7 ms·

Common side effects of not drinking

88 points by rzk 2y ago

janandonly 2y ago
This hits hard for some I guess: > When you lose friends, it’s because you’ll realise that without alcohol, they don’t have much in common with you.
- memen 2y ago
  This implies that you need to have a lot in common in order to be friends. Maybe alcohol shows that you actually do not need to have a lot in common, just having fun together is the common. You might need alcohol once in your life to realize it, but alcohol is definitely not required to experience it.
- udev4096 2y ago
  Honestly, it makes absolutely no sense. You need better friends if alcohol is the only thing that's keeping your friendship alive
outime 2y ago
The photo illustrating the post is a funny comparison: author holding a glass of drug A (alcohol) vs author holding a cup of - most likely - drug B (caffeine). Don't take this as a critique to the overall article, I actually liked the reflections.
- raddan 2y ago
  I noticed the same thing, and look forward to the anti-coffee articles to come. I have significantly toned down my own drinking over the last decade (for… complicated reasons), but I am as steady a coffee drinker as ever. I just plain do not like how my brain operates when uncaffienated.
  - b800h 2y ago
    I gave up caffeine entirely as I was horribly sensitive to it, and went through a very painful 10 day cold-turkey (including muscle spasms so strong they'd wake me up at night). I feel a lot better for giving up now!
pfdietz 2y ago
One side effect is not blowing your brains out with a gun, like my alcoholic brother did.
- lioeters 2y ago
  Sorry for your loss, that is very sad. People often ab/use alcohol to self-medicate for coping with stress and mental issues. I think part of the problem is that we as society have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and drugs, as well as inadequate understanding and support for mental health. I don't know what we can do about it, but to love and care more for each other.
  - kragen 2y ago
    often that isn't enough
- crabhorse 2y ago
  [dead]
- GJim 2y ago
  I'm fairly sure everyone in Blighty having a pint after work and spending Friday night on the piss isn't blowing their brains out with a gun. Hyperbole is not constructive. (But mental health counselling, on the NHS, is)
Zambyte 2y ago
I was "that guy" who didn't drink all pretty much all the way through college. I've definitely made some great memories that I associate with drinking, but I also have noticed myself being less mentally sharp than I'd like, and I wonder how much of that can be attributed to alcohol. I'll have to give total sobriety a try again.
imchillyb 2y ago
I quit drinking over 20 years ago. There’s a trick to it. I don’t discuss my prior habit and I don’t mention quitting. I decline drinking when asked and I do not offer an explanation. Let your no be no. I haven’t experienced any of the social pariah results that the author experienced. YMMV.
- mebassett 2y ago
  much of your experience with this depends on who you are and how society perceives you. I do not drink alcohol, but I am also a 6ft tall competitive weightlifter. People usually don't question my "no, thank you". And while I have had the annoying person persist and try to get me to drink, they're usually gone after I've reached my 2nd stage of "did you not hear me say no?". I suspect the experience of a less tall and muscular woman might be quite different when it comes to people trying to undermine her choices. society has a lot of "defaults" that we're suppose to accept. drinking is one. cars is another. eating meat is often one. Some people see it as an attack on their identity when you reject choices made by their society.
  - vouaobrasil 2y ago
    > Some people see it as an attack on their identity when you reject choices made by their society. That is true, but my attitude towards them is "let them try". Just let them. That attitude alone makes most people not want to try.
  - raddan 2y ago
    > Some people see it as an attack on their identity when you reject choices made by their society. Spot on. When I was a freshman in college, my then-girlfriend and I decided to become vegetarian. My parents responded with some puzzlement but were ultimately supportive. She, on the other hand, spent the evening crying with her parents, who saw it as a rejection of their lifestyle. I remember her father asking me with a mix of anger and frustration “but what do you EAT?!” and I pointed out that all the things on the plate that were not meat were, in fact, edible. In retrospect, this was the wrong approach (I was reflexively sarcastic in my youth), and I would now approach the question with a bit more compassion. But the experience helped me see why small things (eg, do you drink or not, do you own a gun or not, do you exercise or not, etc) can foment deep divisions among people.
mmwako 2y ago
I had to give up alcohol because of liver problems. It's amazing for 1. all the health benefits but mostly 2. it changes your perception of life. People are under the influence of alcohol at most social events, but I'd argue it's just for one simple reason: social anxiety. When you have to deal with this anxiety instead of numbing it with alcohol, you go through an emotional and spiritual journey, where you'll uncover who others really are, but mostly who YOU really are. I highly recommend it. Protip: How to prevent making people uncomfortable at parties: don't talk about you drinking or not, and directly ask for a mocktail or other alcohol-free drink. If anyone asks if you are not drinking, say "maybe later" and they'll just forget about it.
- ChrisMarshallNY 2y ago
  Just drink ginger ale. Looks enough like booze, that people don't bother you.
  - b800h 2y ago
    That's full of sugar - complete disaster.
    - watwut 2y ago
      If this is your response to someone who you have literally zero reason to think is overweight, then you got issues.
      - dave4420 2y ago
        My assumption was that b880h was saying it would be a complete disaster for themself. Not saying anything about who they were replying to at all. And I avoid drinking sugary drinks all night because they’ll give me a headache.
      - b800h 2y ago
        Honestly, I've found so many good reasons not to drink sugary fizzy pop on my own account that I certainly don't like my kids to do it (although they get a pass occasionally). My main concern with it as a substitute is that you get through it quickly and rack up the sugar levels in no time. Best bet as far as I'm concerned are 0.0% beers - a third of the calories and a fifth of the sugar - although I'll try to stick to two of those at max. They make me feel groggy despite having no alcohol in them.
wincy 2y ago
Do people really drink that much alcohol? It’s funny because in the article she quotes her friend saying they drink once a month or so. That’s just always been my default. I hardly ever drink, but I don’t actively shun it. I guess when I’m hanging out with friends we’re playing board games or D&D or other things that require you to at least somewhat have your senses about you. Maybe I just have boring friends. The key to good habits is to just be a turbo nerd apparently.
- cnity 2y ago
  It's probably a side effect of the kinds of bubbles we build. I'm a moderate drinker: I drink a whisky every 3 days or so and then socially will drink a few pints, probably once a week or once every two weeks. The majority of people I spend time with are roughly the same, except my wife who hardly drinks at all. Internet commenters do love a binary though, and don't forget that most of what you read on the internet is written by insane people: https://www.reddit.com/r/slatestarcodex/comments/9rvroo/most_of_what_you_read_on_the_internet_is_written/ https://www.reddit.com/r/slatestarcodex/comments/9rvroo/most...
  - ryandrake 2y ago
    The bubbles also make it hard to compare and figure out if you have a problem. If all your friends drink two 6-packs every night, and you have 3 beers a night, you might think you're fine and dandy. On the other hand, if all your friends drink casually, maybe once a week during bowling night, and you drink that same 3 beers a night, you might think you're an alcoholic.
- amunozo 2y ago
  I don't know in other parts of the world, but in Europe people drink a lot.
  - frabia 2y ago
    mmm not sure if it's fully true tbh. I'm from Italy and currently live in Germany (so maybe together with France would be the stereotypical drinking countries) and was always a bit horrified by the stories of people drinking in the US...
vouaobrasil 2y ago
I've never had a drink, and the primary motivator for me was that I enjoy keeping my mind sharp at all times. Plus, I find the loud and drinking crowd obnoxious and irritating, and I have nothing common with them. As soon as people start drinking, I leave because the resulting conversation descends into the inane. Life without drinking alcohol is great, and I've never once regretted it. If I need to relax I go birdwatching and spend time watching birds.
- malux85 2y ago
  I’m 100% the same, I simply dislike the feeling of being drunk and like to keep my mind sharp, for me it’s really as simple as that.
- pfdietz 2y ago
  And (digression here) run Merlin on your phone; it's a gamechanger for birding.
