16 ms·

I do not remember my life and it's fine

• andoando 1y ago
  > "Write about a time during your university studies in which you faced a difficult problem, and what you did to overcome it." I assume these are difficult for anyone who hasn't prepared for them. I've always attributed this to the fact that we usually never categorize/conceptualize events in these terms in the first place.
  • paulcole 1y ago
    What do you mean “hasn’t prepared for them”? Isn’t just living and thinking preparing for questions like this? They’re not that hard.
    • deleted 1y ago
      [deleted]
    • numeri 1y ago
      They're definitely quite hard for me. I bet my colleagues, friends or family could answer them for me better than I can without prep (which would involve chatting with my wife). Many of the experiences in this article resonate with me, but it's definitely not quite as extreme.
    • malwrar 1y ago
      I don’t think about my life and experiences that way. It’s hard for me to just reach into my past and pick some specific instance of an arbitrary experience category in a portable story form. I have to prep, or otherwise just hope I don’t do bad enough that it damages my prospects.
      • sh34r 1y ago
        I could do it really easily if I had 30 minutes to write it out. Doing it in a conversation, though? I might prefer being waterboarded. I'll remember a much better example less than an hour after the call ends, too. I'm convinced neurotypical people just lie through their teeth in these STAR interviews. It'd be so easy to just tell them some bullshit story. It sure seems like they only want to hear some absolute bullshit.
        • sensanaty 1y ago
          I mean yeah, you should lie in interviews. Mind you I don't mean make up ridiculous fabrications like "I single-handedly saved the entire company from bankruptcy", more like little white lies and twisting of real truth to make for a better story. It's unfortunate that that's how it has to be done, but it's an adversarial circumstance to begin with, so I understand why people do it even if I'd prefer to not have to. Companies absolutely will lie and cheat if they can get away with it, for example by saying their hiring budget is only X amount for the role when the recruiter knows full well the real budget is X + 20,000. They will absolutely lie about things like PTO and flexibility. So there's no reason for you not to also engage in it, because you're really only screwing yourself over if you don't. It's unfortunate, but that's the system we've built.
          • sh34r 1y ago
            I’m used to embellishing things a bit, telling a more favorable story of the truth. That is categorically different from what hiring panels crave now. People used to be able to smell flagrant bullshit. Now, they don’t just fall for it. They reject everything but bullshit. They want you to pretend like you were a cowboy coder in a regulated environment where redundancy is a requirement, not a dirty word. I dunno if they’ve just spent too much time chatting to stochastic parrots, if we desperately need to bring back onsite interviews, or if HR is deliberately sabotaging anyone with integrity. God knows only a psychopath could work in HR and still sleep at night. But you’re right. Let them eat slop.
    • 1xdevnet 1y ago
      Presumably for interviews - specifically STAR[0] format. And no, "just living and thinking" isn't preparing for this. Not everyone thinks in that manner. [0] - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Situation,_task,_action,_result https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Situation,_task,_action,_resul...
    • stephen_g 1y ago
      I'd have to think for a few minutes to really come up with good examples because it's basically going over a huge number of random memories and re-categorising them into a framework that's completely different to how they're stored in my memory. This is even with me having (I believe) pretty good autobiographical memory with not really any of the deficiencies talked about in the article. Off the top of my head without really stopping and thinking for a while I can often only come up with some boring and generic examples.
    • cstrahan 1y ago
      I often can’t remember what I did the previous week / weekend before that. I’m 36, and this is how I’ve been for as long as I can remember (our high school had alternating daily class schedules, and I very often forgot if the day before was an A schedule or B schedule, as I could recall some random moments in class from the past handful of days but I couldn’t tell if one recollection was of yesterday or the day before, or the day before that — it’s all a jumble). To expand on that: questions about travel are my Achilles heel when it comes to dating. “So, where have you been, and what did you do while there?” Well, I took a trip to Iceland with my ex-girlfriend, and I’ve been all over the place with my family, but… I don’t remember the names of the places, and I don’t remember all that much of historical sites and such. Probably doesn’t help that I’m not all that engaged with the names of places / things to start with (vs simply experiencing the thing itself), so that’s in one ear and out the other. What I do recall is conversation and feelings of connectedness, and a couple snapshots of particularly picturesque scenery. But which cities? Which museums/sites/regions? What did I do while there? No idea. I actually rehearse such scenarios before dates to avoid an awkward first impression. I’m great at remembering how things are connected, why something is the way it is, and how things work. But I couldn’t remember individual facts (names, numbers, the chronological order of independent experiences, etc) to save my life. But most of life is made up of individual, isolated details — which then means that most of life isn’t very memorable for me.
      • imetatroll 1y ago
        I have very similar problems with remembering "events" that people typically like to share. I have traveled to many memorable places (for those who are able to) but my recollection in terms of details that would move a conversation forward is sparse at best. It is really frustrating to be honest. My memory problem spills into work and tech and makes me wonder if I am going to be able to employ myself for the next 20 years (as I need to) or not. The deluge of details and the constant change ... it is exhausting.
      • miriam_catira 1y ago
        I had the same setup in school- alternating schedules- and had to keep my schedule printed out in my bag to reference between almost every class, every day. I still have dreams (nightmares?) to this day about not knowing which class I was supposed to be going to next and ending up in the wrong place without the work done. I have to keep a list of everything in a doc of some sort or I can't remember anything I've "accomplished"... and I when I tell my coworkers that my memory resets every weekend and half of Monday is spent rediscovering what it is I'm supposed to be doing all week, they think I'm joking.
    • masternight 1y ago
      They're hard for me because the events that a lot of people consider achievements don't really stand out in my memory. Often I tend to forget they happened. I've solved some programming problems that I considered quite mundane and unremarkable, yet others think it was some great achievement. While it might have been hard at the time, in hindsight the events seem unremarkable and just me doing my routine duties. > "Write about a time during your university studies in which you faced a difficult problem, and what you did to overcome it." I guess the university example I could spin a story about how I failed a subject and had to repeat it and got high marks the second time round. The thing is I probably won't remember the event if I'm in an interview and under pressure. When I started writing this post, I couldn't think of anything difficult that I had to overcome in my CompSci degree. It took me a while to even remember failing that subject, and in hindsight I don't have any emotional attachment to the event. It just doesn't stand out in my memory as remarkable or interesting or even difficult. I did change up my tactics the second time around and did quite well in the subject, so I have material for a story. The problem is most of the time I don't even remember failing that subject. Even if I did remember, I'd probably dismiss it as I don't remember it being difficult.
