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The surreal life of a professional bridesmaid
- slipshady 3y agoThat website is awful on iOS/Safari. Constantly scrolls me back to the top.
- jarbus 3y agoReader mode made it more bearable for me
- LeonM 3y agoOn Firefox (Linux) the page just goes blank after a second or two. They must really don't want people to actually read their articles
- pimlottc 3y agoSame on Firefox (macOS). Reader mode worked, though.
- red_trumpet 3y agoIt did come back for me after some extra seconds though...
- bmacho 3y agohttps://archive.ph/2000/https://thehustle.co/the-surreal-life-of-a-professional-bridesmaid/ https://archive.ph/2000/https://thehustle.co/the-surreal-lif... edit: no pictures.
- d--b 3y ago> Her life is a romantic comedy waiting to happen. For those who wonder, I’ll save you the google search: yes the movie has been made and is called “the professional bridesmaid”. it was released in 2023.
- throwup238 3y agoConsidering how many times the subject ends up crying in a bathroom in the article, it should be more of a dark tragicomedy.
- mcphage 3y agoWeddings are emotional events, even at the best of times. But also a lot of effort and planning and stress.
- arethuza 3y agoMy wife's mother was very keen on a large wedding, my wife wasn't - we were watching a holiday program on TV and they had weddings in Mauritius and she announced "we're doing that!". Anyway, we ended up getting married in the Seychelles and it was blissful and zero stress... and cost a lot less than a normal marriage. That was 34 years ago so something must have worked.
- cafard 3y agoLess when counting in transportation? Where did you live at the time?
- arethuza 3y agoScotland So we had to fly from Edinburgh -> LHR -> Seychelles Looking at the current price from the same travel company and hotel it would be ~£8K - still cheaper than most weddings. The actual cost of the "wedding" part was pretty small. Edit: One thing I do remember is that flight out was full of stressed out newly weds!
- michaelt 3y agoDestination weddings can save a lot of money by having far fewer guests, while still retaining the most-important-day-of-your-life glamour that a small scale registry office wedding might lack. Obviously, you can have a small scale wedding in your home country. But a lot of people feel they ought to invite their second-cousin-twice-removed and their family of five, while spending £200 a head on venue and food costs. If attending the wedding needs a £1000 flight and a week off work, your guest list will drop from 100 people to 10.
- RcouF1uZ4gsC 3y agoThis seems like it is a consequence of shrinking family size and people not having extended family. See the discussion today on HN about lack of cousins: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=39340501 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=39340501 In the past, you had more relatives than spots. Now many people have more spots than relatives.
- bluGill 3y agoWhat happened to friends though?
- Uvix 3y agoWFH happened.
- master-lincoln 3y agoOnly related for people whose sole friends are from their work, no?
- ghettoCoder 3y agoFriend circles have generally been primarily driven by proximity, with school & work being the main environments. Take away the forced socializing of work and all of sudden you have late 20s people with few or no friends since drifting away from most school friendships. The pandemic taught me that absent forced social interactions such as work meetings, water cooler chat, etc... it takes deliberate actions to maintain social relationships, more so the secondary relationships. It's just too easy to dive into our work all day without speaking to anyone not in our direct line of reporting.
- spazx 3y agoIn my professional experience (since before the pandemic), I've been encouraged not to mix work with my personal life. Regardless, even when I ignored this advice and did share personal details and be myself, the interactions have always felt disingenuous. For me at least, being an actual friend and keeping up a professional appearance are mutually exclusive. I suppose I've personally been very fortunate to remain friends with a lot of people from my childhood, and meet others through them. Even the people I have met through friends only recently, feel more genuine than older personal connections made through work. (None of my friends spend personal time with people they've met through work, either!) Interactions with work people will always have that veneer of trying to look and sound one's best in the professional sense, in protection of one's career. In friendships you shouldn't be afraid to show your flaws, imperfections, personal beliefs, personal history, the squishy parts.
- andy99 3y agoThe most interesting part to me was the trend of hiring birds of prey as ring bearers (link from the article) https://www.wsj.com/lifestyle/weddings-falcons-raptors-ring-bearers-birds-21e18ad9?mod=hp_lista_pos1 https://www.wsj.com/lifestyle/weddings-falcons-raptors-ring-... What could possibly go wrong?
