that land. Populations, and increasing, and therefore so is demand. You are absolutely welcome to forego property ownership if you like. There are many benefits in terms of flexibility (e.g. ability to quickly move somewhere else). But this is typically not an economically advantageous move in the long term if you're staying rooted in one place. And having dealt with toxic, abusive landlords, there is an understated element of psychological safety to ownership. We're not just talking about big cities. We're talking about suburbs too, and even more "rural" areas that are still within a few hours of a city. Essentially where 90+% of the population actually lives. This is not a first-world-tech-bro complaint. It is a genuine economic problem for us that affects the vast majority of people who live here, and therefore the country as-a-whole. People would not have voted for a moronic despot had he not been promising what they've all been asking for - a radical reshaping of the system that hasn't been working for the vast majority. People cannot afford the American dream that they were promised, and they are angry about it.
subpixel 11mo ago
In my experience what matters most is understanding your goals, or lacking clear goals, what you want and enjoy. It’s remarkably easy to latch onto goals that seem like great ideas but ultimately don’t align to your own happiness. That’s not to knock ambition, but to frame it in the most practical terms. How will success actually and specifically benefit you?
- lisper 11mo ago
  Ron's second law: the hardest part of getting what you want is figuring out what it is.
- jebarker 11mo ago
  > It’s remarkably easy to latch onto goals that seem like great ideas but ultimately don’t align to your own happiness I wonder if the whole idea of goals and ambition being able to deliver happiness is wrong. Certainly whenever I’ve set a goal and achieve it nothing much changes in how I feel about life because I was hoping for too much and so must just find a new goal.
b3ing 11mo ago
Seth Godwin has a book about this called “the dip” it’s worth a read and isn’t too long, find it at your local library
- conorcleary 11mo ago
  Very relevant!
- zahlman 11mo ago
  > find it at your local library But what if I would prefer to buy "the dip"?
  - b3ing 11mo ago
    Check eBay
circlefavshape 11mo ago
I once spent 2 years working on a book about why you should give up on your dreams. Couldn't find anyone interested in publishing it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Distilled it down to 1. a 3-min song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fDnpZJI7jKw https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fDnpZJI7jKw 2. a 5-min talk https://youtu.be/U4ZnfCmTJMY?si=Ac_jVKnR-ARQilLu https://youtu.be/U4ZnfCmTJMY?si=Ac_jVKnR-ARQilLu
- circlefavshape 11mo ago
  tl;dr A dream is just a story you have made up, and the main character in the story isn't even the real you. Following a dream means sacrificing real happiness today trying to manifest imaginary happiness for an imaginary character in an imaginary future. Engage with your real life instead.
shevy-java 11mo ago
> Newer evidence suggests that ditching tough-to-attain goals > can actually be good for us. > adjusting our goals in response to stress or challenges, rather than grinding on, is often “a more appropriate and beneficial response.” It depends a lot on the goals. I give up often and quickly. One reason is ... lack of time. (And also lack of discipline, but lack of time is really one key reason I toss away many things these days. You live only once, at the least most of us.) There is, however had, one interesting study from psychology. I forgot the name, but they showed tests with kids as to "if you eat this now, you won't get an additional reward, but if you won't eat it for an hour, you get more lateron". Now this was not the setup, I am just quoting this from memory. The adults left the room so only the kid was there and some sweets on the table. It was quite convincingly shown that the kids with more discipline and will-power, aka who refused the sweets in order to get more reward lateron, were also more successful on average lateron. Or, at the least, avoided some problems such as drug addiction and what not. So I think the "benefits of giving up" has to be put in context. It depends on what and how you give up. I may not give up on A, but then I may not be able to do B, because of lack of time, lack of resources and so forth. So these are just trade-offs, but discipline and will-power are just about almost always really excellent traits to have or train for.
- _kblcuk_ 11mo ago
  "Marshmallow test": https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanford_marshmallow_experiment https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanford_marshmallow_experimen... It was also highlighted (recently?) iirc that it has little to do with discipline and will-power, but is surprisingly affected whether kids come from wealthy / "good" families (and thus can trust grown ups) vs kids coming from poorer / "troubled" families (and thus just leap at the opportunity and don't trust that they will actually get another marshmallow if they will wait).
- bryanrasmussen 11mo ago
  from what I remember of the described study the kids who showed more discipline were also the kids who had been conditioned to trust adults, the ones that had experienced that adults were untrustworthy did not have the discipline. so not sure if the conclusion that self-discipline is the cause of later life success is the moral of the study instead of kids with messed up parents have a worse time of it.
isolli 11mo ago
It reminds me of one of my favorite quotes: "You never finish, you give up." It was said speaking of art, but it could also apply to software projects :)
marcelr 11mo ago
by far the most helpful realization i had in the last decade was that i have severe limitations, and i have to give up constantly until i find the path of least resistance
- chadcmulligan 11mo ago
  Buddhists call it the middle way - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Middle_Way https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Middle_Way
  - conorcleary 11mo ago
    Thank you for extending my valid-excuses list!! /s
tony-john12 11mo ago
[flagged]
crazygringo 11mo ago
This is literally the reason that the emotion of frustration exists. Our brain is aware of when we stop making progress towards a goal we care about. The feeling of frustration builds until it becomes so strong it essentially forces us to stop. Then, to get rid of the emotion, we have to step back and reassess. And then either see if we should try a different approach to the problem, give up on the problem entirely, or triple-check that the same course of action is still worth pursuing and thus "re-energize" ourselves. If we never felt frustrated, we'd keep attempting futile goals for so much longer. When you feel frustrated, the answer is never to just ignore the feeling and try to "power through". It's to step back and reassess at the first opportunity.