      • bravesoul2 1y ago
        This I am finding a problem. If you are a senior developer you are leading every day and doing senior things but it is like walking. I don't remember each step I took. In the performance review you now need to say "On this Tuesday I needed to get from the salon to the baker so I initiated by motor neurone and walked out of the salon. This made me get there in 5 minutes which had the impact of my mum getting her cinnamon scroll" and you have to remember that happened. For those with worse memory this is an extra job. If you don't do it you get discriminated against.
        • quectophoton 1y ago
          in a job interview "Tell me about a time when you tripped over while commuting." "Tell me about a time when your feet touched each other during a walk." "Tell me about a time when you were facing north-east and a bus passed in front of you." [follow-up question] "What type of bus was it? [suburban, long distance, etc] You say you saw it, so walk me by your visual experience." If you have lived your life as a walking person, as you seem to imply by your comment, you surely have done these things multiple times, right? Failing to respond in a truthful and satisfactory manner will be counted heavily against you.
    • bravesoul2 1y ago
      "They are not that hard" yet apparently there is a medical term for people who would definitely find them hard mentioned early in the article.
    • khazhoux 1y ago
      Unlike you, many of us do not have instant recall of good stories to tell from our previous experiences. I have jobs I've spent four years at that right now I can only account for what might be 2 months of work. If I stop and think hard, I might squeeze out another 2 months of recollections.
  • scythe 1y ago
    I think what I find hardest about that kind of question in particular is that the first clause prompts me to think of problems that I didn't handle very well, but obviously I want to tell a story that makes me look good. Eventually I will probably think of the right story, after I throw out five or six of the wrong stories.
    • iamflimflam1 1y ago
      The ones you didn’t handle well are actually the most useful ones - it’s what you learned from that experience that the interviewer will find valuable. What did you change about your approach so that next time you face a difficult problem you’ll handle it well?
  • neilv 1y ago
    Yeah, this is mostly an interview prep thing. It's not nearly as bad and soul-sucking as Leetcode, but they both mostly answer the question of, "How much time did you spend preparing for interviews?" For those of us who sometimes have trouble with "tell me about a time..." interview questions, but have no trouble recalling relevant examples when discussing an actual real-world question... I wonder whether part of the problem is the interview context is activating different thinking, and maybe you just need to trick yourself with a mental prompt, like: "The interview is a colleague who is having trouble with a situation like this, and what advice would you give them, and what relevant supporting examples pop into mind? Great, now change gears, remember you're in a bad interview for some company that apparently does bad interviews, but don't tell the interviewer that, and instead carefully speak the most straightforward and uncontroversial example you thought of, in unhelpful STAR format. So that the interviewer can checkbox that you used STAR format. Bonus points if you can twist it to hit a Leadership Principle, and you should mention the Leadership Principle by name, so the interviewer doesn't miss it."
    • sh34r 1y ago
      [flagged]
  • InsideOutSanta 1y ago
    Yes, I think this is more of a retrieval issue than a memory issue. I have memories of most of the things I did in my work and studies, but I can't retrieve them based on an abstract query like "a difficult problem." When I get a question like this, I have to find a more concrete approach to retrieve things I did (e.g. "what kinds of problems did I work on together with Sarah in the Compiler Design class"), and then filter them for difficult things that had interesting solutions.
  • tstrimple 1y ago
    At some point I'd expect these questions to have come up enough for you to have some basis on which to speak. By the tenth interview asking a similar question, are you still trying to come up with something brand new on the spot? I have a lot of the issues mentioned in the article from face blindness to a general lack of memory around events. But I've talked about the time I accidentally ran "rm -Rf /." instead of "rm -Rf ./" on a production system on one of my first jobs and the lessons I'd taken away in probably over a dozen interviews during my life. I don't have to try to remember it. One of my favorite managers comes across as a very charismatic person who always had great stories to tell about his life and work. After working with him for years, it became clear he had half a dozen decent stories he could tell well and rotated through them. Enough new people were introduced and others enjoyed his stories so would encourage it "Tell them about the time you worked for the Canadian Mafia!" They were crafted by that point. He didn't have to "remember" them so much as they were tools in his belt that he could pull out on demand. I'd guarantee some of those stories come out when he interviews somewhere.
  • brabel 1y ago
    Pretty much and I think this is the most normal thing!? In fact most of what the author describes is exactly the same for me. Do you guys just remember everything clearly as you need it?? I am inclined to believe that if you can do that you are the one who’s not “normal “
• anon3459 1y ago
  Same
  • dpc_01234 1y ago
    Same.
• gchamonlive 1y ago
  I can create images with ease in my mind. It's very useful overall but I don't think it's particularly helpful for preserving memories. It's all a grayish blur with a tint of sun and green here and there and there are memories that I can recall almost as if I'm there, but this sentiment that big chunks of my life is totally lost I think is the same. I've also come to terms with it. I write down once and again on my journal. I try to crowdsource memories from friends. But what ultimately makes this ok for me is the prospect of creating new memories and the faith that the crucial lessons from past experiences are embedded in me. And if not it's always an opportunity to relearn everything with more attention. It's tiring but it can be very rewarding.
  • wat10000 1y ago
    Same for me. I can visualize fine, but the author’s description of their memory, or lack thereof, is exactly what I experience. The thing about spatial memory especially. I could draw a decent floor plan of every place I’ve lived since the age of about 4. Some of those places I’d struggle to tell you about any concrete events I experienced there. It isn’t something I’ve thought about too much. I’ve noticed that other people seem to remember events better, but it didn’t seem too remarkable. But the author’s presentation of this as anomalous really reframes it. They do say that only half of people who have this also have aphantasia, so we’d expect plenty of people without aphantasia too.
  • emmelaich 1y ago
    [dead]
• evanrelf 1y ago
  Wow this resonates so much with me. This is so similar to my own life experience.