- htrp 3y agoNot quite that much..... but it's still a crazy idea
- mcphage 3y ago“Just so we’re clear, you’re saying ‘Ring Bear-er’, right?” - repeated joke from the final season of How I Met Your Mother
- mauvehaus 3y agoMy wife's nephew's official printed-on-the-programs role at our wedding was "ring bear". Regrettably, he could not be convinced to roar as he bore the rings.
- HanClinto 3y agoThey should have used the eagles to transport the ring.
- technion 3y agoI had an owl deliver the ring to my wedding. A decade on people still talk about it.
- midasuni 3y ago1 bed apartment for a couple with a baby and dog? I’m guessing the 100k/yr is revenue not profit.
- rsynnott 3y agoNote: "Manhattan". (Also of course if it's a new baby they may just not have gotten around to moving yet. But 100k doesn't exactly make you fabulously well-off in Manhattan.)
- obloid 3y agoThe article says Williamsburg, which is in Brooklyn, but still NYC so that 100k is not going to get you much.
- shermantanktop 3y agoThey're living well in NYC: no roommates.
- brodouevencode 3y agoThe number in the wedding party blows my mind. We had four total and that was two too many.
- DrNosferatu 3y agoShe's a farmer of Bridezillas - clever girl! (maybe hunter-gatherer) ...or an engineer that builds the bridge between reality and the image people want to project about themselves. Amazing food for thought.
- deleted 3y ago[deleted]
- sdwr 3y agoShe's writing people's papers for them at the last minute. "Everyone knows" that your wedding is the place to show off your strong social ties. What do you do when the deadline is approaching, and your stomach starts sinking in dread and shame as the people in your Rolodex aren't as numerous or committed as they should be?
- DrNosferatu 3y agoWhat's the point of living in a - painful and expensive - lie? (besides Glantz's income, obviously)
- gardenmud 3y agoBased on the article, she provides the services of a sort of on-call talk therapist/emotional support that overlaps with services typically provided by a personal assistant or maid of honor, like keeping the bridesmaids organized and on track. Honestly, I get it. If you don't have a willing volunteer, there's no shame in hiring a personal assistant for the job. Where she really excels is selling it as something fun and chic, not desperate; 'extra bridesmaid to fill out the group' is a lot more palatable than 'hired help'.
- araes 3y agoThere's also a certain caste of society, where spending $5000 to not have any stress about an event, is really not that big a deal. Plus, then you're not dropping it on your "best friend" to handle the whole thing, which ends up being a weird inverse form of punishment for being friends so long.
- pjc50 3y agoNot an entirely new profession. In the past, this sort of thing used to happen more often with funerals and professional mourners; now that has well and truly gone in the West. There is an anecdote in Naples 44 about how the narrator's "fixer" in Naples had had a side gig as an "uncle from Rome" at funerals. By turning up in the right suit with the right accent and social graces this would enhance the social status of the deceased. There used to be something of a market for "professional token Westerner" in Chinese events. I've no idea if that's still a thing.
- timmg 3y ago> There used to be something of a market for "professional token Westerner" in Chinese events. I've no idea if that's still a thing. About ten years ago, my wife and I visited China (with private guides). We were in a medium-sized town -- don't remember which, but might have been the one with the panda preserve. We had lunch scheduled at a local restaurant in town. The restaurant was on the second floor. As the elevator went up, we heard a thumping sound like a bass drum. The elevator opened and we were in the middle of the start of an elaborate wedding. It seems that the restaurant was booked for this wedding, but we still had seats off to the side. It was just coincidence that we got there just as things were getting started. As we made our way around the outside of the room, we happened to pass the bridal party. As we were passing, the bride-to-be stopped us an graciously thanked us for coming to her wedding (in English) and said they were honored to have us. It was very surreal. The wedding itself was like a mini rock concert with many people on stage at various times -- including (I remember) two women in white dresses rocking out on electric violins.
- CydeWeys 3y agoOh man that's hilarious. Your tour group hornswoggled you into being the token Westerner, and you paid for the privilege!
- kurthr 3y agoPossibly near Chengdu, Mianyang? I'll agree with others, this was unlikely to be an accident. But hey, you were entertained and they got to show off their English!
