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You're being downvoted, but this is true. The American Way of moving out from your parents' home ASAP to be so-called "independent" at any and all costs is not

You're being downvoted, but this is true. The American Way of moving out from your parents' home ASAP to be so-called "independent" at any and all costs is not the only (or even best) way.

koito17 3y ago
Yup, I've always found it strange that American parents immediately kick out their children at the age of 18. The United States in general seems to practice an unhealthy amount of individualism.
- PretzelPirate 3y ago
  Since sex is villanized in the US, parents have to kick their children out so they can have sex again.
  - drowsspa 3y ago
    Sounds like you just need thicker walls
    - doubled112 3y ago
      A lot of the homes, town homes and apartments absolutely DO need thicker walls. I know my neighbours have sex and I'm OK with this, but that doesn't mean I want to lay in bed and listen to them have it.
      - seanmcdirmid 3y ago
        A friend of mine lived in Japan for a few years and got a polite letter from his neighbors asking him...to quiet it down.
- geph2021 3y ago
  I've always found it strange that American parents immediately kick out their children at the age of 18 I'm not sure where you got that idea, but that's an inaccurate, incredibly broad generalization. I would say that the historical impetus for kids moving out at 18 has been due to graduating from high school and "going off to college".
  - DamnYuppie 3y ago
    Doubtful. Most people did not go to college when this policy was more normal than it is today. When my father turned 18 in the early 60's he was told he had to leave home. The impetus was to get out in the world and start making money. So I was told the same thing when I was young that when I turn 18 I would have to leave. It was stressful to be honest but overall I am not sure it is a bad thing. The old adage of a baby bird will never fly if it isn't kicked from the nest seems to best encapsulate this idea and how it was present and executed to me. While jarring and terrifying it is ultimately for their own benefit.
    - geph2021 3y ago
      That does sound stressful. At least it seems like you've been able to retrospectively find some positive. But I've literally never heard of kids being told they had to leave home at 18, unless it's the foster care system where kids "age out" (even then, laws have changed recently to extend this to 21). As a parent, I cannot imagine telling my kids they have to leave, especially at a relatively very young age/maturity. Our kids leaving home comes up occasionally in conversations, most commonly perhaps with the typically exasperated parent retort of the genre of "well you can decide differently when you live on your own!" But even then, my kids have said things like "what if I don't want to live on my own?" And we always follow up with: "Then you can stay here as long as you want. This will always be your home." I really don't feel like our attitude in this respect is different from most other parents we know. But of course families can be very different, and I'm now aware that your experience may be more common that I previously thought. Thanks for sharing.
    - seanmcdirmid 3y ago
      I don't think that is representative of most American families. Most of the time, it is the kid who wants to leave their parents house to be independent rather than the other way around. I stayed in my house one year after I turned 18, and it was a huge mistake, especially since I was commuting almost 2 hours a day to university, but also...well, rent wasn't that high back then...I found a room for $215/month near UW in 1994. These days I don't think that value proposition exists anymore.
- jackcosgrove 3y ago