• VonTum 1y ago
  My experience is similar to the SDAM described in the post. Indeed factual information, or things that are linked to locations are easy to access, yet more arbitrary information like "That one restaurant is named Fleep Burger" or "That person I met a while ago is named Bert" completely escape me. I do feel like it's a major disadvantage. I often have to act the part when people remenisce about important shared experiences that I was involved with. Luckily it does tend to only come rushing back when they tell me "Ah yes, it was in the mountain range with the red cabin", but that's usually past the point where I've already made a fool of myself
  • 1970-01-01 1y ago
    I've always attributed this to feeling that I truly don't care about some moments or scraps of information. Holding onto them is an entirely pointless chore for the mind, so we forget them by default. Mapping of physical space must be a very different form of memory, however. This doesn't seem to degrade very much over decades and decades of time.
• magicalhippo 1y ago
  I'm certain I got aphantasia, but while I don't "see" my memories, I have a very decent recollection of events in my life. Both my mom and my sister have said they were surprised at how well I recall things from my past. It's more like I "feel" I'm there though, and I know who was there, what items and such. I'm in my mid 40s, and could easily talk for several hours about when I was 4-6, for example, recalling events from that time. Of course some are a bit more fuzzy than others, but most memories capture the salient points. The weird thing is that if I see a name of someone I know, I don't picture them in my head, but if I see a face I've seen before, even briefly, I usually always recognize them. I'm terrible with names though.
• OptionOfT 1y ago
  This is exactly what I experience, and for me, this is a huge issue when it comes to 'selling myself', whether it is in an interview, or writing a self-assessment for a review. And just like the author, I couldn't answer questions about hard problems that I've solved, until someone pointed out a moment where I did something they would call an achievements. Now, at that moment I have the right references. It is still hard to talk about it as an achievement, but at least the recollection is there. And just like the author, I have an excellent spatial memory, remembering roads and direction, and the ability to use that to recall other details. I wonder how much of this is related with having ADHD, which often makes things feel like you're merely a spectator in your own mind. While I was never hungry as a child, and had access to a good education, the situation with between my parents had a lasting impact on me.
  • sReinwald 1y ago
    I can relate to this very strongly. The difficulty in 'selling yourself' by recalling specific achievements for interviews or performance reviews is a challenge I know all too well. Like you and the author, I have aphantasia (and possibly SDAM), but through self-reflection and quite a bit of therapy, I've come to believe this specific issue lies more firmly in the domain of ADHD. For me, the problem isn't just an inability to recall achievements, but a failure to feel a sense of achievement for almost anything in the first place. A very recent example from my own life illustrates this perfectly: For context, I struggled through university for about 12 years without a degree before receiving my ADHD diagnosis. Afterwards, I decided to switch careers and applied for an apprenticeship as an IT specialist for system integration, essentially a helpdesk/support role. Because of my self-taught skills, I was hired directly, skipping the apprenticeship. Intellectually, I know this was a very good outcome. In the 8 months since, I've taken on tasks far beyond my initial role - automating reports, working on internal tooling and a local AI solution, and developing customer-facing tools. Just yesterday, I was officially promoted to Test Automation Engineer with a 50% salary increase. And I know intellectually that going from applying for an apprenticeship to an engineering role in 8 months is a significant achievement. But I don't feel it as such. My dominant feeling is that, at 35, I'm finally just starting to catch up to my peers. To an outside observer, that probably sounds absurd. My working theory for this is that it's a mechanism very similar to the common ADHD experience of misplacing keys. The issue isn't a failure to recall the memory of where you put them. The problem is that the memory was never properly encoded in the first place, because your attention was already split between several other thoughts at that moment. You can't retrieve a memory that was never saved. I suspect something similar happens with achievements. If an event doesn't register emotionally as an "achievement" at the moment it happens, the brain doesn't file it under that tag. It just gets stored as another factual event - 'a thing that happened' - which makes it incredibly difficult to retrieve when a prompt like "tell me about a time you solved a hard problem" specifically asks for something from the 'achievements' file.
• neuroelectron 1y ago
  Very useful condition to have in certain situations where you're not socially allowed to notice certain patterns.
• joshgachnang 1y ago
  I don't have it as bad as the author, but I've run into this enough times I keep a couple running notes: challenges I overcame, achievements, and amusing stories to tell at social events. They definitely help to refresh my memory ahead of time.
• lukeholder 1y ago
  I thought everyone was like this? No one has a perfect memory. I’m sure it’s a very small slice of people who have their memories filed in a database like lookup system? Some memories stick, most don’t?
  • opan 1y ago
    Reading the article, I think I can do what the author can't, but I also think he probably imagines what he lacks to be more clear/detailed than it is for people without the issue. I can recall specific events from many years ago from my perspective, but it's tidbits, and the info feels lossy. The question he struggled with about past challenges is difficult for most people, I'd guess, but I do not think his issues are fake/normal because of that.
    • numeri 1y ago
      I think you're assuming more people are like you than actually are. This is part of the classic debate around aphantasia – both sides assume the other side is speaking more metaphorically, while they're speaking literally. E.g., "Surely he doesn't mean he literally can't visualize things, he just means it's not as sharp for him." or "Surely they don't literally mean they can see it, they're just imagining the list of details/attributes and pretending to see it."
      • notfed 1y ago
        When describing qualia, all words are metaphors. This subject is an unscientific minefield.
      • opan 1y ago
        >I think you're assuming more people are like you than actually are. What I'm trying to say is that from his perspective, how he imagines people with more "normal" memory recall things, might be a bit exaggerated. He doesn't know what he's missing exactly so he might imagine it to be better than it really is. I'm not trying to say that everyone else is like me or that he's like me. Like if he can't imagine an apple in his mind at all and he hears other people can, he may imagine it's as clear as staring at an apple in real life or a picture of an apple on a computer screen, while the reality is somewhere in the middle. I do believe his claims about himself, but his claims about me or people like me don't seem entirely accurate.
• physicles 1y ago
  > Then she adds some spatial information, like "it's on the last floor of the XYZ building in front of the station" and suddenly I'm transported there in a roller-coaster instant and it all comes back to me clearly. This works for me too. Let’s say I run into someone I met once a couple months ago. Maybe I recognized them, but I might not remember their name, and certainly don’t remember what we talked about. As soon as I can get details about where in the city the venue was, or where we were sitting in the room, then it all comes back. I don’t have aphantasia, just a sometimes frustratingly inadequate memory.
