11 ms·

Also, I don’t care how you accomplish this work, but you must atomize your anticipated work into individual bite-sized and estimated tasks. Your estimates need

by teeray 3y ago

Also, I don’t care how you accomplish this work, but you must atomize your anticipated work into individual bite-sized and estimated tasks. Your estimates need not be accurate, but you will be held accountable if you run over your estimates and be met with suspicion if your estimates are arbitrarily deemed too high. You will be left to execute these tasks as you see fit, but you must report progress on them daily in a one-hour meeting along with every other architect working on entirely unrelated work. You may be asked to repeat this same oral update in other meetings. These meetings may be time consuming, but you will still be expected to meet your time estimates. During this project to design my house, there may be periods of time when I may require you to assist with architectural emergencies, such as stabilizing the Leaning Tower of Pisa. These emergencies supersede your work and may come at any hour of the day or night, but should not impact your time estimates.

vrosas 3y ago
Your firm’s partners have hired BCG to streamline the home building process. Your home and every other one in the neighborhood that your coworkers have been designing will be left to rot and most of you will be let go. Some of you will be reassigned to design horse stables and indoor pools for a more profitable market segment.
- reactordev 3y ago
  Your neighborhood was sold to an HOA. All houses must conform to new rules, reporting, and ever increasing fees until all revenue is squeezed from the premises. Violators will be fined Fibonacci derived value amounts or forfeit their property to the HOA. If you are still around by this time. Your equity is worthless.
  - RCitronsBroker 3y ago
    Fibonacci derived values is wayyy too un-arbitrary
fatherzine 3y ago
<big tech> the building must make $10b/year in revenue, or else you are all fired.
- blkhawk 3y ago
  .... more than last year or you are all fired.
- gorbachev 3y ago
  ...and if any individual room isn't profitable in any quarter of the year, I need the ability to detach it from the building and dump it. I don't care about any furniture inside, dump it too.
  - xgkickt 3y ago
    Each room must be constructed of experimental materials so we can claim an R&D tax credit on them before dumping them.
ip26 3y ago
It's suddenly not ridiculous at all if you map PM to general contractor and SWE to tradespeople.
- disgruntledphd2 3y ago
  Well to be fair, most construction projects are bid on a fixed-price basis with overages, and there's normally a limitation of when stuff can be changed. Generally, the optimal strategy for a construction company/contractor is to go in with a low fixed price bid and screw them on the extras that your specialists have identified will be necessary, but the general contractor/engineers have missed. Source: I used to price construction jobs back in the day, and heard a lot of horror/joy stories. I think my college education was partially funded by these kinds of mess-ups, as my dad worked in construction.
mgoetzke 3y ago
The last part is what constantly destroys me :)
- ZaoLahma 3y ago
  For extra amusement, make it so that you have responsibility without authority. I.e. you know what is broken and roughly how to fix it and in everyone's view it absolutely is your responsibility to "git'erdone", but you can't since you either don't have access or resources to do what needs doing and you won't get the access or the resources due to office politics or some other equally unfixable issue. That's a fun little stress-biscuit to eat.
  - adrianmsmith 3y ago
    Or you literally aren't allowed to fix it, while it also being your responsibility to fix it. For example you see are responsible for fixing problem X, so you go to do it, and are told that X isn't on the planning board this month (because problem X hadn't occurred yet when planning happened at the start of the month) therefore you aren't allowed to work on it. But in other meetings, it's your fault it's not fixed, X is your job after all.
    - peteradio 3y ago
      Now this is podracing I mean Agile! - Aintworkin Scumwalker
    - Qwertious 3y ago
      Responsibility without authority is a game of "stop hitting yourself".
  - whstl 3y ago
    > For extra amusement, make it so that you have responsibility without authority. Ah! The good old recipe for burnout.
  - dxxth 3y ago
    This is very real in the context of many locked down, tightly-regulated industries such as DoD manufacturing gigs with poorly-managed webs of IT and Engineering infrastructure. Data governance and security, change and configuration management, are all cross functional teams with their own political priorities, cultures, budgets, and requirements. Sometimes even separate tools anf platforms with zero integration or worse, financial redundancy. It is pain to work in such an environment.
happymellon 3y ago
Your pencil to draw the diagrams will be managed by a completely different person, you are not allowed to sharpen it yourself. However that person may not be available as they will be sharpening everyone else's pencils, as well as adjusting desks. They are all from Blue Pants, so won't work the same time shifts as you
- archerx 3y ago
  My last job was almost this. My question is how does it get to that point?
  - pyrale 3y ago
    My best explanation is that some people believe that project management can be completely oblivious to the nature of the work to be done, and still be useful. To them, maximizing their ability to make choices about the way work will be done means they have more ability to take the good decisions that will lead the project to a successful end.
  - arkh 3y ago
    People whose only knowledge of management stopped at factory work in the 1920s.
  - happymellon 3y ago
    Someone up top found a cheaper supplier of pencils. Unfortunately these are cheap pencils, so the graphite keeps breaking. People are spending too much time sharpening their pencils, besides a good pencil sharpener is expensive. The solution is to get a sharpener person to move the sharpener about to save everyone time. However they are expensive to employ so we are going to outsource it because sharpening pencils are not our core business. It always starts as cheaping out on the free soda. Unless, as was also mentioned, someone is a project/product manager without actually understanding the business.
  - techcode 3y ago
    Was your last job a place with more focus on quarterly business cycle and less if any on longer term? It might even be that there's seemingly a lot of long term goals/objectives/focus. If it's mostly strategic level plans/talks/etc, while day to day things are still planned, executed and evaluated on half-year and even just quarterly period - it seemingly ends same as not having longer term plans.
qprofyeh 3y ago
There isn’t a more accurate description of “corporate agile” than exactly this. It’s a joke, and the joke’s on us.
- devsda 3y ago
  If I'm ever telling stories to my future grand kids, they will definitely hear about the terror regime of an evil king named Agile .
  - arethuza 3y ago
    You are assuming that Agile can be killed? At this point I'm thinking that it has seeped into the very nature of the world - like Morgoth's Ring.
- TurboHaskal 3y ago
  Left an otherwise good job because of this. I am done with it. For the next job I take, I will demand to be present in the daily meeting to see how it looks like. Ideally, there isn't one.
sage76 3y ago
> you must atomize your anticipated work into individual bite-sized and estimated tasks Based on a 2 line description from a product manager, so you actually have no clue on the scope of the task until you start working on it. This is how at my last company, my team got every estimate wrong and engineers got fired. Yes the salt is real.
reacharavindh 3y ago
Oh an remember, before you can design a house, you need to build a scaffolding using the same tools one would to build a warehouse, make sure it is earthquake proof, nuclear threat proof, hurricane category 7 proof, forest fire proof etc regardless of whether there are forests, earthquake geology, or hurricanes nearby. After all, you can be proud that you followed the same principles that unicorn architects who build warehouses used successfully to _their_ needs.
Fire-Dragon-DoL 3y ago
You forgot to add, your estimates need to use an artificial, non-agreedu-upon unit that differs per person and that varies (decreases) as you find new work that's simpler than the simplest work you have ever encountered. And then, you will be held accountable for that number, even if (supposedly), doesn't represent time and even if the interpretation of your estimate must use the unit that the person holding you acciuntable. Wow as I re-read this statement, it's completely insane
Viliam1234 3y ago
OK, now please build the second floor. We need it fully completed and functional a.s.a.p. However, do not build the first floor yet, because I am still waiting for some important decisions to be made.