  - vrc 2y ago
    Just downloaded it this weekend and started using it casually when I’m outside. It’s truly fantastic and my toddler is super engaged with bird songs in just a few days.
  - vouaobrasil 2y ago
    Cool app but I prefer the old-fashioned way with looking birds up in a paper book. Most of the time I don't even like having a phone with me. The experience in nature is better without it for me.
    - pfdietz 2y ago
      Paper books fall out of date, though. I ran into that problem with the Common Gallinule, which my old copy of Sibley called the Common Moorhen. It's not just name changes; species are merged or split fairly often, especially with DNA evidence coming in.
lqet 2y ago
As with most things, this doesn't have to be a binary decision "drinking vs not drinking". I consciously decided to drink very little at social events some years ago. A glass of wine is enough to stop any social anxiety, you will have something to hang on to while circulating, nobody will ask why you don't drink anything, your brain will still work, you will still be able to enjoy the taste, and you won't have a hangover the next morning. The trick is to extend the lifetime of the glass to 2-3 hours by sipping only tiny amounts. Everything in moderation, including moderation.
- frabia 2y ago
  > Everything in moderation, including moderation. Love this concept. Definitely going to steal it.
- soco 2y ago
  I never have a hangover next day and the brain still works, because I don't overdo it. The comments here are like always: we have the teetotalers which in exactly the same vein as the vegans bore you to death about the extraordinary life prolonging experience they have now after giving up drinking themselves under the table every evening. And of course their whole strawman starts assuming everybody drinks themselves under the table just like they did (or like they imagine for the sake of argument). Or that having a beer makes people dead drunk - maybe it did when they were four years old, in which case I believe there are (were) bigger problems with their lives. But, to each their own...
- ghusto 2y ago
  I agree you don't need harsh binary rules, but once you give yourself the freedom of drinking when you want to, ask yourself why you are choosing to. Many of her points are directed at the reasons not being so good.
  - stnmtn 2y ago
    The commenter you responded to mentioned a benefit, helping to assuage social anxiety.
  - 2y ago
badlibrarian 2y ago
I've learned that posts with this kind of tone are often motivated solely for the benefit of the writer, not the reader. Spend some time with addicts and the ones who choose to share advice instead of personal experience are often a long way from healing because they haven't built the courage to look inside themselves yet. They speak this way because they're scared. She's obviously working through some things. A private journal might work better than a public one, because then she could delve into many of the topics she went light on: her sexuality, her relationship with her therapist, her self-image. Yet another thing she may be addicted to? Attention. Talk therapy works for many types of disorders. Group therapy scales some but not all. Because certain personality disorders manifest as everyone in the group trying to one up each other. There are huge swaths of blog and Facebook culture (and even academic publishing) that enable this. Best to avoid participating.
kylecazar 2y ago
I took a break from drinking a few years ago and just never went back. I wanted to second OP's sparkling water claim -- I am rarely caught without a can of some overpriced soda water.
b800h 2y ago
I've not given up drinking, because I think it's a genuinely marvellous thing, especially with a good meal, but I've confined myself to drinking on four occasions in the year. Four days for Christmas, four days for Easter, and two weekends at other points in the year. It means I've got something to look forward to (because I only eat meat on those occasions too), but means I'm generally healthy.
- jlangenauer 2y ago
  I'm similar to this - I like drinking, but I've cut it down quite a lot in the last few years. My main rule is that I only drink (with occasional exceptions) on Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays, ensuring that I have at least 4 alcohol-free days a week, though in practice I found I actually drink less even on the weekends. The other thing I've done is focus on the quality of what I'm drinking, not the quantity. It's one thing to go and swill beer for a few hours in the pub (this is particularly an Australian and UK thing), but quite another to have a cocktail or two made by someone who actually cares about what they're doing.
  - b800h 2y ago
    I used to have rules like this, but found that the weekend drinking was enough to significantly impact me later in the week (especially as I got older). The new rule deals with that. It means I have to be like you and choose my tipples (and meals!) wisely when I do indulge.
Etheryte 2y ago
I rarely drink and I haven't really experienced any of the issues the author describes. Maybe it's a cultural thing? Judgement, not being invited, people thinking you're less fun, etc, never seen any of this. It sounds to me that you would run into those issues if you strongly define yourself by and preach by your not drinking. But then again, that applies to any modern fad preaching, people don't like to have your personal preferences pushed that far down their throat.
- astura 2y ago
  This author apparently made alcohol consumption the core feature of her personality then quit drinking and made not drinking the core feature of her personality. It's incredibly bizarre. Really strange and not normal. This is especially bizarre - >[Friends] will split into two groups. Those who will find ways to spend time with you without alcohol and those who will keep pressuring you. The second group will split into two groups. Those who stop seeing you and those who start drinking less, because being with you made them realise their own drinking behaviour. What??? This is so friggin weird! Wtf? Is alcohol consumption the ONLY thing that you ever had in common? Nowadays I never drink alcohol in social situations but in my (much) younger years I would drink in social situations if given the chance and I didn't have to drive. I have exactly the same repertoire with exactly the same friends in both drinking/not drinking situations. I'm still (very!) happy to go to bars and drink water, I'll even offer to drive others. Some of my friends are big drinkers, some will have a single beer, some are teetotalers. It's just not a big part of our relationships. Nobody's ever commented on me not drinking or who is drinking or not drinking. I stopped reading this weird shit after that.
  - Izkata 2y ago
    > Nowadays I never drink alcohol in social situations but in my (much) younger years I would drink in social situations if given the chance and I didn't have to drive. This reminds me of something from highschool: One day a teacher had an unexpected absence, and didn't leave any sort of lesson plan for our substitute teacher. The substitute was somewhere around 22, give or take a year, so surprisingly close to our own ages compared to teachers we were used to, and somehow the whole class ended up with her talking about her life in those years between our ages, with plenty of questions from us. One of the questions was about how much she drank, since she was legal age, and her answer surprised some of us: Once she turned 21, she almost completely stopped. At least for her all of the draw was in it being forbidden, and now that she could buy it whenever she wanted she just didn't care anymore. Kinda stuck in the back of my mind and I never started.
theboywho 2y ago
So basically the author is feeling lonely. That’s the primary message sugar coated in a long blog post, but when you have constructed your social life around drinking, it’s no surprise. The majority of people in the west actually construct their social lives around drinking, which is why it feels lonely not to drink, so it’s more of a societal problem than anything else.
- hcfman 2y ago
  She’s a social anthropologist. So she might just be a bit more social than a lot here.
- raddan 2y ago
  She has another post where she talks about being an introvert and how difficult it is to make friendships when you are an adult. I have observed this myself. I suspect—-and this jives with her observations—-that as adults we tend to feel like social time must also be productive. Like we need to be DOING something. Alcohol is the social lubricant that finally allows us to chill out and not “do” things. Children do not have this problem, I suspect, because there are no expectations of “doing.” They just are who they are, especially at young ages. I wonder if the author tried instead to engage in a pursuit that she liked for itself (eg, for us hackers here, a makerspace) that she might make more friends. Because the pressure of “doing” something and “trying” to be friends would be off. All of my best friends from adulthood were made this way—-we bonded over a shared passion without actually trying to be friends.
freitzkriesler2 2y ago