  • NoPicklez 1y ago
    This is a fairly normal aspect of recall where our minds need some help to recall further memories. It's why if you forget something you were thinking or going to do, go back to where you were and do the thing that lead to that thought and often it will come back to you. Aphantasia I think is different, because this type of thing you describe happens for all types of recall not just visual imagery.
• xnx 1y ago
  Attachment is suffering
• mkfs 1y ago
  To some degree, mind's eye clarity is an illusion, with many overestimating the fidelity of their mental imagery. One of the better, more recent examples is the "draw a bicycle" experiment: https://road.cc/content/blog/90885-science-cycology-can-you-draw-bicycle https://road.cc/content/blog/90885-science-cycology-can-you-... Granted, many can't draw at all, but people's inability to reproduce from memory an object of some complexity that they see (and likewise, use) every day is telling. Also the well-documented inaccuracy of eye-witness testimony.
  • Affric 1y ago
    So I read your comment before following the link and drew a bicycle perfectly. I find it absolutely inconceivable that someone could be unable to draw a bicycle in Liverpool or a similar city. I am not sure this is related to what OP is talking about.
    • retsibsi 1y ago
      I've seen a lot of bikes (and ridden thousands of kilometres), but when I had reason to draw a bike I felt the need to look up some photos to refresh my memory. I'm pretty sure I would have made some basic structural mistakes without that visual reference. If you find this inconceivable, IMO you're assuming other people's minds work more similarly to yours than they actually do! In my case (not aphantasic, but I think my visual imagination is significantly weaker than average), the information just didn't seem to be filed in full detail. The image was weak, as are most of my mental images, and I guess I had never paid that much attention to the concept (i.e. how the parts of the bike fit together as a whole; when I had had to pay attention, it had been to specific things like how the brakes work, how to reattach the chain, etc.), so it was all a bit of a muddle.
      • jiggawatts 1y ago
        Did you see the pictures in the link? The chain was going between the front and back wheel! The pedals were where the seat goes! Basically, a bunch of nonsense. There are chat-bots now that can do better. I couldn't draw a detailed 3D technical drawing of a derailleur, but I can draw a sketch of a bicycle without needing a photo reference!
• dyauspitr 1y ago
  This is me but I can recall some scenes and isn’t as bad as this but pretty much this. The nice thing I’ve noticed is events that would be traumatic to a lot of people aren’t really all that damaging to me.
• lll-o-lll 1y ago
  I do not remember my life and I’m a bit sad about it. Aphantasia is completely fine - I feel like that makes me better at various things. SDAM just feels like mostly downside. It makes it hard to notice the passage of time, or plan for the future. It makes me sad whenever I look at pictures of my kids, but can’t remember them being young like that. It makes me sad that when I am old, I will not have the memories of my youth to look back on.
  • gnat 1y ago
    Our 23-year old son died two and a half years ago and while I'm sure SDAM helped me to get through the horrible immediate times, it's quite sad to be without a lot of detailed memories and events that I can look back on to relive the good times. On the whole, I'd rather have had a functioning episodic memory. (and my son)
    • lll-o-lll 1y ago
      I’m so sorry to hear that. Thank you for sharing it — you remind me to make the most of the moments we have. I need to go hug my kids.
      • gnat 1y ago
        Definitely do that. Nothing can replace your kids or take the loss away, but it's bloody good to know that I always ended each call and farewell with "love you" and he knew from my words and actions that I loved him. I have regrets but I'm glad that's not one of them. Good luck with the wild ride of parenthood!
    • scruple 1y ago
      I agree. It isn't a superpower, even if it does help us get beyond the bad times. I mentioned in another comment that my wedding day and the birth of my children are basically like any other day in my life to me. I know they're special but they don't carry much emotional weight.
• dgreensp 1y ago
  I met someone with SDAM who described it in a more striking way. He said he doesn’t have any “first-person” memories. Most people, even if they forget most things they do day-to-day, and don’t have great “indices” of their memories, can think back on certain times where they remember being there, doing a thing, probably with some visuals associated with that, which can be played back. This person said that none of the things they remember that they did, they can remember personally doing, if that makes sense. For me, I have scattered samples, like once in a while throughout my life, my brain sort of takes a snapshot and forms a memory. I can imagine myself back in each place I lived, for example, or each place I worked, or graduating from college, or walking on the beach.
• apothegm 1y ago
  Oh, wow, there’s a term for this? I, too, lack episodic memory for anything that wasn’t extremely emotional —- but have extremely strong semantic memory. As well as memory of specific occasions or patterns being linked to a spatial sense (which in turn relates to vague visuals —- colors and textures; spatial relationships; sometimes a very blurry visual snapshot or one with blank gaps in it; but not actual images).
• awkii 1y ago
  I have aphantasia, and today I learned that I also have SDAM. There are benefits. For example, I find that I have no issue forgiving people. It's more work for me to harbor a grudge. I don't relive the burden of that initial pain of betrayal when someone close to me harms me, so it's easy to forgive and literally forget. Fun fact: My dreams are very rarely visual.
  • switchbak 1y ago
    How about the pain of reliving old memories? I could do with a little less of that right now.
    • scruple 1y ago
      I also have aphantasia and I do believe I have SDAM, too. I also had a traumatic childhood and am a combat veteran. I think I've always been this way but that's a hard question for me to truly answer and is one that I grapple with a lot, actually. > How about the pain of reliving old memories? I could do with a little less of that right now. I don't relive the past the way it seems most people do. I know what it's like to feel hurt or feel stuck but I don't generally feel emotions about things in my past. That's good because I've endured a lot of bad shit but also sucks because my wedding day is kind of like any other day to me, as was the birth of our kids. I guess I know all of the good and all of the bad things that have happened to me -- though I don't really carry them with me the way some people seem to, they're part of me but I don't spend much if any time ever thinking about them -- but I don't feel any particular way about any of it. I know that I love my wife and kids more than life itself, I know these facts and I know the timelines but there's not much else there. I know these things but there's no emotional weight to them.