- faeyanpiraat 11mo ago
  But sometimes you gotta power through it, you just need to plan for it in advance, so you might feel frustrated, but know you are not mad for not stopping.
  - crazygringo 11mo ago
    If you plan in advance that something will take a particular amount of effort, then you're not going to feel frustrated as long as it's within that amount of effort. You've already decided that the cost-benefit analysis is worth the cost. You start feeling frustrated when it takes longer than what you've planned for. When it's not going according to plan. And you need to step back and say, OK now is it still worth it...? Some things just can't be powered through. Frustration helps us realize that so that we don't waste more energy on things that don't seem accomplishable.
  - jjk166 11mo ago
    The feeling when you know you need to power through and just do something isn't frustration. Cleaning a dirty toilet isn't frustrating - it's unpleasant and unrewarding work that just needs to be done, but there is no feeling that it is substantially harder than it has to be. You may feel frustrated during the time period in which you are powering through a task, but that's almost always because you are frustrated that you are in a situation where you have to power through a task that probably could have been avoided, the task itself isn't frustrating.
Kiboneu 11mo ago
Yesterday I spent two hours looking for something that I thought I needed. Ten minutes in I thought of an alternative solution that wouldn’t require the item I was looking for. I wanted to do more interesting things, but I still /had/ to find it. I’d accidentally end up doing it again when I try to stop. A friend who was observing this tricked me into eating something, and then I was able to stop. If I forget a word mid conversation, I spend a lot of time trying to remember it. I can google or ask the chat bot, but emotionally I want to get there it on my own. I think that I’m addicted to the feeling I get when I find these things or solve a very difficult problem. After reading an earlier article about “aha” moments, I wonder if it’s the same circuit. Maybe there is also a natural predisposition for hunting in my brain, which is why food seems to help me get past these … moments.
rhelz 11mo ago
I've worked way, WAY harder on my failures than I did on my successes. My biggest failures always came from holding on to long.
_phnd_ 11mo ago
was gonna read this, but realised I didn't have to:D
- Minor49er 11mo ago
  It doesn't count as giving up if you never even started :P
bradlys 11mo ago
> But letting go and—crucially—reengaging with new goals, was found to restore purpose and well-being. Seems everyone here is kinda missing the point. It looks to be less about giving up and more about engaging with new goals. You find X goal is too hard to achieve and give up but also decide to pursue Y goal that is more achievable (and still has some fulfillment to it). I get that but doesn’t seem anything too radical… If I have impossible to achieve goals then I’d naturally be upset. Spending time on goals I feel I can accomplish is almost always going to be more fulfilling than doing ones that feel impossible.
ge96 11mo ago
I'm not sure if this falls under the same vein but in 2016 I just decided to stop paying my bills and I didn't have a job. I was just "free". I mean my life was imploding (and it did eg. 350s credit score/getting sued by debt collectors) but man I felt so free that time. I didn't have to get up/sleep at any particular time or be anywhere. I long to get back to that state (although with money saved/invested). And the goal isn't to do nothing but not to be forced to do anything. I'd feel the same when between employment like in 2023 the tech industry tanked so I could not get hired for a year (there were 6mo contracts which I did not accept). Before I decided to eat it and work at a factory, I was just watching TV/enjoying a couple months off (I had to sell all my possessions at a loss to get by). Eventually at the end of 2024 I did accept a 6mo contract that is now going beyond a year. The thing I didn't realize is the 6mo contract while short pays double a factory wage so it's like being employed for a year.
marcelr 11mo ago
giving up is a good tactic to see if an idea is any good good ideas are very hard to give up on go all the way there & imagine your life without this goal, and accept it if it forces its way back into your life multiple times, it might be a good idea wait for the conditions to arise where it becomes a possibility and execute
h4kunamata 11mo ago
My little list of things I gave up in life and increased my overall happiness and well-being beyond comprehension: 1. Job: I used to take job as my heaven, over-work, over-deliver, over everything. You are let go the moment the company please coz you are just a number. I stopped seeing workplace as heaven but as "it pays the bills", full stop. 2. Finance: Directly related to above, have an emergency saving preferably at least up to 6 months worth of paid bills. I have been layoff twice up to 5 months before finding a job. Nothing destroy you more than finance stress, giving up that fear of job loss alone will increase your well-being beyond your comprehension. Some people give up working altogether, we all will get old one day, your "giving up" must include that. 3. Cash/Minimalist: Give up having the latest phone model, the latest car model, the latest everything, nobody cares, and definitely not the people from your social media. Cash over debit card so you can easily see what you are spending on. Ban credit card and you will see money you didn't know you had. 4. Relationship: I never had much luck with it, but after ending a 6y long term relationship, I gave up. I have hobbies, pets, that is all I need. 5. Friendship: People will only show you their side that they wanna you to see, and not who they really are. Stop trying to please friends and you will see who are the real ones and who are after personal interest. This is me giving up and yet, being happier, healthier, eating better, etc, etc.
specproc 11mo ago
Going through a lot of changes right now and two lines are reverberating in my head. I was into punk as a kid, still am I guess, and there's this recurring motif in Rancid tracks: "the secret to a good life is knowing when you're through". Also recently had some words of wisdom I liked from a mate in his mid-sixties: "one door has got to close for another one to open".
- cindyllm 11mo ago
  [dead]
alan-jordan13 11mo ago
[dead]