by teeray 3y ago

vrosas 3y ago

Your firm’s partners have hired BCG to streamline the home building process. Your home and every other one in the neighborhood that your coworkers have been designing will be left to rot and most of you will be let go. Some of you will be reassigned to design horse stables and indoor pools for a more profitable market segment.

reactordev 3y ago
Your neighborhood was sold to an HOA. All houses must conform to new rules, reporting, and ever increasing fees until all revenue is squeezed from the premises. Violators will be fined Fibonacci derived value amounts or forfeit their property to the HOA. If you are still around by this time. Your equity is worthless.
- RCitronsBroker 3y ago
  Fibonacci derived values is wayyy too un-arbitrary

fatherzine 3y ago

<big tech> the building must make $10b/year in revenue, or else you are all fired.

blkhawk 3y ago
.... more than last year or you are all fired.
gorbachev 3y ago
...and if any individual room isn't profitable in any quarter of the year, I need the ability to detach it from the building and dump it. I don't care about any furniture inside, dump it too.
- xgkickt 3y ago
  Each room must be constructed of experimental materials so we can claim an R&D tax credit on them before dumping them.

ip26 3y ago

It's suddenly not ridiculous at all if you map PM to general contractor and SWE to tradespeople.

disgruntledphd2 3y ago
Well to be fair, most construction projects are bid on a fixed-price basis with overages, and there's normally a limitation of when stuff can be changed. Generally, the optimal strategy for a construction company/contractor is to go in with a low fixed price bid and screw them on the extras that your specialists have identified will be necessary, but the general contractor/engineers have missed. Source: I used to price construction jobs back in the day, and heard a lot of horror/joy stories. I think my college education was partially funded by these kinds of mess-ups, as my dad worked in construction.

mgoetzke 3y ago

The last part is what constantly destroys me :)