    • Oreb 1y ago
      Me too. I’ve had some very traumatic experiences the last few years, and the emotional scars will never heal. I’m not the same person I was before, and I never will be. Some people these days are hoping to combat aging and make potentially infinite life extension possible. I find that idea far more terrifying than death. Infinite lifetime would mean that experiences more emotionally and physically painful than I can even imagine would happen countless times. Slowly I would become so messed up by all the accumulated traumatic memories that I would no longer be able to function at all. I would only consent to an infinite or radically extended lifetime if I could also selectively erase memories I don’t want to keep.
• aidenn0 1y ago
  > For example, I think I may also have mild face-blindness, the difficulty in recognizing faces and linking them with names. Usually, it doesn't cause major issues, and with some effort and repetition, I can learn to recognize people. But the face-blindness really rears its head when I meet someone not-so-familiar in an unexpected place, like random encounters on a train. Since I don't have the usual contextual cues to help me, in these cases I find it very hard to pin down who they are. They go "hey Marco, what's up?" and all I get is the vague sense that I know this person from somewhere. Only when they mention names or other contextual information do I have a chance of allocating them in their rightful place in my mental social network. Oh man, I don't have aphantasia (though I do have unusually poor autobiographical memory), and things like this happen to me all the time. Even more embarrassing is when I introduce myself to someone and they say "we've met several times before."
  • KPGv2 1y ago
    [flagged]
    • wat10000 1y ago
      What in biology isn’t a continuum?
      • fwip 1y ago
        Many medical conditions, especially inherited ones, e.g, Down Syndrome.
        • wat10000 1y ago
          I don’t know much about it, but a source used by Wikipedia says: “It is also possible for a non-disjunction to happen after fertilization (about a 1-2% chance). In this case, some of the patient's cells are normal and some contain the extra chromosome. This is called mosaicism. Patients with this type of Down syndrome have milder symptoms.” https://www.medschool.lsuhsc.edu/genetics/down_syndrome.aspx https://www.medschool.lsuhsc.edu/genetics/down_syndrome.aspx
• bravesoul2 1y ago
  Yes job interviews love those situational questions. Sure you can keep a diary of what you did every single day (pain in the ass as that is) but then you'll be assumed to be "reading notes" and "suspect they are lying". So this ends up being bias against people.
  • usrme 1y ago
    As someone with aphantasia and SDAM, this is what I've literally done for the past 4-5 years. I've kept a log of every single work day so that I could refer back to what I've done over whatever period as otherwise there is literally no chance I'd be able to recollect much of anything.
  • sh34r 1y ago
    Those tire kickers are looking for any reason not to hire people. Trying to prepare for their mind-games is a fool's errand. They've almost always made up their mind when they see your face and decide whether you're fuckable or not. Do you really want to work for people like that?
• Affric 1y ago
  I think I have a similar mental world to the author (with important differences) but will say a few things: - My lack of memories of my late mother has left me with untold grief in a way the passing of my grandparents did not. - Mental health is too focused on the individual and the variation in our behaviour should be viewed not only with regards to our own individual fitness but also the fitness of our group and our kin. Most things that are decried as disorders are understudied in group settings designed to maximise the positives. And I despise people overhyping ADHD etc etc as some sort of superpower.
• burnt-resistor 1y ago
  I had hyperphantasia as an ADHD kid, and now have ADHD and aphantasia as an adult. I don't even dream anymore when I sleep.
• emmelaich 1y ago
  I'd love to see a study of correlations between aphantasia and other properties of the mind. 1. schizophrenia? (blind people never seem to be schizophrenic) 2. artistic skill 3. alzheimers and dementia 4. empathy - the ability to see yourself in other's shoes
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• TaupeRanger 1y ago
  Hot take: aphantasia doesn’t exist, it’s just that individuals have very different understandings of nebulous words like “memory”, “minds eye”, “mental imagery”, etc. The essay here is just one person describing problems that everyone has in various degrees of severity.
  • enneff 1y ago
    That is a hot take but it doesn’t really line up with research nor my anecdotal experience discussing the topic with close friends that have aphantasia.
  • vasco 1y ago
    Also while describing their inability to remember specific episodes they describe specific episodes. > There are many memories there, but most of them can't be retrieved with convenient keywords like "a time when X happened". In a paragraph about "times when I couldn't recall specific episodes" and describing a job interview from the past.
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• screaminghawk 1y ago
  I have this too, or something similar at least. I have the same issues around visual memory and first person memory. I noticed it specifically when talking to my wife about remembering feelings and emotions. I have a lack of empathy (different to sympathy) and when looking back at past events I struggle to feel the emotions I was feeling at the time. I can recreate them using facts and things I understand but it's different to experiencing the same feeling. The author of the article doesn't touch on this so I'm curious to know if they have the same experience.
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• z5h 1y ago
  I’m realized years ago I have full blown aphantasia. But I don’t suffer from autobiographical memory deficiencies. For me it’s akin to what happens when you close your eyes for a moment then open them again. I’m not shocked by everything in the room “appearing” suddenly. I knew it was all there, but not because I visualized it while my eyes were closed. So when I remember past events, it’s with that same sensation of being there but just having closed my eyes to it. I do dream with full imagery.
• vladmk 1y ago
  How does he remember this? "Occasionally, someone shows pity or commiseration towards me, as if I were in constant, daily suffering from a crippling disability. Nothing could be further from the truth, of course."
  • usrme 1y ago
    Fellow aphantasiac here: it's not so much a memory of that very situation happening, for me at least, but the feeling of it happening and some of context around it. Same goes for tragic and happy events: I can't remember their details, but I remember my emotions.