243 points by jnord 11mo ago

>According to a review of more than 230 studies recently published in the journal Nature Human Behaviour, adjusting our goals in response to stress or challenges, rather than grinding on, is often “a more appropriate and beneficial response.” That is also what people who persist on the path of their goal do. And that's not giving up, as the title claims.

puppycodes 11mo ago

I think a better way to put this is the acknowledgement that resources are limited rather than giving up.

zduoduo 11mo ago
approval

hekkle 11mo ago

> The scientists also analyzed the impacts of these decisions. Giving up on goals was significantly linked to reduced stress, anxiety, and depression, for instance. This seems to be a correlation, not a causation. There are many studies that show Stress, Anxiety, and Depression are prevalent in people who are smarter than the average, due to factors such as heightened self-expectations, rumination on negative experiences, and awareness of negative aspects of the world. People who are smarter are more driven, which is how they develop their cognitive abilities. Giving up doesn't cause less anxiety, these people have less anxiety because they don't have the faculty to be affected by it.

danielmarkbruce 11mo ago
This is a clever insight. You are doomed to a life of anxiety.
wiseowise 11mo ago
> People who are smarter are more driven, which is how they develop their cognitive abilities. Giving up doesn't cause less anxiety, these people have less anxiety because they don't have the faculty to be affected by it. Ah, the old “I’m anxious therefore I’m smart, they’re not therefore they’re stupid”. Lol, get your head out of your ass.
- hekkle 11mo ago
  I never said I was anxious, assuming just makes an ass out of you. Also "I’m smart, they’re not therefore they’re stupid" said the person whose handle is WISEoWISE. Gee you must be super wise. Go back to Reddit troll.

stevenwoo 11mo ago

I just read an article on this subject last week and thought this was going to be a republication on a nautilus but it’s different authors and different stories - https://www.newscientist.com/article/2501420-why-giving-up-on-goals-is-good-for-you-and-how-to-know-which-to-ditch/ https://www.newscientist.com/article/2501420-why-giving-up-o... The nautilus story uses one meta study and the New Scientist has many individual citations with some quotes from scientists.

rramadass 11mo ago

Philosophy has had an answer all along; One should become aware of one’s deluded notion in which one thinks that ‘I belong to these objects of the world and my life depends upon them. I cannot live without them and they cannot exist without me, either.’ Then by profound enquiry, one contemplates ‘I do not belong to these objects, nor do these objects belong to me’. Thus abandoning the ego-sense through intense contemplation, one should playfully engage oneself in the actions that happen naturally, but with the heart and mind ever cool and tranquil. Such an abandonment of the ego-sense and the conditioning is known as the contemplative egolessness. -- from "Vasistha's Yoga" translated by Swami Venkatesananda.

zkmon 11mo ago
Such ego and delusions are results of mind wandering outside of the context provided by the instincts and senses.
- rramadass 11mo ago
  No. The ego-sense is the Mind in its capacity/function as self-identification. Its is called Ahamkara (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ahamkara https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ahamkara) and is an aspect of Antahkarana - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antahkarana https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antahkarana. It is fully capable of creating delusions from external (i.e. objects through the senses) or internal (i.e. objects through its own imagination) means.
  - zkmon 11mo ago
    Looking at biological evolution, purpose and functioning of instincts and senses is more useful and more grounded than abstract philosophies, in my opinion. We don't need to analyze mind and thoughts in a manner that is fully disconnected from biology. Mind is just an orchestrator of responses by processing of sensory information, memories and instincts. Actually, such processing and response can happen throughout the body as well to a limited extent.
    - 11mo ago

samdung 11mo ago

'When' does one give up? That is the question that needs an answer.