Absolutely zero benefits to drinking at all. Stopped drinking in any appreciable amounts at 23 after I started getting 2 day hangovers. Dabbled with the devil's lettuce for over a decade before quitting cold turkey. Don't recommend either. Sobriety and being straight edged is uncool but FMl it does give you clarity of mind.
- nottorp 2y ago
  > after I started getting 2 day hangovers Holy $DEITY. How much do you need to drink to get a 2 day hangover at 23? I've been 23 and never managed. And I was drinking.
  - astura 2y ago
    I think severity of hangovers is more due to genes rather than amount of alcohol consumed. I stopped drinking mostly due to multi-day hangovers but people I know who drink MUCH more than I ever did experience mild or no hangovers. I get a mild hangover even if I only had a single beer. Caffeine doesn't effect me at all though.
    - nottorp 2y ago
      As someone who hasn't stopped drinking, it very much matters what you drink too. From the well known "sweet == hangover" to more subtle stuff like different brands of the same kind of drink having a slightly different composition that agrees more or less with your liver. Of course, if you get drunk every day, the above subtleties cease to matter. And even if you're a weekend warrior, you've got to take breaks or water your wine* or put more tonic water in your tonics if you want to do an all nighter. * Yeah, I know, blasphemy.
      - astura 2y ago
        >it very much matters what you drink too. This is why I think it's mostly genetic - it doesn't for me. Literally any and all alcohol gives me a hangover. Drinking water doesn't help me avoid them either. I've drank SO MUCH water to try to avoid hangovers, they always happen no matter.
leosanchez 2y ago
Never drank alcohol in my life. I am glad I grew up in a culture where alcohol was not normalized.
- frabia 2y ago
  Totally a personal decision, but there are a lot of shades of gray while avoiding the black/white opinions. Personally I would recommend anybody to try drinking alcohol and be tipsy/mildly drunk at least once in their life (as with many other experiences that are overwhelmingly positive if done with moderation, but can become negative if this limit is overly exceed).
  - snailb 2y ago
    > I would recommend anybody to try drinking alcohol and be tipsy/mildly drunk at least once in their life Isn't this similar to asking someone to try heroin? I know heroin is more addictive, but statistics argue Alcohol has more negative impact on society than any other drug [1]. By the way someone on reddit tried heroin just once and got addited to it [2]. [1] https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-11660210 https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-11660210 [2] https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/9ohdc/2_weeks_ago_i_tried_heroin_once_for_fun_and_made/ https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/9ohdc/2_weeks_ago_i_t...
    - frabia 2y ago
      Well yeah, the addictive component is VERY relevant in this conversation. But if: 1) I saw that science states clearly that heroine's addition, harm for my body and for others, are lower than the ones of alcohol's, and... 2) that I believe in the validity of the studies, and also in the way they are been conducted so that they are relevant for my personal goal (trying heroine for an individual, rather than to be more relevant on a global/societal perspective), and... 3) I had somebody/someone who highly recommend the experience and explained clearly why (I don't have this desire atm, therefore I never looked into points 1 & 2), ...then yes, I'd probably try heroine if I was interested in such experience. However, I doubt that you would have all the three points I mentioned to check out - reason why is common sense not to try heroine. However, I would extend the argument to other drugs quite easily: weed, LSD, ecstasy. All of these are great experience in their own and if not done too regularly, very low harm (surely less than many other bad behaviour considered normal in our society), and close to zero addiction. (NB. all of what said imply that you are doing well mentally and not prone to abuse - in which case stay away from any drug, alcohol included.) But yeah, drugs are not all the same. I clearly stay away from some although I've tried a few - reading and learning about the different compounds helps removing wrong preconceptions given us from society (e.g. ecstasy is an hard drug and drinking alcohol is instead ok).
kragen 2y ago
a lot of this stuff is culturally specific, and in particular a lot of what she documents seems to be specific to the highly-alcoholic culture of the uk
- cdrini 2y ago
  Yes exactly this. I found the article kind of confusing cause it didn't describe anything I'd ever experienced, and then she mentioned London and it all made sense. Drinking is a muuuuuch bigger part of the culture there from what I hear. I wish it had been framed in that context instead of all the generalisations! But I guess it's hard to extricate oneself from one's culture.
  - kragen 2y ago
    yes, exactly!
- thorin 2y ago
  And Germany, Russia, Poland, Australia etc
  - kragen 2y ago
    i suspect that very little of what she documents is applicable to russian culture, even if russians do drink more than the english
adamtaylor_13 2y ago
Wow. What an utterly myopic and dismal view. Maybe she should drink and leave us without this written piece if it’s really all that bad. I stopped drinking and don’t experience a single one of these problems that she so confidently espouses you’ll face. Not everything has to be so doom and gloom. My life is better than it has ever been. I take pride in the fact that I’m strong enough to avoid alcohol, but I certainly don’t gloat about it. If someone pressures me, I just explain the truth: alcohol truly and inexplicably fucks my stomach up. End of story. End of guilting me for drinks. This just feels like a pity party thrown for either likes or for acknowledgment about how terrible a choice is that _you_ made.
- hcfman 2y ago
  Oh I don’t know. I enjoyed it.
- deleted 2y ago
  [deleted]
- hanifc 2y ago
  As someone who stopped drinking last year, the piece seemed a bit…dramatic. I’m with you, I’ve felt great since I’ve stopped.
hcfman 2y ago
You’ll probably say fuck a lot more as well.
the_gipsy 2y ago
Not to dismiss the author, but a good chunk of the negative experience and reduced social interaction are just part of getting older. It's very common to drink alcohol when younger, and drink less to nothing past 30. > It’s a sudden realisation that the reality is not as pleasant without alcohol as it is with alcohol. The same happens with party drugs. Of course you love the world and yourself while your brain is getting showered in exceptionally high levels of dopamine/serotonine/whatever, and afterwards the sober world is comparatively boring and depressing. But you cannot live inside a perpetual high. It would become the norm, and end up boring too, like an everlasting orgasm would soon be a nuisance. We must go down to go up again, and chemical highs can help sometimes, but not anymore than videogames help killing time. The greatest highs are those that are difficult to achieve. But even then, the come-down is hard. Bronze-medal winners come home the happiest: Silver winners are devastated because they almost got there but made a terrible mistake; Gold winners have nothing else to go for anymore, and are disappointed that the applause and congratulations are over in a day after a life of dedication.
- tommiegannert 2y ago
  My dad, in his 70s, has always enjoyed whiskey. Now he barely drinks any, because his social circle is on medicine that interfere with alcohol. Life definitely changes.
deanc 2y ago
I can relate to this blog post. It's a great summary. I stopped drinking a couple of years ago (no drama involved) and I've found the most positive side-effect has been that I have a legitimate excuse to exit social situations that I am tired of. Want to leave a party early because you're not feeling it? No longer will you be encouraged to have "just one more", it's generally just accepted.
- astura 2y ago
  I genuinely can't relate to these sorts of comments - what kind of friends do you have?
frabia 2y ago
I like the article but I don't agree that somehow not drinking gives you a more real/unfiltered view of reality (and maybe sufferance as the author describes). Personally I don't love the narrative of the "pure" or "natural" way of living. Sure, alcohol is not a natural experience for which your body was designed, but so is caffeine to enhance your brain alertness, the amount and types of calories we eat every day, the use of internet and all the various devices, and many more behaviors. The point is, our lives are so irreparably artificial (and note: I'm not against the notion) that I would urge anybody to drop the "realness" argument as a reason to do anything. Your perception of reality is given by chemicals in your brain. If you decide that alcohol is bad for your existence, then great for you, but I find it a bit condescending (and pointless) to say that those who use alcohol are "less honest" about their reality.
ghusto 2y ago