  • neRok 1y ago
    For me, something like that is saved as a "data point" in the "facts folder", and thus is readily accessible. For example, I've got a big beard, and lots of people make compliments about it in public: at least once a month for over 5 years now. I know this as fact. But if you want me to recall a recent example of it happening, then nothing just springs to mind. As I probe my mind trying to find an example, one has come to mind, but it's not recent (from Jan this year). It occurred in the context of a notable event, so like other people have said elsewhere, it must be because I associated some importance with that event (and it was a novel event, which explains that), and that this beard-compliment has tagged along with it (the whole event has come to mind at this point too). And just now in the process of writing all this, a quite recent example has come to mind, which may be the most recent, and it was when I was on walk and just crossed a corner when a car arrived at the corner to turn, and the male passenger already had their window down, and so he yelled out something like "cool beard", and the driver was female and didn't really pause turning or anything, and I didn't acknowledge the bloke at all (because fuck off, dont yell out at me from a car window). I'm not confident, but I think the car was a small-ish SUV. Anyway, apart from where it happened, I can't think of anything else. I don't know what clothes I was wearing, what they looked like (besides being ~30yo and white), what color their car was, what his voice sounded like, which direction they turned (it was a roundabout), etc. * By probe my mind: in my case I am constantly "talking" in my head. It's as if someone is sitting over your shoulder going "uhh, you go to the shops often, maybe check that folder. nothing? uhh, what about ..." Eventually something will just pop-up. (I don't really say folder in my head, more like "maybe at the shops, maybe on the outside, maybe walking inside, whilst at the checkout? nothing? uhh..." * By spring to mind: It's kind of like an email arrives in my inbox with all the details in it. All I can do is probe my mind a bit, then "check the inbox", then probe, etc. Whilst listening during conversation, events relevant to the conversation can just appear in the inbox. I don't know if the talkers words can trigger it, or if it's because my inner-voice is reviewing/breaking-down* what they are saying as they are saying it, and that's the trigger. This is also what happens when I am reading. Things can just appear whilst I am talking too, because my inner-voice is usually planning ahead in the conversation (and it also monitors tempo, audience response, etc), but I think it might be the same part of the brain that does speech, so it can only work at like half speed. Sometimes I will forget the word I was going to say or muddle a moment of speech, which is probably the inner-voice using too many resources. And of course, I can just "get distracted" and fork the convo at any moment (the classic "speaking of which"). My inner voice also plans ahead whilst I am writing, and it makes similar mistakes. Sometimes I will miss a word, or even just skip ahead a whole sentence (to the point where it was planning). It's particularly easy to "lose a sentence" if the word I'm typing is similar in letters to the one that's just been planned. * Because my inner-voice is talking whilst they are talking, it can notice something interesting said in the conversation, or it could trigger an idea (I haven't pondered this before, but perhaps a 'new idea' notification just arrives in the inbox too...), and at the point my focus can drift as my mind explores that idea/topic (I think this is the ADHD "Predominately Inattentive" aspect at play). * PS- Because I ponder so much, I have pondered something pretty "meta" before, like in the way that the universe could be a simulation. So yes, I have wondered if the voice in my head is me (it sounds like me), or if it's an entity that has "taken control of the wheel". On the rare occasion that it's not talking, I get the sense that it's still there, waiting. After a few moments there might be a "hmmm...". Also my inner voice can do very accurate impressions, and sing just like the real singers it copies. There is a strange distinction between "singing lyrics" and "hearing a song with lyrics" in my head. It can even make sounds with my voice that are quite impressive, and I get the impression that it is possible for me to make those sounds. It tries for a moment to convince me to do it, before it chuckles and says "there's no way". * PPS- As I was typing that last part, a memory popped up! I was at the strip club one time talking to a girl, and out the blue she goes "you've got a good voice, i reckon you would be a good singer", which made me think "fkn what". lol * Update: I was just in the kitchen making a coffee, and thinking about how good this post was. A few things popped up; 1) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7mj2fVcyVkU https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7mj2fVcyVkU 2) https://hurlburt.faculty.unlv.edu/hurlburt-heavey-kelsey-2013-inner-speaking.pdf https://hurlburt.faculty.unlv.edu/hurlburt-heavey-kelsey-201... — "The median inner speech frequency of the participants in the Heavey and Hurlburt (2008) and Mihelic (2010) studies was 20 percent." 3) On the last project I was on, I think the engineer I was working with ended up with PTSD from all my ideas, lol. But still, they all liked it when the reviews from construction came back as "this is the best ever!" As I was gathering those links — 4) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5bJvo_THvg https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5bJvo_THvg When people without inner voices watch a scene like that, I wonder what they think is happening. The TV show Peep Show is another example. Do they think the person is "first person" is actually saying those things? It would make no sense!
• kevinsync 1y ago
  I’ve gone through periods of life where I didn’t recall dreaming for years at a time, and others where I have frequent, vibrant dreams. I’ve had sleep paralysis many times when I was younger, a handful of extremely lucid dreams, times when I close my eyes and see nothing, and times when I can close my eyes and visualize clear, fully-actualized images. I bring this up for two reasons: I wonder how fluid this sort of thing is, and I wonder what factors can dial up and down the intensity. Nicotine, patches in particular, absolutely supercharged my dreams to be bright, vivid, insane, bizarre hallucinations. In general, my memory of novel events / odd connections / hilariously specific details is quite good, going back many years. I can also forget what I’m supposed to be doing right now within minutes. I can often remember when/where/how I read/saw something but not WHAT I read, so I have to retrace my steps to get to where I know the information is that I’m seeking. It all seems to oscillate and shift and it’s fascinating.
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• philsnow 1y ago
  My experience is nearly identical to this, except that I’m not aphantasic. I’m not trying to minimize the effects of aphantasia, but I also don’t think the thrust of the article is about aphantasia nearly as much as it is about SDAM. The map view in Google photos / Apple photos is often my key to looking up the date of a memory. Well... really is that I know I’ve been to certain places, but have no actual memory of being there, so I look up the locations in the map view of Photos, see the photos, and that triggers actual memories. I’m sentimental about objects for a similar reason. I don’t recall lots of memories with people, but when I see or touch an object that is associated with an extant-but-inaccessible memory, the memory comes back to me in living color, so to speak. My late wife passed way six years and six days ago, and I’m still in the process of giving her clothes and things away to charity / finding new homes for them. It’s extremely difficult for me, because I don’t have much recall of particular memories of the 12 years we were married or the 8 years we were together before that, and I worry that losing access to these totems will cut off even the tenuous access to the memories I have of her.
  • achenatx 1y ago
    I have this anxiety for sure. I cant even picture her face. Touching objects for me doesnt help, though looking at pictures does. Ive tried to get her to make scrapbooks for every year we have been together with explanations and stories, but no luck so far. She remembers what we both were wearing the day we met.