zkmon 11mo ago
Constantly assess the cost and benefit for future scenarios. Give up when the cost goes too high and beats your risk appetite.
sayamqazi 11mo ago
ask chatGPT
dyauspitr 11mo ago
When you have enough money so you don’t have to work anymore. For most that’s never unfortunately.
sys_64738 11mo ago
In SW development the bar is constantly being set extra high expecting people to meet it constantly if they meet it once. Maybe some random unachievable internal date for some pointless goal for a back slap and a feel good headpat. Yeah, no. You will fail sooner or later as the denizens of management and PM-topia expect that is the norm. Better to relax and let every date be missed and tell them life's a bitch.
mcmoor 11mo ago
I mean this ran straight into Halting problem, and proven impossible to solve.

bob1029 11mo ago

I don't believe in "giving up" but I do believe in picking battles and leveraging higher order effects. A short term retreat to win a long term war. Walking away can be the best strategic option. For example, if you find yourself in strong disagreement with the current leadership at your company, instead of having cataclysmic battles every day on Teams, you could simply hand in your resignation letter and walk away while the boat is still afloat. Keep your chin up and firmly depart with grace. Short term, this looks exactly like giving up. Long term, it can surface the foundation of your arguments and force those higher up the chain (investors) to potentially come back to you and your arguments in the future (assuming you were actually right). I'm living this one right now. It's surreal watching people who attempted to game of thrones me ~every day get perp walked. I wouldn't say I enjoy this because it would have been better if we had figured out a way to work together. It definitely wasn't a skill problem on anyone's part. It is often best to use your opponent's momentum and energy against them. If the problem you are dealing with is other people, giving up is a reasonable default. If the problem is some challenging machine learning algorithm or other personal project I think you should be more cautious about walking away. This can turn into a bad habit. The fewer chefs you have in the kitchen, the easier it is to assign blame and figure out what the real issues are. You can become part of that refining process if you have the contingencies to endure this job market.

wiseowise 11mo ago
That’s still giving up. Just a fancy way of saying it. There’s nothing wrong with giving up.

zkmon 11mo ago

Modern upbringing of children is full of nonsense forced by business and political goals. Rhymes that go "rain, rain go away" etc. Values that prioritize and reward sales skills, TV shows that show telling lies and pretending is acceptable and fun, weirdness is desirable etc. Importance of presentation over core content and so on. We trained our mind to ignore and forget all animal instincts, body signals and wisdom acquired through ages. Of course, ancient battle wisdom from the East tells you how to approach issues - saama, daana, bhedha, danda - that is - make friends, negotiate, divide and rule, use force. At any point, if things look infeasible, retreat and avoid. Pure common sense.

zwnow 11mo ago
Social media established a hustle culture in young men, cost of living forces people to work without taking vacation. The modern trend is 72 hour weeks in Silicon Valley corporations. Houses are speculation objects rather than affordable homes for families. In this society you have to teach children early on about how money works and how to keep jobs or you'll find them in a vicious cycle of trying to afford life. Giving up simply is not an option for many people anymore.
- mk89 11mo ago
  > In this society you have to teach children early on about how money works In this society? When and where was it ever different? First lesson of life should be "you work to buy your bread" followed by "nobody will ever give you something for free".
  - zwnow 11mo ago
    First lesson of life should be to show empathy towards other living beings. If the first lesson in life is "you work to buy your bread" and "nobody will ever give you something for free" you'll end up in a world filled with egoistical maniacs. Which unfortunately is where we are at the moment. Your second lesson is not even true considering I'd have unconditional love for my children/wife. Altruistic love in the form of give for the sake of giving, not give for the sake of receiving. People forget that we are strong together. Working together is actually the only way humanity got where its at until some maniacs invented slavery.

lkuty 11mo ago

This reminds me of Henri Laborit's book entitled "Eloge de la fuite" (in praise of flight) which states that when faced with stress, we can respond with action, flight, or inaction. Unlike the other two responses, inaction is toxic to the body. Maybe giving up corresponds to flight. I didn't read the article.

maxidorius 11mo ago
"fuite" is french which means to escape, to flee. Flight is only in context of planes or flying transportation. As for the sense of it, you're right, it's either do something, go away, or do nothing.
- TylerE 11mo ago
  The usage is a bit archaic, but that's another meaning of flight. flight [flahyt] noun an act or instance of fleeing or running away; hasty departure.
  - rkomorn 11mo ago
    I honestly don't know how you define archaic here because it's very much a current usage of the word.
    - TylerE 11mo ago
      (of a linguistic form) commonly used in an earlier time but rare in present-day usage except to suggest the older time, as in religious rituals or historical novels. Examples. thou; wast; methinks; forsooth. Its usage isn’t extinct, but it is far less common than it used to be and IS largely extinct in casual day to day speech. We would say flee, run away, escape, or any of a dozen other things more often than “flight”
- afandian 11mo ago
  What distinction do you draw between “flight” and “fleeing”? To me they are synonyms. From Cambridge.org: > (an act or example of) escape, running away, or avoiding something: > They lost all their possessions during their flight from the invading army.