  I don't know anyone who was kicked out of their home at age 18 if that would have made them homeless, so I think you're painting with a broad brush. It definitely happens, but it's not as commonplace as you're making it out to be. I doubt there's much difference between the US and northern Europe on this issue.
  - riku_iki 3y ago
    > I don't know anyone who was kicked out of their home at age 18 if that would have made them homeless it probably was before like that. Now days, young person starting on min wage not necessary can afford all life necessities.
  - shiroiuma 3y ago
    >It definitely happens, but it's not as commonplace as you're making it out to be. It's very, very commonplace for LGBTQ children in America. Their Christian parents kick them to the curb as soon as they possibly can and disown them. There's constant postings on Reddit about it, from these poor kids who don't know where to turn for help.
    - deleted 3y ago
      [deleted]
    - coffeesque 3y ago
      > There's constant postings on Reddit about it I don't think reddit is a reliable source for pretty much anything, especially making country-wide generalizations
    - smokeydoe 3y ago
      In my experience, it’s very commonplace for Christian parents in America to continue to love and support them after coming out.
    - polski-g 3y ago
      I would be willing to bet you $10,000 that it is actually very, very uncommon.
- hotnfresh 3y ago
  We don’t, though. See the generational stats in the article. Still living with family at age 22 appears to be more common than not, back to and including the “Boomers”.
- supertofu 3y ago
  This is just unthinkable to me. It seems so cruel, too. I'm the child of an immigrant and the expectation was always: "live at home as long as you need, even if it's forever." And especially once adult children have their own children, it seems unthinkable to have a baby and a recovering mother in the house without help from grandmother and aunts.
  - stcroixx 3y ago
    It goes all the way back to the Bible - teach a man to fish…. There’s no guarantee someone will always be able to support you, so it’s in your own interests to be able to support yourself.
    - ImJamal 3y ago
      >It goes all the way back to the Bible - teach a man to fish…. What Bible are you referring to? That is not in the Jewish/Christian Bible.
- yardie 3y ago
  From what I understand working poor and those on government assistance may not have a choice in keeping adult age children at home. The children might feel pressure to move out because of privacy and limited resources in the home. If they are working their income is included in calculating the amount of assistance received against the household. There is also the societal pressure to find a place of your own for privacy. Also if you’re in university you might only have guaranteed room and board first year. I know I didn’t have a choice after my sophomore year. No matter how much I protested I was required to find off campus housing.
- jwells89 3y ago
  It’s particularly strange when considering how ill-equipped most college-age people are to function as adults, with major gaps in knowledge being left by parents and schooling alike. American teens are rarely set up for success.
api 3y ago
It’s way more economically efficient to combine households but I don’t quite get how people individuate in such a culture. I moved out as soon as I could, and if I hadn’t I don’t think I would have had half the life experience. It’s just hard to do that without any privacy. It’s not that my parents were tyrannical. It’s more like a chilling effect.
Clubber 3y ago
I think that was a product of the post war era (WW2) and is coming to an end. I hope my kids stay with me, I don't want to get too lonely.
wnevets 3y ago
It's also a relatively new concept in America.
coffeesque 3y ago
> The American Way Is this an American thing, or a northern European thing?
taylodl 3y ago
Not only that, but it's a relatively recent trend. Multi-generational living was the norm even in America until the mid 20th century. When are people going to realize that post WWII America was an aberration?