This person is 99% on target as far as I'm concerned. I disagree with a few of the negatives like "you’ll be less honest" and "you’ll have less courage", probably because there's a difference between quitting and never having really gotten into it properly in the first place. Drinking was never normal for me, so I'm comfortable being uncomfortable. This means I don't for example feel the need to be dishonest in the ways she describes.
time0ut 2y ago
Alcohol causes me anxiety. It has gotten worse as I have gotten older. The side effects of one drink are mild enough that I can still drink socially once in while if I am careful. If I have more, it is 24+ hours of unpleasantness. Luckily I don’t have trouble stopping. My life would be hell if I did.
dagmx 2y ago
I don’t drink due to complications with my epilepsy. I also don’t drink sparkling water or carbonated drinks because the carbonation is incredibly painful for my throat. Thankfully having the epilepsy as an angle excuses me from the barrage of people who ask why I don’t drink. There’s still the occasional pushers but they stigmatize themselves when everyone else realizes. Not drinking does definitely hurt your social life though, in the same way that not smoking or not doing drugs does. It’s about the shared social activity of it all, as much as how it makes one feel. However if you’re just semi proactive in suggesting hanging out with people, and set your own social terms, people just naturally adapt to it. Not drinking has never negatively affected me in the long run socially because of that. The biggest issue has been dating because while I can explain away my medical condition professionally and socially in other scenarios, it’s difficult to do so when dating as disclosing a medical issue can implicitly be seen as a “defect” in a possible future mating partner for many people. Thankfully, again, just setting the social parameters yourself often just works, and the people who are put off by it aren’t great future partners to begin with.
udev4096 2y ago
So much justification for such a bad habit. Why not just drink water and be content with it?
conzar 2y ago
As someone who took a year-long break from alcohol, I found this article quite relatable. These days, I rarely consume more than one or two drinks at social events. The most challenging aspect of this lifestyle change was dealing with acquaintances' assumptions. Many presumed I must have developed a serious problem to quit drinking entirely. For context, my peer group and I began binge drinking in our early teens (around 14-15 years old) and gradually reduced our intake towards our late twenties. I didn't have any great moments of enlightenment like the author but I believe it's a healthy challenge for one to do if alcohol has been a big part of your life growing up.
riccardomc 2y ago
Maybe if you do notice a significant difference in your life with or without alcohol then it is a sign of a somewhat problematic relationship with it. I drink sometimes, most times I don't. The rare times I am asked why I don't drink I say "I don't feel like it" and everybody moves on with their life. Maybe I'm lucky, but it's hard for me to understand why alcohol consumption or the self-imposed deprivation of it is such an important personality trait for so many.
cdrini 2y ago
Not a huge fan of the way it's framed here. This is a very personal experience framed as very general guidelines. And some of the assumptions I find a little much: - if you drink alcohol, you probably need therapy - you only think you come from a functional family because you drink alcohol Also: there are many types of drinking alcohol! Drinking a glass every once in a while, Vs getting drunk every weekend, etc. I wish the author had been clearer on where they were coming from instead of lumping everyone together. She mentioned she was from London, where I hear the drinking culture can be heavier, closer to "go for a few drinks after work every day", which is useful context for a lot of the "side-effects" she experienced. I'm also always generally perplexed by people's relationship to their culture. This person sounds like they're in a complicated web of push/pull with their culture and expectations from it. I've personally never really felt those; I make up my own mind whether to follow or not what my culture does. Someone drinking alcohol or not is just registered as a boring trait for me, like their eye colour or hair colour. It's so entirely inconsiquential. If someone pushes on that: I just don't care? But that's just me. And I can understand how it might be different in a heavier drinking culture.
- consf 2y ago
  [dead]
sanmon3186 2y ago
I do drink occasionally but I can go forever without drinking. It doesn’t bother me. My relationship with smoking is different though. I smoke on occasion but I crave it for the next day or two. If someone told me smoking was healthy, I would start today. I strongly advise against getting into casual smoking.
amriksohata 2y ago
As a non-drinker from eastern origin I always found the pressure on western fellows to drink fascinating. Almost if you didn't you were a pariah
uslic001 2y ago
Quit drinking last December. I didn't quit due to addiction but due another family member in the house having issues with alcohol. I rarely miss it. I definitely get a lot more done on the weekends. Also it made it easy to drop 15 pounds of excess weight.
motohagiography 2y ago
I don't like the purity around sobriety so I've made a point of drinking a toast once in a while. otherwise, modern de-alcoholized beer is quite enjoyable. there is also a moral dimension to it where I just can't afford certain risks. while I probably take myself too seriously but to a great extent, I got sober because I developed a sense of low trust for my environment as the result of broader social changes and I'm of a demographic that can no longer afford moments of carelessness.
beej71 2y ago
That's a dark post. Ymmv with this, it seems. I quit because I couldn't drink much of anything without getting a headache. Still drink NA beer, since I'm a big beer fan. (Review: meh. But darker beers are more passable.) My overall experience has been positive. I'm also older than the author of TFA, and though not wiser, when you're older no one gives a fuck what you do, and they don't give a fuck what you think. So a lot of these social problems go away.
john61 2y ago
There is alcohol free beer. Tastes ok and is socially accepted. people often do not realize that you are not drinking.
jsbisviewtiful 2y ago
People can choose to not drink for any reason and that's completely chill/acceptable, but a subset of the new wave of sober people are acting quite bizarre about it. I've encountered several people who are treating it like it's something everyone around them needs to know about and compliment them on. I know several people who have been sober for years and I only even found out about it because eventually it was noticeable they were drinking non-alcoholic beer, ordering mocktails, etc. If asked, "I'm sober because X" and we move on. The new wave though post about it constantly on social media and bring it up constantly at social occasions. This post is suggesting people won't think you are fun and will stop inviting you "because you are sober" when in actuality some people just make themselves incredibly annoying and attention seeking. Those of drinking age aren't in elementary school anymore and are not in need of social gratification or gold stars.
oliwarner 2y ago
> [Alcohol] doesn’t hide the pains of our reality, not successfully. I don't want to be a Judgey Judgerson but if this is why you're drinking, you probably have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. Don't get me wrong, there are friendships that rely far too much on being drunk, at the bar/pub/club, etc, etc which get boring as life trumps on, but relying on alcohol to camouflage life indicates you need bigger changes than alcohol cessation.
TeeWEE 2y ago
I don’t drink alcohol anymore. But I still drink. 0% alcohol beverages. 0.0 beers. Or <0.5% beers. I especially like IPA or Weissbeers I still get invited for drinking. I still join parties. I still act crazy. Just without the bad side effects. Note: going to a dance party the whole night still gives you a hangover. But because you were active. Not because of the alcohol. It’s less extreme.
xracy 2y ago
As a casual non-drinker, I gotta say I don't envy this person her former life of friends who also like alcohol. I am friends with plenty of people who drink, and I can't say it's been an issue with them that I don't drink. I'll fully admit this could be a difference in genders :(. But usually I just say something like "I've discovered I experience hangovers the next day no matter how little alcohol I drink" and people let it go. I don't have to lie, and everyone collectively moves on. Every day I wake up after drinking I'm reminded of why I don't drink that often for sure. I do it about once a year, and not for any social pressure.
SebFender 2y ago
Not sure where to start as this article is well... Anyway I've never been a regular drinker and honestly don't care what people think or say. I regularly refuse to participate in office socializing dinners and it's all good for me - as these usually turn into bad drinking stories and over reactions. I've always felt great not drinking much and so should you if your like many of us. Stay fit and healthy and surround yourself with similar people.