Surac 11mo ago

I quit my job 2 months ago ago Best thing I have ever done. Only now I realize how toxic and unrealistic the projects I have done where

mock-possum 11mo ago
Woooooooow good for you. Must be nice to have quitting money. I’ve never once been able to afford being able to quit a job, and I’m like, closing in on 40 now.
- randyrand 11mo ago
  You just need to limit your expenses more. It’s possible to live on $1000/month in the USA if you have a shared bedroom, dine-in, and skip medical insurance.
  - bongodongobob 11mo ago
    $1000/mo? Pff, that is luxury. Live on the streets, dumpster dive, forage and hunt for food, eat every other day, and you can get that down to $0. If you really need income you can take up sex work. $1000/mo, imagine!
    - deleted 11mo ago
      [deleted]
  - Balinares 11mo ago
    The "just stop eating avocado toast" advice is neither helpful nor thoughtful, friend.
    - kortilla 11mo ago
      That’s not “just stop eating avocado toast” advice. It’s advice to cut extremely high expenses. Avocado toast advice is dumb because it’s an expense that doesn’t move the needle.

merobin_hood 11mo ago

I gave up my well paying full time job to start my own mammoth, own intuition. Been 5 months now and mammoth is ready for the ride.

zduoduo 11mo ago

It is indeed true that giving up can be the best choice.

guytv 11mo ago

From my own entrepreneurship scars, the real curse is never knowing when “enough is enough.” If I’d pushed a little harder, would it have finally broken through? Figma, Airbnb, and the other freak successes only exist because they didn’t quit.

randyrand 11mo ago
I made $60K since launching a year ago, after 4 years of full time development. I feel delusional that I still want to keep working on it. I guess we’ll see how year 2 post-launch goes.
bongodongobob 11mo ago
People also waste entire decades because they didn't quit.
coffeebeqn 11mo ago
You shouldn’t be blinded by survivorship bias either. Some of the best decisions I’ve made is quit my startup or company when I see the writing on the wall that this is not salvageable by my sacrifices
germandiago 11mo ago
Inisisting, trying, experimentation, effort and not giving up makes a big difference. I suspect the reason is because most of the people, at that time, have surrendered already.

zywoo 11mo ago

This analysis is interesting, but I think there’s a small self-reference problem hidden in it: what exactly counts as an “impossible goal,” and who gets to decide that? It’s obviously true that some people chase almost “fantasy-level” ambitions. But for most of us, the reason we keep going is that, somewhere in the background, we still believe our goals are possible, possible enough to justify the time, effort, and even psychological pain. If some external standard comes along and declares “this is impossible, you should give up,” that can reduce stress in the short term, but it may also plant a long-term regret that keeps growing with age. Looking back on my own life, the goals I abandoned for internal reasons (“this no longer fits who I am / I don’t want to pay this price anymore”) are the ones I can live with. I learned from those failures and even feel a bit stronger because of them. The painful ones are the goals I dropped mainly because someone else convinced me they were impossible. Those still feel like open loops. So maybe the more useful takeaway isn’t “giving up is good,” but: keep reassessing your goals realistically as you grow. If, after a sober look at your skills and constraints, you still feel a goal is worth the cost, then commit and try. At least when you’re old and sitting in a chair somewhere, you’ll be less haunted by “I never even gave it a shot.”

mk89 11mo ago
I like your advice. It's like setting some metrics on your own progress and happiness level. On the other hand, sometimes without pushing, you won't be able to fully enjoy something "later". Stupid example: learning piano or guitar. Which metrics would you use? In addition, here the issue is also about children, not just grownups: when to stop paying for their "xyz" course? And how do you teach them when to stop/change? If we're able to guess that right, I guess we can educate children better to have better grownups.
armada651 11mo ago
> So maybe the more useful takeaway isn’t “giving up is good,” but: keep reassessing your goals realistically as you grow. This is ultimately what the article is talking about. It's not about giving up on your ultimate goal, it's about giving up on your current approach and finding other ways to progress towards your goal.

siva7 11mo ago

This piece is missing something important: Pain of letting go. Especially if you're sensitive to pain, you will be sensitive of letting go.

danielmarkbruce 11mo ago
That pain disappears really quickly in many cases...
- siva7 11mo ago
  True, but it's like with needles for some people. Even if you know that pain is just quick and harmless, your brain will act like you're in live danger.

customer1 11mo ago

[flagged]

danielmarkbruce 11mo ago

i spend a lot of time looking at companies to buy for the company I work at. A decent number of them are in situations where they aren't doing well and the founders have had a very difficult 10 or so years and you can see the pain. They should have given up 8 years ago in most cases.