- rsynnott 3y ago> Maid of honor speeches, which cost $375 if they’re written by Glantz or $35 if she gets her AI assistant to help. In which LLMs continue to ruin everything.
- filoleg 3y agoGiven the average quality of quite many maid of honor speeches, they were imo ruined the second markov chains came into the existence
- rsynnott 3y agoI mean, the average wedding speech of any type is of course _quite bad_ (most people not being accomplished public speakers), but they're at least generally bad in a fairly varied, human way. The mind-numbing same-y badness of all ChatGPT prose would not be an improvement.
- bombcar 3y agoThe whole point of the best man/maid of honor speech is to tell some moderately embarrassing story from ages past. Without that, who would even bother?
- filoleg 3y agoExactly. It isn’t a store opening speech or some other super formal part of the wedding. Best man/maid of honor speeches are usually supposed to be more of a storytelling piece (of variable funniness) that ends on some heartwarming and/or cute conclusion. I wouldn’t blame people for using chatGPT to generate more formal/canned sorts of speeches, but the man/maid of honor speech is imo a terrible application for that.
- ibejoeb 3y agoHow much worse is it than having an actual stranger write a puff piece on you?
- Giorgi 3y agoI got that on email newsletter too and visiting her website, it looks like she is one of those "marketeer/influencer" type, most likely it is a marketing gimmick too.
- totorovirus 3y agoThere are professional wedding guests in Korea
- ecmascript 3y agoHonestly this article is just really depressing. Just goes to show how modern technology has ruined peoples lives in ways that we could not anticipate. I always thought internet and social media would bring you more friends but it appears like people are way more lonely today and I identify as one of them. Honestly, finding new friends as a grown up, especially as a man, is very hard. But I rather have my wedding alone with just my family than with some random people I pay. I'd rather not have any party before the wedding than with people who are not my real friends. Maybe that's just me but I find this "trend", if you can call it that, a dystopia. We don't need more fake friends, we need less.
- COM2323 3y agoMaybe it just depends where you live or how you use internet/social media? For me it's actually much easier. As an introvert I don't really like approaching random people "on the street". So whenever I start a new hobby or interest I usually just find some local community via their website/forum/Facebook, participate online and then join them in person. This has worked amazingly for me over the last 25+ years.
- mixmastamyk 3y agoI first encountered the phrase, "keeping up with the Jones" some time in late 70s.
- FrustratedMonky 3y agoProbably a big market beyond bridesmaid. Uber for Friends. There was netflix show with it as a subplot. There was a phone app, and you could just hire a friend for an afternoon to hang out.
- syndicatedjelly 3y agoCould be a Nathan for You episode
- OJFord 3y agoI don't think it was, but could imagine that as a Black Mirror episode. A bit similar to the social rating one.
- jojobas 3y agoEscorts have been there forever.
- focusedone 3y agoI worked at a wedding supply business during college and later as a photographer. I've probably been paid to attend a couple hundred weddings total. It's a great way to see a wide cross section of people in a very stressful situation. Some people get so wound up on every little detail and even minor deviations from an unattainable perfection result in an avalanche of emotion. Other people are totally chill and just there to celebrate something special with family and friends. Either way, I can 100% see the need / benefit of having a professional (or seasoned wedding attender) in the wedding party. Someone who's seen some stuff and stays calm when whatever nutso thing happens. Even perfectly reasonable, chill couples will have that one crazy aunt projecting expectations on everyone around them. Having someone close to the party who can identify and firewall the crazy can keep a wonderful day from becoming a stress fest. Anyway, the professional in the article identified a real felt need she could address and found a way to get paid fixing it. Good for her!
- mejarc 3y agoMy courthouse wedding over 20 years ago cost $75, had no showers, no attendants, no reception, and was memorialized only by a snapshot taken by one of the affable court clerks. I've never regretted it. The only way my spouse and I pulled it off was to keep our plans secret from our families. My mother-in-law resents me for that to this day.
- groestl 3y agoTo each their own. Some people enjoy giving parties, and then it's just another reason to throw a big party.