88 points by rzk 2y ago

This hits hard for some I guess: > When you lose friends, it’s because you’ll realise that without alcohol, they don’t have much in common with you.

memen 2y ago
This implies that you need to have a lot in common in order to be friends. Maybe alcohol shows that you actually do not need to have a lot in common, just having fun together is the common. You might need alcohol once in your life to realize it, but alcohol is definitely not required to experience it.
udev4096 2y ago
Honestly, it makes absolutely no sense. You need better friends if alcohol is the only thing that's keeping your friendship alive

outime 2y ago

The photo illustrating the post is a funny comparison: author holding a glass of drug A (alcohol) vs author holding a cup of - most likely - drug B (caffeine). Don't take this as a critique to the overall article, I actually liked the reflections.

raddan 2y ago
I noticed the same thing, and look forward to the anti-coffee articles to come. I have significantly toned down my own drinking over the last decade (for… complicated reasons), but I am as steady a coffee drinker as ever. I just plain do not like how my brain operates when uncaffienated.
- b800h 2y ago
  I gave up caffeine entirely as I was horribly sensitive to it, and went through a very painful 10 day cold-turkey (including muscle spasms so strong they'd wake me up at night). I feel a lot better for giving up now!

pfdietz 2y ago

One side effect is not blowing your brains out with a gun, like my alcoholic brother did.

lioeters 2y ago
Sorry for your loss, that is very sad. People often ab/use alcohol to self-medicate for coping with stress and mental issues. I think part of the problem is that we as society have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and drugs, as well as inadequate understanding and support for mental health. I don't know what we can do about it, but to love and care more for each other.
- kragen 2y ago
  often that isn't enough
crabhorse 2y ago
[dead]
GJim 2y ago
I'm fairly sure everyone in Blighty having a pint after work and spending Friday night on the piss isn't blowing their brains out with a gun. Hyperbole is not constructive. (But mental health counselling, on the NHS, is)

Zambyte 2y ago

I was "that guy" who didn't drink all pretty much all the way through college. I've definitely made some great memories that I associate with drinking, but I also have noticed myself being less mentally sharp than I'd like, and I wonder how much of that can be attributed to alcohol. I'll have to give total sobriety a try again.

imchillyb 2y ago

I quit drinking over 20 years ago. There’s a trick to it. I don’t discuss my prior habit and I don’t mention quitting. I decline drinking when asked and I do not offer an explanation. Let your no be no. I haven’t experienced any of the social pariah results that the author experienced. YMMV.

mebassett 2y ago
much of your experience with this depends on who you are and how society perceives you. I do not drink alcohol, but I am also a 6ft tall competitive weightlifter. People usually don't question my "no, thank you". And while I have had the annoying person persist and try to get me to drink, they're usually gone after I've reached my 2nd stage of "did you not hear me say no?". I suspect the experience of a less tall and muscular woman might be quite different when it comes to people trying to undermine her choices. society has a lot of "defaults" that we're suppose to accept. drinking is one. cars is another. eating meat is often one. Some people see it as an attack on their identity when you reject choices made by their society.
- vouaobrasil 2y ago
  > Some people see it as an attack on their identity when you reject choices made by their society. That is true, but my attitude towards them is "let them try". Just let them. That attitude alone makes most people not want to try.
- raddan 2y ago
  > Some people see it as an attack on their identity when you reject choices made by their society. Spot on. When I was a freshman in college, my then-girlfriend and I decided to become vegetarian. My parents responded with some puzzlement but were ultimately supportive. She, on the other hand, spent the evening crying with her parents, who saw it as a rejection of their lifestyle. I remember her father asking me with a mix of anger and frustration “but what do you EAT?!” and I pointed out that all the things on the plate that were not meat were, in fact, edible. In retrospect, this was the wrong approach (I was reflexively sarcastic in my youth), and I would now approach the question with a bit more compassion. But the experience helped me see why small things (eg, do you drink or not, do you own a gun or not, do you exercise or not, etc) can foment deep divisions among people.

mmwako 2y ago

I had to give up alcohol because of liver problems. It's amazing for 1. all the health benefits but mostly 2. it changes your perception of life. People are under the influence of alcohol at most social events, but I'd argue it's just for one simple reason: social anxiety. When you have to deal with this anxiety instead of numbing it with alcohol, you go through an emotional and spiritual journey, where you'll uncover who others really are, but mostly who YOU really are. I highly recommend it. Protip: How to prevent making people uncomfortable at parties: don't talk about you drinking or not, and directly ask for a mocktail or other alcohol-free drink. If anyone asks if you are not drinking, say "maybe later" and they'll just forget about it.

ChrisMarshallNY 2y ago
Just drink ginger ale. Looks enough like booze, that people don't bother you.
- b800h 2y ago
  That's full of sugar - complete disaster.
  - watwut 2y ago
    If this is your response to someone who you have literally zero reason to think is overweight, then you got issues.
    - dave4420 2y ago
      My assumption was that b880h was saying it would be a complete disaster for themself. Not saying anything about who they were replying to at all. And I avoid drinking sugary drinks all night because they’ll give me a headache.
    - b800h 2y ago
      Honestly, I've found so many good reasons not to drink sugary fizzy pop on my own account that I certainly don't like my kids to do it (although they get a pass occasionally). My main concern with it as a substitute is that you get through it quickly and rack up the sugar levels in no time. Best bet as far as I'm concerned are 0.0% beers - a third of the calories and a fifth of the sugar - although I'll try to stick to two of those at max. They make me feel groggy despite having no alcohol in them.

wincy 2y ago

Do people really drink that much alcohol? It’s funny because in the article she quotes her friend saying they drink once a month or so. That’s just always been my default. I hardly ever drink, but I don’t actively shun it. I guess when I’m hanging out with friends we’re playing board games or D&D or other things that require you to at least somewhat have your senses about you. Maybe I just have boring friends. The key to good habits is to just be a turbo nerd apparently.

cnity 2y ago
It's probably a side effect of the kinds of bubbles we build. I'm a moderate drinker: I drink a whisky every 3 days or so and then socially will drink a few pints, probably once a week or once every two weeks. The majority of people I spend time with are roughly the same, except my wife who hardly drinks at all. Internet commenters do love a binary though, and don't forget that most of what you read on the internet is written by insane people: https://www.reddit.com/r/slatestarcodex/comments/9rvroo/most_of_what_you_read_on_the_internet_is_written/ https://www.reddit.com/r/slatestarcodex/comments/9rvroo/most...
- ryandrake 2y ago
  The bubbles also make it hard to compare and figure out if you have a problem. If all your friends drink two 6-packs every night, and you have 3 beers a night, you might think you're fine and dandy. On the other hand, if all your friends drink casually, maybe once a week during bowling night, and you drink that same 3 beers a night, you might think you're an alcoholic.
amunozo 2y ago
I don't know in other parts of the world, but in Europe people drink a lot.
- frabia 2y ago
  mmm not sure if it's fully true tbh. I'm from Italy and currently live in Germany (so maybe together with France would be the stereotypical drinking countries) and was always a bit horrified by the stories of people drinking in the US...

vouaobrasil 2y ago

I've never had a drink, and the primary motivator for me was that I enjoy keeping my mind sharp at all times. Plus, I find the loud and drinking crowd obnoxious and irritating, and I have nothing common with them. As soon as people start drinking, I leave because the resulting conversation descends into the inane. Life without drinking alcohol is great, and I've never once regretted it. If I need to relax I go birdwatching and spend time watching birds.