fud101 11mo ago

Any study involving so called meta-analyses is not worth reading on the basis of some scientific evidence, just call it a hot take and leave it at that. It might still be an interesting hot take, not to say this is or is not.

vintermann 11mo ago

I used to think David Bazan's "Winners Never Quit" was a little over the top, but with some modern "grindset" advocates, I feel like it's becoming less so. Save your applause for the end of the road.

bhawks 11mo ago

The author of the article obviously didn't read the paper. The paper's finding focuses on goal adjustment/flexibility being a functional response when encountering difficulty meeting a goal. Disengagement had correlations with impairment. Which probably tracks most people's life experience. https://www.nature.com/articles/s41562-025-02312-4 https://www.nature.com/articles/s41562-025-02312-4 | This interpretation aligns with our finding that dispositional flex- ibility, rather than more proximal disengagement or reengagement, more strongly predicts functioning. Notably, we observed a positive association between disengagement and impairment. Although this could reflect a ‘dark side’ of disengagement—where letting go of goals offers short-term relief but risks longer-term purposelessness and dysfunction11—this pattern was not evident in longitudinal or experi- mental studies. An alternative explanation is that the association is bidirectional, with impairment potentially prompting disengagement as a reactive strategy. Given these complexities, we advice caution in interpreting this finding and highlight the need for further research.

jamil7 11mo ago

In most trading advice, cutting loses as soon as possible and as emotionlessly as possible is emphasised heavily. It's also physiologically one of the hardest parts for people to do consistently.

bondarchuk 11mo ago

A nice article on the benefits of giving up from a magazine promoting religion under the guise of science. https://www.templeton.org/grant/nautilus-magazine https://www.templeton.org/grant/nautilus-magazine https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Templeton_Foundation https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Templeton_Foundation

constantcrying 11mo ago

It makes absolutely no sense to do an analysis of such a broad subject and then analyze it in such superficial detail. At least this article does nothing but give the most vague description of what might in general happen. It is of course obvious that any hard goal requires effort and effort is linked with a lot of "bad things". The whole article can be reduced to this. Trying requires effort and effort is hard.

pelagicAustral 11mo ago

The issue is that we live in an era were a 2-bedroom house is already something people can start giving up on. So the threshold for whats attainable is getting lower and lower, and soon enough just food will be enough.

kakacik 11mo ago
Its only an issue because people don't want to compromise on location, aka they want the most convenient place possible (because they 'deserve it'?), but half of other folks living and working in the area want exactly the same. And it doesn't really matter if we talk about SV or some other big enough city anywhere else, they all share the same situation. And commute is unacceptable, for some even 20 mins according to same topic being discussed also here ad nausea. Btw having a house is a luxury basically anywhere in the world, not sure why the baseline expectation is that its some UN-enforced basic human right. I for example lived, live and will live in apartments only which cost less than 50% of similarly-sized house and derive life satisfaction other things than gardening and constant upkeep of property. Really not getting this want-luxury-as-baseline mindset.
- brianmcc 11mo ago
  No it's more because things have gotten worse. When people's parents could get an X-bedroomed house on a single parent's income, which they grew up in and developed their sense of aspiration and normality, but they cannot do so with joint really high incomes, there's a very tangible sense of progress having not just stalled but gone backwards.
- Atreiden 11mo ago
  Nobody is claiming owning your residence is a basic right. We're talking about long term goals that you spend your professional life (read also: youth) working diligently towards. If the average person/family cannot work hard, save, and purchase their own safe, comfortable, living accommodations, the implication is that the landowning class will forever co-opt an increasing percentage of the economic surplus for one of the most essential goods - shelter. There is only so much adequately zoned land, and so much housing on that land. Populations, and increasing, and therefore so is demand. You are absolutely welcome to forego property ownership if you like. There are many benefits in terms of flexibility (e.g. ability to quickly move somewhere else). But this is typically not an economically advantageous move in the long term if you're staying rooted in one place. And having dealt with toxic, abusive landlords, there is an understated element of psychological safety to ownership. We're not just talking about big cities. We're talking about suburbs too, and even more "rural" areas that are still within a few hours of a city. Essentially where 90+% of the population actually lives. This is not a first-world-tech-bro complaint. It is a genuine economic problem for us that affects the vast majority of people who live here, and therefore the country as-a-whole. People would not have voted for a moronic despot had he not been promising what they've all been asking for - a radical reshaping of the system that hasn't been working for the vast majority. People cannot afford the American dream that they were promised, and they are angry about it.

subpixel 11mo ago

In my experience what matters most is understanding your goals, or lacking clear goals, what you want and enjoy. It’s remarkably easy to latch onto goals that seem like great ideas but ultimately don’t align to your own happiness. That’s not to knock ambition, but to frame it in the most practical terms. How will success actually and specifically benefit you?