  • dmos62 1y ago
    What helped me when I was grieving is to remember the feeling of the loved one's presence. At first it's subtle, then as you start enjoying the visualization it becomes more pronounced. Like imagine you're sitting alone and then that person walks in, and that "changes the room", probably in a different way than if any other person walked in. That wonderful feeling that comes over you when you remember the person's presence allows you to maintain a connection even when the person is not there physically. Or, at least, it did for me. This developed in me the sense that the person is still with me and always will be. I'm pleasantly surprised that this thread has multiple threads about loved ones and grieving.
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• pfdietz 1y ago
  Wait... so those with SDAM are never subject to intrusive thoughts about some hideously embarrassing event that happened decades ago, and that only they would have remembered? What a blessing.
  • joey_spaztard 1y ago
    I typed my intrusive thoughts in to a document and analysed them. It turns out I had a hundred of them. It really helped to write up why they don't matter now, such as "I was a child when that happened, I'm now an adult who knows how to handle that." My brain thinks that a physical piece of paper is much more authoritative than a thought in my head and makes less effort to remember things that are documented so having twenty page booklet that I can get out if I need it seemed to help.
• ttiurani 1y ago
  I realized I have aphantasia, not SDAM, just a year ago or so. Mine is mild because I have visual dreams, but just can't get anything going when I'm awake. I'm now playing around with visualizations just when I'm falling asleep, when I now notice I actually can do it. To me, seeing pictures in my head just feels very odd and kind of pointless.
• fishtoucher 1y ago
  I think I have a fairly similar experience to the author. Different in some respects, I'm not aphantasic, but I resonate strongly with the lack of autobiographical memory and feeling like an observer in my own history. I can't describe how many times someone's asked me what I did last weekend and I told them that I did just had a quiet one at home, then later I'm reminded I actually went skiing or something notable that I completely forgot. Not just passing conversations with strangers either, this happens with family just as much. I take a more pessimistic view on how it affects my life than the author does though. He handwaves the downsides even saying that he '... had learned my lessons from them [trials in university], even though I forgot how they unfolded.' I understand the desire to think that but I'm not sure how you can really justify it. The brain definitely learns to compensate in other ways and I have really unbalanced cognitive tests I took as a kid as evidence, but memory deficiencies are undoubtedly a disadvantage.
  • meander_water 1y ago
    This is uncanny, I was going to write almost this exact comment. I've been told mine is due to a deficiency in working memory, which can then lead to the brain not converting to long term memory. something that ADHDers present commonly with.
    • jaggederest 1y ago
      I'm in the opposite camp - I also have poor working memory, but instead I have extremely good episodic memory. Good enough I have to remind other people about our shared experiences routinely. I never claim to have eidetic memory but I've only met a couple other people who have memory like mine (one is my mother, so that's kind of cheating) It's interesting though because I associate with a lot of what the article is talking about with spatial and knowledge memory too. I often have to remember where something was to "step into" the memory again.
    • sh34r 1y ago
      Depression causes similar memory impairments.
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• BobbyTables2 1y ago
  As I’ve gotten older I realize how little I remember of what happened even a year or two ago. The experience of going on vacations is quickly forgotten. I remember some major work accomplishments but have some trouble selling myself. (A lot of time and effort was spent on solving problems somewhat artificially created by unique & unusual circumstances).
• ddingus 1y ago
  I do remember my life and I am not fine. I remember a lot. One oddity with me is I seem to remember an unusual amount when it is connected to a question. I seem to record for a while, then can play back. And this sticks, sometimes for years until the question is resolved. Then a bunch of it fades and becomes like most other memories are. I remember every year of school and a lot of related activities. Saturdays out playing, or first concert, that sort of thing. So, why am I not fine? Take 9/11 I remember the state before that day. We have come a long way since then. Too far, if you ask me. Cops in schools. There were no police in my schools. Kids made mistakes, teens demonstrated poor judgement, and other things.. They were treated like kids.. today?? They have records.. I worked for one company for too long. The culture shifted. Soon, I felt like the stranger. I held the history nobody else did, or if they did, they did not share. Now, I do consider these mostly nice problems to have. I have options and can exercise them. Thought you might appreciate some perspective. I enjoyed this piece.
• Traubenfuchs 1y ago
  > Nothing could be further from the truth, of course. I've been successful at most of what I've tried to accomplish in my life until now, and never had to battle with a sense of being disadvantaged. On top of that, even aphantasia experts generally agree that it is not a disorder. This almost sounds similar to deaf rights activism that tries to prevent children from getting cochlear implants to me. You never experienced what you are missing, you have no idea what you are missing. I can, on demand, replay my most beautiful memories on loop. They are my most valuable treasure. Unless they are lost to dementia, I already know which memories I will replay before death. Being able to visualize mental images is essential to experience the full range of what it means to be human. I do wonder how drugs with strong visuals work on those people though? What do they see when they take ketamin or DMT?
• achenatx 1y ago
  I have aphantasia, SDAM, and face blindness. Like the author i rely on mental models (I wrote a book called visual models for software requirements), Im good at getting to the heart of things and am constantly organizing information so I can remember the principle. I do get anxiety about not remembering people once they pass away. I might only remember a few things about them. But when I look at pictures I can often times remember all kinds of details. I think some of the information is there, it just isnt retrievable. Im bad at networking, when I go to events lots of people know me, but I have no idea who they are. Im waiting for glasses with cameras that will identify people for me and go over their background. Aphantasia is supposed to be rare, but I think many engineers have it. At least at my company it seems more prevalent than it is supposed to be in the general population. In some ways it is a gift. I barely remember traumatic events, but unfortunately I dont really remember amazing events either.
  • dmos62 1y ago
    > I do get anxiety about not remembering people once they pass away. Have you tried remembering how their presence felt/feels? Consciously identifying the feeling that a loved one "carried" was an important part of a recent grieving I went through.
  • burnt-resistor 1y ago
    I have aphantasia now and I miss being able to visualize anything at all. I have the opposite of face blindness and subconsciously process every face but I have lethonomia (cannot remember people's names). Years ago, I was once riding my bicycle from campus at probably 21 mph / 30 kph and recognized the brother of a lab partner when they were completely to the side of me and 75' / 22 m away in profile after seeing a photo of them once. I'm probably not as good as I once was due to a TBI.