malux85 2y ago
I’m 100% the same, I simply dislike the feeling of being drunk and like to keep my mind sharp, for me it’s really as simple as that.
pfdietz 2y ago
And (digression here) run Merlin on your phone; it's a gamechanger for birding.
- vrc 2y ago
  Just downloaded it this weekend and started using it casually when I’m outside. It’s truly fantastic and my toddler is super engaged with bird songs in just a few days.
- vouaobrasil 2y ago
  Cool app but I prefer the old-fashioned way with looking birds up in a paper book. Most of the time I don't even like having a phone with me. The experience in nature is better without it for me.
  - pfdietz 2y ago
    Paper books fall out of date, though. I ran into that problem with the Common Gallinule, which my old copy of Sibley called the Common Moorhen. It's not just name changes; species are merged or split fairly often, especially with DNA evidence coming in.

lqet 2y ago

As with most things, this doesn't have to be a binary decision "drinking vs not drinking". I consciously decided to drink very little at social events some years ago. A glass of wine is enough to stop any social anxiety, you will have something to hang on to while circulating, nobody will ask why you don't drink anything, your brain will still work, you will still be able to enjoy the taste, and you won't have a hangover the next morning. The trick is to extend the lifetime of the glass to 2-3 hours by sipping only tiny amounts. Everything in moderation, including moderation.

frabia 2y ago
> Everything in moderation, including moderation. Love this concept. Definitely going to steal it.
soco 2y ago
I never have a hangover next day and the brain still works, because I don't overdo it. The comments here are like always: we have the teetotalers which in exactly the same vein as the vegans bore you to death about the extraordinary life prolonging experience they have now after giving up drinking themselves under the table every evening. And of course their whole strawman starts assuming everybody drinks themselves under the table just like they did (or like they imagine for the sake of argument). Or that having a beer makes people dead drunk - maybe it did when they were four years old, in which case I believe there are (were) bigger problems with their lives. But, to each their own...
ghusto 2y ago
I agree you don't need harsh binary rules, but once you give yourself the freedom of drinking when you want to, ask yourself why you are choosing to. Many of her points are directed at the reasons not being so good.
- stnmtn 2y ago
  The commenter you responded to mentioned a benefit, helping to assuage social anxiety.
- 2y ago

badlibrarian 2y ago

I've learned that posts with this kind of tone are often motivated solely for the benefit of the writer, not the reader. Spend some time with addicts and the ones who choose to share advice instead of personal experience are often a long way from healing because they haven't built the courage to look inside themselves yet. They speak this way because they're scared. She's obviously working through some things. A private journal might work better than a public one, because then she could delve into many of the topics she went light on: her sexuality, her relationship with her therapist, her self-image. Yet another thing she may be addicted to? Attention. Talk therapy works for many types of disorders. Group therapy scales some but not all. Because certain personality disorders manifest as everyone in the group trying to one up each other. There are huge swaths of blog and Facebook culture (and even academic publishing) that enable this. Best to avoid participating.

kylecazar 2y ago

I took a break from drinking a few years ago and just never went back. I wanted to second OP's sparkling water claim -- I am rarely caught without a can of some overpriced soda water.

b800h 2y ago

I've not given up drinking, because I think it's a genuinely marvellous thing, especially with a good meal, but I've confined myself to drinking on four occasions in the year. Four days for Christmas, four days for Easter, and two weekends at other points in the year. It means I've got something to look forward to (because I only eat meat on those occasions too), but means I'm generally healthy.

jlangenauer 2y ago
I'm similar to this - I like drinking, but I've cut it down quite a lot in the last few years. My main rule is that I only drink (with occasional exceptions) on Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays, ensuring that I have at least 4 alcohol-free days a week, though in practice I found I actually drink less even on the weekends. The other thing I've done is focus on the quality of what I'm drinking, not the quantity. It's one thing to go and swill beer for a few hours in the pub (this is particularly an Australian and UK thing), but quite another to have a cocktail or two made by someone who actually cares about what they're doing.
- b800h 2y ago
  I used to have rules like this, but found that the weekend drinking was enough to significantly impact me later in the week (especially as I got older). The new rule deals with that. It means I have to be like you and choose my tipples (and meals!) wisely when I do indulge.

Etheryte 2y ago

I rarely drink and I haven't really experienced any of the issues the author describes. Maybe it's a cultural thing? Judgement, not being invited, people thinking you're less fun, etc, never seen any of this. It sounds to me that you would run into those issues if you strongly define yourself by and preach by your not drinking. But then again, that applies to any modern fad preaching, people don't like to have your personal preferences pushed that far down their throat.

astura 2y ago
This author apparently made alcohol consumption the core feature of her personality then quit drinking and made not drinking the core feature of her personality. It's incredibly bizarre. Really strange and not normal. This is especially bizarre - >[Friends] will split into two groups. Those who will find ways to spend time with you without alcohol and those who will keep pressuring you. The second group will split into two groups. Those who stop seeing you and those who start drinking less, because being with you made them realise their own drinking behaviour. What??? This is so friggin weird! Wtf? Is alcohol consumption the ONLY thing that you ever had in common? Nowadays I never drink alcohol in social situations but in my (much) younger years I would drink in social situations if given the chance and I didn't have to drive. I have exactly the same repertoire with exactly the same friends in both drinking/not drinking situations. I'm still (very!) happy to go to bars and drink water, I'll even offer to drive others. Some of my friends are big drinkers, some will have a single beer, some are teetotalers. It's just not a big part of our relationships. Nobody's ever commented on me not drinking or who is drinking or not drinking. I stopped reading this weird shit after that.
- Izkata 2y ago
  > Nowadays I never drink alcohol in social situations but in my (much) younger years I would drink in social situations if given the chance and I didn't have to drive. This reminds me of something from highschool: One day a teacher had an unexpected absence, and didn't leave any sort of lesson plan for our substitute teacher. The substitute was somewhere around 22, give or take a year, so surprisingly close to our own ages compared to teachers we were used to, and somehow the whole class ended up with her talking about her life in those years between our ages, with plenty of questions from us. One of the questions was about how much she drank, since she was legal age, and her answer surprised some of us: Once she turned 21, she almost completely stopped. At least for her all of the draw was in it being forbidden, and now that she could buy it whenever she wanted she just didn't care anymore. Kinda stuck in the back of my mind and I never started.

theboywho 2y ago

So basically the author is feeling lonely. That’s the primary message sugar coated in a long blog post, but when you have constructed your social life around drinking, it’s no surprise. The majority of people in the west actually construct their social lives around drinking, which is why it feels lonely not to drink, so it’s more of a societal problem than anything else.

hcfman 2y ago
She’s a social anthropologist. So she might just be a bit more social than a lot here.
raddan 2y ago
She has another post where she talks about being an introvert and how difficult it is to make friendships when you are an adult. I have observed this myself. I suspect—-and this jives with her observations—-that as adults we tend to feel like social time must also be productive. Like we need to be DOING something. Alcohol is the social lubricant that finally allows us to chill out and not “do” things. Children do not have this problem, I suspect, because there are no expectations of “doing.” They just are who they are, especially at young ages. I wonder if the author tried instead to engage in a pursuit that she liked for itself (eg, for us hackers here, a makerspace) that she might make more friends. Because the pressure of “doing” something and “trying” to be friends would be off. All of my best friends from adulthood were made this way—-we bonded over a shared passion without actually trying to be friends.