lisper 11mo ago
Ron's second law: the hardest part of getting what you want is figuring out what it is.
jebarker 11mo ago
> It’s remarkably easy to latch onto goals that seem like great ideas but ultimately don’t align to your own happiness I wonder if the whole idea of goals and ambition being able to deliver happiness is wrong. Certainly whenever I’ve set a goal and achieve it nothing much changes in how I feel about life because I was hoping for too much and so must just find a new goal.

b3ing 11mo ago

Seth Godwin has a book about this called “the dip” it’s worth a read and isn’t too long, find it at your local library

conorcleary 11mo ago
Very relevant!
zahlman 11mo ago
> find it at your local library But what if I would prefer to buy "the dip"?
- b3ing 11mo ago
  Check eBay

circlefavshape 11mo ago

I once spent 2 years working on a book about why you should give up on your dreams. Couldn't find anyone interested in publishing it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Distilled it down to 1. a 3-min song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fDnpZJI7jKw https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fDnpZJI7jKw 2. a 5-min talk https://youtu.be/U4ZnfCmTJMY?si=Ac_jVKnR-ARQilLu https://youtu.be/U4ZnfCmTJMY?si=Ac_jVKnR-ARQilLu

circlefavshape 11mo ago
tl;dr A dream is just a story you have made up, and the main character in the story isn't even the real you. Following a dream means sacrificing real happiness today trying to manifest imaginary happiness for an imaginary character in an imaginary future. Engage with your real life instead.

shevy-java 11mo ago

> Newer evidence suggests that ditching tough-to-attain goals > can actually be good for us. > adjusting our goals in response to stress or challenges, rather than grinding on, is often “a more appropriate and beneficial response.” It depends a lot on the goals. I give up often and quickly. One reason is ... lack of time. (And also lack of discipline, but lack of time is really one key reason I toss away many things these days. You live only once, at the least most of us.) There is, however had, one interesting study from psychology. I forgot the name, but they showed tests with kids as to "if you eat this now, you won't get an additional reward, but if you won't eat it for an hour, you get more lateron". Now this was not the setup, I am just quoting this from memory. The adults left the room so only the kid was there and some sweets on the table. It was quite convincingly shown that the kids with more discipline and will-power, aka who refused the sweets in order to get more reward lateron, were also more successful on average lateron. Or, at the least, avoided some problems such as drug addiction and what not. So I think the "benefits of giving up" has to be put in context. It depends on what and how you give up. I may not give up on A, but then I may not be able to do B, because of lack of time, lack of resources and so forth. So these are just trade-offs, but discipline and will-power are just about almost always really excellent traits to have or train for.

_kblcuk_ 11mo ago
"Marshmallow test": https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanford_marshmallow_experiment https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanford_marshmallow_experimen... It was also highlighted (recently?) iirc that it has little to do with discipline and will-power, but is surprisingly affected whether kids come from wealthy / "good" families (and thus can trust grown ups) vs kids coming from poorer / "troubled" families (and thus just leap at the opportunity and don't trust that they will actually get another marshmallow if they will wait).
bryanrasmussen 11mo ago
from what I remember of the described study the kids who showed more discipline were also the kids who had been conditioned to trust adults, the ones that had experienced that adults were untrustworthy did not have the discipline. so not sure if the conclusion that self-discipline is the cause of later life success is the moral of the study instead of kids with messed up parents have a worse time of it.

isolli 11mo ago

It reminds me of one of my favorite quotes: "You never finish, you give up." It was said speaking of art, but it could also apply to software projects :)

marcelr 11mo ago

by far the most helpful realization i had in the last decade was that i have severe limitations, and i have to give up constantly until i find the path of least resistance

chadcmulligan 11mo ago
Buddhists call it the middle way - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Middle_Way https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Middle_Way
- conorcleary 11mo ago
  Thank you for extending my valid-excuses list!! /s

tony-john12 11mo ago

[flagged]

crazygringo 11mo ago

This is literally the reason that the emotion of frustration exists. Our brain is aware of when we stop making progress towards a goal we care about. The feeling of frustration builds until it becomes so strong it essentially forces us to stop. Then, to get rid of the emotion, we have to step back and reassess. And then either see if we should try a different approach to the problem, give up on the problem entirely, or triple-check that the same course of action is still worth pursuing and thus "re-energize" ourselves. If we never felt frustrated, we'd keep attempting futile goals for so much longer. When you feel frustrated, the answer is never to just ignore the feeling and try to "power through". It's to step back and reassess at the first opportunity.

faeyanpiraat 11mo ago
But sometimes you gotta power through it, you just need to plan for it in advance, so you might feel frustrated, but know you are not mad for not stopping.
- crazygringo 11mo ago
  If you plan in advance that something will take a particular amount of effort, then you're not going to feel frustrated as long as it's within that amount of effort. You've already decided that the cost-benefit analysis is worth the cost. You start feeling frustrated when it takes longer than what you've planned for. When it's not going according to plan. And you need to step back and say, OK now is it still worth it...? Some things just can't be powered through. Frustration helps us realize that so that we don't waste more energy on things that don't seem accomplishable.
- jjk166 11mo ago
  The feeling when you know you need to power through and just do something isn't frustration. Cleaning a dirty toilet isn't frustrating - it's unpleasant and unrewarding work that just needs to be done, but there is no feeling that it is substantially harder than it has to be. You may feel frustrated during the time period in which you are powering through a task, but that's almost always because you are frustrated that you are in a situation where you have to power through a task that probably could have been avoided, the task itself isn't frustrating.