You're being downvoted, but this is true. The American Way of moving out from your parents' home ASAP to be so-called "independent" at any and all costs is not the only (or even best) way.

koito17 3y ago

Yup, I've always found it strange that American parents immediately kick out their children at the age of 18. The United States in general seems to practice an unhealthy amount of individualism.

PretzelPirate 3y ago
Since sex is villanized in the US, parents have to kick their children out so they can have sex again.
- drowsspa 3y ago
  Sounds like you just need thicker walls
  - doubled112 3y ago
    A lot of the homes, town homes and apartments absolutely DO need thicker walls. I know my neighbours have sex and I'm OK with this, but that doesn't mean I want to lay in bed and listen to them have it.
    - seanmcdirmid 3y ago
      A friend of mine lived in Japan for a few years and got a polite letter from his neighbors asking him...to quiet it down.
geph2021 3y ago
I've always found it strange that American parents immediately kick out their children at the age of 18 I'm not sure where you got that idea, but that's an inaccurate, incredibly broad generalization. I would say that the historical impetus for kids moving out at 18 has been due to graduating from high school and "going off to college".
- DamnYuppie 3y ago
  Doubtful. Most people did not go to college when this policy was more normal than it is today. When my father turned 18 in the early 60's he was told he had to leave home. The impetus was to get out in the world and start making money. So I was told the same thing when I was young that when I turn 18 I would have to leave. It was stressful to be honest but overall I am not sure it is a bad thing. The old adage of a baby bird will never fly if it isn't kicked from the nest seems to best encapsulate this idea and how it was present and executed to me. While jarring and terrifying it is ultimately for their own benefit.
  - geph2021 3y ago
    That does sound stressful. At least it seems like you've been able to retrospectively find some positive. But I've literally never heard of kids being told they had to leave home at 18, unless it's the foster care system where kids "age out" (even then, laws have changed recently to extend this to 21). As a parent, I cannot imagine telling my kids they have to leave, especially at a relatively very young age/maturity. Our kids leaving home comes up occasionally in conversations, most commonly perhaps with the typically exasperated parent retort of the genre of "well you can decide differently when you live on your own!" But even then, my kids have said things like "what if I don't want to live on my own?" And we always follow up with: "Then you can stay here as long as you want. This will always be your home." I really don't feel like our attitude in this respect is different from most other parents we know. But of course families can be very different, and I'm now aware that your experience may be more common that I previously thought. Thanks for sharing.
  - seanmcdirmid 3y ago
    I don't think that is representative of most American families. Most of the time, it is the kid who wants to leave their parents house to be independent rather than the other way around. I stayed in my house one year after I turned 18, and it was a huge mistake, especially since I was commuting almost 2 hours a day to university, but also...well, rent wasn't that high back then...I found a room for $215/month near UW in 1994. These days I don't think that value proposition exists anymore.
jackcosgrove 3y ago
I don't know anyone who was kicked out of their home at age 18 if that would have made them homeless, so I think you're painting with a broad brush. It definitely happens, but it's not as commonplace as you're making it out to be. I doubt there's much difference between the US and northern Europe on this issue.
- riku_iki 3y ago
  > I don't know anyone who was kicked out of their home at age 18 if that would have made them homeless it probably was before like that. Now days, young person starting on min wage not necessary can afford all life necessities.
- shiroiuma 3y ago
  >It definitely happens, but it's not as commonplace as you're making it out to be. It's very, very commonplace for LGBTQ children in America. Their Christian parents kick them to the curb as soon as they possibly can and disown them. There's constant postings on Reddit about it, from these poor kids who don't know where to turn for help.
  - deleted 3y ago
    [deleted]
  - coffeesque 3y ago
    > There's constant postings on Reddit about it I don't think reddit is a reliable source for pretty much anything, especially making country-wide generalizations
  - smokeydoe 3y ago
    In my experience, it’s very commonplace for Christian parents in America to continue to love and support them after coming out.
  - polski-g 3y ago
    I would be willing to bet you $10,000 that it is actually very, very uncommon.
hotnfresh 3y ago
We don’t, though. See the generational stats in the article. Still living with family at age 22 appears to be more common than not, back to and including the “Boomers”.
supertofu 3y ago
This is just unthinkable to me. It seems so cruel, too. I'm the child of an immigrant and the expectation was always: "live at home as long as you need, even if it's forever." And especially once adult children have their own children, it seems unthinkable to have a baby and a recovering mother in the house without help from grandmother and aunts.
- stcroixx 3y ago
  It goes all the way back to the Bible - teach a man to fish…. There’s no guarantee someone will always be able to support you, so it’s in your own interests to be able to support yourself.
  - ImJamal 3y ago
    >It goes all the way back to the Bible - teach a man to fish…. What Bible are you referring to? That is not in the Jewish/Christian Bible.
yardie 3y ago
From what I understand working poor and those on government assistance may not have a choice in keeping adult age children at home. The children might feel pressure to move out because of privacy and limited resources in the home. If they are working their income is included in calculating the amount of assistance received against the household. There is also the societal pressure to find a place of your own for privacy. Also if you’re in university you might only have guaranteed room and board first year. I know I didn’t have a choice after my sophomore year. No matter how much I protested I was required to find off campus housing.
jwells89 3y ago
It’s particularly strange when considering how ill-equipped most college-age people are to function as adults, with major gaps in knowledge being left by parents and schooling alike. American teens are rarely set up for success.

api 3y ago

It’s way more economically efficient to combine households but I don’t quite get how people individuate in such a culture. I moved out as soon as I could, and if I hadn’t I don’t think I would have had half the life experience. It’s just hard to do that without any privacy. It’s not that my parents were tyrannical. It’s more like a chilling effect.

Clubber 3y ago

I think that was a product of the post war era (WW2) and is coming to an end. I hope my kids stay with me, I don't want to get too lonely.

wnevets 3y ago

It's also a relatively new concept in America.

coffeesque 3y ago

> The American Way Is this an American thing, or a northern European thing?

taylodl 3y ago

Not only that, but it's a relatively recent trend. Multi-generational living was the norm even in America until the mid 20th century. When are people going to realize that post WWII America was an aberration?