freitzkriesler2 2y ago

Absolutely zero benefits to drinking at all. Stopped drinking in any appreciable amounts at 23 after I started getting 2 day hangovers. Dabbled with the devil's lettuce for over a decade before quitting cold turkey. Don't recommend either. Sobriety and being straight edged is uncool but FMl it does give you clarity of mind.

nottorp 2y ago
> after I started getting 2 day hangovers Holy $DEITY. How much do you need to drink to get a 2 day hangover at 23? I've been 23 and never managed. And I was drinking.
- astura 2y ago
  I think severity of hangovers is more due to genes rather than amount of alcohol consumed. I stopped drinking mostly due to multi-day hangovers but people I know who drink MUCH more than I ever did experience mild or no hangovers. I get a mild hangover even if I only had a single beer. Caffeine doesn't effect me at all though.
  - nottorp 2y ago
    As someone who hasn't stopped drinking, it very much matters what you drink too. From the well known "sweet == hangover" to more subtle stuff like different brands of the same kind of drink having a slightly different composition that agrees more or less with your liver. Of course, if you get drunk every day, the above subtleties cease to matter. And even if you're a weekend warrior, you've got to take breaks or water your wine* or put more tonic water in your tonics if you want to do an all nighter. * Yeah, I know, blasphemy.
    - astura 2y ago
      >it very much matters what you drink too. This is why I think it's mostly genetic - it doesn't for me. Literally any and all alcohol gives me a hangover. Drinking water doesn't help me avoid them either. I've drank SO MUCH water to try to avoid hangovers, they always happen no matter.

leosanchez 2y ago

Never drank alcohol in my life. I am glad I grew up in a culture where alcohol was not normalized.

frabia 2y ago
Totally a personal decision, but there are a lot of shades of gray while avoiding the black/white opinions. Personally I would recommend anybody to try drinking alcohol and be tipsy/mildly drunk at least once in their life (as with many other experiences that are overwhelmingly positive if done with moderation, but can become negative if this limit is overly exceed).
- snailb 2y ago
  > I would recommend anybody to try drinking alcohol and be tipsy/mildly drunk at least once in their life Isn't this similar to asking someone to try heroin? I know heroin is more addictive, but statistics argue Alcohol has more negative impact on society than any other drug [1]. By the way someone on reddit tried heroin just once and got addited to it [2]. [1] https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-11660210 https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-11660210 [2] https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/9ohdc/2_weeks_ago_i_tried_heroin_once_for_fun_and_made/ https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/9ohdc/2_weeks_ago_i_t...
  - frabia 2y ago
    Well yeah, the addictive component is VERY relevant in this conversation. But if: 1) I saw that science states clearly that heroine's addition, harm for my body and for others, are lower than the ones of alcohol's, and... 2) that I believe in the validity of the studies, and also in the way they are been conducted so that they are relevant for my personal goal (trying heroine for an individual, rather than to be more relevant on a global/societal perspective), and... 3) I had somebody/someone who highly recommend the experience and explained clearly why (I don't have this desire atm, therefore I never looked into points 1 & 2), ...then yes, I'd probably try heroine if I was interested in such experience. However, I doubt that you would have all the three points I mentioned to check out - reason why is common sense not to try heroine. However, I would extend the argument to other drugs quite easily: weed, LSD, ecstasy. All of these are great experience in their own and if not done too regularly, very low harm (surely less than many other bad behaviour considered normal in our society), and close to zero addiction. (NB. all of what said imply that you are doing well mentally and not prone to abuse - in which case stay away from any drug, alcohol included.) But yeah, drugs are not all the same. I clearly stay away from some although I've tried a few - reading and learning about the different compounds helps removing wrong preconceptions given us from society (e.g. ecstasy is an hard drug and drinking alcohol is instead ok).

kragen 2y ago

a lot of this stuff is culturally specific, and in particular a lot of what she documents seems to be specific to the highly-alcoholic culture of the uk

cdrini 2y ago
Yes exactly this. I found the article kind of confusing cause it didn't describe anything I'd ever experienced, and then she mentioned London and it all made sense. Drinking is a muuuuuch bigger part of the culture there from what I hear. I wish it had been framed in that context instead of all the generalisations! But I guess it's hard to extricate oneself from one's culture.
- kragen 2y ago
  yes, exactly!
thorin 2y ago
And Germany, Russia, Poland, Australia etc
- kragen 2y ago
  i suspect that very little of what she documents is applicable to russian culture, even if russians do drink more than the english

adamtaylor_13 2y ago

Wow. What an utterly myopic and dismal view. Maybe she should drink and leave us without this written piece if it’s really all that bad. I stopped drinking and don’t experience a single one of these problems that she so confidently espouses you’ll face. Not everything has to be so doom and gloom. My life is better than it has ever been. I take pride in the fact that I’m strong enough to avoid alcohol, but I certainly don’t gloat about it. If someone pressures me, I just explain the truth: alcohol truly and inexplicably fucks my stomach up. End of story. End of guilting me for drinks. This just feels like a pity party thrown for either likes or for acknowledgment about how terrible a choice is that _you_ made.

hcfman 2y ago
Oh I don’t know. I enjoyed it.
deleted 2y ago
[deleted]
hanifc 2y ago
As someone who stopped drinking last year, the piece seemed a bit…dramatic. I’m with you, I’ve felt great since I’ve stopped.

hcfman 2y ago

You’ll probably say fuck a lot more as well.

the_gipsy 2y ago

Not to dismiss the author, but a good chunk of the negative experience and reduced social interaction are just part of getting older. It's very common to drink alcohol when younger, and drink less to nothing past 30. > It’s a sudden realisation that the reality is not as pleasant without alcohol as it is with alcohol. The same happens with party drugs. Of course you love the world and yourself while your brain is getting showered in exceptionally high levels of dopamine/serotonine/whatever, and afterwards the sober world is comparatively boring and depressing. But you cannot live inside a perpetual high. It would become the norm, and end up boring too, like an everlasting orgasm would soon be a nuisance. We must go down to go up again, and chemical highs can help sometimes, but not anymore than videogames help killing time. The greatest highs are those that are difficult to achieve. But even then, the come-down is hard. Bronze-medal winners come home the happiest: Silver winners are devastated because they almost got there but made a terrible mistake; Gold winners have nothing else to go for anymore, and are disappointed that the applause and congratulations are over in a day after a life of dedication.

tommiegannert 2y ago
My dad, in his 70s, has always enjoyed whiskey. Now he barely drinks any, because his social circle is on medicine that interfere with alcohol. Life definitely changes.

deanc 2y ago

I can relate to this blog post. It's a great summary. I stopped drinking a couple of years ago (no drama involved) and I've found the most positive side-effect has been that I have a legitimate excuse to exit social situations that I am tired of. Want to leave a party early because you're not feeling it? No longer will you be encouraged to have "just one more", it's generally just accepted.

astura 2y ago
I genuinely can't relate to these sorts of comments - what kind of friends do you have?

frabia 2y ago

I like the article but I don't agree that somehow not drinking gives you a more real/unfiltered view of reality (and maybe sufferance as the author describes). Personally I don't love the narrative of the "pure" or "natural" way of living. Sure, alcohol is not a natural experience for which your body was designed, but so is caffeine to enhance your brain alertness, the amount and types of calories we eat every day, the use of internet and all the various devices, and many more behaviors. The point is, our lives are so irreparably artificial (and note: I'm not against the notion) that I would urge anybody to drop the "realness" argument as a reason to do anything. Your perception of reality is given by chemicals in your brain. If you decide that alcohol is bad for your existence, then great for you, but I find it a bit condescending (and pointless) to say that those who use alcohol are "less honest" about their reality.