Kiboneu 11mo ago

Yesterday I spent two hours looking for something that I thought I needed. Ten minutes in I thought of an alternative solution that wouldn’t require the item I was looking for. I wanted to do more interesting things, but I still /had/ to find it. I’d accidentally end up doing it again when I try to stop. A friend who was observing this tricked me into eating something, and then I was able to stop. If I forget a word mid conversation, I spend a lot of time trying to remember it. I can google or ask the chat bot, but emotionally I want to get there it on my own. I think that I’m addicted to the feeling I get when I find these things or solve a very difficult problem. After reading an earlier article about “aha” moments, I wonder if it’s the same circuit. Maybe there is also a natural predisposition for hunting in my brain, which is why food seems to help me get past these … moments.

rhelz 11mo ago

I've worked way, WAY harder on my failures than I did on my successes. My biggest failures always came from holding on to long.

_phnd_ 11mo ago

was gonna read this, but realised I didn't have to:D

Minor49er 11mo ago
It doesn't count as giving up if you never even started :P

bradlys 11mo ago

> But letting go and—crucially—reengaging with new goals, was found to restore purpose and well-being. Seems everyone here is kinda missing the point. It looks to be less about giving up and more about engaging with new goals. You find X goal is too hard to achieve and give up but also decide to pursue Y goal that is more achievable (and still has some fulfillment to it). I get that but doesn’t seem anything too radical… If I have impossible to achieve goals then I’d naturally be upset. Spending time on goals I feel I can accomplish is almost always going to be more fulfilling than doing ones that feel impossible.

ge96 11mo ago

I'm not sure if this falls under the same vein but in 2016 I just decided to stop paying my bills and I didn't have a job. I was just "free". I mean my life was imploding (and it did eg. 350s credit score/getting sued by debt collectors) but man I felt so free that time. I didn't have to get up/sleep at any particular time or be anywhere. I long to get back to that state (although with money saved/invested). And the goal isn't to do nothing but not to be forced to do anything. I'd feel the same when between employment like in 2023 the tech industry tanked so I could not get hired for a year (there were 6mo contracts which I did not accept). Before I decided to eat it and work at a factory, I was just watching TV/enjoying a couple months off (I had to sell all my possessions at a loss to get by). Eventually at the end of 2024 I did accept a 6mo contract that is now going beyond a year. The thing I didn't realize is the 6mo contract while short pays double a factory wage so it's like being employed for a year.

marcelr 11mo ago

giving up is a good tactic to see if an idea is any good good ideas are very hard to give up on go all the way there & imagine your life without this goal, and accept it if it forces its way back into your life multiple times, it might be a good idea wait for the conditions to arise where it becomes a possibility and execute

h4kunamata 11mo ago

My little list of things I gave up in life and increased my overall happiness and well-being beyond comprehension: 1. Job: I used to take job as my heaven, over-work, over-deliver, over everything. You are let go the moment the company please coz you are just a number. I stopped seeing workplace as heaven but as "it pays the bills", full stop. 2. Finance: Directly related to above, have an emergency saving preferably at least up to 6 months worth of paid bills. I have been layoff twice up to 5 months before finding a job. Nothing destroy you more than finance stress, giving up that fear of job loss alone will increase your well-being beyond your comprehension. Some people give up working altogether, we all will get old one day, your "giving up" must include that. 3. Cash/Minimalist: Give up having the latest phone model, the latest car model, the latest everything, nobody cares, and definitely not the people from your social media. Cash over debit card so you can easily see what you are spending on. Ban credit card and you will see money you didn't know you had. 4. Relationship: I never had much luck with it, but after ending a 6y long term relationship, I gave up. I have hobbies, pets, that is all I need. 5. Friendship: People will only show you their side that they wanna you to see, and not who they really are. Stop trying to please friends and you will see who are the real ones and who are after personal interest. This is me giving up and yet, being happier, healthier, eating better, etc, etc.

specproc 11mo ago

Going through a lot of changes right now and two lines are reverberating in my head. I was into punk as a kid, still am I guess, and there's this recurring motif in Rancid tracks: "the secret to a good life is knowing when you're through". Also recently had some words of wisdom I liked from a mate in his mid-sixties: "one door has got to close for another one to open".

cindyllm 11mo ago
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alan-jordan13 11mo ago

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