- lotsofpulp 3y agoWeddings (and any other tradition/ritual that requires sacrifice) are also an opportunity to display a level of commitment to a broader tribe. Regardless of one’s philosophies, playing along with the broader group’s traditions and spending something (time/money/effort) to do it is a signal to the others for how invested you are in a particular group of people. Obviously, like anything else, it can be overdone. But it is not without value, and there is a reason wedding celebrations came into being in cultures around the world.
- alexwhb 3y agoReally interesting read. Thanks for posting. Pretty sad how many people seem to not have enough close friends, but it is understandable the more self isolated and individualistic our culture gets.
- kunle 3y agoI don't think AI is going to replace this job anytime soon.
- tsss 3y agoIt did replace her last job very successfully.
- guidoism 3y agoWhen I was 23 years old, just out of college, just moved across the country my friend from high school got married. We never talked over the phone or email just hung out when we were both in our hometown. He asked me (along with the rest of our group) to be in his wedding. He was the first of my friends to get married. When I arrived I was appalled at the amount of money I was expected to pay. I paid for the plane flight across the country, yes that was expected. I got to the hotel and checked into the room he reserved for me but I had to pay for that (I would have gotten a cheaper hotel if I had known). The next day we drove out to a tux place and I was fitted for the tux. And I had to pay for that too, I think it was like maybe $150 to rent the tux. I was blown away by the costs of everything. Then during the wedding I find out that I'm an usher, I was just there to walk guests to their seats. I think I paid like $600, not something I could easily afford 23 years ago. It wouldn't have big that big of a deal if I had known beforehand but the costs were completely unexpected. I know better now. And have happily paid, but people getting married should be upfront with their wedding party how much it's going to cost them to be in the wedding.
- raptorraver 3y agoMy sister just told that she's flying to Italy for her friend's weddings next summer. I asked if her friend's future husband is from Italy or if they have some connection there: nope, they decided to arrange it there because it's much cheaper for them. Don't think they though about the costs for their guests, nor environment.
- thebradbain 3y agoBeen to a few destination weddings (Mediterranean coast, India, Montana), and I think they’re the most fun, by far. All 3 of them being for close friends and family, I have come to understand the expectation to be: If it’s too much, or you don’t want to travel that far, or you’re busy— no worries! If you do, great, we invited you because we want to celebrate with you too, so why not make a big trip of it? And then usually followed by a more casual reception closer to home for those family and friends who wanted to make it but couldn’t for whatever reason.
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- anonu 3y agoThere's a market for everything...
- tsss 3y agoPeople like that have the easiest life ever and then act like they're fighting in the Vietnamese jungle.
- themadturk 3y agoI got married 42 years ago next month. We had hardly any money, but had a full-blown church wedding. My wife's mother made the wedding gown as a wedding gift. Her dad, a certified gemologist, designed and made the ring (I only had to buy the diamond; the gold and his services were free). A lifelong friend of her parents was the wedding coordinator. We had a friend do pictures; he agreed to buy the film and we paid for that and his time, and we did the processing ourselves (long, long before digital). The reception was a potluck. I don't remember how much it cost us, but it was affordable to us, thanks to generous friends and family.
- tivert 3y ago> It also tells her something else: that people don’t have the support networks they need, not just on their wedding day but in everyday life. “Making friends, maintaining friends is really hard,” she says. “I think people are lonelier than ever.” Don't you love capitalism? It wrecks your support networks, then provides a substitute solution for a fee.
- jojobas 3y ago1) The costs of holding what essentially is just a party, even if it's the main party of your life, are ridiculous. Expecting guests to dish out thousands of dollars for an outfit is even more ridiculous. The brainwashers on behalf of the wedding industry are worth their weight in gold. 2) The picture seems to suggest that professional bridesmaid's job is to be uglier than the bride's, go figure.
- Tolexx 3y agoThis is an interesting article. It will make for an interesting movie too.
- mepiethree 3y agoLooking at her website, it really seems like she doesn’t personally do the hired bridesmaid thing anymore and is mostly trying to promote her story for a movie, sell AI tools, phone consultations, and more “standard” wedding planning. Makes sense. This is a job that you’d probably have to retire from young just because brides at big weddings skew younger. https://bridesmaidforhire.com/about https://bridesmaidforhire.com/about