ghusto 2y ago

This person is 99% on target as far as I'm concerned. I disagree with a few of the negatives like "you’ll be less honest" and "you’ll have less courage", probably because there's a difference between quitting and never having really gotten into it properly in the first place. Drinking was never normal for me, so I'm comfortable being uncomfortable. This means I don't for example feel the need to be dishonest in the ways she describes.

time0ut 2y ago

Alcohol causes me anxiety. It has gotten worse as I have gotten older. The side effects of one drink are mild enough that I can still drink socially once in while if I am careful. If I have more, it is 24+ hours of unpleasantness. Luckily I don’t have trouble stopping. My life would be hell if I did.

dagmx 2y ago

I don’t drink due to complications with my epilepsy. I also don’t drink sparkling water or carbonated drinks because the carbonation is incredibly painful for my throat. Thankfully having the epilepsy as an angle excuses me from the barrage of people who ask why I don’t drink. There’s still the occasional pushers but they stigmatize themselves when everyone else realizes. Not drinking does definitely hurt your social life though, in the same way that not smoking or not doing drugs does. It’s about the shared social activity of it all, as much as how it makes one feel. However if you’re just semi proactive in suggesting hanging out with people, and set your own social terms, people just naturally adapt to it. Not drinking has never negatively affected me in the long run socially because of that. The biggest issue has been dating because while I can explain away my medical condition professionally and socially in other scenarios, it’s difficult to do so when dating as disclosing a medical issue can implicitly be seen as a “defect” in a possible future mating partner for many people. Thankfully, again, just setting the social parameters yourself often just works, and the people who are put off by it aren’t great future partners to begin with.

udev4096 2y ago

So much justification for such a bad habit. Why not just drink water and be content with it?

conzar 2y ago

As someone who took a year-long break from alcohol, I found this article quite relatable. These days, I rarely consume more than one or two drinks at social events. The most challenging aspect of this lifestyle change was dealing with acquaintances' assumptions. Many presumed I must have developed a serious problem to quit drinking entirely. For context, my peer group and I began binge drinking in our early teens (around 14-15 years old) and gradually reduced our intake towards our late twenties. I didn't have any great moments of enlightenment like the author but I believe it's a healthy challenge for one to do if alcohol has been a big part of your life growing up.

riccardomc 2y ago

Maybe if you do notice a significant difference in your life with or without alcohol then it is a sign of a somewhat problematic relationship with it. I drink sometimes, most times I don't. The rare times I am asked why I don't drink I say "I don't feel like it" and everybody moves on with their life. Maybe I'm lucky, but it's hard for me to understand why alcohol consumption or the self-imposed deprivation of it is such an important personality trait for so many.

cdrini 2y ago

Not a huge fan of the way it's framed here. This is a very personal experience framed as very general guidelines. And some of the assumptions I find a little much: - if you drink alcohol, you probably need therapy - you only think you come from a functional family because you drink alcohol Also: there are many types of drinking alcohol! Drinking a glass every once in a while, Vs getting drunk every weekend, etc. I wish the author had been clearer on where they were coming from instead of lumping everyone together. She mentioned she was from London, where I hear the drinking culture can be heavier, closer to "go for a few drinks after work every day", which is useful context for a lot of the "side-effects" she experienced. I'm also always generally perplexed by people's relationship to their culture. This person sounds like they're in a complicated web of push/pull with their culture and expectations from it. I've personally never really felt those; I make up my own mind whether to follow or not what my culture does. Someone drinking alcohol or not is just registered as a boring trait for me, like their eye colour or hair colour. It's so entirely inconsiquential. If someone pushes on that: I just don't care? But that's just me. And I can understand how it might be different in a heavier drinking culture.

consf 2y ago
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sanmon3186 2y ago

I do drink occasionally but I can go forever without drinking. It doesn’t bother me. My relationship with smoking is different though. I smoke on occasion but I crave it for the next day or two. If someone told me smoking was healthy, I would start today. I strongly advise against getting into casual smoking.

amriksohata 2y ago

As a non-drinker from eastern origin I always found the pressure on western fellows to drink fascinating. Almost if you didn't you were a pariah

uslic001 2y ago

Quit drinking last December. I didn't quit due to addiction but due another family member in the house having issues with alcohol. I rarely miss it. I definitely get a lot more done on the weekends. Also it made it easy to drop 15 pounds of excess weight.

motohagiography 2y ago

I don't like the purity around sobriety so I've made a point of drinking a toast once in a while. otherwise, modern de-alcoholized beer is quite enjoyable. there is also a moral dimension to it where I just can't afford certain risks. while I probably take myself too seriously but to a great extent, I got sober because I developed a sense of low trust for my environment as the result of broader social changes and I'm of a demographic that can no longer afford moments of carelessness.

beej71 2y ago

That's a dark post. Ymmv with this, it seems. I quit because I couldn't drink much of anything without getting a headache. Still drink NA beer, since I'm a big beer fan. (Review: meh. But darker beers are more passable.) My overall experience has been positive. I'm also older than the author of TFA, and though not wiser, when you're older no one gives a fuck what you do, and they don't give a fuck what you think. So a lot of these social problems go away.

john61 2y ago

There is alcohol free beer. Tastes ok and is socially accepted. people often do not realize that you are not drinking.

jsbisviewtiful 2y ago

People can choose to not drink for any reason and that's completely chill/acceptable, but a subset of the new wave of sober people are acting quite bizarre about it. I've encountered several people who are treating it like it's something everyone around them needs to know about and compliment them on. I know several people who have been sober for years and I only even found out about it because eventually it was noticeable they were drinking non-alcoholic beer, ordering mocktails, etc. If asked, "I'm sober because X" and we move on. The new wave though post about it constantly on social media and bring it up constantly at social occasions. This post is suggesting people won't think you are fun and will stop inviting you "because you are sober" when in actuality some people just make themselves incredibly annoying and attention seeking. Those of drinking age aren't in elementary school anymore and are not in need of social gratification or gold stars.

oliwarner 2y ago

> [Alcohol] doesn’t hide the pains of our reality, not successfully. I don't want to be a Judgey Judgerson but if this is why you're drinking, you probably have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. Don't get me wrong, there are friendships that rely far too much on being drunk, at the bar/pub/club, etc, etc which get boring as life trumps on, but relying on alcohol to camouflage life indicates you need bigger changes than alcohol cessation.

TeeWEE 2y ago

I don’t drink alcohol anymore. But I still drink. 0% alcohol beverages. 0.0 beers. Or <0.5% beers. I especially like IPA or Weissbeers I still get invited for drinking. I still join parties. I still act crazy. Just without the bad side effects. Note: going to a dance party the whole night still gives you a hangover. But because you were active. Not because of the alcohol. It’s less extreme.

xracy 2y ago

As a casual non-drinker, I gotta say I don't envy this person her former life of friends who also like alcohol. I am friends with plenty of people who drink, and I can't say it's been an issue with them that I don't drink. I'll fully admit this could be a difference in genders :(. But usually I just say something like "I've discovered I experience hangovers the next day no matter how little alcohol I drink" and people let it go. I don't have to lie, and everyone collectively moves on. Every day I wake up after drinking I'm reminded of why I don't drink that often for sure. I do it about once a year, and not for any social pressure.

SebFender 2y ago

Not sure where to start as this article is well... Anyway I've never been a regular drinker and honestly don't care what people think or say. I regularly refuse to participate in office socializing dinners and it's all good for me - as these usually turn into bad drinking stories and over reactions. I've always felt great not drinking much and so should you if your like many of us. Stay fit and healthy and surround yourself with similar people.