ZaoLahma 3y ago
For extra amusement, make it so that you have responsibility without authority. I.e. you know what is broken and roughly how to fix it and in everyone's view it absolutely is your responsibility to "git'erdone", but you can't since you either don't have access or resources to do what needs doing and you won't get the access or the resources due to office politics or some other equally unfixable issue. That's a fun little stress-biscuit to eat.
- adrianmsmith 3y ago
  Or you literally aren't allowed to fix it, while it also being your responsibility to fix it. For example you see are responsible for fixing problem X, so you go to do it, and are told that X isn't on the planning board this month (because problem X hadn't occurred yet when planning happened at the start of the month) therefore you aren't allowed to work on it. But in other meetings, it's your fault it's not fixed, X is your job after all.
  - peteradio 3y ago
    Now this is podracing I mean Agile! - Aintworkin Scumwalker
  - Qwertious 3y ago
    Responsibility without authority is a game of "stop hitting yourself".
- whstl 3y ago
  > For extra amusement, make it so that you have responsibility without authority. Ah! The good old recipe for burnout.
- dxxth 3y ago
  This is very real in the context of many locked down, tightly-regulated industries such as DoD manufacturing gigs with poorly-managed webs of IT and Engineering infrastructure. Data governance and security, change and configuration management, are all cross functional teams with their own political priorities, cultures, budgets, and requirements. Sometimes even separate tools anf platforms with zero integration or worse, financial redundancy. It is pain to work in such an environment.

happymellon 3y ago

Your pencil to draw the diagrams will be managed by a completely different person, you are not allowed to sharpen it yourself. However that person may not be available as they will be sharpening everyone else's pencils, as well as adjusting desks. They are all from Blue Pants, so won't work the same time shifts as you

archerx 3y ago
My last job was almost this. My question is how does it get to that point?
- pyrale 3y ago
  My best explanation is that some people believe that project management can be completely oblivious to the nature of the work to be done, and still be useful. To them, maximizing their ability to make choices about the way work will be done means they have more ability to take the good decisions that will lead the project to a successful end.
- arkh 3y ago
  People whose only knowledge of management stopped at factory work in the 1920s.
- happymellon 3y ago
  Someone up top found a cheaper supplier of pencils. Unfortunately these are cheap pencils, so the graphite keeps breaking. People are spending too much time sharpening their pencils, besides a good pencil sharpener is expensive. The solution is to get a sharpener person to move the sharpener about to save everyone time. However they are expensive to employ so we are going to outsource it because sharpening pencils are not our core business. It always starts as cheaping out on the free soda. Unless, as was also mentioned, someone is a project/product manager without actually understanding the business.
- techcode 3y ago
  Was your last job a place with more focus on quarterly business cycle and less if any on longer term? It might even be that there's seemingly a lot of long term goals/objectives/focus. If it's mostly strategic level plans/talks/etc, while day to day things are still planned, executed and evaluated on half-year and even just quarterly period - it seemingly ends same as not having longer term plans.

qprofyeh 3y ago

There isn’t a more accurate description of “corporate agile” than exactly this. It’s a joke, and the joke’s on us.

devsda 3y ago
If I'm ever telling stories to my future grand kids, they will definitely hear about the terror regime of an evil king named Agile .
- arethuza 3y ago
  You are assuming that Agile can be killed? At this point I'm thinking that it has seeped into the very nature of the world - like Morgoth's Ring.
TurboHaskal 3y ago
Left an otherwise good job because of this. I am done with it. For the next job I take, I will demand to be present in the daily meeting to see how it looks like. Ideally, there isn't one.

sage76 3y ago

> you must atomize your anticipated work into individual bite-sized and estimated tasks Based on a 2 line description from a product manager, so you actually have no clue on the scope of the task until you start working on it. This is how at my last company, my team got every estimate wrong and engineers got fired. Yes the salt is real.

reacharavindh 3y ago

Oh an remember, before you can design a house, you need to build a scaffolding using the same tools one would to build a warehouse, make sure it is earthquake proof, nuclear threat proof, hurricane category 7 proof, forest fire proof etc regardless of whether there are forests, earthquake geology, or hurricanes nearby. After all, you can be proud that you followed the same principles that unicorn architects who build warehouses used successfully to _their_ needs.

Fire-Dragon-DoL 3y ago

You forgot to add, your estimates need to use an artificial, non-agreedu-upon unit that differs per person and that varies (decreases) as you find new work that's simpler than the simplest work you have ever encountered. And then, you will be held accountable for that number, even if (supposedly), doesn't represent time and even if the interpretation of your estimate must use the unit that the person holding you acciuntable. Wow as I re-read this statement, it's completely insane

Viliam1234 3y ago

OK, now please build the second floor. We need it fully completed and functional a.s.a.p. However, do not build the first floor yet, because I am still waiting for some important decisions to be made.