• kaashif 1y ago
  > Those vague "problems I had to overcome in university" that the job screening question wanted from me had happened, and I had learned my lessons from them, even though I forgot how they unfolded. Is the author sure about this? How do they know they learnt the lessons if they don't remember what happened? The best way to convince most people of something is to tell a story about it. Ask a senior engineer how splitting up a monolith into microservices can go wrong and they'll have a dozen stories. Ask someone about the importance of clear communication and they have hundreds of stories of things going wrong. And when I want to convince someone, I deploy a story from my experience and it has a good chance of working. I can tell someone my mental model, but also the evidence that went into the model from my experiences. Not having that second part is like publishing conclusions without publishing the data. I understand it's fine for the author but it does seem like a real handicap. Dwelling on it is not going to be useful for the author, but actively handwaving this all away doesn't seem credible. And on another note, when a loved one dies it is nice to think about them and remember things we did together. > By doing away with reminiscences, flashbacks, and graphic visions of possible futures, I can stay focused on the now, and on what I can do now to improve tomorrow. My graphic visions of past experiences and possible futures when someone says "let's do a complete rewrite of this business logic" are actually very useful for convincing people not to do that...
• zero_bias 1y ago
  After a severe anxiety episode earlier this year, I ended up forgetting all of February. Feels very strange when I recommend a cafe to a friend and he tells me we were just there together three days ago
• SlowTao 1y ago
  While I wouldn't say "yeah I have SDAM" or whatever, yeah generally memory of life is a complete blur, always has been. You can still learn the lessons and make good in the world but not having to carry around a burden of trivial past history.
• Quenby 1y ago
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• zgougou123 1y ago
  I once read a theory about aphantasia where the author thought that aphantasia mostly comes from a confusion regarding how one would describe their own internal thought. Some would use vivid terms or descriptions to describe their internal thought which would lead other people to think "wait, that's not how I view things, there must be something wrong with my thoughts".
• 9witz 1y ago
  I can see myself in this. Face blindness is really a problem for me, too. Thankfully younger people (who all look the same to me) have taken up tattooing themselves, which makes it a lot easier to identify them (because it's easier to remember than a face)
  • Malcolmlisk 1y ago
    What nobody says is that, face blindness is a protection mechanism from our brain for protecting ourselves from losing our minds. When you see your friends growing up and don't remember when you were kids, or when you see the kids at school and you think 'they are younger than I were when I was in there', that's your brain using this mechanism. Forgiving all the faces that we had back then, so we don't feel so much like growing and getting old. That's why your family will always look like they are right now, and you need to make an effort to remember them when you were kids, and remember them in their kid form.
• vaylian 1y ago
  > As a matter of fact, spatial memory is the closest thing I have to an "index" for the musty file cabinet of my episodic memories. If I can remember where something happened, there is a good chance I can remember many more details about what happened. This. Information retrieval typically happens based on an impulse. For many people the impulse can be a question like "what did you do yesterday?". But some people organise their memories differently. From reading the article it is clear that the author does not have a bad memory. Their memory is just wired/optimized differently. The biggest problem is other neurotypical people who, without bad intentions, assume that it is easy to answer a question, that is framed around time.
• Alex_001 1y ago
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• yoko888 1y ago
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  • lll-o-lll 1y ago
    First performance review? The dog and pony show should be proceeded with a trawl through the emails and an early summary emailed to the manager. You will be thanked, but it’s your best chance to “remind” the boss of all the great things you’ve done. You struggle to remember? The manager will struggle more. Unless you always want to be judged on the last couple of weeks you’ve worked, this prep makes a big difference. Get in quick before the manager forms an opinion difficult to shift.
    • yoko888 1y ago
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• ahaferburg 1y ago
  https://archive.is/BGfTD https://archive.is/BGfTD
• naikrovek 1y ago
  > My memory feels like a file cabinet without labels, a database without an index, a dictionary of randomly-ordered words without a table of contents. There are many memories there, but most of them can't be retrieved with convenient keywords like "a time when X happened". Duuuuude that’s how I am. I can’t remember anything autobiographical without some trigger. But once I have the trigger, I remember the event whose memory was triggered. Vividly. But I don’t have the ability to tell you what happened yesterday without a reminder from somewhere. I can’t simply recall stuff a lot of the time. It drives people nuts.
  • tgaj 1y ago
    I wonder if this is one of the causes of hoarding. I hate to throw away stuff because for me it's like erasing memories from my brain.
• cantor_S_drug 1y ago
  I have one suggestion to make to Marco Giancotti. Please read all of Oliver Sacks books. They will help you clarify your situation a lot due to some case studies he has mentioned in his books. Related : People with no internal monologue https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u69YSh-cFXY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u69YSh-cFXY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vqjrILPwIoo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vqjrILPwIoo
  • baibhavbista 1y ago
    Also, I think I read in one of Sacks' books that he did not have any visual imagery either? I think it was in the chapter about himself in the "Mind's Eye" book
    • cantor_S_drug 1y ago
      In one case study, a person was going progressively blind. After he became completely blind and 1-2 years later, he couldn't picture how his wife looked like in his imagination
• cryptonector 1y ago
  Someone near and dear to me has aphantasia, and it's very disturbing to me, but it doesn't appear to hold them back in the least. I can visualize every sense (sound, smell, taste, touch, sight, and acceleration); I can't imagine not being able to.
• _DeadFred_ 1y ago
  I could never much remember life events. Then my life fell apart. In a time of need and when I needed strength I remembered events with my kids with great clarity. With my grandparents. Then my mom got cancer and passed I could remember so many moments with her. So many moments even of just us eating pizza for lunch somewhere together. Or going to The BK Lounge after going to the Capitola mall. I could suddenly recall the tapes mom played in her car taking me to school. All kinds of things. Same with remembering names. I never used to be able to. Then I realized that was just a shitty behavior and that people deserved to have their names remembered. Suddenly, once it had value and 'wasn't a thing I couldn't do' but 'something I want to do' I could remember names.