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I don't particularly enjoy it, nor does the wife. But if erotic choking is consensual amongst two adults, what exactly is the issue? Are we to start policing

I don't particularly enjoy it, nor does the wife. But if erotic choking is consensual amongst two adults, what exactly is the issue? Are we to start policing how people enjoy fucking?

add-sub-mul-div 1y ago
You're replying to someone who conflates this type of practice with abuse. They are not educated, not curious, and you are not going to have a productive conversation with them.
- surgical_fire 1y ago
  I would agree that this is abuse if it was not consensual. But that is not what the linked article says. The article does point out that there are risks with the practice, but if consensual it is only a matter of safety and education, not abuse.
SpicyLemonZest 1y ago
I don't follow the argument. In the sphere of gender roles, for example, I absolutely believe that adults should be allowed to set up whatever arrangements are best for them. I would never walk up to a traditionalist couple and demand that they set up their relationship how I'd prefer. But I would still find it very concerning to hear that most young men expect their wives to not work or not make male friends, even if young women accepted it.
- surgical_fire 1y ago
  > But I would still find it very concerning to hear that most young men expect their wives to not work or not make male friends, even if young women accepted it. How is this in anyway related to what I said? Were you attempting to reply to someone else?
  - SpicyLemonZest 1y ago
    I think that choking your partner is presumptively physical abuse, in the same way that controlling who your partner can talk to is presumptively emotional abuse. It’s possible to consent to these things, sure, and if some individual tells me they’ve thought it over and genuinely want it it’s not my place to contradict them. But it’s also quite easy to not consent, or to frame mere acquiescence as consent in response to social pressure. I’m intensely skeptical that this is the one kind of gendered violence against women that’s pursued primarily for benign, consent-respecting reasons.
    - surgical_fire 1y ago
      > It’s possible to consent to these things Some people have odd kinks. While it may weird you out (and in many ways it weirds me out too) I am far less judgemental about it. If people want to be choked while fucking, well, by all means, as long as I am not involved. Most kinks I hear about are things I have no desire to experiment myself. > I’m intensely skeptical that this is the one kind of gendered violence against women Why do you presume that women are the only ones being choked? And also why do you presume that a consenting adult is actually not consenting to something they are actively engaging in? Why infantilize people like that?

I don't particularly enjoy it, nor does the wife. But if erotic choking is consensual amongst two adults, what exactly is the issue? Are we to start policing how people enjoy fucking?

add-sub-mul-div 1y ago

You're replying to someone who conflates this type of practice with abuse. They are not educated, not curious, and you are not going to have a productive conversation with them.

surgical_fire 1y ago
I would agree that this is abuse if it was not consensual. But that is not what the linked article says. The article does point out that there are risks with the practice, but if consensual it is only a matter of safety and education, not abuse.

SpicyLemonZest 1y ago

I don't follow the argument. In the sphere of gender roles, for example, I absolutely believe that adults should be allowed to set up whatever arrangements are best for them. I would never walk up to a traditionalist couple and demand that they set up their relationship how I'd prefer. But I would still find it very concerning to hear that most young men expect their wives to not work or not make male friends, even if young women accepted it.

surgical_fire 1y ago
> But I would still find it very concerning to hear that most young men expect their wives to not work or not make male friends, even if young women accepted it. How is this in anyway related to what I said? Were you attempting to reply to someone else?
- SpicyLemonZest 1y ago
  I think that choking your partner is presumptively physical abuse, in the same way that controlling who your partner can talk to is presumptively emotional abuse. It’s possible to consent to these things, sure, and if some individual tells me they’ve thought it over and genuinely want it it’s not my place to contradict them. But it’s also quite easy to not consent, or to frame mere acquiescence as consent in response to social pressure. I’m intensely skeptical that this is the one kind of gendered violence against women that’s pursued primarily for benign, consent-respecting reasons.
  - surgical_fire 1y ago
    > It’s possible to consent to these things Some people have odd kinks. While it may weird you out (and in many ways it weirds me out too) I am far less judgemental about it. If people want to be choked while fucking, well, by all means, as long as I am not involved. Most kinks I hear about are things I have no desire to experiment myself. > I’m intensely skeptical that this is the one kind of gendered violence against women Why do you presume that women are the only ones being choked? And also why do you presume that a consenting adult is actually not consenting to something they are actively engaging in? Why infantilize people like that?